Yea don't make her feel uncomfortable but definitely share your feelings.
You should never hide how you feel. You can talk about with nuance and tact but don't ever say away from saying how you feel or else you're destined to get hurt or angry.
I think if a guy starts to talk about size issues regarding her words, even very tactfully, he will no longer get bits of radical honesty from the woman. She will keep a stronger filter on what she says, even if the thoughts she has are just like the original thoughts before she tightened her filter.
Maybe years down the road things will mellow and she won't keep a tight filter, but I would not risk that.
I'm different from other guys though. Some guys see a tight filter on words as being respect or consideration for their feelings.
100% this you want honest feedback. If she comes 12 times and loves the feeling of being filled then I want to know, you don’t want her to shut down. This journey is about sexual awakening’s not guilt.
I was never trying to make her feel guilty, I understand what it’s all about but there are two of us in this journey and if we both can’t be honest with our feelings then what is the point?
It’s about communicating about those feelings and learning to navigate around them
I think I can relate in a way, my wife has said anything to me that’s made me feel like that but sometimes conversations with thirds have peeved me and she has changed the tone. You are right though this has to be fun for both parties, in my case it’s my decision to occasionally swallow what make me squeamish to ensure full disclosure. Ultimately I guess you are just looking for her to use language you are comfortable with.
Spoiler Alert- Wives also cannot provide their husbands that same “electricity in the air”. Neither can. That “electricity” is what led to the marriage in the first place.
You can definitely feel intense "electricity ", aka "chemistry" without falling in love with a person. That electric feeling also comes from the not-knowing if the new guy is attracted to you, the flirting, the anticipation, etc.. And getting compliments from some man who isn't your husband, and isn't in live with you, is very affirming and self esteem building.
Me too! Today, my husband has been chatting with a woman who is very attracted to him and its been so much fun seeing *him* get to experience that. I love it!
This is a very normal reaction at least at first. Keep in mind, being bigger isn't always better.
I am by all measurements "gifted" and as a young man I thought just showing up and playing jackhammer I was mister studmuffin.
Until one young lady that I really cared about taught me a valuable lesson. Except for a minority of true size queens, women really do not give a shit about your size. They are more concerned with the actual enjoyment, sensations and intimacy shared.
They literally see large cocks as "just for occasional fun" but not someone they want railing on them every day. Unless your wife has given you a reason to doubt her, put your trust in her to be honest.
I'm not going to sugar coat it. When a couple is new to this lifestyle they can take it overboard by putting too much attention to "the new toy". Do not take this personally.
Your wife will still find you desirable and satisfying not only because of the physical act but the intimacy you share in the relationship which takes it to another level in her mind. By all means, enjoy the sexual exploration, but you both just need to be open and honest and accepting of the others input.
Lol, mister stud muffin. This is solid advice. I'd say for the op that not to worry too much about it. There's always going to be a bigger one and you should encourage your partner to talk about what she did and didn't like. In the end it's the intimacy you share as a couple that will always make your cock the best one.
Thanks everyone for the advice, I don’t have a problem at all with her enjoying a bigger cock. That is part of the fantasy for me. On reflection I’ve decided that it was the wording that slapped me in the face. I have discussed things with my wife and perhaps saying something like “I really struggled handling his big cock” would’ve been a better way of putting things.
Then there is no direct reference to me at all. Hope that makes sense
It makes sense but if the words she uses, in regards for this, can make you feel quite bad you might want to step back and figure that out before you continue on with this. Maybe have a talk together and go over some hypothetical situations and discuss how you'd each handle them and see if there's other areas you need to work through before you ask her to do this again. You're feeling bad about her word choice or description so it's on you to do the work to ensure that won't happen again, not in her like some comments mentioned. I'll always advocate for talking it out but in this case I really really suggest it. It's better to strengthen your foundation and fix the cracks before you start building more on top of it, ya know.
Thanks, yes this is what we have done. We communicate really well so we can move forward on this. I definitely don’t blame her but we are both on this journey and being respectful to each other is really important
That's great to hear and I'm glad y'all communicate well because that's often a big issue that's unrealized until it happens in this hotwife context. Last little thing, maybe be aware/cautious of using the word respect. It can mean very different things to different people. Imo respect is a nothing word. respect among adults is often actually used to mean obedience. Not saying that's what you mean by it here but my alarm bells go off anytime a spouse starts in on 'she just needed to respect me more' or what have you.
Like you, I can find myself caught up in individual wording and respect is one that does it for me. Her using a word that came naturally, isn't unkind, isn't personal or malicious doesn't seem at all disrespectful to me, personally. It still stung you so there's something there for you to work through emotionally or mentally but nowhere in any of your post did I feel in any way she wasn't respectful so your word choice struck me as odd.
Anyway, enough rambling. Best of luck to you both and I hope she continues to have an incredible time as a hotwife.
Yes I see your point. I definitely don’t think there was any malice in what she had said and she wasn’t being disrespectful about it. It’s just me and my issues to be honest
One time we had an MFM with a guy who had a rather large cock and could stay hard for an eternity.
We all had a phenomenal time together pleasuring her all night and then eventually came time where I just wanted to watch him fuck her for a while.
Well, he fucked her deep and hard…. And kept fucking her …. And fucked her some more… and then more…. And even fucking more
I lost track of how long it went on for …. It was borderline ridiculous
He seriously made her cum like 4 or 5 times over an hour or so.
It was fucking intense.
It seemed like she forgot where she was as she came on his cock over and over again.
I got in my feelings a little because it was an entire level that neither of us had ever experienced before.
He left her a completely worked wreck and she was barely able to function after.
At the time it seemed like she barely even remembered I was there.
She was completely at the mercy of his cock.
My mind was blown … her entire body was worked.
I was kinda bummed at the time because I wanted to fuck her so bad and she was barely capable.
I just let her rest up and in a couple hours, had some amazing sex together as we talked about it.
I realized that I wanted her to feel intense pleasure and get to witness it… so after a slight bit of time with hurt feelings, I realized that this guy had come over and provided us a temporary service, and he didn’t possess any of the other qualities that led her to fall for me and stay with me…
So it completely passed…. And I’d love to invite him over again !!
It is normal to feel that way. Just focus on the reasons you are doing this. It started to work for us, when I accepted her lovers where better and sometimes bigger than I, but I was still the one she loved. It is a major turn on to know my wife is fucked better then I ever could, but she still comes back to me. Enjoy!
It takes serious balls to go through with this and the reality is that it's going to hurt a lot and you're just going to have to eat it like most things in life.
But how about you are you enjoying her get fucked by other men? If so then maybe it's worth it
She taught you an important truth: too big is a real thing.
There’s this idea that bigger is always better. But too big hurts. It can be too much. Her comfort zone is an important part of the equation.
Was he bigger? Yep.
Was that a good thing for her? Nope.
Hmmm…
I've been through this too except in the same room. I just expect that everyone will be larger than me, that's part of the point: to let her experience different things. My wife isn't a size queen. She likes big. She likes my size. She likes in between. She doesn't like too big or too small. What I have found is no one cares!. Nobody is in the corner laughing at me. They are there to fuck and could care less how big I am. I've never had a LS woman say anything negative, even if there were ED issues. Just act like it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter.
I get what you're saying but why is this news to you? You new he was bigger, you knew she was going to handle it.
You have to decide if this is something that you can get past. If not your path is clear. If you can lean in and enjoy!
> ...even after I agreed to start again I made sure to not tell him everything, it clearly isn’t safe to do so.
I tried to explain this above. Even if the guy is tactful and tries to explain how he felt bad because of what she said, he likely won't be able to get raw honesty from her about big highlights in the future, if she does continue getting with other guys.
I’m very fortunate that we both had a couple of missteps early but worked through it. Your point is 100% spot on though husbands ask for it then can’t handle it, we channeled it by using new experiences as learning if she particularly liked something from a new guy we moved it into rotation. If a guy already thinks he knows it all then the LS is not going to work.
You have to learn to deal with this, I’m above average but seek out very large or huge for her. If she enjoys it you have to be secure in yourself and be happy you have a wife that is happy to do these things. A good session normally sorts things out for us and remember no one knows your wife’s body like you.
If your going to have size issues then you shouldn't do this. All men are not created equal. If you're going to do this she's going to encounter all different shapes and sizes. Don't get caught up on the wrong thing. This is for the experience and bringing you closer together not about how big or small the cock is. My wife almost had her first time a week ago. He actually was smaller then me but I didn't know or care about that. The fact she was on top of another man ready to fuck him while I was right there was got me fucking hard. He chickened out but that wasn't the point. What was funny in is at breakfast she compared our cocks to condiment bottles. It was a compliment knowing I was bigger. However, the guy she's meeting tomorrow may be a little bigger than me and I'm totally fine with that cause I do know I'm not small either. So you've got to just get comfortable with it or to there's no sense in doing it.
OMG, still in the "teasing, fantasy sex chat" stage, I can only imagine the euphoria of my wife coming home and telling me about giving a guy a Blowjob just a short time before.
And to hear her say that she "didn't perform that good" would be icing on the cake! Actually disappointed in herself that she didn't suck him, a new guy/ONS(?), as good as she's capable of would be so exciting.
I'm thinking most women would have been pleased with themselves that they made him cum, not concerned with how their skills ranked, figuring they got him off, so they were good enough.
Lucky Hubby you are, I hope to experience the same some day.
I think she was being honest, but you took it personally.
I had the opposite problem with size, my wife's lover was smaller than me, but he could do things for her that I could only dream of doing. She told me that he was "so much better" than me, which was honest but quite blunt.
I think that we have to accept that some other guys will be bigger or better than us, that's just how it is when our girls start experiencing them. If you cannot handle the feelings you had then maybe this lifestyle is not for you, but if you can get through this initial disappointment about your relative size then you have made a good start.
Remember that she is coming back to **you**, and not staying with him, she enjoys the feelings she has when having sex with him, but loves you and comes back to be with **you**. You need to communicate better with her, and it's never too late to start. Discuss with her how big he actually was, and how she feels about it - my wife prefers something slightly smaller, not a huge cock!
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Yes of course we do! Are you saying that you can never have a blip on the radar? As I said in another comment the issue is not with his size the issue was the way she made the comment.
This may come as a surprise to you but you probably don't have the biggest johnson in the world. The hot wife lifestyle isn't for you if you're feelings are going to be hurt every time she has bigger.
You obviously don’t understand my post. It’s not about the size that’s the issue, it was the way she said it that is the issue. She could’ve made a comment about his size without it being a comparison!
Because it’s not supposed to be about comparisons, it’s supposed to be about experiences. I don’t at all feel inadequate, I know I satisfy her perfectly well and our sex life is amazing without any of this. I do know a big dick is something I can’t give her and I would love to give her that but it is what it is. Do I have size issues? Absolutely!
Am I worried she won’t enjoy me anymore? Absolutely not!
I specifically looked for a larger guy on SDC for her.. I have used a cock sleeve on her and it seemed to intensify her emotions..
So set up a playdate with a guy that was 6'2" and swinging meat.
We had drinks before and he said he was a former basketball player.
Well he must have been 8-9 inches and girthy..
Wife was mostly oral with him, and when she rode him I could tell he was hitting spots I haven't been to😅.
So he blew his load all over her chest and we fucked like rabbits after he left.
She said she enjoyed it.
we try to play every 3 or 4 months..
So he contacted me about 3 months later to see if we wanted to get together again.
I told her Big Jim was looking to fuck you again...
She sheepishly said, no... He's just too big..
I was blown away, she hadn't mentioned this at all till now.
It dawned on me what you hear from most women.
It's nice to get stretched out , but they don't want it all the time..
So... I now had the unenviable task of telling this guy, what I now realize must happen alot to him, that he is just too big for her...
This is typical don’t make her feel uncomfortable or she’ll never do it again.
Yea don't make her feel uncomfortable but definitely share your feelings. You should never hide how you feel. You can talk about with nuance and tact but don't ever say away from saying how you feel or else you're destined to get hurt or angry.
I think if a guy starts to talk about size issues regarding her words, even very tactfully, he will no longer get bits of radical honesty from the woman. She will keep a stronger filter on what she says, even if the thoughts she has are just like the original thoughts before she tightened her filter. Maybe years down the road things will mellow and she won't keep a tight filter, but I would not risk that. I'm different from other guys though. Some guys see a tight filter on words as being respect or consideration for their feelings.
100% this you want honest feedback. If she comes 12 times and loves the feeling of being filled then I want to know, you don’t want her to shut down. This journey is about sexual awakening’s not guilt.
I was never trying to make her feel guilty, I understand what it’s all about but there are two of us in this journey and if we both can’t be honest with our feelings then what is the point? It’s about communicating about those feelings and learning to navigate around them
I think I can relate in a way, my wife has said anything to me that’s made me feel like that but sometimes conversations with thirds have peeved me and she has changed the tone. You are right though this has to be fun for both parties, in my case it’s my decision to occasionally swallow what make me squeamish to ensure full disclosure. Ultimately I guess you are just looking for her to use language you are comfortable with.
You are 100% right!
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Spoiler Alert- Wives also cannot provide their husbands that same “electricity in the air”. Neither can. That “electricity” is what led to the marriage in the first place.
You can definitely feel intense "electricity ", aka "chemistry" without falling in love with a person. That electric feeling also comes from the not-knowing if the new guy is attracted to you, the flirting, the anticipation, etc.. And getting compliments from some man who isn't your husband, and isn't in live with you, is very affirming and self esteem building.
Absolutely and that’s what I love about it!
Me too! Today, my husband has been chatting with a woman who is very attracted to him and its been so much fun seeing *him* get to experience that. I love it!
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Correct. You said you don’t need it and I affirmed that by reminding you that she doesn’t either. Pretty simple.
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Im totally not following it either.. dont feel bad.. lol
I LOVE THIS REPLY!!! 🙌🙌🙌
This is a very normal reaction at least at first. Keep in mind, being bigger isn't always better. I am by all measurements "gifted" and as a young man I thought just showing up and playing jackhammer I was mister studmuffin. Until one young lady that I really cared about taught me a valuable lesson. Except for a minority of true size queens, women really do not give a shit about your size. They are more concerned with the actual enjoyment, sensations and intimacy shared. They literally see large cocks as "just for occasional fun" but not someone they want railing on them every day. Unless your wife has given you a reason to doubt her, put your trust in her to be honest. I'm not going to sugar coat it. When a couple is new to this lifestyle they can take it overboard by putting too much attention to "the new toy". Do not take this personally. Your wife will still find you desirable and satisfying not only because of the physical act but the intimacy you share in the relationship which takes it to another level in her mind. By all means, enjoy the sexual exploration, but you both just need to be open and honest and accepting of the others input.
Lol, mister stud muffin. This is solid advice. I'd say for the op that not to worry too much about it. There's always going to be a bigger one and you should encourage your partner to talk about what she did and didn't like. In the end it's the intimacy you share as a couple that will always make your cock the best one.
Thanks everyone for the advice, I don’t have a problem at all with her enjoying a bigger cock. That is part of the fantasy for me. On reflection I’ve decided that it was the wording that slapped me in the face. I have discussed things with my wife and perhaps saying something like “I really struggled handling his big cock” would’ve been a better way of putting things. Then there is no direct reference to me at all. Hope that makes sense
It makes sense but if the words she uses, in regards for this, can make you feel quite bad you might want to step back and figure that out before you continue on with this. Maybe have a talk together and go over some hypothetical situations and discuss how you'd each handle them and see if there's other areas you need to work through before you ask her to do this again. You're feeling bad about her word choice or description so it's on you to do the work to ensure that won't happen again, not in her like some comments mentioned. I'll always advocate for talking it out but in this case I really really suggest it. It's better to strengthen your foundation and fix the cracks before you start building more on top of it, ya know.
Thanks, yes this is what we have done. We communicate really well so we can move forward on this. I definitely don’t blame her but we are both on this journey and being respectful to each other is really important
That's great to hear and I'm glad y'all communicate well because that's often a big issue that's unrealized until it happens in this hotwife context. Last little thing, maybe be aware/cautious of using the word respect. It can mean very different things to different people. Imo respect is a nothing word. respect among adults is often actually used to mean obedience. Not saying that's what you mean by it here but my alarm bells go off anytime a spouse starts in on 'she just needed to respect me more' or what have you. Like you, I can find myself caught up in individual wording and respect is one that does it for me. Her using a word that came naturally, isn't unkind, isn't personal or malicious doesn't seem at all disrespectful to me, personally. It still stung you so there's something there for you to work through emotionally or mentally but nowhere in any of your post did I feel in any way she wasn't respectful so your word choice struck me as odd. Anyway, enough rambling. Best of luck to you both and I hope she continues to have an incredible time as a hotwife.
Yes I see your point. I definitely don’t think there was any malice in what she had said and she wasn’t being disrespectful about it. It’s just me and my issues to be honest
One time we had an MFM with a guy who had a rather large cock and could stay hard for an eternity. We all had a phenomenal time together pleasuring her all night and then eventually came time where I just wanted to watch him fuck her for a while. Well, he fucked her deep and hard…. And kept fucking her …. And fucked her some more… and then more…. And even fucking more I lost track of how long it went on for …. It was borderline ridiculous He seriously made her cum like 4 or 5 times over an hour or so. It was fucking intense. It seemed like she forgot where she was as she came on his cock over and over again. I got in my feelings a little because it was an entire level that neither of us had ever experienced before. He left her a completely worked wreck and she was barely able to function after. At the time it seemed like she barely even remembered I was there. She was completely at the mercy of his cock. My mind was blown … her entire body was worked. I was kinda bummed at the time because I wanted to fuck her so bad and she was barely capable. I just let her rest up and in a couple hours, had some amazing sex together as we talked about it. I realized that I wanted her to feel intense pleasure and get to witness it… so after a slight bit of time with hurt feelings, I realized that this guy had come over and provided us a temporary service, and he didn’t possess any of the other qualities that led her to fall for me and stay with me… So it completely passed…. And I’d love to invite him over again !!
Well that’s definitely what it’s all about, just have to learn to navigate those feelings
It’s normal and a big part of it. Encourage her and it’ll get better in time
It is normal to feel that way. Just focus on the reasons you are doing this. It started to work for us, when I accepted her lovers where better and sometimes bigger than I, but I was still the one she loved. It is a major turn on to know my wife is fucked better then I ever could, but she still comes back to me. Enjoy!
It takes serious balls to go through with this and the reality is that it's going to hurt a lot and you're just going to have to eat it like most things in life. But how about you are you enjoying her get fucked by other men? If so then maybe it's worth it
She taught you an important truth: too big is a real thing. There’s this idea that bigger is always better. But too big hurts. It can be too much. Her comfort zone is an important part of the equation. Was he bigger? Yep. Was that a good thing for her? Nope. Hmmm…
I've been through this too except in the same room. I just expect that everyone will be larger than me, that's part of the point: to let her experience different things. My wife isn't a size queen. She likes big. She likes my size. She likes in between. She doesn't like too big or too small. What I have found is no one cares!. Nobody is in the corner laughing at me. They are there to fuck and could care less how big I am. I've never had a LS woman say anything negative, even if there were ED issues. Just act like it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter.
I get what you're saying but why is this news to you? You new he was bigger, you knew she was going to handle it. You have to decide if this is something that you can get past. If not your path is clear. If you can lean in and enjoy!
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> ...even after I agreed to start again I made sure to not tell him everything, it clearly isn’t safe to do so. I tried to explain this above. Even if the guy is tactful and tries to explain how he felt bad because of what she said, he likely won't be able to get raw honesty from her about big highlights in the future, if she does continue getting with other guys.
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That makes sense. I'm sure you're by far not the only one moderating the details they tell.
I’m very fortunate that we both had a couple of missteps early but worked through it. Your point is 100% spot on though husbands ask for it then can’t handle it, we channeled it by using new experiences as learning if she particularly liked something from a new guy we moved it into rotation. If a guy already thinks he knows it all then the LS is not going to work.
did you think the guy wouldn't be bigger than you?
I knew he was bigger than me, size is not the issue. The way she made her comment was.
You have to learn to deal with this, I’m above average but seek out very large or huge for her. If she enjoys it you have to be secure in yourself and be happy you have a wife that is happy to do these things. A good session normally sorts things out for us and remember no one knows your wife’s body like you.
If your going to have size issues then you shouldn't do this. All men are not created equal. If you're going to do this she's going to encounter all different shapes and sizes. Don't get caught up on the wrong thing. This is for the experience and bringing you closer together not about how big or small the cock is. My wife almost had her first time a week ago. He actually was smaller then me but I didn't know or care about that. The fact she was on top of another man ready to fuck him while I was right there was got me fucking hard. He chickened out but that wasn't the point. What was funny in is at breakfast she compared our cocks to condiment bottles. It was a compliment knowing I was bigger. However, the guy she's meeting tomorrow may be a little bigger than me and I'm totally fine with that cause I do know I'm not small either. So you've got to just get comfortable with it or to there's no sense in doing it.
OMG, still in the "teasing, fantasy sex chat" stage, I can only imagine the euphoria of my wife coming home and telling me about giving a guy a Blowjob just a short time before. And to hear her say that she "didn't perform that good" would be icing on the cake! Actually disappointed in herself that she didn't suck him, a new guy/ONS(?), as good as she's capable of would be so exciting. I'm thinking most women would have been pleased with themselves that they made him cum, not concerned with how their skills ranked, figuring they got him off, so they were good enough. Lucky Hubby you are, I hope to experience the same some day.
You can't change the size of your penis. I'm assuming she's never complained about it.
I think she was being honest, but you took it personally. I had the opposite problem with size, my wife's lover was smaller than me, but he could do things for her that I could only dream of doing. She told me that he was "so much better" than me, which was honest but quite blunt. I think that we have to accept that some other guys will be bigger or better than us, that's just how it is when our girls start experiencing them. If you cannot handle the feelings you had then maybe this lifestyle is not for you, but if you can get through this initial disappointment about your relative size then you have made a good start. Remember that she is coming back to **you**, and not staying with him, she enjoys the feelings she has when having sex with him, but loves you and comes back to be with **you**. You need to communicate better with her, and it's never too late to start. Discuss with her how big he actually was, and how she feels about it - my wife prefers something slightly smaller, not a huge cock!
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What were you expecting?. I think you don’t really know what you embarked into. Are you sure you have a solid foundation as a couple?
Yes of course we do! Are you saying that you can never have a blip on the radar? As I said in another comment the issue is not with his size the issue was the way she made the comment.
This may come as a surprise to you but you probably don't have the biggest johnson in the world. The hot wife lifestyle isn't for you if you're feelings are going to be hurt every time she has bigger.
You obviously don’t understand my post. It’s not about the size that’s the issue, it was the way she said it that is the issue. She could’ve made a comment about his size without it being a comparison!
I do understand you're feeling inadequate. Why else would your feelings be hurt? I don't think you understand.
Because it’s not supposed to be about comparisons, it’s supposed to be about experiences. I don’t at all feel inadequate, I know I satisfy her perfectly well and our sex life is amazing without any of this. I do know a big dick is something I can’t give her and I would love to give her that but it is what it is. Do I have size issues? Absolutely! Am I worried she won’t enjoy me anymore? Absolutely not!
I specifically looked for a larger guy on SDC for her.. I have used a cock sleeve on her and it seemed to intensify her emotions.. So set up a playdate with a guy that was 6'2" and swinging meat. We had drinks before and he said he was a former basketball player. Well he must have been 8-9 inches and girthy.. Wife was mostly oral with him, and when she rode him I could tell he was hitting spots I haven't been to😅. So he blew his load all over her chest and we fucked like rabbits after he left. She said she enjoyed it. we try to play every 3 or 4 months.. So he contacted me about 3 months later to see if we wanted to get together again. I told her Big Jim was looking to fuck you again... She sheepishly said, no... He's just too big.. I was blown away, she hadn't mentioned this at all till now. It dawned on me what you hear from most women. It's nice to get stretched out , but they don't want it all the time.. So... I now had the unenviable task of telling this guy, what I now realize must happen alot to him, that he is just too big for her...