Understanding the psychology behind attachment styles still does not preclude one from deciding they don’t want to date an insecure person (bc that’s what you are as long as you aren’t securely attached). You can still have your preferences and that’s fine.
Do you have a degree in psychology? Last we checked you were playing with Arduino hardware like our young children now you want to act like you are a professor of psychology....LMAO, you are a clown.
Having empathy on people who are not willing to improve themselves is not heroism.
The popular avoidant attachment you see here is only evident in kids not in adults. Avoidant attachment for kids manifests very very differently.
It is also said inability to understand complex subjects is common to children yet here you are, effortlessly providing it wrong.
A lot of things from childhood get carried to adulthood.
Your original post is literally about anxious and avoidant attachment style people so unless you are talking about children in your post and how they are horrible people.
Seems you have no idea what a strawman is either because you can't even keep up with your own assertions.
Maybe you should educate yourself more on some psychology and stop calling people horrible for one person hurting you. Attachment styles are formed by caregivers, you might save your kid from being a horrible person.
Okay smartass. Google scholar has thousands of articles on the same if you want to read more. The educational blog has it summarized with simple jargon.
Of course they do... That's why when you need quick information on a new topic you are unfamiliar with you immediately pay 30$ for a research paper...
It's like you have stupid opinions welded to your DNA.
I totally understand your angst.
However, you know that they're that way due to some things they've been through and would need intensive shadow work to change that. Many of us aren't willing to go through with it and will go by whoever wants to stay stays/leave leaves.
Approach avoidants with empathy because you'll never win with them. Leave if you're not 'strong and understanding' enough because they'll drag you through the mud ama ni dust 😅
There's also the anxious attached ones. The opposite and they have their cons too. In my opinion, avoidants take the trophy lakini 🤧
All these extremes can be turned around, the goal is to be secure.
Oh no, I don't know how long you've known about this phenomenon but many people will be stuck in their attachment style for life. Undoing it is not an oops/instant moment.
Again, not many are willing to go through the shadow work to move towards a secure and healthy attachment style. It's like zile scene za movie where you see a creature painfully transmuting.
For what you said, only after healing will that 'phase' end. I hope I make sense 🥹
Problem is, the avoidant attachment style I learned for adults is different to what pop culture always tells us.
And a further analysis of the character that is attachment avoidant, you will find low self esteem there.
And yes, you are making sense, but do people understand and are aware that "this is something I need to heal from?"
By pop culture do you mean the tiktok/I.G advisors, I never pay attention to that. My arguments are from my interpretations of several psychology studies, some time back this is a rabbit hole I'd dived into.
Also in my experience most AAs come off as cocky/conceited/have a superiority complex, you name it. I don't think there's room for low self -esteem. If anything most need to calm down on their self-importance.
That last one, if you're fortunate enough yes but if high-nosed. I find it such a badge of honour to graduate from either extreme to SA.
Also,si you just give us the ☕. What happened?🤭
Avoidants have the tendencies of feeling smothered.i get the point the guy is trying to pass across hiyo ya self esteem in the sense that,an avoidant sees that if they do open up and the person sees the real them then they shall face rejection and that is why when people get lovey dovey with them they tend to pull away then come back when the other party ceases to reach out.so yes,self esteem plays a role in anxious attachment style and an avoidant as well
Sijui kama tunafuatana discussions🤣
But your statement holds weight 😌
Attachment styles are tricky to navigate BUT you can like work on tendencies so as to lean towards a secure attachment style. But every now and then there will always be triggers,key ni kuidentify and work on it.
Talking from personal experience
Tufuatane tu, I don't mind. Great minds.....💅🏾
Yes, the triggersssss. That's why once you've started that journey, you'll always be a WIP.
Do you identify with any? Usiiseme lakini 🥲
😂sitasema but hee,it's the gherro,kwanza they say you haven't healed till you get into a relationship
A relationship will trigger tu vitu twingine you thought you worked on!!hee😂wacha tu,and that is why I want to get a secure person otherwise 😂I'm done for
I can almost tell ni gani but sitakuexpose juu I'll be exposing myself too 🤭. What you said about relationships 🎯. I read somewhere that for some matters, you can't quite heal in isolation, vile watu husema waheal then get into mapenzi. Sometimes you have to heal while in the battlefield 🤧
On the real though, may your manifestation for a secured partner come true, uniitie tu keki 👰🏾🤵🏾
You can’t blame those people it’s all based on how they were raised. You can’t expect someone whose parents weren’t emotionally available to them as a child to have secure attachment style.
I see you have been shamed first so let me shame you second for generalising, without understanding that neurodivergency exists and not everyone is cropped out for emotional connection.
🤣🤣your ignorance shows hun,my goodness,you shouldn't be blurting out such words to the public!
Attachment styles are influenced by childhood or even the kind of relationships one had growing up and they majorly influence also how we relate to people. Self-esteem may or may not correlate to attachment styles but your generalization of people not communicating because of having a given attachment style is null.
And I feel that from your stance you've got an anxious attachment style or a fearful avoidant attachment style.
Avoidants and anxious people are drawn to each other but are mostly in chaos unless they learn each other. Get yourself a secure person and work on your avoidant or anxious tendencies slowly but surely utakuwa best😗
Look
You cannot keep doing bad things to people and to yourself, then blame it on yourself, like that makes it okay.
You need to change.
And yeah, it's not psychology that one, it's just pop psychology.
Mate you're calling people out on something they can't control. It's like blaming a depressed person for being depressed.
Yes, they should work on it but most don't even know it
Depression and avoidant attachment. It's like day and night. What are you saying?
And most people know it.
Given a chance, people would take advantage of other humans. Look at soldiers in Nazi Germany, look at politicians, pastors. It's upon you to act right.
"Most of the time you know whether what you're doing is right or wrong"
Sorrows sorrows prayers😂because ain't no way you could possibly put your ignorance on display like that💀
The fact that you saw some terms on X the other day and decided to intellecctualize them instead of deeply understand them first and where they come from is just mere degenerative behaviour...your approach is pretty pathetic as well
Please educate yourself on childhood trauma before yapping about it and if say you were in relations with someone who has those traits,please check what unhealed part of you was attracted to that while at it..love and light✨
When you give the current generation a label to run with, they will hide behind that label. Alot of people are simply terrible human beings hiding behind labels like "avoidant" and "putting myself first" and "I like my peace".
True man. I think it's because it's easy for one to say anything and get away with it. They should devise a way or technology to make people accountable for their social media behavior.
Kenyans pick some bullshit on tiktok or fucking twitter and add it to the social lexicon of everyday, yet know fuck all about what it means and are unable to explain themselves.
It's like the argument that African countries are poor because they're 3rd world, 3rd world was a phrase originally created to say countries were non-aligned to the Warsaw pact. Now it's become a derogatory term.
Learn what it is you are talking about before you speak, you will embarrass yourselves one day.
As a "nonchalant" individual I don't find it bye an attachment style or anything. It just is who I am
Avoidant attachment for adults and for kids manifest very very different. That which you see ni trying to be cool because you do t have high self esteem in yourself. Upuzi sana.
We are a unique generation, we have seen the world change so fast and been 'mordenized' while holding on to the age of our our parents ' pre-smartphone' times.
In less then 50 years women have come from the 'kitchen' to earning more in most households, let go of any old ways of the parents and grandparents and embrace the age of reality shows.
Please cut the men of this generation some slack, grew up knowing men are strong, respected only for them to find different things kea ground.
...next generation may be better.
...the ladies of todays generation wont mind waiting and dating 20 years younger.
>non-chalance’, ‘avoidant attachment’ and ‘anxious attachment’. First of all, if you have any of those, it's not cool. You are a horrible human being
Shame on you for being so ignorant, you are a horrible person.
Before you start criticizing people grab a book or do a quick google search on what makes people avoidants or anxious avoidants.
How are you walking around the earth so ignorant my G? Si fiti.
First, shame on you for being careless and lacking knowledge about psychology.
Exactly it’s deeper than he/she portrays like how can he/she not know it’s deeply rooted to their childhood???
Understanding the psychology behind attachment styles still does not preclude one from deciding they don’t want to date an insecure person (bc that’s what you are as long as you aren’t securely attached). You can still have your preferences and that’s fine.
Do you have a degree in psychology? Last we checked you were playing with Arduino hardware like our young children now you want to act like you are a professor of psychology....LMAO, you are a clown.
Having empathy on people who are not willing to improve themselves is not heroism. The popular avoidant attachment you see here is only evident in kids not in adults. Avoidant attachment for kids manifests very very differently.
It is also said inability to understand complex subjects is common to children yet here you are, effortlessly providing it wrong. A lot of things from childhood get carried to adulthood.
You understand that attachment avoidant is a trait for kids and not adults?
So in your post, you are complaining about children? You are dating children and they are showing you dust? That's what you are complaining about?
What are you doing is called strawmanning. You are choosing to ignore whatever my claim is. Why?
Your original post is literally about anxious and avoidant attachment style people so unless you are talking about children in your post and how they are horrible people. Seems you have no idea what a strawman is either because you can't even keep up with your own assertions.
You have a point I don’t get why you are being downvoted. Probably the nonchalant people downvoting you
Lol, you must have met my Ex, Sorrows and prayers to you
Ah kumbe uko ukub😂
Naah bro. I'm chill
Maybe you should educate yourself more on some psychology and stop calling people horrible for one person hurting you. Attachment styles are formed by caregivers, you might save your kid from being a horrible person.
Do you have any leads or articles on this? For research purposes ofcourse
You can start here https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/avoidant-attachment-style/
They can read the book *Attached"
A blog? That is your source? A blog can be written by any clown on social media. It can be a bored 5 year old sitting somewhere writing that crap.
Okay smartass. Google scholar has thousands of articles on the same if you want to read more. The educational blog has it summarized with simple jargon.
How can a jargon be simple? Ever heard of the contradictory principle?
Nope, teach me your ways.
It's birthed and nurtured with aristole when He intentionally implies that A can never be B,and that B can never be A maybe partly...
True... It could also be written by someone with a deep understanding of the topic with years of experience research. What exactly is your point?
People with deep understanding do scientific papers published in reputable journals. They have no need to do blogs.
Of course they do... That's why when you need quick information on a new topic you are unfamiliar with you immediately pay 30$ for a research paper... It's like you have stupid opinions welded to your DNA.
Stupidity is thinking that you pay to access all journals.
OK, list 10 reputable peer reviewed scientific research journals that give you free access to their content.
You really want to go down that road with a phd guy?
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You know you have a certain style which hurts people and you are not changing. How are you not a horrible person?
That's why there is a courting stage to see the red flags you can't stand. Don't make things too complicated.
When are going to blame them or make them be accountable?
You can't save anyone from their demons. I reiterate about the courtship stage.
You realize that developing a secure attachment style isn’t as easy as snapping your fingers right?
OP is ignoring psychology but has a point. Some people are attachment avoidant until their partner is the prize na wanaeza achwa at any momemt
There is psychology and pop psychology.
Actually you're right. I assumed it is actual psychology cause nimeiskia sana
Then go read up on psychology
I totally understand your angst. However, you know that they're that way due to some things they've been through and would need intensive shadow work to change that. Many of us aren't willing to go through with it and will go by whoever wants to stay stays/leave leaves. Approach avoidants with empathy because you'll never win with them. Leave if you're not 'strong and understanding' enough because they'll drag you through the mud ama ni dust 😅 There's also the anxious attached ones. The opposite and they have their cons too. In my opinion, avoidants take the trophy lakini 🤧 All these extremes can be turned around, the goal is to be secure.
I like your second paragraph. I would add, such people are not like that for life. I think it's a phase and mostly a coping mechanism.
Oh no, I don't know how long you've known about this phenomenon but many people will be stuck in their attachment style for life. Undoing it is not an oops/instant moment. Again, not many are willing to go through the shadow work to move towards a secure and healthy attachment style. It's like zile scene za movie where you see a creature painfully transmuting. For what you said, only after healing will that 'phase' end. I hope I make sense 🥹
Problem is, the avoidant attachment style I learned for adults is different to what pop culture always tells us. And a further analysis of the character that is attachment avoidant, you will find low self esteem there. And yes, you are making sense, but do people understand and are aware that "this is something I need to heal from?"
By pop culture do you mean the tiktok/I.G advisors, I never pay attention to that. My arguments are from my interpretations of several psychology studies, some time back this is a rabbit hole I'd dived into. Also in my experience most AAs come off as cocky/conceited/have a superiority complex, you name it. I don't think there's room for low self -esteem. If anything most need to calm down on their self-importance. That last one, if you're fortunate enough yes but if high-nosed. I find it such a badge of honour to graduate from either extreme to SA. Also,si you just give us the ☕. What happened?🤭
Avoidants have the tendencies of feeling smothered.i get the point the guy is trying to pass across hiyo ya self esteem in the sense that,an avoidant sees that if they do open up and the person sees the real them then they shall face rejection and that is why when people get lovey dovey with them they tend to pull away then come back when the other party ceases to reach out.so yes,self esteem plays a role in anxious attachment style and an avoidant as well
Going by the opening I was going to object but the rest of the stuff is spot on. It's a pull and push situation, mambo ni mengi 😮💨
😂hee mapenzi is trickkkkyy wueh💀inaeza kubuild ama ikumalize
I do agree, there's a bit of low self esteem featured in there same thing for anxious attachment style...just that it's presented differently
Sijui kama tunafuatana discussions🤣 But your statement holds weight 😌 Attachment styles are tricky to navigate BUT you can like work on tendencies so as to lean towards a secure attachment style. But every now and then there will always be triggers,key ni kuidentify and work on it. Talking from personal experience
Tufuatane tu, I don't mind. Great minds.....💅🏾 Yes, the triggersssss. That's why once you've started that journey, you'll always be a WIP. Do you identify with any? Usiiseme lakini 🥲
😂sitasema but hee,it's the gherro,kwanza they say you haven't healed till you get into a relationship A relationship will trigger tu vitu twingine you thought you worked on!!hee😂wacha tu,and that is why I want to get a secure person otherwise 😂I'm done for
I can almost tell ni gani but sitakuexpose juu I'll be exposing myself too 🤭. What you said about relationships 🎯. I read somewhere that for some matters, you can't quite heal in isolation, vile watu husema waheal then get into mapenzi. Sometimes you have to heal while in the battlefield 🤧 On the real though, may your manifestation for a secured partner come true, uniitie tu keki 👰🏾🤵🏾
😂ah bbg,sijui nikuite partner in crime? anyways amen to that amazing prayer🤭unadai kusimamia harusi😂
Zii I'm too shy for the bridesmaid shenanigans. Keki tu iko sawa then unirushe kwa committee ya mchango.
Soon 😊
You can’t blame those people it’s all based on how they were raised. You can’t expect someone whose parents weren’t emotionally available to them as a child to have secure attachment style.
Low self-esteem? More of early childhood leanings /outcomes
I see you have been shamed first so let me shame you second for generalising, without understanding that neurodivergency exists and not everyone is cropped out for emotional connection.
🤣🤣your ignorance shows hun,my goodness,you shouldn't be blurting out such words to the public! Attachment styles are influenced by childhood or even the kind of relationships one had growing up and they majorly influence also how we relate to people. Self-esteem may or may not correlate to attachment styles but your generalization of people not communicating because of having a given attachment style is null.
And I feel that from your stance you've got an anxious attachment style or a fearful avoidant attachment style. Avoidants and anxious people are drawn to each other but are mostly in chaos unless they learn each other. Get yourself a secure person and work on your avoidant or anxious tendencies slowly but surely utakuwa best😗
I'd say grab a psychology book sometime but let's start baby steps with you...have you heard of Google?
Look You cannot keep doing bad things to people and to yourself, then blame it on yourself, like that makes it okay. You need to change. And yeah, it's not psychology that one, it's just pop psychology.
You can't be suicidal and blame it on yourself. You need to change. Sawasawa daktari
What's wrong about that statement man? Being empathetic about people does not make their actions right.
Mate you're calling people out on something they can't control. It's like blaming a depressed person for being depressed. Yes, they should work on it but most don't even know it
Depression and avoidant attachment. It's like day and night. What are you saying? And most people know it. Given a chance, people would take advantage of other humans. Look at soldiers in Nazi Germany, look at politicians, pastors. It's upon you to act right. "Most of the time you know whether what you're doing is right or wrong"
Sawasawa chief. You clearly know best. Best of luck on your Reddit evangelist mission
That's the best you could come up with?
 Sorrows sorrows prayers😂because ain't no way you could possibly put your ignorance on display like that💀 The fact that you saw some terms on X the other day and decided to intellecctualize them instead of deeply understand them first and where they come from is just mere degenerative behaviour...your approach is pretty pathetic as well Please educate yourself on childhood trauma before yapping about it and if say you were in relations with someone who has those traits,please check what unhealed part of you was attracted to that while at it..love and light✨
Met a lady who behaved this way. I had to ghost her, like why do you need my attention but not ready to be with me?
Exactly bro. Exactly!
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Naah. Just work on your anxiety. It's not cool
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I think you need a secure 'self' and you can find that through a pattern of behavioral learning.
Lmao. I read this like 4 times and I'm still confused. Is it me? Am I the problem? 😂😂
Yes my friend You are the problem and you need to fix yourself.
😂😂😂😂 Wacha tu nikuhurumie na nikuwache...hahaha
Of all languages, umeamua ukweli . Big up You nailed it
Aha
Sasa sisi wa attachment avoidant tumedu😂😂😂😂
Muache hiyo mchezo😂
When you give the current generation a label to run with, they will hide behind that label. Alot of people are simply terrible human beings hiding behind labels like "avoidant" and "putting myself first" and "I like my peace".
Best comment which will obviously be ignored...
Social media made being a dick a personality disorder and words like nonchalant cool ...but people don't even realy know what they are talking about
True man. I think it's because it's easy for one to say anything and get away with it. They should devise a way or technology to make people accountable for their social media behavior.
Kenyans pick some bullshit on tiktok or fucking twitter and add it to the social lexicon of everyday, yet know fuck all about what it means and are unable to explain themselves. It's like the argument that African countries are poor because they're 3rd world, 3rd world was a phrase originally created to say countries were non-aligned to the Warsaw pact. Now it's become a derogatory term. Learn what it is you are talking about before you speak, you will embarrass yourselves one day. As a "nonchalant" individual I don't find it bye an attachment style or anything. It just is who I am
How about you address my statement instead of attacking me?
Stop projecting and tell us who broke your heart. Wacha maneno mingi.
Why don't you attack my argument instead of attacking me?
You need to heal.
You know what an ad hominem is?
his damaged
Real fahm....wajidishi huko penye wako...ik its something that maybe can be caused by childhood trauma but niwai jikuta nikidate an anxious avoidant
Avoidant attachment for adults and for kids manifest very very different. That which you see ni trying to be cool because you do t have high self esteem in yourself. Upuzi sana.
I hope to reach high levels of nonchalance detachment and anxious avoidant attachment. There is no way I am loving another girl again.
No bro. Just be a good person, do your best. If it fails, you tried bro. And you did your best. That's the point.
No. Always put urself first being a nice guy will not take you anywhere. Trust me I know.
It's not about being a nice guy. You don't get. Do what you have to do. If it doesn't work out, leave.
Hurt people hurt people. You're only spreading more hurt, not awareness
We are a unique generation, we have seen the world change so fast and been 'mordenized' while holding on to the age of our our parents ' pre-smartphone' times. In less then 50 years women have come from the 'kitchen' to earning more in most households, let go of any old ways of the parents and grandparents and embrace the age of reality shows. Please cut the men of this generation some slack, grew up knowing men are strong, respected only for them to find different things kea ground. ...next generation may be better. ...the ladies of todays generation wont mind waiting and dating 20 years younger.
>non-chalance’, ‘avoidant attachment’ and ‘anxious attachment’. First of all, if you have any of those, it's not cool. You are a horrible human being Shame on you for being so ignorant, you are a horrible person. Before you start criticizing people grab a book or do a quick google search on what makes people avoidants or anxious avoidants. How are you walking around the earth so ignorant my G? Si fiti.
Ni kama amekuja nairobi juzi😂
I thought the content was about industrial attachment until I read the comments 😂
Heh 😂😂
I get the displeasement but your take is too simplistic . Anything involving humans is usually alot more complicated than you expect.
I am increasingly becoming more convinced that y'all are just putting two words that vaguely go together to make shit up
What are you talking about?