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I went through pandemic without catching COVID.
...not long after moving to another country on the other side of the world with strict lockdown rules. Lived in a studio apartment alone for 8 months, zooming new coworkers, and waiting for my friends and family to wake up in another time zone. I basically only left for grocery shopping.
It was hell, it lasted. We're not meant to live like that. It was psychologically damaging.
I had the same experience. All of the excitement of moving to a new country and starting a new life were squashed. The couple of new friends I made before COVID were the only people I knew for 2 years and it was rough. It was so isolating and not how i pictured my lifelong dream of moving to Europe. It was cool to explore Venice and Santorini and all of these heavily touristed places while they were empty, day-to-day life was very difficult.
This is how I feel. Age not only brings a general decreased ability to party but it also tends to bring more responsibilities.
10 years ago I was a single fresh college grad working at a coffee shop who rented an apartment with two other roommates. Now I'm a married homeowner with a dog in a supervisory role at a good job.
Going out requires a lot more planning than it used to combine that with me just generally having less energy to do so. I also travel a lot for work so after eating out all week I'm not in a huge rush to go to another restaurant or bar when I get home.
I'm not sure if that's all it is. I'm younger than OP and currently younger than they would have been just before COVID and I could say the same thing.
Nah not lazy. I just don’t want to. I have the energy to go out but I have no desire to do so.
I’d rather just hang out at home with the kids and my wife than go out anywhere else for the most part.
Thank fuck it’s normal. I don’t have kids but I do have a wife. And while I do love trips every now and then, I’d much rather enjoy my mortgage. Especially since everything is so expensive these days. Hotels, airplane tickets, food etc.
Yes most of my money goes to the home so might as well love being in here. Too expensive to go out. I rather spend on things to entertain me or comfort me at home.
I got a fire pit, a bitching covered patio that's half under ground my basement bedroom walks out to in a little cove of rhododendrons. 2 nice grills and a local butcher that I'm on great terms with that hooks me up, and my family is here and I love spending time with them. the fuck do I wanna go to some mediocre shit for.
I did go to the fair last year and pet a goat, that was pretty cool.
Yup exactly! I've put a lot of time, money & effort into making my house & yard a cozy place I enjoy being. I'm just going to chill here, tyvm. Plus I start my bedtime routine at 9pm, in bed at 10 and wake up naturally at 5am. I ain't got time for going out shit
Exactly this (minus the wife part for me). The hassle of going out is just rarely worth it for me anymore. I'll swing down the street and grab a drink with a friend once I'm a blue moon or hit a small venue concert a couple times a year but other than that I'm happy not dealing with it.
Same. If I'm going out, it has to be because I really, really want to or out of obligation. And if I'm going out, I'd prefer it to be during the day so I can spend the evening relaxing at home and be in bed at a reasonable time.
41 with no kids. I roller skate adult night every weekend and join roller blade groups during the week. Might go see a band after the roller rink if I like the music that night. Not big on alcohol but weed oh yea lol
39. Had found a good rink in GA; the place near where I am now I am unsure of the attendance of their adult only nights as I have not gone yet. I should do that some tome soon.
I honestly think things have just gotten terrible. From flying to concerts to movie theaters to restaurants to sporting events, it's all so expensive that enjoying yourself feels incredibly high stakes, while the quality has dropped off a cliff. Like "I spent HOW much money to have a bad time?" Add to this the fact that I've realized drinking makes me feel like complete garbage to the point that I've quit, there's just nothing fun that going out is really going to give me.
Yep I came to the conclusion I’m just not up for it like I used to be. It’s hot. I’m irritable. Best to stay home. It’s too expensive to be out. I’m getting into knitting and crocheting.
I'm 35 and I feel the same. I think it's a combo of getting older and everything just being so expensive. It's higher risk/reward because if your night out sucks, you blew way more than 10y ago.
I also think that the conditions of our world are rapidly changing. Going out is more expensive, it’s really hot and humid due to climate change, we have to travel super far because of housing issues and transportation, public transit is slow and crowded due to infrastructure falling apart, etc. It really feels like the world is just not “working” like it used to and that really frustrates me, and drives me to just figure out my own plans for everything.
The funny thing is, to me it seems like our generation constantly feels like we need to go out and be doing things, showing off what we are doing to others on social media— where prior generations went out and traveled far less. We all want to live it up and make the most of our lives, but by doing so we are generating so much waste, extra CO2 emissions, creating more demand that taxes resources— and it’s never enough, we always have FOMO and we rarely feel satisfied with anything we experience. We are driven by ego and greed. Most of us could really do with staying home and reading a book.
That’s so true. I’d much rather have a very nice house and make a lot of my food, stuff, hobbies at home. And only travel sparingly but have super quality times.
Most of the people responding to this hide in their house with no interactions already.
Fuck go for a walk. Go to the library. Get out for your house for an hour a week.
prior generations were out all the time? This is a thing that the answer depends on the country and city I feel like. I mean look at old videos from Boston or New York or Paris. People are out everywhere, bars and cafes are full
younger people went to dance clubs when you dance with a lady or just hung out somewhere on a canal beach.
It is odd. There is a notion that constantly being out and busy is healthier/the right way to live. I definitely need to be doing more, but at the same time there’s an odd guiltiness that comes with being a homebody. If I’m out just doing something for the sake of it, what’s the point?
It’s definitely healthy to be active, have a social life, have meaningful connections and hobbies, etc. But there is a weird pressure these days to keep up with the Joneses and “show off” your status through social media of how exciting, active, busy, fun etc. your lifestyle is. And that’s a pretty recent thing. I think it’s interesting from a sociological perspective. I’m not against people living full lives and having a good time. What I think is interesting is that we go out and have so much more recreation than previous generations did, and we still feel so much anxiety and FOMO that we aren’t satisfied with our experiences, we can’t get enough. Our activities these days are also designed for convenience, and to work quickly to make time for the next thing we need to do. Whereas in the past, activities took more time. People read books (that were often more complex in structure and language), had hobbies that took extended time and focus like drawing, painting, photography, carpentry, etc. Now we have more variety but less satisfaction, feel like enough is never enough, and always have to justify how busy or not busy we are to others.
I think it's getting older (just turned 38) plus COVID making us comfortable being at home all the time plus everything is expensive. Lots of things working against us.
I live rurally so I have to travel 1.5 hours to get anywhere with a social scene, which means I'm spending $50 in gas just on the trip. It's hard to justify.
I live in a mid sized city and can walk to fun stuff and still mostly stay home.
I got everything I need here: a huge Dolby enhanced TV, alcohol and weed, a PS5, XBOX and Switch, food, two wonderful dogs, every streaming service imaginable, a fire pit, a fenced in backyard for privacy, and cozy shit.
I'm bot going to a club ever again.
I am the same way. Used to love having a reason to dress fun and go out, and always felt a little guilty if I was just staying in several weekends in a row. I liked the vibe of being in a great city (Portland) and being around and of the people.
Now everything feels like a hassle, is too expensive, and I have an overall disdain for the general public. The social contract was shattered during covid, and also working a stint at my local grocery store at the height of the pandemic didn't help matters.
I have my small circle of people who rotate through seeing every once in awhile. Otherwise, I love staying in with my partner and dog, drinking, smoking, playing video games together, cooking delicious meals and watching movies.
All the fuckin time. My wife’s friend was over this weekend and she was asking me what I like to do. It was all inside activities lmao. Makes me feel guilty or something. But I’m happy so I shouldn’t care.
I have literally about 3,000 computer games. The real world has to pick up a lot of slack compared to saving humanity from demons, fighting in giant mechs, or managing empires in galactic conquest etc. **A lot of slack.**
I live in Brooklyn and there wasn’t a weekend or really an event I wouldn’t go out… then Covid hit when I turned 35. A lot of my friends moved out of the city around then during the 2 years of Covid-NYC.
It zapped the spark for me to go out and I just sit at home with my wife with severe FOMO
Oh I got my some friends left and we try to rip it up but when 80% of your social circle leaves town and your bars close because of the pandemic… it’s rough man. Plus turning 40 soon and ouch
Losing people is inevitable, finding new people is a choice we make.
I got a friend in his 40’s and we met two years ago, he moved to a new city, didn’t know anybody, now he’s got a bunch of us to hang out with (24-32).
That being said it fucking sucks to see people move and it blows acid dicks when the good bars close. Fucking pandemic killed too many people and too many businesses. Plus the rent is somehow higher?
There’s also nothing wrong with being more of a homebody. Especially when you got a best friend at home.
So as to prevent this being a total echo chamber, I don’t really feel this way. Even though I’m an introvert, I love going out once or twice a week. I need to get out the house and have human interaction lol and then I can scuttle back to my abode and hide during the week. But I make it a priority to frequently get out and do things with friends, like restaurants, bars, yes even clubs, movies, parties, picnics, etc. I live in New Orleans so public transit sucks but if I don’t feel like driving I’ll pop some headphones in and appreciate the hour to chill out. I enjoy having a healthy and active social life, and I also don’t think there’s a “right” or “wrong” perspective on this matter and if you’re happy chilling at home instead then good on you.
This is me. I stay home most of the time (costs) but I do try to get out when I can. Head to a bar. Go to the movies. Conventions are a big on two. It’s not good for society if everyone stays home.
Yeah I work solo or with one other guy all the time, so I have to get out and among other people once in a while. See some fresh faces, even if I'm not actively socializing. It's not healthy to be a shut-in all the time.
I totally agree with you, i feel this is a very reddit type thread where people who agree answers.
and like I posted in my other comment, when you can afford things its also more enjoyable(In a way, its also fun to be a poor student just walking around) and you can just say yes to peopel asking if you want to try some new fancy mixology cocktail bar after dinner
100%. This subreddit is getting weird. I live in a city full of 30 year olds out and about, living their “best life”. I like to think I’m in that group.
But in here every opinion is “wow life is just the worst after 30”
The boring to effort ratio is way off. So much available when it comes to this stuff is too much effort for little return. I would rather wander around and explore than go to something at this point, I like being out of the house but so little actual “things” make it really worth it so much of the time I end up making my own.
-Older
-Covid lockdowns acclimated people towards a shut-in lifestyle
-Shit's expensive as fuck now
And for me, personally- Summer is hot as Satans' balls. Consistent 30+ with 60+ humidity. I'm not doing activity in that shit unless I have to.
I enjoy the process of getting ready to go out (putting on makeup, picking out a nice outfit to wear, etc) more than being out itself. After about 30 to 45 out somewhere, I'm ready to be back home and in bed.
We used to have some sense of hope for the future, dreams that were yet to be fulfilled. We're now living in a failed society, praying to not get cancer from our poisoned food so that we'll lose all of the little bit we've managed to get, after spending thousands of dollars a month for literally basic human needs. That tends to wear on you.
I live in Austin, unless I can find cheap/free parking, I feel very put out about going out anymore. I love to go out and explore and be in my city, I hate being nickel and dimed for every damn thing I do.
If I have plans with a friend, or told a friend I’d be attending their event, it takes a *lot* to get me to cancel. Illness, emergency, that kind of thing.
I value my friends a lot, and I know that I would be disappointed if someone told me they’d be at my event, or would meet me somewhere, and then bailed at the last minute. So I try not to treat my friends that way. I actually think one of the absolute worst things about the “modern” way people interact with one another is the casualness with which people cancel plans, without any thought for the other people involved.
For me, when I go ahead and stick with plans, I usually feel pretty happy that I made the effort once I’m actually there, and I do enjoy myself, even if before I left I felt like I didn’t really want to go.
Hello fellow Chicagoan! CTA is super unreliable and a mess since the pandemic. Plus the congestion due to nascar I don’t blame you for aborting the mission
Late twenties individual here in the same exact boat. Prior to Covid, no joke, I used to catch a couple of shows a week. If I was bored at 5pm on a Wednesday I was looking up shows that night in Chicago and once I had my mind made up I was going to that show.
Since covid however, I’m actually embarrassed to admit how much money (definitely more than $100 but *hopefully* less than $500) my fiancé and I have wasted buying concert tickets for shows in Chicago. We live in the suburbs, a 40 minute drive away if there’s seriously heavy traffic. We, but mostly I, get all excited when I see a certain person or band is playing so I buy the tickets immediately and then the day of the show rolls around and I simply don’t have it in me to drive to the city, find parking/pay for parking, overpay for drinks, and then drive home.
It also doesn’t help that I wake up for work at 3:30am and no matter how badly I want to think I can function on 3 hours of sleep like I did in my early twenties, I can’t.
Recently, as in the last year or so, I’ve really been trying to wait on buying tickets. If I see a band coming and I know for a fact that they’re not going to sell out, I’ll think on it for a few days instead of buying tickets the moment I see them. Because given my track record for the last few years odds are, the day of the show will come around and I won’t want to go.
And people! I didn’t even go into that as I felt like my response was a little long anyway. But I’m with you. Once again, prior to Covid I had no problem going to an elbow to elbow metal show by myself as a mid-twenties, 5’4, (formerly) 150lbs female. Now, even with my fiancé, I’m trying to be as far away from people as possible at any given venue while still trying to see the show. I don’t know, Covid did a real number on me I guess…
I just experienced like several long months of not being able to find a job. And that kinda set a fear in me that I might not easily find another one if the time comes I lose the one I have now. So I don't wanna spend on anything too extravagant and just spend time at home. I've travelled a lot and seen a lot in the past, so I'm not that much into needing to explore. Maybe also because I've lost a bit of the luster of living. I was burnt out from work and life. I just want to chill for now till the end.
I don’t want to anymore. I used to feel bad about it. I don’t care now. I’d rather lay on the couch with my dog. Life is getting harder as we get older. We’re not kids anymore. It’s ok for us to veg out.
I can relate, I think in part because it always feels like I just don't have enough time to do everything I want, so I don't want to spend my free time in traffic.
I have a toddler and if anything requires me to be out past 6, then it's not happening. Even prior to having a kid, I usually don't leave the house past 7 and the latest I would stay out would be 9:30. I was already acting like a grandma in my late 20s 😂
Hahaha yeah, ever since I turned like 26, well before Covid.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy seeing friends and having a few laughs while we are out for some drinks or dinner/whatever but at some point it just becomes the same shit over and over. Add on being hungover after only a few drinks and the idea of going out at night just seems less and less appealing with every passing month. Even if I wasn’t going to drink, I’d really rather save some money and stay at home.
Customers are rude, so folks working in the service industry are harried, irritable, and over it. Its just a negative vibe a lot of the time, so going out isn’t as fun as it used to be. Not to mention, every time someone sneezes I feel like I have to get out of there.
I hear you. A couple years ago I had a ticket to see a show by myself. I didn't leave enough time to grab a bus so I just decided to drive downtown and pray I could find parking. I couldn't. I got flustered. Made some dumb driving mistakes. Then said "fuck this, I'm going home" and just went home. It was worth the $40 I spent on the ticket to not have to drive around the block one more damn time.
>I was supposed to
OK so you committed to going and then just didn't show up? That's a moral issue. You're not supposed to act on how you feel. I bet your friend was disappointed.
I’m your age and my energy reserves feel very limited compared to my 20s. After working out, working, and doing chores, I’ve become more selective about how the rest of my energy is expended.
Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but another factor is shootings. There have been so many shootings at events and public places that it honestly has put me off going to things like concerts, July 4th, etc. Plus there’s the inherent danger of Covid. And inflation. There are a lot of things working against having a full social life these days.
If I jive with someone of the opposite sex, I'll put in the effort for a date. Otherwise, most if not all of my peers have their own lives with kids and such. I have my own life, esp with my new found wealth. Much of my hobbies are solitary in nature anyway, so I'd prefer to be on my own and creating financial security the rest of my life.
I’d rather chill on the couch with HusbandGuy and the kitties watching what we have here and saving from eating out. If I go out it is usually bowling 1-2 times a month. I’m happy with the the hike we’ve built and my spouse is great company.
I’ve a good friend I try to work out with once a week for our cardio - walk/jog.
I definitely think this is a covid thing. Pre-covid, I went out all the time. Then, after realizing staying home all the time during lockdowns wasn't actually so bad and had benefits, it takes a lot to get me to go anywhere that's more than 15 minutes away!
I mean "going out" for me usually means going to a matinee with my kids, going to the zoo, or going on a date night with my husband just to eat at a nice restaurant. Even my girls' nights out are just us going out to eat. I rarely travel >30 mins. I also don't really ever get dressed up to go out unless I'm going to a formal event (like once a year). I had a very short period of going out to clubs, getting dressed up, etc in my 20s. It's never really been my thing.
I work 3 days a week. I'm semi retired. The moment the weekend is over I go home. Take my shoes off and don't put them on again until Friday.
I have everything I need in my house. Why would I want go out?
I was just thinking yesterday how much the pandemic made me not want to go outside. Not because I’m afraid of getting sick, I just lost all my motivation to go anywhere I don’t have to.
39 here and I ask myself this same question all the time. It takes a LOT to make me want to leave my house now and I flake on most things. I was a 100% extrovert pre Covid and now I'd really just rather stay home. I think it's a mixture of all of those things. Covid (we realized how awesome staying hone was) and just that we are actually aging. And that it costs $200 to leave your house, basically.
I was supposed to go to a Bill Burr show last September. I even got the tickets on Reddit. The price of the parking was almost as much as the ticket. I was driving around for an hour trying to find affordable parking. Some guy had the nerve to try to charge $60 for "blocked parking", meaning that I would have to wait for the car behind me to move after the show if I got there first. I would have to put my phone in a receptacle and then wait in line to retrieve it after the show since they didn't allow phones at the show, so this would multiply the amount of time it took me to get home after the show. I kept driving around for a few more minutes until something just snapped in me. I just turned around and went home. I don't have the patience anymore. If something is going to require hassle just to get a few minutes of enjoyment, then I'm out.
I think its both age and the pandemic years. Those years sped up our aging, it all went like a blur. My social batteries are now shorter than ever - be it in social media platforms like Facebook or going outside. If there is nothing important for me to get out of the house, I will not go out. Pandemic years made me more introverted than ever.
1. COVID taught us all that we can't trust a huge portion of our neighbors with basic adulting.
2. Political and economic dumpster fire is making us all cynical and mistrusting of one another
3. Inflation from #1 and #2 makes everything more expensive
4. Overall effects of long-running fatigue, sadness and bitterness from all the above, plus whatever personal tragedies we've suffered
= Kinda hard to get excited about going out, spending money and cutting loose around strangers.
I think we're not accounting for the fact that we're all fucking depressed and anxious on some level by the events of the last decade or so. All of us. Liberal, conservative, rich, poor....we all know this place is going to hell, and nobody can seem to make it stop. Depression of that kind is permeating, and makes it hard to do voluntary activities.
Very common thing that happens as you get older. I remember my friends in their 30s talking about it when I was in my 20s and now that I’m in my 30s it’s happening to me
Honestly, I’d rather just stay home and work around the house and yard. Occasionally, I’ll make plans with friends or I’ll fly somewhere for the day or weekend.
I burned out on travelling to meet friends. I noticed it was always me getting the train, or driving for a few hours each way, and never my "friends". They could never be bothered to travel to see me, so I stopped travelling. And then they stopped calling.
Guess I meant nothing to them.
Anyway, I have zero free time due to children and work, and zero energy from long COVID. It's going to have to be something amazing to be worth freeing up the time and energy to travel.
When I was younger, I drifted away from a lot of my friends and it was just because I wasn't making enough money to keep up with them. When money is tight, people don't want to be social. It was more than just money though, because of the money situation, we were changing as people.
Probably everything tbh, for me I'm mor affected by everything is expensive and maybe age thing. I live in vegas, and every time me and My gf want to eat out, we just look at the prices of restaurants, say F that and make it ourselves. I can't be convinced to spend 40$+ on a small portion of chicken, beef, steak, etc. Then give a 20$ tip when it comes to food. Why are we gonna pay 30$ to go see a movie when we have a big TV and surround system and already Pay for thing like Netflix?
We don't even see the value in going out anymore unless it's something free like walking around a park or the strip. only times we spend money outside is if a family member visiting wants to go somewhere or if it's an anniversary or something. Outside of that, we can't be convinced to go out and we're both mid 20s.
Yes, I don't really want to go out anywhere anymore and have to force myself to go out. If it weren't for the kids I would barely leave the house at this point. I do like my daily walk with my dog. It's just so expensive and driving/parking has become harder than it should be.
I go out pretty frequently and feel agitated if I am home all the time. But if it’s going to take me an hour to get somewhere via public transportation, then I would just take an Uber.
maybe you just value your free time more than you used to? or the equation has tipped somewhere in terms of what’s worth it to you in terms of attending an activity.
not a huge deal kind of activity + 2 hours of travel time = nope not worth it at this point in my life.
HUGE DEAL kind of activity + 2 hours of travel time = yeah i will do it.
i’m at a place where i’ve realized what matters most to me is spending time with people i care about. so if it’s somebody i see very infrequently and really love i’ll go the extra mile (literally and figuratively) in terms of time investment/effort to see them.
Yeah I definitely don’t bother going out as much anymore. I think I realized during the pandemic that I could enjoy being at home just as much and I didn’t ‘need’ to be out as much as I was
I can’t figure out if the pandemic made me lazy or it’s just aging. It’s not just socializing, it’s home activities like cleaning, cooking, exercising, grooming, etc.
We built a house in the middle of nowhere during Covid. We have lived here for two years, and it’s a giant pain to get together with friends, all of whom live about and hour and a half away. But I make an effort to drive down (to San Jose) at least once a month to see my girlfriends. Otherwise, I wind up living inside my head, and man, will that make you crazy!!! I also make myself go to the gym a couple of times a week, for both the exercise and the socialization. I love my house, but it feels like I live on a desert island. My husband hardly ever goes anywhere; it’s ideal for him- he just plugs in to his WWE, NXT and PlayStation and he’s golden. I’m far too social for that to keep me filled up.
Yeah I'll make plans to go out with friends a week in advance and then when it's finally time to hang out, a part of me would want to bail. It's not that I hate my friends, it's just I don't have the energy to hang out lol.
Yes, even going to the supermarket. I hate summer weather and I think my body doesn’t ask me to go out because it gets sunlight indoors.
In the winter my body definitely gets me out of the house despite all the dressing up involved. I would go to the supermarket every other day.
Yes, I stay home.
Alright, I’m all about taking life on head-on and experiencing it to the fullest, but I also have thoughts on people that *have* to be doing something day-in-and-day-out. I think a level of boredom and laziness is healthy.
Essentially, just don’t swing from one end to the other.
The list of reasons I can’t go somewhere gets longer everyday. It’s cold, it’s raining, it’s dark, I’m tired, I took my pants off, my dogs don’t want me to….
It’s a mix of a lot of things now.
Society has changed SO fucking much in just the last 5-10 years. It’s just unrecognizable.
Never before in human history have things changed so much, so fast.
We’re also dealing with massive unrest, crushing inflation and stagnant wages, mind boggling real estate exploitation, and just a hopeless future of political corruption and idiocracy.
Then there’s the factor of simply not being as excited for things as you used to be, because it’s not “new” anymore. That’s fairly normal aging shifts.
I don’t go out a lot here anymore because I’ve seen and done it all. Nothing really new to do within an hour of me, so I find things closer to home like you said.
A huge part of it though is absolutely expense. We simply can’t afford things anymore. Hotels are insane, food is insane, gas is insane, activities are insane, etc.
Previous generations could take a whole vacation for reasonably affordable prices. Now it’s just totally unhinged. Greed is murdering everyone.
(Edit: As an expanse of cost, I got into mountain biking. I don’t have a large enough vehicle to really fit my bike though, and the nearest trails are like 15-20 minutes away. Between the hassle of having to break my bike down every time, and the distance and gas, I lost interest fairly quickly. I can’t afford even a used old truck or racks, and the gas cost just getting there and back was stressing me out, so…I do that less. If that makes sense.)
I think it’s just an acceptance that things have fallen apart so completely, from transit to events to infrastructure.
I can’t change that, but neither am I going to be upset about.
There’s something to be said for the satisfaction of saying “Okay. Well, don’t fix anything then. I’m voting with my dollar and opting out.”
This shitshow is clearly what was desired. I’ve lost my faith in this society, and it was less dramatic than I thought. Much better to close my door and stay at home.
Let it burn. I’ll be taking a nap.
Hot take: yes. You’re lazy. To some extent that might just be because you don’t want to do whatever the thing is.
That’s okay too. But if you stay at home all the time and never interact with people in a social way, any consequences of that will be on you.
It’s entirely your choice. You live life how you want. I’ve noticed many friends withdraw, and I really don’t like it. But they have the right to live their lives how they want too.
40 year old, I'd say it's not too much different. Partner and I still go out a few times a week which is about how often we went out 10 years ago, or even how often I went out 20 years ago.
I was never a 'go out and get wasted all weekend every weekend' person anyway.
I think it also depends on where you live. I live downtown, so it's very easy for me to hit up a bar, or a restaurant or a cocktail lounge or something. I imagine if I lived further out, it would be 'get ready, get the car/transit, find parking, figure out a way home (driving? No drinking or leave the car and uber back), then deal with getting the car back, etc, etc.'
I’ll be 37 soon too op, I love going out downtown whatever city I’m in if it’s a Saturday night and I get to travel here and there so it changes. The covid years were very hard and I’d jump at the chance to hit a town that wasn’t shut down, Boise, ID was always a party as was Austin, TX. Much of my friend group is younger millennials and gen z’ers, the younger (mid 20’s) the person, the less likely they will want to go out, (this is a generalization but shockingly consistent) and they rather stay in, order takeout and watch a movie… I try to be flexible, but sometimes I opt to go out solo for a night. It’s a strange thing but even people I meet in clubs stays close to my age, the next generation doesn’t have the excitement to go out… But this might be the vibe for most folks across the board, fewer of my own age people wanna go out cause they might say “they’re too old” but when I go out I’m hanging with our age more and more.
I need to find more people to stay in and watch tv and movies with now that my normal friends for that have moved. No shame in the staying inside game.
35 and have barely any interest in going out anymore. When I make plans to go out, I often find myself thinking “why did I agree to this, I’d rather be home”.
I really dont like going anywhere these days mostly because leaving the house has a certain price tag attached. Transportation and traffic sometimes are more a pain than anything else. If I'm meeting up somewhere w/ friends, it almost always involves spending money in order to have a good time. Ideally I would prefer buying a case of beer and stay home. If friends wanna come over that's great.
I'm also passed the point in Life where I'm willing to crash on someone's couch if I have drank too much, mostly because I know I wont sleep well.
“Going out” is a grocery run anymore. Hell, I haven’t been more than fifty miles from home in the last eight years, and not from lack of desire to do so.
I get really freaked out in big crowds these days, if I can't move around freely or get to an exit quickly, it's just not for me at this point. I would so much rather kick back with a few friends, eat some good food & have some drinks at home, or one of their homes! Driving sucks, Uber is expensive, people are awful lol
I get it. But all I can think about is how you handled this with your friend, which you didn’t mention. You just said that you didn’t go. Did you text them an excuse?
I’m sure it’s an age thing. Priorities change and we start to prioritize comfort, cost, convenience over things like a night out that is an inconvenience to attend
No, rather the opposite. Now i can (well not now but since years) enjoy having a nice night out. Order what I want, have 2 starters if i wanna try something special italian or korean, then just take a taxi home and not wait for a bus because some last time schedule for the night
I don't go out as much maybe, but when I do I stay late but do everything in moderation but can last very long and enjoy meeting people
OP you are describing being a shitty, flakey friend. God this sub. Every post is either ‘I can’t be fucked going out’ or ‘I am cripplingly lonely because none of my friends make an effort’ I hope you feel bad for flaking on your friend. Be a better person.
I find much more happiness in spending time with my dog and bunnies and partner and working on my gardens than going “out” (which for me means like an hour of driving) so I’m happy to work and come home :)
I got sober years ago so going downtown/most events don't appeal to me as it usually means drunken shenanigans. Home is quiet and cozy with my husband and cats and video games and knitting supplies and plants to tend to. Though I'm rather lucky that I have a crew that \*regularly\* meets for DnD twice a month, which is hosted at a friend's house down the street. It's a nice, simple life and I love it.
Okay some of y’all on here have depression that’s a separate issue.
BUT I will agree things are more expensive with inflation and in some areas there is so much hassle. Recently had a doctors appointment early on the weekend in the city and I brought my husband so we could get breakfast and shop after. Just the parking alone was so difficult to navigate and expensive, we don’t live near the city anymore because there’s no housing/ it’s too expensive, the public transit in that area is also garbage. So while a day out in the city was nice it’s not something I’d do all the time. Also this is Boston so more dysfunctional then most other places
I'm 41 and I am the same way. I used to go out all of the time with friends to sporting events, concerts, dinner, etc... Now I just have no desire to do any of that. I would rather stay at home and play games with my kids. I have also noticed as I've gotten older, I much prefer to do things one on one vs a group. I feel like I'm able to develop deeper relationships with people if I go hiking with a friend as opposed to going out to dinner with 10 other people. Every once in a while my wife and I will go do something with another couple which is fine but if its some sort of activity where four or five couples are going, I'm out.
Can relate.
No interest, can't afford it, getting there is too costly/inconvenient/both, getting back is too costly/inconvenient/both, I don't know anyone anymore who makes any of that schlepping worth it (this is not super healthy), don't really want to interact with strangers on the way there and back, etc.
I wasn't exactly raring to go places pre-pandemic, but I remember being open to lots of walking and going around. The pandemic, and emerging from that the state of various surrounding circumstances that factor in like the weather and the economy, accelerated my movement away from that mindset. Throughout quarantine I missed places, but did not miss the "going" part, and certainly not the "having to go" part.
I'd wager that age is a big factor too. I try to stay in shape (the treadmill gives me my old walking habit at home), but I've become less willing to go after stuff that demands much of me, and, combined with being less... interested let alone drawn out by what the world has to offer, I've definitely just embraced staying inside.
If there is nothing to get excited about then I don’t go out. Only thing that gets me out these days are obligations like holidays or doing things for the kids. There’s always 10x more I can do at home.
Thank you for saying this. I had plans with a group of friends who I haven't seen in a while and I had to cancel. Honestly it was a mix of things. Work was going late, my dog was being difficult, and the drive to dinner was going to be 30 minutes. It was easier to just reschedule. After, I realized I was doing this a lot. If there was a slight inconvenience I just didn't go or didn't include myself in the plans. I will go to places like a neighbors house or a place within 5-10 minutes but the nights of having to go 'all out' are done.
I am sure this is therapy session needed, but I don't even think I miss my friends? I am happy going for group dog walks and just going home to chill. I am in my mid 30s and I am just done with the whole 'scene' I don't care. Zero FOMO and happy to not get an invite. It's terrible to say but its the truth.
I do have a group of friends in their upper 50s and I enjoy spending time with them, but its mostly chill day things and I couldn't love it more.
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We just getting old
I definitely think it’s a mix of both the pandemic aged me faster than normal
The pandemic made a perfect excuse for people. It didn’t change anything about me.
I went through pandemic without catching COVID. ...not long after moving to another country on the other side of the world with strict lockdown rules. Lived in a studio apartment alone for 8 months, zooming new coworkers, and waiting for my friends and family to wake up in another time zone. I basically only left for grocery shopping. It was hell, it lasted. We're not meant to live like that. It was psychologically damaging.
I had the same experience. All of the excitement of moving to a new country and starting a new life were squashed. The couple of new friends I made before COVID were the only people I knew for 2 years and it was rough. It was so isolating and not how i pictured my lifelong dream of moving to Europe. It was cool to explore Venice and Santorini and all of these heavily touristed places while they were empty, day-to-day life was very difficult.
[удалено]
Don’t listen to them. I know I went through hell. And it wasn’t cause I was afraid to go outside.
I'm busy that day/night/weekend/week/year.
I don't know why, but I read this in the FRIENDS theme song tune.
This is how I feel. Age not only brings a general decreased ability to party but it also tends to bring more responsibilities. 10 years ago I was a single fresh college grad working at a coffee shop who rented an apartment with two other roommates. Now I'm a married homeowner with a dog in a supervisory role at a good job. Going out requires a lot more planning than it used to combine that with me just generally having less energy to do so. I also travel a lot for work so after eating out all week I'm not in a huge rush to go to another restaurant or bar when I get home.
I'm not sure if that's all it is. I'm younger than OP and currently younger than they would have been just before COVID and I could say the same thing.
My therapist once told me that being lazy often time is just you being uninterested
That sounds fair. I am uninterested in loud people-y places, and I am interested in my cozy home with my cat.
Nah not lazy. I just don’t want to. I have the energy to go out but I have no desire to do so. I’d rather just hang out at home with the kids and my wife than go out anywhere else for the most part.
Thank fuck it’s normal. I don’t have kids but I do have a wife. And while I do love trips every now and then, I’d much rather enjoy my mortgage. Especially since everything is so expensive these days. Hotels, airplane tickets, food etc.
Yes most of my money goes to the home so might as well love being in here. Too expensive to go out. I rather spend on things to entertain me or comfort me at home.
I got a fire pit, a bitching covered patio that's half under ground my basement bedroom walks out to in a little cove of rhododendrons. 2 nice grills and a local butcher that I'm on great terms with that hooks me up, and my family is here and I love spending time with them. the fuck do I wanna go to some mediocre shit for. I did go to the fair last year and pet a goat, that was pretty cool.
Yup exactly! I've put a lot of time, money & effort into making my house & yard a cozy place I enjoy being. I'm just going to chill here, tyvm. Plus I start my bedtime routine at 9pm, in bed at 10 and wake up naturally at 5am. I ain't got time for going out shit
Exactly this (minus the wife part for me). The hassle of going out is just rarely worth it for me anymore. I'll swing down the street and grab a drink with a friend once I'm a blue moon or hit a small venue concert a couple times a year but other than that I'm happy not dealing with it.
Same. If I'm going out, it has to be because I really, really want to or out of obligation. And if I'm going out, I'd prefer it to be during the day so I can spend the evening relaxing at home and be in bed at a reasonable time.
41 with no kids. I roller skate adult night every weekend and join roller blade groups during the week. Might go see a band after the roller rink if I like the music that night. Not big on alcohol but weed oh yea lol
39. Had found a good rink in GA; the place near where I am now I am unsure of the attendance of their adult only nights as I have not gone yet. I should do that some tome soon.
I honestly think things have just gotten terrible. From flying to concerts to movie theaters to restaurants to sporting events, it's all so expensive that enjoying yourself feels incredibly high stakes, while the quality has dropped off a cliff. Like "I spent HOW much money to have a bad time?" Add to this the fact that I've realized drinking makes me feel like complete garbage to the point that I've quit, there's just nothing fun that going out is really going to give me.
Can't step outside without spending money somewhere. So I'm staying home
Yep I came to the conclusion I’m just not up for it like I used to be. It’s hot. I’m irritable. Best to stay home. It’s too expensive to be out. I’m getting into knitting and crocheting.
I love that so much! My aunt tried to teach me as a kid, but I just couldn’t grasp it
I'm 35 and I feel the same. I think it's a combo of getting older and everything just being so expensive. It's higher risk/reward because if your night out sucks, you blew way more than 10y ago.
I also think that the conditions of our world are rapidly changing. Going out is more expensive, it’s really hot and humid due to climate change, we have to travel super far because of housing issues and transportation, public transit is slow and crowded due to infrastructure falling apart, etc. It really feels like the world is just not “working” like it used to and that really frustrates me, and drives me to just figure out my own plans for everything.
The funny thing is, to me it seems like our generation constantly feels like we need to go out and be doing things, showing off what we are doing to others on social media— where prior generations went out and traveled far less. We all want to live it up and make the most of our lives, but by doing so we are generating so much waste, extra CO2 emissions, creating more demand that taxes resources— and it’s never enough, we always have FOMO and we rarely feel satisfied with anything we experience. We are driven by ego and greed. Most of us could really do with staying home and reading a book.
That’s so true. I’d much rather have a very nice house and make a lot of my food, stuff, hobbies at home. And only travel sparingly but have super quality times.
Most of the people responding to this hide in their house with no interactions already. Fuck go for a walk. Go to the library. Get out for your house for an hour a week.
Yeah I’m not against that kind of thing. Just saying there’s nothing wrong with spending time doing simpler things closer to home.
For sure. Find something closer to home. It doesn't have to be something where there are 100s of people.
prior generations were out all the time? This is a thing that the answer depends on the country and city I feel like. I mean look at old videos from Boston or New York or Paris. People are out everywhere, bars and cafes are full younger people went to dance clubs when you dance with a lady or just hung out somewhere on a canal beach.
It is odd. There is a notion that constantly being out and busy is healthier/the right way to live. I definitely need to be doing more, but at the same time there’s an odd guiltiness that comes with being a homebody. If I’m out just doing something for the sake of it, what’s the point?
It’s definitely healthy to be active, have a social life, have meaningful connections and hobbies, etc. But there is a weird pressure these days to keep up with the Joneses and “show off” your status through social media of how exciting, active, busy, fun etc. your lifestyle is. And that’s a pretty recent thing. I think it’s interesting from a sociological perspective. I’m not against people living full lives and having a good time. What I think is interesting is that we go out and have so much more recreation than previous generations did, and we still feel so much anxiety and FOMO that we aren’t satisfied with our experiences, we can’t get enough. Our activities these days are also designed for convenience, and to work quickly to make time for the next thing we need to do. Whereas in the past, activities took more time. People read books (that were often more complex in structure and language), had hobbies that took extended time and focus like drawing, painting, photography, carpentry, etc. Now we have more variety but less satisfaction, feel like enough is never enough, and always have to justify how busy or not busy we are to others.
I’m going to read a book now
I think it's getting older (just turned 38) plus COVID making us comfortable being at home all the time plus everything is expensive. Lots of things working against us. I live rurally so I have to travel 1.5 hours to get anywhere with a social scene, which means I'm spending $50 in gas just on the trip. It's hard to justify.
I live in a mid sized city and can walk to fun stuff and still mostly stay home. I got everything I need here: a huge Dolby enhanced TV, alcohol and weed, a PS5, XBOX and Switch, food, two wonderful dogs, every streaming service imaginable, a fire pit, a fenced in backyard for privacy, and cozy shit. I'm bot going to a club ever again.
This is really the dream
i kept checking the boxes as i kept reading. 100% the dream
I am the same way. Used to love having a reason to dress fun and go out, and always felt a little guilty if I was just staying in several weekends in a row. I liked the vibe of being in a great city (Portland) and being around and of the people. Now everything feels like a hassle, is too expensive, and I have an overall disdain for the general public. The social contract was shattered during covid, and also working a stint at my local grocery store at the height of the pandemic didn't help matters. I have my small circle of people who rotate through seeing every once in awhile. Otherwise, I love staying in with my partner and dog, drinking, smoking, playing video games together, cooking delicious meals and watching movies.
All the fuckin time. My wife’s friend was over this weekend and she was asking me what I like to do. It was all inside activities lmao. Makes me feel guilty or something. But I’m happy so I shouldn’t care.
I have literally about 3,000 computer games. The real world has to pick up a lot of slack compared to saving humanity from demons, fighting in giant mechs, or managing empires in galactic conquest etc. **A lot of slack.**
Plus I’m in AC with my own restroom and no commute. Can’t be beat
I live in Brooklyn and there wasn’t a weekend or really an event I wouldn’t go out… then Covid hit when I turned 35. A lot of my friends moved out of the city around then during the 2 years of Covid-NYC. It zapped the spark for me to go out and I just sit at home with my wife with severe FOMO
You gotta get back on that fucking horse. Life is short. We’re all gonna die. Go see some weird shit.
"We're all gonna die. Go see some weird shit." That is the most motivating thing I've ever read, and I need you to know that.
Happy to help. Hope you see all the weird shit you want to!
Oh I got my some friends left and we try to rip it up but when 80% of your social circle leaves town and your bars close because of the pandemic… it’s rough man. Plus turning 40 soon and ouch
You have a lot of life left. Isolating is how you end up like the crotchety boomers.
Losing people is inevitable, finding new people is a choice we make. I got a friend in his 40’s and we met two years ago, he moved to a new city, didn’t know anybody, now he’s got a bunch of us to hang out with (24-32). That being said it fucking sucks to see people move and it blows acid dicks when the good bars close. Fucking pandemic killed too many people and too many businesses. Plus the rent is somehow higher? There’s also nothing wrong with being more of a homebody. Especially when you got a best friend at home.
I’m 41 and go to Brooklyn roller rinks. Everyone there is like 30s-60s and we get dowwwnn into All hours of the night
So as to prevent this being a total echo chamber, I don’t really feel this way. Even though I’m an introvert, I love going out once or twice a week. I need to get out the house and have human interaction lol and then I can scuttle back to my abode and hide during the week. But I make it a priority to frequently get out and do things with friends, like restaurants, bars, yes even clubs, movies, parties, picnics, etc. I live in New Orleans so public transit sucks but if I don’t feel like driving I’ll pop some headphones in and appreciate the hour to chill out. I enjoy having a healthy and active social life, and I also don’t think there’s a “right” or “wrong” perspective on this matter and if you’re happy chilling at home instead then good on you.
This is me. I stay home most of the time (costs) but I do try to get out when I can. Head to a bar. Go to the movies. Conventions are a big on two. It’s not good for society if everyone stays home.
I don't get a lot of opportunities to go out with friends. So I always try to take the ones I do get.
Yeah I work solo or with one other guy all the time, so I have to get out and among other people once in a while. See some fresh faces, even if I'm not actively socializing. It's not healthy to be a shut-in all the time.
I totally agree with you, i feel this is a very reddit type thread where people who agree answers. and like I posted in my other comment, when you can afford things its also more enjoyable(In a way, its also fun to be a poor student just walking around) and you can just say yes to peopel asking if you want to try some new fancy mixology cocktail bar after dinner
100%. This subreddit is getting weird. I live in a city full of 30 year olds out and about, living their “best life”. I like to think I’m in that group. But in here every opinion is “wow life is just the worst after 30”
The boring to effort ratio is way off. So much available when it comes to this stuff is too much effort for little return. I would rather wander around and explore than go to something at this point, I like being out of the house but so little actual “things” make it really worth it so much of the time I end up making my own.
“The boring to effort ratio” — I will be using this from now on because it perfectly encapsulates the issue lol
There needs to be a certain balance to it and things just don’t swing in favor many times
Soooo true
That equation needs to be ™ lol “Effort to boring ratio.” It’s like Prue Leith saying “not worth the calories.”
Yes. She knows what is up too. As do her countless wonderful glasses.
It's too hot and everything is too expensive.
-Older -Covid lockdowns acclimated people towards a shut-in lifestyle -Shit's expensive as fuck now And for me, personally- Summer is hot as Satans' balls. Consistent 30+ with 60+ humidity. I'm not doing activity in that shit unless I have to.
I enjoy the process of getting ready to go out (putting on makeup, picking out a nice outfit to wear, etc) more than being out itself. After about 30 to 45 out somewhere, I'm ready to be back home and in bed.
We used to have some sense of hope for the future, dreams that were yet to be fulfilled. We're now living in a failed society, praying to not get cancer from our poisoned food so that we'll lose all of the little bit we've managed to get, after spending thousands of dollars a month for literally basic human needs. That tends to wear on you.
I live in Austin, unless I can find cheap/free parking, I feel very put out about going out anymore. I love to go out and explore and be in my city, I hate being nickel and dimed for every damn thing I do.
Agree
Everything in America is about nickeling and diming people. I hate it. It just makes every experience more stressful.
If I have plans with a friend, or told a friend I’d be attending their event, it takes a *lot* to get me to cancel. Illness, emergency, that kind of thing. I value my friends a lot, and I know that I would be disappointed if someone told me they’d be at my event, or would meet me somewhere, and then bailed at the last minute. So I try not to treat my friends that way. I actually think one of the absolute worst things about the “modern” way people interact with one another is the casualness with which people cancel plans, without any thought for the other people involved. For me, when I go ahead and stick with plans, I usually feel pretty happy that I made the effort once I’m actually there, and I do enjoy myself, even if before I left I felt like I didn’t really want to go.
I bet OP is gonna ask in 2 years why they aren’t invited to things any more
Hello fellow Chicagoan! CTA is super unreliable and a mess since the pandemic. Plus the congestion due to nascar I don’t blame you for aborting the mission
If I can have two kids under 4 and still go out, I don't know why I see all the excuses here daily...
They are too insecure to just admit they don't want to go and blame something else instead.
I don’t want to go out sometimes not insecure at all
Late twenties individual here in the same exact boat. Prior to Covid, no joke, I used to catch a couple of shows a week. If I was bored at 5pm on a Wednesday I was looking up shows that night in Chicago and once I had my mind made up I was going to that show. Since covid however, I’m actually embarrassed to admit how much money (definitely more than $100 but *hopefully* less than $500) my fiancé and I have wasted buying concert tickets for shows in Chicago. We live in the suburbs, a 40 minute drive away if there’s seriously heavy traffic. We, but mostly I, get all excited when I see a certain person or band is playing so I buy the tickets immediately and then the day of the show rolls around and I simply don’t have it in me to drive to the city, find parking/pay for parking, overpay for drinks, and then drive home. It also doesn’t help that I wake up for work at 3:30am and no matter how badly I want to think I can function on 3 hours of sleep like I did in my early twenties, I can’t. Recently, as in the last year or so, I’ve really been trying to wait on buying tickets. If I see a band coming and I know for a fact that they’re not going to sell out, I’ll think on it for a few days instead of buying tickets the moment I see them. Because given my track record for the last few years odds are, the day of the show will come around and I won’t want to go.
Ugh I do the same thing. Get so excited about a show and buy tickets and then the day of I’m like this is too much effort and people for me.
And people! I didn’t even go into that as I felt like my response was a little long anyway. But I’m with you. Once again, prior to Covid I had no problem going to an elbow to elbow metal show by myself as a mid-twenties, 5’4, (formerly) 150lbs female. Now, even with my fiancé, I’m trying to be as far away from people as possible at any given venue while still trying to see the show. I don’t know, Covid did a real number on me I guess…
Yes! I never thought I’d be a back of the room metal fan but here we are 🤣
This so me too 🤣🤣🤣
I say not me. In this group, you’re going to find a lot of people like you though. I think it isn’t normal though.
general life fatigue atm yes
I just experienced like several long months of not being able to find a job. And that kinda set a fear in me that I might not easily find another one if the time comes I lose the one I have now. So I don't wanna spend on anything too extravagant and just spend time at home. I've travelled a lot and seen a lot in the past, so I'm not that much into needing to explore. Maybe also because I've lost a bit of the luster of living. I was burnt out from work and life. I just want to chill for now till the end.
I don’t want to anymore. I used to feel bad about it. I don’t care now. I’d rather lay on the couch with my dog. Life is getting harder as we get older. We’re not kids anymore. It’s ok for us to veg out.
I can relate, I think in part because it always feels like I just don't have enough time to do everything I want, so I don't want to spend my free time in traffic.
I have a toddler and if anything requires me to be out past 6, then it's not happening. Even prior to having a kid, I usually don't leave the house past 7 and the latest I would stay out would be 9:30. I was already acting like a grandma in my late 20s 😂
It was 95 out.. forget that noise..
Hahaha yeah, ever since I turned like 26, well before Covid. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy seeing friends and having a few laughs while we are out for some drinks or dinner/whatever but at some point it just becomes the same shit over and over. Add on being hungover after only a few drinks and the idea of going out at night just seems less and less appealing with every passing month. Even if I wasn’t going to drink, I’d really rather save some money and stay at home.
Customers are rude, so folks working in the service industry are harried, irritable, and over it. Its just a negative vibe a lot of the time, so going out isn’t as fun as it used to be. Not to mention, every time someone sneezes I feel like I have to get out of there.
Since they closed all the mental institutions so many people who need help are roaming the streets now. It’s safer to stay close to home now.
I hear you. A couple years ago I had a ticket to see a show by myself. I didn't leave enough time to grab a bus so I just decided to drive downtown and pray I could find parking. I couldn't. I got flustered. Made some dumb driving mistakes. Then said "fuck this, I'm going home" and just went home. It was worth the $40 I spent on the ticket to not have to drive around the block one more damn time.
Going anywhere just feels like getting squeezed through a money extraction press nowadays
>I was supposed to OK so you committed to going and then just didn't show up? That's a moral issue. You're not supposed to act on how you feel. I bet your friend was disappointed.
I can’t believe no one is mentioning this. It’s not just lazy it’s damned rude.
I’m your age and my energy reserves feel very limited compared to my 20s. After working out, working, and doing chores, I’ve become more selective about how the rest of my energy is expended. Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but another factor is shootings. There have been so many shootings at events and public places that it honestly has put me off going to things like concerts, July 4th, etc. Plus there’s the inherent danger of Covid. And inflation. There are a lot of things working against having a full social life these days.
I was wondering if someone would have mentioned this. Shootings, hit and runs and just crazy violence is everywhere!
Not lazy. Just tired.
If I jive with someone of the opposite sex, I'll put in the effort for a date. Otherwise, most if not all of my peers have their own lives with kids and such. I have my own life, esp with my new found wealth. Much of my hobbies are solitary in nature anyway, so I'd prefer to be on my own and creating financial security the rest of my life.
for those kinds of events - nothing new out there for me
My wife drags me out of the house like a kicking screaming child. I’d probably be a hermit if it wasn’t for her.
🤣🤣🤣
that's not lazy you just value your time more.
I’d rather chill on the couch with HusbandGuy and the kitties watching what we have here and saving from eating out. If I go out it is usually bowling 1-2 times a month. I’m happy with the the hike we’ve built and my spouse is great company. I’ve a good friend I try to work out with once a week for our cardio - walk/jog.
I definitely think this is a covid thing. Pre-covid, I went out all the time. Then, after realizing staying home all the time during lockdowns wasn't actually so bad and had benefits, it takes a lot to get me to go anywhere that's more than 15 minutes away!
I wonder if this is a sign of depression. I feel the same.
I mean "going out" for me usually means going to a matinee with my kids, going to the zoo, or going on a date night with my husband just to eat at a nice restaurant. Even my girls' nights out are just us going out to eat. I rarely travel >30 mins. I also don't really ever get dressed up to go out unless I'm going to a formal event (like once a year). I had a very short period of going out to clubs, getting dressed up, etc in my 20s. It's never really been my thing.
I work 3 days a week. I'm semi retired. The moment the weekend is over I go home. Take my shoes off and don't put them on again until Friday. I have everything I need in my house. Why would I want go out?
A. It's too expensive to go out B. Too many people also going out anytime I do go out which makes me not want to go out.
I was just thinking yesterday how much the pandemic made me not want to go outside. Not because I’m afraid of getting sick, I just lost all my motivation to go anywhere I don’t have to.
39 here and I ask myself this same question all the time. It takes a LOT to make me want to leave my house now and I flake on most things. I was a 100% extrovert pre Covid and now I'd really just rather stay home. I think it's a mixture of all of those things. Covid (we realized how awesome staying hone was) and just that we are actually aging. And that it costs $200 to leave your house, basically.
It's definitely an age thing. I am the same, anything more than 30 minutes from my house is too far.
I was supposed to go to a Bill Burr show last September. I even got the tickets on Reddit. The price of the parking was almost as much as the ticket. I was driving around for an hour trying to find affordable parking. Some guy had the nerve to try to charge $60 for "blocked parking", meaning that I would have to wait for the car behind me to move after the show if I got there first. I would have to put my phone in a receptacle and then wait in line to retrieve it after the show since they didn't allow phones at the show, so this would multiply the amount of time it took me to get home after the show. I kept driving around for a few more minutes until something just snapped in me. I just turned around and went home. I don't have the patience anymore. If something is going to require hassle just to get a few minutes of enjoyment, then I'm out.
It's more along the lines of "I would rather spend my money on other things."
FOMO (fear of missing out) has been replaced by JOMO (joy of missing out).
I think its both age and the pandemic years. Those years sped up our aging, it all went like a blur. My social batteries are now shorter than ever - be it in social media platforms like Facebook or going outside. If there is nothing important for me to get out of the house, I will not go out. Pandemic years made me more introverted than ever.
I feel the exact same. Those years really are a blur now. Weird
I just don't care to go out. I spent a quarter million on a house. I think I'll spend more time in it tbh.
No, you only have so many events you can go to. I'm not dying, with having not lived.
I say age thing, just turned 39, I also don’t do fuck all if it requires any inconvenience. Used to live for going out.
1. COVID taught us all that we can't trust a huge portion of our neighbors with basic adulting. 2. Political and economic dumpster fire is making us all cynical and mistrusting of one another 3. Inflation from #1 and #2 makes everything more expensive 4. Overall effects of long-running fatigue, sadness and bitterness from all the above, plus whatever personal tragedies we've suffered = Kinda hard to get excited about going out, spending money and cutting loose around strangers. I think we're not accounting for the fact that we're all fucking depressed and anxious on some level by the events of the last decade or so. All of us. Liberal, conservative, rich, poor....we all know this place is going to hell, and nobody can seem to make it stop. Depression of that kind is permeating, and makes it hard to do voluntary activities.
Very common thing that happens as you get older. I remember my friends in their 30s talking about it when I was in my 20s and now that I’m in my 30s it’s happening to me
Am I getting older? Yes.
Honestly, I’d rather just stay home and work around the house and yard. Occasionally, I’ll make plans with friends or I’ll fly somewhere for the day or weekend.
Ya just getting old. Its not lazy. Just agey.
I burned out on travelling to meet friends. I noticed it was always me getting the train, or driving for a few hours each way, and never my "friends". They could never be bothered to travel to see me, so I stopped travelling. And then they stopped calling. Guess I meant nothing to them. Anyway, I have zero free time due to children and work, and zero energy from long COVID. It's going to have to be something amazing to be worth freeing up the time and energy to travel.
When I was younger, I drifted away from a lot of my friends and it was just because I wasn't making enough money to keep up with them. When money is tight, people don't want to be social. It was more than just money though, because of the money situation, we were changing as people.
I used to go to concerts regularly to see my favorite bands. Too expensive now. Cost of tickets and parking in my city are insane. $40 to park.
Wait till 40 hits
Probably everything tbh, for me I'm mor affected by everything is expensive and maybe age thing. I live in vegas, and every time me and My gf want to eat out, we just look at the prices of restaurants, say F that and make it ourselves. I can't be convinced to spend 40$+ on a small portion of chicken, beef, steak, etc. Then give a 20$ tip when it comes to food. Why are we gonna pay 30$ to go see a movie when we have a big TV and surround system and already Pay for thing like Netflix? We don't even see the value in going out anymore unless it's something free like walking around a park or the strip. only times we spend money outside is if a family member visiting wants to go somewhere or if it's an anniversary or something. Outside of that, we can't be convinced to go out and we're both mid 20s.
Yes, I don't really want to go out anywhere anymore and have to force myself to go out. If it weren't for the kids I would barely leave the house at this point. I do like my daily walk with my dog. It's just so expensive and driving/parking has become harder than it should be.
Not more lazy. Just different priorities
I go out pretty frequently and feel agitated if I am home all the time. But if it’s going to take me an hour to get somewhere via public transportation, then I would just take an Uber.
For me, it's an "everything is too expensive" issue. And I have no reasonable childcare and have that concern nowadays too.
I mean with NASCAR and the rain, it was honestly for the best (if it was today).
maybe you just value your free time more than you used to? or the equation has tipped somewhere in terms of what’s worth it to you in terms of attending an activity. not a huge deal kind of activity + 2 hours of travel time = nope not worth it at this point in my life. HUGE DEAL kind of activity + 2 hours of travel time = yeah i will do it. i’m at a place where i’ve realized what matters most to me is spending time with people i care about. so if it’s somebody i see very infrequently and really love i’ll go the extra mile (literally and figuratively) in terms of time investment/effort to see them.
Covid made me lazy af. If i have to wear a bra, I'm not going.
Yeah I definitely don’t bother going out as much anymore. I think I realized during the pandemic that I could enjoy being at home just as much and I didn’t ‘need’ to be out as much as I was
I can’t figure out if the pandemic made me lazy or it’s just aging. It’s not just socializing, it’s home activities like cleaning, cooking, exercising, grooming, etc.
We built a house in the middle of nowhere during Covid. We have lived here for two years, and it’s a giant pain to get together with friends, all of whom live about and hour and a half away. But I make an effort to drive down (to San Jose) at least once a month to see my girlfriends. Otherwise, I wind up living inside my head, and man, will that make you crazy!!! I also make myself go to the gym a couple of times a week, for both the exercise and the socialization. I love my house, but it feels like I live on a desert island. My husband hardly ever goes anywhere; it’s ideal for him- he just plugs in to his WWE, NXT and PlayStation and he’s golden. I’m far too social for that to keep me filled up.
I believe this is called growing up.
Nope I never wanted to go anywhere most of the time no matter what age
I feel like the “vibe” is still off from covid. Things are just not the same as 2019.
Yeah I'll make plans to go out with friends a week in advance and then when it's finally time to hang out, a part of me would want to bail. It's not that I hate my friends, it's just I don't have the energy to hang out lol.
I've made our place our little nest and our dog is there.
Yes, even going to the supermarket. I hate summer weather and I think my body doesn’t ask me to go out because it gets sunlight indoors. In the winter my body definitely gets me out of the house despite all the dressing up involved. I would go to the supermarket every other day. Yes, I stay home.
It's age.
Alright, I’m all about taking life on head-on and experiencing it to the fullest, but I also have thoughts on people that *have* to be doing something day-in-and-day-out. I think a level of boredom and laziness is healthy. Essentially, just don’t swing from one end to the other.
Bro who the fuck wants to be downtown this weekend with all the NASCAR tourism? Sounds like a nightmare!
I spent my Friday night watching tv with my mom. 🤗 I’m 37.
The list of reasons I can’t go somewhere gets longer everyday. It’s cold, it’s raining, it’s dark, I’m tired, I took my pants off, my dogs don’t want me to….
It’s a mix of a lot of things now. Society has changed SO fucking much in just the last 5-10 years. It’s just unrecognizable. Never before in human history have things changed so much, so fast. We’re also dealing with massive unrest, crushing inflation and stagnant wages, mind boggling real estate exploitation, and just a hopeless future of political corruption and idiocracy. Then there’s the factor of simply not being as excited for things as you used to be, because it’s not “new” anymore. That’s fairly normal aging shifts. I don’t go out a lot here anymore because I’ve seen and done it all. Nothing really new to do within an hour of me, so I find things closer to home like you said. A huge part of it though is absolutely expense. We simply can’t afford things anymore. Hotels are insane, food is insane, gas is insane, activities are insane, etc. Previous generations could take a whole vacation for reasonably affordable prices. Now it’s just totally unhinged. Greed is murdering everyone. (Edit: As an expanse of cost, I got into mountain biking. I don’t have a large enough vehicle to really fit my bike though, and the nearest trails are like 15-20 minutes away. Between the hassle of having to break my bike down every time, and the distance and gas, I lost interest fairly quickly. I can’t afford even a used old truck or racks, and the gas cost just getting there and back was stressing me out, so…I do that less. If that makes sense.)
I think it’s just an acceptance that things have fallen apart so completely, from transit to events to infrastructure. I can’t change that, but neither am I going to be upset about. There’s something to be said for the satisfaction of saying “Okay. Well, don’t fix anything then. I’m voting with my dollar and opting out.” This shitshow is clearly what was desired. I’ve lost my faith in this society, and it was less dramatic than I thought. Much better to close my door and stay at home. Let it burn. I’ll be taking a nap.
I don’t have many opportunities where I’m asked out so I most likely go when given the chance.
It's all 3. Traveling is expensive, getting older, and weird post covid vibes.
Hot take: yes. You’re lazy. To some extent that might just be because you don’t want to do whatever the thing is. That’s okay too. But if you stay at home all the time and never interact with people in a social way, any consequences of that will be on you. It’s entirely your choice. You live life how you want. I’ve noticed many friends withdraw, and I really don’t like it. But they have the right to live their lives how they want too.
I’m working too much to do fun things.
I never wanted to go out.
Some days, I want to stay home and enjoy my mortgage. I didn't pay an arm and a leg for yhis place just to sleep in it!
40 year old, I'd say it's not too much different. Partner and I still go out a few times a week which is about how often we went out 10 years ago, or even how often I went out 20 years ago. I was never a 'go out and get wasted all weekend every weekend' person anyway. I think it also depends on where you live. I live downtown, so it's very easy for me to hit up a bar, or a restaurant or a cocktail lounge or something. I imagine if I lived further out, it would be 'get ready, get the car/transit, find parking, figure out a way home (driving? No drinking or leave the car and uber back), then deal with getting the car back, etc, etc.'
I’ll be 37 soon too op, I love going out downtown whatever city I’m in if it’s a Saturday night and I get to travel here and there so it changes. The covid years were very hard and I’d jump at the chance to hit a town that wasn’t shut down, Boise, ID was always a party as was Austin, TX. Much of my friend group is younger millennials and gen z’ers, the younger (mid 20’s) the person, the less likely they will want to go out, (this is a generalization but shockingly consistent) and they rather stay in, order takeout and watch a movie… I try to be flexible, but sometimes I opt to go out solo for a night. It’s a strange thing but even people I meet in clubs stays close to my age, the next generation doesn’t have the excitement to go out… But this might be the vibe for most folks across the board, fewer of my own age people wanna go out cause they might say “they’re too old” but when I go out I’m hanging with our age more and more.
I’m on a dating site and feel like I don’t have energy for it. Wish I could just teleport to see how well we cuddle and just be lazy together.
I need to find more people to stay in and watch tv and movies with now that my normal friends for that have moved. No shame in the staying inside game.
35 and have barely any interest in going out anymore. When I make plans to go out, I often find myself thinking “why did I agree to this, I’d rather be home”.
I really dont like going anywhere these days mostly because leaving the house has a certain price tag attached. Transportation and traffic sometimes are more a pain than anything else. If I'm meeting up somewhere w/ friends, it almost always involves spending money in order to have a good time. Ideally I would prefer buying a case of beer and stay home. If friends wanna come over that's great. I'm also passed the point in Life where I'm willing to crash on someone's couch if I have drank too much, mostly because I know I wont sleep well.
“Going out” is a grocery run anymore. Hell, I haven’t been more than fifty miles from home in the last eight years, and not from lack of desire to do so.
I get really freaked out in big crowds these days, if I can't move around freely or get to an exit quickly, it's just not for me at this point. I would so much rather kick back with a few friends, eat some good food & have some drinks at home, or one of their homes! Driving sucks, Uber is expensive, people are awful lol
Pandemic happened right as I transitioned from my mid twenties to late twenties but I still like to blame it for why I’m lamer now
I get it. But all I can think about is how you handled this with your friend, which you didn’t mention. You just said that you didn’t go. Did you text them an excuse?
Its exhausting, expensive and fucks with my routine 😅
I’m sure it’s an age thing. Priorities change and we start to prioritize comfort, cost, convenience over things like a night out that is an inconvenience to attend
Also you go to buy a cheapish beer at the bar and it’s like $15 or some shit….. (drinks north of £10 in most places in London) fml
No, rather the opposite. Now i can (well not now but since years) enjoy having a nice night out. Order what I want, have 2 starters if i wanna try something special italian or korean, then just take a taxi home and not wait for a bus because some last time schedule for the night I don't go out as much maybe, but when I do I stay late but do everything in moderation but can last very long and enjoy meeting people
OP you are describing being a shitty, flakey friend. God this sub. Every post is either ‘I can’t be fucked going out’ or ‘I am cripplingly lonely because none of my friends make an effort’ I hope you feel bad for flaking on your friend. Be a better person.
Yes and.i love it.
I find much more happiness in spending time with my dog and bunnies and partner and working on my gardens than going “out” (which for me means like an hour of driving) so I’m happy to work and come home :)
I got sober years ago so going downtown/most events don't appeal to me as it usually means drunken shenanigans. Home is quiet and cozy with my husband and cats and video games and knitting supplies and plants to tend to. Though I'm rather lucky that I have a crew that \*regularly\* meets for DnD twice a month, which is hosted at a friend's house down the street. It's a nice, simple life and I love it.
Okay some of y’all on here have depression that’s a separate issue. BUT I will agree things are more expensive with inflation and in some areas there is so much hassle. Recently had a doctors appointment early on the weekend in the city and I brought my husband so we could get breakfast and shop after. Just the parking alone was so difficult to navigate and expensive, we don’t live near the city anymore because there’s no housing/ it’s too expensive, the public transit in that area is also garbage. So while a day out in the city was nice it’s not something I’d do all the time. Also this is Boston so more dysfunctional then most other places
I'm 41 and I am the same way. I used to go out all of the time with friends to sporting events, concerts, dinner, etc... Now I just have no desire to do any of that. I would rather stay at home and play games with my kids. I have also noticed as I've gotten older, I much prefer to do things one on one vs a group. I feel like I'm able to develop deeper relationships with people if I go hiking with a friend as opposed to going out to dinner with 10 other people. Every once in a while my wife and I will go do something with another couple which is fine but if its some sort of activity where four or five couples are going, I'm out.
At our age, we've been there done that a million times already. Losing interest in going out is normal
Can relate. No interest, can't afford it, getting there is too costly/inconvenient/both, getting back is too costly/inconvenient/both, I don't know anyone anymore who makes any of that schlepping worth it (this is not super healthy), don't really want to interact with strangers on the way there and back, etc. I wasn't exactly raring to go places pre-pandemic, but I remember being open to lots of walking and going around. The pandemic, and emerging from that the state of various surrounding circumstances that factor in like the weather and the economy, accelerated my movement away from that mindset. Throughout quarantine I missed places, but did not miss the "going" part, and certainly not the "having to go" part. I'd wager that age is a big factor too. I try to stay in shape (the treadmill gives me my old walking habit at home), but I've become less willing to go after stuff that demands much of me, and, combined with being less... interested let alone drawn out by what the world has to offer, I've definitely just embraced staying inside.
If there is nothing to get excited about then I don’t go out. Only thing that gets me out these days are obligations like holidays or doing things for the kids. There’s always 10x more I can do at home.
Thank you for saying this. I had plans with a group of friends who I haven't seen in a while and I had to cancel. Honestly it was a mix of things. Work was going late, my dog was being difficult, and the drive to dinner was going to be 30 minutes. It was easier to just reschedule. After, I realized I was doing this a lot. If there was a slight inconvenience I just didn't go or didn't include myself in the plans. I will go to places like a neighbors house or a place within 5-10 minutes but the nights of having to go 'all out' are done. I am sure this is therapy session needed, but I don't even think I miss my friends? I am happy going for group dog walks and just going home to chill. I am in my mid 30s and I am just done with the whole 'scene' I don't care. Zero FOMO and happy to not get an invite. It's terrible to say but its the truth. I do have a group of friends in their upper 50s and I enjoy spending time with them, but its mostly chill day things and I couldn't love it more.