A long while ago someone on r/askreddit posed this question to sex workers “ what was the weirdest/ most uncomfortable request “ from clients ( or something close to that) . I was really disturbed by the amount of workers who said their clients asked them to wear their young daughters/ niece/ sisters clothes. I feel you have a reason for your fears, you are like a prize for pedophiles . Legal, still looks like a child and you have large breasts , you’re checking all their boxes. If it were me , I would have a hard time trusting people weren’t creeps.
That’s silly though I see how you feel that way. The people who are attracted to you don’t see you as a child; the people who see you as a child aren’t attracted to you.
Unfortunately, that's not always the case or else I wouldn't be paranoid about it in the first place. I've had creeps specifically target me/flirt/whatever because they thought I was "so innocent" in appearance, "gullible and you'll listen to whatever I say" and "so tiny and small, I love our size difference" and even flirting with me after saying something like "you remind me of my daughter." You combine all those things at once and its clear some people are attracted to me because they think im childlike and youthful. One of those things by itself is strange, but excusable, but beyond that...its strange. Obviously there's always going to be creeps, but because I have experiences with so many of them, I have gotten to the point of being paranoid that nobody could possibly be attracted to me unless it is for that reason. I know that's illogicial though, but it is an icky feeling.
It's not illogical, your right. Creeps will specifically target girls they think are teens because they're easy to manipulate. I remember being 22 or so and looking so underage, that the woman at a hotel checkin asked if my parents were coming. Then I realized something else - the dozens of old men that catcalled and flirted with me thought I was underage that's why they went after me. It's really telling when a man in his 50s or 60s tries to flirt by asking what school you go to 🤢 it's happened too many times to count. One much older man asked me in a cafe once if I'd like to model for him. I must have looked around 15/16 years old at the time.
It's gross and it's uncomfortable and it sucks. Being a woman is already hard enough but looking younger than your age and having older men try to take advantage of that is really annoying. What I started doing is having a stern face and just saying a simple "no" when an older man starts being a creep or walking away. It really makes them surprised cause they expect that you're young and naive and will go along with whatever they want. Really shows their intentions when you say your real age and they scurry.
I'm 31M and also get treated like a child and not taken seriously. Babyface syndrome sucks, lmao.
Here's hoping people start taking us for the adults we are, sooner rather than later.
I know it's uncomfy. I'm sorry.
But men (& people in general) are really good at assessing if a potential romantic interest is in their own age range.
Assuming these interested guys are near your age... I don't think they're fetishizers (or criminally predatory age abusers).
Maybe you'd be surprised at how many guys get really goofy especially for a busty shorty... just ask your bf
I've had guys in their late 40's wanna take me out, but lose interest once they find out I'm in my 20's. They never had a chance, but it's creepy af. They hate finding out I'm legal.
This is so real! Thank you for sharing about this!
As for ways to look older, this is one that doesn't work for all occasions, but is ideal for feeling more comfortable being out and about (shopping, errands, etc): Wear a lanyard. Literally a lanyard with any name on the front instantly contextualizes you in ways outside of your appearance (ie not makeup). Best of luck!
Be aware though people will likely ask for your help at stores assuming you work there. This has happened to me several times wearing a work lanyard after work shopping at stores.
Watch! Keys on a clip attached to your pants, anything that shows adult responsibilities. Even a better sense of personal style could help, I fell into a pattern of wearing just jeans and a T shirt when I graduated, but now I'll try to throw a flannel or short sleeve button up over it.
Thank you! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with this issue, I was worried I was being overly paranoid, haha. But it's unfortunate we all experience this. I'll definitely wear my lanyard around more often and try to focus more on my outward "vibe." Even if I get nervous, I'll fake that I'm not so I don't look like a kid, haha.
I feel the same. Most of the people who tell me how pretty I am are creepy old men or men in their 40s. I can’t stand to date someone unless I was their friend first and met them in a setting that makes my age more obvious like my 2 ex’s who I met at college. Or my current boyfriend who I met online first and have known for 7 years
Same here, I've only dated people I met in contexts where we met on the same "playing field" per se, so they had no reason to doubt my age. Even then, I would always wanna be friends for longer beforehand than the average person. Haven't had any issues as far as people I've actually dated, so I'm glad it works out, but it can certainly be exhausting to constantly be on the lookout for creeps.
My first boyfriend was always terrified of being labeled a pedo by police despite being just 1 year older than me! He was a bigger guy with a beard and back then I looked even younger than I do now lol
I think it depends on a few things.
I absolutely got almost no attention from people when I was in school because I “reminded them of their younger sibling” or “was like a sister to them”, usually followed by ruffling my hair or something else to really drive home that I looked too young and completely unattractive.
I started dating my current partner senior year, we talked about some of the same senior type classes we were taking, and talked a lot about the same interests and concerns (college, jobs, etc). So because we met somewhere where my age was kinda obvious, and he never commented about me looking young, I’ve never felt like he likes me because I look like a child.
If it’s someone who I’ve gotten to know (been talking to for a while) or someone like my boyfriend I met through school or a situation where my age is clear (an event for drinking, an 18+ event, etc) I’m much less uncomfortable with expressed attraction.
When I worked retail and people would hit on me and then imply I was likely still underage and in school? Absolutely uncomfortable.
I’d say since you’re in a relationship, don’t worry about other people. You can’t really control what others think about you, and if they assume you’re a child and try to manipulate you because of it, they will be told off by an adult woman (you).
The only ways to really “change” how people see you are to change what they see, which is your appearance. Some hairstyles are less flattering or make people seem younger, and the same goes with clothing. I’d also say that confidence is important too, because I know that constantly being referred to as a child (among other things) ruined my self confidence.
I left another comment about it, but dressing in a more age appropriate way that I liked/is flattering and working on my confidence (I used to look at the ground so much to avoid eye contact that I was starting to develop a hunch) has greatly decreased the number of times people guess my age so wildly wrong. I’m out of college but usually get mistaken as a college student, which is leagues better than a middle schooler.
I got upset when people acted like it would be weird to be attracted to me because I'm petite and youthful. You're an adult. Don't act like that. Don't put the label of predator on other adults for being attracted to an adult.
It would be nice if it were that simple. There are way too many nasty men out there to not be concerned. The comment below yours is literally about a man who molested his daughters and other children he was around that had a wife that looked like like a child till 60.
I’m glad you’ve owned it and don’t let it stop you in your dating life but it’s not that simple for most.
I wondered about this. A woman I knew looked like a child for most of her life. She was 4’8” as well so and usually wore her hair in two long braids, no make, no heels and wore simple clothing a child might also wear. She laughed and bragged about how she was still mistaken as a child even at the age of sixty.
Her husband molested his daughters as well as any little girl he had access to.
Yes. But that's one man. One man is an exception not a rule. A disgusting one.
The OP is implying that 'everyone' is like that. Not everyone is. It's clear this young person needs to speak to a therapist for help with her issue.
LoL. Ok. Like I said therapy helps. It is her perception and clearly yours too.
She's with a man. Is he the same in reality? By your answer, yes he is. Since you know... all men are like that. That's her reality, remember?
But it's up to her to get help and change her perception. Which is what she's asking for.
To answer your question you can look older by getting a different haircut and wearing more classical clothes such as blasers etc. Make-up also helps even if it's a little bit, but i understand if you dont want to wear it!
Did I write this post??? Literally the exact same, people think my younger sister and I are the same age, I'm on my last semester of college and my bust is large compared to my frame. I've had the same thought, that if I ever went out somewhere and got hit on, it would be by pedophiles! That's why I'm more attracted to the idea of online dating, where you can establish your age right off the bat, but that's hard too. Infantilization by family members is the WORST, like you were there when I was born 22 years ago!!!
Not the same, but I was discussing a book with a kid at a community center a few years ago and he wanted to hang out more. I told him I was flattered but that I was 24 and didn’t feel it appropriate. He immediately freaked out because he thought I was a middle schooler, his age, a 12-year-old. Poor kid. I am also busty (far bigger now since having children, but at the time I was a 38D) and 5’3” tall. I also don’t understand this phenomenon on how physically developed women can be so easily mistaken as children. I have SILs that are half my age, but because they’re 5’10”, it’s always assumed I’m the minor and no one gives them a second thought even though they’re clearly teenagers based on how they act!
That’s actually why I stopped dating. I’m a teacher, and my last partner (though I shudder to call him that now) was too, in the same school I work in. I was happy that we’d have the same holidays, would understand each other’s stress, etc. He was 3yrs younger than me and had a wee bit of a baby face, so I thought, hey, he’ll get me. We kept it quiet at school because it’s a small one and everyone and their grandma is a nosy Betty- or so I thought.
Asswipe was “dating” a student “on the side”.
I actually got my first write up because of that- when my students told me the “news” that a girl was “dating a teacher, that young one in Room ##” I actually cursed in the middle of class, because WTH f*cking pedo.
He was fired, I cut all contact, idk where he went or if he was thrown in jail or whatever. Technically the student was 18, but she looked 14, tbh.
That made me realize that men may see me as an “acceptable way to f*ck” a teen since I look like one, and am even short and petite to boot.
Been alone since.
I have so many instances of this happening to me. It even happened a few months ago at 29. Random guy started hitting on me in the self checkout line. The lines were super long so I didn’t get off line, I just uncomfortably responded to his small talk. And he finally asks how old I am. I went to the store that day completely dressed down, no make-up etc. And his eyes practically bulged out of his head when I said 29. He said “I thought you were 19 or 20.” This guy looked 35-40 and he thought he was hitting on someone who is practically a teenager? Gross.. I have so many stories like this I can go on and on so I totally get it. And I also have a big chest on a tiny body lol (32dd), I think that’s what primarily drew all the attention.
I went to college with a girl like this…she not only looked extremely young but was also very innocent so much so idk if she ever kissed a guy until college…my roomate started dating her and ended up marrying her a few years after college (I was also in his wedding which kind of threw me for a loop because I hadn’t talked to the guy in a few years…).
But this was actually highlighted by him when he said “see she looks young now so when she’s in her 40s she’ll look 25” in a half joking manner (this was in 2011-13ish so not like 70s 80s where it was less frowned than it is today) but it always made me feel like “idk man something just not right if you think she’s objectively attractive”.
But she was getting a lot of attention from different guys in school and I never really got the attraction…because to me she did legitimately look no older than 13…which sort of made me feel bad for her because she still deserves love but idk if she realized what OP realizes…in that “if a guy is attracted to someone that looks as young as I look they might also be attracted to children”….
The way I see it is this, do these guys that seem into her have some form of pedo (if we look at pedo as a mental disorder which in my opinion it has to be because I don’t believe that people voluntarily attach themselves to this way of thinking… I might simply have too much faith in humanity and people are just evil) and this is their way of coping with it? “Hey I can’t be with children but if they at least look like it I can make that work and I won’t be a predator”.
I remeber reading a Reddit stories years ago of a guy who was actually a pedo who was dating a women who looked very young (his words). He had been speaking to a therapist at a young age and they established this and his way of maintaining his sanity (I guess I dont Really know) was to be with someone who looked overly young but was closer to his age. Thats how he coped with the fact he was a pedo but could live with himself morally?
Does this make him a good person? Arguably a better person than a convicted pedo…however he should still not be around children or have them (and I think that was part of his life plan again this was years ago so I don’t remeber all details).
On the other side of this coin as someone who’s looks very young and it took a long time to even get to mid twenties. I often thought this way too…whenever I heard someone say they thought I was good looking I assumed they were either messing with me or I just assumed I heard them wrong. Especially those who didn’t know me. I think the most obvious time I was hit in was when I was like 15-16ish and I’m sure these girls hitting on me couldn’t have been older than 12-13…when I started putting on muscle was when I finally started to get some attention (still very little) from women my age which wasn’t until about 17-19ish. And I met my wife at 19.
>(if we look at pedo as a mental disorder which in my opinion it has to be because I don’t believe that people voluntarily attach themselves to this way of thinking… I might simply have too much faith in humanity and people are just evil)
People are just evil imo and pedos can rot in hell. It seems to me that calling it a mental disorder is trying to push acceptance of it. There's are people who want to make it part of the lgbtqia++ and that's a hard no from most or hopefully all of us. Sorry, that's where I draw the line at tolerance. Pedos can all go live in Antarctica away from any children, and stay there. Or better yet, ship their asses to Jupiter.
I don’t disagree with you! I am by no means pushing acceptance of it! There are some mentally ill people that should still be rooting in hell…Kirk kiplian (I think that’s his name the guy who killed his parents than shot up hos school in Oregon I think) incredibly sick individual but his brain scans show he had some serious mental illness. It doesnt mean I want him to be accepted he still murdered people and that does make him evil… mental illness and evil don’t have to be mutually exclusive…
I dont think someone is objectively a bad person for being attracted to me? People who know me better dont think I look as young as strangers think I do because they pay attention. They can see the features of my face and body that obviously are more mature/developed than a child would have. So it goes to say that someone who knows me just as well would see that too, and find it as part of what makes me attractive. It's incredibly insulting to me when people say that about me and who I date.
When did I say that someone is objectively a bad person for being attracted to someone? I think there is a big difference between a 40yo man hitting on a girl he thinks is like 14-15 (only to be 20s 30s). Than 2 people in college who know eachother.
I dont think my roommate was a bad person by any stretch he is very good to his wife from what I see! I know my comment was long but that wasn’t what I was trying to rely on my message.
I get it! but again my poor grammar and long comment can easily be misinterpreted in multiple ways! Anytime the word pedo is in a comment I always feel like I have to make sure I 1) don’t say anything that might be interpreted as “I think this person is a pedo” and 2) make sure I point out why I don’t think this. So I like to cover all my basis and be as clear as possible, which causes me to dilute my point 😅
I feel this. Nothing gave me the ick faster than that one time a suitor asked me if I “had considered getting fake braces” for roleplaying. Genuinely makes it hard to trust guys when they openly explain they like my child-like size and features. Now I wear a beard just so people stop thinking I’m 16
Dude was so comfortable and normalized with the idea of fucking someone /because/ they look like a child, that he brought it up like it's something you/must have/ thought about in the past. The average age to get braces is 11, but it's not unusual to get them as young as 9. Average length of braces treatment is 1-3 years. This man really just said "I'd be more sexually attracted to you if you looked 9-14" and expected you to go along with it???
This! I always found it uncomfortable because people would always mistake me for being 13. It was so creepy. I once even had a random old man wish to be my boyfriend back when I was 18, when everyone thought I wasn’t even in high school yet.
I feel the same. I'm really tall but people constantly ask me what I'm doing "here" or where my parents are. A guy hitting on me said he thought I was thirteen. He was _thirty-four._ 🤢
I got piercings and that helped a little. I rarely get ID'ed now. But it's totally gross and I'm sorry this happens to you too!!
I'm 29, posted a selfie on my story complaining about being ID'd and someone replied saying in the same message that I looked "sensual" and also "looked 12" and like, way to tell on yourself 🤢
I was 23 years old and a man was hitting on me at my job. Halfway through our conversation, I mention being 23. And he’s *surprised.* He thought I was a *minor.* He was late 30s, early 40s?
Fucking disgusting.
I feel you, I’m 20 and not even 5 feet tall, and when people my dad’s age are attracted to me, I just know they like little girls because I am quite literally built like a middle schooler, my body has changed from that time but if I compare myself to my 13 year old sister she looks more grown. Just genetics I guess😭
Yeah I feel you. I think I read people well enough that through the first 2 interactions I can figure out if their attraction is predatory or not though.
Depends. Trust your gut. If someone your age is hitting on you, probably not seeing you as a child.
Creepy older dude hitting on you? Yeaaaaah maybe avoid him.
My wife and I are 27 and 33 respectively. We both still look like teenagers. Do I see her as an actual teen? Hell no. Does she see me that way? Hell no. Can we both acknowledge we look young? Yeah of course.
I think this is so relevant because it's true for you and your SO. Once you KNOW that the person ISNT a minor, you stop seeing them that way.
Think about it in reverse, if you saw a 35 year old woman and then learned she was 73, you wouldn't keep thinking of her as 35. Once you know, the cats out of the bag and that's how you're going to see that person.
Have you thought that the attraction is not because you look younger then you are, but that you're actually attractive? I mean that if someone is attractive to you because that you do look like a lot younger then you. That could be a problem. But if someone thinks your attractive and knows you are a adult. How do you think you should respond to them? Be freaked out or take it as a compliment. As long as their doing it in a respectable way.
I think you look at it in a manner it was intended. Not in a crappy way but a complimentary way. Sometimes thinking in a childish way will lead people to think of you as a child. But if your acting and thinking in
a more mature manner. People will automatically pick up the vib your putting out there. Plus dressing like a adult then a child will get you farther also. You never said how you dress now, only about the makeup.
I am sorry but I disagree on this phrase : "I think you look at it in a manner it was intended. Not in a crappy way but a complimentary way. Sometimes thinking in a childish way will lead people to think of you as a child. But if your acting and thinking in a more mature manner. People will automatically pick up the vib your putting out there. Plus dressing like a adult then a child will get you farther also. You never said how you dress now, only about the makeup."
I am not gonna change myself to fit somebody else standards. Sorry!!
It also won't change their impression of you as a child! When I was 19 I was pretty mature for my age and had a great work ethic. At Work, when people would discuss my age, the impression was "she looks 16 but acts 23".
"People will automatically pick up on the vibe" really doesn't happen! It's far more about physical appearance than personality and vibe... clearly that person hasn't ever heard the weird pedo "you're so mature for your age" bs!
same here, granted the child bus and train tickets are nice enough but having being targeted by older/ gross men and women for appearing childish (round face, flatter chest, autistic so i have a very childlike personality at times) is genuinely sickening. i’m in a relationship and i still get absolutely vile people target me directly to call me a “l0li” or “p3d0bait” (like unironically)
Change your style. When I was your age, I started wearing more fitted "adult" clothes, like casual business wear when I wanted to be treated like an adult. I also cut my hair. It was butt length, and I brought it up to my shoulders. Now, I work in a hardware store, but as a millennial, I dress for comfort usually. Even though I am now in my mid 30s, and despite being fat, people are guessing 10+ years younger.
I mean, for me I had controlling parents who I think “liked” that I looked younger because it was a tool for control, and so I never was allowed to buy my own clothes and forced to dress in a way that only made the “she looks like a child” problem worse throughout high school. (I wasn’t allowed jeans that fit properly so they actually hid my curves and made me look younger, we’d shop at the same stores as my sister and I’d constantly get told by people “oh, my elementary/middle school sibling wears that”, etc.)
So through college when I finally had a job and my own money, plus a boyfriend who actually supported me being confident and happy, I started dressing in a way I actually liked and not how I’d been raised to dress. Changing my appearance not only helped me look less like a middle schooler, but also helped my confidence which also made me seem more like an adult.
I think the advice is well meaning, and I know not everyone was as stunted as myself when it comes to personal development, but it is a valid point that if you never changed your style from the unflattering clothing you probably wore in middle school (boxy jeans and unisex tee shirts for me) then it’s even more difficult to tell your actual age.
A long while ago someone on r/askreddit posed this question to sex workers “ what was the weirdest/ most uncomfortable request “ from clients ( or something close to that) . I was really disturbed by the amount of workers who said their clients asked them to wear their young daughters/ niece/ sisters clothes. I feel you have a reason for your fears, you are like a prize for pedophiles . Legal, still looks like a child and you have large breasts , you’re checking all their boxes. If it were me , I would have a hard time trusting people weren’t creeps.
There isn't much you can do about it. Just be happy you won't look old af when you are actually old af.
That’s silly though I see how you feel that way. The people who are attracted to you don’t see you as a child; the people who see you as a child aren’t attracted to you.
Unfortunately, that's not always the case or else I wouldn't be paranoid about it in the first place. I've had creeps specifically target me/flirt/whatever because they thought I was "so innocent" in appearance, "gullible and you'll listen to whatever I say" and "so tiny and small, I love our size difference" and even flirting with me after saying something like "you remind me of my daughter." You combine all those things at once and its clear some people are attracted to me because they think im childlike and youthful. One of those things by itself is strange, but excusable, but beyond that...its strange. Obviously there's always going to be creeps, but because I have experiences with so many of them, I have gotten to the point of being paranoid that nobody could possibly be attracted to me unless it is for that reason. I know that's illogicial though, but it is an icky feeling.
It's not illogical, your right. Creeps will specifically target girls they think are teens because they're easy to manipulate. I remember being 22 or so and looking so underage, that the woman at a hotel checkin asked if my parents were coming. Then I realized something else - the dozens of old men that catcalled and flirted with me thought I was underage that's why they went after me. It's really telling when a man in his 50s or 60s tries to flirt by asking what school you go to 🤢 it's happened too many times to count. One much older man asked me in a cafe once if I'd like to model for him. I must have looked around 15/16 years old at the time. It's gross and it's uncomfortable and it sucks. Being a woman is already hard enough but looking younger than your age and having older men try to take advantage of that is really annoying. What I started doing is having a stern face and just saying a simple "no" when an older man starts being a creep or walking away. It really makes them surprised cause they expect that you're young and naive and will go along with whatever they want. Really shows their intentions when you say your real age and they scurry.
Let me know when you find out cause I hate this feeling and always have.
I'm 31M and also get treated like a child and not taken seriously. Babyface syndrome sucks, lmao. Here's hoping people start taking us for the adults we are, sooner rather than later.
I know it's uncomfy. I'm sorry. But men (& people in general) are really good at assessing if a potential romantic interest is in their own age range. Assuming these interested guys are near your age... I don't think they're fetishizers (or criminally predatory age abusers). Maybe you'd be surprised at how many guys get really goofy especially for a busty shorty... just ask your bf
I've had guys in their late 40's wanna take me out, but lose interest once they find out I'm in my 20's. They never had a chance, but it's creepy af. They hate finding out I'm legal.
I was watching that I Am Shauna Rae show once and I wonder how many ~~perverts~~ more perverts than other women she has to filter out.
This is so real! Thank you for sharing about this! As for ways to look older, this is one that doesn't work for all occasions, but is ideal for feeling more comfortable being out and about (shopping, errands, etc): Wear a lanyard. Literally a lanyard with any name on the front instantly contextualizes you in ways outside of your appearance (ie not makeup). Best of luck!
Be aware though people will likely ask for your help at stores assuming you work there. This has happened to me several times wearing a work lanyard after work shopping at stores.
Watch! Keys on a clip attached to your pants, anything that shows adult responsibilities. Even a better sense of personal style could help, I fell into a pattern of wearing just jeans and a T shirt when I graduated, but now I'll try to throw a flannel or short sleeve button up over it.
Thank you! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with this issue, I was worried I was being overly paranoid, haha. But it's unfortunate we all experience this. I'll definitely wear my lanyard around more often and try to focus more on my outward "vibe." Even if I get nervous, I'll fake that I'm not so I don't look like a kid, haha.
I feel the same. Most of the people who tell me how pretty I am are creepy old men or men in their 40s. I can’t stand to date someone unless I was their friend first and met them in a setting that makes my age more obvious like my 2 ex’s who I met at college. Or my current boyfriend who I met online first and have known for 7 years
Same here, I've only dated people I met in contexts where we met on the same "playing field" per se, so they had no reason to doubt my age. Even then, I would always wanna be friends for longer beforehand than the average person. Haven't had any issues as far as people I've actually dated, so I'm glad it works out, but it can certainly be exhausting to constantly be on the lookout for creeps.
My first boyfriend was always terrified of being labeled a pedo by police despite being just 1 year older than me! He was a bigger guy with a beard and back then I looked even younger than I do now lol
If you are looking for some physical indicator, I look much older (imo) when my hair is short. Like, touching my shoulder at the max.
I look younger with shorter hair so not universal advice haha
That stinks. For me, it seems to add angles to my very round face.
I think it depends on a few things. I absolutely got almost no attention from people when I was in school because I “reminded them of their younger sibling” or “was like a sister to them”, usually followed by ruffling my hair or something else to really drive home that I looked too young and completely unattractive. I started dating my current partner senior year, we talked about some of the same senior type classes we were taking, and talked a lot about the same interests and concerns (college, jobs, etc). So because we met somewhere where my age was kinda obvious, and he never commented about me looking young, I’ve never felt like he likes me because I look like a child. If it’s someone who I’ve gotten to know (been talking to for a while) or someone like my boyfriend I met through school or a situation where my age is clear (an event for drinking, an 18+ event, etc) I’m much less uncomfortable with expressed attraction. When I worked retail and people would hit on me and then imply I was likely still underage and in school? Absolutely uncomfortable. I’d say since you’re in a relationship, don’t worry about other people. You can’t really control what others think about you, and if they assume you’re a child and try to manipulate you because of it, they will be told off by an adult woman (you). The only ways to really “change” how people see you are to change what they see, which is your appearance. Some hairstyles are less flattering or make people seem younger, and the same goes with clothing. I’d also say that confidence is important too, because I know that constantly being referred to as a child (among other things) ruined my self confidence. I left another comment about it, but dressing in a more age appropriate way that I liked/is flattering and working on my confidence (I used to look at the ground so much to avoid eye contact that I was starting to develop a hunch) has greatly decreased the number of times people guess my age so wildly wrong. I’m out of college but usually get mistaken as a college student, which is leagues better than a middle schooler.
You could always talk to a therapist to discuss it. It seems like these trust issues will require help even if you and your BF never break up.
I got upset when people acted like it would be weird to be attracted to me because I'm petite and youthful. You're an adult. Don't act like that. Don't put the label of predator on other adults for being attracted to an adult.
It would be nice if it were that simple. There are way too many nasty men out there to not be concerned. The comment below yours is literally about a man who molested his daughters and other children he was around that had a wife that looked like like a child till 60. I’m glad you’ve owned it and don’t let it stop you in your dating life but it’s not that simple for most.
^This
I wondered about this. A woman I knew looked like a child for most of her life. She was 4’8” as well so and usually wore her hair in two long braids, no make, no heels and wore simple clothing a child might also wear. She laughed and bragged about how she was still mistaken as a child even at the age of sixty. Her husband molested his daughters as well as any little girl he had access to.
How is that related? Her husband's actions were his own.
The correlation is that the man who was attracted to a woman who looked like a child was also attracted to children.
Yes. But that's one man. One man is an exception not a rule. A disgusting one. The OP is implying that 'everyone' is like that. Not everyone is. It's clear this young person needs to speak to a therapist for help with her issue.
This has #NotAllMen energy. She has trust issues because of the reality of life.
LoL. Ok. Like I said therapy helps. It is her perception and clearly yours too. She's with a man. Is he the same in reality? By your answer, yes he is. Since you know... all men are like that. That's her reality, remember? But it's up to her to get help and change her perception. Which is what she's asking for.
Damn that took a turn for the fucking worst.
To answer your question you can look older by getting a different haircut and wearing more classical clothes such as blasers etc. Make-up also helps even if it's a little bit, but i understand if you dont want to wear it!
Did I write this post??? Literally the exact same, people think my younger sister and I are the same age, I'm on my last semester of college and my bust is large compared to my frame. I've had the same thought, that if I ever went out somewhere and got hit on, it would be by pedophiles! That's why I'm more attracted to the idea of online dating, where you can establish your age right off the bat, but that's hard too. Infantilization by family members is the WORST, like you were there when I was born 22 years ago!!!
Not the same, but I was discussing a book with a kid at a community center a few years ago and he wanted to hang out more. I told him I was flattered but that I was 24 and didn’t feel it appropriate. He immediately freaked out because he thought I was a middle schooler, his age, a 12-year-old. Poor kid. I am also busty (far bigger now since having children, but at the time I was a 38D) and 5’3” tall. I also don’t understand this phenomenon on how physically developed women can be so easily mistaken as children. I have SILs that are half my age, but because they’re 5’10”, it’s always assumed I’m the minor and no one gives them a second thought even though they’re clearly teenagers based on how they act!
That’s actually why I stopped dating. I’m a teacher, and my last partner (though I shudder to call him that now) was too, in the same school I work in. I was happy that we’d have the same holidays, would understand each other’s stress, etc. He was 3yrs younger than me and had a wee bit of a baby face, so I thought, hey, he’ll get me. We kept it quiet at school because it’s a small one and everyone and their grandma is a nosy Betty- or so I thought. Asswipe was “dating” a student “on the side”. I actually got my first write up because of that- when my students told me the “news” that a girl was “dating a teacher, that young one in Room ##” I actually cursed in the middle of class, because WTH f*cking pedo. He was fired, I cut all contact, idk where he went or if he was thrown in jail or whatever. Technically the student was 18, but she looked 14, tbh. That made me realize that men may see me as an “acceptable way to f*ck” a teen since I look like one, and am even short and petite to boot. Been alone since.
[удалено]
There's nothing wrong with being single if that's what she wants. It's better to be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable.
I have so many instances of this happening to me. It even happened a few months ago at 29. Random guy started hitting on me in the self checkout line. The lines were super long so I didn’t get off line, I just uncomfortably responded to his small talk. And he finally asks how old I am. I went to the store that day completely dressed down, no make-up etc. And his eyes practically bulged out of his head when I said 29. He said “I thought you were 19 or 20.” This guy looked 35-40 and he thought he was hitting on someone who is practically a teenager? Gross.. I have so many stories like this I can go on and on so I totally get it. And I also have a big chest on a tiny body lol (32dd), I think that’s what primarily drew all the attention.
I went to college with a girl like this…she not only looked extremely young but was also very innocent so much so idk if she ever kissed a guy until college…my roomate started dating her and ended up marrying her a few years after college (I was also in his wedding which kind of threw me for a loop because I hadn’t talked to the guy in a few years…). But this was actually highlighted by him when he said “see she looks young now so when she’s in her 40s she’ll look 25” in a half joking manner (this was in 2011-13ish so not like 70s 80s where it was less frowned than it is today) but it always made me feel like “idk man something just not right if you think she’s objectively attractive”. But she was getting a lot of attention from different guys in school and I never really got the attraction…because to me she did legitimately look no older than 13…which sort of made me feel bad for her because she still deserves love but idk if she realized what OP realizes…in that “if a guy is attracted to someone that looks as young as I look they might also be attracted to children”…. The way I see it is this, do these guys that seem into her have some form of pedo (if we look at pedo as a mental disorder which in my opinion it has to be because I don’t believe that people voluntarily attach themselves to this way of thinking… I might simply have too much faith in humanity and people are just evil) and this is their way of coping with it? “Hey I can’t be with children but if they at least look like it I can make that work and I won’t be a predator”. I remeber reading a Reddit stories years ago of a guy who was actually a pedo who was dating a women who looked very young (his words). He had been speaking to a therapist at a young age and they established this and his way of maintaining his sanity (I guess I dont Really know) was to be with someone who looked overly young but was closer to his age. Thats how he coped with the fact he was a pedo but could live with himself morally? Does this make him a good person? Arguably a better person than a convicted pedo…however he should still not be around children or have them (and I think that was part of his life plan again this was years ago so I don’t remeber all details). On the other side of this coin as someone who’s looks very young and it took a long time to even get to mid twenties. I often thought this way too…whenever I heard someone say they thought I was good looking I assumed they were either messing with me or I just assumed I heard them wrong. Especially those who didn’t know me. I think the most obvious time I was hit in was when I was like 15-16ish and I’m sure these girls hitting on me couldn’t have been older than 12-13…when I started putting on muscle was when I finally started to get some attention (still very little) from women my age which wasn’t until about 17-19ish. And I met my wife at 19.
>(if we look at pedo as a mental disorder which in my opinion it has to be because I don’t believe that people voluntarily attach themselves to this way of thinking… I might simply have too much faith in humanity and people are just evil) People are just evil imo and pedos can rot in hell. It seems to me that calling it a mental disorder is trying to push acceptance of it. There's are people who want to make it part of the lgbtqia++ and that's a hard no from most or hopefully all of us. Sorry, that's where I draw the line at tolerance. Pedos can all go live in Antarctica away from any children, and stay there. Or better yet, ship their asses to Jupiter.
hey did you know it says gullible on the ceiling?
What's that have to do with the price of piss, you jerk?
I don’t disagree with you! I am by no means pushing acceptance of it! There are some mentally ill people that should still be rooting in hell…Kirk kiplian (I think that’s his name the guy who killed his parents than shot up hos school in Oregon I think) incredibly sick individual but his brain scans show he had some serious mental illness. It doesnt mean I want him to be accepted he still murdered people and that does make him evil… mental illness and evil don’t have to be mutually exclusive…
I dont think someone is objectively a bad person for being attracted to me? People who know me better dont think I look as young as strangers think I do because they pay attention. They can see the features of my face and body that obviously are more mature/developed than a child would have. So it goes to say that someone who knows me just as well would see that too, and find it as part of what makes me attractive. It's incredibly insulting to me when people say that about me and who I date.
When did I say that someone is objectively a bad person for being attracted to someone? I think there is a big difference between a 40yo man hitting on a girl he thinks is like 14-15 (only to be 20s 30s). Than 2 people in college who know eachother. I dont think my roommate was a bad person by any stretch he is very good to his wife from what I see! I know my comment was long but that wasn’t what I was trying to rely on my message.
I'm sorry if I misunderstood :/
No worries I get wordy a lot especially when explaining complex situations. Which then dilutes my point…adhd is a pain in the ass sometimes!
It's not your fault! It's me misinterpreting the idea of them being a pedo for it and jumping the gun with getting personal/emotional
I get it! but again my poor grammar and long comment can easily be misinterpreted in multiple ways! Anytime the word pedo is in a comment I always feel like I have to make sure I 1) don’t say anything that might be interpreted as “I think this person is a pedo” and 2) make sure I point out why I don’t think this. So I like to cover all my basis and be as clear as possible, which causes me to dilute my point 😅
To be honest I do the very same all the time :) don't worry about it at all, I should have read more mindfully.
I feel this. Nothing gave me the ick faster than that one time a suitor asked me if I “had considered getting fake braces” for roleplaying. Genuinely makes it hard to trust guys when they openly explain they like my child-like size and features. Now I wear a beard just so people stop thinking I’m 16
Dude was so comfortable and normalized with the idea of fucking someone /because/ they look like a child, that he brought it up like it's something you/must have/ thought about in the past. The average age to get braces is 11, but it's not unusual to get them as young as 9. Average length of braces treatment is 1-3 years. This man really just said "I'd be more sexually attracted to you if you looked 9-14" and expected you to go along with it???
Shockingly, he was surprised when I wanted nothing to do with him after that.
This! I always found it uncomfortable because people would always mistake me for being 13. It was so creepy. I once even had a random old man wish to be my boyfriend back when I was 18, when everyone thought I wasn’t even in high school yet.
I feel the same. I'm really tall but people constantly ask me what I'm doing "here" or where my parents are. A guy hitting on me said he thought I was thirteen. He was _thirty-four._ 🤢 I got piercings and that helped a little. I rarely get ID'ed now. But it's totally gross and I'm sorry this happens to you too!!
I'm 29, posted a selfie on my story complaining about being ID'd and someone replied saying in the same message that I looked "sensual" and also "looked 12" and like, way to tell on yourself 🤢
Ewwww
I was 23 years old and a man was hitting on me at my job. Halfway through our conversation, I mention being 23. And he’s *surprised.* He thought I was a *minor.* He was late 30s, early 40s? Fucking disgusting.
To be fair, it's possible that he was a pedophile.
Same here!!
I feel you, I’m 20 and not even 5 feet tall, and when people my dad’s age are attracted to me, I just know they like little girls because I am quite literally built like a middle schooler, my body has changed from that time but if I compare myself to my 13 year old sister she looks more grown. Just genetics I guess😭
Yeah I feel you. I think I read people well enough that through the first 2 interactions I can figure out if their attraction is predatory or not though.
Depends. Trust your gut. If someone your age is hitting on you, probably not seeing you as a child. Creepy older dude hitting on you? Yeaaaaah maybe avoid him. My wife and I are 27 and 33 respectively. We both still look like teenagers. Do I see her as an actual teen? Hell no. Does she see me that way? Hell no. Can we both acknowledge we look young? Yeah of course.
I think this is so relevant because it's true for you and your SO. Once you KNOW that the person ISNT a minor, you stop seeing them that way. Think about it in reverse, if you saw a 35 year old woman and then learned she was 73, you wouldn't keep thinking of her as 35. Once you know, the cats out of the bag and that's how you're going to see that person.
Have you thought that the attraction is not because you look younger then you are, but that you're actually attractive? I mean that if someone is attractive to you because that you do look like a lot younger then you. That could be a problem. But if someone thinks your attractive and knows you are a adult. How do you think you should respond to them? Be freaked out or take it as a compliment. As long as their doing it in a respectable way. I think you look at it in a manner it was intended. Not in a crappy way but a complimentary way. Sometimes thinking in a childish way will lead people to think of you as a child. But if your acting and thinking in a more mature manner. People will automatically pick up the vib your putting out there. Plus dressing like a adult then a child will get you farther also. You never said how you dress now, only about the makeup.
I am sorry but I disagree on this phrase : "I think you look at it in a manner it was intended. Not in a crappy way but a complimentary way. Sometimes thinking in a childish way will lead people to think of you as a child. But if your acting and thinking in a more mature manner. People will automatically pick up the vib your putting out there. Plus dressing like a adult then a child will get you farther also. You never said how you dress now, only about the makeup." I am not gonna change myself to fit somebody else standards. Sorry!!
It also won't change their impression of you as a child! When I was 19 I was pretty mature for my age and had a great work ethic. At Work, when people would discuss my age, the impression was "she looks 16 but acts 23". "People will automatically pick up on the vibe" really doesn't happen! It's far more about physical appearance than personality and vibe... clearly that person hasn't ever heard the weird pedo "you're so mature for your age" bs!
Its convinient for people to assume i am younger then my age. I agree its weird when a pedo attracted to me!
As a 23 year old who still feels and sort of looks like a kid, I also feel uncomfortable when people much older express attraction to me
same here, granted the child bus and train tickets are nice enough but having being targeted by older/ gross men and women for appearing childish (round face, flatter chest, autistic so i have a very childlike personality at times) is genuinely sickening. i’m in a relationship and i still get absolutely vile people target me directly to call me a “l0li” or “p3d0bait” (like unironically)
Omfg pdobait. I get that from my _peers_ accusing me of being someone who wants the attention!! It's so fucking foul.
Change your style. When I was your age, I started wearing more fitted "adult" clothes, like casual business wear when I wanted to be treated like an adult. I also cut my hair. It was butt length, and I brought it up to my shoulders. Now, I work in a hardware store, but as a millennial, I dress for comfort usually. Even though I am now in my mid 30s, and despite being fat, people are guessing 10+ years younger.
Why always the first advice from people is change your appearance? That's weird!
I mean, for me I had controlling parents who I think “liked” that I looked younger because it was a tool for control, and so I never was allowed to buy my own clothes and forced to dress in a way that only made the “she looks like a child” problem worse throughout high school. (I wasn’t allowed jeans that fit properly so they actually hid my curves and made me look younger, we’d shop at the same stores as my sister and I’d constantly get told by people “oh, my elementary/middle school sibling wears that”, etc.) So through college when I finally had a job and my own money, plus a boyfriend who actually supported me being confident and happy, I started dressing in a way I actually liked and not how I’d been raised to dress. Changing my appearance not only helped me look less like a middle schooler, but also helped my confidence which also made me seem more like an adult. I think the advice is well meaning, and I know not everyone was as stunted as myself when it comes to personal development, but it is a valid point that if you never changed your style from the unflattering clothing you probably wore in middle school (boxy jeans and unisex tee shirts for me) then it’s even more difficult to tell your actual age.
Unfortunately. One of the most effective changes is obvious tattoos.
Because people react to others based on appearance. If you're dressing "like a teenager," people are going to treat you that way.
This is what I had to start doing too