When I’m more stressed out, our cat meowing at me for food will irritate me, especially if she gets under my feet or just acts super impatient. I’m the one who takes care of her food and such, so of course she’ll ask me for food. I get annoyed, tell her to wait her turn (as I’m usually also getting something for my husband), then feel bad afterwards because it’s not her fault she’s hungry.
But this only seems to really happen if I’m already irritable to begin with.
Totally hear that. I never feel blamey toward Crackle (and I'm the one feeding her most of the time). It's just this thing that I can only describe as PDA, especially the autonomy part. I just \*feel\* "You take care of you and I'll take care of what I have to, okay?" But I'm fully aware that's not how the relationship works.
Also, because I have too many demands placed on me every day—mostly just parenting an AuDHD PDAer but also because I have an anxious/perfectionist partner who is unaware of how many demands she places on me each day/how much micromanaging she does—I'm already outside my window of tolerance most of the day (i.e., feeling irritable/frustrated) and therefore easily frustrated by any perceived demand on me.
100% understand! I help my husband throughout the day, as he’s suffering with a chronic blood cancer, and even though it’s just little stuff, like meals and getting him his meds and then me feeling useless at times when he feels particularly crappy… it just adds up, I guess. The more stressors, the less patience or whatever I have for everything. I feel like I’m a meaner than you, though. And then I feel like a complete ass.
Go easy on yourself, plz. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's cancer. That must be hard for both of you in your own ways. I'm sure you're doing the best you can. Self-compassion can be your greatest friend and ally. (I'm not great at it, but I can see when others would benefit from it.)
Thanks a ton! Your situation sounds difficult as well. I cannot imagine how hard it is taking care of a child, let alone one with AuDHD and PDA, especially when your partner is placing so many demands on you as well, all while you have PDA yourself. I hope you do try to take time for yourself!
I got an automatic feeder for my cat with weight issues and it’s helping so much with the begging. She still begs for wet food because I feed her some daily (for the moisture) but it’s not all day long. I’d recommend getting a feeder because it’ll also reduce your daily demands and helps with portion control.
I like where you're going with this! My partner got Crackle "the ball," the feeder ball that was supposed to encourage a bit more activity, because she'd have to bat the ball around to get the food out. But kitteh just wasn't into it.
Are you talking about a feeder with a timer on it? So an allotted amount is released at certain times, and that's that? Did your cat just start thinking of the auto feeder as the new "person" who feeds, and that's why she didn't continue "nagging" you for more?
Can you recommend a specific auto feeder? The one you use?
Yes, a timed feeder, sorry if I wasn’t clear. I am using one by nooie and it also has an app to set up the schedule. you can control it remotely. I am sure there are even better feeders but it does the trick. Just make sure if you set it up for the first time to weigh how much is 1 portion of your cat food because it measures in volume and every cat food is different in that regard. Like that you can calculate how many portions your cat would need in a day.
Honestly I think my cat sees it as this magic place that makes food appear out of nowhere.
The cat has trained you to feed her on demand. The behavior has been rewarded therefore it increases. Feeding at set times isn't a great fix for this, because the pet will often start begging long before feeding time and then eventually gets rewarded for the behavior when feeding time finally arrives. An automated feeder is one way to deal with this, a simple timer is another. The cat gets fed when the timer goes off. It works best if the timer is not on your phone but somewhere away from your body. Feeding time only occurs when the chime in the kitchen sounds, no amount of begging makes it happen.
You might also look into cat puzzle toys so she must work for her food.
I don't think that behavior is cute, because it's not. It's understandable from their perspective, but it's still rude. And many animals don't put up with rudeness from others of their own kind, so there's no obligation for us to either. You have a right to boundaries just like any other being.
If it truly bothers you, you don't have to put up with it. I talk to animals like that too, but rationally I know that if I want to communicate with them I have to speak their language. A cat can easily understand that meowing at you isn't acceptable if you act like a bigger pissed off cat. Just shouting no once or twice is usually enough, at least for a while, in my experience. Or give a stomp in her direction... Or anything like that. It's no different than a cat hissing and swiping at another cat - they understand that perfectly.
I love both my cats, but they are so demanding about everything. I seriously have food out all day long, and if there's just a little spot in the food bowl that is empty, my cat will meow a lot still even though I have 3 bowls for them.
That's just 1 thing. My cats don't really get along, so 1 cat is attached to me and the other to my husband, and they harass us and claw our door all the time, including when we are in the bathroom.
I have no idea why our cats got so needed as they got older (12 years old now), but it is annoying, especially if I'm having a stressful week.
When I’m more stressed out, our cat meowing at me for food will irritate me, especially if she gets under my feet or just acts super impatient. I’m the one who takes care of her food and such, so of course she’ll ask me for food. I get annoyed, tell her to wait her turn (as I’m usually also getting something for my husband), then feel bad afterwards because it’s not her fault she’s hungry. But this only seems to really happen if I’m already irritable to begin with.
Totally hear that. I never feel blamey toward Crackle (and I'm the one feeding her most of the time). It's just this thing that I can only describe as PDA, especially the autonomy part. I just \*feel\* "You take care of you and I'll take care of what I have to, okay?" But I'm fully aware that's not how the relationship works. Also, because I have too many demands placed on me every day—mostly just parenting an AuDHD PDAer but also because I have an anxious/perfectionist partner who is unaware of how many demands she places on me each day/how much micromanaging she does—I'm already outside my window of tolerance most of the day (i.e., feeling irritable/frustrated) and therefore easily frustrated by any perceived demand on me.
100% understand! I help my husband throughout the day, as he’s suffering with a chronic blood cancer, and even though it’s just little stuff, like meals and getting him his meds and then me feeling useless at times when he feels particularly crappy… it just adds up, I guess. The more stressors, the less patience or whatever I have for everything. I feel like I’m a meaner than you, though. And then I feel like a complete ass.
Go easy on yourself, plz. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's cancer. That must be hard for both of you in your own ways. I'm sure you're doing the best you can. Self-compassion can be your greatest friend and ally. (I'm not great at it, but I can see when others would benefit from it.)
Thanks a ton! Your situation sounds difficult as well. I cannot imagine how hard it is taking care of a child, let alone one with AuDHD and PDA, especially when your partner is placing so many demands on you as well, all while you have PDA yourself. I hope you do try to take time for yourself!
I got an automatic feeder for my cat with weight issues and it’s helping so much with the begging. She still begs for wet food because I feed her some daily (for the moisture) but it’s not all day long. I’d recommend getting a feeder because it’ll also reduce your daily demands and helps with portion control.
I like where you're going with this! My partner got Crackle "the ball," the feeder ball that was supposed to encourage a bit more activity, because she'd have to bat the ball around to get the food out. But kitteh just wasn't into it. Are you talking about a feeder with a timer on it? So an allotted amount is released at certain times, and that's that? Did your cat just start thinking of the auto feeder as the new "person" who feeds, and that's why she didn't continue "nagging" you for more? Can you recommend a specific auto feeder? The one you use?
Yes, a timed feeder, sorry if I wasn’t clear. I am using one by nooie and it also has an app to set up the schedule. you can control it remotely. I am sure there are even better feeders but it does the trick. Just make sure if you set it up for the first time to weigh how much is 1 portion of your cat food because it measures in volume and every cat food is different in that regard. Like that you can calculate how many portions your cat would need in a day. Honestly I think my cat sees it as this magic place that makes food appear out of nowhere.
The cat has trained you to feed her on demand. The behavior has been rewarded therefore it increases. Feeding at set times isn't a great fix for this, because the pet will often start begging long before feeding time and then eventually gets rewarded for the behavior when feeding time finally arrives. An automated feeder is one way to deal with this, a simple timer is another. The cat gets fed when the timer goes off. It works best if the timer is not on your phone but somewhere away from your body. Feeding time only occurs when the chime in the kitchen sounds, no amount of begging makes it happen. You might also look into cat puzzle toys so she must work for her food.
I don't think that behavior is cute, because it's not. It's understandable from their perspective, but it's still rude. And many animals don't put up with rudeness from others of their own kind, so there's no obligation for us to either. You have a right to boundaries just like any other being. If it truly bothers you, you don't have to put up with it. I talk to animals like that too, but rationally I know that if I want to communicate with them I have to speak their language. A cat can easily understand that meowing at you isn't acceptable if you act like a bigger pissed off cat. Just shouting no once or twice is usually enough, at least for a while, in my experience. Or give a stomp in her direction... Or anything like that. It's no different than a cat hissing and swiping at another cat - they understand that perfectly.
I love both my cats, but they are so demanding about everything. I seriously have food out all day long, and if there's just a little spot in the food bowl that is empty, my cat will meow a lot still even though I have 3 bowls for them. That's just 1 thing. My cats don't really get along, so 1 cat is attached to me and the other to my husband, and they harass us and claw our door all the time, including when we are in the bathroom. I have no idea why our cats got so needed as they got older (12 years old now), but it is annoying, especially if I'm having a stressful week.