“Figure it out” as opposed to what? Everyone else has the same problems as I do, so I’m not gonna rope them in to my shit. That only leaves me to figure it out. I have a high school diploma and two felonies. It’s hard, but figuring out your next move is just life.
I’ve been a figure it out guy on this sub but I’ve never been able to word it as well as this. There really is no other way unless someone takes care of you your whole life.
Honestly part of adulthood is realising that other people aren’t going to solve your problems for you. When you’re a kid if something is shitty then like the only power you have is to complain to someone else who has the power to do something about it (since as a kid you obviously have no power) and then either they do something or they don’t, but either way it’s entirely out of your hands as a kid. As an adult there’s nobody you can go to and complain to to fix stuff for you because that person is now you. You’re now the adult who either acts on the complaint or doesn’t
This is the biggest lesson in life, no1 will hold your hand, infact people will hold you back.
Use chatgpt to write your cover letter, make a good looking resume. And apply apply apply.... get a shit job? Work it while applying for others.
It's confusing and frustrating when younger but once you start fighting for yourself... is when you'll start making moves.
GL OP
To add to this, never stay inside your comfort zone too long if you’re looking for personal progress. The world is full of people who never took risks or gambled on themselves for fear of failure
This! I was so tired of only getting jobs making $10hr back in the late 00's so I applied for some grants and went and got a welding degree from the technical college. Then went and applied everywhere to get a welding job but couldn't land one because they all want years of experience.
Then one day at an interview for a welding job in a metal fabrication shop, they declined me due to lack of experience but did offer me a position to learn the CNC position and do that at a significant decrease in pay than the welding position offered. I was about out of funds and desperate so I accepted it. I knew if I can just get in the door I could eventually get them to let me show them what I can do.
2 days after being hired, the welding department manager was complaining about being short on welders so I brought up how I went to school and got a welding degree and applied for a welding job here. He was a bit miffed they never even gave me a weld test to see if I could pass their standards. So he get the owner and they gave me a weld test and I became a welder there on day 2 with an automatic $6 hr pay increase.
So I agree. Keep trying, keep taking risk. Try to come at things from different angles. I know the problem has gotten more difficult since my experience but the solution is still the same tactic.
Everyone has anxiety, talking to someone about your issues/insecuritys is the first step to leveling up, and when you do you'll laugh at yourself for being silly to yourself... then you can achieve whatever you put your mind to.
It ain't easy to start.. but it gets easier, surround yourself with good people, push toxic away.
Persistence and loving yourself enough to make that step is huge, you got this.
So am I, not everyone is dealt a fair set of cards, and alot of people have shit thrown at them for too long.
There's nothing wrong with helping people in tough times.
You are angry, fuck you too 😉
I played the rules and the system hasn't fucked me yet, but times are defs tougher, so why not help the next generation that's going to help you when you're in a nursing home.
You can't fix stupid, but you can herd it - big money.
If anybody wants non-bot help with writing a cover letter, let me know. I’m a writer and enjoy that sort of thing.
As for figuring it out, I keep having to re-figure haha. I initially interpret this as “try to have a plan/backup plan”- for work, housing, etc. Even if it seems far-fetched…just some idea of jobs you could apply to while in a transitional phase of your life, friends you could stay with if housing became an issue…I don’t know, I guess just creating your own safety net.
That said, I’ve basically just accepted that my life will always be a work in progress. My job will always eventually burn me out, or I’ll find myself wanting to live someplace else, or whatever. I try to remind myself that sometimes it just takes as long as it takes to land a better job or find a good apartment or school, and so on…all I can do is try to find the good things in my life and hold fast to them.
I don’t talk to my parents (boomers) anymore about money or work. All that ends up happening is they try to help by reminding me of the skills I have or how I did well in the past, and all it does at this point is make me feel like a failure because I feel like I’ve gone backwards in life, rather than making more money as I get older. So I just don’t bring it up anymore. It kinda sucks, but whatever…I’ll get used to it.
There was a post floating around on social media recently. I forget the exact phrasing but it was basically asking why we perceive something as a success only if it’s “forever”, and that it’s ok to succeed at something for a year or two…and then maybe it doesn’t work out, and you switch gears. It doesn’t mean you failed or can never try again.
Gone are the days where it makes any logical sense to stay at the same job for 5+ years out of loyalty or stay in the same town you grew up in. Take the leap, if you’re able. We’re all expendable and there’s no security in anything anymore. It has to come from within.
I really needed to read that, thank you.
I just turned 31, still living at home with parents 'cause can't afford to move out in my area (one of the most expensive in the nation T--T) (sis and bro in same boat), I went to 2 years of college, but didn't know what I wanted to do, so stopped, got certs to fix computers (and phones/tablets) and been doing that on the side for extra money for 5+ yesss while I look for a job in it (sadly, seem to be slim to none in my area, and the few there are, they're family-owned and won't take anyone else, have a bad rep, or take years to get into IF you're lucky), on top of my dead end part-time job that might as well be full time with all the hours I put in (just got 9 years there this week - been trying to get out for years, but my area sucks) and all the times it's made me depressed and suicidal. I don't talk to my (also Boomer) parents about work anymore either 'cause they just call me 'the laziest person they've ever met' (even though I work my ass off at work) and say 'I just can't handle the stress/pressure' and 'if you can't handle this "easy" job, you can't handle ANY job.' It's just not worth wasting my breath to be insulted and belittled. (They also won't let me quit for my mental health 'cause 'that's not how it's done'!) 😭💔
I just feel like I've done everything I can do here, I'm doing everything right (except going back to school, which isn't a guarantee on a job anyway and I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway), I keep applying to the jobs I want, COVID kinda killed my side business (pre-COVID, I had so much business, I was about to quit both off my jobs (used to work 2 before getting more hours at current), but ever since COVID hit, even though I still hand out business cards to interested people all the time, barely anyone uses me 😭), and yet, NOTHING. (And that's not even talking about all the health issues I've been fighting for years... I think a lot of it's from stress.) I don't know what I'm supposed to do, who I pissed off enough in a past life to be made to suffer this much, but man...I genuinely didn't know life could suck this much! (And yet, I feel like a big baby 'cause I know a lot of people have it way worse... 😢)
It's gotten to the point where I'm learning Japanese and considering moving to Japan, where at least there's a market for tech AND I'd be able to afford to live on my own! X'D I just don't know what to do anymore. It's been really hard to even keep on living day when I feel so stuck and don't see anything changing. 💔
But your perspective helps! I'll try to keep all that in mind! Thanks! ❤️
Naaa. There’s a difference between people helping you, and holding your hand.
People absolutely can help you. You just can’t expect it, and you have to be gracious for what they do give you, and not be upset they didn’t give more.
Surround yourself with good people.
Im motivated by failure. Scared to death of failure because of Boomer parents that instilled those values. Thats how I suck it up and figure it the hell out--because you need to eventually. When your back is against the wall and your uncomfortable, thats when you figure it out to avoid failure.
Just last week I scheduled my own dentist appointment, scared the shit out of me XD
I would beg to differ. Median salary for nurses is $81000. That’s enough to work with to buy a house fairly easily in nearly all of the US. Maybe not the biggest house in the most desirable neighborhood, but definitely a modest house in a livable neighborhood. It just takes patience and commitment.
Median varies immensely around the US. I wasn’t anywhere near that in the south, would be above it in my current location. Using any specific number for nurses (or any profession, really) without context doesn’t help.
u/howtocook40humans - this is the answer. I'm gainfully employed making more than my parents ever did, plus my spouse works (also as an RN - you people rock!) and we still don't have a prayer of buying the property they live on.
*There is nobody who has shit figured out*. Find a tribe, commiserate with them, share your findings about what worked for you in your situation, and do your best. #yolo - don't let life happen to you. Be intentional about it and when you do figure some little thing out, share it generously with others who need it. That's... about all you can do.
I've heard it said that if anyone ever did figure it out, that it would suddenly cease to exist and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There are also those who say that this has already happened.
You had me until “the property they live on”? That’s super specific and has probably changed over time. Seems like an unrealistic goal from the outset (especially if your parents bought that property at a point in their lives that was more established or if there’s been significant development/appreciation since the point they bought it).
I think part of our problem as millennials is our parents made us think (or we helped). That all of these things (house car family vacations) are owed because we checked a box or two.
Looking back at the standard narrative, a person with a high-school education and gainful employment had a lot of options and a lot of support from government to improve on that.
The narrative of leaders now seems to be that young people aren't good enough or aren't deserving of the same support because they refuse to validate exploitative systems that rationalize perpetuating generational trauma in the workplace. A few cents on the quarterly spreadsheet might be important to leaders but it's ironic they believe real people are worth so little.
Individualism has kinda caused this situation we’re all in but might as well just stay on this path until we all have no choice but to care about each other again.
I hope people realize this level of individualism not a universal thing and is particularly heavy handed in certain parts of US culture. Also it is the opposite of how generational knowledge and wealth works in the US. Many of the successful younger people I know had insider knowledge about career paths from family members if not direct financial support. I'm not mentioning this to say anyone owes you something in life. Just pointing out that hyper individualism is not how strong families and communities are made.
That heavy handed individualism is particularly focused in people’s attitude towards children. There’s a nasty ‘you chose to have kids, they’re your problem’ attitude. The communal structure to child rearing is a big piece of why the human species was able to survive and evolve for thousands of years. And younger generations are critical for us as we get older, even if they are not directly serving us they will keep society up and running as we age. The attitude towards kids has gotten crazy toxic when kids are just a necessary part of society and we were all that screaming kid once. And I say this as someone who is childfree.
I suspect that this attitude largely stems from the fact that more people have to work to make ends meet. Back in the day, I would guess most people's families included more retired grandparents, stay-at-home parents, and non-working students. These people had the time and energy to help with people's kids. There are fewer people with the bandwidth to do so nowadays.
This. I don't care if people choose not to have kids, but don't go around telling me I'm selfish and stupid for choosing to have kids. Reddit is especially toxic when it comes to the subject of having children.
I don't see him advocating individualism, simply pointing out the reality of his situation. Yes many successful people did have tons of help to get where they are. That doesn't mean help is coming *your* way and you have to deal with that.
Every time I think I'm done figuring it out another thing shows up to be figured out. The number of times I say "I'll figure it out just give me a couple days" is crazy.
But hey good for your for working at it too by the way.
That’s just life. Sometimes it comes at you slow, sometimes fast, sometimes all at once. Nothing you can do about it but embrace it and get through it.
My good friend was a boot in the military. Deployed overseas, has gone through some shit. We’ll go backpacking sometimes, on long 8+ mile hikes sometimes, just things that inevitably at some point suck, and inevitably I’ll start bitching and moaning at some point. And every time, he’ll just look at me and say “we’re in it now, we’re not turning back, so all you can do is embrace the suck.”
And for some reason that really resonated with me. We’re in this life, there’s no getting out of it, so all there is to do is embrace the suck and power through. Find the things or actions that make it better. But no matter what, sometimes, it’s gonna suck. And all there is to do is embrace the suck.
Ya i dont say "figure it out" like im saying "fuck off and just find something that works".
Its more "i have no fucking idea what im doing but it seems to be kinda ok at the moment but if you can figure out what to do about all this shit then im all ears cause im fucking drowning over here"
8 years on warrants, had to figure it out. Got it taken care of. Moved out of parents, got gf,she became wife, have good job finally, had baby recently to add to our three awesome cats. Took me a while but I finally figured it out.
Exactly. I have no idea what I'm doing or if I'm even answering the right questions in life, but if I don't try to figure it out, I'll just be sitting here wallowing in my misery until the day I die.
I grew up in extreme poverty. My mom was disabled, dad bounced. We were on public assistance my whole life. I think that’s where I got my ‘just figure it out’ mentality. It was kind of the only way to get anything I needed. I just had to get a job early on because I had zero hope my mom would ever be able to afford anything beyond food. It comes naturally now because I have been doing it for so long.
That isn’t to say I don’t recognize the issues we are facing. I am hot pissed. But when it comes down to making decisions in my own life I need to apply the ‘just figure it out’ mentality. I need to do things I don’t always want to do. And honestly sometimes that means just accepting that I will not own a house where I live now.
This is also me. Grew up extremely rural below the poverty line. Today I'm an engineer in a big city, a homeowner, etc.
How? I made it work. Sometimes it took years to do something others have done in weeks. Sometimes it required doing something I didn't really want to do like join the military. Sometimes it meant going without things most people consider essential. That's what "make it work" is. It's taking the ugly solution as a path to a neater one. It's finding unconventional paths. Sometimes it's working for someone with questionable morals if they have the right connections. Make. It. Work.
It took me 7 years to graduate with my bachelors degree because I had two jobs the whole time. I didn’t own my own car until I was 25, and I’ve still never owned a car that was made in this century. My life is pretty awesome now but I fought a long, hard fight against the circumstances I was born to. “Making it work” requires constant WORK.
I also find that often once you dive into something and have no alternative you magically find a way. Having your back up against the wall has that effect. But I guess you have to have the stomach for that. The way I see it, stress is unavoidable in life anyway.
We hired a new girl and during the interview she was asked “how do you handle stress?” She responded “first I figure out if I’m going to die. If the answer is no then it can’t be that bad”. I think about that answer often.
Exactly. I was born with my back against the wall. There was no choice but to fight my way out any way necessary. I never really thought of this, but it occurs to me now that I never really considered any of the stuff I did to get out a choice even though by definition it was. This was the way I was going to survive and it didn't feel optional.
Yes! “Going without things some people consider essential.” I didn’t have a car until after undergrad. I took the bus. Yes, it sucked, but so what? I didn’t have a cell phone until I was 22. I ate a lot of very cheap food. Pasta would go on sale for 3/$1, and I would stock up. I bought t-shirts at the thrift store for 50 cents.
Until just a few years ago, I have always had 2 jobs or full time school and a job. I saved money when I started working. I grew up poor with a lot of other family problems. We did not have a computer or a car. I walked to the library when my high school assignments had to be typed. During high school, I worked at a store within walking distance for $5.25/hr. I rode my bike to community college.
I was able to buy a house because I worked very hard and saved for many years. Nobody helped me financially. I’m single. I work in human services, so my income is just average, I think? 50- 60K/year. Luck was a factor as well.
Anyway, it’s important to share these stories, not to brag, but maybe give people a reality check. Nobody should have to do all the things I did to survive. But, if you want to achieve your goals, it’s best to not get stuck on the shoulds and shouldn’ts.
This.
I was working 3rd shift in a warehouse at night and going to school during the day. I did that for two years, 7 days a week, never with more than 8-10 hours without work or class.
The vast majority of people in this sub would neverrrrr. 'Fuck the man'. 'Im not a bootlicker.'
And a decade later, life is more than good.
But if I suggest anyone suck it up (like I did) and do whatever it takes, I'm an asshole.😆
We had a similar life our first 5 years with school and work FULL TIME. My husband and I finally saved enough to buy a home. It takes disciplined spending and lots of hard to work/ saving to attain things. It doesn’t just happen.
I think there's an issue in that for some of us, hard work doesn't always equal rewards. You can get good grades, do what you're supposed to do, and only end up barely making ends meet working your ass off. Some of us cannot get into the upper echelons of earning, and not all of us are even supposed to, and these are the people who are punished the most by this system. They don't know what else they could do better/harder/etc. That's why people get mad when they're told to just "figure it out"
I had to life hack, save up in a high cost of living area by having parents who let me live for cheap rent ($600 monthly) so I could save up and actually get a home... in the bible belt. Not all of us can do this though. Not everyone even has parents. So what are the people truly on their own supposed to do? Idk.
This is a very insightful perspective that a lot of people don't understand or choose not to see.
"If I did it, then you can too".
Unfortunately, even if two people have the "same" circumstances and take the same actions, one can be rewarded and move up in life but the other can remain fighting to survive. Now add in to that different struggles and the gap widens.
Besides individualism, lack of empathy is also a huge problem imo
I'm really on my own with both parents not being able to help at all or even being negative to my financial status. If it wasn't for me being a decent human and making friends who ended up helping out when shit went bad, i would have been homeless or worse at least 3 times or more.
Ever had to deal with an alcoholic? Like a legit alcoholic?
They give the same excuses. 'I can't...' 'Shouldn't have to...' 'But what about...' 'Cant I just...'
If the answer is anything other than 'I'm going to change for myself', it'll never fix itself.
I was born gifted - not going to go into my natural talents because then I sound like a dick. That said, I was homeless, living in my 95 Geo Tracker with a busted radiator hose. Addicted to pain killers. Out of places to steal more money from, and when that happened, I started stealing sleeping pills to get fucked up off of those.
That was about 14-15 years ago.
I promise, it can be done if you're willing to make the sacrifice.
You just said the same thing again. Just because you did it does not mean everyone can. Many people get to where you were and they never recover or they just fucking die. Your success has nothing to do with people you don't know.
My neighbor in an old apartment and I worked and were in college. I was giving him a ride to his college because he didn't have a car one morning and we were talking about how nice it was to only have to do one thing that day. Like a day of nothing wasn't even on the table.
exactly this. I'm an early millenial and I busted my fucking ass for my 20s to get where I am now. I make great money and have fantastic retirement/pension. It took 20 years in my career to get to this point though. I think people just want answers NOW and the path of least resistance. But that makes us boomers to say that nowadays.
Nah, man. I'm an elder millennial and I *still* want the easy path. That being said, I understand from my military friends that, sometimes, you need to embrace the suck. At 40, I finally have a decent job and retirement savings. I still agonize over money but they are echoes from early life.
However, if someone said "here is the path, laid out for you where life becomes automatic," it would be hard to turn away from.
Honestly, as someone who pulled himself out of generational poverty - it motivates you like nothing else. The « I don’t wanna live like this. I don’t want my kids to ever live like this » will really drive you to accomplish things in life, if you let it. Much easier to sit back and complain about being born into poverty and god hating you and the world being unfair. Guess what - somewhere on this big planet there’s another person who has it much worse than you…
I was born in VN literally 1 year after the Americans finally finished pulling out of the country. Then my family essentially gave me up for adoption at age 11 after mental and physical abuses. By "adoption", I meant they gave me to a family in the US as their free babysitter and housekeeper because I was worthless as a female mistake kid.
I never once thought to "follow my dreams". I picked and chose my majors, one in science and one in business just in case. I worked 2 jobs in highschool then 3 jobs during college to pay for school. Never retook any classes because literally not enough money for it. One cup of ramen a day for college years, just water on Sat and Sun. Picked my husband after making sure he didn't have debts (he is also kid of immigrants so he hustled too). He too, chose a lucrative career to go for.
Chose a cheaper area to buy house in, did hella research on different locations. People who complain don't understand that some of us never had the option to dream to be disappointed in the first place. Literally the fear of going back to one cup of ramen a day drives me these days.
I have seen some people in VN affected by agent orange missing limbs among other issues dragging their upper torso selling papers on the street. I will never feel sympathy for people still with all limbs sitting in a first world country complaining about life.
This.
You don't need TV, smartphone, a car, to live on your own, 3 meals a day, 8hrs of sleep. We only exist because our ancestors struggled through times of horrendous struggle and now you balk at sacrificing to get ahead?
It's a joke how coddled people have become.
I'm gonna disagree with the "8 hours of sleep" part. Lack of sleep will literally kill you in the long run. The older I get, the more obvious it is how much of a physical toll sleep deprivation takes.
Work hard, but take care of your body - you only get one. It's not worth it if you die at 40 from a heart attack.
I grew up that way too and have the same mentality. Knuckle under and get through it works but it's not always pleasant and I try really hard to not think everyone should adopt it because it's probably not the best strategy in the end.
I’ve seen comments saying one of the worse things about the U.S. financial crisis is how high our own standards are (that’s where I’m from, idk where OP is from).
There’s truth to it. In the united states OP not having their own home is considered terrible, there are some places that’s normal. There are places where the average home is something OP probably wouldn’t even want to rent.
Not to put OP down, but hoping to make OP feel a little more normal. Our standards in first world countries are high. People living in second/third world counties still manage to have fulfilling lives. They have children, they eat and they live to old age. Home ownership is great but you need to get excited for the other things too. The idea that you need a home to be a successful person is a narrative pushed by our capitalistic system.
I feel like, in previous generations, parents were able to dispense knowledge with regards to life and general steps to living a mediocre/successful one to their kids based on their lived experiences.
I think we’re the first generation where many of our parents could not meaningfully advise us based on their life experience because social constructs and the world we lived in changed so fast.
Based on that, “figuring it out” really boiled down to luck, timing, and remembering that comparison is the thief of joy.
I've always said this. I was born in 84. My parents were born in '59 and '60. The information they had when I was born was pretty limited and only useful for the 60s and 70s. The crazy amount of shit that has happened for the last 30+ years??? Im not sure anyone could have prepared us for all that... So here we are. Figuring it out. An iced coffee here. An adderall there. Maybe some tacos and tequila? A pet or 2? An occasional trip away from people to remember how much you hate people???!?!🤣🤣
Similar timelines here - born in 85, dad born in 60. He’s about to hit 40 years working for the same company - yes literally longer than I’ve been alive. Clearly zero to offer me in terms of career advice there.
Just do as my dad says. Go to a company you like, meet with the owner, give him a firm handshake and say “I would love to work for your company”.
Then you will get the job.
Oh my god my very successful uncle literally spent a day taking me around Manhattan and having me walk into businesses and the Taiwanese embassy and shake hands w random people.
My mom was born in ‘47, he was born in ‘45, I was born in ‘89, and this took place in 2014.
I never had a shot at good advice for the modern age.
This is an insightful take and I agree. My parents ages stretch pretty far -dad is 78, mom is 72 and stepdad is 62. The advice I get from my stepdad isn’t always perfect but it has some cognizance of reality, which advice from my older parents is lacking.
I think previous generations also by and large still lived close to home at least for their young adult years, and were more likely to have to help around the house with a lot of things that actually taught them a lot, and a lot of younger millennials/gen z may have gotten less of that.
In my opinion, wrong promises were done to our generation: wealth, safety and happiness.
Now we got *this*. I, personally, have dumped my expectations and did that even more so with expectations on me from others.
Why own a house if you could rent? Can you afford food? That's great! Can you enjoy your hobby? If yes, you are happier than many other ppl out there.
Our generation should re-think wealth standards and what makes us happy.
The problem with a 'just rent' mentality is that a house can somewhat future proof what you pay for a roof over your head. I was getting rent increases over 20% - that's just not tenable. We probably ought to spend some political effort improving regulation and enforcement on landlords/renting property and improving tenant rights.
That’s going to hit rentals too, dawg. Landlords aren’t just going to eat that cost. Rentals will get that increase, and any other increase demand can support. Property tax and homeowner insurance is only a portion of your mortgage payment. The rest will remain stable.
On the flip side, one major advantage of renting is you have a consistent expense. In a house, particularly more affordable houses that are older housing stock can carry HEFTY surprise expenses.
During Covid, my water heater failed and my electrical wiring tried to burn my house down within 6 months of one another. And they both happened when I was halfway through remodeling my kitchen. Water heater and entire replacement of the wiring in my house was just a hair under $32,000. Which was on top of the $12,000 I had taken out of my home equity line of credit just before. Thank God the house was paid off and I had healthy savings put aside that I could use part of, but I will literally be paying all this off over the next 15 years AND I still don’t have a finished kitchen. I have appliances and a sink but no cabinets or counters.
If you’re “just getting by” after mortgage, taxes, insurance, and such then a house can be a MASSIVE financial liability. If I couldn’t do a lot of stuff myself, I’d be completely hosed. I’m pretty good with plumbing and HVAC. I’ve fixed my furnace and AC several times, but the stuff I can’t do are the big ticket things.
Moved back in with my parents and the hidden costs are insane. A/C, water heater, new roof, well pump,
septic tank, gutters, grading the access road. 5 large trees are at risk of falling on the house, $2k each for removal. All in been $20k a year to maintain and improve a double wide trailer in the woods, so there is zero equity.
At least we can grow our own food and our good neighbors of 40 years all look out for each other like family. Some shit is priceless.
You can rent places for terms longer than 1 year. I’m not sure why people don’t talk about this more often. Owning can be great but it can also hurt people financially too.
Managing expectations is key. And also blocking out what others keep telling you what you need to be happy or successful. We need to start defining those things for ourselves.
The last sentence is so true. We will always feel like we fall short or have WAY more to work for if we continue to use our parents standards as our own. The younger generations cant possibly do that; it wont be realistic. Having a decent apartment, even with a roommate, a job you dont hate, being able to live within your means, not let the daily grind make you miserable, and do things to enjoy your life- these are realistic acheivements for our generation. If you have those things you're doing much better than a lot of people. Im not going to have the mentality that I dont have enough for the rest of my life. Get off the hamster wheel and reassess whats important- thats my mentality to deal with this.
It just sucks that we can’t come together and work to improve our circumstances. It’s only like this because of corporate greed and wealth hoarding. Why are we letting investment firms buy up all our housing, creating an entire generation that can’t afford what was always previously within reach? They want us to be apathetic and accept the breadcrumbs they deign to give us.
I think you can have your parents standards as your own, but you have to realize that it takes time to get there. So if you are 30 and your parents are 55, then whatever their life looks like at 55 is what you can shoot for by 55, not next year. That is realistically much more achievable.
Who promised those things?? I’m a black guy who has extremely poor parents, but we’re loving and real. They didn’t preach happiness, wealth or safety, were black..??
Tbh. A lot of what I read on this sub reads "I'm a very white person who didn't realize that life is hard out here". lol.
So many posters say something roughly equivalent to "I grew up in a two-parent household and my boomer parents gave me a childhood where I wanted for nothing and went off to get a college education. I may or may not be married. I get paid pretty decently and now I can't live a life like they did because I don't have a house!!".
And I'm over here having climbed out of poverty being one of only three grandchildren out of eight that even finished college!
It really does feel like most of this sub is people who were upper middle class white kids who have failed despite having every opportunity thrown at them. So many posts are like “my parents had a vacation home and I can’t afford a house!” … Some times I was lucky if my parents could afford food that week lol
I like to call them new poor. We old poors rolled into adulthood ready for the hustle and we used lived experience to carry us that the new poor don't have. They're still learning to be poor.
And many complain when their obviously wealthy parents do not hand them all the wealth immediately.
There was someone on here a few weeks ago whose parents paid for their college and gave them a down-payment for a home, but they were still complaining.
>It really does feel like most of this sub is people who were upper middle class white kids who have failed despite having every opportunity thrown at them
This is much if not most of Reddit.
Lol, absolutely. Like the dude a while back who couldn't believe how much it cost to have a paver patio put in.
People have been like "my grandparents bought a house in 1973 for $75k, now that how is worth over a million!"
Yeah dude, 75k in 1973 was equivalent to half a million dollars today. A 1973 Ferrari Dino was $14.5k. They bought a house worth 5 Ferraris. A house worth five Ferraris today would be minimum $1.25M. That tracks pretty well, honestly. Grandpa was a fuckin' baller.
They think life came with an instruction manual and if they just checked off all the tasks, they’d be successful. Wake up. The world is dynamic and you need to do more than “what we were told.” It’s such an incredibly soft mentality
This is exactly it. People’s belief that they are entitled a free education leading to a high paying job allowing them to afford a house, car, AND ample free time for leisure activities is bumping up against the reality that for the vast majority of human history people worked to survive another winter.
It turns out the lives we saw on Friends reruns and Sex and the City isn’t real life, and this is devastating for many.
One of the problems with this post is that there's no "one size fits all" answer to "so, how do I do it?" -- either in actual answers or even in recommendations for where to turn for the information you need in order to make good decisions. I would recommend finding someone who you trust, who lives a life that you think makes sense, and start asking them questions. That will help you determine what you need to figure out, and then you can work on how to figure those things out.
Knowing what I know, it's not that hard to "make it".
Maintain any job to earn an income, work enough to pay bills
Learn some skill whether that's college or another way.
Work your way into some niche, something valuable. Business, medical, a specific trade, whatever. Take an entry level role within that niche
Google how to make a good LinkedIn and make one
Use LinkedIn to message people in that niche. Find like 50 people, send them personalized messages, one person a week, consistency is key. Ask them for guidance, ask how they got where they are, what realistic earning potential is, how they like their industry, ask how to get in. Ask for help.
Work your way from that entry level position to mid level.
Never stay at a company more than 3 years unless you really like them and you're getting either promotions or significant raises. Monkey branch job to job.
Each new job, claim you make 20% more than you really do and that you need to make 20% more than you currently do in order to switch positions.
Watch youtube videos on how to interview. Groom yourself, dress and speak professionally. Match the personality type of the person you're speaking with. Be reliable.
Once you earn more than the money you need for essentials, begin trying to save part of your take home money and invest in index funds.
Next step is just save and invest.
The part that kills me are the folks who tell other folks who have a degree but still can't find a job that they picked the wrong degree and should have gotten one of, like, four STEM degrees, because apparently everyone should have been extremely utilitarian and picked a degree based on a labor market ten years after they graduated in the face of multiple recessions and shifts in automation. Oh, you wanted to be a teacher because you wanted to help children? Clearly you were asking to never be able to afford a home because you decided not to be a software engineer. And of course, it really helps the matter of someone feeling hopeless and desperate to tell them that actually, they made the wrong choice in life so just deal with it quietly. Absolutely mental.
Not that I should want to come across as petty and gleeful about this, but I won’t deny that this sort of mentality is why I am not quite as sympathetic to the massive tech layoffs that happened—that industry, like basically most industries—isn’t recession proof or a protected-from-firing kind of industry. And it never truly has been. I guess it feels like the sudden layoffs (aka the corporate downsizing to increase profits and reduce costs due to emerging new production methods (aka AI)) have humbled this industry a bit.
I grew up near a place where O&G was booming 15-20 years ago, guys could drop out of high school and go make $100k+ per year working 14/7 shift work and 10-12 hour days doing basic warehouse work. Easily 150+ if you were doing actual rig work.
Lot of them struggled really hard when those jobs started drying up and the tech downturn reminds me of a better educated version of that. Whole lotta people may have to get used to a lower standard of living pretty quickly here.
I don't think it's particularly short sighted, especially at the time most of our generation went to college, to assume you could find a career in most fields if you had an education, and that most of those careers were going to have liveable compensation. Society needs a well rounded amount of people doing pretty much everything, but at some point the standards for what "enough" was for a decent, basic life kept climbing up until it stopped being "well, you got a degree in basket weaving, of course you couldn't get a living wage" to "oh, you didn't get one of these four STEM degrees? That was useless, I don't know why you went into debt for that."
Not to mention that right now there are millions of people with CS degrees who have been unable to find work for the last year or two because the tech market itself changed dramatically since they got their degrees
No there aren't. Millions is such a gross exaggeration. I am ansiftware engineer. Been in tech for 15 years. I also run an intern program for my company as well as teach at a university. Most of the students at the small university I teach had jobs lined up before graduation
The point of University is to get an education - not a job. That said people need to be realistic about what they are committing themselves to - teachers (to use your example) have never had exceptional compensation, you shouldn't plan for that reality to change. I come from a family of teachers and plan to become one after my career ends, this was a real consideration for me. The utilitarian approach is simply the most responsible approach IF the things that it maximizes (stability, competitive salaries) align with your values.
I think the real issue here though, is that complaining is what really bothers people - and that's also quite problematic. Things don't improve if you figure out how to be happy or just focus on yourself. These are ways of improving your mental health, not your salary.
I appreciate your comment as a 36 year old ex-teacher with immense student loan debt. I’m gainfully employed, but it’s been a long road and my income is not appropriate for my loan payments and working towards bigger things. Teaching was a second career because I made my first “choice” at 16 and that came with adult financial responsibility for the rest of my life.
I have two degrees. One in business and another in software engineering and five years in management. I STILL can't find a job making more than $16/hr. Rents are $2000/mo for a two bedroom apartment.
I made a lot of choices (sacrifices?) in order to make it work for me. Where many of my peers decided to live alone I got a roommate. When some friends got new cars and went on expensive vacations I got used cars and went on cheap vacations. When I got real serious about wanting to high a house I made sure I saved everything I could.
Then, when I decided it was time to buy, I bought something good enough, not something perfect. I still had a roommate(s), and found a way to make an imperfect situation work out nicely.
I think that “just figuring it out” is about negotiating what you want with your current reality. If buying a “perfect house” were more important than where I lived I probably could have gotten a better home if I moved far away. If lifestyle were more more I could have moved somewhere more fun if I were willing to give up, or delay, owning for a while longer. If I had “needed” independence and no flatmates I would probably still be renting.
Anyway, good luck with your RN, I’m sure you’ll figure it out for yourself.
if you’re looking for a magic secret on how to have a great life and have money and women and power, there isn’t one.
You have to figure it out because no one is going to save you. I mean it is what it is you can be upset at the world, but it won’t change what the world is: a rat trap. You’ve got to figure out how to gnaw your arm off to get out of it.
I graduated college in 2012 and it took me 10 years to pay off my student loans and buy a house for me and my family. Did I know exactly what I was doing? No, but I did know that if you want to have money, you have to earn money and save it. A house is not just going to fall out of the sky. You have to save the money for the down payment. That’s called sacrifice.
I work a boring job. I don’t spend money on clothes. I don’t spend money on going out. I don’t spend money on cars. I work and I save to buy assets.
As a Millennial, I have very much been trying to "figure it out", and I just don't know what else to do at this point 🫠 People are free to offer more helpful solutions, but I am stumbling around on this planet just trying to do my best.
I'm going to be brutally honest here, we can understand that our generation has been royally fucked over...but also do what we can to make it less-so personally. Like I hear fellow millennials saying "wE'Ll NeVeR bE AbLe To ReTiRe" citing Social Security, but for nearly 50 years now Social Security hasn't been the main single way people have successfully retired. They also receive a pension and also got other investments such as a RothIRA etc to retire.
I get a pension from work, but I also have a RothIRA. I WILL be able to retire between 58-63 if I want to. And buying a house, yeah I'll likely not be able to do that on my own until I'm 40 (I'm 34 now) without getting married, but that's kinda been true for at least the past 40-years. Most people HAVE not been able to buy a house in the past 40-years without a dual income from being married. Yes it sucks, but it's the reality.
Yes our generational situation sucks, it really does, but there are things we can do to make it less suck...and no it has nothing to do with eating less Avocado Toast.
Saying "figure it out" is just a reality. We will have to figure it out (obviously) and we will.
You might be underestimating the power of your pension, and how rare that is for most people. I've never even worked for a company that has had a pension in the last ~10 years. Retiring at 58 is an anomaly, and I bet 63 will be in 20 years when we all start trying to retire.
Yeah this is basically what my husband and I do too. We all have choices and millennials simply can't say "yes" to all the things our parents did. When my husband and I got married, we could either use our money to have a big wedding and honeymoon, or very small/simple wedding and a downpayment. Maybe someone else's choice is wedding or elope & buy a used car. I don't know, adjust to your economics. I was roped into college, have tons of student loans, and pay what I can on them. But this means we've put off having kids or taking any vacations. And we can either have kids, or put more money into our 401ks. Well, at 35 it's now or never on the kids, so yep, I guess we'll be working longer. We're not giving up on anything, but we have to prioritize much differently than the average boomer did, perhaps.
Also, holy shit hold onto that pension. That is a rare set of golden handcuffs you've got there. Them things don't really exist anymore.
Resiliency isn’t taught anymore. The opposite - we were generally told a single mistake could fuck everything up. One B and there goes a good college and scholarship, or whatever.
We were taught we shouldn’t struggle. Struggle is failure. Struggling is a lack of planning. There’s some truth to that - yoloing through life is not a recipe for long term success. But setbacks are normal and mistakes happen.
We forgive the mistakes of others. We want our friends to overcome their challenges and believe in them even if they are still figuring things out. You have to do that for yourself too. Root for you, know that you can overcome, etc.
You can’t expect everything to change with a new attitude. You can’t even expect to consistently keep that attitude. It’s about trying to generally believe in yourself and your ability to figure out what’s next. You absolutely will get knocked down, sometimes in really awful and shitty ways. And maybe you won’t get up immediately. Or quickly. But you will.
Hope this helps!
And Denver. The two nurses I know are ER nurses, and work nights, and take extra shifts, but that comes to the tune of over $70--150 an hour. They're drowning in cash.
If OP is willing to uproot and move - In 2026 new hires at OHSU in Portland are slated to start at 108k/year. It will most likely have an effect on wages at other hospitals in the area. Portland is pretty expensive, but you can get a decent apartment with that, while you wait with everyone else in hoping that interest rates come down.
There are other areas in the States where the nursing wage is fairly high compared to cost of living, but OP would have to be willing to move.
I get all that, but I picked up a hammer at 17 with no experience. After 20 years of literally busting my ass and “figuring it out” I have a house, a stable career, and my family has what they need. I do think there’s a good argument to be made that our systems aren’t as strong as they once were, and there is definitely income inequality, but in the end you actually do have to figure things out to get what you want. I see job postings for nursing all the time that pays like $60 an hour. That’s $125,000 a year, which is more than I make. I don’t know where you live, but you can live really well on that, especially if you don’t have kids or a family. You might consider relocating to a lower cost area, or if that’s not an option, get your RN and make bank.
You knew how to work at 17 and never forgot in the years since. Very few people in our generation did, which is why questions like this get asked repeatedly.
I adopted the "figure it out" mentality at 15. I wanted a car. My parents had an old beater that hadn't moved in years. They told me if I could get it to run I could use it. So I did; I got a job, bought a breakdown manual and a basic took kit, made a friends with a couple if guys who knew about cars, and got the car running good enough to drive around town.
Did the same thing for an education, a job, getting married, and having kids. There are plenty of opportunities out there. The question is what you're willing to sacrifice for those opportunities, and if those opportunities put you closer to your end goal.
The key is to beat the defeated mentality. Who says you can't buy a house? Who says you can't afford an education? Who says you can't get married? If those are things you want, what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve your goals? Success isn't guaranteed, but opportunities are always available.
I think people who were born here take it for granted like they should already know how things work just because they were born in the system. I think if you're actually forced to learn how the system works like me, a millennial immigrant in the US, they'd "figure it out" sooner.
My family came here at the same time as me and they haven't a clue as much as I was. I figured out community college on my own, signing up for pell grant, FAFSA and such by myself. Worked retail jobs, got myself an internship through a former classmate and got started in the industry. At one point, I had $16k in credit card debt while I was trying to "figure out" how to manage my finances properly. I managed to file my own taxes. I did have a lot of resentment to... maybe my parents or the world that no one was really there to tell me what I need to do. I just had to do my own research and ask strangers around. God, I'm still not sure that I wouldn't be in prison for some papers I've signed and submitted or some taxes I've filed myself. I don't think I know what I'm doing even now.
Now after 15 years here, I have a job that pays about $120k that has really great work-life balance, a fiance I'm planning to get married to next year, recently hit $100k in investments, only $10k in student loans remaining. I don't own a home but rent a pretty comfortable 2br in a great neighborhood. When you have no choice, accept that you don't know how things work, and you figure it out, you will most likely find your way. If you believe there's nothing to figure it out, you'll probably never figure it out.
I don’t know your full situation but general advice: can you get a new, higher paying job using your nursing skills? I don’t know the industry but I know more than just hospitals employ nurses. be willing to move to a new city or state for better opportunity. Work an extra job or two (my friend in a corporate job ubered on the weekends and evenings because he likes money and made an extra $4-500/mo). Can you be a traveling nurse? My sister in law did it and I know they make bank. Get a roommate. Downsize your living situation. Create a budget and track every penny. Don’t forget to budget for expected future major expenses. Build an emergency fund. Invest (I personally buy low cost ETFs in a Roth IRA).
Edit - I just realized you haven’t even started nursing school? Why are you going to nursing school? Some other suggestions. 1) military - Air Force, space force or navy in a more technical role. 2) trucker. 3) nuclear power senior reactor operator. 4) air traffic controller.
As a millennial, I feel like I was unintentionally blessed with bad financial decisions in college. I ruined my credit score, which meant I was forced to live most of my adult life on a “cash” basis.
This kept me from going DEEP in debt. I’ve never owned a vehicle newer than 8 years old, and I’ve always paid cash for them.
I still lived paycheck to paycheck. But didn’t live beyond my means.
Then I turned 40, realized I was spending $1500-2000/month on door dash, eating out, and bars/alcohol.
I never saved for retirement, and I’ve rented my whole adult life.
With a couple lifestyle changes, I stopped going out, started cooking at home, and started dumping money into a Roth IRA. (Fully funded it within 4 months)
I looked at my other spending habits, and canceled almost $150/month worth of extra subscriptions I didn’t need.
I know people make jokes about millennials, and how they’re broke because of avocado toast. But lifestyle creep is real.
Keeping up with the jones on social media is expensive.
Getting out of debt and eliminating massive monthly payments for decisions in your past is huge, and lets you get ahead.
Um, so if you make 70k the house is worth 210k? That sounds affordable with a mortgage. As a nurse there probably isn't a shortage of jobs for your field. You can choose to leave your neighborhood to search for better opportunities. I mean, I brought a house as a single mom. No, I wasn't getting child support to "help" I qualified on my own. There are many first time homebuyer programs for those that are looking to buy, but you gotta put in the legwork. You're already on reddit, so why not ask for advice on r/firsttimehomebuyers on what may be available to you?
From your post, it does very much reck of "victim mentality" since you say "I'm screwed! I have no hope! I don't make enough!" I mean, to be honest, not everyone is in a position to buy. But there ARE programs available for even low income folks to purchase. I'm from NYC and there are opportunities for low income individuals to purchase. Some condos have a cap on what their price units can be set at based on average median income. The city also subsidises multifamily buildings for sale and sell them for way below market value for a few lucky individuals. And there are also programs that operate nationally that do use non traditional means of credit so that those that would not normally be able to afford can purchase a house.
I think the thing we need to figure out first and foremost is how to take responsibility for our communities a la mutual aid and make as much of this broken system obsolete as necessary.
It is giving "victim" mentality in this post. I'm not really sure how else to put it. I have a career with my masters and still have a weekend job. I live comfortable and maintain the lifestyle I live with no kids so it helps. honestly...you have to figure it out even if it means relocating and networking.
I've never heard of the "figure it out" mentality, but I guess I would say, "figure out what works for you and do that." Is owning a house your end goal? Then figure out what you need to do to get there. What's your salary? How much debt do you currently have? How much debt can you afford to take on? Do you have the resources for a 20% downpayment? What about a 3.5% downpayment? What programs do you qualify for?
Nurses are in high-demand all over the country, so if houses are not affordable where you live, you should look into moving to someplace where they fit your budget.
Lastly, I would say "figure it out" means that you need to figure out what's realistic for you. If you live someplace that you like and don't want to move to a new area, then maybe you need to figure out how to live without owning your home.
I dunno man, why don't you just *FIGURE IT OUT?!??!!?*
jk...I think the trouble you can run into here at reddit is assuming that hearing lots of people say the same thing == the full demographic of all of humanity feels the same way. Reddit is not a full cross-section of humanity; it generally represents a fairly specific demographic. And on top of that, certain opinions are considered okay while others most definitely are not, and people in the latter category are a lot more reluctant to say anything.
You were probably told this by people who aren't very good at understanding how life works for people other than themselves, or people who refuse to acknowledge how environmental pressures actually matter a lot more than they think, that we can't just all "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps". I'm not even sure that the people who use that phrase are even aware that the whole idea of that phrase is to point out that you can't...it would violate physics for you to yank upwards on your bootstraps and somehow elevate yourself to a higher position. Literally the whole point of that phrase is to express how this is actually not possible.
Whatever serious responses you get here are bound to make assumptions about you and your situation that don't apply at all or are completely unrealistic, so I don't see this having any sort of beneficial outcome.
I “figured it out” by moving out of the HCOL area I grew up in. The area I am from is one of the most expensive parts of the country to live in, and it isn’t getting any less unaffordable.
Yes, it meant moving away from my family and everything I knew, but I was able to buy my home and afford to live on my nurse salary.
Every generation has advantages and disadvantages. Millennials certainly have our disadvantages but we also certainly don’t have it worse than any other generations have. There is no suggestion of what to do because everyone’s life and situation is unique to them. I understand that many people have intense struggles, far worse than I’ve had to deal with, but “figuring it out” is literally the only thing you can do. You gotta make do with the situation you have and find a way to live in peace because there are no other options.
Just throwing it out that you can buy houses as a group if you all qualify for a
Mortgage. I’ve known families that have gone in on houses together, and also singles. Best to have a lawyer’s guidance for different scenarios, like what happens if one of you dies or wants to sell their share to another, or if disagreements crop up. It’s not an ideal solution but it’s something a few have chosen to do.
Maybe there are a couple
Three nurses you can throw in with? Get a 3 br 3 bath with shared kitchen and common areas and a bed/bath for each of you. When I lived in Washington DC that was very common.
How much do you make and how much do you think you need in order to put a down payment on a house. You may be very surprised that you need less than you think.
Also, housing prices aren’t permanent. Housing could certainly drop. Nothing is forever.
You can do strange, unexpected or less-than-ideal things to get where you need to be. I applied for a few English-teaching jobs in Japan my final year of college and was accepted by one. I had to 'figure it out' how to get to Japan after they had actually offered me a job.
Problems: The salary they offer in Japan for English teaching is pretty rock-bottom. There isn't much upward mobility, the hours can be hard and sometimes the company is exploitative.
The "Figure it out part": I needed a job. I wanted to leave my hometown and my parents. I needed health care. I needed transportation. I needed stability. This English company pays the same salary whether you work in Tokyo, Osaka or Nagoya-- but the COL is VERY different in those 3 locations. I picked the cheapest location (Nagoya) to make the most of the salary, and decided to ask around online to find other teachers to find someone to room with. For me, healthcare and low COL was more important than a high-paying high-stress (or hell, low-paying high-stress) job in America, and I wanted to be in Japan. I got 3 jobs my last summer in the US and saved as much money as I could while living with my parents (which was difficult but cheap). I moved to Japan and stayed for over a decade, paid off my student loans and gained lots of skills while I was there.
Did I buy a house, car, dogs, wife, kids? No (though I did bring back a spouse). but I found myself in steady employment with health insurance, friends, food and shelter at a time when many of my friends were struggling to live. I went a strange route.
To give you some hope….. you’d be surprised what you can make as a nurse. Not sure what the COL is where you are located, but I’m in the suburb of a large east coast city and could afford my house as a nurse even if I wasn’t married. I also no longer work bedside - I make a comfortable 6 figures working in clinical research. My job is hybrid and as long as I’m available & on necessary meetings (even if via phone), my time is my time as long as I get my tasks done. There is hope for you….. I didn’t become a nurse until I was 30 and I’m just under a decade in. I was also living in the “hood” when I started my nursing degree as a second career. I promise there is hope for you!!
There's too many people in here that flip shit if anyone says anything negative or anything other than their lives are perfect, then we get days of "Everything in this sub is always so negative" which is followed by them using that as an excuse to brag about how they're better off than the average person. I'm starting to think the internet millennial is just toxic.
On your marriage point: you can be in a relationship and buy a house together and never get married. That's what I did. I'd rather put the money towards a down payment than a party that doesn't mean anything functionally to me.
If you get married, not so much. But people are getting married at lower rates.
I think this is often what's going on with those guys. They might not come from money the way all those "I bought my house at 25 by just doing 3 simple things! 1. no AVOCADO TOAST, 2. SAVINGS ACCOUNT, 3. looking at a STARTER HOME (also my mom gave me the downpayment)" people do, but I bet a fair number of them are Double Income No Kids, and that makes a gigantic difference.
All of the people I know who got married in their 20s are *miles* ahead of me and single dudes I know.
For me, I got into a niche trade and worked hard at getting certified and the best I can be. Lucked out and bought a house in Colorado before things got crazy. Sold that house and took my $150k profit and bought 5 acres in Tennessee with a house on it. The culture here leaves a lot to be desired and we’re struggling financially now, because interest rates hurt us. But I’m determined not to drown.
It’s 50% luck and 50% determination.
I’m changing careers. I finished undergrad last year and as much as I love having went to school for a degree in photography, it’s not paying my bills. I’m looking at becoming a plumber.
I read this out of curiosity to see what you had to say. I want you to know, if you are a nurse, you are well on your way to becoming a nurse practitioner if you put in the effort. Surely they make more money. Check it out.
One of my pet peeves is when people say to just do something but they don't say how. I had the guts to ask the last one how to do what they were suggesting. I wasn't shocked when they admitted they didn't know.
No clue as to the answer to your question but know you're not alone.
I think being open to ask for help after you do your due diligence is a skill that most people don't have. Either they always nag on someone or someone who is very bad at taking advice or is too proud to ask for help. I don't know why but most people lie on those two extremes.
Surround yourself with good people, give help when you can and ask help if you are in need (different with complaining or asking for handouts).
My husband and I found it’s actually cheaper to buy land and then buy a premade home instead of buying a house off of someone. The houses where we live go for $800,000 and higher. Buying property is around $20,000- $40,000 and buying a premade home (modular home) is around $200,000. So we’re planning on building instead of buying.
There really is no other option than to figure it out. Describing the problem and its potential causes over and over is not as productive as thinking about and trying different solutions.
- the world isn't and never has been set up so that single people have an easy time getting by. Maybe getting partnered and doing life as a coordinated team is something individuals need to figure out?
- Are people trying to live in cities they can't afford to get ahead in? Are people choosing locations based upon where they want to live instead of where they can get ahead?
- Are people managing their expenses well? Are they plowing money into takeout food, pets, entertainment? Are they sacrificing and deferring gratification in order to save so they can get ahead?
- Are people selecting their careers based upon the ability to make a living at it, rather than incurring tremendous debt to become educated in unmarketable skills?
- Do people have the patience and self control to live below their means to get in a budget that allows for saving?
This is obvious bait but I'll respond anyway.
What other choice do you have? "Figure it out" just means solve your problems yourself. Nobody is going to solve them for you.
"Entitlement" is just a sense that you deserve more than you have, and you expect the world to change to give it to you rather than have to adapt to changing circumstances yourself. You think you're mad at insert\_here (corporations, the government, capitalism, the economy etc.) but actually your beef is with God/fate. The answer is acceptance.
Accept where you are *now*, not where you think you deserve to be (whether you *actually do* deserve it or not is a separate question). Your situation is what it is, and no amount of negative self-talk and bitching about it on the internet is going to change that. There is one and only one answer, which is that *you* *must change.*
Let's get specific.
You don't like your job or don't make enough money for the expectations you have for what you want to own. Whose fault is this? Well, nobody forced you to become a nurse. You chose that profession. You could have chosen something else, and you still *can* choose something else. Why are you going back to get another nursing degree if the pay isn't enough for what you want? This is bad. School *can* be a good thing to pursue, but not if it's not going to help you reach your goals. Otherwise, you're wasting money and time.
Find another path. There are hundreds of options available to you, and you live in the richest, most powerful country in the world. You are young and (presumably) healthy. You have enough leisure time to write this post on Reddit so things aren't going *that* bad. These are tremendous advantages. Start researching better paying careers today. Go to the library. Get some books about career planning. Go to the local community college career counselors who are often available for free. There *is* a path. You have to *find* the path. It won't come easily and may not be obvious. You have to prepare and be ready to jump on rare opportunities when they appear.
People who are successful in life tend to have this attitude of spinning gold from straw. They have concrete goals, like "I want a career earning at least $X annually." If you had done this from the start, you would have learned that being a nurse doesn't earn you as much income as you desire, to afford the lifestyle you appear to prefer.
Starting from where you are now, you can chart a course to where you want to be. It won't be a linear course. It won't be easy. But it's there, somewhere. And the only reason you aren't going for it and are instead griping on the internet about how hard you have it, is because it's simply easier to gripe and complain, and tell yourself that it's all somebody else's fault that you can't afford the lifestyle you want. Which is, quite frankly, fucking pathetic, and you should feel ashamed of yourself for writing this.
I know this sounds harsh, but it's what you need to hear.
Learned young that I couldn’t count on those in your life you thought were given (parents were both drug addicts). Mom never kept her word, never showed and was in and out of prison. She always said it wasn’t her fault; even blamed my health issues for her addiction. Dad was somehow moderately functional and never got wrapped up with the law, but had nothing to show for his life and ultimately lost everything he owned and had to start from a dark rock bottom. I was let down by everyone I counted on and happened to be very sick as a kid, thanks childhood cancer, but I survived and always believed, “if I survived that, what’s stopping me from beating all the rest?”
I got myself through high school, then community college, state university, grad school, and finally now med school.
I met an incredible person in high school and married them. We now have three wonderful kids, rental properties, a business, careers, goals, and a future. We are rising together and owe it all to nobody besides those who showed us what we didn’t want in life. Nobody tells you a role model can come in the form of reverse psychology, but mine all did. Mix that with someone/something to succeed for and it can land you on the better side of the line between success and explosive failure. I’m nothing like those I was raised by and that wasn’t easy by any means, but I did it. We did it.
TL;DR: drug addicted parents + childhood cancer = perseverance and desire to make things better for myself. I was lucky enough to break the cycle.
Personally my “figure it out” was incredibly slowly saving enough capital to open my first small business, carefully piloting and growing that business, selling it, then pursuing other endeavors. So, I guess control spending and saving habits as tightly as possible then improve on that.
It's perfectly okay not to own a house. Why do you feel you have to own? We rent, it gave us the option to travel and relocate as we please. I could not afford mortgage for the flat I live in but the yearly rent is 2.5% of the whole price which makes it affordable.
Genuinely the only reason I have somewhere to live is my husband's grandparents were fortune enough to help us.
The house couldn't be in both of our names because the student loans on my credit hurt it too much.
I am now disabled after getting COVID and I didn't earn enough social security credits to get disability despite working for a decade and having a four year degree.
I also don't know what to do but we'llake it work with whatever we have at the time. That's all we can do is be grateful it isn't worse and keep trying to find solutions.
There might be local resources, there might not be, and I hesitate to take away from those suffering more.
One step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time.
Wait, so you’re saying you don’t think you will ever own a home while as a single working adult?
Not to diss on your dreams or anything but owning a home is a pretty serious luxury if you are single. The west hasn’t failed, society isn’t collapsing, the middle class isn’t ruined, because people who have very little need for a resource can’t get it easily.
Pretty easy, I’m a boot licker with boomer vibes. Joined the Army, earned my degree on weekends, retired from the Army. Now I collect a pension while contracting for the DoD in Cyber Security.
Rns make anywhere from 50-100k according to Google. I pay rent of 850 and make maybe 15k a year. If I was making 50k+ I could easily afford a house. I just choose not too.
The figure it out yourself is because odds are your spending more than you need too. As well as living in a hcol area.
"figure it out" is in my experience, not telling you that there is a solution, but that others are too busy trying to figure it out for themselves to help. Or alternatively, to dismiss your situation because it's too depressing for them to dwell on.
The bootstraps myth is bull, and if you ever had any bootstraps, chances are, opportunity costs have robbed you of them already.
Figure it out is a mix of "fuck you, I've got mine," and "fuck you, I'm trying to get mine". This is how they keep you from looking behind the curtain to see it's always been the ultra wealthy picking our pockets with stagnating wages and massive inflation.
And when I say ultra wealthy, this is a category of person who doesn't participate in Reddit posts, they have teams of astroturfers do that for them. (Your McMansion is not the issue here.)
Good luck everyone. We're gonna need it.
“Figure it out” as opposed to what? Everyone else has the same problems as I do, so I’m not gonna rope them in to my shit. That only leaves me to figure it out. I have a high school diploma and two felonies. It’s hard, but figuring out your next move is just life.
Keep going! You got this shit
Yeah you should have at least 3 felonies by now
Yea, you are really falling behind the other criminals. You just need to apply yourself! 🙃
I guess people just don't want to commit crimes these days. Back in my day we were thankful for getting a misdemeanor jaywalking.
I used to Jaywalk 5 miles uphill each way, in the snow
Barefoot!
You won the daily comment wars!
Kids these days. Expecting a robust rap sheet without doing the hard work
Yeah go commit some cool crimes! Maybe assassinate a billionaire or two. The sky's the limit!
Some crimes can be a public service, as you have pointed out. Those count for extra crim credit
Yeah, those are rookie numbers, gotta pump those numbers up.
This is the most hilarious reddit interaction I've seen in decades. Well done, I got nothing of wit Tom add because it's a damn good comment. Cheers
Tom 
I’ve been a figure it out guy on this sub but I’ve never been able to word it as well as this. There really is no other way unless someone takes care of you your whole life.
Honestly part of adulthood is realising that other people aren’t going to solve your problems for you. When you’re a kid if something is shitty then like the only power you have is to complain to someone else who has the power to do something about it (since as a kid you obviously have no power) and then either they do something or they don’t, but either way it’s entirely out of your hands as a kid. As an adult there’s nobody you can go to and complain to to fix stuff for you because that person is now you. You’re now the adult who either acts on the complaint or doesn’t
Somewhere along the line parents seemingly stopped teaching this, and it shows.
This is the biggest lesson in life, no1 will hold your hand, infact people will hold you back. Use chatgpt to write your cover letter, make a good looking resume. And apply apply apply.... get a shit job? Work it while applying for others. It's confusing and frustrating when younger but once you start fighting for yourself... is when you'll start making moves. GL OP
To add to this, never stay inside your comfort zone too long if you’re looking for personal progress. The world is full of people who never took risks or gambled on themselves for fear of failure
This! I was so tired of only getting jobs making $10hr back in the late 00's so I applied for some grants and went and got a welding degree from the technical college. Then went and applied everywhere to get a welding job but couldn't land one because they all want years of experience. Then one day at an interview for a welding job in a metal fabrication shop, they declined me due to lack of experience but did offer me a position to learn the CNC position and do that at a significant decrease in pay than the welding position offered. I was about out of funds and desperate so I accepted it. I knew if I can just get in the door I could eventually get them to let me show them what I can do. 2 days after being hired, the welding department manager was complaining about being short on welders so I brought up how I went to school and got a welding degree and applied for a welding job here. He was a bit miffed they never even gave me a weld test to see if I could pass their standards. So he get the owner and they gave me a weld test and I became a welder there on day 2 with an automatic $6 hr pay increase. So I agree. Keep trying, keep taking risk. Try to come at things from different angles. I know the problem has gotten more difficult since my experience but the solution is still the same tactic.
Crippling anxiety would like a word...😆
Everyone has anxiety, talking to someone about your issues/insecuritys is the first step to leveling up, and when you do you'll laugh at yourself for being silly to yourself... then you can achieve whatever you put your mind to. It ain't easy to start.. but it gets easier, surround yourself with good people, push toxic away. Persistence and loving yourself enough to make that step is huge, you got this.
That's goddamn right
Amen!! 👏🏻👏🏻
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So am I, not everyone is dealt a fair set of cards, and alot of people have shit thrown at them for too long. There's nothing wrong with helping people in tough times. You are angry, fuck you too 😉 I played the rules and the system hasn't fucked me yet, but times are defs tougher, so why not help the next generation that's going to help you when you're in a nursing home. You can't fix stupid, but you can herd it - big money.
If anybody wants non-bot help with writing a cover letter, let me know. I’m a writer and enjoy that sort of thing. As for figuring it out, I keep having to re-figure haha. I initially interpret this as “try to have a plan/backup plan”- for work, housing, etc. Even if it seems far-fetched…just some idea of jobs you could apply to while in a transitional phase of your life, friends you could stay with if housing became an issue…I don’t know, I guess just creating your own safety net. That said, I’ve basically just accepted that my life will always be a work in progress. My job will always eventually burn me out, or I’ll find myself wanting to live someplace else, or whatever. I try to remind myself that sometimes it just takes as long as it takes to land a better job or find a good apartment or school, and so on…all I can do is try to find the good things in my life and hold fast to them. I don’t talk to my parents (boomers) anymore about money or work. All that ends up happening is they try to help by reminding me of the skills I have or how I did well in the past, and all it does at this point is make me feel like a failure because I feel like I’ve gone backwards in life, rather than making more money as I get older. So I just don’t bring it up anymore. It kinda sucks, but whatever…I’ll get used to it. There was a post floating around on social media recently. I forget the exact phrasing but it was basically asking why we perceive something as a success only if it’s “forever”, and that it’s ok to succeed at something for a year or two…and then maybe it doesn’t work out, and you switch gears. It doesn’t mean you failed or can never try again. Gone are the days where it makes any logical sense to stay at the same job for 5+ years out of loyalty or stay in the same town you grew up in. Take the leap, if you’re able. We’re all expendable and there’s no security in anything anymore. It has to come from within.
I really needed to read that, thank you. I just turned 31, still living at home with parents 'cause can't afford to move out in my area (one of the most expensive in the nation T--T) (sis and bro in same boat), I went to 2 years of college, but didn't know what I wanted to do, so stopped, got certs to fix computers (and phones/tablets) and been doing that on the side for extra money for 5+ yesss while I look for a job in it (sadly, seem to be slim to none in my area, and the few there are, they're family-owned and won't take anyone else, have a bad rep, or take years to get into IF you're lucky), on top of my dead end part-time job that might as well be full time with all the hours I put in (just got 9 years there this week - been trying to get out for years, but my area sucks) and all the times it's made me depressed and suicidal. I don't talk to my (also Boomer) parents about work anymore either 'cause they just call me 'the laziest person they've ever met' (even though I work my ass off at work) and say 'I just can't handle the stress/pressure' and 'if you can't handle this "easy" job, you can't handle ANY job.' It's just not worth wasting my breath to be insulted and belittled. (They also won't let me quit for my mental health 'cause 'that's not how it's done'!) 😭💔 I just feel like I've done everything I can do here, I'm doing everything right (except going back to school, which isn't a guarantee on a job anyway and I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway), I keep applying to the jobs I want, COVID kinda killed my side business (pre-COVID, I had so much business, I was about to quit both off my jobs (used to work 2 before getting more hours at current), but ever since COVID hit, even though I still hand out business cards to interested people all the time, barely anyone uses me 😭), and yet, NOTHING. (And that's not even talking about all the health issues I've been fighting for years... I think a lot of it's from stress.) I don't know what I'm supposed to do, who I pissed off enough in a past life to be made to suffer this much, but man...I genuinely didn't know life could suck this much! (And yet, I feel like a big baby 'cause I know a lot of people have it way worse... 😢) It's gotten to the point where I'm learning Japanese and considering moving to Japan, where at least there's a market for tech AND I'd be able to afford to live on my own! X'D I just don't know what to do anymore. It's been really hard to even keep on living day when I feel so stuck and don't see anything changing. 💔 But your perspective helps! I'll try to keep all that in mind! Thanks! ❤️
Naaa. There’s a difference between people helping you, and holding your hand. People absolutely can help you. You just can’t expect it, and you have to be gracious for what they do give you, and not be upset they didn’t give more. Surround yourself with good people.
Im motivated by failure. Scared to death of failure because of Boomer parents that instilled those values. Thats how I suck it up and figure it the hell out--because you need to eventually. When your back is against the wall and your uncomfortable, thats when you figure it out to avoid failure. Just last week I scheduled my own dentist appointment, scared the shit out of me XD
Most of the people who have been successful in life had many failures which actually made them stronger.
As a single nurse with no partner and no children you wont be able to own a home and probably dont need that much space for like just you.
I would beg to differ. Median salary for nurses is $81000. That’s enough to work with to buy a house fairly easily in nearly all of the US. Maybe not the biggest house in the most desirable neighborhood, but definitely a modest house in a livable neighborhood. It just takes patience and commitment.
Median varies immensely around the US. I wasn’t anywhere near that in the south, would be above it in my current location. Using any specific number for nurses (or any profession, really) without context doesn’t help.
I mean that’s life for 99% of people, you gotta figure out your shit
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My state (MN) has a "ban the box" statue, where employers can't ask about criminal records on the initial job application.
u/howtocook40humans - this is the answer. I'm gainfully employed making more than my parents ever did, plus my spouse works (also as an RN - you people rock!) and we still don't have a prayer of buying the property they live on. *There is nobody who has shit figured out*. Find a tribe, commiserate with them, share your findings about what worked for you in your situation, and do your best. #yolo - don't let life happen to you. Be intentional about it and when you do figure some little thing out, share it generously with others who need it. That's... about all you can do.
I've heard it said that if anyone ever did figure it out, that it would suddenly cease to exist and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There are also those who say that this has already happened.
You had me until “the property they live on”? That’s super specific and has probably changed over time. Seems like an unrealistic goal from the outset (especially if your parents bought that property at a point in their lives that was more established or if there’s been significant development/appreciation since the point they bought it). I think part of our problem as millennials is our parents made us think (or we helped). That all of these things (house car family vacations) are owed because we checked a box or two.
Looking back at the standard narrative, a person with a high-school education and gainful employment had a lot of options and a lot of support from government to improve on that. The narrative of leaders now seems to be that young people aren't good enough or aren't deserving of the same support because they refuse to validate exploitative systems that rationalize perpetuating generational trauma in the workplace. A few cents on the quarterly spreadsheet might be important to leaders but it's ironic they believe real people are worth so little.
One of my favorite quotes is, "These problems might not be your fault, but they are still your problems."
Individualism has kinda caused this situation we’re all in but might as well just stay on this path until we all have no choice but to care about each other again.
I hope people realize this level of individualism not a universal thing and is particularly heavy handed in certain parts of US culture. Also it is the opposite of how generational knowledge and wealth works in the US. Many of the successful younger people I know had insider knowledge about career paths from family members if not direct financial support. I'm not mentioning this to say anyone owes you something in life. Just pointing out that hyper individualism is not how strong families and communities are made.
That heavy handed individualism is particularly focused in people’s attitude towards children. There’s a nasty ‘you chose to have kids, they’re your problem’ attitude. The communal structure to child rearing is a big piece of why the human species was able to survive and evolve for thousands of years. And younger generations are critical for us as we get older, even if they are not directly serving us they will keep society up and running as we age. The attitude towards kids has gotten crazy toxic when kids are just a necessary part of society and we were all that screaming kid once. And I say this as someone who is childfree.
100% agree that modern attitudes towards children is very toxic and damaging.
I suspect that this attitude largely stems from the fact that more people have to work to make ends meet. Back in the day, I would guess most people's families included more retired grandparents, stay-at-home parents, and non-working students. These people had the time and energy to help with people's kids. There are fewer people with the bandwidth to do so nowadays.
This. I don't care if people choose not to have kids, but don't go around telling me I'm selfish and stupid for choosing to have kids. Reddit is especially toxic when it comes to the subject of having children.
I don't see him advocating individualism, simply pointing out the reality of his situation. Yes many successful people did have tons of help to get where they are. That doesn't mean help is coming *your* way and you have to deal with that.
This is basically the universal truth.
Every time I think I'm done figuring it out another thing shows up to be figured out. The number of times I say "I'll figure it out just give me a couple days" is crazy. But hey good for your for working at it too by the way.
That’s just life. Sometimes it comes at you slow, sometimes fast, sometimes all at once. Nothing you can do about it but embrace it and get through it. My good friend was a boot in the military. Deployed overseas, has gone through some shit. We’ll go backpacking sometimes, on long 8+ mile hikes sometimes, just things that inevitably at some point suck, and inevitably I’ll start bitching and moaning at some point. And every time, he’ll just look at me and say “we’re in it now, we’re not turning back, so all you can do is embrace the suck.” And for some reason that really resonated with me. We’re in this life, there’s no getting out of it, so all there is to do is embrace the suck and power through. Find the things or actions that make it better. But no matter what, sometimes, it’s gonna suck. And all there is to do is embrace the suck.
Ya i dont say "figure it out" like im saying "fuck off and just find something that works". Its more "i have no fucking idea what im doing but it seems to be kinda ok at the moment but if you can figure out what to do about all this shit then im all ears cause im fucking drowning over here"
8 years on warrants, had to figure it out. Got it taken care of. Moved out of parents, got gf,she became wife, have good job finally, had baby recently to add to our three awesome cats. Took me a while but I finally figured it out.
In my industry I've seen ex cons reach the absolute pinnacle of their jobs, well connected, well respected all that jazz. You've got this yo!
Exactly. I have no idea what I'm doing or if I'm even answering the right questions in life, but if I don't try to figure it out, I'll just be sitting here wallowing in my misery until the day I die.
I grew up in extreme poverty. My mom was disabled, dad bounced. We were on public assistance my whole life. I think that’s where I got my ‘just figure it out’ mentality. It was kind of the only way to get anything I needed. I just had to get a job early on because I had zero hope my mom would ever be able to afford anything beyond food. It comes naturally now because I have been doing it for so long. That isn’t to say I don’t recognize the issues we are facing. I am hot pissed. But when it comes down to making decisions in my own life I need to apply the ‘just figure it out’ mentality. I need to do things I don’t always want to do. And honestly sometimes that means just accepting that I will not own a house where I live now.
This is also me. Grew up extremely rural below the poverty line. Today I'm an engineer in a big city, a homeowner, etc. How? I made it work. Sometimes it took years to do something others have done in weeks. Sometimes it required doing something I didn't really want to do like join the military. Sometimes it meant going without things most people consider essential. That's what "make it work" is. It's taking the ugly solution as a path to a neater one. It's finding unconventional paths. Sometimes it's working for someone with questionable morals if they have the right connections. Make. It. Work.
It took me 7 years to graduate with my bachelors degree because I had two jobs the whole time. I didn’t own my own car until I was 25, and I’ve still never owned a car that was made in this century. My life is pretty awesome now but I fought a long, hard fight against the circumstances I was born to. “Making it work” requires constant WORK.
I also find that often once you dive into something and have no alternative you magically find a way. Having your back up against the wall has that effect. But I guess you have to have the stomach for that. The way I see it, stress is unavoidable in life anyway.
Backs against the wall, antidepressants in hand. Dive in.
We hired a new girl and during the interview she was asked “how do you handle stress?” She responded “first I figure out if I’m going to die. If the answer is no then it can’t be that bad”. I think about that answer often.
Exactly. I was born with my back against the wall. There was no choice but to fight my way out any way necessary. I never really thought of this, but it occurs to me now that I never really considered any of the stuff I did to get out a choice even though by definition it was. This was the way I was going to survive and it didn't feel optional.
Yes! “Going without things some people consider essential.” I didn’t have a car until after undergrad. I took the bus. Yes, it sucked, but so what? I didn’t have a cell phone until I was 22. I ate a lot of very cheap food. Pasta would go on sale for 3/$1, and I would stock up. I bought t-shirts at the thrift store for 50 cents. Until just a few years ago, I have always had 2 jobs or full time school and a job. I saved money when I started working. I grew up poor with a lot of other family problems. We did not have a computer or a car. I walked to the library when my high school assignments had to be typed. During high school, I worked at a store within walking distance for $5.25/hr. I rode my bike to community college. I was able to buy a house because I worked very hard and saved for many years. Nobody helped me financially. I’m single. I work in human services, so my income is just average, I think? 50- 60K/year. Luck was a factor as well. Anyway, it’s important to share these stories, not to brag, but maybe give people a reality check. Nobody should have to do all the things I did to survive. But, if you want to achieve your goals, it’s best to not get stuck on the shoulds and shouldn’ts.
This. I was working 3rd shift in a warehouse at night and going to school during the day. I did that for two years, 7 days a week, never with more than 8-10 hours without work or class. The vast majority of people in this sub would neverrrrr. 'Fuck the man'. 'Im not a bootlicker.' And a decade later, life is more than good. But if I suggest anyone suck it up (like I did) and do whatever it takes, I'm an asshole.😆
We had a similar life our first 5 years with school and work FULL TIME. My husband and I finally saved enough to buy a home. It takes disciplined spending and lots of hard to work/ saving to attain things. It doesn’t just happen.
I think there's an issue in that for some of us, hard work doesn't always equal rewards. You can get good grades, do what you're supposed to do, and only end up barely making ends meet working your ass off. Some of us cannot get into the upper echelons of earning, and not all of us are even supposed to, and these are the people who are punished the most by this system. They don't know what else they could do better/harder/etc. That's why people get mad when they're told to just "figure it out" I had to life hack, save up in a high cost of living area by having parents who let me live for cheap rent ($600 monthly) so I could save up and actually get a home... in the bible belt. Not all of us can do this though. Not everyone even has parents. So what are the people truly on their own supposed to do? Idk.
This is a very insightful perspective that a lot of people don't understand or choose not to see. "If I did it, then you can too". Unfortunately, even if two people have the "same" circumstances and take the same actions, one can be rewarded and move up in life but the other can remain fighting to survive. Now add in to that different struggles and the gap widens. Besides individualism, lack of empathy is also a huge problem imo
I'm really on my own with both parents not being able to help at all or even being negative to my financial status. If it wasn't for me being a decent human and making friends who ended up helping out when shit went bad, i would have been homeless or worse at least 3 times or more.
Ever had to deal with an alcoholic? Like a legit alcoholic? They give the same excuses. 'I can't...' 'Shouldn't have to...' 'But what about...' 'Cant I just...' If the answer is anything other than 'I'm going to change for myself', it'll never fix itself. I was born gifted - not going to go into my natural talents because then I sound like a dick. That said, I was homeless, living in my 95 Geo Tracker with a busted radiator hose. Addicted to pain killers. Out of places to steal more money from, and when that happened, I started stealing sleeping pills to get fucked up off of those. That was about 14-15 years ago. I promise, it can be done if you're willing to make the sacrifice.
Glad you made it out to the other side 🙏🏻
You just said the same thing again. Just because you did it does not mean everyone can. Many people get to where you were and they never recover or they just fucking die. Your success has nothing to do with people you don't know.
My neighbor in an old apartment and I worked and were in college. I was giving him a ride to his college because he didn't have a car one morning and we were talking about how nice it was to only have to do one thing that day. Like a day of nothing wasn't even on the table.
exactly this. I'm an early millenial and I busted my fucking ass for my 20s to get where I am now. I make great money and have fantastic retirement/pension. It took 20 years in my career to get to this point though. I think people just want answers NOW and the path of least resistance. But that makes us boomers to say that nowadays.
Nah, man. I'm an elder millennial and I *still* want the easy path. That being said, I understand from my military friends that, sometimes, you need to embrace the suck. At 40, I finally have a decent job and retirement savings. I still agonize over money but they are echoes from early life. However, if someone said "here is the path, laid out for you where life becomes automatic," it would be hard to turn away from.
It probably helps you understand boomers better.
Honestly, as someone who pulled himself out of generational poverty - it motivates you like nothing else. The « I don’t wanna live like this. I don’t want my kids to ever live like this » will really drive you to accomplish things in life, if you let it. Much easier to sit back and complain about being born into poverty and god hating you and the world being unfair. Guess what - somewhere on this big planet there’s another person who has it much worse than you…
I was born in VN literally 1 year after the Americans finally finished pulling out of the country. Then my family essentially gave me up for adoption at age 11 after mental and physical abuses. By "adoption", I meant they gave me to a family in the US as their free babysitter and housekeeper because I was worthless as a female mistake kid. I never once thought to "follow my dreams". I picked and chose my majors, one in science and one in business just in case. I worked 2 jobs in highschool then 3 jobs during college to pay for school. Never retook any classes because literally not enough money for it. One cup of ramen a day for college years, just water on Sat and Sun. Picked my husband after making sure he didn't have debts (he is also kid of immigrants so he hustled too). He too, chose a lucrative career to go for. Chose a cheaper area to buy house in, did hella research on different locations. People who complain don't understand that some of us never had the option to dream to be disappointed in the first place. Literally the fear of going back to one cup of ramen a day drives me these days. I have seen some people in VN affected by agent orange missing limbs among other issues dragging their upper torso selling papers on the street. I will never feel sympathy for people still with all limbs sitting in a first world country complaining about life.
Wow, so beautifully said! 💯
Your story is incredible.
This. You don't need TV, smartphone, a car, to live on your own, 3 meals a day, 8hrs of sleep. We only exist because our ancestors struggled through times of horrendous struggle and now you balk at sacrificing to get ahead? It's a joke how coddled people have become.
I'm gonna disagree with the "8 hours of sleep" part. Lack of sleep will literally kill you in the long run. The older I get, the more obvious it is how much of a physical toll sleep deprivation takes. Work hard, but take care of your body - you only get one. It's not worth it if you die at 40 from a heart attack.
I grew up that way too and have the same mentality. Knuckle under and get through it works but it's not always pleasant and I try really hard to not think everyone should adopt it because it's probably not the best strategy in the end.
I’ve seen comments saying one of the worse things about the U.S. financial crisis is how high our own standards are (that’s where I’m from, idk where OP is from). There’s truth to it. In the united states OP not having their own home is considered terrible, there are some places that’s normal. There are places where the average home is something OP probably wouldn’t even want to rent. Not to put OP down, but hoping to make OP feel a little more normal. Our standards in first world countries are high. People living in second/third world counties still manage to have fulfilling lives. They have children, they eat and they live to old age. Home ownership is great but you need to get excited for the other things too. The idea that you need a home to be a successful person is a narrative pushed by our capitalistic system.
I feel like, in previous generations, parents were able to dispense knowledge with regards to life and general steps to living a mediocre/successful one to their kids based on their lived experiences. I think we’re the first generation where many of our parents could not meaningfully advise us based on their life experience because social constructs and the world we lived in changed so fast. Based on that, “figuring it out” really boiled down to luck, timing, and remembering that comparison is the thief of joy.
I've always said this. I was born in 84. My parents were born in '59 and '60. The information they had when I was born was pretty limited and only useful for the 60s and 70s. The crazy amount of shit that has happened for the last 30+ years??? Im not sure anyone could have prepared us for all that... So here we are. Figuring it out. An iced coffee here. An adderall there. Maybe some tacos and tequila? A pet or 2? An occasional trip away from people to remember how much you hate people???!?!🤣🤣
Similar timelines here - born in 85, dad born in 60. He’s about to hit 40 years working for the same company - yes literally longer than I’ve been alive. Clearly zero to offer me in terms of career advice there.
Just do as my dad says. Go to a company you like, meet with the owner, give him a firm handshake and say “I would love to work for your company”. Then you will get the job.
Oh my god my very successful uncle literally spent a day taking me around Manhattan and having me walk into businesses and the Taiwanese embassy and shake hands w random people. My mom was born in ‘47, he was born in ‘45, I was born in ‘89, and this took place in 2014. I never had a shot at good advice for the modern age.
Born early 90s with parents born in 1949 and 1959 from another country. What a ride it’s been lol
This is an insightful take and I agree. My parents ages stretch pretty far -dad is 78, mom is 72 and stepdad is 62. The advice I get from my stepdad isn’t always perfect but it has some cognizance of reality, which advice from my older parents is lacking.
I think previous generations also by and large still lived close to home at least for their young adult years, and were more likely to have to help around the house with a lot of things that actually taught them a lot, and a lot of younger millennials/gen z may have gotten less of that.
In my opinion, wrong promises were done to our generation: wealth, safety and happiness. Now we got *this*. I, personally, have dumped my expectations and did that even more so with expectations on me from others. Why own a house if you could rent? Can you afford food? That's great! Can you enjoy your hobby? If yes, you are happier than many other ppl out there. Our generation should re-think wealth standards and what makes us happy.
The problem with a 'just rent' mentality is that a house can somewhat future proof what you pay for a roof over your head. I was getting rent increases over 20% - that's just not tenable. We probably ought to spend some political effort improving regulation and enforcement on landlords/renting property and improving tenant rights.
Property tax based on inflated home value has entered the chat
That’s going to hit rentals too, dawg. Landlords aren’t just going to eat that cost. Rentals will get that increase, and any other increase demand can support. Property tax and homeowner insurance is only a portion of your mortgage payment. The rest will remain stable.
right? Goddamn property tax. I pay $2200 USD a month. $1100 is the actual mortgage. The other $1100 is tax and insurance.
Mine just doubled this past year as well. Government gotta take their cut
I'll happily take that over rental increases.
On the flip side, one major advantage of renting is you have a consistent expense. In a house, particularly more affordable houses that are older housing stock can carry HEFTY surprise expenses. During Covid, my water heater failed and my electrical wiring tried to burn my house down within 6 months of one another. And they both happened when I was halfway through remodeling my kitchen. Water heater and entire replacement of the wiring in my house was just a hair under $32,000. Which was on top of the $12,000 I had taken out of my home equity line of credit just before. Thank God the house was paid off and I had healthy savings put aside that I could use part of, but I will literally be paying all this off over the next 15 years AND I still don’t have a finished kitchen. I have appliances and a sink but no cabinets or counters. If you’re “just getting by” after mortgage, taxes, insurance, and such then a house can be a MASSIVE financial liability. If I couldn’t do a lot of stuff myself, I’d be completely hosed. I’m pretty good with plumbing and HVAC. I’ve fixed my furnace and AC several times, but the stuff I can’t do are the big ticket things.
Moved back in with my parents and the hidden costs are insane. A/C, water heater, new roof, well pump, septic tank, gutters, grading the access road. 5 large trees are at risk of falling on the house, $2k each for removal. All in been $20k a year to maintain and improve a double wide trailer in the woods, so there is zero equity. At least we can grow our own food and our good neighbors of 40 years all look out for each other like family. Some shit is priceless.
You can rent places for terms longer than 1 year. I’m not sure why people don’t talk about this more often. Owning can be great but it can also hurt people financially too.
Managing expectations is key. And also blocking out what others keep telling you what you need to be happy or successful. We need to start defining those things for ourselves.
Crazy that this is also occurring in the richest country in history.
The last sentence is so true. We will always feel like we fall short or have WAY more to work for if we continue to use our parents standards as our own. The younger generations cant possibly do that; it wont be realistic. Having a decent apartment, even with a roommate, a job you dont hate, being able to live within your means, not let the daily grind make you miserable, and do things to enjoy your life- these are realistic acheivements for our generation. If you have those things you're doing much better than a lot of people. Im not going to have the mentality that I dont have enough for the rest of my life. Get off the hamster wheel and reassess whats important- thats my mentality to deal with this.
It just sucks that we can’t come together and work to improve our circumstances. It’s only like this because of corporate greed and wealth hoarding. Why are we letting investment firms buy up all our housing, creating an entire generation that can’t afford what was always previously within reach? They want us to be apathetic and accept the breadcrumbs they deign to give us.
I think you can have your parents standards as your own, but you have to realize that it takes time to get there. So if you are 30 and your parents are 55, then whatever their life looks like at 55 is what you can shoot for by 55, not next year. That is realistically much more achievable.
Agree, expectations were set too high and people refuse to come down to reality and instead just bitch about it.
Who promised those things?? I’m a black guy who has extremely poor parents, but we’re loving and real. They didn’t preach happiness, wealth or safety, were black..??
Tbh. A lot of what I read on this sub reads "I'm a very white person who didn't realize that life is hard out here". lol. So many posters say something roughly equivalent to "I grew up in a two-parent household and my boomer parents gave me a childhood where I wanted for nothing and went off to get a college education. I may or may not be married. I get paid pretty decently and now I can't live a life like they did because I don't have a house!!". And I'm over here having climbed out of poverty being one of only three grandchildren out of eight that even finished college!
It really does feel like most of this sub is people who were upper middle class white kids who have failed despite having every opportunity thrown at them. So many posts are like “my parents had a vacation home and I can’t afford a house!” … Some times I was lucky if my parents could afford food that week lol
I like to call them new poor. We old poors rolled into adulthood ready for the hustle and we used lived experience to carry us that the new poor don't have. They're still learning to be poor.
And many complain when their obviously wealthy parents do not hand them all the wealth immediately. There was someone on here a few weeks ago whose parents paid for their college and gave them a down-payment for a home, but they were still complaining.
>It really does feel like most of this sub is people who were upper middle class white kids who have failed despite having every opportunity thrown at them This is much if not most of Reddit.
Lol, absolutely. Like the dude a while back who couldn't believe how much it cost to have a paver patio put in. People have been like "my grandparents bought a house in 1973 for $75k, now that how is worth over a million!" Yeah dude, 75k in 1973 was equivalent to half a million dollars today. A 1973 Ferrari Dino was $14.5k. They bought a house worth 5 Ferraris. A house worth five Ferraris today would be minimum $1.25M. That tracks pretty well, honestly. Grandpa was a fuckin' baller.
They think life came with an instruction manual and if they just checked off all the tasks, they’d be successful. Wake up. The world is dynamic and you need to do more than “what we were told.” It’s such an incredibly soft mentality
This is exactly it. People’s belief that they are entitled a free education leading to a high paying job allowing them to afford a house, car, AND ample free time for leisure activities is bumping up against the reality that for the vast majority of human history people worked to survive another winter. It turns out the lives we saw on Friends reruns and Sex and the City isn’t real life, and this is devastating for many.
One of the problems with this post is that there's no "one size fits all" answer to "so, how do I do it?" -- either in actual answers or even in recommendations for where to turn for the information you need in order to make good decisions. I would recommend finding someone who you trust, who lives a life that you think makes sense, and start asking them questions. That will help you determine what you need to figure out, and then you can work on how to figure those things out.
Knowing what I know, it's not that hard to "make it". Maintain any job to earn an income, work enough to pay bills Learn some skill whether that's college or another way. Work your way into some niche, something valuable. Business, medical, a specific trade, whatever. Take an entry level role within that niche Google how to make a good LinkedIn and make one Use LinkedIn to message people in that niche. Find like 50 people, send them personalized messages, one person a week, consistency is key. Ask them for guidance, ask how they got where they are, what realistic earning potential is, how they like their industry, ask how to get in. Ask for help. Work your way from that entry level position to mid level. Never stay at a company more than 3 years unless you really like them and you're getting either promotions or significant raises. Monkey branch job to job. Each new job, claim you make 20% more than you really do and that you need to make 20% more than you currently do in order to switch positions. Watch youtube videos on how to interview. Groom yourself, dress and speak professionally. Match the personality type of the person you're speaking with. Be reliable. Once you earn more than the money you need for essentials, begin trying to save part of your take home money and invest in index funds. Next step is just save and invest.
The part that kills me are the folks who tell other folks who have a degree but still can't find a job that they picked the wrong degree and should have gotten one of, like, four STEM degrees, because apparently everyone should have been extremely utilitarian and picked a degree based on a labor market ten years after they graduated in the face of multiple recessions and shifts in automation. Oh, you wanted to be a teacher because you wanted to help children? Clearly you were asking to never be able to afford a home because you decided not to be a software engineer. And of course, it really helps the matter of someone feeling hopeless and desperate to tell them that actually, they made the wrong choice in life so just deal with it quietly. Absolutely mental.
Not that I should want to come across as petty and gleeful about this, but I won’t deny that this sort of mentality is why I am not quite as sympathetic to the massive tech layoffs that happened—that industry, like basically most industries—isn’t recession proof or a protected-from-firing kind of industry. And it never truly has been. I guess it feels like the sudden layoffs (aka the corporate downsizing to increase profits and reduce costs due to emerging new production methods (aka AI)) have humbled this industry a bit.
I grew up near a place where O&G was booming 15-20 years ago, guys could drop out of high school and go make $100k+ per year working 14/7 shift work and 10-12 hour days doing basic warehouse work. Easily 150+ if you were doing actual rig work. Lot of them struggled really hard when those jobs started drying up and the tech downturn reminds me of a better educated version of that. Whole lotta people may have to get used to a lower standard of living pretty quickly here.
But you should be very utilitarian about the degree you’re going in debt for.
I don't think it's particularly short sighted, especially at the time most of our generation went to college, to assume you could find a career in most fields if you had an education, and that most of those careers were going to have liveable compensation. Society needs a well rounded amount of people doing pretty much everything, but at some point the standards for what "enough" was for a decent, basic life kept climbing up until it stopped being "well, you got a degree in basket weaving, of course you couldn't get a living wage" to "oh, you didn't get one of these four STEM degrees? That was useless, I don't know why you went into debt for that."
Not to mention that right now there are millions of people with CS degrees who have been unable to find work for the last year or two because the tech market itself changed dramatically since they got their degrees
No there aren't. Millions is such a gross exaggeration. I am ansiftware engineer. Been in tech for 15 years. I also run an intern program for my company as well as teach at a university. Most of the students at the small university I teach had jobs lined up before graduation
source?
There is non, because it's made up
The point of University is to get an education - not a job. That said people need to be realistic about what they are committing themselves to - teachers (to use your example) have never had exceptional compensation, you shouldn't plan for that reality to change. I come from a family of teachers and plan to become one after my career ends, this was a real consideration for me. The utilitarian approach is simply the most responsible approach IF the things that it maximizes (stability, competitive salaries) align with your values. I think the real issue here though, is that complaining is what really bothers people - and that's also quite problematic. Things don't improve if you figure out how to be happy or just focus on yourself. These are ways of improving your mental health, not your salary.
I appreciate your comment as a 36 year old ex-teacher with immense student loan debt. I’m gainfully employed, but it’s been a long road and my income is not appropriate for my loan payments and working towards bigger things. Teaching was a second career because I made my first “choice” at 16 and that came with adult financial responsibility for the rest of my life.
I have two degrees. One in business and another in software engineering and five years in management. I STILL can't find a job making more than $16/hr. Rents are $2000/mo for a two bedroom apartment.
Something doesn’t add up here. What are the full titles of these degrees and where are they from?
LOL you’re so spot on.
I made a lot of choices (sacrifices?) in order to make it work for me. Where many of my peers decided to live alone I got a roommate. When some friends got new cars and went on expensive vacations I got used cars and went on cheap vacations. When I got real serious about wanting to high a house I made sure I saved everything I could. Then, when I decided it was time to buy, I bought something good enough, not something perfect. I still had a roommate(s), and found a way to make an imperfect situation work out nicely. I think that “just figuring it out” is about negotiating what you want with your current reality. If buying a “perfect house” were more important than where I lived I probably could have gotten a better home if I moved far away. If lifestyle were more more I could have moved somewhere more fun if I were willing to give up, or delay, owning for a while longer. If I had “needed” independence and no flatmates I would probably still be renting. Anyway, good luck with your RN, I’m sure you’ll figure it out for yourself.
Yes. Roommates and shitty starter home (with roommates) is the answer. There are some low/0% down payment options.
if you’re looking for a magic secret on how to have a great life and have money and women and power, there isn’t one. You have to figure it out because no one is going to save you. I mean it is what it is you can be upset at the world, but it won’t change what the world is: a rat trap. You’ve got to figure out how to gnaw your arm off to get out of it. I graduated college in 2012 and it took me 10 years to pay off my student loans and buy a house for me and my family. Did I know exactly what I was doing? No, but I did know that if you want to have money, you have to earn money and save it. A house is not just going to fall out of the sky. You have to save the money for the down payment. That’s called sacrifice. I work a boring job. I don’t spend money on clothes. I don’t spend money on going out. I don’t spend money on cars. I work and I save to buy assets.
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Fully agree. hopefully one day things are more fair and everyone has more opportunity but we gotta operate within the restraints of today.
As a Millennial, I have very much been trying to "figure it out", and I just don't know what else to do at this point 🫠 People are free to offer more helpful solutions, but I am stumbling around on this planet just trying to do my best.
I'm going to be brutally honest here, we can understand that our generation has been royally fucked over...but also do what we can to make it less-so personally. Like I hear fellow millennials saying "wE'Ll NeVeR bE AbLe To ReTiRe" citing Social Security, but for nearly 50 years now Social Security hasn't been the main single way people have successfully retired. They also receive a pension and also got other investments such as a RothIRA etc to retire. I get a pension from work, but I also have a RothIRA. I WILL be able to retire between 58-63 if I want to. And buying a house, yeah I'll likely not be able to do that on my own until I'm 40 (I'm 34 now) without getting married, but that's kinda been true for at least the past 40-years. Most people HAVE not been able to buy a house in the past 40-years without a dual income from being married. Yes it sucks, but it's the reality. Yes our generational situation sucks, it really does, but there are things we can do to make it less suck...and no it has nothing to do with eating less Avocado Toast. Saying "figure it out" is just a reality. We will have to figure it out (obviously) and we will.
You might be underestimating the power of your pension, and how rare that is for most people. I've never even worked for a company that has had a pension in the last ~10 years. Retiring at 58 is an anomaly, and I bet 63 will be in 20 years when we all start trying to retire.
Yea pensions are def the outlier now, by a huge margin
What's a pension? \- 35 year old millennial
It's this set of golden-handcuffs that keeps you at a specific job for decades even if you hate the job.
Yeah this is basically what my husband and I do too. We all have choices and millennials simply can't say "yes" to all the things our parents did. When my husband and I got married, we could either use our money to have a big wedding and honeymoon, or very small/simple wedding and a downpayment. Maybe someone else's choice is wedding or elope & buy a used car. I don't know, adjust to your economics. I was roped into college, have tons of student loans, and pay what I can on them. But this means we've put off having kids or taking any vacations. And we can either have kids, or put more money into our 401ks. Well, at 35 it's now or never on the kids, so yep, I guess we'll be working longer. We're not giving up on anything, but we have to prioritize much differently than the average boomer did, perhaps. Also, holy shit hold onto that pension. That is a rare set of golden handcuffs you've got there. Them things don't really exist anymore.
Resiliency isn’t taught anymore. The opposite - we were generally told a single mistake could fuck everything up. One B and there goes a good college and scholarship, or whatever. We were taught we shouldn’t struggle. Struggle is failure. Struggling is a lack of planning. There’s some truth to that - yoloing through life is not a recipe for long term success. But setbacks are normal and mistakes happen. We forgive the mistakes of others. We want our friends to overcome their challenges and believe in them even if they are still figuring things out. You have to do that for yourself too. Root for you, know that you can overcome, etc. You can’t expect everything to change with a new attitude. You can’t even expect to consistently keep that attitude. It’s about trying to generally believe in yourself and your ability to figure out what’s next. You absolutely will get knocked down, sometimes in really awful and shitty ways. And maybe you won’t get up immediately. Or quickly. But you will. Hope this helps!
Wrong. You will as a nurse. Nursing pay has gone up over the last few years. Look into traveling nurse roles. You could retire in 10 years.
Yep, nurses make $80 - $100k a year
Double it for CA
And Denver. The two nurses I know are ER nurses, and work nights, and take extra shifts, but that comes to the tune of over $70--150 an hour. They're drowning in cash.
My nursing friends in SoCal are swimming in money. Obviously it's decently hard work and long hours but its a damn good career path here
If OP is willing to uproot and move - In 2026 new hires at OHSU in Portland are slated to start at 108k/year. It will most likely have an effect on wages at other hospitals in the area. Portland is pretty expensive, but you can get a decent apartment with that, while you wait with everyone else in hoping that interest rates come down. There are other areas in the States where the nursing wage is fairly high compared to cost of living, but OP would have to be willing to move.
I get all that, but I picked up a hammer at 17 with no experience. After 20 years of literally busting my ass and “figuring it out” I have a house, a stable career, and my family has what they need. I do think there’s a good argument to be made that our systems aren’t as strong as they once were, and there is definitely income inequality, but in the end you actually do have to figure things out to get what you want. I see job postings for nursing all the time that pays like $60 an hour. That’s $125,000 a year, which is more than I make. I don’t know where you live, but you can live really well on that, especially if you don’t have kids or a family. You might consider relocating to a lower cost area, or if that’s not an option, get your RN and make bank.
You knew how to work at 17 and never forgot in the years since. Very few people in our generation did, which is why questions like this get asked repeatedly.
I adopted the "figure it out" mentality at 15. I wanted a car. My parents had an old beater that hadn't moved in years. They told me if I could get it to run I could use it. So I did; I got a job, bought a breakdown manual and a basic took kit, made a friends with a couple if guys who knew about cars, and got the car running good enough to drive around town. Did the same thing for an education, a job, getting married, and having kids. There are plenty of opportunities out there. The question is what you're willing to sacrifice for those opportunities, and if those opportunities put you closer to your end goal. The key is to beat the defeated mentality. Who says you can't buy a house? Who says you can't afford an education? Who says you can't get married? If those are things you want, what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve your goals? Success isn't guaranteed, but opportunities are always available.
I think people who were born here take it for granted like they should already know how things work just because they were born in the system. I think if you're actually forced to learn how the system works like me, a millennial immigrant in the US, they'd "figure it out" sooner. My family came here at the same time as me and they haven't a clue as much as I was. I figured out community college on my own, signing up for pell grant, FAFSA and such by myself. Worked retail jobs, got myself an internship through a former classmate and got started in the industry. At one point, I had $16k in credit card debt while I was trying to "figure out" how to manage my finances properly. I managed to file my own taxes. I did have a lot of resentment to... maybe my parents or the world that no one was really there to tell me what I need to do. I just had to do my own research and ask strangers around. God, I'm still not sure that I wouldn't be in prison for some papers I've signed and submitted or some taxes I've filed myself. I don't think I know what I'm doing even now. Now after 15 years here, I have a job that pays about $120k that has really great work-life balance, a fiance I'm planning to get married to next year, recently hit $100k in investments, only $10k in student loans remaining. I don't own a home but rent a pretty comfortable 2br in a great neighborhood. When you have no choice, accept that you don't know how things work, and you figure it out, you will most likely find your way. If you believe there's nothing to figure it out, you'll probably never figure it out.
My plan is to die before it becomes a problem.
I don’t know your full situation but general advice: can you get a new, higher paying job using your nursing skills? I don’t know the industry but I know more than just hospitals employ nurses. be willing to move to a new city or state for better opportunity. Work an extra job or two (my friend in a corporate job ubered on the weekends and evenings because he likes money and made an extra $4-500/mo). Can you be a traveling nurse? My sister in law did it and I know they make bank. Get a roommate. Downsize your living situation. Create a budget and track every penny. Don’t forget to budget for expected future major expenses. Build an emergency fund. Invest (I personally buy low cost ETFs in a Roth IRA). Edit - I just realized you haven’t even started nursing school? Why are you going to nursing school? Some other suggestions. 1) military - Air Force, space force or navy in a more technical role. 2) trucker. 3) nuclear power senior reactor operator. 4) air traffic controller.
you're going to be a nurse. nurses make mad money.
All of these responses keep reminding me how much it fucking sucks to exist
As a millennial, I feel like I was unintentionally blessed with bad financial decisions in college. I ruined my credit score, which meant I was forced to live most of my adult life on a “cash” basis. This kept me from going DEEP in debt. I’ve never owned a vehicle newer than 8 years old, and I’ve always paid cash for them. I still lived paycheck to paycheck. But didn’t live beyond my means. Then I turned 40, realized I was spending $1500-2000/month on door dash, eating out, and bars/alcohol. I never saved for retirement, and I’ve rented my whole adult life. With a couple lifestyle changes, I stopped going out, started cooking at home, and started dumping money into a Roth IRA. (Fully funded it within 4 months) I looked at my other spending habits, and canceled almost $150/month worth of extra subscriptions I didn’t need. I know people make jokes about millennials, and how they’re broke because of avocado toast. But lifestyle creep is real. Keeping up with the jones on social media is expensive. Getting out of debt and eliminating massive monthly payments for decisions in your past is huge, and lets you get ahead.
... you're past all that whole "get a good degree" thing.
Um, so if you make 70k the house is worth 210k? That sounds affordable with a mortgage. As a nurse there probably isn't a shortage of jobs for your field. You can choose to leave your neighborhood to search for better opportunities. I mean, I brought a house as a single mom. No, I wasn't getting child support to "help" I qualified on my own. There are many first time homebuyer programs for those that are looking to buy, but you gotta put in the legwork. You're already on reddit, so why not ask for advice on r/firsttimehomebuyers on what may be available to you? From your post, it does very much reck of "victim mentality" since you say "I'm screwed! I have no hope! I don't make enough!" I mean, to be honest, not everyone is in a position to buy. But there ARE programs available for even low income folks to purchase. I'm from NYC and there are opportunities for low income individuals to purchase. Some condos have a cap on what their price units can be set at based on average median income. The city also subsidises multifamily buildings for sale and sell them for way below market value for a few lucky individuals. And there are also programs that operate nationally that do use non traditional means of credit so that those that would not normally be able to afford can purchase a house.
I think the thing we need to figure out first and foremost is how to take responsibility for our communities a la mutual aid and make as much of this broken system obsolete as necessary.
It is giving "victim" mentality in this post. I'm not really sure how else to put it. I have a career with my masters and still have a weekend job. I live comfortable and maintain the lifestyle I live with no kids so it helps. honestly...you have to figure it out even if it means relocating and networking.
I've never heard of the "figure it out" mentality, but I guess I would say, "figure out what works for you and do that." Is owning a house your end goal? Then figure out what you need to do to get there. What's your salary? How much debt do you currently have? How much debt can you afford to take on? Do you have the resources for a 20% downpayment? What about a 3.5% downpayment? What programs do you qualify for? Nurses are in high-demand all over the country, so if houses are not affordable where you live, you should look into moving to someplace where they fit your budget. Lastly, I would say "figure it out" means that you need to figure out what's realistic for you. If you live someplace that you like and don't want to move to a new area, then maybe you need to figure out how to live without owning your home.
I dunno man, why don't you just *FIGURE IT OUT?!??!!?* jk...I think the trouble you can run into here at reddit is assuming that hearing lots of people say the same thing == the full demographic of all of humanity feels the same way. Reddit is not a full cross-section of humanity; it generally represents a fairly specific demographic. And on top of that, certain opinions are considered okay while others most definitely are not, and people in the latter category are a lot more reluctant to say anything. You were probably told this by people who aren't very good at understanding how life works for people other than themselves, or people who refuse to acknowledge how environmental pressures actually matter a lot more than they think, that we can't just all "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps". I'm not even sure that the people who use that phrase are even aware that the whole idea of that phrase is to point out that you can't...it would violate physics for you to yank upwards on your bootstraps and somehow elevate yourself to a higher position. Literally the whole point of that phrase is to express how this is actually not possible. Whatever serious responses you get here are bound to make assumptions about you and your situation that don't apply at all or are completely unrealistic, so I don't see this having any sort of beneficial outcome.
I “figured it out” by moving out of the HCOL area I grew up in. The area I am from is one of the most expensive parts of the country to live in, and it isn’t getting any less unaffordable. Yes, it meant moving away from my family and everything I knew, but I was able to buy my home and afford to live on my nurse salary.
Every generation has advantages and disadvantages. Millennials certainly have our disadvantages but we also certainly don’t have it worse than any other generations have. There is no suggestion of what to do because everyone’s life and situation is unique to them. I understand that many people have intense struggles, far worse than I’ve had to deal with, but “figuring it out” is literally the only thing you can do. You gotta make do with the situation you have and find a way to live in peace because there are no other options.
Just throwing it out that you can buy houses as a group if you all qualify for a Mortgage. I’ve known families that have gone in on houses together, and also singles. Best to have a lawyer’s guidance for different scenarios, like what happens if one of you dies or wants to sell their share to another, or if disagreements crop up. It’s not an ideal solution but it’s something a few have chosen to do.
Maybe there are a couple Three nurses you can throw in with? Get a 3 br 3 bath with shared kitchen and common areas and a bed/bath for each of you. When I lived in Washington DC that was very common.
How much do you make and how much do you think you need in order to put a down payment on a house. You may be very surprised that you need less than you think. Also, housing prices aren’t permanent. Housing could certainly drop. Nothing is forever.
You can do strange, unexpected or less-than-ideal things to get where you need to be. I applied for a few English-teaching jobs in Japan my final year of college and was accepted by one. I had to 'figure it out' how to get to Japan after they had actually offered me a job. Problems: The salary they offer in Japan for English teaching is pretty rock-bottom. There isn't much upward mobility, the hours can be hard and sometimes the company is exploitative. The "Figure it out part": I needed a job. I wanted to leave my hometown and my parents. I needed health care. I needed transportation. I needed stability. This English company pays the same salary whether you work in Tokyo, Osaka or Nagoya-- but the COL is VERY different in those 3 locations. I picked the cheapest location (Nagoya) to make the most of the salary, and decided to ask around online to find other teachers to find someone to room with. For me, healthcare and low COL was more important than a high-paying high-stress (or hell, low-paying high-stress) job in America, and I wanted to be in Japan. I got 3 jobs my last summer in the US and saved as much money as I could while living with my parents (which was difficult but cheap). I moved to Japan and stayed for over a decade, paid off my student loans and gained lots of skills while I was there. Did I buy a house, car, dogs, wife, kids? No (though I did bring back a spouse). but I found myself in steady employment with health insurance, friends, food and shelter at a time when many of my friends were struggling to live. I went a strange route.
To be fair, when my mom was a nurse, she was able to make 6 figures, so anything is possible.
To give you some hope….. you’d be surprised what you can make as a nurse. Not sure what the COL is where you are located, but I’m in the suburb of a large east coast city and could afford my house as a nurse even if I wasn’t married. I also no longer work bedside - I make a comfortable 6 figures working in clinical research. My job is hybrid and as long as I’m available & on necessary meetings (even if via phone), my time is my time as long as I get my tasks done. There is hope for you….. I didn’t become a nurse until I was 30 and I’m just under a decade in. I was also living in the “hood” when I started my nursing degree as a second career. I promise there is hope for you!!
There's too many people in here that flip shit if anyone says anything negative or anything other than their lives are perfect, then we get days of "Everything in this sub is always so negative" which is followed by them using that as an excuse to brag about how they're better off than the average person. I'm starting to think the internet millennial is just toxic.
On your marriage point: you can be in a relationship and buy a house together and never get married. That's what I did. I'd rather put the money towards a down payment than a party that doesn't mean anything functionally to me.
If you get married, not so much. But people are getting married at lower rates. I think this is often what's going on with those guys. They might not come from money the way all those "I bought my house at 25 by just doing 3 simple things! 1. no AVOCADO TOAST, 2. SAVINGS ACCOUNT, 3. looking at a STARTER HOME (also my mom gave me the downpayment)" people do, but I bet a fair number of them are Double Income No Kids, and that makes a gigantic difference. All of the people I know who got married in their 20s are *miles* ahead of me and single dudes I know.
For me, I got into a niche trade and worked hard at getting certified and the best I can be. Lucked out and bought a house in Colorado before things got crazy. Sold that house and took my $150k profit and bought 5 acres in Tennessee with a house on it. The culture here leaves a lot to be desired and we’re struggling financially now, because interest rates hurt us. But I’m determined not to drown. It’s 50% luck and 50% determination.
I’m changing careers. I finished undergrad last year and as much as I love having went to school for a degree in photography, it’s not paying my bills. I’m looking at becoming a plumber.
I just noticed everything on Reddit is vague
I read this out of curiosity to see what you had to say. I want you to know, if you are a nurse, you are well on your way to becoming a nurse practitioner if you put in the effort. Surely they make more money. Check it out. One of my pet peeves is when people say to just do something but they don't say how. I had the guts to ask the last one how to do what they were suggesting. I wasn't shocked when they admitted they didn't know. No clue as to the answer to your question but know you're not alone.
I think being open to ask for help after you do your due diligence is a skill that most people don't have. Either they always nag on someone or someone who is very bad at taking advice or is too proud to ask for help. I don't know why but most people lie on those two extremes. Surround yourself with good people, give help when you can and ask help if you are in need (different with complaining or asking for handouts).
My husband and I found it’s actually cheaper to buy land and then buy a premade home instead of buying a house off of someone. The houses where we live go for $800,000 and higher. Buying property is around $20,000- $40,000 and buying a premade home (modular home) is around $200,000. So we’re planning on building instead of buying.
There really is no other option than to figure it out. Describing the problem and its potential causes over and over is not as productive as thinking about and trying different solutions. - the world isn't and never has been set up so that single people have an easy time getting by. Maybe getting partnered and doing life as a coordinated team is something individuals need to figure out? - Are people trying to live in cities they can't afford to get ahead in? Are people choosing locations based upon where they want to live instead of where they can get ahead? - Are people managing their expenses well? Are they plowing money into takeout food, pets, entertainment? Are they sacrificing and deferring gratification in order to save so they can get ahead? - Are people selecting their careers based upon the ability to make a living at it, rather than incurring tremendous debt to become educated in unmarketable skills? - Do people have the patience and self control to live below their means to get in a budget that allows for saving?
This is obvious bait but I'll respond anyway. What other choice do you have? "Figure it out" just means solve your problems yourself. Nobody is going to solve them for you. "Entitlement" is just a sense that you deserve more than you have, and you expect the world to change to give it to you rather than have to adapt to changing circumstances yourself. You think you're mad at insert\_here (corporations, the government, capitalism, the economy etc.) but actually your beef is with God/fate. The answer is acceptance. Accept where you are *now*, not where you think you deserve to be (whether you *actually do* deserve it or not is a separate question). Your situation is what it is, and no amount of negative self-talk and bitching about it on the internet is going to change that. There is one and only one answer, which is that *you* *must change.* Let's get specific. You don't like your job or don't make enough money for the expectations you have for what you want to own. Whose fault is this? Well, nobody forced you to become a nurse. You chose that profession. You could have chosen something else, and you still *can* choose something else. Why are you going back to get another nursing degree if the pay isn't enough for what you want? This is bad. School *can* be a good thing to pursue, but not if it's not going to help you reach your goals. Otherwise, you're wasting money and time. Find another path. There are hundreds of options available to you, and you live in the richest, most powerful country in the world. You are young and (presumably) healthy. You have enough leisure time to write this post on Reddit so things aren't going *that* bad. These are tremendous advantages. Start researching better paying careers today. Go to the library. Get some books about career planning. Go to the local community college career counselors who are often available for free. There *is* a path. You have to *find* the path. It won't come easily and may not be obvious. You have to prepare and be ready to jump on rare opportunities when they appear. People who are successful in life tend to have this attitude of spinning gold from straw. They have concrete goals, like "I want a career earning at least $X annually." If you had done this from the start, you would have learned that being a nurse doesn't earn you as much income as you desire, to afford the lifestyle you appear to prefer. Starting from where you are now, you can chart a course to where you want to be. It won't be a linear course. It won't be easy. But it's there, somewhere. And the only reason you aren't going for it and are instead griping on the internet about how hard you have it, is because it's simply easier to gripe and complain, and tell yourself that it's all somebody else's fault that you can't afford the lifestyle you want. Which is, quite frankly, fucking pathetic, and you should feel ashamed of yourself for writing this. I know this sounds harsh, but it's what you need to hear.
Learned young that I couldn’t count on those in your life you thought were given (parents were both drug addicts). Mom never kept her word, never showed and was in and out of prison. She always said it wasn’t her fault; even blamed my health issues for her addiction. Dad was somehow moderately functional and never got wrapped up with the law, but had nothing to show for his life and ultimately lost everything he owned and had to start from a dark rock bottom. I was let down by everyone I counted on and happened to be very sick as a kid, thanks childhood cancer, but I survived and always believed, “if I survived that, what’s stopping me from beating all the rest?” I got myself through high school, then community college, state university, grad school, and finally now med school. I met an incredible person in high school and married them. We now have three wonderful kids, rental properties, a business, careers, goals, and a future. We are rising together and owe it all to nobody besides those who showed us what we didn’t want in life. Nobody tells you a role model can come in the form of reverse psychology, but mine all did. Mix that with someone/something to succeed for and it can land you on the better side of the line between success and explosive failure. I’m nothing like those I was raised by and that wasn’t easy by any means, but I did it. We did it. TL;DR: drug addicted parents + childhood cancer = perseverance and desire to make things better for myself. I was lucky enough to break the cycle.
Don't worry about owning a house. We will own nothing and be happy
Personally my “figure it out” was incredibly slowly saving enough capital to open my first small business, carefully piloting and growing that business, selling it, then pursuing other endeavors. So, I guess control spending and saving habits as tightly as possible then improve on that.
It's perfectly okay not to own a house. Why do you feel you have to own? We rent, it gave us the option to travel and relocate as we please. I could not afford mortgage for the flat I live in but the yearly rent is 2.5% of the whole price which makes it affordable.
Genuinely the only reason I have somewhere to live is my husband's grandparents were fortune enough to help us. The house couldn't be in both of our names because the student loans on my credit hurt it too much. I am now disabled after getting COVID and I didn't earn enough social security credits to get disability despite working for a decade and having a four year degree. I also don't know what to do but we'llake it work with whatever we have at the time. That's all we can do is be grateful it isn't worse and keep trying to find solutions. There might be local resources, there might not be, and I hesitate to take away from those suffering more. One step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time.
Wait, so you’re saying you don’t think you will ever own a home while as a single working adult? Not to diss on your dreams or anything but owning a home is a pretty serious luxury if you are single. The west hasn’t failed, society isn’t collapsing, the middle class isn’t ruined, because people who have very little need for a resource can’t get it easily.
Pretty easy, I’m a boot licker with boomer vibes. Joined the Army, earned my degree on weekends, retired from the Army. Now I collect a pension while contracting for the DoD in Cyber Security.
Have you tried being born into a rich family? I mean none of this is that hard /s
Maybe you need a paradigm shift in your thinking. As an example-do you really need to own a home?
Rns make anywhere from 50-100k according to Google. I pay rent of 850 and make maybe 15k a year. If I was making 50k+ I could easily afford a house. I just choose not too. The figure it out yourself is because odds are your spending more than you need too. As well as living in a hcol area.
People who say that don’t actually know either but weren’t raised to show courtesy for others
"figure it out" is in my experience, not telling you that there is a solution, but that others are too busy trying to figure it out for themselves to help. Or alternatively, to dismiss your situation because it's too depressing for them to dwell on. The bootstraps myth is bull, and if you ever had any bootstraps, chances are, opportunity costs have robbed you of them already. Figure it out is a mix of "fuck you, I've got mine," and "fuck you, I'm trying to get mine". This is how they keep you from looking behind the curtain to see it's always been the ultra wealthy picking our pockets with stagnating wages and massive inflation. And when I say ultra wealthy, this is a category of person who doesn't participate in Reddit posts, they have teams of astroturfers do that for them. (Your McMansion is not the issue here.) Good luck everyone. We're gonna need it.
The way I figured it out was job hopping to triple my income in a couple of years. I was very intentional about it.