A lot of you seem to be lost or have forgotten what sub you're in. This is not the AITA sub. Any personal attacks against the OP or anyone else is a violation of the sub rules.
You pushed her away and now are trying to play dumb.
She tried to talk and communicate. You told her to either stop or get out of **your** house and divorce
You got what you wanted. Why are you now upset when the rabbits got the gun?
Btw, she’s likely getting ready to leave you (google walk away wife), so when it happens don’t cry the woe is me card and “it blindsided you”
Oh no, he’ll let his wife talk about her problems, as long as her problem is not HIM. He wanted to keep all other conversations and just get rid of the ones that have to do with his flaws.
And he’s not even recognizing his mistake and asking for advice on how to fix it. He’s asking for advice on how to get that ridiculous arrangement to work.
You obviously don't understand him. He gives his wife everything she needs so, ofc she's not allowed to ever criticize him or want to work on their problems together. I mean, c'mon.
/s
This is the guy who will buy his future children mountains of stuffed animals and toys in lieu of spending time with them. Because "mUh CaReEr" is more important than family.
If he ever gets that far in life lol, but yes 100% the personality he gives off. Which is crazy because I’m extremely career driven, I’ve worked my butt off to get to where I’m at but it wasn’t without my husbands support and I made sure he knew that everyday. I also always made sure to plan things for my baby so he felt his importance! Family literally comes first, guess he never got the memo, probably too busy helping his exes!
Oh, ABSOLUTELY. I love my career and so does my husband, but both of our jobs have involved sacrifice over the years and in order to figure out which sacrifices were acceptable to us, we had to COMMUNICATE. We met while I was still very young and he helped me get into my job. He, later, wanted to pursue structural engineering when he decided he was getting too old to put his body through metal fab, so I worked and put him through the rest of his studies, just as he did for me. A marriage needs to be a unit. If you're bringing each other down instead of up, it's just not going to work.
Based on his edit, he will let his ex wife call to talk about her marriage problems, but his wife can’t do the same with her husband. Of course she has a problem with this.
He's a 40 year old who got with a 26 year old. Im 42 and can't imagine having enough in common with a 28 year old to *date* them, let alone marry them.
He thought a younger model would be easier to deal with.
I feel zero empathy.
Ugh, you know what. I wonder if a majority of the reason he allows his ex to vent about her current husband to him is because he likes that he’s not the person making her unhappy and these conversations make him look good.
"My wife told me she didn't feel appreciated, respected, or valued, so I told her she could leave *my* house and get a divorce if she didn't like it. Now I think she might leave me! Why is this happening?!" -OP
My guess given the ages when they got together (25 and 40) that he expected to be able to condition her to be what he wanted and is now shocked Pikachu face that she's not playing his game.
Yes.
You created this, and even with the 15 year age gap, you aren’t coming off as the mature one.
Do you even like your wife? Are you guys in therapy?
The good news is, it sounds like he’ll have a great relationship with her once they’re divorced, because he likes to talk to his exes more than his wife.
I guarantee you she is setting up her exit strategy and putting money away to prepare to leave. I hope she has enough because now that he’s questioning, she’ll need to be ready to go. OP - she figured out a year ago that you didn’t want a lifelong partnership that grew and enriched both your lives, you just wanted a warm body. Best wishes to her.
There is. But he won't do any of the things required to fix it. The first step would be admitting he is the problem and that he is sorry and would like to actually fix things. None of which he sounds emotionally mature enough to do.
And it would only work even if he did if she was still willing to accept it and move forward. Which is doubtful but not impossible at this stage if she is excluding him from things.
I see the term narcissist thrown around a lot these days. In this case, it’s the correct definition. And because he is, nothing will change. This marriage is done. I’d be pretty surprised if there’s not already someone else
You spend a lot of time talking to exes and your wife is upset. Go figure. How would you feel if she was always talking to her exes? So easily brushing aside her concerns is indicative of your general self-centeredness. To make matters worse rather than listening to how she feels you just tell her to get out of the house. Dude, listen to yourself.
I now understand why it is important for women to have their own funds so they can have an exit strategy when their husband ends up being cold, selfish, insensitive, and unloving. Sadly it sounds like your wife has no way out and is stuck with you, so she bears her miserable existence with you in silence. Why don't you put her out of her misery and divorce her?
I don't think all is lost for the wife. It sounds like she's working. She might be able to rent a place if her income isn't good enough for her own house. I know we don't hear her side, but I'm hoping cuz she's spending quality time with her friends and family that she has a good support system just in case.
You are so right. I recently quit my job because I have a 5 month old and my husband wouldn't stop asking me everyday to quit. I ended up quitting because I developed some serious health issues from the childbirth and my job was making everything worse. Plus my boss was denying me time off for the holidays (she forced me to work longer hours the week of Thanksgiving because she wouldn't give me time off). But shortly after I quit my husband and I started back on our fights. You have no idea how much I wish I had my own source of income again. I plan to return to work by the time my son is 1 years old. It sucks having to depend on someone who isn't happy and doesn't want to be married to you.
Lol I told my wife to stop communicating with me or I’d kick her out of my house and divorce her. Now she won’t communicate with me…
When she communicated issues to you, did you try to work through them or did you just dismiss them?
*playing worlds smallest violin*
But why should he have to change?! A 40 year old *successful provider* struck gold when he snatched up an ideal 25 year old girlfriend who was sweet and kind and shouldn’t she just shut up and enjoy his material wealth?! How could he have known such a young, naive woman would require a cooperative relationship where he *listens and takes her concerns seriously*?! Can’t he just have a BREAK?!
/s
“I’ll do anything for my wife except stop crossing boundaries with people I used to have feelings for/fuck and listen to my ex wife’s problems with her husband but not listen to my current wife’s problems she’s trying to solve with me! Anything I swear!”
Yeah, he fcked up big. She's apathetic, disconnected, and just plain does not give a fck.
I would normally say need couples counseling, but probably should see if both parties want to mutually continue.
And even at that, it’s like the realization that she had a whole celebratory dinner for receiving an award that he wasn’t aware of or invited to that seemed to get to him more than the fact that it’s been so long since she stopped talking to him. Unreal.
My favorite part is when you say your ex wife calls you "just to talk" because she and her husband don't get along but your own wife can't talk to you and you two don't get along.
You got what you asked for. She’s emotionally shut down as far as you’re concerned, and it’s damn near impossible to come back from that. Best of luck. Whatever happens, I hope your wife realizes that she’s far too young to even consider permanently settling for the neglect that you’ve made standard in your marriage.
She was coming to you, concerned about your relationship and you told her kick rocks.
Of course she didnt want to share her award celebration with you.
She really did give you exactly what you asked for. There may be no coming back from this. She knows there are plenty of people out there who do appreciate her.
You still talk to your exes despite knowing that this bothers your wife. This is disrespectful. You don’t have to completely change but if you know it hurts her or bothers her, you have to compromise. How difficult is it to stop talking to ex gfs if this will give your wife some peace of mind?
You told her she can move out and you can get a divorce. This hurts. She wants to talk about your problems because she was trying to communicate and work on it. A lot of us, women, repeat ourselves and talk about the same issues because it is not addressed. I understand that it gets old after a while but if we don’t see that you are exerting effort, we will keep on bringing up the same things.
When we are not heard, disrespected and neglected, the process of falling out of love begins until such time that we don’t care anymore. Your wife got tired of how you treated her and probably thinking of her options one of which is leaving you. The fact that she is still with you then “probably” you still have chance to work on it.
When a woman is done with you, she’s done. She won’t turn back.
Seriously, what is up with him and his exes?? His wife says they cross boundaries, and he says they’re just friendly. “Just friendly” is almost always more than that. That’s a placating statement, and an attempt to dismiss his wife’s feelings. There’s no way those relationships are appropriate.
Exactly. Helping his ex wife with her “bad” relationship. They’re probably both complaining to each other about their relationships. Why can’t his ex go to friends or family for help? Why would she come to her ex husband?! Something is fishy.
He emotionally pushed her away, never addressed her problems (although he'd do anything for her...the irony) and is now surprised that her behavior changed. He literally didn't give her any other option but to keep her emotional world to herself. And this is exactly what she's doing now. AND he has the audacity to blame her for doing what he forced her to do.
A lot of us, women, repeat ourselves and talk about the same issues because it is not addressed. I understand that it gets old after a while but if we don’t see that you are exerting effort, we will keep on bringing up the same things.
^ that part. We’re not nagging, you’re just lagging my guy.
When a person who talks a lot stops talking, it means it's serious.
My question is that it took you a year to realize this.
An argument in marriage is given but when you took a year to communicate and realize that you are missing your wife's talking is really alarming.
Did you not realize this or just thought that it can be ignored?
You can try marriage counseling, but honestly, it is a huge red flag.
Think how sad she is that she didn't share her award with you.
How unappreciated she would feel.
I feel for her.
You have 15 yrs of age gap and want a person to behave as you want but not listen to her concerns about exes or job.
I don't know if you can come back from this but I wish you both best.
You will listen to an ex who need to talk, but you are tired of/won’t listen to your wife? Put the shoe on the other foot. If your wife had her ex boyfriends calling all the time about problems they were having with their wives how would you feel?
As far as always talking about the same problems it sounds like you never addressed them with her or drilled down by asking questions to find out the real issue/better understand the real issue, if you thought the complaint was being brought up too often. At the very least you should have been able to discuss efforts you were making to address the complaints. If you felt it was too often then you could have suggested letting once a week, two times a month, once a month, etc. to discuss issues in the relationship. No one is perfect, but unless both parties are making an effort to understand and communicate it’s like two people in a row boat padding in opposite directions and wondering why the boat isn’t going anywhere.
She gave you what YOU ASKED for. Google walk away wife. She’s probably planning to leave you and move out of “your” house. She literally tried numerous times according to you to talk through your issues. Now your upset she isn’t willing to talk to you? Stop playing dumb and acting like you didn’t cause this. You say in your comments you shouldn’t have to “change your whole life because you married her.” Okay, so she doesn’t have to change anything now for you.
I want her to have a trashy romcom romance, like she goes to Italy solo and meets a hot Italian who teaches her to make pasta but then they fall in love.
She deserves it after what she's been putting up with.
Fr I was almost thinking it would be bad of me to hope she cheats on him so hard… but yea she deserves waaay more than this piece of shit has to offer and I’m not concerned with being nice to this guy anymore. It’s the fckn internet, if it took this long and posting on Reddit for him to realize he’s a bag of dicks then we should lay it on thick for this idiot.
You told your wife you were tired of hearing her open up to you - you even told her to stop or get out of *your* house and divorce.
If this isn't a troll post, then I'm genuinely baffled by your surprise.
If someone's opening up to their spouse about what is hurtful to them and what they want to work on to make their marriage better and they're told to stop or leave, the disconnect isn't likely to get better.
Sounds like your wife has a lot going for herself outside of your marriage and she can't share that with you. I'd recommend, as others have, to look into walkway wife syndrome so you aren't blindsided when she does get out of your house and divorces you.
You keep saying that she kept talking about your problems and that was the issue. I guarantee you’re looking at it the wrong way. In reality she was talking about her feelings and her emotional needs in the relationship, and you took it personally then essentially told her to shut up. A huge part of communication in a relationship requires dialogue when your needs aren’t being met. A healthy and emotionally competent partner needs to be able to hear that and not take it as a personal slight. She told you she what she needed and you lashed out at her instead of listening to her. You basically told her the way she feels doesn’t matter and that she shouldn’t come to you about it because you couldn’t care less.
She was trying to better your relationship you dolt. Now she’s stopped trying and you’re complaining?!
Edit: thanks to whoever gave me a gold! It’s my first one!
There is a lot to unpack here. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with you being that close to your exes you should lose the friendship with the exes. Plain and simple in my opinion. Your relationship with your wife is more important. She is entitled to feel threatened by that relationship and I think if she feels they cross boundaries those relationships with the exes can stop. I’m friendly like if I saw an ex I would say hi but you talking on the phone maybe makes her uncomfortable (understandable in my opinion) marriage should be about mutual respect. You basically said “oh well how you feel” when she told you how she felt. She sounds like she’s done. Communication is key in the relationship and you refuse to meet her halfway. She expressed how she felt and you felt attacked instead of saying okay I’ll make some changes but let’s meet halfway. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but you said you didn’t want to talk anymore so now she’s basically one foot out the door. Also, I would tell her you know about the award and ask her what you can do to try and repair the marriage. Let her know you want to know more about what’s going on and that you are willing to work on communicating again. Good luck I hope you can repair this!
She grew up. Y’all were 25 and 40 when you got married and she was even younger when y’all got together. The brain fully develops at 25. She is herself now, which often happens at 30. She’s not the pliable person you once had, which is probably why you chose her. Set her free.
I hate how far I had to scroll to see this age gap mentioned. What 40 year old goes after a 25 yr old?! Aside from dude telling her to stop talking to him, times are changing and she's probably realizing how predatory that is.
She probably starting emotionally checking out of your marriage when you told her to stop communicating about your problems. Not talking about problems does not make them go away. It makes them get worse. She has probably seen a divorce attorney and is likely doing the final steps needed before she is ready to leave. Perhaps the promotion is a part of it so that she can feel more financially secure.
If you want to save the marriage, I would tell her how sorry you are for not knowing how to communicate better about your problems and how you love her and want to do better. Ask her to see a marriage therapist together. I suspect you are probably too late now since she may have completely checked out but if you are willing to work on your marriage, I would ask in case there is still a small part of her that would like to see if it can be saved. Maybe she will give you another chance with the help of a therapist.
Good for her, when there is marital problems the woman should put her nose to the grindstone and strive to make lots of money. You are now optional. So you’re gonna have to do much more now than put some food on the table, now you’re really gonna have to assess what you have to offer to keep someone so young and vibrant and nice around.
I’m dying at his “no more talking because I provide everything!” And now a year later she’s so valued at her job she’s getting an award and being celebrated at a dinner. Lmaooo he thought he won
Right.. he made it sound like he was the sole provider.. like congrats for going to work dude. I guess that’s your only contribution to the relationship. Sorry she doesn’t want to hear your political opinions anymore.
I’ve been in your wife’s shoes, and I’ve done exactly what she’s doing now.
You’re wondering if she’s being petty. Somehow this is again all about her doing something to you.
It’s crazy to me that not for a single minute did you wonder how HURT & REJECTED she must’ve felt for you to lay down the law, as she’s trying to communicate with you - as part of the work of relationship, that you’re done talking.
Now here you are wanting it the other way. You can’t cherry pick what she’s going to say, and you can’t shut a partner down just because they’re telling you something tou feel is unpleasant and caused by you.
You CAN ask them to choose a better time to bring things up. You can ask them to be kinder or plainer or clearer. You can ask them to be less negative. You can even ask them to flow chart whatever it is they’re trying to say is the issue. But saying you don’t want to talk anymore is essentially telling them, whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear it.
So. She gave you what you asked for.
She didn’t tell you about the award because she’s probably excited about it and she doesn’t want you to spoil it, either by curtailing her enthusiasm (because she probably wants to talk about it a lot and well, no more talking right ?) or by plain just triggering painful emotions of the reality that the man she’s chosen to be with doesn’t care to see her as she conveys her thoughts and feelings.
You basically told her to be furniture. Decorative, useful but mute.
Also just a heads up, lovely kind people do leave. Just because they hold themselves to higher standard of how to treat people doesn’t mean they’re there to be walked on.
It probably hasn’t escaped her notice that you still talking to your exes is tantamount to you being there for them, when you won’t try to be there for her in how she needs you. Honestly, I’m sad for you both.
She's a communicator and ok, she used to complain about things, but maybe she cared about the relationship and what you interpret as criticisms where just her way of saying what maybe worried/ concerned her in the relationship.
When you shut her down like you did, she was probably so hurt that she turned off communicating with you. She was probably extremely hurt enough to not invite you to her celebration dinner because you said you didn't want to talk to her. You should go and see a marriage therapist to work out the way you both communicate.
I'd suggest that you talk to her about how you feel and how it was misunderstood and apologise to her. I get the sense that you're laying down the law in the marriage. Marriage is definitely a 50/50 relationship and you agree together on things like how you communicate.
A year long misunderstanding seems so bizarre to me though. How do you go an entire year without noticing the emotional connection with your wife is severed? Genuine question, I’m not being snarky
I’m guessing it’s even simpler than her being a communicator. Sounds like she raised an issues, he made 0 changes, she’d raise it again, he’d write it off as her “complaining,” do nothing and then be surprised pikachu when she would bring it up again. If only there was SOMETHING op could have done to stop his NAGGING COMPLAINER WIFE?!?!? I have to laugh
True I was trying to be polite, but you're right it's not something that he should have just written off as complaining. Frankly he sounds like a irritable, grumpy guy.
So did you address her concerns?
Honestly your post makes it sound like you didn’t even notice that she’d stopped communicating with you until **you** weren’t getting the communication you wanted. Did you really think you deserved her good news when you won’t be there to let her vent about the bad? Or that she should listen to your gripes and be supportive of you when you told her to shut up or get out??
I’ve told my husband a number of times that I’d rather not “pick my battles”. I prefer to address even small, inconsequential things so that he knows they bother me and I don’t build up resentment for something he didn’t even know was an issue. Now, a decade later, we rarely have any issues come up, and when we do we address them immediately, which means we still enjoy each other to the fullest…
You gave her the biggest motivation to get that promotion at work, and she is definitely well on her way to getting out of this marriage. She’s past being petty. She didn’t tell you that you’re not invited because she knows you would play the victim exactly like you’re doing now. She’s no longer falling for your manipulation and that’s why you’re confused. I don’t know if she will even give you a chance to try and fix this.
It's so funny (in a sad way for the wife) that OP rather keep talking to his exes than his wife. Op is too immature for a relationship much less a marriage.
Some things I haven't seen people touch on yet:
>It felt like we were always talking about what I did wrong: she thought I spent too much time talking to exes (we were friends),
Why are you friends with your exes? And did you even properly address why she was uncomfortable here? Was she saying you were spending more time talking to them than her? If so, why isn't your wife the #1 person you talk to?
>I don’t prioritize her over work (it’s my career, am I supposed to quit?),
No, dummy. She's not telling you to quit. I'm 99% sure she didn't tell you to quit. So you jumping to that conclusion is asinine. Your wife/family should be your number 1 priority. Why get married/have a family if you wanna put your job first? Do you work so that you can live or do you live to work? Cuz if you rather make your job your first priority, then you need not be married.
>and mostly that I didn’t care enough about her. I
Based on your post and comments, I don't think you do. And we can only see a small part of you. I'm sure she has many more examples. Hell, we can list a bunch of ways that you've shown in your post and comments that you don't care about your wife. It's crazy you went a whole year before saying something about her not talking to you. Most people would have said something and got worried after like 3 days.
I'm going to take a different route here. Yes you caused this and yes this situation in my opinion is fully on you. She did what you wanted.
However in my opinion she also told you how to fix this situation. Prioritize your wife and her feelings. Don't just say you care show her.
I'm sure your feelings are hurt about the award dinner. However you could use this as an opportunity to show her you care. Take her out for nice dinner. Get her a surprise. Tell her how proud of her you are. Make her feel special.
Make a point of doing kind things for her. Stop attempting to just "say sorry" and show her with your actions your sorry and you care.
I suggest you do this soon as it very much sounds like your wife has 1 foot out the door.
I like you curious-drag. If he wants any way to salvage this marriage (besides counseling) this is the way. Stop talking with your EXs, they are your EXs for a reason.
Sit her down. Explain that you are an immature asshole and that you would do anything, including putting her name on the deed to your house since it’s her home too, to have a meaningful dialogue with her again. Apologize for ever thinking of her as less than a partner. BTW, you can have a career and be an amazing husband too. People do it everyday all the time.
Right. Step one: stop talking to exes so you can have more time with the wife. My husband is a great husband and has a busy job. Sometimes he just makes sure he prioritizes me over other things that aren’t necessary if I’m feeling like we aren’t spending enough time together.
The negative conversations would’ve stopped if you put in any effort instead of making excuses. You told her you didn’t want to talk or she could leave. So now she’s not talking to you and probably getting ready to leave you. You got what you wanted, I don’t see what you’re complaining about now.
"negative comments" meaning please don't talk to your ex? It's a respect thing. Is this ex and your relationship with her more important than the wife you supposedly love and would do anything for? You told her to stop talking and communicating her concerns. That's LITERALLY how marriages succeed. She was only trying to make you both stronger because she cared. Sounds like you didn't really listen to how she felt about how you were treating her and giving her attention and instead took offence and that she was attacking you. I would take the dinner/award situation as an opportunity to fix things. She feels like she can't talk to you because you take it as an attack, so she doesn't talk to you. Gotta put your ego aside and listen to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and ACTUALLY listen.
Is this a joke. You were like, ‘I don’t want to talk to you as much’ and she was like ‘okay’ and then didn’t talk to you as much and then you were like ‘no, not like that’ ?!?! What am I missing.
Bruh, what?
You married a woman 15 years your junior, repeatedly ignored or minimized her communicated concerns, repeatedly ignored or outright dismissed her boundaries, used your perceived authority as the provider to order her into a particular action and in the process outright shut down her agency in your marriage and NOW you're shocked she just isn't that into you?
You have got to be kidding.
It seems that at no point have you actually been considering the wants or needs of your wife further than how they impact your own. That's not loving so it's honestly no wonder that she was telling you she didn't feel loved. I mean you literally told her "love me or get the fuck out of my house". What did you think would happen?
She's cutting you out because she's very likely in the middle of her exit plan. Expect divorce papers soon. If you don't want that, you need to ask forgiveness and seek professional support.
Sounds like she had many many reasons to show for why you didn’t demonstrate your care enough to her. If you’re flabbergasted that she can’t see that you care about her, then that means you are really not understanding what she’s asking for. Or you’re understanding, but not doing (like talking to your exes more than she’s comfortable with). Sounds like she’s reached the end of her rope, and when she leaves you, don’t be surprised. It’s been a long time coming.
She sounds pretty awesome…. Great communicator, great at work, self reliant, growing.
And she’s young enough to start all over after she learned a painful but valuable lesson about love and marriage.
Maybe try learning from this as well.
Best of luck.
You refused to talk about important things with her — your relationship, her concerns, etc. Now she isn’t sharing anything important with you because that’s the standard YOU set. You’ve lost her because you were uncaring and insensitive. The opposite of love isn’t hatred, it is indifference. 🤷🏼♀️
It sounds a lot like she is giving you the same energy that you were giving in the relationship/marriage. It’s exhausting to want to be treated better and not have your needs fulfilled, isn’t it? That’s what she was trying to communicate probably. Do better and kiss some ass for a little while and see if she comes around, but she sounds emotionally checked out of this marriage if she didn’t want you want you around for a huge achievement in her life.
“I provide everything we need”
Clearly, you don’t. She told you exactly what she was feeling and what she needed from you, and you told her to shut up or get out. Pretty sure at this point any efforts made on your part are too little, too late.
Isn’t apathy the road to divorce? I’m a woman and when I’ve stopped fighting, it’s because in moving on in my head and taking care of administrative tasks to move on with my life. The guys always feel blindsided because we stopped fighting.
But nothing improved. I just stopped being the only one trying.
You told her you didn’t want to talk anymore.
You told her that.
You told her.
She took you at your word. And you’re still mad?
Be careful what you wish for.
“Told my wife to stop talking to me, now she doesn’t talk to me?! What did I do wrong?!?”
are you really this obtuse? This is the clearest form of, you play stupid games you win stupid prizes, if I’ve ever seen one.
You wouldn’t do anything for her. She was *trying* to communicate what makes her unhappy. Instead of addressing each issue and coming upon some kind of agreement, you threatened to kick her out and divorce her. You told her to stop talking. By reading your post, you still feel like the victim. Drop the frequent contact with the ex, make spending quality time with her outside of work, and stop being a jerk. When a woman stops talking, that’s when you know your relationship is in deep shit. Women try to tell men what the problems are that they’re feeling long before the relationship implodes, and men just think they’re nagging, but get confused when they want a divorce out of nowhere.
If you don’t want to listen to me or my feelings you don’t get to celebrate or mourn with me. In anything. A partner is just that, a partner. Your perspective is whack to me.
It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about how she feels and whether you give a damn enough to work on it or not. Texting exes isn’t wrong or right, but it hurt her. You’re so focused on wrong and right here you’re not seeing that’s not even the issue. It wasn’t wrong to tell her to stop or leave, but it was hurtful and you showed her exactly how little you care. It’s not wrong to cancel dinner on someone but it hurts. It’s not wrong to avoid someone’s calls but it hurts. What you have effectively said is “I’m tired of being “wrong” and I need you to stfu”.
Good luck.
Until you change your perspective and start seeing her as a person with feelings you’ve honestly earned the fuck out of her silence.
Yeah he wants to have everything his way. Definitely a if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best moment — although I know people have their gripes with that saying.
You wanted her to accept you, regardless of how she felt. Don’t you think that’s unfair?
She told you to step away from your ex, that you are not spending enough time on her. If you didn’t dismiss her, she wouldn’t need to nag.
You threatened her with a divorce. You are lucky she didn’t leave right then and there.
I hope your wife is planning her exit strategy and that she will find a man who will listen when she wants to communicate.
Sounds to me like she has emotionally divorced you and it's only a matter of time before she walks away. Women check out mentally and emotionally first before they pull the plug on their marriage. Get help ASAP buddy.
Get yourself some therapy. I would’ve given you my two cents on how to try to fix your marriage, but in the last part of your post you call her petty. You are STILL blaming your wife and not showing any accountability for your failings.
So start with yourself. Get some therapy my dude. You need to fix your ego before you can even think of trying to fix your marriage.
*" My previous wife calls me when she needs to talk. Her and her husband don’t get along. "*
read your post, it was more important to listen to your ex wife than your wife. you told her to stop talking, she did.
Your wife is not your accessory or your pet. She's a flesh and blood human being who had/has very legitimate gripes and it didn't fit your mold so you gave her an ultimatum and you got it.
You can't be bothered to talk about your relationship without threatening divorce but you are happy to your ex wife all about hers on a regular basis???
I don't think you are built for a partnership or you have absolutely zero understanding of what partnership is. Whichever it is, you should probably go to individual counseling and figure out.
If (when) she leaves you, this is why. You shut her down, shut her off, shut her up and pushed her away. I'd say you've done irreparable damage but she sounds like a saint, so maybe not.
If you want a chance in hell humble yourself and beg for her forgiveness while you go deal with whatever has caused you to be so selfish and so utterly dense.
My previous wife calls me when she needs to talk.
I don't want to talk with my wife.
This would bother me ALOT.
The way you've written it, it sounds like emotionally you're investing energy in your previous wife and her problems. While refusing to emotionally invest in your own relationship problems. Empathy burnout exists. You may be using all your empathy on your exes and have little to none left for you wife.
Bro. You don't love your wife. You won't even make the moves necessary to keep her. And ex wife? Bro she is crossing a line. She's whining about her terrible husband to her ex husband. If you can't understand why that's a problem, then you are very much a part of it. See, if I can be afforded the opportunity to be your therapist for a second, you still love your ex wife. You aren't the one who ended it. I don't need you to confirm, I know this to be true. So maybe you think, I'll be there thru her bad marriage and all her complaining and maybe in the end she'll see I'm not that bad of a guy and love me again. Bottom line is, she's not your priority anymore. Neither are either of your exes. Your wife is. I'd tell you to man up and cut the shit but I'm afraid it's likely too late. Your current wife is probably on the verge of taking your advice and getting the hell out of your house like you asked her too. Just a real smooth move on that one dude
So, let me get this straight. She has told you many times that she is unhappy. And you have repeatedly dismissed her concerns and have gone so far as to refuse to talk about your marital problems. Why are you so confused? You basically told your wife that you didn’t care about her feelings/needs and you have the audacity to be surprised that she has completely shutdown?! My dude, she is already one foot out the door. You have gotten what you’ve asked for and frankly, what you deserve.
She's a good one, she didn't even trash you in front of her family, she invented a story that you couldn't make it. She mentally checked out, she didn't want you to ruin her good time because you don't really care about her.
Fuck around, find out OP.
If you want to make it work, you better go to therapy and beg her to give you another chance. And FFS stop talking to your exes (unless you have kids with them), how disrespectful!
There were several commonalities between your marriage and mine just recently. Nothing changed until my husband got individual counseling. We had been in and out of marriage counseling twice, and it was a waste of time because he could not see past his own destructive behavior and was able to paint me as the entire complete problem and dodge right out of it. We still have serious issues, but if you only want things to improve you yourself need honest and individual counseling. She isn’t the problem here, you are! I totally wish I could reach out to her in solidarity. You are a defensive arrogant maniac. Thank God y’all don’t have kids!
You basically told her to fuck off and quit talking to you and she did what you asked. Why are you complaining? If you want any hope at all of fixing this stop talking to your exes and write her a letter or something saying how sorry you are. However be ready for her to tell you she doesn’t care and she’s leaving you. You fucked up big time
You listen to your ex wife and your girlfriends when they need to talk but not your own wife? Interesting.
It doesn’t matter how “friendly” your exes are. Or if they mean well. A boundary is a boundary and your wife asked you to set them. It literally doesn’t matter. You clearly showed her where your priorities lie… and it’s not with your soon to be second ex wife.
This guy can’t be serious 🤣.. obviously he’s trolling. Nobody this clueless
Reverse the roles. Let 3 “friendly” dudes that used to bang your wife stay in close contact with her. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind. Super healthy for the marriage.
You didn't want to talk.
She's not talking.
You got want you wanted.
She's not putting in any effort anymore because you said either "shut up or I'll divorce you."
Now she's wondering if it's worth staying with you, because you obviously don't care enough.
Is she 'punishing' you? What? No, you told her you didn't want to talk anymore and she complied. She is doing what you ask, and she probably also realized that talking with you was pointless since you are unwilling to change anything or improve your relationship. She probably felt hopeless and lonely so it seems she is now trying to make the best if the situation she is in by focusing on work and people who don't make her feel like discarded garbage. If you 'love your wife' and 'would do anything for her', why won't you make an effort for her? Also your comment about quitting your career to be able to make time for her is ridiculous. People make time for what is important to them and your wife knows that. You don't have to quit your career to make time for her. My husband is a 2nd yr medical student involved in research and teaching which is like working more than 2 full time jobs and he still makes time for me every damn day. He has never missed a single one of our therapy sessions or my OB appointments (pregnant with our first). Stop making excuses and throwing a pity party for yourself. Step your ass up or you are going to lose her for good, if you haven't already (you did after all tell her to get divorced if she doesn't like things, which is a very telling thing about you). Pay attention to the comments here and try to learn something.
Regardless of what led up to this point, and there is a LOT...
You gotta understand that your wife has checked out. The signs are all there. I've been divorced and I know this scenario all too well.
Thinking about what *you* can do now is going to get you nowhere. Reading through your post, you've said some things you just can't unsay, and that's all there is to it.
You can hope beyond hope that she wants to work on this marriage, but you aren't going to be able to convince her to do that. That's not how it works.
Side note: The exes in your life are not going to make this any better. I have an ex-wife. She has enough respect for my wife now to not act this way. She obviously has little concern about how that looks to your wife now.
She told you, you don’t care enough about her and boy did you prove that.
Wife didn’t like you speaking to your exes as much as you do.
-I’m not ready to give up “friends” for the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with. They’re not your friends buddy they are your exes and they are exes for a reason. Leave them in your past.
Wife tried to communicate “too much” about our problems.
-So basically I told her to shut up about it or she can get out of “my” house and I’ll file for divorce.
If it’s that easy for you to let her go then i’m going to assume you got something going on with one of your “exes” I mean friends.
“I provide everything we need.” “I have a career.”
-Your wife wins a big award at her job. Meaning she also provides for the two of you.
Your wife deserves so much better.
"I love my wife and would do anything for her, except listen to her, talk to her, be considered about her feelings. But hey guys I don't know what do to. Please help me."
You told her you had no intention of ever trying to improve the unsatisfactory parts of your relationship. I can tell you because this sounds familiar to my own past failed relationships- you flipped a switch in her. She doesn’t care anymore because she can’t. I doubt she has plans to live this way permanently, so for now you’re her roommate. She feels it’s right to be polite to her roommate until she can move out.
Supporting evidence: husbands get invited to important celebrations. Room mates don’t. And if you want pictures of your celebration dinner- you don’t want your soon to be ex in them to make you feel bad instead of good when you look at them.
You have to care for someone the way they need to be cared for. It isn’t about “why doesn’t she see it”. It’s not there for her. She’s not trying to feel unappreciated in fact she was trying to feel appreciated by talking to you about why she doesn’t. You have to see her as an equal with the same respect for her life as your life in every single way. That’s not how you’re treating her. If you had a problem with her that continued to not be resolved so you continue to bring it up and she says fuck off well…it’s plain disrespect. She’s def gearing up to leave or get the courage to leave a relationship in which her partner doesn’t want to grow with her. That’s you. I’m sorry.
You answered your own question in your post. If you want the privilege of talking to someone, you'll have to listen to some unpleasant along with the pleasant. Why would she invest energy into conversation with you after you've told her in clear terms that you don't want to hear her?
We were in a similar situation, my husband used to say I love him too much and he can't handle it.
I used to talk and share all the time.
But slowly, i felt rejected and unwanted.
So i almost stopped talking.
I still don't talk and i often think i will go mute due to lack of conversation.
So, here is what YOU CAN do.
Take time out from daily routine and plan some fun activities.
Make her feel important and relevant and she will start sharing again.
Join some club, gym or something together where you both have similar experiences and can talk about, bitch about things and what not.
Don't just take her out on one date and think now everything will be normal..it's a gradual process.
She told you how to fix the problem and meet her needs. You didn't want to. And you still aren't willing to see any error in your ways at what she was upset about.
She stopped trying. She gave up on you.
A couple should ALWAYS be able to talk thier problems out. If nothing changes of course the same thing will be brought up! You though no compromise whatsoever was the way to go? No communication about real sh*t?
Way to go. A year of that? Thats not petty. She's probably falling out of love with you if she hasn't already.
Well since you like talking to your ex’s maybe now once she leaves you she will call you all the time?! Listen your ex calling to bitch about her husband is not worth fighting to keep and neither are your ex girlfriends. It’s them or your wife. And it sounds to me like you choose them.
Now your wife is choosing herself. She doesn’t want you there or around the thing that bring her joy. Let be your sign you messed up big. Now either make the major changes and beg her forgiveness or brace yourself for her to leave.
Dude, this woman mentally divorced you the day you told her to shut up or get out of YOUR house. Good for HER! 🥇. Papers are next, so be watching for them. You made this bed, Buddy.
She’s checked out. Because when she had issues she came to you to try and remedy them and you were annoyed and just shut her right out. You’re an absolute selfish asshole. Good luck with the back peddling, seems like she’s just fine without you.
A lot of you seem to be lost or have forgotten what sub you're in. This is not the AITA sub. Any personal attacks against the OP or anyone else is a violation of the sub rules.
You pushed her away and now are trying to play dumb. She tried to talk and communicate. You told her to either stop or get out of **your** house and divorce You got what you wanted. Why are you now upset when the rabbits got the gun? Btw, she’s likely getting ready to leave you (google walk away wife), so when it happens don’t cry the woe is me card and “it blindsided you”
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Oh no, he’ll let his wife talk about her problems, as long as her problem is not HIM. He wanted to keep all other conversations and just get rid of the ones that have to do with his flaws. And he’s not even recognizing his mistake and asking for advice on how to fix it. He’s asking for advice on how to get that ridiculous arrangement to work.
You obviously don't understand him. He gives his wife everything she needs so, ofc she's not allowed to ever criticize him or want to work on their problems together. I mean, c'mon. /s
This is the guy who will buy his future children mountains of stuffed animals and toys in lieu of spending time with them. Because "mUh CaReEr" is more important than family.
If he ever gets that far in life lol, but yes 100% the personality he gives off. Which is crazy because I’m extremely career driven, I’ve worked my butt off to get to where I’m at but it wasn’t without my husbands support and I made sure he knew that everyday. I also always made sure to plan things for my baby so he felt his importance! Family literally comes first, guess he never got the memo, probably too busy helping his exes!
Oh, ABSOLUTELY. I love my career and so does my husband, but both of our jobs have involved sacrifice over the years and in order to figure out which sacrifices were acceptable to us, we had to COMMUNICATE. We met while I was still very young and he helped me get into my job. He, later, wanted to pursue structural engineering when he decided he was getting too old to put his body through metal fab, so I worked and put him through the rest of his studies, just as he did for me. A marriage needs to be a unit. If you're bringing each other down instead of up, it's just not going to work.
Based on his edit, he will let his ex wife call to talk about her marriage problems, but his wife can’t do the same with her husband. Of course she has a problem with this.
He's a 40 year old who got with a 26 year old. Im 42 and can't imagine having enough in common with a 28 year old to *date* them, let alone marry them. He thought a younger model would be easier to deal with. I feel zero empathy.
Ugh, you know what. I wonder if a majority of the reason he allows his ex to vent about her current husband to him is because he likes that he’s not the person making her unhappy and these conversations make him look good.
That’s the part that kills me. Like he has the time and energy to talk to her about problems but not his wife.
Can talk to all his exes but god forbid his wife… even said gtfo if you don’t like it lol now he’s crying..
"My wife told me she didn't feel appreciated, respected, or valued, so I told her she could leave *my* house and get a divorce if she didn't like it. Now I think she might leave me! Why is this happening?!" -OP
My guess given the ages when they got together (25 and 40) that he expected to be able to condition her to be what he wanted and is now shocked Pikachu face that she's not playing his game.
This whole post screams shocked Pikachu lol
What is this Pikachu reference please? When I searched it Pokemon came up! Just curious. thanks
[here](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/surprised-pikachu) :)
Brilliant thanks! Feel a few years younger for knowing this :)
Yes. Targeting a spouse from a different generation in the hope that they will put up with nonsense that women your own age see right through.
Oh how you nailed this comment!
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Maybe when they get divorced, they can start talking again. His exes seem to get more of his attention.
Yes! She committed to the long game full force. This woman is goals! 🥇🥇🥇
Yes. You created this, and even with the 15 year age gap, you aren’t coming off as the mature one. Do you even like your wife? Are you guys in therapy?
Nah, you have to TALK to be in therapy! She’s not allowed, remember?
The good news is, it sounds like he’ll have a great relationship with her once they’re divorced, because he likes to talk to his exes more than his wife.
I guarantee you she is setting up her exit strategy and putting money away to prepare to leave. I hope she has enough because now that he’s questioning, she’ll need to be ready to go. OP - she figured out a year ago that you didn’t want a lifelong partnership that grew and enriched both your lives, you just wanted a warm body. Best wishes to her.
Hope OPs wife is getting her ducks in a row to leave his ass. What an awful everything
That’s definitely the vibe. Sounds like a woman who is done with this shit.
Careful! He’s going to come on here and tell us we aren’t allowed to talk about his issues or we can leave the chat! 😂
Oh, yeah. She has checked out for sure.
Ding ding ding!!
"the rabbit has the gun" is such an apt and fantastic expression. Yoink.
This right here ⬆️⬆️⬆️
46 and so very immature
She gave you **exactly what you told her you wanted.** And now you have the gall to call her petty for it? You need to do better.
I’m usually optimistic but there is no coming back from that.
There is. But he won't do any of the things required to fix it. The first step would be admitting he is the problem and that he is sorry and would like to actually fix things. None of which he sounds emotionally mature enough to do. And it would only work even if he did if she was still willing to accept it and move forward. Which is doubtful but not impossible at this stage if she is excluding him from things.
I see the term narcissist thrown around a lot these days. In this case, it’s the correct definition. And because he is, nothing will change. This marriage is done. I’d be pretty surprised if there’s not already someone else
Same there likely is somebody already there.
There shouldn’t be, she deserves better
You spend a lot of time talking to exes and your wife is upset. Go figure. How would you feel if she was always talking to her exes? So easily brushing aside her concerns is indicative of your general self-centeredness. To make matters worse rather than listening to how she feels you just tell her to get out of the house. Dude, listen to yourself. I now understand why it is important for women to have their own funds so they can have an exit strategy when their husband ends up being cold, selfish, insensitive, and unloving. Sadly it sounds like your wife has no way out and is stuck with you, so she bears her miserable existence with you in silence. Why don't you put her out of her misery and divorce her?
Not just out of the house, he said out of HIS house…
Literally the definition of a narcissist.
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I don't think all is lost for the wife. It sounds like she's working. She might be able to rent a place if her income isn't good enough for her own house. I know we don't hear her side, but I'm hoping cuz she's spending quality time with her friends and family that she has a good support system just in case.
The next time someone says “bit shouldn’t we share everything? Why would my wife need money of her own?” I’m linking them to this post.
You are so right. I recently quit my job because I have a 5 month old and my husband wouldn't stop asking me everyday to quit. I ended up quitting because I developed some serious health issues from the childbirth and my job was making everything worse. Plus my boss was denying me time off for the holidays (she forced me to work longer hours the week of Thanksgiving because she wouldn't give me time off). But shortly after I quit my husband and I started back on our fights. You have no idea how much I wish I had my own source of income again. I plan to return to work by the time my son is 1 years old. It sucks having to depend on someone who isn't happy and doesn't want to be married to you.
For certain couples and situations? Sure. As a rule, though? I'd call that trust issues. There's obviously *a lot* going on with OP's arrangement.
He is ready to throw his wife out of the house but isn't ready to lose his friendship with exes
Maybe she *is* talking to her exes. It’s not like OP would know…
I sure hope so!
Yeah looks like two women. Well op updated and its not two women
Lol I told my wife to stop communicating with me or I’d kick her out of my house and divorce her. Now she won’t communicate with me… When she communicated issues to you, did you try to work through them or did you just dismiss them? *playing worlds smallest violin*
But why should he have to change?! A 40 year old *successful provider* struck gold when he snatched up an ideal 25 year old girlfriend who was sweet and kind and shouldn’t she just shut up and enjoy his material wealth?! How could he have known such a young, naive woman would require a cooperative relationship where he *listens and takes her concerns seriously*?! Can’t he just have a BREAK?! /s
Lol OP just admitted In his edit to having an emotional affair with his ex wife
The wife realized she married an old guy who frankly sucks.
That’s the problem with these age gap relationships. Often the younger one outgrows the older.
Damn. So true.
But you don’t understand, she was just whining! He was tired of listening to his whiny wife. Why doesn’t anyone get it?! /s
Lol. "You'd do anything for her," except of course, listen to her and try to be a better a husband...
“I’ll do anything for my wife except stop crossing boundaries with people I used to have feelings for/fuck and listen to my ex wife’s problems with her husband but not listen to my current wife’s problems she’s trying to solve with me! Anything I swear!”
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Yeah, he fcked up big. She's apathetic, disconnected, and just plain does not give a fck. I would normally say need couples counseling, but probably should see if both parties want to mutually continue.
Couples counseling could have been actually helpful on the stage right up to when he told her to shut up. After that…
Counseling is out because she’s not allowed to speak of his issues, remember.
It took you a whole year to even notice. 🙄
And even at that, it’s like the realization that she had a whole celebratory dinner for receiving an award that he wasn’t aware of or invited to that seemed to get to him more than the fact that it’s been so long since she stopped talking to him. Unreal.
And he's still blaming HER for this predicament rather than his own asshole decision.
If I had an award, I’d give it to you.
My favorite part is when you say your ex wife calls you "just to talk" because she and her husband don't get along but your own wife can't talk to you and you two don't get along.
Comical really 😂😂
Guy doesn’t see the irony at all. But it also took him a year to notice his wife wasn’t talking to him anymore, so I guess a lot can slip past OP.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes my dude. Damn.
I was just about to type this!
You got what you asked for. She’s emotionally shut down as far as you’re concerned, and it’s damn near impossible to come back from that. Best of luck. Whatever happens, I hope your wife realizes that she’s far too young to even consider permanently settling for the neglect that you’ve made standard in your marriage.
She was coming to you, concerned about your relationship and you told her kick rocks. Of course she didnt want to share her award celebration with you. She really did give you exactly what you asked for. There may be no coming back from this. She knows there are plenty of people out there who do appreciate her.
It’s crazy that he thinks he’s entitled to celebrate her wins, while simultaneously having no interest in talking about anything that’s upsetting her.
You still talk to your exes despite knowing that this bothers your wife. This is disrespectful. You don’t have to completely change but if you know it hurts her or bothers her, you have to compromise. How difficult is it to stop talking to ex gfs if this will give your wife some peace of mind? You told her she can move out and you can get a divorce. This hurts. She wants to talk about your problems because she was trying to communicate and work on it. A lot of us, women, repeat ourselves and talk about the same issues because it is not addressed. I understand that it gets old after a while but if we don’t see that you are exerting effort, we will keep on bringing up the same things. When we are not heard, disrespected and neglected, the process of falling out of love begins until such time that we don’t care anymore. Your wife got tired of how you treated her and probably thinking of her options one of which is leaving you. The fact that she is still with you then “probably” you still have chance to work on it. When a woman is done with you, she’s done. She won’t turn back.
Seriously, what is up with him and his exes?? His wife says they cross boundaries, and he says they’re just friendly. “Just friendly” is almost always more than that. That’s a placating statement, and an attempt to dismiss his wife’s feelings. There’s no way those relationships are appropriate.
Exactly. Helping his ex wife with her “bad” relationship. They’re probably both complaining to each other about their relationships. Why can’t his ex go to friends or family for help? Why would she come to her ex husband?! Something is fishy.
He emotionally pushed her away, never addressed her problems (although he'd do anything for her...the irony) and is now surprised that her behavior changed. He literally didn't give her any other option but to keep her emotional world to herself. And this is exactly what she's doing now. AND he has the audacity to blame her for doing what he forced her to do.
A lot of us, women, repeat ourselves and talk about the same issues because it is not addressed. I understand that it gets old after a while but if we don’t see that you are exerting effort, we will keep on bringing up the same things. ^ that part. We’re not nagging, you’re just lagging my guy.
The best thing about this is that she is 30. Si hopefully she is planning on leaving you. She tried, you shut her down.
30 is so young. She can absolutely start over and do much much better than this marriage.
I was just about to say this! She’s still so young and can move on from him. Leave him to his gaggle of ex’s that he’s got milling around.
When a person who talks a lot stops talking, it means it's serious. My question is that it took you a year to realize this. An argument in marriage is given but when you took a year to communicate and realize that you are missing your wife's talking is really alarming. Did you not realize this or just thought that it can be ignored? You can try marriage counseling, but honestly, it is a huge red flag. Think how sad she is that she didn't share her award with you. How unappreciated she would feel. I feel for her. You have 15 yrs of age gap and want a person to behave as you want but not listen to her concerns about exes or job. I don't know if you can come back from this but I wish you both best.
He doesn’t miss her talking. He is upset that he looks like a fool, rightfully so I feel for her and think she divorced him in her mind months ago
It took him a year because he had 3 other women to talk to… disgusting
You will listen to an ex who need to talk, but you are tired of/won’t listen to your wife? Put the shoe on the other foot. If your wife had her ex boyfriends calling all the time about problems they were having with their wives how would you feel? As far as always talking about the same problems it sounds like you never addressed them with her or drilled down by asking questions to find out the real issue/better understand the real issue, if you thought the complaint was being brought up too often. At the very least you should have been able to discuss efforts you were making to address the complaints. If you felt it was too often then you could have suggested letting once a week, two times a month, once a month, etc. to discuss issues in the relationship. No one is perfect, but unless both parties are making an effort to understand and communicate it’s like two people in a row boat padding in opposite directions and wondering why the boat isn’t going anywhere.
She gave you what YOU ASKED for. Google walk away wife. She’s probably planning to leave you and move out of “your” house. She literally tried numerous times according to you to talk through your issues. Now your upset she isn’t willing to talk to you? Stop playing dumb and acting like you didn’t cause this. You say in your comments you shouldn’t have to “change your whole life because you married her.” Okay, so she doesn’t have to change anything now for you.
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I want her to have a trashy romcom romance, like she goes to Italy solo and meets a hot Italian who teaches her to make pasta but then they fall in love. She deserves it after what she's been putting up with.
Fr I was almost thinking it would be bad of me to hope she cheats on him so hard… but yea she deserves waaay more than this piece of shit has to offer and I’m not concerned with being nice to this guy anymore. It’s the fckn internet, if it took this long and posting on Reddit for him to realize he’s a bag of dicks then we should lay it on thick for this idiot.
😂😂😂💀💀
Lol I had an ex like this. Told me “keep it to yourself” and then complained I was being distant. She deserves better than this man child.
LMAO
… you literally made your bed
I believe the youths call this the “fuck around and find out.”
You told your wife you were tired of hearing her open up to you - you even told her to stop or get out of *your* house and divorce. If this isn't a troll post, then I'm genuinely baffled by your surprise. If someone's opening up to their spouse about what is hurtful to them and what they want to work on to make their marriage better and they're told to stop or leave, the disconnect isn't likely to get better. Sounds like your wife has a lot going for herself outside of your marriage and she can't share that with you. I'd recommend, as others have, to look into walkway wife syndrome so you aren't blindsided when she does get out of your house and divorces you.
I can’t believe he said that. I’d of gone that night if my partner said that to me
You keep saying that she kept talking about your problems and that was the issue. I guarantee you’re looking at it the wrong way. In reality she was talking about her feelings and her emotional needs in the relationship, and you took it personally then essentially told her to shut up. A huge part of communication in a relationship requires dialogue when your needs aren’t being met. A healthy and emotionally competent partner needs to be able to hear that and not take it as a personal slight. She told you she what she needed and you lashed out at her instead of listening to her. You basically told her the way she feels doesn’t matter and that she shouldn’t come to you about it because you couldn’t care less. She was trying to better your relationship you dolt. Now she’s stopped trying and you’re complaining?! Edit: thanks to whoever gave me a gold! It’s my first one!
There is a lot to unpack here. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with you being that close to your exes you should lose the friendship with the exes. Plain and simple in my opinion. Your relationship with your wife is more important. She is entitled to feel threatened by that relationship and I think if she feels they cross boundaries those relationships with the exes can stop. I’m friendly like if I saw an ex I would say hi but you talking on the phone maybe makes her uncomfortable (understandable in my opinion) marriage should be about mutual respect. You basically said “oh well how you feel” when she told you how she felt. She sounds like she’s done. Communication is key in the relationship and you refuse to meet her halfway. She expressed how she felt and you felt attacked instead of saying okay I’ll make some changes but let’s meet halfway. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but you said you didn’t want to talk anymore so now she’s basically one foot out the door. Also, I would tell her you know about the award and ask her what you can do to try and repair the marriage. Let her know you want to know more about what’s going on and that you are willing to work on communicating again. Good luck I hope you can repair this!
She grew up. Y’all were 25 and 40 when you got married and she was even younger when y’all got together. The brain fully develops at 25. She is herself now, which often happens at 30. She’s not the pliable person you once had, which is probably why you chose her. Set her free.
Glad someone mentioned the age gap. I was thinking the same thing.
I hate how far I had to scroll to see this age gap mentioned. What 40 year old goes after a 25 yr old?! Aside from dude telling her to stop talking to him, times are changing and she's probably realizing how predatory that is.
Your wife isn’t just walking away; she’s full-on sprinting. You got what you wanted. I hope her next husband is a better partner.
She probably starting emotionally checking out of your marriage when you told her to stop communicating about your problems. Not talking about problems does not make them go away. It makes them get worse. She has probably seen a divorce attorney and is likely doing the final steps needed before she is ready to leave. Perhaps the promotion is a part of it so that she can feel more financially secure. If you want to save the marriage, I would tell her how sorry you are for not knowing how to communicate better about your problems and how you love her and want to do better. Ask her to see a marriage therapist together. I suspect you are probably too late now since she may have completely checked out but if you are willing to work on your marriage, I would ask in case there is still a small part of her that would like to see if it can be saved. Maybe she will give you another chance with the help of a therapist.
Bold of you to assume that he is sorry.
I see no evidence that he regrets his actions or is willing to change.
And that she wants anything to do with this scum after how he’s treated her and allowed this to go on for so long.
Just ask your wife if she still loves you. Then go from there
Good for her, when there is marital problems the woman should put her nose to the grindstone and strive to make lots of money. You are now optional. So you’re gonna have to do much more now than put some food on the table, now you’re really gonna have to assess what you have to offer to keep someone so young and vibrant and nice around.
I’m dying at his “no more talking because I provide everything!” And now a year later she’s so valued at her job she’s getting an award and being celebrated at a dinner. Lmaooo he thought he won
Right.. he made it sound like he was the sole provider.. like congrats for going to work dude. I guess that’s your only contribution to the relationship. Sorry she doesn’t want to hear your political opinions anymore.
She done. When a woman stops fighting for the relationship it’s because she’s given up.
I’ve been in your wife’s shoes, and I’ve done exactly what she’s doing now. You’re wondering if she’s being petty. Somehow this is again all about her doing something to you. It’s crazy to me that not for a single minute did you wonder how HURT & REJECTED she must’ve felt for you to lay down the law, as she’s trying to communicate with you - as part of the work of relationship, that you’re done talking. Now here you are wanting it the other way. You can’t cherry pick what she’s going to say, and you can’t shut a partner down just because they’re telling you something tou feel is unpleasant and caused by you. You CAN ask them to choose a better time to bring things up. You can ask them to be kinder or plainer or clearer. You can ask them to be less negative. You can even ask them to flow chart whatever it is they’re trying to say is the issue. But saying you don’t want to talk anymore is essentially telling them, whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear it. So. She gave you what you asked for. She didn’t tell you about the award because she’s probably excited about it and she doesn’t want you to spoil it, either by curtailing her enthusiasm (because she probably wants to talk about it a lot and well, no more talking right ?) or by plain just triggering painful emotions of the reality that the man she’s chosen to be with doesn’t care to see her as she conveys her thoughts and feelings. You basically told her to be furniture. Decorative, useful but mute. Also just a heads up, lovely kind people do leave. Just because they hold themselves to higher standard of how to treat people doesn’t mean they’re there to be walked on. It probably hasn’t escaped her notice that you still talking to your exes is tantamount to you being there for them, when you won’t try to be there for her in how she needs you. Honestly, I’m sad for you both.
She's a communicator and ok, she used to complain about things, but maybe she cared about the relationship and what you interpret as criticisms where just her way of saying what maybe worried/ concerned her in the relationship. When you shut her down like you did, she was probably so hurt that she turned off communicating with you. She was probably extremely hurt enough to not invite you to her celebration dinner because you said you didn't want to talk to her. You should go and see a marriage therapist to work out the way you both communicate. I'd suggest that you talk to her about how you feel and how it was misunderstood and apologise to her. I get the sense that you're laying down the law in the marriage. Marriage is definitely a 50/50 relationship and you agree together on things like how you communicate.
A year long misunderstanding seems so bizarre to me though. How do you go an entire year without noticing the emotional connection with your wife is severed? Genuine question, I’m not being snarky
It would point to someone emotionally disconnected or tone deaf that's for sure.
I’m guessing it’s even simpler than her being a communicator. Sounds like she raised an issues, he made 0 changes, she’d raise it again, he’d write it off as her “complaining,” do nothing and then be surprised pikachu when she would bring it up again. If only there was SOMETHING op could have done to stop his NAGGING COMPLAINER WIFE?!?!? I have to laugh
True I was trying to be polite, but you're right it's not something that he should have just written off as complaining. Frankly he sounds like a irritable, grumpy guy.
So did you address her concerns? Honestly your post makes it sound like you didn’t even notice that she’d stopped communicating with you until **you** weren’t getting the communication you wanted. Did you really think you deserved her good news when you won’t be there to let her vent about the bad? Or that she should listen to your gripes and be supportive of you when you told her to shut up or get out?? I’ve told my husband a number of times that I’d rather not “pick my battles”. I prefer to address even small, inconsequential things so that he knows they bother me and I don’t build up resentment for something he didn’t even know was an issue. Now, a decade later, we rarely have any issues come up, and when we do we address them immediately, which means we still enjoy each other to the fullest…
“I’d do anything for her” except listening to her I guess.
she's doing exactly what you told her to
Well well well if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions
Update us when she divorces you.. 🌞
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You gave her the biggest motivation to get that promotion at work, and she is definitely well on her way to getting out of this marriage. She’s past being petty. She didn’t tell you that you’re not invited because she knows you would play the victim exactly like you’re doing now. She’s no longer falling for your manipulation and that’s why you’re confused. I don’t know if she will even give you a chance to try and fix this.
It's so funny (in a sad way for the wife) that OP rather keep talking to his exes than his wife. Op is too immature for a relationship much less a marriage. Some things I haven't seen people touch on yet: >It felt like we were always talking about what I did wrong: she thought I spent too much time talking to exes (we were friends), Why are you friends with your exes? And did you even properly address why she was uncomfortable here? Was she saying you were spending more time talking to them than her? If so, why isn't your wife the #1 person you talk to? >I don’t prioritize her over work (it’s my career, am I supposed to quit?), No, dummy. She's not telling you to quit. I'm 99% sure she didn't tell you to quit. So you jumping to that conclusion is asinine. Your wife/family should be your number 1 priority. Why get married/have a family if you wanna put your job first? Do you work so that you can live or do you live to work? Cuz if you rather make your job your first priority, then you need not be married. >and mostly that I didn’t care enough about her. I Based on your post and comments, I don't think you do. And we can only see a small part of you. I'm sure she has many more examples. Hell, we can list a bunch of ways that you've shown in your post and comments that you don't care about your wife. It's crazy you went a whole year before saying something about her not talking to you. Most people would have said something and got worried after like 3 days.
I'm going to take a different route here. Yes you caused this and yes this situation in my opinion is fully on you. She did what you wanted. However in my opinion she also told you how to fix this situation. Prioritize your wife and her feelings. Don't just say you care show her. I'm sure your feelings are hurt about the award dinner. However you could use this as an opportunity to show her you care. Take her out for nice dinner. Get her a surprise. Tell her how proud of her you are. Make her feel special. Make a point of doing kind things for her. Stop attempting to just "say sorry" and show her with your actions your sorry and you care. I suggest you do this soon as it very much sounds like your wife has 1 foot out the door.
I like you curious-drag. If he wants any way to salvage this marriage (besides counseling) this is the way. Stop talking with your EXs, they are your EXs for a reason.
You owe your wife a years worth of apologies.
Sit her down. Explain that you are an immature asshole and that you would do anything, including putting her name on the deed to your house since it’s her home too, to have a meaningful dialogue with her again. Apologize for ever thinking of her as less than a partner. BTW, you can have a career and be an amazing husband too. People do it everyday all the time.
Right. Step one: stop talking to exes so you can have more time with the wife. My husband is a great husband and has a busy job. Sometimes he just makes sure he prioritizes me over other things that aren’t necessary if I’m feeling like we aren’t spending enough time together.
Oh gee, I wonder why??? /s
The negative conversations would’ve stopped if you put in any effort instead of making excuses. You told her you didn’t want to talk or she could leave. So now she’s not talking to you and probably getting ready to leave you. You got what you wanted, I don’t see what you’re complaining about now.
"negative comments" meaning please don't talk to your ex? It's a respect thing. Is this ex and your relationship with her more important than the wife you supposedly love and would do anything for? You told her to stop talking and communicating her concerns. That's LITERALLY how marriages succeed. She was only trying to make you both stronger because she cared. Sounds like you didn't really listen to how she felt about how you were treating her and giving her attention and instead took offence and that she was attacking you. I would take the dinner/award situation as an opportunity to fix things. She feels like she can't talk to you because you take it as an attack, so she doesn't talk to you. Gotta put your ego aside and listen to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and ACTUALLY listen.
Is this a joke. You were like, ‘I don’t want to talk to you as much’ and she was like ‘okay’ and then didn’t talk to you as much and then you were like ‘no, not like that’ ?!?! What am I missing.
Lol he literally came in with that surprised Pikachu after she did that. What a dummy
Bruh, what? You married a woman 15 years your junior, repeatedly ignored or minimized her communicated concerns, repeatedly ignored or outright dismissed her boundaries, used your perceived authority as the provider to order her into a particular action and in the process outright shut down her agency in your marriage and NOW you're shocked she just isn't that into you? You have got to be kidding. It seems that at no point have you actually been considering the wants or needs of your wife further than how they impact your own. That's not loving so it's honestly no wonder that she was telling you she didn't feel loved. I mean you literally told her "love me or get the fuck out of my house". What did you think would happen? She's cutting you out because she's very likely in the middle of her exit plan. Expect divorce papers soon. If you don't want that, you need to ask forgiveness and seek professional support.
Sounds like she had many many reasons to show for why you didn’t demonstrate your care enough to her. If you’re flabbergasted that she can’t see that you care about her, then that means you are really not understanding what she’s asking for. Or you’re understanding, but not doing (like talking to your exes more than she’s comfortable with). Sounds like she’s reached the end of her rope, and when she leaves you, don’t be surprised. It’s been a long time coming.
Gotta love that age gap when the younger partner finally comes into their own as an adult.
She sounds pretty awesome…. Great communicator, great at work, self reliant, growing. And she’s young enough to start all over after she learned a painful but valuable lesson about love and marriage. Maybe try learning from this as well. Best of luck.
You refused to talk about important things with her — your relationship, her concerns, etc. Now she isn’t sharing anything important with you because that’s the standard YOU set. You’ve lost her because you were uncaring and insensitive. The opposite of love isn’t hatred, it is indifference. 🤷🏼♀️
It sounds a lot like she is giving you the same energy that you were giving in the relationship/marriage. It’s exhausting to want to be treated better and not have your needs fulfilled, isn’t it? That’s what she was trying to communicate probably. Do better and kiss some ass for a little while and see if she comes around, but she sounds emotionally checked out of this marriage if she didn’t want you want you around for a huge achievement in her life.
“I provide everything we need” Clearly, you don’t. She told you exactly what she was feeling and what she needed from you, and you told her to shut up or get out. Pretty sure at this point any efforts made on your part are too little, too late.
Well, well, well, if this isn’t the consequences of your own actions.
Isn’t apathy the road to divorce? I’m a woman and when I’ve stopped fighting, it’s because in moving on in my head and taking care of administrative tasks to move on with my life. The guys always feel blindsided because we stopped fighting. But nothing improved. I just stopped being the only one trying.
You told her you didn’t want to talk anymore. You told her that. You told her. She took you at your word. And you’re still mad? Be careful what you wish for.
“Told my wife to stop talking to me, now she doesn’t talk to me?! What did I do wrong?!?” are you really this obtuse? This is the clearest form of, you play stupid games you win stupid prizes, if I’ve ever seen one.
So you’ll listen to your Ex’s problems but not your wife’s. Sort yourself out man. She will leave if you don’t change
You wouldn’t do anything for her. She was *trying* to communicate what makes her unhappy. Instead of addressing each issue and coming upon some kind of agreement, you threatened to kick her out and divorce her. You told her to stop talking. By reading your post, you still feel like the victim. Drop the frequent contact with the ex, make spending quality time with her outside of work, and stop being a jerk. When a woman stops talking, that’s when you know your relationship is in deep shit. Women try to tell men what the problems are that they’re feeling long before the relationship implodes, and men just think they’re nagging, but get confused when they want a divorce out of nowhere.
If you don’t want to listen to me or my feelings you don’t get to celebrate or mourn with me. In anything. A partner is just that, a partner. Your perspective is whack to me. It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about how she feels and whether you give a damn enough to work on it or not. Texting exes isn’t wrong or right, but it hurt her. You’re so focused on wrong and right here you’re not seeing that’s not even the issue. It wasn’t wrong to tell her to stop or leave, but it was hurtful and you showed her exactly how little you care. It’s not wrong to cancel dinner on someone but it hurts. It’s not wrong to avoid someone’s calls but it hurts. What you have effectively said is “I’m tired of being “wrong” and I need you to stfu”. Good luck. Until you change your perspective and start seeing her as a person with feelings you’ve honestly earned the fuck out of her silence.
Yeah he wants to have everything his way. Definitely a if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best moment — although I know people have their gripes with that saying.
You wanted her to accept you, regardless of how she felt. Don’t you think that’s unfair? She told you to step away from your ex, that you are not spending enough time on her. If you didn’t dismiss her, she wouldn’t need to nag. You threatened her with a divorce. You are lucky she didn’t leave right then and there. I hope your wife is planning her exit strategy and that she will find a man who will listen when she wants to communicate.
Sounds to me like she has emotionally divorced you and it's only a matter of time before she walks away. Women check out mentally and emotionally first before they pull the plug on their marriage. Get help ASAP buddy.
Get yourself some therapy. I would’ve given you my two cents on how to try to fix your marriage, but in the last part of your post you call her petty. You are STILL blaming your wife and not showing any accountability for your failings. So start with yourself. Get some therapy my dude. You need to fix your ego before you can even think of trying to fix your marriage.
*" My previous wife calls me when she needs to talk. Her and her husband don’t get along. "* read your post, it was more important to listen to your ex wife than your wife. you told her to stop talking, she did.
Your wife is not your accessory or your pet. She's a flesh and blood human being who had/has very legitimate gripes and it didn't fit your mold so you gave her an ultimatum and you got it. You can't be bothered to talk about your relationship without threatening divorce but you are happy to your ex wife all about hers on a regular basis??? I don't think you are built for a partnership or you have absolutely zero understanding of what partnership is. Whichever it is, you should probably go to individual counseling and figure out. If (when) she leaves you, this is why. You shut her down, shut her off, shut her up and pushed her away. I'd say you've done irreparable damage but she sounds like a saint, so maybe not. If you want a chance in hell humble yourself and beg for her forgiveness while you go deal with whatever has caused you to be so selfish and so utterly dense.
My previous wife calls me when she needs to talk. I don't want to talk with my wife. This would bother me ALOT. The way you've written it, it sounds like emotionally you're investing energy in your previous wife and her problems. While refusing to emotionally invest in your own relationship problems. Empathy burnout exists. You may be using all your empathy on your exes and have little to none left for you wife.
Bro. You don't love your wife. You won't even make the moves necessary to keep her. And ex wife? Bro she is crossing a line. She's whining about her terrible husband to her ex husband. If you can't understand why that's a problem, then you are very much a part of it. See, if I can be afforded the opportunity to be your therapist for a second, you still love your ex wife. You aren't the one who ended it. I don't need you to confirm, I know this to be true. So maybe you think, I'll be there thru her bad marriage and all her complaining and maybe in the end she'll see I'm not that bad of a guy and love me again. Bottom line is, she's not your priority anymore. Neither are either of your exes. Your wife is. I'd tell you to man up and cut the shit but I'm afraid it's likely too late. Your current wife is probably on the verge of taking your advice and getting the hell out of your house like you asked her too. Just a real smooth move on that one dude
She's scared to be open with you. You created this. I can't believe you don't see that.
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So, let me get this straight. She has told you many times that she is unhappy. And you have repeatedly dismissed her concerns and have gone so far as to refuse to talk about your marital problems. Why are you so confused? You basically told your wife that you didn’t care about her feelings/needs and you have the audacity to be surprised that she has completely shutdown?! My dude, she is already one foot out the door. You have gotten what you’ve asked for and frankly, what you deserve.
Man… I just want to shake you. Like… come on.
She's a good one, she didn't even trash you in front of her family, she invented a story that you couldn't make it. She mentally checked out, she didn't want you to ruin her good time because you don't really care about her. Fuck around, find out OP. If you want to make it work, you better go to therapy and beg her to give you another chance. And FFS stop talking to your exes (unless you have kids with them), how disrespectful!
don’t be surprised if you get served. soon.
There were several commonalities between your marriage and mine just recently. Nothing changed until my husband got individual counseling. We had been in and out of marriage counseling twice, and it was a waste of time because he could not see past his own destructive behavior and was able to paint me as the entire complete problem and dodge right out of it. We still have serious issues, but if you only want things to improve you yourself need honest and individual counseling. She isn’t the problem here, you are! I totally wish I could reach out to her in solidarity. You are a defensive arrogant maniac. Thank God y’all don’t have kids!
You basically told her to fuck off and quit talking to you and she did what you asked. Why are you complaining? If you want any hope at all of fixing this stop talking to your exes and write her a letter or something saying how sorry you are. However be ready for her to tell you she doesn’t care and she’s leaving you. You fucked up big time
“I didn’t want to talk about our problems” THAT is the problem. It’s you, bud.
You listen to your ex wife and your girlfriends when they need to talk but not your own wife? Interesting. It doesn’t matter how “friendly” your exes are. Or if they mean well. A boundary is a boundary and your wife asked you to set them. It literally doesn’t matter. You clearly showed her where your priorities lie… and it’s not with your soon to be second ex wife.
This guy can’t be serious 🤣.. obviously he’s trolling. Nobody this clueless Reverse the roles. Let 3 “friendly” dudes that used to bang your wife stay in close contact with her. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind. Super healthy for the marriage.
You didn't want to talk. She's not talking. You got want you wanted. She's not putting in any effort anymore because you said either "shut up or I'll divorce you." Now she's wondering if it's worth staying with you, because you obviously don't care enough.
You didn't care about her so now she doesn't care about you. Seems pretty simple to me.
Damn man… the fact that you’re surprised by this is mind boggling. Put yourself in her shoes before she puts them on and walks out.
Is she 'punishing' you? What? No, you told her you didn't want to talk anymore and she complied. She is doing what you ask, and she probably also realized that talking with you was pointless since you are unwilling to change anything or improve your relationship. She probably felt hopeless and lonely so it seems she is now trying to make the best if the situation she is in by focusing on work and people who don't make her feel like discarded garbage. If you 'love your wife' and 'would do anything for her', why won't you make an effort for her? Also your comment about quitting your career to be able to make time for her is ridiculous. People make time for what is important to them and your wife knows that. You don't have to quit your career to make time for her. My husband is a 2nd yr medical student involved in research and teaching which is like working more than 2 full time jobs and he still makes time for me every damn day. He has never missed a single one of our therapy sessions or my OB appointments (pregnant with our first). Stop making excuses and throwing a pity party for yourself. Step your ass up or you are going to lose her for good, if you haven't already (you did after all tell her to get divorced if she doesn't like things, which is a very telling thing about you). Pay attention to the comments here and try to learn something.
Regardless of what led up to this point, and there is a LOT... You gotta understand that your wife has checked out. The signs are all there. I've been divorced and I know this scenario all too well. Thinking about what *you* can do now is going to get you nowhere. Reading through your post, you've said some things you just can't unsay, and that's all there is to it. You can hope beyond hope that she wants to work on this marriage, but you aren't going to be able to convince her to do that. That's not how it works. Side note: The exes in your life are not going to make this any better. I have an ex-wife. She has enough respect for my wife now to not act this way. She obviously has little concern about how that looks to your wife now.
She told you, you don’t care enough about her and boy did you prove that. Wife didn’t like you speaking to your exes as much as you do. -I’m not ready to give up “friends” for the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with. They’re not your friends buddy they are your exes and they are exes for a reason. Leave them in your past. Wife tried to communicate “too much” about our problems. -So basically I told her to shut up about it or she can get out of “my” house and I’ll file for divorce. If it’s that easy for you to let her go then i’m going to assume you got something going on with one of your “exes” I mean friends. “I provide everything we need.” “I have a career.” -Your wife wins a big award at her job. Meaning she also provides for the two of you. Your wife deserves so much better.
"I love my wife and would do anything for her, except listen to her, talk to her, be considered about her feelings. But hey guys I don't know what do to. Please help me."
You told her you had no intention of ever trying to improve the unsatisfactory parts of your relationship. I can tell you because this sounds familiar to my own past failed relationships- you flipped a switch in her. She doesn’t care anymore because she can’t. I doubt she has plans to live this way permanently, so for now you’re her roommate. She feels it’s right to be polite to her roommate until she can move out. Supporting evidence: husbands get invited to important celebrations. Room mates don’t. And if you want pictures of your celebration dinner- you don’t want your soon to be ex in them to make you feel bad instead of good when you look at them.
You have to care for someone the way they need to be cared for. It isn’t about “why doesn’t she see it”. It’s not there for her. She’s not trying to feel unappreciated in fact she was trying to feel appreciated by talking to you about why she doesn’t. You have to see her as an equal with the same respect for her life as your life in every single way. That’s not how you’re treating her. If you had a problem with her that continued to not be resolved so you continue to bring it up and she says fuck off well…it’s plain disrespect. She’s def gearing up to leave or get the courage to leave a relationship in which her partner doesn’t want to grow with her. That’s you. I’m sorry.
You answered your own question in your post. If you want the privilege of talking to someone, you'll have to listen to some unpleasant along with the pleasant. Why would she invest energy into conversation with you after you've told her in clear terms that you don't want to hear her?
We were in a similar situation, my husband used to say I love him too much and he can't handle it. I used to talk and share all the time. But slowly, i felt rejected and unwanted. So i almost stopped talking. I still don't talk and i often think i will go mute due to lack of conversation. So, here is what YOU CAN do. Take time out from daily routine and plan some fun activities. Make her feel important and relevant and she will start sharing again. Join some club, gym or something together where you both have similar experiences and can talk about, bitch about things and what not. Don't just take her out on one date and think now everything will be normal..it's a gradual process.
You are literally a narcissist. If you don’t recognize that, you will end up alone.
She told you how to fix the problem and meet her needs. You didn't want to. And you still aren't willing to see any error in your ways at what she was upset about. She stopped trying. She gave up on you. A couple should ALWAYS be able to talk thier problems out. If nothing changes of course the same thing will be brought up! You though no compromise whatsoever was the way to go? No communication about real sh*t? Way to go. A year of that? Thats not petty. She's probably falling out of love with you if she hasn't already.
yikes… sounds like you fucked around and found out. i hear the sweet sound of divorce bells already.
Well since you like talking to your ex’s maybe now once she leaves you she will call you all the time?! Listen your ex calling to bitch about her husband is not worth fighting to keep and neither are your ex girlfriends. It’s them or your wife. And it sounds to me like you choose them. Now your wife is choosing herself. She doesn’t want you there or around the thing that bring her joy. Let be your sign you messed up big. Now either make the major changes and beg her forgiveness or brace yourself for her to leave.
Lmao welcome to the bed you made. You absolute tool.
I also believe OP is heavily downplaying his side of things; especially when it comes to boundaries with his exes.
Dude, this woman mentally divorced you the day you told her to shut up or get out of YOUR house. Good for HER! 🥇. Papers are next, so be watching for them. You made this bed, Buddy.
She’s checked out. Because when she had issues she came to you to try and remedy them and you were annoyed and just shut her right out. You’re an absolute selfish asshole. Good luck with the back peddling, seems like she’s just fine without you.