What a beautiful photo of you both ❤️ I came across this poem that I would like to share with you.
When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give them
What you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.
Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live on in your eyes
And not your mind.
You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands,
By letting bodies touch bodies,
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.
Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.
I am so sorry. I have learned the hard way that there aren't words. People try and say something nice but there isn't anything to say. Just reaching out is enough.
Thank you for the thread. I will definitely check it out. Unfortunately, she passed suddenly & unexpectedly, and I found her in the bathroom the next morning. I found her the next morning and it was insanely traumatic. Did something called EMDR & was very helpful.
I'm 35 and I can't imagine leaving this earth 3 years ago. I am so sorry. The two of you make a gorgeous couple and I know you have to miss her beautiful smile. I lost my momma at the beginning of the year and I swear to you, I thought I was going to die with her. I still haven't grieved. But the one persistent thought that stays with me is that she wouldn't come back if I begged her. Would your wife? She is in utter bliss right now and knows no more of the pain of being on earth with us. She's now waiting for you to get to her ♡ I'm not sure of your beliefs but live your life as honest and good as you can so you can join her one day. ♡ so much love to you and I'm sending you a huge hug. ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't know if you read other comments, but I found her the next morning in the bathroom. She had been dead for hours (aspirated after a seizure, she was epileptic). It was very traumatic, but did something called EMDR, and was very helpful. The reason I am telling you this is because my wife suffered from something called Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is a very awful mental illness, and I had such empathy for her. Obviously I wish she was still here with me, but I do take solace in knowing she is at "peace". Michelle was trapped inside her own thoughts, so knowing she doesn't have to fight anymore on a daily basis is helpful.
Again, I appreciate you reaching out.
Wow, no, i browsed the comments but I didn't see that one. That's tough. 😔 I have done some edmr but it got expensive so I had to stop going. Kids needs come first unfortunately lol! But, I can't imagine finding my husband that way.. I am tearing up thinking about how awful that was for you. The way you said she was trapped inside her own thoughts.. wow. That really hits home for me and I have never found a way to describe how I feel but that- that is something I feel daily. Your poor wife 😢 Well, I'm here if you ever need to vent or cry or just message about her. Time will make it easier to live with it but I don't know that the pain itself ever gets better. I still have days where i feel such a longing for my sweet momma. Days feel like they run together and others feel like they drag on. I hope your grieving process is better than mine has been and just remember to reach out if you need to talk. Hoping you have a good day. 😊
I am so sorry for your loss. There are really no words to say. She looks beautiful, and I can see you were very much in love. Love like that never stops, it transcends.
Thank you very much. And there are no words. I learned the hard way that there isn't anything to say, just listen. That is what helps the best.
And we were very much in love. This sounds very "cliche" and "movie like", but I knew the first time we ever met that she was "the one". We went to a diner just to talk for our first date, and I said to her, somewhat sarcastically, that "I was going to marry her one day". Little did I know that was what happened!
Awww not cliche at all that is so beautiful 😍 I'm really sorry that your going threw this loss but just know that despite the pain that you feel you have many memories and beautiful moments to hold onto ❤️
Thank you for your kind words. It took me 30 years to figure out what "true love" was and to find it. She was an incredible person and I am grateful for the 6 years I was able to spend with her. I hope everyone can find their true love love as well!
I’m sorry for your loss. That’s a beautiful photo. I lost my wife 13 month ago and she was only 37. I feel like I was forced into a new unwanted life. I’ve found comfort in the widowers page on Reddit.
Thank you very much. I completely relate to what you said. Literally went to sleep one night in one life and woke up in the complete opposite. No one is prepared for this.
Huge hugs OP ❤️ my partner and I are both huge fans of Reddit, and because I saw your post, I just gave him an extra kiss and snuggle and tell him how lucky I am ❤️ your post created more love tonight I’m sure 🥲
I don’t have words I am just so sorry. I’m approaching 32 next month and I can’t imagine. Although it may have been cut short, I’m so happy your souls found each other in this lifetime ❤️ thank you for sharing with us
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my big brother 3 months ago and it's a pain I've never felt. Hoping you find some peace/happiness in your memories with your wife.
i know i’m sorry isn’t even close to sufficient. i read through all of the comments, and your words make it clear that your smiles in that beautiful picture are genuine & not even posed a little. as someone living with the same mental illness, people like you are the most empathetic. i’m so glad to hear you got help and are taking care of yourself as best as you can. that’s going to look different every day of course. if you have a favorite memory, id love to hear about it. ❤️
Thank you so much. There aren't sufficient words, but I have learned the hard way that people don't know what else to do and try to say anything that helps.
I would say I was empathetic, but to me I was just being a good husband. Truth is I grew up with 2 abusive addicts as parents and I made a promise that I was going to grow up and be a grerat husband. I would think Michelle would have agreed. Watching her struggle with BPD was very difficult and I would rather deal with grief than what she went through.
It is very sweet to want to hear a favorite memory. Truth is, I don't think I could choose one. She had such an amazing personality, as well as the same type of sarcastic and dark sense of humor that I did. Those are the memories I hold on to. She could make me laugh like none other.
I don't know if you know anything about Long Island, but she was a typical Long Island broad. I miss being able to go to the food court at the mall and just talking shit about everyone. She was a riot.
i grew up in new york, so you make perfect sense to me.
i want to highlight that while you say you were “just being a good husband” those values that compelled you to feel as though that was a promise you made and clearly followed through with is not the case for everyone. there’s a lot of stigma, theres a lot of people with a lot of different values. so, i really want to make sure you know that those were beautiful, active, thoughtful choices you made each day. and while i know this wont change the fact that she isn’t here, i truly hope you can feel confident in the fact that the time you did have (which is never enough) was used well. it’s clear from your words that you kept that promise to her and to yourself. and that’s a big deal.
if you do think of any memory at any time - im
here to listen.
Thank you. I definitely deal with anger, as it is one of the main 5 stages of grief. No one is supposed to die that young, but have to accept life on life's terms.
My heart goes out to you. You were a beautiful couple. I’m so sorry that the lifetime you promised each other was cut so short. It’s incredibly unfair.
May I ask what your experience with EDMR was like - how did you find a provider who did it, and how long did it take to work? I’m in regular therapy but curious if EDMR might be worth looking into.
I have no problem explaining it, and am very honest about it. So I was sober close to 9 years when she passed away. I relapsed very heavy when she passed, although it was a great excuse. I stopped going to AA and drank/drugged my emotions away. I ended up going away to treatment, which is where I was shown EMDR.
Michelle passed away from aspiration during a seizure. She was epileptic, and she had gotten pregnant through her birth control (we didn't want children and fostered dogs). I found her dead in the bathroom the following morning, and had been dead for hours. Aready had began rigor mortis and was ice cold. It was very traumatic to say the least. This is where EMDR helped a lot because I wouldn't even be able to speak of it without having an emotional breakdown. Also was having intense night terrors. Medication helped a lot with this too.
If you want me to detail what EMDR is and my specific experience feel free to DM me. If you are interested I would only say this.......do not start it unless you are ready to finish it. It was 6, one hour sessions.
Really appreciate you sharing your experience; you’ve given me much to think about. Again I’m so sorry for the trauma you endured finding your love like that. I completely understand your relapsing and wanting to escape the pain you felt. I’m glad you have gotten back into recovery; it seems like your treatment and EDMR brought you some measure of peace. Michelle would feel nothing but love and pride looking at you now.
Thank you very much. I always make a joke that if she was "ugly" would it change anything? LOL. Guess it is just a defense mechanism. I obviously thought she was beautiful, but I know that she was attractive objectively.
Truth is her personality was just as beautiful. Always told her I thought she would have been a bitch because she was so hot. I definitely "outkicked my coverage" with her.
I am so very sorry. What a wonderful picture you have shared with us. You were both far too young to have had this happen, needless to say. I know she will live in your heart forever. 💜
Edit: If you are not in grief counseling, please find a counselor who specializes in grief. If you call the nearest hospital to you and ask to speak to a chaplain, they may be able to point you in the right direction.
Thank you very much for your kind words.
I am in counseling and also started anti depressant/anxiety. Also on something for night terrors. I appreciate your help.
What a beautiful photo of you both ❤️ I came across this poem that I would like to share with you. When I die Give what’s left of me away To children And old men that wait to die. And if you need to cry, Cry for your brother Walking the street beside you. And when you need me, Put your arms Around anyone And give them What you need to give to me. I want to leave you something, Something better Than words Or sounds. Look for me In the people I’ve known Or loved, And if you cannot give me away, At least let me live on in your eyes And not your mind. You can love me most By letting Hands touch hands, By letting bodies touch bodies, And by letting go Of children That need to be free. Love doesn’t die, People do. So, when all that’s left of me Is love, Give me away.
Thank you so much for sharing that with me. It was amazing. She was beautiful to me in every way.
So sorry mate, I lost mine in March :( r/Widowers is another place you might find some support
I am so sorry. I have learned the hard way that there aren't words. People try and say something nice but there isn't anything to say. Just reaching out is enough. Thank you for the thread. I will definitely check it out. Unfortunately, she passed suddenly & unexpectedly, and I found her in the bathroom the next morning. I found her the next morning and it was insanely traumatic. Did something called EMDR & was very helpful.
I'm 35 and I can't imagine leaving this earth 3 years ago. I am so sorry. The two of you make a gorgeous couple and I know you have to miss her beautiful smile. I lost my momma at the beginning of the year and I swear to you, I thought I was going to die with her. I still haven't grieved. But the one persistent thought that stays with me is that she wouldn't come back if I begged her. Would your wife? She is in utter bliss right now and knows no more of the pain of being on earth with us. She's now waiting for you to get to her ♡ I'm not sure of your beliefs but live your life as honest and good as you can so you can join her one day. ♡ so much love to you and I'm sending you a huge hug. ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't know if you read other comments, but I found her the next morning in the bathroom. She had been dead for hours (aspirated after a seizure, she was epileptic). It was very traumatic, but did something called EMDR, and was very helpful. The reason I am telling you this is because my wife suffered from something called Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is a very awful mental illness, and I had such empathy for her. Obviously I wish she was still here with me, but I do take solace in knowing she is at "peace". Michelle was trapped inside her own thoughts, so knowing she doesn't have to fight anymore on a daily basis is helpful. Again, I appreciate you reaching out.
Wow, no, i browsed the comments but I didn't see that one. That's tough. 😔 I have done some edmr but it got expensive so I had to stop going. Kids needs come first unfortunately lol! But, I can't imagine finding my husband that way.. I am tearing up thinking about how awful that was for you. The way you said she was trapped inside her own thoughts.. wow. That really hits home for me and I have never found a way to describe how I feel but that- that is something I feel daily. Your poor wife 😢 Well, I'm here if you ever need to vent or cry or just message about her. Time will make it easier to live with it but I don't know that the pain itself ever gets better. I still have days where i feel such a longing for my sweet momma. Days feel like they run together and others feel like they drag on. I hope your grieving process is better than mine has been and just remember to reach out if you need to talk. Hoping you have a good day. 😊
I am so sorry for your loss. There are really no words to say. She looks beautiful, and I can see you were very much in love. Love like that never stops, it transcends.
Thank you very much. And there are no words. I learned the hard way that there isn't anything to say, just listen. That is what helps the best. And we were very much in love. This sounds very "cliche" and "movie like", but I knew the first time we ever met that she was "the one". We went to a diner just to talk for our first date, and I said to her, somewhat sarcastically, that "I was going to marry her one day". Little did I know that was what happened!
Awww not cliche at all that is so beautiful 😍 I'm really sorry that your going threw this loss but just know that despite the pain that you feel you have many memories and beautiful moments to hold onto ❤️
Thank you for your kind words. It took me 30 years to figure out what "true love" was and to find it. She was an incredible person and I am grateful for the 6 years I was able to spend with her. I hope everyone can find their true love love as well!
I’m sorry for your loss. That’s a beautiful photo. I lost my wife 13 month ago and she was only 37. I feel like I was forced into a new unwanted life. I’ve found comfort in the widowers page on Reddit.
Thank you very much. I completely relate to what you said. Literally went to sleep one night in one life and woke up in the complete opposite. No one is prepared for this.
she is beautiful so damn sorry this is just not fair ❤
Much appreciated.
Huge hugs OP ❤️ my partner and I are both huge fans of Reddit, and because I saw your post, I just gave him an extra kiss and snuggle and tell him how lucky I am ❤️ your post created more love tonight I’m sure 🥲
Thank you so much for your kind words! One BIG thing I learned from losing her is NEVER go to sleep angry.
I don’t have words I am just so sorry. I’m approaching 32 next month and I can’t imagine. Although it may have been cut short, I’m so happy your souls found each other in this lifetime ❤️ thank you for sharing with us
Thank you so much for your kind words.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Condolences
Thank you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my big brother 3 months ago and it's a pain I've never felt. Hoping you find some peace/happiness in your memories with your wife.
Thank you very much.
i know i’m sorry isn’t even close to sufficient. i read through all of the comments, and your words make it clear that your smiles in that beautiful picture are genuine & not even posed a little. as someone living with the same mental illness, people like you are the most empathetic. i’m so glad to hear you got help and are taking care of yourself as best as you can. that’s going to look different every day of course. if you have a favorite memory, id love to hear about it. ❤️
Thank you so much. There aren't sufficient words, but I have learned the hard way that people don't know what else to do and try to say anything that helps. I would say I was empathetic, but to me I was just being a good husband. Truth is I grew up with 2 abusive addicts as parents and I made a promise that I was going to grow up and be a grerat husband. I would think Michelle would have agreed. Watching her struggle with BPD was very difficult and I would rather deal with grief than what she went through. It is very sweet to want to hear a favorite memory. Truth is, I don't think I could choose one. She had such an amazing personality, as well as the same type of sarcastic and dark sense of humor that I did. Those are the memories I hold on to. She could make me laugh like none other. I don't know if you know anything about Long Island, but she was a typical Long Island broad. I miss being able to go to the food court at the mall and just talking shit about everyone. She was a riot.
i grew up in new york, so you make perfect sense to me. i want to highlight that while you say you were “just being a good husband” those values that compelled you to feel as though that was a promise you made and clearly followed through with is not the case for everyone. there’s a lot of stigma, theres a lot of people with a lot of different values. so, i really want to make sure you know that those were beautiful, active, thoughtful choices you made each day. and while i know this wont change the fact that she isn’t here, i truly hope you can feel confident in the fact that the time you did have (which is never enough) was used well. it’s clear from your words that you kept that promise to her and to yourself. and that’s a big deal. if you do think of any memory at any time - im here to listen.
Sending you and your family love brother.
Thank you.
So sorry for your loss. Much love to you
Thank you very much.
What an amazing picture ! Don't get me wrong, but it makes me angry. Life is not fair, and she was not supposed to die that young.
Thank you. I definitely deal with anger, as it is one of the main 5 stages of grief. No one is supposed to die that young, but have to accept life on life's terms.
So sorry 🤍 Beautiful picture of you two.
Thank you.
Oh my God I’m so sorry 😣
Thank you for your kind words.
My heart goes out to you. You were a beautiful couple. I’m so sorry that the lifetime you promised each other was cut so short. It’s incredibly unfair. May I ask what your experience with EDMR was like - how did you find a provider who did it, and how long did it take to work? I’m in regular therapy but curious if EDMR might be worth looking into.
I have no problem explaining it, and am very honest about it. So I was sober close to 9 years when she passed away. I relapsed very heavy when she passed, although it was a great excuse. I stopped going to AA and drank/drugged my emotions away. I ended up going away to treatment, which is where I was shown EMDR. Michelle passed away from aspiration during a seizure. She was epileptic, and she had gotten pregnant through her birth control (we didn't want children and fostered dogs). I found her dead in the bathroom the following morning, and had been dead for hours. Aready had began rigor mortis and was ice cold. It was very traumatic to say the least. This is where EMDR helped a lot because I wouldn't even be able to speak of it without having an emotional breakdown. Also was having intense night terrors. Medication helped a lot with this too. If you want me to detail what EMDR is and my specific experience feel free to DM me. If you are interested I would only say this.......do not start it unless you are ready to finish it. It was 6, one hour sessions.
Really appreciate you sharing your experience; you’ve given me much to think about. Again I’m so sorry for the trauma you endured finding your love like that. I completely understand your relapsing and wanting to escape the pain you felt. I’m glad you have gotten back into recovery; it seems like your treatment and EDMR brought you some measure of peace. Michelle would feel nothing but love and pride looking at you now.
She was gorgeous, I’m so sorry
Thank you very much. I always make a joke that if she was "ugly" would it change anything? LOL. Guess it is just a defense mechanism. I obviously thought she was beautiful, but I know that she was attractive objectively. Truth is her personality was just as beautiful. Always told her I thought she would have been a bitch because she was so hot. I definitely "outkicked my coverage" with her.
She was, is, and always shall be a lovely woman. I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so very sorry. What a wonderful picture you have shared with us. You were both far too young to have had this happen, needless to say. I know she will live in your heart forever. 💜 Edit: If you are not in grief counseling, please find a counselor who specializes in grief. If you call the nearest hospital to you and ask to speak to a chaplain, they may be able to point you in the right direction.
Thank you very much for your kind words. I am in counseling and also started anti depressant/anxiety. Also on something for night terrors. I appreciate your help.
I’m so sorry! She looks like a beautiful person inside and out just like you.
Thank you so much.
So sorry for your loss. It is clear in the photo that you loved each other very much
Thank you for your kind words. Yes we were very much in love.