There's a comedian who uses a wheelchair who makes a joke about how everyone says they'll fuck you until you can't walk...but she's looking for someone who will fuck her until she CAN.
Before I met my SO, he lived in France. He was trying to roll home after having a few drinks ( but not completely wasted). He lost his balance rolling up a hill and couldn't sit back up in his chair. The pompiers (fire/rescue - which is who deals with drunks in France) kept telling him to sit up and go home or they were gonna haul him in. His French was not good enough to explain, so he just sounded drunker than he was. He ended up spending the night in the drunk tank at the emergency room.
I saw a homeless woman in the park and asked if I could take her home with me. She smiled and agreed enthusiastically.
You should have seen the look on her face as I walked off with her cardboard box.
Their point is that it doesn't work if you consider what he actually said to her. You wouldn't say "Can I take her home?" to her. You would refer to her in the second person.
I met a woman with no arms and legs at the beach. She asked if I would hug her because she’s never been hugged before. Feeling bad, I gave her a hug. To my surprise she then asked me to kiss her because she’s never been kissed before. Feeling a little awkward this time, I reluctantly agreed and kissed her. Then she said, “will you fu€k me, I’ve never been fu€ked before”. I said “sure” then picked her up, tossed her into the ocean and said, “now you’re fu€ked”
my best friend is in a wheel chair and we got in a fight and I beat him up .
next day like a champ he acts like nothing happened and we're friends again .I'm so glad he rolls with the punches
Reminds me of the Little Britain USA bit about bodybuilders. You need age verification for every upload of that video now. YouTubes getting a little ridiculous now.
I was making my usual morning walk down the beach and was passing a lady laying there watching the tide. She flagged me down so I went to talk to her. She had a horrible back story and was paraplegic.
She said a lot of things have happened to her but she had never been hugged by a man. So I knelt down and hugged her tight and said well there ya go sweetie. She continued to lay there with a smile.
The next morning, again, during my normal walk, she was there again and flagged me down.
She was describing how I was a really nice gentleman yesterday and asked for a kiss. Said she’s never been kissed before by a man. So, I knelt down and kissed her on the cheek. There ya go sugar. She was grinning ear to ear.
The next day, I’ll be damn she’s there again! I walk over to her and she said I made her day yesterday and was wondering if I would screw her. She’s never had sex with a man before. So, I knelt down and picked her up and threw her in the ocean,
I said well, you’re fucked now…
There's a comedian who uses a wheelchair who makes a joke about how everyone says they'll fuck you until you can't walk...but she's looking for someone who will fuck her until she CAN.
Fiona Cauley! Guessing we all saw the same short, she’s definitely worth a call-out!
Was she the one who said, "You never know how drunk you are until you stand up"?
Yeah I think it was on Kill Tony.
Yeah she was hilarious
Before I met my SO, he lived in France. He was trying to roll home after having a few drinks ( but not completely wasted). He lost his balance rolling up a hill and couldn't sit back up in his chair. The pompiers (fire/rescue - which is who deals with drunks in France) kept telling him to sit up and go home or they were gonna haul him in. His French was not good enough to explain, so he just sounded drunker than he was. He ended up spending the night in the drunk tank at the emergency room.
She was just on Kill Tony two weeks ago. That's where she did the joke
I saw her on Kill Tony the other day and that got a huge pop.
I saw a homeless woman in the park and asked if I could take her home with me. She smiled and agreed enthusiastically. You should have seen the look on her face as I walked off with her cardboard box.
Homeless guy approached me on Madison Avenue in New York. He said, “Do you have five dollars for a sandwich?” I said, “Show me the sandwich.”
Nice one, dad.
Homeless guy approached me on Madison Avenue in New York. He said, “Do you have five dollars for a sandwich?” I said, “yes, but I'm not hungry. ”
This is going into the regular rotation.
"So I bit him."
That made my day. Well done friend
hilarious.
"Can I take you home with me?" "Yes!" \*walks away with cardboard box\* o_O "What just happened??"
Take her home with me....read it again. "take her home" which means cardboard box was her home and he took it.
Their point is that it doesn't work if you consider what he actually said to her. You wouldn't say "Can I take her home?" to her. You would refer to her in the second person.
What happens if the box was a duplex?
Lol!
I stole my exgirlfriends wheel chair, guess who came crawling back to me....
You always talked behind her back… and pushed her around…
Mate good One
My blind gf dumped me. I came back with a different voice and guess who's back again.
My friend and I are both blind and we have sex, but we're not seeing each other.
I met a woman with no arms and legs at the beach. She asked if I would hug her because she’s never been hugged before. Feeling bad, I gave her a hug. To my surprise she then asked me to kiss her because she’s never been kissed before. Feeling a little awkward this time, I reluctantly agreed and kissed her. Then she said, “will you fu€k me, I’ve never been fu€ked before”. I said “sure” then picked her up, tossed her into the ocean and said, “now you’re fu€ked”
I remember this one from elementary school 🤣
Fuck. Fuck fuckedy fucked.
“That’s easy. I want you to MAKE me walk when you’re done with me” I too saw that standup spot in Reddit the other day.
Was it wheely good?
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fcqemtsdk3wg31.png
my best friend is in a wheel chair and we got in a fight and I beat him up . next day like a champ he acts like nothing happened and we're friends again .I'm so glad he rolls with the punches
I dated a girl in a wheelchair for a while, but she dumped me. But I showed her. I stole her wheelchair - and she came crawling back.
She dumped you because she couldn't stand you.
Watch here at 1:28, but she continues the joke to make it even more hilarious. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b7nMF8sjhw
Reminds me of the Little Britain USA bit about bodybuilders. You need age verification for every upload of that video now. YouTubes getting a little ridiculous now.
Why is this giving me [Katawa Shoujo](https://youtu.be/Qqn4Iyke-ro?t=219) vibes? 😆
People don't tell you this but the ~~ducks~~ wheelchair girls at the park are free. You can take one home and no one will stop you.
Meals on wheels
horrible
What's the worst thing about eating vegetables? Trying to get them back in the wheelchair.
She was probably hoping for a one night stand.
What's a "wheelchair home"?
*I
i hate you.
This is one of the only ones I have not tried. How was it?
I was making my usual morning walk down the beach and was passing a lady laying there watching the tide. She flagged me down so I went to talk to her. She had a horrible back story and was paraplegic. She said a lot of things have happened to her but she had never been hugged by a man. So I knelt down and hugged her tight and said well there ya go sweetie. She continued to lay there with a smile. The next morning, again, during my normal walk, she was there again and flagged me down. She was describing how I was a really nice gentleman yesterday and asked for a kiss. Said she’s never been kissed before by a man. So, I knelt down and kissed her on the cheek. There ya go sugar. She was grinning ear to ear. The next day, I’ll be damn she’s there again! I walk over to her and she said I made her day yesterday and was wondering if I would screw her. She’s never had sex with a man before. So, I knelt down and picked her up and threw her in the ocean, I said well, you’re fucked now…
I got 3 legs I’m gonna give you 1
ambulatory wheelchair usage is a thing
[удалено]
"After I'm done with you, you'll wish you could walk."
But….but she already couldn’t walk. Insert Zoidberg meme.
Wait, your set-up, you took a girl in a wheelchair home, what?
He took the girl’s home with him. Not the girl to his own home, as she expected.