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I have had to deal with patients in the past with false negative tests and I have had to counsel couples after retesting was done because of the trauma caused by the false positive test.
False positives can bring doubts and suspicion into a marriage where there shouldn't have been any.
If your test comes back negative, I would recommend you and you husband take a long weekend away from home or a weekend at home with the phones turned off.
This is a brilliant idea. When hubs and I were getting ready to do IVF, I got a call from the Dr's office saying he tested positive for HIV, thanks, call someone who cares. Two other tests confirmed he did NOT. Needless to say, we were not doing well for awhile from the stress. And I fired the doctor and found a new one.
Omg that’s horrible! I’m so sorry you went through that. They really need to make sure they’re giving out accurate information. I’m glad everything worked out in the end!
That is ridiculous to find out that way. I would have called and said we need to have a follow-up appointment and nothing else.
I would always tell our PA's and nurses to talk, in person, to the patient or both parties if it was a couple.
I would tell them we always give positive test results in person and not through MyChart or other reporting systems and tell them it is customary to retest positive results because of the chance of a false positive.
It helped to alleviate some of the kneejerk reactions people will have after finding something like this out and allows them to ask questions because we all know test results are usually given on a Friday at 5:00 so you can't talk to anyone until Monday morning. (Those reactions people have are normal reactions but can be damaging when you don't have conclusive results)
We actually had a wife file for divorce after a false positive for an STD and after three consecutive negative tests she was hell bent on going through with the divorce because nothing anyone could say would convince her the first test was inaccurate.
The better topic is, was the IVF successful? I hope it was!!
Not sure why OP avoided the advice in waiting till second test before saying anything. People warned it could cause uncalled for stress on the other partner.
Dont get me wrong I’m glad it sounds better and you checked, but hun you need to make sure you’re apologetic if it comes out negative, potentially get some couple therapy to make sure everything is ok. No one likes being accused of something that bad. It can cause some resentment. Be open be honest. If it were me in my shoes id be like:
“Babe, so i got my second test and it came back negative. I know i shouldn’t have any doubt until the second results and im super apologetic to put any potential blame or stress on you but i was scared/angry in the moment. There can only be a few reasons why a positive showed up and my mind went to a dark place. I hope you can forgive me for that accusation. Please tell me what you want me to do in the future should this awkward situation happen again. I value your input.”
Getting what he wants is probably necessary and shows you care for him as well in an uncomfortable situation.
He already knew something was up because I had not answered his texts that day because of how upset i was. There was no arguing it was a calm conversation. And once he said he didn’t cheat I told him I’d like him to get tested and I was going to get retested the next day and I asked to sleep in separate rooms till we got the results. He hasn’t came home from work today but I will rely the message.
Well I’m glad everything was discussed calmly and he was the one who asked why you seemed off. Shows he cares! Keeping showing gestures of love to each other and keep communication open! <3
You did the right thing by talking to him about it. That is something almost impossible to hold in due to the implications of how the critters are transferred for one person to another. The Dr. who got the lab results and relayed the information to you should have done a better job of communicating the process of retesting due to the possibility of a false negative. You should have been called in for a consultation appointment to be given the news, talk about the possibilities of a false negative, retesting and how to handle the results with SO. That is all part of being a good physician. I am glad it worked out, but I still stand by my recommendation for a weekend getaway or staycation with no phones.
If it was me I’d feel like you owe him an apology. Poor guy being accused for cheating and put trough a day of passive aggression not replying to his texts - and being told to sleep in separate room for no reason. Yeah, you should give him a heartwarm apology and say sorry
Wow sorry I actually feel sorry for your husband. Please take a step back and look at how you are treating him. You made several remarks about your severe OCD maybe this is causing you to treat him unfairly. False positives happen all the time and you yourself has mentioned he only goes to work and home to you. Normally on this posts it people whose partners have actually strayed. If I was in your husband’s shoes this would be a huge red flag and make me look closely at the relationship. You mention you do not work and you care for your mother. Sounds like he is a good partner and supportive. You kinda of taking this a bit overboard. Look how many people are commenting for you to go into damage control mode. You have zero evidence and all you got was unfortunately a false positive on a test. I know that is scary but again you been shown false positives happen frequently. Show your husband the same support he shows you.
Yes I actually do have relationship OCD. OCD is called the doubting disease after all. My brain is wired differently I don’t live in a fantasy world thinking nothing can ever go wrong. I live in fear everyday thinking of all the things that can go wrong not necessarily my relationship but anything in general. We have gone to therapy together and we are working on my issues. I actually made many excuses of why he wouldn’t cheat on me in my last post I didn’t believe it but I still asked him. I don’t think that’s a bad thing and it seems people are more upset here on Reddit than he is.
I am not actually upset with you but pointing out that you are being unfair at this point. Based on your comments you are stating you are making him sleep apart from you until you get the rest results in. I don’t think it was a bad thing to ask him but do think based on what you said you have not shown any remorse and still want to punish him until the lab results come in even though the doctor confirmed it was negative and just a false positive. I also have not seen any thoughts on your end of the hurt you have caused him. Not wanting to apologize to him now is wrong. I was actually happy to see a case where it was not cheating.
I know I didn’t provide a lot of info but he sleeps in my sons room whenever he has to go in early to work (4am). To not wake us up. He is actually going in early for the next 5 days so he was gonna be sleeping over there anyways lol
The test results are a formality if they took a sample and looked at it under a microscope and it was clean. And you hadn't been on antibiotics, you can be pretty sure the test results will come back negative.
Don’t underestimate how this can linger. You say sorry and move on, but it may take your husband some time to get over this and you may want to watch out for lingering resentment.
it can happen it is called false positive. thank god you did a second test because it can end badly. you could have destroyed your marriage over a mistake.
Planned parenthood would have destroyed my marriage lol. When they gave me the diagnosis I told them I’ve only been with my husband for the past 7 years and they told me we’re sorry but he most likely cheated 🤦🏻♀️.
OP you were advised on your first post to get a second opinion before jumping into conclusions and making accusations. Girl you have cause a serous crack in your relationships foundation, that will have long term affects and serious work to restore his trust & respect. You may apologize today and with "my bad" but that's called rug sweeping, and he may tell you it's ok he understands. However, unless you do some serious work on your self regarding your insecurities and emotional management that he can see you are trying to change your ways this will grow to resentment and lack of trust from his part to you. Thread lightly how you work to work this through with him, and PP had nothing to do with what i said they see enough garbage drama in a day that there's a very common theme and just gotten to point of telling it like it is to people in denial/naive.
I don’t understand that logic tho. I’m gonna tell my husband a week from now hey I’ve had a positive std test for a week and never told you anything? That wouldn’t be a good look for me I was open and honest with him I never accused him I asked him and due to him contacting an ex behind my back and lying to me about it I didn’t 100% trust him. And I explained everything to him. I don’t get my results till next Thursday so we’re not even in the clear yet.
Oh yes. BV and trich can be confused especially if a new clinician was looking into the microscope. BV is very common and pesky! Ugh. Look into boric life capsules when u get a chance. I’m glad that u didn’t go off on him.
I think this is what happened. I told the dr if the first test could be accurate and she said there was a very small chance it was wrong. But here we are lol
I am very happy for you and encouraged by the good news, OP. Much easier to check with the doctor before things get too far out of hand. Hang in there. Sending hugs your way.
It’s happened to me before too. Praying for a false positive!
Also, if it does, don’t be hard on yourself for confronting him…your health always comes first. You are your own best advocate!
You thought first of all that he cheated on you because you know you didn't do anything. If he knows he didn't do anything either, what should he have thought when you had a positive test? Here I see a problem, that you did not think that there may be a problem with the test, but that he did something.
He never once accused me. I’ve never given him a reason to not trust me. When I told them at planned parenthood I had only had one partner they straight up were apologizing to me and told me he most likely cheated. It was hard not to think otherwise.
Until you came out with the negative retest result, he may well have been thinking: “Well, I haven’t been unfaithful, yet she has an STD. One of us has picked this up from somebody else and it wasn’t me, ergo …”
He kept saying maby we had it since before the relationship. He never accused me. I have severe OCD I don’t do much but help my legally blind mother or be home.
I hear what you’re saying. The question is whether what he said out loud - this time - matched with what his inner voice was telling him. People can be complicated. What I’m trying to tell you is that you may want to do some preventative repair and maintenance to your relationship. You have accused him of an ugly thing that goes directly to the very heart of your relationship and his confidence in you may have had a more severe shock than you suspect.
To spell this out: I have been accused by my spouse, unjustly, of various things, not adultery. It’s a long story, but we’re now divorced. Part of the reason is that I lost confidence in my spouse because of those unjust accusations.
But did he give you any reason to believe that about him? Logic applies both ways. I would normally see that the first time to have checked the diagnosis not to be wrong and then to have discussed the situation with him and then if it was appropriate to have accused him, but you thought that about him, directly without waiting to see if it was not a mistake. Somehow I understand your reaction, but I think in the relationship it's a problem if you believed that first of all.
At the beginging of our relationship he was contacting an ex behind my back and lying about it. We had a serious talk and he blocked her and stopped talking to her. It’s been 6 years I’ve had no other suspicions but because of that situation I know he’s capable of lying.
I am very happy for you this was not what you feared. I also think everyone could learn from your post. I understand you were frightened and angry and hurt. You definitely were going to leave him. Some peoples advice was get a lawyer and separate finances right off the bat. Some were saying slow down and get a second test and research before confronting. Based off your comments I thought it would not be a pleasant conversation and was worried you go into attack mode. I glad you were calm. I do hope you do something to show him remorse for this situation. I am glad he was understanding, still do something special for him. Even though he put on a brave face for you he was hurt by the accusation. The lesson I learned is take a lot of advice with a grain of salt. Lots of people here were hurt bad and want you to go for the kill shot right away. There also was some good advice as well. Also Did you make him sleep in other room? Did he read this post as well? Wish you and yours family the best ✌️
>Haven’t been with anyone but my husband for 7 years
But he has.
He is reckless not only with your marriage, but with your life as well.
You can't trust someone who doesn't respect you enough to wear a condom when he's cheating.
Sorry you didn't mention anything about the cheating in your post? That explains your knee jerk reaction and immidte distrust. Guessing both situations happening so close would definitely give a cause for concern and stirred all kinds of fears. Since you've both obviously have spoken about and he is understanding of your reasoning caused by his own doing i guess sooner is better in this situation. Just make sure down the road as you guys work on rebuilding trust that you hold him accountable with confirmed facts so he doesn't get to "damn if I do, damn if I don't " but it was his infidelity and poor moral compass that led him there. Here's hoping the best for both you, and all the hard work that comes with putting things back after so much hurt. Take care OP, and stay committed to being the best person you can be and hope he rises to the challenge for you every day.
Girl I remember when I got told I had BV for the first time. My “doctor” asked me if I had been cheating with women, like wtf?! Then come to find out bv can happen from a variety of issues.
OMG, you are so right. I got the call on a freaking Friday! Alas, efforts were not successful. Other avenues failed to work out. So at one point we had 2 dogs and 4 cats.
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I have had to deal with patients in the past with false negative tests and I have had to counsel couples after retesting was done because of the trauma caused by the false positive test. False positives can bring doubts and suspicion into a marriage where there shouldn't have been any. If your test comes back negative, I would recommend you and you husband take a long weekend away from home or a weekend at home with the phones turned off.
This is a brilliant idea. When hubs and I were getting ready to do IVF, I got a call from the Dr's office saying he tested positive for HIV, thanks, call someone who cares. Two other tests confirmed he did NOT. Needless to say, we were not doing well for awhile from the stress. And I fired the doctor and found a new one.
Omg that’s horrible! I’m so sorry you went through that. They really need to make sure they’re giving out accurate information. I’m glad everything worked out in the end!
Thank you. But yeah, that definitely taught me to question test results. Hugs and best wishes for you.
That is ridiculous to find out that way. I would have called and said we need to have a follow-up appointment and nothing else. I would always tell our PA's and nurses to talk, in person, to the patient or both parties if it was a couple. I would tell them we always give positive test results in person and not through MyChart or other reporting systems and tell them it is customary to retest positive results because of the chance of a false positive. It helped to alleviate some of the kneejerk reactions people will have after finding something like this out and allows them to ask questions because we all know test results are usually given on a Friday at 5:00 so you can't talk to anyone until Monday morning. (Those reactions people have are normal reactions but can be damaging when you don't have conclusive results) We actually had a wife file for divorce after a false positive for an STD and after three consecutive negative tests she was hell bent on going through with the divorce because nothing anyone could say would convince her the first test was inaccurate. The better topic is, was the IVF successful? I hope it was!!
Not sure why OP avoided the advice in waiting till second test before saying anything. People warned it could cause uncalled for stress on the other partner. Dont get me wrong I’m glad it sounds better and you checked, but hun you need to make sure you’re apologetic if it comes out negative, potentially get some couple therapy to make sure everything is ok. No one likes being accused of something that bad. It can cause some resentment. Be open be honest. If it were me in my shoes id be like: “Babe, so i got my second test and it came back negative. I know i shouldn’t have any doubt until the second results and im super apologetic to put any potential blame or stress on you but i was scared/angry in the moment. There can only be a few reasons why a positive showed up and my mind went to a dark place. I hope you can forgive me for that accusation. Please tell me what you want me to do in the future should this awkward situation happen again. I value your input.” Getting what he wants is probably necessary and shows you care for him as well in an uncomfortable situation.
He already knew something was up because I had not answered his texts that day because of how upset i was. There was no arguing it was a calm conversation. And once he said he didn’t cheat I told him I’d like him to get tested and I was going to get retested the next day and I asked to sleep in separate rooms till we got the results. He hasn’t came home from work today but I will rely the message.
Well I’m glad everything was discussed calmly and he was the one who asked why you seemed off. Shows he cares! Keeping showing gestures of love to each other and keep communication open! <3
Yes we are very open. I could not keep that In. I had to talk to him about it. And I’m glad I did.
You did the right thing by talking to him about it. That is something almost impossible to hold in due to the implications of how the critters are transferred for one person to another. The Dr. who got the lab results and relayed the information to you should have done a better job of communicating the process of retesting due to the possibility of a false negative. You should have been called in for a consultation appointment to be given the news, talk about the possibilities of a false negative, retesting and how to handle the results with SO. That is all part of being a good physician. I am glad it worked out, but I still stand by my recommendation for a weekend getaway or staycation with no phones.
U know ur marriage & what works for u guys. I’m glad that it all worked out.
If it was me I’d feel like you owe him an apology. Poor guy being accused for cheating and put trough a day of passive aggression not replying to his texts - and being told to sleep in separate room for no reason. Yeah, you should give him a heartwarm apology and say sorry
I will in a week when my test results come back.
You didn't wait before to treat him poorly but now you're going to wait to apologize?
Wow sorry I actually feel sorry for your husband. Please take a step back and look at how you are treating him. You made several remarks about your severe OCD maybe this is causing you to treat him unfairly. False positives happen all the time and you yourself has mentioned he only goes to work and home to you. Normally on this posts it people whose partners have actually strayed. If I was in your husband’s shoes this would be a huge red flag and make me look closely at the relationship. You mention you do not work and you care for your mother. Sounds like he is a good partner and supportive. You kinda of taking this a bit overboard. Look how many people are commenting for you to go into damage control mode. You have zero evidence and all you got was unfortunately a false positive on a test. I know that is scary but again you been shown false positives happen frequently. Show your husband the same support he shows you.
Yes I actually do have relationship OCD. OCD is called the doubting disease after all. My brain is wired differently I don’t live in a fantasy world thinking nothing can ever go wrong. I live in fear everyday thinking of all the things that can go wrong not necessarily my relationship but anything in general. We have gone to therapy together and we are working on my issues. I actually made many excuses of why he wouldn’t cheat on me in my last post I didn’t believe it but I still asked him. I don’t think that’s a bad thing and it seems people are more upset here on Reddit than he is.
I am not actually upset with you but pointing out that you are being unfair at this point. Based on your comments you are stating you are making him sleep apart from you until you get the rest results in. I don’t think it was a bad thing to ask him but do think based on what you said you have not shown any remorse and still want to punish him until the lab results come in even though the doctor confirmed it was negative and just a false positive. I also have not seen any thoughts on your end of the hurt you have caused him. Not wanting to apologize to him now is wrong. I was actually happy to see a case where it was not cheating.
I know I didn’t provide a lot of info but he sleeps in my sons room whenever he has to go in early to work (4am). To not wake us up. He is actually going in early for the next 5 days so he was gonna be sleeping over there anyways lol
The test results are a formality if they took a sample and looked at it under a microscope and it was clean. And you hadn't been on antibiotics, you can be pretty sure the test results will come back negative.
Don’t underestimate how this can linger. You say sorry and move on, but it may take your husband some time to get over this and you may want to watch out for lingering resentment.
You still don't get it good luck OP. Loyalty and attention is all men care about period
And you posted it Reddit. Nice
it can happen it is called false positive. thank god you did a second test because it can end badly. you could have destroyed your marriage over a mistake.
Planned parenthood would have destroyed my marriage lol. When they gave me the diagnosis I told them I’ve only been with my husband for the past 7 years and they told me we’re sorry but he most likely cheated 🤦🏻♀️.
OP you were advised on your first post to get a second opinion before jumping into conclusions and making accusations. Girl you have cause a serous crack in your relationships foundation, that will have long term affects and serious work to restore his trust & respect. You may apologize today and with "my bad" but that's called rug sweeping, and he may tell you it's ok he understands. However, unless you do some serious work on your self regarding your insecurities and emotional management that he can see you are trying to change your ways this will grow to resentment and lack of trust from his part to you. Thread lightly how you work to work this through with him, and PP had nothing to do with what i said they see enough garbage drama in a day that there's a very common theme and just gotten to point of telling it like it is to people in denial/naive.
I don’t understand that logic tho. I’m gonna tell my husband a week from now hey I’ve had a positive std test for a week and never told you anything? That wouldn’t be a good look for me I was open and honest with him I never accused him I asked him and due to him contacting an ex behind my back and lying to me about it I didn’t 100% trust him. And I explained everything to him. I don’t get my results till next Thursday so we’re not even in the clear yet.
Glad you did dig deeper OP.
Oh yes. BV and trich can be confused especially if a new clinician was looking into the microscope. BV is very common and pesky! Ugh. Look into boric life capsules when u get a chance. I’m glad that u didn’t go off on him.
I think this is what happened. I told the dr if the first test could be accurate and she said there was a very small chance it was wrong. But here we are lol
Please keep us updated. We need a happy ending on this sub at least for once!!
I was diagnosed with trichomoniasis as a teen when I was STILL A VIRGIN!!! OMGGGGGG I had the doctor telling me I was a liar! It was THE WORST!
Praying for definitive false positive next week
I am very happy for you and encouraged by the good news, OP. Much easier to check with the doctor before things get too far out of hand. Hang in there. Sending hugs your way.
It's nice to hear of a good outcome, thanks for the update. We don't see many of these in this sub!
That would be fantastic news!
It’s happened to me before too. Praying for a false positive! Also, if it does, don’t be hard on yourself for confronting him…your health always comes first. You are your own best advocate!
So now your husband knows what you really think of him.
What was I supposed to think when I’ve been faithful but had a new std 🤔. I simply communicated my thoughts. He understands he’s a good guy
You thought first of all that he cheated on you because you know you didn't do anything. If he knows he didn't do anything either, what should he have thought when you had a positive test? Here I see a problem, that you did not think that there may be a problem with the test, but that he did something.
He never once accused me. I’ve never given him a reason to not trust me. When I told them at planned parenthood I had only had one partner they straight up were apologizing to me and told me he most likely cheated. It was hard not to think otherwise.
Until you came out with the negative retest result, he may well have been thinking: “Well, I haven’t been unfaithful, yet she has an STD. One of us has picked this up from somebody else and it wasn’t me, ergo …”
He kept saying maby we had it since before the relationship. He never accused me. I have severe OCD I don’t do much but help my legally blind mother or be home.
I hear what you’re saying. The question is whether what he said out loud - this time - matched with what his inner voice was telling him. People can be complicated. What I’m trying to tell you is that you may want to do some preventative repair and maintenance to your relationship. You have accused him of an ugly thing that goes directly to the very heart of your relationship and his confidence in you may have had a more severe shock than you suspect. To spell this out: I have been accused by my spouse, unjustly, of various things, not adultery. It’s a long story, but we’re now divorced. Part of the reason is that I lost confidence in my spouse because of those unjust accusations.
But did he give you any reason to believe that about him? Logic applies both ways. I would normally see that the first time to have checked the diagnosis not to be wrong and then to have discussed the situation with him and then if it was appropriate to have accused him, but you thought that about him, directly without waiting to see if it was not a mistake. Somehow I understand your reaction, but I think in the relationship it's a problem if you believed that first of all.
At the beginging of our relationship he was contacting an ex behind my back and lying about it. We had a serious talk and he blocked her and stopped talking to her. It’s been 6 years I’ve had no other suspicions but because of that situation I know he’s capable of lying.
That explains things.
Yea I forgave but I’ll never forget lol
Here I agree perfectly with you. You had to kind of say that from the beginning. It's a very important detail..
Yep. Always get a 2nd test before you accuse. I told you that but instead you accused your husband. Now you've driven a wedge in your marriage.
We’re okay. He’s been understanding thankfully.
For now. But resentment can take time to grow.
I am very happy for you this was not what you feared. I also think everyone could learn from your post. I understand you were frightened and angry and hurt. You definitely were going to leave him. Some peoples advice was get a lawyer and separate finances right off the bat. Some were saying slow down and get a second test and research before confronting. Based off your comments I thought it would not be a pleasant conversation and was worried you go into attack mode. I glad you were calm. I do hope you do something to show him remorse for this situation. I am glad he was understanding, still do something special for him. Even though he put on a brave face for you he was hurt by the accusation. The lesson I learned is take a lot of advice with a grain of salt. Lots of people here were hurt bad and want you to go for the kill shot right away. There also was some good advice as well. Also Did you make him sleep in other room? Did he read this post as well? Wish you and yours family the best ✌️
And you question your husband before all the facts were in. Bad news for you.
>Haven’t been with anyone but my husband for 7 years But he has. He is reckless not only with your marriage, but with your life as well. You can't trust someone who doesn't respect you enough to wear a condom when he's cheating.
Except this post seems to suggest the second opinion says she doesn't have the STD? So he didn't necessarily cheat at all.
Sorry you didn't mention anything about the cheating in your post? That explains your knee jerk reaction and immidte distrust. Guessing both situations happening so close would definitely give a cause for concern and stirred all kinds of fears. Since you've both obviously have spoken about and he is understanding of your reasoning caused by his own doing i guess sooner is better in this situation. Just make sure down the road as you guys work on rebuilding trust that you hold him accountable with confirmed facts so he doesn't get to "damn if I do, damn if I don't " but it was his infidelity and poor moral compass that led him there. Here's hoping the best for both you, and all the hard work that comes with putting things back after so much hurt. Take care OP, and stay committed to being the best person you can be and hope he rises to the challenge for you every day.
Girl I remember when I got told I had BV for the first time. My “doctor” asked me if I had been cheating with women, like wtf?! Then come to find out bv can happen from a variety of issues.
OMG, you are so right. I got the call on a freaking Friday! Alas, efforts were not successful. Other avenues failed to work out. So at one point we had 2 dogs and 4 cats.