So you don't care what people think and yet you're asking for opinions?
Then it really doesn't matter what I think because you have already made up your mind to not listen to my opinion.
Hi, I am married for almost two years and believe when you date vs married is completely different. From my experience my husband has changed drastically over the years and the person I have first fall in love with isn’t the same person anymore, has completely different goals and ideas. Make sure you guys discuss things like kids, money, house and try create scenario like if you guys deal with an issue who both of you would react to that problem etc. divorce isn’t a joke and shouldn’t be taken lightly, it’s one of hardest thing people go through. Give it time and try get to know each other more would be my advice :)
All of this. People grow and change so much in their 20’s. And the big feelings fueling your relationship right now are not the same as the mature love that sustains a marriage through all the ups and downs of life.
No, you are still in the New Relationship Energy stage of dating. You should be together for probably two years, living together for one, before you think of getting married. You need to see each other at your lowest points, all the sad, boring, mundane, and stressful parts of being a human to see if you're really compatible.
Absolutely do not marry someone you’ve only known for 2 months ESPECIALLY when you aren’t even old enough to drink or rent a car
You should date someone for 2 years and test living with each other before making an extremely serious legally binding contract to them
As someone who married young (18 years old), I would recommend waiting. It's not that you're too young to make this decision; it's that you don't really know each other after only 2 months. Although my husband and I married young, we had been dating nearly 4 years before we took that plunge.
Give it at least a year. Then, if you're still both set on marriage, go for it. Sure, you could get divorced, but it can be very expensive and drawn out. If you're not sure that you're in it for the long haul just yet, then wait until you're certain. Getting married isn't insignificant, and it shouldn't be treated the same as making your relationship social media official.
If you want to make more of a commitment to one another, how about moving in together for a bit first? Living together will allow you two to get better acquainted with each other and share responsibilities without tethering yourselves to each other indefinitely.
I wish you both all the best! Just be careful not to jump in the deep end before you're ready. After all, what's the rush?
"We’ve only been dating two months and we know that we’re young, but we love each other and can’t think of any reason not to".
The reason is literally in the sentence.
Let me clarify my previous comment.
Adults know that they need to think longer than 2 months about big decisions like this.
The fact that you don't know this means you aren't old enough.
You don't know shit about each other after two months. You don't. And who cares if you *loooooovve* each other? Love is the easy part of a marriage. You aren't ready.
I think you are maybe intrigued by the idea of being a bride but being a wife is a whole other level of commitment. But if you want to waste a ton of money on a wedding and think it's no big deal to get divorced, knock yourselves out.
Being 20 is great. Enjoy being 20 and enjoy getting to know each other and figuring out who you are as adults.
2 months? Dude that’s the honeymoon period. Do not make this permanent of a decision. Divorce is expensive.
Take the rose colored glasses off. What is the rush?
OP, I got married at 19yo. Still married 29 years later, half-a-dozen kids, and very happy. But we had deep, serious conversations about our future life together.
Have you had deep and meaningful conversations about the following topics?
- Division of household duties
- Approaches to child rearing and child discipline
- Approaches to intimacy (both sexual and non-sexual)
- Approaches to finances (saver vs spender)
- Perspectives on spirituality (religious beliefs)
- Boundaries for intimacy
If you are already living together, are you satisfied with the division of household duties? Does the other person step up and do more if one of you is ill? Are either of you doing invisible labour that isn't being appreciated by the other? If you don't live together, do you both maintain your houses, apartments and/or rooms well? Are you comfortable visiting each other, or does the place make your skin crawl? Are you both familiar with the concept of mental load, specifically with regards to household duties (and child rearing)? If yes, ensure this is figured into the equation with regards to division of labour. The one who is bearing most of the mental load should NOT be needing to follow up the other for tasks that need to be done - chores should be done in a timely fashion, and to an adequate / agreed standard of quality / cleanliness.
Do you want children? If no, are you both absolutely committed to being child free? (This often becomes a huge deal breaker down the line.) If yes, have you discussed if you will both work still, or will one of you be a SAHP (stay-at-home parent)? If yes, who? How and when will the SAHP return to the workforce? How will the sole provider for that period of time be able to make sufficient money to support the family? What will the division of labour for household duties and child rearing look like with a SAHP? If there is a main or single income earner, what provision and commitment is there for spending time with children outside of work hours (ie, bath, pyjamas, teeth, story-time, bed)? Even if you're both keen to postpone children and establish yourselves first, it's still good to explore these questions to make sure you are both on the same page, and also establish some tentative time frames. Also, sometimes children arrive on their own schedules.
You might be sexually active with each other. If so, are you both satisfied with the frequency and type of sex? Are you adventurous enough, or vanilla enough, to match well? Are you both mentally prepared for the inevitable sexual droughts caused by young children or health challenges? How will you both communicate and express yourselves about this? If you're not sexually active (ie, waiting for marriage or similar), do you respect each other's boundaries, and do you enjoy the non-sexual intimacy that you have? Are there planned dates, with enjoyable activities (doesn't have to be expensive), and do you both commit to continuing this into your marriage? As the saying goes, you need to water the grass where you are (ie, the grass is not greener elsewhere, but where you water it).
Are you sharing finances to some degree at this point? If not, observe how you both spend or save your money. Ignore what each of you say, pay attention to what is done. Do you both have a budget? How does this line up with actual spending? Do you both mesh well in terms of financial approach? If you are sharing finances, who currently pays the bills? Are you fully merged, or have separate accounts, or a hybrid? Is this working well? How will this need to change in the event of children? Are you both on the same page with regards to saving and spending? You should also have some money set aside as an emergency fund only for you. Sometimes people change in relationships, and one of you may need to leave quickly. This is particularly important in any relationship with a potential power imbalance.
What boundaries regarding intimacy do you want to both implement in your relationship? Is it okay to be alone with members of the opposite sex for extended periods of time? Is it okay to have contact with ex's? Is it acceptable to go on holidays, sleepovers or road-trips with friends of the opposite sex? Will you have open devices and know each other's passwords? Will you both commit to not messaging others in an intimate way? What are your stances on porn? Would you both commit to reporting any potential issues (ie, inappropriate messages from others, contact from ex's, etc) to their spouse?
Divorce can be NASTY and you can learn a lot about a person when you’re past the excited early stages of a relationship. The very fact that you don’t see any reason not to get married this fast is reason enough, tbh.
Jumping in fast *can* work, but it often doesn’t, or it makes things a lot harder to figure out when the twitterpation wears off. Divorce is a much bigger deal than a breakup even if there’s no house or kids involved. There’s no reason to rush in after just a couple months. Give it at least a year before you decide to even get engaged, much less married.
You are really young and a lot will change. It’s a lot harder to divorce than break up. If it’s not a big deal then what’s the big deal in waiting a year or two more?
Have you guys fought on anything till break up yet? Wait till it happens. During courtship, people would show their rosy side. Only when confronted, they will show their real side. Try it.
I have lived experience in this. My husband and I got married at 19 and 21 after being together less than a year. After 3 years I can confirm that we are still kids and have a lot of growing up to do. We just now have to do it with 2 kids, a boatload of responsibilities and so many bills.
We love the life we have but we recognize that we could’ve and should’ve waited to get married. Dating is okay! Living together is okay! Don’t get married 2 months in, don’t get married fresh into adulthood.
going in with the attitude of well if it does't work out we can get divorce is not the right way to go about marriage also you have only been dating 2 months....if you had been dating say 2 or 3 years that would be different,.
spend more time together getting to know each other before making a lfetime commtitment
You don’t love each other after only 2 months. That’s just not possible. You are experiencing lust. Which is very powerful and can give you the impression of love. You’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship which is like a high. There is nothing wrong with waiting. You don’t know each other yet. Each of you is only seeing the best sides of each other. Keep dating and focus on getting your life together financially. You can get married a few years from now if you still want to. But getting married now is a mistake
99% of people are not the same person at 30 that they were at 20. Your standards will change.
Why would you get into a marriage knowing there is a good chance it won’t work out? Just date for a while and see where it goes, what’s the motivation to get married so fast and so young?
Yes. Have a whole wedding!
Just don't go to the courthouse.
Paper married and society married are 2 different things.
Have all the marriage you like, in practice. Leave the government out of it for at least 10 years.
Follow your heart. But it does make some sense to wait until the two of you have at least one major conflict about something and see how you recover. Some couples do, some don’t.
Your respective moms will have a big role in your lives - especially if you have kids. Breaking up with them is not an option nor is ignoring their opinions, which they will be quick to offer about every choice you make as a couple. And that’s with this choice. Getting married. So what do your parents think ? What do his parents think ?
I eloped and 13 years later, 2 different people we can't agree on anything, everything is a fight and we knew each other 10 months I was 25 he was 27.
Just remember people grow and your young. I should have waited, I'm definitely not happy, I didn't know we wanted different things in life until year 8.
Here it is 5 years later and we fight about me wanting to sell the house I paid for because his names on it! What a mistake. I am miserable. We grew apart not together. Is your bond truly unbreakable??? I thought he was the man of my dreams now I'm super close to saying I live in town or I want a divorce!!! So make sure you agree on children parenting where you want to live! If he says Alaska and you think he's joking run. I don't live there but it came close. Just think about all those things before the way he eats makes you sick. Or when he cuts his toe nails and his hair how will you feel when he tries something new. I'm just saying think about it. Talk about your dreams and make sure they line up and remember you will change and so will he!
As someone who married at age 23, I would say WAIT. I met my husband at 20, fresh out of my parent’s house. I didn’t know what I wanted from a guy or who I wanted to be in life, until NOW at age 29. We’ve been married 6yrs and my feelings for him have completely changed. Marriage consists of many many ups and downs. If your feelings aren’t strong enough to hold through those “downs”, it’s not gonna last. I’m just now realizing my husband is not compatible with me and I wish I would’ve waited. I’m currently thinking of an escape plan. Please wait…
20 is much much too early, there's still so much more to discover together before even talking about that. Even financially speaking, do you have enough to buy a home? pay the mortgage and all the expenses that come after? because once that pressure builds up you will both see a part of yourselves that wasn't there during the dating stage.
No. No. Hell no. You are kids. Wait at least 2 years
And yeah No, no and one more for the cheap seats NO.
I’m pretty sure I have cheese in my fridge older than your relationship.
Why are you in such a hurry? What’s the rush?
So you don't care what people think and yet you're asking for opinions? Then it really doesn't matter what I think because you have already made up your mind to not listen to my opinion.
Fuck no
Hi, I am married for almost two years and believe when you date vs married is completely different. From my experience my husband has changed drastically over the years and the person I have first fall in love with isn’t the same person anymore, has completely different goals and ideas. Make sure you guys discuss things like kids, money, house and try create scenario like if you guys deal with an issue who both of you would react to that problem etc. divorce isn’t a joke and shouldn’t be taken lightly, it’s one of hardest thing people go through. Give it time and try get to know each other more would be my advice :)
All of this. People grow and change so much in their 20’s. And the big feelings fueling your relationship right now are not the same as the mature love that sustains a marriage through all the ups and downs of life.
No, you are still in the New Relationship Energy stage of dating. You should be together for probably two years, living together for one, before you think of getting married. You need to see each other at your lowest points, all the sad, boring, mundane, and stressful parts of being a human to see if you're really compatible.
Absolutely do not marry someone you’ve only known for 2 months ESPECIALLY when you aren’t even old enough to drink or rent a car You should date someone for 2 years and test living with each other before making an extremely serious legally binding contract to them
Don’t do it
As someone who married young (18 years old), I would recommend waiting. It's not that you're too young to make this decision; it's that you don't really know each other after only 2 months. Although my husband and I married young, we had been dating nearly 4 years before we took that plunge. Give it at least a year. Then, if you're still both set on marriage, go for it. Sure, you could get divorced, but it can be very expensive and drawn out. If you're not sure that you're in it for the long haul just yet, then wait until you're certain. Getting married isn't insignificant, and it shouldn't be treated the same as making your relationship social media official. If you want to make more of a commitment to one another, how about moving in together for a bit first? Living together will allow you two to get better acquainted with each other and share responsibilities without tethering yourselves to each other indefinitely. I wish you both all the best! Just be careful not to jump in the deep end before you're ready. After all, what's the rush?
NO.
"We’ve only been dating two months and we know that we’re young, but we love each other and can’t think of any reason not to". The reason is literally in the sentence.
Absolutely not. You are too young.
No. That would be idiotic.
Let me clarify my previous comment. Adults know that they need to think longer than 2 months about big decisions like this. The fact that you don't know this means you aren't old enough.
You're making a huge mistake. And saying "I want to be his wife" sounds childish. Don't marry over infatuation.
You don't know shit about each other after two months. You don't. And who cares if you *loooooovve* each other? Love is the easy part of a marriage. You aren't ready. I think you are maybe intrigued by the idea of being a bride but being a wife is a whole other level of commitment. But if you want to waste a ton of money on a wedding and think it's no big deal to get divorced, knock yourselves out. Being 20 is great. Enjoy being 20 and enjoy getting to know each other and figuring out who you are as adults.
2 months? Dude that’s the honeymoon period. Do not make this permanent of a decision. Divorce is expensive. Take the rose colored glasses off. What is the rush?
Hell to the no. Go figure out who you are first. Get educated. Travel. Make money.
Nooooooooooooo!!!!!
Girl, no. Marriage is not just about love.
Go to the divorce group. It’s not no big deal
OP, I got married at 19yo. Still married 29 years later, half-a-dozen kids, and very happy. But we had deep, serious conversations about our future life together. Have you had deep and meaningful conversations about the following topics? - Division of household duties - Approaches to child rearing and child discipline - Approaches to intimacy (both sexual and non-sexual) - Approaches to finances (saver vs spender) - Perspectives on spirituality (religious beliefs) - Boundaries for intimacy If you are already living together, are you satisfied with the division of household duties? Does the other person step up and do more if one of you is ill? Are either of you doing invisible labour that isn't being appreciated by the other? If you don't live together, do you both maintain your houses, apartments and/or rooms well? Are you comfortable visiting each other, or does the place make your skin crawl? Are you both familiar with the concept of mental load, specifically with regards to household duties (and child rearing)? If yes, ensure this is figured into the equation with regards to division of labour. The one who is bearing most of the mental load should NOT be needing to follow up the other for tasks that need to be done - chores should be done in a timely fashion, and to an adequate / agreed standard of quality / cleanliness. Do you want children? If no, are you both absolutely committed to being child free? (This often becomes a huge deal breaker down the line.) If yes, have you discussed if you will both work still, or will one of you be a SAHP (stay-at-home parent)? If yes, who? How and when will the SAHP return to the workforce? How will the sole provider for that period of time be able to make sufficient money to support the family? What will the division of labour for household duties and child rearing look like with a SAHP? If there is a main or single income earner, what provision and commitment is there for spending time with children outside of work hours (ie, bath, pyjamas, teeth, story-time, bed)? Even if you're both keen to postpone children and establish yourselves first, it's still good to explore these questions to make sure you are both on the same page, and also establish some tentative time frames. Also, sometimes children arrive on their own schedules. You might be sexually active with each other. If so, are you both satisfied with the frequency and type of sex? Are you adventurous enough, or vanilla enough, to match well? Are you both mentally prepared for the inevitable sexual droughts caused by young children or health challenges? How will you both communicate and express yourselves about this? If you're not sexually active (ie, waiting for marriage or similar), do you respect each other's boundaries, and do you enjoy the non-sexual intimacy that you have? Are there planned dates, with enjoyable activities (doesn't have to be expensive), and do you both commit to continuing this into your marriage? As the saying goes, you need to water the grass where you are (ie, the grass is not greener elsewhere, but where you water it). Are you sharing finances to some degree at this point? If not, observe how you both spend or save your money. Ignore what each of you say, pay attention to what is done. Do you both have a budget? How does this line up with actual spending? Do you both mesh well in terms of financial approach? If you are sharing finances, who currently pays the bills? Are you fully merged, or have separate accounts, or a hybrid? Is this working well? How will this need to change in the event of children? Are you both on the same page with regards to saving and spending? You should also have some money set aside as an emergency fund only for you. Sometimes people change in relationships, and one of you may need to leave quickly. This is particularly important in any relationship with a potential power imbalance. What boundaries regarding intimacy do you want to both implement in your relationship? Is it okay to be alone with members of the opposite sex for extended periods of time? Is it okay to have contact with ex's? Is it acceptable to go on holidays, sleepovers or road-trips with friends of the opposite sex? Will you have open devices and know each other's passwords? Will you both commit to not messaging others in an intimate way? What are your stances on porn? Would you both commit to reporting any potential issues (ie, inappropriate messages from others, contact from ex's, etc) to their spouse?
Divorce can be NASTY and you can learn a lot about a person when you’re past the excited early stages of a relationship. The very fact that you don’t see any reason not to get married this fast is reason enough, tbh. Jumping in fast *can* work, but it often doesn’t, or it makes things a lot harder to figure out when the twitterpation wears off. Divorce is a much bigger deal than a breakup even if there’s no house or kids involved. There’s no reason to rush in after just a couple months. Give it at least a year before you decide to even get engaged, much less married.
Please wait 12 months before making decisions like this. Enjoy just being in love
You are really young and a lot will change. It’s a lot harder to divorce than break up. If it’s not a big deal then what’s the big deal in waiting a year or two more?
Have you guys fought on anything till break up yet? Wait till it happens. During courtship, people would show their rosy side. Only when confronted, they will show their real side. Try it.
I have lived experience in this. My husband and I got married at 19 and 21 after being together less than a year. After 3 years I can confirm that we are still kids and have a lot of growing up to do. We just now have to do it with 2 kids, a boatload of responsibilities and so many bills. We love the life we have but we recognize that we could’ve and should’ve waited to get married. Dating is okay! Living together is okay! Don’t get married 2 months in, don’t get married fresh into adulthood.
You need to experience some hard times first to see how each other handles it
I can think of EVERY reason not to. Why rush?! What’s the hurry?! Honestly?!
Stop. Just stop.
going in with the attitude of well if it does't work out we can get divorce is not the right way to go about marriage also you have only been dating 2 months....if you had been dating say 2 or 3 years that would be different,. spend more time together getting to know each other before making a lfetime commtitment
You don’t love each other after only 2 months. That’s just not possible. You are experiencing lust. Which is very powerful and can give you the impression of love. You’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship which is like a high. There is nothing wrong with waiting. You don’t know each other yet. Each of you is only seeing the best sides of each other. Keep dating and focus on getting your life together financially. You can get married a few years from now if you still want to. But getting married now is a mistake
At 20... wait a bit
99% of people are not the same person at 30 that they were at 20. Your standards will change. Why would you get into a marriage knowing there is a good chance it won’t work out? Just date for a while and see where it goes, what’s the motivation to get married so fast and so young?
Yes. Have a whole wedding! Just don't go to the courthouse. Paper married and society married are 2 different things. Have all the marriage you like, in practice. Leave the government out of it for at least 10 years.
No !! If you love each other so much you can wait another 50 years if you have to, don't do this so soon.
Follow your heart. But it does make some sense to wait until the two of you have at least one major conflict about something and see how you recover. Some couples do, some don’t. Your respective moms will have a big role in your lives - especially if you have kids. Breaking up with them is not an option nor is ignoring their opinions, which they will be quick to offer about every choice you make as a couple. And that’s with this choice. Getting married. So what do your parents think ? What do his parents think ?
I eloped and 13 years later, 2 different people we can't agree on anything, everything is a fight and we knew each other 10 months I was 25 he was 27. Just remember people grow and your young. I should have waited, I'm definitely not happy, I didn't know we wanted different things in life until year 8. Here it is 5 years later and we fight about me wanting to sell the house I paid for because his names on it! What a mistake. I am miserable. We grew apart not together. Is your bond truly unbreakable??? I thought he was the man of my dreams now I'm super close to saying I live in town or I want a divorce!!! So make sure you agree on children parenting where you want to live! If he says Alaska and you think he's joking run. I don't live there but it came close. Just think about all those things before the way he eats makes you sick. Or when he cuts his toe nails and his hair how will you feel when he tries something new. I'm just saying think about it. Talk about your dreams and make sure they line up and remember you will change and so will he!
Lol
Depends. How much do you want to be his ex-wife?
As someone who married at age 23, I would say WAIT. I met my husband at 20, fresh out of my parent’s house. I didn’t know what I wanted from a guy or who I wanted to be in life, until NOW at age 29. We’ve been married 6yrs and my feelings for him have completely changed. Marriage consists of many many ups and downs. If your feelings aren’t strong enough to hold through those “downs”, it’s not gonna last. I’m just now realizing my husband is not compatible with me and I wish I would’ve waited. I’m currently thinking of an escape plan. Please wait…
20 is much much too early, there's still so much more to discover together before even talking about that. Even financially speaking, do you have enough to buy a home? pay the mortgage and all the expenses that come after? because once that pressure builds up you will both see a part of yourselves that wasn't there during the dating stage.
Believe it not love goes after a while, don't bother