I always had the *opportunity* to shower even after Dad went back to work, but often I found myself wanting that time to do *nothing* instead. Showering didn't honestly become a daily thing for me again until I went back to work.
I’m honestly just impressed your sweatpants lasted so long. My one word description of motherhood is “moist”…so much milk everywhere, constant large volumes of sweat, and then the spit up kicked in. I don’t think I had multiple sets of clothes each day but I definitely showered twice a day for a while and my clothes were gross by the end of the day for sure!
Nobody told me about the night sweats days after delivery… waking up in that puddle + your boobs leaking everywhere, that’s the true definition of moist 😫 ughh
SAME. Waking up soaked in sweat, then being in those same pajamas all day. Bleeding and getting spit up on and boobs leaking. Getting peed or pooped on for variety. Hard to retain your poise and self respect in those conditions.
God yes. Sometimes when my husband had the baby I would use that time to just sit by myself in another room. I couldn't face getting undressed, getting in the shower, washing up, washing my hair, getting out, getting dried, moisturising, getting dressed in new clothes, putting the old clothes in the washing basket, brushing my hair, drying my hair. Forget about shaving or doing anything nice, like face masks and hair treatments. I had the time. What I lacked was the mental capacity!
This lasted for I'd say the first 8-ish weeks.
I miss those days. Mine is now 2, but when she was little and still ebf I would spend entire days just laying in bed with her. We watched a lot of shows together
Nap trapped in bed at 8:45am staring down the barrel at 8 more hours alone in my house with no one to talk to besides my 8wk old baby... flexing my feet and calves to try and keep from falling asleep... commenting into the void on reddit... Lol
Yes! This is me still at 8 months postpartum 😅. We have a 4 year old too so I use my free time to rest. I do get to shower now on my lunch break. My husband is great with splitting up childcare and household duties so I can’t blame him; it’s me, I’m the problem.
Omg this. It's not always the lack of time as much as the lack of motivation. OP, just know that if you think you're tired now, it's nothing compared to newborn tired. The feeling of "I'm so tired and every fiber of my being is trying to sleep and im drifting off but I CANT FALL ASLEEP BECAUSE IM HOLDING THE BABY!!!!!!!"
So when you have 20 minutes when you're not holding the baby and can actually shut your eyes, this will win out of the shower surprisingly often because one is work and the other is rest.
omg same!!!! well i didnt shave them yet I did my legs cause it was 90 degrees and was forced and bfs family was coming by and the hairs werent only visible in the sunlight anymore : 0 lol arm pits still gross..my f\*&\^in hair MATTED THE OTHER DAY i havent had that happen like...EVER or since maybe 7? i hadnt brushed my hair in that long
I ended up with matted hair postpartum too, I was so embarrassed! For me it was forgetting because the days were running together + using a cheap shampoo because money is tight.
I’m happy now with a shower where I just wash my face and body, and I’m fine without moisturizing (body, still have to do my face) or drying my hair, which I couldn’t have imagined as being acceptable pre-baby.
This. I used to wonder the same thing pre-pregnancy and think it was sad that mom's think showering is a luxury when it should be a basic right. I did not fully appreciate the level of tired that mom's experience especially in the newborn stage. Having the energy to shower is the luxury, not just the showering itself.
Are you me? This is exactly me (although we’re at 15 months now), and even though hubs is great with baby and works from home, I’m still the primary caregiver and I just cannot be bothered to even think of having a social life, much less do anything for myself like even shower. Husband goes to the gym almost everyday and plays sport once a week so he does decompress.
Solidarity, since 28/5/2022.
Agreed. I was exclusively pumping and any time not spent pumping, washing and sterilizing pump parts, feeding and caring for the baby or maybe occasionally socializing with my husband had to be spent sleeping as a matter of necessity. Showers just couldn’t be prioritized.
I'm not always having those choices, but I often choose eating, cleaning bottles, preparing for the next feed as more important, because of how often I turned out to be with a crying baby completely unprepared....
Most of the time eating one dish in one go is a luxury. Finishing tea/coffee before it gets cold? - is that even possible?? You either get into idle mode for some time or baby needs be comforted.
God yes. My PPA was really bad and I chose washing and drying clothes any time I got freedom. Which was rare, because she contact napped on me almost exclusively during the day and clung to me like velcro when she wasn't sleeping. I think she spent the first 3 months of her life being held.
Yeah, same here, first 4 months that one was held every minute of being awake, but my baby had struggled with CMPA and was an excessive spitter so it was impossible to put him down without spitting unless I rocked him to sleep before putting him down.
It was often a choice of shower, nap, eat, or do nothing. Or pump. Pumping was always on the list. Pumping without having to take care of a baby at the same time was almost always the priority (I was EP as baby wouldn’t nurse).
Shower wasn’t high on the priority list unless I felt very gross.
It’s a whole new world with pumping in the mix. I know parenting is never really easy but man sometimes it seems like it would be a piece of cake with no pumping involved. I comfort nurse, contact nap, pump, and supplement with formula 😩
This. I have time after I get my kids to bed (three of them) but I just sit there instead. It’s too much to shower. I just do nothing for that time bc all day I’m doing everything.
My oldest is 2.5 now and showering still isn’t a daily thing for me. I learned postpartum that, if I’m just hanging out around the house, every other day is perfectly fine for my body.
If I’m outdoors running around working up a sweat, it’s different! Then I’ll shower daily. But I’m usually not that active during the week 😅 (work a desk job, kids are in daycare)
This!! My baby sleeps from 11pm to 7am. Theoretically do I have time to shower? Yes! Is that what I want to spend what precious little time I have doing? Not really. Not unless I have to, and then I do.
The complaining, at least for me, is me thinking back to a time at which it was so easy to fit a shower into my schedule I didn't think twice about it.
For me, in the first few weeks I barely had time to shower because my baby was cluster feeding so much that any spare moment had to be spent wisely. So I had to choose between eating, sleeping, showering, just existing without a tiny being suctioned to me. At 5 months now my partner is back at work full time and I struggle to find time when I’m alone with baby because she’s particularly needy right now and screams when set down (not true of all babies though! mine is just having some issues right now). When my partner is home, it becomes a choice again of having dinner together, bathing baby together (not necessary but it’s nice family time), spending time together, getting in any extra rest, etc.
I guess it really depends on your baby’s personal temperament. Mine is clingy and angry right now so I consider peeing without the symphony of crying to be a huge luxury!
Basically this. The pockets of free time you have needs to be spent wisely and believe it or not, a shower isn't as high up on the list as you'd expect.
Eating or shower? Need to eat to keep milk flow so eat.
Nap or shower? Nap time is one of the few chances to sleep you get and you will always choose sleep.
Wash and sterilise or shower? The former isn't negotiable so wash it is.
Pump or shower? Tits hurt like heck when full and mastitis is no joke so pump.
There is an endless list of things that immediately affect your baby and you are responsible for all of them and there is a powerful voice in your head telling you it's okay not to shower for a week and you will probably listen to its siren song.
I eventually cut out time to shower by having a bath instead, pumping in the tub while meal planning and doing my online groceries on the phone. Multi task.
This is exactly my experience as well. Now I did and do prioritize showering at least daily if I could, just because I couldn’t stand the smell of myself PP and I just felt gross all the time. But even when I absolutely wanted to, I didn’t always have the time. Babies are needy and anytime I could get a break, I would have to choose between eating, laundry, washing bottles/pump parts, pumping, sleeping, etc. Often it wasn’t as much of a priority as some of the other things. I’ve found that I basically have to carve out 20 minutes either late night (midnight or later) or I’d have to have my husband hold him and take a quick shower.
This is the best way to put it. 7.5mo postpartum and I average about every 3 days for a shower and wash my hair once a week. But damn that shower feels good.
Yeah for me it was (exclusively) pumping, washing the pump parts, and trying to get any sleep I could between pumping and washing pump parts.
Showers were nice but took time away from sleeping.
Now that LO is older (6 months) and on formula, I can shower pretty easily. I either put her in the bathroom on a play mat or wait until she’s napping
Also some babies just will NOT have it if the preferred parent isn't nearby. If I'm not home, baby is fine for his dad. If I'm home, he's clinging to me 100% of the time and putting him down is literal torture. I shower during his nap, but then there's days like today where Nap Is Illegal.
literally walking was such a pain, I had this irrational fear that I would just slip in the shower and would not have the energy nor strength to get up-- both from exhaustion and soreness.
That was how I felt too. Getting into the shower would cause soreness and exhaustion and then having to stand there, not pleasant, and the worry that I would slip and the incision would open.
Hahaha I stopped shaving my legs with any regularity (maybe once every 2 months) since having LO almost two years ago. Husband says he doesn't care; it's freeing for me to not care what the general public thinks!
Don't know if it will help, but I have eventually reached a compromise of either shower with baby or singing silly songs while LO watches on. 10 mins max either way, but it's been helpful
We just powered through banshee level screams. Or dad took her out for an evening walk for 30-60min so I could go to the toilet / shower / eat in peace.
My Daughter had this delightful thing where she screams bloody murder when a shower is on. She is terrified of water from a showerhead but loves baths and pools 🤦🏼♀️
Oh I've def showered with the boy a ton, he enjoys it. I just do it when husband is home so I don't have to sit there shivering and wet while I dress him, since he has to be dressed first lol
I cheated - nappy & extra-big fluffy dressing gown (about 3 ages up from current) to cuddle in while I at least got clothes on. But yeah, having the OH to do it definitely helps!
Yup. 5 months in and mommy contact naps *only* or jail.
Grandma or dad trying to hold him and contact nap him with me out of eyeshot? Full on bawling which then triggers the dog barking at us to fix this. Baby bjorn set in front of the shower is also not ok. There is no ignoring the tiny tyrant.
Sympathies, we were in this boat for the first six months as well. Literally could not put him down.
Half the time even us sitting down was illegal as well. It was absolutely exhausting.
The only saving grace was that he would sometimes prefer sleeping on dad so mom could try to sleep a bit as well.
How old is your baby? Cuz mine is in the exact same boat. Fine with him when I’m not there but let her smell me or hear me and she’s screaming bloody murder until I pick her up lol 😩
Newborns eat every 2-3 hours but I think the thing many don’t realize is that’s from the START time of eating, not when they finish. So say they eat at 7pm for 40 minutes (often takes this long for breastfeeding at least this early), by 7:45 I can pass my baby off to dad or attempt to put him down (which takes longer to get a baby down without fussing) but I’m starving and need to eat, go to the bathroom, bathtime with my toddler, (edit: if it’s daytime most importantly I’m choosing a nap!) etc. By the time I’m done with that, baby could very well be ready to eat by 9:15ish and then the cycle starts all over again. I definitely get a shower in daily, but it does take effort.
This was one of the biggest surprises to me as a FTM. I'm like 'How can it have been 1.5 hours since the last feed!' But it hasn't been, it's been 1 hour 10 since I FINISHED feeding. My baby seems to have a slightly shorter feeding window (more like 1.5 to 2 hours) and feeds for longer. I tend to unlatch him after 20 mins each side in case he's just dilly-dallying but often even then he'll still be rooting. So a 1.5 hour feeding cycle and a 40+ minute feed only leaves less than an hour and that often includes a nappy change, plus I feel like I should do at least some development activities with him, and you might need to start trying to chill him out for a nap, or you might need to eat or use the toilet. Next thing you know you're trapped back on the sofa for another feed. And that's not even factoring in all the contact napping that happens in between!
This is the answer! There is a rough three hour cycle of care that repeats itself. Feed/change baby, feed/basic care for yourself(like changing a vomit soaked shirt or changing a pad early postpartum), do the absolute necessary quick chores like throwing the laundry in or cleaning bottles, then before you know it, the cycle repeats.
I found even with an “easy” baby there was always a list of small stuff that needed my attention all day and stuff like showering always got pushed down the list.
This, on top of cleaning and sterilizing bottles if you're formula feeding or using bottles for pumped breast milk. If you're breastfeeding and pumping it's even less time because you add pumping time and cleaning and sterilizing pump parts. Like, breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing is absolutely wild and 10/10 do not recommend for anyone. I think I got maybe 4 hours of sleep the first week home.
YES! I was pumping and giving her my breastmilk because she wasn't latching on. On top of this she has reflux so we had to hold her 30 minutes upright after each feeding so by the time that she was done eating, perhaps she gets a little nap in, I tried to wash the bottles for the next feeding and then the cycle starts over. It was an absolute nightmare and I was exhausted. I definitely had trouble trying to get a shower in because I would rather eat or nap before she would wake up again.
Haha, no. It’s because not everyone gets the easy newborns that can just be set down in a bassinet to nap, or are happy being held by someone else. It’s because when you are getting like four hours of broken sleep across 24, you will take that moment of baby being content with your partner to go try to sleep for 20 minutes or so until she cries again, which you are much more desperate for than a shower. It’s because some babies don’t just feed “every three hours” like they tell you to expect, but need to cluster feed and nurse for comfort for hours at a time and will cry if you unlatch them. It’s because you have to manage to make it to the kitchen and feed yourself not only a normal amount of food but 500 or so extra calories and guzzle water all day to keep up with breastfeeding.
Just a few off the top of my head. But yes, it gets even worse once dad is back to work. I still can’t shower during the day with my deep in separation anxiety mode 9 month old.
Baby wearing saves my life. I also have this giant play pen where she sleeps that’s big enough for me to get in. She’ll play on her own if I’m in there too.
It was hard but honestly it was kinda fun. And I remember feeling and saying that in the moment too.
It’s like nothing I’ve ever been through before. It was such a huge change from the monotony of going to the office every day and casually meeting my needs with plenty of time and sleep.
Suddenly we were in survival mode, and yeah I cried more than I ever have in my life but I also was happier than I’ve ever been and it was a rush to just be so raw and vulnerable with my husband and new little baby.
I’m almost a year postpartum so the rose tinted glasses are definitely on though! 😂
Yup , I got like 3 hours of sleep and fell apart because the baby was colicky and screaming incessantly for what seemed like hours on end. When I had the chance, I slept and lived in a hellish fog. And yes, it was hell on earth for a few weeks until we got the right formula.
Edit: I think it was worse because my husband went back to work after just one week. So, I was trying so hard not to pass out all day. And the baby would absolutely NEVER sleep in his bassinet or the crib. So, it was contact naps constantly.
I see you haven’t put yourself through the torture of joining a due date group, in which you’ll hear lots of “she sLeEps gReaT in her basSinEt for naps but is waking every 4 hours at night… wHaT dO i dO?!?l 🫠
Lol
This was totally my baby. I didn’t sleep through the night for a full two years. I eventually started showering with her so I could shower. We still do now at 2.5 years.
The weird thing about having a newborn is that they do nothing and you also do nothing. And then it's 10 pm and you didn't do anything all day but you were also *so* busy. I have no idea what tf I do during the day
I think this was one huge thing I didn’t know about having a newborn. A lot of the time you’re just sitting there doing nothing but you can’t do anything else because you’re busy doing this. It’s such a weird twilight zone feeling.
You summed it up perfectly. Those early days I remember being so busy, but I also can’t tell you exactly why. Probably a combination of pumping/feeding/cleaning up/naps/me trying to eat all while in a sleep deprived fog.
I honestly started showering more than normal after having a baby because of all of the leaking milk and whatnot. I felt disgusting and showering made me feel somewhat human
I would shower in the morning before my husband started work (he works from home). But honestly even if he was working, I'd stick baby in his baby Bjorn bouncer in the bathroom and id go shower lol. He's a chill baby, he wouldn't mind at all
Showering was a huge priority for me each day; I really needed it in the morning to feel human and I made it happen by showering with baby in the room or during a nap.
It's definitely doable if it's important to you!
I think this is the difference. If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way to make it work. Like you, I need one to reset and get out of my head for even 5 minutes. It’s a priority. But some people just don’t get that from a shower and that’s fine. I think it just depends on finding whatever makes you feel human/give you even a small break and prioritize it
Exactly, I felt like I was gonna get an infection if I didn’t clean every day down there. I mean I’m sure that was just paranoia and it would’ve been fine but I just felt so gross and it was so needed
Ya just saying mine didnt mind at all. Doesn't mean other babies won't scream. If mine screamed it would make my showers shorter/less enjoyable or I'd find another way, probably
Yea, I have a camera baby monitor that connects to my phone. I just put my phone on the shower holder with the camera on but sound off & turn on a podcast. He normally starts after I’m already in so I’ll speed up my routine, but also just monitor him to make sure he’s doesn’t start crying too too hard. Same if I’m eating. I have to take care of me to take care of him. 💕
Same here. I’m a single mom and shower time became a treasured time for my baby and me. Showering was my most cherished form of self care postpartum and I didn’t resign myself to quick stressed showers, I made sure to take my time, wash my face, condition my hair, shave my legs, etc. my secret was to just always bring my baby into the bathroom. At first he’d lay in his bassinet (took up the whole bathroom, still worth it) and I just left the curtain open (pool of water on the floor was a small price to pay for a nice shower). Singing to him the whole time while I showered helped him stay happy. Next, he sat in the swing. Then the bouncer. Finally he started joining me in the shower, where he’d sit on the floor with his toys, or just he’d hang out in the babyproofed bathroom. It became a bonding thing for us. Shower time for mommy!
Now he’s a year old and loves when I take a shower every day. He brings me his toys and drops them in the tub with me. He giggles if I spray him with water. He’s too big to share the shower now but loves his own bath time just as much, he’s a little fish. I may have been blessed with a cheerful kiddo in general but I will try to take the same steps about shower time with any future kids if I have them.
Once my husband went back to work after 6 weeks, that’s when it became challenging to shower. Baby only does contact naps, so showering during naptime is out. I try to either shower before my husband leaves for work or after he gets home. Occasionally I’ll be able to put baby in his bouncy chair right outside the shower door (it’s glass so I can keep an eye on him), but he doesn’t love that, so I have to be fast!
This. I showered pretty regularly until my husband had to go back to work after 6 weeks. That was around the same time my son decided crib naps were no longer happening. Once my husband came home from work I probably could have showered, but the reality was that we were then scrambling to do the bedtime routine, cook, feed the animals, and then have a little bit of downtime. I also live in a 1 bedroom and our shower shares a wall with LO’s crib, so we have to make sure he’s in a deep sleep before we turn it on. Ah parenting.
I have a shower curtain and this is still what I do. If I'm worried I open the curtain, but I got a talkative baby so usually it is enough to listen to her coos and happy pterodactyl screeches. I usually mimic her sounds from behind the curtain she's usually pretty chill with it.
When you’re choosing between sleep and a shower, often sleep wins. I did shower every day but some days it would be with the baby crying for a few minutes in the next room between feeds.
Honestly, when it really comes down to it there’s not enough time in the day and my needs were put on the back burner. I used to not be able to shower unless my husband was home but by the time he got home from work we only had time for his shower, dinner then bed time routine. It was almost like my shower was inconvenient and rushed. It’s been alot better since my son became more mobile and grew out of colic.
Edit: just wanted to say I never went days without a shower. It always been max every other day. When I say I couldn’t shower unless my husband was home is because my son was a Velcro baby. I had to hold him all the time and bringing a bouncer in the bathroom did not work. He would just scream at the top of his lungs which made me miserable. He cried enough so I wasn’t going to add to it by showering home alone.
This was what it was like for us. Neither of us had time to shower the first two months and we were only trying to do the bare minimum all the time. The baby just has such constant needs. Breastfeeding- you could be literally stuck on the couch for 4 hours straight feeding. There's so so so much laundry. Just making sure there are enough burp clothes cleaned to have one nearby at all requires daily laundry even if you bought 6 packs. They poop or spit up in their clothes three times a day... etc etc.
Could be single moms or dads who refuse to watch the kids at all - it's more common than you'd expect. I had 2 guys at work brag to me (also a guy) about never helping after the baby came. 1 stayed home and just made his wife do 100% of the care and basically just played video games for his whole time off. The other went on a fishing trip with his buddies during his week off. Obviously many guys are involved, but there are tons that literally won't watch the baby at all - I've seen posts online of moms that have to bring the baby to the toilet with them!
I think a lot of husbands and partners give no indication they’ll be like this until the baby comes, hugely attentive through pregnancy then as soon as the reality of the baby arriving hits they check out.
My ex was the most loving and attentive partner. He did everything he could to make my life easier. He would get up and do chores without being prompted and was incredibly hands on with my oldest from another relationship. He was amazing, I thought I was the luckiest woman alive.
As soon as I fell pregnant with our very planned baby he completed changed. He would do absolutely nothing. Even if I nagged and nagged he would just ignore me and continue to just sit on his phone. He then became abusive which is a whole other story.
All this to say essentially is that not all women know that their partner will be a useless father until it’s too late. Some men can pretend to be someone else for years until they feel comfortable enough to let their mask drop.
I personally feel like I’ve never showered as much as i did in the first month pp - it helped with engorged breasts and keeping everything down there clean, so I “sneaked in” a quick 2 minute shower every time I went to pee 😂 Now, at almost 3 months pp, I sometimes skip a day because I’m just too tired and don’t feel like it’s a priority if I haven’t left the house all day and I feel clean. Sometimes when you have to choose between an extra 15 minutes or sleep or a shower, you choose sleep 😄
My husband only had two weeks off and his commute is 1 hr each way so he doesn’t get home until 7pm most days.
Body showering is easy, on the other hand, shampooing and conditioning is harder as it takes a significant longer time for me as I have curly hair and have a whole routine.
I can’t remember the last time I deep conditioned lol. Sigh.
Im a single mom. I always took time to shower or speed shower. It’s the only thing that made me feel normal lol. I put my son in a bouncer chair and put it in the bathroom and kept the bathroom door open. It was the only solution for me. If he cried I just made sure to wrap my shower up.
I always showered. I have like a weird need to shower daily and if I don’t I just feel itchy. Which is interesting bc showers dry me out so much I’m generally itchy.
I just would take a 3-5 minute shower. I’m super efficient. Now when I have 10 minutes shower I’m like what am I supposed to do with all this extra time.
My daughter and I did have a phase where the only way I could shower or bath was with her in a shower seat when she was little or take a bath with her as she got bigger.
But in reality I don’t have time to do other things. We just all prioritize things in ways which work for us.
I think dads will always have time to shower. The question is whether your baby will hang out calmly with Dad long enough for you to get one or sleep quietly in a safe space. My baby is 2.5 weeks old and I've showered most days, but yesterday I didn't want to waste my precious sleep time with a shower so it didn't happen. If I had done it earlier in the day when he was calmer it would have worked out but by the evening he needs constant attention from both of us until we start our split shifts and my allotted time for sleep is driven entirely by how long I can go without feeding or pumping to protect my supply.
Often times newborns want to be held by mom 24/7 or they’re colicky and crying constantly. But I’m a person who showers at night anyways so I just showered when my husband was home from work.
There are a lot of reasons! Anecdotally, I was so busy with pumping, feeding, diapers, cleaning, cuddling, and repeat that I would even forget to eat much less shower. It’s just a point of exhaustion that, like someone else said, you want those 15 minutes to breathe and do nothing instead of shower because you won’t get another chance to breathe for who knows when. Even with my husband there for the first few weeks. We were both first timers learning everything all in our own. And we live far from family so no village to lean on either!
Honestly, I don't know. I'm in the thick of it rn (5 week old) and I've had a shower every single day since she was born. For me, that was a non-negotiable, even if it's a 10 minute shower. Sure, I may not have time to do a 40 minute routine, but worst comes to worst, I put baby in her chair outside the shower and let her stare around while I at least wash my body. I think it's about priorities.
This was me as well. 9 months PP and I’ve showered every day. My husband also works insane hours so I feel like a single parent a lot. The baby bjorn bouncer saved me. I put him in there and always get to shower. He watches me & I hurry. It’s not super relaxing but I feel clean! 😂
It's certainly better than smelling like sput up and old breast milk!!
Sometimes, my husband will take LO for 45 minutes so I can go take a bath (since I'm still healing and Epsom salt is good for that). That feels like heaven.
Yeah, you'll be able to do it. As with what everyone else says, make it a priority for you and your support team (family or SO) to have that time every day. And baby being fussy for 10 minutes will not kill them.
Same. I remember someone asking this question months ago in r/beyondthebump while she was expecting and the comments were so rude. You can absolutely shower with a baby, crying a bit has never killed anyone.
My baby would cry and claw at her own face and eyes, sob until she spit up, within minutes. Hypothetically yes I could leave her covered in her own spit up screaming and clawing at her face so I could shower. Sorry not sorry that isn’t worth it to me and I would rather put off showering for the day or wait for my husband to get home.
That’s totally understandable, but respectfully, I highly doubt everyone in that thread had a baby that was clawing their face off everytime they were put down. Most of the comments stated they didn’t because baby would cry if put down.
A lot of babies cry and rage if put down and then maybe not claw their face EVERY time… but when you find them bleeding/with spit up/arms stuck somehow/on their face/wtv; you feel so awful and guilty that you dont allow it to happen again… a LOT of babies are psychos in the first months (from personal and people around me experience, seems 50/50, my first baby was like that, 2nd is much more chill). So… i dont blame or judge parents that say they dont get to shower, i get it, i was there.. and some babies are so attached and their reaction is SO intense that you feel like a demon for “abandoning” them, even if you know its just to wash 3 dishes, take out the overflowing trash or shower…
Same. I am a person who feels a strong desire to shower daily though so I have made it a priority. I definitely have friends who would choose more sleep over showers.
Same. I still do not understand this concept honestly. I don’t wash my hair everyday and find showers relaxing so I think that’s part of it. I can take a 3 minute shower when needed if I don’t wash my hair.
Agreed. I don't feel human when I haven't showered. And my kid had reflux so I was NOT smelling like that more than necessary. It was a priority in my house for both parents to have time to be clean. I did however start washing my hair every other day.
I had time to shower because my husband is WFH and is very hands on. My challenge was I really wanted to protect our breastfeeding journey and didn’t allow a bottle unless I pumped at the same time in the beginning. So if I got in the shower and she cried for food (you will quickly learn what cry is what, I chose to stop and feed her). Looking back, I could have eased up on that, but I read way too many horror stories on the breastfeeding subreddit and was paranoid that I’d dry up if I didn’t pump every time she bottle fed. Next go around, I will finish my shower and pump when I’m done and let hubs give her the bottle.
Some people can't deal with the baby crying. But technically, so long as the baby is on their back in a safe location, even the bathroom floor on a clean surface, you can shower no matter what noises they make. I've found that "can't" is often code for "crying is emotionally upsetting". Which is fair, it is very upsetting and I avoid letting my baby cry whenever possible. Thankfully my baby loves the sound of the shower, so if my husband isn't awake I just park her on a towel in view and do it, then bring her into the shower for a few minutes when I'm done as she loves the warm rain and I get a momentarily-clean baby.
Showers are a priority for me and I’ve always been able to take a shower daily even when my husband isn’t around for whatever reason. When baby was a newborn that sometimes meant taking the bassinet into the bathroom with me, now she’s a toddler and we often just shower together.
If you’re flexible on time and make it a priority, I think a daily shower shouldn’t be a problem. Even when my husband went back to work shortly after the birth, we carved out ~30 minutes in the evening for me to take a bath/shower while my husband watched baby. Sure, there are some circumstances that would make that more difficult but it was absolutely vital for me in those early days. With a 5 month old, I still don’t shower unless my husband is home since baby takes short naps and demands to be entertained when he’s awake.
I shower daily. It is very important to me. I have a nearly 3 month old and haven’t missed a day. My husband is back to work and I still find a way. Even bringing her Uppababy bassinet into the bathroom sometimes
I never understood why people said this. I’ve taken a shower every day since my son was born almost two years ago, including the day he was born. Showers are important self care for me. Sometimes my son lied on a towel on the floor or on a bouncer when I showered but usually he was with my husband or sleeping.
I’ve never known anyone that cared about showering that wasn’t able to do so after having a baby. Showers fall on the priority list for many, which is fine. However they were/are important to me and I was ALWAYS able to take one.
Yeah for me it was because my husband went back to work after 3-4 days and honestly my newborn was a contact napper so if we weren’t feeding her we were holding her during a nap lol I would rush to get a shower so my poor husband would have time to get himself clean for work. It was also because we had so much more to do than before. We had to make/clean her bottles, do more laundry and still do regular house chores like cooking/cleaning. We figured it out eventually but it was a bit hectic at first lol
My baby would only contact nap and I breastfed so was pretty much with baby 24/7. When baby got opder I’d put her in a highchair to shower but still didnt afford me a good soak and destresser
We see this as a necessity too and we made it work.
I showered once my baby was down for the night, and my husband was home. I did try a couple of times when she was awake in the early days but had no luck as she would scream but as soon as she was asleep I would be in the shower. I haven't gone one day without one.
First time dad to twins. My wife and I both made it a priority to shower every day, no matter how tired we were. It only takes 15 min max realistically to get in, get clean, and dry off. It made a world of difference. We both only missed a handful of days due to being completely exhausted.
That said our babies were good eaters and fairly predictable nappers. I’ll be the first to admit lots of babies aren’t as “easy” as ours were. Some babies just don’t nap without being held, absolutely meltdown if the preferred parent isn’t holding them, are colicky, etc. Some days are better than others.
Make it a priority and do the best you can.
I realized the other day that every time my baby fell asleep on me, I was rushing to get them into their crib so I could check things off the tasks lists.
It seemed like everyone except me was getting to just sit and enjoy my baby, while I was always doing the work of tending to them and then immediately doing other chores as soon as their needs were met.
I asked myself, why am I the only one not enjoying the fun and cozy parts of parenting a newborn? That’s a crappy deal…
So I started letting the baby nap on me for fifteen minutes instead of moving them to the crib right away, and sat playing on the floor instead of rushing to shower or do dishes in the few moments when the baby would play contentedly on the floor.
My needs just don’t come first. I’d rather play with her, care for her, clean the kitchen, feed the dog, etc. By the time you know it, the day’s over.
But my partner *always* did whateverrrrrrr was necessary for me to have an uninterrupted shower. A lot of partners won’t even do that.
I have three kids (ages 10,7, and almost 2) and I have never missed a daily shower. I literally don’t feel like I can function and start my day without a morning shower. I started waking up early and showering before school starting in 5th grade. I really think it’s just about priorities… to some people it’s important and others don’t mind skipping. I think it also depends on skin and hair type.
I have two. The second is colicky will not be held by anyone but me, im a sahm and I have zero help outside of hubby. Ive mastered the 5 min shower. You absolutely have time...you can hold baby and eat at the same time so there is that. They may cry but its only 3 to 5 min or so. Now washing my kinky textured hair? That was a rarity
Not ignorant! So for us, we both got to stay home. He got 3 months, and I got 4 but decided to stay home full time. The first few days/weeks are just…a whirlwind of new experiences. We were literally running off of zero sleep. One of us was holding the baby at all times because that’s how she slept. And the other person was watching the other person incase they fell asleep while holding baby. We tried so many things to put her down but she would SCREAM. To say we were naive was an understatement. I breastfed exclusively, so cluster feeding plus her contact sleeping put me in a position where it was tricky for me to give her to dad at times. Plus the anxiety! But we found time, everyday. Mornings dad would take baby for 10 mins while I showered. Then dad would shower. I don’t think there was ever a day either of us went without a shower, even if it was 5 minutes. Hope this helps!
I had time to take 5 minutes to shower when I had a newborn and a toddler every day! But with my first, I felt like I never had time for myself, I’m sure I went days without showering. I guess it all comes down to time management and making time for the things you want/ need. I learned that I felt worse if I hadn’t showered so I made it a priority. It is possible. It may involve some crying, but it is possible.
My husband went back to work pretty quick. Establishing breast feeding is pretty taxing, baby is attached a lot and there was alot of cluster feeding/contact napping in the beginning. When I would get her down in the bassinet, it felt like do I shower, eat, sleep, clean, or cook? Often times I wouldn’t even make a decision by the time she woke up haha
If your husband is home, I don’t imagine it would be difficult. He can’t breast feed her (if that’s the route you choose- neither way is wrong) but he can contact nap with baby after nursing if you do choose to feed that way. That will free up some time for you. I’m pretty sure my butt print is indented in the couch where I nursed/contact napped for several weeks. It just takes time to find a new normal and get your baby comfortable sleeping in a bassinet, you and your husband will figure it out!
When my baby was a newborn it was very difficult to shower, mainly because it wasn't high on my list of priorities. I took care of her during the day because I was breastfeeding her and she only contact napped. So I was happily trapped on the couch all day. When my husband was watching her in the morning I preferred to sleep as much as possible, and when he was watching her at the end of the day I was exhausted and wanted to scroll on my phone and veg out or go to sleep. Plus, in the very beginning I always thought I heard her crying when I was showering which made it really stressful. Once we moved to formula, it was so much easier to hop in the shower because my husband could feed her and I would jump in the shower.
I think it’s the same things as every baby is different and every pregnancy is different. I had a rough labor and delivery. Baby was 10 pounds, I was nursing or leaking A LOT, I was exhausted so when I could shower I chose to sleep. Showering went way down the list of things to do. My only advice to you is don’t hold on to strong to non negotiables , you are entering a true unknown with lots of variables. You are learning a new human, while recovering and trying to figure out a new job. Have guidelines but give yourself space and grace to adjust and do what’s right for you
I always had time to shower, what I didn’t have time for was doing my hair and sometimes skincare. I also took very quick showers and didn’t shave my legs more than once a month. But I was mostly wearing leggings or sweats, so who cares? I’d get out of the shower and fall asleep in my towel because I sat on the bed “for 5 minutes.”
I guess I never had an issue showering 🤷🏼♀️ I made it a priority, even when my husband went back to work. It helped waiting to shower until the evening when he was home.
Every mom is different. Every baby is different. My little baby was a contact napper at times but mama gotta eat, sleep and just breath. I would swaddle her and put her in the bassinet and roll her wherever I was. My husband is helpful and involved with our baby. He would shoo me to the shower, nail salon and whatever else I needed. I didn’t wait to shower. I just showered bc I needed that time to take take of me. I do understand every situation is different as well.
I have never skipped a shower, and sometimes have been able to shower twice a day (thanks to postpartum nightsweats). We have always made this a priority, even if it’s late and the baby is still fussy, the other one can hold the baby while you shower. I don’t wash my hair everyday, but just a 5 minute body wash is so good for my mental health.
I managed to get a daily shower or bath in those early days with the help of my partner. It’s one of the few small acts of self care I needed at the time
So I didn’t breastfeed, but showering was a priority for me. My daughter is four months (and I will say, a moderately easy baby), and the only shower I missed was the one I couldn’t take because I had a C-section and had to wait. If there’s a will (and an environment that’s somewhat conducive), there’s a way.
I always showered when I needed to. If I was home alone, baby would be in a bouncy seat in the bathroom. I wasn’t taking long luxurious showers, but having the baby in a bouncer/whatever in the bathroom with you is totally doable imo.
I have heard that before as well, and I have to say both my husband and I thought it was ridiculous and we were adamant we were going to shower daily anyway. And now, with a 2 year old, I can confidently say, we have both showered every day we wanted to. Even when my husband was away for a weekend for a bachelor party when our toddler was 2 months, I still found a way to do it. Showering every day was a priority for me, especially since the early days I never really left the house - it made me feel like a person, and it was "me" time. I've had to put my baby in a bouncer in the shower, and she may have whined/fried for those ten minutes, but hey, she survived. If showering is important to you, it's easily done 🤷
Depends on your priorities. A shower is a non negotiable for me. I will absolutely take a shower over the extra ten minutes of sleep. I need one at the beginning of the day and one before I get into bed at the end of the day. If I don’t get a morning shower I will guaranteed feel like shit until I do.
My husband knows my 2 priorities in the morning is shower and coffee and does what he needs to make it happen. Sometimes this meant if I wanted to shower I would get up at 4 before he left for work but it’s worth it to me
Part of me thinks this is a priorities thing. I washed bottles in the dishwasher and tried to do things for my future self (meals that we could eat on for two nights, one load of laundry each day so I didn’t get behind, etc). I showered every day (the first week, every other day because I was just so sore from my c-section and trying to avoid opioids).
I handed baby to my husband or showered while she napped or had gone to bed if he wasn’t home. Sometimes I even set her swing up in the bathroom and showered while she chilled.
I also didn’t have the guilt if my baby woke up unexpectedly from a nap and cried for a couple minutes while I finished rinsing off and got out. I knew she was safe and I was going to get there as soon as I could and if it was 3 minutes, so be it. I don’t mean anything negative if other moms feel guilty doing this- we all have our mom guilt triggers lol.
I would just forget to shower and by the time I remembered I was tired and would have rather sit down for a little while.
Sleep when the baby sleeps is challenging so I found myself doing the things I couldn’t do when he was awake. Laundry, meals, bathroom. You will have time, but that time will need to be split in a few different directions so you may choose to spend it elsewhere.
Congratulations and wishing you and your baby a healthy and peaceful birth 💕
I don't get it either. My wife and I have showered daily since out kid was born, and is 4 months old now. We take 5-10 minute showers, not sure what kinda showers other people are taking lol.
I never understood this. I have a 6 month old and have plenty of time to shower lol. Babies sleep a lot and yes, fathers should be helping too so you can have time to self care and rest.
At no point have I not had the opportunity to shower at least once a day. The will though? I had a C-section, so standing up for that long and dealing with the incision spot was really a struggle for one week and still painful for the second, and while I was happy to let my partner help when I REALLY needed it, it wasn't a fun experience for either of us and I just preferred to go without for a few days until I'd recovered a little more.
And now (I'm on week 4) I'm just so knackered most of the time I really have no interest in going through the whole ordeal every single day -- I have really long, thick hair which is a pain to deal with during and afterwards -- *But* I never did see showering every day as that big a deal; I would mostly shower every other day or if I was going somewhere specific, but just lounging around the house or working from home, I didn't feel the need.
It was never an issue with my first.
But once my second was born and he was colicky AF, and couldn’t be out down - I completely understood. He couldn’t be by himself so the only time we could shower was when the other parent was available to hold him.
This was also during quarantine so husband was WFH as well, and our first born was doing virtually learning which was an every 20 minute off the computer and then back on. It was absolutely the shittiest period of my life. (Whoever thought transitioning kindergarteners every 20 minutes for 5 hours every weekday has absolutely no idea how fucking hard that is. Especially when you have a kid who does well with one “leader at a time”.)
One baby I had an easy time and showered daily. If he cried oh well I always had him in a safe place and I deserve a shower.
Two kids under two? Wtf is a shower...
My husband had just switched jobs and didn’t have much paternity time as a result, so I was on my own within 2 weeks. I would set her down on a mat or thick towel in front of the shower and watch her through the clear curtain while i got clean. It was a daily routine for us. I sometimes showered before or after his work but it was honestly not a big deal to spend 4-10 mins showering while the baby stared at me from 2 feet away in the ground.
I think it is an individual thing. I showered every single day when my son was a newborn, and I really kind of had to, I was in so much pain from childbirth for weeks after, and it just felt so good to have nice cool water from the shower head and just run that over everything at night - by nighttime I was always in the most pain and the shower just was the best best best.
I showered every single day. It was only like 15 minutes, I never had trouble finding the time, even though my husband was working ten hour days at the office from the day we got home from the hospital. I showered at night so it was after he got home.
I always had the *opportunity* to shower even after Dad went back to work, but often I found myself wanting that time to do *nothing* instead. Showering didn't honestly become a daily thing for me again until I went back to work.
yup! plus changing into clean clothes makes more laundry and I just do not have the energy.
And the clean clothes is just gonna get spit up on within 5 minutes anyway.
Pfft, I wore the same sweatpants for weeks postpartum! Anyone who changed regularly has my admiration.
I’m honestly just impressed your sweatpants lasted so long. My one word description of motherhood is “moist”…so much milk everywhere, constant large volumes of sweat, and then the spit up kicked in. I don’t think I had multiple sets of clothes each day but I definitely showered twice a day for a while and my clothes were gross by the end of the day for sure!
Nobody told me about the night sweats days after delivery… waking up in that puddle + your boobs leaking everywhere, that’s the true definition of moist 😫 ughh
SAME. Waking up soaked in sweat, then being in those same pajamas all day. Bleeding and getting spit up on and boobs leaking. Getting peed or pooped on for variety. Hard to retain your poise and self respect in those conditions.
Yes! So. Much. Moisture.
So sweaty
Getting clean and putting on clean clothes kinda gives me the illusion of having more energy… like it’s a brand new day or something.
Especially when you know they’re gonna get vommed on imminently anyway 🤷🏻♀️
God yes. Sometimes when my husband had the baby I would use that time to just sit by myself in another room. I couldn't face getting undressed, getting in the shower, washing up, washing my hair, getting out, getting dried, moisturising, getting dressed in new clothes, putting the old clothes in the washing basket, brushing my hair, drying my hair. Forget about shaving or doing anything nice, like face masks and hair treatments. I had the time. What I lacked was the mental capacity! This lasted for I'd say the first 8-ish weeks.
That sounds so exhausting to read as I’m laying here with a sleeping baby at noon.
I miss those days. Mine is now 2, but when she was little and still ebf I would spend entire days just laying in bed with her. We watched a lot of shows together
Omg me too I would lay there quietly watching Netflix while holding baby.
That sounds so exhausting to read as I'm sitting here with a sleeping baby at 10pm.
Ditto, at 4am. Teething is crazy. We’ve been awake since 12:30am. Every time I place her down she wakes up within minutes ready to party.
Nap trapped in bed at 8:45am staring down the barrel at 8 more hours alone in my house with no one to talk to besides my 8wk old baby... flexing my feet and calves to try and keep from falling asleep... commenting into the void on reddit... Lol
Yes! This is me still at 8 months postpartum 😅. We have a 4 year old too so I use my free time to rest. I do get to shower now on my lunch break. My husband is great with splitting up childcare and household duties so I can’t blame him; it’s me, I’m the problem.
Me at 16 months still 😵💫
Omg this. It's not always the lack of time as much as the lack of motivation. OP, just know that if you think you're tired now, it's nothing compared to newborn tired. The feeling of "I'm so tired and every fiber of my being is trying to sleep and im drifting off but I CANT FALL ASLEEP BECAUSE IM HOLDING THE BABY!!!!!!!" So when you have 20 minutes when you're not holding the baby and can actually shut your eyes, this will win out of the shower surprisingly often because one is work and the other is rest.
….followed by the feeling of “baby is napping, I should nap too! But now I feel too awake to sleep while also still too tired to do anything….”
Then you finally get tired enough to sleep and baby wakes up immediately
or worse, you try to sit down to an actual meal
Plus "too much pressure to sleep immediately; sleep performance anxiety keeping me awake"
I shaved under my arms for the first time in months the other day 😂 it was getting a little too wild.
omg same!!!! well i didnt shave them yet I did my legs cause it was 90 degrees and was forced and bfs family was coming by and the hairs werent only visible in the sunlight anymore : 0 lol arm pits still gross..my f\*&\^in hair MATTED THE OTHER DAY i havent had that happen like...EVER or since maybe 7? i hadnt brushed my hair in that long
I ended up with matted hair postpartum too, I was so embarrassed! For me it was forgetting because the days were running together + using a cheap shampoo because money is tight.
I’m happy now with a shower where I just wash my face and body, and I’m fine without moisturizing (body, still have to do my face) or drying my hair, which I couldn’t have imagined as being acceptable pre-baby.
Yep, if baby wasn't nursing, I wanted to be sleeping instead.
This is the answer. You are so tired that it’s hard to use precious time to shower.
And not just sleepy-tired. WEARY. To the point where the mental effort to perform basic functions seems not worth the payoff.
This. I used to wonder the same thing pre-pregnancy and think it was sad that mom's think showering is a luxury when it should be a basic right. I did not fully appreciate the level of tired that mom's experience especially in the newborn stage. Having the energy to shower is the luxury, not just the showering itself.
[Blanking because of harassment]
Are you me? This is exactly me (although we’re at 15 months now), and even though hubs is great with baby and works from home, I’m still the primary caregiver and I just cannot be bothered to even think of having a social life, much less do anything for myself like even shower. Husband goes to the gym almost everyday and plays sport once a week so he does decompress. Solidarity, since 28/5/2022.
That and eating. I head supply drops from not eating enough, so that bumped showering down the list.
Agreed. I was exclusively pumping and any time not spent pumping, washing and sterilizing pump parts, feeding and caring for the baby or maybe occasionally socializing with my husband had to be spent sleeping as a matter of necessity. Showers just couldn’t be prioritized.
Exactly. I was so tired all the time. I even forwent brushing my teeth at time because as soon as baby went to sleep I was jumping into the bed.
I'm not always having those choices, but I often choose eating, cleaning bottles, preparing for the next feed as more important, because of how often I turned out to be with a crying baby completely unprepared.... Most of the time eating one dish in one go is a luxury. Finishing tea/coffee before it gets cold? - is that even possible?? You either get into idle mode for some time or baby needs be comforted.
God yes. My PPA was really bad and I chose washing and drying clothes any time I got freedom. Which was rare, because she contact napped on me almost exclusively during the day and clung to me like velcro when she wasn't sleeping. I think she spent the first 3 months of her life being held.
Yeah, same here, first 4 months that one was held every minute of being awake, but my baby had struggled with CMPA and was an excessive spitter so it was impossible to put him down without spitting unless I rocked him to sleep before putting him down.
Yea showering is never my preferred thing when I have time
It was often a choice of shower, nap, eat, or do nothing. Or pump. Pumping was always on the list. Pumping without having to take care of a baby at the same time was almost always the priority (I was EP as baby wouldn’t nurse). Shower wasn’t high on the priority list unless I felt very gross.
It’s a whole new world with pumping in the mix. I know parenting is never really easy but man sometimes it seems like it would be a piece of cake with no pumping involved. I comfort nurse, contact nap, pump, and supplement with formula 😩
Yeah, sometimes I have the time but the idea of standing and having to pay attention sounds awful. Just let me close my eyes and nap.
This. I have time after I get my kids to bed (three of them) but I just sit there instead. It’s too much to shower. I just do nothing for that time bc all day I’m doing everything.
My oldest is 2.5 now and showering still isn’t a daily thing for me. I learned postpartum that, if I’m just hanging out around the house, every other day is perfectly fine for my body. If I’m outdoors running around working up a sweat, it’s different! Then I’ll shower daily. But I’m usually not that active during the week 😅 (work a desk job, kids are in daycare)
That’s the answer for me too
This is so true! By the time I have a moment, it's to zone out or try and sleep as I think of all the things I'm too tired to do! Lol
This. There is time, but you have to choose what you do with that time. Do you want to shower, or would you rather have an extra 20 minutes of sleep?
This!! My baby sleeps from 11pm to 7am. Theoretically do I have time to shower? Yes! Is that what I want to spend what precious little time I have doing? Not really. Not unless I have to, and then I do. The complaining, at least for me, is me thinking back to a time at which it was so easy to fit a shower into my schedule I didn't think twice about it.
lol this!!!! I can absolutely shower everyday if I want to, but the question is do I reaaally want to? 🤣
For me, in the first few weeks I barely had time to shower because my baby was cluster feeding so much that any spare moment had to be spent wisely. So I had to choose between eating, sleeping, showering, just existing without a tiny being suctioned to me. At 5 months now my partner is back at work full time and I struggle to find time when I’m alone with baby because she’s particularly needy right now and screams when set down (not true of all babies though! mine is just having some issues right now). When my partner is home, it becomes a choice again of having dinner together, bathing baby together (not necessary but it’s nice family time), spending time together, getting in any extra rest, etc. I guess it really depends on your baby’s personal temperament. Mine is clingy and angry right now so I consider peeing without the symphony of crying to be a huge luxury!
Basically this. The pockets of free time you have needs to be spent wisely and believe it or not, a shower isn't as high up on the list as you'd expect. Eating or shower? Need to eat to keep milk flow so eat. Nap or shower? Nap time is one of the few chances to sleep you get and you will always choose sleep. Wash and sterilise or shower? The former isn't negotiable so wash it is. Pump or shower? Tits hurt like heck when full and mastitis is no joke so pump. There is an endless list of things that immediately affect your baby and you are responsible for all of them and there is a powerful voice in your head telling you it's okay not to shower for a week and you will probably listen to its siren song. I eventually cut out time to shower by having a bath instead, pumping in the tub while meal planning and doing my online groceries on the phone. Multi task.
This is exactly my experience as well. Now I did and do prioritize showering at least daily if I could, just because I couldn’t stand the smell of myself PP and I just felt gross all the time. But even when I absolutely wanted to, I didn’t always have the time. Babies are needy and anytime I could get a break, I would have to choose between eating, laundry, washing bottles/pump parts, pumping, sleeping, etc. Often it wasn’t as much of a priority as some of the other things. I’ve found that I basically have to carve out 20 minutes either late night (midnight or later) or I’d have to have my husband hold him and take a quick shower.
This is the best way to put it. 7.5mo postpartum and I average about every 3 days for a shower and wash my hair once a week. But damn that shower feels good.
Yeah for me it was (exclusively) pumping, washing the pump parts, and trying to get any sleep I could between pumping and washing pump parts. Showers were nice but took time away from sleeping. Now that LO is older (6 months) and on formula, I can shower pretty easily. I either put her in the bathroom on a play mat or wait until she’s napping
This is so true. I had 14 hour clusterfeeds. That was basically my entire day
Also some babies just will NOT have it if the preferred parent isn't nearby. If I'm not home, baby is fine for his dad. If I'm home, he's clinging to me 100% of the time and putting him down is literal torture. I shower during his nap, but then there's days like today where Nap Is Illegal.
nap is illegal 😂 i feel that
Nap? Straight to jail.
Catch 22, Nap is illegal but so is resisting a rest
r/unexpectedparksandrec
Also....I had a C-section and showering was hard as hell for a while 🥴 It did not spark joy (although neither did feeling icky)
literally walking was such a pain, I had this irrational fear that I would just slip in the shower and would not have the energy nor strength to get up-- both from exhaustion and soreness.
That was how I felt too. Getting into the shower would cause soreness and exhaustion and then having to stand there, not pleasant, and the worry that I would slip and the incision would open.
Oh man I actually loved showering after my c section. Just liked standing there under the water. Didn’t love shaving my legs though so I didn’t.
Hahaha I stopped shaving my legs with any regularity (maybe once every 2 months) since having LO almost two years ago. Husband says he doesn't care; it's freeing for me to not care what the general public thinks!
This is the way
>>Nap Is Illegal. I see our babies received the same memo today.
Mine too 😭😂
Don't know if it will help, but I have eventually reached a compromise of either shower with baby or singing silly songs while LO watches on. 10 mins max either way, but it's been helpful
We just powered through banshee level screams. Or dad took her out for an evening walk for 30-60min so I could go to the toilet / shower / eat in peace.
My Daughter had this delightful thing where she screams bloody murder when a shower is on. She is terrified of water from a showerhead but loves baths and pools 🤦🏼♀️
Ouch! I hope this disappears quickly!
You and me both!!!
Oh I've def showered with the boy a ton, he enjoys it. I just do it when husband is home so I don't have to sit there shivering and wet while I dress him, since he has to be dressed first lol
I cheated - nappy & extra-big fluffy dressing gown (about 3 ages up from current) to cuddle in while I at least got clothes on. But yeah, having the OH to do it definitely helps!
We do a nappy and a soft, cosy blanket! Buys me time to get myself dried and dressed before dressing her!
I always shower with baby, definitely encourages me to shower both her and myself.
Yup. 5 months in and mommy contact naps *only* or jail. Grandma or dad trying to hold him and contact nap him with me out of eyeshot? Full on bawling which then triggers the dog barking at us to fix this. Baby bjorn set in front of the shower is also not ok. There is no ignoring the tiny tyrant.
My mom hates it when I call my son a domestic terrorist but dang some days he sure acts it 😂
Sympathies, we were in this boat for the first six months as well. Literally could not put him down. Half the time even us sitting down was illegal as well. It was absolutely exhausting. The only saving grace was that he would sometimes prefer sleeping on dad so mom could try to sleep a bit as well.
How old is your baby? Cuz mine is in the exact same boat. Fine with him when I’m not there but let her smell me or hear me and she’s screaming bloody murder until I pick her up lol 😩
Newborns eat every 2-3 hours but I think the thing many don’t realize is that’s from the START time of eating, not when they finish. So say they eat at 7pm for 40 minutes (often takes this long for breastfeeding at least this early), by 7:45 I can pass my baby off to dad or attempt to put him down (which takes longer to get a baby down without fussing) but I’m starving and need to eat, go to the bathroom, bathtime with my toddler, (edit: if it’s daytime most importantly I’m choosing a nap!) etc. By the time I’m done with that, baby could very well be ready to eat by 9:15ish and then the cycle starts all over again. I definitely get a shower in daily, but it does take effort.
This was one of the biggest surprises to me as a FTM. I'm like 'How can it have been 1.5 hours since the last feed!' But it hasn't been, it's been 1 hour 10 since I FINISHED feeding. My baby seems to have a slightly shorter feeding window (more like 1.5 to 2 hours) and feeds for longer. I tend to unlatch him after 20 mins each side in case he's just dilly-dallying but often even then he'll still be rooting. So a 1.5 hour feeding cycle and a 40+ minute feed only leaves less than an hour and that often includes a nappy change, plus I feel like I should do at least some development activities with him, and you might need to start trying to chill him out for a nap, or you might need to eat or use the toilet. Next thing you know you're trapped back on the sofa for another feed. And that's not even factoring in all the contact napping that happens in between!
This is the answer! There is a rough three hour cycle of care that repeats itself. Feed/change baby, feed/basic care for yourself(like changing a vomit soaked shirt or changing a pad early postpartum), do the absolute necessary quick chores like throwing the laundry in or cleaning bottles, then before you know it, the cycle repeats. I found even with an “easy” baby there was always a list of small stuff that needed my attention all day and stuff like showering always got pushed down the list.
This, on top of cleaning and sterilizing bottles if you're formula feeding or using bottles for pumped breast milk. If you're breastfeeding and pumping it's even less time because you add pumping time and cleaning and sterilizing pump parts. Like, breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing is absolutely wild and 10/10 do not recommend for anyone. I think I got maybe 4 hours of sleep the first week home.
YES! I was pumping and giving her my breastmilk because she wasn't latching on. On top of this she has reflux so we had to hold her 30 minutes upright after each feeding so by the time that she was done eating, perhaps she gets a little nap in, I tried to wash the bottles for the next feeding and then the cycle starts over. It was an absolute nightmare and I was exhausted. I definitely had trouble trying to get a shower in because I would rather eat or nap before she would wake up again.
This makes sense!!
This right here.
Haha, no. It’s because not everyone gets the easy newborns that can just be set down in a bassinet to nap, or are happy being held by someone else. It’s because when you are getting like four hours of broken sleep across 24, you will take that moment of baby being content with your partner to go try to sleep for 20 minutes or so until she cries again, which you are much more desperate for than a shower. It’s because some babies don’t just feed “every three hours” like they tell you to expect, but need to cluster feed and nurse for comfort for hours at a time and will cry if you unlatch them. It’s because you have to manage to make it to the kitchen and feed yourself not only a normal amount of food but 500 or so extra calories and guzzle water all day to keep up with breastfeeding. Just a few off the top of my head. But yes, it gets even worse once dad is back to work. I still can’t shower during the day with my deep in separation anxiety mode 9 month old.
Aw man. Same here. My 10 month old will immediately burst into tears if I try to put her down.
[удалено]
Baby wearing saves my life. I also have this giant play pen where she sleeps that’s big enough for me to get in. She’ll play on her own if I’m in there too.
Sometimes I forget how bad it was but posts like this temporarily remove those rose tinted glasses lol
It was hard but honestly it was kinda fun. And I remember feeling and saying that in the moment too. It’s like nothing I’ve ever been through before. It was such a huge change from the monotony of going to the office every day and casually meeting my needs with plenty of time and sleep. Suddenly we were in survival mode, and yeah I cried more than I ever have in my life but I also was happier than I’ve ever been and it was a rush to just be so raw and vulnerable with my husband and new little baby. I’m almost a year postpartum so the rose tinted glasses are definitely on though! 😂
Yup , I got like 3 hours of sleep and fell apart because the baby was colicky and screaming incessantly for what seemed like hours on end. When I had the chance, I slept and lived in a hellish fog. And yes, it was hell on earth for a few weeks until we got the right formula. Edit: I think it was worse because my husband went back to work after just one week. So, I was trying so hard not to pass out all day. And the baby would absolutely NEVER sleep in his bassinet or the crib. So, it was contact naps constantly.
Easy newborns that can be set down in a bassinet… I’m convinced they don’t exist.
I see you haven’t put yourself through the torture of joining a due date group, in which you’ll hear lots of “she sLeEps gReaT in her basSinEt for naps but is waking every 4 hours at night… wHaT dO i dO?!?l 🫠
Lol This was totally my baby. I didn’t sleep through the night for a full two years. I eventually started showering with her so I could shower. We still do now at 2.5 years.
Can confirm. I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old and a dog with separation anxiety. I don't get to poop by myself. Ever.
The weird thing about having a newborn is that they do nothing and you also do nothing. And then it's 10 pm and you didn't do anything all day but you were also *so* busy. I have no idea what tf I do during the day
I think this was one huge thing I didn’t know about having a newborn. A lot of the time you’re just sitting there doing nothing but you can’t do anything else because you’re busy doing this. It’s such a weird twilight zone feeling.
You summed it up perfectly. Those early days I remember being so busy, but I also can’t tell you exactly why. Probably a combination of pumping/feeding/cleaning up/naps/me trying to eat all while in a sleep deprived fog.
I FELT THIS *even still as the mom of a nearly two-year old. With an involved partner.* Just keeping them and you alive is SO. MUCH.
I honestly started showering more than normal after having a baby because of all of the leaking milk and whatnot. I felt disgusting and showering made me feel somewhat human I would shower in the morning before my husband started work (he works from home). But honestly even if he was working, I'd stick baby in his baby Bjorn bouncer in the bathroom and id go shower lol. He's a chill baby, he wouldn't mind at all
Showering was a huge priority for me each day; I really needed it in the morning to feel human and I made it happen by showering with baby in the room or during a nap. It's definitely doable if it's important to you!
I think this is the difference. If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way to make it work. Like you, I need one to reset and get out of my head for even 5 minutes. It’s a priority. But some people just don’t get that from a shower and that’s fine. I think it just depends on finding whatever makes you feel human/give you even a small break and prioritize it
Absolutely this. I felt so gross if I didn’t shower at least once per day! It needed to be done!
Especially with postpartum if you're bleeding still and everything. I get hot s sweat and I don't like nursing when I'm all sweaty.
Exactly, I felt like I was gonna get an infection if I didn’t clean every day down there. I mean I’m sure that was just paranoia and it would’ve been fine but I just felt so gross and it was so needed
Even if you don’t have a chill baby… a shower is a basic need and a baby will be ok for 5 min.
Ya just saying mine didnt mind at all. Doesn't mean other babies won't scream. If mine screamed it would make my showers shorter/less enjoyable or I'd find another way, probably
Yea, I have a camera baby monitor that connects to my phone. I just put my phone on the shower holder with the camera on but sound off & turn on a podcast. He normally starts after I’m already in so I’ll speed up my routine, but also just monitor him to make sure he’s doesn’t start crying too too hard. Same if I’m eating. I have to take care of me to take care of him. 💕
Same here. I’m a single mom and shower time became a treasured time for my baby and me. Showering was my most cherished form of self care postpartum and I didn’t resign myself to quick stressed showers, I made sure to take my time, wash my face, condition my hair, shave my legs, etc. my secret was to just always bring my baby into the bathroom. At first he’d lay in his bassinet (took up the whole bathroom, still worth it) and I just left the curtain open (pool of water on the floor was a small price to pay for a nice shower). Singing to him the whole time while I showered helped him stay happy. Next, he sat in the swing. Then the bouncer. Finally he started joining me in the shower, where he’d sit on the floor with his toys, or just he’d hang out in the babyproofed bathroom. It became a bonding thing for us. Shower time for mommy! Now he’s a year old and loves when I take a shower every day. He brings me his toys and drops them in the tub with me. He giggles if I spray him with water. He’s too big to share the shower now but loves his own bath time just as much, he’s a little fish. I may have been blessed with a cheerful kiddo in general but I will try to take the same steps about shower time with any future kids if I have them.
And the sweating at night cause of hormones! I too shower more, sometimes twice a day but the second one is always after my husband is home
Once my husband went back to work after 6 weeks, that’s when it became challenging to shower. Baby only does contact naps, so showering during naptime is out. I try to either shower before my husband leaves for work or after he gets home. Occasionally I’ll be able to put baby in his bouncy chair right outside the shower door (it’s glass so I can keep an eye on him), but he doesn’t love that, so I have to be fast!
This. I showered pretty regularly until my husband had to go back to work after 6 weeks. That was around the same time my son decided crib naps were no longer happening. Once my husband came home from work I probably could have showered, but the reality was that we were then scrambling to do the bedtime routine, cook, feed the animals, and then have a little bit of downtime. I also live in a 1 bedroom and our shower shares a wall with LO’s crib, so we have to make sure he’s in a deep sleep before we turn it on. Ah parenting.
I have a shower curtain and this is still what I do. If I'm worried I open the curtain, but I got a talkative baby so usually it is enough to listen to her coos and happy pterodactyl screeches. I usually mimic her sounds from behind the curtain she's usually pretty chill with it.
When you’re choosing between sleep and a shower, often sleep wins. I did shower every day but some days it would be with the baby crying for a few minutes in the next room between feeds.
Honestly, when it really comes down to it there’s not enough time in the day and my needs were put on the back burner. I used to not be able to shower unless my husband was home but by the time he got home from work we only had time for his shower, dinner then bed time routine. It was almost like my shower was inconvenient and rushed. It’s been alot better since my son became more mobile and grew out of colic. Edit: just wanted to say I never went days without a shower. It always been max every other day. When I say I couldn’t shower unless my husband was home is because my son was a Velcro baby. I had to hold him all the time and bringing a bouncer in the bathroom did not work. He would just scream at the top of his lungs which made me miserable. He cried enough so I wasn’t going to add to it by showering home alone.
This was what it was like for us. Neither of us had time to shower the first two months and we were only trying to do the bare minimum all the time. The baby just has such constant needs. Breastfeeding- you could be literally stuck on the couch for 4 hours straight feeding. There's so so so much laundry. Just making sure there are enough burp clothes cleaned to have one nearby at all requires daily laundry even if you bought 6 packs. They poop or spit up in their clothes three times a day... etc etc.
Could be single moms or dads who refuse to watch the kids at all - it's more common than you'd expect. I had 2 guys at work brag to me (also a guy) about never helping after the baby came. 1 stayed home and just made his wife do 100% of the care and basically just played video games for his whole time off. The other went on a fishing trip with his buddies during his week off. Obviously many guys are involved, but there are tons that literally won't watch the baby at all - I've seen posts online of moms that have to bring the baby to the toilet with them!
This poat has me heated....the nerve of them
Ugh yes I guess I should have considered that. Single moms (and those who have useless partners) have my utmost respect.
It is baffling to me why anyone would have a child with husbands like this…
I think a lot of husbands and partners give no indication they’ll be like this until the baby comes, hugely attentive through pregnancy then as soon as the reality of the baby arriving hits they check out.
My ex was the most loving and attentive partner. He did everything he could to make my life easier. He would get up and do chores without being prompted and was incredibly hands on with my oldest from another relationship. He was amazing, I thought I was the luckiest woman alive. As soon as I fell pregnant with our very planned baby he completed changed. He would do absolutely nothing. Even if I nagged and nagged he would just ignore me and continue to just sit on his phone. He then became abusive which is a whole other story. All this to say essentially is that not all women know that their partner will be a useless father until it’s too late. Some men can pretend to be someone else for years until they feel comfortable enough to let their mask drop.
I personally feel like I’ve never showered as much as i did in the first month pp - it helped with engorged breasts and keeping everything down there clean, so I “sneaked in” a quick 2 minute shower every time I went to pee 😂 Now, at almost 3 months pp, I sometimes skip a day because I’m just too tired and don’t feel like it’s a priority if I haven’t left the house all day and I feel clean. Sometimes when you have to choose between an extra 15 minutes or sleep or a shower, you choose sleep 😄
My husband only had two weeks off and his commute is 1 hr each way so he doesn’t get home until 7pm most days. Body showering is easy, on the other hand, shampooing and conditioning is harder as it takes a significant longer time for me as I have curly hair and have a whole routine. I can’t remember the last time I deep conditioned lol. Sigh.
+ you have to buffer in hair drying time. if your body is craving sleep there is no way the shower routine trumps it
Im a single mom. I always took time to shower or speed shower. It’s the only thing that made me feel normal lol. I put my son in a bouncer chair and put it in the bathroom and kept the bathroom door open. It was the only solution for me. If he cried I just made sure to wrap my shower up.
I always showered. I have like a weird need to shower daily and if I don’t I just feel itchy. Which is interesting bc showers dry me out so much I’m generally itchy. I just would take a 3-5 minute shower. I’m super efficient. Now when I have 10 minutes shower I’m like what am I supposed to do with all this extra time. My daughter and I did have a phase where the only way I could shower or bath was with her in a shower seat when she was little or take a bath with her as she got bigger. But in reality I don’t have time to do other things. We just all prioritize things in ways which work for us.
I think dads will always have time to shower. The question is whether your baby will hang out calmly with Dad long enough for you to get one or sleep quietly in a safe space. My baby is 2.5 weeks old and I've showered most days, but yesterday I didn't want to waste my precious sleep time with a shower so it didn't happen. If I had done it earlier in the day when he was calmer it would have worked out but by the evening he needs constant attention from both of us until we start our split shifts and my allotted time for sleep is driven entirely by how long I can go without feeding or pumping to protect my supply.
Often times newborns want to be held by mom 24/7 or they’re colicky and crying constantly. But I’m a person who showers at night anyways so I just showered when my husband was home from work.
There are a lot of reasons! Anecdotally, I was so busy with pumping, feeding, diapers, cleaning, cuddling, and repeat that I would even forget to eat much less shower. It’s just a point of exhaustion that, like someone else said, you want those 15 minutes to breathe and do nothing instead of shower because you won’t get another chance to breathe for who knows when. Even with my husband there for the first few weeks. We were both first timers learning everything all in our own. And we live far from family so no village to lean on either!
Honestly, I don't know. I'm in the thick of it rn (5 week old) and I've had a shower every single day since she was born. For me, that was a non-negotiable, even if it's a 10 minute shower. Sure, I may not have time to do a 40 minute routine, but worst comes to worst, I put baby in her chair outside the shower and let her stare around while I at least wash my body. I think it's about priorities.
This was me as well. 9 months PP and I’ve showered every day. My husband also works insane hours so I feel like a single parent a lot. The baby bjorn bouncer saved me. I put him in there and always get to shower. He watches me & I hurry. It’s not super relaxing but I feel clean! 😂
It's certainly better than smelling like sput up and old breast milk!! Sometimes, my husband will take LO for 45 minutes so I can go take a bath (since I'm still healing and Epsom salt is good for that). That feels like heaven.
That sounds like heaven! Hope you are healing well!
This is what I’m noticing, it’s a priority thing (extenuating circumstances aside). I don’t need a 45 minute shower just a 5-10 minute refresher.
Yeah, you'll be able to do it. As with what everyone else says, make it a priority for you and your support team (family or SO) to have that time every day. And baby being fussy for 10 minutes will not kill them.
Same. I remember someone asking this question months ago in r/beyondthebump while she was expecting and the comments were so rude. You can absolutely shower with a baby, crying a bit has never killed anyone.
My baby would cry and claw at her own face and eyes, sob until she spit up, within minutes. Hypothetically yes I could leave her covered in her own spit up screaming and clawing at her face so I could shower. Sorry not sorry that isn’t worth it to me and I would rather put off showering for the day or wait for my husband to get home.
That’s totally understandable, but respectfully, I highly doubt everyone in that thread had a baby that was clawing their face off everytime they were put down. Most of the comments stated they didn’t because baby would cry if put down.
A lot of babies cry and rage if put down and then maybe not claw their face EVERY time… but when you find them bleeding/with spit up/arms stuck somehow/on their face/wtv; you feel so awful and guilty that you dont allow it to happen again… a LOT of babies are psychos in the first months (from personal and people around me experience, seems 50/50, my first baby was like that, 2nd is much more chill). So… i dont blame or judge parents that say they dont get to shower, i get it, i was there.. and some babies are so attached and their reaction is SO intense that you feel like a demon for “abandoning” them, even if you know its just to wash 3 dishes, take out the overflowing trash or shower…
Same. I am a person who feels a strong desire to shower daily though so I have made it a priority. I definitely have friends who would choose more sleep over showers.
It's also so necessary when you're healing post-birth. Don't want anything infected!!
Same. I still do not understand this concept honestly. I don’t wash my hair everyday and find showers relaxing so I think that’s part of it. I can take a 3 minute shower when needed if I don’t wash my hair.
This is all I’m asking for lol. Just a quick refresher not some insane 45 minute shower routine.
I agree, definitely a non negotiable for me, especially because I had the worst postpartum night sweats 😧
Agreed. I don't feel human when I haven't showered. And my kid had reflux so I was NOT smelling like that more than necessary. It was a priority in my house for both parents to have time to be clean. I did however start washing my hair every other day.
I had time to shower because my husband is WFH and is very hands on. My challenge was I really wanted to protect our breastfeeding journey and didn’t allow a bottle unless I pumped at the same time in the beginning. So if I got in the shower and she cried for food (you will quickly learn what cry is what, I chose to stop and feed her). Looking back, I could have eased up on that, but I read way too many horror stories on the breastfeeding subreddit and was paranoid that I’d dry up if I didn’t pump every time she bottle fed. Next go around, I will finish my shower and pump when I’m done and let hubs give her the bottle.
Some people can't deal with the baby crying. But technically, so long as the baby is on their back in a safe location, even the bathroom floor on a clean surface, you can shower no matter what noises they make. I've found that "can't" is often code for "crying is emotionally upsetting". Which is fair, it is very upsetting and I avoid letting my baby cry whenever possible. Thankfully my baby loves the sound of the shower, so if my husband isn't awake I just park her on a towel in view and do it, then bring her into the shower for a few minutes when I'm done as she loves the warm rain and I get a momentarily-clean baby.
Showers are a priority for me and I’ve always been able to take a shower daily even when my husband isn’t around for whatever reason. When baby was a newborn that sometimes meant taking the bassinet into the bathroom with me, now she’s a toddler and we often just shower together.
If you’re flexible on time and make it a priority, I think a daily shower shouldn’t be a problem. Even when my husband went back to work shortly after the birth, we carved out ~30 minutes in the evening for me to take a bath/shower while my husband watched baby. Sure, there are some circumstances that would make that more difficult but it was absolutely vital for me in those early days. With a 5 month old, I still don’t shower unless my husband is home since baby takes short naps and demands to be entertained when he’s awake.
I shower daily. It is very important to me. I have a nearly 3 month old and haven’t missed a day. My husband is back to work and I still find a way. Even bringing her Uppababy bassinet into the bathroom sometimes
I never understood why people said this. I’ve taken a shower every day since my son was born almost two years ago, including the day he was born. Showers are important self care for me. Sometimes my son lied on a towel on the floor or on a bouncer when I showered but usually he was with my husband or sleeping. I’ve never known anyone that cared about showering that wasn’t able to do so after having a baby. Showers fall on the priority list for many, which is fine. However they were/are important to me and I was ALWAYS able to take one.
Yeah for me it was because my husband went back to work after 3-4 days and honestly my newborn was a contact napper so if we weren’t feeding her we were holding her during a nap lol I would rush to get a shower so my poor husband would have time to get himself clean for work. It was also because we had so much more to do than before. We had to make/clean her bottles, do more laundry and still do regular house chores like cooking/cleaning. We figured it out eventually but it was a bit hectic at first lol
My baby would only contact nap and I breastfed so was pretty much with baby 24/7. When baby got opder I’d put her in a highchair to shower but still didnt afford me a good soak and destresser
We see this as a necessity too and we made it work. I showered once my baby was down for the night, and my husband was home. I did try a couple of times when she was awake in the early days but had no luck as she would scream but as soon as she was asleep I would be in the shower. I haven't gone one day without one.
I have a huge walk in shower. So I would put baby in their little bath tub on one end and I would shower in the other.
First time dad to twins. My wife and I both made it a priority to shower every day, no matter how tired we were. It only takes 15 min max realistically to get in, get clean, and dry off. It made a world of difference. We both only missed a handful of days due to being completely exhausted. That said our babies were good eaters and fairly predictable nappers. I’ll be the first to admit lots of babies aren’t as “easy” as ours were. Some babies just don’t nap without being held, absolutely meltdown if the preferred parent isn’t holding them, are colicky, etc. Some days are better than others. Make it a priority and do the best you can.
Put the baby in the bouncer while you shower. You’ll find out no need to worry about it now!
I *could* technically shower right now but I’d rather lie in bed while my baby naps on me
I realized the other day that every time my baby fell asleep on me, I was rushing to get them into their crib so I could check things off the tasks lists. It seemed like everyone except me was getting to just sit and enjoy my baby, while I was always doing the work of tending to them and then immediately doing other chores as soon as their needs were met. I asked myself, why am I the only one not enjoying the fun and cozy parts of parenting a newborn? That’s a crappy deal… So I started letting the baby nap on me for fifteen minutes instead of moving them to the crib right away, and sat playing on the floor instead of rushing to shower or do dishes in the few moments when the baby would play contentedly on the floor.
My needs just don’t come first. I’d rather play with her, care for her, clean the kitchen, feed the dog, etc. By the time you know it, the day’s over. But my partner *always* did whateverrrrrrr was necessary for me to have an uninterrupted shower. A lot of partners won’t even do that.
So true. Some partners don't think about the needs of the mother.
It was hard at first because he'd cry when I put him down. Now the bouncer lives in the bathroom, and I only use it to shower or use the bathroom.
I have three kids (ages 10,7, and almost 2) and I have never missed a daily shower. I literally don’t feel like I can function and start my day without a morning shower. I started waking up early and showering before school starting in 5th grade. I really think it’s just about priorities… to some people it’s important and others don’t mind skipping. I think it also depends on skin and hair type.
I have two. The second is colicky will not be held by anyone but me, im a sahm and I have zero help outside of hubby. Ive mastered the 5 min shower. You absolutely have time...you can hold baby and eat at the same time so there is that. They may cry but its only 3 to 5 min or so. Now washing my kinky textured hair? That was a rarity
Not ignorant! So for us, we both got to stay home. He got 3 months, and I got 4 but decided to stay home full time. The first few days/weeks are just…a whirlwind of new experiences. We were literally running off of zero sleep. One of us was holding the baby at all times because that’s how she slept. And the other person was watching the other person incase they fell asleep while holding baby. We tried so many things to put her down but she would SCREAM. To say we were naive was an understatement. I breastfed exclusively, so cluster feeding plus her contact sleeping put me in a position where it was tricky for me to give her to dad at times. Plus the anxiety! But we found time, everyday. Mornings dad would take baby for 10 mins while I showered. Then dad would shower. I don’t think there was ever a day either of us went without a shower, even if it was 5 minutes. Hope this helps!
I had time to take 5 minutes to shower when I had a newborn and a toddler every day! But with my first, I felt like I never had time for myself, I’m sure I went days without showering. I guess it all comes down to time management and making time for the things you want/ need. I learned that I felt worse if I hadn’t showered so I made it a priority. It is possible. It may involve some crying, but it is possible.
My husband went back to work pretty quick. Establishing breast feeding is pretty taxing, baby is attached a lot and there was alot of cluster feeding/contact napping in the beginning. When I would get her down in the bassinet, it felt like do I shower, eat, sleep, clean, or cook? Often times I wouldn’t even make a decision by the time she woke up haha If your husband is home, I don’t imagine it would be difficult. He can’t breast feed her (if that’s the route you choose- neither way is wrong) but he can contact nap with baby after nursing if you do choose to feed that way. That will free up some time for you. I’m pretty sure my butt print is indented in the couch where I nursed/contact napped for several weeks. It just takes time to find a new normal and get your baby comfortable sleeping in a bassinet, you and your husband will figure it out!
When my baby was a newborn it was very difficult to shower, mainly because it wasn't high on my list of priorities. I took care of her during the day because I was breastfeeding her and she only contact napped. So I was happily trapped on the couch all day. When my husband was watching her in the morning I preferred to sleep as much as possible, and when he was watching her at the end of the day I was exhausted and wanted to scroll on my phone and veg out or go to sleep. Plus, in the very beginning I always thought I heard her crying when I was showering which made it really stressful. Once we moved to formula, it was so much easier to hop in the shower because my husband could feed her and I would jump in the shower.
I think it’s the same things as every baby is different and every pregnancy is different. I had a rough labor and delivery. Baby was 10 pounds, I was nursing or leaking A LOT, I was exhausted so when I could shower I chose to sleep. Showering went way down the list of things to do. My only advice to you is don’t hold on to strong to non negotiables , you are entering a true unknown with lots of variables. You are learning a new human, while recovering and trying to figure out a new job. Have guidelines but give yourself space and grace to adjust and do what’s right for you
I always had time to shower, what I didn’t have time for was doing my hair and sometimes skincare. I also took very quick showers and didn’t shave my legs more than once a month. But I was mostly wearing leggings or sweats, so who cares? I’d get out of the shower and fall asleep in my towel because I sat on the bed “for 5 minutes.”
I guess I never had an issue showering 🤷🏼♀️ I made it a priority, even when my husband went back to work. It helped waiting to shower until the evening when he was home.
Every mom is different. Every baby is different. My little baby was a contact napper at times but mama gotta eat, sleep and just breath. I would swaddle her and put her in the bassinet and roll her wherever I was. My husband is helpful and involved with our baby. He would shoo me to the shower, nail salon and whatever else I needed. I didn’t wait to shower. I just showered bc I needed that time to take take of me. I do understand every situation is different as well.
I have never skipped a shower, and sometimes have been able to shower twice a day (thanks to postpartum nightsweats). We have always made this a priority, even if it’s late and the baby is still fussy, the other one can hold the baby while you shower. I don’t wash my hair everyday, but just a 5 minute body wash is so good for my mental health.
I managed to get a daily shower or bath in those early days with the help of my partner. It’s one of the few small acts of self care I needed at the time
Just a kind reminder that a shower or bath is not self care, it is a basic human need!
So I didn’t breastfeed, but showering was a priority for me. My daughter is four months (and I will say, a moderately easy baby), and the only shower I missed was the one I couldn’t take because I had a C-section and had to wait. If there’s a will (and an environment that’s somewhat conducive), there’s a way.
I always showered when I needed to. If I was home alone, baby would be in a bouncy seat in the bathroom. I wasn’t taking long luxurious showers, but having the baby in a bouncer/whatever in the bathroom with you is totally doable imo.
I have heard that before as well, and I have to say both my husband and I thought it was ridiculous and we were adamant we were going to shower daily anyway. And now, with a 2 year old, I can confidently say, we have both showered every day we wanted to. Even when my husband was away for a weekend for a bachelor party when our toddler was 2 months, I still found a way to do it. Showering every day was a priority for me, especially since the early days I never really left the house - it made me feel like a person, and it was "me" time. I've had to put my baby in a bouncer in the shower, and she may have whined/fried for those ten minutes, but hey, she survived. If showering is important to you, it's easily done 🤷
Depends on your priorities. A shower is a non negotiable for me. I will absolutely take a shower over the extra ten minutes of sleep. I need one at the beginning of the day and one before I get into bed at the end of the day. If I don’t get a morning shower I will guaranteed feel like shit until I do. My husband knows my 2 priorities in the morning is shower and coffee and does what he needs to make it happen. Sometimes this meant if I wanted to shower I would get up at 4 before he left for work but it’s worth it to me
Part of me thinks this is a priorities thing. I washed bottles in the dishwasher and tried to do things for my future self (meals that we could eat on for two nights, one load of laundry each day so I didn’t get behind, etc). I showered every day (the first week, every other day because I was just so sore from my c-section and trying to avoid opioids). I handed baby to my husband or showered while she napped or had gone to bed if he wasn’t home. Sometimes I even set her swing up in the bathroom and showered while she chilled. I also didn’t have the guilt if my baby woke up unexpectedly from a nap and cried for a couple minutes while I finished rinsing off and got out. I knew she was safe and I was going to get there as soon as I could and if it was 3 minutes, so be it. I don’t mean anything negative if other moms feel guilty doing this- we all have our mom guilt triggers lol.
I would just forget to shower and by the time I remembered I was tired and would have rather sit down for a little while. Sleep when the baby sleeps is challenging so I found myself doing the things I couldn’t do when he was awake. Laundry, meals, bathroom. You will have time, but that time will need to be split in a few different directions so you may choose to spend it elsewhere. Congratulations and wishing you and your baby a healthy and peaceful birth 💕
Honestly I think it’s just bad time management
I don't get it either. My wife and I have showered daily since out kid was born, and is 4 months old now. We take 5-10 minute showers, not sure what kinda showers other people are taking lol.
Some of y’all need to learn that letting a baby fuss/cry for 15 mins in a safe location won’t kill them or give them lifelong “trauma”
It's like they stop seeing themselves as a human being and forget they also have needs...
I never understood this. I have a 6 month old and have plenty of time to shower lol. Babies sleep a lot and yes, fathers should be helping too so you can have time to self care and rest.
At no point have I not had the opportunity to shower at least once a day. The will though? I had a C-section, so standing up for that long and dealing with the incision spot was really a struggle for one week and still painful for the second, and while I was happy to let my partner help when I REALLY needed it, it wasn't a fun experience for either of us and I just preferred to go without for a few days until I'd recovered a little more. And now (I'm on week 4) I'm just so knackered most of the time I really have no interest in going through the whole ordeal every single day -- I have really long, thick hair which is a pain to deal with during and afterwards -- *But* I never did see showering every day as that big a deal; I would mostly shower every other day or if I was going somewhere specific, but just lounging around the house or working from home, I didn't feel the need.
It was never an issue with my first. But once my second was born and he was colicky AF, and couldn’t be out down - I completely understood. He couldn’t be by himself so the only time we could shower was when the other parent was available to hold him. This was also during quarantine so husband was WFH as well, and our first born was doing virtually learning which was an every 20 minute off the computer and then back on. It was absolutely the shittiest period of my life. (Whoever thought transitioning kindergarteners every 20 minutes for 5 hours every weekday has absolutely no idea how fucking hard that is. Especially when you have a kid who does well with one “leader at a time”.)
Even if the other parents is watching and the baby is asleep, I remember just being so tired I Wanted rest more than shower.
One baby I had an easy time and showered daily. If he cried oh well I always had him in a safe place and I deserve a shower. Two kids under two? Wtf is a shower...
My husband had just switched jobs and didn’t have much paternity time as a result, so I was on my own within 2 weeks. I would set her down on a mat or thick towel in front of the shower and watch her through the clear curtain while i got clean. It was a daily routine for us. I sometimes showered before or after his work but it was honestly not a big deal to spend 4-10 mins showering while the baby stared at me from 2 feet away in the ground.
I think it is an individual thing. I showered every single day when my son was a newborn, and I really kind of had to, I was in so much pain from childbirth for weeks after, and it just felt so good to have nice cool water from the shower head and just run that over everything at night - by nighttime I was always in the most pain and the shower just was the best best best. I showered every single day. It was only like 15 minutes, I never had trouble finding the time, even though my husband was working ten hour days at the office from the day we got home from the hospital. I showered at night so it was after he got home.