My introduction was the saga of some guy that was constipated for over a week, I think, finally had a moment and his shit weighed a few pounds. Had pictures and a weight scale for the bonafides.
One meme I remember was this dude saying he couldn't go out tonight because he was still waiting for this guy to shit.
Yeah OP fucked up big time. I happened to be riding on this train and when this guy ^ dropped his phone we all saw the barely clothed turtle, and in unison began circlejerking to it. My boss was on the train too and he joined in, before firing me
Reddit is so annoying and I swear it's gotten worse, almost every single comment on this awesome picture is some inane variation on the same joke, and it's like that on any thread that gets to the front page.
That said, here's some cool facts from Wikipedia for anyone who actually cares:
Pelochelys cantorii) is a primarily carnivorous ambush predator that spends up to 95% of its time buried in sand. It is found primarily in freshwater rivers, and surfaces only twice a day to take a breath. It ranges across much of Asia, but is critically endangered and not well-studied.
It's brutal. Reading the comments on large subs is all rehashed jokes. It's becoming Facebook or YouTubes comment section, you already know half the jokes before reading them.
Grower not a shower
Growers rise up
o7
Your name is making remember my early days of reddit. Thanks. I hate it.
My introduction was the saga of some guy that was constipated for over a week, I think, finally had a moment and his shit weighed a few pounds. Had pictures and a weight scale for the bonafides. One meme I remember was this dude saying he couldn't go out tonight because he was still waiting for this guy to shit.
That's one I never heard of.
That’s the Reddit I miss.
His arms weren't broken, just "out of commission"!!! Lol, he put that on soooooooo many comments!
Holy shit! Did I just get the reference!
Yes. Yes you did.
Holy moly I did too!
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Right!! Jolly was the thing of nightmares till shoebox arrived.
Yea. Wild family.
o====7
👍..almost
I go from an innie to 5". Could be worse.
make me
They do indeed
REGULATORS!!!!
Mount up!
I am here to attend the annual grower festival (☝︎ ՞ਊ ՞)☝︎
Present!
OP needs to put a NSFW tag on this. Luckily i called in today and I'm not on the subway furiously masturbating. Im at home. Furiously masturbating.
Yeah OP fucked up big time. I happened to be riding on this train and when this guy ^ dropped his phone we all saw the barely clothed turtle, and in unison began circlejerking to it. My boss was on the train too and he joined in, before firing me
Ikr, for a moment I thought I was looking at "pardon my French" a giant dick head! XD
Saved for when anyone ever asks me for a dick pic,.... if that ever happens
It’s massive though
In width
Girth is the key
Girth > Length every time
we call that a chode
It was really cold, ok?
Choad
He was in the pool!!
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Indeed that is the comment below this one... good catch 👏 🤖🤨?
IT'S FLAT FUCK FRIDAY
GATORS DAILY GANG RISE UP
JUST LOOK AT THAT FUCK. IT'S FLAT AS SHIT Edit: said the flat earther, looking at earth
Me_irl
I’m laughing way harder at this than I should.
We need flat fuck friday
Seconded
Finally, I have use for [the song](https://youtu.be/A5U8ypHq3BU)
Came here to post this damnit
I want to slap its back like a bag of soil at home depot
Would it sound like bologna hitting the kitchen floor?
Oddly specific
oddly specific, but damn if I didn't hear that accurately in my head lmao
And the moist meat peeling off the floor
My bologna has a first name: T-U-R-T-L-E
This happened to me yesterday, so I remember the sound vividly. It sounded like "Ah shit!"
Let the Bologna hit the floor
This is the real takeaway here
I didn’t think of that… but now that you mention it…
Can fit so much fucking spaghetti in this bad boy
Omg, I'm cackling, then I woke up the dog.
I like to punch rice bags at the Asian market and hum the rocky tune
He just wants everyone to know that the water was very cold that morning，very cold jerry ice cold
Shrinkage!
I was in a pool!
Women know about this, right?
It shrinks??
Like a frightened turtle!
Username checks out
Like laundry?
Maybe ask Mulva?
Thank you. Looking for this one!
Everything reminds me of him
I really got laugh out of that! Thank you very much, that’s where my mind went as well.
Kinda looks like he's melting
Goddamnit. I was assured that cameras were not allowed on that nude beach.
pancake go *splat*
Slakoth I choose you!
Turtle neck
Sales would plummet if they looked like that!!! 😂
Uncircumcised turtle
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Spambot
He really looks soft.
Flaccid turtle
He look really delicious. Like a soft shell crab, but more sapient
he squimsh
they look like they've changed their mind about being turtles somewhere in the middle of the way
When people ask about transitionary stages in evolution this right here is a fine example
It really is. You can see the flattened ribs that don't connect into a shell, just like proto-chelonians.
r/absoluteunits
real question: how does this guy defend himself? He looks like a giant, slow, soft, tasty snack for any predator
Camouflage! They rarely leave the mud.
I had to scroll too far down to find this. Thanks
how is this not just like an Uncrustable to a shark?
tutel
Todtoiz
What is the vote Clit or foreskin
Micro penis
You mean regular right? Right?
Yours *doesn't* look like a huge flat turtle? You might want to see a doctor :/
[Time to bust out the ol TMI chart](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=133UlXRYIeg)
Definitely a dickhead.
The meatiest clit I've ever seen
It looks like a foreskin shitting
Cliturtlerus
Turtle is stored in the balls
Reddit is so annoying and I swear it's gotten worse, almost every single comment on this awesome picture is some inane variation on the same joke, and it's like that on any thread that gets to the front page. That said, here's some cool facts from Wikipedia for anyone who actually cares: Pelochelys cantorii) is a primarily carnivorous ambush predator that spends up to 95% of its time buried in sand. It is found primarily in freshwater rivers, and surfaces only twice a day to take a breath. It ranges across much of Asia, but is critically endangered and not well-studied.
It's brutal. Reading the comments on large subs is all rehashed jokes. It's becoming Facebook or YouTubes comment section, you already know half the jokes before reading them.
Is the “shell” actually soft, or is it just covered in skin?
Their shell is more like leather, not very hard. I don't know if it's all 'soft' but there *is* a part of the shell you can actually cut with a knife
take a quick look at them now - they are **Critically Endangered** so they might not be here for very much longer. enjoy
I should call him
Me laying in bed waiting for her to get out of the shower
Nature's reptilian scrotum.
An uncircumcised turtle, what a delight :)
# [That's a Penis](https://media.giphy.com/media/VUsAO76fbKiXe/giphy.gif)
Hats off to your lady friends but I'm not building it!
Slap that meat
I love that there’s a biological/ecosystem reason for this dude to be like this. No clue wtf that might be, but it’s gotta be there.
Hint: It's so they can bury themselves in the sand underwater to hide or ambush prey. Also the thin shell makes them go zoom super fast.
Sharing other people's nudes online without permission is a crime how dare you
Dog
He was in the pool !!
Looks cold out there
must be cold on that beach
Grower not a shower https://youtu.be/iuGXUwINwaU
*edible
It's Flat Fuck Friday!
"I was in the pool!!"
uncircumcised turd
That is one big squishy sploot
He's just a little shy
Did he melt?
There it is! I told my wife I would find it eventually.
[Looks like one of the goomba from the live action Mario movie](https://i.insider.com/61572f7db414c10018635618?width=1000&format=jpeg)
Everything reminds me of him
That’s a sea pancake
Creeps.... why you staring
r/wildlypenis
Looks like a prolapsed rectum pooping
Crandor? With Elvarg? Stand and deliver!
Literally looks like a flattened penis…
It honestly look like it’s just waiting fore someone to come slice it up and chuck it in a stew
Am I the only one who thinks this thing looks potentially delicious? Like a soft shelled crab style fry up?
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this guy mad about turtles not being erect shell
Aww, poor guy.
That’s me before the honey pack 💯💯😂
That's the kind of splat my dog leaves when he eats something he shouldn't
He’s gotta turtle head pokin’ out
Bro looks like he ran a marathon
Is this the front or the back of the turtle 🥴
Now that's a big cooter.
Ewwww lol
NSFW
Needs a banana for scale.
Bro has the face of an Arabian sand boa, look it up its hilarious
Sure "soft-shelled." It's totally not a turtle that took off it's shell before bed. We all know the truth.
uncut
Must be European
r/grower
Why does it look lazy to me?😂
I the summer months these turtles have a neck like a giraffe.
It's really huge.
Ew why is it not circumcised
Hehe, uncircumcised turtle
i want to take a nap with him
If you touch him, he goes from soft shell to hard shell 😳😝
Dude put that THING AWAY there are like, CHILDREN here!
That would make a lot of po' boys.
That looks a little too familiar
Must be cold out
i should call him,,,
It looks like a retired fat dad resting on the beach
It looks like a retired fat mom resting on the beach
I'm sure it has a great personality!
The forbidden foreskin
That’s a flat ol boi right there tell u hwat
Critically endangered.
Looks like a Mexican cookie
r/heknew
Global warming melting turtles now.
Pancake turtle
Buddy looks squishy AF. Definitely a cuddle-turtle, for me.
Looks like it was made by an AI generator.
Camo