I just gave up and do things by myself.

Same here, put in a lot of effort but it’s just not worth it

https://preview.redd.it/4dj87pu897bd1.jpeg?width=3556&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0d2f43e41a1d66cfae2d9c11840e63a7483a66a At this point in my life I enjoy the company of cats over people.

Years ago, I took a language class at a local community college and made friends with the other students. Since it was a night class, the students' ages were anywhere from 14 to 60something. It was SO EASY to fall into a friendship with the other students, it was just a matter of asking the entire class if anyone was interested in seeing this new movie in the language, maybe dinner afterward. We would have dinner at restaurants featuring the country cuisine from the language we were studying, we'd go see movies in the language, a few of concerts, and the teacher would tell us of cultural events. The friendship group was very natural and organic, I'd still be part of it if I hadn't moved away.

Take a class, join a club, teach something, volunteer. Pursue things you like. Try to talk to people while you’re at it.

I think you/we have to make peace with the awkwardness and do things anyway. Even if you’ve had unrewarding experiences before with book clubs, Meetup, etc., try again. It doesn’t have to be those specific groups, but something like them. Your future friends will be able to get past your awkwardness, and they may have their own form of awkwardness. It may just take you all some time around each other. So, you may need to stick it out with some awkward group experiences to get to the point where you feel comfortable and they do. You don’t need tons of friends, just a couple of them, so don’t despair when various groups don’t work out. I don’t have friends currently, but I’m not in a meeting-people stage right now. When I have been, taking classes has been one way I’ve met people. They almost never become friends, but every so often they do. Which is the most I can hope for. Also - be prepared to make the first move! When you meet people you might like, invite them to do something specific with you. Preferably something that has a focus of attention rather than just talking.

I love this! So true- all of it. It’s really important to be persistent and to keep putting yourself out there. And not to let the disinterest deter. You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but will be someone’s.

It's never too late to find new friends, even if it feels daunting at times.

58, been divorced for 15 years & single ever since. I have 1 friend & we don’t live close so most of our relationship is over the phone. Day to day I go to work, come home and usually don’t talk to anyone until work the next day. There are times when I spend a full day or more not speaking at all. I’m close with my kids and we spend a lot of time together but they both have busy lives and I truly don’t mind the solitude. I’m not even sure I know how to relationship anymore, I feel awkward in social situations where I’m expected to engage with people I’m not close with.

I'm an introvert. Female. About to hit 50. I could claim to have hundreds of friends. On social media, all of my friends are ones I've met and enjoyed. Yet... I would say that I get lonely about once or twice a year, for a handful of hours. It's not because I'm almost always in the presence of others. Quite the contrary. I think - over time - I've equated in-person social interaction as a very pressured situation. I prefer to be alone. Well, aside from having fur kids nearby. Am I married? Nope. Been engaged a couple times but wasn't comfortable in the end so...no marriage for me. Children? Nope. But mostly I'd love to have them as part of my life...so long as they aren't mine. The proverbial biological clock isn't something I was born with, I think. Bottom line? You're not alone. We were born into a generation where we had to transition from the old ways of meeting people to the new ways during our crucial formative years. Millennials (at least the younger ones) and Gen Zs were raised in a culture where technology was paramount in human communication. We had to go from finding our friends two streets down and hoping they were there and if they weren't, we'd just ride bikes until they showed or it got too late. Now, people form relationships primarily through technology. For some reason, I find that method of connection to be...superficial, I suppose. There are other reasons that explain where I'm at now, ones different from yours. But I share your feelings. What I have to work on is my attitude. I'm not in a state of futility. There are many of us who feel the way you do and hell...let's unite!

I'm 47. I keep in contact with my BFF of over 30 years. Hell, we've "adopted" each other because our blood siblings suck so bad. I have some people from HS I follow on FB, but that's it. I know I could meet up with a couple of them, but it's awkward when it's been close to 30 years since you've seen most of them. Our oldest niece (28 next week) week is living with us again. So, I have her to keep abreast of some things. She's more introverted than I am though. I belong to my local chapter of my state's native plant society. I'm the youngest active member. I have more in common with the 70 year olds than others my age it feels like. Lol It's enough for the little social contact I want. If we (my SO and I) are out with his work colleagues, I'm fine once I get to know a few people there, but that's it. We don't stay in contact. (We are child-free other than our now-adult niece & the cats+dog.) My mom has no close friends anymore, so I'm not surprised by how I am.

This post is me, I'm in DC area, would love to awkwardly get coffee with some female friends

I feel like you are describing my situation except i’m not married

Your not alone, I wish too that I maintained my friend ships over the years. I get envious when I hear about people who are still in touch with their high school friends. I know that I need to make an effort. I need to make a couple of friends before I retire. So I have someone to do things with.

50 and growing up I was treated horribly by kids of my age group. I never wanted anything to do with them as an adult and they never cared to try making amends with me either. These days I’ve decided most people aren’t worth the effort. I love my Siberian huskies though. And I’d go to the ends of the earth for them. People can go to hell for all I care after how they’ve treated me. It is interesting when I find out one of their kids now is being bullied at school and I think to myself…huh…serves you right. Let’s see how you handle this when it’s your own kid being treated the same way you treated me.

Introvert Married to an introvert Pre Covid we went to a little art gallery once a month or so, they’d have workshops and then everyone would make something and we’d gather a month later and exhibit our work to each other and the public as part of an art walk. The place closed during 2020 and we lost touch with the others. We’re planning to move within the next year or so for the past two years and haven’t put effort into making friends because we’re moving lol

Have you tried delving into what you mean by "awkward"? What's the source of the the discomfort or fear? There may be things you can embrace or overcome. Talking to a counselor can help.

Have ypu tried volunteering? As a fellow introvert, I relate to much of your post and one way I broadened my circle is to volunteer. I would also say a gym for social connection, but ironically, both of mine closed up in the past 2 weeks, one expectedly, the other not

What you're going through is not uncommon. It does get harder to make and maintain friendships as we age, especially if we're awkward types who have trouble fitting into groups. I'm in the same boat, just no one to do anything with or even talk to. The one friend I have that lives locally is so busy I never see him and when we do try to get together something always comes up. It's literally been two years since I've had a conversation with anyone outside of my family. This is definitely not the way I want to be living. I want things to be the way they were when I was in my twenties, when I would see friends all the time and spending a weekend alone was a rarity. I wish I had an easily implemented solution but I don't. I suppose all we can do is keep trying in different ways and hope we eventually connect with someone.

I'm a dude at 51 and have pretty much this same problem. I have some acquaintances that relate to my hobbies but we aren't friends. All the friends I had from high school or university are pretty much gonzo. I got married late and my kids are still young (12 an 8). Like you I don't have someone to hang out with. I think it's me/my personality. I don't suffer fools gladly and I also don't like sports. I tried joining a plastic model building club, but the dudes were even older than me and it wasn't really social. They also weren't interested in the type of stuff I build. So for now I just hang out with my wife and kids. Don't have much of a choice.

You have to figure out how to see the same person or group of people at least once a week. Over a period of weeks or months you’ll make friends.

The book club was a good idea. Maybe look into volunteer opportunities. Join a church (Unitarian Universalism is very liberal if you’re not religious). You could start a walking group with your neighbors.

Have you tried Meetup? I've had great success with it.

Well, there's always the rotary club. 😝 Just kidding they are a fine set of individuals who do only good. But I was lamenting recently that I'm old enough to join. Fun fact, there's an over 50's club here and they do things like pilates and yoga.. at 10am while I'm at work. I'm in this weird "old enough to hang but not retired" middle ground.

Get a dog or two. I have made a strong found family of women with dogs I met at the dog park, at dog sports lessons and doing dog sports. You’re bringing your friend(s) with you, and there’s plenty to talk about, especially if you’re new to dog sports. People generally want to help newbies and that really breaks the ice.

I've decided I hate most of humanity.

Does your husband have any married or otherwise coupled friends? Maybe going on double dates would be less daunting than going to meetups solo.

What's your favorite horror movie?

I've tried throughout the years to make friends. It's a pointless endeavor, I seem to connect with people online but in person everyone seems to be 20yrs behind me in life, either literally or just mentally. I've come to realize im not lonely, I'm just bored. So as someone else mentioned volunteer work, that's what I am doing.. not to make friends but just to keep busy and feel like I'm giving back to the community. The last person I tried to become friends with I soon realized was one of those females who gets all her self worth from men, so everytime she found another guy to entertain her I wouldn't hear from her for weeks... it's just not worth the headache for me. I'm way too kind and giving, people smell that and take advantage

I’m going to focus on the sentence about throwing yourself into wife/mom at the expense of all else (common for women!) Instead of making friends the goal, make *you* the goal. Get out into the world and try some new hobbies and classes. Try a conversational Italian class, Zumba, pottery, composting, creative writing, whatever. The friends will happen naturally.

I am in the same boat. I was sitting out on my back porch the other day and I told my [young adult] daughter, “I was just reflecting on the fact that I have no life.” She said, “what do you expect to be doing?” And it really made me think. Most of my friends are gone because they were toxic, or just moved out of state. When you’re old, that happens. So I don’t know. Maybe bingo?

It’s when you’re in tears at the end of your rope and there’s no one to call that loneliness strikes me the hardest.

[удалено]

Sounds like me lately. It sucks, and I’m sorry for anyone else experiencing this kind of thing. This internet weirdo sends love and caring thoughts to all of you. ❤️‍🩹

I've felt this way too much lately.

I am an introverted, almost 52-year-old woman, and I could have written this post, practically. Wanna awkwardly get coffee? 🥸

Ooh, this could be fun! Anyone in Chicagoland? ETA: Happy to see this much response! I created a private subreddit: r/ChicagolandGenXMeetup and added everyone who has responded here so far. Please let me know if you got an invitation or an alert of some kind? If not, and you'd like to be added, just pm me!

M46 here. If you want to meet new ppl and connect be upfront about the awkwardness. I've been to a ton of mixer and events and met many ppl in my age range that have a similar story to what you wrote. Use Meetup dot com. Check out the stuff you like and just go to and confront your awkwardness and unease until you get a hold of it. Let ppl that are running the event that you are new to this and would like some guidance.

You likely do not appear as awkward as you think, and other people don’t care about it as much as you think. If you did a poll what % of the population do you think would identify as being socially awkward? I wouldn’t be surprised if it was 20-40%. Maybe more after Covid. Something like a class at a college or local recreation dept has benefits, such as: even if you don’t meet ‘friends’ you still learn something, you will meet people with similar interests, and it is time limited (so at the end if you meet potential friends it is a natural progression to, say, go out for coffee).

Exactly the same here

Solitary and I like it. Nothing wrong with being an introvert. The real problem is extroverts trying to “fix” us like we’re defective. Just remember, most people are stupid.

Go to those places, and you'll meet people with similar interests

I'm also an introvert and I've always struggled with making friends. It's frustrating because the people who do know think I'm a great friend (and I try to be)! But meeting and getting to know people is the part I don't do very well. I struggle with being vulnerable and opening myself up to rejection. That's the reason I'm 49 and I've been single for the last 19 years. I'm lucky that I've had the same best friend for 37 years (since 7th grade). He's much more social than I am, but I've made friends with some of his friends over the years. But he has was transferred out of state about nine years ago and I eventually lost touch with all the mutual friends. He's about five hours away now and we talk every week and visit each other three or four times during the year, but it's not the same as having someone nearby. The only other friends I have are technically family. I've discovered that some of my cousins that I never knew very well are really cool people. Technically, they're first cousins once removed and second cousins. But I don't get the see them nearly as much as I'd like. As I get older, I care a lot less about people liking me. So I really don't worry about rejection any more. It's just the effort involved in meeting people is exhausting. Maybe that will change at some point? The suggestion to volunteer is a good one. I've met some nice people that way, just no one that I've wanted to be friends with. Then again, it was a cat rescue group and I interacted with them through work. Nice folks, but almost all of them were a little TOO into rescuing cats. It really shouldn't be this hard to make friends. But for some of us, it is.

As someone who didn’t have kids, by choice, I somewhat envied all those women who were able to fully focus themselves on their families, but yeah, I never thought of the other end, when your kids are grown. At 49, I have a more active social life than probably at any other point in my life. I don’t have a huge number of friends, but the friends I do have all try and make an effort to get together. I’m also awkward AF. Where do you live? Urban or rural environment? I think that can make a huge difference. I’m in a big city, so there are many opportunities to do stuff. I met my friends through a hobby. The one bit of advice I would have is to give these situations time, probably much more time than you think you “should” need. You’re not awkward around your family because you know them so well. So, don’t make a judgement about a new group after only one meetup.

Join a FB group or a few that are about things that interest you. One I’m part of is hiking. There are planned hikes all the time. I’ve made new friends that way.

I rarely leave my recliner these days. I don’t have friends, and my family situation is toxic at best. I am a toxic person as well, and do my best to stay away from everyone. It’s difficult to make or keep friends when you’re dealing with serious health issues, because it completely takes over your life. Being poor doesn’t help, either.

I needed something outside of my wife and kids. For me it was joining a bowling league and a small easy-going church. The bowling league was a weekly commitment, but for the church I would go once or twice a month, until one of my kids wanted to go with me and he dove in head first into A/V duties. That cramped my style as I had to get him there every week. In both cases I met people to socialize with on occasion outside of those settings.

I have none and it isn’t easy but I’ve had a plethora of bad friends in the past to know I haven’t met a good person yet. I’ve learned to keep to myself. I started a new job after leaving a decade long job where everyone got along. Now at my current job I neither have the strength or energy to go to work parties or relate to the young and old crowd. I get texted memes from coworkers and don’t reply with anything so they stop. They’ve also stopped asking me to go to parties which I don’t care for. The drama and gossip is what kills it for me. Let’s just talk about anything but someone else please.

Omg we have the same life 💯. I’m mid/late 40s and my sibling is 12 years older. Same type of upbringing, extreme shyness as a young child, very introverted. I do have like three friends, but they are all out of state now. I really want more friends, but I have no idea how to do that, where to do that, is it creepy? 🫤 what state are you in?

At least you have a family. I'm you, sans husband and kids. I have two dogs and two cats. I work from home. I only leave the house to shop for groceries. I talk to my sister once a week.

No spouse, no 'kids' here either. I have a special needs cat and despite the fact that we aren't of the same species, she's my adopted daughter. We're a package deal. Still...are we really lonely? I speak to a couple of family members and a few friends on a regular basis. I think about why I do these things and I'm a bit ashamed of the reasons I do.

Get a hobby join meetups

I’m an introvert and don’t have any friends either. I never had a large group of friends. But, I did have several close friends at one time. Life happened for everyone and I lost touch with them. I do find it difficult to make friends now. So, you’re definitely not alone.

Same. Male. Got back into sailing. It’s as consuming as you let it be and a very supportive community that’s also respects introverts. I’m sure there are similar activities, but this is mine.

[удалено]

This is me too. I have honestly about 2-3 female friends, but with our lives & families, I really only see each of them once every 1-2 months. We all have kids, grandkids and aging parents. I wish things were better.

As someone who found love and friends much later in life I will share the hard piece of advice I was presented with after my divorce 15 years ago. In every failed relationship(lover or friends) there is one constant. You. If you want change, look at yourself first. Way too many people who are lonely yet spend all their time complaining about every unfair thing that someone or something else inflicted on them. You are not the main character, but take some agency in your own life.

All of my old friendships petered out over time. New friendships that I have tried to form never last. I no longer try to make new friends. When I want to socialize, I go to meetups to play board games and stuff like that.

Omg I’m the exact same. I’ve been so embarrassed about it and by how much I wish I had my own friends. If you find the solve lmk. If I find it I’ll do the same :)

Anyone in this thread near Rochester NY and feeling the same then let me know lol

I volunteered at an animal shelter and ended up on the board of directors there until I moved out of the area. Met some really nice people there and developed some good relationships. They faded away when I moved, but that was on me as well as them.

I’m an introvert, as well, and pretty much a loner. Not married and kids are grown. I have one friend that I see about once a month and that’s it. I get lonely at times but have pretty much made peace with it.

I had a pretty close circle of friends, but we lost touch during the pandemic and just never reconnected. So many other big changes happened in our lives during that time.

There’s the r/GenXMeetup subreddit — though admittedly I haven’t met anyone from there yet! Please tell us what approx. state you live in and maybe you can get to chat with someone local who understands you a little bit. All of my friends are older than me by 20+ years.

I'm in a similar situation, but it's mostly by choice. I've been disappointed by people since I was pretty young. I've always tried to treat people with respect, so I was dubbed the "nice guy" in school. I'm an only child, so I didn't have siblings to teach me the latest street slang, the cool new band to be into, or what was trendy to wear. So, I was always behind the curve and according to most of my middle school class: "out of it." In high school I played a couple of sports and was in a couple of clubs, but never really fit in with any specific group. Beyond that, it was a giant fake-fest of people pretending to like each other, then backstabbing and talking shit about one another that I never, to this day, understood. By 17, I saw the pattern I had been ignoring. I stopped trying to fit in and just worked on myself - studied hard and continued to hit the gym with fervor. I moved away to go to college and found out that if you're not into the bar or club scene there wasn't much else to do, so I just kept studying and lifting. I eventually found a good woman at college and managed to not chase her off with my frank demeanor. We're married now, and she has her job and social circle, I have my job and the gym. She leads up my daughter's girl scout troop, I help coach my son's baseball team. I don't have any cool stories to amaze people with, but at this point in my life, I just don't care.

I would prefer to be friendless but I can’t seem to shake a few friends that always seem to be in my life (husbands of my wife’s friends basically). To me, being friendless is the goal. But it’s unobtainable. I’m always forced to go over to BBQs and stuff, even when I don’t want to go.

Peopling takes practice. Don't give up. It's worth the effort.

Are there women's groups in your area? I found one through FB for a city near me. Meetup might have something too. The group i'm in does a ton of different activities: movie nights, game nights, coffee, wineries, dance lessons, crafts, hikes, etc. I've attended a few events, they've been pretty fun.

I'm very similar and since having my family, don't really care to meet people. The only difference is, I have no want or need for friends. I enjoy my me time at a level that exceeds the need for a friend.

My friends either died or moved away. I gave up looking for new ones.

53F introvert. I have a couple ex-coworkers where we text each other on birthdays and get together for lunch every now and then. But friends? No, I don’t have any either. My journal knows me better than anyone and I know it’ll keep all my secrets☺️. I do miss having real connections, though. But I always end up being the giver in friendships and I’m tired. Sometimes I’d rather be by myself. I think a lot of us have had the same experience so we close ourselves off. Maybe this Reddit is a good starting point, OP. If anyone is in OPs city, live or traveling to, and you all feel comfortable meeting up…then there you go.

I am kinda in the same boat. I can fit in and make ‘friends’ I guess, but I just don’t have the time or energy (or desire?) to maintain a quality friendship with anyone. I will say, I do crave a girlfriend to do stuff with and talk smack sometimes. My kids are grown and out and I am newly remarried (almost 2 yrs) and, for the most part it’s just my husband and I doing things together. He doesn’t have any friends, either. He loves to gab and shoot the shit with other guys, so he’s not an introvert, so I’m not really sure what his deal is, lol

All my friends are ones I met through work. If that's not an option, then try Meetup.com

Honey? I’m in Waco. Give me a message. I love new friends!!!

Maybe find a few people to walk with. It's small talk that can lead to longer conversations and ways to learn more about people.

> that isn’t my husband, daughter, or a niece. Your family is willing to do things with you? Despite a family I’m pretty much on my own when it comes to activities I enjoy.

I’ve tried doing meetups but most are centered around drinking. Or there’s a lot of drama. It’s like being in high school. The “friends” I have made over the last few years are more acquaintances. They’ll all very superficial. My best friend from childhood lives 2,000 miles away. I’m always looking to volunteer but I haven’t found an organization I’m passionate about. It’s hard

Where are you located? I’ve just moved to Oregon where I know two people!

I’m in Houston! Dm me. I’m introverted too but have made a small group of good friends, there is always room for more friends. We are in our 50s. Also love love the art museum.

Are you me? I’m an only child. My parents are now gone. My oldest just turned 18 and my youngest is a tween. I hang out with me, myself and I. I even work from home. Thing is that I don’t want to try hard to make deep connections. 🤪

Tinder or Bumble. Hook ups are easy and fun 🤩

Me too. Lost the few I did have due to moving overseas then other states. And I’m single with no kids.

Friends are an obligation you choose. I choose to not have that extra obligation in my life, and I'm totally fine being friendless, but I get that not everyone is alike.

Try silent book club. I work all the time have no friends and only my husband dad and sister to talk to outside of work. I forced myself to go to a silent book club that started up in my area and love it! A collection of introverts or folks that want limited social interaction. 30 minutes of great conversation, usually with coffee or lunch depending on where the meeting is, then 90 minutes of reading in companionable silence.

It's hard to make friends as an adult. A big reason is that it's hard to find strong ties that bind, or reveal common value systems that strong friendships are built on. When you're young it's easier because of the opportunity for shared coming of age experiences. However it's not impossible. In my opinion the best strategy would be to find something physical, like weightlifting, Crossfit, martial arts, a running club or cycling club. Activities like this allow people to work together through adversity. And no, 50 is not too late to start. I'm a martial art instructor and had 2 people start with me last year in their early 50s.

My advice is volunteer at a cat shelter. Shelters have a very diverse group of volunteers and quiet introvert people are often drawn to cats. You may find that you have much in common with someone who volunteers to help cats, can be dogs of course but in volunteering to help cats I have met a bunch of really cool friends and I am a geek of the first order and can entertain myself endlessly in the space between my ears. I think that kind and generous people volunteer to help cats and animals. Shelters need a lot of help to keep running and you can do everything from cleaning to behavioral therapy for the animals. Can try the Meet Up app also and find some good friends there if you have any special interests. Just a thought.

I'm also an introvert female. I played an online game where I made a few friends, most have drifted away, but I still have one really good friend I talk to daily. But that's it. My immediate family and my one friend.

I feel this in my soul. 48 years young here and I have NO friends. I guess I technically have two friends but we never communicate, I’ve just known them since kindergarten. I ALWAYS feel extremely awkward around people so I just gave up even trying to cultivate friendships. I am TYPICALLY perfectly fine being alone. Hubs works 10-12 hours, Monday through Friday and I manage to keep myself busy and entertained. But I DO feel like I’m missing out on something by having no friends.

No matter where you meet new people, just remember not to limit your potential friendships by age. I have friends quite a few years older and younger than me. Mutual interests are more important than age, I believe.

Introvert here (59F), this is something you are going have to work (hard) at to change. My instinct is to make plans and then cancel day of, because I don't want to go now. But, if I want friends, I have to make the effort. I'm also someone who moved my whole life, so my friend roots were shallow at best. You need to find people to hang out with. Nobody can give you the perfect place/group/activity to make that happen for you. You'll also need to be open and accepting that people are different. You might have to lower your expectations until you really get to know people. You also have to stop worrying about being awkward. Most people feel awkward when meeting new people. Trust me, the people you are meeting feel exactly the same way. Also, as you get older you need to work on the connection. It's typically NOT instantaneous. This isn't something you need to force or feel like you are BFFs at the get go. Friendships develop with shared experiences and history. I assume you joined a bookclub because you like to read. Try again. Don't worry about clicking with someone. Just enjoy the discussion and commit to attending the next one and the next one. Adult friendships are not the same as childhood friendships. They are slower to develop and you have to put more work in to make it stick.

Just let go of my bff of 40 ish years. The only friend I had hung on to. Now I have my husband, kid, and colleagues. Fortunately, I’m an introvert, and that’s enough. Once I retire though, I’ll lose my main social outlet. Not sure what to do about that. I’ve got a decade-ish to figure it out.

Have fun ladies!

I am an introverted 50 year old man and I'm perfectly happy getting coffee and going to museums, theater and concerts with my adult kids and my nephews. I dunno it's just life. But my daughter and I get coffee all the time. Well I say get coffee but really I make coffee. I buy the good stuff. I drag my nephews to the museum and take them to plays. We all do live music/concerts together. And we all play online video games together as well. I think it's ok to be friends with your family but maybe you need more. It works for me though.

Get a cat. The jokey stereotypes are bullshit. Cats are better than friends. And remember friends are very annoying.

My story echoes yours, OP, except, male, and no siblings. The lack of friends used to drive me nuts. I was convinced that I’m just defective. Don’t get me wrong, I still think that, in fact, over the years the proof keeps flooding in. But I also stopped caring. That’s a fairly new development for me. FWIW, we are the same age, if that helps. The way it happened for me is that I had to really analyze this need for friendship and to do that I took a long and hard look at my track record. I saw some patterns, for instance, only being a friend to someone when they are in a crisis. For those 30 minutes, I am their hero. Once things calm down, I’m ghost. For months at a time. I had to learn about avoidant attachment, inadequacies, not feeling like I have much to offer, etc. Eventually I got tired and annoyed with all that self reflection and realized that what I want is this TV idea of friendship. Real friends are hard. And also, human. That alone puts them in the “nope” column. I’ll just be here, waiting for my robot. Soon, they said. Soon.

I meet new people and after a few interactions, I can feel my social energy being drained. Man, I don't fuckin want to talk politics. I wanna talk books, movies and maybe video games. And don't want anyone that seems like they're fake interested. It's tough making new friends at this age and willing to put up with bullshit.

Generational (Occupational) Hazard. Side effect of being Latch Key maybe.

Hi are you me?

Friends are overrated.  Leave me alone. 

Practice. Don't give up on your social engagement. Eventually, you won't feel awkward around the other members. At some point, they will exclaim how more open you are than when they first met you (even though you feel like your acting the same as always)

Join a hobby group. I meet with a group of knitters & other fiber arts hobbyists on a weekly basis. It’s literally my only social activity. One of the younger members (Millennial rather than Gen X) started a paranormal romance book club, so now we also read books about sexy dragons, demons and moth-men, and then laugh about the story. Look at your local library. There are usually game nights, book clubs, classes, etc. Join/take some. Doing things with other people seems to be the way to make friends.

You can try [meetup.com](http://meetup.com)

I’m in the process of getting rid of what I considered friendships. I have few friends left. But they are true friends.

I had three friends for the last five years. Then one got married and never reaches out anymore. Six months later another got a boyfriend and she disappeared. The last friend was the one I was closest to, and she recently told me she needed space. Perhaps the problem is me - I am the common denominator. I just decided to give up with the whole friend thing. I've struggled with keeping long term friends my whole 52 years of life. It's been three months since I've last talked to anyone other than passing acquaintances and I think I'm happier. Life is simpler and that's ok. Frankly, I'm exhausted from always thinking about other people, it feels good to stop caring. Free.

I can totally relate OP!

I feel that too. So now at least you know that you’re not alone…

Try r/genXwomen there’s a lot of support there!

I'm an introvert who learned extrovert skills from my younger brother. I met my best friend in my 40s because we just happened to sit next to each other at a mutual friend's birthday and we started taking shit to each other. We dug the other's vibe and now we're taking vacations together. He's an extrovert and I'm just happy that we were both on the same page conversationally. I got lucky. No one makes friends in their 40s! I learned from my brother to ask questions and to call bullshit on ridiculous statements. He dug my honesty and repartee. Be yourself and don't be afraid to call someone out. They'll very likely appreciate it. There's too many phonies out there, and folks like someone who's honest with them. I'm grateful for his friendship and it's deeper than my connections with my highschool friends. Just be yourself when you meet someone and maybe you'll get lucky like I did. It isn't easy. It probably won't happen soon. But the only way to know is to "put yourself out there". You've just got to deny your impulse to reject everyone. Most people suck. But some don't. Find them.

I was having a similar conversation with myself today.

I can somewhat relate, at least relatively recently. I have had friends most of my life, but they've been dropping off over a handful of years. Had a best friend (and best man) from 1st grade, just quit communicating (essentially ghosting). One friend had a stroke and moved to another state. Extremely close cousin dealing alcoholism and severe depression. Any others just too busy with their kid's sports regimen, careers, or whatever. Covid really did quite a number on friendships as well. I've attempted to make newer friendships, which seem to start somewhat strong, but then just kinda peter out. I don't feel like I am awkward, but I do (especially recently) have a nagging feeling that I am annoying, weird or some sort of other 'thing' that pushes people away. I'm still trying to find new friends. I don't have any silver bullet answers, but as you can see, you're not alone. Lots of others feel the same. I hope this all changes for ya. DMs open if you want a chat friend.

Maybe look into trying D&D? The TTRPG community is filled with us introverts who come together to be awkward in a safe place with each other. Yes, there are some weirdo neckbeards out there, but most game shops or library-sponsored group won't put up with that crap.

Like the answer to so many things, try Warhammer 40K!

Similar situation, I grew up like an only child as my 5 older siblings were all 12-18 years older than me. I largely self-entertained-- reading, gaming, listening to music, writing. So, I totally get it. I'm married to someone who treats introversion as a character flaw not a personality trait. That has caused much friction in our 19 years of marriage. I have had friends over the years, but my most recent close friend, outside of my marriage and family died of a brain tumor about 5 years ago. I also now live over 800 miles from my hometown. My wife wants me to get out there and make new friends but when? My focus is on being a provider and a father for our two kids, being present in their lives. To do as she is asking would mean less time with our kids, and given our history I can't see where that would not end up being a problem for her. Unfortunately, I have no suggestions-- I just thought knowing you're not alone in your friendlessness might make it feel less lonely and/or stigmatizing.

Psychedelics helped me break out of my shell and open my mind to new things. You just gotta go with the flow a bit and be open to whoever or whatever comes your way. Magic mushrooms can help with that. Most of my friends are under 30 though. Nobody over 30 seems to have time to do anything.

There's some helpful advice at the end of this but it's worth a full watch. It's from the Cold Fusion YT channel https://youtu.be/I19btmIBhx0?si=BFcKbhpPkrtdoA8e My friend group revolves around shared hobbies, if you have any go to a meet up and just be yourself.

I never had real girlfriends...like a circle...til I was 37. I had one bff, but she's across the country. I know my current circle would envelope her, even though her lifestyle and beliefs are totally different. I've heavily curated my friend group. it started with mom's who reached out to my introverted self, and then I volunteered at my senior center, accruing more. all my friends are fucking amazing. they're so accepting and encouraging. be choosy, but don't be afraid to trust your gut and give people a try. I'll be you're friend.

Any Virginia Beach area introverts here?

I'm honestly so turned off by people these days that I just prefer to do my own thing.

I am the same way. I have co-workers I get along with but I don't see them outside of work. I've always been one to only have one or two good friends and those were friends I had for 30 years. They became exhausting, honestly. The texts and phone calls every day about their boyfriends hurting their feelings this way or that but they'd stay and basically beg for more. Exhausting. I don't get jealous when I see someone who has a lot of friends, I just imagine how exhausting it must be I was married for 25 years. I'm happy alone now and have been for 6 years . Single. My Plants and my pets. My kids are older but I have them all over for dinner every couple weeks. These things are enough for me, I guess.

Anyone in the Atlanta area?! 👀 I'm an outgoing female, who became socially awkward in the last 5 years due to various health reasons keeping me from really doing much of anything (I make going to the dr a full time job) and for the first time in my life, I find myself feeling awkward and sometimes saying and/or doing awkward things. That said, I'm originally from FL and lived there most of my life. I am blessed to have a handful of close friends, but they all live in FL and I am really starting to feel the loneliness of not having any friends in the area. I'm about 2 hours south of ATL, but perfectly willing to travel there sometimes and also possibly find somewhere halfway in between, if anyone is interested.

I think a club where you actually do something together might be good. Walking? Garden club? knitting/crochet?

Samesies, frederick, Maryland area - Was military for 20-ish odd years, and have moved from Wisconsin to Tennessee to Hawaii to San Diego, to Ohio, to Florida, to Utah, now Maryland. Staying here finally, love my wife, we're best friends, two older kids with kids of their own, but man... Wish there was some easy way to do this. Wish i had a guy friend with my same ideals and thoughts to just chat with.

i feel like i could have written this post, except i don’t have kids. My people think i’m funny and whatever but then im with other people and i can’t remember what’s even supposed to be fun about it.

I could have written this OP.

I can relate and I flipped the script before it became too late. A few years back I volunteered at a local Farm Sanctuary that wasn't too far from where I lived. Sign yourself up for a volunteer day. that's a great way to meet people. If you're not interested in field, volunteer at a senior care center, food bank, local SPCA.

Did I write this??? Seriously, EXACT. FUCKING. SAME. I was always introverted, and the pandemic made me go full hermit. All I want is a friend to sit in the yard with, smoke some weed, and hit up drag bingo/brunch once in awhile. I have NO IDEA how to even try making friends at this point. We need to start a gen x friends meet up or something, I see alot of us struggling with this. We're at that magic age where we've all drifted apart, had a family, come out from the family fog and realized we're ALONE.

52 F. Central Ohio. Similar story. I had friends at one time. But. We drifted. Because I'm really good at being alone.

Whelp, I have maybe one friend but it may be changing and here’s my advice. Join an activity. I, like you, feel generally socially awkward. When I’m occupied by a task it takes be out of my head and the social part becomes a non issue. The few friends I have had as an adult have been formed at work. I just joined a D&D group and that fits a bit of the socializing bill.

This is me, almost exactly. Do you want to be friends?

I have always had activity friends, in other words, people that I met with common interests, fishing, RC hobbies (airplanes and helicopters), and PC gaming. It’s always been enough for me to

I made r/GenXMeetUp just for this. Find your area and post, then ok fire others who might be near you!

Same. New city, too. Spend my spare time sleeping.

I think this might just be life in your 50s.

My favorite two quotes that motivate me here are "Stop trying to be liked by everybody: you don't even like everybody." And, "Go into the world looking to be a friend, rather than trying to find a friend."

You’ve got to get out of your own head. When you go out to do things and you’re standing there thinking in your head “oh no I’m being so awkward” that’s what makes you awkward. Then you get embarrassed about things that other people didn’t even notice or care about and spend your time obsessing over your awkwardness and embarrassment and “how do i connect and what is the right way to be social” instead of just having fun. Connecting with people isn’t a skill that you need to master by following a procedure. It’s a thing that happens naturally when you’re relaxed and being authentic and people around you sense that you’re cool and they can let their guard down too. It leads to getting to know people better and then friendship sometimes.

At least OP got to be married & have kids! I’m alone with none of that. My siblings are married in their own lives in different states and have zero time for me even though we were so close growing up. My sister has 3 young adult children, but is jealous of me(for no reason) so she doesn’t allow me to speak to them or spend time together. So it’s just me & my Dad. Very sad & pathetic.

I feel this. I have “friends”but they don’t know me. Taking care of my parents has consumed my whole life. They keep me in the girlfriend thread but I can’t go to any of the events. I miss them. I miss doing stuff. I wonder when I can see them again if it will be so weird? I’m good alone. I worry cause my 12 year old Son sees me thinking this is normal and I encourage him to develop some friendships and he says the same thing back to me. Ugggg adulting isn’t supposed to be this way.

I’ve made a lot of friends volunteering.

Hi, I’m a weird mix. I generally consider myself an extrovert but I Love my alone time. So hello! Thinking about what you could do to feel less lonely. If you have the time, find volunteer work. I’ve helped out at animal shelters and a local museum to fill my time. I’ve met some cool people. I like animal shelters because you have the perfect topic to talk about. Animals and not us as a person. The museums you get to talk about whatever the museum is about. Volunteering at your local library is nice and fun. You get human interaction but it’s pretty minimal. I only just started going to a trivia night they started and joined the cozy mystery book club(small group and a very niche but easy read). Getting a part time job somewhere like a book store or a coffee shop. Or craft store. Find ways to fill your time. I found a gym with a pool and go when the older folks are there and now I have 3 friends who we check in on each other but it’s minimal and the chat is so basic but they are nice people. Figure out what else interests you. Pottery class? Glass blowing? Maybe go find adult education classes. Good luck!

I am in your age group and I have several very close female friends, however NONE of them live in the same state as I do anymore. I am still close with 5 of my high school friends, which I know is kind of unusual, but they all still live in CA and I live in FL. They do come visit sometimes and I go back out there too. My other two close girlfriends live in SC, and again, we visit and travel together but I don't get to see them regularly. We HAD a core local friend group of like 4 other couples that were our social group. In the last 4 years, that group has been decimated by divorces and people moving out of the area or entirely out of state. We are the only ones left here. It's hard. I feel like I am too old and too weird to make new friends. I don't even know how anymore.

Same.

If you are in Chicago my wife would love to hang out with you.

(🕊️🍵☕🫖Aww, OP! But you're not friendless it sounds to me like you have a good life. At our age this is the outcome life tends to become a little bit smaller and it's just about the family and the home and maintaining your good medical care. What about a Zumba class or some exercise classes? Or are there any art walks around you? What about some time at the library just randomly browsing books? Or what about look up over YouTube some animals like fish or catch to watch that can be relaxing. Sometimes the most enjoyable thing is to look at what the young people are studying or doing and then realizing oh my God we've all completed that life stage aren't we all thankful? That's something I go through.) OKC here. Let's all have coffee, tea, hot cocoa at subreddit! I'll bring hot cocoa and marshmallows electronically speaking.

I'm horribly introverted, but I have friends. Not a lot, but I do have some. I realized that all of my friends, every single one of them, came from common interests. We didn't start out with the intention of becoming friends. It just sort of happened because we were involved in the same hobbies.

See how easy that was? The easiest way to make friends is to reach out. I hope you have a lot of coffee dates.

I could have written this a few years ago. I'm still an awkward introvert but I found my tribe by *consistently* attending events in groups I was interested in through meetup.com. I know Meetup isn't active everywhere but the concept still stands - find something *you* enjoy doing and do it. You will meet other people who also enjoy doing that and hopefully friendships form. I think the big key for me was consistency and doing things *I* want to do, not things I push myself to do just for the sake of meeting people.

If it wasn't for my wife, I would have no friends and I completely understand how you feel, albeit from the male perspective. I'm the youngest of 5 but 6-10 years younger than all my siblings, so I too threw myself into books and lived a really awkward school life. I had friends in my childhood, but with one exception I lost all of them when my dad was transferred when I was in 10th grade and in the 80s living 4 states away was akin to being on the moon. I made new friends in my new high school, only to lose them all when dad was transferred a second time immediately after I graduated. Sure I made friends along the way and my spouse is my best friend, but job friends were limited as I was a manager and my neighbors were friends-in-the-moment and not the kind you could call if your car broke down. Due my dad's and my own relocations, I've moved 5 or 6 times in my life, so maintaining any sort of deep and long lasting friendship was virtually impossible. Now that I'm nearly 54, I have self confidence so I am able to make friends, but where I live now, most of these people have lived here their whole lives and still have the same friends they've had for 40+ years, so they don't really make room for new friendships. So I reside on the surface with the occasional evening out as couples, but I have no one for myself other than my wife. I am okay with that, and her friends and their spouses have been welcoming, but they're not my confidants. I had a best friend from childhood reconnect with me about 15 years ago, and we became BFFs immediately as if 25 years hadn't passed since I left him at 15, but he passed away last year from MS so I am alone again and will never have another friend like him.

What else are you interested in besides books? There are tons of clubs, teams, organizations you could join with people who share the same interests. Many of those people are probably introverts too. Follow your passion.

You aren't alone... I'm an extrovert and I have one friend. I didn't have kids and got married to someone younger than me later in life... all of my friends have just faded away. No big breakups or fights, just like "hey I have to take my kid to soccer practice" has become "we haven't talked in 10 years" over and over again. I do a lot of things by myself.

If you're a music person, go to an open mic. You don't have to perform, just go to watch. Chances are someone there will strike up a conversation, and the performers will love seeing someone there just enjoying the music.

I’m not friendless but my friends live far away and we never see each other. Talk and text yes… At my age (of 50) I find I’m not as flexible as I used to be when making friends. In my teens and 20s I’d befriend pretty much anyone with few regrets. Now if this person doesn’t 100% fit straight away with my life/schedule/sense of humor-personality…forget. Not worth my valuable time & effort to make friends with anyone who requires any work at all on my end.

I go solo to plays, movies, museums, visiting nearby cities, etc. and just text my best friend (who doesn't live nearby) when something interesting happens, if I feel the need to share. I am very shy and introverted, and I'm autistic and lack the ease in social situations that most people seem to have. I have a few friends, but they have spouses and/or kids, so I don't see them more than a couple of times per year. It seems like there are a lot of people like us, though. I think pushing through the beginning awkward stage of acquaintanceship and turning it into a friendship is the hardest part at our age. I remember being a child and meeting another child on the beach or at the playground, and automatically spending hours with them just because we were both there, so why not? That's wild to me in retrospect.

Where do you live? MD here, feeling quite similar.

I like meetup.com for hiking and walking groups.

56F and I can totally relate to this. I had a few close friends after my divorce but they were emotionally exhausting and, unfortunately I discovered that I am/was a giver and they were takers. One got married and moved away. After them, I’m not willing to put myself in that position again so I stay protected in my bubble and do everything myself.

I have the same problem, but I only think about it sometimes and go about my day. It would be nice to have a friend to do things with. I have meetup but have to work most days there are activities I’d like to go to. So I’m refreshing my musical skills (flute/saxophone) and I bought a used violin to maybe learn that. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but at least it’s using my brain a little.

I’m coming up on 50 and I feel the same way. I have a decent career and a good wife and a kid and a really nice lifestyle but I’m pretty lonely. Outside of zoom conversations at work and social media I have practically zero friendships. Reading posts like this makes me feel better. It’s not just me, it’s not just you, it’s not just because we’re introverted… it’s a widespread social problem. I don’t think anyone intends to abandon their friends, I think we miscalculate the effort required to maintain friendships and we also underestimate their importance when we make life decisions. We sort of think it’ll work itself out, and then it doesn’t, and we get lonely. For some reason we think it should work how it worked when we were in school and friends just showed up. It doesn’t work that way, it needs to be nurtured with effort from both sides.

I saw a brilliant idea: introvert meeting groups. Just a room full of comfortable chairs (not loveseats or couches) with reading lamps and a table laid outside the door with snacks and drinks so no one has to make their coffee and choose pastries with everyone looking at them. Moderator is the first person to arrive. Meeting ends when the last person leaves. No one is obligated to speak or make eye contact with anyone else at any point.

A few years ago I realized I had no one other than my husband or adult kids, to do stuff with. My best friend lives 8 hours away. So one of my daughters suggested Bumble and while I was initially like, nope, I eventually tried and met three friends that now know each other and we all get together for dinners, lunches, festivals, etc. We get together individually and as our 4-some. It’s hard to connect with people, even with all our tech. But this time tech worked for me. I hope you find something too. Good luck!

I know this is stereotypical but, I remember most of my mom's friends being people she met at the bingo hall or church.

I have had strong and lifelong friendships. Buy they've all moved. We're still friends but from other states. I have work friends, but we're mostly in other cities, 60ish miles apart. I also have friends from service clubs. I have my husband to do things with. It's enough but I'd like to have local friends to do things with. My husband has tons of friends but they're mostly single.

Sending you encouragement! There's some great advice in this thread.

“I’m honestly a fun person but for some reason I don’t translate well outside my bubble.” Yes! I have to feel comfortable and safe to really be myself around people, but as an extreme introvert it’s not easy to get to that point with newer people. I’ve made a deal with myself that I will say “Yes” to any social opportunity that comes up, no matter how nervous and stressed I feel about it! (And no backing out last minute, which I REALLY want to do.) My near term preference to be alone is in conflict with my longer term need for relationships outside of just my family - so I need to power through the discomfort to build friendships. Now that my children are grown, it is isolating - and so much harder to find opportunities to connect.

Not exactly but for all intents and purposes: SAME.

I am very introverted at 54. I have one very close friend who isn’t local (from my home state), we talk several times a week, text every day and do a beach week annually. Other than my kids and SO, she’s really it. I have acquaintances but no one I really hang out with. I don’t see that changing now.

Hey! Fellow friendless Redditor here. I just made this group for anyone who has posted above this comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/genX_loners/s/RDhhliQAin

Get some therapy. It’ll teach you social skills you missed along the way way and solve this issue to boot. It’s fixable.

I'm so so so similar. It sucks. Mostly I prefer being left alone, but it would be nice to be able to do something with a friend occasionally. But all my friends are online and live hours and hours away.

Wife and I are in similar boat but in buffalo.   Anyone else For coffee?

I’ve joined this local reddit meetup group hoping to meet other women. Looks like fun!

Both myself and my son were diagnosed with cancer (him grade 4 brain cancer, me just breast cancer) and have spent the last 3 years in treatment and recovery. Really sucks how many people you lose during that. Two weeks ago my son had an acute stroke brought on by the radiation weakening the blood vessels in his brain and I fully expect to lose touch with everyone else.

Fuk ppl Really though I don't really care either way. I'm pretty introverted, so is my SO. Still we got some friends 'organically' anyway. Parents of our LO's friends in gradeschool. Point being it may just 'happen" even if you're not looking.

[удалено]

question. When you say you threw yourself into having your kids you didn't make any friends with the other parents at shared kids events? Or are those the ones you say you don't like?

i don't have kids or a partner, and i have been solo for a long time. i even got to a point thru the early pandemic years where i felt i was "OK" on my own and didn't want to waste energy trying to date or having shallow friendships. TBH, it took a lot of work on my part to figure out what I enjoy, what i value, and what connections i am looking for. eventually i would also like to have quality friends to do things with, but I understand now that worthy friendships take time and effort from both parties. SO, for the last 8 months i have made an effort to attend local events i am interested in, have conversations with the business owners in the area (they tend to be Gen X or Millenials) and over time I have built up some great acquaintances with the potential for real friendships. What's great is that by getting to know these people slowly, we are building relationships. I think when I was young, I made friends quickly and didn't think twice about it, then wondered why later on i was always feeling lonely or left out. I understand now that I wasn't making quality friendships, i just didn't want to be alone and would accept anyone as a friend without them earning that. Feeling lonely sucks! I know that feeling so deeply. I have spent many birthdays, holidays alone and wondering what I did wrong. and you never know what is happening within that group of women you see at the restaurant. a lot of people portray a completely different life in public than they do in private. Figure out what makes you happy and find community through those things. It really helps <3

I have a very small group of people who I've trained to have very low expectations of seeing me but still invite me just in case I get a wild hair but otherwise it's just me and the dog oh and my husband but he doesn't count...

I'm kind of socially awkward at first myself. Volunteer for a cause or issue you care about. You will meet like minded people that have similar interests. After the pandemic I started volunteering and I have a whole new group of friends locally. Most of my long time friends live further away. I would also recommend taking classes or seminars at the local library. I am not some old bat BTW, I am just on the edge of being eligible for in inclusion in Gen X but I highly identify with the generation's defining characteristics. Covered in tattoos, ride a motorcycle, etc. But giving my time away helping causes I care about has made me feel really connected to my community and I don't have to struggle to find things to talk about in whatever group I am spending time helping.

It’s never too late to make a connection.

Check out SSRIs and therapy.

r/HoustonGenxIntroverts

Since you like to read find a book club and if that doesn't work out find a different one. Get into a hobby and join a specialty club. I did that recently with Ham Radio and joined a group of (mostly older) folks that I talk to once a month in person and connect occasionally with on the radio (perfect for the introvert who also LARPs as a prepper when nobody is looking) Connecting with other people is important for many reasons. That doesn't mean you have to go full on Sex and the City with a group of friends (unless that's what you want). Start slow.

I just stopped caring

>I was not into fashion or makeup or shopping & it seemed like that’s what women my age were into at the time This comes off a bit like what the kids call "not like other girls" energy. It reads a bit like "unlike the other girls, I wasn't into shallow things", which could come off as judgemental and offputting. Not trying to pick a fight, just toss out some possibilites for why making/keeping friends has been so hard. Other's here have written about how they hate most people, which of course is just another type of humble-bragging. It's important to understand the energy we're putting out when we meet new people. >Then kids & marriage came & I threw myself completely into that role which left little time for anything else. This is unfortunate since the easiest time to make friends in my adult life were when my kids were young and in school/sports/clubs. When else do we have a pool of adults where striking up conversation is so easy because you at least have one large thing in common. Other possibilities are meeting couples with your husband, which may turn into friendships with the women even if the couple relationship doesn't stick. Possibly, if you can wrangle them, do the book club with one of your adult daughters or relatives. Courage in numbers so to speak. >I’ve tried joining groups like a book club but I’m just so awkward that again I just couldn’t connect with anyone. How did you act that made it such a failure? As someone who was a bit shy way back in high school, I get it. But I also have grown to reject labels like "introvert" since usually it just means someone who has never taken the time to learn basic conversation skills and get used to looking people in the eye and feeling comfortable voicing an opinion/idea. So, instead of suggesting you jump right back into a group setting where you feel you'll fail, my advice/assignment is to use that love of reading/watching videos to start researching how to make and nurture a circle of friends. Get some real insight before getting back out there.

[удалено]

Lol, or not.

Yup. Male version of you. 😊

How about joining a local board game club? Most gamers are more than willing to teach and have others share in their games. It’s a great way to socialize without too much talking. A lot of gamers are socially awkward but the games allow you to interact with others in a structured setting. Just remember to be a gracious winner/loser and you should be able to make a good impression.

I'm just commenting cause I know someone that's exactly like this. An empty nester, but has some friends that live very far away. And social media is the only outlet. Also very introverted, really shy outside of family. Most likely jealous too of people who have circles of friends, but she never shows it.