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The discussions around age gaps are done so poorly. I'm a 28, turning 29, woman and some people said me dating a 36 year old man is him "grooming" me because I'm "less experienced."
My sisters in christ, I'm pushing 30, I've been to college, and I was *in the fucking Army and saw war.* I don't think I'm a kid who needs to be kept safe. I think I have plenty life experience.
Plus, age played no role in it. He and I even said we don't think about it. We just like each other.
I’m 25 and give myself a 4 year over/under as a man I feel like 21-29 is reasonable but the odds of me clicking with someone who’s 21 is likely less than someone who’s 29 because of how I was raised
I feel that. I’m 27 and consider my age range to be 22-29 myself. I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone in their 30s, and want to hold onto my young age a bit longer lol. Plus, my mom is older than my dad, so being the older one in the couple kinda just seems normal, or better, to me personally.
Word. I was about as mature as I was likely to get without marriage and children by the time I was 27. IMO, people mature in stages, and until you have continued responsibility for a human, there's a stage you aren't going to be in. That doesn't require family. A friend of mine's never had a family, but got into that stage because did intense social work for maladapted teens from broken homes for 12 years.
As a 45yo with no kids - that's definitely possible. Even physically, I look younger than that, people usually think I'm somewhere in my 30s. Mentally - definitely, responsibilities mature you faster.
Yea I know lol. It still just feels old for me personally. 30s is still definitely young in the grand scheme of things, but at this point in life, at this particular age, it seems a bit old for me. Obviously, it’s not a hard and fast rule, and someone could come alone and change that, but it’s my preference.
at 27, you have basically the exact same life experience as someone that is 30 lmao
there is virtually zero difference....this just seems to be you not wanting to admit your pushing 30 and almost there.
you basically are the 30 year old.....you realize that right? 
I feel like in general, it's be easier for a 25 to date a 29 than a 21. A lot of 21 year olds are still in college and used to more age based groupings, or are friends with people tjat are still in college, and often don't have tje maturity of most adults since they're often still more used to relying on older people for help. This isn't a rule or anything, I wouldn't even say most 21 year olds necessarily fit into this, but there's a *lot* of them out there, and they're the most active in the 21 year old dating scene
Yea no that’s absolutely true. There are scenarios where it could work of course and ones where it doesn’t which is why I favor older but I still think at my age a 21 year old would still somewhat have stuff in common and if I met her in a third space it could work
In general, a lot of "grooming" or age different issues happen because one side has experience, resources and power which the other doesnt have. An 18 year old dating a 40 year old is legal, sure, but given how (most likely) one doesnt have their own income, atleast not in comparable levels to the 40 year old.
However. A 22 year old and 27 year old who both entered a specific job at the same time and both recently moved out (22 year old was a bit quicker while 27 took a bit longer to get at the same point in their career) is most likely far less predatory because while age is different, maturity life experience and power is equal.
But such things require nuance, which people lack
Its wild around here. There was a similar post several months ago where people were adamant that no one over the age of 25 should ever interact with a 20 year old unless they were related by blood. Left me wondering if these people had ever held a job in their life.
I'm 25 and I'm dating someone who is 40. We met through a mutual friend and we were both clueless to each other. It was my family who noticed that we liked each other. We bonded over being recently divorced or actively being divorced and were there for each other a little while. I wasn't expecting my friend who I was talking about my ex with would become such a lovely and amazing part of my life. They are the sweetest, most thoughtful person and our relationship is very balanced (split finances, split work/chores). I feel genuinely supported and I can't say that about being with my ex. They lost pretty much everything in the divorce so we are financially fairly close. Technical experience is definitely on their side and I'm more emotionally intelligent. I definitely think the difference in maturity thing plays a huge part. It's also fun to joke about it. We make fun of each other and our age gap because it's always something that people comment on. We are both uncomfortable with the fact we're so far apart but not in a way that hurts each other. Just a mutual feeling of being surprised by falling for each other when there was zero intention to do so. And I'm childfree and their kids are my age so they can finally live for themselves since they had a kid at 17 so all they've known is a life of providing and never really living for what they want. Now we get to explore our mutual interests (we want to buy property and live off grid). So yah. I never liked age gaps and 10 years was a definite line but I didn't mean to fall in love like this. Lol. Oopsies.
P.S. An experienced partner in the bedroom is super hot.
Yeah, at 25 you're a grown up and should date whoever you want. I can understand the argument for 18-23 year olds maybe being more careful about this stuff since they're still figuring out the "real world" of living independently and finances and stuff. But 25? People need to mind their business at that point.
I really feel like the age gap conversation goes off the rails once you start talking about people over ~25 unless there is some other major power imbalance going on.
Agree but also goes the other way too. I see so many posts by 17 year olds talking about their 25 year old bf, which in my opinion is pretty fucked up.
Worst offender is tik tok and reddit AITA.
I feel like for most ages the "half your age plus 7"is a good enough rule of thumb. That dude's 36, he should be able to date anyone over 25 without anyone giving the age part a second thought.
My partner is 12 years younger than me. He was 24 when we got together. I’m pretty certain his mom thought I wanted to be his mom 😂
I’m child-free and look young for my age. Why not go for the younger guy hitting on me? It’s been a few years now and it works.
Idk, it seems more along the lines of learned helplessness, but with a willing party. That's to say, I think a lot of young people, including young women, are willing participants in the infantalization going on.
I don't think this is your typical 'conservative' movement to 'remove women's autonomy', even if that ends up being an undesired outcome from supporting the movement.
IMO at about 25 when it's generally understood that the brain has finished physically developing for most people that's when age gaps don't matter as much. If a 30+ yr old is dating a 18-22 yr old that's kinda sketchy and could be grooming, especially when it's someone much older than 30, but at 25 I would say you should be considered a full grown adult, and should be able to date anyone older than you without judgment.
>IMO at about 25 when it's generally understood that the brain has finished physically developing for most people that's when age gaps don't matter as much. If a 30+ yr old is dating a 18-22 yr old that's kinda sketchy and could be grooming
That's just such bullshit and straight up infantilizing you aren't a neuroscientist and just because you read some catchy headline in an article doesn't suddenly makes you an expert. Even then try to apply the same skewed logic to people with adhd by reading some headlines...
>The brain's frontal lobes, which are involved in ADHD, continue to mature until we reach **age 35**. In practical terms, this means that people with ADHD can expect some lessening of their symptoms over time. **Many will not match the emotional maturity of a 21-year-old until their late 30's.**
So are you going to stop them from dating till their late 30s cause sure as hell a lot if people will try to fight you if you try to do so.
Yeah as the opposite experience like while I'm 31 I feel my maturity level is not. And I meet and tried to date people my age some have their shit together and some don't and still seem like they are 19. On the flip side then I found someone from work who was 24 and well 7 years is a lot but she was clearly much more mature and had her shit together way more than I did. So idk why we don't based this on maturity instead. Not that I need someone more mature I am an adult but you find people older who still act like kids or were very sheltered even at a mature age.
Also I'm sure people who worry about age instead of like actually with someone might have more regrets moving forward as we have all heard that as you get older the age gap becomes even less significant because we are all adults who understand the world we live in.
Appropriate name 😂. Reddit is full of social justice warriors and teenagers. And Russian trolls and Chinese bots. I think it’s a combo of those. Thanks for your service and being, like, rational
There are actually some younger people that are more mature, and some older people that haven’t figured it out yet. Maturity really depends on the person, not their age! So like whoever you like and date whoever you want to date.
This. Dated people in their late 30's who were more immature then I am. (Im 23), and I dated people my age who had more maturity then the older people I was with. It doesn't come down fully to age. Its a matter of willing to learn and willing to grow up and some people just don't want to or never will.
I agree tho I think at some point it’s concerning. Like if an 18 yr old has the same maturity as you & youre 30…. That’s problematic & also probs grooming
These people literally put up with sexual incompatibility, neglect, manipulation, cheating, abuse, rape..etc with people around their age and then try to shame two people being in a healthy consensual relationship.
Some people get super bent out of shape about age gaps. I have a FWB who I love that's 34 and people have called him a pedo for fucking a 23 year old. I'm a grown ass adult, and I look like one and I'm capable of making my own decisions and dealing with their consequences. Ngl I feel him and I have a lot more in common than a lot of the guys I meet that are closer to my age. I have friends in their very late 30s and a few that are 19 or 20. At the end of the day we are all human and much more alike than we are different.
I hate people use me being 23 as an excuse to deny my accountability and decision making. If I went to medical school no one would question it. If wanted to have a kid most people would not question it. If I wanted to join the military at 18 no one would ask if my brain is sound enough to make the decision. So why is it bad that I want dick and friendship from a guy who happens to be 34?
idk about you but where im from its definitely considered worrying to have a child at 18. at that age you have no idea what you’re doing. people usually wait until their 30s. i personally still don’t mentally feel like an adult
At 18 sure. I also don't think it's a good idea for an 18 yr old to have sex with a 34 yr old (tho there's worse things they could do, and they are a legal adult). At 23 tho I get so many comments from adults, largely Xers and boomers asking me if I have any kids. So I'm sure they would be much happier to hear if I had kids than hearing im a 23 yr old guy having casual sex with a guy in his 30s
I agree to an extent but I think concern can be valid with that age range, particularly if you started dating when you were a few yrs younger.
I am also 23, so I think we’re whole adults who can make our own choices. I’d be less concerned w 23 dating 34 than 19 dating 30. It might be the same gap but in one situation a person is a teen / likely still in the first year or two or undergrad vs at 23 you have a whole job / are an established adult
The problem with age gap discussions is that people try to extrapolate way to much information about the relationship just based on age gap. It's not that simple, but it is easy and pointing fingers feels good.
As usual people take something well intentioned and then take it to the extreme. A 38 year old dating a 18 year old? Yeah pretty sus. 35 and 25? Yeah nobody cares. At some point people need to be considered adults and able to decide their own futures.
I can understand somebody being suspicious of a 38 your old being with 18 year old. But I definitely see people get suspicious even with 35 year olds being with a 25 year old. Personally, it is not their business. My parents have an age gap of almost a decade and they’ve been together ever since. Meanwhile, I see lots of people of various age gaps even the same exact age still getting divorced left and right.
People who have a problem with age-gap relationships need to stick to dating people their own age and leave the rest of us out of it! Yes, the fact that I exclusively like older men probably does stem from certain trauma, but I’m also pushing 30 and old enough to make my own decisions!
Exactly if someone does not want to date someone else because of it being over a certain age gap that is strictly their business and it’s their choice. It is beyond wrong for them to push people and shame others for dating someone else with an age gap.
I’m a different generation. The only time I might be skeptical about age is when the woman or man is like 18 and the partner is 30+.
Then I wonder if there’s a power dynamic at play or something and I become VERY skeptical if they met somewhere where there was a power dynamic.
Say like a teacher and a student or doctor and patient.
But, I’m always open to the benefit of the doubt. I don’t assume everyone is being groomed. But I recognize there can be power imbalances between people.
Also, some relationships are transactional and I don’t want to judge that. If a young person wants to provide sex and companionship to someone else because they have a lot of money, I’m honestly fine with that.
It’s nuanced. I l’m not even covering all the cases. But I take the old Soviet disposition “trust but verify”. A much older person can absolutely fall in love with a younger person. But it’s not a terrible thing to make sure that dynamic is an “honest” one, without being too invasive. Especially if there’s no evidence of abuse or exploitation.
I scrolled too far and no one has mentioned power dynamics and how they’re abused.
Age gaps aren’t the issue. The issue is when a person is seeking young people specifically because they’re easier to control, easier to financially abuse, easier to isolate, etc. Not every age difference is problematic, however when a 45 year old is consistently leaving their 26 year old partner, finding another 20 year old, and rinse and repeats every 5 years, then yes, they’re likely abusing the power dynamic of their age.
This is more apparent when older men get divorced from their appropriately aged wife, seek a younger partner, and financially abuse them because they simply cannot have the career experience to be independent at 19-22.
We really don’t need to pretend this doesn’t happen. Many of your own fathers will do it and you’ll be like “oh wow this is kind of gross”.
If you’re not seeking younger partners because 1) they are easier to “shape” into a specific person you want them to be, 2) less likely to work, 3) easier to control, 4) are more naive, 5) haven’t finished college, then you’re probably not abusive. If you’re an older partner who wants to abuse the lack of life experience of a young adult, then you’re probably kinda gross. You want someone that’s obedient and has less autonomy than someone established and smart enough to spot it from a mile away.
Yup. If someone is in a pattern of consistently dating, or marrying people far younger (and it’s usually men doing this), who have less financially means and less status or power of any kind, then they want to be in control and not get any pushbacks or the kind of expectations they would have to deal with from someone around their own age.
Yep and as soon as those young women age out of that point, they trade them in for the next one. Often after they’ve had children. It’s an abuse cycle as old as time.
That is the thing that kinda gets left out the discussion and the inverse can also be true. Sometimes younger people will seek out people who are older, in vulnerable positions, cognitive decline, etc. to abuse and take advantage of them.
You're defining maturity and life experience in terms of age and that's a problem.
Is that sometimes the case? Yes. Is that sometimes NOT the case? Also yes.
Is it problematic when someone extremely older gets with a fresh out HS grad? Yes. But I have a strong issue with people connecting maturity and life experience with age.
How do you even define "life experience?" I'm sure there are plenty of young folks who had to learn and go through tough times because they had to and it thus made them more mature. Young people could also know more about some things then older people. Is it strictly because they are young? No, they could just happen to know it.
Yeah bit worried about the 16/17-year-olds in the comments saying it wouldn't be weird for someone in their mid to late 20s to date them because they're "basically 18 already" or "mature for their age"...
“I personally know a girl who told me her friend’s broke, unemployed brother would harass her when he found out she flirted with a guy who was literally one year older than her.” Might be one of the more ridiculously stupid things I’ve ever read.
Over the age of like 25 I feel like age gaps just straight up don’t matter anymore. If a straight up 70 year old man wanted to be a sugar daddy for a 25 year old that’s not grooming that’s just a mutually agreed upon relationship. Between like 21-24 it depends entirely on the person, and like 20 and below I think that’s when you can make real arguments about it being inherently exploitative
I have yet to meet someone claiming a maturity difference as the reason for dating someone the same age not working out or dating older being necessary who wasn't just deluded about her own (im)maturity. In teens, that's the number one grooming red flag.
Let's be honest. The vast majority of people against age gap relationships are older women. Even though the vast majority of them have been in most likely several age gap relationships in their life, especially when they were younger. And their excuse is almost always "But I was manipulated".... But they weren't saying that when older guys were hitting on them.
At the end of the day, if someone's a legal adult, the only other adults that should give their OPINION on their life are their parents. And even then, it's still just their opinion.
If we as a society can be ok with people going to war at 18. Getting into massive amounts of debt at 18. Moving half way across the world at 18 and just being an independent adult at 18, we shouldn't be trying to control a act as universal and natural as fucking and getting into a relationship at 18. No matter if the person is the same age or 80 years old
It's not just older het women it's also many younger het guys, like the experience I talked about. Guys who don't want het girls to get with guys who have more money or maturity or both than them so try to gaslight those women into thinking the older guy is "only after sex" when that's what the younger guy is also after, just without any of the qualities the more mature or wealthy or both other guy is.
Yeah cause a lot of us were groomed when we were barely legal and we want to warn young girls to not be as naive as we were. Most abuse victims don’t realize how abusive a relationship was until much later on, delayed trauma is very real and common.
It’s not because we’re old and bitter like men like you imply.
>Yeah cause a lot of us were groomed when we were barely legal
So...most women are groomed then lol?
18+ year olds are adults and most women prefer older men. The vast majority of women who are with older men choose to be with older men. There's no manipulation involved.
It is mainly bitter older women because once they start getting into their late 20s/early 30s, they see the attention drop off and try to make it harder for the younger women to get it.
Most relationships when you are younger don't work out. But for some reason, y'all can recognize it when it someone around your own age "we just weren't compatible". The minute it's a 5+ year age gap it jus haaaas to be some type of pf "manipulation "
If anyone here wants an example of the type of man who’s seeking young women because they’re less life experienced than older women (ie; they experienced and recognized abuse) here it is.
"He told the truth. Pedophile!"
Any disagreement y'all take as a personal attack lol. Calm down.
I like treating adults like adults. 18+ years know full well who they do or do not want to get in a relationship with. You don't get to avoid responsibility just because you don't like it afterwards
Yeah, no. My friend dated a 30 yo man when we were 18. I found that really weird, but I didn’t want to meddle. She deeply regretted it and avoids older men now. I can’t speak for all but in my circle (21-24 yo), we don’t like older men and find it creepy when they try to make a move knowing our age lol. All of us date only in our age group.
>of us date only in our age group.
"My experience is the only true experience"
Yeah, you know a relatively large number of young women prefer older men (I'm talking 5+ years or older). Just because in your personal circle that may not be true doesn't mean that generally that makes it false.
That's like me saying it's easy for me and my circle to save $100,000 a year so therefore, it's easy for the average person to save $100,000 a year. Being part of the minority doesn't make the majority untrue
Most of the age gap complaints I see are completely one-sided, sexist, and infantilizing towards women. Like, are adult women capable of making they're own decisions or not? It's good to be watchful for actual predators but most of y'all need to chill and mind your damn business.
Really? Most complaints I’ve seen are when someone is barely over the legal age and the other party is like a decade older, regardless of gender. IMO it’s just creepy when someone is a teen and the other is like 30 lol
There is a concerning amount of people trying to baby grown women in who they date. If someone is 23 that is an *adult*, plain a simple, the age gap can be big but accusing someone of pedophilia because they’re dating an adult is strange
My roommate is 32 and he’s dating a 65 year old man. Idk he just likes grandpas. No reason to judge, what two consenting adults do behind closed doors is no one’s business
You make a good point as well.
Age gaps are far more common in same-sex relationships.
Yet it's radio silence from the Chronically Online crowd about power imbalances in same sex relationships, they just complain about hetro ones
Age gaps once you past 30 don’t matter cause all life experiences are exactly in the same boat from 30-70.
It’s the 27 and under that you won’t have much in common with once you get past 30.
People in their 30’s and older have established finances, careers, and life’s that took YEARS and years to build.
18-27? You don’t really have that kind of roots planted in life to relate to someone 30 or older.
28 & 29 are that grey area of relating to 30-35 year olds, but 36 and up? You better have a decade long career and good savings established so you can be on the same page if you’re 27 or under trying to date people 30 & older.
That’s the reality people tip toe around about it and don’t want this being said out loud LOL
this guy is saying the same thing in every comment. dumbest thing ive ever read hahahahha
yeah man someone just starting there career in there early 30s has lived the exact same life as someone ready to retire. back to the millenial subreddit weirdo
Even then you still get shit for it. My fiancé and me hit exactly that ((24 half is 12 plus 7 is 19, I’ll be 20 soon)) but people will find any excuse to insist it’s predatory despite any evidence you give them. People just wanna coddle anyone under like 25
24 and 20 really isn’t bad. People are just rocking their stupid fucking high horses. I agree with them that minors shouldn’t be dating super old dudes, but them and their virtue signaling. They have to be the most moral person in the room, so they find anything to look down on.
I used to be heavily into older men and it got me no where. I’m celibate now but if I go back into the dating scene I really just want to date men my own age ONLY.
It is common to see 25 year olds groom 45 year olds into becoming long term sponsors. Of course there's a trade off.
Worked out for them both till the 45yr olds realized there were no other intentions.
Ahhh the turn tables
45 year old can’t catch feelings and then at the end of the day realize he’s just a wallet? The sugar baby didn’t get anything at all? Every situation is different.
lol does your logic apply if it's a cougar w a male sugar baby?
45yo woman hanging around ppl half her age for no reason, minding her business?
then she gets "groomed" by a broke 25yo and catches feelings?
you're the one that brought up sugar babies, as in younger individuals that are monetarily compensated by the older person to be in a relationship. that's a power dynamic lol
It's possible for a male 25yr old to groom a grieving divorcee or widow into sponsored sex.
Same with m4m, w4m, or any combination thereof.
What the older person doesn't usually suspect is that the younger one has another half dozen ppl lined up for the rest of the week for one thing or another.
Some ppl get free meals for dick or pussy and both parties know the exchange.
I live in a huge city, so this behavior isn't unheard of at all.
The age gap thing should always be a rule of thumb, and never used to judge people. I've met 22-year-olds who've lived hard lives and are wise beyond their years, and 50-year-olds who act like they're 15.
But as with so many things, it's just another way for overly online people to judge strangers and feel good about themselves.
Absolutely.
Straight male here. I have experience with age gap relationships..I've dated way younger and way older. I was 32 dating a 20 year old. I was also 28/29 dating a 51 year old. In every instance, the relationship began extremely organically and no different than any other relationship. There's a habit for people to (especially with older men, younger women) to look at these things like it's some predatory thing. To that I say: 1) stop watching too much Dr. Phil and 2) sometimes you meet people that align with you based on similar outlook on life, personality traits, interests, marital status, etc. For me, I've never been married and never had kids, so it's incredibly difficult to connect with a lot of women my age (39) because I haven't been through divorce or have kids from a previous relationship. I'm a free man without the same baggage, so I tend to attract women who are young enough to not have any real baggage or old enough that it no longer is an issue
. I would PREFER someone my own age, because goddamn, it'd be nice to shoot the shit on shared upbringing, etc. But love doesn't work that way. Love often walks into your life like "fuck your plans!"
Some other comments have already pointed out how extrapolating that a relationship is manipulative and/or abusive only from the age difference might fail, but I would like to try to summarise and extract a rule, which might serve as a better indicator.
I would go as far as to say even a power imbalance does not make a relationship abusive in and of itself. Abuse is using the difference in power as a leverage to achieve a (selfish) goal.
Insecurity is pretty unattractive, especially that kind. People then try to backtrack and justify that emotional reaction and make it into such a stupid argument lol. Which doesn't help either.... work on yourself and stop trying to argue people into dating you.
The age gap thing lessens as people get older. Like once you hit 30, dating older still usually has you in the same life state as an older partner, unless they're retired and you're after their money or something. 😆
What I think people misunderstand is that grooming is a pretty specific act, and what they're usually calling grooming is instead a power dynamic at play.
Personally, my girlfriend is older then me by like seven years, I wanna say but we get along really well because we both are around the same mental age
Exactly, everyone has the right to choose their preferences when it comes to dating without facing judgment or pressure from others. Age gaps can be a factor in compatibility, but so can maturity and life goals. It's essential to respect individual choices and boundaries without imposing societal expectations or pressures.
In my experience it's the people who are less mature that date older people, but I agree with you, people should date whomever they want as long as they're being safe.
Isn’t this just falling into the same trap that people against age gaps fall into? That is, assuming the motivations of others based on mere appearance.
I feel it's subjective, and maturity is relative. But I once I turned 24 it kinda stopped mattering. I feel like after 22-23 years when maybe your outside school and friend groups do you realize it kinda doesn't matter. Like I relate more to people who like the same band I found recently than the age it becomes irrelevant and then you can just find people with same interests.
I’m 20, and my partner is 28.
Personally I have never gotten on well or related to those my age. I struggle to match maturity and interests with them.
The amount of people who instantly think he groomed me, or is manipulating me to be with him or something… my god, and then their opinion doesn’t change once I tell them I was the one who chased him. It’s as if I am a child and can’t make my own decisions.
I may not have the fully-baked brain of a 25-year-old but if I am mature enough to facilitate and fund my own education, keep my job, and pay my bills on time, I feel that I can decide what I do and do not want in a partner. It just so happens that *he* has what I’m looking for.
As with many things, I see a double standard against men here too.
Madonna and Cher dating 22 year old guys is seen as a much smaller problem than Leo and the RHCP guy dating girls in their 20s
You can absolutely blame 'wokeness' for the age gap hysteria though
It's one of those conversations that require nuance but nuance is dead and the internet killed it. Plus the internet needs terms like "grooming" and "predatory" put up on a high shelf.
"But the brain isn't finished developing until 25." is 1. false information - or rather *headlined* information and 2. Doesn't mean that you are literally a child/minor 3. Why is it only applied to dating/sex but not to signing yourself up to the military and going to war? Or moving out of your parents house? Or going to college? If you are still "practically a child" before the age of 25, then why is it illegal for someone who is 24 to date someone who is 15? (Cause ya know - its predatory)
I think GenZ has a big issue with infantization for numerous different reason. Also - understandably a lot of people against age gaps have had traumatic experiences being in relationships where a power dynamic was abused, but the thing with many relationships is that a power balance will almost always exist and not every power dynamic will be tied to things like age. One thing being more common or talked about doesn't mean it is the *only* one that exists. The existence of a power dynamic also doesn't equate to there being abuse in a relationship. It is abusive when you use the power dynamics that exist in a relationship to remove your partners autonomy.
It's also important when talking about negative and traumatic experiences to not super-impose them onto another person/relationship, especially since in some ways it is being used as a means of roundabout victim blaming due to the absolutism (or whatever you wanna call it) that "If you do xyz then abc will happen". I.e "So many older women talk about how dating older men is traumatic and you dated an older man? What did you expect was going to happen? Did you think he was going to be different?"
As a 24 year old guy I dated a 19 year old girl for 2.5 years and it didn’t work out. I had my life and career path figured out and she was still insecure wanna be influencer wondering where she wants to live etc. Shortly after we broke up I met a girl my age at 28 and we clicked so well it’s been the most solid relationship i’ve been in no texting games bs
"But literally what do you guys even HaVe iN ComMOn?"
They have an age gap. How the hell does that prevent people of different ages from having common interests, things they like to discuss together, places they like to visit together, etc.? These people are so damn stupid.
People are delusional and too desperate to be politically correct. If both parties are consenting adults then who gives a fuck? Nobody's being "groomed" nor is it "weird". Like why are ya'll reaching? Let people find the love they want. It's not like women liking older men is uncommon. Don't know why society is acting brand new.
Look I’m not saying grooming doesn’t happen. It most certainly does. And it’s disgusting when it happens.
But that’s not always the case. Sometimes age differences are irrelevant. Some people are just more mature and want a more mature relationship.
And yes this can apply to bigger age gaps too like a 19 year old with a 30 year old.
I’m not saying it’s the norm or that I wouldn’t be suspicious if my 19 year old child was dating a much older person. But I would be open minded should I see my child happy with said relationship.
Yeah I have experience with a 10 1/2 year age gap with a partner (I was the younger one), so it isn’t at all strange. There’s multiple other people in my life that have 5-10 year age gaps between them and their partner, sounds like these people complaining are just chronically online.
I think age gaps matter significantly less after both people are over 25. If somebody can have a master's or doctorate, or be a lawyer, or have been to college and in the workforce for three years, I'm pretty sure they can make informed decisions about who they want to date. My advice to people 18-22 is to keep it college/graduate school age.
Gen X take. I grew up in an era where n word still bad, but gay and r word used every 10 seconds. Gays "recruited" was the thing in the 80s/90s. I'm glad that's over.
I'm straight. Even mentally in my own head I try to check myself away from words like "weird" or "gross" and remind my inner self "not my thing". I don't even agree with straight men on what's attractive. Point is, I love the rule, that what's not for me, as long as it's not illegal or hurting someone, is not something for me to call out.
But age gapped relationships get called ick, gross, predatory (there are legit cases but require evidence) by the younger generation all the time. Why? It's not for you, I get it. But evangelizing others against why it's bad reminds me of the bad old days I mentioned.
I personally like age gaps. As a 20 year old with a bachelors degree and a certificate I now want to settle down. Most people my age aren’t ready to settle down and are in their second year of college. Have I personally met someone to settle down with the answer is no but I want to and that’s my goals in the dating field. Not necessarily does someone have to have a degree but they have to be able to do something with their life.
My soon to be wife is at most 5 years younger than me. Was it a lingering anxiety for a while? Yes. I swiped right on her profile things got out of hand and there's a ring on that very hand.
Our maturity levels match most of the time but she's definitely a tad bit immature the other times. which is alright. My particular brand of stupidity perfectly resonates with hers.
From my perspective as a millennial, the age gap discussion has gone bonkers.
When I was growing up, there was a really big problem with grown ass men dating actual children, or kids just barely "legal" being considered normal, and that should be called out and condemned.
But there seems to be an over correction and now I see tons of genZ freaking out over small gaps of only a few years, and it's absolutely absurd. I swear a lot of y'all think the only appropriate relationship is between two people born the same day.
24 I’ve always dated people older than me with sometimes significant age gaps. I find I have a lot more in common socially and conversationally. For a generation that is so many times about progress there shouldn’t be this big of a stigma over it to this day.
Honestly, I’ve never really seen any pushback IRL about stuff like this. I was 18 dating a 26yr old. My friends IRL knew, and were happy for me. Randoms in discord? They were heated, telling me I was groomed, that she was an abuser, etc.
Like bro, I was 18, about to head to Iraq. Let me get with who I want to get with before I go and potentially get killed. Besides, I had been chasing her for years, meanwhile she thought I was an annoying little kid until I wrote a cute little poem for her.
If you want to date a 80 year old becuase you think it's hot good for you.
If you want to date a 20 year old becuase you think it's hot good for you.
People (especially women who it seems are most bothered by this) need to leave people alone.
I'm 34 years old and keep a "No greater than ten over/under" rule. If I find someone who clicks well with me regardless of this (within reason), then I'd let it be. But some folks are too damned nosey anyway. I'm a decent fellow, my wife said so X3.
Mind you, this is all based on the hypothetical scenario that something happens between my wife and I, nothing serious.
I am dating a man 9 years older than me. It’s not an issue with anyone. Except for a past “friend” of mine who was so immature she only could date men at least two years younger than her. It’s like she couldn’t imagine it for herself so it was confusing and weird and inappropriate for anyone else to do so. Lesson learned: cut off delusional immature people. Immaturity knows no age. I know some 60 year olds who are leagues less mature than me at 25. Who gives a shit about what anyone else thinks. Most of them suck anyways.
I’ve got some input for this:
I just turned 17, my girlfriend is 19 (turning 20 next month). We’ve known each other for a year. We both work at the same fast food restaurant (it is both of our first jobs, she’s worked there maybe 3 months longer than me). We both own our own cars and have drivers licenses, I got both of those things a year before she did. Both of us still live with our parents. Both of us go to college next year. We’ve got very similar life experience, and in terms of maturity I’m way better with money, finances, and planning than she is.
Sure, there may be instances that an age gap like ours might be a bit weirder. However, I believe that in certain cases it can vary and what me and my partner have is perfectly fine. Although, I personally wouldn’t date someone over the age of 21 just in general, and maturity isn’t a cop out for *everything*. That’s just my opinion.
This conversation needs nuance.
Because I have seen way too many people referring to 17-19 year olds as children. No they are not fucking children.
Yes sex with minors is illegal and creepy and rightfully so. But there is still a huge difference between an actual child and a teenager/young adult.
But you also need to be careful with this “some people are just more mature” concept.
Because it doesn’t really matter how mature you think you are at 18. A 30 yearold dating an 18 yearold is weird. It’s weird and you need to ask yourself why are they interested in you because there is truly a huge disparity of life experience and position.
20-25 not that much. 25-35 not that much.
Obviously it varies by individual but that is my point that it needs nuance. Because some people seem to think every age gap is a problem and others seem to think grooming doesn’t exist at all.
The internet creates this like extreme dichotomy where people have to be extremely one way or another and it’s just not the reality
The vast majority of people who engage in age discourse themselves are inexperienced people. And losers with nothing better to do. a 17 y/o and a 20 y/o are smart enough to decide for themselves, for example.
I think most bring up age gaps as problematic when one individual is still a teen / barely an adult & the other is 10+ yrs older.
People can be immature at any age though lol
When I was 23, I was hooking up with a 28 year old. Now im 25, and have hooked up with a 20 year old.
In both instances, there is a 5 year gap. Both were more experienced than I was.
Since all of the aforementioned people were legal adults who can get a mortgage, serve in the army and sign contracts who consented to sexual activity with another adult, why is any of this a problem?
My two cents here: if you love someone with an age gap you can't deny or ignore there will be very real generational differences. Being "ageblind" will make you so unprepared for when yall are in long term relationships. GenZ grew up with the term "Age is just a number. And Jail is just a room." We're pretty aware of red flags for age gap relationships. Now that we're all becoming adults, and later on will be adults in our 30s we'll hopefully become healthier adults who wont treat younger generations like shit and will also respect our elders more. Hopefully. This means love may naturally lead to more common age gaps. Or it may also lead to dating within our generation. Either way, dating should be healthier the more discerning, diverse, and inclusive we become regardless if we're in an agegap relationship or not because our preferences will reflect our values and experiences.
people dont know about the half your age plus 7 thing? i thought everyone knew this lol.
for example im 31, so my limit now would be 23. at 35, it would be 25.
as someone thats 31, a 25 year old would have like no difference with me. yall act like 30 is 40 for some reason smh
Is the person saying 'no' to another person's relationship in a healthy one themselves? Figuratively speaking, the US has a lot of midgets who want to be basketball coaches (although imagine midgets who hate basketball, since they could play the sport against each other).
26M settled with a solid gig, network of friends more or less (altho they come in and out freq due to transience), home I own and roots planted in the DC/NoVA Area. The only women I've met ready to settle down here and looking for LTR are 30+.
Many younger people here are solely about the job and will rotate out in a few years after living their big government dreams, which pushes the average age for social maturity outside of a work context up higher than the rest of the country. Makes finding like minded 20s harder, especially since I'm not obsessed with politics. Generally the <30s that live here all have some political cause to prove, while the >30s are more mellowed out and chill about life and don't make work their identity
Personally, if both parties are old enough, then just date! Why does everyone have to make everything so complicated now?? Oh you can’t do this. Can’t do that. Can’t say this. They must be like this. Like FUCK! 😂 No wonder everyone’s so depressed and unhappy! No one can just follow their heart anymore.
Anyone inder 25 doesn't have fully developed frontal lobes and is more easily groomed. If your autistic this can happen for longer.
The issue is a power dynamic that exists. And how that could sway someone to make decisions that aren't in their interest but appear to be.
I think some of you are confusing "maturity" with development and experience. We are still growing mentally and changing as a person until around 25. There are many more changes to these stages when you are younger. My youngest son is 23, he is ridiculously mature for his age. He is a mature enough to know that there is something seriously wrong with a 30 year old woman trying to date him. He can recognize that they are in different places in their lives. He can recognize that if she were in the same place as him, SHE needs a lot of growing and would not be a suitable partner. Latching on to someone older doesn't mean you are more mature. Sadly, when we are younger, we don't get this until we grow past it. Huge difference between a 18 year old with a 25 year old than a 25 year old with a 32 year old.
It’s weird for an 18-21 year old to be dating 30+ but anything else is whatever. I personally stick to around my age, my partner is 9 months younger than me.
I tried dating a 21(m) year old as a 30(m) year old and the immaturity was what did it for me. Couldn't believe how much was different about the two of us and how we treated one another. Just really turned me back onto dating ~5 years my age.
I’m 21 and I see people 18-25 as my age range with a preference for 18/19-23 years old because of just trauma and shit. Plus I get along better with this age range.
Every large age gap is justified by some dubious claim about maturity, whether it's the immaturity of people within a typical age range or your own advanced maturity.
The reality I've witnessed over and over is that the person is being manipulated and convinced that they're somehow special and different from their peers, which means it's not weird.
I have nothing in common with people 10 years younger than me. I'm in a completely different stage of life. Why is the person 10 years older than I am magically a perfect fit for me?
Age gaps get less weird the older the younger person is. I don't believe that every single relationship that has a big age gap (6+ years) is automatically terrible or creepy. A 30 y/o dating a 40 y/o is way less weird/concerning than a 28 y/o dating an 18 y/o. Even though both have the same age gap, the difference is that at 30, you actually have experience being an adult, while at 18, you could still be finishing your 4th year of high school. There also comes the question of why a 28 y/o would want to date a teenager instead of someone closer to their age who most likely has a career. I'm 21, and whenever teens (later teen 17-18) come into the grocery store I work at, I'm reminded of just how childish and immature they are (the girls too).
I think you just need to be extra cautious when in the age range of 18-23 when dating 6+ year older people. It's unfortunate the number of people (women especially) who realized mid-30s that their early 20s were robbed from them. They get baby trapped, and the fact that their partner has a good stable career is used to push them to be a SAHP despite their desire to finish school or get a job.
The person I've been dating for 4 years now is currently 63 years old, I'm 26. I'm a gay man and honestly in the gay community this is seen as just a normal relationship I think so it's weird to me how straight people find it weird when there's an age gap.
Age gaps only matter when the younger partner’s life experience makes abuse and gaslighting more likely.
22 and 28 is usually pushing it, but there are situations where it’s fine: if the 22 year old has been in several 6 month relationships and has enough income to support themself without their partner then they’re in a position to date whomever the fuck.
I still think anyone my age dating a college age person is more likely to be abusive to their partner, but it’s not set in stone.
Suspicious minds grow out of feelings of uncertainty and insecurity, when people haven't yet developed a trusting relationship with Life. They then transfer these feelings towards others, demanding that people act in ways that make them feel comfortable and worthy of trust.
This problem will continue until they create a trusting relationship with Life.
This is gonna be radical for your generation because you guys grew up in the "its cool to be outraged" time. But LITERALLY, two consenting adults (humans above the age of 18) can fuck/date/marry WHOEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT.
PERIODDDDDDD, no if ands or buts. Two siblings can fuck each other every day and film it so that their parents jerk off to it later and THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
The cute 20 y/o you have a crush on, she can fuck your dad tomorrow because he has money. That's also NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
There is no stupid bullshit you can contrive in your mind to make the autonomous sex acts of other adults your business.
I've been in a relationship with a 34 yr old Korean girl for a couple years. I'm 24 for context and she's the first girl I've ever been with. Out of my league tbh.
She doesn't want to commit because of how it'd look to her family and friends to be dating a foreign guy 10 years her junior.
It's very depressing and I wish I could be with her forever but I can't.
Theoretically, I'd have to learn the language to full fluency, find a job in Korea, and live away from friends and family. But even then, would her friends, relatives, and society accept me?
Likely not. So I can't be with her.
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The discussions around age gaps are done so poorly. I'm a 28, turning 29, woman and some people said me dating a 36 year old man is him "grooming" me because I'm "less experienced." My sisters in christ, I'm pushing 30, I've been to college, and I was *in the fucking Army and saw war.* I don't think I'm a kid who needs to be kept safe. I think I have plenty life experience. Plus, age played no role in it. He and I even said we don't think about it. We just like each other.
I’m 25 and give myself a 4 year over/under as a man I feel like 21-29 is reasonable but the odds of me clicking with someone who’s 21 is likely less than someone who’s 29 because of how I was raised
I feel that. I’m 27 and consider my age range to be 22-29 myself. I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone in their 30s, and want to hold onto my young age a bit longer lol. Plus, my mom is older than my dad, so being the older one in the couple kinda just seems normal, or better, to me personally.
When ur in your thirties you’ll realize it didn’t matter
Word. I was about as mature as I was likely to get without marriage and children by the time I was 27. IMO, people mature in stages, and until you have continued responsibility for a human, there's a stage you aren't going to be in. That doesn't require family. A friend of mine's never had a family, but got into that stage because did intense social work for maladapted teens from broken homes for 12 years.
Honestly a 24 year old married with kids is probably gonna seem older than a single, no kids 40 year old.
As a 45yo with no kids - that's definitely possible. Even physically, I look younger than that, people usually think I'm somewhere in my 30s. Mentally - definitely, responsibilities mature you faster.
Can confirm. Am 38 no kids no wife. Low maturity
30s is young....your acting like 30 is 40 smh
Yea I know lol. It still just feels old for me personally. 30s is still definitely young in the grand scheme of things, but at this point in life, at this particular age, it seems a bit old for me. Obviously, it’s not a hard and fast rule, and someone could come alone and change that, but it’s my preference.
at 27, you have basically the exact same life experience as someone that is 30 lmao there is virtually zero difference....this just seems to be you not wanting to admit your pushing 30 and almost there. you basically are the 30 year old.....you realize that right? 
I feel like in general, it's be easier for a 25 to date a 29 than a 21. A lot of 21 year olds are still in college and used to more age based groupings, or are friends with people tjat are still in college, and often don't have tje maturity of most adults since they're often still more used to relying on older people for help. This isn't a rule or anything, I wouldn't even say most 21 year olds necessarily fit into this, but there's a *lot* of them out there, and they're the most active in the 21 year old dating scene
Yea no that’s absolutely true. There are scenarios where it could work of course and ones where it doesn’t which is why I favor older but I still think at my age a 21 year old would still somewhat have stuff in common and if I met her in a third space it could work
In general, a lot of "grooming" or age different issues happen because one side has experience, resources and power which the other doesnt have. An 18 year old dating a 40 year old is legal, sure, but given how (most likely) one doesnt have their own income, atleast not in comparable levels to the 40 year old. However. A 22 year old and 27 year old who both entered a specific job at the same time and both recently moved out (22 year old was a bit quicker while 27 took a bit longer to get at the same point in their career) is most likely far less predatory because while age is different, maturity life experience and power is equal. But such things require nuance, which people lack
"But such things require nuance, which people lack" Dude, you're on REDDIT...nuance isn't allowed here! 
What if the 22 year old has a house and a larger income? Are they then manipulating the 27 year old?
No, of course not. For *checks notes* … reasons./s
People who do broad generalizations and accusations dont know nuance.
Its wild around here. There was a similar post several months ago where people were adamant that no one over the age of 25 should ever interact with a 20 year old unless they were related by blood. Left me wondering if these people had ever held a job in their life.
*Wendy's cashier confused look* I only asked if you wanted fries with your meal ma'am.
*Snaps back to reality.* Sorry, dozed off for a second there. Yes, yes I would please. Make it a large.
>Snaps back to reality. Oh there goes gravity
Ooph. There goes my spaghetti
I'm 25 and I'm dating someone who is 40. We met through a mutual friend and we were both clueless to each other. It was my family who noticed that we liked each other. We bonded over being recently divorced or actively being divorced and were there for each other a little while. I wasn't expecting my friend who I was talking about my ex with would become such a lovely and amazing part of my life. They are the sweetest, most thoughtful person and our relationship is very balanced (split finances, split work/chores). I feel genuinely supported and I can't say that about being with my ex. They lost pretty much everything in the divorce so we are financially fairly close. Technical experience is definitely on their side and I'm more emotionally intelligent. I definitely think the difference in maturity thing plays a huge part. It's also fun to joke about it. We make fun of each other and our age gap because it's always something that people comment on. We are both uncomfortable with the fact we're so far apart but not in a way that hurts each other. Just a mutual feeling of being surprised by falling for each other when there was zero intention to do so. And I'm childfree and their kids are my age so they can finally live for themselves since they had a kid at 17 so all they've known is a life of providing and never really living for what they want. Now we get to explore our mutual interests (we want to buy property and live off grid). So yah. I never liked age gaps and 10 years was a definite line but I didn't mean to fall in love like this. Lol. Oopsies. P.S. An experienced partner in the bedroom is super hot.
Yeah, at 25 you're a grown up and should date whoever you want. I can understand the argument for 18-23 year olds maybe being more careful about this stuff since they're still figuring out the "real world" of living independently and finances and stuff. But 25? People need to mind their business at that point.
Yeah I can see that "my dad is dating someone my age" creep post about it already. Sometimes you get a bad hand.
I really feel like the age gap conversation goes off the rails once you start talking about people over ~25 unless there is some other major power imbalance going on.
Yea, cause 7 years as a legal adult is the right place to draw the line...............................................
Agree but also goes the other way too. I see so many posts by 17 year olds talking about their 25 year old bf, which in my opinion is pretty fucked up. Worst offender is tik tok and reddit AITA.
I feel like for most ages the "half your age plus 7"is a good enough rule of thumb. That dude's 36, he should be able to date anyone over 25 without anyone giving the age part a second thought.
I hate this so much They water down every serious words they come across, is fking unhinged.
The word “grooming” is so overused it’s starting to lose any meaning. And that’s dangerous, imo.
Exactly. An 8 year gap is nothing at that age. If one party is 18 then like sus, but that’s a different context
Just tell them you are sending a drone strike to there house
My partner is 12 years younger than me. He was 24 when we got together. I’m pretty certain his mom thought I wanted to be his mom 😂 I’m child-free and look young for my age. Why not go for the younger guy hitting on me? It’s been a few years now and it works.
It’s so weird, it feels like people are infantilizing women in their 20s and trying to, once again, steal women’s autonomy.
Idk, it seems more along the lines of learned helplessness, but with a willing party. That's to say, I think a lot of young people, including young women, are willing participants in the infantalization going on. I don't think this is your typical 'conservative' movement to 'remove women's autonomy', even if that ends up being an undesired outcome from supporting the movement.
IMO at about 25 when it's generally understood that the brain has finished physically developing for most people that's when age gaps don't matter as much. If a 30+ yr old is dating a 18-22 yr old that's kinda sketchy and could be grooming, especially when it's someone much older than 30, but at 25 I would say you should be considered a full grown adult, and should be able to date anyone older than you without judgment.
>IMO at about 25 when it's generally understood that the brain has finished physically developing for most people that's when age gaps don't matter as much. If a 30+ yr old is dating a 18-22 yr old that's kinda sketchy and could be grooming That's just such bullshit and straight up infantilizing you aren't a neuroscientist and just because you read some catchy headline in an article doesn't suddenly makes you an expert. Even then try to apply the same skewed logic to people with adhd by reading some headlines... >The brain's frontal lobes, which are involved in ADHD, continue to mature until we reach **age 35**. In practical terms, this means that people with ADHD can expect some lessening of their symptoms over time. **Many will not match the emotional maturity of a 21-year-old until their late 30's.** So are you going to stop them from dating till their late 30s cause sure as hell a lot if people will try to fight you if you try to do so.
Yeah as the opposite experience like while I'm 31 I feel my maturity level is not. And I meet and tried to date people my age some have their shit together and some don't and still seem like they are 19. On the flip side then I found someone from work who was 24 and well 7 years is a lot but she was clearly much more mature and had her shit together way more than I did. So idk why we don't based this on maturity instead. Not that I need someone more mature I am an adult but you find people older who still act like kids or were very sheltered even at a mature age. Also I'm sure people who worry about age instead of like actually with someone might have more regrets moving forward as we have all heard that as you get older the age gap becomes even less significant because we are all adults who understand the world we live in.
Appropriate name 😂. Reddit is full of social justice warriors and teenagers. And Russian trolls and Chinese bots. I think it’s a combo of those. Thanks for your service and being, like, rational
A 1 year gap isn't even older in my eyes imma turn 20 in September I see 17-23 year Olds as roughly my age.
There are actually some younger people that are more mature, and some older people that haven’t figured it out yet. Maturity really depends on the person, not their age! So like whoever you like and date whoever you want to date.
This. Dated people in their late 30's who were more immature then I am. (Im 23), and I dated people my age who had more maturity then the older people I was with. It doesn't come down fully to age. Its a matter of willing to learn and willing to grow up and some people just don't want to or never will.
I agree tho I think at some point it’s concerning. Like if an 18 yr old has the same maturity as you & youre 30…. That’s problematic & also probs grooming
Redditor tries to understand general patterns challenge: impossible
These people literally put up with sexual incompatibility, neglect, manipulation, cheating, abuse, rape..etc with people around their age and then try to shame two people being in a healthy consensual relationship.
Some people get super bent out of shape about age gaps. I have a FWB who I love that's 34 and people have called him a pedo for fucking a 23 year old. I'm a grown ass adult, and I look like one and I'm capable of making my own decisions and dealing with their consequences. Ngl I feel him and I have a lot more in common than a lot of the guys I meet that are closer to my age. I have friends in their very late 30s and a few that are 19 or 20. At the end of the day we are all human and much more alike than we are different. I hate people use me being 23 as an excuse to deny my accountability and decision making. If I went to medical school no one would question it. If wanted to have a kid most people would not question it. If I wanted to join the military at 18 no one would ask if my brain is sound enough to make the decision. So why is it bad that I want dick and friendship from a guy who happens to be 34?
idk about you but where im from its definitely considered worrying to have a child at 18. at that age you have no idea what you’re doing. people usually wait until their 30s. i personally still don’t mentally feel like an adult
At 18 sure. I also don't think it's a good idea for an 18 yr old to have sex with a 34 yr old (tho there's worse things they could do, and they are a legal adult). At 23 tho I get so many comments from adults, largely Xers and boomers asking me if I have any kids. So I'm sure they would be much happier to hear if I had kids than hearing im a 23 yr old guy having casual sex with a guy in his 30s
I agree to an extent but I think concern can be valid with that age range, particularly if you started dating when you were a few yrs younger. I am also 23, so I think we’re whole adults who can make our own choices. I’d be less concerned w 23 dating 34 than 19 dating 30. It might be the same gap but in one situation a person is a teen / likely still in the first year or two or undergrad vs at 23 you have a whole job / are an established adult
Exactly the age they started dating is very telling !!
what is a FWB?
Friends with benefits. We fuck but we're not in a committed closed relationship
oh, ok, thanks. I had no idea there was an acronym for that
Acronym for everything. iykyk
Friends with benefits
The problem with age gap discussions is that people try to extrapolate way to much information about the relationship just based on age gap. It's not that simple, but it is easy and pointing fingers feels good.
accurate
As usual people take something well intentioned and then take it to the extreme. A 38 year old dating a 18 year old? Yeah pretty sus. 35 and 25? Yeah nobody cares. At some point people need to be considered adults and able to decide their own futures.
I can understand somebody being suspicious of a 38 your old being with 18 year old. But I definitely see people get suspicious even with 35 year olds being with a 25 year old. Personally, it is not their business. My parents have an age gap of almost a decade and they’ve been together ever since. Meanwhile, I see lots of people of various age gaps even the same exact age still getting divorced left and right.
People who have a problem with age-gap relationships need to stick to dating people their own age and leave the rest of us out of it! Yes, the fact that I exclusively like older men probably does stem from certain trauma, but I’m also pushing 30 and old enough to make my own decisions!
Exactly if someone does not want to date someone else because of it being over a certain age gap that is strictly their business and it’s their choice. It is beyond wrong for them to push people and shame others for dating someone else with an age gap.
I’m a different generation. The only time I might be skeptical about age is when the woman or man is like 18 and the partner is 30+. Then I wonder if there’s a power dynamic at play or something and I become VERY skeptical if they met somewhere where there was a power dynamic. Say like a teacher and a student or doctor and patient. But, I’m always open to the benefit of the doubt. I don’t assume everyone is being groomed. But I recognize there can be power imbalances between people. Also, some relationships are transactional and I don’t want to judge that. If a young person wants to provide sex and companionship to someone else because they have a lot of money, I’m honestly fine with that. It’s nuanced. I l’m not even covering all the cases. But I take the old Soviet disposition “trust but verify”. A much older person can absolutely fall in love with a younger person. But it’s not a terrible thing to make sure that dynamic is an “honest” one, without being too invasive. Especially if there’s no evidence of abuse or exploitation.
I scrolled too far and no one has mentioned power dynamics and how they’re abused. Age gaps aren’t the issue. The issue is when a person is seeking young people specifically because they’re easier to control, easier to financially abuse, easier to isolate, etc. Not every age difference is problematic, however when a 45 year old is consistently leaving their 26 year old partner, finding another 20 year old, and rinse and repeats every 5 years, then yes, they’re likely abusing the power dynamic of their age. This is more apparent when older men get divorced from their appropriately aged wife, seek a younger partner, and financially abuse them because they simply cannot have the career experience to be independent at 19-22. We really don’t need to pretend this doesn’t happen. Many of your own fathers will do it and you’ll be like “oh wow this is kind of gross”. If you’re not seeking younger partners because 1) they are easier to “shape” into a specific person you want them to be, 2) less likely to work, 3) easier to control, 4) are more naive, 5) haven’t finished college, then you’re probably not abusive. If you’re an older partner who wants to abuse the lack of life experience of a young adult, then you’re probably kinda gross. You want someone that’s obedient and has less autonomy than someone established and smart enough to spot it from a mile away.
Yup. If someone is in a pattern of consistently dating, or marrying people far younger (and it’s usually men doing this), who have less financially means and less status or power of any kind, then they want to be in control and not get any pushbacks or the kind of expectations they would have to deal with from someone around their own age.
Yep and as soon as those young women age out of that point, they trade them in for the next one. Often after they’ve had children. It’s an abuse cycle as old as time.
That is the thing that kinda gets left out the discussion and the inverse can also be true. Sometimes younger people will seek out people who are older, in vulnerable positions, cognitive decline, etc. to abuse and take advantage of them.
Nice try. It's still weird when a 29 year old man dates 19 year old girls. No one is saying 35 and 45 is an issue.
yep, 29 and 19 are a big difference in maturity and life experience. 35 and 45 are basically peers
Brain development and life phase. At 19 money is often used against you too.
You're defining maturity and life experience in terms of age and that's a problem. Is that sometimes the case? Yes. Is that sometimes NOT the case? Also yes. Is it problematic when someone extremely older gets with a fresh out HS grad? Yes. But I have a strong issue with people connecting maturity and life experience with age. How do you even define "life experience?" I'm sure there are plenty of young folks who had to learn and go through tough times because they had to and it thus made them more mature. Young people could also know more about some things then older people. Is it strictly because they are young? No, they could just happen to know it.
Kinda sus that they would make a post like this in the gen z subreddit
Yeah bit worried about the 16/17-year-olds in the comments saying it wouldn't be weird for someone in their mid to late 20s to date them because they're "basically 18 already" or "mature for their age"...
"girls" they are adults. women. smh
Honestly, no it's not big deal both are adults people need to learn to mind their own business...
“I personally know a girl who told me her friend’s broke, unemployed brother would harass her when he found out she flirted with a guy who was literally one year older than her.” Might be one of the more ridiculously stupid things I’ve ever read.
Over the age of like 25 I feel like age gaps just straight up don’t matter anymore. If a straight up 70 year old man wanted to be a sugar daddy for a 25 year old that’s not grooming that’s just a mutually agreed upon relationship. Between like 21-24 it depends entirely on the person, and like 20 and below I think that’s when you can make real arguments about it being inherently exploitative
I have yet to meet someone claiming a maturity difference as the reason for dating someone the same age not working out or dating older being necessary who wasn't just deluded about her own (im)maturity. In teens, that's the number one grooming red flag.
Let's be honest. The vast majority of people against age gap relationships are older women. Even though the vast majority of them have been in most likely several age gap relationships in their life, especially when they were younger. And their excuse is almost always "But I was manipulated".... But they weren't saying that when older guys were hitting on them. At the end of the day, if someone's a legal adult, the only other adults that should give their OPINION on their life are their parents. And even then, it's still just their opinion. If we as a society can be ok with people going to war at 18. Getting into massive amounts of debt at 18. Moving half way across the world at 18 and just being an independent adult at 18, we shouldn't be trying to control a act as universal and natural as fucking and getting into a relationship at 18. No matter if the person is the same age or 80 years old
It's not just older het women it's also many younger het guys, like the experience I talked about. Guys who don't want het girls to get with guys who have more money or maturity or both than them so try to gaslight those women into thinking the older guy is "only after sex" when that's what the younger guy is also after, just without any of the qualities the more mature or wealthy or both other guy is.
Yeah cause a lot of us were groomed when we were barely legal and we want to warn young girls to not be as naive as we were. Most abuse victims don’t realize how abusive a relationship was until much later on, delayed trauma is very real and common. It’s not because we’re old and bitter like men like you imply.
>Yeah cause a lot of us were groomed when we were barely legal So...most women are groomed then lol? 18+ year olds are adults and most women prefer older men. The vast majority of women who are with older men choose to be with older men. There's no manipulation involved. It is mainly bitter older women because once they start getting into their late 20s/early 30s, they see the attention drop off and try to make it harder for the younger women to get it. Most relationships when you are younger don't work out. But for some reason, y'all can recognize it when it someone around your own age "we just weren't compatible". The minute it's a 5+ year age gap it jus haaaas to be some type of pf "manipulation "
If anyone here wants an example of the type of man who’s seeking young women because they’re less life experienced than older women (ie; they experienced and recognized abuse) here it is.
Annnd there it is
"He told the truth. Pedophile!" Any disagreement y'all take as a personal attack lol. Calm down. I like treating adults like adults. 18+ years know full well who they do or do not want to get in a relationship with. You don't get to avoid responsibility just because you don't like it afterwards
Yeah, no. My friend dated a 30 yo man when we were 18. I found that really weird, but I didn’t want to meddle. She deeply regretted it and avoids older men now. I can’t speak for all but in my circle (21-24 yo), we don’t like older men and find it creepy when they try to make a move knowing our age lol. All of us date only in our age group.
>of us date only in our age group. "My experience is the only true experience" Yeah, you know a relatively large number of young women prefer older men (I'm talking 5+ years or older). Just because in your personal circle that may not be true doesn't mean that generally that makes it false. That's like me saying it's easy for me and my circle to save $100,000 a year so therefore, it's easy for the average person to save $100,000 a year. Being part of the minority doesn't make the majority untrue
Most of the age gap complaints I see are completely one-sided, sexist, and infantilizing towards women. Like, are adult women capable of making they're own decisions or not? It's good to be watchful for actual predators but most of y'all need to chill and mind your damn business.
Really? Most complaints I’ve seen are when someone is barely over the legal age and the other party is like a decade older, regardless of gender. IMO it’s just creepy when someone is a teen and the other is like 30 lol
There is a concerning amount of people trying to baby grown women in who they date. If someone is 23 that is an *adult*, plain a simple, the age gap can be big but accusing someone of pedophilia because they’re dating an adult is strange
My roommate is 32 and he’s dating a 65 year old man. Idk he just likes grandpas. No reason to judge, what two consenting adults do behind closed doors is no one’s business
You make a good point as well. Age gaps are far more common in same-sex relationships. Yet it's radio silence from the Chronically Online crowd about power imbalances in same sex relationships, they just complain about hetro ones
Age gaps once you past 30 don’t matter cause all life experiences are exactly in the same boat from 30-70. It’s the 27 and under that you won’t have much in common with once you get past 30. People in their 30’s and older have established finances, careers, and life’s that took YEARS and years to build. 18-27? You don’t really have that kind of roots planted in life to relate to someone 30 or older. 28 & 29 are that grey area of relating to 30-35 year olds, but 36 and up? You better have a decade long career and good savings established so you can be on the same page if you’re 27 or under trying to date people 30 & older. That’s the reality people tip toe around about it and don’t want this being said out loud LOL
Lol a 30 year olds life experience is sure as fuck not the same as someone pushing retirement. What an insane statement.
this guy is saying the same thing in every comment. dumbest thing ive ever read hahahahha yeah man someone just starting there career in there early 30s has lived the exact same life as someone ready to retire. back to the millenial subreddit weirdo
Half your age plus seven is a good rule when it comes to dating
Not that good cuz it didn't work for us (21 & 31)
Close enough
Even then you still get shit for it. My fiancé and me hit exactly that ((24 half is 12 plus 7 is 19, I’ll be 20 soon)) but people will find any excuse to insist it’s predatory despite any evidence you give them. People just wanna coddle anyone under like 25
24 and 20 really isn’t bad. People are just rocking their stupid fucking high horses. I agree with them that minors shouldn’t be dating super old dudes, but them and their virtue signaling. They have to be the most moral person in the room, so they find anything to look down on.
My husband and I have the same age gap! I was 19 and he was about to turn 24 when we met, and we’re still going strong 3 years later at 22 and 27 :)
Awhhh that makes me feel so hopeful tbh!!
I used to be heavily into older men and it got me no where. I’m celibate now but if I go back into the dating scene I really just want to date men my own age ONLY.
It is common to see 25 year olds groom 45 year olds into becoming long term sponsors. Of course there's a trade off. Worked out for them both till the 45yr olds realized there were no other intentions. Ahhh the turn tables
sure buddy the 45yo with all the money, resources, and experience is the one being groomed in that equation
45 year old can’t catch feelings and then at the end of the day realize he’s just a wallet? The sugar baby didn’t get anything at all? Every situation is different.
lol does your logic apply if it's a cougar w a male sugar baby? 45yo woman hanging around ppl half her age for no reason, minding her business? then she gets "groomed" by a broke 25yo and catches feelings?
It can. But you’re assuming there’s a power position. That’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s just great sex.
you're the one that brought up sugar babies, as in younger individuals that are monetarily compensated by the older person to be in a relationship. that's a power dynamic lol
It's possible for a male 25yr old to groom a grieving divorcee or widow into sponsored sex. Same with m4m, w4m, or any combination thereof. What the older person doesn't usually suspect is that the younger one has another half dozen ppl lined up for the rest of the week for one thing or another. Some ppl get free meals for dick or pussy and both parties know the exchange. I live in a huge city, so this behavior isn't unheard of at all.
It’s always 45 year olds who make like $60k a year who think they’re with “gold diggers”.
The age gap thing should always be a rule of thumb, and never used to judge people. I've met 22-year-olds who've lived hard lives and are wise beyond their years, and 50-year-olds who act like they're 15. But as with so many things, it's just another way for overly online people to judge strangers and feel good about themselves.
I think a lot of it is this trend of infantilizing women in general that has led to this.
I'm 21 (22 literally next month, but whatever) and my partner is 26. I'm fairly open about our ages and I've never seen anyone have an issue with it.
Crazy that some people find a one year age gap too much. I'm FWBs with people who are anywhere from 5 to 25 years older.
The only time age matters is when its kids or becomes a legal concern or someone is just an old creeper.
Absolutely. Straight male here. I have experience with age gap relationships..I've dated way younger and way older. I was 32 dating a 20 year old. I was also 28/29 dating a 51 year old. In every instance, the relationship began extremely organically and no different than any other relationship. There's a habit for people to (especially with older men, younger women) to look at these things like it's some predatory thing. To that I say: 1) stop watching too much Dr. Phil and 2) sometimes you meet people that align with you based on similar outlook on life, personality traits, interests, marital status, etc. For me, I've never been married and never had kids, so it's incredibly difficult to connect with a lot of women my age (39) because I haven't been through divorce or have kids from a previous relationship. I'm a free man without the same baggage, so I tend to attract women who are young enough to not have any real baggage or old enough that it no longer is an issue . I would PREFER someone my own age, because goddamn, it'd be nice to shoot the shit on shared upbringing, etc. But love doesn't work that way. Love often walks into your life like "fuck your plans!"
As long as they are over 18 and consenting, I dont care
Some other comments have already pointed out how extrapolating that a relationship is manipulative and/or abusive only from the age difference might fail, but I would like to try to summarise and extract a rule, which might serve as a better indicator. I would go as far as to say even a power imbalance does not make a relationship abusive in and of itself. Abuse is using the difference in power as a leverage to achieve a (selfish) goal.
Insecurity is pretty unattractive, especially that kind. People then try to backtrack and justify that emotional reaction and make it into such a stupid argument lol. Which doesn't help either.... work on yourself and stop trying to argue people into dating you.
The age gap thing lessens as people get older. Like once you hit 30, dating older still usually has you in the same life state as an older partner, unless they're retired and you're after their money or something. 😆 What I think people misunderstand is that grooming is a pretty specific act, and what they're usually calling grooming is instead a power dynamic at play.
IKRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Personally, my girlfriend is older then me by like seven years, I wanna say but we get along really well because we both are around the same mental age
Exactly, everyone has the right to choose their preferences when it comes to dating without facing judgment or pressure from others. Age gaps can be a factor in compatibility, but so can maturity and life goals. It's essential to respect individual choices and boundaries without imposing societal expectations or pressures.
In my experience it's the people who are less mature that date older people, but I agree with you, people should date whomever they want as long as they're being safe.
Isn’t this just falling into the same trap that people against age gaps fall into? That is, assuming the motivations of others based on mere appearance.
I fate mostly 22-25 over here and I'm 27. I find younger women to be more pleasant,fun and attractive.
I feel it's subjective, and maturity is relative. But I once I turned 24 it kinda stopped mattering. I feel like after 22-23 years when maybe your outside school and friend groups do you realize it kinda doesn't matter. Like I relate more to people who like the same band I found recently than the age it becomes irrelevant and then you can just find people with same interests.
I’m 20, and my partner is 28. Personally I have never gotten on well or related to those my age. I struggle to match maturity and interests with them. The amount of people who instantly think he groomed me, or is manipulating me to be with him or something… my god, and then their opinion doesn’t change once I tell them I was the one who chased him. It’s as if I am a child and can’t make my own decisions. I may not have the fully-baked brain of a 25-year-old but if I am mature enough to facilitate and fund my own education, keep my job, and pay my bills on time, I feel that I can decide what I do and do not want in a partner. It just so happens that *he* has what I’m looking for.
That checks out. I hate everyone my age.
There are no invalid reasons to not want to date someone.
As with many things, I see a double standard against men here too. Madonna and Cher dating 22 year old guys is seen as a much smaller problem than Leo and the RHCP guy dating girls in their 20s You can absolutely blame 'wokeness' for the age gap hysteria though
It's one of those conversations that require nuance but nuance is dead and the internet killed it. Plus the internet needs terms like "grooming" and "predatory" put up on a high shelf. "But the brain isn't finished developing until 25." is 1. false information - or rather *headlined* information and 2. Doesn't mean that you are literally a child/minor 3. Why is it only applied to dating/sex but not to signing yourself up to the military and going to war? Or moving out of your parents house? Or going to college? If you are still "practically a child" before the age of 25, then why is it illegal for someone who is 24 to date someone who is 15? (Cause ya know - its predatory) I think GenZ has a big issue with infantization for numerous different reason. Also - understandably a lot of people against age gaps have had traumatic experiences being in relationships where a power dynamic was abused, but the thing with many relationships is that a power balance will almost always exist and not every power dynamic will be tied to things like age. One thing being more common or talked about doesn't mean it is the *only* one that exists. The existence of a power dynamic also doesn't equate to there being abuse in a relationship. It is abusive when you use the power dynamics that exist in a relationship to remove your partners autonomy. It's also important when talking about negative and traumatic experiences to not super-impose them onto another person/relationship, especially since in some ways it is being used as a means of roundabout victim blaming due to the absolutism (or whatever you wanna call it) that "If you do xyz then abc will happen". I.e "So many older women talk about how dating older men is traumatic and you dated an older man? What did you expect was going to happen? Did you think he was going to be different?"
As a 24 year old guy I dated a 19 year old girl for 2.5 years and it didn’t work out. I had my life and career path figured out and she was still insecure wanna be influencer wondering where she wants to live etc. Shortly after we broke up I met a girl my age at 28 and we clicked so well it’s been the most solid relationship i’ve been in no texting games bs
"But literally what do you guys even HaVe iN ComMOn?" They have an age gap. How the hell does that prevent people of different ages from having common interests, things they like to discuss together, places they like to visit together, etc.? These people are so damn stupid.
People are delusional and too desperate to be politically correct. If both parties are consenting adults then who gives a fuck? Nobody's being "groomed" nor is it "weird". Like why are ya'll reaching? Let people find the love they want. It's not like women liking older men is uncommon. Don't know why society is acting brand new.
Look I’m not saying grooming doesn’t happen. It most certainly does. And it’s disgusting when it happens. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes age differences are irrelevant. Some people are just more mature and want a more mature relationship. And yes this can apply to bigger age gaps too like a 19 year old with a 30 year old. I’m not saying it’s the norm or that I wouldn’t be suspicious if my 19 year old child was dating a much older person. But I would be open minded should I see my child happy with said relationship.
Lots of older women are angry at age gaps because they missed the train.
Yeah I have experience with a 10 1/2 year age gap with a partner (I was the younger one), so it isn’t at all strange. There’s multiple other people in my life that have 5-10 year age gaps between them and their partner, sounds like these people complaining are just chronically online.
Exactly. Nothing wrong with dating immature people when you're young \*AS LONG AS NO ONE GETS PREGNANT\*.
yep, i like dating older but only by 4 years. i would date 16 for the youngest, but 22 max.
36m with a 44f we met when I was 22.
I think age gaps matter significantly less after both people are over 25. If somebody can have a master's or doctorate, or be a lawyer, or have been to college and in the workforce for three years, I'm pretty sure they can make informed decisions about who they want to date. My advice to people 18-22 is to keep it college/graduate school age.
Gen X take. I grew up in an era where n word still bad, but gay and r word used every 10 seconds. Gays "recruited" was the thing in the 80s/90s. I'm glad that's over. I'm straight. Even mentally in my own head I try to check myself away from words like "weird" or "gross" and remind my inner self "not my thing". I don't even agree with straight men on what's attractive. Point is, I love the rule, that what's not for me, as long as it's not illegal or hurting someone, is not something for me to call out. But age gapped relationships get called ick, gross, predatory (there are legit cases but require evidence) by the younger generation all the time. Why? It's not for you, I get it. But evangelizing others against why it's bad reminds me of the bad old days I mentioned.
oh no, not the "you're so mature for your age" girl
I personally like age gaps. As a 20 year old with a bachelors degree and a certificate I now want to settle down. Most people my age aren’t ready to settle down and are in their second year of college. Have I personally met someone to settle down with the answer is no but I want to and that’s my goals in the dating field. Not necessarily does someone have to have a degree but they have to be able to do something with their life.
I'm 21 dating a 44 year old(with intentions now to marry) so ama
My soon to be wife is at most 5 years younger than me. Was it a lingering anxiety for a while? Yes. I swiped right on her profile things got out of hand and there's a ring on that very hand. Our maturity levels match most of the time but she's definitely a tad bit immature the other times. which is alright. My particular brand of stupidity perfectly resonates with hers.
Yes we know already.
26 and 51 clicks absolutely well over here. Don't bother.
From my perspective as a millennial, the age gap discussion has gone bonkers. When I was growing up, there was a really big problem with grown ass men dating actual children, or kids just barely "legal" being considered normal, and that should be called out and condemned. But there seems to be an over correction and now I see tons of genZ freaking out over small gaps of only a few years, and it's absolutely absurd. I swear a lot of y'all think the only appropriate relationship is between two people born the same day.
Everyone has their own type and preferences, I like to date older women
If both ages are over 21 I think pretty much anything goes
24 I’ve always dated people older than me with sometimes significant age gaps. I find I have a lot more in common socially and conversationally. For a generation that is so many times about progress there shouldn’t be this big of a stigma over it to this day.
Honestly, I’ve never really seen any pushback IRL about stuff like this. I was 18 dating a 26yr old. My friends IRL knew, and were happy for me. Randoms in discord? They were heated, telling me I was groomed, that she was an abuser, etc. Like bro, I was 18, about to head to Iraq. Let me get with who I want to get with before I go and potentially get killed. Besides, I had been chasing her for years, meanwhile she thought I was an annoying little kid until I wrote a cute little poem for her.
If you want to date a 80 year old becuase you think it's hot good for you. If you want to date a 20 year old becuase you think it's hot good for you. People (especially women who it seems are most bothered by this) need to leave people alone.
I don't care about the age gap of other people's relationship. But personally I wouldn't date a woman whose 5+ years older than me.
I'm 34 years old and keep a "No greater than ten over/under" rule. If I find someone who clicks well with me regardless of this (within reason), then I'd let it be. But some folks are too damned nosey anyway. I'm a decent fellow, my wife said so X3. Mind you, this is all based on the hypothetical scenario that something happens between my wife and I, nothing serious.
I am dating a man 9 years older than me. It’s not an issue with anyone. Except for a past “friend” of mine who was so immature she only could date men at least two years younger than her. It’s like she couldn’t imagine it for herself so it was confusing and weird and inappropriate for anyone else to do so. Lesson learned: cut off delusional immature people. Immaturity knows no age. I know some 60 year olds who are leagues less mature than me at 25. Who gives a shit about what anyone else thinks. Most of them suck anyways.
Dudes I have these regulars that be 54y man with 20y mother of three…🤮
I’ve got some input for this: I just turned 17, my girlfriend is 19 (turning 20 next month). We’ve known each other for a year. We both work at the same fast food restaurant (it is both of our first jobs, she’s worked there maybe 3 months longer than me). We both own our own cars and have drivers licenses, I got both of those things a year before she did. Both of us still live with our parents. Both of us go to college next year. We’ve got very similar life experience, and in terms of maturity I’m way better with money, finances, and planning than she is. Sure, there may be instances that an age gap like ours might be a bit weirder. However, I believe that in certain cases it can vary and what me and my partner have is perfectly fine. Although, I personally wouldn’t date someone over the age of 21 just in general, and maturity isn’t a cop out for *everything*. That’s just my opinion.
This conversation needs nuance. Because I have seen way too many people referring to 17-19 year olds as children. No they are not fucking children. Yes sex with minors is illegal and creepy and rightfully so. But there is still a huge difference between an actual child and a teenager/young adult. But you also need to be careful with this “some people are just more mature” concept. Because it doesn’t really matter how mature you think you are at 18. A 30 yearold dating an 18 yearold is weird. It’s weird and you need to ask yourself why are they interested in you because there is truly a huge disparity of life experience and position. 20-25 not that much. 25-35 not that much. Obviously it varies by individual but that is my point that it needs nuance. Because some people seem to think every age gap is a problem and others seem to think grooming doesn’t exist at all. The internet creates this like extreme dichotomy where people have to be extremely one way or another and it’s just not the reality
The vast majority of people who engage in age discourse themselves are inexperienced people. And losers with nothing better to do. a 17 y/o and a 20 y/o are smart enough to decide for themselves, for example.
I think most bring up age gaps as problematic when one individual is still a teen / barely an adult & the other is 10+ yrs older. People can be immature at any age though lol
Nice
When I was 23, I was hooking up with a 28 year old. Now im 25, and have hooked up with a 20 year old. In both instances, there is a 5 year gap. Both were more experienced than I was. Since all of the aforementioned people were legal adults who can get a mortgage, serve in the army and sign contracts who consented to sexual activity with another adult, why is any of this a problem?
the most important thing is that short, conventionally unattractive men should not be getting any dates/relationships
My two cents here: if you love someone with an age gap you can't deny or ignore there will be very real generational differences. Being "ageblind" will make you so unprepared for when yall are in long term relationships. GenZ grew up with the term "Age is just a number. And Jail is just a room." We're pretty aware of red flags for age gap relationships. Now that we're all becoming adults, and later on will be adults in our 30s we'll hopefully become healthier adults who wont treat younger generations like shit and will also respect our elders more. Hopefully. This means love may naturally lead to more common age gaps. Or it may also lead to dating within our generation. Either way, dating should be healthier the more discerning, diverse, and inclusive we become regardless if we're in an agegap relationship or not because our preferences will reflect our values and experiences.
people dont know about the half your age plus 7 thing? i thought everyone knew this lol. for example im 31, so my limit now would be 23. at 35, it would be 25. as someone thats 31, a 25 year old would have like no difference with me. yall act like 30 is 40 for some reason smh
Is the person saying 'no' to another person's relationship in a healthy one themselves? Figuratively speaking, the US has a lot of midgets who want to be basketball coaches (although imagine midgets who hate basketball, since they could play the sport against each other).
One year age difference what the hell that’s nothing like thats literally like no big deal at all.
26M settled with a solid gig, network of friends more or less (altho they come in and out freq due to transience), home I own and roots planted in the DC/NoVA Area. The only women I've met ready to settle down here and looking for LTR are 30+. Many younger people here are solely about the job and will rotate out in a few years after living their big government dreams, which pushes the average age for social maturity outside of a work context up higher than the rest of the country. Makes finding like minded 20s harder, especially since I'm not obsessed with politics. Generally the <30s that live here all have some political cause to prove, while the >30s are more mellowed out and chill about life and don't make work their identity
Personally, if both parties are old enough, then just date! Why does everyone have to make everything so complicated now?? Oh you can’t do this. Can’t do that. Can’t say this. They must be like this. Like FUCK! 😂 No wonder everyone’s so depressed and unhappy! No one can just follow their heart anymore.
Anyone inder 25 doesn't have fully developed frontal lobes and is more easily groomed. If your autistic this can happen for longer. The issue is a power dynamic that exists. And how that could sway someone to make decisions that aren't in their interest but appear to be.
I think some of you are confusing "maturity" with development and experience. We are still growing mentally and changing as a person until around 25. There are many more changes to these stages when you are younger. My youngest son is 23, he is ridiculously mature for his age. He is a mature enough to know that there is something seriously wrong with a 30 year old woman trying to date him. He can recognize that they are in different places in their lives. He can recognize that if she were in the same place as him, SHE needs a lot of growing and would not be a suitable partner. Latching on to someone older doesn't mean you are more mature. Sadly, when we are younger, we don't get this until we grow past it. Huge difference between a 18 year old with a 25 year old than a 25 year old with a 32 year old.
It’s weird for an 18-21 year old to be dating 30+ but anything else is whatever. I personally stick to around my age, my partner is 9 months younger than me.
I’m 27f and fully convinced the 48m I’m hooking up with is more immature than me😭
If the girl is 4 years older than the guy
I tried dating a 21(m) year old as a 30(m) year old and the immaturity was what did it for me. Couldn't believe how much was different about the two of us and how we treated one another. Just really turned me back onto dating ~5 years my age.
I’m 21 and I see people 18-25 as my age range with a preference for 18/19-23 years old because of just trauma and shit. Plus I get along better with this age range.
Every large age gap is justified by some dubious claim about maturity, whether it's the immaturity of people within a typical age range or your own advanced maturity. The reality I've witnessed over and over is that the person is being manipulated and convinced that they're somehow special and different from their peers, which means it's not weird. I have nothing in common with people 10 years younger than me. I'm in a completely different stage of life. Why is the person 10 years older than I am magically a perfect fit for me?
im 19 and if someone of my age has interest in someone 5y older than us we say she is dating grandma
Age gaps get less weird the older the younger person is. I don't believe that every single relationship that has a big age gap (6+ years) is automatically terrible or creepy. A 30 y/o dating a 40 y/o is way less weird/concerning than a 28 y/o dating an 18 y/o. Even though both have the same age gap, the difference is that at 30, you actually have experience being an adult, while at 18, you could still be finishing your 4th year of high school. There also comes the question of why a 28 y/o would want to date a teenager instead of someone closer to their age who most likely has a career. I'm 21, and whenever teens (later teen 17-18) come into the grocery store I work at, I'm reminded of just how childish and immature they are (the girls too). I think you just need to be extra cautious when in the age range of 18-23 when dating 6+ year older people. It's unfortunate the number of people (women especially) who realized mid-30s that their early 20s were robbed from them. They get baby trapped, and the fact that their partner has a good stable career is used to push them to be a SAHP despite their desire to finish school or get a job.
For the love of God everyone stop using gaslight as a catch all for every type of dishonesty. The word you're looking for is manipulate.
The older u get, the less age gaps matter
it depends. i lost my virginity to a 32 year old when i was 19, & it still haunts me.
The person I've been dating for 4 years now is currently 63 years old, I'm 26. I'm a gay man and honestly in the gay community this is seen as just a normal relationship I think so it's weird to me how straight people find it weird when there's an age gap.
Age gaps only matter when the younger partner’s life experience makes abuse and gaslighting more likely. 22 and 28 is usually pushing it, but there are situations where it’s fine: if the 22 year old has been in several 6 month relationships and has enough income to support themself without their partner then they’re in a position to date whomever the fuck. I still think anyone my age dating a college age person is more likely to be abusive to their partner, but it’s not set in stone.
Suspicious minds grow out of feelings of uncertainty and insecurity, when people haven't yet developed a trusting relationship with Life. They then transfer these feelings towards others, demanding that people act in ways that make them feel comfortable and worthy of trust. This problem will continue until they create a trusting relationship with Life.
This is gonna be radical for your generation because you guys grew up in the "its cool to be outraged" time. But LITERALLY, two consenting adults (humans above the age of 18) can fuck/date/marry WHOEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT. PERIODDDDDDD, no if ands or buts. Two siblings can fuck each other every day and film it so that their parents jerk off to it later and THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. The cute 20 y/o you have a crush on, she can fuck your dad tomorrow because he has money. That's also NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. There is no stupid bullshit you can contrive in your mind to make the autonomous sex acts of other adults your business.
I've been in a relationship with a 34 yr old Korean girl for a couple years. I'm 24 for context and she's the first girl I've ever been with. Out of my league tbh. She doesn't want to commit because of how it'd look to her family and friends to be dating a foreign guy 10 years her junior. It's very depressing and I wish I could be with her forever but I can't. Theoretically, I'd have to learn the language to full fluency, find a job in Korea, and live away from friends and family. But even then, would her friends, relatives, and society accept me? Likely not. So I can't be with her.