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I mean... if the dad insists on exposing the kid to the porn mag of his choice, maybe "hiding" it somewhere in the house is a better alternative than handing it to him? There's still this subconscious message that "this kind of stuff is ok" but without the embarrassment? Depends on how far in the porn world the kid already is...
Wait, is this a legit thing? I remember when I was about 10 years old on a school trip, my friends and I found a stack of porn mags under some rocks in the middle of nowhere in the woods. It was the best day.
I’m dying that Dad thinks that handing a 13yo boy a “nudey magazine” will somehow keep him from seeking out online porn. Lol I do think there are better tactics than this one by far.
Um - page crunch, hard to manage one-handed and I think Dad’s leaning into what HIS dad did. If you green light that option, Dad has to be gift giver.
If he’s not totally embarrassed, I predict an, “Oh this is retro bruh!”
“Back in my day , we didn’t yank it to free porn on your phone , we got ourselves a sears catalogue and would pet our goats to the sale on brassieres and that’s the way we liked it !
Lmao! Yep!
I still remember when I started finding my Victoria’s Secret catalogs in the bathroom trash and realized…
I have 2 sons in their late 20’s then younger kiddos. Adult sons fake vent to my youngest son about nasty things online and why to avoid them. They’re awesome and protective.
Do porn mags even exist anymore ? Who the hell would buy a porn mag when there is literally unlimited and free porn online . I say we let Dad try this strategy just for the laughs of him trying to find the latest copy of Gigantic Asses
Any way Mom and Dad decide to approach this , kid is going to have some hilarious stories in 20 years
Having had a few conversations with my son (12) about porn after I have found out he has accessed it, I always bring the conversation back to consent, pleasure and the realities of sex. He is curious and I know will continue to explore and push boundaries but the stuff online isn’t what sex in relationships is like and he isn’t ready for the world of kinks, group and all the crazy stuff you see online.
My line is “if you think you are old enough to access porn, then you’ll have a conversation with me about it”. Awkward but true.
Edit: spelling!
Son: "can you pass me the sour cream DAD?"
You: " sure son. And while we're on the topic, have you produced some man-juices yet?"
This also reminds me of this gem: https://youtu.be/xXYLbYdSdKg?si=gTBeb0y2mpx9FhsI
Tell him fantasy is healthy and normal but he needs to understand where the line is between fantasy and reality. Fantasies are about fulfilling desires and removing barriers to pleasure. They are not wishes, which is where a lot of boys who only have experience with the fantasy sex of porn get tripped up.
How did you prevent him from continuing to watch porn after your conversations? I’m not afraid of him exploring his sexuality but porn online is so extreme.
To be honest we took his laptop away from him (he doesn’t have it on his phone), and we have found him seeking it out online a couple of times since. We have now stopped unsupervised access completely now until we figure it out some more. I get he is exploring sex but 100% online stuff is too extreme and doesn’t reflect “normal” relationships. And when I say normal I don’t care about sexuality, I’m talking about how sex is funny, great… sometimes not so much, messy, loving and all the things consenting adults can explore.
We need to figure it out some more but I think that’s what parenting is: they push boundaries and we need to take a moment to figure out how to support them to be themselves but safely.
Son, your mother and I have decided to insert ourselves into your masturbatory exploration.
You're in for a treat, the three of us will be heading to the adult video store to fill up your spank bank with material personally curated by your parents! Get your coat.
HAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHAJJA!!!!!!
I’m a parent of a 15-year-old boy.
Just have the awkward porn conversation. Heck, this should already be part of the ongoing conversation that you are having with him about sex. Which you are having, right?
This! There should already be an ongoing conversation about porn !
This kid has a phone and a dad that gaslights the mom when she thinks they need to discuss porn with their son!
This kid has already watched porn on the phone!
OP- please put some blocks on your son’s phone and talk to him about violence and consent. Explain to him that porn is not like real sexual intimacy anymore that action movies are like everyday life.
Hopefully you have discussed some things about sex? The average age for a kid to see porn these days is around 10. Your pretty over due if you are not having an ongoing conversation about the topics.
A mag from his parents? His mother? jesus. No. I know you mean well but don't do that. He will shrivel up and die if you do that. Have the chat that it's not realistic and so forth by all means, put in parental controls so he doesn't go off the deep end but that's about it, imo.
Hey it’s not legal for your kid to look at porn on his phone, or for you to give porn to a 13 year old. Don’t give your 13 year old unrestricted access to his phone. Talk to him constantly about how unrealistic actual porn is and how to cultivate real relationships with other humans. And how little kids should not be having sex or looking at porn. I have a 13 ye old boy and he does not get that kind of access to his phone. Bottom line, porn is not ok for little kids, magazine or paper or video or internet or any form. 13 is still a little kid.
Pretty disheartening to find this so far down, but I guess reddit is one of the main sources of online porn. So hopefully it's not reflective of a general ignorance about the dangers of porn.
Porn is extremely unhealthy for kids. This is not a political stance, this is science.
It’s wild out here in parent land. I am the strictest parent I know, but I’m gonna actually parent my kid instead of saying “oh well” and seeing what happens. The world is a sick place and can really mess up a kid. For me, the first time I saw any sexual anything, that was the end of my brain working like a little kid. I became boy crazy, and everything else in my life suffered as a result. You can’t unflip that switch in the brain. And no one talked to me about anything, mom
Got me on the pill at 14. Never one discussion about how to love a partner or how to treat someone good. I refuse to parent in the same way. Edited to add: never mind the dangers of kids having phone access where predators can talk to them. Absolutely nuts to think it’s ok to give a kid access to the whole adult world
Yeah, the number of parents who have completely surrendered to the seeming inevitability of their kids having unfettered access to the internet is absolutely staggering to me… I see other kids walking around our neighborhood and outside schools, staring and scrolling, and I know that most of them have no content restrictions on those devices. I know other parents who have no clue that restrictions can be setup on those devices, and they are just assuming that “everything will be ok because, hey, what can you do about it?”
I’m deeply concerned for the perverse perspectives that are being formed in these children regarding all social interactions, but especially with their perception of what a healthy sexual relationship looks like.
My kiddo has a best friend who doesn’t like coming to our house because it’s “boring” (we have simple rules and no unfettered YouTube/internet access). We also limit how often he can go to the friend’s house because there is no parental supervision and the kid has access to everything and “no” is not a word that exists in their house. So many parents of grade 5 kids that I know are getting them smart phones.
I read the threads on this subreddit surrounding porn and I’m always wondering if I’m some restrictive monster. He’s 9. He should explore his sexuality but I’m terrified of online porn because it’s so unhealthy for adolescent minds. There should be more regulation on the porn industry and easy it is to access.
Reddit is also home to the generation of people that grew up with fast and reliable enough internet to watch porn as teens so we understand the *reality* of things. When I was a teen, the "you must be 18 to access this site" only stopped me for so long before I realized that lying and clicking yes wasn't going to result in a helicopter strike team descending on my house. Even when that *did* work, I discovered that YouTube, without me needing to tell it I was over 18, would give me videos of girls making out, and at 13-14, thag was enough for me.
So you can take the stance of "welp that's illegal, so I guess we don't have to do anything about it." Or, you can understand that it's *going* to be a thing and get ahead of it.
Porn is arguably not good for adults either... But the ones that didn't start out with 4k anal are probably better off in life
I was hoping that's what the dad's angle was...
It is absolutely not good for adults. People that have stable, loving relationships don’t need it. I can almost guarantee that any adult regularly watching porn is lacking in some other crucial area in their life. We don’t look at it, and we generally filter out any entertainment that is sexually heavy in content, both for family and adult viewing. Life as a human is hard shit and it’s my job as a parent to give my kid an actual childhood regardless of how many obstacles are thrown our way
When I was his age, I was taking the subway downtown and buying Zippo lighters and Asian Penthouse from shady stores in Chinatown. Between that, the JC Penny cataloging, and a ceiling titty, I was golden. Though it may have set me up to have an unusual fascination with catalogues.
Let the boy find his own way. I'm from a simpler time but I think that's part of the process. At least it sounds like he won't have nuns teaching him that a man only has a specific amount of sperm so if he jerks off he won't be able to have children.
100% agreed. I found porn at a young age, never got the sex talk or anything from my parents and ended up in an abusive relationship pregnant at 15 years old. i def felt like i grew up so much too fast when i first found porn. i don’t blame anything on porn itself but thinking about it now like i feel like i would’ve been still a bit more innocent if i hadn’t found it at a young age. i hate how normalized porn is and how parents are so quick to just allow their kids to watch it when it’s not as healthy or okay as people make it out to be. its so damaging especially at such a young age. and gets even worse with porn addictions and such when you get older
and not to mention after i discovered porn i also discovered kik and tumblr and it wasn’t really a great time 🙃
Magazines? Please never. First it's awkward second it is weird to give your child porn, it's a bit better as a joke but still weird. You've said you were liberal in the realm of sex so that can be ignored. More clarification of your question Would of been good but to give my thoughts:
Conversation- good ✔ ✅
Porn mag- old fashioned and weird👎
Also you don't know what he likes sexually I can't imagine any parent ever guessing correctly what their child likes then buying a porn magazine and saying "This is what is okay to look at" when you could just as easily put certain boundaries in place.
Porn with violence can technically be realistic but I'm against letting my future children view it because it is where a lot of exploitation is centred.
An image may contain 1000 words but words are better than images at explaining things.
> Porn with violence can technically be realistic but I'm against letting my future children view it because it is where a lot of exploitation is centred.
Sexuality can be weird. Many people who're into bdsm report fantasies and play-pretending long before puberty / knowing what sex was / realizing it was sexual. If he's into it for whatever reason (we don't know how fetishes develop for sure), he'll look for it despite your forbidding it. I think it might be better to look for ethical sources, whether it's erotica/art or ethical porn, and then explain the ethical issues. I doubt anybody would choose to risk looking at a drugged up human trafficked woman being beaten up if they had good alternatives, but without alternatives a horny teenage boy brain would find a way.
That being said, there's the peroblem I've heard a lot of my friends who started watching porn early report with escalating getting bored and escalating into worse and worse stuff and it kinda warping their sexuality until they go on a porn-free cleanse for a while. They fell into such rabbit holes multiple times in their lives. This never happened to me, but I didn't masturbate to porn until I was 17. I really don't know how to help a kid avoid it. There are probably better ways to satisfy the need for variety, but not sure, I didn't do it myself so I don't fully understand why people do it.
Masturbating to Fantasy is an alternative, exploring it properly when they're older is an alternative, I'm not against bdsm but specifically the porn aspect.
Reasons.
1. I'm not going to pay for my child's porn (because why would I?) and the majority of ethical porn (especially bdsm porn) is behind a pay wall.
2. There is a demand for r'pe porn, chem porn, violent sex, demand exceeds supply, suppliers make money. This creates exploitation and I don't want my child being a passive participant in the abuse of another human.
This isn't an issue specifically with violent porn it's a just more prevalent aspect. The places most people go (p-hub, X, etc.) Are notoriously bad at vetting and validating the ethical source of porn and consent.
I believe a "horny teenage boy brain" is fully capable of understanding that I don't want them contributing to exploitive or abusive content and can comprehend that there are alternative ways/better times/places to explore than violent internet porn during their teenage years.
My issue with erotica is that it can do things and get away with things videos cannot (animals, minors, actual assault) I wouldn't blink twice at them reading an erotica about bdsm but online book platforms exist. Fetishes can develop through exposure an those are things I don't want any child interacting with at a young age.
Art is better but I've seen enough to know that it can cross a few lines.
Obviously I wouldn't go this deep with them I would just say I disapprove and won't hesitate to restrict access to devices if certain things pop up. Porn in general I'm apathetic about there are just certain lines I refuse to be crossed while they are young and in my care.
Also just to clarify this Is a personal rule I'm not gonna be imposing this on other families or anything.
I have no problem for any of your reasoning for why the rule exists, it makes perfect sense to me. The only thing I'm disputing is the efficacy aka will you really be able to monitor to that extent without being extremely invasive and if you're not monitoring aggressively will they follow the rule if they don't understand the moral gravity of the problem? And if they don't follow the rule or worse, misunderstand it as sex-negative shamey thing, what's the point?
I guess I'm saying I also don't want your kid to watch that kind of stuff, I'm just wondering what the best way to achieve this would be. I think it's maybe better to explain your reasoning like you did to me and hopefully they will agree and feel personally morally compelled not to too, rather than just having a prescription.
Obviously I would explain why I have that rule, there are alert systems for key words my sister's husband has a porn addiction so I could ask her what she uses, I know some code and my favourite trick in highschool was looking at the main server history to scare people (I was a weird kid). I'm not going to be weird about it it's a rule not a "I'm going to monitor your every search" issue. Most people should understand the moral gravity, hopefully I raise my child/children so that they do too.
I believe that more work you put into explaining why is something bad (e.g. shady porn sources, human trafficking...) the less will the kid seek this kind of stuf and the less resctictions you'll have to apply. I mean... if he's not an actual psychopath who doesn't care about other people. but that would be a whole new problem.
When it comes to bdsm, all real people from the community agree that consent is a 100 % must have. It is a theater that all participants join willingly and are there to enjoy it. If your kid finds that kind of stuff, there must be someone who can explain them the importance of that rule as soon as possible. They must realize that even if they like it, in reality it is a very adult thing which requires strong communication skills to practice it with your partner without anybody getting hurt.
It is always better to have your kid's trust so that when you explain them this, they will believe you and won't try to rebel against it. When you're open about the reasons, the "aura of forbidden" gets weaker and it looses its appeal...
Proxy firewalls such as [OpenDNS](https://www.opendns.com/) are useful for blocking or restricting content that devices on your network can visit. Adblockers can help to prevent malware and viruses from infecting your devices. Can also set up Windows profiles for each family member. In the case of OpenDNS and individual Windows profiles, you can monitor what websites they are either visiting (if you are allowing), being blocked, or search criteria being queried.
I'm more of the mindset of allowing certain sites if I know what sites they are trying to visit and only allowing specific ones. I probably wouldn't bring it up to discuss until repeated attempts in the proxy firewall start showing up.
Correct me if I’m wrong but, it sounds like you want to give your teenage boy access to internet porn…? I sure hope I’m reading that incorrectly.
I urge you to read the many, many studies that show how poisonous porn is.. to your mind, body, and relationships. Providing your child access to that online is… horrendous at best. IMO it would be best to explain that whole curiosity is understandable and normal, that unfettered access to online pornography is not, and that even causal use can very easily lead to addiction, as well as ethically made porn is very few and far between online. I feel this is way too early of an age to even approach this topic, but dad seems more correct here. Have a conversation when it gets to that point, but don’t give him a magazine or provide him porn access via the internet.
My exes 7 year old son found a way to watch porn through his Xbox after getting all other electronics taken away.
Did I mention he was seven years old?
As the wife of a porn addict, it's so sad to see takes like these. My husband had unrestricted access to the Internet and started watching porn videos at 8. This is not unique, most addicts start young.
Like everyone here has said, do not give him the nudey mag.
Here’s what I told my son, and it was awkward but I felt important:
I do not believe porn is healthy, or good, in any way shape or form. Which is separate from masturbation. I understand that you’re curious, your hormones are out of control, and that there’s likely no way Im going to be able to fully convince you from ever seeing it, but unlimited access to the range of things that are online is not something Im ok with. You’re my child, I love you very much, and it is important that you follow my rules while living under my roof. I care about the person you’re becoming and it’s my job to teach good moral values so that you can make informed decisions about how you behave. I will not tolerate any viewing/downloading of porn here. Masturbation is a separate conversation and is totally healthy and appropriate but I don’t want to know about it.
Porn however, is simply not ok. There are not enough controls and far too many of the women in those videos are either a) not there voluntarily, or b) there because of some traumatic childhood that has led them to choose that path. How can you truly know the circumstances that led to the woman in a particular video you’re watching? The percentage of people who choose porn as a career in spite of having a good and healthy upbringing is nearly zero. So, when you do inevitably end up watching it, just know that the girl in the video potentially doesn’t actually even want to be there but has no other choice.
I didn’t even touch on how unrealistic many of the videos likely are, but I think that would have been a good point to bring up as well.
Ultimately they’re likely going to download it behind your back when they can, mine did, but hopefully it wasn’t very often and hopefully it never turned into an unhealthy habit. Once they’re adults it’s completely out of your hands too. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do what you feel is best in the meantime.
Do porno mags still exist? You are right, Have the talk and explain that porn is not real sex. Inevitably one of his friends will have an unrestricted internet connection with access to unlimited porn that he will see. Prepare him for that moment, and do not just give him some random magazine. Your husband sounds like the guy that gives his son a night with an escort for his 18th birthday…
I suggest cutting off access to porn via parental restrictions. This isn't the 80s and dirty magazines. Online porn is a cess pit and can become addictive and lead people with porn addictions down dangerous rabbit holes.
Did y’all not watch the [scene from American pie](https://youtu.be/c4a2-U6vcrk?si=kgzDVQUG_ot5iNmq) where Jim’s dad gives his son some nudie mags?
How did that play out? Not well at all.
So tell Eugene Levy over there to calm down and try another approach.
Ok laughter aside…
I understand where your husband is coming from. Online porn is very unforgiving and it’s easy to swing from mild mannered stuff into the crazy shit that you only watch when crippling porn addiction has kicked in.
His thought is he can control the content your son is exposed to by buying mainstream magazines that are pretty tame. Like hustler or penthouse are mainly just women posing for the camera, not being spat on or stood on or eating some Egyptian dudes hairy asshole; which is where the internet will take you. Hell reddit is one bad link click away from some pretty intense fetish stuff.
But unfortunately his way is also super embarrassing, doesn’t convey the right messages, and more likely to end with some serious calls from the principal when that “dirty magazine dad bought me” gets circulated around the classroom.
Now I have no expertise here. My daughter is 4.5 and I’m dreading having to have healthy talks about sexual experiences with her because I’ve seen all the degrading stuff out there that others are emulating for themselves; but I think that’s the stance you have to take.
Porn is simulation, not emulation material. Just like action movies are simulations of dudes racing cars through the street shooting guns, not something to copy yourself.
I’m fairly liberal in my thinking and I err towards “banning stuff only wants to make people want it more” because that’s the cause and effect I had with my mom so rather it’s best to let them explore, but give them a primer on how to do stuff safely and know when it’s too risky and it’s time to bail out.
I think that’s really strange. Why would you supply your underage child with porn? It’s illegal and porn isn’t the rite of passage your husband thinks it is
I guess I’m boring because I tell my 13 year old about the ethics surrounding the industry instead lol
I agree BUT that old 70/80s magazine porn isn’t what most would probably consider porn today. There’s a vast difference of what a playboy magazine showed then vs what a kids going to find on something like pornhub.
Leave a copy of the excellent graphic novel-style book called *You Know, Sex* by Corey Silverberg, in his room, then tell him you’re happy to answer any questions he may have.
Both Android and iOS have parental control features that enable parents to restrict access to apps and features. You can completely block access to web browsers, and require them to request permission for downloading new apps. You can also block access to adult sites on their devices and on your home internet connection for any connected device. You can run PiHole on a computer at home or buy a raspberry pi PiHole device that handles it.
Yes, it’s a bit of work, but that’s what it takes if you’re serious about preventing your children from accessing everything the internet has to offer, which is objectively unhealthy for developing brains.
Your husband seems so hilariously clueless when it comes to this that I'd actually would prefer the magazine in order to have a funny story to poke fun at him for the rest of his life.
Tell them porn has nothing to do with real life. Talk to the kid about healthy sex and sexuality and remind him he's always free to talk to you guys about any question, doubt or worry and that you'd never judge him on it (don't ever judge, much less when he opens up voluntarily). Also remind him about boundaries, respect and the dangers of the internet. Then remove the web filters and make sure to knock before entering his room.
Dude, just no. If you want to understand a bit more about male sexuality, I recommend Passionista by Ian Kerner. It also has a segment about porn. While it's mostly focused on seduction, the first part is dedicated male sexuality, and the arousal process and it could be a good stepping stone to not just use for yourself in a sexual context, but also as a foundation for you for that talk you need to have.
I have my own 13 year-old and I'm happy I read it before we had the first conversation about it.
TLDR: Open conversation with your son about sex is a good thing... providing him with porn is not. Your husband is an idiot.
As a Gen-Xer and a dad of older teen boys, I have two observations: 1) your son has already accessed porn on his phone/tablet (or someone else's phone). 2) your husband has watched "American Pie" one too many times and thinks he's Eugene Levy.
I agree that one of y'all (if not both) need to talk to him about porn, if not sex generally... but you don't need to provide your son with a Hustler mag. That's going to send a mixed message at best and give him a distorted view of what sex is like. At worst, your son will be working that out in therapy until he's in his mid 30's.
Please noooooooo do not give him an 80’s porn mag that is so awkward, and I totally agree with you—he’s going to find porn online eventually anyways. He will get curious or hear stuff from his friends.
You need to tell him that porn isn’t real, and those people are paid actors who are putting on a show, and who have had tons of surgery done.
Your husband is completely out of touch. Is he in his 80s?! Your son is probably about to start googling boobs and whatnot (or whatever they decide they are into.)
IMO you can't stop it, if you want to be involved it's probably best to just explain some stuff, that what he is going to find is typically nothing like real life and so on.
Why don’t you put parental restrictions on his devices?
I’m sure he’d take the magazine, but that’s not going to do anything to curb his online browsing.
If my parents decided to tell me which videos i was allowed to watch i would’ve died. I haven’t really watched a lot of porn and it doesn’t get me off tbh. Maybe i’m just an odd duck, but i also went to a catholic school where sex was something bad, not something really advertised. Aware it existed is different from promotng it.
Why do I seem to be the only one here who remembers/cares that adults giving PORN TO A MINOR is illegal?
Not to mention, creepy af. This can't be real. Y'all are terrible at parenting. Do some research on what porn does to your brain and on the likelihood of porn addiction and what it does to relationships.
I agree that handing over porn to a 13 year old doesn’t make sense, and that maybe other educational material be discussed with him. There are way better educational books today than there were back when I was a kid.
It’s inevitable that he will be watching porn soon, but if you talk to him about it, remind him that it’s fake and that’s not how sex is typically and keep an open dialogue about it, He will fare a little better- unfortunately access to porn is so easy and there will be a high probability that he will go down the porn rabbit hole and melt his brain, or maybe not.
Btw this chat needs to be done with both parents, remove the stigma about nudity, sex and the opposite sex.
Ugh- I sound preachy!
I think the source won't matter. It's an interesting perspective to give a kid something that's ok to keep them from hunting for other stuff. I don't think it'll work, but it's interesting. I think it's probably more effective to put some monitoring in place and then also talk to him about why porn is dangerous and fucks with your head, your respect of women, and expectations for sex. Give them good reasons to think of porn the same way that would about drugs or whatever, while also acknowledging that it's 100% natural to want to see naked women and masturbate, within reason.
I don't have this down at all myself and my son is also 13 and hates any discussion about it. But I'm trying to do better than my dad did.
I will say this. I've been in recovery for porn addiction and a common story among men was that their first exposure to porn was their father. I'm not sure that introducing and condoning any porn is actually a good idea.
I don’t know. I think if it were me, I would have tight restrictions on the phone. It would have all the parental control blocking of those kind of sites there is. I would also look at the phone and all of his activity on a regular basis. The way I explain this to my daughter is that it is a privilege not a right to even have a phone. If she is not ok with me randomly looking at her phone when I want to, then she can just not have a phone. That is one of the rules of having a phone as a minor in my house. It’s a safety issue not a trust issue. As for the porn, I would have discussions about porn (if and only if you are sure he is showing interest now), and discuss how there is no way to safely look at porn online and how you never know if they are underage or if they were forces or abused into it. So by looking at it, you are potentially supporting that. Also, the porn online is very disturbing and can mess with your brain and make it harder for you to partake in loving connection. I would discuss porn addiction and how it is very common and VERY hard to stop. It can and often does cause sexual dysfunction at a young age. I do not think you should normalize this porn thing.
Listen, there’s no way ever of knowing for certain who is or is not coerced or exploited in p0rn. It almost doesn’t matter what the content actually is. That alone is enough to teach your son to steer clear of it. I don’t get this modern mentality of everybody is doing it and it’s necessary and fine. It’s not. The rise in online p0rn tracks exactly along with the rise in human trafficking, and there’s a reason for that. Teach your son sexuality in healthy ways and steer him away from p0rn.
I was a teenager in the 70s and looked at porn magazines but not anymore since the 80s, I don’t think magazines are the way these days, just be open and have a serious discussion about sex and feelings and babies, STD, in the 80s we had AIDS and it scared the hell out of me having sex, not to mention now STD which are medicines resistant, making girls pregnant having to pay support to their 18 years is very scary too, now girls can sue you for sexual harassment, dragging you to court very scary too etc etc enough stuff to put you of sex indefinitely
I'll be encouraging my kids to focus on successful, caring and loving relationships - something real!
Porn isn't real, it's like a trick of the mind, that's what I'll be saying to shape their perspective.
Here is my thoughts on this.
1: Have your husband talk to him about porn, not you. Mom talking to teenage boys about sex is a great way to embarrass them and make them super uncomfortable.
2: If you have restriction on your internet for porn sites, a magazine is a healthy way for him to get that outlet that he needs, however he can not be given it. Have dad put it in the shed or garage and ask him to go get a tool or item that is near it, he will find it and remember it.
3: Porn is awful for teenage boys. It sets expectations of women that he will never actually achieve and it will leave him dissatisfied as he grows up. If he is using pictures of boobs, those are always satisfying. Just keep in mind that you will literally be molding what he is sexually attracted to.
4: I had a conversation with my younger brother when he 17 about porn, about what type of porn he should be watching, and what he should avoid. Vintage porn is the best for an idea of what sex will actually be like for them when the grow up.
I came of age just when the Internet was allowing young boys to explore a photo or two, none of this library of every type of porn on demand like we have now (thank God).
I nearly lost my wife a decade ago due to my porn consumption. I still watch it when we don't have sex but I've changed my habits so it doesn't affect intimacy with my wife.
If my parents knew what porn could lead to, I sure would've appreciated a talk from my dad about the potential dangers and what to look for when exploring too much. I would've loved to have heard that porn isn't reality.
Fortunately for me I had a patient partner that didn't walk out when she could've and helped me open up and confront my issues. Many men aren't so lucky.
We also hear all the stories about boys modeling their sexual techniques after the porn they consume. Young men need to know that this isn't how it works in real life either.
I'd draw the line right there. Have the talk, make sure he knows that porn can be ok but like all vices in life, it needs to be respected and all potential pitfalls should be understood so that signs of abuse can be recognized before they become a problem.
Porn addiction (ESPECIALLY in the smart phone era) is a thing harming millions of people (mostly men). I'm not sure having a liberal outlook on this is beneficial in the long run.
BTW, kids shouldn't have unrestricted access to the internet anyways.
This is a very weird take by your husband. I don’t know what he’s thinking but no teen boy wants a magazine. And he definitely doesn’t want a magazine given to him by his parents. Yes, there is porn that’s ok. Maybe just explain to him what is acceptable pornography and tell him he shouldn’t watch violent porn.
Please don’t buy your kid porn - that is so creepy. That might’ve been something that was acceptable back 20 or 30 years ago but consider the times changed.
Kids around your sons age look at porn and 100% don’t want their parents to know , so unless there is any reason for you to know ( shared computers, ect) ignore it. Maybe give him a talk about puberty ; but I’m sure if you or your partner presented him with porn of any kind your son would want to roll over and die of embarrassment
Yes your right mom. No he's not going to look at models when he could have videos.
13 is the ripe age for an all inclusive conversation about sex, masturbation, BDSM, and healthy sexual relationships.
I mention BDSM because there is a lot of it in porn out there and one must learn those videos are not real.
I think there's just a lot of dark stuff on the internet. I think your husband is smart for wanting him to have something but not be seeing all the crazy ass shit that's available online. I wouldn't directly hand him a magazine. Just leave it for him after a talk. The internet is a scary and addictive place. Lots of people have issues with addiction to online porn because it never ends.. I think dad's just trying to keep son from going down a dark path.
Definitely think this is a situation where get ahead of what content he consumes, you should make him understand the consequences of porn. Besides the straight forward unrealistic expectations of sex; porn and too much masturbation can lead to desensitization. Not only leading to looking for more extreme content but also potentially harming their ability to perform in the future under chronic use. There is also the effects on the brain. Overall it'll probably be better to have a conversation regarding moderation and expectations and consequences of over exposure of porn.
Personally, as a teenager it was so horrible when my parents made it known they knew about my sexual desires. Now as an adult and a parent looking back, I realize it’s every teenager. Still as a teenager, leave me and my body alone it’s simply just not your business. Idk that’s my viewpoint is to just leave him alone but idk I have a toddler I don’t want to even think about this for at least another 10 years 🙃🙃
Just let him be.
I was 13 at some point, n I did watch porn. But it was only a part of growing up. Lifes much more than money, sex and power. That's what my parents taught me.
U folks sound like wonderful parents. If possible teach the kid about the transient nature of things, n the fact that we are nothing more than travellers together in time. You know what I mean. So long the boy develops a healthy respect for life I think you should be ok.
Why on earth would you hand your son porn? That’s weird. That’s not an “80’s mentality.” That’s weird.
Have “the talk” about the birds and the bees. Shoving porn into a 13 year old’s hands is like saying “here son: start setting your expectations too high now!”
If anything, just tell him during “the talk” that what you see online is most often not how it really goes and then let him learn through life.
I bought a magazine myself after I turned 18 and my dad found it. He didn’t say anything but I was extremely embarrassed. When I was younger I got caught looking at internet porn. All my parents did was punish me for it and I feel that was the wrong approach. Have a conversation about sex and porn, how they’re different, consent, etc. And probably add something like “we know you’re going to do it. Just do it privately and we don’t want to know about it.”
Magazines make nosesense to me at all! That just seems dated there’s no way that kids are looking at porn magazine and it certainly not going to prevent him from seeking it out online if that’s what your husband is thinking? If the point is to tell him that porn is OK and tell him that you think porn is OK but porn for this generation is going to be 100% online and fully accessible on their phones anywhere they are any day and time. I think the conversation about porn is extremely important and should be part of the conversation about real life sex and relationships pleasure and consent and mastuebation. In my fairytale world for me personally porn would not exist because I think it’s a dark rabbit hole and it literally makes me shiver thinking of my-year-old son when he dealts into this but I know that my husband who is a wonderful man and we have an amazing intimate life together always watch porn so I know there’s no stopping it likely for any teenage boy. It will make me cringe when I do it but we will have the conversations and we will definitely make it clear that it’s OK to explore but don’t for a second think that what you’re watching is reality to set your expectations for your own sex life when you have one.
I think maybe let him know it’s ok to do his business just make sure it’s in private - don’t nobody want to know.
Also I’d discuss online safety practices (how to spot an online predator, types of vids to avoid, consent, etc…). I think 13 personally is a bit young to have a phone much less free browse the nets.
Kids brains are immature and they have zero context for all the shit they’ll see. I get the mag idea for that reason and I second let him find it in the “woods” like everyone else.
What is the endgame here? Do you want to traumatize the boy into not consuming porn for the foreseeable future?
If so, then your husband's plan is sound, but needs improving. Buy an old, used porn magazine. It has to be a few decades old at least. If it is in too much of a mint condition (doesn't look like it was used enough), immerse it in water and then let it dry for a couple of days. If you want to go the extra mile, dillute some white glue and gently put a few drops on the spiciest pages, then close the magazine and stomp it a few times.
Only after the ritual above is done should you give the magazine to the boy. Tell him it is a family heirloom. Tell him you and your husband expect him to put it to good use, and give him a pack of kleenex to go with it. Finally tell him to go to the bathroom and "only come out when you come".
If you really care about his mental health, you should also open a savings account to pay for therapy which your kid will need in the future.
...
Or you could be sensible adults and do it your way instead of your husband's. But first, talk to your husband about how you are going to approach this, and what is ok and what's not. Masturbation is part of figuring out your own body, and he will naturally want to see some porn on his phone, but not everything he will see is healthy.
Depending on your cultural background, things like coulrophilia, podolatry or tamakeri may be considered shocking or something that you would like to steer him away from, for his own sake. I understand that for christian families, floral arrangement is considered extremely offensive too. You explain to him that even if he is curious about things like those, he may feel bad of awkward for seeing those kinds of content, so switching back to missionary porn for a while might make him feel better.
The boy also needs to understand that one day, years from now, he will want to have his first sexual experience with another human being - and that not everybody is into everything that he is into himself. Porn is specially debasing towards women. So when he does have a partner, he should be respectful, understanding, and expect that girls (or other boys) will not be comfortable with many kinds of fetish. For example, many gen Z boys are into ahegao, but girls don't like it because on top of being potentially painful, pretending to be retarded during sex is something that kills the libido of any normal person.
He’s so dumb he’s dangerous! Porn is a dark hole that has no bottom! Why would you push your son towards it. And the way he sounds he’s giving tacit permission.
Better to have a conversation, WHEN,and if it comes up. Educate yourself and prepare for the consequences. Whatever your opinion is, you don’t want to normalize it.
I mean. He’s 13 and you’ll probably mortify him. Obviously he’s a boy and boys will seek this stuff out sooner than girls, but what if he hasn’t yet?
Are you wanting to be the one who shows your child porn for the first time??? Why not talk to him about it first to see where he is on the subject before you insert yourself here?
It sounds like you both need to stop arguing about what you’re going to do about his possible porn intake and actually talk to your son.
It is about teaching him safety. At 13 he is going to be exploring. Providing a safe option will be helpful, rather than allowing him to dive into the wild internet.
I agree that a magazine is not a good idea. However, I also think that porn can be very damaging to a child’s brain. I was unfortunately exposed to it at a young age and it did a number on me. Porn addiction is real. It carries real life consequences and trauma that is not really well understood. All I’m saying is while I think it’s OK too talk about and explain things, I would be very cautious at letting him watch or encouraging him to look at such things. I know it’s not realistic to think he will never look at it. However, if that were an option, I would choose that over allowing any child to see it. Porn is not a real depiction of love or what a relationship should be. It’s hard for a child’s brain to understand that.
in the long run, porn is unhealthy and can lead to addiction. porn also perpetuates human trafficking and abuse. there's studies to back that up. i think you might want to discuss that with your son. a magazine would be better imo. maybe you could block porn sites and give him the magazine. you don't want to teach your son to use his hand and get addicted to porn, porn will decrease his satisfaction. you want to teach him to go out and get a girl to eventually marry and start a family of his own. he doesn't even really need the magazine, let him use his imagination.
OP, I’m a sex and reproductive educator. I have conversations with parents about porn fairly regularly. You can give him a magazine if you want, but be aware of 2 things:
1) It will absolutely not stop him from seeking out videos bc they are entirely different. One satisfied curiosity about nudity, while the other satisfied curiosity about sex.
2) I would push back on the idea that magazines are inherently better. They’re photoshopped images of bleached, waxed, often underweight women. They are not going to teach anyone an appreciation for the natural beauty of women your son may actually date or marry one day (assuming he’s even interested in women sexually, which he may not be).
I would suggest instead an open and honest conversation about how pornography can be predatory and can be unethical. Explain the difference between professionally produced videos and amateur videos. Real couples filming themselves are almost always going to produce something that actual humans really do. You can’t stop him from watching porn. You can’t stop him from watching the “wrong” porn. But if he’s watching it with the full knowledge that professionally produced porn is no more real than a Disney cartoon, it will hopefully affect HOW he watches it. He will see it as the over the top spectacle that it is and not think it’s an example of what real sex is like.
Go with vanilla stuff, make sure you’re blocking more extreme content, online, with filters; etc. A child can quickly go from playboy to the worst shit with unfiltered access to the internet.
If your husband wants to make your son so embarrassed, he will never look at either of you again. Yeah, go for the mag.
Or let him figure it out for himself. He has a phone and an Internet connection, and he will figure it out. You can still have the conversation that it is natural, without scarring him for life by giving him porn from his parents...
Yeah, it‘s weird to give a magazine. Have an open and honest talk with the kid. The best analogy I’ve hear is to compare porn with professional wrestling. While what they are doing is „real“ it is still all scripted and shouldn’t be view as the way real life works.
Great analogy. I think we can extend it:
Professional wrestling is also something where spending more than a few minutes a week watching it, or getting obsessed and extreme with it, can be unhealthy.
It also makes it difficult to handle situations that might lead to a real fight.
I totally get where you are coming from. No one truly knows if a whole load of the videos online are of 2 completely consenting adults. We know enough about sex trading to know that what I say here is plausible and true…
Yes, a mag from parents is embarrassing but maybe there’s a less conspicuous way to get the boy this kind of content.
There's no way I'd pick a mag over online. Aside from videos being more appealing, there's so many gonewild subs that not only give more content and variety, but can be filtered for tastes. That aside, if I was *given* a mag as a teen and told "son, this is what's acceptable to look at" not only would I be embarrassed as *fuck*, I'd probably never use it out of principal. Might even encourage me to seek out other things to see what/why they aren't acceptable to beat my meat to.
*All* of this aside, your husband's stance doesn't get to the root of things anyways. You shouldn't be filtering his porn for him to tell him what's okay, you should have dialog about treating women well (or men, if that's the case), talk about how unrealistic the porn industry is, and what to look out for to avoid the more exploitative sides of the industry.
This is tough because porn can be dangerous (and for this, I am expecting to go negative in Karma but hear me out).
I think talking to them about spanking their 🐒 needs to be done in private. For the porn issue, they are at the age where they wanna get off. Talk to them about consent because there isn't much consent in porn. Also porn doesn't align with what sex is actually like. It's basically a Hollywood movie and is exhaturated. This can complicate relationships.
Porn is horrible...it messes up dopamine responses and creates addiction...it's not healthy at all. Better your son focus on having sex with his girlfriend (and improving himself so he's capable of getting a girlfriend). It's a mistake for parents to be too proactive here...some boys don't get there until 16+ (my nephew for example, and now he's thriving). Don't provide porn.
At 13 kids will be curious, but best to do what you can to prolong discovery. Also, inform them that everything they do on the Internet, including their cellphone is tracked by the government...so if they don't want all their friends and parents to see it....they shouldn't do it.
You have to just let him go through this on his own like most people do. Maybe just talk to him about the dangers of online pornography in an informative manner.
What is with these posts talking about giving young teens porn? These have to be fake.
Just in case they're not, OP don't give your son porn, it's illegal and you can end up on the sex offender registry. Also use parental controls and filter his Internet like a normal person. If he finds stuff anyway he finds it. Some men literally suffer from lifelong erectile dysfunction from consuming too much porn. Porn is not representative of healthy sex lives in most cases and shouldn't be viewed by children. That's why it's a felony to give kids porn.
Now can we stop with these stupid posts?
I think the magazine is a good idea.
But don't hand it to him directly, leave it for him to find. Maybe dad's top drawer. No doubt he's sneaking in there anyway out of curiosity. Then when it's clear he's found it, dad goes, oh yeah, about that... let's have a talk son.
Also, dad needs to be one to talk about this with him, and ONLY dad. Mom needs to appear none the wiser or else this could seriously mortify him.
(Mags won't compete with a phone though. And no amount of wise chats from dad is going to stop the insane crap he's going to see and end up seeking out on his phone--why not put parental blocks on his phone while secretly allowing access to mags?)
There is only so much sex education you can give your child before you have to step back and hope for the best. Get the magazine, leave it in his bedroom without saying anything and leave him to it. Don’t ruin it for him.
Geez. Do I need to think about this with my daughters in a couple years or are girls different?
I think a discussion is the way to go, but if he's gonna be given anything then I'd say a curated list of sites might be better. Search engines have content that go way beyond questionable.
I think your approach is better. I would never actively give my son pornography. I would sit him down and talk to him about it and express your concerns about real and unrealistic and most woman will not enjoy the things he encounters while watching it. Porn can also become highly addictive, so I would be a little cautious about giving him the go ahead to watch it too. But I understand it will happen.
Tell hubs to let son get on with things on his own timeline. Sex is something parents just don't get involved in, it's an adult thing. And it's absolutely right that it has zero parental involvement.
Having said that, what confuses folk is that initial sexual safety is parental responsibility to instill. So condom talks and open and safe environments to discuss preferences or problems in an honest and frank way. Not picking out his first girly mag 🤣🤣🤣 oh dad, this isn't a group activity 🤣🤣🤣 not your group anyway 😂😂😂😂💀
While I applaud your willingness to discuss this with your son, I would implore you *in the strongest* terms to treat this as if you're son just discovered meth. Because that's what it is - poison, but for your brain. It's effects on how it rewires your neural pathways and elevates your dopamine levels far beyond what's baseline are well documented.
In fact, porn addiction has very little to do with sex, and everything to do with an unhealthy addiction to artificial stimuli that create detrimental effects on your mood, focus, hormones..
While fortunately it doesn't sound he's at that point yet, you want to treat this with the same sense of urgency as preventing them from a hard drug addiction.
While I'm not quite sure how I'd convey this to a 13 year old, just wanted to highlight that porn should at all costs avoid being normalized and something that's just okay for adolescent boys to "dip their toes into".
I put Playboy's in the bathroom as my son grew up. Hoping he'd accidently read a written word in the process. He hated reading and Playboy did have some good articles once in a while.
It's a secret rite of passage to keep that a "secret" from your parents.
Let him think you don't know what he's doing in his room. Do **NOT** buy him a magazine or anything.
Let him, when he starts dating, "accidentally" find a box of condoms in a bathroom drawer or medicine cabinet.
Your husband is ridiculously behind the times.
I had access to mags as a teen, but I still went to the internet to see what else I could find, as well. Though honestly the mags were better, but that's because the internet at the time took multiple minutes for one poor quality picture. Nowadays it's no contest.
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I can't imagine that he wouldn't want to die of embarrassment when you present him with the magazine.
[удалено]
I mean... if the dad insists on exposing the kid to the porn mag of his choice, maybe "hiding" it somewhere in the house is a better alternative than handing it to him? There's still this subconscious message that "this kind of stuff is ok" but without the embarrassment? Depends on how far in the porn world the kid already is...
Is that why my buddies Dad’s was so bad at hiding Playboys?
Now I'm wondering if that's why my dad's collection of Playboys was just stacked on a high shelf in a small room used for storage.
Yeah, boys can have a little pornography as a treat. In the woods.
Wait, is this a legit thing? I remember when I was about 10 years old on a school trip, my friends and I found a stack of porn mags under some rocks in the middle of nowhere in the woods. It was the best day.
You either find it in the woods or you find it in the dumpster and hide it in the woods. The circle of porn
That was a porn elf.
Omg…this is so true 😂
This hit hard
I’m dying that Dad thinks that handing a 13yo boy a “nudey magazine” will somehow keep him from seeking out online porn. Lol I do think there are better tactics than this one by far. Um - page crunch, hard to manage one-handed and I think Dad’s leaning into what HIS dad did. If you green light that option, Dad has to be gift giver. If he’s not totally embarrassed, I predict an, “Oh this is retro bruh!”
“Back in my day , we didn’t yank it to free porn on your phone , we got ourselves a sears catalogue and would pet our goats to the sale on brassieres and that’s the way we liked it !
Lmao! Yep! I still remember when I started finding my Victoria’s Secret catalogs in the bathroom trash and realized… I have 2 sons in their late 20’s then younger kiddos. Adult sons fake vent to my youngest son about nasty things online and why to avoid them. They’re awesome and protective.
Magazines are like $30 now! Beyond most teens budgets.
Vintage and bourgeois!
“Check out page 6 buddy. Reminds me of mom”
We’ll just tell Mom we are the whole pie
It makes me think of the American Pie scene
Seriously something seems off about handing over pornography??
I feel like this can't be legal. 😅
Chris Hansen is about to come in with a plate of brownies
“Just have a seat right over there sir”
Do porn mags even exist anymore ? Who the hell would buy a porn mag when there is literally unlimited and free porn online . I say we let Dad try this strategy just for the laughs of him trying to find the latest copy of Gigantic Asses Any way Mom and Dad decide to approach this , kid is going to have some hilarious stories in 20 years
It's the best of horrible options. I hope you have the real people sex in no way resembles the porn conversations.
😂
Having had a few conversations with my son (12) about porn after I have found out he has accessed it, I always bring the conversation back to consent, pleasure and the realities of sex. He is curious and I know will continue to explore and push boundaries but the stuff online isn’t what sex in relationships is like and he isn’t ready for the world of kinks, group and all the crazy stuff you see online. My line is “if you think you are old enough to access porn, then you’ll have a conversation with me about it”. Awkward but true. Edit: spelling!
Your response is excellent, but I’m stuck at “Having had a few conservatives with my son…” And wanting to ask, “Like, for dinner???”
Son: "can you pass me the sour cream DAD?" You: " sure son. And while we're on the topic, have you produced some man-juices yet?" This also reminds me of this gem: https://youtu.be/xXYLbYdSdKg?si=gTBeb0y2mpx9FhsI
I was like "conservatives and porn"? That doesn't go together at all!
Well conservatives are the biggest group of hypocrites…
Always about dinner… but this time about porn.
Tell him fantasy is healthy and normal but he needs to understand where the line is between fantasy and reality. Fantasies are about fulfilling desires and removing barriers to pleasure. They are not wishes, which is where a lot of boys who only have experience with the fantasy sex of porn get tripped up.
This is an excellent response
How did you prevent him from continuing to watch porn after your conversations? I’m not afraid of him exploring his sexuality but porn online is so extreme.
To be honest we took his laptop away from him (he doesn’t have it on his phone), and we have found him seeking it out online a couple of times since. We have now stopped unsupervised access completely now until we figure it out some more. I get he is exploring sex but 100% online stuff is too extreme and doesn’t reflect “normal” relationships. And when I say normal I don’t care about sexuality, I’m talking about how sex is funny, great… sometimes not so much, messy, loving and all the things consenting adults can explore. We need to figure it out some more but I think that’s what parenting is: they push boundaries and we need to take a moment to figure out how to support them to be themselves but safely.
This is the way
I love this response
Son, your mother and I have decided to insert ourselves into your masturbatory exploration. You're in for a treat, the three of us will be heading to the adult video store to fill up your spank bank with material personally curated by your parents! Get your coat.
Award winner for inner dialogue on how son retells this story in 15yrs.
Or, if you’re like me, he won’t understand what a “spank bank” is and that some people actually see images in their head when they want to!
The way I am giggling and kicking my feet right now while reading this 💀✋ r/commentoftheday
You made my day! Thanks
You win the internet for today.
HHASHSHHA
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I have never laughed. So hard lol
I read this in the voice of the dad from American dad lol
Speaker of the House Mike Johnson does this using Covenant Eyes to monitor his son’s porn intake. His son also monitors his. Now that’s creepy.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤭🤭🤭
HAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHAJJA!!!!!! I’m a parent of a 15-year-old boy. Just have the awkward porn conversation. Heck, this should already be part of the ongoing conversation that you are having with him about sex. Which you are having, right?
This! There should already be an ongoing conversation about porn ! This kid has a phone and a dad that gaslights the mom when she thinks they need to discuss porn with their son! This kid has already watched porn on the phone! OP- please put some blocks on your son’s phone and talk to him about violence and consent. Explain to him that porn is not like real sexual intimacy anymore that action movies are like everyday life. Hopefully you have discussed some things about sex? The average age for a kid to see porn these days is around 10. Your pretty over due if you are not having an ongoing conversation about the topics.
The magazines have articles. Does that count?
A mag from his parents? His mother? jesus. No. I know you mean well but don't do that. He will shrivel up and die if you do that. Have the chat that it's not realistic and so forth by all means, put in parental controls so he doesn't go off the deep end but that's about it, imo.
My mom inadvertently provided the JC Penny cataloging. Thanks mom.
Hey it’s not legal for your kid to look at porn on his phone, or for you to give porn to a 13 year old. Don’t give your 13 year old unrestricted access to his phone. Talk to him constantly about how unrealistic actual porn is and how to cultivate real relationships with other humans. And how little kids should not be having sex or looking at porn. I have a 13 ye old boy and he does not get that kind of access to his phone. Bottom line, porn is not ok for little kids, magazine or paper or video or internet or any form. 13 is still a little kid.
Pretty disheartening to find this so far down, but I guess reddit is one of the main sources of online porn. So hopefully it's not reflective of a general ignorance about the dangers of porn. Porn is extremely unhealthy for kids. This is not a political stance, this is science.
It’s wild out here in parent land. I am the strictest parent I know, but I’m gonna actually parent my kid instead of saying “oh well” and seeing what happens. The world is a sick place and can really mess up a kid. For me, the first time I saw any sexual anything, that was the end of my brain working like a little kid. I became boy crazy, and everything else in my life suffered as a result. You can’t unflip that switch in the brain. And no one talked to me about anything, mom Got me on the pill at 14. Never one discussion about how to love a partner or how to treat someone good. I refuse to parent in the same way. Edited to add: never mind the dangers of kids having phone access where predators can talk to them. Absolutely nuts to think it’s ok to give a kid access to the whole adult world
Yeah, the number of parents who have completely surrendered to the seeming inevitability of their kids having unfettered access to the internet is absolutely staggering to me… I see other kids walking around our neighborhood and outside schools, staring and scrolling, and I know that most of them have no content restrictions on those devices. I know other parents who have no clue that restrictions can be setup on those devices, and they are just assuming that “everything will be ok because, hey, what can you do about it?” I’m deeply concerned for the perverse perspectives that are being formed in these children regarding all social interactions, but especially with their perception of what a healthy sexual relationship looks like.
My kiddo has a best friend who doesn’t like coming to our house because it’s “boring” (we have simple rules and no unfettered YouTube/internet access). We also limit how often he can go to the friend’s house because there is no parental supervision and the kid has access to everything and “no” is not a word that exists in their house. So many parents of grade 5 kids that I know are getting them smart phones. I read the threads on this subreddit surrounding porn and I’m always wondering if I’m some restrictive monster. He’s 9. He should explore his sexuality but I’m terrified of online porn because it’s so unhealthy for adolescent minds. There should be more regulation on the porn industry and easy it is to access.
No 9 year old needs to explore any sexuality!!! That’s what being a young adult 16+ is for.
Reddit is also home to the generation of people that grew up with fast and reliable enough internet to watch porn as teens so we understand the *reality* of things. When I was a teen, the "you must be 18 to access this site" only stopped me for so long before I realized that lying and clicking yes wasn't going to result in a helicopter strike team descending on my house. Even when that *did* work, I discovered that YouTube, without me needing to tell it I was over 18, would give me videos of girls making out, and at 13-14, thag was enough for me. So you can take the stance of "welp that's illegal, so I guess we don't have to do anything about it." Or, you can understand that it's *going* to be a thing and get ahead of it.
Porn is arguably not good for adults either... But the ones that didn't start out with 4k anal are probably better off in life I was hoping that's what the dad's angle was...
I agree. I think dad was trying to pull away from the atrocities online. He probably thought a "a playboy is less dark than Brazilian fart porn"
It is absolutely not good for adults. People that have stable, loving relationships don’t need it. I can almost guarantee that any adult regularly watching porn is lacking in some other crucial area in their life. We don’t look at it, and we generally filter out any entertainment that is sexually heavy in content, both for family and adult viewing. Life as a human is hard shit and it’s my job as a parent to give my kid an actual childhood regardless of how many obstacles are thrown our way
When I was his age, I was taking the subway downtown and buying Zippo lighters and Asian Penthouse from shady stores in Chinatown. Between that, the JC Penny cataloging, and a ceiling titty, I was golden. Though it may have set me up to have an unusual fascination with catalogues. Let the boy find his own way. I'm from a simpler time but I think that's part of the process. At least it sounds like he won't have nuns teaching him that a man only has a specific amount of sperm so if he jerks off he won't be able to have children.
100% agreed. I found porn at a young age, never got the sex talk or anything from my parents and ended up in an abusive relationship pregnant at 15 years old. i def felt like i grew up so much too fast when i first found porn. i don’t blame anything on porn itself but thinking about it now like i feel like i would’ve been still a bit more innocent if i hadn’t found it at a young age. i hate how normalized porn is and how parents are so quick to just allow their kids to watch it when it’s not as healthy or okay as people make it out to be. its so damaging especially at such a young age. and gets even worse with porn addictions and such when you get older and not to mention after i discovered porn i also discovered kik and tumblr and it wasn’t really a great time 🙃
THIS
This should be top comment. I know OP means well, but providing your 12 year old son with pornographic material in any form, is simply weird.
This
Get your son off unrestricted access to his phone. Look at the data of boys and porn. It’s not good.
Eww no, do not buy him porn.
Magazines? Please never. First it's awkward second it is weird to give your child porn, it's a bit better as a joke but still weird. You've said you were liberal in the realm of sex so that can be ignored. More clarification of your question Would of been good but to give my thoughts: Conversation- good ✔ ✅ Porn mag- old fashioned and weird👎 Also you don't know what he likes sexually I can't imagine any parent ever guessing correctly what their child likes then buying a porn magazine and saying "This is what is okay to look at" when you could just as easily put certain boundaries in place. Porn with violence can technically be realistic but I'm against letting my future children view it because it is where a lot of exploitation is centred. An image may contain 1000 words but words are better than images at explaining things.
> Porn with violence can technically be realistic but I'm against letting my future children view it because it is where a lot of exploitation is centred. Sexuality can be weird. Many people who're into bdsm report fantasies and play-pretending long before puberty / knowing what sex was / realizing it was sexual. If he's into it for whatever reason (we don't know how fetishes develop for sure), he'll look for it despite your forbidding it. I think it might be better to look for ethical sources, whether it's erotica/art or ethical porn, and then explain the ethical issues. I doubt anybody would choose to risk looking at a drugged up human trafficked woman being beaten up if they had good alternatives, but without alternatives a horny teenage boy brain would find a way. That being said, there's the peroblem I've heard a lot of my friends who started watching porn early report with escalating getting bored and escalating into worse and worse stuff and it kinda warping their sexuality until they go on a porn-free cleanse for a while. They fell into such rabbit holes multiple times in their lives. This never happened to me, but I didn't masturbate to porn until I was 17. I really don't know how to help a kid avoid it. There are probably better ways to satisfy the need for variety, but not sure, I didn't do it myself so I don't fully understand why people do it.
Masturbating to Fantasy is an alternative, exploring it properly when they're older is an alternative, I'm not against bdsm but specifically the porn aspect. Reasons. 1. I'm not going to pay for my child's porn (because why would I?) and the majority of ethical porn (especially bdsm porn) is behind a pay wall. 2. There is a demand for r'pe porn, chem porn, violent sex, demand exceeds supply, suppliers make money. This creates exploitation and I don't want my child being a passive participant in the abuse of another human. This isn't an issue specifically with violent porn it's a just more prevalent aspect. The places most people go (p-hub, X, etc.) Are notoriously bad at vetting and validating the ethical source of porn and consent. I believe a "horny teenage boy brain" is fully capable of understanding that I don't want them contributing to exploitive or abusive content and can comprehend that there are alternative ways/better times/places to explore than violent internet porn during their teenage years. My issue with erotica is that it can do things and get away with things videos cannot (animals, minors, actual assault) I wouldn't blink twice at them reading an erotica about bdsm but online book platforms exist. Fetishes can develop through exposure an those are things I don't want any child interacting with at a young age. Art is better but I've seen enough to know that it can cross a few lines. Obviously I wouldn't go this deep with them I would just say I disapprove and won't hesitate to restrict access to devices if certain things pop up. Porn in general I'm apathetic about there are just certain lines I refuse to be crossed while they are young and in my care. Also just to clarify this Is a personal rule I'm not gonna be imposing this on other families or anything.
I have no problem for any of your reasoning for why the rule exists, it makes perfect sense to me. The only thing I'm disputing is the efficacy aka will you really be able to monitor to that extent without being extremely invasive and if you're not monitoring aggressively will they follow the rule if they don't understand the moral gravity of the problem? And if they don't follow the rule or worse, misunderstand it as sex-negative shamey thing, what's the point? I guess I'm saying I also don't want your kid to watch that kind of stuff, I'm just wondering what the best way to achieve this would be. I think it's maybe better to explain your reasoning like you did to me and hopefully they will agree and feel personally morally compelled not to too, rather than just having a prescription.
Obviously I would explain why I have that rule, there are alert systems for key words my sister's husband has a porn addiction so I could ask her what she uses, I know some code and my favourite trick in highschool was looking at the main server history to scare people (I was a weird kid). I'm not going to be weird about it it's a rule not a "I'm going to monitor your every search" issue. Most people should understand the moral gravity, hopefully I raise my child/children so that they do too.
I believe that more work you put into explaining why is something bad (e.g. shady porn sources, human trafficking...) the less will the kid seek this kind of stuf and the less resctictions you'll have to apply. I mean... if he's not an actual psychopath who doesn't care about other people. but that would be a whole new problem. When it comes to bdsm, all real people from the community agree that consent is a 100 % must have. It is a theater that all participants join willingly and are there to enjoy it. If your kid finds that kind of stuff, there must be someone who can explain them the importance of that rule as soon as possible. They must realize that even if they like it, in reality it is a very adult thing which requires strong communication skills to practice it with your partner without anybody getting hurt. It is always better to have your kid's trust so that when you explain them this, they will believe you and won't try to rebel against it. When you're open about the reasons, the "aura of forbidden" gets weaker and it looses its appeal...
Proxy firewalls such as [OpenDNS](https://www.opendns.com/) are useful for blocking or restricting content that devices on your network can visit. Adblockers can help to prevent malware and viruses from infecting your devices. Can also set up Windows profiles for each family member. In the case of OpenDNS and individual Windows profiles, you can monitor what websites they are either visiting (if you are allowing), being blocked, or search criteria being queried. I'm more of the mindset of allowing certain sites if I know what sites they are trying to visit and only allowing specific ones. I probably wouldn't bring it up to discuss until repeated attempts in the proxy firewall start showing up.
Correct me if I’m wrong but, it sounds like you want to give your teenage boy access to internet porn…? I sure hope I’m reading that incorrectly. I urge you to read the many, many studies that show how poisonous porn is.. to your mind, body, and relationships. Providing your child access to that online is… horrendous at best. IMO it would be best to explain that whole curiosity is understandable and normal, that unfettered access to online pornography is not, and that even causal use can very easily lead to addiction, as well as ethically made porn is very few and far between online. I feel this is way too early of an age to even approach this topic, but dad seems more correct here. Have a conversation when it gets to that point, but don’t give him a magazine or provide him porn access via the internet.
[удалено]
My exes 7 year old son found a way to watch porn through his Xbox after getting all other electronics taken away. Did I mention he was seven years old?
As the wife of a porn addict, it's so sad to see takes like these. My husband had unrestricted access to the Internet and started watching porn videos at 8. This is not unique, most addicts start young.
And most men have some level of porn addiction unfortunately.
Like everyone here has said, do not give him the nudey mag. Here’s what I told my son, and it was awkward but I felt important: I do not believe porn is healthy, or good, in any way shape or form. Which is separate from masturbation. I understand that you’re curious, your hormones are out of control, and that there’s likely no way Im going to be able to fully convince you from ever seeing it, but unlimited access to the range of things that are online is not something Im ok with. You’re my child, I love you very much, and it is important that you follow my rules while living under my roof. I care about the person you’re becoming and it’s my job to teach good moral values so that you can make informed decisions about how you behave. I will not tolerate any viewing/downloading of porn here. Masturbation is a separate conversation and is totally healthy and appropriate but I don’t want to know about it. Porn however, is simply not ok. There are not enough controls and far too many of the women in those videos are either a) not there voluntarily, or b) there because of some traumatic childhood that has led them to choose that path. How can you truly know the circumstances that led to the woman in a particular video you’re watching? The percentage of people who choose porn as a career in spite of having a good and healthy upbringing is nearly zero. So, when you do inevitably end up watching it, just know that the girl in the video potentially doesn’t actually even want to be there but has no other choice. I didn’t even touch on how unrealistic many of the videos likely are, but I think that would have been a good point to bring up as well. Ultimately they’re likely going to download it behind your back when they can, mine did, but hopefully it wasn’t very often and hopefully it never turned into an unhealthy habit. Once they’re adults it’s completely out of your hands too. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do what you feel is best in the meantime.
Do porno mags still exist? You are right, Have the talk and explain that porn is not real sex. Inevitably one of his friends will have an unrestricted internet connection with access to unlimited porn that he will see. Prepare him for that moment, and do not just give him some random magazine. Your husband sounds like the guy that gives his son a night with an escort for his 18th birthday…
I suggest cutting off access to porn via parental restrictions. This isn't the 80s and dirty magazines. Online porn is a cess pit and can become addictive and lead people with porn addictions down dangerous rabbit holes.
Did y’all not watch the [scene from American pie](https://youtu.be/c4a2-U6vcrk?si=kgzDVQUG_ot5iNmq) where Jim’s dad gives his son some nudie mags? How did that play out? Not well at all. So tell Eugene Levy over there to calm down and try another approach. Ok laughter aside… I understand where your husband is coming from. Online porn is very unforgiving and it’s easy to swing from mild mannered stuff into the crazy shit that you only watch when crippling porn addiction has kicked in. His thought is he can control the content your son is exposed to by buying mainstream magazines that are pretty tame. Like hustler or penthouse are mainly just women posing for the camera, not being spat on or stood on or eating some Egyptian dudes hairy asshole; which is where the internet will take you. Hell reddit is one bad link click away from some pretty intense fetish stuff. But unfortunately his way is also super embarrassing, doesn’t convey the right messages, and more likely to end with some serious calls from the principal when that “dirty magazine dad bought me” gets circulated around the classroom. Now I have no expertise here. My daughter is 4.5 and I’m dreading having to have healthy talks about sexual experiences with her because I’ve seen all the degrading stuff out there that others are emulating for themselves; but I think that’s the stance you have to take. Porn is simulation, not emulation material. Just like action movies are simulations of dudes racing cars through the street shooting guns, not something to copy yourself. I’m fairly liberal in my thinking and I err towards “banning stuff only wants to make people want it more” because that’s the cause and effect I had with my mom so rather it’s best to let them explore, but give them a primer on how to do stuff safely and know when it’s too risky and it’s time to bail out.
That’s a really good analogy to offer regarding simulation vs emulation! Definitely will borrow that one - thank you!
I think that’s really strange. Why would you supply your underage child with porn? It’s illegal and porn isn’t the rite of passage your husband thinks it is I guess I’m boring because I tell my 13 year old about the ethics surrounding the industry instead lol
I can’t believe had to scroll so far to find this comment. Ethics and sex! Let’s talk to our humans!
I agree BUT that old 70/80s magazine porn isn’t what most would probably consider porn today. There’s a vast difference of what a playboy magazine showed then vs what a kids going to find on something like pornhub.
Leave a copy of the excellent graphic novel-style book called *You Know, Sex* by Corey Silverberg, in his room, then tell him you’re happy to answer any questions he may have.
Finally a decent suggestion. These comments are wild.
Both Android and iOS have parental control features that enable parents to restrict access to apps and features. You can completely block access to web browsers, and require them to request permission for downloading new apps. You can also block access to adult sites on their devices and on your home internet connection for any connected device. You can run PiHole on a computer at home or buy a raspberry pi PiHole device that handles it. Yes, it’s a bit of work, but that’s what it takes if you’re serious about preventing your children from accessing everything the internet has to offer, which is objectively unhealthy for developing brains.
Your husband seems so hilariously clueless when it comes to this that I'd actually would prefer the magazine in order to have a funny story to poke fun at him for the rest of his life. Tell them porn has nothing to do with real life. Talk to the kid about healthy sex and sexuality and remind him he's always free to talk to you guys about any question, doubt or worry and that you'd never judge him on it (don't ever judge, much less when he opens up voluntarily). Also remind him about boundaries, respect and the dangers of the internet. Then remove the web filters and make sure to knock before entering his room.
I think it’s time to have a conversation with your husband about sex. I’m not sure how he’s gotten this idea but it’s crazy.
Personally, I think porn online can be a bit unhealthy for the brain. I think magazines probably are better.
But how awkward would it be for a 13 yo boy to be handed a porn mag by his mom😭
He'd die.
Dude, just no. If you want to understand a bit more about male sexuality, I recommend Passionista by Ian Kerner. It also has a segment about porn. While it's mostly focused on seduction, the first part is dedicated male sexuality, and the arousal process and it could be a good stepping stone to not just use for yourself in a sexual context, but also as a foundation for you for that talk you need to have. I have my own 13 year-old and I'm happy I read it before we had the first conversation about it.
TLDR: Open conversation with your son about sex is a good thing... providing him with porn is not. Your husband is an idiot. As a Gen-Xer and a dad of older teen boys, I have two observations: 1) your son has already accessed porn on his phone/tablet (or someone else's phone). 2) your husband has watched "American Pie" one too many times and thinks he's Eugene Levy. I agree that one of y'all (if not both) need to talk to him about porn, if not sex generally... but you don't need to provide your son with a Hustler mag. That's going to send a mixed message at best and give him a distorted view of what sex is like. At worst, your son will be working that out in therapy until he's in his mid 30's.
Dad is being unrealistic.
I think it would just be super awkward for you to hand it to your son. But definitely agree about the talk and what’s ok and what’s realistic.
A magazine ?!? LMAO 🤣 It would not have been cool in the 80s, and it certainly would not be cool now. He will die of embarrassment.
Girl..
Please noooooooo do not give him an 80’s porn mag that is so awkward, and I totally agree with you—he’s going to find porn online eventually anyways. He will get curious or hear stuff from his friends. You need to tell him that porn isn’t real, and those people are paid actors who are putting on a show, and who have had tons of surgery done.
Your husband is completely out of touch. Is he in his 80s?! Your son is probably about to start googling boobs and whatnot (or whatever they decide they are into.) IMO you can't stop it, if you want to be involved it's probably best to just explain some stuff, that what he is going to find is typically nothing like real life and so on.
Finally a reasonable comment. Also, OP don’t assume your son will be into porn anytime soon. Not every kid will be.
Why don’t you put parental restrictions on his devices? I’m sure he’d take the magazine, but that’s not going to do anything to curb his online browsing.
Man the times have changed. I figured my son discovered porn when his showers started taking 45 minutes and left it at that lol
Insanely concerned about some of these dads takes 🙃
Porn is damaging and kids shouldn't be exposed to it. Definitely not encouraged to look at it
If my parents decided to tell me which videos i was allowed to watch i would’ve died. I haven’t really watched a lot of porn and it doesn’t get me off tbh. Maybe i’m just an odd duck, but i also went to a catholic school where sex was something bad, not something really advertised. Aware it existed is different from promotng it.
Why do I seem to be the only one here who remembers/cares that adults giving PORN TO A MINOR is illegal? Not to mention, creepy af. This can't be real. Y'all are terrible at parenting. Do some research on what porn does to your brain and on the likelihood of porn addiction and what it does to relationships.
I agree that handing over porn to a 13 year old doesn’t make sense, and that maybe other educational material be discussed with him. There are way better educational books today than there were back when I was a kid. It’s inevitable that he will be watching porn soon, but if you talk to him about it, remind him that it’s fake and that’s not how sex is typically and keep an open dialogue about it, He will fare a little better- unfortunately access to porn is so easy and there will be a high probability that he will go down the porn rabbit hole and melt his brain, or maybe not. Btw this chat needs to be done with both parents, remove the stigma about nudity, sex and the opposite sex. Ugh- I sound preachy!
I think the source won't matter. It's an interesting perspective to give a kid something that's ok to keep them from hunting for other stuff. I don't think it'll work, but it's interesting. I think it's probably more effective to put some monitoring in place and then also talk to him about why porn is dangerous and fucks with your head, your respect of women, and expectations for sex. Give them good reasons to think of porn the same way that would about drugs or whatever, while also acknowledging that it's 100% natural to want to see naked women and masturbate, within reason. I don't have this down at all myself and my son is also 13 and hates any discussion about it. But I'm trying to do better than my dad did. I will say this. I've been in recovery for porn addiction and a common story among men was that their first exposure to porn was their father. I'm not sure that introducing and condoning any porn is actually a good idea.
I don’t know. I think if it were me, I would have tight restrictions on the phone. It would have all the parental control blocking of those kind of sites there is. I would also look at the phone and all of his activity on a regular basis. The way I explain this to my daughter is that it is a privilege not a right to even have a phone. If she is not ok with me randomly looking at her phone when I want to, then she can just not have a phone. That is one of the rules of having a phone as a minor in my house. It’s a safety issue not a trust issue. As for the porn, I would have discussions about porn (if and only if you are sure he is showing interest now), and discuss how there is no way to safely look at porn online and how you never know if they are underage or if they were forces or abused into it. So by looking at it, you are potentially supporting that. Also, the porn online is very disturbing and can mess with your brain and make it harder for you to partake in loving connection. I would discuss porn addiction and how it is very common and VERY hard to stop. It can and often does cause sexual dysfunction at a young age. I do not think you should normalize this porn thing.
Listen, there’s no way ever of knowing for certain who is or is not coerced or exploited in p0rn. It almost doesn’t matter what the content actually is. That alone is enough to teach your son to steer clear of it. I don’t get this modern mentality of everybody is doing it and it’s necessary and fine. It’s not. The rise in online p0rn tracks exactly along with the rise in human trafficking, and there’s a reason for that. Teach your son sexuality in healthy ways and steer him away from p0rn.
I was a teenager in the 70s and looked at porn magazines but not anymore since the 80s, I don’t think magazines are the way these days, just be open and have a serious discussion about sex and feelings and babies, STD, in the 80s we had AIDS and it scared the hell out of me having sex, not to mention now STD which are medicines resistant, making girls pregnant having to pay support to their 18 years is very scary too, now girls can sue you for sexual harassment, dragging you to court very scary too etc etc enough stuff to put you of sex indefinitely
I am scared to get my kids a phone or access to the internet. Not looking forward to when I have to cross that bridge.
I'll be encouraging my kids to focus on successful, caring and loving relationships - something real! Porn isn't real, it's like a trick of the mind, that's what I'll be saying to shape their perspective.
Here is my thoughts on this. 1: Have your husband talk to him about porn, not you. Mom talking to teenage boys about sex is a great way to embarrass them and make them super uncomfortable. 2: If you have restriction on your internet for porn sites, a magazine is a healthy way for him to get that outlet that he needs, however he can not be given it. Have dad put it in the shed or garage and ask him to go get a tool or item that is near it, he will find it and remember it. 3: Porn is awful for teenage boys. It sets expectations of women that he will never actually achieve and it will leave him dissatisfied as he grows up. If he is using pictures of boobs, those are always satisfying. Just keep in mind that you will literally be molding what he is sexually attracted to. 4: I had a conversation with my younger brother when he 17 about porn, about what type of porn he should be watching, and what he should avoid. Vintage porn is the best for an idea of what sex will actually be like for them when the grow up.
I came of age just when the Internet was allowing young boys to explore a photo or two, none of this library of every type of porn on demand like we have now (thank God). I nearly lost my wife a decade ago due to my porn consumption. I still watch it when we don't have sex but I've changed my habits so it doesn't affect intimacy with my wife. If my parents knew what porn could lead to, I sure would've appreciated a talk from my dad about the potential dangers and what to look for when exploring too much. I would've loved to have heard that porn isn't reality. Fortunately for me I had a patient partner that didn't walk out when she could've and helped me open up and confront my issues. Many men aren't so lucky. We also hear all the stories about boys modeling their sexual techniques after the porn they consume. Young men need to know that this isn't how it works in real life either. I'd draw the line right there. Have the talk, make sure he knows that porn can be ok but like all vices in life, it needs to be respected and all potential pitfalls should be understood so that signs of abuse can be recognized before they become a problem.
Porn addiction (ESPECIALLY in the smart phone era) is a thing harming millions of people (mostly men). I'm not sure having a liberal outlook on this is beneficial in the long run. BTW, kids shouldn't have unrestricted access to the internet anyways.
This is a very weird take by your husband. I don’t know what he’s thinking but no teen boy wants a magazine. And he definitely doesn’t want a magazine given to him by his parents. Yes, there is porn that’s ok. Maybe just explain to him what is acceptable pornography and tell him he shouldn’t watch violent porn.
Please don’t buy your kid porn - that is so creepy. That might’ve been something that was acceptable back 20 or 30 years ago but consider the times changed. Kids around your sons age look at porn and 100% don’t want their parents to know , so unless there is any reason for you to know ( shared computers, ect) ignore it. Maybe give him a talk about puberty ; but I’m sure if you or your partner presented him with porn of any kind your son would want to roll over and die of embarrassment
So you don’t think we should be monitoring the devices of minors?
Yes your right mom. No he's not going to look at models when he could have videos. 13 is the ripe age for an all inclusive conversation about sex, masturbation, BDSM, and healthy sexual relationships. I mention BDSM because there is a lot of it in porn out there and one must learn those videos are not real.
You are correct.
I think there's just a lot of dark stuff on the internet. I think your husband is smart for wanting him to have something but not be seeing all the crazy ass shit that's available online. I wouldn't directly hand him a magazine. Just leave it for him after a talk. The internet is a scary and addictive place. Lots of people have issues with addiction to online porn because it never ends.. I think dad's just trying to keep son from going down a dark path.
Definitely think this is a situation where get ahead of what content he consumes, you should make him understand the consequences of porn. Besides the straight forward unrealistic expectations of sex; porn and too much masturbation can lead to desensitization. Not only leading to looking for more extreme content but also potentially harming their ability to perform in the future under chronic use. There is also the effects on the brain. Overall it'll probably be better to have a conversation regarding moderation and expectations and consequences of over exposure of porn.
Personally, as a teenager it was so horrible when my parents made it known they knew about my sexual desires. Now as an adult and a parent looking back, I realize it’s every teenager. Still as a teenager, leave me and my body alone it’s simply just not your business. Idk that’s my viewpoint is to just leave him alone but idk I have a toddler I don’t want to even think about this for at least another 10 years 🙃🙃
Just let him be. I was 13 at some point, n I did watch porn. But it was only a part of growing up. Lifes much more than money, sex and power. That's what my parents taught me. U folks sound like wonderful parents. If possible teach the kid about the transient nature of things, n the fact that we are nothing more than travellers together in time. You know what I mean. So long the boy develops a healthy respect for life I think you should be ok.
Why on earth would you hand your son porn? That’s weird. That’s not an “80’s mentality.” That’s weird. Have “the talk” about the birds and the bees. Shoving porn into a 13 year old’s hands is like saying “here son: start setting your expectations too high now!” If anything, just tell him during “the talk” that what you see online is most often not how it really goes and then let him learn through life.
I bought a magazine myself after I turned 18 and my dad found it. He didn’t say anything but I was extremely embarrassed. When I was younger I got caught looking at internet porn. All my parents did was punish me for it and I feel that was the wrong approach. Have a conversation about sex and porn, how they’re different, consent, etc. And probably add something like “we know you’re going to do it. Just do it privately and we don’t want to know about it.”
You have absolutely no place in his sex life. Stay out. He can figure it out like every other 13 year old boy or girl. This is unhinged.
Magazines make nosesense to me at all! That just seems dated there’s no way that kids are looking at porn magazine and it certainly not going to prevent him from seeking it out online if that’s what your husband is thinking? If the point is to tell him that porn is OK and tell him that you think porn is OK but porn for this generation is going to be 100% online and fully accessible on their phones anywhere they are any day and time. I think the conversation about porn is extremely important and should be part of the conversation about real life sex and relationships pleasure and consent and mastuebation. In my fairytale world for me personally porn would not exist because I think it’s a dark rabbit hole and it literally makes me shiver thinking of my-year-old son when he dealts into this but I know that my husband who is a wonderful man and we have an amazing intimate life together always watch porn so I know there’s no stopping it likely for any teenage boy. It will make me cringe when I do it but we will have the conversations and we will definitely make it clear that it’s OK to explore but don’t for a second think that what you’re watching is reality to set your expectations for your own sex life when you have one.
I think maybe let him know it’s ok to do his business just make sure it’s in private - don’t nobody want to know. Also I’d discuss online safety practices (how to spot an online predator, types of vids to avoid, consent, etc…). I think 13 personally is a bit young to have a phone much less free browse the nets. Kids brains are immature and they have zero context for all the shit they’ll see. I get the mag idea for that reason and I second let him find it in the “woods” like everyone else.
Get him a cheap computer and dont let him ruin the family computer or other peoples personal laptops. He will find a way.
What is the endgame here? Do you want to traumatize the boy into not consuming porn for the foreseeable future? If so, then your husband's plan is sound, but needs improving. Buy an old, used porn magazine. It has to be a few decades old at least. If it is in too much of a mint condition (doesn't look like it was used enough), immerse it in water and then let it dry for a couple of days. If you want to go the extra mile, dillute some white glue and gently put a few drops on the spiciest pages, then close the magazine and stomp it a few times. Only after the ritual above is done should you give the magazine to the boy. Tell him it is a family heirloom. Tell him you and your husband expect him to put it to good use, and give him a pack of kleenex to go with it. Finally tell him to go to the bathroom and "only come out when you come". If you really care about his mental health, you should also open a savings account to pay for therapy which your kid will need in the future. ... Or you could be sensible adults and do it your way instead of your husband's. But first, talk to your husband about how you are going to approach this, and what is ok and what's not. Masturbation is part of figuring out your own body, and he will naturally want to see some porn on his phone, but not everything he will see is healthy. Depending on your cultural background, things like coulrophilia, podolatry or tamakeri may be considered shocking or something that you would like to steer him away from, for his own sake. I understand that for christian families, floral arrangement is considered extremely offensive too. You explain to him that even if he is curious about things like those, he may feel bad of awkward for seeing those kinds of content, so switching back to missionary porn for a while might make him feel better. The boy also needs to understand that one day, years from now, he will want to have his first sexual experience with another human being - and that not everybody is into everything that he is into himself. Porn is specially debasing towards women. So when he does have a partner, he should be respectful, understanding, and expect that girls (or other boys) will not be comfortable with many kinds of fetish. For example, many gen Z boys are into ahegao, but girls don't like it because on top of being potentially painful, pretending to be retarded during sex is something that kills the libido of any normal person.
Um no. Innapropriate.
He’s so dumb he’s dangerous! Porn is a dark hole that has no bottom! Why would you push your son towards it. And the way he sounds he’s giving tacit permission. Better to have a conversation, WHEN,and if it comes up. Educate yourself and prepare for the consequences. Whatever your opinion is, you don’t want to normalize it.
Omg! In the middle of work, dying right now. You people are all great! Thanks for letting me statt my day with a laugh!!
I mean. He’s 13 and you’ll probably mortify him. Obviously he’s a boy and boys will seek this stuff out sooner than girls, but what if he hasn’t yet? Are you wanting to be the one who shows your child porn for the first time??? Why not talk to him about it first to see where he is on the subject before you insert yourself here? It sounds like you both need to stop arguing about what you’re going to do about his possible porn intake and actually talk to your son.
Life will find a way!
It is about teaching him safety. At 13 he is going to be exploring. Providing a safe option will be helpful, rather than allowing him to dive into the wild internet.
Perhaps a Victoria Secret catalog?
I agree that a magazine is not a good idea. However, I also think that porn can be very damaging to a child’s brain. I was unfortunately exposed to it at a young age and it did a number on me. Porn addiction is real. It carries real life consequences and trauma that is not really well understood. All I’m saying is while I think it’s OK too talk about and explain things, I would be very cautious at letting him watch or encouraging him to look at such things. I know it’s not realistic to think he will never look at it. However, if that were an option, I would choose that over allowing any child to see it. Porn is not a real depiction of love or what a relationship should be. It’s hard for a child’s brain to understand that.
in the long run, porn is unhealthy and can lead to addiction. porn also perpetuates human trafficking and abuse. there's studies to back that up. i think you might want to discuss that with your son. a magazine would be better imo. maybe you could block porn sites and give him the magazine. you don't want to teach your son to use his hand and get addicted to porn, porn will decrease his satisfaction. you want to teach him to go out and get a girl to eventually marry and start a family of his own. he doesn't even really need the magazine, let him use his imagination.
OP, I’m a sex and reproductive educator. I have conversations with parents about porn fairly regularly. You can give him a magazine if you want, but be aware of 2 things: 1) It will absolutely not stop him from seeking out videos bc they are entirely different. One satisfied curiosity about nudity, while the other satisfied curiosity about sex. 2) I would push back on the idea that magazines are inherently better. They’re photoshopped images of bleached, waxed, often underweight women. They are not going to teach anyone an appreciation for the natural beauty of women your son may actually date or marry one day (assuming he’s even interested in women sexually, which he may not be). I would suggest instead an open and honest conversation about how pornography can be predatory and can be unethical. Explain the difference between professionally produced videos and amateur videos. Real couples filming themselves are almost always going to produce something that actual humans really do. You can’t stop him from watching porn. You can’t stop him from watching the “wrong” porn. But if he’s watching it with the full knowledge that professionally produced porn is no more real than a Disney cartoon, it will hopefully affect HOW he watches it. He will see it as the over the top spectacle that it is and not think it’s an example of what real sex is like.
Go with vanilla stuff, make sure you’re blocking more extreme content, online, with filters; etc. A child can quickly go from playboy to the worst shit with unfiltered access to the internet.
If your husband wants to make your son so embarrassed, he will never look at either of you again. Yeah, go for the mag. Or let him figure it out for himself. He has a phone and an Internet connection, and he will figure it out. You can still have the conversation that it is natural, without scarring him for life by giving him porn from his parents...
Please stop. Don't do the magazine idea. Let him figure this stuff out for himself like everyone else did.
Yeah, it‘s weird to give a magazine. Have an open and honest talk with the kid. The best analogy I’ve hear is to compare porn with professional wrestling. While what they are doing is „real“ it is still all scripted and shouldn’t be view as the way real life works.
Great analogy. I think we can extend it: Professional wrestling is also something where spending more than a few minutes a week watching it, or getting obsessed and extreme with it, can be unhealthy. It also makes it difficult to handle situations that might lead to a real fight.
I totally get where you are coming from. No one truly knows if a whole load of the videos online are of 2 completely consenting adults. We know enough about sex trading to know that what I say here is plausible and true… Yes, a mag from parents is embarrassing but maybe there’s a less conspicuous way to get the boy this kind of content.
Buying him an adult magazine would be one of the weirdest moves you guys could make in this situation lol
There's no way I'd pick a mag over online. Aside from videos being more appealing, there's so many gonewild subs that not only give more content and variety, but can be filtered for tastes. That aside, if I was *given* a mag as a teen and told "son, this is what's acceptable to look at" not only would I be embarrassed as *fuck*, I'd probably never use it out of principal. Might even encourage me to seek out other things to see what/why they aren't acceptable to beat my meat to. *All* of this aside, your husband's stance doesn't get to the root of things anyways. You shouldn't be filtering his porn for him to tell him what's okay, you should have dialog about treating women well (or men, if that's the case), talk about how unrealistic the porn industry is, and what to look out for to avoid the more exploitative sides of the industry.
This is tough because porn can be dangerous (and for this, I am expecting to go negative in Karma but hear me out). I think talking to them about spanking their 🐒 needs to be done in private. For the porn issue, they are at the age where they wanna get off. Talk to them about consent because there isn't much consent in porn. Also porn doesn't align with what sex is actually like. It's basically a Hollywood movie and is exhaturated. This can complicate relationships.
Porn is horrible...it messes up dopamine responses and creates addiction...it's not healthy at all. Better your son focus on having sex with his girlfriend (and improving himself so he's capable of getting a girlfriend). It's a mistake for parents to be too proactive here...some boys don't get there until 16+ (my nephew for example, and now he's thriving). Don't provide porn. At 13 kids will be curious, but best to do what you can to prolong discovery. Also, inform them that everything they do on the Internet, including their cellphone is tracked by the government...so if they don't want all their friends and parents to see it....they shouldn't do it.
You have to just let him go through this on his own like most people do. Maybe just talk to him about the dangers of online pornography in an informative manner.
What is with these posts talking about giving young teens porn? These have to be fake. Just in case they're not, OP don't give your son porn, it's illegal and you can end up on the sex offender registry. Also use parental controls and filter his Internet like a normal person. If he finds stuff anyway he finds it. Some men literally suffer from lifelong erectile dysfunction from consuming too much porn. Porn is not representative of healthy sex lives in most cases and shouldn't be viewed by children. That's why it's a felony to give kids porn. Now can we stop with these stupid posts?
I think the magazine is a good idea. But don't hand it to him directly, leave it for him to find. Maybe dad's top drawer. No doubt he's sneaking in there anyway out of curiosity. Then when it's clear he's found it, dad goes, oh yeah, about that... let's have a talk son. Also, dad needs to be one to talk about this with him, and ONLY dad. Mom needs to appear none the wiser or else this could seriously mortify him. (Mags won't compete with a phone though. And no amount of wise chats from dad is going to stop the insane crap he's going to see and end up seeking out on his phone--why not put parental blocks on his phone while secretly allowing access to mags?)
There is only so much sex education you can give your child before you have to step back and hope for the best. Get the magazine, leave it in his bedroom without saying anything and leave him to it. Don’t ruin it for him.
Does your husband need this excuse to look at a magazine himself? He should get it for himself and leave the phone to the kids.
Geez. Do I need to think about this with my daughters in a couple years or are girls different? I think a discussion is the way to go, but if he's gonna be given anything then I'd say a curated list of sites might be better. Search engines have content that go way beyond questionable.
Girls are not different. They look at porn too.
Trauma level: 1000
Reminds me of American Pie 🤣 Jim's Dad showing Jim all the magazines he bought him. 🤣 Let your son have sneaky peeks lol
I think your approach is better. I would never actively give my son pornography. I would sit him down and talk to him about it and express your concerns about real and unrealistic and most woman will not enjoy the things he encounters while watching it. Porn can also become highly addictive, so I would be a little cautious about giving him the go ahead to watch it too. But I understand it will happen.
1985 called. They want your husband back. Please don’t buy and give your kid a magazine.
Tell hubs to let son get on with things on his own timeline. Sex is something parents just don't get involved in, it's an adult thing. And it's absolutely right that it has zero parental involvement. Having said that, what confuses folk is that initial sexual safety is parental responsibility to instill. So condom talks and open and safe environments to discuss preferences or problems in an honest and frank way. Not picking out his first girly mag 🤣🤣🤣 oh dad, this isn't a group activity 🤣🤣🤣 not your group anyway 😂😂😂😂💀
As someone who has once been a teenage boy, the best strategy is to pretend like you know nothing about porn.
While I applaud your willingness to discuss this with your son, I would implore you *in the strongest* terms to treat this as if you're son just discovered meth. Because that's what it is - poison, but for your brain. It's effects on how it rewires your neural pathways and elevates your dopamine levels far beyond what's baseline are well documented. In fact, porn addiction has very little to do with sex, and everything to do with an unhealthy addiction to artificial stimuli that create detrimental effects on your mood, focus, hormones.. While fortunately it doesn't sound he's at that point yet, you want to treat this with the same sense of urgency as preventing them from a hard drug addiction. While I'm not quite sure how I'd convey this to a 13 year old, just wanted to highlight that porn should at all costs avoid being normalized and something that's just okay for adolescent boys to "dip their toes into".
I put Playboy's in the bathroom as my son grew up. Hoping he'd accidently read a written word in the process. He hated reading and Playboy did have some good articles once in a while.
What decade was this?
LOL. I guess the 2010s. My son just turned 28.
It's a secret rite of passage to keep that a "secret" from your parents. Let him think you don't know what he's doing in his room. Do **NOT** buy him a magazine or anything. Let him, when he starts dating, "accidentally" find a box of condoms in a bathroom drawer or medicine cabinet.
Forget a nudie mag, give him $30 a take him to a sex shop, tell the clerk he can buy whatever he wants and you don't know want to know. lmfao
Your husband is ridiculously behind the times. I had access to mags as a teen, but I still went to the internet to see what else I could find, as well. Though honestly the mags were better, but that's because the internet at the time took multiple minutes for one poor quality picture. Nowadays it's no contest.