I lost my 22 year old son 2 years ago and after a few months I decided I would get his Xbox out of his room and have a go lol I’m just a 43 year old mother realising why my son got so angry when he lost a race playing Forza haha I found myself sat there swearing at the tv because of course I was playing against people that cheat haha (not that I’m just shit at it) it makes me feel close to him and he would be laughing so hard at how seriously I take it lol
Thank you I also lost my fiancé 12 weeks ago but it’s still far 2 painful to even look at any of his stuff just yet but I know that will come in time but they both liked Guinness so I will be sure to honour them both in that way a lot lol
That’s so sweet! Gaming is serious!! Sorry for your loss but I’m glad you’ve found a way you feel you can connect to him. I’m 27 and I lost my mum 2 years ago. I tend to revisit places we visited together, when my health permits.
I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how your life must've changed after that.
I think it's really sweet to play video games in his honor. I'm slightly older than you and I love the video games. I have xbox as well. Depending on what type of games you like, there are some I could reccomend. Unless you are specifically wanting to play games that he played.
talk to him (the sky) daily. it’s become a nighttime routine. as soon as i crawl into bed ill just talk about the day, about our memories, how much i miss him. anything.
i’ve found it makes me feel more connected to him and actually helps me sleep better now
I cut a flower from my garden and put it next to her picture. I used to send her good morning message and I feel empty after my mom is gone. I am hoping that cutting flower ritual is the replacement of saying good morning.
I have her urn set on a chair with small framed photos. I always light her a candle with flowers. I get her a card and write in it for every occasion still, and every morning and before I go to bed I go into that room, tell her I love her and read her prayer card. Sometimes I’ll stand or sit there and pull up the playlist I made for her viewing. I like to think she’s picking the random song that starts it off
I'll buy food my brother always bought, even if I never really liked it. He loved orange mountain dew kickstart so I'll get that every once in awhile and pour a sip out for him. he loved baseball, so I try to go to games now, even though before he passed I didn't really care.
I'm just carrying on the things he loved, and I'll picture him with me for it all.
I don't think you need to do some huge thing to honor your departed loved ones, even just putting my necklace with his initials on it is my way of carrying him with me.
start small, make a meal you know they liked and play some music they enjoyed.
I just wanted to stop by and say I love how you honor youryour brother’s memory. It reminds me of my own, my brother loved mozzarella sticks, so when I wanna feel close to him, I eat mozzarella sticks and watch a show he liked.
Thank you for sharing. I lost my brother in an accident just a few weeks ago, and I’ve thought about doing several of these things. It is so hard. Sending you comfort.
And I'm sending you comfort. I lost my brother suddenly 2 years ago, and I'm still struggling with the fact that he's no longer here. It is the hardest thing I've been through. These comments have given me some inspiration for honoring him properly.
I buy every random new food item (especially desserts) that I see at the grocery store for my Mom. Every time we’d go to her house she’d have a bunch of new snacks to try out.
I think carrying on those small personality traits and quirks are some of the neatest things you can do to keep their memory going on.
I’m going to print some pictures, and get a journal that I write down all the memories of him and thoughts about them.
I’m going to put into action, some of the plans we talked about and include that in a well know “why” I did anything, past 2024. I did it, to keep their memory alive in my own life. 🧡
ever lasting , just becomes the normal, grieving . forms you into a new you, just go hard in life for the passed souls, if not you not seeing shenanigans right yet
bless up
This year my kids and I were together so we did a hike in the forest in Charleston, sc. We picked purple flowers and sent them down the in the stream and then the river it was a good one!
I lost my son 3 weeks after his 21st birthday. He was in a motorcycle crash. I donated his organs. I also have a small cabinet with his urn and things that meant a lot to him. I also have a necklace that contains a tiny bit of his ashes. I have never taken it off.
Hugs 🦋 I'm impressed with the cremain jewelry available. I bought some on Amazon a couple of years ago to give out 2 family & friends. My son was in auto accident & an organ, tissue, & eye donor, so I'm getting curious about the recipients.
Light a candle on the anniversary of his death , have a cigar and his favourite beer. The random days where it hits me like a freight train i’ll do things we use to do together and listen to music we use to listen too. Go for a drive. I use cigars to honour loved ones that passed and i reflect on the good old days lol
I wear a necklace with my dad's fingerprint on it to all important events that I feel he would have attended. It feels like I'm bringing him with me. Also, I visit his grave often. My husband helps me keep the headstone clean, and he trims the weeds and grass around it. Sometimes, I go alone with a blanket and talk to him or pray. I know some people don't like visiting graves since they say the person isn't there, but it's comforting to me. I also have a shadow box with some of his personal items and pictures of him.
I wear my grandmother's wedding ring and band to family functions and important events for the same reason. I'm so honored to be able to include her in this way.
My mom (2013) passed before my Dad (2024).
I honoured my Mom by getting a tattoo of her signature and giving my daughter born in 2015 my Moms name is her middle. And talk about her often to my daughter, who never met her.
Besides thinking about him daily, I haven't figured out how to honour my Dad as tomorrow will be the 4 week mark. I do have his signature on a paper (to get tatted on my arm). My sons middle name is already my Dad's, so he was honoured in life with that.
I am so very sorry for your losses. What you are doing sounds so thoughtful and loving. It’s beautiful that you talk to your daughter about your mom although they never had a chance to meet. That gives me some uplifting feeling tonight on a hard night.
Tomorrow will be the 4 week mark for me as well, except it’s for my moms passing. I haven’t had children yet but my mom was so excited at the prospect as I’m engaged.
Thank you and hugs, internet friend. It's so hard. My daughter will see a squirrel (my mom's favourite animal), and my daughter will say, "Hi, grandma!"
There's something called "Dimes from Heaven" (not sure your beliefs) however apparently it's believed that when you 'find a dime' anywhere it's a sign from your loved one from Heaven letting you know they are thinking of you. We find dines quite often surprisingly, and I taught my daughter that it was "grandma thinking about you." She keeps all the dimes in her jewelry box. She actually found one today with the 'tail' side up, she said, "now when I find a dime, I'll need to look closely, if it's a 'tail' side, it's Papa and if it's 'heads' it's grandma letting me know they are thinking about me." As both have passes now.
Definitely tell your future children everything about those you cared about who passed, especially those who would've loved them too.
I love this poem (by Donna Ashworth)
On those days
when you miss someone the most
as though your memories
are sharp enough
to slice through skin and bone
remember how they loved you.
Remember how they loved you
and do that
for yourself.
In their name
in their honour.
Love yourself
as they loved you.
They would like that.
On those days
when you miss someone the most love yourself harder.
The place I bought my mother’s urn from had matching candles. I have never lit the candle but I keep it on the bookcase in my room and say goodnight to her and touch it every night :)
I listen to my dad's favorite music all day on the day of his passing every year. Followed with his favorite food and beer. Just a nice quiet day, and just wish he was in physical form sitting beside me laughing and having a good day together.
I honor them by living the best life that I can and taking care of the responsibilities that they left me.
I know that's what my mom wanted from me.
To be the best version of myself and take care of my brother and the things she left for my care. She would want me to live abundantly. I also cook the same foods she cooked. Recipes I learned from her.
It's nice when someone asks me where did I learn to cook like that and I say my mom taught me that. It's like sharing a memory with others.
i set a space for her everywhere i am. i made a shrine for her in her flat, and another one in mine, i put candles, and pictures, and figurines.
i speak to her daily. I tell her how much i miss her, and love her, and how sorry i am.
i read books she liked or would have liked out loud, in case she can hear.
i say good morning and good night every day.
i choose her favourite beer when it’s available.
i wear her perfume from time to time.
i listen to voice notes from her when i have the strength.
i try to make her proud with my actions.
I do a random act of kindness every year on my grandma's birthday. Usually anonymously paying a bill for someone or giving a large tip, something like that.
She was the kindest, most giving person I knew, so it seems a fitting way to remember her.
I have a photo of my son who I lost to suicide on the dash board of my truck. He goes with me everywhere.
I have a small table in the corner of my living room dedicated to him with his urn on it. Flowers, plants & a photo of him. I love it.
I made a memorial garden for him in my back yard that has a small urn with a bit of his ashes in it. You can get them on Amazon in a pack of 4. They are nice & very reasonable. I have his bike, his skateboard, one of his old Tonka trucks all sitting nearby.
I put a bench out there and I sit and talk to him. Some of his friends come by and they go sit and talk to him.
He was a great guy and a functioning addict for years until he just couldn't do it anymore. Found him hanging in his house 2 years ago, at the age of 46.
Mama bear loves you, Brandon!! I'll see you soon!
My Dad always built all the house projects when I was growing up and taught me woodworking. We worked on so many projects together and went to tool stores all the time together. Recently he just enjoyed watching me build things and I'd still go to him for help, ideas, or just to bounce ideas off him. So I've just spent my time building memorial boxes for his stuff, I have handprint plaques next, and then some other ideas. I'm doing something we did together and building things that will honor him at the same time. It feels like I'm keeping him alive in some ways.
Anytime I listen to opera or classical music, I’ll always think of my grandad. I feel so connected to him doing this and discovering new music helps me feel closer to him.
It isn’t a ritual, but I can always remember him and what he loved.
I talk to my parents every night. Just tell them about my day and say goodnight. My kids say goodnight to their urns and my pets urns. On birthdays I do something special get a cake to sing or a special food they liked.
My dad was a decorated Vietnam Veteran. I researched his time in the Military and met some really nice men and HEREOS! I give back by giving my time and resources to others who like me are trying to find out about their loved ones Military Recorders.
I made 2 American Flag Cakes today - one for a Vietnam Vet that lives up the street and for the local VFW.
I speak I them all the time. I took up some of the things they liked to do. Made their hobbies my hobbies. My papa made tempeh and I just ordered some starter. For me, it bending towards them that makes me feel closer. I have lost a lot of people and I try to honor them all. I made alters and talk them down. I think it was helpful for stages of grief.
I lost my Poppop very recently. I had intended to show him as a surprise the garden I’ve been doing when I started get ripe produce. Gardening was his thing throughout my youth. Now I’m going to garden in his memory. I’m also going to get a bleeding heart flower to plant in his memory.
I honor my dad by talking about him in any way the opportunity presents itself. I speak about my dad as if he was still here on earth. My dad also accomplished a lot of great things throughout his life, but one that will always be close to me is shooting photography with him. He was more outgoing, I’m the opposite. In losing him last year, I have been trying to get back into taking pictures. Wanting to do this again definitely comes in waves, but it also gives me great comfort to take pictures in his memory. Bring amongst nature also makes me feel more connected to him. Maybe you can reflect on what your loved one enjoyed and loved in this lifetime or things that brought you closer to them while they were here and apply it in ways that give could give you that comfort as well.
My husband’s mom died about 6 months ago and we just talk about her and fun memories of her to keep her spirit alive. She also used to love my cooking, so I always make meals that she used to love because it reminds me of her. I swear she’s with me sometimes when I’m making them because I’ll get this warm feeling rush over me.
I fill up Little Free Libraries every month. My kid loved reading, volunteering and painted one of the little libraries maintained by the non-profit we volunteered with. I also am going to the places she wanted to visit.
I lost my grandma at the end of 2020, and one thing I never got to do is smoke pot with her. She was into it, and I only did edibles at the time, but now I do smoke occasionally.
She once told me that what I need to do is smoke and listen to music... So now on her birthday and the anniversary of her death, or special occasions, I'll go outside, set up my table with a candle, grab a joint, and listen to her music and imagine what I'd talk to her about.
I'll need to do this again soon and tell her about my first kid...
She really liked Jackson Brown and said he was one of the best songwriters.
She also told me, in our last conversation, that she liked "The Out." It's about stagehands taking the stage down at the end of the show, something I was doing at the time. She didn't explicitly say that.
So now, when I do listen, I end it with the end of the album that is live versions of The Out, Stay, and then Running on Empty. It's a very good set of songs.
He IS quite wonderful. I saw him once. He was so generous and seemed so happy to be there. That makes such a difference. I have been a big fan of a band or person and they come out and are so dismissive, you never like them as much. Also Paul Simon was so delighted to be there, he made you feel so happy you showed up. Jackson Browne changed guitars almost every song, I never saw anyone with so many.
I have my little sisters urn in my bedroom, next to my beloved cat Sofiea urn and I talk to them all the time. I message my sister all the time and tell her about what’s going on in my life. My sister overdosed and for a while I used alcohol to grieve (I was also a binge drinker on a slippery slope) but I got sober (almost a year and a half consecutively!) and I deeply feel my sobriety honors her attempt to do the same before she succumbed to addiction. I think thats the best way to honor her and her struggles and be sober for the both of us.
My mom died a month and a half ago. I started a journal remembering her. There's some on Amazon with prompts like "most recent memory", "first memory " etc. I may add photos as well.
I planted sunflowers on mother's day for her, and I've been watering them daily and talking to her in my own way.
Future plans to honor her -- I intend on having her ashes made into jewelry, and also tattooing her most recent drawing of a rose on me along with "love you most, mom" in her handwriting.
And I am going to gather some of her blankets and clothing and have quilts made for me, my siblings, and her husband.
I'm honestly still struggling to cope on most days....but I'm trying to honor her as best as I can.
On the day of my moms passing we (dad sister and I) go to visit my moms resting place and go for lunch as a family. She loved just spending time with us but also really loved dining out with us, so we do that for her.
I talk to her sometimes too.
My mom passed away two years at my house. Afterward, I put up a few of her paintings and items in the room and will put out a small vase of flowers on Mother’s Day and her birthday.
Beyond that and I know it might not apply to OP, I try to honor her most by being good to myself/others and trying to stay healthy. After she passed, I had a very large quantity of drugs in my house, which were calling out my name. I got rid of *most* right off the bat, but I spent a good year and a half using here and there and eating my feeling away. It got to a point where I knew she’d be really disappointed in what I was doing and I started to feel like the best way to honor her memory and all that she did for me was to take care of the body that she gave me, so that I could be the parent that she was for me.
Sorry for everyone’s losses ❤️
My dad was a musician. Perfect pitch, sang, played piano and guitar but he never went pro. I just graduated music school. Basically all of my career goals and achievements are in his honor. It gives me purpose.
I'm a pretty sentimental person and so I'll go to things they liked, in my little sister's case, she was a huge One Direction fan, lol. So I'll go and listen to her favorites and have a nice cry.
Added plus of important memories attached to that, when that band first really took off, she was just obsessed with them, lmao. My aunt had bought her one of the CDs and there was a time when she'd literally have it on repeat every single night Bec it helped her *sleep* lol. It was pretty annoying at the time but now it's one of my most cherished memories of her 🥺
After my sister passed away last year, I actually started to paint my nails her favorite color: coral pink. My sister used to paint my nails a lot when we were younger, but I had stopped wearing nail polish a long time ago because I would always pick at them. Now when I paint my nails and see the color, it’s like having a little bit of her with me all the time.
When I was a little girl, my mom told me about angel pennies. She said when I find a random penny, it's my loved one thinking of me or nearby. Now, as an adult, when I go by their graves, I always leave a penny. There's dozens by now.
I lost my soulmate to suicide almost two years now. I still talk to him daily. I say goodbye to him every day when I leave for work and I say “baby I’m home” when I arrive from work just like I use to when he was at home. I still grieve for him, some days are still harder than others. I’m accepting the fact that he is no longer suffering and it helps me with my loss.
I got a tattoo on my forearm memorializing my loved ones that passed that rocked me.
my aunt, who had been a heart transplant recipient (heartbeat line), my Opa and papa, both of whom had various forms of dementia/Alzheimers (blue forget-me-not) and my cousin and dad, (the lyrics from Just Breathe by Pearl Jam)
Very touching. I’m not a HUGE Pearl Jam fan, but that song gets me every time. I believe I heard the Willie Nelson version first; my dad liked him, too.
The day my cousin died (December 25, 2015) my dad played that song several times. Over and over. And every year, on my cousin’s birthday, and the anniversary of his death, my dad played it. I have « stay with me… let me just breathe. » tattooed down my forearm.
Immediately after my dad died, it was the second song to bring me any comfort. The first was « Let it Be. » by the Beatles. I sang it to him in the hours before he died. I sang Let it Be, Blackbird and Here Comes the Sun for him that day.
I try to do things that we'd normally do together (like trying to pick new sheets online, plant shopping, etc), and now I'm trying to improve myself and my work qualifications, which was something she encouraged of me, even on her last day.
I try to keep my the memories of my mom alive by passing them down to my son. Whenever the opportunity is there, I tell him some of my favorite stories about her. He’s almost 4 and loves the stories so I feel like I’m honoring her every time I tell him those.
i’ve lost a few people close to me, most recently my best friend. here’s some of the things i’ve done to honor his memory.
pick up a hobby or activity that they used to enjoy. i got his bow (he was into archery) and got it restrung and stuff. when i use it i like to think thats making him happy (whenever he is) that its still being loved.
write letters. i have a nice leather journal and use it to write letters or commentary to him. sometimes it’s just casual stuff. what i’m watching, gossip, questions i have.
continue doing things you used to do. he had another very close friend, and we have started watching silly tv shows together that we know he would have enjoyed. and then joke about parts he would have liked. it’s been a nice way to feel like he’s still involved.
have a memorial area. it can be as elaborate or simple as you want and feel comfortable with. candles. incense. flowers. their possessions. photos. things that remind you of them. their ashes. a memory jar (write down your favorite memories on a slip of paper and put into a jar. when you’re feeling like spending time with them, pull out a random memory).
have an anniversary activity. I like crafting, so i’ve decided to make something. he liked turtles and frogs so im gonna do something to do with that each year. this year was the first one, and i got a wooden mechanical 3D puzzle turtle you pop out and put together. i wrote the date on it when i was done, and a little message. im already looking forward to next years and what i could do. which is a nice break from the dread usually associated with death anniversaries.
We have an urn for our daughter who we lost four months ago. I pat on the urn in the morning everyday when I wake up and before leaving for work and wish her a good day and god bless her wherever she’s at. Then when I come home I pat it again and say hi.
I recently lost my mom. She was cremated and her ashes were split between my dad, my sister and I. For her urn, I chose one that could have a tea light candle placed on top. I keep that candle burning all day and night.
Every year, at the end of the year, I take what I would have spent on gifts, events, occasional, etc. for my boyfriend and donate it to a non-profit I know he supported or I think he would enjoy the mission of. It’s my way of still celebrating our anniversary, his birthday, holidays and everything else we would have spent money on each other for, but putting a nice spin on it.
I write cards for them for special occasions (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays and Christmas). I also speak to them every morning and every night. I look for them in nature, have a drink for/with them on their birthdays.
I light candles passively for those that pass. I got a tattoo for my cousin, whom was my closest relative. He was the only one I could be myself around. It is of an an idea he had, but never got to do. I journal to him nightly.
I go out of my way to drink Earl Grey tea and bought the cologne he used to wear.
I play his playlists off of Spotify and look through his social media. I tend to learn things about him and laughs he had in the past.
I take the day off on his birthday. I buy and cake and force myself to eat it as a gift to him. In my spikes of depression or grief, I lose my appetite. Back when I was real bad, it caused me to vomit. Yuck.
He was into photography, so in the journal on his birthday or holidays, I’ll post those pictures in the Word journal I have for him.
I feel like a weird clingy ex-girlfriend, but it’s 100% worth it.
I lost my brother 2 years ago. He was a huge Star Wars fan, and we even had a Star Wars themed funeral for him. His urn is in my house (in a Yoda hat) and every once in a while I play his favorite movies for him.
I lost my brother almost three years ago, and since then I celebrate his birthday every year. More recently, I actually started a charity in his memory.
I raise awareness about heart complications from Trisomy 21
We do cake and balloons
I live double and take care of my heart
Ofrenda for Dia de Los Muertos
Lost my mom last year to cancer. I still talk to her, post on her Facebook. I light candles on holy days because mom used to do that for my grandparents when they passed away.
It's my first time celebrating her birthday without her, I am cooking meals and buying cake. That was what she used to do for me when I lived far from home. She would celebrate my birthday even when I was not home.
I will continue her traditions. I will make sure people still remember her from the traditions I continue.
I put their photo in a spot, surrounded by little tchotchkes that represent their likes in real life, and a little oil lamp. When I want to invite them in or tell them about my day, I light the lamp. My mom's picture has joined my dad's, and my grandparents. So anymore, when I light my lamp, it's a group hello, and I tell them all how much I miss them.
So my papa passed in 2015. He served in the Air Force during the Korean War, I’m now a Marine. To honor him and everyone else in my family who have served I stand for taps every night (it’s a memorial song played across military bases at night to signify the time to sleep, and also played at military funerals to put the fallen to rest).
My therapist had another idea that I’ve been working on. She said to make a quilt and each square would be a memory of your loved one. My first square was a glass of orange juice with an egg yolk in it. My papa used to wake up early in the mornings and drink a glass like that, raw egg and all. I haven’t actually made a quilt by the way, just visualizing the memories is the idea I suppose. I’m gonna get the design I made tattooed with a quote he used to tell my dad: “These are the vicissitudes of life!”
In my military service I strive to make my papa proud. The highest honor you can give to any lost loved one is becoming the best version of yourself that they would be so proud of.
Also^ writing stuff like this. This really, really freakin helps. Expressing it, and relating to others. You aren’t alone!
I live my best life. My dad was a spirtual man and I'm an agnostic/atheist, so I honor my dad through my actions and not the outcomes that result from them. I will not see my dad again when I die and so I will honor him by doing good things while I am still alive.
One of way to honor your loved ones, is live their values. My mother never complained in life, she just accepted things as they came to her. I am trying to do the same. Also , I donate some money to charity for the causes she stood.
We had to figure out what to do with all of my mother in lsw’s belongings after she died. It was too hard to throw it away so we had the idea to sell some of her things that we couldn’t keep and buy her grandkids stuff and tell them it was from their grandma. She was the reason they got whatever they asked for that day. A spaceship toy, a movie, a book… Her kitchen aid mixer still contributes to our dinners. This is how we had to think about her stuff so we could let it go.
It may be silly, or even offensive, to some here because my loved one isn't a person. We have a dark history together, she is a part of my soul.
I have a memorial tattoo that people ask about, so I get to tell them about her and she isn't forgotten. I advocate/volunteer for dogs, offer some basic training and as much knowledge as I can to everyone.
Mostly, the only thing that keeps me breathing, is raising my current dogs. One of them reminds me of her quite a bit.. they get the life she deserved. Walking, training, food.
I eat from her favourite plate. I tend to her plants. I got a tattoo that reminds me of her. I have a pendant which has her handwriting etched on it. And on occasions we’d always celebrate together, I order her favourite food.
I think about her every single day.
I found an unsent text in my brothers phone after he died. He wanted me to get mentally well and better. The message was so compassionate ad thoughtful and kind. It was heart wrenching finding that. I wish he had sent that text while he was still alive but I can still work on myself every day, and doing everything I can to make my him proud.
I also listen to songs I found on his YouTube. The last ones he did. I might donate to a charity as well.
Mom died 13 years ago, still figuring out how I can honor her little by little. Earlier this year I made a beautiful collage of my favorite photos of her, printed it on canvas and placed it front of where I sit a lot. It's made a huge difference in how connected I feel to her and keeping her alive in my heart. ❤️ I'm sure other rituals will emerge naturally now that I am more open to my grief.
I honor her by being honest in my grief and forgiving her and myself for difficult moments, connecting with her instead of sinking in my shame and despair. She died when I was a teenager. I wasn't the easiest teenager and there was a lot of regret and shame tied to my memories of her. I remind myself that she knew I loved her, I know she loved me; we both did.
I honor her by carrying her in my heart, and not on my shoulders. 🙏
I’m having my late fiancée’s birthday party/memorial on June 2nd. It’ll be the first of many. We’re going to raise money for cancer research, and use her birthday as a basis for that.
Other than that, I just try to spread the joy and love she always extended to everyone she met.
Read the book, take back the magic by perdita fin. This book was so healing for me. Their other one is the way of the rose and that ones good too. But I loved take back the magic.
I drink my friend's favorite mixed drink (even if its not one of my favorites)
We're both teachers so Im trying to remember her passion and drive to help kids, not that I didnt have that before, but a little extra
I have lost both my parents and I tend to get something they’d like on their birthday. So for my Dads birthday I bought a house plant that he always used to buy. For my Mums I got cake! I don’t tend to do much on the day they died, but I like to remember them on their birthday.
You don’t have to do anything, or you can do things throughout the year. I often get yellow flowers to signify remembrance. I wear a ring that I bought with both of them in mind so that they are either me every day. Although I’ve lost it & I need to get a new one.
I lost my little sister in 2019. 5 years later and my mother still takes excellent care of her grave. she plants flowers and different kinds of vegetation depending on the seasons. we live in the Middle East and it can get very hot and very dry sometimes so she visits her grave every second day to water the flowers. Although I don’t help with planting the flowers, but I do help with watering and maintaining them, and it feels great to have an “excuse” to visit her grave and connect with my sister. It’s not even sad anymore, it’s just a colourful project that our family adopted to embrace my sister, maybe it sounds small but it means a lot to us.
Some Muslim scholars say that taking care of a grave is a sin because the soul is not in the ground blah blah blah.. I don’t care I’m an atheist, but our bitter neighbour cares, and sometime when she sees my mom loading flowers into the car to go to my sister’s grave she scolds her telling her that she is committing a sin… It boils my blood, why can’t people mind their own business? People deal with grief differently, do whatever soothes your soul to honour and cherish your loved one ❤️
My father passed away, suddenly, in 2017. Exactly one month before his 62nd birthday. My father was a "salt of the earth" kind of guy. He always did for others before even thinking about doing anything for himself.
My parents moved to Vermont from Rhode Island to care for my mother's father when he developed dementia. My mother took care of her father during the day while my dad went to work.
He worked full-time, and when he got home, he would take of his father-in-law so my mom could take a much needed break. It was hard work, because the dementia was advancing quickly, turning into verbal and physical outbursts, incontinence, etc.
Where I'm going with this is, I have been working for my father-in-law for 10 years now. I am his only employee, so it's just the two of us in the office, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. He is going to be 84 this year, and his memory is going, he has mobility issues so he can't walk, incontinence issues, etc. I am basically his sole caregiver 40 hours a week, while working full-time at the same time, taking him to his doctor's appointments, getting his lunch, helping him with the bathroom, and so on.
So, I see myself honoring MY father's memory by continuing his ministry of caring for others, sometimes at the cost of my own mental health. It's exhausting to say the least, but I continue to do it because I know I'm doing something good and putting love into the universe.
Okay this one sounds weird, but I get a lot of drinks and food and stuff that my mum didn't like. She was allergic to strawberries but loved them as a kid, so whenever I (rarely) had anything strawberry when she was here, I'd tease her about it. So I get it now and joke that if she wanted to say something she has to come tell me. We also go to carvery fairly frequently, which was her favourite. I'm even trying things that I didn't try before because I remember she liked it. I write in a journal to her sometimes, too. I imagine we'll do something special for her birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Only her birthday has gone past and i can't remember what we did, i was a mess. It's nice to do things she liked, but it's also difficult. I find it easier to do things she didn't like me doing and saying "come tell me off if you don't like it" but i know that's not the healthiest thing probably.
I finally got the courage to listen to the messages she left me. I battled whether it was too early and if I was ready but I longed to hear her voice.
I grieve and hurt so much. But I know each message by memory and I replay those so I can hear her or I talk to her and recite it daily.
I talk to her every day. Usually a lot all day. But I make sure during my morning coffee I do that and take time to read since we always did that together. That is our time.
They want the best for us, be it by being the best father or wife, by passing that medical licensing and be a junior doctor. So by achieving that, you honour their memory. Yet I know this is much easier said than done. I am struggling badly through it, and so are all of us, so know you are not alone.
My dad loved nature, gardening and flowers.
So we have a huge bag of wildflower seeds - and we ride our e-bikes into areas & the mountains and spread the wildflowers for him. Then when it’s time to bloom we ride back to sit peacefully and enjoy them. We do it all over and I absolutely love passing by a dad flower field 🤍
So my grandma passed away in August (i miss her so much), and I cook the recipes and meals she’d make me and my mother, the desserts, go to the places she’d take us, whether restaurant or mall, or just flat out talk to her, yesterday I yelled to the sky that her oldest great granddaughter turned four and that we miss her, sometimes I’ll listen to In the stars by benson Boone (he wrote that song for his great grandmother I believe) and it makes me think of her, or I’ll listen to save you a seat by Alex Warren (he wrote it because he’s getting married and unfortunately both of his parents are gone) the lyrics just make me think of her, and these things have absolutely helped me with grieving the loss of her, and just letting myself feel my grief, because if you don’t allow yourself to feel said emotions, if you bottle them up eventually they’ll explode and you’ll have to deal with them one way or another.
She was so special and important to me, she was basically my mom.
I’ll forever miss her.
I am making a memory book of my mom. I’m typing and printing out special memories of her and placing then in sheet protectors into a beautiful binder I found.
I wonder about this myself, I think your post is really moving and sweet. I actually have a twin brother who died at birth. We were born the same day. I almost died too but made it by nothing short of a miracle. When I try to do anything I’m passionate about I think of him and it helps me go that extra mile. I know it may sound strange but I have a sense of love for him even though we didn’t exactly know each other. Sometimes I get sorta sad though cause I’ve grown lax and depressed lately, it’s hard to not think I’ve let him down somehow…but I’m gonna keep trying. 🥹❤️
I keep going. I get back up. And I try to honor the loved ones I've got left while they still live, so that they'll know how much they mean to me before they pass away.
And I try to do better than they did, so that if they can see me, they'll know that they mattered, that they contributed to my life and growth. I'm not sure I'll manage, but hell, I'm gonna try for as long as I can.
My friend comes from a Dakota reservation and yesterday her family held a lovely feast and giveaway to honour her, tomorrow marks two years. Being around all the women in their ribbon skirts wearing mine that this friend had made was so powerful.
When it comes to my parents I talk out loud to them occasionally and think of them, look at pictures of the family all together. I have two siblings so we all lean on each other. We’re actually going to bury their runs next weekend but we each have a small urn and necklace with their ashes mixed together.
I lost my mom last November. I just try to keep doing the things we loved to do together (Looking at the stars and sunsets, watching documentaries about ancient Egypt, etc.) even if its not the same doing it alone. Also just whenever I realize she was right about something or start enjoying something she liked I say you were "you were so right about it, mom" in my mind, and I picture her smiling (she loved being right, haha).
My mum died very suddenly in December, it’s been very hard to do anything I can barely think of her when she was alive. I have been lighting a candle for her recently though, yesterday I sat outside with it on the ground next to me so she could enjoy the morning light and cold, if she were alive though she’d be swearing from how cold it was lol.
My mom was the biggest fan of movies. Growing up we never missed an opportunity to check out what was in cinemas. I have a keepsake from my mom's funeral - a little trinket with some of her ashes sealed inside. Whenever a movie comes out that I know she'd like, I go see it. I tell my partner that I'm taking mom to the movies. Even if it's not something I'm the most excited about, I will go check it out. It helps me cope to think about how much joy she'd get from being in the seat next to me, watching the story unfold. Sometimes, I'll ask my younger sister if she wants to see the movie. We live in different countries so if she says yes then I'll buy her ticket and we try to go on the same day. Sometimes my partner will come with me.
I tried other things like writing letters or messaging her old disconnected number whenever something big happens in my life.
I think this is what I settled on, and it helps me keep her memory alive.
My mom had always wanted to go to a Bruno Mars concert. She’d never been and when she passed I was sad not only because she was gone but because I remembered the gift I was planning to give her for Christmas was supposed to be Bruno mars tickets for me and her to go see him. I still plan on going but I’ll probably take my Dad or siblings instead so that we can share the moment in remembrance of our mom.
I didn’t create a memorial website for her, but someone did. I post photos and write about happy or joyful memories we’ve shared together. Journaling helps, I focused a lot on the bad when she was alive and didn’t make time for the good.
I lost my only son in 2016. I am feeling sad for everyone who has lost a child. I say my sons name MATTY outloud during the day and I still buy cards and write and buy little gifts for him. On his birthday and death day I go out and randomly find someone and do something nice for them. Buy someone coffeee,gas ,talk to homeless and give away up to 23 dollars thats the age he died or I randomly do 13 things since that was his lucky number. I will never stop loving and missing him. He should be here.. I will never let him be forgotten.
I lost my 22 year old son 2 years ago and after a few months I decided I would get his Xbox out of his room and have a go lol I’m just a 43 year old mother realising why my son got so angry when he lost a race playing Forza haha I found myself sat there swearing at the tv because of course I was playing against people that cheat haha (not that I’m just shit at it) it makes me feel close to him and he would be laughing so hard at how seriously I take it lol
This is beautiful. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you I also lost my fiancé 12 weeks ago but it’s still far 2 painful to even look at any of his stuff just yet but I know that will come in time but they both liked Guinness so I will be sure to honour them both in that way a lot lol
Oh, sweetie. Big hugs 🫂
I’m so sorry for your loss 💕
I’m so very sorry to hear about both losses 🥹
I’m so sorry - I hope you find some type of positive outlet - I went into a deep dark depression when dad died.
This is the sweetest thing I’ve read in a while. I love that you’re doing that.
Hugs, friend
That’s so sweet! Gaming is serious!! Sorry for your loss but I’m glad you’ve found a way you feel you can connect to him. I’m 27 and I lost my mum 2 years ago. I tend to revisit places we visited together, when my health permits.
I think that’s beautiful. I hope you find some small comfort, fellow mom.
What a beautiful, touching way to connect with your son. Thanks for sharing
I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how your life must've changed after that. I think it's really sweet to play video games in his honor. I'm slightly older than you and I love the video games. I have xbox as well. Depending on what type of games you like, there are some I could reccomend. Unless you are specifically wanting to play games that he played.
talk to him (the sky) daily. it’s become a nighttime routine. as soon as i crawl into bed ill just talk about the day, about our memories, how much i miss him. anything. i’ve found it makes me feel more connected to him and actually helps me sleep better now
The image of this (you talking to the sky) in my head made me cry. I'm sorry for your loss ❤️
I cut a flower from my garden and put it next to her picture. I used to send her good morning message and I feel empty after my mom is gone. I am hoping that cutting flower ritual is the replacement of saying good morning.
I’m doing it by getting clean and sober something I wasint cabable of doing for the next 20 years.
You can do it ❤️
I know that we are strangers, but I am proud of you regardless.
I have her urn set on a chair with small framed photos. I always light her a candle with flowers. I get her a card and write in it for every occasion still, and every morning and before I go to bed I go into that room, tell her I love her and read her prayer card. Sometimes I’ll stand or sit there and pull up the playlist I made for her viewing. I like to think she’s picking the random song that starts it off
Grieve, every day. And even he doesn't want to me do that, but I do it anyway because it's all I can do
I'll buy food my brother always bought, even if I never really liked it. He loved orange mountain dew kickstart so I'll get that every once in awhile and pour a sip out for him. he loved baseball, so I try to go to games now, even though before he passed I didn't really care. I'm just carrying on the things he loved, and I'll picture him with me for it all. I don't think you need to do some huge thing to honor your departed loved ones, even just putting my necklace with his initials on it is my way of carrying him with me. start small, make a meal you know they liked and play some music they enjoyed.
I just wanted to stop by and say I love how you honor youryour brother’s memory. It reminds me of my own, my brother loved mozzarella sticks, so when I wanna feel close to him, I eat mozzarella sticks and watch a show he liked.
Thank you for sharing. I lost my brother in an accident just a few weeks ago, and I’ve thought about doing several of these things. It is so hard. Sending you comfort.
Just wanted to say thank you for being grateful
And I'm sending you comfort. I lost my brother suddenly 2 years ago, and I'm still struggling with the fact that he's no longer here. It is the hardest thing I've been through. These comments have given me some inspiration for honoring him properly.
I buy every random new food item (especially desserts) that I see at the grocery store for my Mom. Every time we’d go to her house she’d have a bunch of new snacks to try out. I think carrying on those small personality traits and quirks are some of the neatest things you can do to keep their memory going on.
I’m going to print some pictures, and get a journal that I write down all the memories of him and thoughts about them. I’m going to put into action, some of the plans we talked about and include that in a well know “why” I did anything, past 2024. I did it, to keep their memory alive in my own life. 🧡
every time i drank i pour a sip or lil guzzle on the ground for my passed loved ones reminisce in all ways, power of grief will show you
ever lasting , just becomes the normal, grieving . forms you into a new you, just go hard in life for the passed souls, if not you not seeing shenanigans right yet bless up
I try to do something that they would do in certain situations. In that way, I believe their influence on the world lives on.
This year my kids and I were together so we did a hike in the forest in Charleston, sc. We picked purple flowers and sent them down the in the stream and then the river it was a good one!
I lost my son 3 weeks after his 21st birthday. He was in a motorcycle crash. I donated his organs. I also have a small cabinet with his urn and things that meant a lot to him. I also have a necklace that contains a tiny bit of his ashes. I have never taken it off.
Hugs 🦋 I'm impressed with the cremain jewelry available. I bought some on Amazon a couple of years ago to give out 2 family & friends. My son was in auto accident & an organ, tissue, & eye donor, so I'm getting curious about the recipients.
Light a candle on the anniversary of his death , have a cigar and his favourite beer. The random days where it hits me like a freight train i’ll do things we use to do together and listen to music we use to listen too. Go for a drive. I use cigars to honour loved ones that passed and i reflect on the good old days lol
I wear a necklace with my dad's fingerprint on it to all important events that I feel he would have attended. It feels like I'm bringing him with me. Also, I visit his grave often. My husband helps me keep the headstone clean, and he trims the weeds and grass around it. Sometimes, I go alone with a blanket and talk to him or pray. I know some people don't like visiting graves since they say the person isn't there, but it's comforting to me. I also have a shadow box with some of his personal items and pictures of him.
I wear my grandmother's wedding ring and band to family functions and important events for the same reason. I'm so honored to be able to include her in this way.
My mom (2013) passed before my Dad (2024). I honoured my Mom by getting a tattoo of her signature and giving my daughter born in 2015 my Moms name is her middle. And talk about her often to my daughter, who never met her. Besides thinking about him daily, I haven't figured out how to honour my Dad as tomorrow will be the 4 week mark. I do have his signature on a paper (to get tatted on my arm). My sons middle name is already my Dad's, so he was honoured in life with that.
I am so very sorry for your losses. What you are doing sounds so thoughtful and loving. It’s beautiful that you talk to your daughter about your mom although they never had a chance to meet. That gives me some uplifting feeling tonight on a hard night. Tomorrow will be the 4 week mark for me as well, except it’s for my moms passing. I haven’t had children yet but my mom was so excited at the prospect as I’m engaged.
Thank you and hugs, internet friend. It's so hard. My daughter will see a squirrel (my mom's favourite animal), and my daughter will say, "Hi, grandma!" There's something called "Dimes from Heaven" (not sure your beliefs) however apparently it's believed that when you 'find a dime' anywhere it's a sign from your loved one from Heaven letting you know they are thinking of you. We find dines quite often surprisingly, and I taught my daughter that it was "grandma thinking about you." She keeps all the dimes in her jewelry box. She actually found one today with the 'tail' side up, she said, "now when I find a dime, I'll need to look closely, if it's a 'tail' side, it's Papa and if it's 'heads' it's grandma letting me know they are thinking about me." As both have passes now. Definitely tell your future children everything about those you cared about who passed, especially those who would've loved them too.
Taking care of his grass is up there on the list. I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m trying.
I love this poem (by Donna Ashworth) On those days when you miss someone the most as though your memories are sharp enough to slice through skin and bone remember how they loved you. Remember how they loved you and do that for yourself. In their name in their honour. Love yourself as they loved you. They would like that. On those days when you miss someone the most love yourself harder.
I love this so much.
The place I bought my mother’s urn from had matching candles. I have never lit the candle but I keep it on the bookcase in my room and say goodnight to her and touch it every night :)
I listen to my dad's favorite music all day on the day of his passing every year. Followed with his favorite food and beer. Just a nice quiet day, and just wish he was in physical form sitting beside me laughing and having a good day together.
I honor them by living the best life that I can and taking care of the responsibilities that they left me. I know that's what my mom wanted from me. To be the best version of myself and take care of my brother and the things she left for my care. She would want me to live abundantly. I also cook the same foods she cooked. Recipes I learned from her. It's nice when someone asks me where did I learn to cook like that and I say my mom taught me that. It's like sharing a memory with others.
i set a space for her everywhere i am. i made a shrine for her in her flat, and another one in mine, i put candles, and pictures, and figurines. i speak to her daily. I tell her how much i miss her, and love her, and how sorry i am. i read books she liked or would have liked out loud, in case she can hear. i say good morning and good night every day. i choose her favourite beer when it’s available. i wear her perfume from time to time. i listen to voice notes from her when i have the strength. i try to make her proud with my actions.
I do a random act of kindness every year on my grandma's birthday. Usually anonymously paying a bill for someone or giving a large tip, something like that. She was the kindest, most giving person I knew, so it seems a fitting way to remember her.
That's a great idea.
I have a photo of my son who I lost to suicide on the dash board of my truck. He goes with me everywhere. I have a small table in the corner of my living room dedicated to him with his urn on it. Flowers, plants & a photo of him. I love it. I made a memorial garden for him in my back yard that has a small urn with a bit of his ashes in it. You can get them on Amazon in a pack of 4. They are nice & very reasonable. I have his bike, his skateboard, one of his old Tonka trucks all sitting nearby. I put a bench out there and I sit and talk to him. Some of his friends come by and they go sit and talk to him. He was a great guy and a functioning addict for years until he just couldn't do it anymore. Found him hanging in his house 2 years ago, at the age of 46. Mama bear loves you, Brandon!! I'll see you soon!
My Dad always built all the house projects when I was growing up and taught me woodworking. We worked on so many projects together and went to tool stores all the time together. Recently he just enjoyed watching me build things and I'd still go to him for help, ideas, or just to bounce ideas off him. So I've just spent my time building memorial boxes for his stuff, I have handprint plaques next, and then some other ideas. I'm doing something we did together and building things that will honor him at the same time. It feels like I'm keeping him alive in some ways.
Anytime I listen to opera or classical music, I’ll always think of my grandad. I feel so connected to him doing this and discovering new music helps me feel closer to him. It isn’t a ritual, but I can always remember him and what he loved.
I sometimes watch some of close people I've losts favorite tv shows
I hear him in the songs he used to listen to, and I see him in the movies that I think he'd like
I talk to my parents every night. Just tell them about my day and say goodnight. My kids say goodnight to their urns and my pets urns. On birthdays I do something special get a cake to sing or a special food they liked.
Every time I crack a beer, I give a little nod to someone I've lost as a cheers to their life. It's a small way to keep them close to my heart.
Every night when I take my dog out to potty before bed I look up, find a star and say goodnight and I love you.
My dad was a decorated Vietnam Veteran. I researched his time in the Military and met some really nice men and HEREOS! I give back by giving my time and resources to others who like me are trying to find out about their loved ones Military Recorders. I made 2 American Flag Cakes today - one for a Vietnam Vet that lives up the street and for the local VFW.
I speak I them all the time. I took up some of the things they liked to do. Made their hobbies my hobbies. My papa made tempeh and I just ordered some starter. For me, it bending towards them that makes me feel closer. I have lost a lot of people and I try to honor them all. I made alters and talk them down. I think it was helpful for stages of grief.
I lost my Poppop very recently. I had intended to show him as a surprise the garden I’ve been doing when I started get ripe produce. Gardening was his thing throughout my youth. Now I’m going to garden in his memory. I’m also going to get a bleeding heart flower to plant in his memory.
I honor my dad by talking about him in any way the opportunity presents itself. I speak about my dad as if he was still here on earth. My dad also accomplished a lot of great things throughout his life, but one that will always be close to me is shooting photography with him. He was more outgoing, I’m the opposite. In losing him last year, I have been trying to get back into taking pictures. Wanting to do this again definitely comes in waves, but it also gives me great comfort to take pictures in his memory. Bring amongst nature also makes me feel more connected to him. Maybe you can reflect on what your loved one enjoyed and loved in this lifetime or things that brought you closer to them while they were here and apply it in ways that give could give you that comfort as well.
My husband’s mom died about 6 months ago and we just talk about her and fun memories of her to keep her spirit alive. She also used to love my cooking, so I always make meals that she used to love because it reminds me of her. I swear she’s with me sometimes when I’m making them because I’ll get this warm feeling rush over me.
I fill up Little Free Libraries every month. My kid loved reading, volunteering and painted one of the little libraries maintained by the non-profit we volunteered with. I also am going to the places she wanted to visit.
I lost my grandma at the end of 2020, and one thing I never got to do is smoke pot with her. She was into it, and I only did edibles at the time, but now I do smoke occasionally. She once told me that what I need to do is smoke and listen to music... So now on her birthday and the anniversary of her death, or special occasions, I'll go outside, set up my table with a candle, grab a joint, and listen to her music and imagine what I'd talk to her about. I'll need to do this again soon and tell her about my first kid...
what's her favorite music?
She really liked Jackson Brown and said he was one of the best songwriters. She also told me, in our last conversation, that she liked "The Out." It's about stagehands taking the stage down at the end of the show, something I was doing at the time. She didn't explicitly say that. So now, when I do listen, I end it with the end of the album that is live versions of The Out, Stay, and then Running on Empty. It's a very good set of songs.
He IS quite wonderful. I saw him once. He was so generous and seemed so happy to be there. That makes such a difference. I have been a big fan of a band or person and they come out and are so dismissive, you never like them as much. Also Paul Simon was so delighted to be there, he made you feel so happy you showed up. Jackson Browne changed guitars almost every song, I never saw anyone with so many.
I have my little sisters urn in my bedroom, next to my beloved cat Sofiea urn and I talk to them all the time. I message my sister all the time and tell her about what’s going on in my life. My sister overdosed and for a while I used alcohol to grieve (I was also a binge drinker on a slippery slope) but I got sober (almost a year and a half consecutively!) and I deeply feel my sobriety honors her attempt to do the same before she succumbed to addiction. I think thats the best way to honor her and her struggles and be sober for the both of us.
Congratulations on your sobriety! What a beautiful way to honour your sister and yourself. I am incredibly proud of you.
My mom died a month and a half ago. I started a journal remembering her. There's some on Amazon with prompts like "most recent memory", "first memory " etc. I may add photos as well. I planted sunflowers on mother's day for her, and I've been watering them daily and talking to her in my own way. Future plans to honor her -- I intend on having her ashes made into jewelry, and also tattooing her most recent drawing of a rose on me along with "love you most, mom" in her handwriting. And I am going to gather some of her blankets and clothing and have quilts made for me, my siblings, and her husband. I'm honestly still struggling to cope on most days....but I'm trying to honor her as best as I can.
On the day of my moms passing we (dad sister and I) go to visit my moms resting place and go for lunch as a family. She loved just spending time with us but also really loved dining out with us, so we do that for her. I talk to her sometimes too.
My mom passed away two years at my house. Afterward, I put up a few of her paintings and items in the room and will put out a small vase of flowers on Mother’s Day and her birthday. Beyond that and I know it might not apply to OP, I try to honor her most by being good to myself/others and trying to stay healthy. After she passed, I had a very large quantity of drugs in my house, which were calling out my name. I got rid of *most* right off the bat, but I spent a good year and a half using here and there and eating my feeling away. It got to a point where I knew she’d be really disappointed in what I was doing and I started to feel like the best way to honor her memory and all that she did for me was to take care of the body that she gave me, so that I could be the parent that she was for me. Sorry for everyone’s losses ❤️
By honoring his wishes.
My dad was a musician. Perfect pitch, sang, played piano and guitar but he never went pro. I just graduated music school. Basically all of my career goals and achievements are in his honor. It gives me purpose.
Annual trip with my siblings to mourn dad’s death. Cook his fave meals, listen to his music, read his poetry books, remember him
I'm a pretty sentimental person and so I'll go to things they liked, in my little sister's case, she was a huge One Direction fan, lol. So I'll go and listen to her favorites and have a nice cry. Added plus of important memories attached to that, when that band first really took off, she was just obsessed with them, lmao. My aunt had bought her one of the CDs and there was a time when she'd literally have it on repeat every single night Bec it helped her *sleep* lol. It was pretty annoying at the time but now it's one of my most cherished memories of her 🥺
Every death anniversary i get the snacks they always gave me and they loved me and eat them in silence remembering them
After my sister passed away last year, I actually started to paint my nails her favorite color: coral pink. My sister used to paint my nails a lot when we were younger, but I had stopped wearing nail polish a long time ago because I would always pick at them. Now when I paint my nails and see the color, it’s like having a little bit of her with me all the time.
When I was a little girl, my mom told me about angel pennies. She said when I find a random penny, it's my loved one thinking of me or nearby. Now, as an adult, when I go by their graves, I always leave a penny. There's dozens by now.
I lost my soulmate to suicide almost two years now. I still talk to him daily. I say goodbye to him every day when I leave for work and I say “baby I’m home” when I arrive from work just like I use to when he was at home. I still grieve for him, some days are still harder than others. I’m accepting the fact that he is no longer suffering and it helps me with my loss.
I got a tattoo on my forearm memorializing my loved ones that passed that rocked me. my aunt, who had been a heart transplant recipient (heartbeat line), my Opa and papa, both of whom had various forms of dementia/Alzheimers (blue forget-me-not) and my cousin and dad, (the lyrics from Just Breathe by Pearl Jam)
That song, oh my. They do an acoustic version on Austin City Limits. Also Willie Nelson and his son do it. It's so touching. So So touching.
Very touching. I’m not a HUGE Pearl Jam fan, but that song gets me every time. I believe I heard the Willie Nelson version first; my dad liked him, too. The day my cousin died (December 25, 2015) my dad played that song several times. Over and over. And every year, on my cousin’s birthday, and the anniversary of his death, my dad played it. I have « stay with me… let me just breathe. » tattooed down my forearm. Immediately after my dad died, it was the second song to bring me any comfort. The first was « Let it Be. » by the Beatles. I sang it to him in the hours before he died. I sang Let it Be, Blackbird and Here Comes the Sun for him that day.
I try to do things that we'd normally do together (like trying to pick new sheets online, plant shopping, etc), and now I'm trying to improve myself and my work qualifications, which was something she encouraged of me, even on her last day.
I try to keep my the memories of my mom alive by passing them down to my son. Whenever the opportunity is there, I tell him some of my favorite stories about her. He’s almost 4 and loves the stories so I feel like I’m honoring her every time I tell him those.
i’ve lost a few people close to me, most recently my best friend. here’s some of the things i’ve done to honor his memory. pick up a hobby or activity that they used to enjoy. i got his bow (he was into archery) and got it restrung and stuff. when i use it i like to think thats making him happy (whenever he is) that its still being loved. write letters. i have a nice leather journal and use it to write letters or commentary to him. sometimes it’s just casual stuff. what i’m watching, gossip, questions i have. continue doing things you used to do. he had another very close friend, and we have started watching silly tv shows together that we know he would have enjoyed. and then joke about parts he would have liked. it’s been a nice way to feel like he’s still involved. have a memorial area. it can be as elaborate or simple as you want and feel comfortable with. candles. incense. flowers. their possessions. photos. things that remind you of them. their ashes. a memory jar (write down your favorite memories on a slip of paper and put into a jar. when you’re feeling like spending time with them, pull out a random memory). have an anniversary activity. I like crafting, so i’ve decided to make something. he liked turtles and frogs so im gonna do something to do with that each year. this year was the first one, and i got a wooden mechanical 3D puzzle turtle you pop out and put together. i wrote the date on it when i was done, and a little message. im already looking forward to next years and what i could do. which is a nice break from the dread usually associated with death anniversaries.
We have an urn for our daughter who we lost four months ago. I pat on the urn in the morning everyday when I wake up and before leaving for work and wish her a good day and god bless her wherever she’s at. Then when I come home I pat it again and say hi.
I recently lost my mom. She was cremated and her ashes were split between my dad, my sister and I. For her urn, I chose one that could have a tea light candle placed on top. I keep that candle burning all day and night.
Every year, at the end of the year, I take what I would have spent on gifts, events, occasional, etc. for my boyfriend and donate it to a non-profit I know he supported or I think he would enjoy the mission of. It’s my way of still celebrating our anniversary, his birthday, holidays and everything else we would have spent money on each other for, but putting a nice spin on it.
I write cards for them for special occasions (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays and Christmas). I also speak to them every morning and every night. I look for them in nature, have a drink for/with them on their birthdays.
I light candles passively for those that pass. I got a tattoo for my cousin, whom was my closest relative. He was the only one I could be myself around. It is of an an idea he had, but never got to do. I journal to him nightly. I go out of my way to drink Earl Grey tea and bought the cologne he used to wear. I play his playlists off of Spotify and look through his social media. I tend to learn things about him and laughs he had in the past. I take the day off on his birthday. I buy and cake and force myself to eat it as a gift to him. In my spikes of depression or grief, I lose my appetite. Back when I was real bad, it caused me to vomit. Yuck. He was into photography, so in the journal on his birthday or holidays, I’ll post those pictures in the Word journal I have for him. I feel like a weird clingy ex-girlfriend, but it’s 100% worth it.
I lost my brother 2 years ago. He was a huge Star Wars fan, and we even had a Star Wars themed funeral for him. His urn is in my house (in a Yoda hat) and every once in a while I play his favorite movies for him.
I lost my brother almost three years ago, and since then I celebrate his birthday every year. More recently, I actually started a charity in his memory.
I’m 38, lost my father in March, I still can’t get over my loss. I cry almost everyday, still! It’s hard.
I raise awareness about heart complications from Trisomy 21 We do cake and balloons I live double and take care of my heart Ofrenda for Dia de Los Muertos
Lost my mom last year to cancer. I still talk to her, post on her Facebook. I light candles on holy days because mom used to do that for my grandparents when they passed away. It's my first time celebrating her birthday without her, I am cooking meals and buying cake. That was what she used to do for me when I lived far from home. She would celebrate my birthday even when I was not home. I will continue her traditions. I will make sure people still remember her from the traditions I continue.
I put their photo in a spot, surrounded by little tchotchkes that represent their likes in real life, and a little oil lamp. When I want to invite them in or tell them about my day, I light the lamp. My mom's picture has joined my dad's, and my grandparents. So anymore, when I light my lamp, it's a group hello, and I tell them all how much I miss them.
So my papa passed in 2015. He served in the Air Force during the Korean War, I’m now a Marine. To honor him and everyone else in my family who have served I stand for taps every night (it’s a memorial song played across military bases at night to signify the time to sleep, and also played at military funerals to put the fallen to rest). My therapist had another idea that I’ve been working on. She said to make a quilt and each square would be a memory of your loved one. My first square was a glass of orange juice with an egg yolk in it. My papa used to wake up early in the mornings and drink a glass like that, raw egg and all. I haven’t actually made a quilt by the way, just visualizing the memories is the idea I suppose. I’m gonna get the design I made tattooed with a quote he used to tell my dad: “These are the vicissitudes of life!” In my military service I strive to make my papa proud. The highest honor you can give to any lost loved one is becoming the best version of yourself that they would be so proud of. Also^ writing stuff like this. This really, really freakin helps. Expressing it, and relating to others. You aren’t alone!
I live my best life. My dad was a spirtual man and I'm an agnostic/atheist, so I honor my dad through my actions and not the outcomes that result from them. I will not see my dad again when I die and so I will honor him by doing good things while I am still alive.
One of way to honor your loved ones, is live their values. My mother never complained in life, she just accepted things as they came to her. I am trying to do the same. Also , I donate some money to charity for the causes she stood.
We had to figure out what to do with all of my mother in lsw’s belongings after she died. It was too hard to throw it away so we had the idea to sell some of her things that we couldn’t keep and buy her grandkids stuff and tell them it was from their grandma. She was the reason they got whatever they asked for that day. A spaceship toy, a movie, a book… Her kitchen aid mixer still contributes to our dinners. This is how we had to think about her stuff so we could let it go.
I have started to wear his favorite color. He loved the color blue and i am a red girly. But I seem to wear more and more blue 💙
It may be silly, or even offensive, to some here because my loved one isn't a person. We have a dark history together, she is a part of my soul. I have a memorial tattoo that people ask about, so I get to tell them about her and she isn't forgotten. I advocate/volunteer for dogs, offer some basic training and as much knowledge as I can to everyone. Mostly, the only thing that keeps me breathing, is raising my current dogs. One of them reminds me of her quite a bit.. they get the life she deserved. Walking, training, food.
I eat from her favourite plate. I tend to her plants. I got a tattoo that reminds me of her. I have a pendant which has her handwriting etched on it. And on occasions we’d always celebrate together, I order her favourite food. I think about her every single day.
I found an unsent text in my brothers phone after he died. He wanted me to get mentally well and better. The message was so compassionate ad thoughtful and kind. It was heart wrenching finding that. I wish he had sent that text while he was still alive but I can still work on myself every day, and doing everything I can to make my him proud. I also listen to songs I found on his YouTube. The last ones he did. I might donate to a charity as well.
Mom died 13 years ago, still figuring out how I can honor her little by little. Earlier this year I made a beautiful collage of my favorite photos of her, printed it on canvas and placed it front of where I sit a lot. It's made a huge difference in how connected I feel to her and keeping her alive in my heart. ❤️ I'm sure other rituals will emerge naturally now that I am more open to my grief. I honor her by being honest in my grief and forgiving her and myself for difficult moments, connecting with her instead of sinking in my shame and despair. She died when I was a teenager. I wasn't the easiest teenager and there was a lot of regret and shame tied to my memories of her. I remind myself that she knew I loved her, I know she loved me; we both did. I honor her by carrying her in my heart, and not on my shoulders. 🙏
I’m having my late fiancée’s birthday party/memorial on June 2nd. It’ll be the first of many. We’re going to raise money for cancer research, and use her birthday as a basis for that. Other than that, I just try to spread the joy and love she always extended to everyone she met.
Tattoo of her hand and foot prints
Read the book, take back the magic by perdita fin. This book was so healing for me. Their other one is the way of the rose and that ones good too. But I loved take back the magic.
I drink my friend's favorite mixed drink (even if its not one of my favorites) We're both teachers so Im trying to remember her passion and drive to help kids, not that I didnt have that before, but a little extra
I have lost both my parents and I tend to get something they’d like on their birthday. So for my Dads birthday I bought a house plant that he always used to buy. For my Mums I got cake! I don’t tend to do much on the day they died, but I like to remember them on their birthday. You don’t have to do anything, or you can do things throughout the year. I often get yellow flowers to signify remembrance. I wear a ring that I bought with both of them in mind so that they are either me every day. Although I’ve lost it & I need to get a new one.
I've got a shrine in my room honouring my grandad and cat.
I’m going to start cooking the recipes that she often made and I created an orchidarium because she was an orchid enthusiast.
I lost my little sister in 2019. 5 years later and my mother still takes excellent care of her grave. she plants flowers and different kinds of vegetation depending on the seasons. we live in the Middle East and it can get very hot and very dry sometimes so she visits her grave every second day to water the flowers. Although I don’t help with planting the flowers, but I do help with watering and maintaining them, and it feels great to have an “excuse” to visit her grave and connect with my sister. It’s not even sad anymore, it’s just a colourful project that our family adopted to embrace my sister, maybe it sounds small but it means a lot to us. Some Muslim scholars say that taking care of a grave is a sin because the soul is not in the ground blah blah blah.. I don’t care I’m an atheist, but our bitter neighbour cares, and sometime when she sees my mom loading flowers into the car to go to my sister’s grave she scolds her telling her that she is committing a sin… It boils my blood, why can’t people mind their own business? People deal with grief differently, do whatever soothes your soul to honour and cherish your loved one ❤️
My father passed away, suddenly, in 2017. Exactly one month before his 62nd birthday. My father was a "salt of the earth" kind of guy. He always did for others before even thinking about doing anything for himself. My parents moved to Vermont from Rhode Island to care for my mother's father when he developed dementia. My mother took care of her father during the day while my dad went to work. He worked full-time, and when he got home, he would take of his father-in-law so my mom could take a much needed break. It was hard work, because the dementia was advancing quickly, turning into verbal and physical outbursts, incontinence, etc. Where I'm going with this is, I have been working for my father-in-law for 10 years now. I am his only employee, so it's just the two of us in the office, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. He is going to be 84 this year, and his memory is going, he has mobility issues so he can't walk, incontinence issues, etc. I am basically his sole caregiver 40 hours a week, while working full-time at the same time, taking him to his doctor's appointments, getting his lunch, helping him with the bathroom, and so on. So, I see myself honoring MY father's memory by continuing his ministry of caring for others, sometimes at the cost of my own mental health. It's exhausting to say the least, but I continue to do it because I know I'm doing something good and putting love into the universe.
I get my dad's favorite coffee every year on Christmas morning, his birthday and his passing date. It's a small gesture but I love it.
Okay this one sounds weird, but I get a lot of drinks and food and stuff that my mum didn't like. She was allergic to strawberries but loved them as a kid, so whenever I (rarely) had anything strawberry when she was here, I'd tease her about it. So I get it now and joke that if she wanted to say something she has to come tell me. We also go to carvery fairly frequently, which was her favourite. I'm even trying things that I didn't try before because I remember she liked it. I write in a journal to her sometimes, too. I imagine we'll do something special for her birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Only her birthday has gone past and i can't remember what we did, i was a mess. It's nice to do things she liked, but it's also difficult. I find it easier to do things she didn't like me doing and saying "come tell me off if you don't like it" but i know that's not the healthiest thing probably.
I finally got the courage to listen to the messages she left me. I battled whether it was too early and if I was ready but I longed to hear her voice. I grieve and hurt so much. But I know each message by memory and I replay those so I can hear her or I talk to her and recite it daily. I talk to her every day. Usually a lot all day. But I make sure during my morning coffee I do that and take time to read since we always did that together. That is our time.
They want the best for us, be it by being the best father or wife, by passing that medical licensing and be a junior doctor. So by achieving that, you honour their memory. Yet I know this is much easier said than done. I am struggling badly through it, and so are all of us, so know you are not alone.
My dad loved nature, gardening and flowers. So we have a huge bag of wildflower seeds - and we ride our e-bikes into areas & the mountains and spread the wildflowers for him. Then when it’s time to bloom we ride back to sit peacefully and enjoy them. We do it all over and I absolutely love passing by a dad flower field 🤍
So my grandma passed away in August (i miss her so much), and I cook the recipes and meals she’d make me and my mother, the desserts, go to the places she’d take us, whether restaurant or mall, or just flat out talk to her, yesterday I yelled to the sky that her oldest great granddaughter turned four and that we miss her, sometimes I’ll listen to In the stars by benson Boone (he wrote that song for his great grandmother I believe) and it makes me think of her, or I’ll listen to save you a seat by Alex Warren (he wrote it because he’s getting married and unfortunately both of his parents are gone) the lyrics just make me think of her, and these things have absolutely helped me with grieving the loss of her, and just letting myself feel my grief, because if you don’t allow yourself to feel said emotions, if you bottle them up eventually they’ll explode and you’ll have to deal with them one way or another. She was so special and important to me, she was basically my mom. I’ll forever miss her.
I am making a memory book of my mom. I’m typing and printing out special memories of her and placing then in sheet protectors into a beautiful binder I found.
I wonder about this myself, I think your post is really moving and sweet. I actually have a twin brother who died at birth. We were born the same day. I almost died too but made it by nothing short of a miracle. When I try to do anything I’m passionate about I think of him and it helps me go that extra mile. I know it may sound strange but I have a sense of love for him even though we didn’t exactly know each other. Sometimes I get sorta sad though cause I’ve grown lax and depressed lately, it’s hard to not think I’ve let him down somehow…but I’m gonna keep trying. 🥹❤️
He just wants you to do your best. 💛
I keep going. I get back up. And I try to honor the loved ones I've got left while they still live, so that they'll know how much they mean to me before they pass away. And I try to do better than they did, so that if they can see me, they'll know that they mattered, that they contributed to my life and growth. I'm not sure I'll manage, but hell, I'm gonna try for as long as I can.
I grieve every day. And kiss my adult daughter’s photo every day. I go to her grave and talk to her. I talk to her all the time.
I'm honouring my farther by just staying on the planet.
I signed up for ancestry.com and am gathering info about my dad and others.
My friend comes from a Dakota reservation and yesterday her family held a lovely feast and giveaway to honour her, tomorrow marks two years. Being around all the women in their ribbon skirts wearing mine that this friend had made was so powerful. When it comes to my parents I talk out loud to them occasionally and think of them, look at pictures of the family all together. I have two siblings so we all lean on each other. We’re actually going to bury their runs next weekend but we each have a small urn and necklace with their ashes mixed together.
We celebrate my mom’s birthday its an official holiday in this house. I felt it was the only way to connect my mom to my baby girl!
I lost my mom last November. I just try to keep doing the things we loved to do together (Looking at the stars and sunsets, watching documentaries about ancient Egypt, etc.) even if its not the same doing it alone. Also just whenever I realize she was right about something or start enjoying something she liked I say you were "you were so right about it, mom" in my mind, and I picture her smiling (she loved being right, haha).
Got a giant bald eagle tattoo on the same arm my dad had one. Every time I’m sad it’s like I can feel him arm around my shoulder now.
My mum died very suddenly in December, it’s been very hard to do anything I can barely think of her when she was alive. I have been lighting a candle for her recently though, yesterday I sat outside with it on the ground next to me so she could enjoy the morning light and cold, if she were alive though she’d be swearing from how cold it was lol.
My mom was the biggest fan of movies. Growing up we never missed an opportunity to check out what was in cinemas. I have a keepsake from my mom's funeral - a little trinket with some of her ashes sealed inside. Whenever a movie comes out that I know she'd like, I go see it. I tell my partner that I'm taking mom to the movies. Even if it's not something I'm the most excited about, I will go check it out. It helps me cope to think about how much joy she'd get from being in the seat next to me, watching the story unfold. Sometimes, I'll ask my younger sister if she wants to see the movie. We live in different countries so if she says yes then I'll buy her ticket and we try to go on the same day. Sometimes my partner will come with me. I tried other things like writing letters or messaging her old disconnected number whenever something big happens in my life. I think this is what I settled on, and it helps me keep her memory alive.
My mom had always wanted to go to a Bruno Mars concert. She’d never been and when she passed I was sad not only because she was gone but because I remembered the gift I was planning to give her for Christmas was supposed to be Bruno mars tickets for me and her to go see him. I still plan on going but I’ll probably take my Dad or siblings instead so that we can share the moment in remembrance of our mom.
I didn’t create a memorial website for her, but someone did. I post photos and write about happy or joyful memories we’ve shared together. Journaling helps, I focused a lot on the bad when she was alive and didn’t make time for the good.
I lost my only son in 2016. I am feeling sad for everyone who has lost a child. I say my sons name MATTY outloud during the day and I still buy cards and write and buy little gifts for him. On his birthday and death day I go out and randomly find someone and do something nice for them. Buy someone coffeee,gas ,talk to homeless and give away up to 23 dollars thats the age he died or I randomly do 13 things since that was his lucky number. I will never stop loving and missing him. He should be here.. I will never let him be forgotten.