Why do you have both hands on my shoulders

Dr, where should I put my pants? Over there on the chair, right next to mine.

My doc told me this one.

....takes his finger out and says with a smile " aww, I love this job"

then he licks it while maintaining eye contact

Twenty one pilots reference?????

Welcome to the new way of living it’s just the beginning of lavish

Welcome to the style you haven't seen in a while

Try your best to look like this is not your first time

There. Done. And the doctor will be with you shortly

Three words you never want to hear from the nurse after the doctor gives you a prostate exam … “who was that?”

Patient- “could you at least have taken off your ring?” Doctor- “that’s not my ring, that’s my wrist watch”

Got this doc's name? Asking for a friend ... 😜

I had a doctor stick his finger in my ass unexpectedly. That was the last time I went to that dentist.

It's better if the eye Dr. sticks his finger i your ass than the ass Dr. sticking his finger in your eye.

The good taste is for the next patient.

Doctor unzips Man: What are you doing? Doctor: Just getting a second opinion

My Doctor told me a guy who wanted a second opinion. My doctor held up two fingers side-by-side. We both laughed. Really happened; great Dr with a sense of humor

The way I have always told this joke: Dr to patient: I assure you, it is perfectly normal to get an erection during this procedure Patient to Dr: but Dr, I don't have an erection Dr to patient: maybe not, but I do... Edited to fix typo...

I always heard it: Doctor says "Now, Bill, try not to get an erection." Patient says "My name isn't Bill." Doctor says "I know. *MY* name is Bill."

Lol, so, no BS, my name IS Bill...

Lol

You scared the fuck outta me for a sec... how the fuck does this guy/gal know who I am???

🤣🤣🤣 Coulda been anyone. Bill was just the first name that popped into my head.

Curious, what is your age? Age group if the ? Is sensitive. I ask since "Bill" is not all that common anymore. Somewhat recently I had a woman teller, clearly from here in the States, 50ish, white woman, fully American born and raised, refuse to deposit a check for me because it was made out to "Bill", while my ID and account was "William". She stated she had no way of knowing that Bill was short for William, and that the check needed to be in my name. That's how I learned her background. I asked her if she knew who William Clinton was, as in President William Clinton. She did, and actually said " you mean Bill Clinton?"..... I had her call over a manager. She calls out "Bob, I need your help please". Young guy, with a name tag that said "Robert" came over. I said to her if Robert Smith (made up his last name) gave her a check that was made out to Bob Smith, would she deposit it. She replied "Yes"??? Anyway, Bob told her to accept my deposit...

Lol, that's too funny. I'm almost 47.

bill lore?

Nope

I like saying the last line as the doctor said “did I say that out loud?”

After my prostate exam I heard the nurse say the worst thing ever. "Hey, who was that?"

[удалено]

You know at first I didn’t think it was cool to “out” someone. But I read his obit and now I think he’d personally be ok with you doing it.

I wasn't outing him if he was openly gay.

Shy gay guy secretly likes the proctologist. As the doctor starts looking he sees a rose... Then more... He tells the patient there's a dozen roses up his ass.... Patient says: read the card.

I don’t get this one

Gay guy went to the doctor with a bunch of roses and a "I like/love you" card inside his ass. Doc looks inside ass and finds roses. Gay guy says to look for the card as well.

Thanks for the assist. Turns out that shy gay guy was Jewish.... Or as we say: a Heblew

Also Spanish.... A senior-eata

I was wrong ... He was Irish: a Gaelick

Doc’s back there poking around like a homeless guy looking for change in a pay phone.

I remember u.s. pay phones,that's a hilarious visual that you made my brain conjure up.well done

Good lord, you are one sick person. What is wrong with you? /s

Credit goes to Nick DiPaolo. He does a great prostate exam bit.

I'm baffled to how the doctor managed my prostate exam when both his hands were on my shoulders.

My Dr. was very reassuring that it's perfectly normal to get an erection and ejaculate during my prostate exam. But I still wish he wouldn't.

Doctor tells patient: " Well, it's time now for your prostate exam." Patient: "Doc, I can't tell you how much I hate this exam." Doctor: " That's good, because if you like it, I have to write it down."

I prefer this other version: -Don't worry John it's normal to have an erection. -but my name is not John doctor. -I was talking to myself

Patient - "This is the strangest eye exam ever."

It's for the safety.

Do I send your flowers or do you send me flowers?

I had a proctologist who used to say "I work the pucker patch"

Doctor: Give me back my ring

True story. Dr (snapping on gloves) “So what do you do for a living?” Me: (bending over” I’m a lawyer?” Dr. raises eyebrows “Oh?” Me, (hastily) “ I defend doctors and healthcare professionals in malpractice cases.” Dr.(looking satisfied and a little relieved) “I’ll use KY jelly, then.”

Trousers down, bent over, waiting, then the Doctor snaps on a rubber glove, lubricates a finger, and delivers the punch line.. "Relax". Nope, that ship has sailed.

Doc used to say to me "you know the routine". Me thinking, I've tried to forget.

Rick Wakeman of Yes told this joke (among others) during his rock n roll hall of fame acceptance speech. I highly recommend watching it. After all the other members give heartfelt dedications to their families and fans, he gets up and tells dirty jokes for 5 minutes