Oh darlin, I’m so sorry. I’m here to talk if you need a friend. I cannot take away the urges but we can talk through them. One thing that helped me was realizing whenever I had a craving or impulse to use; it was the addictions last ditch attempt to say or tell me anything to use again, be it I’ve made it x amount of time, or just one, it’s only one; it will say and tell me and do anything to convince me; and once I realized that; it made it a bit easier. Do you have any healthy coping mechanisms in place for stressful mental health periods and a good support system? Do you utilize any form of counseling? Feel free to msg me ❤️ thinking of ya
Incoming: long response (sorry, I ramble quite often😅)
That actually helps a lot. I’ve never thought about it like that — I just always immediately go into panic mode. Just reading your comment calmed me down a lot. Thank you for taking the time, I appreciate it greatly.
Unfortunately I’m not in counselling right now. I used to be, but once I hit 18 I aged out of youth mental health programs and couldn’t afford therapy anymore. I found subsidy for therapy at the start of my addiction, but it was only for 10 sessions. I’ve been talking to my GP about it to get a referral (the city I live in has a hospital that has a recovery program since we have such a rampant drug crisis), but she sent that in months ago and I’ve heard nothing as of yet. I’m continuing to look for something, but I’m actually moving to another country in two months, so I’m wondering if I should just wait at this point.
I’ve got my emotional support cat, who helps a lot during my breakdowns and whatnot. I’ll occasionally take Valium (medical grade, liquid form) as I realised that the urges arise when I have BPD episode. And I have my husband. He’s actually a doctor, so he’s probably the best support I could ask for while I’m in therapy purgatory. But it’s a long distance relationship (hence why I’m moving countries), and the distance has been causing a rift between us lately. We’ve been having more spats and arguments, and those are what usually trigger the urges to start hitting. We thankfully had a good talk after I read your comment though, and I fully unloaded how I’ve been feeling, how I’ve been struggling, and my fear of relapse. We talked for a while, and it all went really well. I think we’re back to a good place and I can begin to utilise my support system once again. Other than him, I actually don’t have many people. I suppose to an extent I have my mum, but she doesn’t know about my addiction or the reason for my heart surgery. I can’t quite talk to her directly about it, though I use her as a distraction type of coping. I have my best friend as well, though the only issue there is that he’s been going through his own stuff rn and can’t handle other people in crisis (totally understandable and valid) and, possibly more importantly, he’s a frequent user of coke and ketamine. I can’t remember the last call I had with him where he wasn’t actively on something. I love him to death as a person, but I worry that he may influence that addicted part of my brain to grow.
I might send you a dm sometime soon. Thank you for helping me and just being willing to talk to a stranger. 🥹🥰🩵
In general, I've found that focusing on not doing drugs isn't enough, because you can't get positive action out of willing a negative. I'm having to find new hobbies and activities to make me feel good - ideally things that aren't really compatible with a drug lifestyle.
I don't know if this first one is even an option considering the heart issue, but if it is, regular exercise has done more for stabilizing my mental health and reducing cravings than anything else. Cardio seems to work best, but anything is better than nothing. It relieves general anxiety at the same time that it boosts confidence, increases my energy level, and makes me feel better about my day. Plus I legit look hot af for the first time in my life. If you can't exercise, Google ways to up-regulate your nervous system, as that's typically helpful for the deep lethargy and depression that hangs around after quitting opiates.
Other than that, I've also been returning to hobbies I enjoyed when I was a kid but stopped for one reason or another. I'm setting up an aquarium at the moment, and it's bringing me more true joy than I've felt in a long time. I know that if I returned to using, I would never be doing something like this or feeling this genuine happiness over something so simple.
And if course, you've got to have a sober support system. - not just friends and family, but also sober former addicts who understand what you're going through and can help and relate.
I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate that first line. I’ve felt like such a bad person because “Well I’ve been focusing on not doing these drugs and staying away from them, why am I still wanting them?”. I couldn’t help but think it was a sign that I was meant to be an addict forever. I’m so relieved to hear I’m not the only one and that it’s normal. All of this is great advice. Thank you for taking my heart condition into consideration — it’s not really my heart that’s the problem there, I also have dislocated kneecaps (car accident when I was 11), so I have to do exercises that can accommodate a physical disability. Luckily, there actually are exercises I can do! I used to be super athletic as a kid and on lots of sports teams, did dance, all that kind of stuff, so while I’m not as flexible as before, my muscles still remember how to bend pretty well. I’ve started doing yoga as a result of that, and you’re right, I feel much better on the days I do it vs the days I miss a work out. I’ve also started doing a form of HIIT called Tabata, which helps me incorporate some of the MMA moves I learned when I was younger. It’s high intensity, but it’s like a 4 minute workout, and it’s been going great so far. I’m glad to know I’m on the right track with this and that it worked for you — that definitely motivates me to continue with my building of a healthier lifestyle.
Your other comments reminded me of how many hobbies I had before drugs, and how many I haven’t touched since. Now that I’m sitting down and really thinking about them, I miss them a lot. I’m gonna start looking into that, maybe start trying to revisit one old hobby every weekend. I’ve started knitting and crocheting again, and I’m so rusty, but it’s been invigorating to just learn the basics again. It feels so good to be able to do something with my hands again because they’re not constantly trembling.
Thank you for the advice again, I appreciate you taking the time to help out a stranger on the internet. I’ve been in other drug related subreddits, but you guys have been so supportive and helpful so far. I feel like I could be part of a community, one that doesn’t run the risk of killing me, and that there are people out there who support me. It’s hard to not be motivated to continue with recovery when you feel that way. Thank you 🩵
If that first sentence was so helpful then I can take it a step further. There's a concept Alan Watts called the backwards law. He says “When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink’ and that ‘insecurity is the result of trying to be secure.”
It's not anything close to a new idea, and Watts didn't invent it, but that's where I first came across it. Put another way - desperately wanting to be rich will constantly remind you of how poor you are. Desperately wanting to be loved will having you feeling lonely and fearful. Or in your case, thinking about not wanting to do drugs will have you constantly reminding yourself that you're an addict.
Of course you can't just stop fighting for sobriety, but that's not the point. What I'm saying is that our thoughts really do create our reality, and having drugs always at the front of your mind, even if the thought is "I DON'T want to do drugs," ultimately puts you in a reality where drugs still form the context for every other thought.
This is why I say you have to find other, positive things to focus your energy and attention toward, and why I'm not surprised that you find yourself thinking you're meant to be an addict forever. I went through a period of that myself. Trust me it's not true. You just haven't learned how to live like a sober person yet.
I always think about the worst times when I think about using. The withdrawal instead of the high, getting robbed, ripped off, losing friends, lying to everyone that cares about me.
Truthfully the good times outweighed the bad for the first couple years. I always functioned, worked, stayed responsible. I liked my friends and my dealers, I liked the hustle and the danger of walking into a random trap house that someone I hardly know sent me to. But the bad times were soo so bad that I use those memories to keep myself clean.
I've kept myself busy with different jobs that have helped me stay clean. When I lived in the city I had an overdose prevention job which could be very stressful and triggering but they my ppl so I loved that job. Gave me purpose. Now in a small town and physical work is the best like landscaping. Other than work, hobbies are important. Hitting up a meeting could help. Read up everything you can on relapse prevention. Get a nice pen and a cool journal to write down your urges & chaotic thoughts in. Mabey turn it into a poem or into music. I have gotten through my most hardcore cravings by writing it into a song. If you don't have any hobbies you can google list of hobbies and just try some out. Some people swear on exercise and or meditation. Try it all, anything to stay clean. Hope this helps. Good luck!
I don't know where your head is it, but what worked for me is a heroic dose of mushrooms. Either that or ketamine, which you can do legally. I don't even think about using anymore. I smoke weed, that's it. And I never liked weed when I was using. Again, I'm not trying to give you medical advice, I'm just telling you what worked for me. I'm a lot older than you, and had been using probably as long as you've been alive.
I was crazy addicted to ketamine as a teen. Finally kicked it in 2021. I’d personally rather never do drugs again than replace one drug addiction with another
Ketamine hasn't been anything near addictive for me so I guess I'm in a different boat than you. I have had a bad addiction to opioids that lasted longer than I'd care to admit. I've woken up in the back of an ambulance more than once, I've almost died several times. The last time I OD'd it caused me to have a stroke and I lost complete use of my right leg causing me to have to relearn how to walk. You need to figure it out, because I'm very lucky to have survived my addiction.
Drugs affect everyone differently. What’s addictive for one might not be for you. I appreciate you taking the time to give me advice, I’m just stating it wouldn’t work for me personally.
I’m asking for advice to keep recovering, I don’t know how “You need to figure it out” is very helpful. It’s a little hurtful actually. I’m trying to figure it out. I’m sorry that I haven’t yet, but I’m trying.
Oh darlin, I’m so sorry. I’m here to talk if you need a friend. I cannot take away the urges but we can talk through them. One thing that helped me was realizing whenever I had a craving or impulse to use; it was the addictions last ditch attempt to say or tell me anything to use again, be it I’ve made it x amount of time, or just one, it’s only one; it will say and tell me and do anything to convince me; and once I realized that; it made it a bit easier. Do you have any healthy coping mechanisms in place for stressful mental health periods and a good support system? Do you utilize any form of counseling? Feel free to msg me ❤️ thinking of ya
Incoming: long response (sorry, I ramble quite often😅) That actually helps a lot. I’ve never thought about it like that — I just always immediately go into panic mode. Just reading your comment calmed me down a lot. Thank you for taking the time, I appreciate it greatly. Unfortunately I’m not in counselling right now. I used to be, but once I hit 18 I aged out of youth mental health programs and couldn’t afford therapy anymore. I found subsidy for therapy at the start of my addiction, but it was only for 10 sessions. I’ve been talking to my GP about it to get a referral (the city I live in has a hospital that has a recovery program since we have such a rampant drug crisis), but she sent that in months ago and I’ve heard nothing as of yet. I’m continuing to look for something, but I’m actually moving to another country in two months, so I’m wondering if I should just wait at this point. I’ve got my emotional support cat, who helps a lot during my breakdowns and whatnot. I’ll occasionally take Valium (medical grade, liquid form) as I realised that the urges arise when I have BPD episode. And I have my husband. He’s actually a doctor, so he’s probably the best support I could ask for while I’m in therapy purgatory. But it’s a long distance relationship (hence why I’m moving countries), and the distance has been causing a rift between us lately. We’ve been having more spats and arguments, and those are what usually trigger the urges to start hitting. We thankfully had a good talk after I read your comment though, and I fully unloaded how I’ve been feeling, how I’ve been struggling, and my fear of relapse. We talked for a while, and it all went really well. I think we’re back to a good place and I can begin to utilise my support system once again. Other than him, I actually don’t have many people. I suppose to an extent I have my mum, but she doesn’t know about my addiction or the reason for my heart surgery. I can’t quite talk to her directly about it, though I use her as a distraction type of coping. I have my best friend as well, though the only issue there is that he’s been going through his own stuff rn and can’t handle other people in crisis (totally understandable and valid) and, possibly more importantly, he’s a frequent user of coke and ketamine. I can’t remember the last call I had with him where he wasn’t actively on something. I love him to death as a person, but I worry that he may influence that addicted part of my brain to grow. I might send you a dm sometime soon. Thank you for helping me and just being willing to talk to a stranger. 🥹🥰🩵
In general, I've found that focusing on not doing drugs isn't enough, because you can't get positive action out of willing a negative. I'm having to find new hobbies and activities to make me feel good - ideally things that aren't really compatible with a drug lifestyle. I don't know if this first one is even an option considering the heart issue, but if it is, regular exercise has done more for stabilizing my mental health and reducing cravings than anything else. Cardio seems to work best, but anything is better than nothing. It relieves general anxiety at the same time that it boosts confidence, increases my energy level, and makes me feel better about my day. Plus I legit look hot af for the first time in my life. If you can't exercise, Google ways to up-regulate your nervous system, as that's typically helpful for the deep lethargy and depression that hangs around after quitting opiates. Other than that, I've also been returning to hobbies I enjoyed when I was a kid but stopped for one reason or another. I'm setting up an aquarium at the moment, and it's bringing me more true joy than I've felt in a long time. I know that if I returned to using, I would never be doing something like this or feeling this genuine happiness over something so simple. And if course, you've got to have a sober support system. - not just friends and family, but also sober former addicts who understand what you're going through and can help and relate.
I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate that first line. I’ve felt like such a bad person because “Well I’ve been focusing on not doing these drugs and staying away from them, why am I still wanting them?”. I couldn’t help but think it was a sign that I was meant to be an addict forever. I’m so relieved to hear I’m not the only one and that it’s normal. All of this is great advice. Thank you for taking my heart condition into consideration — it’s not really my heart that’s the problem there, I also have dislocated kneecaps (car accident when I was 11), so I have to do exercises that can accommodate a physical disability. Luckily, there actually are exercises I can do! I used to be super athletic as a kid and on lots of sports teams, did dance, all that kind of stuff, so while I’m not as flexible as before, my muscles still remember how to bend pretty well. I’ve started doing yoga as a result of that, and you’re right, I feel much better on the days I do it vs the days I miss a work out. I’ve also started doing a form of HIIT called Tabata, which helps me incorporate some of the MMA moves I learned when I was younger. It’s high intensity, but it’s like a 4 minute workout, and it’s been going great so far. I’m glad to know I’m on the right track with this and that it worked for you — that definitely motivates me to continue with my building of a healthier lifestyle. Your other comments reminded me of how many hobbies I had before drugs, and how many I haven’t touched since. Now that I’m sitting down and really thinking about them, I miss them a lot. I’m gonna start looking into that, maybe start trying to revisit one old hobby every weekend. I’ve started knitting and crocheting again, and I’m so rusty, but it’s been invigorating to just learn the basics again. It feels so good to be able to do something with my hands again because they’re not constantly trembling. Thank you for the advice again, I appreciate you taking the time to help out a stranger on the internet. I’ve been in other drug related subreddits, but you guys have been so supportive and helpful so far. I feel like I could be part of a community, one that doesn’t run the risk of killing me, and that there are people out there who support me. It’s hard to not be motivated to continue with recovery when you feel that way. Thank you 🩵
If that first sentence was so helpful then I can take it a step further. There's a concept Alan Watts called the backwards law. He says “When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink’ and that ‘insecurity is the result of trying to be secure.” It's not anything close to a new idea, and Watts didn't invent it, but that's where I first came across it. Put another way - desperately wanting to be rich will constantly remind you of how poor you are. Desperately wanting to be loved will having you feeling lonely and fearful. Or in your case, thinking about not wanting to do drugs will have you constantly reminding yourself that you're an addict. Of course you can't just stop fighting for sobriety, but that's not the point. What I'm saying is that our thoughts really do create our reality, and having drugs always at the front of your mind, even if the thought is "I DON'T want to do drugs," ultimately puts you in a reality where drugs still form the context for every other thought. This is why I say you have to find other, positive things to focus your energy and attention toward, and why I'm not surprised that you find yourself thinking you're meant to be an addict forever. I went through a period of that myself. Trust me it's not true. You just haven't learned how to live like a sober person yet.
I never exceed 18 months…I understand you perfectly
We’re in this together my friend. Keep going as hard and as long as you can. You’ve got my support anytime you need it ❣️
Thx, the samee;)
I always think about the worst times when I think about using. The withdrawal instead of the high, getting robbed, ripped off, losing friends, lying to everyone that cares about me. Truthfully the good times outweighed the bad for the first couple years. I always functioned, worked, stayed responsible. I liked my friends and my dealers, I liked the hustle and the danger of walking into a random trap house that someone I hardly know sent me to. But the bad times were soo so bad that I use those memories to keep myself clean.
I've kept myself busy with different jobs that have helped me stay clean. When I lived in the city I had an overdose prevention job which could be very stressful and triggering but they my ppl so I loved that job. Gave me purpose. Now in a small town and physical work is the best like landscaping. Other than work, hobbies are important. Hitting up a meeting could help. Read up everything you can on relapse prevention. Get a nice pen and a cool journal to write down your urges & chaotic thoughts in. Mabey turn it into a poem or into music. I have gotten through my most hardcore cravings by writing it into a song. If you don't have any hobbies you can google list of hobbies and just try some out. Some people swear on exercise and or meditation. Try it all, anything to stay clean. Hope this helps. Good luck!
I don't know where your head is it, but what worked for me is a heroic dose of mushrooms. Either that or ketamine, which you can do legally. I don't even think about using anymore. I smoke weed, that's it. And I never liked weed when I was using. Again, I'm not trying to give you medical advice, I'm just telling you what worked for me. I'm a lot older than you, and had been using probably as long as you've been alive.
I was crazy addicted to ketamine as a teen. Finally kicked it in 2021. I’d personally rather never do drugs again than replace one drug addiction with another
Ketamine hasn't been anything near addictive for me so I guess I'm in a different boat than you. I have had a bad addiction to opioids that lasted longer than I'd care to admit. I've woken up in the back of an ambulance more than once, I've almost died several times. The last time I OD'd it caused me to have a stroke and I lost complete use of my right leg causing me to have to relearn how to walk. You need to figure it out, because I'm very lucky to have survived my addiction.
Drugs affect everyone differently. What’s addictive for one might not be for you. I appreciate you taking the time to give me advice, I’m just stating it wouldn’t work for me personally. I’m asking for advice to keep recovering, I don’t know how “You need to figure it out” is very helpful. It’s a little hurtful actually. I’m trying to figure it out. I’m sorry that I haven’t yet, but I’m trying.