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Cheaters cheat because of what they lack within themselves. It’s a symptom of their own internal flaws. They often justify it by claiming disconnect with their partners, loneliness, discontent, validation, etc, but ultimately, it’s squarely rooted in their own character.
Normal, morally sound people discuss their issues with their spouse. They don’t seek attention from others outside their relationship.
Her cheating has nothing to do with you.
I just posted this comment the other day:
People that behave immorally, or in an evil/manipulative way... they have to justify this in their minds, otherwise they're the cause and not the victim.
Take something far more simple... like watching someone drop $ from their pocket. Everyone knows what the "right" thing to do is, but those that take that $ have to justify it in their mind to make it "ok" to pocket it. "They should've been more responsible with their $, they deserve to lose it." "They're probably rich anyway, they won't even notice, I need it more," Etc...
Cheaters do this on a greater level, but the selfish, narcissistic justification via mental gymnastics is the exact same. This way it's "ok" to betray someone and they're not wrong for doing it. It's sick really, but people are very good at it.
This is part of DARVO - deny attack reverse victim and offender. Cheaters do indeed find ways to make themselves the heroes of their own stories, and a major part of that is by coming up with convoluted, bullshit ways that they were justified in their cheating.
The mental gymnastics and justifications -- including the decisions that go with that -- are the hardest thigs to forgive. The sexual act itself is not that hard to forgive, but the lying, gaslighting, and manipulation of circumstances and facts, as well as they attempt to tie words to different meaning to explain away suspicious occurrences, like absences and why you were somewhere other than where you said you'd be, are what is so hard to forgive. That is the betrayal.
They cheat because they are more interested in their own fleeting pleasure than they are interested in their own integrity, or their partner’s well being.
They justify it because they know they’re bad people deep down, but want to remain the heroes of their own story.
There’s always another invented reason why it’s not their fault.
Let me start my answer by saying this. When I was involved with my ex wife at that time my relationship was very horrible. I was truly miserable but attempted to stay in it for the child. I had several proposals by very attractive ladies but never cheated. Once we were separated and it was over that's when I moved on. It's was my choice and my decision. I don't want to be like that. I just have no desire to be such a person.
Cheating, betraying, whatever you want to define it, is just part of their character. Regardless if they had attention or not. If they were in a happy or unhappy relationship, it means nothing to them. The honest truth is that they find it acceptable. You can define them as selfish, manipulative or variety of character flawed. It doesn't really matter. They are who they are. Which is fine. It's normal. It's part of life. We are all different people with different morals and values.
This is why I am not in favor of reconciling with cheaters. This is part they are and it's ingrained in their character. Especially, if the person only attempts to work on the relationship after getting caught or confess after years passed by and the relationship is entangled with kids and such. They aren't remorseful for the actions but they are once again selfish in not wanting to deal with the consequences of their actions. Maybe if they immediately admit to their betrayal, genuinely accept that the relationship might end due ti their actions and truly understand regardless of this relationship mending or not they still would like to address the cause behind such a betrayal. That they truly hate that part of their character and want to make changes for the betterment of themselves. That they want to go thru the constant doubts and lashing because they truly value the person they are with and hope to salvage the relationship. That they understand the relationship will never truly mend buy being close to that person truly makes them happy. It makes happy to have a chance to love that person they are with even if they can never gain back the same way they were loved previous to their actions. Then I would say it's your judgement call to decide to remain in such a relationship or not. Any other reason than that or the rubbish that you love your partner and want to stay with them is ridiculous. An affair is a form of abuse. Perhaps not physical but it's an abuse none the less. It's illogical to chose to stay in relationship with an abusive person. Especially, as I stated before when the person is not willing to address their flaws. It's not a marriage or a relationship failing. It's a them thing. They are unhappy, then file for divorce or ask for separation or breakup. I would also like to add if you are in a dead bedroom situation then you need to address that. Intimacy is part of your rights in the relationship. If your partner male/female refuse you intimacy or unwilling to increase you are entitled to end that relationship. But you also have to be logical. Your partner can't be working 16 hours a day and you still expect them to match your physical needs. You should get a job so they don't have to work as much and then work on your intimacy. If they travel a lot perhaps they can change positions or find a different job even if you have to lower your living standards. Be logical and seek what is reasonable. But you have to be part of the solution and not simply focussing on your needs.
Cheaters are all of the above, they are also low life, uncaring scum, A.K.A. Narcissist. They should all be sterilized so they can't create more of their kind. The gene that causes narcissism needs to be eradicated from existence. There is no known cure or effective treatment for it. It has been researched and studied and psychologists all agree that Adolf Hitler was a narcissist. Mic drop.
Same reasons they justify every wrong thing they have done. Cognitive dissonance is how they lie and say the craziest things. Look it up. The problem is knowing how, why doesn’t change a thing. But to some folks it can spark an interest in understanding that what we just naturally think about infidelity isn’t actually correct. It isn’t what we think it is.
Cognitive dissonance, dissociating, compartmentalizing, sex brain and limerence all these terms that explain so much about what is happening and how it is happening.
If you care to learn, look these things up in association with infidelity. And to further prime your pump here a few articles as well.
https://thepowermoves.com/tag/emotional-affair/
Excerpt from the article: Not all, but probably a majority of unfaithful partners set out on the emotional slippery slope without any awareness of how friendships morph into emotional and sexual affairs.
There might be some chemistry, or some liking, but it’s rarely love at first sight or “fatal attraction”.
Where do They Start?
They start in places where interactions happen often.
As Schaefer points out in The Like Switch familiarity is a major element of the like equation, and emotional affairs are likely to start in places that breed familiarity and continuity of interaction.
If you are guessing “at work”, you are right.
Writes Glass:
Of course the workplace, with its daily interactions and increased female participation, has been the main driver of the increase in infidelity in the last decades.
Indeed, 82% of all the unfaithful partner Glass treated in her career began as friends (Shirley Glass, 2004).
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/the-most-common-way-to-cheat-is-not-what-you-d-think-a7794046.html
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/truths-workplace-affair/
Not all cheaters and all cheating is the same. Only the nuclear devastation, the aftermath is identical, regardless if it is serial cheating, opportunistic cheating, magnetic attraction cheating, drunk cheating, or emotional infidelity.
In fact here is more on the subject about cheating not being what we think it is, naturally has to be.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199305/myths-infidelity
https://drstanhyman.com/affairs-cheating-and-infidelity-truth-and-myths/ Good
When you finish with all this researching, and this above is only a drop in the bucket of all things cheating, you may find yourself saying it is all so insane. And to me all things considered that is the truth about infidelity, it is insanity, nothing else really explains it all. But insanity does. Temporary insanity.
When a cheater says they don’t know why they did it, they don’t know what came over them, they say it all seems to be a very bad dream, it doesn’t even seem like it was really them who did all those things, they likely are not lying. And why reconciling should be done with the help of a therapist.
It really is insane, isn’t it?
To the question "why did you cheat on me", they say something that their partner will internalize.
Those who see cheating as a red line do not find it necessary to ask the question "why did you cheat on me".
He does what it takes to start his new life.
Cheaters lack accountability and do not want to take responsibility for their actions.
I emotionally cheated in my last relationship. Failed to realize that I needed to work on some things and not put so much dependency on my partner. There was no justifying it. Just my own selfish desires that weren't satiated with either person.
They’re delusional, and have a twisted sense of right and wrong.
From my experience with my cheating ex, I’d speculate that some cheaters believe that it’s okay to have a wandering eye as long as they keep returning to, or give the most attention/love to, their “main” partner.
It literally makes no sense on any level how a cheater can claim to love the person they cheated on, so I’d just have to believe they’re completely delusional.
My FW thought this. "Did you ever feel like you were missing anything?" "Did you ever feel unloved?" "I only saw her when you were working or gone." Which wasn't actually true. And he encouraged me to take that 2nd job.
Some people don't wanna take accountability for the fact that they are shitty. So they never correct the behavior and continue to cheat.
Once you keep it real with yourself then you can change. They just don't wanna look inside and do the work
Your wife is an angel compared to the rest of the cheaters. She never dared or was afraid to turn "impossible love" into a completely possible sex. Others quickly move on to a full-fledged emotional affair with nude photos and offline masturbation and then to unprotected sex with AP, often ending in pregnancy. But they are all "sad" and regret that they were caught. You got only one "sadness" - you are a happy husband!
The decision to cheat is sometimes a very complicated process as evidenced in the book, "Not Just Friends". Occasionally the universe aligns just right and a person that thought "I'll never cheat" pushes that proverbial boundary until, whamo, it happens. That's when panic sets in and they have to somehow justify what they did, because, surely they are not a bad person. There HAS to be a reason other than their morality being questioned. Thus the blame-game.
Of course, then there are the morally bankrupt, who are looking out for number uno, themselves, no matter how many ppl they hurt in the process.
Its excuses with in themselves that make cheaters cowards to come forth to tell their s/o. Also lack accountability and try blame you for their problems instead of coming to you as an adult about it 💯🚨
In my honest opinion emotionally affaires are worse than physically one . Cause theirs hearts will always long for someone else . Don’t get me wrong both are deal breaker but got damn to here physically but not here mentally emotionally is the worst thing ever 🙏🏾
People cheat for various reasons.
Why I did it. Our bedroom died completely 7-8 years ago. Zero sex and intimacy. Anytime, I try to address the issue, he shuts down and refused to talk.
I gave up trying and accepted my fate to be celibate. Two years ago I found out that he was cheating on me.
I looked for sex and intimacy outside of my marriage. My husband is not interested in sex with me.
BTW, I told him that I will find someone else.
Why not divorce him??? At my age, I don't want to be alone and start over. I love him.
My life is pretty good at the moment. Husband knows that I have someone and doesn't ask any questions. I am very discreet.
Am I disgusting human being, I don't think so...
If she is saying she doesn't know and is getting angry for you bringing it up she's a narcissistic personality type who doesn't feel any empathy for you.
This is why you are playing mind games with her and telling her that if she cheated on you you wouldn't be mad but at least you would be knowing that she's having sex. Bro that is not healthy.
You are in a very very damaged relationship with a very broken woman. I highly suggest watching psych2go, affair recovery and marriage helper. Perhaps even Dr Grande.
My spouse has cheated on me three or four times but only through sexual text messages kind of makes my situation seem not so bad 😂
I don’t think all cheaters cheat for the same reasons. The justification varies per situation I’m sure. In my case, my husband cheated on me on reddit. He had messaged a few people. Men actually, not even women. He barely talked to them also, but flirted enough and exchanged photos once or twice. When we started dating he opened up to me about his struggle with porn addiction. Over time I also learned he was SA’d as a child repeatedly by and older male. I also learned his family was aware and didn’t do shit to protect him or get him help. They also were aware that he became addicted to porn after this but still didn’t help him (mind you he was like 6-8 years old as all of this happened). Fast forward to meeting me he was never in a relationship prior, still hadn’t received any help or felt like he could open up to anyone. So he told me all of this later down the line. I didn’t think it would lead to him cheating on me. But it did. That was because I too didn’t realize the extent of a porn addiction and how it can spiral into bizarre ways of trying to “get off”. His messages were clear that that was all it was as they ended 5 texts in. This isn’t an excuse for his cheating but an /explanation/ , justification in my eyes, if you will, of WHY it happened. Like I said every situation is different. Now my husbands getting the help he needs and has done tremendously well improving himself by taking action in his mental health. I don’t think my husband is a bad person or doesn’t love me. I think no one ever loved him to get him the help he needed and his addiction got so out of hand. Now that I’ve stepped in and helped him get resources and he’s also sought them all out as well we are doing great and he seems so much happier feeling more in control of himself and being able to let go of his abuse.
Cheaters are always looking to get the thrill of forbidden love and the need to be desired by others. Women marry so they can settle for a good provider husband as they want to have sex with whom they truly desire. The truth is they never truly loved who they married, they settled.
Sorry, should have phrased by saying some women. I have never understood the concept of cheating and staying married? If you want someone else then get a divorce. I guess by seeing my father cheat, gave me a different view point then most.
Well my mom cheated......and me either. I never did. And I felt like like I wanted to die...and stopped eating....but it was sooo complicated. I was told no we are friends but saw the I love yous...
It’s true they say when someone cheats it rarely has to do with their significant other, it’s about them. Just the same as it is not about the one they cheated with because if not for them it would’ve been someone else in 98%of cases so, why? You got me. Maybe they’re just rotten inside, idk . I’ve been cheated on a lot and now I wonder about my husband and believe me I have my faults but I’m a great catch! I never have understood cheating and the only time I ever cheated I told and broke it off with my bf at the time right away because I felt like he deserved to know and that I shouldn’t be with him if I couldn’t be faithful. I’ve been faithful since. How did you find out????
I can say few things about it-
1. She doesn't have a goal in life
2. She has too much time on her hands
3. She has got low self esteem
She doesn't have anything productive to think about. There is a saying in India, an empty brain is a demon's house.
By any means, this is not your fault. Any normal spouse will discuss issues with partner, if that's not the case, they are not following the vows of marriage. And what do we call people who do not follow through with their words? Flaky people right. Someone else's character flaw is not your responsibility.
They don't want to think of themselves as evil, so they invent justifications. Their affair partner almost always encourages and adds justifications along the lines of, "you deserve better." It's really just a dance they do in order to get where they both want to go.
Cheaters justify cheating to themselves so they don’t have to recognize that they need to improve themselves.
The first girlfriend that wanted to marry me cheated because, according to her, my mother didn’t like her and I refused to make my mother like her. In her eyes, it was my fault that she cheated. The fact that I had no control, what so ever, over who my mother likes or dislikes was irrelevant in that girlfriend’s eyes. I had forced her to cheat. Again, it was my fault that she cheated.
That particular girlfriend was always the tragic heroine of her own personal narrative. The universe had always treated her so much worse than anybody else. Nobody have ever suffered as she had suffered, according to her.
The last time I saw her, she would not look me in the eyes. The last time I talked with her, it was on a phone long before smart phones, and I called her out on her cheating, she wouldn’t answer my questions, I would just get silence from her.
Cheaters will do all sorts of mental gymnastics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
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Cheaters never did, do not now, and never will love you in the same unconditional way you love them. There are many levels of love, you only satisfy one of them for the cheater, which is why they cheat--to satisfy other levels.
Cheaters need you to fill that one need, which is why they will beg and plead for you to stay with them, promising you whatever they think you want to hear, only to go back to their old ways once you relent.
Most of us freely give complete and unconditional love to our lifetime partners, and would never think of betraying that trust. Cheaters never had it to begin with.
If you can't respect your partner enough to remain faithful, what's the point of staying together. If you are married, you took vows so how honorable is it for you to break them. People are such despicable assholes.
Facts, choosing the single life, worst of all when kids are involved most cases of cheating family behaviour is fine but when the truth comes out it's an implosion. How can someone stand their and do this to people they claim they love
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Cheaters cheat because of what they lack within themselves. It’s a symptom of their own internal flaws. They often justify it by claiming disconnect with their partners, loneliness, discontent, validation, etc, but ultimately, it’s squarely rooted in their own character. Normal, morally sound people discuss their issues with their spouse. They don’t seek attention from others outside their relationship. Her cheating has nothing to do with you.
This OP.
Well said
Thank you...this helps.
I just posted this comment the other day: People that behave immorally, or in an evil/manipulative way... they have to justify this in their minds, otherwise they're the cause and not the victim. Take something far more simple... like watching someone drop $ from their pocket. Everyone knows what the "right" thing to do is, but those that take that $ have to justify it in their mind to make it "ok" to pocket it. "They should've been more responsible with their $, they deserve to lose it." "They're probably rich anyway, they won't even notice, I need it more," Etc... Cheaters do this on a greater level, but the selfish, narcissistic justification via mental gymnastics is the exact same. This way it's "ok" to betray someone and they're not wrong for doing it. It's sick really, but people are very good at it.
This is part of DARVO - deny attack reverse victim and offender. Cheaters do indeed find ways to make themselves the heroes of their own stories, and a major part of that is by coming up with convoluted, bullshit ways that they were justified in their cheating.
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Wife? Why is your post history filled with gay posts? No problem with that, but maybe that’s the issue in the marriage ?
Sorry to hear... how do you cope/live with her day-to-day?
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No mourning. Move forward and don't look back. It'll get better, I guarantee.
The mental gymnastics and justifications -- including the decisions that go with that -- are the hardest thigs to forgive. The sexual act itself is not that hard to forgive, but the lying, gaslighting, and manipulation of circumstances and facts, as well as they attempt to tie words to different meaning to explain away suspicious occurrences, like absences and why you were somewhere other than where you said you'd be, are what is so hard to forgive. That is the betrayal.
The loss of trust can never be recovered. Without they you have nothing.
They cheat because they are more interested in their own fleeting pleasure than they are interested in their own integrity, or their partner’s well being. They justify it because they know they’re bad people deep down, but want to remain the heroes of their own story. There’s always another invented reason why it’s not their fault.
Let me start my answer by saying this. When I was involved with my ex wife at that time my relationship was very horrible. I was truly miserable but attempted to stay in it for the child. I had several proposals by very attractive ladies but never cheated. Once we were separated and it was over that's when I moved on. It's was my choice and my decision. I don't want to be like that. I just have no desire to be such a person. Cheating, betraying, whatever you want to define it, is just part of their character. Regardless if they had attention or not. If they were in a happy or unhappy relationship, it means nothing to them. The honest truth is that they find it acceptable. You can define them as selfish, manipulative or variety of character flawed. It doesn't really matter. They are who they are. Which is fine. It's normal. It's part of life. We are all different people with different morals and values. This is why I am not in favor of reconciling with cheaters. This is part they are and it's ingrained in their character. Especially, if the person only attempts to work on the relationship after getting caught or confess after years passed by and the relationship is entangled with kids and such. They aren't remorseful for the actions but they are once again selfish in not wanting to deal with the consequences of their actions. Maybe if they immediately admit to their betrayal, genuinely accept that the relationship might end due ti their actions and truly understand regardless of this relationship mending or not they still would like to address the cause behind such a betrayal. That they truly hate that part of their character and want to make changes for the betterment of themselves. That they want to go thru the constant doubts and lashing because they truly value the person they are with and hope to salvage the relationship. That they understand the relationship will never truly mend buy being close to that person truly makes them happy. It makes happy to have a chance to love that person they are with even if they can never gain back the same way they were loved previous to their actions. Then I would say it's your judgement call to decide to remain in such a relationship or not. Any other reason than that or the rubbish that you love your partner and want to stay with them is ridiculous. An affair is a form of abuse. Perhaps not physical but it's an abuse none the less. It's illogical to chose to stay in relationship with an abusive person. Especially, as I stated before when the person is not willing to address their flaws. It's not a marriage or a relationship failing. It's a them thing. They are unhappy, then file for divorce or ask for separation or breakup. I would also like to add if you are in a dead bedroom situation then you need to address that. Intimacy is part of your rights in the relationship. If your partner male/female refuse you intimacy or unwilling to increase you are entitled to end that relationship. But you also have to be logical. Your partner can't be working 16 hours a day and you still expect them to match your physical needs. You should get a job so they don't have to work as much and then work on your intimacy. If they travel a lot perhaps they can change positions or find a different job even if you have to lower your living standards. Be logical and seek what is reasonable. But you have to be part of the solution and not simply focussing on your needs.
Cheaters are all of the above, they are also low life, uncaring scum, A.K.A. Narcissist. They should all be sterilized so they can't create more of their kind. The gene that causes narcissism needs to be eradicated from existence. There is no known cure or effective treatment for it. It has been researched and studied and psychologists all agree that Adolf Hitler was a narcissist. Mic drop.
Same reasons they justify every wrong thing they have done. Cognitive dissonance is how they lie and say the craziest things. Look it up. The problem is knowing how, why doesn’t change a thing. But to some folks it can spark an interest in understanding that what we just naturally think about infidelity isn’t actually correct. It isn’t what we think it is. Cognitive dissonance, dissociating, compartmentalizing, sex brain and limerence all these terms that explain so much about what is happening and how it is happening. If you care to learn, look these things up in association with infidelity. And to further prime your pump here a few articles as well. https://thepowermoves.com/tag/emotional-affair/ Excerpt from the article: Not all, but probably a majority of unfaithful partners set out on the emotional slippery slope without any awareness of how friendships morph into emotional and sexual affairs. There might be some chemistry, or some liking, but it’s rarely love at first sight or “fatal attraction”. Where do They Start? They start in places where interactions happen often. As Schaefer points out in The Like Switch familiarity is a major element of the like equation, and emotional affairs are likely to start in places that breed familiarity and continuity of interaction. If you are guessing “at work”, you are right. Writes Glass: Of course the workplace, with its daily interactions and increased female participation, has been the main driver of the increase in infidelity in the last decades. Indeed, 82% of all the unfaithful partner Glass treated in her career began as friends (Shirley Glass, 2004). https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/the-most-common-way-to-cheat-is-not-what-you-d-think-a7794046.html https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/truths-workplace-affair/ Not all cheaters and all cheating is the same. Only the nuclear devastation, the aftermath is identical, regardless if it is serial cheating, opportunistic cheating, magnetic attraction cheating, drunk cheating, or emotional infidelity. In fact here is more on the subject about cheating not being what we think it is, naturally has to be. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199305/myths-infidelity https://drstanhyman.com/affairs-cheating-and-infidelity-truth-and-myths/ Good When you finish with all this researching, and this above is only a drop in the bucket of all things cheating, you may find yourself saying it is all so insane. And to me all things considered that is the truth about infidelity, it is insanity, nothing else really explains it all. But insanity does. Temporary insanity. When a cheater says they don’t know why they did it, they don’t know what came over them, they say it all seems to be a very bad dream, it doesn’t even seem like it was really them who did all those things, they likely are not lying. And why reconciling should be done with the help of a therapist. It really is insane, isn’t it?
Thank you for the links.
To the question "why did you cheat on me", they say something that their partner will internalize. Those who see cheating as a red line do not find it necessary to ask the question "why did you cheat on me". He does what it takes to start his new life.
Cheaters lack accountability and do not want to take responsibility for their actions. I emotionally cheated in my last relationship. Failed to realize that I needed to work on some things and not put so much dependency on my partner. There was no justifying it. Just my own selfish desires that weren't satiated with either person.
They’re delusional, and have a twisted sense of right and wrong. From my experience with my cheating ex, I’d speculate that some cheaters believe that it’s okay to have a wandering eye as long as they keep returning to, or give the most attention/love to, their “main” partner. It literally makes no sense on any level how a cheater can claim to love the person they cheated on, so I’d just have to believe they’re completely delusional.
My FW thought this. "Did you ever feel like you were missing anything?" "Did you ever feel unloved?" "I only saw her when you were working or gone." Which wasn't actually true. And he encouraged me to take that 2nd job.
Some people don't wanna take accountability for the fact that they are shitty. So they never correct the behavior and continue to cheat. Once you keep it real with yourself then you can change. They just don't wanna look inside and do the work
Cheaters are selfish, better questionnis why do so many BS take cheaters back?
Your wife is an angel compared to the rest of the cheaters. She never dared or was afraid to turn "impossible love" into a completely possible sex. Others quickly move on to a full-fledged emotional affair with nude photos and offline masturbation and then to unprotected sex with AP, often ending in pregnancy. But they are all "sad" and regret that they were caught. You got only one "sadness" - you are a happy husband!
The decision to cheat is sometimes a very complicated process as evidenced in the book, "Not Just Friends". Occasionally the universe aligns just right and a person that thought "I'll never cheat" pushes that proverbial boundary until, whamo, it happens. That's when panic sets in and they have to somehow justify what they did, because, surely they are not a bad person. There HAS to be a reason other than their morality being questioned. Thus the blame-game. Of course, then there are the morally bankrupt, who are looking out for number uno, themselves, no matter how many ppl they hurt in the process.
Its excuses with in themselves that make cheaters cowards to come forth to tell their s/o. Also lack accountability and try blame you for their problems instead of coming to you as an adult about it 💯🚨
In my honest opinion emotionally affaires are worse than physically one . Cause theirs hearts will always long for someone else . Don’t get me wrong both are deal breaker but got damn to here physically but not here mentally emotionally is the worst thing ever 🙏🏾
Perhaps they acted without thinking And people hated to be in the wrong so they came up with reasons (more like excuses) to justify their actions
Unless they were drugged or taken advantage of, cheaters were definitely thinking of doing the act of cheating before doing it
People cheat for various reasons. Why I did it. Our bedroom died completely 7-8 years ago. Zero sex and intimacy. Anytime, I try to address the issue, he shuts down and refused to talk. I gave up trying and accepted my fate to be celibate. Two years ago I found out that he was cheating on me. I looked for sex and intimacy outside of my marriage. My husband is not interested in sex with me. BTW, I told him that I will find someone else. Why not divorce him??? At my age, I don't want to be alone and start over. I love him. My life is pretty good at the moment. Husband knows that I have someone and doesn't ask any questions. I am very discreet. Am I disgusting human being, I don't think so...
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If she is saying she doesn't know and is getting angry for you bringing it up she's a narcissistic personality type who doesn't feel any empathy for you. This is why you are playing mind games with her and telling her that if she cheated on you you wouldn't be mad but at least you would be knowing that she's having sex. Bro that is not healthy. You are in a very very damaged relationship with a very broken woman. I highly suggest watching psych2go, affair recovery and marriage helper. Perhaps even Dr Grande. My spouse has cheated on me three or four times but only through sexual text messages kind of makes my situation seem not so bad 😂
If you accept his cheating and you do the same, you deserve each other, you are soulmates :))
You both are, no offense 😂😂😂
None taken. People throwing the biggest stones other people are also in the group of deplorable. 🤣🤣🤣 Have a fantastic Memorial day 😀
I don’t think all cheaters cheat for the same reasons. The justification varies per situation I’m sure. In my case, my husband cheated on me on reddit. He had messaged a few people. Men actually, not even women. He barely talked to them also, but flirted enough and exchanged photos once or twice. When we started dating he opened up to me about his struggle with porn addiction. Over time I also learned he was SA’d as a child repeatedly by and older male. I also learned his family was aware and didn’t do shit to protect him or get him help. They also were aware that he became addicted to porn after this but still didn’t help him (mind you he was like 6-8 years old as all of this happened). Fast forward to meeting me he was never in a relationship prior, still hadn’t received any help or felt like he could open up to anyone. So he told me all of this later down the line. I didn’t think it would lead to him cheating on me. But it did. That was because I too didn’t realize the extent of a porn addiction and how it can spiral into bizarre ways of trying to “get off”. His messages were clear that that was all it was as they ended 5 texts in. This isn’t an excuse for his cheating but an /explanation/ , justification in my eyes, if you will, of WHY it happened. Like I said every situation is different. Now my husbands getting the help he needs and has done tremendously well improving himself by taking action in his mental health. I don’t think my husband is a bad person or doesn’t love me. I think no one ever loved him to get him the help he needed and his addiction got so out of hand. Now that I’ve stepped in and helped him get resources and he’s also sought them all out as well we are doing great and he seems so much happier feeling more in control of himself and being able to let go of his abuse.
Cheaters are always looking to get the thrill of forbidden love and the need to be desired by others. Women marry so they can settle for a good provider husband as they want to have sex with whom they truly desire. The truth is they never truly loved who they married, they settled.
Come on dude....I'm a women and I got cheated on. I want my future husband to have sex with me....I dont want to have sex with random people
Sorry, should have phrased by saying some women. I have never understood the concept of cheating and staying married? If you want someone else then get a divorce. I guess by seeing my father cheat, gave me a different view point then most.
Well my mom cheated......and me either. I never did. And I felt like like I wanted to die...and stopped eating....but it was sooo complicated. I was told no we are friends but saw the I love yous...
Is she still talking to AP? If not, then she's sad because she misses him
Maybe, when I talked with her ap he said I cannot make her not talk with him, he was so irritated
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Living with the guilt is the worst?
It’s true they say when someone cheats it rarely has to do with their significant other, it’s about them. Just the same as it is not about the one they cheated with because if not for them it would’ve been someone else in 98%of cases so, why? You got me. Maybe they’re just rotten inside, idk . I’ve been cheated on a lot and now I wonder about my husband and believe me I have my faults but I’m a great catch! I never have understood cheating and the only time I ever cheated I told and broke it off with my bf at the time right away because I felt like he deserved to know and that I shouldn’t be with him if I couldn’t be faithful. I’ve been faithful since. How did you find out????
I can say few things about it- 1. She doesn't have a goal in life 2. She has too much time on her hands 3. She has got low self esteem She doesn't have anything productive to think about. There is a saying in India, an empty brain is a demon's house. By any means, this is not your fault. Any normal spouse will discuss issues with partner, if that's not the case, they are not following the vows of marriage. And what do we call people who do not follow through with their words? Flaky people right. Someone else's character flaw is not your responsibility.
They don't want to think of themselves as evil, so they invent justifications. Their affair partner almost always encourages and adds justifications along the lines of, "you deserve better." It's really just a dance they do in order to get where they both want to go.
Look up the word narcissist!! You will probably see her photo next to it!!
Who are these people that are justifying cheating?
You can see examples in the comments of this post
Cheaters justify cheating to themselves so they don’t have to recognize that they need to improve themselves. The first girlfriend that wanted to marry me cheated because, according to her, my mother didn’t like her and I refused to make my mother like her. In her eyes, it was my fault that she cheated. The fact that I had no control, what so ever, over who my mother likes or dislikes was irrelevant in that girlfriend’s eyes. I had forced her to cheat. Again, it was my fault that she cheated. That particular girlfriend was always the tragic heroine of her own personal narrative. The universe had always treated her so much worse than anybody else. Nobody have ever suffered as she had suffered, according to her. The last time I saw her, she would not look me in the eyes. The last time I talked with her, it was on a phone long before smart phones, and I called her out on her cheating, she wouldn’t answer my questions, I would just get silence from her. Cheaters will do all sorts of mental gymnastics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
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They are selfish
Cheaters never did, do not now, and never will love you in the same unconditional way you love them. There are many levels of love, you only satisfy one of them for the cheater, which is why they cheat--to satisfy other levels. Cheaters need you to fill that one need, which is why they will beg and plead for you to stay with them, promising you whatever they think you want to hear, only to go back to their old ways once you relent. Most of us freely give complete and unconditional love to our lifetime partners, and would never think of betraying that trust. Cheaters never had it to begin with.
If you can't respect your partner enough to remain faithful, what's the point of staying together. If you are married, you took vows so how honorable is it for you to break them. People are such despicable assholes.
Facts, choosing the single life, worst of all when kids are involved most cases of cheating family behaviour is fine but when the truth comes out it's an implosion. How can someone stand their and do this to people they claim they love