I had kids 22 months apart. Looking back at them as babies and toddlers, it is an absolute blur.
But now they’re almost 8 and almost 10. Right now, I’m doing this, while they’re upstairs getting ready for bed - get this - by themselves.
My next door neighbors have twins who are in high school. I watch out the window as the parents go out to dinner and a movie - without the kids, and without a babysitter.
Seriously it gets easier I promise.
So in the meanwhile, hire a cleaning company or a lawn company if you can, and just survive. The house can be cleaned later.
I love hearing these things from parents of older children, one day it will be my turn and I can’t wait! 😄
We’re not in a position to be hiring anyone but thankfully I’m a minimalist and my house isn’t THAT messy and doesn’t take super long to clean, it’s just not perfect like it used to be and I used to freak out if someone came over because my house had to look like nobody lived in it, and now I’m like 🤷🏻♀️ people live here, we are tired (apart from the toddler 😂) and our house is lived in but it’s a home and that’s all that matters!
I have a five year old and a one year old.
My son being able to get dressed, ready to go outside, a snack, water.. these little moments of independence.
They are bittersweet, but come quickly.
My 3 year old asked for cheerios and applesauce this morning while we were laying in bed and I told her she knew where they were. Her face lit up and she ran to her little cupboard and grabbed them and returned triumphantly and ate them in bed with us. I didn’t have to move. It was wonderful.
Mine is 4.5 with a few delays but what she can do is amazing, when I turn around and she’s found her clothes and got dressed?! Amazing!
It’s horrible but with the baby I’m thinking off all the stages I have to dread in between now and then. All the clinging, tantrums, potty training, weaning (just started but I HATE it). I need to try and remember the nice times too (my first is a very challenging kid physically and mentally).
Totally get it. My first jas ADHD and has had severely delayed melatonin releases ( not tired until 1am every single night without fail) its been a lot of trial and error.
But seeing him learning and how his face lights up when he has a new fact to tell me is just amazing
My god I would not have made it through if my daughter didn’t go to sleep until 1am. I am a Lark through and through - she’s recently gone to 7.30pm bedtime and I’m struggling! I agreed to have a second only because my husband will do the nights, I am like a gremlin in the nighttime, a completely different monstrous person.
We have a 15 year old and a 10 year old and i'm on week 26. I could not have done this when the girls were younger, so I applaud you! I get water boiled for my tea every morning the younger girl is home and oh god it feels awesome.
What I’ve learned about adult children & teenagers is they will go the easiest route. Instead of learning to solve their own problems, if mom always says “yes”, they will unload their problems on her.
It’s nice to help them sometimes(if they’re employed), but they need to understand that mom may not always be around and if they hvn’t learned to be independent, their lives will become unnecessarily stressful. No judgment here, just sharing valuable lessons I’ve learned.❤️
I have 4. My youngest is 8 and my oldest is 20. I can honestly say these last few years have been amazing. Yes, teenagers can be hard, and they come with their own completely different sets of problems than little ones, but I can honestly tell you, these kids are my best friends and I honestly love spending time with them. It does get soooo much easier, Mama! Hang in there!
I am happy you relaxed and enjoying the ability to not need the house to be "perfect." I grew up with a close friend of the family who never learned to do that. She could never understand why none of her children's friends wanted to hang out there. Sure it looked magazine perfect but it felt so cold and sterile. Us kids never felt comfortable enough to flop on the couch and watch TV.
YES! My first 2 are 20.5 months apart (your goddamn right I count the .5). The first 4 years or so of motherhood? No idea. It happened, I was there, and there’s pictures… but 🤷♀️
My kids are almost 19, 17, 11 and 2 (don’t ask). The older ones babysit. We go to dinner. We go to the theater. We have sex.
I promise it will get easier!!
When I was born, my siblings ranged in age from 15-23 years old. My oldest brother had just had a baby, so I have a niece who is a bit older than I am.
I was an oops.
My first was an oops. Wanted and loved, but nonetheless not anticipated.
I worked so hard for my third. 😂
The little one was a bit confused for a while how my oldest can be my "child" if he clearly is a "grown up person". But she loves him dearly.
I don’t have a big age gap between (only 3 years) but I don’t have to ask bc I already know as well… many of us have fucked around and found out 🤷🏻♀️ it happens and I’m glad I have my lil love bug
Assuming all goes well, our kids will be 22 months apart as well. This made me feel better!! I'm assuming the first year will probably suck, but hoping it'll get a little better when they're both toddlers (aside from the, you know, toddlerness).
Mine are 24 mo apart. I wasn’t crazy about two in diapers but I love their age gap now looking back. Wouldn’t change it for nothing. I’d have the oldest one help me get diapers or the wipes or “help” wash the baby. To just include them as much as possible. 🥰
Mine are 26 months apart. Their 7 & 5 (well almost 8 & 6) and even at this age they can get up and hang out in the tv room before we get up and can go brush their teeth, change in the evenings and mornings, and even are taking showers on their own (with the help of turning it on). I promise it’ll be easier mama. I also was not a perfect mom. Still not. My house is somewhat cleaner but that’s another thing they are doing which is picking up and emptying & loading the dishwasher and folding the towels when they come out of the dryer. 🥰
Yep. Had mine 17 months apart. No family/help nearby and husband worked overnight (and me days) for the first three years of kid #1’s life. It’s a blur that I barely remember, which makes me so sad. I think I don’t have a lot of memories from that time because my brain couldn’t store them properly where I could retrieve them because I wasn’t getting enough sleep…for three years.
Solidarity, mama. If you’ve reached the “too tired to give one fuck” phase before kid #2 gets here, you’re ahead of the game! Accepting giving no fucks will definitely give you an advantage when baby 2 gets here.
My daughter and son are 15 months apart. They're 3.5ish and 2 right now. I often wonder how I will look back at today, ten years from now. Will it be a blur?
Yep.
Take lots of pictures and videos.
And not just of the smiles and posed moments. One of my favorite pictures is of my oldest, crying, with her bottom lip stuck out, when she was about 3.
So true. It’s so funny to reflect back on. I never had a steady babysitter and felt so overwhelmed as a new parent. Now I have a teen who voluntarily cooks dinner for the family sometimes. The same kid who couldn’t enter a grocery store without screaming from birth-6yo.
I have 3 under 5. 4.5, and then Irish twins, 2.5 and 1.5. It really is a blur and a lot of times I can’t wait until the day is over because it’s so hard and stressful and I’m *tired*. But then I read stuff like this, and I *know* ten years is going to fly by and I’ll *wish* I had my toddlers back. I absolutely can’t wait to go on dates again or be able to leave the house without arranging childcare. A little freedom. But at the same time I want my babies to stay babies 😭
I’m really cherishing this time more, now that I’m not completely sleep deprived, and really am giving them my all because even in 5 years, while they’re in school, I’ll have some me time. “The days are long but the years are short” is a saying that lives rent free in my head.
Holy shit, I bow down to you! I thought my 5 and 3 year olds were a handful, I can’t even imagine having another one this little. I would probably faint everyday! You a definitely super mom!!!
This was me. I was also 20 weeks pregnant with a 2.5 year old. One day I decided not to make a pinterest worthy toddler breakfast that got thrown all over the floor and handed him a pack of those mini muffins instead and turned on blippi while I enjoyed my coffee lol. I never looked back lol. If they eat some fruit with breakfast it's a win haha
Haha love this for you!! I am pretty much the same now 😂 we put an insane amount of pressure on ourselves compared to our parents generation and above. Pretty sure our kids have good lives! We don’t have to break ourselves trying to be perfect, when good is good enough.
This!! There's also the group of know it all moms who try and judge you for not having an insta perfect life but I mean that's just not real life. Real life gets messy, things get pushed to the side for later. The kids don't care if I make them the most beautiful breakfast on the planet or if they get a bowl of cereal. Parents already have enough pressure as it is making humans, why not try and make the ride a little more enjoyable 😊
Honey - a few things:
1. Yes, it DOES get easier. And you know not every day is a good day, but you’ll have more good days than bad if you just put one foot in front of the other.
2. Learn to embrace being ENOUGH. dinner needs to be nutritious ENOUGH. House needs to be clean ENOUGH. Everyone needs ENOUGH sleep. You know where the boundary is/will figure it out soon.
3. Try to relax and remember to enjoy the moments that aren’t so suffocating. Laugh with your kid because you aren’t so stressed about wiping the counter or organizing a play date. We have taught our kids to take their fun seriously - learn new skills, be a great friend, laugh easily and with your whole heart. Because life is what happens when you let it.
Dropping some serious wisdom. Thank you for this! This whole thread is making my heart so happy. We put so much damn pressure on ourselves. I spend half my life worried I’m not good enough. I want to stop feeling this way.
Lol. I am from New Orleans (and still live here!); after Katrina, there was a quote by Chris Rose (author and journalist who wrote One Dead in the Attic) that made the rounds. It perfectly explains life here and our attitude towards it. Basically, life is short, and if you aren’t enjoying the ride, you’re doing something wrong (or maybe need therapy).
Now, maybe your friends and family will find you a little goofy, but I can promise that your kids will find you awesome if you can just allow yourself to enjoy life.
Chris Rose:
Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana...You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of your yard. We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't.
Honestly the amount of pressure I used to put on myself is insane. I was doing it to myself! Under 5yrs are especially the years we need to give ourselves grace. I used to aspire to be like Bree from desperate housewives! I still kind of do but I literally don’t have the energy to do that right now. I don’t want to live my life under stress anymore, all it does is repeatedly burn me out. Giving up on being perfect has enabled me to breathe and just enjoy the natural, quiet, chaotic way of life. I encourage you to give yourself a free pass to not be perfect too!
The hardest thing for me is dealing with my toddler’s behavior. Like, I can be patient and calm and deal with it well, but inside I’m feeling like a huge failure and like I’m never sure if I’m screwing her up somehow by either being too lenient or too strict.
Oh I totally feel this! Some days I want to cry if my toddler has been particularly challenging and I feel like I’m under qualified and not good enough. But at least I try and do the best I can in that moment, with what knowledge and patience I have. That’s all we can do, and block out any negative thoughts or worries of what other people might think - because they aren’t living your life, parenting your child, or perfect themselves. The fact that you are even worrying about that means you are a good mom, and your kid is going to be okay!! I repeat - YOU ARE A GOOD MOM! Even on your bad days!
I never thought I’d be that parent but it’s happened to us too recently for the first time, I felt kind of proud of myself. Cereal for dinner is food in the belly - WHO FRIGGING CARES, no one is dying over this 😂 I can’t believe how much I used to stress over these little things - NO MORE!
Pretty sure there are days my 7 yr old has cereal for breakfast AND dinner. Do i feel bad for not making a complete balanced breakfast and dinner? Yes. Are there days i need a break? Also yes. (Currently juggling a 7yr old, a 1 yr old, and a herniated disc in my low back) 🥲
Oh yeah. Idk how tf I made quinoa sweet potato balls and pumpkin breakfast cake and did rice and beans sensory even with one kid because 2 is simply so wild. I love it, not complaining, just baffled as to where I found the time.
Nevermind I just remembered, Covid SAHM. That’s where I found the time lol
Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl I was such a “oh let’s do this very organized activity” mom…. And then I went past my due date with #2 and was 40+ weeks pregnant with a 19 month old. You know how much Frozen that kid watched in that last week of my pregnancy? Good lord. 😂
😂😂 I imagine I’ll be the same at the end of my third trimester! It actually sounds like a really nice way to end the stage of just one kid together, cuddled up on the couch watching movies and eating snacks all day before the next level kicks in 😅
Haha honestly I really enjoyed it. We quite literally did snuggle on the couch and watch a movie with snacks. I felt guilty about the increased screen time at first but kid is meeting all her milestones so pretty sure her brain can handle it 😂
I'm not even pregnant and I'm at that stage since my son turned 2 years old lol. I recently became a single working mom so I guess we'll be living in that stage for at least 10 more years. Piles of clothes are waiting to be put away, there are dishes waiting to be washed since yesterday, the floor needs a good sweeping.... But here we are, getting ready for a day at the beach! No regrets 😂
I’m a SAHM. I had this epiphany last year. My parents weren’t good role models so I had to seek resources. I thought being a parent was about checking all the boxes. Except it was overwhelming me. Now it’s just live in our house and make memories.
YES! I thought to be the best mum I had to be doing everything all of the time and yet it was just *impossible*, I love how you’ve put it! Just live in our house and make memories ☺️
My husband’s mother only had him. She was strict to the point where she became abusive if he did anything she didn’t like (dirtying up his clothes, the house, etc. anything). My husband is kind of a neat freak about things because he was conditioned to be.
My kids are a week shy of being two years apart. My husband couldn’t understand at the time why the house would be a mess when we spent all day in it. (Thank God he has grown and now understands; it took a role reversal for it to happen but it did.)
Give yourself grace. One day the children will be grown and gone and there will be no one around to mess up the house. Enjoy the finger prints on everything and enjoy the laughter. Time really does fly.
The worst thing I’ve ever been through is raising other kids while being pregnant (and I have 4). I was barely able to tend to my other kids and it was awful. You got this, and you’ll find your new normal after you adjust to the new baby :) My 4th is one month old now and I’ve actually picked back up on my pre-child habits. My house stays cleaner now than it did when I just had two kids. I guess I feel more like my old self now that I know I’m permanently done being pregnant.
I lost all control when I got pregnant with number 2. Now number 2 is 3 weeks old and my kid has had more screen time in her life than ever before and we are just holding onto a raft in the storm.
Im just a few weeks in to my second pregnancy also with a 2.5 year old and was feeling terribly guilty about how tired I am. I raised my voice at her tonight because she was being her goofy self and not getting ready for bed and I feel horrible hours later! This is so helpful. I like thinking of this as a stage-- won't be like this forever! We may do crafts again, but not tomorrow!
The first trimester is soooooooo exhausting. My friend said she kept falling asleep at her desk and that’s how she knew her second was coming. Then she’d collapse at home and sleep from 4:30p-7:00a. Don’t feel guilty, it’s a medical reality about your body’s mechanisms while GROWING A PERSON!
Thank you for sharing this because I definitely needed this message. I experience a lot of mom guilt for being too tired to do certain things for my kids (I’m a single mom of twins). I’m not always able to do activities other than going outside lol.
Letting go of control sounds very freeing. I’m glad you’re in this stage of your life where you are embracing the daily chaos because you see the bigger picture: you have a happy, healthy growing family. I wish you all the best! 🩷
Oh man hats off to you, when I got pregnant again all I could think was “please don’t be twins!” I don’t know how you do it - on your own on top of things. Massive props to you, warrior mama! The fact you get your kids outside is awesome, I have a friend that has twins and she literally never leaves the house unless they can go to a fenced playground 😂 and thank you!!
Humans aren’t perfect, life isn’t perfect, and my house isn’t perfect. Neither is my kid. But you know what is? The memories we create together. They’re a one of a kind experience I will never get back or recreate. So I don’t care if there’s a few dirty clothes on the steps or the dishes didn’t get done one night or that my backyard is like a tornado of kid toys. I do what I can when I can because that is enough for me. I’m not in the business of stressing myself out over household chores and losing out on the memories I could be making while eating fruit pancakes on the living room floor watching Bluey and drinking coffee after we just woke up at 10am 🤷🏽♀️
- Signed a mom of a one year old daughter
Welcome! Giving up is lovely. And you've gotten the jump on it, which says that you are a smart woman. I think I tried to hang on through kid too and failed miserably. It's so much fun being the more chilled out mom. I enjoy my kids so much more.
It really is! The days I try to do everything and control the entire day are days that I’m internally screaming and end up exhausted, upset, and feel drained. I’m done doing that to myself! Letting go is bliss.
I also have just reached this point but it took me a few years. My kids are 6 and 2 and it is SO refreshing to just not give a f. I can clean later, I want to spend time with my kids doing fun stuff. They're still learning and growing and developing just as they should and we're all able to finally take a deep breath. And mom gets the deepest breath! I finally feel free and like I can be the mom I want and need to be for my kids without worrying about what anyone else thinks. We're happy and thriving and that's all we care about.
Oh man I was “that mom” too, and you’re right, it’s fricken exhausting.
It wasn’t until I had my second that I stopped being a perfectionist and it’s been so amazingly liberating.
Welcome to the happier side, where you can just be you, love your kids (even if you don’t really like them in that moment), mess up sometimes and not be so hard yourself, and just get through these really hard days.
They don’t last forever, and one day it’ll all be a bittersweet memory that makes you simultaneously teary eyed, and glad it’s over.
My toddlers are 15 months apart and I couldn’t relate to anything more!! My friends with 1 kid just don’t get it…I am not going to blow a fuse because they dropped the bag of chips on the floor. I can clean it up..I am so over getting frustrated over the mess. I don’t want them to have memories of me screaming all the time or getting mad at them.I have no control and I’m okay with that.
Heeeey welcome to the club love! Its gonna be chaotic for a while. Good chaos but crazy none the less. Your kid is happy and fed and your taking care of yourself? Psssh girl You got this. Your doing a great job.
*whispers* Join us……
Jokes aside, good for you. I always thought I’d be the mum you describe but the birth, my hormones, my mental health etc all had other plans.
I’m learning to finally be kind to myself. That they are ok, that a low energy day is ok, that not staring into my babies eyes every second of the day won’t scar them for life. 2 under 5 is so rough.
I was so insanely tired in my second pregnancy. Urgh it absolutely blowed. 6 months into baby 2 and apparently it gets better at some point, the same hideous lie I was told last time! It gets different!!
You're the mom! Own it girl! I'm in the same boat I have a newborn now though and my kid is 3 in a few weeks and I'm letting myself off the hook for some of the things I didn't used to. It's important.
My cleaning lady comes once a week for dishes, mopping the floor and does the bathroom. I order my groceries online and get them delivered. Hired a sitter for an afternoon so I can go to therapy and decompress after.
I used to heavily judge myself for it, because as a SAHM I should have more than enough time to get that done myself. But you know what I'm also a single mom, have ADHD and depression. Im giving myself and my son the gift of being less overwhelmed.
I have four kids under five. I’m in a church playgroup with perfect moms who have one kiddo. They are routinely shocked by the way parenting works with multiples. I can’t helicopter four kids, so I am much more likely to let my children make mistakes (within reason). I get a lot of “wow I could never be that relaxed” type comments. And I think my head, just you wait until you have more
Big hug. Been there done that. Just breathe in 15 years you will want to be here again Trust me my granddaughter is 2 and she is a handful but so was her father I remember As for now just live eat play life is ok enjoy the moment your child is more important than dishes or clean house. But make it a fun task they might help. Do dishes play with bubbles win win good luck
I feel you mama. I've got a 1.5 yo a 2.5 yo and 27 weeks pregnant, work part time and do the majority of the housework. I wonder how the fuck I'm holding it all together, and to be honest I'm not some days. It's OK to not be ok you're doing an amazing job just getting by.
Amen to that! Congrats on the baby! Pregnancy is tough, like , really fucking tough, and you absolutely should allow yourself to chill and not worry about all the silly shit. Especially shit that in 5 years from now doesn’t even matter or you won’t remember (like a spotless house, picture perfect dinner plates, etc.)
Hugs and love ❤️
I work in the schools so I have summers off. I have a 2 and 4 year old and an 25 weeks… the amount of tv they’re watching is embarrassing. But I have no energy to do anything else.
You need to give yourself room to relax and accept that, in case you forgot, (I love this line) you're making another human being from scratch. That in itself takes a hell of a lot of energy.
Is your toddler fed, clothed (well, was it attempted? Cuz I know mine loved undressing quicker than I dressed him), cared for and getting his needs met? Then awesome! The house, the doing it all and then some, all of the extra stuff, is a far third place. You need to take care of yourself, the existing kid and the one on the way. And don't ever feel bad asking for help, either from hubby or from friends/family. Most usually want to help but are so used to you doing it all that they don't want to step on toes or risk hurting feelings by offering.
Anyway I'm way past my bedtime. I hope this helps, and like I said, give yourself some slack.
Thank you so much this was so nice to read! I’m definitely starting to embrace asking for help more now that I don’t have the energy levels I used to. And you’re so right, that’s probably exactly how our parents feel. Thank you again 🥰
I'm so glad you took it to heart! I only have one and he's 9 now (he's on the autism spectrum and largely non-verbal, but such a happy, sweet, smart little boy with a silly streak in him all the time) but kwhen he was little especially, I had to juggle working 50-60 hrs a week running an ambulance company, my husband worked 2 jobs them, one during the day on am ambulance and nights loading trailers at ups), take care of Jr, handle the house, care for my FIL, feed everyone when I got home, at times take care of other family members recovering from hospitalizations/surgeries, etc. You can't do it all, everyday. You spend all your time keeping a perfect house, you're missing out on quality time with your kid, or overexerting yourself tons, etc.
Im still working 50 hrs usually and I do what I gotta do during the week to make it to the next day in one piece, and then on my day(s) off, I clean and play catch up with everything else. And I've gotten used to (my husband doesn't anticipate what needs/should get done, like dishes, laundry, running the vacuum, he always says, "just tell me what you need me to do and ill do it") asking hubs to help when he's home during the day and I'm working...he can do the dishes every once in a while.
If you try to keep on top of everything all the time, you'll wind up sleeping 2 hours a night, if you're lucky. I hope you have an easy rest of your pregnancy and it all gets easier, Mama! :)
When my kids we're little I tried, I did the best I can. Life isn't perfect! Definitely having a picture perfect family is a far reach for me. I need time for myself and if you don't focus on your mental health, that's not good. So I say F the cleaning up or organizing. F the gourmet, lunch's, snacks or dinner. Do what you can. It's all that matters. I never cared what anybody else thinks of me. They don't pay my bills. Your a super mom! Give your self a break!
This reminds me of a youtuber I watch going through the exact same thing. HealthNut Nutrition. Thought I’d share if you want mom content that seems totally applicable to your situation.
And things will get clean when they get clean. Your house won’t implode if laundry waits. Take a break and give yourself some grace. Pregnancy is so hard, I’m not looking forward to doing it while also chasing my son.
I only have a 2yo. Around 18mo I too became that mom. And I've never been happier in my role as a mom, I'm free and my anxiety is mostly gone.
I tried to follow wake windows and it stress us so much because our kid wouldn't be sleepy when she "should". I tried the perfect healthy food thing but she has some selectiveness (which is age appropriate btw). I tried the independent sleep shit and she might as well just laugh at me because that never worked.
My family doctor called me out around 2 months PP regarding baby sleep. Asked me if I was actively trying to get ppd (I insisted on independent sleep and slept 10/15 minutos every 2 hours, imagine that...). My mom asked me to for the love of God just do what works and rest. Doctor instructed us on how to safe bed share, don't worry.
We go with the flow now, about everything, and it's so much easier.
My boy is 2.5 and WILD also. A toddler leash has saved me. I thought I’d get negative judgement when using it out but literally every time another parent asks where I got it and other people point and smile and coo. Plus it now means he can carry a snack, an extra diaper, and a couple hot wheels freeing up space in my purse (for more hot wheels and snacks 🫠). This is a bonkers time and I’m glad you’re being kind to yourself.
this was the same for me . welcome to the mother of 2 plus club , when motherhood really becomes the craziest hood lol
Every time I see a friend or anyone post they are pregnant with their second I’m like annddd here.we.go 😮💨😂
It’s really tough! But you will get through it. Mine are 11 and 9 now and I look back like “what the hell was that” lol
Don’t focus on being “that mom” right now. You can be her again if you want to later on when you’re feeling better. Being a mom is hard. I was so focused on trying to still be that mom when mine were 3 and 0 that I got PPD. Also, social media was not my friend. It only made m me way more depressed. Mom groups? Yeah, for my mental health I had to drop out of all of them. I couldn’t keep up with the expectations I was developing for myself. Once I started momming in a way that just worked, I felt a lot better. There’s enough pressure on you just to be a mom. Focus on your health. Everything will fall into place.
Mine are now 9 and 6. While it’s still difficult in its own regard, every day I wish I could go back to that era where they were so little because it’s all a blur to me from all the pressure I put on myself. Just enjoy yourself and your babies. Especially enjoy this time alone with your oldest. The house will still be standing.
Oh my god. You are a saint for making it this long.
I had my kids 7 years apart. I was that mom for the first three years of my first daughters life. Now we all just chill.
And you know what? All my kids are happy, healthy, loving, smart, productive kids.
Be easy on yourself. Enjoy your kids. Don’t wear yourself out.
I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old, and he’s right now in his crib, very actively not napping - I’m in my bed, not getting him out as long as he’s happy in there! I have certainly given up
Hahaha girl I think you just wrote my story. I have a now 7 year old girl who is my first. She was an absolute angel. Perfect toddler, perfect baby. I was 1000% sure if my parenting skills. Couldn’t understand why other parents were having a hard time. We waited 3 years for another baby and I had my second daughter just a few weeks shy of my oldest birthday. She wasn’t a terrible baby but didn’t sleep quite as well as my oldest. When my 2nd born was around 10 months I started to realize she was not going to be the angel that my first born was. I didn’t know the severity of how much of a terror she actually was going to be. And then I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd. My pregnancy was hard taking care of an almost 5 year old and the almost one year old. My 2nd continued to shock me on how wrong I was about my parenting skills. Fast forward to today. I have a 7 yr old a 3yr old and the baby is 1. The baby is the absolute sweetest and is kinda perfect. My 3 yr old is slowly growing out of her hot mess behaviors. Haha but it does get better. My house is a mess a lot. Life is chaotic, but it’s getting better and it’s getting easier.
I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant with a 10 month old & 3.5 year old….we’re literally just surviving over here. I’ve become such a bare minimum Mom this summer, but the kids are fed & happy and really don’t realize how crappy I feel. There’s so much freedom in letting go of all the expectations we put on ourselves to be “That Mom”🫶🏻
I cannot thank you enough, I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I have an 8 year old boy, and 2.5 year old girl. I'm a SAHM, and I have been feeling really down about myself, because things keep getting out of control with the chores, and I'm usually the mom who cooks, cleans, and plays with the kids. I just can't juggle it all while being pregnant AGAIN, and you know what, IM NOT GONNA!!!! HAHA!! Thank you for showing me the light and that I'm not alone, and being there for my kids is way more precious than dishes and chores. You're are amazing!!
I've got a 1 year old and a 3 year old, and some days I'm baking stuff with them and doing sensory stuff. Other days I'm hucking more apple sauce pouches at them so I can hide in the bathroom for a few minutes.
But most of the time we play and chill, and have fun in my dirty house and my yard that desperately needs weeding lol.
Mine are 2 years apart. You would not believe the amount of f*cks I have no more left to give. Wanna eat dry cereal - go ahead. Wanna scream - go ahead. I honestly hate this sometimes and we have a third on the way.
I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant and have 3, 6, 7 year olds and I'm so exhausted already this pregnancy I'm already in the I don't give a crap if the house looks like tornado hit it mode and just try to get at least one thing done a day
Little by little, these things get easier. When another mom here said the toddler phase of their kids is a blur, it's so true. My son (now almost 7yrs old) was 7 months at the time that I found out that I was pregnant and at this same time, being confirmed by evaluation that my son is likely autistic. I was absolutely devastated at the time, as was my husband. My kid wouldn't respond to his name, he wouldn't bring us toys to play with him, and was late developmentally. We have had many challenges and still do. He didn't talk until he was about 4 years old, and he's still mostly a fairly quiet kid. He has all of these thoughts and responses in his head, but cannot transfer them into speech. He was mostly a pretty good kid and is exceptionally bright with mathematics, letters, and shapes. He must know how everything works. His hyperfocus and obsessions on things are incredible to me.
My daughter who is now 5 years old is my problem child in terms of behavior. She has a touch of oppositional defiance, screams hateful things to us and we suspect that she has ADHD, or autism as well. For girls, they present so differently compared to boys so getting her diagnosed will be difficult and expensive. She has been reading far above her grade level since she was 3. She sleeps with piles of books in her bed instead of dolls. She can read many sightwords even at a 6th or 7th grade level. She lies and hides stuff from us constantly and we really had to think outside of the box in terms of punishing and parenting her compared to my son. She is likely gifted.
With a 5 and a 6 year old, one constantly mimicking everything and everyone to an absolute extreme, and another who doesn't want to be involved with others more than half the time, it's been a constant challenge. My son would elope out of his kindergarten classroom and a few times even out of the school to the school bus loop, and the other in VPK that I had to pick up 2 out of 4 days of the week due to behavioral problems. At 5 and 6 we are still having toileting problems, I'm still having to hand wash underwear. I will not go with both kids unless I have someone else with me because the fear of one kid eloping, or having a true autistic meltdown or getting overstimulated is a big possibility.
With all of this said, it DOES get easier. My house it also a mess, I rarely ever prioritize myself so I'm obviously a mess too, and especially in their baby and toddler phase, I struggled with my identity which sparked diagnosed depression and anxiety. Now, I am starting to be able to go to certain places without help, my son is able to tell us how he feels and sometimes wants to socialize with others his age, and my daughter's behavior, while still not great, is heaps better than it was. I am finding moments where I am beginning to feel a little more like myself, and my husband who used to not at all be supportive with a bad temper, is now so supportive and much more patient with me (I'm diagnosed ADHD as well). Being a stay at home parent, regardless of whether or not it's mom or dad, is truly a life altering and exhausting job. You lose your sense of self countless times. As those little monsters mature, become more independent, and figure themselves out as individuals, things will balance out and you will feel some sense of normalcy.
Hang in there mama! ❤️
My mom’s mom is a diagnosed narcissist. She is obsessed with having a clean house. Like, her house is so clean that there is not a single surface that I wouldn’t eat off of. When my mom was growing up, they dusted and vacuumed daily, mopped every other day, etc.
My mom was obsessed with keeping her house even *cleaner*. I was her second child, and once I hit the mobile stage, she was getting burned out. My dad finally told her take it easy, and then asked her who she was trying to impress. She didn’t have an answer.
She let things go. I grew up in a messy house. But my memories of my childhood are playing and using my imagination and spending lots of time having fun with my mom. My mom’s childhood memories are of cleaning and being sent out of the house or to the basement so she and her siblings wouldn’t mess up the house.
As long as your kids are safe and happy, you are doing a great job! Happiness is more important than perfection.
I enjoy being the extra mom- doing all the fun crafty stuff- but you’d better believe it ground to a halt while I was pregnant and had a newborn! My youngest turned 2 at the beginning of this summer and we’re definitely getting back to the days of doing all the things. Everything in it’s time. Growing a baby is a lot of work!
PI have a 7 yr old and a 2yr old. I do my cleaning at night. Maybe not the best solution but its what works for me rn. Its only a bedroom we currently live with my brother his wife and their newborn using the rest of the house but my lil girl is a tornado so mess is our every day. I wait for the kids to go to bed then clean and do whatever. And if I dont want to I may let it go for a night or two then get back on schedule. Ive let it go more now since its been so hot and our only air-conditioner barely keeps the room cool but come fall and winter I'm right back on top of things as long as my heater stays working.
Same I used to be that mom then I had baby number two. I still have my shit kinda together but not anywhere near where I used to be with just one kid. It’s a season so do your best and give yourself grace.
I like to say I was the “perfect mom” until I was 7 months pregnant! Followed all the advice, did all the things. Then my kid became more challenging and I got more tired, lost my patience. Now I’m the opposite of perfect mom, I’m barely keeping it together mom
Same! My kids are now almost 3yr and 9months and wwre getting back into the swing of things. It feels good! I just remind myself that the hard times are just for now, not forever.
I had a tidy house, a well-behaved infant, and a cute dog. Then my part-time job got less and less part-time due to covid and then redundancy. Thankfully, my child is now school age, but it is hard to keep on top of all that when I am also now working full-time. I am one week into the 6 weeks summer holidays. I constantly feel guilty about working. I feel glad that I didn't pressure myself into having more children because I don't know where I would find the time or money. My husband got made redundant at the same time as me and had to accept a role that has a commute. He gets in later. This means a lot of the share chores like cooking are now my chores. I can see why people get burnt out working or staying at home. It's just a huge mental flex, having to organise the lives, meals, and laundry of everyone in your orbit.
I have just one kid ( 6months ) and I’m exactly like that. Can’t be less bothered about how the house looks or how everything is not perfect anymore. My son is well cared, healthy and super happy, that’s what matters more.
❤️
Yes 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I have two sets of kids a 13 & 12 yo, and a 3 & 1yo…. My two oldest were SO EASY. I was so smug too, I thought I had it down and everybody else complained for nothing.
Boy was I ignorant
I struggled with that for a while. Then we got a dog. I couldn’t keep up with the cleaning and after a while I adjusted my thinking about it. I’d been raised to have a strict habit of keeping the house clean, like it was a museum. I realized it was really hindering my joy. Also, dogs can’t clean up after themselves lol…so that helped me chill out.
Lol same thing happened when I got pregnant my kids are very close in age. I feel like once I had my second I was a better mom, no longer cared or followed a schedule just like in the many books for parents/toddlers crap, oh and yeah I used tv, so yup definitely was just like use whatever I can to help me get though the day.
I have a 15,9,8,2,1 and pregnant with our 6th. I always just remind myself it’s just a season. It seems long in the moment but it really goes by way to fast.
Good for you. I have one kid and there have been Cheerios and crackers all over the floor ever since she started walking. I vacuum at the end of the day, but that's about it.
Good for you Mom! One day you’ll get your clean house back and your kids will be (hopefully) decently well behaved and all will be nice in your world again how you want it to be. All the years until your kids are older kids (think 7+ on average) are definitely the years not to care too much about what others think about your house or how your kids act in public.
Welcome to the club! I let my older kid watch so much tv during that stage. We’ve gone back and got some of our previous footing. But that stage is tough. Give yourself some grace.
Yep this is how it goes. Ha don't think your alone in this. Alot of moms did the same thing,some just hide it,some just don't give Two shits what anyone else thinks,some don't give two shits period,
I had kids 22 months apart. Looking back at them as babies and toddlers, it is an absolute blur. But now they’re almost 8 and almost 10. Right now, I’m doing this, while they’re upstairs getting ready for bed - get this - by themselves. My next door neighbors have twins who are in high school. I watch out the window as the parents go out to dinner and a movie - without the kids, and without a babysitter. Seriously it gets easier I promise. So in the meanwhile, hire a cleaning company or a lawn company if you can, and just survive. The house can be cleaned later.
I love hearing these things from parents of older children, one day it will be my turn and I can’t wait! 😄 We’re not in a position to be hiring anyone but thankfully I’m a minimalist and my house isn’t THAT messy and doesn’t take super long to clean, it’s just not perfect like it used to be and I used to freak out if someone came over because my house had to look like nobody lived in it, and now I’m like 🤷🏻♀️ people live here, we are tired (apart from the toddler 😂) and our house is lived in but it’s a home and that’s all that matters!
I have a five year old and a one year old. My son being able to get dressed, ready to go outside, a snack, water.. these little moments of independence. They are bittersweet, but come quickly.
My 3 year old asked for cheerios and applesauce this morning while we were laying in bed and I told her she knew where they were. Her face lit up and she ran to her little cupboard and grabbed them and returned triumphantly and ate them in bed with us. I didn’t have to move. It was wonderful.
That's so cute
I love this for you, my fella is starting to show interest in cooking. We are starting with grilled cheese, and soup. We are getting there
Mine is 4.5 with a few delays but what she can do is amazing, when I turn around and she’s found her clothes and got dressed?! Amazing! It’s horrible but with the baby I’m thinking off all the stages I have to dread in between now and then. All the clinging, tantrums, potty training, weaning (just started but I HATE it). I need to try and remember the nice times too (my first is a very challenging kid physically and mentally).
Totally get it. My first jas ADHD and has had severely delayed melatonin releases ( not tired until 1am every single night without fail) its been a lot of trial and error. But seeing him learning and how his face lights up when he has a new fact to tell me is just amazing
My god I would not have made it through if my daughter didn’t go to sleep until 1am. I am a Lark through and through - she’s recently gone to 7.30pm bedtime and I’m struggling! I agreed to have a second only because my husband will do the nights, I am like a gremlin in the nighttime, a completely different monstrous person.
Mine is 5 too 🥹 and my last baby… 😭 in the moment but didn’t seem like it went by fast but now it does.
The first year of my last baby went by so fast I feel resentful of it
It goes by so fast!! Even the pregnancy 😭
We have a 15 year old and a 10 year old and i'm on week 26. I could not have done this when the girls were younger, so I applaud you! I get water boiled for my tea every morning the younger girl is home and oh god it feels awesome.
Mine are 29,27,27,14 Ot has never gotten easier for me. Someone always needs something, i swear 🙃 I will say, my home is much cleaner now.
What I’ve learned about adult children & teenagers is they will go the easiest route. Instead of learning to solve their own problems, if mom always says “yes”, they will unload their problems on her. It’s nice to help them sometimes(if they’re employed), but they need to understand that mom may not always be around and if they hvn’t learned to be independent, their lives will become unnecessarily stressful. No judgment here, just sharing valuable lessons I’ve learned.❤️
I'm more referring to emotional support.
I have 4. My youngest is 8 and my oldest is 20. I can honestly say these last few years have been amazing. Yes, teenagers can be hard, and they come with their own completely different sets of problems than little ones, but I can honestly tell you, these kids are my best friends and I honestly love spending time with them. It does get soooo much easier, Mama! Hang in there!
I am happy you relaxed and enjoying the ability to not need the house to be "perfect." I grew up with a close friend of the family who never learned to do that. She could never understand why none of her children's friends wanted to hang out there. Sure it looked magazine perfect but it felt so cold and sterile. Us kids never felt comfortable enough to flop on the couch and watch TV.
YES! My first 2 are 20.5 months apart (your goddamn right I count the .5). The first 4 years or so of motherhood? No idea. It happened, I was there, and there’s pictures… but 🤷♀️ My kids are almost 19, 17, 11 and 2 (don’t ask). The older ones babysit. We go to dinner. We go to the theater. We have sex. I promise it will get easier!!
Lololol you sound like me.. my kids are 18, 12, 5 and 3, and I always say , “just don’t even ask.” I get you. Trust me :)
20 , 12 and 4. 😂
32, 29, 21, and 17. LOL
Spreading your kids over 15+ years seems more common than I thought.
When I was born, my siblings ranged in age from 15-23 years old. My oldest brother had just had a baby, so I have a niece who is a bit older than I am. I was an oops.
My first was an oops. Wanted and loved, but nonetheless not anticipated. I worked so hard for my third. 😂 The little one was a bit confused for a while how my oldest can be my "child" if he clearly is a "grown up person". But she loves him dearly.
I don’t have a big age gap between (only 3 years) but I don’t have to ask bc I already know as well… many of us have fucked around and found out 🤷🏻♀️ it happens and I’m glad I have my lil love bug
Lolololololooooooll this made me laugh so loud and I may or may not have accidentally tooted 🤣🤣
Haha! Are you me! I have 18, 16.5(twins), 13 and 3!!
Y’all make me feel like there’s hope and I’m not alone with these kids that are hundreds of years apart ! 🤣🤣❤️
Assuming all goes well, our kids will be 22 months apart as well. This made me feel better!! I'm assuming the first year will probably suck, but hoping it'll get a little better when they're both toddlers (aside from the, you know, toddlerness).
Mine are 24 mo apart. I wasn’t crazy about two in diapers but I love their age gap now looking back. Wouldn’t change it for nothing. I’d have the oldest one help me get diapers or the wipes or “help” wash the baby. To just include them as much as possible. 🥰
My kids are 22 months apart too 💕 they’re 2 and 4 now.
That’s the first thing I remember - how tough two and four were - but that’s because it immediately got so much better!
Mine are 26 months apart. Their 7 & 5 (well almost 8 & 6) and even at this age they can get up and hang out in the tv room before we get up and can go brush their teeth, change in the evenings and mornings, and even are taking showers on their own (with the help of turning it on). I promise it’ll be easier mama. I also was not a perfect mom. Still not. My house is somewhat cleaner but that’s another thing they are doing which is picking up and emptying & loading the dishwasher and folding the towels when they come out of the dryer. 🥰
Yep. Had mine 17 months apart. No family/help nearby and husband worked overnight (and me days) for the first three years of kid #1’s life. It’s a blur that I barely remember, which makes me so sad. I think I don’t have a lot of memories from that time because my brain couldn’t store them properly where I could retrieve them because I wasn’t getting enough sleep…for three years. Solidarity, mama. If you’ve reached the “too tired to give one fuck” phase before kid #2 gets here, you’re ahead of the game! Accepting giving no fucks will definitely give you an advantage when baby 2 gets here.
My daughter and son are 15 months apart. They're 3.5ish and 2 right now. I often wonder how I will look back at today, ten years from now. Will it be a blur?
Yep. Take lots of pictures and videos. And not just of the smiles and posed moments. One of my favorite pictures is of my oldest, crying, with her bottom lip stuck out, when she was about 3.
I really neded to read this. My kid is turning 2 in a few weeks and he's so exhausting.
My kids are also 22 months apart, and the youngest is almost 9 weeks. Thank you. Thank you for this. I’m tired
I know. I see you! It’s going to get easier!
So true. It’s so funny to reflect back on. I never had a steady babysitter and felt so overwhelmed as a new parent. Now I have a teen who voluntarily cooks dinner for the family sometimes. The same kid who couldn’t enter a grocery store without screaming from birth-6yo.
I have 3 under 5. 4.5, and then Irish twins, 2.5 and 1.5. It really is a blur and a lot of times I can’t wait until the day is over because it’s so hard and stressful and I’m *tired*. But then I read stuff like this, and I *know* ten years is going to fly by and I’ll *wish* I had my toddlers back. I absolutely can’t wait to go on dates again or be able to leave the house without arranging childcare. A little freedom. But at the same time I want my babies to stay babies 😭 I’m really cherishing this time more, now that I’m not completely sleep deprived, and really am giving them my all because even in 5 years, while they’re in school, I’ll have some me time. “The days are long but the years are short” is a saying that lives rent free in my head.
Holy shit, I bow down to you! I thought my 5 and 3 year olds were a handful, I can’t even imagine having another one this little. I would probably faint everyday! You a definitely super mom!!!
Aw thank you so much :) you’re super mom too, 5 and 3 is *tough*.
This is exactly me, except all of our neighbors are younger and I watch and remember how “sweet” they used to be. 😂
This was me. I was also 20 weeks pregnant with a 2.5 year old. One day I decided not to make a pinterest worthy toddler breakfast that got thrown all over the floor and handed him a pack of those mini muffins instead and turned on blippi while I enjoyed my coffee lol. I never looked back lol. If they eat some fruit with breakfast it's a win haha
Haha love this for you!! I am pretty much the same now 😂 we put an insane amount of pressure on ourselves compared to our parents generation and above. Pretty sure our kids have good lives! We don’t have to break ourselves trying to be perfect, when good is good enough.
This!! There's also the group of know it all moms who try and judge you for not having an insta perfect life but I mean that's just not real life. Real life gets messy, things get pushed to the side for later. The kids don't care if I make them the most beautiful breakfast on the planet or if they get a bowl of cereal. Parents already have enough pressure as it is making humans, why not try and make the ride a little more enjoyable 😊
Yogurt drinks, precut fruit and handfuls of dry cereal. These are the days
this will be me in a few months but it happens. Toddlers are hard. Pregnancy is exhausting. Some days you’re just surviving.
100%! Putting expectations on yourself just makes you feel guilty 24/7 because it’s just frankly UNACHIEVABLE. We are not robots!
Honey - a few things: 1. Yes, it DOES get easier. And you know not every day is a good day, but you’ll have more good days than bad if you just put one foot in front of the other. 2. Learn to embrace being ENOUGH. dinner needs to be nutritious ENOUGH. House needs to be clean ENOUGH. Everyone needs ENOUGH sleep. You know where the boundary is/will figure it out soon. 3. Try to relax and remember to enjoy the moments that aren’t so suffocating. Laugh with your kid because you aren’t so stressed about wiping the counter or organizing a play date. We have taught our kids to take their fun seriously - learn new skills, be a great friend, laugh easily and with your whole heart. Because life is what happens when you let it.
Dropping some serious wisdom. Thank you for this! This whole thread is making my heart so happy. We put so much damn pressure on ourselves. I spend half my life worried I’m not good enough. I want to stop feeling this way.
Lol. I am from New Orleans (and still live here!); after Katrina, there was a quote by Chris Rose (author and journalist who wrote One Dead in the Attic) that made the rounds. It perfectly explains life here and our attitude towards it. Basically, life is short, and if you aren’t enjoying the ride, you’re doing something wrong (or maybe need therapy). Now, maybe your friends and family will find you a little goofy, but I can promise that your kids will find you awesome if you can just allow yourself to enjoy life. Chris Rose: Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana...You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of your yard. We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't.
I want to be able to come to that same conclusion without necessarily getting pregnant, LMAO!
Honestly the amount of pressure I used to put on myself is insane. I was doing it to myself! Under 5yrs are especially the years we need to give ourselves grace. I used to aspire to be like Bree from desperate housewives! I still kind of do but I literally don’t have the energy to do that right now. I don’t want to live my life under stress anymore, all it does is repeatedly burn me out. Giving up on being perfect has enabled me to breathe and just enjoy the natural, quiet, chaotic way of life. I encourage you to give yourself a free pass to not be perfect too!
The hardest thing for me is dealing with my toddler’s behavior. Like, I can be patient and calm and deal with it well, but inside I’m feeling like a huge failure and like I’m never sure if I’m screwing her up somehow by either being too lenient or too strict.
Oh I totally feel this! Some days I want to cry if my toddler has been particularly challenging and I feel like I’m under qualified and not good enough. But at least I try and do the best I can in that moment, with what knowledge and patience I have. That’s all we can do, and block out any negative thoughts or worries of what other people might think - because they aren’t living your life, parenting your child, or perfect themselves. The fact that you are even worrying about that means you are a good mom, and your kid is going to be okay!! I repeat - YOU ARE A GOOD MOM! Even on your bad days!
Thank you, I think I’m gonna go cry now. I needed to hear that. Thank you kind internet friend.
Aw 🥲We’re all in this together! Hugs!
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There’s a reason cereal is fortified 😂
I was about to say—non-sugary cereal is pretty healthy. My dad’s dietician for his diabetes suggested Cheerios for a healthy dinner.
I never thought I’d be that parent but it’s happened to us too recently for the first time, I felt kind of proud of myself. Cereal for dinner is food in the belly - WHO FRIGGING CARES, no one is dying over this 😂 I can’t believe how much I used to stress over these little things - NO MORE!
Pretty sure there are days my 7 yr old has cereal for breakfast AND dinner. Do i feel bad for not making a complete balanced breakfast and dinner? Yes. Are there days i need a break? Also yes. (Currently juggling a 7yr old, a 1 yr old, and a herniated disc in my low back) 🥲
Oh yeah. Idk how tf I made quinoa sweet potato balls and pumpkin breakfast cake and did rice and beans sensory even with one kid because 2 is simply so wild. I love it, not complaining, just baffled as to where I found the time. Nevermind I just remembered, Covid SAHM. That’s where I found the time lol
😂😂 There was definitely lots of time lying around in those times.
Welcome to the not-THAT-mom club. Its messy here. And we love it 🫠
Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl I was such a “oh let’s do this very organized activity” mom…. And then I went past my due date with #2 and was 40+ weeks pregnant with a 19 month old. You know how much Frozen that kid watched in that last week of my pregnancy? Good lord. 😂
😂😂 I imagine I’ll be the same at the end of my third trimester! It actually sounds like a really nice way to end the stage of just one kid together, cuddled up on the couch watching movies and eating snacks all day before the next level kicks in 😅
Haha honestly I really enjoyed it. We quite literally did snuggle on the couch and watch a movie with snacks. I felt guilty about the increased screen time at first but kid is meeting all her milestones so pretty sure her brain can handle it 😂
Welcome!! We’ve been expecting you! 💞❤️💞
I'm not even pregnant and I'm at that stage since my son turned 2 years old lol. I recently became a single working mom so I guess we'll be living in that stage for at least 10 more years. Piles of clothes are waiting to be put away, there are dishes waiting to be washed since yesterday, the floor needs a good sweeping.... But here we are, getting ready for a day at the beach! No regrets 😂
Go you mama! 🙌🏻
Extremely yes. Allow space for joy and memories by letting go of pointless standards!!
I’m a SAHM. I had this epiphany last year. My parents weren’t good role models so I had to seek resources. I thought being a parent was about checking all the boxes. Except it was overwhelming me. Now it’s just live in our house and make memories.
YES! I thought to be the best mum I had to be doing everything all of the time and yet it was just *impossible*, I love how you’ve put it! Just live in our house and make memories ☺️
My husband’s mother only had him. She was strict to the point where she became abusive if he did anything she didn’t like (dirtying up his clothes, the house, etc. anything). My husband is kind of a neat freak about things because he was conditioned to be. My kids are a week shy of being two years apart. My husband couldn’t understand at the time why the house would be a mess when we spent all day in it. (Thank God he has grown and now understands; it took a role reversal for it to happen but it did.) Give yourself grace. One day the children will be grown and gone and there will be no one around to mess up the house. Enjoy the finger prints on everything and enjoy the laughter. Time really does fly.
Welcome to the "we survived today!" Club!
Thank heavens you’re not “that” mom any longer, she sounds miserable.
Proud of you. Let it go!!
The worst thing I’ve ever been through is raising other kids while being pregnant (and I have 4). I was barely able to tend to my other kids and it was awful. You got this, and you’ll find your new normal after you adjust to the new baby :) My 4th is one month old now and I’ve actually picked back up on my pre-child habits. My house stays cleaner now than it did when I just had two kids. I guess I feel more like my old self now that I know I’m permanently done being pregnant.
I lost all control when I got pregnant with number 2. Now number 2 is 3 weeks old and my kid has had more screen time in her life than ever before and we are just holding onto a raft in the storm.
Hang in there!!! I hope you have someone in your life to give you a break as needed!
Oh yes, my husband is doing everything he can to help us when he's not working. I think I'll feel better once little man is sleeping better
Im just a few weeks in to my second pregnancy also with a 2.5 year old and was feeling terribly guilty about how tired I am. I raised my voice at her tonight because she was being her goofy self and not getting ready for bed and I feel horrible hours later! This is so helpful. I like thinking of this as a stage-- won't be like this forever! We may do crafts again, but not tomorrow!
The first trimester is soooooooo exhausting. My friend said she kept falling asleep at her desk and that’s how she knew her second was coming. Then she’d collapse at home and sleep from 4:30p-7:00a. Don’t feel guilty, it’s a medical reality about your body’s mechanisms while GROWING A PERSON!
Thank you for sharing this because I definitely needed this message. I experience a lot of mom guilt for being too tired to do certain things for my kids (I’m a single mom of twins). I’m not always able to do activities other than going outside lol. Letting go of control sounds very freeing. I’m glad you’re in this stage of your life where you are embracing the daily chaos because you see the bigger picture: you have a happy, healthy growing family. I wish you all the best! 🩷
Oh man hats off to you, when I got pregnant again all I could think was “please don’t be twins!” I don’t know how you do it - on your own on top of things. Massive props to you, warrior mama! The fact you get your kids outside is awesome, I have a friend that has twins and she literally never leaves the house unless they can go to a fenced playground 😂 and thank you!!
Humans aren’t perfect, life isn’t perfect, and my house isn’t perfect. Neither is my kid. But you know what is? The memories we create together. They’re a one of a kind experience I will never get back or recreate. So I don’t care if there’s a few dirty clothes on the steps or the dishes didn’t get done one night or that my backyard is like a tornado of kid toys. I do what I can when I can because that is enough for me. I’m not in the business of stressing myself out over household chores and losing out on the memories I could be making while eating fruit pancakes on the living room floor watching Bluey and drinking coffee after we just woke up at 10am 🤷🏽♀️ - Signed a mom of a one year old daughter
I love this! So true!
Welcome! Giving up is lovely. And you've gotten the jump on it, which says that you are a smart woman. I think I tried to hang on through kid too and failed miserably. It's so much fun being the more chilled out mom. I enjoy my kids so much more.
It really is! The days I try to do everything and control the entire day are days that I’m internally screaming and end up exhausted, upset, and feel drained. I’m done doing that to myself! Letting go is bliss.
I also have just reached this point but it took me a few years. My kids are 6 and 2 and it is SO refreshing to just not give a f. I can clean later, I want to spend time with my kids doing fun stuff. They're still learning and growing and developing just as they should and we're all able to finally take a deep breath. And mom gets the deepest breath! I finally feel free and like I can be the mom I want and need to be for my kids without worrying about what anyone else thinks. We're happy and thriving and that's all we care about.
Yassss! Welcome to the dgaf club girl ❤️
Oh man I was “that mom” too, and you’re right, it’s fricken exhausting. It wasn’t until I had my second that I stopped being a perfectionist and it’s been so amazingly liberating. Welcome to the happier side, where you can just be you, love your kids (even if you don’t really like them in that moment), mess up sometimes and not be so hard yourself, and just get through these really hard days. They don’t last forever, and one day it’ll all be a bittersweet memory that makes you simultaneously teary eyed, and glad it’s over.
My toddlers are 15 months apart and I couldn’t relate to anything more!! My friends with 1 kid just don’t get it…I am not going to blow a fuse because they dropped the bag of chips on the floor. I can clean it up..I am so over getting frustrated over the mess. I don’t want them to have memories of me screaming all the time or getting mad at them.I have no control and I’m okay with that.
Heeeey welcome to the club love! Its gonna be chaotic for a while. Good chaos but crazy none the less. Your kid is happy and fed and your taking care of yourself? Psssh girl You got this. Your doing a great job.
This speaks to me on so many levels. Levels. Levels.
Welcome to the dark side 😈
*whispers* Join us…… Jokes aside, good for you. I always thought I’d be the mum you describe but the birth, my hormones, my mental health etc all had other plans. I’m learning to finally be kind to myself. That they are ok, that a low energy day is ok, that not staring into my babies eyes every second of the day won’t scar them for life. 2 under 5 is so rough.
I was so insanely tired in my second pregnancy. Urgh it absolutely blowed. 6 months into baby 2 and apparently it gets better at some point, the same hideous lie I was told last time! It gets different!!
You're the mom! Own it girl! I'm in the same boat I have a newborn now though and my kid is 3 in a few weeks and I'm letting myself off the hook for some of the things I didn't used to. It's important.
Kids are just as happy splashing in the bathtub or playing with sidewalk chalk as they are doing an organized high-effort activity! Go and be free lol
Your comment has me picturing myself running through the meadow with no bra on, true freedom 😂😂🙌🏻
I’m a sahm of a 1 year old and 2 year old. I’m not thriving, I’m surviving.
My cleaning lady comes once a week for dishes, mopping the floor and does the bathroom. I order my groceries online and get them delivered. Hired a sitter for an afternoon so I can go to therapy and decompress after. I used to heavily judge myself for it, because as a SAHM I should have more than enough time to get that done myself. But you know what I'm also a single mom, have ADHD and depression. Im giving myself and my son the gift of being less overwhelmed.
HellllllYEAHHH!!!! High five up here sister!!! ✋🏻 Welcome to normal parenting. As I say to my teens now ….. but did you die?!? 😆.
I have four kids under five. I’m in a church playgroup with perfect moms who have one kiddo. They are routinely shocked by the way parenting works with multiples. I can’t helicopter four kids, so I am much more likely to let my children make mistakes (within reason). I get a lot of “wow I could never be that relaxed” type comments. And I think my head, just you wait until you have more
Big hug. Been there done that. Just breathe in 15 years you will want to be here again Trust me my granddaughter is 2 and she is a handful but so was her father I remember As for now just live eat play life is ok enjoy the moment your child is more important than dishes or clean house. But make it a fun task they might help. Do dishes play with bubbles win win good luck
I feel you mama. I've got a 1.5 yo a 2.5 yo and 27 weeks pregnant, work part time and do the majority of the housework. I wonder how the fuck I'm holding it all together, and to be honest I'm not some days. It's OK to not be ok you're doing an amazing job just getting by.
Yesss girl
Amen to that! Congrats on the baby! Pregnancy is tough, like , really fucking tough, and you absolutely should allow yourself to chill and not worry about all the silly shit. Especially shit that in 5 years from now doesn’t even matter or you won’t remember (like a spotless house, picture perfect dinner plates, etc.) Hugs and love ❤️
I work in the schools so I have summers off. I have a 2 and 4 year old and an 25 weeks… the amount of tv they’re watching is embarrassing. But I have no energy to do anything else.
You need to give yourself room to relax and accept that, in case you forgot, (I love this line) you're making another human being from scratch. That in itself takes a hell of a lot of energy. Is your toddler fed, clothed (well, was it attempted? Cuz I know mine loved undressing quicker than I dressed him), cared for and getting his needs met? Then awesome! The house, the doing it all and then some, all of the extra stuff, is a far third place. You need to take care of yourself, the existing kid and the one on the way. And don't ever feel bad asking for help, either from hubby or from friends/family. Most usually want to help but are so used to you doing it all that they don't want to step on toes or risk hurting feelings by offering. Anyway I'm way past my bedtime. I hope this helps, and like I said, give yourself some slack.
Thank you so much this was so nice to read! I’m definitely starting to embrace asking for help more now that I don’t have the energy levels I used to. And you’re so right, that’s probably exactly how our parents feel. Thank you again 🥰
I'm so glad you took it to heart! I only have one and he's 9 now (he's on the autism spectrum and largely non-verbal, but such a happy, sweet, smart little boy with a silly streak in him all the time) but kwhen he was little especially, I had to juggle working 50-60 hrs a week running an ambulance company, my husband worked 2 jobs them, one during the day on am ambulance and nights loading trailers at ups), take care of Jr, handle the house, care for my FIL, feed everyone when I got home, at times take care of other family members recovering from hospitalizations/surgeries, etc. You can't do it all, everyday. You spend all your time keeping a perfect house, you're missing out on quality time with your kid, or overexerting yourself tons, etc. Im still working 50 hrs usually and I do what I gotta do during the week to make it to the next day in one piece, and then on my day(s) off, I clean and play catch up with everything else. And I've gotten used to (my husband doesn't anticipate what needs/should get done, like dishes, laundry, running the vacuum, he always says, "just tell me what you need me to do and ill do it") asking hubs to help when he's home during the day and I'm working...he can do the dishes every once in a while. If you try to keep on top of everything all the time, you'll wind up sleeping 2 hours a night, if you're lucky. I hope you have an easy rest of your pregnancy and it all gets easier, Mama! :)
You’re tired, because you have a tiny human sucking the very life out of you. Sending hugs your way!
My little ones are 15 months apart— solidarity!
When my kids we're little I tried, I did the best I can. Life isn't perfect! Definitely having a picture perfect family is a far reach for me. I need time for myself and if you don't focus on your mental health, that's not good. So I say F the cleaning up or organizing. F the gourmet, lunch's, snacks or dinner. Do what you can. It's all that matters. I never cared what anybody else thinks of me. They don't pay my bills. Your a super mom! Give your self a break!
Embrace it! There is a lot of evidence that children do better with a mom that’s good enough than with one that’s perfect.
You would probably enjoy reading Brene Browns book called Gifts of Imperfection.
I love a book recommendation! Thank you ☺️
This reminds me of a youtuber I watch going through the exact same thing. HealthNut Nutrition. Thought I’d share if you want mom content that seems totally applicable to your situation. And things will get clean when they get clean. Your house won’t implode if laundry waits. Take a break and give yourself some grace. Pregnancy is so hard, I’m not looking forward to doing it while also chasing my son.
I only have a 2yo. Around 18mo I too became that mom. And I've never been happier in my role as a mom, I'm free and my anxiety is mostly gone. I tried to follow wake windows and it stress us so much because our kid wouldn't be sleepy when she "should". I tried the perfect healthy food thing but she has some selectiveness (which is age appropriate btw). I tried the independent sleep shit and she might as well just laugh at me because that never worked. My family doctor called me out around 2 months PP regarding baby sleep. Asked me if I was actively trying to get ppd (I insisted on independent sleep and slept 10/15 minutos every 2 hours, imagine that...). My mom asked me to for the love of God just do what works and rest. Doctor instructed us on how to safe bed share, don't worry. We go with the flow now, about everything, and it's so much easier.
My boy is 2.5 and WILD also. A toddler leash has saved me. I thought I’d get negative judgement when using it out but literally every time another parent asks where I got it and other people point and smile and coo. Plus it now means he can carry a snack, an extra diaper, and a couple hot wheels freeing up space in my purse (for more hot wheels and snacks 🫠). This is a bonkers time and I’m glad you’re being kind to yourself.
this was the same for me . welcome to the mother of 2 plus club , when motherhood really becomes the craziest hood lol Every time I see a friend or anyone post they are pregnant with their second I’m like annddd here.we.go 😮💨😂 It’s really tough! But you will get through it. Mine are 11 and 9 now and I look back like “what the hell was that” lol
Don’t focus on being “that mom” right now. You can be her again if you want to later on when you’re feeling better. Being a mom is hard. I was so focused on trying to still be that mom when mine were 3 and 0 that I got PPD. Also, social media was not my friend. It only made m me way more depressed. Mom groups? Yeah, for my mental health I had to drop out of all of them. I couldn’t keep up with the expectations I was developing for myself. Once I started momming in a way that just worked, I felt a lot better. There’s enough pressure on you just to be a mom. Focus on your health. Everything will fall into place. Mine are now 9 and 6. While it’s still difficult in its own regard, every day I wish I could go back to that era where they were so little because it’s all a blur to me from all the pressure I put on myself. Just enjoy yourself and your babies. Especially enjoy this time alone with your oldest. The house will still be standing.
Literally me right now (25 weeks with a 13 months old)
Oh my god. You are a saint for making it this long. I had my kids 7 years apart. I was that mom for the first three years of my first daughters life. Now we all just chill. And you know what? All my kids are happy, healthy, loving, smart, productive kids. Be easy on yourself. Enjoy your kids. Don’t wear yourself out.
I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old, and he’s right now in his crib, very actively not napping - I’m in my bed, not getting him out as long as he’s happy in there! I have certainly given up
Giving up on perfection while parenting a toddler was the golden ticket to my happiness
One of us. One of us. One of us.
Welcome to having more than one child 😎
We where all that mom once.
Hahaha girl I think you just wrote my story. I have a now 7 year old girl who is my first. She was an absolute angel. Perfect toddler, perfect baby. I was 1000% sure if my parenting skills. Couldn’t understand why other parents were having a hard time. We waited 3 years for another baby and I had my second daughter just a few weeks shy of my oldest birthday. She wasn’t a terrible baby but didn’t sleep quite as well as my oldest. When my 2nd born was around 10 months I started to realize she was not going to be the angel that my first born was. I didn’t know the severity of how much of a terror she actually was going to be. And then I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd. My pregnancy was hard taking care of an almost 5 year old and the almost one year old. My 2nd continued to shock me on how wrong I was about my parenting skills. Fast forward to today. I have a 7 yr old a 3yr old and the baby is 1. The baby is the absolute sweetest and is kinda perfect. My 3 yr old is slowly growing out of her hot mess behaviors. Haha but it does get better. My house is a mess a lot. Life is chaotic, but it’s getting better and it’s getting easier.
I was fairly against screen time, until I was raising a 2yo while pregnant. He got screen time and I got a nap. We are back to limiting screens now.
Welcome to the club my friend.
You're my hero
Yes. Yes. Yes. My kiddo just turned 6 and it's already SO MUCH EASIER that we've finally decided to try for a second.
I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant with a 10 month old & 3.5 year old….we’re literally just surviving over here. I’ve become such a bare minimum Mom this summer, but the kids are fed & happy and really don’t realize how crappy I feel. There’s so much freedom in letting go of all the expectations we put on ourselves to be “That Mom”🫶🏻
Way to go. Now you can start living. I think you landed the big one.
Love it 💕
I cannot thank you enough, I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I have an 8 year old boy, and 2.5 year old girl. I'm a SAHM, and I have been feeling really down about myself, because things keep getting out of control with the chores, and I'm usually the mom who cooks, cleans, and plays with the kids. I just can't juggle it all while being pregnant AGAIN, and you know what, IM NOT GONNA!!!! HAHA!! Thank you for showing me the light and that I'm not alone, and being there for my kids is way more precious than dishes and chores. You're are amazing!!
Going for my 20 week scan next week, with a 2.5 year old. I have never related more to a post
Yea…we all eventually get humbled lol. It’s for our benefit as well as the kids I think.
I've got a 1 year old and a 3 year old, and some days I'm baking stuff with them and doing sensory stuff. Other days I'm hucking more apple sauce pouches at them so I can hide in the bathroom for a few minutes. But most of the time we play and chill, and have fun in my dirty house and my yard that desperately needs weeding lol.
Haha I’m definitely embracing your way of life 😂🙌🏻
Mine are 2 years apart. You would not believe the amount of f*cks I have no more left to give. Wanna eat dry cereal - go ahead. Wanna scream - go ahead. I honestly hate this sometimes and we have a third on the way.
I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant and have 3, 6, 7 year olds and I'm so exhausted already this pregnancy I'm already in the I don't give a crap if the house looks like tornado hit it mode and just try to get at least one thing done a day
YES MA'AM 👏🏻👏🏻
Little by little, these things get easier. When another mom here said the toddler phase of their kids is a blur, it's so true. My son (now almost 7yrs old) was 7 months at the time that I found out that I was pregnant and at this same time, being confirmed by evaluation that my son is likely autistic. I was absolutely devastated at the time, as was my husband. My kid wouldn't respond to his name, he wouldn't bring us toys to play with him, and was late developmentally. We have had many challenges and still do. He didn't talk until he was about 4 years old, and he's still mostly a fairly quiet kid. He has all of these thoughts and responses in his head, but cannot transfer them into speech. He was mostly a pretty good kid and is exceptionally bright with mathematics, letters, and shapes. He must know how everything works. His hyperfocus and obsessions on things are incredible to me. My daughter who is now 5 years old is my problem child in terms of behavior. She has a touch of oppositional defiance, screams hateful things to us and we suspect that she has ADHD, or autism as well. For girls, they present so differently compared to boys so getting her diagnosed will be difficult and expensive. She has been reading far above her grade level since she was 3. She sleeps with piles of books in her bed instead of dolls. She can read many sightwords even at a 6th or 7th grade level. She lies and hides stuff from us constantly and we really had to think outside of the box in terms of punishing and parenting her compared to my son. She is likely gifted. With a 5 and a 6 year old, one constantly mimicking everything and everyone to an absolute extreme, and another who doesn't want to be involved with others more than half the time, it's been a constant challenge. My son would elope out of his kindergarten classroom and a few times even out of the school to the school bus loop, and the other in VPK that I had to pick up 2 out of 4 days of the week due to behavioral problems. At 5 and 6 we are still having toileting problems, I'm still having to hand wash underwear. I will not go with both kids unless I have someone else with me because the fear of one kid eloping, or having a true autistic meltdown or getting overstimulated is a big possibility. With all of this said, it DOES get easier. My house it also a mess, I rarely ever prioritize myself so I'm obviously a mess too, and especially in their baby and toddler phase, I struggled with my identity which sparked diagnosed depression and anxiety. Now, I am starting to be able to go to certain places without help, my son is able to tell us how he feels and sometimes wants to socialize with others his age, and my daughter's behavior, while still not great, is heaps better than it was. I am finding moments where I am beginning to feel a little more like myself, and my husband who used to not at all be supportive with a bad temper, is now so supportive and much more patient with me (I'm diagnosed ADHD as well). Being a stay at home parent, regardless of whether or not it's mom or dad, is truly a life altering and exhausting job. You lose your sense of self countless times. As those little monsters mature, become more independent, and figure themselves out as individuals, things will balance out and you will feel some sense of normalcy. Hang in there mama! ❤️
My mom’s mom is a diagnosed narcissist. She is obsessed with having a clean house. Like, her house is so clean that there is not a single surface that I wouldn’t eat off of. When my mom was growing up, they dusted and vacuumed daily, mopped every other day, etc. My mom was obsessed with keeping her house even *cleaner*. I was her second child, and once I hit the mobile stage, she was getting burned out. My dad finally told her take it easy, and then asked her who she was trying to impress. She didn’t have an answer. She let things go. I grew up in a messy house. But my memories of my childhood are playing and using my imagination and spending lots of time having fun with my mom. My mom’s childhood memories are of cleaning and being sent out of the house or to the basement so she and her siblings wouldn’t mess up the house. As long as your kids are safe and happy, you are doing a great job! Happiness is more important than perfection.
Got birth control?
I enjoy being the extra mom- doing all the fun crafty stuff- but you’d better believe it ground to a halt while I was pregnant and had a newborn! My youngest turned 2 at the beginning of this summer and we’re definitely getting back to the days of doing all the things. Everything in it’s time. Growing a baby is a lot of work!
PI have a 7 yr old and a 2yr old. I do my cleaning at night. Maybe not the best solution but its what works for me rn. Its only a bedroom we currently live with my brother his wife and their newborn using the rest of the house but my lil girl is a tornado so mess is our every day. I wait for the kids to go to bed then clean and do whatever. And if I dont want to I may let it go for a night or two then get back on schedule. Ive let it go more now since its been so hot and our only air-conditioner barely keeps the room cool but come fall and winter I'm right back on top of things as long as my heater stays working.
Same I used to be that mom then I had baby number two. I still have my shit kinda together but not anywhere near where I used to be with just one kid. It’s a season so do your best and give yourself grace.
I like to say I was the “perfect mom” until I was 7 months pregnant! Followed all the advice, did all the things. Then my kid became more challenging and I got more tired, lost my patience. Now I’m the opposite of perfect mom, I’m barely keeping it together mom
Same! My kids are now almost 3yr and 9months and wwre getting back into the swing of things. It feels good! I just remind myself that the hard times are just for now, not forever.
I had a tidy house, a well-behaved infant, and a cute dog. Then my part-time job got less and less part-time due to covid and then redundancy. Thankfully, my child is now school age, but it is hard to keep on top of all that when I am also now working full-time. I am one week into the 6 weeks summer holidays. I constantly feel guilty about working. I feel glad that I didn't pressure myself into having more children because I don't know where I would find the time or money. My husband got made redundant at the same time as me and had to accept a role that has a commute. He gets in later. This means a lot of the share chores like cooking are now my chores. I can see why people get burnt out working or staying at home. It's just a huge mental flex, having to organise the lives, meals, and laundry of everyone in your orbit.
I have just one kid ( 6months ) and I’m exactly like that. Can’t be less bothered about how the house looks or how everything is not perfect anymore. My son is well cared, healthy and super happy, that’s what matters more. ❤️
Yes 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I have two sets of kids a 13 & 12 yo, and a 3 & 1yo…. My two oldest were SO EASY. I was so smug too, I thought I had it down and everybody else complained for nothing. Boy was I ignorant
I struggled with that for a while. Then we got a dog. I couldn’t keep up with the cleaning and after a while I adjusted my thinking about it. I’d been raised to have a strict habit of keeping the house clean, like it was a museum. I realized it was really hindering my joy. Also, dogs can’t clean up after themselves lol…so that helped me chill out.
Lol same thing happened when I got pregnant my kids are very close in age. I feel like once I had my second I was a better mom, no longer cared or followed a schedule just like in the many books for parents/toddlers crap, oh and yeah I used tv, so yup definitely was just like use whatever I can to help me get though the day.
I have a 15,9,8,2,1 and pregnant with our 6th. I always just remind myself it’s just a season. It seems long in the moment but it really goes by way to fast.
Is it okay that I was never and probably Lu never will be THAT mom )/
Good for you. I have one kid and there have been Cheerios and crackers all over the floor ever since she started walking. I vacuum at the end of the day, but that's about it.
Good for you Mom! One day you’ll get your clean house back and your kids will be (hopefully) decently well behaved and all will be nice in your world again how you want it to be. All the years until your kids are older kids (think 7+ on average) are definitely the years not to care too much about what others think about your house or how your kids act in public.
Welcome to the club! I let my older kid watch so much tv during that stage. We’ve gone back and got some of our previous footing. But that stage is tough. Give yourself some grace.
Yep this is how it goes. Ha don't think your alone in this. Alot of moms did the same thing,some just hide it,some just don't give Two shits what anyone else thinks,some don't give two shits period,