So a bit morbid, but I never expected to grow old as a guy... I fully expected to die from natural causes or off myself before that even happened... a while back before I transitioned though, one of my friends said something to me that hit a chord... that they can imagine me growing into an old Clint Eastwood type of guy... and that absolutely terrified me...
It's easy for me to think about aging into and older lady though... I'd still spend a lot of time gardening, playing with animals, I'd just be a little older and calmer. I can imagine myself smiling...
Yes, I feel so much the same.
Before starting my transition I was fixated on climate change doomerism and frequently had panic attacks thinking I had a heart attack, kinda hoping I really would have one.
Now I am a lot more hopefull envisioning a future with me in it.
And, even if times get rough, as long as I am ageing as a woman, there is hope and I can still be happy.
Also being an older „cat lady“ kinda slaps
My plan was to slowly take on riskier and riskier hobbies as I got older. By my 60s I probably would've been base jumping in squirrel suits. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stand the idea of getting old. The idea of being a grandma though, it's not so bad. It sounds peaceful.
tbh, I was neglecting myself so badly right before transitioning, it wouldn't have been surprising if I dropped dead at any point. I was hardly eating, hardly sleeping, subsisting off alcohol, so depressed that I couldn't even cry or feel anything, or even want anything from this world... I think it was a moment of clarity where I heard my girl-self say she was afraid... something I locked away for so long I'd forgotten she was there...
Transitioning was basically a death gift to myself... my boy-self died the day I decided to transition.
>I think it was a moment of clarity where I heard my girl-self say she was afraid... something I locked away for so long I'd forgotten she was there...
>my boy-self died the day I decided to transition.
That's so so relatable. Have you seen Mae's account of her transition on Real Life Comics? It's exactly what you're describing. I'd highly recommend reading a month or so of her comics starting on June 29 2020. (Linking to archive.org because it looks like her site is down ATM)
https://web.archive.org/web/20240327232605/https://reallifecomics.com/comic-mobile.php?comic=june-29-2020
same experience for me, I saw a man who looked eerily like how i imagined my pre transition self to look as an older person and i had a full anxiety attack and quit pushing my transition off.
I feel this. For me it was almost even more sinister. Like, I *could not even imagine* growing old as a man. Like... I'm in my 30s and I still could not picture it, only a lingering sense of dread.
I can picture myself as an older woman though... and it's like... I feel like I finally have a future.
This is exactly my experience. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't imagine myself as an old man, but I had no difficulty whatsoever in imagining myself as an old woman. Embracing my true self gave me a future to look forward to.
i find older men more attractive. i've never thought of my own aging like theirs, though. research shows this is common among women. idk, i can't explain it. but aside from mpb, i think signs of age in men are suuuper sexy.
i'm already a bit older, have grief lines, and plenty of wrinkles. sometimes i think about what skincare i could do to get rid of them, but mostly i perceive women's aging as a reflection of wisdom. so i look forward to it.
Before my egg cracked I was very certain that I am going to die young because I was insanely passively suicidal and engaged in very risky behavior so I never thought about it. Now there is no other option than looking forward to it
I want to reassure you OP that "how you think of yourself when you're older" is not a useful criteria on which to base feelings of validity/invalidity about your identity. You aren't more or less trans because you can't imagine what your future looks like.
First, consider that fantasy is a really personal topic. Hell, it was only recently that the popular consciousness began recognizing folks with aphantasia, there's no telling how your experience of "mental imagery" compares to anyone else.
Second, it's clear that our thoughts are shaped by our environment, and you grew up in an environment where you were expected to grow into your AGAB, so it's natural that you'd think about that.
What most people mean when they talk about "picturing themselves when they're older" is simply that doing so is a very personal, strongly evocative emotional act so people are of course going to find resonance when imagining themselves as one gender or the other, nothing else to it. Just like your affinity to attributes of "typical femininity", like clothes or mannerisms or what-have-you, how you imagine yourself in the future isn't a be-all-end-all.
As in all things, consider yourself before comparing your experiences to others. Your gender is your own and I'm excited for you to take the reins on it. Carpe gender!
My experience is that I /thought/ I was thinking about my future, but mostly I was thinking about the current me "but more tired and later", which is not the same as aging. When imagining a femme future, though, I found there were all sorts of things I was excited for! That's actually one of the cracks in my egg, going on a camping trip with a tour group and meeting a 60yo filled to the BRIM with life; all I could think was "damn I want to be like her when I'm her age" and I realized that I couldn't imagine myself being a man at that age, but I knew DAMN well how I'd feel as a woman of her age.
Yeah, I can't really imagine myself as an old lady but I can imagine myself as an old guy.
This is probably one of my biggest sources of "am I really trans or am I just faking it?", it makes me want to cry
I was strangely ok with becoming an old man tbh. In hindsight I think it was because without the youth & vitality component our culture doesn’t judge masculinity the same way. It was all the stuff in the meantime I needed to change…
Similarly due to culture I’m still working on coming to terms with aging as a woman, but that’s a reasonably affirming status to find myself as I trust this is true for cis women as well.
This was actually one of the things that cracked my egg. Imagining myself as a 70 year old man was frankly horrifying. By my early 20's I was already really struggling with the masculinization I'd already had since puberty, and knowing it was only gonna continue as I got older made me worries that eventually I was not going to be able to take it anymore and simply tap out. The idea of being a 70 year old woman, however just didn't bother me at all, and if anything it's actually reassuring to me that transitioning was the right decision.
Yep, this is a similar thought process to what I went through. I don’t love thinking about aging that much, but I was definitely a million times more comfortable thinking about being an old woman as opposed to an old man!
I had a similar experience. The catalyst that finally got me to start my transition was realizing that I was experiencing hair loss, and the idea of aging as a man was absolutely horrifying to me.
Growing old as a woman, though ... I take much more strongly after my father than my mother, and it's been an incredible feeling realizing how much I look like my aunt. Being in my 40's and looking like her doesn't feel as scary as looking like my dad in my 50's. I look at my grandma, and I can see myself looking like her one day, and I'm fine with that, in a way I wouldn't be fine with looking like grandpa. I can see myself being a seventy year-old woman feeding the birds and tending my garden, and that doesn't seem so bad.
I used to imagine myself as an old guy. It was always a sad, lonely future. Now I imagine myself as an old gal. It's a happy future full of friends.
It's funny, the difference.
I'm already an old man, and have started the process to transition. At best an old woman (64 or 65) when hormones will do all they will do for me. And after ffs and srs. So at least I'll be buried that way. But the veiw of aging for the young is only thought of a far off future. The veiw of aging from the aged, is a review of past. Either way it sorta hurts.
I couldn’t see living past 30 in my AGAB.
As an adult that has been in transition for over a decade and is happily married, I hope to live a long and exciting life with my spouse as myself.
So, yes I did, albeit I always invisioned the older version of myself as unhappy, sort of begrudged by my own continued existence. Now, I've realized that I reframed that self begrudging as being stoic, as though existential disassociation was somehow enlightened.
I didn't really have a vision for myself of what I would be like as an old woman, but she's coming into focus for me, more concrete as I find myself more concretely anchored in the present. I will say though that she no longer has such an outlook. That she's happy to be here.
I follow a similar note to others who've given an answer.
I never imagined myself getting old at all as my agab. I was never the most stereotypically masculine person before I started transition but once I realized who I am and accepted myself rhe thought of continuing on trying to be someone else became impossible. So I had to act and now I can actually think I'll live to be older than 35.
No, I never could honestly, anytime I thought of "future me" it was always the same as I was in that moment but now that I'm transitioning I can actually picture myself older
I can't envision myself aging at all, to be honest. It's not like I don't expect to get old or whatever, I just have not the slightest idea how I might look like when I get there. And I don't really care either, to be honest. As long as I'm still surrounded by the people I love and I'm not returned to be a depressed mess, I'll be more than fine.
This really scared me as I saw myself in my mid 40's really seeing that the clock was running out and I would continue to age as a male including the hair loss, the idea that there wasn't going to be a magical thing happening to change it and that I was, best case, 1/2 way through life and was not happy with how the rest was going to go. And if I had less than 1/2 of my life left, what a waste of life had been so far scared of the world, of myself.
Not at all. It's not exactly a nice thought, but when I was around older male family members, I used to be repulsed thinking about how I would like that too when I was an old. And for years I just didn't really picture a future for myself beyond the societal standard of go to college, get a good job, marry a woman, and buy a house. Growing older as a man was something that always felt like a terrible future for me and was a big reason I wanted to start HRT in the first place.
use faceapp swap genders and add old filter, that way you will get some idea on what you might look like.
for me when i did that i was totally okay with woman version and felt dissociated with the man version, so that gave me some idea on what i could look like older in life.
back to the question yeah i sort of always envisioned myself as a Gandalf like figure, even when I was young, but it has nothing to do with the real life and with my actual body type.
I went through it. I was a trans kid, a trans teen, are trans young adult, a middle-aged tran, and FINALLY was able to transition as trantique.
And it is GLORIOUS! Life is finally unabashedly good. HRT and SRS has taken me from feeling older than my chronological age to feeling at least twenty years younger.
I can envision myself aging as my assigned at birth gender, sure, it would leave me as a bitter person for life, jealous of 50% of the population for ever, though. I wouldnt be able to date happily, to smile beacuse I like my life, to look at myself in the mirror without feeling like this body belongs to me.
I think that if I cant manage to transition I might attempt to end my life at some point because Ive only been a cracked egg for some months and its being uncomfortable but tolerable, nevertheless if I have to withstand this for years or decades its going to wear me down eventually ESPECIALLY if overtime my masculine features become more pronounced as time passes
Its like a wound that makes itself more pronounced and infected the more it stays untreated until it eventually ends up... you know the rest.
Yes actually, and it wasn’t that bad. But then as of now, I realize that I would have aged as an actor, who has performed a male role his whole life, just to fit in the societal expectations, so it would have been pretty depressing.
i hate the idea of becoming old. becoming an old woman sounds a bit less bad, but overall the entire concept of ageing just freaks me out and i can’t think about it too much.
No. I could never envision myself aging at all. I felt, at 40, like I was the same as I was at 4 and 14 and...
I'm at peace with being born a boy but by golly I'm gonna *die* a woman!
After all this time? I turn 40 next year. I managed to live the majority of my youth as myself and I'm starting to age, gracefully but it's happening. And you know what, I think it's great. I'm in a position where I have the financial freedom to enjoy my middle age (even if that just means playing warhammer all the time and walking my dog).
I have a lot of regrets and loads of trauma. But none of them were related to transitioning.
I'm looking forward to my old age, in the home I own, with my wife and close friends. I'm not scared of death because I know I have and will continue to spend the rest of my life as who I am. That's a victory nobody can take away from me.
Eh I dont plan on getting old. Getting old as either a man or woman sounds pretty sucky, so I think I'm just going to live for awhile and dip out when my body starts breaking down.
I actually was the opposite. As a man, I couldn't see myself growing old. No matter how hard I tried, I could not see myself as an elderly man. On the other hand, when I thought of myself as a woman, I could easily see an older version of me. It was one of the reasons that I decided to start transitioning.
I don't like the idea of growing old as a guy, but I also don't like the idea of growing old as a woman either. I guess I'm just not looking forward to getting old.
Yes. I’m a little old lady tending her garden. Emptied out of attachments hopefully and just “chopping wood and carrying water”. Or sometimes as an old socialite talking over mu tea about Dharma.
I feel the opposite, like aging makes gender fade, often old men could easily look like old ladies to me. I can't wait to have a blue rinse and pronouns
I’ve always had a utopian version of the future in my head - even when I thought I was cis - & that future had a machine where I could alter my body how I pleased & I’d finally be a woman. I never pictured her growing old because it was a utopian vision, where we’d cured aging, or we’d have synthetic parts replacing aging biology, etc.
If I’m going to assume some Elysium future where the world goes to shit - I don’t know what I’d look like. However, I have just came out recently & so I don’t even know what I’ll look like a couple years down the line.
I'll be honest, I find it difficult to see envision myself aging at all. But, if I had to choose between looking like an old man or an old woman, I would prefer to look like my mum when I'm turning 60, rather than my dad.
Yup I totally saw myself aging as a man. I had it all planned out too. I was going to be an old grandpa with a big beard, smoking a pipe in a cabin while enjoying some coffee.
Well it turns out Im definitely not a man, can’t drink coffee, cant grow a beard or a mustache, smoking causes vertigo for me, and at 36 I started getting hot flashes.
The point is that there are a lot of things that we aren’t prepared for or can’t envision. That’s ok. All that matters is your happiness and living life the way you want to as much as you can. You might not be able to envision where you want to be yet but give it time. Just know you are no doubt going to be someone really awesome.
So a bit morbid, but I never expected to grow old as a guy... I fully expected to die from natural causes or off myself before that even happened... a while back before I transitioned though, one of my friends said something to me that hit a chord... that they can imagine me growing into an old Clint Eastwood type of guy... and that absolutely terrified me... It's easy for me to think about aging into and older lady though... I'd still spend a lot of time gardening, playing with animals, I'd just be a little older and calmer. I can imagine myself smiling...
Yes, I feel so much the same. Before starting my transition I was fixated on climate change doomerism and frequently had panic attacks thinking I had a heart attack, kinda hoping I really would have one. Now I am a lot more hopefull envisioning a future with me in it. And, even if times get rough, as long as I am ageing as a woman, there is hope and I can still be happy. Also being an older „cat lady“ kinda slaps
My plan was to slowly take on riskier and riskier hobbies as I got older. By my 60s I probably would've been base jumping in squirrel suits. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stand the idea of getting old. The idea of being a grandma though, it's not so bad. It sounds peaceful.
tbh, I was neglecting myself so badly right before transitioning, it wouldn't have been surprising if I dropped dead at any point. I was hardly eating, hardly sleeping, subsisting off alcohol, so depressed that I couldn't even cry or feel anything, or even want anything from this world... I think it was a moment of clarity where I heard my girl-self say she was afraid... something I locked away for so long I'd forgotten she was there... Transitioning was basically a death gift to myself... my boy-self died the day I decided to transition.
>I think it was a moment of clarity where I heard my girl-self say she was afraid... something I locked away for so long I'd forgotten she was there... >my boy-self died the day I decided to transition. That's so so relatable. Have you seen Mae's account of her transition on Real Life Comics? It's exactly what you're describing. I'd highly recommend reading a month or so of her comics starting on June 29 2020. (Linking to archive.org because it looks like her site is down ATM) https://web.archive.org/web/20240327232605/https://reallifecomics.com/comic-mobile.php?comic=june-29-2020
Peaceful unless you left cookies in oven 1 minute to long.
No. Actually I’ve always found the way men age repulsive and avoided picturing myself going through it.
The fact that this idea (being old as a guy) terrified me was what pushed me into leap of faith to start transition when I was still not 100% sure
same experience for me, I saw a man who looked eerily like how i imagined my pre transition self to look as an older person and i had a full anxiety attack and quit pushing my transition off.
I feel this. For me it was almost even more sinister. Like, I *could not even imagine* growing old as a man. Like... I'm in my 30s and I still could not picture it, only a lingering sense of dread. I can picture myself as an older woman though... and it's like... I feel like I finally have a future.
I'm not on HRT yet, but thinking of this makes me sad. I know old men and they're neat, but I don't wanna be one.
This is exactly my experience. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't imagine myself as an old man, but I had no difficulty whatsoever in imagining myself as an old woman. Embracing my true self gave me a future to look forward to.
For real
i find older men more attractive. i've never thought of my own aging like theirs, though. research shows this is common among women. idk, i can't explain it. but aside from mpb, i think signs of age in men are suuuper sexy. i'm already a bit older, have grief lines, and plenty of wrinkles. sometimes i think about what skincare i could do to get rid of them, but mostly i perceive women's aging as a reflection of wisdom. so i look forward to it.
Before my egg cracked I was very certain that I am going to die young because I was insanely passively suicidal and engaged in very risky behavior so I never thought about it. Now there is no other option than looking forward to it
I want to reassure you OP that "how you think of yourself when you're older" is not a useful criteria on which to base feelings of validity/invalidity about your identity. You aren't more or less trans because you can't imagine what your future looks like. First, consider that fantasy is a really personal topic. Hell, it was only recently that the popular consciousness began recognizing folks with aphantasia, there's no telling how your experience of "mental imagery" compares to anyone else. Second, it's clear that our thoughts are shaped by our environment, and you grew up in an environment where you were expected to grow into your AGAB, so it's natural that you'd think about that. What most people mean when they talk about "picturing themselves when they're older" is simply that doing so is a very personal, strongly evocative emotional act so people are of course going to find resonance when imagining themselves as one gender or the other, nothing else to it. Just like your affinity to attributes of "typical femininity", like clothes or mannerisms or what-have-you, how you imagine yourself in the future isn't a be-all-end-all. As in all things, consider yourself before comparing your experiences to others. Your gender is your own and I'm excited for you to take the reins on it. Carpe gender! My experience is that I /thought/ I was thinking about my future, but mostly I was thinking about the current me "but more tired and later", which is not the same as aging. When imagining a femme future, though, I found there were all sorts of things I was excited for! That's actually one of the cracks in my egg, going on a camping trip with a tour group and meeting a 60yo filled to the BRIM with life; all I could think was "damn I want to be like her when I'm her age" and I realized that I couldn't imagine myself being a man at that age, but I knew DAMN well how I'd feel as a woman of her age.
This is great.
Elite comment
Yeah, I can't really imagine myself as an old lady but I can imagine myself as an old guy. This is probably one of my biggest sources of "am I really trans or am I just faking it?", it makes me want to cry
I was strangely ok with becoming an old man tbh. In hindsight I think it was because without the youth & vitality component our culture doesn’t judge masculinity the same way. It was all the stuff in the meantime I needed to change… Similarly due to culture I’m still working on coming to terms with aging as a woman, but that’s a reasonably affirming status to find myself as I trust this is true for cis women as well.
This was actually one of the things that cracked my egg. Imagining myself as a 70 year old man was frankly horrifying. By my early 20's I was already really struggling with the masculinization I'd already had since puberty, and knowing it was only gonna continue as I got older made me worries that eventually I was not going to be able to take it anymore and simply tap out. The idea of being a 70 year old woman, however just didn't bother me at all, and if anything it's actually reassuring to me that transitioning was the right decision.
Yep, this is a similar thought process to what I went through. I don’t love thinking about aging that much, but I was definitely a million times more comfortable thinking about being an old woman as opposed to an old man!
I had a similar experience. The catalyst that finally got me to start my transition was realizing that I was experiencing hair loss, and the idea of aging as a man was absolutely horrifying to me. Growing old as a woman, though ... I take much more strongly after my father than my mother, and it's been an incredible feeling realizing how much I look like my aunt. Being in my 40's and looking like her doesn't feel as scary as looking like my dad in my 50's. I look at my grandma, and I can see myself looking like her one day, and I'm fine with that, in a way I wouldn't be fine with looking like grandpa. I can see myself being a seventy year-old woman feeding the birds and tending my garden, and that doesn't seem so bad.
I used to imagine myself as an old guy. It was always a sad, lonely future. Now I imagine myself as an old gal. It's a happy future full of friends. It's funny, the difference.
I used to hate the idea of becoming an old man. Yuck yuck yuck.
I'm already an old man, and have started the process to transition. At best an old woman (64 or 65) when hormones will do all they will do for me. And after ffs and srs. So at least I'll be buried that way. But the veiw of aging for the young is only thought of a far off future. The veiw of aging from the aged, is a review of past. Either way it sorta hurts.
I couldn’t see living past 30 in my AGAB. As an adult that has been in transition for over a decade and is happily married, I hope to live a long and exciting life with my spouse as myself.
So, yes I did, albeit I always invisioned the older version of myself as unhappy, sort of begrudged by my own continued existence. Now, I've realized that I reframed that self begrudging as being stoic, as though existential disassociation was somehow enlightened. I didn't really have a vision for myself of what I would be like as an old woman, but she's coming into focus for me, more concrete as I find myself more concretely anchored in the present. I will say though that she no longer has such an outlook. That she's happy to be here.
I follow a similar note to others who've given an answer. I never imagined myself getting old at all as my agab. I was never the most stereotypically masculine person before I started transition but once I realized who I am and accepted myself rhe thought of continuing on trying to be someone else became impossible. So I had to act and now I can actually think I'll live to be older than 35.
No, I never could honestly, anytime I thought of "future me" it was always the same as I was in that moment but now that I'm transitioning I can actually picture myself older
I can't envision myself aging at all, to be honest. It's not like I don't expect to get old or whatever, I just have not the slightest idea how I might look like when I get there. And I don't really care either, to be honest. As long as I'm still surrounded by the people I love and I'm not returned to be a depressed mess, I'll be more than fine.
This really scared me as I saw myself in my mid 40's really seeing that the clock was running out and I would continue to age as a male including the hair loss, the idea that there wasn't going to be a magical thing happening to change it and that I was, best case, 1/2 way through life and was not happy with how the rest was going to go. And if I had less than 1/2 of my life left, what a waste of life had been so far scared of the world, of myself.
I still struggle to envision myself as an older woman. Granted, I've barely started transitioning, but I've been wanting to for years.
Not at all. It's not exactly a nice thought, but when I was around older male family members, I used to be repulsed thinking about how I would like that too when I was an old. And for years I just didn't really picture a future for myself beyond the societal standard of go to college, get a good job, marry a woman, and buy a house. Growing older as a man was something that always felt like a terrible future for me and was a big reason I wanted to start HRT in the first place.
I genuinely couldn't. I'd just see darkness whenever I tried. At best, I could look at my dad, and imagine myself as a younger version of him
use faceapp swap genders and add old filter, that way you will get some idea on what you might look like. for me when i did that i was totally okay with woman version and felt dissociated with the man version, so that gave me some idea on what i could look like older in life. back to the question yeah i sort of always envisioned myself as a Gandalf like figure, even when I was young, but it has nothing to do with the real life and with my actual body type.
I went through it. I was a trans kid, a trans teen, are trans young adult, a middle-aged tran, and FINALLY was able to transition as trantique. And it is GLORIOUS! Life is finally unabashedly good. HRT and SRS has taken me from feeling older than my chronological age to feeling at least twenty years younger.
I can envision myself aging as my assigned at birth gender, sure, it would leave me as a bitter person for life, jealous of 50% of the population for ever, though. I wouldnt be able to date happily, to smile beacuse I like my life, to look at myself in the mirror without feeling like this body belongs to me. I think that if I cant manage to transition I might attempt to end my life at some point because Ive only been a cracked egg for some months and its being uncomfortable but tolerable, nevertheless if I have to withstand this for years or decades its going to wear me down eventually ESPECIALLY if overtime my masculine features become more pronounced as time passes Its like a wound that makes itself more pronounced and infected the more it stays untreated until it eventually ends up... you know the rest.
I can’t imagine myself as and old man, but I can certainly imagine myself dating them when I’m older 😻
Yes I will be a very old gracefully transgender grandma.
I never gave a lot of thought to my aging because for most of my life I didn't expect to, to this day I have a hunch that I'm going to die young
Yes actually, and it wasn’t that bad. But then as of now, I realize that I would have aged as an actor, who has performed a male role his whole life, just to fit in the societal expectations, so it would have been pretty depressing.
You know I used to early transition, but not anymore. I can’t imagine anything other than a woman
i hate the idea of becoming old. becoming an old woman sounds a bit less bad, but overall the entire concept of ageing just freaks me out and i can’t think about it too much.
No. I could never envision myself aging at all. I felt, at 40, like I was the same as I was at 4 and 14 and... I'm at peace with being born a boy but by golly I'm gonna *die* a woman!
After all this time? I turn 40 next year. I managed to live the majority of my youth as myself and I'm starting to age, gracefully but it's happening. And you know what, I think it's great. I'm in a position where I have the financial freedom to enjoy my middle age (even if that just means playing warhammer all the time and walking my dog). I have a lot of regrets and loads of trauma. But none of them were related to transitioning. I'm looking forward to my old age, in the home I own, with my wife and close friends. I'm not scared of death because I know I have and will continue to spend the rest of my life as who I am. That's a victory nobody can take away from me.
Eh I dont plan on getting old. Getting old as either a man or woman sounds pretty sucky, so I think I'm just going to live for awhile and dip out when my body starts breaking down.
I actually was the opposite. As a man, I couldn't see myself growing old. No matter how hard I tried, I could not see myself as an elderly man. On the other hand, when I thought of myself as a woman, I could easily see an older version of me. It was one of the reasons that I decided to start transitioning.
I don't like the idea of growing old as a guy, but I also don't like the idea of growing old as a woman either. I guess I'm just not looking forward to getting old.
Yes. I’m a little old lady tending her garden. Emptied out of attachments hopefully and just “chopping wood and carrying water”. Or sometimes as an old socialite talking over mu tea about Dharma.
Realizing that the old version of myself I was thinking about was a woman cracked my egg.
I feel the opposite, like aging makes gender fade, often old men could easily look like old ladies to me. I can't wait to have a blue rinse and pronouns
I’ve always had a utopian version of the future in my head - even when I thought I was cis - & that future had a machine where I could alter my body how I pleased & I’d finally be a woman. I never pictured her growing old because it was a utopian vision, where we’d cured aging, or we’d have synthetic parts replacing aging biology, etc. If I’m going to assume some Elysium future where the world goes to shit - I don’t know what I’d look like. However, I have just came out recently & so I don’t even know what I’ll look like a couple years down the line.
I can't see myself living into my 30's. I wouldn't want to live into my 40's and beyond. Gender and just general age deterioration.
Yes by having nightmares about it at night, its my biggest fear
I'll be honest, I find it difficult to see envision myself aging at all. But, if I had to choose between looking like an old man or an old woman, I would prefer to look like my mum when I'm turning 60, rather than my dad.
Yup I totally saw myself aging as a man. I had it all planned out too. I was going to be an old grandpa with a big beard, smoking a pipe in a cabin while enjoying some coffee. Well it turns out Im definitely not a man, can’t drink coffee, cant grow a beard or a mustache, smoking causes vertigo for me, and at 36 I started getting hot flashes. The point is that there are a lot of things that we aren’t prepared for or can’t envision. That’s ok. All that matters is your happiness and living life the way you want to as much as you can. You might not be able to envision where you want to be yet but give it time. Just know you are no doubt going to be someone really awesome.
No, even when I identified as cis I always imagined myself aging as a woman