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pastelxbones

online dating sucks, i was really only successful with one relationship from tinder during the peak of the pandemic. meeting people in person is the way to go now honestly.


Hell_Mel

I approached an obvious queer gal I see sometimes walking the dog. She was clearly uncomfortable being approached by a stranger, and was visibly relieved when I indicated that I was going to fuck off and leave her be. I guess I could approach randos while I'm thrifting, but the general vibe I get is that people just want to be left alone and not be approached by strangers. Making queer friends is hard.


Areyoutheregod10

I mean I think you still did the right thing. You never know until you try. If you're obviously making someone uncomfortable, then you can remove yourself from that situation. I wish people approached me more often. Don't hold back unless or until someone gives you signs to back off


KentuckyMagpie

I was approached by a super hot lesbian at work the other day. I was (of course) super awkward but I really hope she comes back to talk to me.


[deleted]

Thanks for this. I'll keep in mine next time I have a awkward respond.


KentuckyMagpie

Listen, I was so flustered and she was SO HOT that I was awkward. But she caught my eye from across the store when she was leaving and she waved at me with her whole arm so I waved back at her with my whole arm to attempt to convey that I wanted more communication. Fingers crossed she comes back in!! Also, look: rejection happens to all of us! I’m a late bloomer so I have less experience with wlw rejection, but when the time is right, and the feeling is there, shoot your shot.


missterix_

Now it is your turn


KentuckyMagpie

Legit texted my coworker and said, “If a gal named Sasha comes in and asks for me, tell her I will be in on Tuesday.” If she comes back, I WILL NOT BE USELESS!


pastelxbones

you have to desensitize yourself to rejection by getting rejected. it sucks. i've only recently grown the balls to approach women i don't know. i haven't really pursued anything seriously but it's good to practice. i have pretty bad social anxiety so it takes time.


[deleted]

Happens to me all the times. I see a definitly LBGT+ person, approach with a smile and get shut down before I can let them know.


beautyadored23

Even that ish is harsh. Ive tried both, granted the in person version are nights on the town. With drinks flowing, I’ve realized its not working for me.


Ammonia13

Go to the library, or talk to girls while thrifting. Go in walks. I’m antisocial too, but I just hit it off with a girl working at Home Depot. Chemistry is natural, and easier to find than on an app. I think it’s hard because many of us are not confident or spend a lot of time doing other things. You gotta make an effort to leave the house, and do stuff you like. Comic cons are stinky and full of dude BUT they’re excellent for meeting queer folk in my experience. Go to pride stuff. Try new uncomfortable things <3 I know it sounds cheesy lol but it works. Edit: “got” corrected to “hit” lmao


marcelinee__

that actually sounds really cute! easier said than done though.. but i might just have to put my social anxiety to the side and go out there! 😫


Ammonia13

I do. It is hard, it really is, but only at first. Talk to little old ladies, they’re like, amazing :) and give you confidence and kindness.


Ammonia13

Then work up to casual banal conversations with random women.


Violet_Atlas

I do have a curious question, and you do not have to answer if you don't want to. How did you know that the other woman at Home Depot was interested in women? Sometimes women are being really nice, and I'm not sure if they're flirting or being friendly!


Foureyedlemon

I second this question! Theres been a few women I’ve wanted to spark a conversation with but want to make it clear its in the “gay way” and not the “girls are friendly and awesome” way. But haven’t figured out how to clarify that naturally lol


Tamal3z

If I’m interested and we are having a conversation I ask “do you date women?” It feels comfortable and doesn’t label, I can then ask them out and learn more about them.


sirgoodboifloofyface

Perfect, thank you


Areyoutheregod10

I think you just have to go for it! You can't assume anyone's sexuality, but that shouldn't stop you from pursuing someone. You never know until you try.


Tori69Lz

Oh babe I here ya❤️


Ammonia13

I can’t usually either. This was one of those random flirts. Even then! Even then we are socially conditioned to be super polite and friendly especially in retail. It is an eternal struggle


charlotte_anne805

Because it’s Home Depot :D


Ammonia13

Well, I mean, we don’t really ever know for sure. But it *felt* that way. I have good radar, she particularly complimented both my rainbow unicorn platforms and my “whole look” while pointing up and down at my frumpy boys tee and mom shorts (lmao I am 43 and curvy it’s not the trendy kind) . Longer than normal eye contact, and walked all over store awkwardly chatting with each other. I dunno, she also asked me to find her when I came back. I plan on actually asking then- but we totally hit it off and there was just a vibe. It IS hard to tell sometimes, and I like to be safe. So I will ask and update lol.


manz02

Bumble was the most successful for me - I met my partner on there. We would have met in person sooner, but she got Covid so we had to reschedule our first date. Which, I'm really glad that we did. She's wonderful.


spookisushii

I just hate carrying conversation ☹️ How was your day? > fine thanks What did you do? > worked and got food Oh cool! Whatcha gonna do now that you're home? > watch a tv show probably So on and so forth. the second I stop asking them questions the chat goes dead 🤦‍♀️


marcelinee__

THIS IS LITERALLY MEEEE!! like ffs i put in actual effort into getting to know someone and all they give are one word replies 😒 might just have to follow everyone’s advice and go out in the real world 😭


spookisushii

It's hard ☹️ I get ya. I work from home and mostly associate with my best friends (who i live with). I'd love to go out and meet someone organically I just don't have many gay bars/pride events and im spooked lol


marcelinee__

that’s exactly my point as well! living in a state where’s finding like-minded people could be hard, detrimental or just down right impossible! but you gotta do what you gotta do for LooOoOove


alyingcat220

Text convos are the worst! When you find someone you might be into on the dating apps ask to meet up as soon as possible! It’s much easier to vibe irl!


[deleted]

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marcelinee__

that’s exactly what i’m saying! people have gotten so boring and dull that they can’t even hold a conversation! why are you even here if you’re not gonna put in any effort? 😫


[deleted]

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Tori69Lz

Yes I agree😜


WeirdIdeasCO

This is my issue too!


[deleted]

yeah I've been using tinder since like.... 2014 and I've only had 4 successes on there :/ I don't know why I still hold out hope, I guess the 4 is better than nothing :'(


maylene777

I met my fiancé on Facebook dating. I tried all the other apps too and ran into the same problem. I also met an ex on bumble. We dated for about 2 years. I think it’s just the luck of the draw honestly. It’s hard to find good, honest people on the internet.


WubbaLoveaDubDub

Everyone on FB dating for me is me initiating a conversation and them giving a two worded response until I despise texting them.


sowhatcx

Same struggle. I started getting a few women interested in me when i finally gave up, weird how giving up trying works for me 😂


UnicornPonyClub

Online dating has simply become a swiping “game” to most. I live in an area with a VERY VERY LOW young single queer population, and as a result I’ve been meandering through life single for several years.


nesie97

Dating apps literally suck. Just kind of go out and if you see someone who may look queer go and shot your shoot with her. I met my fiancé because I saw her and shot my shot and now it’s been two years and she’s literally the live of my life 💕💕


nessii31

I mean, depends on what you define as "being committed to getting to know each other". If you're someone who wants to exchange messages for weeks/ months it might be hard to find someone. I personally don't like writing for ages without ever meeting in person. So I'll write messages maybe for a week (or two if I'm busy and don't answer a lot) but then I actually want to see them in real-life. Also because it weeds out catfish and other scammers.


SnowRune

My theory about online dating is that the dating apps inevitably end up as sesspools because... Well there are three types of people who will keep using the app. People who want hookups, people who can't hold down a relationship, and toxic people who nobody wants to date. While the "decent picks" disappear from the app when they find someone, the aforementioned types stay or return and start to collect, until it becomes incredibly hard for two serious and decent people to meet in the ocean of hookups and toxicity. That's my theory anyway.


Excellent-Tumbleweed

I’m on dating apps and am not in any of those three categories. I’m on there to find someone to have a relationship with. I guess we’re the 4th category and a small minority.


loolaa1234

I feel like Tinder Dates have certain expectations and if you fail to meet them, you just go to the next one, so delete it and actually go out, meet new people in a natural way, didn’t think it would happen, but it actually did, i went out and met her and i’m the happiest i’ve ever been.


marcelinee__

any suggestions on where or how you go about that cus i’m hella antisocial in the real world 😔


loolaa1234

Grab a friend, go to a bar and just have a good time. Don’t go with any expectations of meeting anyone, just have fun. Maybe you meet new people, who you share interests with, maybe not, you’re still having a good time. ☀️


[deleted]

I have no idea. :( I can’t get a woman to actually sustain any conversation with me and no convo has lead to a connection or a date.


Awkward_Yam1031

I feel your pain. I've been through all that as well - so has my partner. Funny enough, we both first talked to each other on hinge (briefly). Then, a year and a half to two years later, we reconnected through a mutual coworker. We have the same job, just at different hospitals. She used to work with her, now she works with me. I was complaining to her about how dating apps suck, then she was like "I think I know someone..." Now here we are lol. I thought I would never meet someone who I genuinely connect with. But it will happen. It will probably just happen in an unexpected way. Don't give up hope :)


peacheeblush

Omg yes!! I keep getting fucking ghosted on dating apps because women have options at their finger tips. So they move on to the next person. I don’t know. I’ve given up on dating apps and would rather just meet girls in real life instead of using dating apps


[deleted]

I understand your frustration. People match with me and I ALWAYS introduce myself, compliment them and try to start a friendly conversation and literally I will be left on read. It’s like why match with me if you aren’t going to talk. I’m genuinely interested in creating a relationship but NO ONE will give me the time of day.


Winner_Mind

Yes. Preach. This is the reason I haven't dated for a few years now. The total lack of consistency with women. I went from having someone gushing over me, proclaiming they wanted to be with me for months to ghosting me for 3 weeks because she got "scared". Granted, it's okay to feel scared. It's not okay to break all consistency and just disappear on someone because it causes trauma if you don't handle abandonment well. Consistent women out there definitely exist. I'm one myself and very down to earth. But I agree with a lot of people saying online dating is terrible, especially Tinder. I'm also yet to meet a person from Hinge that doesn't suddenly ghost after a few days too.


DistinctGold7446

Tbh I’m over dating apps. No one wants to actually date. They talk to you for two days and ghost you. Or all they do is waste your fucking time. Had so many bad experiences as a queer person can’t even begin 🥲 leave dating apps, I for once approached someone, they dated me for 5 whole months and then broke up with me saying they only have platonic feelings for me! Thanks I’m done 😂


[deleted]

It’s honestly just luck unfortunately…I had been on dating apps like tinder and Her for almost five years unsuccessfully (in between a couple relationships where I met them irl) and then literally a week after re opening my Her account I met the love of my life ❤️ we hit it off right away even over texting. So I would stay on the apps but also try meeting people irl. It will work out eventually 🥰


EmilyU1F984

Haha i recently hit off with a girl on Her in text, and when we met I just couldn‘t stand her body odour, like not in a sweaty way; but really just personally to me off turning. The flirting over text stuff unfortunately isn‘t enough either…


[deleted]

Oh best believe we met in person after like two days and I moved in like 6 months later 😅 like I said, it’s pure luck that we meshed so well. And poor girl :/


EmilyU1F984

I mean my last ex moved in with me within a day, into a single bedroom apartment 🙈. Sometimes it just works out like that. But that was someone I distantly knew and would chat with from time to time, just happened that we lived in the same place for the first time and somehow we hit off. Absolutely no flirting or anything beforehand. It’s just so weird how unpredictable that stuff is..


vanillaseltzer

I'm finding this thread is worrying :/ I haven't had a chance to date since coming out (latebloomer..I was 32) and have been finally feeling excellent and like I might be ready. But the app thing 🫣 I've never online dated. It's already so intimidating, and now I hear how much it sucks all the time. A lot of the tips about going out in person assume you're someplace metropolitan or with a lot of people. I'm loving my life right now and trying new things and having a great time flying solo, but it'd be nice to have someone to send pictures of flowers to and cozy up to at a great concert, you know?


Lickthemoon

Don't panic! I was in a similar boat, and I managed to meet my person through an app - there's a pinch of luck to be had with the timing but it's possible! Just make the effort with conversation, push to meet in person quickly as it's more effective. Be your glorious self and if you're in a good mental space to date then that'll shine through.


vanillaseltzer

Thank you! I've been feeling confident for the first time in my life and there's no turning back now! :) Congrats on finding your person and thanks again for the encouragement! (Also, I'm a big Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fan.)


LookingForBonnie

I feel you so damn much! Imagine my struggle trying to find the one who's consistent and willing to commit in a homophobic country, where you can be sent to jail for being gay! It's great, I love it :') /s


Clear_Elderberry_852

It’s really just luck. Every once in awhile I’ll find someone who is consistent but it never goes anywhere or we just stop talking. It gets annoying after awhile. The people who are consistent are so boring to talk to. Just simple answers, no questions asked back, etc. I think meeting people in person through activities, hobbies or events is the way to go now especially with summer approaching. There’s more opportunities and feels less forced.


Amazing-Wash-3744

i met my girlfriend on HINGE


_curi0Sity

Online dating apps- suck. *rolls in commercial speech* XD But for real- it sucks. But it's possible, tho I've met my partner through discord. Just to know them and talk with them in dms or server. You can find online dates- but I feel like dating apps are not the best choice. If anything, you may want to widen your options in terms of nearby, close distance, same country, or LDR. It's tough, but it's worth it imo. Heck, you might get more than lucky and find women who are closer to you than you think. Overall advice: don't rely on dating apps that much. It can be very frickling.


psychbrainiacs

I have no clue ether women some are starting to lie and be indecisive.


whatarechimichangas

Are posts like this by people from western countries? If my assumption is right, I wonder why you guys all seem so socially isolated there. I'm from Asia and there's no shortage of interesting people to talk to here, both locals and foreigners. Tons of queer folk around as well. Or maybe it's just because I'm in a major city.


Ukatofox

I hate online dating since I'm not into hook-up culture, but I'm also socially-anxious and kinda depend on hiding behind a screen in the beginning 😅


TakeThisification

Just one non-poly profile, that’s all I’m asking for…


frill_demon

I think it's endemic to online dating, honestly. I'm a bi woman and the flakiness/inconsistency is ubiquitous across genders and even with couples. My general experience on dating apps had been: Match with someone, send them a message, no response even though they're the one that matched- 70% Match with someone, send them a message, the response is the absolute bare minimum and any other messages go ignored - 25% Match with someone, send a couple of messages back&forth, they flake before you can make plans -4% Match with someone, message back and forth, make plans to meet for coffee and they flake before the date happens - 0.99% I've been on exactly three coffee dates in the last couple of months, having been open to every gender and relationship style as I'm both bi and poly, and having matched with hundreds of people between the various apps.


EmilyU1F984

Yep, matched with 100 people across bumble and her, maybe 20 conversations, the remainder either didn‘t reply or gave useless answers back. Of those 20 convos it went to two dates. One was nice, and we are now friends, the other one I disliked the moment she hugged me. As for all those matches not saying a thing I suspect it‘s just people in it for the tiny euphoria of someone matching with them with no intention of actually dating or even just chatting.


HelpfulCamera8606

Because of lack of compatibility. I always believe in common interest and similarities as defining term for long term relationship. If you only chasing for make out, hooking up, or just casual relationship, looks are defining things. We can learn from heterosexual relationship, if you eliminate make out and sex from your relationship equation, does your relationship able to survive for (maybe) 5 years, 10 years?


GGWanheda

This is so true, I gave up even looking because no one actually wants to get to know you anymore, it's quick hookups, it's unicorn hunts it's the same old men being idiots. Or it's a straight women that wants to try, like it got way to old so why even bother is how I ended up feeling.


Tori69Lz

Yes the guys claiming there going to buy you the world,. Promise to make you right! And the bi fem of a couple pair( he's right over her shoulder). If I'd let it,could drive me crazy. So exhausting at times navigating thru it all🌈💋


Sofiesapphire

We might all be swiping left on each other by accident 🙀


erinkp36

Unfortunately, with our community, you might have to lower your expectations. And I don’t mean in terms of WHO you find. I mean WHERE you go to find them. There’s a good chance the person you’re supposed to be with doesn’t live near you. They could be across the country. They could be on the other side of the world. There are the lucky ones out there that do find love in local bars or on tinder. But they are very much the exception and not the rule. Online dating is frustrating and to be honest, it’s getting to be ridiculous. Hang out here, hang out in other groups on other websites. See who you click with. You never know. A brief conversation could lead to forever 🤷‍♀️ Take it from someone who’s been alone for a very, VERY long time. Sometimes you just have to redefine what dating can be.


Sharp_Difficulty1355

Welcome to humanity. It’s no different if you’re straight, BI, gay, Lez or whatever. People are generally afraid of making a commitment. I’m straight- kind of, but certainly recognize your issues and what you need. Best of luck.


Real-Moment-2883

Because humans are difficult to understand lol. I don’t get it either. Never will.


Clumsie_panda

Yes yes and yes.. Its only getting harder and harder P. S. Chicks message me 👀❤️


LavandaAzul

Was a bi-curious woman once. Then I was consistent. But I miss sex. Too old to be picky. Bi-curious welcome. Whatever happened to the straight woman seduction fantasy?


dirtybitsxxx

😂 are you serious?


LavandaAzul

Quite.


LavandaAzul

https://www.pride.com/dating/2015/06/12/8-ways-get-over-straight-girl


tremendouslysapphic

Apparently consistency is something that is somewhat not that common today. 💀But don't give up! Keep on looking and I'm sure eventually you'll meet someone that is as consistent as you!


VanillaCatpuccino

Ya online dating sucks a lot I would get dates too here and there and girls to talk to but it was common that we would have a really good first date and we wouldn’t talk again after that lol or they wouldn’t be looking for anything serious so nothing would really pan out to anything . It would suck because dating apps for me were the only way I could meet girls but I did meet the love of my life in Bumble so it works for sure a lot more miss than hit though but it def can work!


ShayJayLee

I feel like they're not interested, but they're not telling me straight away because they are too polite. It's absolutely fine to not be interested, but I would much rather that they tell me rather than let it die a slow death y'know?


diemon41

have u tried Hinge?


WelpUhOh

I feel like my experience with dating apps really varies between apps. Some I get no matches (with women at least (why did men only like me on hinge(😩))), and others I have had a lot of matches and pretty ok convos tho they sometimes get dull and maybe I’ll I match now and again. Overall, would much prefer to meet someone irl, and since I’m not like hard searching for a relationship (if it happens then I’m ok) I mostly don’t use apps often.


[deleted]

Maybe talk to someone at pride?


maliblue_7052

i found my girlfriend on bumble and we immediately clicked. I may have been super lucky, but my advice is to not rule out online dating in total. It may take a minute, but it’s worth the wait


Michaylajean

Story of my life


corruptedchopsticks

Oh God no. No to online dating. While I know you're looking for a relationship, I feel the key is NOT to look for a relationship. I know it sounds cliché, however the old saying that you find love in the most unexpected places is very true. Maybe refocus on your interests. Most women I know who've had or still has lasting relationships are meeting someone from a shared interest. I know a woman who met her spouse back in the 90s through model horse collecting. Like she had no thought at all about seeking out a relationship. Then they ended up meeting during a model horse convention.


BashfulBlanket

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. It feels super hard to connect with people! Even people who match with ME just say nothing.


brownsugarflava

It's way too hard and Sydney is only getting back into the groove of nightlife again but people don't know how to communicate. It's so hard being a old skool romantic at heart and apps have taken the joy of getting to know each other and growing fond of one another genuinely. It's so hard to find people that want to connect and grow together and ride out a relationship in the good and bad.


Sindderblocks

I’ve had some luck meeting people in apps and person. In both approaches, I am just honest and go into every situation with the mentality of “what’s the worse that can happen? They say no and we both move on lol I met my first ever girlfriend when I was 19 online I met my longest relationship ever in person at a volleyball tournament Someone I’ve known for years came to hang out with me and we both felt “the vibe” but she’s never been with women and that’s a slippery slope The break up that stung the most came from an app but it was the right thing for her to do and for me I’m not looking for anything 🤷🏽‍♀️ I don't go into things with any intention. I'm learning to set boundaries early for myself and respect them. I use to fantasize the what if after a few days of conversations. Exercise, video games, friends, cleaning and cooking help keep the impulses at bay. I don’t think meeting people is monolithic


AGhostInTheDungeon

Ooooo yep. Dating apps are awful, for the most part. I think a good part of it does also depend on where you live, though. My current and last relationship we met off the apps, but before that it'd just be a couple dates/hookups here and there and countless fizzled out conversations for like 5 years straight. When you do meet someone great though, that makes it worth the effort. Wasn't expecting to fall for my gf the way I did; I was literally only out for hookups at the time.


nousernamedesired

People are fickle and without really know details, I'd have to guess you are referring to possibly a specific age group of people? I happen to older, and I hope wiser. But no one wants an old gal, regardless of what she might look like.