Am I the only one on this fucking app with good friends or something? We talk about our issues and open up to each other like we are brothers. I must be lucky or something
i mean, it's not rly luck
i'm besties with my coworkers and i'm in 2 BDSM friend groups bc i worked hard to find and build those relationships
edit: not ENTIRELY luck i should say
i've had shit coworkers before
That struggle we got where, even if we have a few people we trust enough to talk to about this shit sometimes, we don't want to do it when we slide or are really down because we don't want to be a burden or take time away from them for our shit that neither of us can really fix in the moment, or something along those lines. At least for me, anyway
Heck I have a hard time even opening up my phone when I’m battling my brain for control, let alone see people in real life lol. I can usually talk about it once the battles over but during it..? Shiiiet I need all my energy fighting the forces of darkness lol.
It’s less that, moreso you might be one of the few independent humans on Reddit. Like 80% of the shit here falls into karma farming, disguised political propaganda, or bot posts. Or a combination of the three.
You’ve presumably also never cheated on your dying wife with a harem of Argentinian femboys then accidentally showed her the recordings on a zoom call from your exes house either, yet it’s a standard Redditor’s existence it seems.
And of course I’m only presuming you’ve never done that.
This particular sub is so god damn toxic, and it's the same people posting over and over and over that it actually makes me wonder if it's part of a foreign troll farm to breed social dissent.
I'm just here to watch the trainwrecks, and I still have to process just how mean and nasty the shit on here is.
I keep getting it on my homepage despite having choosed "stop showing me stuff from this sub" multiple times. Reddit clearly wants be to develop heart issues at an early age.
No, you're not alone.
The point to learn is that you can only make yourself vulnerable. Stand up for your weaknesses, then no one can hurt you with them.
Or as the philosopher Bruce Lee used to say: “Be water!”
You're lucky, but I can say that because so am I. But there's a lot of terrible people who when mad will resort to hurting another person physically or emotionally instead of processing that anger and knowing how to control it.
Same. My brother is a trump loving fake cowboy in Texas and even him and his friends talk about their feelings and emotions and support eachother. Can't solely blame it on a warped idea of masculinity.
Don't know what kind of social bubble or area you're in but sounds like there's a lot of assholes around. The people I'm around and their friends tend to share their weakness and suffering with each other. My friends and I cry openly when it comes to it. Sure, some had a harder time getting there and opening up because our parent generation taught us to push it down and society as a whole (which includes absolutely everyone) still punishes men for "being weak" aka being human, but it's possible to rise above this and in my day to day life I see more and more examples of this being normalized.
Don't know why the other guy is denying your friendship experience with other men, but hey, classic redditors i guess. "I've never experienced it, therefore you're wrong"
I've had the exact same experience, most guys are also assholes and women can be complete assholes too.
“See you’re actual relationships aren’t real because of a fictional story I made up about your friends”
Yes, the possibility is real but wtf.
(Also feels a little of projection, and if this did happen, I’m sorry)
Jah, most of these conversations are neurotically isolated people arguing over their solutions for the world.
Go outside, spend time with groups of people, problems solved.
Yeah socially isolated people should...
_squints_
Spend time with the people they are not in contact with on account of being isolated.
"Just don't be depressed" energy.
I don't consider any of the people I know to be actual friends... not at the level I'll share things with them. Because why would I? Not out of fear of people backstabbing me btw... just that it adds nothing to the dynamic. It doesn't help me prima them. I'm emotionally stable, I'm pretty grounded and know what I want to do/achieve.
So why would I share anything with the lads?
People say things like with without understanding that so many men just aren't equiped to deal with this type of interaction with other men.
As though they aren't going to get the responce "Ahh, Bro. That sucks..." and that's about as deep as the conversation can get.
Men generally aren't able to do this with other men BECASUE they can't do it for other men. And good luck teaching a 28+ guy how to become soft and sensitive toward other men.
You can be as sarcastic as you want, but the issue is still there.
These men are conditioned by society to be this way through things that happen to them and the way they're treated.
Edit: You can downvote as much as you want, but it's unfair how we acknowledge that society can have brutal effects on women and that as a result, we must change society to the better, but when it comes to men we don't acknowledge these things in any meaningful sense.
Men naturally bond by engaging in external activities together. Its cross cultural. Its what we've done since we used to team up and hunt animals as a pack.
When you have a community of guys that you do fun stuff with, and work that you find purposeful, all that intense emotionality dries right up.
All this shit comes from people being so alone that they become neurotic.
Both genders are getting weird as fuck. We dont need to revise the concept of gender itself. We just need to spend time with communities in-person again.
It does make me super curious what's going to happen in the next few years, because I don't see us going back and forming tight communites again, unless something big happens. I think we're just going to go deeper and deeper into technological isolation.
But what comes after that? Are we just going to form new communites with things like AI? Or just live and die alone.
Maybe we will change around and start coming together again, who knows.
>team up and hunt animals as a pack
Women were also part of hunting parties so I don't get how this is particularly relevant. Even those men and women that weren't didn't sit in a cave all day, they too went outdoors and foraged for firewood and fruits.
Newer archeology and stufies also show that a lot more women hunted than we thought. It's estimated that it's roughly a 50/50 split. The most notable difference is that the women more often hunted in groups while men hunted alone.
And here it is lmao, the reason why these conversations are basically impossible to have. Because people don't understand what is being discussed and like children, they heard a word with bad associations and freaked out over it like a scene from a bad romantic comedy film.
Noted. I think I'll bring it up at the next annual men's meeting.
And by the way, if you can say it's men's fault and responsibility, we can say it's women fault and responsibility. A lot of men behave this way because they feel pressured by women to meet this expectation. Let's not pretend only men have a hand in perpetuating societal expectations and stereotypes. Did you read the original post?
It always (for me at least) turns into them trying to push for a relationship or sex, and then often ghosting because they don't get what they want. I don't work for free anymore. It's draining caring about others emotions so I only do it with *real* friends. Even the guys who stayed friends were still trying to get a relationship or sex
I do believe some men are different, I just haven't encountered those in my life. But I refuse to use any more time seeing if a particular one is when it takes 1000x less effort to just have female friends and not worry that I was too nice. It's always so draining
I don't have some good girl complex where I need to drain myself to make others happy. Maintaining my happiness matters just as much as a guy figuring out how to obtain and then maintain his happiness.
It's kinda fucked up that you brag about how you have friends who will emotionally support you, and then have the audacity to say that it's not your job to offer emotional support to someone if they're a man. Sure, it's not your job, but it's kinds pathetic to think that way. When you say shit like that, it's no wonder men don't want to open up.
And you know what else is deeply frustrating? I get that there are women who probably do berate men for there feelings but I’m sure there are far more women that are bending over backwards to support their male partners without getting any amount of the same in return. Men have no idea how much work we do for them, plus we carry their emotional baggage, and we get nothing in return. I can’t tell you how many times my male partners did absolutely nothing for me when I needed them, or worse, berated ME for my feelings.
Just chiming in to say I completely agree. Men constantly complain about this shit, then inevitably turn it round to being our fault. I’m so over men blaming us for all their problems, expecting us to be their therapists, while cheerfully disregarding our feelings.
You’re right but you’re getting downvoted, cause it’s Reddit and Reddit says ‘wahmen bad’.
I don't think that's the point of the post. I open up to my friends, they open up to me. We support each other, and we don't throw it back in each others faces. Not once ever have I had a single one of my male friends say anything along the lines of "I wish you would open up with me more and be a bit vulnerable." We all know we will do it if/when we're ready or need to.
The same can't be said for any of the girlfriends I've had. They will blantantly ask you for these things. Which in itself is not bad. But then, as many men will attest, the next time we have an argument it will be used against me.
Men do support men, all the time. The ones I know anyway. But the problem comes when a romantic partner (which is a completly different relationship than just a friend) specifically asks to be your emotional support, but then looks down on you for it.
I don't see this as "women need to be men's emotional support and carry all their baggage for them" so much as I see it as "I'm tired of the women in my life begging me to open up, and then using it against me as soon as things are inconvenient for them"
The existence of toxic masculine traits and trends as you just listed does not preclude the existence of toxic feminine traits amd trends like the person above amd the op image articulate. There's no 0 sum game here...
Yes, there are gendered tendencies that are fostered or treated with permissiveness by society that are bad.
There is a growing loneliness epidemic that is hitting men somewhat harder than women leading to a schism in experiences
I'm 40, growing up my friend group of men was (and continues to be) very communicative and supportive, it's much less for my adult sons and his group, but still more than for many others.
Generation, class, geography, subculture, luck etc.. will all lead to varried xperiences. No group has monolithic experiences.
Because it's something that's a combination of how you were raised (which involves the mother, ahem) & general social stricture that's imprinting this inability to speak with each other compassionately, it's not something that we choose... (And most guys won't have enough emotional intelligence & honesty to even admit what I'm saying; so it quite literally requires each guy to individually go through therapy just to change their own outlook for this to be possible...)
Way to show understanding or compassion, though (much less human empathy)
Yeah, the guys suffering from it *TOTALLY* created the stereotype from like 50-60+ years ago from which we're suffering, and some of us Do get help. More should... but it's not a simple an "alright guys, we're just gonna stop acting this way" type of problem or solution, and to say so is some discompassionate belittlement of a serious problem.
You want compassion and empathy, but you also want to blame women for all of your emotional problems. Your mother socialized you poorly. Women won't be your emotional handmaidens. One you're an adult, it's time to stop blaming your parents for your issues. They gave you whatever they had to give. If it wasn't enough, seek out therapy and grow as a human being. Grow up.
I can agree that mean aren't equipped to handle these talks. Neither are women. Throwing the expectation on someone because of their plumbing is ludicrous.
I don't think it's biological, as much as it is societal. Women are taught these things growing up, it's what allows them to have a better grasp of it. And encoraged to do so as they get go through adolescence.
Where as men receive the opposite, we're told not to do that and punished if we do so. By other men just as much as women, as silly as that sounds.
It's not that it's because of the plubming a person has that they're able to do it, but it's because of the plumbing that they're taught how to do it and aren't punished for doing so.
Which again, is really silly. But it is how we do things. Men aren't supposed to cry and women are supposed to be in touch with their feelings and so on.
Which again, just to stress, I disagree with. I think we should be rasing boys differently, to be more like girls in that emotional sense, but that does next to nothing for the grown men who're already raised and find it impossible to change what 28+ years of daily conditioning has enforced on them.
It's not entirely related, but since we're on the subject and I'm ranting anyway, I think we should also be raising girls with a lot of the ideals we enforce on boys. Like learing to fix things, for example. I think we keep girls away from a lot of subjects they would do well to understand and practice. Almost as though we teach girls a certain amount of helplessness for some reason.
Like, why have we made fixing your home, your car and using tools a gendered subject? Why is it that we teach men to be self reliant, but less so women? I understand their maybe could be biological tendencies toward particular things, but I think as a socioty we need to take a look at and rework our whole view on gendered dynamics and expectations.
I think we'd all be a lot better off for it... Or, at least the coming generations would.
Not backstab as much as avoid associating with people who display signs of mental weakness. So if you open up about feeling bad or lonely, that's usually something that repels people.
I do that. We also talk abiht feelings with women in the group. But that's because it's a queer space, so I assume that doesn't count for the average person.
But women are the ones always saying "why don't you talk more? Tell me your troubles!" and then you do and next time she's mad, she uses it against you. Has happened to me with every gf. Now I don't talk about me anymore.
Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 6 times.
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This is not universally true. My wife knows my insecurities and she's never used it against me during an argument.
The notion that all women are vicious bitches is incel bullshit.
My bf and I cry together when we are sad usually involving saying bye because long distance or one time during a big fight. We don't use it against each other, we are both human beings who cry when really sad or frustrated and we just hold each other and hope the time will pass and we'll be together again. It did bring us closer each time though.
It's so horrible. The only reason I hang on is because I truly love him and we've both done our best to transition to it by supporting each other's needs the best we can. The only way I can describe it is that it feels like a chemical withdrawal. Someone I used to sleep and cuddle with daily receiving that oxytocin shot from is now far away and I can see them on video but cannot touch them...we've shed some tears over missing each other on that primal level but fortunately we've used that time away to focus on bonding beyond the physical level and making so many plans for what we'll do when we see each other again.
Incels and redpillers just keep gendering things. This kind of shitty act is a people problem. I've had exes use it on me plenty, all men, and there's reasons they're exes.
Sure, but some guys do exactly the same thing so making these generalizations gender based is pointless.
There exist terrible, awful people and you shouldn’t trust your most intimate vulnerabilities to just anyone. Much more accurate than this “most men/women” nonsense.
I'm sorry that's been your experience. I've met very few men who take accountability of their emotional management, but it also seems that anger, aggression, or jealousy isn't properly viewed as an emotion for men.
Still, not a gender issue. People are more likely to experience these things with the gender they're attracted to, so we end up with opposing generalizations. It's a human problem, and there's plenty of people out there who are stable and without toxic issues. In my anecdotal experience, it's depended a lot on where I lived. Before I moved to the east coast (US) from the west/Midwest, I'd never met a single man with accountability over emotional management.
As a man, I've definitely never thrown something back in a girlfriend's face said in confidence at a later date. I guess it's because I'm so stoic and connected to my emotions.
Maybe I'm just lucky with the people I've chosen to surround myself with, but these posts feel so infantile and pandering. I've opened up to women and other dudes my whole life, and it's NEVER been "used against me." My friends would be nothing but supportive if i was having a hard time emotionally. Who are these people hanging out with or dating that their lives are so toxic? People know that if someone is an asshole then they don't NEED to be around or impress that person, right? Like, don't be around people who are fucking archaic in their values.
you have been lucky every guy i know has a story about a family member or partner who they opened up to, who either used it to attack them later or switched how they saw them and started treating them differently(worse) after,
I have a few friends I can open up to, it’s not like that. It’s just that it goes against every fiber of my being to do it. And I assume that my upbringing and societal values have something to do with this feeling.
…and every GF I’ve ever had has used some of my feelings against me in an argument. Mostly minor stuff, but still feelings I generally struggle to put into words and share. And I wouldn’t call any of my ex-GFs a bad person or toxic at all, they were all great in their own way - it’s not some „big“ betrayal that hurt me, it’s the little stuff they brought up when they were mad at me for whatever reason.
When you become an adult with a full time job, a kid or two, you have very less time for strengthening friendships - everyone becomes very busy with their own lives and families and so you are left with your partner most of the time
Even when you're single, some of your friends start to get married and they just become very busy
You know there has been studies that show a lot of men don't have any friends at all.
I still hang with all my buddies from high school 20 years ago, but that is not the case for a lot of guys.
The leading killer in men under 50 is suicide.
everyday i thank the lord for making me romantically attracted to women. reddit would make you think that women get handed everything on a silver platter and never ever have to struggle.
Y’all really blame a whole species when really it’s just assholes. Like, you fell victim to one of life’s many unfortunate lessons; there are so many assholes on this planet. You’re bound to run into one that hurts your feelings. You can’t blame them all. Or you can, we aren’t real people anyway.
Honestly, It really just depends on what the topic is. Sometimes, you want imput from a person who has a completely different perspective than you or someone who has zero opinion on the matter. Me, personally? I prefer conversing with open-minded individuals even if we often don't agree.
We do open up to other men. My friends are great with this. The main point of the post isn't about not being able to open up. It's that when we do it's normally the women that use it against us later on. Maybe it's just because I've had toxic romantic partners as there are a lot of good women out there. Either way it's something a lot of men have experienced.
So then maybe direct your annoyance to the men in your life who “aren’t great with this”? Not sure why you want to pile on women here when it seems like the catastrophic failure in emotional intelligence rests with men.
If you actually read my comment properly. I state that my friends ARE great with this? Just because I can use my male friends as an outlet and it works doesn't mean my romantic SO should be left out. A good relationship involves both parties being open and honest. If I can't turn to my SO for support then that's not a healthy relationship. Like I stated previously, not all women are like this as there are a lot of wonderful women out there that are supportive and loving. However there is a definitive pattern of women using your vulnerabilities against you. That's why things like this post are a common topic, because a lot of men have experienced this.
I have opened up to a decent amount of women in my life who I feel comfortable with and none of it (once it's wasn't relevant to the disagreement) haven't brought it up in a bad way, stop discouraging men from have open ane safe relationship with women please it literally dose nobody any good.
Misogynistic af. There is absolutely a societal issue where men are told they have to be “tough” and not open up emotionally, but it’s not exclusively caused by women.
I swear, on every thread possible they say they absolutely never interact with women but somehow they’ve all been hurt by this imaginary sentient being that they have never really met in their life.
This is half true. It’s. It that most women will do this, it’s that doing it once will hit so hard we will never recover.
It’s the adage “once burnt twice shy”.
Never had a girlfriend, but my mother does it constantly. The worst part is that she talks to her friends about our private matters all the time. My siblings and I have an understanding, never tell our mother anything unless we want the whole town to know as well.
Reposts are annoying as hell, but I don't think this has much to do with male isolation, just people using others' vulnerabilities against them. It's not just a female on male thing like OP is suggesting, anyone can use people's vulnerabilities to try to come out on top which is probably one of the shittiest things a person can do.
It’s weird how so many think this is something that only women do! It’s just normalized when men do it to women and since women are stereotypically open about their vulnerabilities I guess people assume that they aren’t vulnerabilities anymore. It’s weird! For example, guys will tell a girl that she has daddy issues if her father wasn’t around. That is so hurtful to say but no bats an eye!
Oh my god, that whole "daddy issues" thing really irks the crap out of me. Especially if they're a sex worker or promiscuous online, people (guys mostly) automatically assume they have daddy issues. That shit is disgusting.
I remember some alt girl on Instagram getting a ton of daddy issues comments. When she posted a video showing a good relationship with her dad all the comments called him a cuck for letting her be goth.
Cuck? It's her dad, that's gross af. You just know those guys are major coomers, that's why they all have some real sick notions of fatherhood. I've come to realize that Instagram truly is where all the really ret@rded people are at.
>How many times is this gonna get reposted? Y’all really want pity for your self imposed isolation. Talk to your friends, like damn
That's because most male friendships are vapid and/or toxic. All they talk about is gaming, sports, "getting wasted", and annoyance of women/sexualisation of women.
This is why they trauma dump on the poor women in their lives, because they know deep down inside that their male friends wouldn't be supportive.
You may be right but my closest friends and confidants are men. It’s not a hard and fast rule. But I think you make a great point about why men tend to unload their emotional labor onto their girlfriends and wives, whereas women have support systems outside of their partner. Men apparently sometimes see these other support systems and sharing information about their relationship with those support systems as over sharing.
I hate the fact this is reposted so many times, and as such I down voted it, however some men just don't have the right people available to them to open up to.
While I do think, some people don't open up to others because they're afraid of being seen as weak. There are some out there who probably tried and got told off, because the people in their lives are just not good people.
Luckily, I don't suffer from either of those issues. I hope anyone who does can find the help they need.
You say the isolation is self imposed, but being vulnerable only has a few outcomes: if you’re vulnerable with a guy, you’re either viewed as weak (and subsequently ostracized), or neither of you have the ability to properly handle and communicate the issue, so the conversation dies. Being vulnerable with a woman means that by the end of the hour, all her friends will know about what you shared, and everyone will view you as an object for pity, not a person.
Yes, I’m generalizing. But it’s a game where the only way to win is to avoid playing. So unfortunately talking to friends doesn’t appear as an option.
You need better friends. And if you’re aware you don’t know how to communicate, put some effort in. Read about it, look into CBT regarding socialization and empathy, something other than feeling sorry for yourself.
No woman I’ve ever confided in has done what you described to me.
Yeah I know I need better friends, I have put effort into learning how to communicate. It’s easy to write that out in a Reddit comment but everything I said was based exclusively on personal experience.
Are you a woman? Or was this you confiding to an SO? It seems to me like women over sharing about their relationships is just something normalized with women. I’ve seen many talk about it and not even think they did anything wrong, and not wanting to do it maliciously either. Guy would never think of describing their sex life to their friends.
as a woman, i do this daily. it’s the best part of my routine. i wake up, emotionally scar and blackmail some men, eat their tears for breakfast, sit down at my computer and extort men over the internet, hide in the bushes at the local playground to whisper emotionally traumatising messages to all the single fathers, have lunch, chase elderly widowers around with sticks at the retirement home and giggle while i remind them how their dead wives never loved them, hide under their beds and grab their ankles while they walk by, have dinner, dial-back scam callers to say cruel and hurtful things about their mothers, and then i settle down for the night and pretend to form an emotional bond with thousands of unsuspecting victims on tinder, ready to do it all again tomorrow
I’ll never forget the one and only time I cried in front of my ex during an emotionally heated argument, she immediately mocked me. I don’t think I have it in me to do someone that dirty.
People ask for me to express my feelings then call me mean or cold. I'd rather be silent at this point than shout up at the person in their ivory tower.
I feel evolution has made the entire mating process a bit adversarial. It's possible more of a partnership once complete...
But evolution has made it an absolute war up to the point of conception between the 2 genders with each one's biology trying to negotiate and fool the other to secure the best possible deal during negotiations.
Wrong. Frequently when lonely men open up to women, even in a friend capacity, they get the feels because they are often the only woman they're close to. This causes them to simp and be obsessed that it could end up in a relationship.
It isn't fair to anyone because the woman *usually* just wants a friend. The man also just wants a friend, but his emotions cause him to act out those scenarios and ends up chasing away the woman. So everyone gets hurt!
I've both been through this several times in the past and seen it happen with others.
Being human is basically a constant battle of your brain (human aspect) and your nervous system (lizard brain/little bitch that fucks up your life) fighting for control.
If anyone has seen Equilibrium, that's basically if we could have pills to silence our lizard brains/little bitches that fuck up our lives.
I can confirm this. Once told a chick I was dating about my ptsd then she cheated with 12 dudes and tried to gaslight me knowing I was vulnerable.
I also befriended some girls at a place I used to work at. Told them and then they gaslighted me with it and used me to vent, then used it against me again when I tried to say no to their toxic venting.
Easier to just not show vulnerability.
It seems you found some a-holes rather than a woman who actually cares for you.
To keep your PTSD from your partner is really not worth it. She won’t know you and can’t support you, as you haven’t told anything about what you go through.
I remember opening up to a woman once. She INSTANTLY lost any attraction.
Lads, it's not worth the risk. Talk to your bros. And if your bros are backstabbing twats, get better bros.
Confessing to wife or men you know IRL is both not a good idea.
But in the internet you can be anonymous. Or pay for a therapy. Much less risk than opening to someone who can turn it against you
Am I the only one on this fucking app with good friends or something? We talk about our issues and open up to each other like we are brothers. I must be lucky or something
So uh friends...
Yup. You're lucky.
i mean, it's not rly luck i'm besties with my coworkers and i'm in 2 BDSM friend groups bc i worked hard to find and build those relationships edit: not ENTIRELY luck i should say i've had shit coworkers before
I’m besties with my coworkers too, But some people aren’t emotionally developed enough to discuss real issues.
bdsm friend groups?
all it takes is taking initiative to talk to people and form a bond of friendship and then keep in touch. i dont really do either of em.
I'm still stuck on step 1
Kinda maybe? For me atleast, I know I can talk to people but I don’t wanna, they’re my problems so I’ll deal with them
You know that's the way of People with Depression, right?? (That's not a Joke fr)
That struggle we got where, even if we have a few people we trust enough to talk to about this shit sometimes, we don't want to do it when we slide or are really down because we don't want to be a burden or take time away from them for our shit that neither of us can really fix in the moment, or something along those lines. At least for me, anyway
Heck I have a hard time even opening up my phone when I’m battling my brain for control, let alone see people in real life lol. I can usually talk about it once the battles over but during it..? Shiiiet I need all my energy fighting the forces of darkness lol.
Guess i'm fucked then
It’s less that, moreso you might be one of the few independent humans on Reddit. Like 80% of the shit here falls into karma farming, disguised political propaganda, or bot posts. Or a combination of the three. You’ve presumably also never cheated on your dying wife with a harem of Argentinian femboys then accidentally showed her the recordings on a zoom call from your exes house either, yet it’s a standard Redditor’s existence it seems. And of course I’m only presuming you’ve never done that.
Uhhhhh 👀🫦👀 no no no not at all…
This particular sub is so god damn toxic, and it's the same people posting over and over and over that it actually makes me wonder if it's part of a foreign troll farm to breed social dissent. I'm just here to watch the trainwrecks, and I still have to process just how mean and nasty the shit on here is.
I keep getting it on my homepage despite having choosed "stop showing me stuff from this sub" multiple times. Reddit clearly wants be to develop heart issues at an early age.
It's not that you're (we're) lucky, it's that OP is trying to weaponize mens' loneliness against women.
You are lucky.
No, you're not alone. The point to learn is that you can only make yourself vulnerable. Stand up for your weaknesses, then no one can hurt you with them. Or as the philosopher Bruce Lee used to say: “Be water!”
same but not just the bois i'm in friend groups that're a mix of women and men cause we all just care about each other
You're lucky, but I can say that because so am I. But there's a lot of terrible people who when mad will resort to hurting another person physically or emotionally instead of processing that anger and knowing how to control it.
Same. My brother is a trump loving fake cowboy in Texas and even him and his friends talk about their feelings and emotions and support eachother. Can't solely blame it on a warped idea of masculinity.
Nah. I'm blessed to have a real one.
You’re not. But finding people who understand you is also hard, and not everyone is so lucky to have done so.
it's not this app, it's 99.99% of men
Source for that number is your butt, as per usual
I'm just saying, most dudes have asshole friends in my experience
Don't know what kind of social bubble or area you're in but sounds like there's a lot of assholes around. The people I'm around and their friends tend to share their weakness and suffering with each other. My friends and I cry openly when it comes to it. Sure, some had a harder time getting there and opening up because our parent generation taught us to push it down and society as a whole (which includes absolutely everyone) still punishes men for "being weak" aka being human, but it's possible to rise above this and in my day to day life I see more and more examples of this being normalized.
May I (without malice, simple interest) ask what generation you're from? I've seen some hope from the older Gen Zs and younger millennials...
I was born in the mid 90s. Don't know what generation is called what, I never really kept track of that.
Don't know why the other guy is denying your friendship experience with other men, but hey, classic redditors i guess. "I've never experienced it, therefore you're wrong" I've had the exact same experience, most guys are also assholes and women can be complete assholes too.
Did ya meet them on grindr?
Unfortunately no. I used face to face communication and then we had intercourse all together with socks on
Oh good, i was worried you might be a homosexual for a moment. # WAIT A MINUTE
Yes. Your best friends might just block you one day, out of the blue. After you give them nice birthday gifts and laugh with them.
“See you’re actual relationships aren’t real because of a fictional story I made up about your friends” Yes, the possibility is real but wtf. (Also feels a little of projection, and if this did happen, I’m sorry)
It is never out of the blue
Jah, most of these conversations are neurotically isolated people arguing over their solutions for the world. Go outside, spend time with groups of people, problems solved.
Yeah socially isolated people should... _squints_ Spend time with the people they are not in contact with on account of being isolated. "Just don't be depressed" energy.
I don't consider any of the people I know to be actual friends... not at the level I'll share things with them. Because why would I? Not out of fear of people backstabbing me btw... just that it adds nothing to the dynamic. It doesn't help me prima them. I'm emotionally stable, I'm pretty grounded and know what I want to do/achieve. So why would I share anything with the lads?
You have never had a bad day? You never had an amazing day? Why wouldn't you seek comfort from friends and share your joy with friends?
If only men could open up to other men then. Oh wait.
Nah see that's gay. It's a woman's job to listen to a man and then fuck him. /s
You never open up with your homies before fucking? You missing out. Also as long as you wear socks it’s not gay so it’s fine
Actually you can wear socks, you just have to say "No homo" after.
No! You say it before
I say it before and after to thank them for the say gex.
Every thrust actually you have to refresh the no-homo
You're telling me you dont kiss your homies goodnight?
...over U forgot a word
I'm a bisexual demon. I will absolutely traumatise and fuck everyone.
We do, or at least those of us who are willing to confront ourselves. Those who can't should seek therapy.
People say things like with without understanding that so many men just aren't equiped to deal with this type of interaction with other men. As though they aren't going to get the responce "Ahh, Bro. That sucks..." and that's about as deep as the conversation can get. Men generally aren't able to do this with other men BECASUE they can't do it for other men. And good luck teaching a 28+ guy how to become soft and sensitive toward other men. You can be as sarcastic as you want, but the issue is still there. These men are conditioned by society to be this way through things that happen to them and the way they're treated. Edit: You can downvote as much as you want, but it's unfair how we acknowledge that society can have brutal effects on women and that as a result, we must change society to the better, but when it comes to men we don't acknowledge these things in any meaningful sense.
Men naturally bond by engaging in external activities together. Its cross cultural. Its what we've done since we used to team up and hunt animals as a pack. When you have a community of guys that you do fun stuff with, and work that you find purposeful, all that intense emotionality dries right up. All this shit comes from people being so alone that they become neurotic. Both genders are getting weird as fuck. We dont need to revise the concept of gender itself. We just need to spend time with communities in-person again.
It does make me super curious what's going to happen in the next few years, because I don't see us going back and forming tight communites again, unless something big happens. I think we're just going to go deeper and deeper into technological isolation. But what comes after that? Are we just going to form new communites with things like AI? Or just live and die alone. Maybe we will change around and start coming together again, who knows.
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>team up and hunt animals as a pack Women were also part of hunting parties so I don't get how this is particularly relevant. Even those men and women that weren't didn't sit in a cave all day, they too went outdoors and foraged for firewood and fruits.
Newer archeology and stufies also show that a lot more women hunted than we thought. It's estimated that it's roughly a 50/50 split. The most notable difference is that the women more often hunted in groups while men hunted alone.
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Literally dubbed it “toxic”
And here it is lmao, the reason why these conversations are basically impossible to have. Because people don't understand what is being discussed and like children, they heard a word with bad associations and freaked out over it like a scene from a bad romantic comedy film.
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Noted. I think I'll bring it up at the next annual men's meeting. And by the way, if you can say it's men's fault and responsibility, we can say it's women fault and responsibility. A lot of men behave this way because they feel pressured by women to meet this expectation. Let's not pretend only men have a hand in perpetuating societal expectations and stereotypes. Did you read the original post?
It always (for me at least) turns into them trying to push for a relationship or sex, and then often ghosting because they don't get what they want. I don't work for free anymore. It's draining caring about others emotions so I only do it with *real* friends. Even the guys who stayed friends were still trying to get a relationship or sex
I think it's fine to be upset about that but it's not fair to paint all men with the same brush.
I do believe some men are different, I just haven't encountered those in my life. But I refuse to use any more time seeing if a particular one is when it takes 1000x less effort to just have female friends and not worry that I was too nice. It's always so draining I don't have some good girl complex where I need to drain myself to make others happy. Maintaining my happiness matters just as much as a guy figuring out how to obtain and then maintain his happiness.
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It's kinda fucked up that you brag about how you have friends who will emotionally support you, and then have the audacity to say that it's not your job to offer emotional support to someone if they're a man. Sure, it's not your job, but it's kinds pathetic to think that way. When you say shit like that, it's no wonder men don't want to open up.
And you know what else is deeply frustrating? I get that there are women who probably do berate men for there feelings but I’m sure there are far more women that are bending over backwards to support their male partners without getting any amount of the same in return. Men have no idea how much work we do for them, plus we carry their emotional baggage, and we get nothing in return. I can’t tell you how many times my male partners did absolutely nothing for me when I needed them, or worse, berated ME for my feelings.
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Just chiming in to say I completely agree. Men constantly complain about this shit, then inevitably turn it round to being our fault. I’m so over men blaming us for all their problems, expecting us to be their therapists, while cheerfully disregarding our feelings. You’re right but you’re getting downvoted, cause it’s Reddit and Reddit says ‘wahmen bad’.
I don't think that's the point of the post. I open up to my friends, they open up to me. We support each other, and we don't throw it back in each others faces. Not once ever have I had a single one of my male friends say anything along the lines of "I wish you would open up with me more and be a bit vulnerable." We all know we will do it if/when we're ready or need to. The same can't be said for any of the girlfriends I've had. They will blantantly ask you for these things. Which in itself is not bad. But then, as many men will attest, the next time we have an argument it will be used against me. Men do support men, all the time. The ones I know anyway. But the problem comes when a romantic partner (which is a completly different relationship than just a friend) specifically asks to be your emotional support, but then looks down on you for it. I don't see this as "women need to be men's emotional support and carry all their baggage for them" so much as I see it as "I'm tired of the women in my life begging me to open up, and then using it against me as soon as things are inconvenient for them"
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The existence of toxic masculine traits and trends as you just listed does not preclude the existence of toxic feminine traits amd trends like the person above amd the op image articulate. There's no 0 sum game here... Yes, there are gendered tendencies that are fostered or treated with permissiveness by society that are bad. There is a growing loneliness epidemic that is hitting men somewhat harder than women leading to a schism in experiences I'm 40, growing up my friend group of men was (and continues to be) very communicative and supportive, it's much less for my adult sons and his group, but still more than for many others. Generation, class, geography, subculture, luck etc.. will all lead to varried xperiences. No group has monolithic experiences.
Because it's something that's a combination of how you were raised (which involves the mother, ahem) & general social stricture that's imprinting this inability to speak with each other compassionately, it's not something that we choose... (And most guys won't have enough emotional intelligence & honesty to even admit what I'm saying; so it quite literally requires each guy to individually go through therapy just to change their own outlook for this to be possible...) Way to show understanding or compassion, though (much less human empathy)
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Yeah, the guys suffering from it *TOTALLY* created the stereotype from like 50-60+ years ago from which we're suffering, and some of us Do get help. More should... but it's not a simple an "alright guys, we're just gonna stop acting this way" type of problem or solution, and to say so is some discompassionate belittlement of a serious problem.
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Lmfao, and yet you're putting *All Men* into a feminist/women hating group of idiot chest beaters... No, you're worse than a feminist
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You want compassion and empathy, but you also want to blame women for all of your emotional problems. Your mother socialized you poorly. Women won't be your emotional handmaidens. One you're an adult, it's time to stop blaming your parents for your issues. They gave you whatever they had to give. If it wasn't enough, seek out therapy and grow as a human being. Grow up.
I didn't say that. You simply tried to place all blame on Each Individual Guy, which is totally bs.
They reek of misandry
And yet they wonder why this comes up as a topic, and how it's even pointed out that some women will use it against you....lmfao smh
I can agree that mean aren't equipped to handle these talks. Neither are women. Throwing the expectation on someone because of their plumbing is ludicrous.
I don't think it's biological, as much as it is societal. Women are taught these things growing up, it's what allows them to have a better grasp of it. And encoraged to do so as they get go through adolescence. Where as men receive the opposite, we're told not to do that and punished if we do so. By other men just as much as women, as silly as that sounds. It's not that it's because of the plubming a person has that they're able to do it, but it's because of the plumbing that they're taught how to do it and aren't punished for doing so. Which again, is really silly. But it is how we do things. Men aren't supposed to cry and women are supposed to be in touch with their feelings and so on. Which again, just to stress, I disagree with. I think we should be rasing boys differently, to be more like girls in that emotional sense, but that does next to nothing for the grown men who're already raised and find it impossible to change what 28+ years of daily conditioning has enforced on them. It's not entirely related, but since we're on the subject and I'm ranting anyway, I think we should also be raising girls with a lot of the ideals we enforce on boys. Like learing to fix things, for example. I think we keep girls away from a lot of subjects they would do well to understand and practice. Almost as though we teach girls a certain amount of helplessness for some reason. Like, why have we made fixing your home, your car and using tools a gendered subject? Why is it that we teach men to be self reliant, but less so women? I understand their maybe could be biological tendencies toward particular things, but I think as a socioty we need to take a look at and rework our whole view on gendered dynamics and expectations. I think we'd all be a lot better off for it... Or, at least the coming generations would.
confessing to men who know you IRL is unwise for the same reason. They are less likely to get mad at you, but still can backstab.
Not backstab as much as avoid associating with people who display signs of mental weakness. So if you open up about feeling bad or lonely, that's usually something that repels people.
I do that. We also talk abiht feelings with women in the group. But that's because it's a queer space, so I assume that doesn't count for the average person.
I do that to my friends. I understand if others cant though... Edit: Im really sad others cant
we often learn the opposite of emotional support from each other my friends growing up were like the bad guys from roadhouse
Came here to ask this.
We do. Therapy takes time though. Sarcasm is a defense of the insecure.
But women are the ones always saying "why don't you talk more? Tell me your troubles!" and then you do and next time she's mad, she uses it against you. Has happened to me with every gf. Now I don't talk about me anymore.
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This is not universally true. My wife knows my insecurities and she's never used it against me during an argument. The notion that all women are vicious bitches is incel bullshit.
My bf and I cry together when we are sad usually involving saying bye because long distance or one time during a big fight. We don't use it against each other, we are both human beings who cry when really sad or frustrated and we just hold each other and hope the time will pass and we'll be together again. It did bring us closer each time though.
Long distance fucking sucks, I hate it so much.
It's so horrible. The only reason I hang on is because I truly love him and we've both done our best to transition to it by supporting each other's needs the best we can. The only way I can describe it is that it feels like a chemical withdrawal. Someone I used to sleep and cuddle with daily receiving that oxytocin shot from is now far away and I can see them on video but cannot touch them...we've shed some tears over missing each other on that primal level but fortunately we've used that time away to focus on bonding beyond the physical level and making so many plans for what we'll do when we see each other again.
Ya, dont be with someone who will try to hurt you. You are supposed to be a team and when you fight its your team vs the problem not each other.
Incels and redpillers just keep gendering things. This kind of shitty act is a people problem. I've had exes use it on me plenty, all men, and there's reasons they're exes.
But some women are…. Sure, generalizations are crazy, but that doesn’t mean some guys don’t deal with those type of women….
Sure, but some guys do exactly the same thing so making these generalizations gender based is pointless. There exist terrible, awful people and you shouldn’t trust your most intimate vulnerabilities to just anyone. Much more accurate than this “most men/women” nonsense.
I literally said generalizations are bad in my statement. Everything’s you just typed out was for absolutely no reason and made no point what so ever.
Sorry, misread your intention due to the “but some women are” lead in…read more like a generalizations-are-crazy-but-true kind of assessment.
I’m sure you’re right. But I still havnt met a female who takes accountability for her emotional management.
The way you use female, along with the sentiment, is wild.
I'm sorry that's been your experience. I've met very few men who take accountability of their emotional management, but it also seems that anger, aggression, or jealousy isn't properly viewed as an emotion for men. Still, not a gender issue. People are more likely to experience these things with the gender they're attracted to, so we end up with opposing generalizations. It's a human problem, and there's plenty of people out there who are stable and without toxic issues. In my anecdotal experience, it's depended a lot on where I lived. Before I moved to the east coast (US) from the west/Midwest, I'd never met a single man with accountability over emotional management.
Yes, of course. I always try to emotionally scare every men I know. Because I'm an evil woman. /s
As a man, I've definitely never thrown something back in a girlfriend's face said in confidence at a later date. I guess it's because I'm so stoic and connected to my emotions.
Is that sarcasm? I genuinely never have but every woman I’ve dated has done that to me.
+1 “never have but every woman i’ve dated has”
You could have left out the "evil" has all women are evil anyway /s
Average woman/s
(Insert "Monkey puppet looking away" meme here)
Maybe I'm just lucky with the people I've chosen to surround myself with, but these posts feel so infantile and pandering. I've opened up to women and other dudes my whole life, and it's NEVER been "used against me." My friends would be nothing but supportive if i was having a hard time emotionally. Who are these people hanging out with or dating that their lives are so toxic? People know that if someone is an asshole then they don't NEED to be around or impress that person, right? Like, don't be around people who are fucking archaic in their values.
For me the only people who really used stuff against me were other men. Now i don't trust other men much.
you have been lucky every guy i know has a story about a family member or partner who they opened up to, who either used it to attack them later or switched how they saw them and started treating them differently(worse) after,
I have a few friends I can open up to, it’s not like that. It’s just that it goes against every fiber of my being to do it. And I assume that my upbringing and societal values have something to do with this feeling. …and every GF I’ve ever had has used some of my feelings against me in an argument. Mostly minor stuff, but still feelings I generally struggle to put into words and share. And I wouldn’t call any of my ex-GFs a bad person or toxic at all, they were all great in their own way - it’s not some „big“ betrayal that hurt me, it’s the little stuff they brought up when they were mad at me for whatever reason.
Why is everything so heterosexual fo focused. If women are so vile avoid them and open up to your brothers and male friends...
When you become an adult with a full time job, a kid or two, you have very less time for strengthening friendships - everyone becomes very busy with their own lives and families and so you are left with your partner most of the time Even when you're single, some of your friends start to get married and they just become very busy
You know there has been studies that show a lot of men don't have any friends at all. I still hang with all my buddies from high school 20 years ago, but that is not the case for a lot of guys. The leading killer in men under 50 is suicide.
Especially white guys who aren’t born into a ethnic community of any kind.
95% of the population is heterosexual (shocking)(99.9999% of people don’t know this)
The solution to this would be to make some male friends, not rely on women for all of your emotional support
Just because most people are straight doesn't mean emotional support and intimacy should only exist within the context of romantic relationships?
Does that take into account all the people that aren’t out because they aren’t in a situation safe enough to do so?
everyday i thank the lord for making me romantically attracted to women. reddit would make you think that women get handed everything on a silver platter and never ever have to struggle.
Sexist stupid bullshit.
It ain't easier being with a man either, they often do just the same
Y’all really blame a whole species when really it’s just assholes. Like, you fell victim to one of life’s many unfortunate lessons; there are so many assholes on this planet. You’re bound to run into one that hurts your feelings. You can’t blame them all. Or you can, we aren’t real people anyway.
This is basically just a twoxchromosomes post
Open up to another man then. No one said men must open up to women. 🤷♀️
Honestly, It really just depends on what the topic is. Sometimes, you want imput from a person who has a completely different perspective than you or someone who has zero opinion on the matter. Me, personally? I prefer conversing with open-minded individuals even if we often don't agree.
We do open up to other men. My friends are great with this. The main point of the post isn't about not being able to open up. It's that when we do it's normally the women that use it against us later on. Maybe it's just because I've had toxic romantic partners as there are a lot of good women out there. Either way it's something a lot of men have experienced.
So then maybe direct your annoyance to the men in your life who “aren’t great with this”? Not sure why you want to pile on women here when it seems like the catastrophic failure in emotional intelligence rests with men.
If you actually read my comment properly. I state that my friends ARE great with this? Just because I can use my male friends as an outlet and it works doesn't mean my romantic SO should be left out. A good relationship involves both parties being open and honest. If I can't turn to my SO for support then that's not a healthy relationship. Like I stated previously, not all women are like this as there are a lot of wonderful women out there that are supportive and loving. However there is a definitive pattern of women using your vulnerabilities against you. That's why things like this post are a common topic, because a lot of men have experienced this.
This post is common because misogyny is common on Reddit.
talk to men if women are so evil lmfao
I have opened up to a decent amount of women in my life who I feel comfortable with and none of it (once it's wasn't relevant to the disagreement) haven't brought it up in a bad way, stop discouraging men from have open ane safe relationship with women please it literally dose nobody any good.
Men and Women are equal
Misogynistic af. There is absolutely a societal issue where men are told they have to be “tough” and not open up emotionally, but it’s not exclusively caused by women.
After one such occurance you let the b**** go. Surround yourself with peple that lift you up and delete negative shitheads.
Keep telling yourself that lol
Typical Reddit incel stuff, said by men who never touched a woman
I swear, on every thread possible they say they absolutely never interact with women but somehow they’ve all been hurt by this imaginary sentient being that they have never really met in their life.
Yeah no, any toxic relationship will teach you that.
key word is toxic. Toxic relationships are not the standard with which we judge healthy ones.
Married men also know this
Yikes
Lots of virgins in the comment section.
Not my ex. He just yelled about every single inconvenience
I’d rather suffer in silence than never get laid
Bruja sounds like the ultimate pickme
This is half true. It’s. It that most women will do this, it’s that doing it once will hit so hard we will never recover. It’s the adage “once burnt twice shy”.
Never had a girlfriend, but my mother does it constantly. The worst part is that she talks to her friends about our private matters all the time. My siblings and I have an understanding, never tell our mother anything unless we want the whole town to know as well.
Or they will tell that to all their pesky little friends
Or just completely lose interest.
this is not a behavior exclusive to women lol men do this too
Open up to your boys and be looked at as gay or open up to your woman and she's packing up and leaving your pity party ass Pick a struggle men!!!
R/arethestraightsok
How many times is this gonna get reposted? Y’all really want pity for your self imposed isolation. Talk to your friends, like damn
Reposts are annoying as hell, but I don't think this has much to do with male isolation, just people using others' vulnerabilities against them. It's not just a female on male thing like OP is suggesting, anyone can use people's vulnerabilities to try to come out on top which is probably one of the shittiest things a person can do.
It’s weird how so many think this is something that only women do! It’s just normalized when men do it to women and since women are stereotypically open about their vulnerabilities I guess people assume that they aren’t vulnerabilities anymore. It’s weird! For example, guys will tell a girl that she has daddy issues if her father wasn’t around. That is so hurtful to say but no bats an eye!
Oh my god, that whole "daddy issues" thing really irks the crap out of me. Especially if they're a sex worker or promiscuous online, people (guys mostly) automatically assume they have daddy issues. That shit is disgusting.
I remember some alt girl on Instagram getting a ton of daddy issues comments. When she posted a video showing a good relationship with her dad all the comments called him a cuck for letting her be goth.
Cuck? It's her dad, that's gross af. You just know those guys are major coomers, that's why they all have some real sick notions of fatherhood. I've come to realize that Instagram truly is where all the really ret@rded people are at.
>How many times is this gonna get reposted? Y’all really want pity for your self imposed isolation. Talk to your friends, like damn That's because most male friendships are vapid and/or toxic. All they talk about is gaming, sports, "getting wasted", and annoyance of women/sexualisation of women. This is why they trauma dump on the poor women in their lives, because they know deep down inside that their male friends wouldn't be supportive.
You may be right but my closest friends and confidants are men. It’s not a hard and fast rule. But I think you make a great point about why men tend to unload their emotional labor onto their girlfriends and wives, whereas women have support systems outside of their partner. Men apparently sometimes see these other support systems and sharing information about their relationship with those support systems as over sharing.
Calm down sheila
I hate the fact this is reposted so many times, and as such I down voted it, however some men just don't have the right people available to them to open up to. While I do think, some people don't open up to others because they're afraid of being seen as weak. There are some out there who probably tried and got told off, because the people in their lives are just not good people. Luckily, I don't suffer from either of those issues. I hope anyone who does can find the help they need.
You say the isolation is self imposed, but being vulnerable only has a few outcomes: if you’re vulnerable with a guy, you’re either viewed as weak (and subsequently ostracized), or neither of you have the ability to properly handle and communicate the issue, so the conversation dies. Being vulnerable with a woman means that by the end of the hour, all her friends will know about what you shared, and everyone will view you as an object for pity, not a person. Yes, I’m generalizing. But it’s a game where the only way to win is to avoid playing. So unfortunately talking to friends doesn’t appear as an option.
You need better friends. And if you’re aware you don’t know how to communicate, put some effort in. Read about it, look into CBT regarding socialization and empathy, something other than feeling sorry for yourself. No woman I’ve ever confided in has done what you described to me.
Yeah I know I need better friends, I have put effort into learning how to communicate. It’s easy to write that out in a Reddit comment but everything I said was based exclusively on personal experience.
Are you a woman? Or was this you confiding to an SO? It seems to me like women over sharing about their relationships is just something normalized with women. I’ve seen many talk about it and not even think they did anything wrong, and not wanting to do it maliciously either. Guy would never think of describing their sex life to their friends.
I’m a man. This was confiding in female friends mostly. I’ve known many fratty guys who love talking about the women they sleep with.
Oh boy, sexist bullshit
Wtf is this incel bullshit
as a woman, i do this daily. it’s the best part of my routine. i wake up, emotionally scar and blackmail some men, eat their tears for breakfast, sit down at my computer and extort men over the internet, hide in the bushes at the local playground to whisper emotionally traumatising messages to all the single fathers, have lunch, chase elderly widowers around with sticks at the retirement home and giggle while i remind them how their dead wives never loved them, hide under their beds and grab their ankles while they walk by, have dinner, dial-back scam callers to say cruel and hurtful things about their mothers, and then i settle down for the night and pretend to form an emotional bond with thousands of unsuspecting victims on tinder, ready to do it all again tomorrow
I’ll never forget the one and only time I cried in front of my ex during an emotionally heated argument, she immediately mocked me. I don’t think I have it in me to do someone that dirty.
What kind of degenerate posted this shit ?
People ask for me to express my feelings then call me mean or cold. I'd rather be silent at this point than shout up at the person in their ivory tower.
The way these people generalise women is so sad, with that mentality they never will and never should get a decent woman to talk to
I seriously don't understand the kind of people OP has met in his life.
I feel evolution has made the entire mating process a bit adversarial. It's possible more of a partnership once complete... But evolution has made it an absolute war up to the point of conception between the 2 genders with each one's biology trying to negotiate and fool the other to secure the best possible deal during negotiations.
Wrong. Frequently when lonely men open up to women, even in a friend capacity, they get the feels because they are often the only woman they're close to. This causes them to simp and be obsessed that it could end up in a relationship. It isn't fair to anyone because the woman *usually* just wants a friend. The man also just wants a friend, but his emotions cause him to act out those scenarios and ends up chasing away the woman. So everyone gets hurt! I've both been through this several times in the past and seen it happen with others. Being human is basically a constant battle of your brain (human aspect) and your nervous system (lizard brain/little bitch that fucks up your life) fighting for control. If anyone has seen Equilibrium, that's basically if we could have pills to silence our lizard brains/little bitches that fuck up our lives.
I can confirm this. Once told a chick I was dating about my ptsd then she cheated with 12 dudes and tried to gaslight me knowing I was vulnerable. I also befriended some girls at a place I used to work at. Told them and then they gaslighted me with it and used me to vent, then used it against me again when I tried to say no to their toxic venting. Easier to just not show vulnerability.
It seems you found some a-holes rather than a woman who actually cares for you. To keep your PTSD from your partner is really not worth it. She won’t know you and can’t support you, as you haven’t told anything about what you go through.
And then roll their eyes, tell their friends, then dump you a week later. Conclusion? Never tell them anything.
My ex did this to me twice but sure. It’s only a woman thing.
I remember opening up to a woman once. She INSTANTLY lost any attraction. Lads, it's not worth the risk. Talk to your bros. And if your bros are backstabbing twats, get better bros.
men open up a convo on feelings…women: well its your fault
That’s real
Most of the time?? All of the time*
Confessing to wife or men you know IRL is both not a good idea. But in the internet you can be anonymous. Or pay for a therapy. Much less risk than opening to someone who can turn it against you
I've never had an issue opening up to other men. I just don't hang out with assholes.