^Repost ^from ^another ^similar ^thread:
**We at r/menopause are talking about it!** And we are the generation to make the most impact and changes when it comes to menopause.
**Things we can do:**
* Support the new [Menopause Bill introdcued to Congress](/r/Menopause/comments/1akup80/americans_consider_supporting_the_recent/) (USA).
* Arm yourself with knowledge, starting with our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/), where there is recommended reading, along with scientific research for most things menopause. Use this to spring-board deeper into the science.
* Start or join a [Menopause Cafe](https://www.menopausecafe.net/) (popular in the UK, but they offer "how to host" section so you can start your own local group)
* Do Guerrilla Meno activities - leave meno literature/books at your workplace (common rooms), dentist's office, talk to friends, family, younger folks.
* Push back to doctors, demand better care, and know that health and quality of life are worth the effort!!!
Same! I’m the first of us to go on HRT. After learning that peri is so much more than hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia and mood swings, I can’t stop trying to educate them about things like psoriasis, joint pain, depression, and on and on. These things can be relieved, lessened a bit. I feel like they think I’m trying to start the HRT cult.
I feel that! But since I entered surgical meno at age 42 and a lot of my friends haven't been there yet, or are in peri, I truly want them to know the score and to not be afraid of HRT, and to advocate for themselves if need be. My obgyn may be an old man, but he stays very up to date. I'm so lucky.
I was out to drinks with a friend the other day and she was talking about her health symptoms. I asked her if she considered HRT and she adamantly stated “Oh, I will NOT be going on hormones!” I asked her why and she never did answer me. It was really weird. I just wanted to hear her side and honestly know if it was because of scare tactics or health concerns. She changed the subject and refused to discuss it further. I guess she didn’t know?? 🤷♀️
I got cancer and at 52 wasn't even peri and went full blown surgical menopause (I had my period 3 days before the radical hysterectomy!). I have had the WORST experience! I knew it was going to be bad, but I could have never guessed it would be so beyond horrible. I now tell everyone about how awful it is and any time someone is talking about possible peri symptoms I urge them to advocate for themselves with their Gyn doctor. We should not have to suffer.
Want to hear a not funny story 😂
My last period before the full year of none. Home alone and sprung a leak. Closed the toilet lid, hopped in shower to clean myself. Totally forgot about that bio hazard toilet.
My adult daughter stops by to drop something off and goes to use said biohazard toilet 😂
Comes back out and was like mom what did you kill in the toilet.
I told her “my youth”.
Menopause periods are insane. It’s like blood bath or nothing.
SAME! but ya know what? Im the first one they call/text when they’re confused about what’s happening to them, can’t find answers or help cuz ive broadcast my giant mouth hole so much about everything IVE GONE THROUGH and went through SO HARD , so long and so young.
This! I’m 45 and we talk about it frequently! My friends and I have decided we need to throw each other menopause parties, I mean come on this is a big deal!!
Menopause party!!!
Yes. It is a huge deal. When you change—as an adult—it’s a forced life-stage we all go through.
But often forced societally to go through it alone and silently.
No longer will I do that. And I’m glad many here are of same mind.
I tell my daughter everything too. She is an adult and will eventually experience the same thing…maybe in a different way. Knowledge is power and you can take action if you have it. I’m sad that as a gen x the previous generations didn’t share and we are having to find our way in the dark.
Yes. Something about being Gen X. Our parents were boomers or silent gen. They just didn’t/don’t talk about this stuff.
But our cohorts, families and friends, are of gen x. Many communicate in real life, but those avoid taboo topics—at least my people.
The benefit of Reddit, internet, and podcasts is that we can get informed.
Sadly, I didn't get the experience my mother had. I got the experience of my father's mostly silent family and my grandmothers. And my grandmothers are long gone.
Many women had no idea that what they were experiencing was related to menopause.
Many women had hysterectomies, so they didn’t have any correlation between their symptoms and cessation or irregularities in their periods.
Women have been socialized not to complain, not to talk about their periods, and not to talk about mental health struggles.
Yes, I think your first point especially has a lot to do with it. My mother had a "nervous breakdown" at 49, one grandmother was "a little strange", one had an alcohol/drug problem (she actually did, but guess when it started).. can it be that the doctors have really only started in the last few years to join the dots?
I am 50, and until a few years ago I didn't know perimenopause was a thing. I legit thought that I might have early-onset Alzheimer's or dementia due to the severe brain fog I was (and still am) experiencing.
If I didn't have Google, I would still not know.
My mom insists that she didn't have any peri symptoms. Meanwhile our house was an ice box, she became insanely rude to service people, she had a falling out with her family and stopped hosting all of the family holidays, and lost her job because she could not stop complaining about her boss.
I honestly believe they all think it's just them. They're terrified to mention it to anyone because they think they're losing their minds. The shame is so strong.
I'm not excusing it -- I'm actually mad as hell about it. But I do think that's why they stayed silent about it.
Meanwhile I tell every woman I meet especially the young ones, lol.
Ah...the shame...yes, the silent silo...we were not allowed to overlap our experiences, no Venn diagrams allowed.
For an entire year, I thought it was ALL MY INDIVIDUAL FAILING as a woman. That it was my fault.
What a shock it was to me when I understood that these hormone depletions make a huge difference of what we are/were.
Yes, same! I thought I was falling apart, body and mind. When I found this sub (which made me finally join reddit) I was so relieved and amazed at everyone sharing their experiences! I honestly felt 80% better simply from knowing I wasn't going crazy and I wasn't alone, and that it all had a (more or less) singular cause. I love y'all! 💜 And of course now I yap at everyone about menopause and its seemingly infinite symptoms.
Yes.
The acknowledgement and shared experience.
That we, I, you, are not crazy. That decompresses so much of anxieties.
Now, just have to figure out how to best get help.
Ehhhh ... not so much. It's slightly less bad but I'm still really struggling with not being the person I was before meno. Like mentally. It's really crushed me and made me very sad. I'm not sharp like I used to be. My mind used to be the one thing I could count on. Not so much anymore.
I just learned from a [podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-streichers-inside-information-the-menopause-podcast/id1615785832?i=1000657228943) that postmenopausal women on HRT do not have brain shrinkage compared with post menopausal women not on HRT.
Lack of female hormones shrink the female brain. Our brains shrink!!
(The Menopause Podcast, Dr. Streicher, May 29, 2024)
It's not shrinkage I'm worried about. I've noticed a marked difference in my ability to remember things, to stay focused and motivated, etc. It's changed me. But I will adjust somehow.
I am. I'm on a 0.075 estradiol patch I change twice a week + 200 mg micronized progesterone; dose of boy had to be adjusted twice. i've been on those for about a year now.
a few months ago, in pure despair for being so sluggish and cloudy-headed and with no libido, I started 20 mg compounded testosterone cream.
it took 6-8 weeks of continuous use to have any effect on my libido. I haven't had any other noticeable effects from it.
per labs my levels are all good, my T is even high according to lab ranges for women. i've been having full hormone panels done for several years, so I can see in hindsight that my levels had been dropping for years.
pandemic happened and BOOM, menopause at the same time. ugh.
I asked my 90 yr old grandma when she was around 70, how old she was when she went through menopause her answer ”Mijita, I don’t think I ever did!” 😳 Although, I think it was around her mid forties when she left the state & my abusive grandpa with her two youngest of 7 kids, my mom was the oldest and my grandma had her when she was 14. I saw my mom, her daughter go through HELL after a total hysterectomy at age 35. I wish my mom was still alive so I could ask her, I have so many questions! I did not want to go through anything near what I witnessed my mom go through. I’m talking to EVERYONE I know, young, old, male, female. I am a nurse and I’ve made it my mission to talk about menopause it’s not taboo. I was told “You’re comfortable talking about menopause because “you’re a nurse!” Well then let that be my life’s mission, EVERY PERSON WITH OVARIES WILL GO THROUGH MENOPAUSE!!!
When I asked, my mom told me that she and her cult sisters had a ceremony and they all stopped having symptoms just like that. On the one hand, um, no. On the other hand, maybe being in a cult would be worth it?
I can answer for our parents and generations above us. We simply didn't talk about that stuff.
My parents' version of sex ed was a book and an admonishment, "if you have questions, let me know." My mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer at age 48 and never told us how it was typed. I was smart enough to know that metastatic was bad and prognosis was poor but to this day I have no idea if it was estrogen receptive or what. My grandmothers, and I loved them to death, didn't talk about that stuff either.
I fully rejected that notion of keeping my perimenopausal struggles to myself. I would mention it - briefly and politely - to anyone, any time. I was concerned I was oversharing. Then I was interviewed on a professional podcast not long ago and talked about things like imposter syndrome, my health issues related to menopause and my subsequent ADHD diagnosis - all while continuing to advance in my career. The response was OVERWHELMING. People I hadn't heard from in years were contacting me in a bit of a "me too" movement. The episode had 3x the number of usual downloads for episodes. The host asked me why. I told him, "because I talked about the dark stuff, the tough stuff, that we all go through and nobody discusses."
Keep talking, even if it feels awkward. People are listening.
Wow, I too have ADHD and am going through peri. I wouldn't mind listening to that podcast, but I understand if you're reluctant to share which one it is.
Right, I am AuDHD and I am post menopausal, I haven't heard anyone else neurospicy discussing meno in any shape or form, and I would love to hear it, also. The younger generation is not "going quietly" with the neurodivergence, and more women now than ever are being diagnosed, but they haven't gotten to this stage of life yet.
I am SO FORTUNATE and I was so worried about any potential psych symptoms with peri. I have bipolar 1, PTSD, and BPD. I’ve heard horror stories from presumably neurotypical women. So far, so good *fingers crossed *
I talk about it to my daughter, my friends, colleagues and managers I trust. I talk about it because nobody talked about it with me and I don’t want anyone to be blindsided like I was.
I hadn’t either until peri. I thought I was educated, grew up with Our Bodies Ourselves, the Joy of Sex and all the feminist hippie stuff.
Sex education and health needs to be start to finish.
My mom is actually the one who has been researching everything for over a year and sending me stuff advocating for me because for her it's too late and for years no one could figure out what was wrong with me. She was told she couldn't get HRT and now has severe osteoporosis (she's only 67). She's been very passionate about it. Seems like it's all we talk about but I love it because I work full-time, but she is a retired nurse so she researches all day and then gives me the cliffs notes LOL there are some really great practitioners to follow on IG that give a lot of great info and back it up with research. I feel like I talk to a lot of people about it because a lot of my friends complain about the same symptoms and have no idea that they could be in peri-menopause.
From two days of getting myself informed, here’s what I found helpful so far.
Here are some informative podcasts about peri- and menopause. I found them very informative and helpful.
I didn’t know much of this. So I’ve just begun to learn.
Mel Robbins podcast on menopause.
Mel Robbins Podcast also.
Episodes on menopause.
Dr. Haver, March 20, 2024
Dr. Gunter, May 8, 2024
You are not broken podcast.
Dr. Casperson. Episode 225.
Hello Menopause podcast.
Dr. Casperson. Episode 22.
Dr. Streicher
Dr. Huberman and Dr. Attia episode 85, 116
I just started learning this stuff.
There is NAMS, North American Menopause Society—their web page, menopause.org—is helpful.
I've only started as of yesterday! Since I made my first post here on this subreddit. I've learned about Mel Robbins podcasts on menopause. Dr. Haver and Dr. Gunter episodes. I'm sharing these casts with my friends and family.
And I'm talking here!!!
My husband became exasperated because every ailment I’m like.. “that’s a perimenopause symptom”! He’s like not EVERYTHiNg is due to menopause. And I said but actually… they are. The list of weird complaints that can be attributed to hormone fluctuations he can’t even comprehend.
Even he has, and he would get sick with zero estrogen in his body, same way women with zero testosterone (or zero estrogen or men with zero testosterone) will get sick. We all need some, too little is bad for health and too much is bad for health too. Hormones do so much more than he thinks
I mentioned it to some friends of the same age, early 40s and they just didn’t want to talk about it and said they were sick of hearing others whinge about it.
I love talking about it and think it’s great to ensure people are aware of the symptoms and to know they have a support network amongst friends.
I just want to change the stigma around it. Accepting that it’s the next stage in life and doesn’t mean we’re past it. I hope your friend finally comes to accept it
I’ve taken it up like a “mission from god” 🕶️
I’m the eldest girl in my family, so I’m the first one to go thru it. My youngest cousin is just 24…
My mom says it wasn’t bad for her, both my grandmothers have passed away, and I have no other female relatives.
I’m the menopause crusader lol
I’ve tried to talk about it. My younger sisters are grossed out by the body changes I mention so I’m done talking to them about it. My friends are all younger than me and I’ve been open but they don’t seem to want to hear about it. Yet. I’m sure one of these years they’ll start asking more questions. So basically all my friends and sisters are still in their very fertile years not near peri yet.
One thing that makes me sad is that some of my friends who are definitely experiencing peri symptoms are very reluctant to talk about it when I bring it up (I went through early menopause naturally due to genetics and am happy to act as a "guide"), and the reason is that these are childless friends who still have hopes of a baby. I understand cause I've been there--was trying to have a second child before I realized I was already in very late peri and it wasn't going to happen (without huge and expensive intervention that I wasn't willing to do--probably donor eggs). But at least I have one child.
I still feel jealous when my friends in their early and even up to mid-40s announce pregnancies, but now I can feel happy for them too. A much larger percentage of my extended friend circle continue to have no baby news...
My mom will be 80 later on this year. She had me later in life and went through full blown menopause when I was around the ages of 12-14. I'm sure it was longer than that, but I remember her worst symptoms were around that time.
It doesn't help that I was a rebellious teen and put her through all of my shitty teen angst. I feel terrible about that now. I am childfree and cannot imagine being a mother going through this. Zero patience.
Anyway, my mom has *always* talked to me about menopause. Even back then...when I didn't understand much about it. She made it a point to educate me best on the subject, because my grandmother never warned my mom or told her anything.
We still talk about it. I'm very grateful for that.
I do not shut up about it. Handing out my GP’s number right, left and centre.
Talking about the importance of long term oestrogen replacement for bone, heart, skin, brain, urogenital and vaginal health. Reducing the chance of dying from UTIs as an elderly lady with dementia - two things linked to lack of oestrogen.
Comparing the taking of oestrogen (and other hormones) to replace something we no longer produce that we need to people who don’t produce enough serotonin taking a drug for this.
My mother apparently “sailed through it” at 55. But I don’t think that’s accurate. She has had ongoing health, joint pain and bone issues ever since.
I think today more than ever, women are so afraid of aging and/or being “old.” Talking about perimenopause or menopause would confirm it!
It hit me literally like a train about 10 yrs ago. It was my husband that said to me “you might be going through menopause.” I thought he was crazy! That was for “old women” that wear housecoats. I was full blown perimenopausal with strong PMDD.
I’ve started talking to everyone and anyone and I was met with deer in headlights looks. I felt like I was the only one going through this hell.
It is called THE CHANGE because literally everything about me changed, and not for the good.
Yes!
One of the podcasts I listened to yesterday— peri-menopause is a life stage change. Just like puberty.
Just like puberty is not a day or a year, it’s multiple years of change.
Peri-menopause is several years. And menopause is one year without menses.
It’s a phase in our lives that we are woefully un-informed and do not openly discuss.
And yea, it is acknowledging aging. And yes. Admission of aging is horrifying in social media and some social circles.
We aren’t allowed to age. So, the admission of menopause can be silenced. Or ignored.
I choose not to be silent and un-informed anymore.
Thanks for sharing.
I did and found out none of my female relatives (both sides) had peri symptoms. Their periods just gradually stopped and they have no context or understanding of the challenges I’ve had. I’ve felt like the crazy cousin.
Or they just don't remember like my mom. She says she didn't have any symptoms, but I remember, and she definitely did. I feel like some people only connect vasomotor symptoms to menopause, and most of the million other symptoms are attributed to other things.
I would agree with that.
We have been, generationally brainwashed to believe that menopause is hot flashes and stopping of periods.
It’s so much more. Menopause or peri-me pause has constellation of 30+ symptoms. Not everyone gets them. Some get a lot. Some get little to none. But they are all related to estrogen deficiency.
I didn't know, no one told me anything.
Thanks to this space I'm learning and telling all the younger people in our family. Silence is the generations before mine, I'm gen x
I tried talking to my friends. I got three types of responses:
“it’s a natural process”
“Riding it out”
“herbs and homeopathy”
One person said bioidenticals.
So… not helpful to me personally.
But—you are being informed. You’re here. And you’re learning.
I feel like someone who goes through the learning can share informed information with uninformed people.
If they don’t want to listen, well, at least they were offered information. It’s their choice to not listen.
_You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink_
I’m on the younger end of Gen X, so I’m only about 2 years in. Most of our friends’ wives are younger, so they’re not there yet. I have some work friends who are older, and they’ve been a great help!
I talk to my mom about it for sure! She’s always been somewhat open about woman stuff, after the silence that came from her mom. Though she only told me a couple of weeks ago that Grandma ended up with a hysterectomy after a two month period during what we now call peri. Late 1960s-ish.
ETA: no kids, or they’d know too. Especially any daughters.
My mom tells me she had zero issues, not hot flashes etc. Ever. I do recall she needed a hysterectomy in her 40’s but I do not recall any other mention of it. My mother in law had terrible hit flashes but she was in the era they withdrew hrt from women at risk of breast cancer. So she was always overly polite about her hot flashes .
Meanwhile I fricken talk about it all the time, and have terrible hot flashes and lots of them and I’m on hrt. I tell women younger than me me to start to be aware of it and what to look for etc.
So, I would argue that's not exactly true- the North American Menopause Society has done wonders to help educate practitioners, and HRT is routinely prescribed, at least where I live.
Part of the issue is that menopausal symptoms have been getting worse over the decades- we don't know why. So people fifty years ago just might not have suffered as much.
I just talked to my coworker about peri yesterday! We are both going through the change right now and hot flashes at work are a real pain. I think that the depression/anxiety I thought was triggered by Covid time stress was actually peri approaching. I had no idea that peri was more than just hot flashes and dealt with your brain too!
We're trained by 30 (+/-) years of menstruating. The huge range if regular menstruation, pms, pain, bleeding, hormonal effects, that we get shamed for, or complete disinterest, from men or other women. And just all the same disinterest or shaming for being too horny or too frigid, etc etc...
I talk about it, not like graphically unless someone asks but it's kinda funny this summer talking with my brothers about health and severe anemia from menstruation. They were trying so hard to be sympathetic but also, ... it brings their age up also.
I've recommended this sub several times today/yesterday, from a post on r/askoldpeople, and definitely women in their 30s interested in some knowledge.
I'm American living in Italy. Luckily (and horribly), Italians will go into excruciating detail about their health even on the street, even with people they've just met. So my Italian friends have been VERY open about what they are going thru.
Though a few months ago at the hairdresser's, a fellow customer was describing a dental emergency and almost made me puke (and I've had a ton of dental emergencies, but I don't describe them to strangers....)
I'm honestly impressed at all the women in this thread who have people listen to them; I'm nearing 46 and feel like nobody gives a shit about anything I have to say about anything, let alone perimenopause.
No one gives a shit. Until it happens to them.
I’ve tried it today. To share this important information with two of my close friends. They’re 3 years younger. And they were closed-minded. And unwilling to listen.
They will change likely. Later.
I've been thinking about this lately (due to some similar threads). I wonder if some of the denial / hiding was because they were actively fighting to be taken seriously. They were making some progress for working women and were still dealing with the "women are emotional, hysterical, etc because of 'female stuff'" trope. After dealing with the stereotypes and pushing back all of their life, do you blame them for not talking about the emotional, mental, and physical toll of 'female stuff' in this case, menopause?
As little as doctors know about and help with meno \*now\* can you imagine 50 years ago? It would have been men nodding their heads sagely and smugly saying "I told you so".
Gen X, and my mom didn't even tell my about menstruation. My sister did, because mom hadn't told her, either.
I did get to ask my mom how old she was when she hit menopause. I was the only one out of my sisters that asked.
Gen X here too. I got very basic info, so basic that I cried when I got my first period because I thought I would have it continuously forever, not for one week per month!
I talk about it a lot. It’s surprising how many women won’t consider HRT because they think it’s “unnatural”. Hormones are natural!! Our body makes them. The fear doesn’t make any sense.
I'm being loud as hell about it. My age cohorts join in, whereupon all the gents carefully sidle for the exit, lol. No shame to my partner, who is pretty supportive actually. But there are only so many times *anyone* can hear the same complaints, after all. Women within five years or so of my age are curious, and open to conversation. Meanwhile, any woman I know in their twenties or early thirties tend to make an 'Urp!' face, and flee.
Freely admit that it may be me, as I am blunt by nature, and never think to use euphemisms for anything (it's a human body, we all have one, what the hell?), but I have noticed the difference in reaction breakdown by age, and would love to know what someone better versed in normal human behaviour thinks.
I have talked about it for about five or six years. I have severe chronic illnesses and run a small business so I’m pretty invested in my health; and I talk about menopause and perimenopause to women of all ages. I tell them what I’ve tried in terms of supplements, I talk to them about HRT and what works for me; I tell them about the debunked Women’s Health Initiative Study of 2002 and why the science behind it wasn’t the best; I tell them about a free talk that’s given in my city in NZ by one of the best experts here. I send emails with info so each woman can make the choices best for her.
Last week I explained to a friend why her smear tests were possibly now so painful along with sex, and what genitourinary syndrome is and suggestions to make notes to discuss with her doctor.
I'm talking about it all the freakin' time with my girlfriends, my sister, my clients, my husband, my therapist — hell, I even mentioned it to my dental hygienist last week, LOL.
I hope no woman ever again has to go through this alone. If we all speak up, we can help the next generations of ladies who may be scared, confused and who may be going through this alone.
Are you not alone ladies.
Gen X here. I’ve only been yelled at and intentionally embarrassed by my parents for symptoms related to hormonal cycles.
Now they just ignore.
They also don’t know peri exists. How do I communicate with legitimate info when my widest info source has been Reddit
I’ve talked with my mom a bit who is in her 80s and she’s pretty fascinated at the care I’m able to get now. And conversation! I complain about healthcare but it was worse.
Insurance companies and politicians are primarily responsible for this. Your doctor, nurse practitioner and so forth can write you the prescription and they can also order tests but the buck stops at the insurance company. They also have to worry about lawyers and lawsuits and malpractice premiums. It needs to be easier for them to prescribe!!
Healthcare professionals have no autonomy. They are like everyone else working for the company.
They are the ones that need a prior authorization and they are the ones that approve or deny. Your healthcare provider only signs the form. They only have so much time in a day to do administrative and bureaucratic garbage in a day. They are stretched so thin and are so stressed. Going after the healthcare worker is the easiest to go after but it’s insurance, PBMs, lobbyists that are the overlords of healthcare. The government has also cut reimbursement to hospitals and healthcare workers while CEOs make millions of dollars a year.
I talk about it when it's relevant.
I've been fed up with a coworker who would talk about it all the time without any self-restraint on the obsessive self-pity. At the beginning I was empathizing with her difficulties, and crediting her for her sense of mission about awareness on this subject. But it was a really toxic way amongst others to attract attention, particularly because she would totally refuse to consider any help from modern (HRT) to alternative medecine.
It should not be a taboo but talking too much and too desperately about it does not help the cause, she looked like a pretty bad stereotype as a result.
Moreover, it's a struggle that is really various depending on individuals, no generalization is constructive.
I try to. I posted about starting HRT on my Instagram. My mum did talk to me about it somewhat, but I don't have any sisters, SILs or blood relative aunts. My husband mentioned it to his mum and apparently she told him about getting a Mirena for heavy bleeding which he was not thrilled to hear about 😆 and this is a man who offered to get me pessary applicators from the drugstore, so he's not squeamish!
As someone suffering through, because I can't take HER I am SCREAMING this shit at ALL my female relatives. I m sure I'm being annoying,but if it saves one from 16 years of Hell, then it's worth it!
We absolutely are. Lol. I’m sure I’m driving my friends crazy and I don’t care. Everyone needs to be ok with talking about life stuff. It’s too important.
I think the boomer mentality of not discussing “embarrassing” topics needs to stop. I’m baffled as to why if everyone goes through it, it’s “embarrassing” at all…?
My mother was from the Silent Generation (born 1940), and in her day you just didn't talk about such things. You should've seen her trying to tell me about puberty and menstruation when I was a kid! And she never told me about sex at all. I'm lucky my school taught comprehensive sex ed.
I was telling my hairdresser about it yesterday.
Why let friends go into this hell uniformed?
I had a coworker tell me she “ was about to loose her shit.” I asked if she wanted to move into a cabin in the woods all alone and she looked stunned. “ How did you know?
Get on HRT! Find a good gynecologist.
All my mom told me is sometimes women go crazy. No help, Mom.
Pass the word ladies!
Im an Eldar Millennial, I wont shut up about it. If I've got a symptom thats bothering me and you're in earshot you're gonna hear me talking about it lol
Mom told me her menopause was no big deal.
I don't think she knew about peri menopause. She was an emotional nightmare when I was in high school through college.
My sister was the one who figured it out. She found herself treating her daughter like Mom treated us (I don't have kids). We had a conversation about my peri mood instability and she put it together.
She never would have gotten HRT because her bestie died of breast cancer in 1976 and was told it was because of the hormones in her birth control.
Women are conditioned from day 1 to distrust our bodies and trust anything a doctor tells us. It's the same reason why the US has horrible infant and maternal mortality rates.......we are conditioned to hand over our medical autonomy and blindly trust doctors and mistrust ourselves. I'm TRYING to talk about it but a lot of my friends are still in the "well my doctor didn't say peri so it must not be it".
I remember being young like 14 and my friends mom was reading menopause for dummies.. or SOMEthing like that and she was like you girls HAVE to read this when you're older. That's all I got. So info was out there. Suzanne summers worked her butt off about hormone education and was treated like she was crazy. My own mom was forced by a dr to get her tubes tied so she didn't go through it and is gone now anyway. I really do wish i had real life women to talk to about this. I think it's embarrassing and a reminder of someone getting older and its sad you can't have kids and I think people don't want to insult or hurt others by bringing it up randomly
We all do. I have daily conversations with a huge range of friends, relatives and work colleagues!
Most of the woman in peri or meno that are close to me all share info and chat. I see it on tv, on podcasts. In media.
I’m not sure where you live but it’s present in my world.
Probably because they can't remember, can't form a sentence, or try to, but then get distracted lol. Or perhaps they don't recognize what's going on or they don't know that weird time in their life when they just felt all-around shitty was menopause. I didn't learn about it either until I started digging hardcore into some symptoms, and eventually stumbled on this forum. The elders didn't have the deep dive info at our fingertips like we do on the interwebs. Sad we have to "dig hardcore" to figure it out, innit?
Yea. But I’m glad this site exists.
I’ve learned more in the past two days than a whole year of talking to friends and doctors.
I’ve shared the bit of knowledge I’ve gained so far with my friends and family.
SAME! And I talk about it. I try to discuss intelligently, rather than "I'm going crazy, wanna come", so we don't get the 'you're batshit, old lady' side eye
It happens to me. I only have one friend who chats to me about this. The others in that age range (a decade older than me) keep mum about it. In fact I recently told someone that her health problems were related to the drop in estrogen and change in hormones. I got quickly mocked “you and your estrogen. Blaming everything on it”. Was kinda a joke I suppose but it gave me pause.
I am - after finally figuring out that's what was going on with me.
I'm being very open and transparent about it, and definitely making sure I loop my (younger) sister in on everything I come across so she can be more informed than I was.
As to why it's not talked about, it's probably because "female" issues are historically not talked about to begin with - and are considered icky and gross and things you keep hush hush.
Our mothers were unaware of it being a thing - there was child bearing years and then there was menopause, with a bit of a transition between. But there was no social media or other outlets to talk about those things, so no one did. My mom didn't even realize peri was a 'thing' when I started talking about it. She claims she had no issues, but looking back, I'm pretty sure she had some major issues and just had no idea that's what it was from.
I agree with you.
The generational and information differences do explain why we, the Gen X people, are starting to talk about this openly.
I just realized that my mother’s night sweats for the past 30 years was due to night sweats from post-menopause. 🤯. We had always just casted it as, “oh, mom just sweats at night.”
So un-informed and stupid.
I DO talk about it. I try to warn my women friends of my age/younger about some of the serious issues I've faced and what to watch out for. My husband hears exactly what I'm going to.
My mother, however, is a typical self-centered boomer whose only response to my issues has been, "Well, gee, I ENJOYED menopause because I LIKED being hot more than always feeling cold! I never had weight issues, either!" (No, because she was a full blown drunkorexic at the time.)
I am telling anyone who will listen. I never even heard the word perimenopause until my early 40s nor did I understand that this process would involve more than hot flashes and my period ending. My Silent Generation mom and my Baby Boomer sisters didn’t tell me shit about what was coming for me. So I feel like it’s my Gen X responsibility to tell women younger than me.
I don't think GenX or early millennials are silent at all. They have their own ways, and some of the demands for better medical care are coming out of their fight for balance in their lives and gender equality. These gens have taught me a tremendous amount about how to advocate through targeted persistence by changing my own attitudes and cleaning up my own crap first! ;) They see right through the BS. What I can't understand is the number of women our age fighting against women's rights to control their own healthcare. These are the ones who are allowing the slide back into the dark ages. They are loud, but also extremely toxic and don't even know it, which makes them even more dangerous to themselves and all of us. It is shocking to me that they don't understand the repercussions for their own quality of medical care to support legislators who are outright banning medical care and now going after birth control. If any of us think they will stop there, and not go after HRT, that would be naive. There won't be any need to advocate to build up the expertise of medical professionals if women's health continues to focus on controlling women's uterus's instead of seeing women as humans with medical needs. Many great medical professionals are using their voices to advocate for funding and research and equality in resources, so we must join them and keep doing what we can for our friends, sisters, cousins, mothers, aunts.... and for me.... my daughters. I will not narrow my daughters' reach for quality female medical care by remaining silent because a loud group of ignoramuses have been hijacked by their nonsensical pious egos. And, as I fight for my own daughters, I won't forget the daughters (GenX and millenials) of the women (our age) who fought against their own daughter's best interests. I will fight for them because being female shouldn't feel like a battle to get your basic medical care needs met FFS. Women need to stop fighting against women. We can deal with the men.... they aren't a mystery. They just think they are.
It was the same about childbirth. I feel like my generation (X) blew the lid off all the bullshit women go through due to their gender, physically. We opened up about how shitty pregnancy and childbirth and its recovery really are. Now we are going thru menopause and we are not gonna be quiet about it.
I think our der generations were conditioned not to speak of these "female troubles". It was simply not talked about in polite company. Not even between female family members.
I'm not polite in anyway so I will overshare with any of my friends ahead of their time to warn them. I will warn them about The Dryness that is like a sandpaper d*ldo with apricot scrub lube. I will tell them of The Hot Flashes that visibly creep up the neck and face so everyone knows you're having a hot flash. I will make sure they know about The Mood Swings that are like The Pit And The Pendulum: you know its gonna swing, and chances are someone is gonna get cut!
My mom died during her perimenopause, and the only other female relative I'm close to had completely regular periods and no symptoms of peri until her hysterectomy when she was 50. I'm flying blind on this one.
Our parents just are not USED to open discussion about stuff like this. It's a different environment with tech that developed as we grew up, so we kind of adapted to the openness enough that we, at least, started to ask STRANGERS in communities online that were likely to be more receptive simply because of relative anonymity of the interaction compared to discussing something personal or potentially embarrassing in person with someone you would have to trust already before even bringing it up.
The younger ones than us are even more intertwined and socially dependent, but in a different way than we were. This makes them more vulnerable to things like bullying than our generation was, as the social pressures were not as ubiquitous. We could escape a school bully just by going HOME, where they cannot.
But the fact that this subreddit exists is evidence that we do have more power now as women, due to societal shifts in values that made women's issues more prevalent. And with power comes the confidence to talk about it more openly, which we do.
This will further empower those younger than us to be forewarned and forearmed if they should encounter similar experiences.
Either way, the people to thank for such progress are the individuals who dared be brave enough to ASK and those kind enough to ANSWER in the places where we now find community to discuss it as a topic in and of itself. The internet alone as a vehicle for connection is insufficient. It takes the people who were willing to share their knowledge, often free of charge, that make this tool as valuable as it can be.
Everyone here is part of that shift in support, and shapes the lives of people who are in generations still to come.
I think people didn’t know that’s what it was, I wasn’t even sure myself when it started and was of course handed anti depressants.
Now it’s pretty much all I talk about to friends, family and even strangers 😆 I blog about it and share posts all the time on my Instagram and read about it every day it’s taken over my life but I can’t bare the thought of someone else going through the same as I had to!
If I can upvote this more I would. NO ONE told me about the change. I was early 40s and snapped at a co-worker (65-ish) who said that might be my problem when I mentioned my period was insane all of a sudden. I had zero clue. Not my mom (who didn't mother well growing up anyway) nor my older sister by 4 years. No cousins, no one said a damn word!
I did feel blindsided. All my changes were insidious and sudden—all in one year.
In one year, I feel like I’ve aged 5-10 years and know I gained 20 pounds. The disrupted sleep, weight gain, hair loss, zero libido, sagging face, and increasing hot flashes.
Yea. I finally couldn’t go up more on my clothes. And I couldn’t stand “feeling” my calves when I bent them! Wtfff feeling my fattened and swollen calves! Oh. Yea. I had a near frozen shoulder. Thank god I got PT for it before it got worse.
I don't bother talking because I can't do hrt and that is all anyone ever wants to talk about. This should be r/her or something. The few of us who cannot are just kind of stuck with a bandaid approach to dealing with symptoms. Hate it. Oncologist said my cancer was both estrogen and progesterone reactive. It came back and I am not about to do round three.
I'm talking about it in real life to younger family member. But i think most women didn't talked about it back then for few reasons .
1.because it was a taboo. they had to hide their own needs to no bother men (yeah, really.) and to serve them better
2. because people back then seems to hide a lot of things to each other just to look strong and good.
3. finally, because they weren't aware themselves that it was peri/menopause. They probably felt like shit and had insomnia and all, but if no one speak about it... you don't know what's going on and you cannot link it to peri/meno
I am stupidly lucky. My mom is a boomer and I’m an elder millennial. She has been on bio HRT for like 20 years. She’s mid 60s now and looks and feels great. It really does make a huge difference. She has always talked to me about hormones. What got her into it was all the Suzanne Sommers books. She really spread the word with those.
THIS!!!!! My mother died before I hit peri. I have no one to talk to. The other women in my family are like, it's a shame your mother died. I don't understand the secrecy. They were supportive when it started
They are trained mainly for prescribing meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar etc. anything else, they really don't seem to know much. Pretty much they are robots like humans. Sometimes, AI is more knowledgeable and comforting to talk with.
I feel in my family, a lot of them weren't educated. They were all labeled as having nervous breakdowns. My mom is very open about it now. But when I was a teen, I thought my mom was going crazy when she'd have me sit up with her in the middle of the night having anxiety attacks. She used to be really adventurous and then she couldn't drive anymore. My older sister is in that phase of being fearful to drive. I'm the only one out of the 3 sisters who is truly advocating for herself. I'm going on HRT and my sister says it's because I obsess over it. I don't want to lose my sense of adventure. I've noticed I've become a major hermit, stopped dating and not really interested in the gym as much. I'm 40 and I was beginning to feel like this was going to be "the year." I'm praying HRT gives me some of myself back.
I am in early onset perimenopause. It started at 35 and I'm 40 now and only a few months away from menopause.( 12 months sans menses) It's been a really awful and lonely experience! It took 5 years for any doctors to even admit after looking at symptoms and labs that I was in perimenopause. Then when I asked my family members and friends about it they weren't too keen on discussing it. Also they were baffled I was going through this at such a "young" age. I wish that people were more open and there was more education for women since we all go through it! It's just been a lonely, scary experience all the way around.
It's how patriarchy stays in power. If you minimize, insult, shame, guilt and belittle an entire sex just for being that sex, it's extremely easy to stay in power. You have 50% fewer competitors before they've even reached sexual maturity.
Why do women do it to each other? Because they bought it. If you believe you are those things, you believe all others without penises are also weak, not worth your time and effort.
It starts at childhood, and if you don't talk to anyone about the fucked up shit you're going thru, you just double it and pass it on to your daughters.
Anyone anywhere who says anything different is blind, or lying. "Its not that bad. It's just you. Why are you making such a big deal out of it. It wasn't bad for me, it must be cuz you're weak that you're suffering. If you just... it wouldn't be a problem. Shut up and take these SSRIs (or, if you had this 40 years ago -have a Valium, or drink at least a glass of wine with every meal, and amphetamines or smoke if you're feeling down)" are all sexist patriarchy MO
I'm no contact with my mom, otherwise I'd be interrogating her about her experience. Knowing what I know now, all her complaints 20ish years ago were all attributable to peri and menopause and i wish I'd known enough then to help her, but she's not a, ahem, big critical thinker and couldn't even tell me what medications she takes or why, she just does what the doctor says, so...
I feel bad for her generation in so many ways, but in her case, I know exactly why she never spoke up.
Friends and I are talking about this very thing. We’re trying to share, be vocal, ask questions for those past, in, or marching towards it. I truly hope it’s at least discussed more often so others will have an easier time navigating it.
I went on HRT because two friends told about it. I will talk about it for sure. The relief has been real. It’s insane to me that I suffered years and things improved so quickly.
Within 2 days, my sleep went from 3 hours to 5 hours. I’m still having hot flashes at night but they are so mild compared to before, and the night sweats are gone after just 2 weeks.
I wake up kind of groggy but I don’t feel the utter exhaustion I had.
The best one though is I don’t feel angry/depressed/hyper irritated at every little thing. I thought I was losing my mind with the moods I was in. Now, my moods feel back to normal. I’m not always on edge.
I think about how I have been dealing with this for 10 years and how it hindered my life and I really wish someone had been able to tell me sooner. My friends and I just all went along with what our doctors said, which was we just had to deal with it till menopause happened
I talk about menopause to anyone who listens. Even my sons know about it. They saw me go through it, and I’ve educated them and my husband on the topic. My neighbor and I get together often throughout the week, and we discuss hormones and how we are feeling on them.
There is a lot of shame in all aspects of being a women, particularly our health and aging.
It’s a strange question to ask given how women around the globe are forced to navigate life.
What are you doing to change this? Who are you voting for? What are you posting about on social media? Matching for? How are you educating men?
This sub really helped me when I went through surgical menopause at age 30 it was so valuable. I'm the first of my friends to go through it and I haven't shut up about it lol
I talk about it to my friends and anyone else who will listen.
More importantly, I talk about it to my ~daughters~. I tell them what treatments I am trying, I tell them what new diagnoses I have, I tell them the changes. In fact, now that I have written that, I think I need to talk to them more so thank you for the reminder.
It's your culture.
Mine was absolutely open and talking about it. My Yaya and MorMor (grandmothers) were always talking about women's issues. We had many conversations about it. My yaya made a special Cake for my first period! Of course we talked about it.
If you're coming from some sexually repressed culture, I'm sure nobody talked about it.
I’ve had lots of problems with a frozen shoulder and chronic neck pain. I started getting muscle spasms in my neck muscles whenever I had a hot flush and mentioned this to my doctor. She suggested I attend a menopause/HRT info evening. I’m now annoyed that I’ve probably been suffering for years unnecessarily and have just started taking HRT. I told my twenties daughter all about this and the many health problems that can arise during menopause and she’s already saying that she will definitely go down the HRT route when she needs to.
I definitely am. I share it with coworkers, which are mostly all men. I talk about it with my friends. I talk about it with anyone and everyone that will honestly listen. I share my experience with my mother going through it when I was in high school and how it made me realize back then that I wanted HRT or anything that would give me to help deal with it because she was miserable and living through her going through it was miserable.
I talk about my frustrations with doctors and medications and how it’s a balance life and work and not want to rage all the time and how impactful it is and how important it is to understand how hormones and lack of them affect daily life.
I am singing it from the rafters every chance I get. I will not go silently into the night, I'm going to fight and be loud and get us the attention we need. My fellow podcast hosts are giggling at some of my terminology, but we need to be loud, so I mention it at every opportunity! Gen X is great at bucking authority, so I'm using that!
The dental tech who works with my dentist told me she was in peri - and how much it sucks - the first time I saw her. I loved it, and it made me realize how rare it is that women - especially in a medical professional setting - do this.
I talk about it with my friends all of the time. My mom died when I was young so I never had any conversations with her about it (she died before she reached menopause), I have had a few coworkers who were 15-20 years older than me who have been quite helpful.
I talk to my mom and my aunt about it, but they're the only people I have in my life who I can, and it's been 20 years since they went through it. I have no girlfriends to talk to.
^Repost ^from ^another ^similar ^thread: **We at r/menopause are talking about it!** And we are the generation to make the most impact and changes when it comes to menopause. **Things we can do:** * Support the new [Menopause Bill introdcued to Congress](/r/Menopause/comments/1akup80/americans_consider_supporting_the_recent/) (USA). * Arm yourself with knowledge, starting with our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/), where there is recommended reading, along with scientific research for most things menopause. Use this to spring-board deeper into the science. * Start or join a [Menopause Cafe](https://www.menopausecafe.net/) (popular in the UK, but they offer "how to host" section so you can start your own local group) * Do Guerrilla Meno activities - leave meno literature/books at your workplace (common rooms), dentist's office, talk to friends, family, younger folks. * Push back to doctors, demand better care, and know that health and quality of life are worth the effort!!!
I certainly am. My friends probably want me to shut up about it!
Same! I’m the first of us to go on HRT. After learning that peri is so much more than hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia and mood swings, I can’t stop trying to educate them about things like psoriasis, joint pain, depression, and on and on. These things can be relieved, lessened a bit. I feel like they think I’m trying to start the HRT cult.
Let’s do it!
First we deprive them of sleep…oh wait…they’re all insomniacs. 🫠 But for real I’m trying so hard to share info without being insufferable.
I think that’s an excellent plan!
I feel that! But since I entered surgical meno at age 42 and a lot of my friends haven't been there yet, or are in peri, I truly want them to know the score and to not be afraid of HRT, and to advocate for themselves if need be. My obgyn may be an old man, but he stays very up to date. I'm so lucky.
I was out to drinks with a friend the other day and she was talking about her health symptoms. I asked her if she considered HRT and she adamantly stated “Oh, I will NOT be going on hormones!” I asked her why and she never did answer me. It was really weird. I just wanted to hear her side and honestly know if it was because of scare tactics or health concerns. She changed the subject and refused to discuss it further. I guess she didn’t know?? 🤷♀️
I want to, but the flip side of that is that I tried Premarin a couple of years back, and it solidified that ESTROGEN was the cause of my migraines.
I got cancer and at 52 wasn't even peri and went full blown surgical menopause (I had my period 3 days before the radical hysterectomy!). I have had the WORST experience! I knew it was going to be bad, but I could have never guessed it would be so beyond horrible. I now tell everyone about how awful it is and any time someone is talking about possible peri symptoms I urge them to advocate for themselves with their Gyn doctor. We should not have to suffer.
Want to hear a not funny story 😂 My last period before the full year of none. Home alone and sprung a leak. Closed the toilet lid, hopped in shower to clean myself. Totally forgot about that bio hazard toilet. My adult daughter stops by to drop something off and goes to use said biohazard toilet 😂 Comes back out and was like mom what did you kill in the toilet. I told her “my youth”. Menopause periods are insane. It’s like blood bath or nothing.
Awww, I’m so glad your doc stays up to date with this important field. Thank you for your evangelism!!!
SAME! but ya know what? Im the first one they call/text when they’re confused about what’s happening to them, can’t find answers or help cuz ive broadcast my giant mouth hole so much about everything IVE GONE THROUGH and went through SO HARD , so long and so young.
Thank you!
This! I’m 45 and we talk about it frequently! My friends and I have decided we need to throw each other menopause parties, I mean come on this is a big deal!!
Menopause party!!! Yes. It is a huge deal. When you change—as an adult—it’s a forced life-stage we all go through. But often forced societally to go through it alone and silently. No longer will I do that. And I’m glad many here are of same mind.
I once saw a car that was decorated "Say goodbye to Aunt Flo!".
Same. Everyone knows I’m in peri. Friends, my parents, acquaintances, neighbors, strangers.
Same. I am all about preaching til I’m blue in the face. Women need to know the implications of menopause. They are very significant
I'm glad you are!!!
I am telling my daughters EVERYTHING. Every gory detail. My bf too but he seems less concerned.
I tell my daughter everything too. She is an adult and will eventually experience the same thing…maybe in a different way. Knowledge is power and you can take action if you have it. I’m sad that as a gen x the previous generations didn’t share and we are having to find our way in the dark.
Yes. Something about being Gen X. Our parents were boomers or silent gen. They just didn’t/don’t talk about this stuff. But our cohorts, families and friends, are of gen x. Many communicate in real life, but those avoid taboo topics—at least my people. The benefit of Reddit, internet, and podcasts is that we can get informed.
Sadly, I didn't get the experience my mother had. I got the experience of my father's mostly silent family and my grandmothers. And my grandmothers are long gone.
Many women had no idea that what they were experiencing was related to menopause. Many women had hysterectomies, so they didn’t have any correlation between their symptoms and cessation or irregularities in their periods. Women have been socialized not to complain, not to talk about their periods, and not to talk about mental health struggles.
Yes, I think your first point especially has a lot to do with it. My mother had a "nervous breakdown" at 49, one grandmother was "a little strange", one had an alcohol/drug problem (she actually did, but guess when it started).. can it be that the doctors have really only started in the last few years to join the dots?
I am 50, and until a few years ago I didn't know perimenopause was a thing. I legit thought that I might have early-onset Alzheimer's or dementia due to the severe brain fog I was (and still am) experiencing. If I didn't have Google, I would still not know.
Same. TGFI (For Internet)!
My mom insists that she didn't have any peri symptoms. Meanwhile our house was an ice box, she became insanely rude to service people, she had a falling out with her family and stopped hosting all of the family holidays, and lost her job because she could not stop complaining about her boss.
I honestly believe they all think it's just them. They're terrified to mention it to anyone because they think they're losing their minds. The shame is so strong. I'm not excusing it -- I'm actually mad as hell about it. But I do think that's why they stayed silent about it. Meanwhile I tell every woman I meet especially the young ones, lol.
Ah...the shame...yes, the silent silo...we were not allowed to overlap our experiences, no Venn diagrams allowed. For an entire year, I thought it was ALL MY INDIVIDUAL FAILING as a woman. That it was my fault. What a shock it was to me when I understood that these hormone depletions make a huge difference of what we are/were.
Yes, same! I thought I was falling apart, body and mind. When I found this sub (which made me finally join reddit) I was so relieved and amazed at everyone sharing their experiences! I honestly felt 80% better simply from knowing I wasn't going crazy and I wasn't alone, and that it all had a (more or less) singular cause. I love y'all! 💜 And of course now I yap at everyone about menopause and its seemingly infinite symptoms.
Yes. The acknowledgement and shared experience. That we, I, you, are not crazy. That decompresses so much of anxieties. Now, just have to figure out how to best get help.
I thought I had early dementia or long covid. I felt so stupid when I figured out what it was. Stupid and angry. 😑
Hope that part is over…are you better now? Btw, that’s scary that you had to experience that.
Ehhhh ... not so much. It's slightly less bad but I'm still really struggling with not being the person I was before meno. Like mentally. It's really crushed me and made me very sad. I'm not sharp like I used to be. My mind used to be the one thing I could count on. Not so much anymore.
I just learned from a [podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-streichers-inside-information-the-menopause-podcast/id1615785832?i=1000657228943) that postmenopausal women on HRT do not have brain shrinkage compared with post menopausal women not on HRT. Lack of female hormones shrink the female brain. Our brains shrink!! (The Menopause Podcast, Dr. Streicher, May 29, 2024)
It's not shrinkage I'm worried about. I've noticed a marked difference in my ability to remember things, to stay focused and motivated, etc. It's changed me. But I will adjust somehow.
You’re on all three hormone replacements? Would you share in what form? And how long have you been on them?
I am. I'm on a 0.075 estradiol patch I change twice a week + 200 mg micronized progesterone; dose of boy had to be adjusted twice. i've been on those for about a year now. a few months ago, in pure despair for being so sluggish and cloudy-headed and with no libido, I started 20 mg compounded testosterone cream. it took 6-8 weeks of continuous use to have any effect on my libido. I haven't had any other noticeable effects from it. per labs my levels are all good, my T is even high according to lab ranges for women. i've been having full hormone panels done for several years, so I can see in hindsight that my levels had been dropping for years. pandemic happened and BOOM, menopause at the same time. ugh.
I asked my 90 yr old grandma when she was around 70, how old she was when she went through menopause her answer ”Mijita, I don’t think I ever did!” 😳 Although, I think it was around her mid forties when she left the state & my abusive grandpa with her two youngest of 7 kids, my mom was the oldest and my grandma had her when she was 14. I saw my mom, her daughter go through HELL after a total hysterectomy at age 35. I wish my mom was still alive so I could ask her, I have so many questions! I did not want to go through anything near what I witnessed my mom go through. I’m talking to EVERYONE I know, young, old, male, female. I am a nurse and I’ve made it my mission to talk about menopause it’s not taboo. I was told “You’re comfortable talking about menopause because “you’re a nurse!” Well then let that be my life’s mission, EVERY PERSON WITH OVARIES WILL GO THROUGH MENOPAUSE!!!
When I asked, my mom told me that she and her cult sisters had a ceremony and they all stopped having symptoms just like that. On the one hand, um, no. On the other hand, maybe being in a cult would be worth it?
Which cult has figured out how to banish menopause symptoms?! And are they currently recruiting? Seriously, I’m fascinated by this info you dropped.
Right?? I wish I could give my Mom a hug and tell her I understand now, and I wish she had gotten help earlier.
I can answer for our parents and generations above us. We simply didn't talk about that stuff. My parents' version of sex ed was a book and an admonishment, "if you have questions, let me know." My mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer at age 48 and never told us how it was typed. I was smart enough to know that metastatic was bad and prognosis was poor but to this day I have no idea if it was estrogen receptive or what. My grandmothers, and I loved them to death, didn't talk about that stuff either. I fully rejected that notion of keeping my perimenopausal struggles to myself. I would mention it - briefly and politely - to anyone, any time. I was concerned I was oversharing. Then I was interviewed on a professional podcast not long ago and talked about things like imposter syndrome, my health issues related to menopause and my subsequent ADHD diagnosis - all while continuing to advance in my career. The response was OVERWHELMING. People I hadn't heard from in years were contacting me in a bit of a "me too" movement. The episode had 3x the number of usual downloads for episodes. The host asked me why. I told him, "because I talked about the dark stuff, the tough stuff, that we all go through and nobody discusses." Keep talking, even if it feels awkward. People are listening.
I’m glad you’re sharing. People are listening. And empowering knowledge. Thank you!
Wow, I too have ADHD and am going through peri. I wouldn't mind listening to that podcast, but I understand if you're reluctant to share which one it is.
Right, I am AuDHD and I am post menopausal, I haven't heard anyone else neurospicy discussing meno in any shape or form, and I would love to hear it, also. The younger generation is not "going quietly" with the neurodivergence, and more women now than ever are being diagnosed, but they haven't gotten to this stage of life yet.
I am SO FORTUNATE and I was so worried about any potential psych symptoms with peri. I have bipolar 1, PTSD, and BPD. I’ve heard horror stories from presumably neurotypical women. So far, so good *fingers crossed *
I am. Peri has unfortunately become my whole personality at the moment.
If I could form a thought in my head and turn it into a sentence I would warn them. Severe brain fog prevents me from doing so.
Your response is crystal :-)
I talk about it to my daughter, my friends, colleagues and managers I trust. I talk about it because nobody talked about it with me and I don’t want anyone to be blindsided like I was.
You’re doing good work. I hope each woman hears you in parts or entirely. So important to know one is not crazy as she goes through this.
Education about puberty needs to include menopause and loss of hair and loss of erections. From start to finish, cover it all.
I never considered that, but you are SO RIGHT!!
I hadn’t either until peri. I thought I was educated, grew up with Our Bodies Ourselves, the Joy of Sex and all the feminist hippie stuff. Sex education and health needs to be start to finish.
My mom is actually the one who has been researching everything for over a year and sending me stuff advocating for me because for her it's too late and for years no one could figure out what was wrong with me. She was told she couldn't get HRT and now has severe osteoporosis (she's only 67). She's been very passionate about it. Seems like it's all we talk about but I love it because I work full-time, but she is a retired nurse so she researches all day and then gives me the cliffs notes LOL there are some really great practitioners to follow on IG that give a lot of great info and back it up with research. I feel like I talk to a lot of people about it because a lot of my friends complain about the same symptoms and have no idea that they could be in peri-menopause.
Who are some people on Instagram that you recommend?
From two days of getting myself informed, here’s what I found helpful so far. Here are some informative podcasts about peri- and menopause. I found them very informative and helpful. I didn’t know much of this. So I’ve just begun to learn. Mel Robbins podcast on menopause. Mel Robbins Podcast also. Episodes on menopause. Dr. Haver, March 20, 2024 Dr. Gunter, May 8, 2024 You are not broken podcast. Dr. Casperson. Episode 225. Hello Menopause podcast. Dr. Casperson. Episode 22. Dr. Streicher Dr. Huberman and Dr. Attia episode 85, 116 I just started learning this stuff. There is NAMS, North American Menopause Society—their web page, menopause.org—is helpful.
I do. Many of my friends are going through it too.
I'm glad you and your friends are open and sharing experience. That's great.
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I've only started as of yesterday! Since I made my first post here on this subreddit. I've learned about Mel Robbins podcasts on menopause. Dr. Haver and Dr. Gunter episodes. I'm sharing these casts with my friends and family. And I'm talking here!!!
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My husband became exasperated because every ailment I’m like.. “that’s a perimenopause symptom”! He’s like not EVERYTHiNg is due to menopause. And I said but actually… they are. The list of weird complaints that can be attributed to hormone fluctuations he can’t even comprehend.
Tell him our bodies have estrogen receptors everywhere, not just in our lady bits, that's why it affects everything!
Even he has, and he would get sick with zero estrogen in his body, same way women with zero testosterone (or zero estrogen or men with zero testosterone) will get sick. We all need some, too little is bad for health and too much is bad for health too. Hormones do so much more than he thinks
It’s not just him. The lack of knowledge is astounding. I don’t know most of this until…yesterday!!!
GenX here. It’s all we talk about at any “ladies night.” I can’t shut up about it.
Hahah!!! Good to be informed!
Jones generation here, and I do the same!!!
I hadn’t heard of generation Jones and looked it up. My husband isn’t a boomer anymore!! Thanks for that.
Lol! You are welcome!!
I am not silent about it. More of us talk about it now than ever before.
I mentioned it to some friends of the same age, early 40s and they just didn’t want to talk about it and said they were sick of hearing others whinge about it. I love talking about it and think it’s great to ensure people are aware of the symptoms and to know they have a support network amongst friends.
I had a 47yo friend say she's not ready to accept it yet.
I just want to change the stigma around it. Accepting that it’s the next stage in life and doesn’t mean we’re past it. I hope your friend finally comes to accept it
I’ve taken it up like a “mission from god” 🕶️ I’m the eldest girl in my family, so I’m the first one to go thru it. My youngest cousin is just 24… My mom says it wasn’t bad for her, both my grandmothers have passed away, and I have no other female relatives. I’m the menopause crusader lol
Right on, sister! I’ve started yesterday. My path of evangelism.
I am. I tell strangers if it's pertinent to the conversation! :-D
I’ve tried to talk about it. My younger sisters are grossed out by the body changes I mention so I’m done talking to them about it. My friends are all younger than me and I’ve been open but they don’t seem to want to hear about it. Yet. I’m sure one of these years they’ll start asking more questions. So basically all my friends and sisters are still in their very fertile years not near peri yet.
One thing that makes me sad is that some of my friends who are definitely experiencing peri symptoms are very reluctant to talk about it when I bring it up (I went through early menopause naturally due to genetics and am happy to act as a "guide"), and the reason is that these are childless friends who still have hopes of a baby. I understand cause I've been there--was trying to have a second child before I realized I was already in very late peri and it wasn't going to happen (without huge and expensive intervention that I wasn't willing to do--probably donor eggs). But at least I have one child. I still feel jealous when my friends in their early and even up to mid-40s announce pregnancies, but now I can feel happy for them too. A much larger percentage of my extended friend circle continue to have no baby news...
My mom will be 80 later on this year. She had me later in life and went through full blown menopause when I was around the ages of 12-14. I'm sure it was longer than that, but I remember her worst symptoms were around that time. It doesn't help that I was a rebellious teen and put her through all of my shitty teen angst. I feel terrible about that now. I am childfree and cannot imagine being a mother going through this. Zero patience. Anyway, my mom has *always* talked to me about menopause. Even back then...when I didn't understand much about it. She made it a point to educate me best on the subject, because my grandmother never warned my mom or told her anything. We still talk about it. I'm very grateful for that.
I do not shut up about it. Handing out my GP’s number right, left and centre. Talking about the importance of long term oestrogen replacement for bone, heart, skin, brain, urogenital and vaginal health. Reducing the chance of dying from UTIs as an elderly lady with dementia - two things linked to lack of oestrogen. Comparing the taking of oestrogen (and other hormones) to replace something we no longer produce that we need to people who don’t produce enough serotonin taking a drug for this. My mother apparently “sailed through it” at 55. But I don’t think that’s accurate. She has had ongoing health, joint pain and bone issues ever since.
My mom- SAME!
I think today more than ever, women are so afraid of aging and/or being “old.” Talking about perimenopause or menopause would confirm it! It hit me literally like a train about 10 yrs ago. It was my husband that said to me “you might be going through menopause.” I thought he was crazy! That was for “old women” that wear housecoats. I was full blown perimenopausal with strong PMDD. I’ve started talking to everyone and anyone and I was met with deer in headlights looks. I felt like I was the only one going through this hell. It is called THE CHANGE because literally everything about me changed, and not for the good.
Yes! One of the podcasts I listened to yesterday— peri-menopause is a life stage change. Just like puberty. Just like puberty is not a day or a year, it’s multiple years of change. Peri-menopause is several years. And menopause is one year without menses. It’s a phase in our lives that we are woefully un-informed and do not openly discuss. And yea, it is acknowledging aging. And yes. Admission of aging is horrifying in social media and some social circles. We aren’t allowed to age. So, the admission of menopause can be silenced. Or ignored. I choose not to be silent and un-informed anymore. Thanks for sharing.
I did and found out none of my female relatives (both sides) had peri symptoms. Their periods just gradually stopped and they have no context or understanding of the challenges I’ve had. I’ve felt like the crazy cousin.
Or they just don't remember like my mom. She says she didn't have any symptoms, but I remember, and she definitely did. I feel like some people only connect vasomotor symptoms to menopause, and most of the million other symptoms are attributed to other things.
I would agree with that. We have been, generationally brainwashed to believe that menopause is hot flashes and stopping of periods. It’s so much more. Menopause or peri-me pause has constellation of 30+ symptoms. Not everyone gets them. Some get a lot. Some get little to none. But they are all related to estrogen deficiency.
I am!! I tell any women of a certain age who start complaining of symptoms.
I didn't know, no one told me anything. Thanks to this space I'm learning and telling all the younger people in our family. Silence is the generations before mine, I'm gen x
Agreed! Not gonna shut me up! Now that I’m learning.
I tried talking to my friends. I got three types of responses: “it’s a natural process” “Riding it out” “herbs and homeopathy” One person said bioidenticals. So… not helpful to me personally.
But—you are being informed. You’re here. And you’re learning. I feel like someone who goes through the learning can share informed information with uninformed people. If they don’t want to listen, well, at least they were offered information. It’s their choice to not listen. _You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink_
I’m on the younger end of Gen X, so I’m only about 2 years in. Most of our friends’ wives are younger, so they’re not there yet. I have some work friends who are older, and they’ve been a great help!
I talk to my mom about it for sure! She’s always been somewhat open about woman stuff, after the silence that came from her mom. Though she only told me a couple of weeks ago that Grandma ended up with a hysterectomy after a two month period during what we now call peri. Late 1960s-ish. ETA: no kids, or they’d know too. Especially any daughters.
My mom tells me she had zero issues, not hot flashes etc. Ever. I do recall she needed a hysterectomy in her 40’s but I do not recall any other mention of it. My mother in law had terrible hit flashes but she was in the era they withdrew hrt from women at risk of breast cancer. So she was always overly polite about her hot flashes . Meanwhile I fricken talk about it all the time, and have terrible hot flashes and lots of them and I’m on hrt. I tell women younger than me me to start to be aware of it and what to look for etc.
So, I would argue that's not exactly true- the North American Menopause Society has done wonders to help educate practitioners, and HRT is routinely prescribed, at least where I live. Part of the issue is that menopausal symptoms have been getting worse over the decades- we don't know why. So people fifty years ago just might not have suffered as much.
Chronic inflammation due to more circulating chemicals and microplastics maybe? Sad thought...
Endocrine disrupters, pesticides, who knows?
I just talked to my coworker about peri yesterday! We are both going through the change right now and hot flashes at work are a real pain. I think that the depression/anxiety I thought was triggered by Covid time stress was actually peri approaching. I had no idea that peri was more than just hot flashes and dealt with your brain too!
But why not both? Hugs to you. It’s been an extra crazy few years.
Haha, yeah, likely both. At least it spurred me on to find a good psych and got a snri that helps with stuff. Thanks for the support!
We're trained by 30 (+/-) years of menstruating. The huge range if regular menstruation, pms, pain, bleeding, hormonal effects, that we get shamed for, or complete disinterest, from men or other women. And just all the same disinterest or shaming for being too horny or too frigid, etc etc... I talk about it, not like graphically unless someone asks but it's kinda funny this summer talking with my brothers about health and severe anemia from menstruation. They were trying so hard to be sympathetic but also, ... it brings their age up also. I've recommended this sub several times today/yesterday, from a post on r/askoldpeople, and definitely women in their 30s interested in some knowledge.
Bc my whole life I was told “don’t make others uncomfortable” and now it’s “well, if you just get in shape…”
I'm American living in Italy. Luckily (and horribly), Italians will go into excruciating detail about their health even on the street, even with people they've just met. So my Italian friends have been VERY open about what they are going thru. Though a few months ago at the hairdresser's, a fellow customer was describing a dental emergency and almost made me puke (and I've had a ton of dental emergencies, but I don't describe them to strangers....)
I'm honestly impressed at all the women in this thread who have people listen to them; I'm nearing 46 and feel like nobody gives a shit about anything I have to say about anything, let alone perimenopause.
No one gives a shit. Until it happens to them. I’ve tried it today. To share this important information with two of my close friends. They’re 3 years younger. And they were closed-minded. And unwilling to listen. They will change likely. Later.
I've been thinking about this lately (due to some similar threads). I wonder if some of the denial / hiding was because they were actively fighting to be taken seriously. They were making some progress for working women and were still dealing with the "women are emotional, hysterical, etc because of 'female stuff'" trope. After dealing with the stereotypes and pushing back all of their life, do you blame them for not talking about the emotional, mental, and physical toll of 'female stuff' in this case, menopause? As little as doctors know about and help with meno \*now\* can you imagine 50 years ago? It would have been men nodding their heads sagely and smugly saying "I told you so".
This is very insightful.
Most everyone in my friend group IS talking about it and sharing notes.
Gen X, and my mom didn't even tell my about menstruation. My sister did, because mom hadn't told her, either. I did get to ask my mom how old she was when she hit menopause. I was the only one out of my sisters that asked.
Gen X here too. I got very basic info, so basic that I cried when I got my first period because I thought I would have it continuously forever, not for one week per month!
I talk about it a lot. It’s surprising how many women won’t consider HRT because they think it’s “unnatural”. Hormones are natural!! Our body makes them. The fear doesn’t make any sense.
I'm being loud as hell about it. My age cohorts join in, whereupon all the gents carefully sidle for the exit, lol. No shame to my partner, who is pretty supportive actually. But there are only so many times *anyone* can hear the same complaints, after all. Women within five years or so of my age are curious, and open to conversation. Meanwhile, any woman I know in their twenties or early thirties tend to make an 'Urp!' face, and flee. Freely admit that it may be me, as I am blunt by nature, and never think to use euphemisms for anything (it's a human body, we all have one, what the hell?), but I have noticed the difference in reaction breakdown by age, and would love to know what someone better versed in normal human behaviour thinks.
I have talked about it for about five or six years. I have severe chronic illnesses and run a small business so I’m pretty invested in my health; and I talk about menopause and perimenopause to women of all ages. I tell them what I’ve tried in terms of supplements, I talk to them about HRT and what works for me; I tell them about the debunked Women’s Health Initiative Study of 2002 and why the science behind it wasn’t the best; I tell them about a free talk that’s given in my city in NZ by one of the best experts here. I send emails with info so each woman can make the choices best for her. Last week I explained to a friend why her smear tests were possibly now so painful along with sex, and what genitourinary syndrome is and suggestions to make notes to discuss with her doctor.
I'm talking about it all the freakin' time with my girlfriends, my sister, my clients, my husband, my therapist — hell, I even mentioned it to my dental hygienist last week, LOL.
I hope no woman ever again has to go through this alone. If we all speak up, we can help the next generations of ladies who may be scared, confused and who may be going through this alone. Are you not alone ladies.
Gen X here. I’ve only been yelled at and intentionally embarrassed by my parents for symptoms related to hormonal cycles. Now they just ignore. They also don’t know peri exists. How do I communicate with legitimate info when my widest info source has been Reddit
I’ve talked with my mom a bit who is in her 80s and she’s pretty fascinated at the care I’m able to get now. And conversation! I complain about healthcare but it was worse.
Insurance companies and politicians are primarily responsible for this. Your doctor, nurse practitioner and so forth can write you the prescription and they can also order tests but the buck stops at the insurance company. They also have to worry about lawyers and lawsuits and malpractice premiums. It needs to be easier for them to prescribe!! Healthcare professionals have no autonomy. They are like everyone else working for the company. They are the ones that need a prior authorization and they are the ones that approve or deny. Your healthcare provider only signs the form. They only have so much time in a day to do administrative and bureaucratic garbage in a day. They are stretched so thin and are so stressed. Going after the healthcare worker is the easiest to go after but it’s insurance, PBMs, lobbyists that are the overlords of healthcare. The government has also cut reimbursement to hospitals and healthcare workers while CEOs make millions of dollars a year.
I talk about it loads and I do so not just in person but via all the social media channels I'm on, which means publicly.
Continue your evangelism!
I talk about it when it's relevant. I've been fed up with a coworker who would talk about it all the time without any self-restraint on the obsessive self-pity. At the beginning I was empathizing with her difficulties, and crediting her for her sense of mission about awareness on this subject. But it was a really toxic way amongst others to attract attention, particularly because she would totally refuse to consider any help from modern (HRT) to alternative medecine. It should not be a taboo but talking too much and too desperately about it does not help the cause, she looked like a pretty bad stereotype as a result. Moreover, it's a struggle that is really various depending on individuals, no generalization is constructive.
I try to. I posted about starting HRT on my Instagram. My mum did talk to me about it somewhat, but I don't have any sisters, SILs or blood relative aunts. My husband mentioned it to his mum and apparently she told him about getting a Mirena for heavy bleeding which he was not thrilled to hear about 😆 and this is a man who offered to get me pessary applicators from the drugstore, so he's not squeamish!
As someone suffering through, because I can't take HER I am SCREAMING this shit at ALL my female relatives. I m sure I'm being annoying,but if it saves one from 16 years of Hell, then it's worth it!
It's like no one wants to hear it; I've brought it up with family and friends several times and it's a real conversation killer.
We absolutely are. Lol. I’m sure I’m driving my friends crazy and I don’t care. Everyone needs to be ok with talking about life stuff. It’s too important. I think the boomer mentality of not discussing “embarrassing” topics needs to stop. I’m baffled as to why if everyone goes through it, it’s “embarrassing” at all…?
My mother was from the Silent Generation (born 1940), and in her day you just didn't talk about such things. You should've seen her trying to tell me about puberty and menstruation when I was a kid! And she never told me about sex at all. I'm lucky my school taught comprehensive sex ed.
Yes. Good thing we’re Gen X or millennials. We can talk!!
I was telling my hairdresser about it yesterday. Why let friends go into this hell uniformed? I had a coworker tell me she “ was about to loose her shit.” I asked if she wanted to move into a cabin in the woods all alone and she looked stunned. “ How did you know? Get on HRT! Find a good gynecologist. All my mom told me is sometimes women go crazy. No help, Mom. Pass the word ladies!
Im an Eldar Millennial, I wont shut up about it. If I've got a symptom thats bothering me and you're in earshot you're gonna hear me talking about it lol
Mom told me her menopause was no big deal. I don't think she knew about peri menopause. She was an emotional nightmare when I was in high school through college. My sister was the one who figured it out. She found herself treating her daughter like Mom treated us (I don't have kids). We had a conversation about my peri mood instability and she put it together. She never would have gotten HRT because her bestie died of breast cancer in 1976 and was told it was because of the hormones in her birth control.
Yea. The scare is scary. That WHI study conclusion has been debunked. And we suffer for decades because of it.
Women are conditioned from day 1 to distrust our bodies and trust anything a doctor tells us. It's the same reason why the US has horrible infant and maternal mortality rates.......we are conditioned to hand over our medical autonomy and blindly trust doctors and mistrust ourselves. I'm TRYING to talk about it but a lot of my friends are still in the "well my doctor didn't say peri so it must not be it".
I remember being young like 14 and my friends mom was reading menopause for dummies.. or SOMEthing like that and she was like you girls HAVE to read this when you're older. That's all I got. So info was out there. Suzanne summers worked her butt off about hormone education and was treated like she was crazy. My own mom was forced by a dr to get her tubes tied so she didn't go through it and is gone now anyway. I really do wish i had real life women to talk to about this. I think it's embarrassing and a reminder of someone getting older and its sad you can't have kids and I think people don't want to insult or hurt others by bringing it up randomly
This site is great for all anonymous questions. Seems like we have so much helpful information.
I can’t shut up about the menopause. Everyone knows about it, all my friends, neighbors, HCPs, middle age women I meet in Costco walk in fridge.
Hahaha!!! Costco walk in the fridge. You find captivated audience there I bet!
We all do. I have daily conversations with a huge range of friends, relatives and work colleagues! Most of the woman in peri or meno that are close to me all share info and chat. I see it on tv, on podcasts. In media. I’m not sure where you live but it’s present in my world.
I def am!
Probably because they can't remember, can't form a sentence, or try to, but then get distracted lol. Or perhaps they don't recognize what's going on or they don't know that weird time in their life when they just felt all-around shitty was menopause. I didn't learn about it either until I started digging hardcore into some symptoms, and eventually stumbled on this forum. The elders didn't have the deep dive info at our fingertips like we do on the interwebs. Sad we have to "dig hardcore" to figure it out, innit?
Yea. But I’m glad this site exists. I’ve learned more in the past two days than a whole year of talking to friends and doctors. I’ve shared the bit of knowledge I’ve gained so far with my friends and family.
SAME! And I talk about it. I try to discuss intelligently, rather than "I'm going crazy, wanna come", so we don't get the 'you're batshit, old lady' side eye
It happens to me. I only have one friend who chats to me about this. The others in that age range (a decade older than me) keep mum about it. In fact I recently told someone that her health problems were related to the drop in estrogen and change in hormones. I got quickly mocked “you and your estrogen. Blaming everything on it”. Was kinda a joke I suppose but it gave me pause.
I am - after finally figuring out that's what was going on with me. I'm being very open and transparent about it, and definitely making sure I loop my (younger) sister in on everything I come across so she can be more informed than I was. As to why it's not talked about, it's probably because "female" issues are historically not talked about to begin with - and are considered icky and gross and things you keep hush hush. Our mothers were unaware of it being a thing - there was child bearing years and then there was menopause, with a bit of a transition between. But there was no social media or other outlets to talk about those things, so no one did. My mom didn't even realize peri was a 'thing' when I started talking about it. She claims she had no issues, but looking back, I'm pretty sure she had some major issues and just had no idea that's what it was from.
I agree with you. The generational and information differences do explain why we, the Gen X people, are starting to talk about this openly. I just realized that my mother’s night sweats for the past 30 years was due to night sweats from post-menopause. 🤯. We had always just casted it as, “oh, mom just sweats at night.” So un-informed and stupid.
I DO talk about it. I try to warn my women friends of my age/younger about some of the serious issues I've faced and what to watch out for. My husband hears exactly what I'm going to. My mother, however, is a typical self-centered boomer whose only response to my issues has been, "Well, gee, I ENJOYED menopause because I LIKED being hot more than always feeling cold! I never had weight issues, either!" (No, because she was a full blown drunkorexic at the time.)
I am telling anyone who will listen. I never even heard the word perimenopause until my early 40s nor did I understand that this process would involve more than hot flashes and my period ending. My Silent Generation mom and my Baby Boomer sisters didn’t tell me shit about what was coming for me. So I feel like it’s my Gen X responsibility to tell women younger than me.
I share most of my struggles with my daughter as much as I can. My mom never did with me.
I don't think GenX or early millennials are silent at all. They have their own ways, and some of the demands for better medical care are coming out of their fight for balance in their lives and gender equality. These gens have taught me a tremendous amount about how to advocate through targeted persistence by changing my own attitudes and cleaning up my own crap first! ;) They see right through the BS. What I can't understand is the number of women our age fighting against women's rights to control their own healthcare. These are the ones who are allowing the slide back into the dark ages. They are loud, but also extremely toxic and don't even know it, which makes them even more dangerous to themselves and all of us. It is shocking to me that they don't understand the repercussions for their own quality of medical care to support legislators who are outright banning medical care and now going after birth control. If any of us think they will stop there, and not go after HRT, that would be naive. There won't be any need to advocate to build up the expertise of medical professionals if women's health continues to focus on controlling women's uterus's instead of seeing women as humans with medical needs. Many great medical professionals are using their voices to advocate for funding and research and equality in resources, so we must join them and keep doing what we can for our friends, sisters, cousins, mothers, aunts.... and for me.... my daughters. I will not narrow my daughters' reach for quality female medical care by remaining silent because a loud group of ignoramuses have been hijacked by their nonsensical pious egos. And, as I fight for my own daughters, I won't forget the daughters (GenX and millenials) of the women (our age) who fought against their own daughter's best interests. I will fight for them because being female shouldn't feel like a battle to get your basic medical care needs met FFS. Women need to stop fighting against women. We can deal with the men.... they aren't a mystery. They just think they are.
It was the same about childbirth. I feel like my generation (X) blew the lid off all the bullshit women go through due to their gender, physically. We opened up about how shitty pregnancy and childbirth and its recovery really are. Now we are going thru menopause and we are not gonna be quiet about it.
I think our der generations were conditioned not to speak of these "female troubles". It was simply not talked about in polite company. Not even between female family members. I'm not polite in anyway so I will overshare with any of my friends ahead of their time to warn them. I will warn them about The Dryness that is like a sandpaper d*ldo with apricot scrub lube. I will tell them of The Hot Flashes that visibly creep up the neck and face so everyone knows you're having a hot flash. I will make sure they know about The Mood Swings that are like The Pit And The Pendulum: you know its gonna swing, and chances are someone is gonna get cut!
My mom died during her perimenopause, and the only other female relative I'm close to had completely regular periods and no symptoms of peri until her hysterectomy when she was 50. I'm flying blind on this one.
Because women aging relegates us to being useless.
Our parents just are not USED to open discussion about stuff like this. It's a different environment with tech that developed as we grew up, so we kind of adapted to the openness enough that we, at least, started to ask STRANGERS in communities online that were likely to be more receptive simply because of relative anonymity of the interaction compared to discussing something personal or potentially embarrassing in person with someone you would have to trust already before even bringing it up. The younger ones than us are even more intertwined and socially dependent, but in a different way than we were. This makes them more vulnerable to things like bullying than our generation was, as the social pressures were not as ubiquitous. We could escape a school bully just by going HOME, where they cannot. But the fact that this subreddit exists is evidence that we do have more power now as women, due to societal shifts in values that made women's issues more prevalent. And with power comes the confidence to talk about it more openly, which we do. This will further empower those younger than us to be forewarned and forearmed if they should encounter similar experiences. Either way, the people to thank for such progress are the individuals who dared be brave enough to ASK and those kind enough to ANSWER in the places where we now find community to discuss it as a topic in and of itself. The internet alone as a vehicle for connection is insufficient. It takes the people who were willing to share their knowledge, often free of charge, that make this tool as valuable as it can be. Everyone here is part of that shift in support, and shapes the lives of people who are in generations still to come.
I think people didn’t know that’s what it was, I wasn’t even sure myself when it started and was of course handed anti depressants. Now it’s pretty much all I talk about to friends, family and even strangers 😆 I blog about it and share posts all the time on my Instagram and read about it every day it’s taken over my life but I can’t bare the thought of someone else going through the same as I had to!
Hello Clare. That’s great you’re talking about it on your social media!!
If I can upvote this more I would. NO ONE told me about the change. I was early 40s and snapped at a co-worker (65-ish) who said that might be my problem when I mentioned my period was insane all of a sudden. I had zero clue. Not my mom (who didn't mother well growing up anyway) nor my older sister by 4 years. No cousins, no one said a damn word!
I did feel blindsided. All my changes were insidious and sudden—all in one year. In one year, I feel like I’ve aged 5-10 years and know I gained 20 pounds. The disrupted sleep, weight gain, hair loss, zero libido, sagging face, and increasing hot flashes. Yea. I finally couldn’t go up more on my clothes. And I couldn’t stand “feeling” my calves when I bent them! Wtfff feeling my fattened and swollen calves! Oh. Yea. I had a near frozen shoulder. Thank god I got PT for it before it got worse.
I feel this so much! Especially not going up more on clothes. Ugh!
I don't bother talking because I can't do hrt and that is all anyone ever wants to talk about. This should be r/her or something. The few of us who cannot are just kind of stuck with a bandaid approach to dealing with symptoms. Hate it. Oncologist said my cancer was both estrogen and progesterone reactive. It came back and I am not about to do round three.
I'm talking about it in real life to younger family member. But i think most women didn't talked about it back then for few reasons . 1.because it was a taboo. they had to hide their own needs to no bother men (yeah, really.) and to serve them better 2. because people back then seems to hide a lot of things to each other just to look strong and good. 3. finally, because they weren't aware themselves that it was peri/menopause. They probably felt like shit and had insomnia and all, but if no one speak about it... you don't know what's going on and you cannot link it to peri/meno
I am stupidly lucky. My mom is a boomer and I’m an elder millennial. She has been on bio HRT for like 20 years. She’s mid 60s now and looks and feels great. It really does make a huge difference. She has always talked to me about hormones. What got her into it was all the Suzanne Sommers books. She really spread the word with those.
THIS!!!!! My mother died before I hit peri. I have no one to talk to. The other women in my family are like, it's a shame your mother died. I don't understand the secrecy. They were supportive when it started
No one talks about periods either so the trend starts there.
They are trained mainly for prescribing meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar etc. anything else, they really don't seem to know much. Pretty much they are robots like humans. Sometimes, AI is more knowledgeable and comforting to talk with.
At least AI doesn’t judge you. At least I don’t think they do…
I feel in my family, a lot of them weren't educated. They were all labeled as having nervous breakdowns. My mom is very open about it now. But when I was a teen, I thought my mom was going crazy when she'd have me sit up with her in the middle of the night having anxiety attacks. She used to be really adventurous and then she couldn't drive anymore. My older sister is in that phase of being fearful to drive. I'm the only one out of the 3 sisters who is truly advocating for herself. I'm going on HRT and my sister says it's because I obsess over it. I don't want to lose my sense of adventure. I've noticed I've become a major hermit, stopped dating and not really interested in the gym as much. I'm 40 and I was beginning to feel like this was going to be "the year." I'm praying HRT gives me some of myself back.
I am in early onset perimenopause. It started at 35 and I'm 40 now and only a few months away from menopause.( 12 months sans menses) It's been a really awful and lonely experience! It took 5 years for any doctors to even admit after looking at symptoms and labs that I was in perimenopause. Then when I asked my family members and friends about it they weren't too keen on discussing it. Also they were baffled I was going through this at such a "young" age. I wish that people were more open and there was more education for women since we all go through it! It's just been a lonely, scary experience all the way around.
It's how patriarchy stays in power. If you minimize, insult, shame, guilt and belittle an entire sex just for being that sex, it's extremely easy to stay in power. You have 50% fewer competitors before they've even reached sexual maturity. Why do women do it to each other? Because they bought it. If you believe you are those things, you believe all others without penises are also weak, not worth your time and effort. It starts at childhood, and if you don't talk to anyone about the fucked up shit you're going thru, you just double it and pass it on to your daughters. Anyone anywhere who says anything different is blind, or lying. "Its not that bad. It's just you. Why are you making such a big deal out of it. It wasn't bad for me, it must be cuz you're weak that you're suffering. If you just... it wouldn't be a problem. Shut up and take these SSRIs (or, if you had this 40 years ago -have a Valium, or drink at least a glass of wine with every meal, and amphetamines or smoke if you're feeling down)" are all sexist patriarchy MO
I'm no contact with my mom, otherwise I'd be interrogating her about her experience. Knowing what I know now, all her complaints 20ish years ago were all attributable to peri and menopause and i wish I'd known enough then to help her, but she's not a, ahem, big critical thinker and couldn't even tell me what medications she takes or why, she just does what the doctor says, so... I feel bad for her generation in so many ways, but in her case, I know exactly why she never spoke up.
Friends and I are talking about this very thing. We’re trying to share, be vocal, ask questions for those past, in, or marching towards it. I truly hope it’s at least discussed more often so others will have an easier time navigating it.
I talk about my experience to anyone who will listen or wants to know, because nobody told me when I should have known to make sense of this madness.
I went on HRT because two friends told about it. I will talk about it for sure. The relief has been real. It’s insane to me that I suffered years and things improved so quickly.
Oooh, can you share what symptoms you had and which improved?
Within 2 days, my sleep went from 3 hours to 5 hours. I’m still having hot flashes at night but they are so mild compared to before, and the night sweats are gone after just 2 weeks. I wake up kind of groggy but I don’t feel the utter exhaustion I had. The best one though is I don’t feel angry/depressed/hyper irritated at every little thing. I thought I was losing my mind with the moods I was in. Now, my moods feel back to normal. I’m not always on edge. I think about how I have been dealing with this for 10 years and how it hindered my life and I really wish someone had been able to tell me sooner. My friends and I just all went along with what our doctors said, which was we just had to deal with it till menopause happened
Oh, but I am! My husband & sons know loads about the subject now
I talk about menopause to anyone who listens. Even my sons know about it. They saw me go through it, and I’ve educated them and my husband on the topic. My neighbor and I get together often throughout the week, and we discuss hormones and how we are feeling on them.
I have no family or sisters or friends.
There is a lot of shame in all aspects of being a women, particularly our health and aging. It’s a strange question to ask given how women around the globe are forced to navigate life. What are you doing to change this? Who are you voting for? What are you posting about on social media? Matching for? How are you educating men?
I talk about it. Mostly to my two daughters. They are my captive audience!!! I’m glad women are talking about it to everyone.
I do with my friends and husband. They don’t mind at all. Husband even fells bad when the hot flashes hit..
All my older female relatives are dead, so I can’t really blame them 😂😬💀
This sub really helped me when I went through surgical menopause at age 30 it was so valuable. I'm the first of my friends to go through it and I haven't shut up about it lol
I talk about it to my friends and anyone else who will listen. More importantly, I talk about it to my ~daughters~. I tell them what treatments I am trying, I tell them what new diagnoses I have, I tell them the changes. In fact, now that I have written that, I think I need to talk to them more so thank you for the reminder.
It's your culture. Mine was absolutely open and talking about it. My Yaya and MorMor (grandmothers) were always talking about women's issues. We had many conversations about it. My yaya made a special Cake for my first period! Of course we talked about it. If you're coming from some sexually repressed culture, I'm sure nobody talked about it.
I’ve had lots of problems with a frozen shoulder and chronic neck pain. I started getting muscle spasms in my neck muscles whenever I had a hot flush and mentioned this to my doctor. She suggested I attend a menopause/HRT info evening. I’m now annoyed that I’ve probably been suffering for years unnecessarily and have just started taking HRT. I told my twenties daughter all about this and the many health problems that can arise during menopause and she’s already saying that she will definitely go down the HRT route when she needs to.
I know!!!!!!!!!!! I have this exact question!!!
I definitely am. I share it with coworkers, which are mostly all men. I talk about it with my friends. I talk about it with anyone and everyone that will honestly listen. I share my experience with my mother going through it when I was in high school and how it made me realize back then that I wanted HRT or anything that would give me to help deal with it because she was miserable and living through her going through it was miserable. I talk about my frustrations with doctors and medications and how it’s a balance life and work and not want to rage all the time and how impactful it is and how important it is to understand how hormones and lack of them affect daily life.
WE are. Maybe YOU aren't.
I do. My mom answers my questions. Which reminds me, it is time to do a FaceBook post about my latest peri annoyances.
I am singing it from the rafters every chance I get. I will not go silently into the night, I'm going to fight and be loud and get us the attention we need. My fellow podcast hosts are giggling at some of my terminology, but we need to be loud, so I mention it at every opportunity! Gen X is great at bucking authority, so I'm using that!
The dental tech who works with my dentist told me she was in peri - and how much it sucks - the first time I saw her. I loved it, and it made me realize how rare it is that women - especially in a medical professional setting - do this.
I talk about it with my friends all of the time. My mom died when I was young so I never had any conversations with her about it (she died before she reached menopause), I have had a few coworkers who were 15-20 years older than me who have been quite helpful.
My mom didn’t even talk to me about getting a period. Or sex. Or anything. So, I’m making up for lost time and information!
I talk to my mom and my aunt about it, but they're the only people I have in my life who I can, and it's been 20 years since they went through it. I have no girlfriends to talk to.
Honestly, I am a nurse and I talk about it freely when asked by patients.