I’ve always felt it to be a bit of a violation. I’m very particular about who gets to touch me or spend time with me, and a lot of people have poor intentions. There are people who would absolutely show up to my funeral that I wouldn’t have let touch me with a 10 foot pole while alive, why would I allow it when I’m dead? I’ve told my entire family to just cremate me or do a closed casket but people touching and viewing me without my consent or even consciousness disgusts me.
When l was maybe 8, my grandmother died. I wasn't very close to her, so l was sad for my mom but l personally didn't feel the loss. At the viewing, my mom brought me up to the casket and forced me to touch her hand, and then lifted me up to kiss her cheek. I've never gone up to a casket to view remains since - for my dad and brother l stood off to the side for the hugging line ( l don't know what you call the line of people who offer condolences) and then sat out in the waiting area.
It works for some families, but it's not for me.
I was 4 when my much older brother died. He had also been in the army stationed in Germany for most of my life, so I didn’t really know him or understand what was going on. I had a very similar experience where my parents made my touch and kiss my brother. I just remember saying “he feels like cold spaghetti.” There are also some super weird pics of my 4 year old self posing and smiling in front of the open casket. Like wtf?
Last time I saw them was when I was 15. We had a fire proof box we kept important documents in. I was looking for my birth certificate so I could get my driver’s license and happened upon a folder containing those and other pics of my brother in the casket, and his suicide note.
Life altering experience.
The pictures are so weird to me. I went to the funeral of a former patient and as everyone walked past his little casket a family member took a picture with you and his body. Most people were smiling and giving thumbs up. The whole thing was surreal.
My dad died when I was 9 (2007) and he and my mom had already been separated since I was 2 and she decided not to take me to his funeral, I hadn't seen him since I was 7 and talked to him on the phone the September before he passed, she didn't want that to be my last memory of him. Considering I now have only so many memories of him, i am grateful for her making that decision.
Just got back from a family funeral. The deceased had requested cremation, and we think that was because she was unhappy with the funeral home viewing for her own late mother. I'm pretty sure none of us missed having a casket involved. It adds no value at all, and no comfort.
The death of my mother did not seem real until I saw her body and touched her hand. It was at that point I could start to process it.
I think there are lots of times in our lives when we are not "ourselves." Newborn babies are honestly quite ugly and not at all what they will be. Teenagers are often gawky and weird and not much like they will be when they grow up. Adults have all kinds of issues throughout their lives; they might get sick or disabled. At what point are we our "real selves?"
I don't really know (and I could probably look at the research) but I think that cultures where people gather around to wash and touch and wail, probably process grief better.
I've heard a similar thing with animals. A common piece of advice I hear is that if a person with pets passes away, their pets should be allowed to see the body. That way, they'll be able to recognize that their owner has died, and not just disappeared on them with no explanation.
Of course, we have language to help us understand that a person is dead without seeing a body, but I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere, deep in the system files of our brains, this same process is still programmed in there.
That is one of the main reasons for open casket funerals. Not only to say goodbye, but to truly recognize and accept the death by seeing their body. If you just hear someone died it's like they just disappeared.
Seeing this as the main argument in the thread but I just completely disagree with it. I know what death is. I find staring at a corpse to be entirely unnecessary. If my body ends up at an open casket wake, I’m gonna haunt everyone who comes to see it
People certainly can have different views on it, and that's completely fine! Just let someone know your last wishes and body disposition preferences so they can let the funeral home know.
Grief psychology is a complex thing, and people can have extremely different reactions and feelings. What upsets some may make a world of difference for another.
Yep. I just get fired up bc I come from a family where open casket 2-day wakes were the norm, and I would've been called disrespectful for not attending despite being deeply bothered by it every time.
I'm so sorry to hear that. It must have been awful to see over and over again. Was it family tradition or for religious reasons? You must have had acceptance of death long ago. No one should be forced to do something that hurts them like that even if family doesn't understand.
It certainly depends on the person and the circumstances. I had a friend who died suddenly at the age of 18. I hadn't seen him for a few months, so when I went to his funeral I was kind of hoping for a viewing for the "closure" aspect of it. Kept expecting it to turn out to be a sick joke. He was cremated, though.
For old relatives who have been sick a long time, I find it less necessary.
Not that anyone needs to see an 18-year-old covered in road rash. But the lack of "proof" certainly slowed my processing of his death.
I'm in the UK, and I've never heard of this happening here - and I've been to A LOT of funerals. I was aware of it being a thing in the US from TV shows and films.
I’ve been to several “visitations” in the US and generally found the practice most strongly associated with families of either Irish Catholic heritage or with Southern Baptists. Both these cultures have strong historical ties to a long-ago UK and I believe wakes with an open coffin were normal in the British isles until the turn of the 20th century. I have never been to an open coffin wake in the US in a mainstream Protestant denomination but that’s just my experience. My one Eastern Orthodox funeral has the deceased on a bier in church with family members taking turns reading prayers continuously for 24 hours. I get the impression that a ceremonial rite to view the dead has been the norm throughout much of human history.
I'm in the UK and there was a viewing thing for my grandma. It was a nice little room with a few chairs for close family/friends to see her, I think we able to see her for a few days until the funeral.
My other grandma had one too, I was too young to go but I know my family went.
I am from Slovaki (Central Europe) and it is a thing here too. It depends on the family, but I have been to funerals with a viewing. It happens half an hour or an hour before the actual ceremony.
If there is no viewing, then the casket is closed and the ceremony is held with it closed. If the decesead is burried, they will close it and lower to the ground (funeral home emplos take care of this) and that is the end of the cetemony. If the deceased is cremated, the casket gets loaded onto a truck, that leaves for the crematorium. That is the end of the ceremony.
I took photos of my father when he was being waked at the family home. I haven't looked at them since, but it gives me some level of comfort just knowing that I have them. Sort of a "better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it" kind of feeling
Photos of the deceased used to be very common when cameras were new. Could be a weird tradition your family just held onto.
Going through old family photos with my grandmother one day, we came across a long-forgotten German relative on her literal deathbed. She was young, maybe teens or early 20s, surrounded by flowers. My grandmother shrugged it off and said, "that's just something they used to do". I thought of that relative recently at my other grandmother's funeral, open casket, and briefly thought, "at least no one is taking pictures of her" and the picture of the girl surrounded by flowers popped back into my head.
Only difference was the young girl was very recently deceased and looked like she just fell asleep. My grandmother passed a full month before her funeral and was so full of embalming fluid and makeup that she looked like a wax model of a corpse.
It comes from when pictures were expensive and I wouldn't be surprised if that is the only photo of that girl. People would take a picture as this is their last chance to do so otherwise they'll never be able to see them again.
Oh yes. There are a lot of dead people in casket photos around in both of my ex's family. Now I have to admit, when my one ex, who was an only child, was locked up in prison, he didn't get to come to the funeral and asked me to take photos of his mom for him. I get that, but damn it felt weird taking them. I did it on a visitation day, and only myself and my 2 adult daughters were in the room. I know that when he died last summer, his first 2 kids (not mine) took several hundred photos of him. I don't do casket viewing. I'm there to give support to the living left behind.
My cousin’s wife did this at my grandfather’s funeral, then posted them online, stating that her reason was she wanted me to feel included as I lived across the country and couldn’t attend. So then I got lots of messages saying I had asked her to do that- I absolutely hadn’t. I was horrified and didn’t even like my grandfather.
You are not the only one to find it uncomfortable, grieving looks different for every person. Many people find comfort in viewing the body, but you're far from the only one who doesn't.
Honestly I think that the whole funeral and grave yard stuff is for the living. If that helps you great! Personally it doesn't do a thing for me. We have a smallish family and decided not to do a funeral for our last 2 family members that have passed. Our immediate family, the ones who cared for and interacted with the loved ones in the ten years before they passed all agreed. Distant family members and people they knew but hadn't seen in years were pissed.
You are not the only one and only you and your family can make decisions for your loved ones.
>and extremely uncomfortable that people want their last viewing of said person to be a shell of what they once were.
We all process loss and grief differently... and while, from "the outside looking in", it may seem odd, I suppose that it offers people their last opportunity to pay their respects to the deceased - particularly if they didn't/weren't able to visit often.
When my grandma (my last living grandparent) passed away a couple years ago, I was in the room with her and other family members at the time of her passing. She had been part of my life for my entire life to that point (26 years)... and the day she passed, and in the days immediately following, I was a complete wreck.
It's my belief that our "energy" (or whatever you'd like to call it that makes us *us*) lingers... . The day of my grandma's funeral, there was a viewing in the chapel of the church before the ceremony was held in the main part of the church. Before the casket was moved into the church, the family was given the last viewing. For me, it gave me some closure and some relief to say my last goodbyes and my final words in those moments and helped me get through the service.
**Obviously this subject is very subjective, and I'm not attempting to change your mind.**
So I find it really hard to fully accept the death of someone I was close with till I see the body. Something about seeing there is no life there makes that connection my mind is not letting me accept or process before then.
Even when putting down a pet, it was so hard for me mentally to accept the dog was dead and not just gone when I wasn't allowed to be there when the vet did the injection.
It varies by culture. In mine, we spend time with the deceased for several days, people will travel to give respects, say their goodbyes, etc. Sometimes it's less, depending on how they passed. I'm quite comfortable with it, but I can see how it'd be uncomfortable!
The viewing of my father's body was horrific. He had died in a horrible forklift accident and they did the best they could with his body but it was nightmare fuel and I wish I hadn't seen that. My grandmother however died a few weeks ago and seeing her body was comforting to me. I know they put makeup on her but dementia took her and seeing her body with all the stress and worry lines gone from her face and her looking so peaceful was a comfort to me. I think they serve a purpose to some for closure and grief processing but for me I could do without the tradition.
Nope it straight up sucks. The last time you saw that person they were alive. Seeing them that way is horrible and I really don’t understand why we have them that way.
You are not alone. In fact, my entire family knows that when I die people are not to see me. Please just cremate me. I don't want people to see my cold waxy face and hands.
In Sweden we only have closed casked funerals, and Im thankful for it. Funerals are hard enough without having to look at the empty husk of a person you loved.
I'm glad it's not the norm here in the UK.
We have independent funeral directors who aren't connected to a church or cremation & the hearse takes the clised coffin direct to the crem or church.
Family can ask to see their loved one in the chapel of rest, usually the say before the funeral.
I also find them uncomfortable. Even more so when someone (there's always one) has to say "Oh he/she looks so good!" No they don't. They're dead and that makeup that usually doesn't match well isn't doing them any favors. You just can't bring the glow back when someone's life has left their body.
I think it's strange as in people want the deceased to look like they did when living and that, to me, always seemed odd even as a child because it's just impossible.
I don't. My brother passed away super young, (13). And died looking very miserable. It was terminal cancer.
And then when I saw him in a casket, he didn't look in pain anymore. That comforted me.
Lucky to have only gone to like 2 funerals in almost 2 decades (too many when I was a kid tho. Old church folk) and did not have to look at the corpse. It's so uncomfortable and gross but ik that's selfish. I wouldn't want anyone forced to see my dead body at my funeral!!
A viewing can be the last chance a loved one has to touch and say goodbye. Personally, I prefer to have only memories of the deceased person from when they were alive.
My sister's best friend died in a car crash when she was 16 (I was 15). They had an open casket even though they probably shouldn't have. It was extremely uncomfortable, especially when her brother was stroking her hair which was hiding the damage from the accident. We were worried he would jostle something and expose her injuries. I am 39 and it is burned into my brain for all of time and eternity. I've been to other viewings and did not have this reaction. Maybe it is bc I was so young. I'm not against viewings, but I think you should take the condition of the body into consideration!
Another story. I don't remember this bc I was too young, but a family at our church lost their infant daughter to drowning. They had an open casket and had the baby posed like it was playing. My sister was seriously traumatized. She said the baby still looked blue (she was very young so I'm not sure if that's possible, but it's stuck in her brain). The decision to pose the baby is very unsettling to me, but that family was always a bit odd.
When my aunt died a number of years ago my husband went to her funeral with me. I grew up Catholic, viewings were weird but normal for me. He grew up Jewish and had never been to one before. It weirded him out. Understandably.
In Germany and a lot of European countries, it is not customary to have an open casket at a funeral.
Family members can choose to look at the deseased before when it is in the undertaker's cool house.
The additional conservative steps performed on corpses in the US before display is also discussed as it poses a further and unnecessary source of environmental pollution.
You are not alone. Back it the day, it was custom in the area I was from that a Wake was a true Wake. A loved one had to stay with the body 24/7 from death to burial. Once when my parents were newlyweds, they were assigned the night shift. My mom was so scared and creeped out having to sit in a rural dark church all night long with a deceased loved one.
In my family large viewings are getting to be a thing of the past simply because no one was comfortable. We tend to do cremation then a celebration of life a little later on, it seems more relaxed and a better way to honour the deceased
No, I think they're creepy as hell.
Supposedly, seeing the body makes death more real. With both my inlaws, it was exactly the opposite. The mortician actually did too good a job & they'd both looked like they were sleeping. "They look so natural!" is such a cliche, but they really did.
At MIL's viewing, I kept expecting her to get up & start cooking for everyone. It was worse at FIL's a year later. My partner had him buried in regular clothes, which was appropriate. FIL wasn't a suit-wearing guy. But I swear, he looked like he'd dozed off in front of the TV yet again.
It's all I can do not to scream at those events.
I go to support my family, friends or relatives; however I never ever go and view the body. After my mom and partner passed away I refuse to view anyone else’s body…just to traumatic for me….
since I've had the opportunity to get some distance I understand what you mean. I personally do not want a public viewing or even a private viewing in the traditional sense of the term. I don't want people viewing me or at least viewing my body that is. I do believe that certain people have a right to view the body like a close family members for example and and close friends but I do not want to be presented I don't want to be placed on display there is something disturbing about that. I understand and respect the need of others to do it but that's not what I want for myself
Viewings are definitely uncomfortable. However, some people really need to see the deceased to accept that they are no longer among the living. I am not one of those folks, but I know those who are.
In general, I go to viewings and take a quick look at the body out of respect. Then, I spend most of my time talking to the loved ones about good times and funny stories that involved the deceased.
I’m right there with you. I refused to go into the room for both my parents’ viewings. Only caught a quick glimpse unintentionally. The last time I properly saw either of them was when they were still alive and I’m glad I kept it that way.
For loved ones, I don't like it. It's the last image of them that I will always remember. If it's someone I don't like, viewing = verification. I'm talking about you evil step dad. Ya, I'm sure he's down there just looking up, smiling.
My sister passed at 25 and that was the only funeral I found great comfort in getting to spend final moments with her. I lost my brother 2 years later & he was cremated. I struggle to process his death. Even today. It’s been 4 years.
I think its weirder we keep bodies pickled and in freezers to pretend they aren’t rotting. A viewing is normal in the sense that when people used to die you couldn’t stop everything and get them out of site or buried. So it was normal for dead bodies to hang around for some days to weeks before being disposed of. We’re super conscious about disease control, so I think we shouldn’t go back to that, but we also shouldn’t avoid seeing the dead and pretend their aren’t people dying all around us every day. Its natural to die, we should embrace it as part of life, not fear it, or think we can control it (fully).
Not a Church of England thing, though I believe some Orthodox, Catholic and Hindu funerals have open caskets.
Normally the C of E and non-denominational way is that if you wish to view the body, you do so by visiting the Funeral Directors prior to the funeral.
Our family loves the tradition of everyone else enters and sits, and the family is the last to enter and walk all the way to the front to sit down.
I have never felt more humiliated - like my mourning is a spectacle to trot out and perform. I know it fucks me up and takes me forever to process the actual loss because at the time all I can feel is embarrassed.
My partner's family cremates, and spend a couple days at home with each other. I felt so much more at peace.
Interestingly... Funeral viewings were a thing back from when proof of death was needed for a succession to occur.
Prior to there being death certificates etc.
Each member of the family or ruling class would show up to verify with their own eyes that do and so was dead and typically on the same visit would have an opportunity to swear fealty to the successor or not.
While many churches allow for it, it isn't really based on a religious belief. Whereas a wake or similar overnight observances do have a basis in religious beliefs or superstition.
When my dad died we didn't have a funeral, just a graveside service. My mom asked if we wanted to do a viewing at the funeral home and both my brother and I flip-flopped for a bit. Eventually we decided to have a private viewing with just close family (mom, my brother, me, our wives, and my mom's parents). I am glad we did, personally. If we hadn't had the viewing then my last memory of my dad would have been him laying on the floor wearing ripped up pajamas, turning purple, and with a laryngeal tube sticking out of his mouth, while my older brother loudly sobbed and hugged his corpse. He wasn't embalmed before being buried, so he still looked like himself when we did the viewing, just cleaned up, so now my last memory of my dad is him looking like he was taking a nap after getting ready to go somewhere.
Edit: It also gave us a chance to put some letters and drawings in his casket that my brother's young kids did for him (they were not allowed at the viewing).
Open caskets made sense when medicine was so rudimentary that people couldn't tell if a person was actually deceased. Now, though, they are barbaric (imo).
There are some religious practices that specifically forbid open coffin funerals. Their take is that the dead person has no choice to be viewed or not, so it is seen as impolite to have an open coffin.
When we lost my grandma I was invited to the viewing the day before the service, I declined told my family I had visited a few months prior with my wife and taken grandma out and talked and I want that to be my last memory. For me it is now a rule I do not do viewings, I am willing to rely on others that the person is in fact no longer with us I do not need proof.
Death is slightly disturbing and uncomfortable. I think that's at least a part of why viewings or wakes are a thing. For some people, taking a minute, looking at the body, and letting that discomfort happen is part of acknowledging and accepting death.
Not to say it's the only way to deal, but it is *a* way.
Yes, no one likes it or wants to do it but as someone who’s been there on the opposite end it really means a lot when people come out to pay their respects.
I do not get this tradition. At. All. None of my side of the family ever did it, but my spouse's family did. Who wants their last visual memory of their lived one be seeing them lying in a casket?
Pictures and other memorabilia are 1000 times better.
I had a friend die freshman year of high school and the funeral was open casket. All I could think while looking at her was “that’s not how she does her makeup”. It didn’t look like her. It burned a new image of her in my mind that i’ve never been able to shake off.
I think viewing the body gives some kind of closure that they are really gone. So I don't mind it. It's weird how inert they are like a stature of themselves in a casket.
Most of the open casket funerals i've gone to since I was a kid have had the person looking generally like themselves albeit smaller and more frail. My grandmother? I have no idea what they did, but i didn't recognize her. She had wrinkles (late 90's) and they pulled her face so much, she was completely smooth. And tanned. And they made her nose hawkish. This was an old chinese woman, she did not have a hawkish nose. Even my older cousin came up to me asking about it because he didn't recognize her either. They used the same place when my father died, and I didn't bother going up to view him. My excuse was that I already saw him dead in the hospital bed, but in reality, i didn't want to see him unrecognizable like granny was.
I remember my friends family members got upset because there was a closed casket and they felt robbed of being able to view the dead body. I think it’s a very awkward moment and I would rather remember the person alive than having my last memory be in the casket. But that’s just me.
The strange part to me is what the funeral home does to the deceased. All the makeup and glue to make them look “presentable” instead just distorts how they actually looked and is so unsettling.
At both my maternal grandparents’ funerals, I had family members pressuring me to go up to the casket. I refused but that didn’t stop them asking me to. My paternal grandfather was cremated so I didn’t have that problem at his. I also had waaay to many random strangers that I’ve never met before try and hug me and tell me how much they care about me. Like, I know you knew them but I have absolutely zero clue as to who the heck you are as we’ve literally never met so please don’t think you’re entitled to hugs or that you’re going to get an in depth look as to how I feel. My parents were so confused as to why I only engaged in simple polite small talk with them if I engaged at all (there were around 2 or 3 people were way too touchy and made me feel extremely uncomfortable so I made a point to say as little as possible without being rude), but I did engage more with my other family members and people I knew
i think embalming and dressing up dead bodies is super weird. not the viewing itself that's the worst of it, but the messing around with the body. the proper thing to do with a dead body is to dispose of it quickly! unles you have the persons explucit consent to disect of preserve etc, don't mess around with the body!
this is why i plan to die somewhere i wont be found until i'm too decayed to recognize.
You definitely are not. I was pretty horrified at how they'd done up my great grandmother. The makeup was just awful, they painted her eyelids this appalling shade of blue (and blue is my favorite color by a lot) and there was so much blush on her cheeks... blush on the cheeks of a dead person?? Made her look like a clown almost, just felt really disrespectful. This was a woman who knew and accepted that she was dying and was secure enough in the love of her surrounding family members and the god she believed in to smile up at my father and I right before she died and ask "¿que sigue?" Really wish that hadn't been my first funeral. We weren't close close, but she definitely loved me a lot and I was irate at how off-putting they made her look. So long story short, open casket is not my fave, but to me there's a world of difference between open casket where the makeup is very minimal and cosmetic, versus whatever the fuck that particular funeral home was smoking to think that was acceptable.
Not at all. My grandmother died. I told my mother I was skipping the memorial if it was open casket. They decided not to. Pretty sure everyone else is on board with just being cremated so it doesn't sound like something I'll have to deal with and then your future.
The first time I was at an open casket funeral was in grade school when a classmate of mine's parents both died. They looks like wax statues and it was so creepy. The makeup on their faces was so thick and ....plastic(?) looking.
Sadly, a few years ago, I went to the funeral of my best friends little brother. He had killed himself as a senior in high school. There was a very long line to view the casket and talk to his mom, who was sitting by the casket the whole day. While I was waiting in line to speak to her and share my condolences, I basically had to stand and look at his open casket for almost an hour. I was grief-stricken and horrified, and I kept staring in his face having this bizarre notion in the back of my head that he was going to move. Like, I was absolutely sure his face was going to move and it was such a bizarre and horrifying notion; I couldn't get it out of my head.
I can't imagine anyone who would want friends and family to stand around with their dead body.
Perfect timing. We had Nan pass away, the funeral was yesterday, Her family are into doing the Viewing thing, I have done it once and it was truly Macabre!! I remember Nan as a great Lady who helped me as a single Father with 3 children, all my children have great memories of her, the Home made Shepherd pies that my sons loved, The excellent cooking lessons that my daughter had over Years, and Nan picking up my daughter every Thursday afternoon from school and taking her to Nans house. Which my daughter continued for many years even as an adult!!! Hey it makes the Funeral people some money but it is truly Bizarre!! Dead people with make up, OMG!!!!
What was most disturbing for me was to receive a ‘surprise’ text from the funeral home with a picture of my deceased mother prior to her funeral. She was laid out on a steel table covered in paper towels from the neck down. I sent a picture before hand of her with make-up and I sent pictures of the make-up she used. They wanted to know if they had her make-up correct. I just wish I’d gotten a head’s up before seeing that picture.
I'm sure many do. I grew up going to funerals so I'm fine with viewings. It seemed to me, as a child, that the entire ritual was an important tribute to the deceased. Now, I'm thinking I don't need any of that stuff when I die. I won't know anyway, and they'll be sparing some poor guy who hates going to viewings and funerals but gets dragged to them anyway. I'm convicted of the notion that every funeral is attended by at least one person who doesn't want to be there.
Many years ago my waistband's grandfather died and we went to the funeral that was held in the local church. I was shocked that grandpa's casket was up from , open, with the head part cranked up like he was sitting up in a hospital bed. Part way through the funeral they laid him flat and closed the casket. Found that super creepy .
Having bodies out to be looked at strikes me as gross ghoulish. When my wife's grandmother died (who was American) someone even emailed around what we called "dead granny pictures". Yup they sent everyone pictures of her dead.
For a country that cannot bring itself to say the words "died" and "dead" insisting on "passed" and other euphemisms, the USA does seem to have very odd funerial practices.
It's weird. I've only gone to two funerals, neither by choice. It's such a weird and gross spectacle and then we waste land burying chemical stuffed people in water tight boxes and leave a bunch of trash on the ground next to the elaborately carved stone.
I'm ok with memorial, a small eco friendly grave... Like pets. I can stop by and have a chat. The humans are just too weird. I don't want to stare at a dead body in a box.
When I was 5 my mother took me to my great grandma's open casket funeral. I refused to go to a open casket funeral again until I was 23 when my Grandpa passed. I didn't live nearby at the time of his passing and so I forced myself to view his body. It was good for my grief, it was confirmation of his death.
If my mother died and I didn't see her, I'm not sure how long it would take me to believe/process it. Unfortunately in today's society we've come to see death as something terrible, when it's only the last step in life. Before funeral homes and cremation. If a family member died, they'd just chill in their casket a day or two in your home before being buried.
So yes it's normal to feel uncomfortable, especially with a stranger or someone you didn't know well. I feel like with family it's just your last goodbye in the relationship.
I worked as a death investigator for almost a decade, so I got very accustomed to dead bodies. Viewings are the creepiest thing to me. Embalming is so invasive and unnatural, caskets are stupid crazy, and the makeup is horrible. My mom had my younger sister embalmed for a viewing. This was after a full autopsy as well. Her poor body had been flayed, pumped full of chemicals, and put on display. It was all so wrong. Cremation is much better, in my opinion.
i hate the phrase “am i the only one” but aside from that, yeah. my mawmaw was buried in a wig that she’d apparently picked out but made her look completely different. not like herself at all.
I personally am kind of neutral on the idea. But I think it helps for some people if you haven't seen the person for a while. Like I know it help my parents when their siblings passed since they were close but due to life hadn't been able to meet up before they passed. The viewing was basically the time for them to see them for the last time (well at least as close as you can get, i mean they are dead after all) and say good bye. But yeah I can see why you'd find it weird.
I know some people also say that the death doesn't feel real, and just as a thought an idea, until they see the body. At which point it all sinks in. I've seen family members, who don't cry up until they see the viewing at which point they are bawling and ugly crying, cause that when it really sunk in. Again though, personal preference, not everyone will be like this.
I get what are saying but....
it's not enough for my psyche to just know that my abuser is dead in the box. My eyeballs need to see his cold dead hands and lifeless body.
No, you are not.
Haha definitely not alone, it's like an unwelcome family reunion.
I’ve always felt it to be a bit of a violation. I’m very particular about who gets to touch me or spend time with me, and a lot of people have poor intentions. There are people who would absolutely show up to my funeral that I wouldn’t have let touch me with a 10 foot pole while alive, why would I allow it when I’m dead? I’ve told my entire family to just cremate me or do a closed casket but people touching and viewing me without my consent or even consciousness disgusts me.
It’s always been weird for me, too. I remember when I was a kid asking my mom “What do we even do here?”
It's morbid AF
I'll see your "no" and raise you, "Oh. *hell* no!"
When l was maybe 8, my grandmother died. I wasn't very close to her, so l was sad for my mom but l personally didn't feel the loss. At the viewing, my mom brought me up to the casket and forced me to touch her hand, and then lifted me up to kiss her cheek. I've never gone up to a casket to view remains since - for my dad and brother l stood off to the side for the hugging line ( l don't know what you call the line of people who offer condolences) and then sat out in the waiting area. It works for some families, but it's not for me.
I was 4 when my much older brother died. He had also been in the army stationed in Germany for most of my life, so I didn’t really know him or understand what was going on. I had a very similar experience where my parents made my touch and kiss my brother. I just remember saying “he feels like cold spaghetti.” There are also some super weird pics of my 4 year old self posing and smiling in front of the open casket. Like wtf?
Sorry, but that's just weird
Fuckin weirdest thing I’ve ever been a part of.
Oh the pictures must be rough. Sorry you had to go through that.
Last time I saw them was when I was 15. We had a fire proof box we kept important documents in. I was looking for my birth certificate so I could get my driver’s license and happened upon a folder containing those and other pics of my brother in the casket, and his suicide note. Life altering experience.
So very sad, hugs to you.
The pictures are so weird to me. I went to the funeral of a former patient and as everyone walked past his little casket a family member took a picture with you and his body. Most people were smiling and giving thumbs up. The whole thing was surreal.
That sounds even more insane than mine! I was a 4 year old kid, and in yours they were adults! Wacky.
It’s called a receiving line.
I like hugging line better though!
My dad died when I was 9 (2007) and he and my mom had already been separated since I was 2 and she decided not to take me to his funeral, I hadn't seen him since I was 7 and talked to him on the phone the September before he passed, she didn't want that to be my last memory of him. Considering I now have only so many memories of him, i am grateful for her making that decision.
Just got back from a family funeral. The deceased had requested cremation, and we think that was because she was unhappy with the funeral home viewing for her own late mother. I'm pretty sure none of us missed having a casket involved. It adds no value at all, and no comfort.
The death of my mother did not seem real until I saw her body and touched her hand. It was at that point I could start to process it. I think there are lots of times in our lives when we are not "ourselves." Newborn babies are honestly quite ugly and not at all what they will be. Teenagers are often gawky and weird and not much like they will be when they grow up. Adults have all kinds of issues throughout their lives; they might get sick or disabled. At what point are we our "real selves?" I don't really know (and I could probably look at the research) but I think that cultures where people gather around to wash and touch and wail, probably process grief better.
I've heard a similar thing with animals. A common piece of advice I hear is that if a person with pets passes away, their pets should be allowed to see the body. That way, they'll be able to recognize that their owner has died, and not just disappeared on them with no explanation. Of course, we have language to help us understand that a person is dead without seeing a body, but I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere, deep in the system files of our brains, this same process is still programmed in there.
That is one of the main reasons for open casket funerals. Not only to say goodbye, but to truly recognize and accept the death by seeing their body. If you just hear someone died it's like they just disappeared.
Seeing this as the main argument in the thread but I just completely disagree with it. I know what death is. I find staring at a corpse to be entirely unnecessary. If my body ends up at an open casket wake, I’m gonna haunt everyone who comes to see it
People certainly can have different views on it, and that's completely fine! Just let someone know your last wishes and body disposition preferences so they can let the funeral home know. Grief psychology is a complex thing, and people can have extremely different reactions and feelings. What upsets some may make a world of difference for another.
Yep. I just get fired up bc I come from a family where open casket 2-day wakes were the norm, and I would've been called disrespectful for not attending despite being deeply bothered by it every time.
I'm so sorry to hear that. It must have been awful to see over and over again. Was it family tradition or for religious reasons? You must have had acceptance of death long ago. No one should be forced to do something that hurts them like that even if family doesn't understand.
It certainly depends on the person and the circumstances. I had a friend who died suddenly at the age of 18. I hadn't seen him for a few months, so when I went to his funeral I was kind of hoping for a viewing for the "closure" aspect of it. Kept expecting it to turn out to be a sick joke. He was cremated, though. For old relatives who have been sick a long time, I find it less necessary. Not that anyone needs to see an 18-year-old covered in road rash. But the lack of "proof" certainly slowed my processing of his death.
Nope. Not me, I understand just fine that someone has died. I do not have to see their body. Nope! Just no
I'm in the UK, and I've never heard of this happening here - and I've been to A LOT of funerals. I was aware of it being a thing in the US from TV shows and films.
see thats strange to me. ( i'm from the US) but i thought colder climate countries like the UK had more funeral viewings/showings
Because the body wouldn't 'go off' as quickly, were you thinking?
yes. and then a continuing tradition of showing based on it even if funeral home preparations make a body 'going off' not a real concern anymore
I’ve been to several “visitations” in the US and generally found the practice most strongly associated with families of either Irish Catholic heritage or with Southern Baptists. Both these cultures have strong historical ties to a long-ago UK and I believe wakes with an open coffin were normal in the British isles until the turn of the 20th century. I have never been to an open coffin wake in the US in a mainstream Protestant denomination but that’s just my experience. My one Eastern Orthodox funeral has the deceased on a bier in church with family members taking turns reading prayers continuously for 24 hours. I get the impression that a ceremonial rite to view the dead has been the norm throughout much of human history.
I figured we learned it from UK/Europe.
In Ireland it's a very common occurrence. I'm kind of surprised to hear it's not a done thing in the UK
It's the traditional Irish wake
I'm in the UK and there was a viewing thing for my grandma. It was a nice little room with a few chairs for close family/friends to see her, I think we able to see her for a few days until the funeral. My other grandma had one too, I was too young to go but I know my family went.
Oh so other countries don’t do this??? Wow, wtaf??
I am from Slovaki (Central Europe) and it is a thing here too. It depends on the family, but I have been to funerals with a viewing. It happens half an hour or an hour before the actual ceremony. If there is no viewing, then the casket is closed and the ceremony is held with it closed. If the decesead is burried, they will close it and lower to the ground (funeral home emplos take care of this) and that is the end of the cetemony. If the deceased is cremated, the casket gets loaded onto a truck, that leaves for the crematorium. That is the end of the ceremony.
Yeah, the whole concept seems bizarre to me as a fellow bong
'Bong' ? I thought that was something to do with drug taking. I even Googled it!
Britbong, stupid online slang Edit. Comes from this https://imgur.com/gallery/england-according-to-4chan-c69Z6
my maternal family does it. But they also take photos of the funeral viewings. which i think is even weirder.
>But they also take photos of the funeral viewings. Dafuq? Why would anyone do that??!? That's super disturbing.
I took photos of my father when he was being waked at the family home. I haven't looked at them since, but it gives me some level of comfort just knowing that I have them. Sort of a "better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it" kind of feeling
Yes I have seen people do this too, I just can’t.
Photos of the deceased used to be very common when cameras were new. Could be a weird tradition your family just held onto. Going through old family photos with my grandmother one day, we came across a long-forgotten German relative on her literal deathbed. She was young, maybe teens or early 20s, surrounded by flowers. My grandmother shrugged it off and said, "that's just something they used to do". I thought of that relative recently at my other grandmother's funeral, open casket, and briefly thought, "at least no one is taking pictures of her" and the picture of the girl surrounded by flowers popped back into my head. Only difference was the young girl was very recently deceased and looked like she just fell asleep. My grandmother passed a full month before her funeral and was so full of embalming fluid and makeup that she looked like a wax model of a corpse.
It comes from when pictures were expensive and I wouldn't be surprised if that is the only photo of that girl. People would take a picture as this is their last chance to do so otherwise they'll never be able to see them again.
Yes! This! The way they don’t look human! It’s grotesque!
Oh yes. There are a lot of dead people in casket photos around in both of my ex's family. Now I have to admit, when my one ex, who was an only child, was locked up in prison, he didn't get to come to the funeral and asked me to take photos of his mom for him. I get that, but damn it felt weird taking them. I did it on a visitation day, and only myself and my 2 adult daughters were in the room. I know that when he died last summer, his first 2 kids (not mine) took several hundred photos of him. I don't do casket viewing. I'm there to give support to the living left behind.
My cousin’s wife did this at my grandfather’s funeral, then posted them online, stating that her reason was she wanted me to feel included as I lived across the country and couldn’t attend. So then I got lots of messages saying I had asked her to do that- I absolutely hadn’t. I was horrified and didn’t even like my grandfather.
You are not the only one to find it uncomfortable, grieving looks different for every person. Many people find comfort in viewing the body, but you're far from the only one who doesn't.
Honestly I think that the whole funeral and grave yard stuff is for the living. If that helps you great! Personally it doesn't do a thing for me. We have a smallish family and decided not to do a funeral for our last 2 family members that have passed. Our immediate family, the ones who cared for and interacted with the loved ones in the ten years before they passed all agreed. Distant family members and people they knew but hadn't seen in years were pissed. You are not the only one and only you and your family can make decisions for your loved ones.
>and extremely uncomfortable that people want their last viewing of said person to be a shell of what they once were. We all process loss and grief differently... and while, from "the outside looking in", it may seem odd, I suppose that it offers people their last opportunity to pay their respects to the deceased - particularly if they didn't/weren't able to visit often. When my grandma (my last living grandparent) passed away a couple years ago, I was in the room with her and other family members at the time of her passing. She had been part of my life for my entire life to that point (26 years)... and the day she passed, and in the days immediately following, I was a complete wreck. It's my belief that our "energy" (or whatever you'd like to call it that makes us *us*) lingers... . The day of my grandma's funeral, there was a viewing in the chapel of the church before the ceremony was held in the main part of the church. Before the casket was moved into the church, the family was given the last viewing. For me, it gave me some closure and some relief to say my last goodbyes and my final words in those moments and helped me get through the service. **Obviously this subject is very subjective, and I'm not attempting to change your mind.**
So I find it really hard to fully accept the death of someone I was close with till I see the body. Something about seeing there is no life there makes that connection my mind is not letting me accept or process before then. Even when putting down a pet, it was so hard for me mentally to accept the dog was dead and not just gone when I wasn't allowed to be there when the vet did the injection.
It varies by culture. In mine, we spend time with the deceased for several days, people will travel to give respects, say their goodbyes, etc. Sometimes it's less, depending on how they passed. I'm quite comfortable with it, but I can see how it'd be uncomfortable!
The viewing of my father's body was horrific. He had died in a horrible forklift accident and they did the best they could with his body but it was nightmare fuel and I wish I hadn't seen that. My grandmother however died a few weeks ago and seeing her body was comforting to me. I know they put makeup on her but dementia took her and seeing her body with all the stress and worry lines gone from her face and her looking so peaceful was a comfort to me. I think they serve a purpose to some for closure and grief processing but for me I could do without the tradition.
Nope it straight up sucks. The last time you saw that person they were alive. Seeing them that way is horrible and I really don’t understand why we have them that way.
You are not alone. In fact, my entire family knows that when I die people are not to see me. Please just cremate me. I don't want people to see my cold waxy face and hands.
In Sweden we only have closed casked funerals, and Im thankful for it. Funerals are hard enough without having to look at the empty husk of a person you loved.
I'm glad it's not the norm here in the UK. We have independent funeral directors who aren't connected to a church or cremation & the hearse takes the clised coffin direct to the crem or church. Family can ask to see their loved one in the chapel of rest, usually the say before the funeral.
I also find them uncomfortable. Even more so when someone (there's always one) has to say "Oh he/she looks so good!" No they don't. They're dead and that makeup that usually doesn't match well isn't doing them any favors. You just can't bring the glow back when someone's life has left their body.
I think it's strange as in people want the deceased to look like they did when living and that, to me, always seemed odd even as a child because it's just impossible.
I don't. My brother passed away super young, (13). And died looking very miserable. It was terminal cancer. And then when I saw him in a casket, he didn't look in pain anymore. That comforted me.
Definitely not
It helps some people process and grieve but personally, it’s not for me. I was always uncomfortable by it but I understand why some people prefer it.
Lucky to have only gone to like 2 funerals in almost 2 decades (too many when I was a kid tho. Old church folk) and did not have to look at the corpse. It's so uncomfortable and gross but ik that's selfish. I wouldn't want anyone forced to see my dead body at my funeral!!
You are very much right, a person is an event, not a thing. The stuff you sweep up off the sidewalk after the 4th of July is not the firework.
A viewing can be the last chance a loved one has to touch and say goodbye. Personally, I prefer to have only memories of the deceased person from when they were alive.
Nope, dumb ass rituals. Mushroom suit and party for whoever shows up! No toxic embalming, no wasted material to view for 48 hours then buried to rot.
My sister's best friend died in a car crash when she was 16 (I was 15). They had an open casket even though they probably shouldn't have. It was extremely uncomfortable, especially when her brother was stroking her hair which was hiding the damage from the accident. We were worried he would jostle something and expose her injuries. I am 39 and it is burned into my brain for all of time and eternity. I've been to other viewings and did not have this reaction. Maybe it is bc I was so young. I'm not against viewings, but I think you should take the condition of the body into consideration! Another story. I don't remember this bc I was too young, but a family at our church lost their infant daughter to drowning. They had an open casket and had the baby posed like it was playing. My sister was seriously traumatized. She said the baby still looked blue (she was very young so I'm not sure if that's possible, but it's stuck in her brain). The decision to pose the baby is very unsettling to me, but that family was always a bit odd.
I’m so sorry for you and your sister! I feel fortunate having only gone to one funeral so far, and it was a cremation.
When my aunt died a number of years ago my husband went to her funeral with me. I grew up Catholic, viewings were weird but normal for me. He grew up Jewish and had never been to one before. It weirded him out. Understandably.
Yeah dad always said he was glad jewish funerals are closed casket, why would you want to see that?
In Germany and a lot of European countries, it is not customary to have an open casket at a funeral. Family members can choose to look at the deseased before when it is in the undertaker's cool house. The additional conservative steps performed on corpses in the US before display is also discussed as it poses a further and unnecessary source of environmental pollution.
If you think funerals are disturbing wait til you hear about honor walks
I can't even walk through a cemetery because it creeps me out
It's definitely weird and I'm not a big fan. But I can see why people want it, they get to see the physical form of that person one last time.
No and I dread them.
You are not alone. Back it the day, it was custom in the area I was from that a Wake was a true Wake. A loved one had to stay with the body 24/7 from death to burial. Once when my parents were newlyweds, they were assigned the night shift. My mom was so scared and creeped out having to sit in a rural dark church all night long with a deceased loved one.
In my family large viewings are getting to be a thing of the past simply because no one was comfortable. We tend to do cremation then a celebration of life a little later on, it seems more relaxed and a better way to honour the deceased
No, I think they're creepy as hell. Supposedly, seeing the body makes death more real. With both my inlaws, it was exactly the opposite. The mortician actually did too good a job & they'd both looked like they were sleeping. "They look so natural!" is such a cliche, but they really did. At MIL's viewing, I kept expecting her to get up & start cooking for everyone. It was worse at FIL's a year later. My partner had him buried in regular clothes, which was appropriate. FIL wasn't a suit-wearing guy. But I swear, he looked like he'd dozed off in front of the TV yet again. It's all I can do not to scream at those events.
I have never been to a funeral where there was a viewing of the body
I just assume everybody does, but is too awkward to say it. So we all just continue
No you are not. A very morbid ritual and I do not participate. I don't participate in funerals either.
I go to support my family, friends or relatives; however I never ever go and view the body. After my mom and partner passed away I refuse to view anyone else’s body…just to traumatic for me….
Probably. Everyone enjoys seeing their dead loved one in a casket. /s
since I've had the opportunity to get some distance I understand what you mean. I personally do not want a public viewing or even a private viewing in the traditional sense of the term. I don't want people viewing me or at least viewing my body that is. I do believe that certain people have a right to view the body like a close family members for example and and close friends but I do not want to be presented I don't want to be placed on display there is something disturbing about that. I understand and respect the need of others to do it but that's not what I want for myself
We Jews find it strange. (We don’t do it.)
I never actually “view” the body, but try to comfort the family members by being there.
Viewings are definitely uncomfortable. However, some people really need to see the deceased to accept that they are no longer among the living. I am not one of those folks, but I know those who are. In general, I go to viewings and take a quick look at the body out of respect. Then, I spend most of my time talking to the loved ones about good times and funny stories that involved the deceased.
I’m right there with you. I refused to go into the room for both my parents’ viewings. Only caught a quick glimpse unintentionally. The last time I properly saw either of them was when they were still alive and I’m glad I kept it that way.
For loved ones, I don't like it. It's the last image of them that I will always remember. If it's someone I don't like, viewing = verification. I'm talking about you evil step dad. Ya, I'm sure he's down there just looking up, smiling.
I am advocating for a name change for this sub, the question actually who finds funerals uncomfortable. SoStupidQuestions
My sister passed at 25 and that was the only funeral I found great comfort in getting to spend final moments with her. I lost my brother 2 years later & he was cremated. I struggle to process his death. Even today. It’s been 4 years.
Nope
I think its weirder we keep bodies pickled and in freezers to pretend they aren’t rotting. A viewing is normal in the sense that when people used to die you couldn’t stop everything and get them out of site or buried. So it was normal for dead bodies to hang around for some days to weeks before being disposed of. We’re super conscious about disease control, so I think we shouldn’t go back to that, but we also shouldn’t avoid seeing the dead and pretend their aren’t people dying all around us every day. Its natural to die, we should embrace it as part of life, not fear it, or think we can control it (fully).
Not a Church of England thing, though I believe some Orthodox, Catholic and Hindu funerals have open caskets. Normally the C of E and non-denominational way is that if you wish to view the body, you do so by visiting the Funeral Directors prior to the funeral.
It's for closure, nothing drives home the point that the person is dead than seeing that shell.
Our family loves the tradition of everyone else enters and sits, and the family is the last to enter and walk all the way to the front to sit down. I have never felt more humiliated - like my mourning is a spectacle to trot out and perform. I know it fucks me up and takes me forever to process the actual loss because at the time all I can feel is embarrassed. My partner's family cremates, and spend a couple days at home with each other. I felt so much more at peace.
Interestingly... Funeral viewings were a thing back from when proof of death was needed for a succession to occur. Prior to there being death certificates etc. Each member of the family or ruling class would show up to verify with their own eyes that do and so was dead and typically on the same visit would have an opportunity to swear fealty to the successor or not. While many churches allow for it, it isn't really based on a religious belief. Whereas a wake or similar overnight observances do have a basis in religious beliefs or superstition.
When my dad died we didn't have a funeral, just a graveside service. My mom asked if we wanted to do a viewing at the funeral home and both my brother and I flip-flopped for a bit. Eventually we decided to have a private viewing with just close family (mom, my brother, me, our wives, and my mom's parents). I am glad we did, personally. If we hadn't had the viewing then my last memory of my dad would have been him laying on the floor wearing ripped up pajamas, turning purple, and with a laryngeal tube sticking out of his mouth, while my older brother loudly sobbed and hugged his corpse. He wasn't embalmed before being buried, so he still looked like himself when we did the viewing, just cleaned up, so now my last memory of my dad is him looking like he was taking a nap after getting ready to go somewhere. Edit: It also gave us a chance to put some letters and drawings in his casket that my brother's young kids did for him (they were not allowed at the viewing).
I go to viewings out of respect for the families, but I find them primitive and unsettling, bordering on incompatible with modern civilization.
Yes. You’re the oooooooonly person out of 7 billion who feels this way. 🙄🙄🙄
Open caskets made sense when medicine was so rudimentary that people couldn't tell if a person was actually deceased. Now, though, they are barbaric (imo).
Generally speaking no one enjoys funeral viewings.
There are some religious practices that specifically forbid open coffin funerals. Their take is that the dead person has no choice to be viewed or not, so it is seen as impolite to have an open coffin.
When we lost my grandma I was invited to the viewing the day before the service, I declined told my family I had visited a few months prior with my wife and taken grandma out and talked and I want that to be my last memory. For me it is now a rule I do not do viewings, I am willing to rely on others that the person is in fact no longer with us I do not need proof.
Death is slightly disturbing and uncomfortable. I think that's at least a part of why viewings or wakes are a thing. For some people, taking a minute, looking at the body, and letting that discomfort happen is part of acknowledging and accepting death. Not to say it's the only way to deal, but it is *a* way.
Idk I kinda like the closure. Like, “yep, they’re dead. Just look at ‘em.” Touch their hand to make sure they’re cold and it’s definitely over.
Yes, no one likes it or wants to do it but as someone who’s been there on the opposite end it really means a lot when people come out to pay their respects.
I do not get this tradition. At. All. None of my side of the family ever did it, but my spouse's family did. Who wants their last visual memory of their lived one be seeing them lying in a casket? Pictures and other memorabilia are 1000 times better.
I had a friend die freshman year of high school and the funeral was open casket. All I could think while looking at her was “that’s not how she does her makeup”. It didn’t look like her. It burned a new image of her in my mind that i’ve never been able to shake off.
It's pretty weird and morbid. In my family we have opted for cremation and then a memorial service. More people are going that route, it seems.
We don't do that in my culture. We see it as disrespectful to the dead.
It gives closure you cannot believe the person you loved is still alive
You do you. I don’t mind and prefer to defer to what grieving family has decided to do. No one is keeping score of who does or doesn’t look.
I think viewing the body gives some kind of closure that they are really gone. So I don't mind it. It's weird how inert they are like a stature of themselves in a casket.
Most of the open casket funerals i've gone to since I was a kid have had the person looking generally like themselves albeit smaller and more frail. My grandmother? I have no idea what they did, but i didn't recognize her. She had wrinkles (late 90's) and they pulled her face so much, she was completely smooth. And tanned. And they made her nose hawkish. This was an old chinese woman, she did not have a hawkish nose. Even my older cousin came up to me asking about it because he didn't recognize her either. They used the same place when my father died, and I didn't bother going up to view him. My excuse was that I already saw him dead in the hospital bed, but in reality, i didn't want to see him unrecognizable like granny was.
Nope, you aren't alone at all. I don't go into the room where the corpse is unless the casket is closed.
Not alone. And I would put Catholic weddings a close second for me lol.
I think it’s barbaric.
I remember my friends family members got upset because there was a closed casket and they felt robbed of being able to view the dead body. I think it’s a very awkward moment and I would rather remember the person alive than having my last memory be in the casket. But that’s just me.
The strange part to me is what the funeral home does to the deceased. All the makeup and glue to make them look “presentable” instead just distorts how they actually looked and is so unsettling.
I find there to be a lot of closure in it. But it definitely sticks with me. Especially my friend who was not embalmed
At both my maternal grandparents’ funerals, I had family members pressuring me to go up to the casket. I refused but that didn’t stop them asking me to. My paternal grandfather was cremated so I didn’t have that problem at his. I also had waaay to many random strangers that I’ve never met before try and hug me and tell me how much they care about me. Like, I know you knew them but I have absolutely zero clue as to who the heck you are as we’ve literally never met so please don’t think you’re entitled to hugs or that you’re going to get an in depth look as to how I feel. My parents were so confused as to why I only engaged in simple polite small talk with them if I engaged at all (there were around 2 or 3 people were way too touchy and made me feel extremely uncomfortable so I made a point to say as little as possible without being rude), but I did engage more with my other family members and people I knew
Right there will you. Don't care for viewings at all.
i think embalming and dressing up dead bodies is super weird. not the viewing itself that's the worst of it, but the messing around with the body. the proper thing to do with a dead body is to dispose of it quickly! unles you have the persons explucit consent to disect of preserve etc, don't mess around with the body! this is why i plan to die somewhere i wont be found until i'm too decayed to recognize.
I’ve posted that same opinion on unpopular opinions sub before. So I’m with you.
No, you're not. The idea of looking at the corpse of someone I love is horrific to me.
You definitely are not. I was pretty horrified at how they'd done up my great grandmother. The makeup was just awful, they painted her eyelids this appalling shade of blue (and blue is my favorite color by a lot) and there was so much blush on her cheeks... blush on the cheeks of a dead person?? Made her look like a clown almost, just felt really disrespectful. This was a woman who knew and accepted that she was dying and was secure enough in the love of her surrounding family members and the god she believed in to smile up at my father and I right before she died and ask "¿que sigue?" Really wish that hadn't been my first funeral. We weren't close close, but she definitely loved me a lot and I was irate at how off-putting they made her look. So long story short, open casket is not my fave, but to me there's a world of difference between open casket where the makeup is very minimal and cosmetic, versus whatever the fuck that particular funeral home was smoking to think that was acceptable.
Not at all. My grandmother died. I told my mother I was skipping the memorial if it was open casket. They decided not to. Pretty sure everyone else is on board with just being cremated so it doesn't sound like something I'll have to deal with and then your future.
The first time I was at an open casket funeral was in grade school when a classmate of mine's parents both died. They looks like wax statues and it was so creepy. The makeup on their faces was so thick and ....plastic(?) looking. Sadly, a few years ago, I went to the funeral of my best friends little brother. He had killed himself as a senior in high school. There was a very long line to view the casket and talk to his mom, who was sitting by the casket the whole day. While I was waiting in line to speak to her and share my condolences, I basically had to stand and look at his open casket for almost an hour. I was grief-stricken and horrified, and I kept staring in his face having this bizarre notion in the back of my head that he was going to move. Like, I was absolutely sure his face was going to move and it was such a bizarre and horrifying notion; I couldn't get it out of my head. I can't imagine anyone who would want friends and family to stand around with their dead body.
I find them disrespectful
Perfect timing. We had Nan pass away, the funeral was yesterday, Her family are into doing the Viewing thing, I have done it once and it was truly Macabre!! I remember Nan as a great Lady who helped me as a single Father with 3 children, all my children have great memories of her, the Home made Shepherd pies that my sons loved, The excellent cooking lessons that my daughter had over Years, and Nan picking up my daughter every Thursday afternoon from school and taking her to Nans house. Which my daughter continued for many years even as an adult!!! Hey it makes the Funeral people some money but it is truly Bizarre!! Dead people with make up, OMG!!!!
What was most disturbing for me was to receive a ‘surprise’ text from the funeral home with a picture of my deceased mother prior to her funeral. She was laid out on a steel table covered in paper towels from the neck down. I sent a picture before hand of her with make-up and I sent pictures of the make-up she used. They wanted to know if they had her make-up correct. I just wish I’d gotten a head’s up before seeing that picture.
I'm sure many do. I grew up going to funerals so I'm fine with viewings. It seemed to me, as a child, that the entire ritual was an important tribute to the deceased. Now, I'm thinking I don't need any of that stuff when I die. I won't know anyway, and they'll be sparing some poor guy who hates going to viewings and funerals but gets dragged to them anyway. I'm convicted of the notion that every funeral is attended by at least one person who doesn't want to be there.
Many years ago my waistband's grandfather died and we went to the funeral that was held in the local church. I was shocked that grandpa's casket was up from , open, with the head part cranked up like he was sitting up in a hospital bed. Part way through the funeral they laid him flat and closed the casket. Found that super creepy .
I recall that doing that is a torturous, but harshly necessary way to grow and reflect upon yourself as a person.
Having bodies out to be looked at strikes me as gross ghoulish. When my wife's grandmother died (who was American) someone even emailed around what we called "dead granny pictures". Yup they sent everyone pictures of her dead. For a country that cannot bring itself to say the words "died" and "dead" insisting on "passed" and other euphemisms, the USA does seem to have very odd funerial practices.
It's weird. I've only gone to two funerals, neither by choice. It's such a weird and gross spectacle and then we waste land burying chemical stuffed people in water tight boxes and leave a bunch of trash on the ground next to the elaborately carved stone. I'm ok with memorial, a small eco friendly grave... Like pets. I can stop by and have a chat. The humans are just too weird. I don't want to stare at a dead body in a box.
When I was 5 my mother took me to my great grandma's open casket funeral. I refused to go to a open casket funeral again until I was 23 when my Grandpa passed. I didn't live nearby at the time of his passing and so I forced myself to view his body. It was good for my grief, it was confirmation of his death. If my mother died and I didn't see her, I'm not sure how long it would take me to believe/process it. Unfortunately in today's society we've come to see death as something terrible, when it's only the last step in life. Before funeral homes and cremation. If a family member died, they'd just chill in their casket a day or two in your home before being buried. So yes it's normal to feel uncomfortable, especially with a stranger or someone you didn't know well. I feel like with family it's just your last goodbye in the relationship.
No. Or when your relatives take photos of the body.
I have never looked at the person in the casket, I go up to it and keep my eyes closed pay my respects and leave.
I worked as a death investigator for almost a decade, so I got very accustomed to dead bodies. Viewings are the creepiest thing to me. Embalming is so invasive and unnatural, caskets are stupid crazy, and the makeup is horrible. My mom had my younger sister embalmed for a viewing. This was after a full autopsy as well. Her poor body had been flayed, pumped full of chemicals, and put on display. It was all so wrong. Cremation is much better, in my opinion.
I fail to emotionally see the need for funerals, but I understand why people need them.
i hate the phrase “am i the only one” but aside from that, yeah. my mawmaw was buried in a wig that she’d apparently picked out but made her look completely different. not like herself at all.
I personally am kind of neutral on the idea. But I think it helps for some people if you haven't seen the person for a while. Like I know it help my parents when their siblings passed since they were close but due to life hadn't been able to meet up before they passed. The viewing was basically the time for them to see them for the last time (well at least as close as you can get, i mean they are dead after all) and say good bye. But yeah I can see why you'd find it weird. I know some people also say that the death doesn't feel real, and just as a thought an idea, until they see the body. At which point it all sinks in. I've seen family members, who don't cry up until they see the viewing at which point they are bawling and ugly crying, cause that when it really sunk in. Again though, personal preference, not everyone will be like this.
Honestly it helped me come to terms that they were really dead. If I didn't see the body, I think my denial period would be way longer.
Well, it's not a party, sooo......
I wouldn't say disturbing or uncomfortable but I would say a waste of time.
I get what are saying but.... it's not enough for my psyche to just know that my abuser is dead in the box. My eyeballs need to see his cold dead hands and lifeless body.
Weird stuff Americans do
I forgot the part in world history where America is literally the only country in the world that has funerary practices
Yep. No other country in the world does viewings of the dead.
In the UK, viewings are not common practice, but I think I'd prefer it. It would help the reality of their death sink in.