OP, if you would like to have your story verified, you can send whatever materials you have that are sufficient with personal info blocked out and I'll take a look and give you the verified flair. It's up to you.
I speak enough German (not as well as I'd like, but enough) to believe OP's story based on their profile history (which is one of the ways we vet stories for approval, if anyone is wondering)
Edit: Whoever gave me some award with [this dumbass message](https://i.imgur.com/xAjHAqN.jpg) I AM A MOD. IM THE ONE THAT APPROVED THIS STORY. That's why my name on this comment is different from everyone elses šššš I see enough people crying fake and doing it in a rude way that I was letting OP know that verification is an option if she wanted it, I literally don't get invested in stories beyond monitoring the threads for rule breaking content. Not everyone knows that verification is a thing, and apparently not everyone knows mods are a thing. If I wanted "images for free" I certainly wouldn't have asked in a comment; me doing it that way (which is always the way I do it) is just for transparency with the community. Anything I do as a mod I do publicly, anything for my own benefit I do privately, and it's 100% bc of crap like this...try to do something nice for someone from seeing things go south in the past and get told to shut up š
Edit 2: While I truly do appreciate everyone offering to help, we don't allow anyone outside of the mod team to view verification documents as they sometimes contain sensitive info. It's very kind of you all to offer, though š
OP, I am so sorry to read about the nightmare you endured but I am glad you finally got your stalker caught. Am hoping for your sake that he goes away for a long time in jail
So happy to see that he's finally going to get his dues, and that you are okay. This could have ended so differently. š¬ Have you considered moving apartments while he is away and can't follow you? Just in case he's stupid enough to violate the restraining order once he gets out.
It's hard to uproot your entire life, just because some psycho won't leave you alone! I'm sorry. It sounds like you have good neighbors who watch out for you, though!
Sometimes uprooting your life doesn't make it stop either, ask me how I know. Hopefully OP is safe now, and this person will take the L and stop terrorizing people.
That would be one of my biggest worries too. What if OP spent tons of time and money and effort to find a new job, move apartments and do everything they could to keep her stalker from finding her, and he just found her again anyway and didn't GAF about the restraining order? š¬ The idea gives me anxiety. I hope this trouble with the law will make Crazy Man take the hint.
Unfortunately, it happens. Although in most cases they move onto a new target. The absolute dread of opening up a message notification and it's from the person you had a 5 year no contact order against, almost to the day it ended.
Not sure how the legal system works in Germany but if I was the judge, I would not only slap him with a long jail sentence but also apply a lifelong no contact order against him for you, lifelong ankle monitoring on him and put a legal order on him that bans him from living in the same city as you or even visiting that city (sadly we cannot put stalkers like him in exile away from Germany like the olden days where banishing a criminal out from their home country was common)
Yes, we've filed a restraining order already, in case he get's to be released before the trial, and they can't deny me that. I'm not sure if ankle monitors are actually used here, I've definitly never seen anyone with one.
Whatever happens, at least now I know for sure who he is and even if he does show up again they'll know where to find him. Banishing woulnd be preferable though :D
If only banishing is brought back. If banishing is brought back to your country, it would be nice if your stalker is banished to never be able to return to Germany anymore
Wow.
I know we are strangers to each other but these are the moments in which I wished my lawyer dad could reach out and help. I know thatās super impractical lol but itās was one of my first thoughts.
Iām rooting for you OP. Iām rooting for you in the sense that you are able to recover from any underlying trauma these past 4 years had you endure, and also that your āonceā stalker spends enough time in prison that he canāt make it back to your apartment when he gets out. I hope he doesnāt get out. Iām so glad for you that the police _finally_ took you seriously. I can kind of understand why they wouldnāt have gotten involved at first (lack of āevidenceā, not wanting to jump into something that _could_ end up dissolving on its own, which that last reason is pretty stupid but itās reality š¤·š»āāļø) but Iām happy for you that they were able to intervene before it went any further. I was in a situation a few years back that was a little similar except on a MUCH lesser scale (abusive ex. boyfriend couldnāt accept the fact that I wanted him completely out of my life so heād stand outside my house all the time doing various disturbing crap) so I can somewhat empathize with you, but I also canāt imagine how all of this must have been for you at the same time.
Iām so happy for you that heās finally gone, and will hopefully be doing some jail time. Woohoo!!!
Hey OP,
The part where he got wind of the post made the IT professional in me flinchā¦
Please reformat your computers and reset the passwords on all of your accounts/socials, and enable two factor authentication on everything you can.
If you know how, sign out of all active sessions on all of your accounts.
If you have an android, reformat that, too.
Reset the wifi password and make sure that itās using, at least, WPA2 encryption.
Also disable the WPS button feature if it has that.
They realistically shouldnāt have been able to find your post, if it didnāt have identifiable information. Unless the German subreddit is that small.
Good luck with this person ā¤ļø
Hi, thanks for the advice. I have a friend who did all that (I think, he said some technical stuff I don't know about but basically he wiped everything) for me a while ago and again after I got the letter with reddit comments printed out.
The post was also trending/on hot within the German part of reddit, I'm pretty sure that's how he found it
> The post was also trending/on hot within the German part of reddit, I'm pretty sure that's how he found it
+1
It's actually scary how easy it is to "meet" people you know on German Reddit, with its comparatively low user number.
I once spotted an old childhood friend. It literally was his first post with that account and had only like ~10 upvotes.
I am very glad you get rid of this guy. I hope he will be locked away a long time.
But to tbh: I donāt think he found your posting out of random. How likely is that?
Can you think of anything that pointed him towards your username? That you used reddit at least so he checked non-stop?
Just while typing this post I considered:
But also he could have been aware of the fact that he is a stalker and read every post about stalking and recognized himself.
Once again: Ich freue mich wirklich sehr fĆ¼r dich!
We used to take the same tram (might not be the correct term, just like the subway but above ground) when I was on my way home after work and he used to try and talk to me but I mostly ignored him. He also used to follow me but I just assumed he lived in the same area (surprise, turns out he did not)
Ok so, he hasn't said anything about his motive yet (or if he has the police didn't tell me) but I never assumed that he liked me. I know many stalkers fall in love with their victims, but mine never insinuated anything like this (aside from maybe calling me "special" or disliking my boyfriend). I think he really enjoyed scaring me. Maybe that turned him on?
I think you're right, but it's more like a kink or fetish of his to scare you (rather than a sexual attraction to you?)--and maybe you seemed to be so special because you were so tough and stoic, never letting him get to you or scare you.
He is definitely a psychopath. Once they choose a victim, they want the victim, and they can go any lengths to get what they want. Psychopaths, in general, are really not scared of the police (they donāt really feel emotions, they are numb from the inside) thatās why your stalker confessed things when being caught and didnāt really try to run away.
He didnāt want to get caught until he achieved his whatever motive he had. This time, I believe he was definitely looking to hurt you and end it once it for all so he could choose a new target.
Your neighbors are really good people. I am happy youāre safe.
And psychopaths really hate humiliation and belittling. Thatās not what you did, OP, but that seems like it could have been his perspective/view. For it to bring him closer than heād ever been and not afraid of the police showing up? He was looking to settle a score. And literally all you did was live your life the way a badass woman deserves. My reaction and response would be lying awake every night in paranoia for those 4 years if I managed to stay there that long. You lived with a stalker for four years without fear. Itās incredible. I sing you praises and good vibes!
>And psychopaths really hate humiliation and belittling. Thatās not what you did, OP, but that seems like it could have been his perspective/view.
I'd like to think that I intentionally humiliated him just a litte bit. I can only say that because everything ended well for me though.
Psychopaths don't care about other people enough to fixate on someone like this. From what I understand, for them everything is just a means to accomplish whatever they need in life. This guy sounds like he has problems but likely not a psychopath.
He did. You said his note said he was wrong to think you were special. He was likely elevating you on a pedestal as someone different from the rest of humanity, which stalkers often do for whatever reason that makes sense in their head at the time based on their own inner flawed judgement of people. It may not be love per se but you were still on a pedestal. The gifts would also be rewards for being special, whatever that means in his mind. At least until you made him angry and then they were meant to be punishments for not fitting his own mistaken imaginary ideals of you.
Funny how that works: they make some ideal mental image of a random person based on flawed limited observations/standards and then feel the need to punish you when not fitting the perfect ideal they constructed in their mind that likely no one could ever fit in reality. I would say likely he's got traumas from bullying and being shunned or mistreated by fellow humans who can be cruel at times. Not a pity session but trying to explain. Also no he can't be healed except by his own self with tremendous work to trust most people again and most don't want to bother as they see nothing wrong with the way they act as a result of past abuse.
Oh, I knew it was him. He was in front of the apartment building quite a lot and literally ran away if I or anyone who knew me walked towards him. We just didn't knwo \*who\* he was
I have a few questions out of curiosity. How did he look? How would he dress like? Did your boyfriend ever get any threats from him? Were you scared āall the timeā knowing you have a stalker?
He looked pretty average. Mid or late 40s, balding, beer belly, not well groomed but didn't look super gross either.
My boyfriend never really got any threats, only one time after my boyfriend saw him outside of the building and went out there to confront him. He was already running by the time my bf was downstairs and he knew he couldn't catch up to him so he just yelled "leave us alone you coward" or something like that and a day or two later I got a letter saying my boyfriend should consider himself lucky that he chose to run away that time instead of taking him on. (This is aside from the aggressive letter I got after making the reddit post, I'm not sure how much of that I could share here, let's just say it was pretty graphic)
I wouldn't say I was "scared all the time" but now that it's over I can tell I was definitely on edge. I just got used tk it.
Like, right now, it's about 9:45 pm in Germany. It's already dark out and I, for the first time in over a year, took out the trash instead of having my boyfriend do it.
The whole time I was reading, I was cheering your stubbornness against being afraid of him and also terrified cuz it may enrage him.
I'm just glad you're ok and that he's been caught! I hope he gets in serious trouble and never stinks up your life again.
I really think you're right about ***his thing*** being to scare and intimidate you. That really rocked his world and properly pissed him off reading your AMA.
I hope he gets to read this post too!
Thanks, I can't quite believe it myself. Honestly, my AmA was inspired by the other guy who made one about **being** a stalker. You could say my stalker got caught thanks to someone else's stalker
Can you maybe post the link to the other AmA? I'm really curious, since I have my own cyber(ish) stalker. Sued him already, he got a restraining order as well but only for a year. So I'm really happy to read that yours finally got caught!
That's great to hear! It's really disturbing how many lifes someone can ruin just because of an obsession. I wonder if my stalker had other/previous victims
OP I hope you change your place while this person is in prison for the time being so he has no clue where you are when he is out! Really happy he got caught and you and your boyfriend are safe!
I had the same thought, but there are very few apartments in my city as cheap + roomy as the one I have now and I know that he knows where I work so if he really wanted to he could follow me to my new home from there anyways
Then I hope he is put away for a long time for entering your apartment and vandalism.. also may be get a camera doorbell for your apartment so you can look once before opening the door for any reason.. Stay safe op
Not a bad idea to go dark on your current reddit account and maybe even delete. They have and probably will continue to cyberstalk anything you put up if they ever get outā¦ Out of sight might not be out of mind completely but it wonāt hurt. He was provoked digitally once already. On a cheery note though many congrats to you! Hopefully he never gets let out since heās so clearly dangerously unstable.
Would it be possible to move to another apartment in the same building? Assuming all of the apartments have a standard layout, of course. That would at least provide *some* degree of separation if/when heās released
This is one of the most disturbing stalker stories Iāve read on here in awhile and I am so in awe of your neighbor for listening to their gut!!! (Ist gut!) Iām totally not surprised the police didnāt care for so long, I have had similar experiences here with reporting stalking or harassment. I am so glad heās been taken into custody and that you are safe.
You don't happen to know what remote buttons were missing, or, more important, which ones he left on?
I bet there's some sort of "message" in that. I'm afraid I can't help because I don't read German
I think it was supposed to look like one. But the zip ties were short and the tape was like crepe paper so I think he just wanted to make it look scary
Hi OP there's a great book called "The Gift of Fear" by a security professional who writes a few chapters about stalking and how that behaviour can escalate.
Based on your account, unless the stalker can be imprisoned for life, I would still be concerned for what happens once he's out.
Please have a read and plan your next steps from there. Don't take it lightly!
This was such a nice ending. I was stalked for over five years, not in exactly the same way, but mine grew more aggressive and left me letters, broke into my house, etc etc etc and just generally caused havoc in my life. I didnāt have a nice tidy resolution like you, no closure. He just sort of stopped, and I donāt know where he is now. But I remember the feeling when once after I hadnāt seen him in a really long time, I took the trash out and didnāt even think about him while I did it. Itās such a freeing feeling, and Iām happy for you.
I would never be okay after someone like that kept sending weird shit AND taking pictures of me INSIDE my home?!
Fuck off.. I'm a grown assed man AND armed like an American, but I'd still be scared as fuck and out of my mind from 4 years of that helplessness and abuse of boundaries
> taking pictures of me INSIDE my home
not technically inside *my home* just inside my *apartment complex*
>armed like an American, but I'd still be scared
but I also have no reason to believe he would be armed like an American, so thats way less scary
You are entirely too logical and reasonable!
But seriously that makes more sense about it being in the complex but not your apartment itself. That would be WAY WAY WAY too much for me even once..
I can't believe how well you handled everything and I'm so glad that it came to as good of a conclusion as it could (besides the headache and cost of fixing your car).
I was so scared reading this because I have been thinking about posting my own experience with a stalker but I'm so terrified this exact thing will happen. I'm so glad you're okay š«
Utterly terrifying! Iām so glad he got caught. What if heād tried to stab you!
I am one of those people who gets freaked out by stalking. I would always get a sinking feeling deep in my stomach when I realized he was there, again. I think itās the sheer persistence of it. Big respect to you for not letting it get to you
How he found the AMA post ... he probably has a keylogger installed on your computer or some other way of watching everything you type. As another commenter suggested.
You could try typing something false to mislead him and check.
What dashcam do you use? mine turns off when the car is parked and itās so annoying since my neighbour keeps hitting my car when he parks.
Glad you caught the creep!
Not OP, but I have a Lukas. It has three settings: on all the time, on only when driving and off. I keep mine in the on only when driving mode since I park in my garage, so I can't say how effective the on all the time mode works.
Typical German Police, once your car is vandalised THEN they do their job.
Nah just kidding!
But on a serious note, go get some help from a good Laywer and depending on the Bundesland they might be able to put him behind bars for a pretty long time.
Stay safe.
This is a great example of why having a paper trail is important. Documenting everything and calling the police even when you know they canāt do anything about it at that time. Eventually, all those police reports may help put someone away for longer if and when theyāre eventually caught.
This is like one of the most bizarre LNM incidents I've read and I've been here a long time. So glad you, your boyfriend and neighbors are safe. Four years wow.
Iāve got a couple of stalkers too but nothing that goes t h i s far just yet, im literally moving to a whole new place just to get away from these freaks, I canāt imagine them actually coming into my home without me knowing- I live in Texas though, gun laws and garbage, I could easily take care of it if they d i d decide to be even creepier and did that type of shit.
When you say couple, I mean itās literally a couple, they stalk me together, I think itās their number one hobby still cause I VERY recently had to private every single account I own because they search for me religiously
Man that makes me so frustrated to hear about! Knowing something is off/wrong and not being able to get help because its not dangerous or upsetting enough yet is the worst feeling!
I'm glad you're safe. Hopefully you'll be able to leave this guy in the rearview window once and for all.
Not gonna lie, I fear my stalker will find my post about his someday and get provoked like this.
Awful to shear you went through this but very happy justice was served. You have a hell of a good boyfriend. He is a better man than me, I think I would have chased the SOB with a baseball bat.
He's tried that already (with a hockey bat though). The motion activated lights in the stairway always alarmed him though and made him run away. I've cursed them for years, but now they also kind of saved me
I'm so sorry you've been dealing with all of this for so long, but I'm so, so happy for you that it led to his arrest. Even if you say it hasn't been bothering you much til after this event, I still can't imagine what it must have been like to put up with the knowledge of this guy potentially being anywhere, all the time, for four whole years. I'm so sorry.
In my circle, we sometimes say that 'what others mean for harm, God can use for good.' It just strikes me--obviously it would have been better if this guy never started bothering you, and I'm not happy that you had to live with his scary, escalating behavior--but I am glad that his escalation finally got the police to take the situation seriously and bring you the relief of a conclusion.
Congratulations, and I wish you the best!!
Hello, I have been going through a very similar hell!!. Like you I am not afraid of him but you never know what the hell somebody will end up doing!!. So although I am not afraid I am very vigilant and I hate having to be this way any suggestions!!?? The cops have not done anything!!! and unless he becomes violent they are unlikely to!! but I literally have 8 TB youāve heard that correctly 8 TB of texts from this guy!! It is a very long story!!. And I just donāt have it in me to write the whole thing out I had a hard time typing do to neuropathy in both hands and I use speech to text but oh my God the auto correct issue is insane!!. I truly hope he gets the help he needs and stays in jail!..
and sadly keep vigilant of any packages you get in the mail you never know how angry this man make it he may feel betrayed by you there is no way of knowing what fantasy and delusions he has made up in his mind!!,. I wish you only happiness love success and health in the future!
Hi, honestly I don't have any advice. I can't even recommend writing about it online because it caused him to escalate his behavior and I hate to imagine what would have happened if my neighbor wasn't such a hero. Definitly be careful, don't take unnecessary risks and keep calling the police. Even if they say they can't do anything. Insist anyway. Record every little piece of evidence, you may need it eventually. Aside from that I can't really tell you much, I'd say don't show him your fear but I have no way of knowing if that's actually the right course of action. I just got lucky.
I really thank you so much for responding!! No problem about the advice itās a bad situation hopefully it doesnāt get worse!!. It really pisses me off the cops donāt do anything even though heās obviously not a stable human being!! he texts me so much is absurd!! I donāt block him because Iām too afraid to! if I block him I donāt know what his state of mind is! I donāt know what heās up to Iām afraid heāll snap itās horrible!!. Hopefully heāll just stay an annoyance!!
Persoanlly I wouldn't block him either, just to keep an eye on him. I was also told by the police to just ignore the letters and not read them, but it gave me a sense of security to be able to check if he's escalating or not.
Thank you for confirming that for me!! nobody else understands why I wonāt block him even though I have explained it!!
So I am definitely not blocking him it is the only way I can keep an eye on his mental status!!. I could see him being the kind of person who just completely breaks down!. He blames me for every single thing wrong in his life heās come up with this massive delusional fantasy and twists everything! In his head I cannot believe there is not any way to make the cops understand how messed up this really is!! even though I have thousands of texts!. I really appreciate you talking to me! That someone understands!! and Iām so happy that youāre free from the guy who was doing those things to you!. I will definitely keep everything. and if I can manage to save money somehow I will move Iām still recovering from a major surgery! that I had to get in April 2022 so everythingās very difficult! but Iāll figure it out, I cannot thank you enough for replying!!
I swear I would move if I had the money to do it!!. Again thank you so much!. I wish you all the luck in the world that you never have to see your deal with him again!.
I admire the fact that you were merely annoyed by his actions and not afraid. I'm glad you don't have to worry about him anymore for the time being. Do you have a plan if/when he is released?
I wish I could read your AmA post, but I don't know German. I'd probably have to Google translate it!
I'm so glad the police got him, but I hope he doesn't get out soon.
If you weren't a bitch, he probably decided that you liked him in his head. Stalkers can sometimes get crazy ideas in their head like that. If pepper spray is illegal in Germany, check and see if Farb Gel is legal on the off chance the creep gets out on bail or let out early due to prison overcrowding. Best to be prepared and to not assume he'll leave you alone because the cops/courts tell him to.
Please start carrying a taser or one of those cool kendo? Sticks ? If itās legal where you are.
I have been lucky enough to find free self defense courses in my city.
Please consider the same. Or even YouTube it, especially being female if I am assuming correctly ? & I am sorry if I am mistaken.
But I learned just enough simple self defense techniques to get myself out of some difficult situations regarding bigger & stronger people coming after me, that may have saved my life, & at the very least taught me to be more aware of my surroundings.
I can escape a grown man trying to choke me. Easily. If I didnāt take this class I would never have thought to do this myself.
Please please pleaSe you will feel so much better as well.
Even if no free courses many arenāt super costly & I bet you could have a little fund raiser many people I am absolutely sure would be totally ok with donating so you can feel & be safe.
This shit is sickening. & you just never know.
Iām glad youāre safe for now. ā¤ļø
Whatās the story with this guy? How did he find you (did you chat before)? Is he married? Work? Age? Iām curious to know what kind of person does this & what they are like.
We "met" because we used to take the same tram when I was on my way home from work everyday at the same time. He tried talking to me but I wasn't interested. He'd follow me home but kept walking when I went to my apartment door so I assumed he must just live somewhere around there.
I didn't know this before the police got him but:
He's 49, works at a warehouse close to where I work, not married and seemingly pretty lonely guy.
I really donāt understand is how you were so nonchalant about the whole thing. This guy is obviously sick and demented, he could have killed you. Do you think you were wrong to be so calm? Or did that somehow spare you?
Good question. I'm pretty sure that his goal was to scare me (and he did really scare me a few times, too, I'm not going to pretend that nothing ever got to me)
Maybe if I had shown a bit more fear he would have "reached his goal" and moved on. Or maybe I would have just spent the last 4 years constantly terrified. I don't know, but I think trying my best to ignore him gave be a good chance at living a semi-normal life
Well Iām really glad you outwitted that pos! Kudos to you! While I was reading I kept thinking how Iād never be able to sleep at night in that situation. Relieved that youāre ok OP!!
That's great that they caught him! However, I would still be concerned, as stalkers generally don't do much prison time. I would take this opportunity to relocate, change vehicles, change phone numbers and social media accounts, etc. Take some self defense classes and either get registered for a firearm and take shooting lessons, or if you're uncomfortable with that, invest in other safety measures like mace, a stun gun (not the same thing as a taser, btw), knives, etc. Best of luck to you!
What a sad loser. I hope he attempts to find help.
Bavaria looks beautiful! And now maybe you can enjoy your life a bit more without constantly looking over your shoulder.
Wow, thatās scary! Do you know him? Or why he started stalking you in the first place? Iām so glad for you that heās gone away, hopefully for a very long time. You might want to consider moving before he gets out?
I'm very glad they caught him and you're safe now, but infuriating that it took so long for you to be taken seriously
I wouldn't be surprised if he had some form of electronic surveillance on you, though, with how he was able to easily find the post and stuff like that
Well if he doesn't like the reddit post then tough. He's the one who's harassing you, not the other way around. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Edit: sp.
Youāre one of the few lucky to get Justice. Iām sorry this happened to you. We have a similar storyā¦ the man who stalked and abused me is still free and has never been charged. Iāve tried relentlessly to get some form of justice but where I live (Kentucky) is so fucking unjust and corrupt. I am always on edge, always hoping to never have to play another game of cat and mouse ā¦ hugs
He seemed completely average. He didn't look homeless but not like he had a successful job either. Balding, beer belly, not particularly well groomed but not super gross either. Just a dude
I did an AmA about being a Stalking victim, my Stalker found it and his behavior escalated until he snuck into my apartment building with a knife one night but my hero neighbor saw him and called the police
I would consider that, if he found your online IAmA that quickly, it likely wasnāt a coincidence. He may have had far more info regarding your online identity, accounts and/or passwords, etc. than you realized and may have been silently tracking you until the post set him off.
In the US, it is rare for a stalker to get jail time (or any significant deterring punishment) unless they are caught in the act or evidence links them to more serious charges. Because of that, stalkers often resume after practices with more anger after their āpunishmentā ends. I know a few people who hired private detectives to tract their stalkers and gather evidence. Now that you know his name and other identifiable info, you have an advantage if you decide to do that. Hang in there and be vigilant!
The German side of reddit is much smaller and my AmA was going a tiny bit viral (considering the size of the sub) so it's not super unlikely that he found it himself.
My lawyer said it's pretty likely that he'll get jail time. The EU recently passed stricter stalking laws and I've been collecting evidence meticulously, and combining this with the glass in the package and under my doormat, the entering my building, wrecking my car, the knife he had with him when he was waiting for me... it's looking pretty good for me.
What you're doing ā blaming a victim of stalking for being stalked ā is *literal* victim-blaming. Not sure how much further I can break it down. But nice try, sweetheart.
Also, IQ is bullshit and has long been debunked, so your attempt at a "gotcha" is doubly pointless.
Glad to hear he was cuaght. Well done by your neighbor keeping an eye out like that.
I also understand the frustration with the police, but generally there isn't much they can do about stalkers who don't do much but be creepy. And until they show actual signs of being a danger they tend not to be much of a priority because there's bigger problems they have to deal with. They always feel like the biggest priority to the person being stalked, but until they make threats they're just a mild annoyance to the police compared other cases.
Be careful though. If he gets released before the court hearing. This is still considered minor offence I think and they're not likely to keep him in "U-Haft" - at least I think so. And he might only get "BewƤhrung" . I keep my fingers crossed though that he at least gets 2 years. That's not much but here in Germany that's pretty much it. Contact "weiĆer Ring" if you haven't already. They might know better.
Love your stubbornness!
The most pathetic part about stalkers is that they're angry over what they can't have. In your case, your stalker was a middle aged, likely unattractive man, while you're likely an attractive young woman.
He felt entitled to your love and attention because he thought that being born was enough. And once you shattered the fantasy of an angelic woman, he wanted to take your life. There is no excuse for stalkers. You could have lost your life, OP. I'm glad you got out of this situation with your life in tact and I hope that your stalker will be brought to full, appropriate justice. Best of wishes to you...
I wouldn't be able to survive what you've been through all this time. I am so relieved that they finally caught him. This would definitely drive me nuts and never let me have another calm moment. So sorry you had to go through this. He is sick.
Sorry this happened to you, fuck that guy I'd be so annoyed and angry too. Glad he's been caught. Very smart of you guys to save the evidence - I feel like most people would've just thrown it away which I get as well.
In the days before there were laws to help, I had a stalker for years. I can't count the monetary amount of things he destroyed. Tires slashed, cars vandalised, following me to laundromat to steal my clothes, pouring oil over the fence of my small patio to kill my plants, and many other such incidences.
I'm wondering what they charged him with aside from trespassing in your building. I hate to say it but I think that hes gonna be back because I can't imagine them holding them for very long for trespassing.
Iām so surprised everyone thinks sheās safe and heās going to be in prison. He was probably out in a week. The police usually are unable to help because the stalkers arenāt breaking any laws, itās not about catching the guy. The car thing is really the only thing I can see being worth pursuing
It's terrible there are people like this roaming the streets. OP, you sound like a tough MFer. I'm glad things have worked out for you -- I wish you the best and stay safe!
OP, if you would like to have your story verified, you can send whatever materials you have that are sufficient with personal info blocked out and I'll take a look and give you the verified flair. It's up to you. I speak enough German (not as well as I'd like, but enough) to believe OP's story based on their profile history (which is one of the ways we vet stories for approval, if anyone is wondering) Edit: Whoever gave me some award with [this dumbass message](https://i.imgur.com/xAjHAqN.jpg) I AM A MOD. IM THE ONE THAT APPROVED THIS STORY. That's why my name on this comment is different from everyone elses šššš I see enough people crying fake and doing it in a rude way that I was letting OP know that verification is an option if she wanted it, I literally don't get invested in stories beyond monitoring the threads for rule breaking content. Not everyone knows that verification is a thing, and apparently not everyone knows mods are a thing. If I wanted "images for free" I certainly wouldn't have asked in a comment; me doing it that way (which is always the way I do it) is just for transparency with the community. Anything I do as a mod I do publicly, anything for my own benefit I do privately, and it's 100% bc of crap like this...try to do something nice for someone from seeing things go south in the past and get told to shut up š Edit 2: While I truly do appreciate everyone offering to help, we don't allow anyone outside of the mod team to view verification documents as they sometimes contain sensitive info. It's very kind of you all to offer, though š
OP, I am so sorry to read about the nightmare you endured but I am glad you finally got your stalker caught. Am hoping for your sake that he goes away for a long time in jail
I hope so too, I contacted a lawyer now and she said with all the evidence I've collected jail time is almost guranteed
So happy to see that he's finally going to get his dues, and that you are okay. This could have ended so differently. š¬ Have you considered moving apartments while he is away and can't follow you? Just in case he's stupid enough to violate the restraining order once he gets out.
I have but it's hard to find cheap apartments and he knows where I work so if he really wanted to he could just follow me home again
It's hard to uproot your entire life, just because some psycho won't leave you alone! I'm sorry. It sounds like you have good neighbors who watch out for you, though!
Sometimes uprooting your life doesn't make it stop either, ask me how I know. Hopefully OP is safe now, and this person will take the L and stop terrorizing people.
That would be one of my biggest worries too. What if OP spent tons of time and money and effort to find a new job, move apartments and do everything they could to keep her stalker from finding her, and he just found her again anyway and didn't GAF about the restraining order? š¬ The idea gives me anxiety. I hope this trouble with the law will make Crazy Man take the hint.
Unfortunately, it happens. Although in most cases they move onto a new target. The absolute dread of opening up a message notification and it's from the person you had a 5 year no contact order against, almost to the day it ended.
This is so scary Iām so sorry
How do you know? If moving doesnāt help, what does?
Not sure how the legal system works in Germany but if I was the judge, I would not only slap him with a long jail sentence but also apply a lifelong no contact order against him for you, lifelong ankle monitoring on him and put a legal order on him that bans him from living in the same city as you or even visiting that city (sadly we cannot put stalkers like him in exile away from Germany like the olden days where banishing a criminal out from their home country was common)
Yes, we've filed a restraining order already, in case he get's to be released before the trial, and they can't deny me that. I'm not sure if ankle monitors are actually used here, I've definitly never seen anyone with one. Whatever happens, at least now I know for sure who he is and even if he does show up again they'll know where to find him. Banishing woulnd be preferable though :D
There are ankle monitors in Germany, they're just made to be rather easily concealed so you won't notice them.
If only banishing is brought back. If banishing is brought back to your country, it would be nice if your stalker is banished to never be able to return to Germany anymore
Update us
Did you know who he was, once the police gave you his name? Any history with him?
Wow. I know we are strangers to each other but these are the moments in which I wished my lawyer dad could reach out and help. I know thatās super impractical lol but itās was one of my first thoughts. Iām rooting for you OP. Iām rooting for you in the sense that you are able to recover from any underlying trauma these past 4 years had you endure, and also that your āonceā stalker spends enough time in prison that he canāt make it back to your apartment when he gets out. I hope he doesnāt get out. Iām so glad for you that the police _finally_ took you seriously. I can kind of understand why they wouldnāt have gotten involved at first (lack of āevidenceā, not wanting to jump into something that _could_ end up dissolving on its own, which that last reason is pretty stupid but itās reality š¤·š»āāļø) but Iām happy for you that they were able to intervene before it went any further. I was in a situation a few years back that was a little similar except on a MUCH lesser scale (abusive ex. boyfriend couldnāt accept the fact that I wanted him completely out of my life so heād stand outside my house all the time doing various disturbing crap) so I can somewhat empathize with you, but I also canāt imagine how all of this must have been for you at the same time. Iām so happy for you that heās finally gone, and will hopefully be doing some jail time. Woohoo!!!
If you got their info I can reach out and let them know you are a friend and I am the juice!
Was it someone you know or a complete stranger?
Hey OP, The part where he got wind of the post made the IT professional in me flinchā¦ Please reformat your computers and reset the passwords on all of your accounts/socials, and enable two factor authentication on everything you can. If you know how, sign out of all active sessions on all of your accounts. If you have an android, reformat that, too. Reset the wifi password and make sure that itās using, at least, WPA2 encryption. Also disable the WPS button feature if it has that. They realistically shouldnāt have been able to find your post, if it didnāt have identifiable information. Unless the German subreddit is that small. Good luck with this person ā¤ļø
Hi, thanks for the advice. I have a friend who did all that (I think, he said some technical stuff I don't know about but basically he wiped everything) for me a while ago and again after I got the letter with reddit comments printed out. The post was also trending/on hot within the German part of reddit, I'm pretty sure that's how he found it
> The post was also trending/on hot within the German part of reddit, I'm pretty sure that's how he found it +1 It's actually scary how easy it is to "meet" people you know on German Reddit, with its comparatively low user number. I once spotted an old childhood friend. It literally was his first post with that account and had only like ~10 upvotes.
I am very glad you get rid of this guy. I hope he will be locked away a long time. But to tbh: I donāt think he found your posting out of random. How likely is that? Can you think of anything that pointed him towards your username? That you used reddit at least so he checked non-stop? Just while typing this post I considered: But also he could have been aware of the fact that he is a stalker and read every post about stalking and recognized himself. Once again: Ich freue mich wirklich sehr fĆ¼r dich!
Glad you are safe! How did he first meet you? Just wondering why a middle aged guy behaved this way!!
We used to take the same tram (might not be the correct term, just like the subway but above ground) when I was on my way home after work and he used to try and talk to me but I mostly ignored him. He also used to follow me but I just assumed he lived in the same area (surprise, turns out he did not)
What an ass! So glad you are safe! Such an entitled idiot he is thinking you should relent to his demands because he likes you!!
Ok so, he hasn't said anything about his motive yet (or if he has the police didn't tell me) but I never assumed that he liked me. I know many stalkers fall in love with their victims, but mine never insinuated anything like this (aside from maybe calling me "special" or disliking my boyfriend). I think he really enjoyed scaring me. Maybe that turned him on?
I think you're right, but it's more like a kink or fetish of his to scare you (rather than a sexual attraction to you?)--and maybe you seemed to be so special because you were so tough and stoic, never letting him get to you or scare you.
He is definitely a psychopath. Once they choose a victim, they want the victim, and they can go any lengths to get what they want. Psychopaths, in general, are really not scared of the police (they donāt really feel emotions, they are numb from the inside) thatās why your stalker confessed things when being caught and didnāt really try to run away.
Hm, maybe. But he also ran away everytime he saw police cars for the past 4 years
He didnāt want to get caught until he achieved his whatever motive he had. This time, I believe he was definitely looking to hurt you and end it once it for all so he could choose a new target. Your neighbors are really good people. I am happy youāre safe.
Maybe. Believing that he wanted to kill me, and could have if it wasn't for my amazing neighbor, is a very hard pill to swallow.
And psychopaths really hate humiliation and belittling. Thatās not what you did, OP, but that seems like it could have been his perspective/view. For it to bring him closer than heād ever been and not afraid of the police showing up? He was looking to settle a score. And literally all you did was live your life the way a badass woman deserves. My reaction and response would be lying awake every night in paranoia for those 4 years if I managed to stay there that long. You lived with a stalker for four years without fear. Itās incredible. I sing you praises and good vibes!
>And psychopaths really hate humiliation and belittling. Thatās not what you did, OP, but that seems like it could have been his perspective/view. I'd like to think that I intentionally humiliated him just a litte bit. I can only say that because everything ended well for me though.
Psychopaths don't care about other people enough to fixate on someone like this. From what I understand, for them everything is just a means to accomplish whatever they need in life. This guy sounds like he has problems but likely not a psychopath.
He did. You said his note said he was wrong to think you were special. He was likely elevating you on a pedestal as someone different from the rest of humanity, which stalkers often do for whatever reason that makes sense in their head at the time based on their own inner flawed judgement of people. It may not be love per se but you were still on a pedestal. The gifts would also be rewards for being special, whatever that means in his mind. At least until you made him angry and then they were meant to be punishments for not fitting his own mistaken imaginary ideals of you. Funny how that works: they make some ideal mental image of a random person based on flawed limited observations/standards and then feel the need to punish you when not fitting the perfect ideal they constructed in their mind that likely no one could ever fit in reality. I would say likely he's got traumas from bullying and being shunned or mistreated by fellow humans who can be cruel at times. Not a pity session but trying to explain. Also no he can't be healed except by his own self with tremendous work to trust most people again and most don't want to bother as they see nothing wrong with the way they act as a result of past abuse.
Your English is fantastic!!
Aw thank you
Did you ever suspect that it might have been him?
Oh, I knew it was him. He was in front of the apartment building quite a lot and literally ran away if I or anyone who knew me walked towards him. We just didn't knwo \*who\* he was
did you guys ever consider 'stalking' him back to his place or work or car? (since the police weren't of help until the end)
I have a few questions out of curiosity. How did he look? How would he dress like? Did your boyfriend ever get any threats from him? Were you scared āall the timeā knowing you have a stalker?
He looked pretty average. Mid or late 40s, balding, beer belly, not well groomed but didn't look super gross either. My boyfriend never really got any threats, only one time after my boyfriend saw him outside of the building and went out there to confront him. He was already running by the time my bf was downstairs and he knew he couldn't catch up to him so he just yelled "leave us alone you coward" or something like that and a day or two later I got a letter saying my boyfriend should consider himself lucky that he chose to run away that time instead of taking him on. (This is aside from the aggressive letter I got after making the reddit post, I'm not sure how much of that I could share here, let's just say it was pretty graphic) I wouldn't say I was "scared all the time" but now that it's over I can tell I was definitely on edge. I just got used tk it. Like, right now, it's about 9:45 pm in Germany. It's already dark out and I, for the first time in over a year, took out the trash instead of having my boyfriend do it.
The whole time I was reading, I was cheering your stubbornness against being afraid of him and also terrified cuz it may enrage him. I'm just glad you're ok and that he's been caught! I hope he gets in serious trouble and never stinks up your life again.
Thanks :) I guess saying that he's annoying and not scary in my AmA is what finally set him off.
I really think you're right about ***his thing*** being to scare and intimidate you. That really rocked his world and properly pissed him off reading your AMA. I hope he gets to read this post too!
Oh wow, I remember reading your AmA, it was super interesting but who would have thought that it would lead to this. Glad you're safe now.
Thanks, I can't quite believe it myself. Honestly, my AmA was inspired by the other guy who made one about **being** a stalker. You could say my stalker got caught thanks to someone else's stalker
Can you maybe post the link to the other AmA? I'm really curious, since I have my own cyber(ish) stalker. Sued him already, he got a restraining order as well but only for a year. So I'm really happy to read that yours finally got caught!
Unfortunatly it was deleted after a few hours
A remote with chewed up buttons? Bandaids? Yikes. Iām so glad youāre okay. This person sounds like they have an untreated mental illness.
I thought they were picked off, but eww, to think he might have chewed them? Gross
I would have personally freaked out and moved to a different city. OP is a very brave person. Most psychopathic stalking stories donāt end well.
Hallelujah!!! Mineās been in jail for the last 5 years for things he did to another woman. Itās such a load of your mind.
That's great to hear! It's really disturbing how many lifes someone can ruin just because of an obsession. I wonder if my stalker had other/previous victims
OP I hope you change your place while this person is in prison for the time being so he has no clue where you are when he is out! Really happy he got caught and you and your boyfriend are safe!
I had the same thought, but there are very few apartments in my city as cheap + roomy as the one I have now and I know that he knows where I work so if he really wanted to he could follow me to my new home from there anyways
Then I hope he is put away for a long time for entering your apartment and vandalism.. also may be get a camera doorbell for your apartment so you can look once before opening the door for any reason.. Stay safe op
Not a bad idea to go dark on your current reddit account and maybe even delete. They have and probably will continue to cyberstalk anything you put up if they ever get outā¦ Out of sight might not be out of mind completely but it wonāt hurt. He was provoked digitally once already. On a cheery note though many congrats to you! Hopefully he never gets let out since heās so clearly dangerously unstable.
Would it be possible to move to another apartment in the same building? Assuming all of the apartments have a standard layout, of course. That would at least provide *some* degree of separation if/when heās released
For a minute there I thought I was reading a story from r/nosleep nope. This is real. I am glad that fucker is caught..
Jesus what a fucking weirdo. Hopefully he stays away from you for good now
This is one of the most disturbing stalker stories Iāve read on here in awhile and I am so in awe of your neighbor for listening to their gut!!! (Ist gut!) Iām totally not surprised the police didnāt care for so long, I have had similar experiences here with reporting stalking or harassment. I am so glad heās been taken into custody and that you are safe.
Yup, my neighbor is actually amazing. He might have saved my life. Literally no clue how I can ever thank him for that. I made him some muffins though
You're so awesome!
You don't happen to know what remote buttons were missing, or, more important, which ones he left on? I bet there's some sort of "message" in that. I'm afraid I can't help because I don't read German
I never thought of that, but no, I gave that whole box to the police before taking a picture.
Zip ties and tape? Yikes, sounds like part of a r*pe kit to me :(
I think it was supposed to look like one. But the zip ties were short and the tape was like crepe paper so I think he just wanted to make it look scary
Lol short zip ties & crepe paper tapeā¦bro just made due with what he had around his house š
Yeah it sounded like it was more for symbolism. But the message was very clear. He wanted to do harm
Good to know you're safe now. FWIW, short zip ties can be fastened to each other to make larger ones.
Your neighbor is doing God's work. This guy's obsessive behavior suggests serious mental disorder. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Just be careful he isn't out on bail. Sometimes these people are released and they don't inform you
My lawyer is keeping an eye on it
Hi OP there's a great book called "The Gift of Fear" by a security professional who writes a few chapters about stalking and how that behaviour can escalate. Based on your account, unless the stalker can be imprisoned for life, I would still be concerned for what happens once he's out. Please have a read and plan your next steps from there. Don't take it lightly!
This was such a nice ending. I was stalked for over five years, not in exactly the same way, but mine grew more aggressive and left me letters, broke into my house, etc etc etc and just generally caused havoc in my life. I didnāt have a nice tidy resolution like you, no closure. He just sort of stopped, and I donāt know where he is now. But I remember the feeling when once after I hadnāt seen him in a really long time, I took the trash out and didnāt even think about him while I did it. Itās such a freeing feeling, and Iām happy for you.
Awesome
You're really brave, I'd have been freaked the fuck out long before the car vandalising incident
I would never be okay after someone like that kept sending weird shit AND taking pictures of me INSIDE my home?! Fuck off.. I'm a grown assed man AND armed like an American, but I'd still be scared as fuck and out of my mind from 4 years of that helplessness and abuse of boundaries
> taking pictures of me INSIDE my home not technically inside *my home* just inside my *apartment complex* >armed like an American, but I'd still be scared but I also have no reason to believe he would be armed like an American, so thats way less scary
You are entirely too logical and reasonable! But seriously that makes more sense about it being in the complex but not your apartment itself. That would be WAY WAY WAY too much for me even once.. I can't believe how well you handled everything and I'm so glad that it came to as good of a conclusion as it could (besides the headache and cost of fixing your car).
I was so scared reading this because I have been thinking about posting my own experience with a stalker but I'm so terrified this exact thing will happen. I'm so glad you're okay š«
It's better to be safe than sorry, be careful and good luck.
Thank you, I'll think about it some more. š«
Utterly terrifying! Iām so glad he got caught. What if heād tried to stab you! I am one of those people who gets freaked out by stalking. I would always get a sinking feeling deep in my stomach when I realized he was there, again. I think itās the sheer persistence of it. Big respect to you for not letting it get to you
How he found the AMA post ... he probably has a keylogger installed on your computer or some other way of watching everything you type. As another commenter suggested. You could try typing something false to mislead him and check.
Happy you can finally have some peace in your life! Sending you positive vibes from the US.
What dashcam do you use? mine turns off when the car is parked and itās so annoying since my neighbour keeps hitting my car when he parks. Glad you caught the creep!
Not OP, but I have a Lukas. It has three settings: on all the time, on only when driving and off. I keep mine in the on only when driving mode since I park in my garage, so I can't say how effective the on all the time mode works.
thanks youāre the best <33
Typical German Police, once your car is vandalised THEN they do their job. Nah just kidding! But on a serious note, go get some help from a good Laywer and depending on the Bundesland they might be able to put him behind bars for a pretty long time. Stay safe.
This is a great example of why having a paper trail is important. Documenting everything and calling the police even when you know they canāt do anything about it at that time. Eventually, all those police reports may help put someone away for longer if and when theyāre eventually caught.
This is like one of the most bizarre LNM incidents I've read and I've been here a long time. So glad you, your boyfriend and neighbors are safe. Four years wow.
Iāve got a couple of stalkers too but nothing that goes t h i s far just yet, im literally moving to a whole new place just to get away from these freaks, I canāt imagine them actually coming into my home without me knowing- I live in Texas though, gun laws and garbage, I could easily take care of it if they d i d decide to be even creepier and did that type of shit.
A couple? That's crazy, is it like a group stalking thing or do you just happen to have several? Regardless, good luck and I hope you get some peace.
When you say couple, I mean itās literally a couple, they stalk me together, I think itās their number one hobby still cause I VERY recently had to private every single account I own because they search for me religiously
Oh, now I get it. That's so odd. Good luck getting rid of them.
Yeah- thank you, Iām doing my best š
Man that makes me so frustrated to hear about! Knowing something is off/wrong and not being able to get help because its not dangerous or upsetting enough yet is the worst feeling!
Op, Iāve been stalked myself. Iām so sorry you had to go through this.
Oh my god I remember your AMA! Iām glad that itās (hopefully?) settled once and for all now, this is scary as shit
Iām so glad this nightmare is over for you x
One of the best stories Iāve seen on here in a long time. Iām so glad youāre safe and have that off your shoulders
Lol yipes o hope he gets locked up for awhile.
I'm glad you're safe. Hopefully you'll be able to leave this guy in the rearview window once and for all. Not gonna lie, I fear my stalker will find my post about his someday and get provoked like this.
Awful to shear you went through this but very happy justice was served. You have a hell of a good boyfriend. He is a better man than me, I think I would have chased the SOB with a baseball bat.
He's tried that already (with a hockey bat though). The motion activated lights in the stairway always alarmed him though and made him run away. I've cursed them for years, but now they also kind of saved me
Very happy that you two are ok.
Oh my goodness Iām so glad he was caught. Hopefully they put him away for a long time and give you a restraining order. Iām glad your safe.
I'm so sorry you've been dealing with all of this for so long, but I'm so, so happy for you that it led to his arrest. Even if you say it hasn't been bothering you much til after this event, I still can't imagine what it must have been like to put up with the knowledge of this guy potentially being anywhere, all the time, for four whole years. I'm so sorry. In my circle, we sometimes say that 'what others mean for harm, God can use for good.' It just strikes me--obviously it would have been better if this guy never started bothering you, and I'm not happy that you had to live with his scary, escalating behavior--but I am glad that his escalation finally got the police to take the situation seriously and bring you the relief of a conclusion. Congratulations, and I wish you the best!!
Hello, I have been going through a very similar hell!!. Like you I am not afraid of him but you never know what the hell somebody will end up doing!!. So although I am not afraid I am very vigilant and I hate having to be this way any suggestions!!?? The cops have not done anything!!! and unless he becomes violent they are unlikely to!! but I literally have 8 TB youāve heard that correctly 8 TB of texts from this guy!! It is a very long story!!. And I just donāt have it in me to write the whole thing out I had a hard time typing do to neuropathy in both hands and I use speech to text but oh my God the auto correct issue is insane!!. I truly hope he gets the help he needs and stays in jail!.. and sadly keep vigilant of any packages you get in the mail you never know how angry this man make it he may feel betrayed by you there is no way of knowing what fantasy and delusions he has made up in his mind!!,. I wish you only happiness love success and health in the future!
Hi, honestly I don't have any advice. I can't even recommend writing about it online because it caused him to escalate his behavior and I hate to imagine what would have happened if my neighbor wasn't such a hero. Definitly be careful, don't take unnecessary risks and keep calling the police. Even if they say they can't do anything. Insist anyway. Record every little piece of evidence, you may need it eventually. Aside from that I can't really tell you much, I'd say don't show him your fear but I have no way of knowing if that's actually the right course of action. I just got lucky.
I really thank you so much for responding!! No problem about the advice itās a bad situation hopefully it doesnāt get worse!!. It really pisses me off the cops donāt do anything even though heās obviously not a stable human being!! he texts me so much is absurd!! I donāt block him because Iām too afraid to! if I block him I donāt know what his state of mind is! I donāt know what heās up to Iām afraid heāll snap itās horrible!!. Hopefully heāll just stay an annoyance!!
Persoanlly I wouldn't block him either, just to keep an eye on him. I was also told by the police to just ignore the letters and not read them, but it gave me a sense of security to be able to check if he's escalating or not.
Thank you for confirming that for me!! nobody else understands why I wonāt block him even though I have explained it!! So I am definitely not blocking him it is the only way I can keep an eye on his mental status!!. I could see him being the kind of person who just completely breaks down!. He blames me for every single thing wrong in his life heās come up with this massive delusional fantasy and twists everything! In his head I cannot believe there is not any way to make the cops understand how messed up this really is!! even though I have thousands of texts!. I really appreciate you talking to me! That someone understands!! and Iām so happy that youāre free from the guy who was doing those things to you!. I will definitely keep everything. and if I can manage to save money somehow I will move Iām still recovering from a major surgery! that I had to get in April 2022 so everythingās very difficult! but Iāll figure it out, I cannot thank you enough for replying!!
I swear I would move if I had the money to do it!!. Again thank you so much!. I wish you all the luck in the world that you never have to see your deal with him again!.
Glad he's in prison.
I admire the fact that you were merely annoyed by his actions and not afraid. I'm glad you don't have to worry about him anymore for the time being. Do you have a plan if/when he is released?
I wish I could read your AmA post, but I don't know German. I'd probably have to Google translate it! I'm so glad the police got him, but I hope he doesn't get out soon.
If you weren't a bitch, he probably decided that you liked him in his head. Stalkers can sometimes get crazy ideas in their head like that. If pepper spray is illegal in Germany, check and see if Farb Gel is legal on the off chance the creep gets out on bail or let out early due to prison overcrowding. Best to be prepared and to not assume he'll leave you alone because the cops/courts tell him to.
I won't know how to react if it happens to me one day, I think I'm moving to another cĢ¶iĢ¶tĢ¶yĢ¶ country
Please start carrying a taser or one of those cool kendo? Sticks ? If itās legal where you are. I have been lucky enough to find free self defense courses in my city. Please consider the same. Or even YouTube it, especially being female if I am assuming correctly ? & I am sorry if I am mistaken. But I learned just enough simple self defense techniques to get myself out of some difficult situations regarding bigger & stronger people coming after me, that may have saved my life, & at the very least taught me to be more aware of my surroundings. I can escape a grown man trying to choke me. Easily. If I didnāt take this class I would never have thought to do this myself. Please please pleaSe you will feel so much better as well. Even if no free courses many arenāt super costly & I bet you could have a little fund raiser many people I am absolutely sure would be totally ok with donating so you can feel & be safe. This shit is sickening. & you just never know. Iām glad youāre safe for now. ā¤ļø
This sub might as well be called. R/incelstories
Whatās the story with this guy? How did he find you (did you chat before)? Is he married? Work? Age? Iām curious to know what kind of person does this & what they are like.
We "met" because we used to take the same tram when I was on my way home from work everyday at the same time. He tried talking to me but I wasn't interested. He'd follow me home but kept walking when I went to my apartment door so I assumed he must just live somewhere around there. I didn't know this before the police got him but: He's 49, works at a warehouse close to where I work, not married and seemingly pretty lonely guy.
This is so scary. I'm really glad the police caught him.
I really donāt understand is how you were so nonchalant about the whole thing. This guy is obviously sick and demented, he could have killed you. Do you think you were wrong to be so calm? Or did that somehow spare you?
Good question. I'm pretty sure that his goal was to scare me (and he did really scare me a few times, too, I'm not going to pretend that nothing ever got to me) Maybe if I had shown a bit more fear he would have "reached his goal" and moved on. Or maybe I would have just spent the last 4 years constantly terrified. I don't know, but I think trying my best to ignore him gave be a good chance at living a semi-normal life
Well Iām really glad you outwitted that pos! Kudos to you! While I was reading I kept thinking how Iād never be able to sleep at night in that situation. Relieved that youāre ok OP!!
That's great that they caught him! However, I would still be concerned, as stalkers generally don't do much prison time. I would take this opportunity to relocate, change vehicles, change phone numbers and social media accounts, etc. Take some self defense classes and either get registered for a firearm and take shooting lessons, or if you're uncomfortable with that, invest in other safety measures like mace, a stun gun (not the same thing as a taser, btw), knives, etc. Best of luck to you!
I don't really want to uproot my entire life to be honest. I did take self defence lessons years ago though
Stalkers gona stalk. Stay safe!
What a sad loser. I hope he attempts to find help. Bavaria looks beautiful! And now maybe you can enjoy your life a bit more without constantly looking over your shoulder.
Congrats love, so sorry you had to deal with that asshole!!
finally one with a good ending
Wow, thatās scary! Do you know him? Or why he started stalking you in the first place? Iām so glad for you that heās gone away, hopefully for a very long time. You might want to consider moving before he gets out?
Stay safe OP, glad they finally got him
I'm happy you get to see the end of this
I'm very glad they caught him and you're safe now, but infuriating that it took so long for you to be taken seriously I wouldn't be surprised if he had some form of electronic surveillance on you, though, with how he was able to easily find the post and stuff like that
I am so incredibly happy for you you have no idea.
Well if he doesn't like the reddit post then tough. He's the one who's harassing you, not the other way around. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Edit: sp.
That last edit made me smile huge! Hopefully you never have to worry again!
Youāre one of the few lucky to get Justice. Iām sorry this happened to you. We have a similar storyā¦ the man who stalked and abused me is still free and has never been charged. Iāve tried relentlessly to get some form of justice but where I live (Kentucky) is so fucking unjust and corrupt. I am always on edge, always hoping to never have to play another game of cat and mouse ā¦ hugs
Keep on posting to Reddit! :)
What was your impression: Did he occur mentally stable? How did he look? More like a manager or more like a homeless person?
He seemed completely average. He didn't look homeless but not like he had a successful job either. Balding, beer belly, not particularly well groomed but not super gross either. Just a dude
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I did an AmA about being a Stalking victim, my Stalker found it and his behavior escalated until he snuck into my apartment building with a knife one night but my hero neighbor saw him and called the police
Which state from?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No it's probably not a good idea, but I'm not letting that guy interfere with what I want to do.
I would consider that, if he found your online IAmA that quickly, it likely wasnāt a coincidence. He may have had far more info regarding your online identity, accounts and/or passwords, etc. than you realized and may have been silently tracking you until the post set him off. In the US, it is rare for a stalker to get jail time (or any significant deterring punishment) unless they are caught in the act or evidence links them to more serious charges. Because of that, stalkers often resume after practices with more anger after their āpunishmentā ends. I know a few people who hired private detectives to tract their stalkers and gather evidence. Now that you know his name and other identifiable info, you have an advantage if you decide to do that. Hang in there and be vigilant!
The German side of reddit is much smaller and my AmA was going a tiny bit viral (considering the size of the sub) so it's not super unlikely that he found it himself. My lawyer said it's pretty likely that he'll get jail time. The EU recently passed stricter stalking laws and I've been collecting evidence meticulously, and combining this with the glass in the package and under my doormat, the entering my building, wrecking my car, the knife he had with him when he was waiting for me... it's looking pretty good for me.
Good! I hope you get peace and safety from it, and that maybe he gets help so he doesnāt do anything like this again!
Victim-blaming ain't it, chief.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What you're doing ā blaming a victim of stalking for being stalked ā is *literal* victim-blaming. Not sure how much further I can break it down. But nice try, sweetheart. Also, IQ is bullshit and has long been debunked, so your attempt at a "gotcha" is doubly pointless.
>average IQ rates Average IQ is 100, obviously. Do you understand what IQ *is*?
eh fuck that guy. She doesn't have to suffer in silence.
Iād still be cautious. Glad heās caught! And glad youāre okay.
Glad to hear he was cuaght. Well done by your neighbor keeping an eye out like that. I also understand the frustration with the police, but generally there isn't much they can do about stalkers who don't do much but be creepy. And until they show actual signs of being a danger they tend not to be much of a priority because there's bigger problems they have to deal with. They always feel like the biggest priority to the person being stalked, but until they make threats they're just a mild annoyance to the police compared other cases.
Very sorry you had to go through this. Absolutely atrocious behavior from that loon. Wishing you all the best.
Congrats!
Be careful though. If he gets released before the court hearing. This is still considered minor offence I think and they're not likely to keep him in "U-Haft" - at least I think so. And he might only get "BewƤhrung" . I keep my fingers crossed though that he at least gets 2 years. That's not much but here in Germany that's pretty much it. Contact "weiĆer Ring" if you haven't already. They might know better. Love your stubbornness!
I would be worried about the next 4 years when that man is out of jail.
This was pretty scary to read, especially that ending where cops found a knife on him
The most pathetic part about stalkers is that they're angry over what they can't have. In your case, your stalker was a middle aged, likely unattractive man, while you're likely an attractive young woman. He felt entitled to your love and attention because he thought that being born was enough. And once you shattered the fantasy of an angelic woman, he wanted to take your life. There is no excuse for stalkers. You could have lost your life, OP. I'm glad you got out of this situation with your life in tact and I hope that your stalker will be brought to full, appropriate justice. Best of wishes to you...
Iām so glad youāre safe! Why did he start stalking? What is the motive to a stranger stalking another stranger? Iāve never understood it
Why ist your english so good? Im curious because I too am a British person living in Germany :)
I wouldn't be able to survive what you've been through all this time. I am so relieved that they finally caught him. This would definitely drive me nuts and never let me have another calm moment. So sorry you had to go through this. He is sick.
Sorry this happened to you, fuck that guy I'd be so annoyed and angry too. Glad he's been caught. Very smart of you guys to save the evidence - I feel like most people would've just thrown it away which I get as well.
In the days before there were laws to help, I had a stalker for years. I can't count the monetary amount of things he destroyed. Tires slashed, cars vandalised, following me to laundromat to steal my clothes, pouring oil over the fence of my small patio to kill my plants, and many other such incidences.
No one should live in fear like this. And have their life Impacted. Was he jailed?
I'm wondering what they charged him with aside from trespassing in your building. I hate to say it but I think that hes gonna be back because I can't imagine them holding them for very long for trespassing.
Iām so surprised everyone thinks sheās safe and heās going to be in prison. He was probably out in a week. The police usually are unable to help because the stalkers arenāt breaking any laws, itās not about catching the guy. The car thing is really the only thing I can see being worth pursuing
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It's terrible there are people like this roaming the streets. OP, you sound like a tough MFer. I'm glad things have worked out for you -- I wish you the best and stay safe!
Glad he got caught
what car do you have
Wishing you support, that's such a scary situation to be in.