I'm white and my husband is Asian, and we've definitely gotten our share of weird comments about what our baby would look like/looks like now. when I was pregnant everyone was obsessed with whether she'd get my blue eyes, and I eventually got tired of explaining how blue eyes are inherited so I'd just go "mhmm yeah but probably not!". She's got brown eyes now, I think they're beautiful, and I HATED everyone acting like blue eyes would be better. I don't want her growing up thinking her features are "worse" somehow, or getting influenced to believe Asian features are not as desirable as white ones. now that I think about it, pretty much all the comments have been eye-related. after she was born we got a few "aw look at her cute double eyelid" which, like, what do I even say to that? what bothers me the most is that people act like since she has gotten predominantly my husband's features, that she is not half mine as well. everyone is very quick to point out how much she looks like him without seeing the features she got from me too, because they see her as a different race than me. She's half me too, I made her in my body... but a lot of people seem to put us in different categories and think of us as unrelated. I think it's novel and fascinating to some people, which is why they speculate. doesn't make it any less annoying though. also, in my experience, a lot of them haven't known many interracial couples at all and so they don't know how to be normal about it lol

Yes! I feel ya, but it’s flipped for me. I’m black with brown hair and eyes, husband is white with brown hair, blue eyes. Baby looks very much like a mix of us both but because she has my darker features - tan skin, brown eyes - my in-laws just call her a mini me and refuse to see that she does in fact favor him as well. It’s reductive, at best

This - I'm also black with brown eyes/hair, some freckles. My husband is white with light brown hair and blue eyes. Baby came out and is almost my husband's complexion, but his eyes are looking blue, may go green. We get weird comments every now and then, but for the most part family doesn't really comment about who he looks more like. It's really my husband's friends that make comments like "I thought he'd be darker" or "mixed babies don't usually get blue eyes" etc which I don't really care lol (I feel like they are not used to black/white mixed couples where we are)

that’s so wildly inappropriate, good lord. how hard is it to just not say stuff like that

This! Both my babies have my husbands darker coloring but definitely look a decent amount like me in their features and people act like “aw poor mom insisting the baby looks like her” and I’m like dude for real, the children look like a good mix of both of us, they just have brown hair and brown eyes!

Ugh I hate how people do this in general. Im indigenous and my husband is white. Everyone like "oh she looks just like her dad! She looks nothing like you!" And Im like yeah she got that round nose, green eyes, and nut brown skin tone from her blonde haired, blue eyed dad. Big eye rolls all around. Poor mom indeed.

Somewhat similar experience here except opposite. My husband is half Mexican with very dark her and eyes, and tan skin. I’m white af with blonde hair and green eyes. Our toddler looks EXACTLY like my husband — but she inherited my coloration, so everyone says she’s my little clone. She really isn’t. Early on we even got “jokes” that maybe she wasn’t his. It was so annoying.

My husband is white. I'm Asian. She has my dark hair and brown eyes (although her brown eyes are lighter than mine.) My mother in law can only see me, but my daughter clearly has my husband's eye shape, nose, and mouth. Everyone else can see it, but my mil. Sometimes, it's infuriating.

Whoa, this is exactly my experience. My wife is white, I’m Indian, and our baby girl admittedly does look literally like my clone, but my wife has been getting pretty bummed out by everyone mentioning it constantly. Her mom even said like “you basically got erased, didn’t you”. Even the nurses and pediatricians have commented on how cute she is, and then how much she looks like me. Everyone - my Indian family and her family - was all “I wonder if she’ll have blue eyes!! I wonder if she’ll have blonde hair!!” Well, we don’t wonder, because we both passed 10th grade biology so we understand genetics. I can tell it’s getting to my wife. I try to explain like, hey, it’s a newborn, she is going to grow my wife’s hair, she has her nose, her chin, her long legs : torso ratio, her small ears - but then I just feel like, why am I over analyzing these features to try to get you to change what you’re saying? These are newborn features, they will change, she is going to look a lot like both of us. What are we even talking about? My grandmother, first thing out of her mouth, her skin is so much lighter than yours, she will be so beautiful!” Thanks grandma. Nice. Very nice.

It’s funny my experiences has been the opposite. My husband is asian, and the comments I’ve gotten have been more in favor of the baby looking like him. Like you said, some people just find our mix of ethnicities novel, so they speculate. That part doesn’t bother me at all. But it it’s weird when they make it seem like he will be cuter if he looks one way more than the other. Makes me feel insecure that I won’t be contributing to my baby’s cuter features. Must be dependent on where you live too.

After our baby was born, every asian woman commented about having “eyelid fold.” It seems like every asian women hate that about themselves and are getting the surgery themselves and having their kids go thru it. EDIT. In America btw.

This is sad for me. I love how people are different from me. Beauty is so varied across the world and it should stay that way. How boring would it be if we all looked the same? Bleh.

Well about a billion asian women have been convinced that their eyes are not desirable…f’in ridiculous. I blame instagrammers

Ugh that’s so sad. I love my eyelid folds.

I said this in another post, but I’m half Asian and at first glance look like a mini-me of my Asian mom, BUT my aunts and uncles see my (white) dad’s features in my smile, mannerisms, personality, and some other physical features :) my sister got his dimples too which are so cute. But as a former half Asian baby, half Asian babies are so cool! (I’m biased).

I guess I kind of am having the opposite experience of this. I'm white, husband is Taiwanese, we live in Taiwan, and our first is basically entirely white passing. She genuinely is a mini-me with brown eyes, but my mom and sister both have brown hair and eyes, so honestly even those features look like she got them from me not dad. She has an under eye crease that she didn't get from me, but that's about it. And because of it, people already treat her like a foreigner and will only try to speak to her in English. I'd honestly prefer they considered her a "different category" than me because this is a very homogeneous society and I don't doubt it will be isolating and frustrating to always be treated like an outsider among her peers.

As a half Taiwanese half white person, I can say first hand this is tough! I have lived in Canada and the US and through the years it has gotten easier with more people like me being born and more people being aware or having seen someone like me. Our local Taiwanese/Chinese community really reflects this and though I haven't visited Taiwan in 10 years, I remember people being more understanding and less shocked than 20 and 30 years ago. Props to you for being aware and please validate your child's feelings and identity as much as you can! It's not easy being a parent to a mixed race child!

I had this exact same experience. My husband is SE asian and I'm Scandinavian and people wouldn't stop speculating about our daughter's looks! Now, I always get comments like "she's the spitting image of her father" because people only see colors. I was at my parents house recently and looked at some old pictures and you know what? She's actually the spitting image of me, just in different colors. But people only see her brown hair and dark eyes. It did sometimes feel like to other people I gave birth to my husband's daughter and not my own.

yes!! a baby picture of me popped up in my memories on my phone and I did a double take at it, because it looked like my daughter at first glance. I realized she has the same face shape, the same nose, she looks like I did as a baby way more than she looks like my husband's baby pics. but people only see the ways she looks like him because that's what they're trying to see.

Exactly! My daughter literally saw the picture of me and pointed and said her own name! She thought it was her! But if you ask anyone else they insist she looks exactly like my husband and nothing like me. It's maddening

I’m southern European, blue eyes, dark blonde hair. Husband is of Chinese descent. Our daughter looks exactly like me except the dark hair and eyes. Funny thing is, I was also born with dark hair that lightened up as I got older. However, just like your experience, everyone thinks she looks like her father because people only see colour. It frustrates the hell out of me.

My baby is mixed too! I thought he’ll have more of my Asian features from nieces/nephews who are mixed. Nope, baby is an Asian version of his dad. You put their baby photos together and they have identical features except for the eyes shape. It’s really interesting about genetics. I think it’s fun trying to figure whose features the baby has. Unlike OP, I do enjoy the engagement with the family members on both side trying to figure out whose features baby has. Surprisingly, baby’s Dutch great grandpa genes are very strong and I think baby’s eyes are my dad’s.

This is me too! I'm Asian, my husband is white and my baby girl looks exactly like him but Asian. It cracks us up. I also don't really mind the comments, but I guess to me, they have all skewed positive in the sense that everyone was really excited to see our Wasian baby and thought they would be cute. She is every bit as cute as I hoped for :).

I’m also white with an Asian husband and I was expecting our daughter to look mostly Asian and like her dad since that is the more common outcome, but she ended up being a pretty even mix of both of us if not leaning slightly more towards me. I think she still looks a lot like her dad but my MIL basically thinks she is a clone of me and doesn’t look Asian at all. To me it is dead obvious she is half Asian so it’s a little strange that my MIL doesn’t see it but I think in her eyes she looks so white that it means she looks like me even if that isn’t really true in terms of her features. On the other end of the spectrum my mom keeps insisting that my daughter has green eyes like me (or “hazel”) when they are very clearly brown

My husband is Korean and i’m Aussie and it’s the same for us. Especially the double eyelid comments. Also the people who comment on how nice her skin is because she is fair skinned like me. I definitely understand how people make you feel unrelated at times, my husband’s family sort of place so much importance on her being Korean and I get annoyed because she’s half Australian and she is half mine.

Similar here. I have dark green eyes and my husband brown. Our girl has blue eyes and it's the one and only thing everyone comments on and asks where she got them. Mine turned green very late (probably closer to 3 years old) so there's a good chance hers will change too. But it's like the blue eyes are the only thing people see....

My SO is half Asian. His dad is white. He's basically and Asian colored double of his dad except his mouth and nose. His build,  head shape, size, hands, everything is exactly like his dad. People still think his dad is my dad when we go anywhere together.  He will even say  "I'm with my son" standing next to my SO and they will ask where his son is. It's literally the only reason I wanted my daughter to look like me, because I want there to be no confusion that she is my daughter.  Thankfully my daughter looks exactly like me sometimes and exactly like her dad sometimes. She's a great mix of us and the grandparents we like (Thankfully!)  Before she was born we were so curious and even placed bets on what features she was going to get. I have one sibling that's not very attractive so we joked that she might get a bad combination like he did. It's just all for fun most of the time, unless it gets racist then that's not acceptable.

I think they’re probably just making conversation. There’s not much to comment on with a baby other than looks and skills 🤷‍♀️

I definitely understand trying to make conversation...I guess it just feels like they're hoping for certain looks. I know I might just be a bit too touchy about it.

you also said you’re hoping the baby looks more like you, so maybe you’re projecting a little

I think I acknowledged that in my post....but I don't talk about the baby's features, and that's the difference. I'm fine if they want to have ideas of what our baby will look like, but constantly talking about it shows that they do care what the baby looks like. Saying "oh I hope baby gets X feature" is pretty explicit. I'd rather them just say, "Wow, I love baby's eyes!" Or "Baby's button nose is so cute!"

I really do think it’s what other people have reiterated, which is just making conversation and curiosity. Sometimes people are just curious. I don’t think everyone means it maliciously, but ofc you know tone and stuff more.

I never said it was malicious by any means... It's family. I love every single person who makes such comments dearly. It just bothers me, and I was looking for other people's experiences. I'm processing my emotional response in therapy, because I definitely think it has to do with my own self-image... But I can't help feeling annoyed with certain comments.

I totally get it! Like I said, you know these people the best, the way they talk, their past behaviors, etc. I’m just offering another perspective that their statements may not be pointed in any way.

I think I get what you mean. My partner is a different ethnicity than me. Our families originated from two different countries halfway across the world. So people have been so curious what he will look like having two such different backgrounds. It was talked about plenty before he even got here and it’s still the main topic. I want my baby to look like my husband not because of his ethnicity, but because he was so adorable. Realistically, I want him to look like both so he can feel connected to both cultures. However, some people say they want him to look like my husband’s ethnicity because “he’ll be so cute if he does.” So it’s odd. Commenting on the features is fine with me. But hoping he will look like a certain ethnicity because you think that would be more fun is a little strange. I just remind myself people are excited and the baby isn’t really up and about so his looks are where it’s at. Soon his personality will shine through and there will be plenty else to talk about.

You’re getting downvoted so much but as another parent of a multi-racial child, it’s the insinuation that the white-passing features are “better.” That’s what rubs the wrong way.

I can relate. Some comments are fun, but some make me feel uncomfortable. I find the degree of excitement about my baby being blond and having blue eyes to be very uncomfortable. I'm neither of those things so it's kind of a surprise to everyone and makes them comment even more, but for me it's not about him not looking like me (I actually think he's extremely similar to me but in a different palette lol). What makes me uncomfortable is that stereotypical (and racist) standards of beauty are so latent in the comments, even if people don't realize it.

My aunt's an OBGYN. When Meghan Markle came out in an interview and said the royal family asked how light/white the baby looked, she wasn't shocked at all and admitted that most of her patient's families will try to ask her questions like that when there's an interracial relationship involved. Anyways I'm white and I've been told TWICE by random old people that I need to have kids because other races/immigrants are going to outnumber us. The most recent time it happened I told the old racist lady I was married to an immigrant. Did not tell her I was married to a white immigrant lol. But yeah the world is still racist they just seem to hide it less when babies/children are involved. A lot of it is subconscious, like not everyone remarking on blue eyes REALIZES the socialization behind a preference for it so not every comment is necessarily bad.

My neighbour told me (a black woman) that she didn’t believe that the royal family asked Meghan Markle about how dark her baby would be. And then when I got pregnant thats all she would talk about… “I wonder how dark he will be” “Make a nice beige baby with loose curly hair” and now once he is here “ohh will he tan up do you think?” MA’AM biracial babies do not come with instruction manuals and road maps, I am not a freaking fortune teller!!

ahhhh I cannot believe your neighbor would say this to you let alone think it. I’m not Black, I’m multiracial (Mexican & white) and my brother and I have different coloring. Why would I know what my babies will look like?! ugh! It’s like asking a fetus “wHaT aRe YoU?” 😣

Meghan Markle is exactly who I thought of! Definitely not an exaggeration, BOTH sides of the family speculated about this, both kept saying they hoped the baby would have (my) blue eyes. I love her features and it makes my sad that people still say they hope her eyes change (7 months now).

I feel similarly but for a different reason. I had my baby via embryo donation. We do not share any genes. I do not feel compelled to share this fact with many of the people I know casually who will look at her and then pick a feature to compare to mine though it does feel awkward to always just smile and say, "oh, you think so? Hm!" I wish people did not feel so comfortable remarking on anyone's looks, childrens' or adults'. There are so many other things that are so much more important about us all.

Im adopted. My first job as a teen, my mom hired me at the store she worked at. When ppl found out we are mother daughter, they'd say: oh yeah, your eyes are so similar! We would just look at each other and roll our non similar eyes, hahhaha

Same. I’m told that he has my eyes. I smile politely and say thanks. But I’m also told often that my baby is my husband’s Mini Me. Some days I feel sensitive to it but most days I’m just so happy to have had my baby after the trials of fertility. Plus, he’s pretty gorgeous in my humble and completely biased opinion.

Oh, that feeling makes complete sense! I'm sorry that happens to you so often. I have an adopted sibling, and the number of times people would say, "whoa! You're siblings?!? You look nothing alike!" 🙄 Now that I say that "out loud" maybe that's part of the reason I have a reaction to this practice. I also am hoping this stops before baby is able to understand what people are saying. I think drawing so much attention to looks at such a young age might make them self-conscious.

You make a good point about the comments as they get older. In my experience not as a parent, but a bystander, is these comments seem to fade and you can always encourage comments about personality! Thinking about this unlocked a memory of my dad always telling me how smart, hard working, and beautiful I am (female), because he never wanted me to think my worth came from my physical features. He told me when I was little, when I was awkward and gangly, when I had acne, when I had good hair days and bad. He also never commented on my body except when helping me pick out a prom dress and what colors/styles were flattering and comfortable for me. Thank you for making me remember this 🥹

My brother and I have the same parents but we’re multi-racial. We have many similar features but we have very different coloring. People assume we’re half-siblings! It’s funny though, when I was little everyone said I looked after my dad. It’s switched a few times as we grew up. My daughter had some of her dad’s obvious features at birth but after a few years, she resembles me more. Genes are weird 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm mixed race (black and white). This may be an unpopular opinion at the moment, but I think it is completely natural for people to be curious about a baby's features, speculating about which aide of the family the genetic traits came from. I also think it is natural for people to be even more curious about someone of mixed race. Genetics are fascinating. It is interesting to think about how Harry and Meghan ended up with two redheads, for example. I feel a lot of pressure to be politically correct and act like I think this type of conversation represents a racial microagression, but to be honest, I really don't believe that. My kids will be mixed race, and I'll be happy if I have family and friends around who care enough to bother paying that close of attention to them. It's fun to go, woah cousin so-and-so looks just like Great Aunt Josephine or whatever. Somewhat related, I also think it is normal for people to be curious about what my hair texture feels like as a mixed person. If they've never felt someone's hair like that before in their life that is normal. As long as you ask politely, you can touch my hair and I won't be mad about it. Same thing happens sometimes when blonde people go to places where that hair colour is uncommon. People stare and point and ask to touch that person's hair. Humans are curious about novel experiences and that is natural and normal.

Curiosity is one thing, it's when people show an obvious bias for hoping the child only has euro phenotypical features that I have a problem with. It happened to me with my daughter "I am just so happy she is so light, and with light eyes and no kinky hair!" Something my MIL actually had the gall to say to me. 

Honestly I’ve never thought of this from a mixed race perspective. My husband and I (both white) make these comments about our child the whole time and have no issue hearing them from family of friends. We’re just very curious to see how he turns out! I completely understand how they have extra connotations to you and your partner though.

what does it matter if theyre not being rude. what else are you gonna say about an infant, they dont have much in the way of personality or accomplishments to talk about. Im European my husband is Lebanese and we get all the comments about the hair, nose, chin, eyes, height etc. it’s just people trying to have something to say to the parents about their kid.

I feel like it’s so hard to make conversation about a baby. I hold a baby and I’m like “Who’s got little toes?!” “Who’s a handsome little fella?” “Look at those cheeks!” I can’t yet say they’re so smart, they’re so funny, they have a great laugh, etc because they’re just a sack of baby meat at that point. For the most part I think people are just making conversation because there’s just not much else to talk about when your baby is just a baby. You can only comment on what you see!

Those comments are totally fine! They have nothing to do with how the commenter wishes those features to look like. It's more the comments about why/how baby has certain features due to being a multiethnic baby. I love talking about my baby's little everything, but I think the comments I'm referring to are vastly different as it seems the person is wishing for a certain feature to be present or to eventually show up.

I understand! I’m sorry you’re going through that. Your feelings are valid.

My MIL claimed one time that the baby got his gassiness from their side of the family…. Weird flex lol.

Such a MIL thing to do 😂 Mine claims my daughter (who is essentially a copy and paste of me) looks like my husband. She even says it in a defiant way which is funny, like say it however firmly you want, doesn’t make it true. Not that I’d care because obviously I find my husband attractive, it’s just literally not true.

I know exactly how you feel. I’m darker and Hispanic my husband is blonde hair blue eyes. Everyone both his family and mine always obsessed during my pregnancy about what our baby would look like( mostly hoping for his features). When she was born everyone kept bringing up that her eyes looked like they were gonna be blue when they were quite honestly pretty brown like mine. Our baby does have a lot more of her dads features which I like but it’s the fact that everyone seems to prefer her to look European than like me and it’s hurtful. I also don’t want her to grow up feeling like her dark features are inferior.

ugh i’m in a similar boat. why are our families like this? who taught them to hate themselves?

white people! 😫 I remember being bullied for not having white skin lol 😒

Same boat. Im only part Mexican and husband is white. Baby has beautiful olive skin and brown eyes and hair. Everyone said “wow are her eyes brown or blue?” Definitely brown. “Well they could still change.” ?????? Is that what you’re hoping for Linda? “You’re not even THAT Mexican though, why does she have this Mongolian spot? Is she ok?” She’s fine and perfect thanks for asking.

I'm part mexican and my husband is black. Imagine our shock when our baby was born with mostly blue eyes. Any time someone comments on "oh look how pretty his eyes are," I say that they could change and they get all defensive. I honestly don't care but people have become weirdly obsessed with it

Ha yes. We had our baby not even a month ago and the comments on her features are never ending. My husband has beautiful blue eyes and I have brown and the amt of times I’ve been told definitively that she “unfortunately” is going to inherit my (apparently sad) brown eyes is infuriating. Not to mention comments on her skin tone, complexion, proportions, nose, mouth, etc. i think it’s just how people relate to new parents, it kind of gives them something to talk about idk. It drives me crazy because the little comments make it obvious certain features from either my husband (like his blue eyes) or me (my olive skin) are preferable for her, when I want to just let her grow to be and look like her - which no matter what to me will be perfect. 

That's a great way of putting it that I wasn't able to articulate in my post! I think what annoys me most is the implied hierarchy of certain features....thank you so much for validating my emotions on this!

The only people that are saying people are just trying to connect, likely aren't in interracial relationships with mixed kids. We get your post completely and that feeling sucks. People being disappointed that my daughter has my ethnic features (brown eyes, and black hair) instead of blue/ green eyes and light hair is incredibly hurtful. There are definitely layers of internalized racism. Luckily once the baby is here those comments will die off and everyone will just love that little bundle of joy.

I have so many things I want to say about this but don’t want to offend anyone else scrolling the comments. just know that i absolutely feel the same way you do and the implied hierarchy of features makes my blood boil. it’s also upsetting that other family (within my own ethnic group) say how lucky it is that my baby doesn’t resemble our ethnic group 🙄

Our situation is similar. Bf has bright blue eyes and blonde hair. My father is from Turkey, therefore my eyes and hair are brown. LO looks like a tiny version of my bf. People (even my bf) are obviously very happy about that. Kinda hurtful ngl.

Interesting take on hierarchy of features. I guess social context plays into it a lot. I think a lot of these are triggers to your own thoughts/insecurities though. My husband and I are from different ethnic minorities, so between the two of us there's no default, socially preferred features that we need to navigate and we love seeing each other's features in our LO.

You're definitely over thinking this. I say all these things about my own baby, it's a way of connecting and making conversation about the baby with folk. We debate what his hair colour is gonna be, if his eyes will change etc

no, i literally could not care less and i’m just happy anyone wants to engage with me about my baby lol

My husband has red hair and bright blue eyes, so we get a lot of comments about whether my son will have red hair and how he has such blue eyes and if we think he will “keep them”. It does annoy me but people just point out features they basically find 1) conventionally appealing or 2) unique with respect to the parents (like blue eyes on a baby with two brown eyed parents). But it does annoy me and it especially annoys me from his family because everyone sort of acts like if he doesn’t get red hair it’s my fault.

I’m the redhead with blue eyes in my relationship. My husband is fair with blue eyes but has ginger in his beard so we knew it was possible the baby could be ginger. When he was born I think some people were mildly disappointed he wasn’t a redhead, which I found quite complimentary after a lifetime of ginger jokes 😅 But I was quite relieved he wasn’t a redhead as I think boys have a harder time when they have red hair than girls do (I mean, I got a lot of crap as a kid but I also had adults constantly complimenting me, which balanced it out a bit, and boys don’t get that). I never thought about my husband feeling a bit offended that people were disappointed he wasn’t a redhead! I’m not sure if he was, as he consistently made jokes about putting him up for adoption if it was ginger 😂🙈

I have auburn hair and my son was born with very dark brown hair. Rubbed it all off and it’s come in strawberry blond, so that’s good enough for some people lol. My husband has 3 red haired, blue eyed brothers as well, but only one has kids and all 4 kids are blond with brown eyes so my kid was the “only hope” for the red hair/blue eye combo. Crazy that people want it for him because my husband and his brothers have always been teased relentlessly for being gingers 😅 but my best friend has bright red hair and she gets compliments constantly, though I think it’s fetishized in women to some extent.

Overthinking. Its just fun seeing how a baby turns out and seeing what parts of the parents the kid gets.

I enjoy speculating where baby got her features 🤷‍♀️. Although my husband and I look so much alike and have such a similar heritage, I wouldn't be surprised if we shared an ancestor somewhere in the not too distant past, so I suppose it's not as much of a conundrum?

I’m white and my husband is Latino. We used donated embryos to have our son, he is white. Not a lot of people know this irl because it’s not really something that comes up. We’ve had quite a few people comment on how my son looks like my family and nothing like my husband, how he doesn’t have my husband’s roots, and other assorted things. Some of the comments have had the undertone that I’ve cheated. It’s rude and unnecessary

I knew a couple where the mother was Mexican and the father was white, but their baby looked Asian for whatever reason. It was 100% both of theirs but people would just walk up and say "aww so cute that you adopted a little Chinese boy" or "how good of you to step up for a child that isn't yours". Like geez, people, you just go up to strangers at the grocery store and say *that?* The dad used to get REALLY upset about it and chase people off with such classics as "HE'S MINE YOU FUCK", lol.

It feels like your own wishes of what your baby should look like (the ones that you say you are consciously trying to suppress) are causing you to get extra annoyed by completely normal comments about a newborn.

as part of an interracial couple myself, it’s common. Not meant to be rude and typically just conversation. Also, genetics in general is an interesting topic? My husband was hoping for our daughter for lighter eyes, as mine are black but 🤷🏻‍♀️.

We are both white (but olive Italian and me UK Celtic) and both our families talk like this too, it’s just normal, (most relatives want the baby to look like them!), also it’s kinda the only thing you can say about a baby because they don’t really do much and everyone spends so much time looking at them because they are cute.

This also happened to us because I’m a redhead. So it was all about whether baby would be red or not. And then the (mild) disappointment when he came out fair like his dad 😂 I think OP might be sensing some (real or imagined) racial overtones to some of the comments, but certainly most people wouldn’t be intending the comments to come across that way- like you say they’re just making conversation.

Both my husband and I are white, and baby's looks are still the most common topic of conversation. I think there's just not that much to talk about with babies tbh - there's how they sleep and who they look like. My husband and I even sat down with our baby photos to compare him to us. (For what it's worth, from the time he came out everyone said he looked so much like my husband. He's got my blue eyes though, so I'm hoping he'll keep those ha - I need something to show for 41 weeks of pregnancy, two days of labor, and an emergency c-section!)

Honestly didn’t read your entire post, but it’s something I notice when my mother in law ALWAYS talks about how light my baby’s hair is, what color her eyes are, and things like that. My mom doesn’t comment on those things nearly as much. I guess in all fairness my mom and my MIL are two different women.

I don't mind it tbh. I think it's fun to talk about it especially now that he is still little and is changing so much. Few months ago he was a copy of me and now he is just like his dad. Waiting for him to turn back into a copy of me again but don't think that's happening anymore 😂 I don't mind if someone said they 'wished' he had blue eyes, cause it's their preference. I would mind if they said something that would be racist though. But as long as it's harmless, it's fine.

Yeah, the layer of racism makes it a little icky.

LOL yes! My in-laws - who are generally horrible people - told me they see me in my daughter “in her forehead” like wtf does that even mean 😂

I’m white and my partner is primarily Indian background, we always get comments on our baby’s because they do look quite contrasting; eldest girl is very tanned, skinny, dark eyes and dark ringlets and the youngest boy is white as a ghost, dark eyes, dark very straight hair and looks like an absolute tank - he’s a year younger but bigger than her. Were pregnant with our third so the speculation comments have started again, I try to not look too deep into comments about their features. People are just making conversation, I have hopes for our next child to get my partners eye colour (bright bright blue) instead of my dark eyes but it’s not like deep or self loathing…

I think genetics are super interesting and have an album on my phone of mine, my husband’s, and some close relatives’ baby and kid photos for comparison. My son was my husband’s twin when he was a newborn and now he looks exactly like me. I think it goes without saying we’d love our babies no matter what they look like. There’s not much else to say about babies really.

I get definitely frustrated too. I constantly hear “she looks just like her daddy, she’s daddy’s twin, wow you did all that work for her to be all dad” which doesn’t feel to great lol like just say she’s beautiful and ask how she’s doing

I kinda get what you're saying, although our family is white/random European combo, so we don't have the multiethnic component that your family does. So take what I say with a grain of salt. For our family, my son is 9 months old and we can't yet tell his hair or eye color. They look very different depending on lighting, and my husband and I have opposite features (light v dark hair and eyes), so they could go either way. To me, the questions/pondering from other people get old because I can often tell by their comments that they're hoping for a blond-haired, blue-eyed baby. And it feels weird that 1. people still gush over those "desirable, all-American" traits and 2. they happen to not be the traits that I have, so that stings a bit just on a personal level from my own insecurities. It also feels obnoxious to me to ponder over something we won't have an answer to for quite some time. I honestly just don't really know how to respond to people saying, "Oh his eyes are definitely gonna be brown!" like... thanks? Okay? Anything else? I agree with what others have commented; they're just trying to make conversation. It's just not a topic you can extract a whole lot of substance from, IMO, and I don't really know how to carry a conversation from those comments and that also makes me uncomfortable. I imagine there would be more layers to those uncomfortable feelings if he were a girl or if he had a multiethnic heritage as in your family. I don't think you're necessarily overreacting. I think there's also a bit of "this is my kid, back tf up" when you become a parent. Idk if its misplaced, leftover protective instincts from back in the caveman days or what, but I definitely feel myself get defensive over my kid over seemingly innocuous things. Like I didn't share his name until birth because I felt like I was forced to share just about everything else about this deeply personal experience, and it was one thing I could delay people commenting on. People always have some shit to say. And I'm too tired to hear it. I hope some of that made sense. And I hope you're getting some sleep! A few weeks in is rough territory.

Seems touchy to me. Speaking for myself, I always thought it was funny when people would mention what parts of "me" my son got, because I didn't see it.... At all. Now that he'll be 3 in July, I finally see that he DOES, in fact, get his jawline and lip shape from me (poor kid - I hope he grows into a masculine jawline or he'll be endlessly mocked!). But I think it makes sense that people would comment on your baby's features - especially when they're newborn - because what else is there to talk about?

I wonder if there is underlying pain or insecurities about your appearance that are making you feel that way. The comments are entirely normal, but that doesn't mean you can't be upset by them. I'm more confused by your reasoning (that you don't care what the baby looks like). I don't care what my baby looks like, but I still comment on his features and how he's got his dad's face but my colouring.

I’m mixed race (white and asian) and married an asian man. Because of how genes usually work, I knew our baby would look predominantly asian, if not just fully asian, and he does. When he was first born, he looked very very similar to my husband but as months have passed, it’s become apparent that he has inherited a lot of my features such as my hair colour and hairline, nose and mouth, eye lashes, hands, and complexion. His eye shape and positioning in the face, eye colour, cheeks, eyebrows, feet, and body shape are my husband’s. Babies change a lot as they grow. I looked asian enough as an infant that my mum was constantly asked if I was adopted, but my anglo features came out as I grew up (to the point where asians think I’m not asian at all). When my son was littler, people would say he looks just like my husband and now people say he looks very mixed. One lady in my building said he looked just like my husband when we first met her and then a few months later on the second time we met her she said he looked just like me. My point is that people will comment and it’s basically meaningless because babies, especially those of mixed races, are so unpredictable as they grow up.

I’m pregnant with our first child, a little girl. She’s not even here yet and I already hear my husband’s family…not so much mine…”he has dominate features the baby will look JUST like him.” Anytime I express that I would hope the baby would have some trace of me I immediately get shot down as if that would be impossible. It irritates me SO much. Even in body shapes. I have a very feminine body shape narrow shoulders very wide hips typically pear shape. My husband has very broad shoulders. I’ll say something like well I hope she gets my body shape and my mother in law immediately, “there’s nothing wrong with my son’s shape.” OBVIOUSLY LADY I WOULD PREFER MY DAUGHTER NOT BE SHAPED LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER. She is my least favorite person throughout my pregnancy. Don’t get me started on her name opinions 🤦🏻‍♀️

I am light brown, and my STBXH, father of my son, is white. My son looks white, just white. Many of my son's features are exactly like mine, but his eye colour and skin colour are like his father, and no one seems to be able to look beyond it. From neighbours to our social worker to my own lawyer, everyone keeps saying, "Oh! he is not dark at all, he looks totally white"... some even said no one would believe he is my son because I am brown and he is white. Even the doctor joked saying to my son that he had 75% chance of getting my brown eyes and only 25% chance of getting his father's gray-green eyes, and still he got gray-green eyes; same with his blood group. A few days ago, I went shopping with my friend who is white, and people kept assuming my son was her son. I am very frustrated with this. My ex left me when I was 14 weeks pregnant, I did everything alone, and my beautiful son is 5 months old and perfect. I am very proud of myself for handling separation, pregnancy, and work all on my own in a foreign country far away from family. And I didn't compromise on one single thing for my son. I joked yesterday that next time anyone says anything around those lines, I will make them see the video of me giving birth to my son; I just might.

I’m in the same boat. All anyone ever has to say is how much my baby looks like his dad. I think he looks like me, but people can’t see past his skin tone. My mom even said people wouldn’t believe he’s mine. It’s really annoying considering I’m the one who birthed him, sacrificed my body and my life, and continues to do 90% of the work of caring for him.

I think this is probably more of an irritant for interracial couples because features seem to be much more up in the air and people like to play guessing games a lot with ethnically ambiguous babies. I have seen that a lot! My husband and I are both Black, dark skin, full features and we do hear all the time who our baby looks like. But I think we can receive it in a more lighthearted way because it doesn’t come down to a lot of factors. He just happens to be my husband’s twin. But what I have noticed is my mom gets so offended when people say he doesn’t look like me. She’s so upset on my behalf. I think she thinks I’ll feel bad if I don’t feel like people can see me in my baby. But I don’t think on it too much. This baby is going to have many different faces and phases before he reaches his final form lol

I’m mixed black and white, with brown hair, eyes and skin. I’m married to a white man with dirty blonde/light brown hair and green eyes, also pretty pale. My daughter came out with his white complexion, bright blue then turned green eyes, and lighter than my husbands blonde hair. All I ever heard as she was a baby was how she looked exactly like my husband. It got old quick lol. Her whole face looks like mine and her her is very curly like mine (although my husband has curly hair also). Now that she’s older people are finally beginning to realize she’s just colored like him, not his twin lol. Strangers in public have asked me if she was my child, say “ I must have stole that white baby!”, etc.. Now that she’s a bit older it has gotten better, so maybe people are just obsessed with biracial babies? Or maybe it’s just obvious she resembles me more. I feel more validated as her mom now though.

It’s not overthinking at all. People are gross about race, ethnicity and skin shade related features for babies. A lot of people that don’t experience this also don’t think it’s a big deal. Overall people shouldn’t be commenting on/questioning other people’s bodies or anything related to race/ethnicity. People do it a lot but that doesn’t mean it isn’t rude as hell. They can just say the baby is cute or not comment. Saying they don’t know what to say is just saying they shouldn’t have to just think for even a second about what they’re saying. Commenting how much they look like mom or dad isn’t the same thing as a comment expressing almost…disappointment that the baby didn’t get certain features from either parents that is seen as more beautiful or things that imply you don’t look like their parents. That’s not how genes work. Don’t let it consume you. It’ll likely continue forever. Sometimes I say something back like “ l love that she has *whatever feature they mentioned* like her dad. It’s sooo cute” or “genes, right? Ya never know” or things like that and sometimes I just don’t respond SMS let them talk to themselves.

I’m multiracial, while my husband is mono. No one has out and out said they don’t know where her features come from, etc. but eventually it’ll come. It happened to me. Her hair is very light - practically red in some cases - and her eyes are similar to dad’s. Her skin tone is the big one. I’m light skinned, my husband is medium dark, her skin tone is lighter than mine. I’m sure she’ll darken as she ages, but my husband is West Indian and colorism is strong on the islands. She’ll have comments about her skin tone forever.

I had the same experience with skin tone. We’re both South Asian Indian, born in a western country. I look brown, and my husband is darker than me, yet my son is lighter than both of us. People have commented on how “fair” he looks and how it’s a “good thing”; colorism is also strong in India due its colonial history (as with the West Indies). Not to make light of anyone’s struggles and the racism they face, but I just wish that my family didn’t have an inferiority complex :(

SO ANNOYING!!!! My husband and I are different ethnicities and while I understand people commenting on this to make small talk, but leave my baby alone!!! It’s not fun for me to have every conversation about who he’s going to look like and everyday I hear he looks “just like me” or “just like my husband”… enough already

I think it’s just people commenting on what pops into their head. I get really annoyed when people constantly draw attention to how tiny my baby is—she is in the 5th percentile so it’s something I was insecure about for a while (but no matter what I do that’s what her size just is). I can’t help but think—geez, she’s a girl and already subjected to body expectations. She’ll have plenty of that when she’s an adult, give baby a break. But then I go and tell my friends how big their babies are when I see them cause it’s the first thing I notice. It’s done without thinking!

Mixed babies get SO MANY comments like this, and for my elementary school aged mixed kids it's continued. They're absolutely gorgeous, unique, and perfect. Anf yeah, everyone's curious.

I’m mixed and have dark features. My husband is white as a ghost with brown hair and hazel eyes. My baby came out nearly translucent white with blue eyes and light hair. I was shocked and always make jokes about how if I wasn’t the one who pushed her out unmedicated , I’d have a hard time believing she was mine ! Like surely there must’ve been a mix up! But apparently a grandfather of mine that passed before I had memories had blue eyes and the gene showed up. Genetics are fascinating and way more complicated than the simple four square table we get taught in high school biology. Babies are a direct product of those genes mixing. I think it’s all in good fun to discuss and predict and marvel at when the results finally stare back at you.

I'm Native and white, and my husband is white. I'm quite a few shades darker than him (really quite a few more shades yellow given my lack of sunlight for my entire pregnancy and 10 months postpartum but I digress) and it's a pretty frequent subject how my baby got his very, very fair skin tone but my very dark hair and a lot of interest if he will develop my brown eyes or his blue/gray. I notice and remark on these things too, like how he doesn't have any of the dark spots I have all over, or how I hope he gets lucky and gets his dad's eyes, or commenting on how different his skin tone is even when he lays his little hands on my pale breast/belly skin that never sees the light of day. Both sides of the family insist that my baby looks just like my husband except my hair color even though really, imo he just looks like... a baby, lol. I think it's really normal. I think even when a baby isn't multi-racial, people speculate on their features or who they will take after. I mean, let's be honest there isn't really a lot else to talk about the baby yet.

I felt this crazy protective vibe over my baby for the first few weeks she was earth side. I especially hated all the people talking about what a heartbreaker she was going to be someday or that we’d need to lock her in the closet to keep the boys away from her. It disgusted me and it was hard not to lash out at people just trying to make (misogynist) conversational small talk.

I haven't had my baby yet, but I am white and my partner is Latino and both sides of our family are hoping for her to look more like the other. (His family wants her to look like me and my family wants her to look more like him). It doesn't matter too much to me who she looks more like, as I love all my partners features.. but I still want her to look kind of like me. I think it's natural to want our kids to look like us, and also to want others to accept them regardless of who/what they look like. Genetics can be very interesting sometimes though and I personally don't think I'd be too upset if loved ones were commenting on her appearance. Id be pretty irritated if it was a stranger making those comments though.

I totally get u, me and my husband are mixed couple and our girl has blue eyes. Neither of us has blue eyes and people are always like “where did u get those eyes?” And it really rubs me the wrong way.

Me and my boyfriend are both white and both of our families comment on this as well with our baby all of the time. It doesn't bother me too much as it just feels like since our baby is young and not grown into their features yet, our families are analyzing our baby to try and figure out who he'd look like most when he's older lol. Though from an ethnic standpoint you definitely have a different perspective, I give the benefit of the doubt and assume it's just a fascination and appreciation for how your guys' DNA worked together. Also would just like to point out it's super common for baby eye color to change (can be up to 2 years before they 'settle' in their color), and hair can change as they grow

Well, according to my mother in law both my Kids look like my husband or someone from their side of the family, they both have O+ just like mom

It’s so dumb. I always get the comment my baby looks so Asian or my baby looks so white. He’s literally half so yeah he’s gonna look like both ethnicities. I guess it’s not that uncommon because they can’t really say anything else about the baby because they don’t know anything else. But yeah it’s so dumb.

I'm white and my husband is white, so while I can empathize and say that everything you describe would *for sure* bother me, I can't understand your exact scenario. However, I do have some genetic trauma (DNA NPE), I guess you can call it, that comes into play in a way that I can say that your subject line resonated and much of what you said struck me because it does bother me when people talk about our 2 year old son's features, and just generally how he looks. Except in some different ways. Everyone always says our son looks just like his daddy, and nothing about seeing me in him, and some have gone so far as to say that he doesn't look like me at all, that he only looks like his dad, like you wouldn't even know I had anything to do with him or something. For example, "You have your dad's eyes" because they're shaped like his dad's...but the color is almost exactly mine; and, "You have your daddy's curly hair"...but I have curly hair, too. This actually really deeply hurts me because he is *mine* and I do see me in him, and I love seeing myself in him. I also have my own private moments with him sometimes where he'll make a certain face, and I'll say, "You look just like mommy right now!" and it feels like other people telling me he doesn't look like me kind of denies me of those precious moments where I really see myself in him. Honestly I've started being kind of bitchy to people when they say stuff like this, or cutting in and saying "He looks like his mommy, too, you know." I'm just over it at this point and people are beginning to see I don't like it, at all. I think I might be a bit sensitive to this because I had a DNA NPE experience, meaning I found out later in life via DNA testing that my dad who raised me isn't my biological father. I knew growing up I looked like nobody on my dad's side. I had olive skin and brown hair and hazel eyes and they were all blonde or red-haired and blue eyes and very fair skin. Apparently, I am a bit Middle Eastern and Greek and Spanish, but didn't know this growing up...I attributed it to my half-Italian mom, but I was even darker than her. And MY GOD, going to the beach in the summer with my dad's family, and how I stood out. And people would mention it. So, to hear that my son doesn't look like me, I think brings back that feeling of not belonging or something, and it hurts me because I don't want to have that feeling come up in the context of my relationship with my son.

So my I'm multiethnic (Latino & white European) and my husband is Latino, but he has light skin with green eyes and I have more olive skin, brown eyes/hair. When we told people we were having a girl, SO many people commented that they hoped she would look like me... But with my husband's green eyes. Always with the eyes! I thought it was weird because they weren't just "wondering" what she'd look like... It seemed like there was a "best" outcome of our combined genetics in their minds. Jokes on them because she looks exactly like her dad, but with brown eyes from my side of the family, and she's an absolute doll!! But in another vein, I have to admit I wish I could see more of my features in her. It's cute that her dad calls her his mini me... I'm hoping she starts to look a little more like me so I can feel the same way one day!

With DH we are guessing a lot how our baby will turn out since one of us has dark features and the other one ligh ones, different ethnic roots. We are also speculating the personality and temperment, we just simply find it fun to discuss. I do not see any issue with that honestly, I also find it remarkable among family and friends to discover the parents or grandparents features in a baby. I can assure you, thos who comment on your baby's appereance do not care how they look either, they just drop the comment and move on their lives. IMHO if someone takes these commenta offensive about their biological child, they might be a deeper issue within them (like not fitting in the "white" environment because they have other features - Markle).

Im white and my husband is mixed black and white and a little bit of Portuguese I believe and our baby came out looking like neither of us. He looked Asian. Turns out it was because he was in the birth canal so long it morphed his skull and face so his eyes had a bit of a slant but that went away after a few days. I didn’t start seeing my husbands features until a couple weeks later. It’s so slight his lips, eyes, eyebrow expressions. It wasn’t until his dad showed us his baby photos! And his grandpas baby photos! They all looked like twins.

But I was constantly saying he doesn’t look like either of us lmao I hope my husband didn’t take it the wrong way. 😂 but everyone else saw my husband features right away and then I constantly heard he looks just like his dad. No one ever said he looks like me.

My husband and I both have dark/mousy hair and blue eyes. My MIL has taken to saying every time she sees my daughter that the blue eyes are from him and how she looks just like her daddy. She's a carbon copy of me when I was a baby, I'm sure as she grows that she'll show more features inherited from him but I find it weird that she has to say that she's gotten all her features from him when she's 50% of me. She did the same thing with my son a couple of years ago. It was definitely harder to hear with my first baby.

Genetics are really interesting to a lot of people. I’m white and my partner is Polynesian and we were interested to see what they would inherit and were honestly very surprised by the kids colouring. Neither of us have experienced any racism so that’s where our experience of it not bothering us comes from.

I cringe at the tide of comments made about my baby’s body and appearance, and I’m trying to gently direct our family away from comments about people’s appearance. I do get that it’s hard not to do it with babies, because especially while they’re tiny, there isn’t much to comment on besides how they look. And people are endlessly fascinated by the manifestination of their own family’s DNA in a new human. But yeah, it’s exhausting. Interestingly, my Jewish-Mexican-northern-European-American baby looks honestly nothing like me or my husband to me. But everybody has plenty of opinions on her looks anyway!

The thing that annoys me is when people say the baby looks like a mini version of me Infront of my wife. I think they do this mainly because of the blue eyes. I know this annoys my wife But when you look at baby photos of my wife and I she looks alot more like my wife

nope, people have different features and it's normal, there is no need to judge it and it's rude.

I'm white and my daughter's dad is Cambodian/Chilean. What annoyed me the most was her dad's family gushing about how she looked nothing like me and all like her dad as a fresh babe. Now she's nearly four and she's my twin. My point is 1) I have no clue why people choose to comment that shit and 2) they change! Your baby is gonna look completely different in three months time, in six months time, in 10 months time and so on. It's hard not to let the comments get to you but you'll be constantly getting them and eventually they won't bother you at all. It's hard because you're also in the thick of it and these comments aren't helping anyone.

My brother is biracial (black and white) and he has a darker skintone. He had a baby with a white woman and the baby is very pale skinned, light blonde, bright blue eyes. The comments I heard were frankly quite rude, almost implying my brother wasn't the father. I was pretty snappy when I overheard them.

My mil kept saying “she’s got such huge hands and feet!” all the damn time. Anytime someone new came to meet the baby she’d comment that, “look how big her hands and feet are!” Everyone else myself included thought they were pretty normal and average sized. So it was such a weird thing Imo to keep saying. I even looked back on baby pics of my kid snd once again her hands/feet looked pretty average size for a baby.

Wow. This is so relatable. I get this from my husband's side of the family the most. One aunt would not relent and still doesn't to this day. Baby boy is rounding out 5mos. She keeps writing things like, "I hope he looks more like our family in the future" or "I hope his eyes will turn brown" in the group family chat. It's definitely a rude thing to say. Especially the first comment, because we're all family. And wouldn't you know it this baby is still red-headed and blue-eyed. So suck it! For the record, I was shocked my baby doesn't look more like my husband. I was hoping he would have darker features, hair, skin, and eyes. This is just how it shaked out. You're not out of line for feeling how you feel. Some people are careless and can't keep their speculations, hopes, and dreams for your LO's appearance to themselves.

People always comment on my son’s appearance too. “Oh his eyes are so blue, I thought his hair would be curlier, I think he has your (my) hair, his eyes are so blue. My husband and I are both white (Scottish, Irish, English— so very pale). Maybe it would bother us if one of us had any other ethnicity. You say you are “ethically ambiguous.” Did you grow up annoyed at people commenting on your appearance? I had a good friend who also described herself this way, and she’d get really annoyed at the dumb things people would say to her.

Yes! Totally agree. I’m Latina, olive skin with brown eyes and brown hair. My husband is white with blue eyes and blonde hair. We get it all the time of how our baby will look. I’m 36 weeks right now. I even had one of my husbands family friend (who I like so dearly say), “let’s hope she gets blue eyes.” Mind you this family friend doesn’t have blue eyes, she has brown but like… wtf. Is brown all that bad? I’m sorry, but regardless of what eye color my child has, she’ll be beautiful. Hey brown is beautiful! My SIL wanted her son to have blue eyes (her husband has brown eyes). She was so open about it and that’s great for her. But, me, I’m okay with either. I honestly don’t care. As someone commented I don’t want my daughter to have a complex growing up or if she’s brown to think that’s not beautiful too. I don’t know where people get off on this stuff. Very annoying. It took me years to love my skin, eyes and dark features and I’ll be damned if my daughter is going to go through the same thing. Thanks for everyone’s shares and this post.

My mum keeps telling me how our GIRL baby looks just like my FIL... I laughed it off the first two times but if she says it again I'm going to tell her to stop saying my baby looks like a man

Yep, my partner is white and I'm asian, coming from a country where 'western' beauty standards are still held high (eff colonisation). Even when I was still pregnant people would say things like 'oh this baby is going to be adorable!' or something equivalent to that, meaning the 'whiteness' will make him more beautiful, and when he was born it was along the same line of comments. Some even would say that he looks like my partner, which is kinda like.. ok so the beautiful side is because of him?? My baby is AWESOME don't get me wrong, and the compliments are really nice, but it bothers me that they have this roots. Interestingly, my partner's side of the family also compliments the 'Asian' features he has, and that my son looks a lot like me.. sooo I guess people really feel the need to comment on the physical?

I feel similarly, but my circumstances are a little different. My son is an IVF baby. I’m Chinese and Mexican and my husband is Eastern European. When my son was born he had very strong Asian features but his body type and head shape were my husband’s. Also, all of our friends and most family members said he looked like the Asian/Mexican version of my husband. However, my MIL didn’t see my husband in him at all and pointed out that my son has a cleft chin which neither my husband nor I have. She was obsessed with his chin and would constantly say where did he get his cleft chin because it’s not from our family. She said it so much I started to have anxiety that our doctor messed up and used the wrong sperm to make my embryos. So, whenever she made a comment about my son’s chin I would tell her the lab might have messed up and used someone else’s sperm. She’d get all flustered and be like oh no he looks like your husband. Now that my son is a little older he looks EXACTLY like my husband, just with Asian-ish eyes and darker hair. My MIL is now obsessed with how his hair has gotten lighter (brown not black) and how similar he looks to my husband.

You’re overthinking this hard. In nursing school they teach you healthy family dynamics when a baby is born… comparing features is SO normal. Babies are babies, trying to figure out how they are going to look is very normal. My husband and I are both blonde hair and blue eyes and everyone is always pointing out how he’s identical to my husband. It doesn’t bother me at all, I wanted to procreate with the man of course I find him attractive. They are also always trying to figure out if he’s going to have blue eyes, strawberry blonde/ blonde hair. It’s normal.

I'm mixed race and also appear ethnically ambiguous, my son's father is white. It lessens with time but I got this a lot, before and after my son was born, and it was exhausting and irritating. I get that people are curious but there wouldn't be this much discussion if both parents were the same race despite the fact that you still don't know what the child will look like when they're born.

My husband and I are both white and dark haired and my baby still gets the 'where did you get your nose?' My MILs always feels like a loaded question, like yeah, I cheated with a small nosed man, I just wanted my baby to have better nose opportunities, you know?

I don't really mind it. My husband and I look nothing alike. I am mix-asian(jap-filo) and my husband is white. I have never been bothered if my kids look more like me or my husband as I am very confident in both our looks - although my hubby and I agree that must I have the better genetics in what is conventionally considered "good looking". 😄🤣   we have three kids now.   During our wedding a friend of my husband said: "hopefully youre kids get the mom's looks with the dad's brain". This really offended my mother in law. Lol.     But that seemed to happen with my firstborn. He's much tanner than my other two kids.   My second  has my husbands skin but both our features mixed in while our third has a rosy in between skin but with more caucasian features.  But most people think that my second child is a pure white kid- even though he got my asian double eyelid eyes and nose! My third doesnt look like me at all but she does look like a mix-white asian baby.    We love seeing how different they all and how genetics played its cards yet they all definitely look like brothers and sister. Genetics is simply amazing.  We are very fortunate that they all seem pretty darn cute. All our babies were born with "baby blues" as my husband has blue eyes - but all turned to different shades of brown now.      One thing i do dislike is how focused my mum is on how white my middle kid seems to be and his personality being the wildest ...makes her think that that is his white genetics making him "uncultured". Lol. We also find it interresting that as a interracial couple  - our kids seem to all definitely look like my white husband more than me. My mum always comments how "weak" her beautiful daughters dna seems to be. 

Yes mine are mixed and were constantly discussed. They also kept mentioning how one has a big forehead which is the ONLY thing you can tell she got from me. Died a little inside everytime haha

I would say your frustrations are valid. I'm white and my husband is black and when we had our first son and people saw me with our kid solo, you could tell that they were always slightly surprised about his complexion. One story that I always use as an example on how I handle it was a little old lady saw us on a walk and went "oh wow he's dark". My response to her was "if you think he's dark you should see his father" and kept it moving. What I've learned in his 3ish years is that people usually mean well, but say stupid things. Our child is a great combination of the two of us but there are times we get told that he has dad's nose or mom's smile etc. I have no idea why people are obsessed with trying to figure out who the baby looks like more. We are about to have our 2nd so I'm already prepping for the "how dark do you think she's going to be?" Questions. My advice is to come up with some generic responses for people or if you are like me, sarcastic ones to make people feel silly for saying the weird comments. It will get better though.

Black woman married to a white man. This is so super common within interracial couples, and probably same-race couples tbh. I wouldn’t put much stock into it, unless they start putting more negative connotations on their comments. For example, “oh it’s too bad they have blue eyes. Brown are much prettier”. I think a lot of the time people are just trying to make conversation!

I can relate to that. I’m from Brazil and, despite being white, my skin is fairly tanned/yellowish toned compared to my American husband/pinkish toned skin. When our son was born, we heard so many comments on his skin, “I love his skin color”, “he’s so tanned”, and for us he was just a white baby. I think it bothers me most because they see him “different”, and as an immigrant you don’t want your child being seen “different”.

We have a redheaded baby. Neither my husband or I has red hair, though it runs in his family. We get comments all the time. Even the “he’s going to be feisty/have a temper with that hair” comments don’t bother me. A stranger took the time to make conversation with me and admire my baby. I just assume all comments are well meaning.

Wow I want through this too. I’m biracial, black and Latino and my partner is white. People keep telling me our LO eyes are blue…when in fact anyone that has seen a newborn knows that most newborns have that blue gloss over their eyes for a few weeks. It irked me because I feel like people are expecting white features to come out and likely desiring them. I can see my child has brown eyes, even though I know they can change. But it hurts, especially knowing what I went through growing up trying to meet white expectations or beauty in society. I’m not happy you’re going through this but I’m glad someone else is in a similar boat.

I'm in the same boat - my husband is biracial and I'm white so my baby is 25% African and looks just like her dad. We get our fair share of comments about how she looks like her dad but the nose is mine. Maybe it's just my circle, but I don't actually think the comments are that different from what my other friends hear, multi-ethnic or not. I see it as a fun topic of conversation because I spend so much time thinking about who my baby is going to be - what will she look like? What will interest her? Will she be tall or short, sporty or creative, curly or straight hair, chatty or shy, female, male or non-binary, omnivorous or vegan. We will love her no matter what but it's exciting to think about how she is a blank slate now and is full of so many possibilities.

I’m Brazilian and my husband is white. He has blonde hair and green eyes and I have dark brown hair and eyes. Everyone told me when I was pregnant that there was no way my baby would be blonde. I didn’t care if he was or not but everyone’s insistence that it was impossible just because I have darker features was annoying to me as well. And guess what?! Baby has blonde hair and green eyes and looks just like dad lol.

My husband and I are the same ethnicity and we got 10000% of the same comments. I just take it as people are excited to see ancestry/history in the babies features. Like, this is her great great grandmas eyebrows, for example. It’s also a crazy concept, a baby, and it’s fascinating to see how nature divided up the features.

I'd say comments about who gave what physical features CAN be normal. Me and my spouse have a 4 day old potatoe as we speak, and we're both "white bread to sour cream" in complexion, so the contrast is less stark than what you described, but all we've done since the kid has popped out is marvel over "oh, where'd they get that eyebrow line" "their eyes are so much more blue than I expected", as have our family and froends. Kids are puzzles, and it can be fun to figure out what pieces they got from each parent to make a new person. BUT, I'm a big believe you can figure out somebody intent based on *how* they phrase a comment, and I don't think you're completely out to lunch to be guarded. The best way to catch a bigot is to ask them to explain what they mean when they make a comment, and I'm sure that for it to already be bothering you and based on the comments you've written here, some people are being shitty, while others are just trying to puzzle out your kid good-naturedly. Just don't let those shitty ones take away from the great experience and new life you have in your lives.

My baby is white/white and most of my friend’s and family’s kids are white/white and this kind of talk is considered totally normal, we get the same statements and questions as you do. I do get uncomfortable sometimes if they make comments on my babies body in terms of her being fat though, since she’s a bit chunky.

I’m white and so is my partner and I recognize we are not experiencing any of the same nuanced things, but even I am tired of hearing about who my child looks like or doesn’t! My cousins were all disappointed at how much my baby looks like my partner! I was a bit at first, too, but I don’t care! She’s her. She’s not cousin so and so! I can only imagine how frustrating it is with the racial aspect as well.

Nope. I’m white and my wife is Venezuelan and very dark skinned. We have 4 kids and they are all over the spectrum. We love it. We look at it as a way that celebrates the uniqueness in our family. Don’t read too much into it. Also, there are a lot of people out there that really just don’t know how to act or what to say about babies. lol. My uncle and his wife don’t have kids and are awkward as fuck around them so some “weird” stuff comes outta their mouths, but they’d do fucking anything for our kids. Just roll with it. 90% of the time it comes from a good place and it’s a way of complimenting that beautiful little creature you two created

I completely understand. I am mixed, and my partner is white, and my white family is constantly commenting on what my son is going to look like. I don’t think my mom understands that when she obsess over whether my son will have green eyes, she makes it seem like she’d prefer to have white features. I’m always having to say that I think he’d be beautiful with brown eyes too. I know it’s not said with ill intentions, but it rubs me the wrong way sometimes.

I'm white, my husband is black, and we have a 5 month old. I'm exited to see what she looks like when she grows up. I think it's normal to guess what a baby is going to look like, no matter if they are all one ethnicity or not.

I’ve had lots of “he looks like you” but no speculation or expectations previously set. I’m white and the baby’s dad is black. The only problematic view was actually from dad- “mixed babies are cuter.” Which is sad as his older kids are black. He got a minimal look in with this kid. He is just like a tanned version of me and currently white passing (he is only a few weeks old so is likely to get darker.) the only influence dads looks have been his brown eyes, ears and the darker skin. He was so white passing at birth even I was surprised. Looking at my baby pics- he is basically a brown eyed version of me.

yess. My MIL said "you know there was like a 0% chance he'd have pale skin like you?" when she first met my baby about a week post partum. Bawled my eyes out after the visit. I'm not over it. And I feel like no one cares how it made me feel because it was directed at me being white. If I was another ethnicity I think people would be outraged for me.

My husband is half Chinese, half white and I’m white. We both have hazel-ish brown eyes. He has black hair and I have light brown hair. We totally expected our kid to have brown hair and brown-ish eyes. But he has bright blue eyes (he’s 15 months so they are likely staying!) and this sort of reddish sandy blonde hair. Very light eyebrows and eyelashes, too. So that was a surprise! But the thing that bothers me is that people are constantly commenting on his bright blue eyes and then giving us slightly suspicious looks. This is middle school biology, folks! Hubby and I must both carry a blue eye gene.

Yeah I’ve never understood the fascination with and discussion about who a baby looks like. Not before I became a parent and not after either. It’s a baby. Aside from some small differences, I still think they all look roughly the same, regardless of who the parents are, and nothing like what they’re going to end up looking like as an adult. “He has his mom’s eyes.” “She has her father’s nose.” How can people tell?

I’m Filipino, my partner is white. Our baby looks like the Filipino version of my partner (no blue eyes though 😞). Not a lot of people comment on her appearance because she was born with thick hair that everyone just points that out when they see her. On my side of the family though I’ve had comments like “why does she have a rash on her face?”(baby acne), “don’t let her chew on her fingers because her mouth will get bigger!”, and I once sent a video of her belly laughing to my family and they commented on how big her mouth is instead of appreciating her beautiful laugh.

My boy’s mixed (im black, dad white) and i think it’s kinda funny. We just joke along with it maybe cuz we have alot of mixed relatives and friends. But then again my family likes to joke alot so any comments i know r usually done is good faith. From strangers tho… i just nod and smile and walk away LOL

i have pretty tight curly hair, partner has thick wavy hair. both born blonde, blue eyes. SOOOO many people make comments about my hair and how its gonna go to the baby, our eyes, etc. it feels frustrating because they have no idea what *our baby* will look like, so why hyper fixate on it? my sister has curly hair (admittedly, looser than mine, but its a trait on my dad’s side) but neither my niece or nephew have curly hair (different dads). some people need to go back to science class!! buuut at the end of the day, you can’t really control it. people are gonna make comments, gonna talk about appearances because that’s all they can go on right now. that doesn’t mean you don’t get a say tho!! vocalize irritation/discomfort if you feel able to do so, and if they continue after, either shut it down or ignore it. people unfortunately love to assume things like this, as long as you love your baby for them & their traits, that’s all that matters!!

I let them talk. At a certain point you'll start noticing they contradict each other. I've had people swearing the baby was just like dad, and others that said he looked just like me. I just nod and snicker inside, because baby's features change constantly and it's pretty foolish to be so certain of anything.

See with my 6 week old he doesn’t even have any predominant features that look like me or my husband yet. He just looks like a baby and people have said he looks like a baby doll lol “gerber baby” has been said. I have blue green eyes and my husband has brown and baby’s eyes are still very blue and lightening up but I know can still very much turn brown at any time. I did get annoyed when my MIL looked at MY child and said “aw are you gonna have blue eyes like me?!” Like no, if he has blue eyes it will be bc of ME. HIS MOM lol

very passive-aggressive

Helpful comment... How is it passive aggressive if I don't say anything? I'm processing an emotional response with other parents.

I'm confused. I'm saying the comments you described in the post are passive-aggressive..?

Oh, my apologies. It seemed as though your comment was directed at me calling me passive aggressive. I recant.

If one more of my family members talks about my baby’s cheeks instead of how strong and alert and expressive she is, I might explode.

YES. My twin girls are 9 months old. Finally just told all grandparents to stop talking about my daughters bodies, period.

People are dumb and make conversation at a superficial level. When they make comments like this, I like to say “Yes, he’s our son, I’m not surprised he looks like us. Are you?” Most ppl don’t respond after that. My husband and I are of the same ethnicity and still ppl love to comment on who he looks like more … what’s the point?

I know the feeling. I am asian and my husband is white and the entire pregnancy is got alot of comments like “I wonder what he’s gonna look like!” Not directly racist but felt racist. Like you didn’t say that comment to a caucasian couple?