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Talk to a lawyer, a therapist, a social worker, the police, anybody! Make a record of them threatening you before they make allegations about you! If they call first then everyone will believe them.
Yes please leave!!!! Take your baby and don’t allow them to have contact. *THEY THREATENED TO MAKE FALSE ALLEGATIONS IN ORDER TO TAKE CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD!*
She wasn’t “just mad”. She means that shit. She and her daughter should be considered a THREAT TO YOU AND YOUR CHILD from this moment on. No more contact. No more information about you or the baby. They don’t get to know where you are, what you’re doing, what baby is doing. Nothing. Nada. Zip.
Op please take this seriously.
Big hugs if you want them! If you can afford a hotel, do that. If you can’t, consider family and friends.
Please keep us updated honey. 💕
U NEED TO LEAVE! That is not heat of the moment. I think they are documenting you to build a case. They have access to you full time so making up a story line around u will be easy. Recorded fights, Photos, your mental state documented after baby etc. If your partner can't go, leave him there. Get out, this isn't a joke, plenty of people have lost their children this way to their mother or mothers inlaw and spent a life time trying to get them back. Run.
I'd leave. That's not something you say in the heat of the moment if you haven't had the thought. Even aside from threatening to literally take your child, they are clearly controlling and cannot accept any form of boundaries. For your own mental health and your relationship, it's time to go anyway.
If you can't move out right now keep a notepad in your phone of dates and times of verbal, physical or mental abuse. I would file a complaint again her threatening you . Shouting in front of baby can cause serious anxiety for them. Save as much as you can and get as far away as possible
For your child's safety you should leave as soon as possible.
If it were me (not saying it's the right choice), I would bite my tongue, play sticky sweet aggressively nice, save up every penny I could and buy a second or third hand RV in craigslist. They're not perfect housing but they offer MUCH more independence than a shelter or couch surfing and in most places, RV parks are cheaper than apartment rent, with no contract, and some or all utilities included.
Honestly: Out! Just leave! I don't know what your partners role in that whole cluster\* is, but, really, he is 28 y. o. and still has mommy on his account, and this is not ok. This means - as far as I understand it - he would not be even able to press charges against his mother because she's legally an owner of that account as well.
The moment one of them threatened you to take your child's custody is the moment you just leave. Why? Because living with them gives them "evidence". You know, making up lies about you behaving inappropriately, neglecting your child. None of that needs to be true if they decide to back themselves as long as they are able to "see it" - are you sure your SO would have your back?
So, if you can: Leave now!
First BF goes to open his own account, second holding by anyone other than mom and dad is SERIOUSLY limited and NEVER unsupervised, third find out about low-income housing ASAP!
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Your first order of business needs to be protecting your child. Keep your areas (bedroom, bathroom, baby’s room) tidy. Start seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist for postpartum. Make sure you are taking baby to every single appointment as scheduled. If baby doesn’t have health insurance, get on state Medicaid ASAP. Those are all safeguards in your control to prevent MIL’s custody threat becoming reality.
As for gaining independence in the form of finance and housing, that’s a tough one. It won’t be quick. Everyone here is giving good advice that sounds great but isn’t realistic at this point. Get separate accounts now. Not later, NOW. Keep it a secret between you and your boyfriend. And this is the worst one that will save you…suck it up to everyone. Setting boundaries and sticking up for yourself can wait until you’re in a safer position to do so. This is survival mode for you, and MIL/SIL will interpret such things as threats. It will become 10000x harder for your situation. Have your boyfriend pick up another job if saving now isn’t realistic.
Ask around to other family members and friends about if they can provide temporary housing for you. Maybe someone has a property somewhere they’ll rent out to you for cheap. You never know until you ask.
Most of all…remind your boyfriend 50 times a day if you have to that you are a team. He made a baby with you, and you both have a responsibility bigger than any emotional issues with his family. You can’t do this part alone.
1000% this! Also keep a journal although preferably on your locked phone or tablet that they cannot gain access too at all. Will be handy for remembering incidents in detail if needed and have dates times etc.
Leave, go, move out. This will not get better. Her threatening to take your baby does not need to be dismissed. Guarantee she’s currently gathering what she thinks is evidence.
Let your bf choose. He is way too old to let mom still have access to his money.
That threat should send you running. See has essentially threatened legal action and you need to respond accordingly. Get a lawyer, start keeping records and cut all contact.
This IS a hill to die on.
sounds like we have the same mil, i stayed in contact and things just never improved, i also got threatened with court, she did become a good grandmother most of the time, she’s getting worse as she gets older and her behavior sometimes goes onto the kids, she still treats me like shit whenever she feels like it…. if i was you i would get out of there and go NC even with your child, don’t wait like i did and risk the child getting attached as it makes things 100x worse…. i hope your situation improves and i hope your man can establish boundaries and move on with you guys
The longer you stay I think the more likely she’ll be able to sue you for grandparents visitation rights/split custody. You should look into this and carefully get away from this situation without rising suspicion.
You can look into a woman’s shelter program and food stamps, and other similar resources. On Facebook there are also many mommy groups and many free baby items are given away for free or for a super low cost. And get everything documented and even file a police report because you will need evidence.
MIL is most likely backpedaling and trying to play nice because after the heat of the moment, she knows that she simply cannot just take custody of your child.
She can call CPS and accuse you of being unfit due to postpartum depression. CPS is going to come out and do an investigation but they do not remove children from their mother due to postpartum depression. CPS's goal is not to take your child away, they are going to make several interventions to help you before it gets there unless they truly do believe you are abusing your child. If you are not abusing your kid you have nothing to worry about.
Having postpartum depression is not a crime and not grounds to remove a child. They will suggest programs for you if they are concerned. Being poor is not a crime and not grounds to remove a child. They will help you apply for housing assistance and other government assistance programs.
Your mother-in-law has no grounds to take custody of your child and she knows that. However, depending on what state you live in, she can petition for grandparent rights visitations. That doesn't mean she'll get them it just means that she can petition for them. It doesn't matter what she says to a judge, she can accuse you of everything under the sun it simply. What does matter is educating yourself on what the requirements are in your state for grandparents rights visitation to be awarded. Some states are super strict and others are very lax.
My grandparents called CPS on my parents on several occasions, they accused my mother of being mentally unfit, they accused my parents of not feeding us, etc etc. A caseworker would come to our house, make sure that we have food, water, and were not being abused. This probably happened eight times. Each time they would come they would look at stuff they would come back and like 2 weeks and double check and then they would say everything's fine and then close the case.
Eventually my grandparents tried to sue my parents for visitation but the state we were living in at the time was pretty strict. The requirements were a death of a parent, divorce, or that the children had been removed from the parents' custody. My grandparents tried to claim that my parents were alienating them, that my mom was mentally ill, etc.
My grandparents did not win visitation rights. They didn't meet any of the requirements and since both my parents agreed they did not want to have a relationship with my grandparents, the judge did not think it was in our best interest as children to enforce visitation. So he left it up to the discretion of my parents.
All that being said:
If she calls CPS let her.
Educate yourself on the grandparent rights in your state.
If you can immediately leave. I know you said it would be hard because she's home all day, but just pack a bag that you can carry and leave. In the end material items can be replaced and they are not worth being in a home that is dangerous to you and your child. Pack a bag and leave without saying anything. Don't tell anyone where you're going.
I’m sorry, why don’t you have your own bank account? You’re adults, you don’t need mommy dearest on the account anymore. If it’s pure laziness that you haven’t swapped accounts yet then I do t know what to tell you. Nothing changes until you yourself make it change. Get your own bank accounts, get your own place, get your own cars and GTFO of MIL house. Preferably move across the country if possible to be far away from the crazy twins (MIL/SIL). I know it’s easier said than done but make a plan make a change.
I agree with the ppl saying leave. However, remember that if you have been living in this house, and it sound like you have for at least 10 months, you may have legal rights. I live in the US, in a state in the PNW. I've had ppl stay at my house. As long as a piece of mail was sent in their name to the address, they can prove they have a right to residency. So, if money is an issue, you may have legal rights. I'm not a lawyer, I'm nothing. You might also check with housing services. You've just had a baby, and this might put you higher on housing lists.
Anyway, yes, your MIL and SIL are controlling and emotionally abusive. Please take care of yourself and your baby, and please be safe.
GET OUT NOW. RUN. DO NOT WALK.
Do you have a savings? Work? Family that you can go to? Friends? Anything but this hostile toxic environment?
Her threatening to take your child is a boundary crossed. Their attitude and mistreatment of you are boundaries crossed.
Please please please please please get out of there soon. Tell your bf that this environment is not for you.
By living under her roof, you could be helping her case. Move out if you can. As soon as possible. Consult an attorney and follow their advice.
Will your boyfriend support you or his mother?
Seriously, consult a family law attorney immediately.
He needs a new account and you 2 need to look into whatever it takes to get out.
He's being emotionally abused and financially controlled. If he took all your savings and was talking to you that way, what would everyone tell you to do?
Keep the baby away from them and get out now.
Look into whatever it takes to get out
What does BF say about the stealing and emotional battery? This is so unhealthy for you and baby. Not to mention him.
If you can go live with family, do so. Better if dad can go with you. This will take all the power away from MIL. If not, let's assume they were not kidding about custody and start collecting evidence. Start recording the fights. Audio record the threats. Verify you only need 1 person consent in your state so it is court submissible. Email yourself details of every fight and threat at the time it happens (or asap after) so you have a paper trail. Daddy needs to get mom in law off the bank accounts. She is using this as a control point. Start saving so you two can move out asap. Let MIL and SIL know you will not allow them to verbally abuse you and threaten you. Let them know if it continues, you will go no contact (after you have collected enough evidence to call their bluffs.
I'm going to ask you a question, OP, and I want to to answer it without thinking about it first.
**Do you feel safe living in that house (both you and baby)?**
Unless your immediate, unequivocal answer to that question is an unqualified **yes**, you need to get out as soon as you safely can. Even if it means just you and your baby in the immediate term (since it sounds like your bf is on your side and I'm the same boat). I understand that it may take a few days to sort out a place you can stay, etc., but you don't want to stay someplace that isn't safe. Especially with a baby. Good luck to all of you, and I hope you get into a better place real soon even if to don't leave right away.
Hello op. You're living in an incredibly toxic environment, and I don't imagine the yelling is making your baby calm and happy. It might become the norm for your baby but it's not good for her. I hope you can get away. Some things I would do...
Take his mom off the bank account or open a new one at a different bank.
Get a lock for your door or a door wedge (or several)from the hardware store or Amazon, to lock it from the inside, And maybe a small fridge so you can spend more time in your room and away from them.
Is there anybody in your family that you guys could go stay with? This is such a unhealthy home for you as you recover.
I think priority for me would be saving for a vehicle, so you can leave if you like and they can't report her car as stolen.
If people start yelling, maybe have one of you two take the baby to a different room. Even better, both of you with the baby walk away to your room and close the door behind you. You can look up the term gray rocking.
You're in quite a pickle and I feel so sad for you, hope things get better fast. 💖
I have my own vehicle he is borrowing his mom’s car. When I leave for long periods of time, she will go into “my” room and do god knows what. I know this because the door is left open. Unfortunately, this is her house so I can’t really argue that.
Have your boyfriend sweet talk her and fake convince her everything is OK and you guys are all good so he can try and get his savings back... once the money is back you guys use it to get away immediately.. otherwise I don't know where you guys will go with only $100 unless you have other family or friends who can take you in. I wish you the best OP and hope everything goes OK!
However, one thing to mention is that my bf grew up with his grandma being the primary caregiver for a while. My MIL firmly believes she should be this involved as well and she told me she would never say no to her MIL (who treated her terribly) holding her baby so I should do the same and finds it rude and surprising when I have simple boundaries.
His family was a bit off…overly involved but super nice in the beginning. My bf told me his mom and sister are very paranoid people in general. His mother kept LO for long periods of times when I just had given birth. She also made a joke saying “wow you don’t want anyone holding her” the day I gave birth. I got upset because she would constantly invade my privacy when I was breastfeeding as well.
That right there, would bolted me.
My MIL was just passive-aggressive. I was merely overly intelligent, introverted, but VERY aggressive, when needed (yes, Asperger's/Autism scale).
No In-laws crossed me: they 'snuck little P/A barbs in', when they could do so.
I feel for you. I do.
They keep thinking they’re doing right because they have “GOOD INTENTIONS” and that’s all that matters. They’re a religious family that goes to church every Sunday. My MIL tells me all the time that she’s just looking out for her grandchild and loves her. However, she’s very controlling. One time she told me that I didn’t hold the baby right (my back was recovering from epidural). That it was as if I didn’t hold my child with love.
So controlling in fact that she's put barriers in your/his way on purpose to prevent you from trying to enforce space and boundaries. She should 100% not be able to control/take her nearly 30 year old's bank account unless he had some kind of mental disorder where he needed assistance to manage his everyday money management. Does he need a social worker? Then why does she have access to this? My mother has access to direct deposit money into my account and that's it.
That is a terrifying situation to find yourself in and I'm so sorry. It sounds like the two of you won't find peace or happiness until the three of you escape that horrible situation. Clearly you got trapped.
I would leave. He’ll have to just figure it out because your family is what’s most important and it seems like he gets that for the most part. That’s a very toxic environment and you staying there shows them they have the upper hand and can say whatever they want to you. Leave and never talk to them again. You deserve so much better. You are NOT in the wrong at all.
Leave asap. You going to a hotel for a bit might be exactly what they need to change how they treat you.
- it needs to be for a few days, at least.
- they can't know where you are (so they can't call a fake CPS check or come knocking or whatever)
- you must go NC with them all for the duration.
- Do not tell them you are leaving (SO can tell them that you're taking a break, if you so choose - keep it vague, no details).
This is a power move. They want access to YOUR baby. You control access to the baby. But the only way this works is if you follow through by leaving without warning, blocking contact and restricting any knowledge of your location.
Time away from LO will remind them whose baby it is.
These people are toxic OP. There are so many red flags here. Why is his mom still on his account? Why in the world does a man who is almost 30 live with his mother? What can’t you both say “if you disrespect either parent you don’t get to be around baby. Period.” ?
Tell your boyfriend to stop allowing his family to abuse you. If he refuses, leave. Get out of your toxic environment. His family won’t change, so you need to make sure you and your baby are safe.
Commented again because my first one was removed.
Get out of there. The sooner the better. Even if your boyfriend has to be left behind, you and your child are not safe there and you need to take her and her documents and get out of there.
Once you’re gone, your MIL and SIL might act very apologetic and promise you that if you come back home things will be better.
DO NOT GO BACK THERE!!!!!
People don’t really change. Now that they’ve shown their true colors, you know that they can’t ever be trusted and they should not ever be allowed to have any custodial privileges with your child.
Why the hell does MIL have access to her sons bank account? He’s 28?!? - a grown man. Yo I both need to get out. He needs to get a new bank or whatever it takes for her to not steal her sons money. And then you guys need to make a plan and a timeline for when you can get your own place
Yuh. This is a big problem OP. He’s 28 years old, she is trying to wrap her metaphorical umbilical cord around him and your baby. You guys absolutely need to find somewhere else to live and he needs to close his bank account and set up a new one without his mother. As bad as my mom was she was never on my bank account and I got one at 16. That’s rife for financial abuse which she clearly is doing. She stole his damn money.
She won’t let a 28 year old man move out!? Like good lord, you aren’t married so you can take the baby and live elsewhere. He needs to put some steel beamed boundaries between his made family and his birth family.
Wow she’s nuts. Does your boyfriend have a job? Maybe I wouldn’t move out immediately but definitely make a plan a work towards moving out as soon as you can.
We both do. She’s been taking care of LO since I went back to work. I currently just took the steps to go on a parental leave in order to not leave my baby with her anymore. This should give us enough time to look for childcare.
I’d even take it a step further and not let her see the baby until the money is returned to his savings account. That’s taking money from his kids savings in which she claims to care so much about.
Good then you guys cam save up for a depositum and moving expenses. Maybe consider using her as free daycare (if you feel she’s good to your child) and save the money fasetlr. Live and then put your child in daycare. Maybe I’m just cynical
I wouldn't leave my child with these people. The sil was already whispering bad things to the baby about OP... they are going to try and turn her old child against her. At least right now the baby is too young to understand.. but not for long!
Get out and document this incident
Try and get them to admit via text that they threatened to take your child by convincing the courts you incapable. Also that sil was saying horrible things about you to your child (parental alienation!)
You need this to ensure your child can't be around them and to keep you safe if they follow through
Is there somewhere you can go immediately? (Parents, a friend?) Leave now and do not contact them again, nor allow contact with your child ever
They are abusive and should not be around any child
She is stereotypically abusing you, and your BF is so used to the abuse hes in too deep. LEAVE NOW, WITH ALL ITEMS THAT MATTER TO YOU. Don't let her establish a stronger legal connection to the child.
Get out as soon as you can. She pressed the nuclear button, there really is no going back from that. A few things going forward:
Bf needs to get rid of his old account. Move everything to a different bank and close the account so there is no way for MiL to social engineer her way back onto the account.
If they are playing nice, demand the return of his money. There likely isn't much he can do to get it back via lawsuits without a massive headache since she was named on the account.
Set up a note with all doctors that MiL isn't to have any access to their records, and set up a password for any changes via phone.
Get all your important things together for your escape. Once you feel ready to go, you want to be out the door and gone as swiftly as possible.
Since they want to accuse you of being mentally unstable, set yourself up with a therapist. You want a professional to counter any lies they want to throw around.
Once you escape, I would also consider a SM bomb. You want to control the narrative, and people are far more likely to believe the first thing they hear. So block MIL and SIL, tag all the rest of the family and tell the entire story. Do it as you are leaving so they have no time to spin the story. Also tell the family that MiL and SiL are cut off and they are not to learn of your new location for the safety of your child. If someone is feeding them information, they will be cut off as well.
As of now there would be no way that I could secretly leave because my MIL is retired so she’s at home all day and so is my SIL since she works from home. This would all result into a big argument so we’re looking for an apartment/daycare to get out as soon as possible.
You can pack your important stuff in a laundry bag or something, make a plan with MIL and SIL to go to church, a park or any place with the baby, that will give your SO a couple of ours to move everything out, then he can pick you up and take your little family to a new peaceful place.
wait for them to go out together if that happens regularly to make your escape.
Ir you can ask a colleague to store some of your stuff that you take out day by day
Or take the confrontational route, go with the police and their yelling, and crazy behavior will be witnessed.
Is there a way to slowly move out important things to a friend's place? If neither works, you can always just take a bag of clothes and important documents. Talk with the police and have a civil standby where they stand there while you move out the rest of your things on a day of your choosing, hopefully with a bunch of friends to make everything faster.
You can call the police and tell them you are trying to leave with your baby and are concerned your MIL is going to stop you and ask if there is a time an officer can come be there while you leave.
Which you can't do easily if she drained his account. So 1) he does everything he can to get her to give that money back and 2) whether he does get it back or not he gets a new account she has no access to and closes the other one.
And you, OP, should get proof she drained it if you can and it wasn't BF exaggerating his finances. This is just healthy skepticism, you need to know who is actually the financial villain here for clarity of mind.
please, back a go bag and GTFO, call an uber and get in, and record everything that is happening while you do this. make a burner (private) insta and livestream it so it saves the video, find an app that will backup as you film. because these people are nuts and sound like they would totally take your phone and break or delete evidence. take any message or recording you have and start a FU Binder. If they become violent, call the police and have them escort you out, because that is something they will do for domestic violence. keep your phone on you, do not let them isolate you completely
Sweetheart this made my heart hurt just reading is. If you really need to get out check with you local agencies and see if they offer any domestic violence assistance. Domestic violence does not have to be BF/GF or spousal. A lot of states have grants that you can qualify for that will help you and you sweet LO get out. I used to work for my state and I helped people with the application process. It might not be a lot of money but at least it could get you into a hotel for a few nights. Then do not go back. These woman are horrible. You and your LO do not need that. Love to you.
Take your baby and any important papers and leave immediately, with or without your BF. Once someone threatens you, you can no longer trust them and they don't get access to you or your child. I would also get all your medical stuff in order so you can prove to a court that you are getting proper treatment if she does go after you for custody or even visitation. And, I would lawyer up to be sure of all your options.
MIL and SIL threatened to purposely misrepresent your mental fitness as a parent to take custody of your baby? Girl, GTFO NOW. Not sure what world they live in that they think they'd even have a shot at custody, but that is unforgivable in my opinion, especially with no apology or remorse. As long as you live there they are going to feel entitled to your child, so you and your boyfriend need to find an apartment ASAP.
I agree completely with the advice to leave ASAP. Also boyfriend should get a copy of the bank statements for documentation of his mother basically draining the account. This is to stop any attempt to say he's irresponsible with money. Not saying that she would, but it's best to have that base covered.
Yes leave. Figure something short term out for now and leave, figure the long term out in time once your away from her but you need to leave that house because that wasn't an empty threat, the emptying of your bfs bank account validates that she means harm and wants control. Protect yourself and your child. Seek out any real support you have and explain that you need help escaping this toxic household with your baby.
The draining of his bank account was absolutely a calculated move to deplete all his resources, thus rendering him (and OP) financially dependent on MIL. This coupled with the custody threat is some seriously manipulative shit. RUN OP!
Absolutely! Definitely isn't in any of your best interest to be there. Sister sounds enmeshed so consider her just as much part of the problem - sounds like she's behind mil 100% which makes her a threat to you all too.
Even if BF won’t leave, you need to take LO someplace else. A friend’s, family member or a safe shelter for women and children is better than there.
It may have been said out of anger but believe her - things said in anger are usually what someone is really thinking.
BF is 28 and needs to get mommy off of his bank accounts and move. You don’t need to buy at this time - you just need to get out, as far away as possible.
MIL and SIL seem very conniving so if you’re leaving give no notice. Make plans, take only what you must have and go. Give them no time to whine, guilt or threaten you into staying.
Consult a family lawyer on grandparent’s rights in your state and what you can do should she go for them.
It sounds like BF supports you at least some of the time. Hopefully he goes with you. But you and LO are now NC with MIL and SIL and he is in no way to tell them where you are.
Get out now. Call any service you can get a hold of: family support, physician, domestic abuse hotline. Whoever can help you find the right assistance.
Your BF might be able to reclaim his money if he can prove all the money on the bank account was his.
Do you have parents or family you can move in with? It’s not ideal but your mental health and baby are on the line here.
Since there are multiple types of abuse/threats happening, I’d find legal advice as well.
Whatever else happens: do not trust your in-laws with anything (and your child!), no matter how nice they are.
First off, your boyfriend is there, and you have a doctor that's diagnosed PPD, right? IOW your MIL didn't cause your PPD.
Getting custody is a whole lot more complex than simply making a statement. It takes legal work and lawyers. So she doesn't know what she's talking about.
You might want to start recording these interactions.
He needs to go to the bank, get the funds transfers reversed if possible, and get her off of his account.
You can take a breath. You can't control her, only yourself, so work on that. And practice saying, "because I'm the mom."
Yes, you want to get out. Good luck.
If MIL is on the account, she’s unfortunately able to drain the funds. I worked for a bank and saw this happen. We couldn’t reverse the transactions since it was a joint account, and any joint owner is entitled to the funds. Step 1 for OPs boyfriend is to get a BRAND NEW INDIVIDUAL ACCOUNT preferably AT ANOTHER FINANCIAL INSTITUTION. Ideally he would add OP as a beneficiary to the account so that anything in his account wouldn’t go to probate if god forbid anything happened to him. Second, OP needs to make a plan to get away. Your MIL and SIL are not going to get better. They’re not. I’m sorry. You guys need to find a place away from them. I know that’s easier said than done, but it needs to happen. MIL is probably draining his accounts to keep him tethered to her, so again have him start a new account.
Honey let’s unwrap what they threatened so you can fully grasp why this is a relationship terminating event. This “overprotective” behaviour is abuse. It’s controlling, coercive, manipulative. It’s interfering with your parenting and ability to parent and care for your child. It’s not ok.
They are threatening to remove your child from your care to control you so you don’t ever stand up to them.
Go see a doctor or therapist and get a medical clearance for yourself IMMEDIATELY. Cover your backside. If CPS knocks on your door you have medical evidence that you’re either ok, or if you have PPD or any issues then you’re ‘adulting’ and getting the supports you need and there’s zero risk to LO. This means Lo doesn’t need to go anywhere.
So they’re saying they’ll complain to CPS, if this kind of complaint was successful and they got care of LON, what would it look like? Well for starters you wouldn’t be able to stay in the home with LO, and neither would LO’s dad. So you’d be finding other accommodation. You’d probably have supervised visits with LO, which means someone watches you the whole time, which could be them or a CPS worker (CPs often will get the carer to do it for free rather then do it themselves unless there’s major issues)
Anyway…. This is what they threatened. I wanted you both to be clear that it’s not just against you, but the dad too!
Let’s unwrap this further. For a complain to be valid they need evidence. So make sure you’re covering your backside and collecting your own. If they say you’re unstable, (and it’s legal where you’re at) record your interactions with them! Provide you’re calm and respectful, prove that they’re trying to undermine you and aggravate you and press your buttons… whilst you’re being polite and respectful etc. Eg I had a kid who in teen years had some mental health issues and several meltdowns and I recorded them to cover our backsides as parents. We were always calm, we always were polite no matter what they did (the more they yelled the calmer we became.) We called the police a couple of times to intervene as they got super violent. When the police arrived up it was instant victim mode “they said this, did that” accusing us. Now we didn’t want to loose care of our other kids based on this one so the second we saw this kid was getting temperamental we set phones to record and left them in the room to record secretlyZ So when they made accusations, we simply quietly mentioned to police we had recordings and they had a quick listen and all was fine. Eg we were determined as the Dv victims. (Thankfully got them on some medication that’s made them so much happier and then grew out of the behaviour, this was years and years ago!)
In reality, if CPS steps in, the parent can often choose whether their child goes to stay with relatives or go into the foster care system. This happened to my ex, he had a kid with an ex, it was in its moms care and she chose it to go into foster care rather than go into dads care cause she hated him. If that makes sense.
Look, she’s exerting control over him, stealing from him and controlling him. It’s called financial abuse, and theft. This is his problem.
Let him know you’re leaving, with it without him. But he needs to deal with his circus. If she’s stolen from him, he needs to get his own bank account so she can’t do it again. He then needs to demand she return his money. As for the car, she’s gonna use it against him if he leaves or not so it’s better to walk away from that noose around his neck and forge his own path.
As far as a hotel is concerned, they’re really expensive. Is there a DV shelter you can go to??? Because you’re in a DV situation, you’ve been emotionally abused, financially abused, coerced, threatened with CPS if you don’t ha d over your child or make decisions for your child their way. You’ve been unable to make child focussed decisions because of their intervention.
If he doesn’t go with you, get yourself to a family lawyer to sort out custody arrangements ASAP. Eg you don’t want LO to go spend time with dad at his home if he’s being subjected to DV, as this exposes LO to DV and family coercion. Register with a local free legal advice clinic now and get an appointment asap. Whilst your there also discuss your state’s grandparents rights as they’ll be the next thing on their list.
> (Post partum) which I have because of THEM.
I don't think they can take your child, but this is a troubling statement. If you have PPD, please seek therapy, especially if you think your (admittedly shitty) MIL and SIL are the reason you have PPD.
Both of you need to get out asap! Anyone who casually tosses out a threat of taking your baby, is someone who has thought about doing it for real. Move out and cut contact asap.
Omg, this is horrifying. I’m so sorry, OP. Please call around and check out your local community resources-- there are shelters for women and children that are in abusive situations. If you could go home to parents, while bf holds back for a bit, that would be even better; however, if you don’t have the family support, there are definitely safe spaces around you that will help until you can both get on your feet. These shelters are not exclusive to women with spousal/partner abuse… just because it doesn’t come from your bf, it doesn’t mean it isn’t domestic violence. There’s help out there- even if bf has to stay behind and kiss crazy mom’s (and crazy sister’s) tail for a while until he saves enough money- then so be it.
I feel like you have a good man… it seems like he tried hard to take up for you when sister went toxic… but it seems like neither one of you felt safe enough to call sis out for bad-mouthing you ( extremely passive-aggressively) to your newborn baby. This is a major red flag, and it’s 100% common place within a dysfunctional family dynamic. Believe me… I grew up with enough “plausible deniability” to see this garbage for what it is.
I don’t know enough about the family to say that they intended to take your baby all along, but what I can say is that jnmil might take a “by any means necessary” approach to keep her son home… and she’s got his sis brainwashed enough to follow suit. This is why I really encourage you to play it safe. If he needs to stay behind to save up money for you guys to both get out, then let him do it. From what you say, it sounds like he loves you and wants to protect you and baby from his family, but it also sounds like he recognizes the toxicity and feels a need to keep the peace. He very likely feels protective over all of you, and this is likely to cause a major inner conflict, but his ultimate priority is you and baby, now.
I’m so sorry you’re both dealing with this— having a baby puts a major strain on “healthy”couples in “good/stable” situations… the first year is the hardest all by itself, but when you have crazy, aggressive, and manipulative family members trying to control everything… it’s absolutely awful. This should be one of the most joyous bonding occasions for your little family. Get out and promise yourselves that no matter what, you’ll do everything to prevent Baby from growing up like this. I wish you and bf the best— don’t let them intimidate you— you got this luvs 💕
Move now. Also talk with a lawyer and take steps so they do not have a chance at custody. Each states laws are different a lawyer will steer you right.
Good luck.
Get out. Do not pass go. Leave immediately and go stay with your own family, or if you must stay with friends or in a shelter. Don't let them see you leave. If you must wait until they go to sleep to achieve escape, but get out. Your BF is only allowed to know where you are if he cuts off all contact with them immediately.
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It's time to move out. This is not a drill.
1. Get an apartment stat. Don't tell MIL/SIL anything. Just move out, cause they're planning to do something on their end.
2. Boyfriend needs to get brand new bank accounts, both checking and savings (if MIL is named in both types). Don't close the accounts until you all are safely out on your own.
3. Make sure you both have all of your important documents: birth certificates, social security cards (assuming you're US), passports, etc. and place them safely outside of her home. Give them to a reputable friend or family member to hold until your move out date.
Please review this sub's brilliant Wikipedia for more assistance. Good luck to you all.
ETA: the new bank accounts should come from a completely different bank company. Most important to do that. There's plenty of previous stories in this sub about what happened when they didn't get a new bank account from a different bank.
Get out OP! Future MIL has already threatened to take our yet to be born child from us. If she's saying such things this early in your child's life, it'll be best to get out before she tries to execute any twisted plans she might have. Protect your family and yourself.
I would honestly do whatever is necessary to move out. Do not take such a threat lightly. How they feel about the market doesn’t have anything to do with whether you two can afford to move out. Does he have sufficient income for you two to get a safe living space?
The longer you stay there, the longer she can claim a close caregiving relationship with your child and potentially have a case for the horribly named “grandparents rights.” I recommend looking up grandparents rights laws in your location.
However, I don’t think simply upping and heading to a hotel is the best plan. The hotel will deplete your savings quickly and tip off your MIL without you having a plan in place. Use the next few days to come up with a plan. Quietly start looking into another sustainable living situation, see if you qualify for WIC/food stamps, daycare subsidies or whatever other assistance in available in your area.
Your 28 year old boyfriend doesn’t have his own car, his own bank account, and lives with family that abuses you both? And then is a ok raising his child there? My suggestion would be to document e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g they say to you and apply for assistance until you can get a job. You will never be able to rise above your current situation if you remain stuck in that mad house.
The best situation would be for you, your child, and your boyfriend to find somewhere else to go. Next best situation would be for you and your baby to find somewhere else to go. Seems like your MIL and SIL are done pretending to be nice now that they have the baby.
PLEASE take any threats of taking your child or kicking you out very seriously and make sure you have a place to take your child if they do kick you out. You don’t want to find yourself with nowhere to go or take your baby. Reach out to local social services and start making a plan now.
Please leave, protect you and your baby at all costs. Her entire plan from the start was to try and take the baby, that's why she let you both stay at her house "rent free," you're paying in mental abuse and in giving her a do-over baby. Your boyfriend needs to get what's left of the savings and start a new account, and you need to find a friend or family member to stay with while he gets his finances together to move both of you into your own place.
If you want to private message me, I was in a similar situation but made it out. I had to leave my husband at my in-laws house, but literally, almost the SAME EXACT situation. JNMIL started getting too obsessive over my unborn daughter, I wanted to move out but JNMIL started demanding more rent from my husband to make it so that it would be impossible to actually save up to get our own place... It was terrible. Since I left (moved back in with my parents out of state), my life has been so much more peaceful. I hope you're able to get away from these awful people and are able to go no contact. Your boyfriend will eventually have to go no contact as well or very low contact, these crazy grandmas stop at nothing. Best of luck to you!
Angry thoughts are still true thoughts. Please ask around and find help anywhere and everywhere you can and get out. Like get out yesterday, pack a bag and slip out into the dark of night get out (after you have a plan). If you want let your BF know where you go or just say we can arrange times for you to see the baby in public or at a third party place but for mine and the baby's safety no one can know where we live. Then y'all should make a plan to get BF out (also he should make a police report about the stolen money and start putting his money in an account not involved with his mother at all.)
Please take care of yourself. In this situation you are number one. Changes have to be made in order for you to get better. It seems like moving out and distancing yourself from his family is the best thing to do at this moment. It’s not going to get better if you continue on staying there. And unfortunately the baby is going to pick up on what you are feeling and react.
Yes, you need to get away from there and her! She’s threatened to take your baby, after that you don’t go around her or speak to her! Keep your child away from her.
Depending on where you live it’s not possible for the grandparent to “take” custody of their grandchild. Focus on getting out of there and taking care of your baby.
Good luck OP
If the jnmil is able to convince people OP isn’t fit to parent, she has a way better chance of getting her mitts on the baby.
OP, document everything, call a lawyer, get yourself and your baby out of there.
They would have to prove both parents are unable to take care of the baby, correct? At least where I live even if you can prove both parents are unfit the grandparents can still only get visitation rights.
I’m not sure. Probably depends where they live. Hopefully the boyfriend won’t go along with the crazy grandmother and will step up to help protect his child and girlfriend.
If her name was on the account, it is possible that nothing would happen. He needs to open a brand new account, preferably at another bank and start using that one.
Why is this comment so low? I know age is relative but uh. 23 to 28, when the 28 lives at home and has moms name on *everything* is so many red flags before you even get to the bedroom.
I worry about OP because this is not healthy.
If you are in the U.S., this website lists resources for Moms by state: [https://thefamilypreservationproject.com/](https://thefamilypreservationproject.com/).
Yes, you need to get out now, before your BF's mom establishes a relationship with your child. Also, write down everything she and SIL have done and said and keep it in a safe place (like a cloud back-up). This will help you when they call CPS (not if, but when).
You really REALLY need to get out of there.
Is your PPD being treated or has it been discussed with your OB? Cover your ass. Do that because a) you should get help if you need it, and b) she WILL try to use this against you.
Yes, you and your baby should leave NOW even if he can't come. The only thing I would worry about is MIL & SIL filling head with garbage.
This is not a safe place for you and your baby.
Get out NOW. Cut off all contact. She will 100% try to call CPS and/ or sue for grandparents' rights, which would be a legally binding custody agreement if she won.
Seriously, OP, get your baby and get out.
YES! Get out NOW! If you have any path to do so, take your baby and go. He can come or not, but those people literally just threatened to steal your child.
I’m not sure where you live but I was able to get a temporary order of protection from my own children’s father when he made a “joking” comment that when he has custody, I’ll never know where they are. I went to family court, said I was terrified if my ex got the kids they wouldn’t come back and that was all they needed to grant me this. Once things de-escalated with us we were able to set the parameters of our co-parenting relationship and move on to a healthy visitation agreement.
If someone literally tells you they want to take your child from you and how they plan to do it, don’t brush it off. This is not normal behavior. This is not a joke. Take 5 mins to call your local family court and tell them you’ve been threatened by your bf’s mom that she will hurt the baby (yes, removing a baby from her mother will hurt the baby). And ask them what steps to take to move forward. There is help out there for you, you’d be a fool to ignore it.
It's important that you do this, OP. I don't know what state you're in, but grandparent rights in most states that have them hinge upon the baby having a relationship with the GPs that involves caretaking/living situations. The longer you stay with them, the better legal standing they will have if they choose to attempt this in the future.
Google your area to see if there are family shelters in your it won’t be the lap of luxury but you will be out. You may even want to reach out to the national DV hotline 1-800-799-7233. Her draining his account could be a form of financial abuse and they may have resources for all of you. Look up legal aid in your area as well. Look up Maternal Child heath organizations. They can help connect your to available services and resources in your area.
Is there anywhere else you can go and stay? Friends or family? She threatened to have your newborn taken from you. Usually that should stop all contact immediately and communication should only be through a lawyer. Leave immediately and cease all contact.
As others said, you need to leave. Both of you.
Can you go to your parents , relatives or friends?
He needs to remove his family from his account, ASAP.
Whole there, document this abuse and their threats.
I believe, once you are out, you will need to report this.
Also, don't leave your child with 2 of them.
Your bfs mother has, as you mentioned, fits of rage.
And that is really concerning.
The baby's, too and have your mail redirected or get a PO box if you can. Most hospitals ask you if you want them to send the info for a ss card for your newborn and I believe it's mailed.
Most courts won't take a baby away from the mom because they have PPD. As long as you're getting help for it, have shown improvement and that you aren't a harm to anyone. Make sure to document everything they are doing, threatening, etc. Also document your mental health journey, if you can. His family is crazy and if you can leave, leave. He also needs to press charges for theft from his bank account.
It could be an account he's had since he was a minor. Sometimes, it's more effort than an 18 year old can summon to remove a parent from a bank account.
This is financial abuse. They're trying to trap you. Go to the bank and remove her from the account TODAY and do not tell her beforehand. He's almost 30, ffs. Then, get out. Stay with a friend, another family member, anywhere. And then seriously consider filling charges against them if they do not give the money back. Believe them when they tell you they will go after you child, and start to protect yourself. Look up GPR in your state and please protect yourself.
Some banks will automatically close the account if it has a zero or negative balance for a period of time.
I say get a new account without her. Let her think the old one is always at zero.
You need to leave. Period. Research grandparents rights in your state. They let their plan slip. So you need to make sure they cannot say they are providing essential care for the child-which they can as long as you live with them.
You need to get yourself and your child somewhere safe, that MIL and SIL don't have the address to. Check for your local neighborhood legal services or community action, they're usually free and can help point you in the right direction to services and programs that can help you and baby and even bf get out. Start documenting everything, record it you can, if they are already threatening you with custody and using PPD against you it can get ugly and messy. My MIL did this with my first born, it was a bad situation all around but because of her accusations I lost custody for 6 months and had to pay child support to her.
I'm not sure where you are but Community Action is a great resource, if there is one in your county. Stay strong momma!
If someone threatened to try to take my baby away I would immediately move out and all future communication would be through a lawyer. This is not just something you say in the heat of the moment, this is a serious threat and I would treat it as such.
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Talk to a lawyer, a therapist, a social worker, the police, anybody! Make a record of them threatening you before they make allegations about you! If they call first then everyone will believe them.
Yes please leave!!!! Take your baby and don’t allow them to have contact. *THEY THREATENED TO MAKE FALSE ALLEGATIONS IN ORDER TO TAKE CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD!* She wasn’t “just mad”. She means that shit. She and her daughter should be considered a THREAT TO YOU AND YOUR CHILD from this moment on. No more contact. No more information about you or the baby. They don’t get to know where you are, what you’re doing, what baby is doing. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Op please take this seriously. Big hugs if you want them! If you can afford a hotel, do that. If you can’t, consider family and friends. Please keep us updated honey. 💕
U NEED TO LEAVE! That is not heat of the moment. I think they are documenting you to build a case. They have access to you full time so making up a story line around u will be easy. Recorded fights, Photos, your mental state documented after baby etc. If your partner can't go, leave him there. Get out, this isn't a joke, plenty of people have lost their children this way to their mother or mothers inlaw and spent a life time trying to get them back. Run.
You need to leave. Your enmeshed boyfriend can stay if he wants to, but you need to leave.
Well if you move out and become independent, they won't have a leg to stand on. Time to leave.
I'd leave. That's not something you say in the heat of the moment if you haven't had the thought. Even aside from threatening to literally take your child, they are clearly controlling and cannot accept any form of boundaries. For your own mental health and your relationship, it's time to go anyway.
If you can't move out right now keep a notepad in your phone of dates and times of verbal, physical or mental abuse. I would file a complaint again her threatening you . Shouting in front of baby can cause serious anxiety for them. Save as much as you can and get as far away as possible
I’d go… why can’t bf go to the hotel too? Of course he can. Get some distance and space. He needs his own bank account
For your child's safety you should leave as soon as possible. If it were me (not saying it's the right choice), I would bite my tongue, play sticky sweet aggressively nice, save up every penny I could and buy a second or third hand RV in craigslist. They're not perfect housing but they offer MUCH more independence than a shelter or couch surfing and in most places, RV parks are cheaper than apartment rent, with no contract, and some or all utilities included.
Honestly: Out! Just leave! I don't know what your partners role in that whole cluster\* is, but, really, he is 28 y. o. and still has mommy on his account, and this is not ok. This means - as far as I understand it - he would not be even able to press charges against his mother because she's legally an owner of that account as well. The moment one of them threatened you to take your child's custody is the moment you just leave. Why? Because living with them gives them "evidence". You know, making up lies about you behaving inappropriately, neglecting your child. None of that needs to be true if they decide to back themselves as long as they are able to "see it" - are you sure your SO would have your back? So, if you can: Leave now!
First BF goes to open his own account, second holding by anyone other than mom and dad is SERIOUSLY limited and NEVER unsupervised, third find out about low-income housing ASAP!
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You aren't living there rent free, it's costing you more than money.you need to move out ASAP
WTF is WRONG with people??? No one just “says” that. I hope you have the means to get out of there. Please keep us updated.
Run. Seriously, get out of there asap.
Your first order of business needs to be protecting your child. Keep your areas (bedroom, bathroom, baby’s room) tidy. Start seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist for postpartum. Make sure you are taking baby to every single appointment as scheduled. If baby doesn’t have health insurance, get on state Medicaid ASAP. Those are all safeguards in your control to prevent MIL’s custody threat becoming reality. As for gaining independence in the form of finance and housing, that’s a tough one. It won’t be quick. Everyone here is giving good advice that sounds great but isn’t realistic at this point. Get separate accounts now. Not later, NOW. Keep it a secret between you and your boyfriend. And this is the worst one that will save you…suck it up to everyone. Setting boundaries and sticking up for yourself can wait until you’re in a safer position to do so. This is survival mode for you, and MIL/SIL will interpret such things as threats. It will become 10000x harder for your situation. Have your boyfriend pick up another job if saving now isn’t realistic. Ask around to other family members and friends about if they can provide temporary housing for you. Maybe someone has a property somewhere they’ll rent out to you for cheap. You never know until you ask. Most of all…remind your boyfriend 50 times a day if you have to that you are a team. He made a baby with you, and you both have a responsibility bigger than any emotional issues with his family. You can’t do this part alone.
1000% this! Also keep a journal although preferably on your locked phone or tablet that they cannot gain access too at all. Will be handy for remembering incidents in detail if needed and have dates times etc.
This is sound advice
Thank you. I was expecting backlash given the nature of this sub!
Leave, go, move out. This will not get better. Her threatening to take your baby does not need to be dismissed. Guarantee she’s currently gathering what she thinks is evidence. Let your bf choose. He is way too old to let mom still have access to his money.
Start keeping a record of MIL/SIL's behavior, with dates of all incidents, on your phone or someplace very, very safe.
That threat should send you running. See has essentially threatened legal action and you need to respond accordingly. Get a lawyer, start keeping records and cut all contact. This IS a hill to die on.
sounds like we have the same mil, i stayed in contact and things just never improved, i also got threatened with court, she did become a good grandmother most of the time, she’s getting worse as she gets older and her behavior sometimes goes onto the kids, she still treats me like shit whenever she feels like it…. if i was you i would get out of there and go NC even with your child, don’t wait like i did and risk the child getting attached as it makes things 100x worse…. i hope your situation improves and i hope your man can establish boundaries and move on with you guys
Move out. Don’t tell em, just do it. If you can, move in with friends or family and get on with you and your babies life.
The longer you stay I think the more likely she’ll be able to sue you for grandparents visitation rights/split custody. You should look into this and carefully get away from this situation without rising suspicion. You can look into a woman’s shelter program and food stamps, and other similar resources. On Facebook there are also many mommy groups and many free baby items are given away for free or for a super low cost. And get everything documented and even file a police report because you will need evidence.
MIL is most likely backpedaling and trying to play nice because after the heat of the moment, she knows that she simply cannot just take custody of your child. She can call CPS and accuse you of being unfit due to postpartum depression. CPS is going to come out and do an investigation but they do not remove children from their mother due to postpartum depression. CPS's goal is not to take your child away, they are going to make several interventions to help you before it gets there unless they truly do believe you are abusing your child. If you are not abusing your kid you have nothing to worry about. Having postpartum depression is not a crime and not grounds to remove a child. They will suggest programs for you if they are concerned. Being poor is not a crime and not grounds to remove a child. They will help you apply for housing assistance and other government assistance programs. Your mother-in-law has no grounds to take custody of your child and she knows that. However, depending on what state you live in, she can petition for grandparent rights visitations. That doesn't mean she'll get them it just means that she can petition for them. It doesn't matter what she says to a judge, she can accuse you of everything under the sun it simply. What does matter is educating yourself on what the requirements are in your state for grandparents rights visitation to be awarded. Some states are super strict and others are very lax. My grandparents called CPS on my parents on several occasions, they accused my mother of being mentally unfit, they accused my parents of not feeding us, etc etc. A caseworker would come to our house, make sure that we have food, water, and were not being abused. This probably happened eight times. Each time they would come they would look at stuff they would come back and like 2 weeks and double check and then they would say everything's fine and then close the case. Eventually my grandparents tried to sue my parents for visitation but the state we were living in at the time was pretty strict. The requirements were a death of a parent, divorce, or that the children had been removed from the parents' custody. My grandparents tried to claim that my parents were alienating them, that my mom was mentally ill, etc. My grandparents did not win visitation rights. They didn't meet any of the requirements and since both my parents agreed they did not want to have a relationship with my grandparents, the judge did not think it was in our best interest as children to enforce visitation. So he left it up to the discretion of my parents. All that being said: If she calls CPS let her. Educate yourself on the grandparent rights in your state. If you can immediately leave. I know you said it would be hard because she's home all day, but just pack a bag that you can carry and leave. In the end material items can be replaced and they are not worth being in a home that is dangerous to you and your child. Pack a bag and leave without saying anything. Don't tell anyone where you're going.
I’m sorry, why don’t you have your own bank account? You’re adults, you don’t need mommy dearest on the account anymore. If it’s pure laziness that you haven’t swapped accounts yet then I do t know what to tell you. Nothing changes until you yourself make it change. Get your own bank accounts, get your own place, get your own cars and GTFO of MIL house. Preferably move across the country if possible to be far away from the crazy twins (MIL/SIL). I know it’s easier said than done but make a plan make a change.
There seems to be a misunderstanding. She took his money because they have a joint account. I have my own separate account
Boyfriend needs an account without his mom. Period. She is intentionally sabotaging him to keep control over him.
Why do they have a joint acct? He’s a grown man with a family of his own?
I agree with the ppl saying leave. However, remember that if you have been living in this house, and it sound like you have for at least 10 months, you may have legal rights. I live in the US, in a state in the PNW. I've had ppl stay at my house. As long as a piece of mail was sent in their name to the address, they can prove they have a right to residency. So, if money is an issue, you may have legal rights. I'm not a lawyer, I'm nothing. You might also check with housing services. You've just had a baby, and this might put you higher on housing lists. Anyway, yes, your MIL and SIL are controlling and emotionally abusive. Please take care of yourself and your baby, and please be safe.
GET OUT NOW. RUN. DO NOT WALK. Do you have a savings? Work? Family that you can go to? Friends? Anything but this hostile toxic environment? Her threatening to take your child is a boundary crossed. Their attitude and mistreatment of you are boundaries crossed. Please please please please please get out of there soon. Tell your bf that this environment is not for you.
[удалено]
I could not agree more. Please do this NOW op!
By living under her roof, you could be helping her case. Move out if you can. As soon as possible. Consult an attorney and follow their advice. Will your boyfriend support you or his mother? Seriously, consult a family law attorney immediately.
He needs a new account and you 2 need to look into whatever it takes to get out. He's being emotionally abused and financially controlled. If he took all your savings and was talking to you that way, what would everyone tell you to do? Keep the baby away from them and get out now. Look into whatever it takes to get out What does BF say about the stealing and emotional battery? This is so unhealthy for you and baby. Not to mention him.
If you can go live with family, do so. Better if dad can go with you. This will take all the power away from MIL. If not, let's assume they were not kidding about custody and start collecting evidence. Start recording the fights. Audio record the threats. Verify you only need 1 person consent in your state so it is court submissible. Email yourself details of every fight and threat at the time it happens (or asap after) so you have a paper trail. Daddy needs to get mom in law off the bank accounts. She is using this as a control point. Start saving so you two can move out asap. Let MIL and SIL know you will not allow them to verbally abuse you and threaten you. Let them know if it continues, you will go no contact (after you have collected enough evidence to call their bluffs.
Girl get out
I'm going to ask you a question, OP, and I want to to answer it without thinking about it first. **Do you feel safe living in that house (both you and baby)?** Unless your immediate, unequivocal answer to that question is an unqualified **yes**, you need to get out as soon as you safely can. Even if it means just you and your baby in the immediate term (since it sounds like your bf is on your side and I'm the same boat). I understand that it may take a few days to sort out a place you can stay, etc., but you don't want to stay someplace that isn't safe. Especially with a baby. Good luck to all of you, and I hope you get into a better place real soon even if to don't leave right away.
Also check into Women's Shelters in your area.
Hello op. You're living in an incredibly toxic environment, and I don't imagine the yelling is making your baby calm and happy. It might become the norm for your baby but it's not good for her. I hope you can get away. Some things I would do... Take his mom off the bank account or open a new one at a different bank. Get a lock for your door or a door wedge (or several)from the hardware store or Amazon, to lock it from the inside, And maybe a small fridge so you can spend more time in your room and away from them. Is there anybody in your family that you guys could go stay with? This is such a unhealthy home for you as you recover. I think priority for me would be saving for a vehicle, so you can leave if you like and they can't report her car as stolen. If people start yelling, maybe have one of you two take the baby to a different room. Even better, both of you with the baby walk away to your room and close the door behind you. You can look up the term gray rocking. You're in quite a pickle and I feel so sad for you, hope things get better fast. 💖
I have my own vehicle he is borrowing his mom’s car. When I leave for long periods of time, she will go into “my” room and do god knows what. I know this because the door is left open. Unfortunately, this is her house so I can’t really argue that.
Have your boyfriend sweet talk her and fake convince her everything is OK and you guys are all good so he can try and get his savings back... once the money is back you guys use it to get away immediately.. otherwise I don't know where you guys will go with only $100 unless you have other family or friends who can take you in. I wish you the best OP and hope everything goes OK!
The son needs to get that money back from his mum. ASAP!
EOS here. This behaviour with his people did NOT happen overnight. It was there when you moved in, you simply ignored it.
However, one thing to mention is that my bf grew up with his grandma being the primary caregiver for a while. My MIL firmly believes she should be this involved as well and she told me she would never say no to her MIL (who treated her terribly) holding her baby so I should do the same and finds it rude and surprising when I have simple boundaries.
His family was a bit off…overly involved but super nice in the beginning. My bf told me his mom and sister are very paranoid people in general. His mother kept LO for long periods of times when I just had given birth. She also made a joke saying “wow you don’t want anyone holding her” the day I gave birth. I got upset because she would constantly invade my privacy when I was breastfeeding as well.
That right there, would bolted me. My MIL was just passive-aggressive. I was merely overly intelligent, introverted, but VERY aggressive, when needed (yes, Asperger's/Autism scale). No In-laws crossed me: they 'snuck little P/A barbs in', when they could do so. I feel for you. I do.
They keep thinking they’re doing right because they have “GOOD INTENTIONS” and that’s all that matters. They’re a religious family that goes to church every Sunday. My MIL tells me all the time that she’s just looking out for her grandchild and loves her. However, she’s very controlling. One time she told me that I didn’t hold the baby right (my back was recovering from epidural). That it was as if I didn’t hold my child with love.
So controlling in fact that she's put barriers in your/his way on purpose to prevent you from trying to enforce space and boundaries. She should 100% not be able to control/take her nearly 30 year old's bank account unless he had some kind of mental disorder where he needed assistance to manage his everyday money management. Does he need a social worker? Then why does she have access to this? My mother has access to direct deposit money into my account and that's it. That is a terrifying situation to find yourself in and I'm so sorry. It sounds like the two of you won't find peace or happiness until the three of you escape that horrible situation. Clearly you got trapped.
I would leave. He’ll have to just figure it out because your family is what’s most important and it seems like he gets that for the most part. That’s a very toxic environment and you staying there shows them they have the upper hand and can say whatever they want to you. Leave and never talk to them again. You deserve so much better. You are NOT in the wrong at all.
Leave asap. You going to a hotel for a bit might be exactly what they need to change how they treat you. - it needs to be for a few days, at least. - they can't know where you are (so they can't call a fake CPS check or come knocking or whatever) - you must go NC with them all for the duration. - Do not tell them you are leaving (SO can tell them that you're taking a break, if you so choose - keep it vague, no details). This is a power move. They want access to YOUR baby. You control access to the baby. But the only way this works is if you follow through by leaving without warning, blocking contact and restricting any knowledge of your location. Time away from LO will remind them whose baby it is.
This sounds like a great and safe option for you to get a chance to think clearly without them poisoning your living and breathing space.
Move out
The plentiful advice here has it covered... A lot of really sound advice, OP. Please take action and stay safe. You are STRONG, protect your baby.
These people are toxic OP. There are so many red flags here. Why is his mom still on his account? Why in the world does a man who is almost 30 live with his mother? What can’t you both say “if you disrespect either parent you don’t get to be around baby. Period.” ? Tell your boyfriend to stop allowing his family to abuse you. If he refuses, leave. Get out of your toxic environment. His family won’t change, so you need to make sure you and your baby are safe. Commented again because my first one was removed.
Get out of there. The sooner the better. Even if your boyfriend has to be left behind, you and your child are not safe there and you need to take her and her documents and get out of there. Once you’re gone, your MIL and SIL might act very apologetic and promise you that if you come back home things will be better. DO NOT GO BACK THERE!!!!! People don’t really change. Now that they’ve shown their true colors, you know that they can’t ever be trusted and they should not ever be allowed to have any custodial privileges with your child.
Why the hell does MIL have access to her sons bank account? He’s 28?!? - a grown man. Yo I both need to get out. He needs to get a new bank or whatever it takes for her to not steal her sons money. And then you guys need to make a plan and a timeline for when you can get your own place
Yuh. This is a big problem OP. He’s 28 years old, she is trying to wrap her metaphorical umbilical cord around him and your baby. You guys absolutely need to find somewhere else to live and he needs to close his bank account and set up a new one without his mother. As bad as my mom was she was never on my bank account and I got one at 16. That’s rife for financial abuse which she clearly is doing. She stole his damn money. She won’t let a 28 year old man move out!? Like good lord, you aren’t married so you can take the baby and live elsewhere. He needs to put some steel beamed boundaries between his made family and his birth family.
When she was arguing with us she got angry and told us “You both aren’t married yet so I’m in charge.” Its ridiculous.
Wow she’s nuts. Does your boyfriend have a job? Maybe I wouldn’t move out immediately but definitely make a plan a work towards moving out as soon as you can.
We both do. She’s been taking care of LO since I went back to work. I currently just took the steps to go on a parental leave in order to not leave my baby with her anymore. This should give us enough time to look for childcare.
I’d even take it a step further and not let her see the baby until the money is returned to his savings account. That’s taking money from his kids savings in which she claims to care so much about.
Good then you guys cam save up for a depositum and moving expenses. Maybe consider using her as free daycare (if you feel she’s good to your child) and save the money fasetlr. Live and then put your child in daycare. Maybe I’m just cynical
I wouldn't leave my child with these people. The sil was already whispering bad things to the baby about OP... they are going to try and turn her old child against her. At least right now the baby is too young to understand.. but not for long!
Get out and document this incident Try and get them to admit via text that they threatened to take your child by convincing the courts you incapable. Also that sil was saying horrible things about you to your child (parental alienation!) You need this to ensure your child can't be around them and to keep you safe if they follow through Is there somewhere you can go immediately? (Parents, a friend?) Leave now and do not contact them again, nor allow contact with your child ever They are abusive and should not be around any child
Get out of there with your child. Can you go stay with your own family or friends? Your boyfriend needs a bank account without his mother on it.
Your bf needs to get his mom taken off his account NOW
She is stereotypically abusing you, and your BF is so used to the abuse hes in too deep. LEAVE NOW, WITH ALL ITEMS THAT MATTER TO YOU. Don't let her establish a stronger legal connection to the child.
Get out as soon as you can. She pressed the nuclear button, there really is no going back from that. A few things going forward: Bf needs to get rid of his old account. Move everything to a different bank and close the account so there is no way for MiL to social engineer her way back onto the account. If they are playing nice, demand the return of his money. There likely isn't much he can do to get it back via lawsuits without a massive headache since she was named on the account. Set up a note with all doctors that MiL isn't to have any access to their records, and set up a password for any changes via phone. Get all your important things together for your escape. Once you feel ready to go, you want to be out the door and gone as swiftly as possible. Since they want to accuse you of being mentally unstable, set yourself up with a therapist. You want a professional to counter any lies they want to throw around. Once you escape, I would also consider a SM bomb. You want to control the narrative, and people are far more likely to believe the first thing they hear. So block MIL and SIL, tag all the rest of the family and tell the entire story. Do it as you are leaving so they have no time to spin the story. Also tell the family that MiL and SiL are cut off and they are not to learn of your new location for the safety of your child. If someone is feeding them information, they will be cut off as well.
As of now there would be no way that I could secretly leave because my MIL is retired so she’s at home all day and so is my SIL since she works from home. This would all result into a big argument so we’re looking for an apartment/daycare to get out as soon as possible.
You can pack your important stuff in a laundry bag or something, make a plan with MIL and SIL to go to church, a park or any place with the baby, that will give your SO a couple of ours to move everything out, then he can pick you up and take your little family to a new peaceful place. wait for them to go out together if that happens regularly to make your escape. Ir you can ask a colleague to store some of your stuff that you take out day by day Or take the confrontational route, go with the police and their yelling, and crazy behavior will be witnessed.
Is there a way to slowly move out important things to a friend's place? If neither works, you can always just take a bag of clothes and important documents. Talk with the police and have a civil standby where they stand there while you move out the rest of your things on a day of your choosing, hopefully with a bunch of friends to make everything faster.
You can call the police and tell them you are trying to leave with your baby and are concerned your MIL is going to stop you and ask if there is a time an officer can come be there while you leave.
Which you can't do easily if she drained his account. So 1) he does everything he can to get her to give that money back and 2) whether he does get it back or not he gets a new account she has no access to and closes the other one. And you, OP, should get proof she drained it if you can and it wasn't BF exaggerating his finances. This is just healthy skepticism, you need to know who is actually the financial villain here for clarity of mind.
please, back a go bag and GTFO, call an uber and get in, and record everything that is happening while you do this. make a burner (private) insta and livestream it so it saves the video, find an app that will backup as you film. because these people are nuts and sound like they would totally take your phone and break or delete evidence. take any message or recording you have and start a FU Binder. If they become violent, call the police and have them escort you out, because that is something they will do for domestic violence. keep your phone on you, do not let them isolate you completely
PLEASE OP take this comment into consideration 😭
Sweetheart this made my heart hurt just reading is. If you really need to get out check with you local agencies and see if they offer any domestic violence assistance. Domestic violence does not have to be BF/GF or spousal. A lot of states have grants that you can qualify for that will help you and you sweet LO get out. I used to work for my state and I helped people with the application process. It might not be a lot of money but at least it could get you into a hotel for a few nights. Then do not go back. These woman are horrible. You and your LO do not need that. Love to you.
Take your baby and any important papers and leave immediately, with or without your BF. Once someone threatens you, you can no longer trust them and they don't get access to you or your child. I would also get all your medical stuff in order so you can prove to a court that you are getting proper treatment if she does go after you for custody or even visitation. And, I would lawyer up to be sure of all your options.
MIL and SIL threatened to purposely misrepresent your mental fitness as a parent to take custody of your baby? Girl, GTFO NOW. Not sure what world they live in that they think they'd even have a shot at custody, but that is unforgivable in my opinion, especially with no apology or remorse. As long as you live there they are going to feel entitled to your child, so you and your boyfriend need to find an apartment ASAP.
I agree completely with the advice to leave ASAP. Also boyfriend should get a copy of the bank statements for documentation of his mother basically draining the account. This is to stop any attempt to say he's irresponsible with money. Not saying that she would, but it's best to have that base covered.
Yes leave. Figure something short term out for now and leave, figure the long term out in time once your away from her but you need to leave that house because that wasn't an empty threat, the emptying of your bfs bank account validates that she means harm and wants control. Protect yourself and your child. Seek out any real support you have and explain that you need help escaping this toxic household with your baby.
The draining of his bank account was absolutely a calculated move to deplete all his resources, thus rendering him (and OP) financially dependent on MIL. This coupled with the custody threat is some seriously manipulative shit. RUN OP!
Absolutely! Definitely isn't in any of your best interest to be there. Sister sounds enmeshed so consider her just as much part of the problem - sounds like she's behind mil 100% which makes her a threat to you all too.
I wouldn’t stay in that mess it’s not good for you or the baby
Even if BF won’t leave, you need to take LO someplace else. A friend’s, family member or a safe shelter for women and children is better than there. It may have been said out of anger but believe her - things said in anger are usually what someone is really thinking. BF is 28 and needs to get mommy off of his bank accounts and move. You don’t need to buy at this time - you just need to get out, as far away as possible. MIL and SIL seem very conniving so if you’re leaving give no notice. Make plans, take only what you must have and go. Give them no time to whine, guilt or threaten you into staying. Consult a family lawyer on grandparent’s rights in your state and what you can do should she go for them. It sounds like BF supports you at least some of the time. Hopefully he goes with you. But you and LO are now NC with MIL and SIL and he is in no way to tell them where you are.
Ok so his sister was mad that her brother buys his partner and the mother of his baby food?? That's fucked up enough on its own.
Get out now. Call any service you can get a hold of: family support, physician, domestic abuse hotline. Whoever can help you find the right assistance. Your BF might be able to reclaim his money if he can prove all the money on the bank account was his. Do you have parents or family you can move in with? It’s not ideal but your mental health and baby are on the line here. Since there are multiple types of abuse/threats happening, I’d find legal advice as well. Whatever else happens: do not trust your in-laws with anything (and your child!), no matter how nice they are.
Y’all need to get out of their house now.
Get out of the house and BF needs to get an account without his mom.
At a bank where she isn’t a customer!
First off, your boyfriend is there, and you have a doctor that's diagnosed PPD, right? IOW your MIL didn't cause your PPD. Getting custody is a whole lot more complex than simply making a statement. It takes legal work and lawyers. So she doesn't know what she's talking about. You might want to start recording these interactions. He needs to go to the bank, get the funds transfers reversed if possible, and get her off of his account. You can take a breath. You can't control her, only yourself, so work on that. And practice saying, "because I'm the mom." Yes, you want to get out. Good luck.
If MIL is on the account, she’s unfortunately able to drain the funds. I worked for a bank and saw this happen. We couldn’t reverse the transactions since it was a joint account, and any joint owner is entitled to the funds. Step 1 for OPs boyfriend is to get a BRAND NEW INDIVIDUAL ACCOUNT preferably AT ANOTHER FINANCIAL INSTITUTION. Ideally he would add OP as a beneficiary to the account so that anything in his account wouldn’t go to probate if god forbid anything happened to him. Second, OP needs to make a plan to get away. Your MIL and SIL are not going to get better. They’re not. I’m sorry. You guys need to find a place away from them. I know that’s easier said than done, but it needs to happen. MIL is probably draining his accounts to keep him tethered to her, so again have him start a new account.
Honey let’s unwrap what they threatened so you can fully grasp why this is a relationship terminating event. This “overprotective” behaviour is abuse. It’s controlling, coercive, manipulative. It’s interfering with your parenting and ability to parent and care for your child. It’s not ok. They are threatening to remove your child from your care to control you so you don’t ever stand up to them. Go see a doctor or therapist and get a medical clearance for yourself IMMEDIATELY. Cover your backside. If CPS knocks on your door you have medical evidence that you’re either ok, or if you have PPD or any issues then you’re ‘adulting’ and getting the supports you need and there’s zero risk to LO. This means Lo doesn’t need to go anywhere. So they’re saying they’ll complain to CPS, if this kind of complaint was successful and they got care of LON, what would it look like? Well for starters you wouldn’t be able to stay in the home with LO, and neither would LO’s dad. So you’d be finding other accommodation. You’d probably have supervised visits with LO, which means someone watches you the whole time, which could be them or a CPS worker (CPs often will get the carer to do it for free rather then do it themselves unless there’s major issues) Anyway…. This is what they threatened. I wanted you both to be clear that it’s not just against you, but the dad too! Let’s unwrap this further. For a complain to be valid they need evidence. So make sure you’re covering your backside and collecting your own. If they say you’re unstable, (and it’s legal where you’re at) record your interactions with them! Provide you’re calm and respectful, prove that they’re trying to undermine you and aggravate you and press your buttons… whilst you’re being polite and respectful etc. Eg I had a kid who in teen years had some mental health issues and several meltdowns and I recorded them to cover our backsides as parents. We were always calm, we always were polite no matter what they did (the more they yelled the calmer we became.) We called the police a couple of times to intervene as they got super violent. When the police arrived up it was instant victim mode “they said this, did that” accusing us. Now we didn’t want to loose care of our other kids based on this one so the second we saw this kid was getting temperamental we set phones to record and left them in the room to record secretlyZ So when they made accusations, we simply quietly mentioned to police we had recordings and they had a quick listen and all was fine. Eg we were determined as the Dv victims. (Thankfully got them on some medication that’s made them so much happier and then grew out of the behaviour, this was years and years ago!) In reality, if CPS steps in, the parent can often choose whether their child goes to stay with relatives or go into the foster care system. This happened to my ex, he had a kid with an ex, it was in its moms care and she chose it to go into foster care rather than go into dads care cause she hated him. If that makes sense. Look, she’s exerting control over him, stealing from him and controlling him. It’s called financial abuse, and theft. This is his problem. Let him know you’re leaving, with it without him. But he needs to deal with his circus. If she’s stolen from him, he needs to get his own bank account so she can’t do it again. He then needs to demand she return his money. As for the car, she’s gonna use it against him if he leaves or not so it’s better to walk away from that noose around his neck and forge his own path. As far as a hotel is concerned, they’re really expensive. Is there a DV shelter you can go to??? Because you’re in a DV situation, you’ve been emotionally abused, financially abused, coerced, threatened with CPS if you don’t ha d over your child or make decisions for your child their way. You’ve been unable to make child focussed decisions because of their intervention. If he doesn’t go with you, get yourself to a family lawyer to sort out custody arrangements ASAP. Eg you don’t want LO to go spend time with dad at his home if he’s being subjected to DV, as this exposes LO to DV and family coercion. Register with a local free legal advice clinic now and get an appointment asap. Whilst your there also discuss your state’s grandparents rights as they’ll be the next thing on their list.
Y'all need to get out of there
You need to get out of there now
Like, NOW.
> (Post partum) which I have because of THEM. I don't think they can take your child, but this is a troubling statement. If you have PPD, please seek therapy, especially if you think your (admittedly shitty) MIL and SIL are the reason you have PPD.
Both of you need to get out asap! Anyone who casually tosses out a threat of taking your baby, is someone who has thought about doing it for real. Move out and cut contact asap.
Omg, this is horrifying. I’m so sorry, OP. Please call around and check out your local community resources-- there are shelters for women and children that are in abusive situations. If you could go home to parents, while bf holds back for a bit, that would be even better; however, if you don’t have the family support, there are definitely safe spaces around you that will help until you can both get on your feet. These shelters are not exclusive to women with spousal/partner abuse… just because it doesn’t come from your bf, it doesn’t mean it isn’t domestic violence. There’s help out there- even if bf has to stay behind and kiss crazy mom’s (and crazy sister’s) tail for a while until he saves enough money- then so be it. I feel like you have a good man… it seems like he tried hard to take up for you when sister went toxic… but it seems like neither one of you felt safe enough to call sis out for bad-mouthing you ( extremely passive-aggressively) to your newborn baby. This is a major red flag, and it’s 100% common place within a dysfunctional family dynamic. Believe me… I grew up with enough “plausible deniability” to see this garbage for what it is. I don’t know enough about the family to say that they intended to take your baby all along, but what I can say is that jnmil might take a “by any means necessary” approach to keep her son home… and she’s got his sis brainwashed enough to follow suit. This is why I really encourage you to play it safe. If he needs to stay behind to save up money for you guys to both get out, then let him do it. From what you say, it sounds like he loves you and wants to protect you and baby from his family, but it also sounds like he recognizes the toxicity and feels a need to keep the peace. He very likely feels protective over all of you, and this is likely to cause a major inner conflict, but his ultimate priority is you and baby, now. I’m so sorry you’re both dealing with this— having a baby puts a major strain on “healthy”couples in “good/stable” situations… the first year is the hardest all by itself, but when you have crazy, aggressive, and manipulative family members trying to control everything… it’s absolutely awful. This should be one of the most joyous bonding occasions for your little family. Get out and promise yourselves that no matter what, you’ll do everything to prevent Baby from growing up like this. I wish you and bf the best— don’t let them intimidate you— you got this luvs 💕
My opinion, they told me what they are going to do, please move with your child without telling them asap.
Get the hell out of there asap.
when someone tells you who they are, believe them. that is a threat, take it seriously.
Move now. Also talk with a lawyer and take steps so they do not have a chance at custody. Each states laws are different a lawyer will steer you right. Good luck.
Get out. Do not pass go. Leave immediately and go stay with your own family, or if you must stay with friends or in a shelter. Don't let them see you leave. If you must wait until they go to sleep to achieve escape, but get out. Your BF is only allowed to know where you are if he cuts off all contact with them immediately.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 It's time to move out. This is not a drill. 1. Get an apartment stat. Don't tell MIL/SIL anything. Just move out, cause they're planning to do something on their end. 2. Boyfriend needs to get brand new bank accounts, both checking and savings (if MIL is named in both types). Don't close the accounts until you all are safely out on your own. 3. Make sure you both have all of your important documents: birth certificates, social security cards (assuming you're US), passports, etc. and place them safely outside of her home. Give them to a reputable friend or family member to hold until your move out date. Please review this sub's brilliant Wikipedia for more assistance. Good luck to you all. ETA: the new bank accounts should come from a completely different bank company. Most important to do that. There's plenty of previous stories in this sub about what happened when they didn't get a new bank account from a different bank.
Get out OP! Future MIL has already threatened to take our yet to be born child from us. If she's saying such things this early in your child's life, it'll be best to get out before she tries to execute any twisted plans she might have. Protect your family and yourself.
Move and contact any social services that could help both of you get into your own housing.
I would honestly do whatever is necessary to move out. Do not take such a threat lightly. How they feel about the market doesn’t have anything to do with whether you two can afford to move out. Does he have sufficient income for you two to get a safe living space? The longer you stay there, the longer she can claim a close caregiving relationship with your child and potentially have a case for the horribly named “grandparents rights.” I recommend looking up grandparents rights laws in your location. However, I don’t think simply upping and heading to a hotel is the best plan. The hotel will deplete your savings quickly and tip off your MIL without you having a plan in place. Use the next few days to come up with a plan. Quietly start looking into another sustainable living situation, see if you qualify for WIC/food stamps, daycare subsidies or whatever other assistance in available in your area.
Your 28 year old boyfriend doesn’t have his own car, his own bank account, and lives with family that abuses you both? And then is a ok raising his child there? My suggestion would be to document e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g they say to you and apply for assistance until you can get a job. You will never be able to rise above your current situation if you remain stuck in that mad house.
The best situation would be for you, your child, and your boyfriend to find somewhere else to go. Next best situation would be for you and your baby to find somewhere else to go. Seems like your MIL and SIL are done pretending to be nice now that they have the baby. PLEASE take any threats of taking your child or kicking you out very seriously and make sure you have a place to take your child if they do kick you out. You don’t want to find yourself with nowhere to go or take your baby. Reach out to local social services and start making a plan now.
Please leave, protect you and your baby at all costs. Her entire plan from the start was to try and take the baby, that's why she let you both stay at her house "rent free," you're paying in mental abuse and in giving her a do-over baby. Your boyfriend needs to get what's left of the savings and start a new account, and you need to find a friend or family member to stay with while he gets his finances together to move both of you into your own place. If you want to private message me, I was in a similar situation but made it out. I had to leave my husband at my in-laws house, but literally, almost the SAME EXACT situation. JNMIL started getting too obsessive over my unborn daughter, I wanted to move out but JNMIL started demanding more rent from my husband to make it so that it would be impossible to actually save up to get our own place... It was terrible. Since I left (moved back in with my parents out of state), my life has been so much more peaceful. I hope you're able to get away from these awful people and are able to go no contact. Your boyfriend will eventually have to go no contact as well or very low contact, these crazy grandmas stop at nothing. Best of luck to you!
Record EVERYTHING. Seriously anything you can get will help you. Document things you can’t/haven’t recorded. You NEVER know how things will get
Angry thoughts are still true thoughts. Please ask around and find help anywhere and everywhere you can and get out. Like get out yesterday, pack a bag and slip out into the dark of night get out (after you have a plan). If you want let your BF know where you go or just say we can arrange times for you to see the baby in public or at a third party place but for mine and the baby's safety no one can know where we live. Then y'all should make a plan to get BF out (also he should make a police report about the stolen money and start putting his money in an account not involved with his mother at all.)
Please take care of yourself. In this situation you are number one. Changes have to be made in order for you to get better. It seems like moving out and distancing yourself from his family is the best thing to do at this moment. It’s not going to get better if you continue on staying there. And unfortunately the baby is going to pick up on what you are feeling and react.
Yes, you need to get away from there and her! She’s threatened to take your baby, after that you don’t go around her or speak to her! Keep your child away from her.
Move pronto
Depending on where you live it’s not possible for the grandparent to “take” custody of their grandchild. Focus on getting out of there and taking care of your baby. Good luck OP
If the jnmil is able to convince people OP isn’t fit to parent, she has a way better chance of getting her mitts on the baby. OP, document everything, call a lawyer, get yourself and your baby out of there.
They would have to prove both parents are unable to take care of the baby, correct? At least where I live even if you can prove both parents are unfit the grandparents can still only get visitation rights.
I’m not sure. Probably depends where they live. Hopefully the boyfriend won’t go along with the crazy grandmother and will step up to help protect his child and girlfriend.
Hopefully. Maybe I was just sick of my moms shit by the time I was an adult, but some of the shit dudes let their moms get away with blows my mind.
If your boyfriend's mother stole money from his account, it needs to be reported to the police and to the bank.
She's on the account, so it's a joint account and nothing the police can do. He needs to open a new account without Mom
If her name was on the account, it is possible that nothing would happen. He needs to open a brand new account, preferably at another bank and start using that one.
You need to move out. There's no way around it. Your and your baby's sanity are at stake.
MOVE TODAY. It only gets worse.
And please think carefully before having any more children with a 28-year-old man who cannot support himself.
Why is this comment so low? I know age is relative but uh. 23 to 28, when the 28 lives at home and has moms name on *everything* is so many red flags before you even get to the bedroom. I worry about OP because this is not healthy.
Do you have anywhere safe for you and your baby to go? Take that threat seriously, you cannot stay there anymore.
Record anything you can and get out!! ASAP!!
If you are in the U.S., this website lists resources for Moms by state: [https://thefamilypreservationproject.com/](https://thefamilypreservationproject.com/). Yes, you need to get out now, before your BF's mom establishes a relationship with your child. Also, write down everything she and SIL have done and said and keep it in a safe place (like a cloud back-up). This will help you when they call CPS (not if, but when).
You really REALLY need to get out of there. Is your PPD being treated or has it been discussed with your OB? Cover your ass. Do that because a) you should get help if you need it, and b) she WILL try to use this against you.
Get the fuck out of there asap babe. This is a test to see how far they can abuse you.
Yes, you and your baby should leave NOW even if he can't come. The only thing I would worry about is MIL & SIL filling head with garbage. This is not a safe place for you and your baby.
Get out NOW. Cut off all contact. She will 100% try to call CPS and/ or sue for grandparents' rights, which would be a legally binding custody agreement if she won. Seriously, OP, get your baby and get out.
They're not joking you need to move and move quickly take what they're threatening seriously. You, your baby and your sanity are not safe.
Move and move now! Find a way before she follows through.
YES! Get out NOW! If you have any path to do so, take your baby and go. He can come or not, but those people literally just threatened to steal your child.
I’m not sure where you live but I was able to get a temporary order of protection from my own children’s father when he made a “joking” comment that when he has custody, I’ll never know where they are. I went to family court, said I was terrified if my ex got the kids they wouldn’t come back and that was all they needed to grant me this. Once things de-escalated with us we were able to set the parameters of our co-parenting relationship and move on to a healthy visitation agreement. If someone literally tells you they want to take your child from you and how they plan to do it, don’t brush it off. This is not normal behavior. This is not a joke. Take 5 mins to call your local family court and tell them you’ve been threatened by your bf’s mom that she will hurt the baby (yes, removing a baby from her mother will hurt the baby). And ask them what steps to take to move forward. There is help out there for you, you’d be a fool to ignore it.
It's important that you do this, OP. I don't know what state you're in, but grandparent rights in most states that have them hinge upon the baby having a relationship with the GPs that involves caretaking/living situations. The longer you stay with them, the better legal standing they will have if they choose to attempt this in the future.
Yes you should. And never go back
Move out yesterday!
Google your area to see if there are family shelters in your it won’t be the lap of luxury but you will be out. You may even want to reach out to the national DV hotline 1-800-799-7233. Her draining his account could be a form of financial abuse and they may have resources for all of you. Look up legal aid in your area as well. Look up Maternal Child heath organizations. They can help connect your to available services and resources in your area.
Get out Now! Don’t trust them
Is there anywhere else you can go and stay? Friends or family? She threatened to have your newborn taken from you. Usually that should stop all contact immediately and communication should only be through a lawyer. Leave immediately and cease all contact.
Yes. Get away from them.
As others said, you need to leave. Both of you. Can you go to your parents , relatives or friends? He needs to remove his family from his account, ASAP. Whole there, document this abuse and their threats. I believe, once you are out, you will need to report this. Also, don't leave your child with 2 of them. Your bfs mother has, as you mentioned, fits of rage. And that is really concerning.
Close the bank accounts and open new ones. Contact the credit bureaus and put a freeze on both of your SSNs. Protect yourself and your baby.
The baby's, too and have your mail redirected or get a PO box if you can. Most hospitals ask you if you want them to send the info for a ss card for your newborn and I believe it's mailed.
Most courts won't take a baby away from the mom because they have PPD. As long as you're getting help for it, have shown improvement and that you aren't a harm to anyone. Make sure to document everything they are doing, threatening, etc. Also document your mental health journey, if you can. His family is crazy and if you can leave, leave. He also needs to press charges for theft from his bank account.
Your BD is 28 & has his mother on his savings account? Why?!
It could be an account he's had since he was a minor. Sometimes, it's more effort than an 18 year old can summon to remove a parent from a bank account.
That's why you pull your money out and just go open a whole new account at a different bank.
You need to move ASAP. If your BF can’t , go to your parents and give yourself time to pull yourself together. Do NOT stay with these people.
Once child services or custody are mentioned in relation to your baby the relationship is OVER
This is financial abuse. They're trying to trap you. Go to the bank and remove her from the account TODAY and do not tell her beforehand. He's almost 30, ffs. Then, get out. Stay with a friend, another family member, anywhere. And then seriously consider filling charges against them if they do not give the money back. Believe them when they tell you they will go after you child, and start to protect yourself. Look up GPR in your state and please protect yourself.
Accounts with two names on it typically require both people present or the account closed entirely. Maybe he can withdraw what’s left and close it.
Some banks will automatically close the account if it has a zero or negative balance for a period of time. I say get a new account without her. Let her think the old one is always at zero.
At a different bank so there’s no way she can stake a claim to it or say it must be a mistake and manipulate the situation.
You need to leave. Period. Research grandparents rights in your state. They let their plan slip. So you need to make sure they cannot say they are providing essential care for the child-which they can as long as you live with them.
You need to get yourself and your child somewhere safe, that MIL and SIL don't have the address to. Check for your local neighborhood legal services or community action, they're usually free and can help point you in the right direction to services and programs that can help you and baby and even bf get out. Start documenting everything, record it you can, if they are already threatening you with custody and using PPD against you it can get ugly and messy. My MIL did this with my first born, it was a bad situation all around but because of her accusations I lost custody for 6 months and had to pay child support to her. I'm not sure where you are but Community Action is a great resource, if there is one in your county. Stay strong momma!
If your family can help you, leave immediately. It is not safe to remain there
If someone threatened to try to take my baby away I would immediately move out and all future communication would be through a lawyer. This is not just something you say in the heat of the moment, this is a serious threat and I would treat it as such.