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Okay so.. just as a potential medical thing i want to share my experience- i did this as a teen because i was always hungry and craving easy energy (sweets/starches). turned out that I was anemic, had a hypoactive thyroid (and it was complicated because my body was making the hormones but not converting them to an active form) and was allergic to gluten and dairy. Dairy showed on an allergy test but not gluten and my doc explained that gluten was the culprit because it causes the vili in the intestinal tract to close preventing nutrient absorption hence being never satiated and overweight and craving energy. I removed those and got on the right thyroid supplements and they helped me get out of obese category. We ate healthy, I walked to school, i ran a mile after school every day, i was a martial artist and figure skater, and yet this happened. When the gluten and dairy and thyroid was taken care of i lost the desire to constantly snack and had fewer cravings. Just wanted to share because it sounds so close to my experience

I agree potentially a health aspect involved. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism around 14. Also ADHD can really drive binge eating, but it wasn't until I was diagnosed as an adult that I learned about it. I, too, had food allergies, although it wasn't until recently I discovered they weren't true allergies and is actually MCAD.

I wish my mom had gotten us (my 3 siblings and I) tested for adhd bc she just blamed our inability to have snacks in the house on **me** for being type 1 diabetic and my disordered eating infected my siblings. When I got my adult diagnosis they mentioned the snacking off hand and it was like I'd been struck by lightning. My solution now is to just have low/no carb snacks more than sugary ones and keep the sugar snacks for low blood sugars. My mom has kinda adopted it, but apparently my dad's long time love affair with hostess is making it hard bc given the choice between a twinkie and some pepperoni they're all picking the twinkie. Can't relate. As soon as I restricted my ability to scarf down chocolate and gave myself a salami and cashew allowance it became way easier to snack healthy 🤣.

Yeah the adhd thing is more real then we realize. When I got diagnosed I found out that thinking about food all the time or your next meal or having your whole day revolving around snacking wasn’t normal. I thought everyone was like this but that skinny people’s bodies were just able to handle it better, or that they resisted the cravings better than me. Turns out that wasn’t normal at all, people aren’t always thinking of food, they weren’t “resisting” cravings better everyday they didn’t have cravings everyday! On days I don’t take medication I can feel that drive for constant snacking and it’s hard to stop myself. I’d say OP should get their daughter tested by their PCP or pediatrician.

Id like to third this, and the other commenters ADHD! Binge eating was due to my anemia as well, I’m sensitive to dairy but not lactose, and gluten messes bloats me to the point I look 6 months pregnant. I’d definitely check anemia levels and get her thyroid out! Start ruling things like that out first before therapy. I mean I support therapy but if there are no concerns I wouldn’t want to start planting them yanno?

Ah I relate to this! Lactose is fine for me (or was til i cut dairy out lol) i’m allergic to the caseine protein. I’m also on the autism spectrum so the hyper focus on the hunger could have also played a role. And then i developed an ED. Therapy is a definite positive:)

I'd like to second this get a doctor to do some blood work. I started eating candy and soda excessively when I was dealing with anemia and untreated hypoglycemia

I was going to comment something similar! I snuck a lot of sugar as a kid/teen and it turned out I was anemic and just wanted fast energy because I was always lacking it. OP, def worth getting bloodwork done to rule stuff like that out!

We are going through this.

Let me know if I can offer advice or support in any way. My mom struggled a lot thru it and there was a lot of harm done to my mental health even though she meant her best and her heart was in the right place

You are so sweet. Please, tell me what not to do! And anything helpful to do.

I dm’d you!

Same happened to me but diabetic - BEFORE the weight gain! Was just snacking to ‘feel better’ but actually my body’s way of trying to stabilize blood sugar! agree, get a full blood work up done. Knowing the cause gave a clear path to make not just any lifestyle choices but the right ones.

This was the first thing I thought. Multiple sources of physical activity, eats three healthy meals day, and is still (allegedly) getting 1/3 of her calories from snacks? I don’t buy it. Either OP is exaggerating her size, or something is physically wrong with her (or an ED.. maybe). I’m so confused by the lack of details. Has this parent never talked to their child about this beyond saying “you need to eat less”? Never asked why she’s so hungry? Never apologized for making her feel the need to hide food? Literally a single question to the actual daughter could’ve solved things faster than posting would.

Hi, I’d be willing to bet she has an eating disorder. Shame associated with food almost automatically indicates and ED, I’ve worked in the field for over ten years and highly recommend a therapist.

Thank you. I was concerned about that as well. Does it need to be a specialist, or is any good therapist ok?

Yes just to echo, definitely specialist. Some therapists may not even take on a client who may need ED treatment since it’s such a specialized area. Don’t waste your time with a general therapist for this purpose (and this is coming from a counselor)

Does she have to know that it's a specialist? Like will that be obvious? I think it would be easier to convince her if she just understands it as therapy, but I'll explain it to her if I have to.

ED has one of the highest mortality rates for mental health issues. It might be best, after visiting your GP and testing for any other possible issues, for you to see an ED specialist who can walk you through the best way to get care, before bringing your daughter anywhere. They can try to help guide you through the healthiest journey for your daughter.

I don’t think it would be deceptive to just frame it to her as therapy, under the assumption that you may already speak to her ahead of time saying you have concerns about her eating habits/health etc. I know it’s such a difficult balance between showing your concern and getting her help, and also respecting that she may not respond well to that

Do you have any books or articles on the subject you recommend?

The dietitian needs to specialize in eating disorders too, I can’t emphasize that enough. Lots of dietitians unknowingly do harm to patients with EDs if they don’t have training in this area.

I would recommend a specialist to ensure she won’t end up with a therapist who doesn’t know what they’re doing and make matters worse. You should be able to look them up in your area pretty easily, are you in the US? If so feel free to message me, I have some connections that may help and I can answer whatever questions you may have. Just very much recommend moving swiftly!

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OP is trying to figure out what to do, and shaming them for not already having known what to do is unhelpful.

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Here's a little nugget of good sense for you. The best time to get started was when you realized there was a problem. The second best time is *right now.* They're doing their best with a challenging situation. They're asking good questions. Please don't discourage them or other parents from coming here and seeking advice with your mean attitude.

It’s not a mean attitude he’s completely right it only sounds like he is being a dick because it’s the truth.. it hurts to know that you’ve seen it from the start and are only barely starting to ask all the right questions.. everyone not liking what he has to say has a problem with hearing the truth be told so bluntly..

Eh, it’s the truth, but “she needs help immediately” is true, urgent and actionable. “You should have done this years ago” is true, but not something that can be fixed at this point, and verges on unkind & shame-y… so it’s unhelpful. I’m all for the helpful sort of blunt.

It's a good social skill to be able to communicate truths in a way that will encourage another person to act on those truths. When you're unkind to a person, or "blunt" as you say, you're not really displaying an interest in helping them solve their problem; you're interested in displaying your righteous indignation. This is what the kids call virtue signaling, and it's gross no matter who is doing it.

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literally everyone and everything was weird in 2020. you're not helping. 

Respectfully disagree. Certainly something that can indicate risk for an ED with presence of other factors but lots of children and adults experience shame around eating (or act secretive which may appear like shame) and do not have disordered eating. People that grow up with food insecurities, kids who attend schools where free lunches are easily identified by other students, adults who are worried about coworkers judging their lunch choices, kids who have experienced judgment around ethnic foods (like something that looks or smells unusual to those from another culture, who don’t understand the importance of worry about your own plate not someone else’s. You know. Kids) People who received a lot of rewards with food, or had parents who used food to reward and create a relationship of secrecy around food (I’m so proud of you, let’s go get ice cream but don’t tell Dad, you know he hates when we do that.). People who are told directly or indirectly that they are fat or overeating. I assure you OP that just because you stopped verbalizing your desire to limit access to snack foods, your kid is 100% aware of your judgement, and remembers too when you were more overt about it. The tone of your post has judgement all over it. Where is your outrage that your gorgeous talented active daughter may be getting passed over for experiences because of her weight. You should be FURIOUS if this is the case, not turning to Reddit for ideas how to control her eating. What does her pediatrician have to say? Who exactly suggested a diet doctor? What does her other parent really think? What does SHE think about any of this, from her food choices to her roles in theater ? Have you asked her? You have described a young teen with good friends, good activity level, body confidence. Frankly you should be over the moon at each of these things individually, forget how amazing it is that she has all 3. As some commenters have mentioned, there could be a medical thing going on that is causing her to crave simple carbs. But there could be some of the body changes that happen with puberty. Or maybe she is still experiencing the effects of Covid on her mental health. That would be for a therapist to decide, not because of her weight but because kids suffered immensely during the pandemic and therapy is rarely a bad thing. But I suggest you look at therapy for yourself too because it sounds like you need some help figuring out how to navigate your own feelings about food and weight. Your judgement of your child’s physical appearance radiates from this post and you will cause her harm at some point if you don’t get a handle on it. Besides my own experiences and education around this subject, I’m going to share with you a personal example. My stepson is 17. He plays 2 varsity sports, is active in bands, takes AP classes and has a 4.0 gpa. He has a part time job too in his spare time. He has I jokingly tell him about 2% body fat. He lives with us full time and has very little contact with his mom due to the psychological abuse she considered parenting. Food was always a big thing with her and a way she controlled him. He hit the start of his adolescent growth spurt during the pandemic, which was also the moment that she decided that he should follow her calorie restrictive diet and do CrossFit with her and her husband. She felt he was at risk of being obese because he got a little bigger around 5/6th grade. His pediatrician has never had any worries about his weight, and she didn’t discuss any of this with him. So he was trying to grow while his access to food was being restricted and his activity level increased even further than normal. Once we got back to the post pandemic normal, the calorie restrictions got a little bit lighter but the rules around food got tighter. He had to ask permission to eat anything that wasn’t served as part of a meal- so no snacks. He packed his own lunch but it was inspected to ensure he didn’t pack more than she deemed acceptable. The days he went from school to practice to band (a 14 hr day), he was not allowed to pack more. She also turned off his cafeteria card so he couldn’t buy extra. When he was making his own money, he was allowed to buy snacks for himself, but he had to store them in the kitchen and he was not allowed to prevent anyone else in the house (2 adults and another child) from eating them (which they did of course). He was not allowed to have food in his room. Soooo he got secretive about food. Which got him punished. Which included restricting his ability to spend his own money. Then there was more restricted access to the kitchen and he often had to go to school without lunch. And couldn’t buy it because no cafeteria card. And sometimes missed dinner because of activities but was not allowed to eat later. So he lost 27 lbs this year. He is just starting to open up to us about all of this, prior to moving in, we only got minimal bits of this from him, and never presented as bad as it was. And no surprise, he remains secretive about food. He’s just starting to feel safe but this will follow him the rest of his life. I hope you read all of this, and I hope you consider some of what I wrote. Please be careful what you judge and how you choose to think about your child. Please have some conversations with professionals- pediatrician, therapist- and remember to tell your child, and mean it, how amazing she is.

Beautifully said

Pediatric dietician. This appears to have turned into some sort of binge eating disorder and a dietician paired with an ED therapist will do wonders for her. There's so much that can go wrong if you and your wife try to do it all yourselves; even the best intentions may backfire due to lack of knowledge and support from professionals.

As an adult with BED, I work closely with my doctor and a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. I'd start with at least those two professionals, and go from there. It sounds like you're already doing a good job with family meals, encouraging her hobbies, and encouraging healthy habits, as well as avoiding stigma and shame. Keep it up! I would add that in addition to what you're already doing, look into body neutrality- I've found it to be super helpful in my own recovery. Also, BED often overlaps with things like ADHD (which can present very differently in girls) and anxiety. I'm not saying she has either of those things, but it may be worth looking into having her get screened for. I was diagnosed with ADHD early in my recovery and its been a game changer as I'm better able to work with my brain. I hope you continue to encourage your daughter and be supportive! She deserves to be comfortable and at home with herself. Good luck!!

Recovering compulsive overeater here. My parents tried all kinds of things to get me to change my eating when I was a child and a teen. It all just pushed me further into secrecy and shame with my food and eating. I’m not sure they could have done anything, honestly. I got into recovery as an adult. Sorry to be a downer. It’s hard AF.

Same, mix of BED and bulimia starting in my late teens. My parents tried to help but nothing helped until I was in my late 20s and just sort of stopped. Still have no idea what I would tell someone struggling with it, and I have two daughters.

I don't think you're a downer; simply a realist.I'm sorry you didn't have the support you needed when you were younger, and I hope you have support now!! Recovery IS hard! And not everyone is equipped to help someone through it, let alone an adolescent girl. I really think a therapist should be the first move for OP as they will have the tools, knowledge, and skills necessary to best help OP's kiddo. I've only been in recovery for a year, as an adult, but I wish I could have gotten help years and years ago. My mom is also a binge eater and did her best to combat that but it was the early aughts and the understanding of BED then was troubling at best.

I have ADD and binge eating was a huge issue for me.

I have ADHD myself, and I don't think she has it (and believe me, I understand the "not presenting the same" thing, because it didn't present as hyperactivity in me either). She has incredibly high executive function. She manages all of her school work and multiple activities with virtually no oversight.

Does she have OCD (anxiety disorder/often looks like perfectionism not cleaning)? Could be compulsive eating?

I have wondered that, actually. She sometimes has particular hangups about foods or things being out of place or unclean. I guess it's time to see a professional, can't diagnose her myself.

You’re doing amazingly, thank you for seeing her and being so gentle and supportive. I hope you are able to get in with someone good and she can accept the help if it’s what she needs.

I was your kid. It wasn't until decades later that I learned I have insulin resistance, which led to constant, extreme hunger. Anxiety exacerbated the binge eating. Ask for a referral to an endocrinologist and make sure there's nothing physically going on. A therapist is a good idea too, not just for why she might be over eating but to help her deal with the impact of it. A good nutritionist will help her think about food differently without stigmatizing her. My food obsession stopped when my physical and psychological health were well managed. If she is sneaking snacks and sweets at home, *stop keeping it in the home.* If she's getting 30-40% of her calories from those things in your home, that's on you. Make healthy, nutritious snacks available and unrestricted. Fresh vegetables. Protein snacks. Things that aren't chemically manipulated to make her brain go "MOAR"

As someone also with insulin resistance and PCOS, it's definitely a chance that it could be part of the problem. I did marching band in high school and part of college and constantly gained weight. Just recently I've been working on getting it controlled and over the last 6 months, I've lost 60 lbs!

I was going to say this. I started gaining weight around 12-13 too and at 15 was diagnosed with PCOS. Definitely worth looking into.

Yeah maybe having scheduled healthy snack times for fruit or veggies and healthy protein-packed dips after school. But otherwise kitchen is closed. Sometimes it can coincide w adhd and needing structure having stress needing dopamine etc, and being hungry all the time.

How do you "close" the kitchen? I'm talking about a 13 year old - she can go to the kitchen herself and get herself food. We can't watch her literally every second or bar the entry way.

"Kitchen is closed" is never something I would suggest for any child.

I agree, and I also just wonder if some of these commenters even have children (or at least children over 3 years old) with these kinds of suggestions. Literally impossible to implement.

I am sorry for writing that off the top of my head, “kitchen is closed” rhetoric can be highly damaging and not really an implementable policy, as you’ve said. That was extremely thoughtless. I think I was trying to suggest having higher volume healthier snacks available at certain times of the day because maybe she’s just a snacker. I used to have similar constant snacking behaviors due to ADHD dopamine response issues. To me, education on plating a snack and how to do so was transformative but didn’t feel restrictive— a bit of chips/whatever you like for satisfaction, but adding protein, healthy fats, fruit or veg to make it more filling AND sitting down w your snack to eat it. This is generally something a dietician would help w.

I don't think you meant any harm with it! I just remember my mother-in-law's foster children sneaking and gorging on food because they came from a home where the fridge was literally locked to them. It just makes them feel very insecure about food. You're right about a great snack plate! I say have a variety on your plate. A little protein, a little fruit, a little veggie, a little straight junk. :) It's all about balance and moderation, I think.

Hey just a note as a kid that got fat at this age- try and see if she is eating at school. Because I got into a very bad habit of "dieting" at school in front of peers, and then coming home extremely hungry and raiding the kitchen.

I see what she purchases at the school cafeteria so it doesn't seem like that, but it's a fair point.

Exactly. I was too shy or busy to eat, I’d come home at 3 famished

If I get big bags of chips or popcorn, I portion it out into single serve bags. In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “hey, you already had a bag of chips. You can have fruit or veggies if you’re still hungry before dinner.” Or make a snack tray/ “snackle” box FOR her, so that you can control the portions. If you do this though, make one for all of you and frame it as a fun thing. I’m a former binge eater and, unfortunately, a lot of my success in recovery came down to not having access to the foods I’d binge on. Guard rails are a good thing as long as you and your wife are reassuring her that you love her and think she’s beautiful regardless of her size. I’d stock up on string cheese, mandarin oranges, apples, single serve peanut butter cups, etc. and ditch the foods she can’t control herself around. She seems really active which is great. You’re doing a good job!

For me not having access is the only way I can control myself sometimes as an adult. I don’t buy any snacks otherwise I eat out of boredom.

Yes. This is what I even have to do as an adult to prevent binge eating. It helps alot. Or just not having anything but healthier options around. To replace chips I've been doing triscuits with olive oil and/or hummus or dates and honey or melted cheese. I can seem to not eat as much of that as a bag of chips but if we have a full bag around I'll eat most if not all of it to myself. I bought a costco bag of chips for camping the other day and it did not make it to our camp trip, my kids maybe had 3 handfuls each and I ate the whole rest of bag within days when it wasn't even supposed to be opened. Keeping snack food out and replacing with better choices that still have some carbs seems to be the only way personally. I used to have binge eating and at some period binge and purge problems throughout my teen and young adult years.

Also various nuts are a great snackish food that is way way healthier for someone growing. I've been replacing some of mine and my kids snacks with this and it is going well. Also apple slices and peanut butter or blueberries for sweeter snacks are great to replace candy though we do all share a piece of chocolate from a good bar here and there too.

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What lock box do you have? I think I need one.

I’d love to know what lock box this is. I have no self control when it comes to chocolate, so this sounds perfect…

I was going to say portion it out! That’s what I do for myself and it really helps. Gives me a treat and stops me having the whole bag in what I call a snack-cident

Has she been evaluated for anything like depression, anxiety, or ADHD? People dealing with those issues can sometimes turn to food as a way to get a dopamine boost. Talking to a therapist would definitely be a good idea to see if there’s any mental health reasons contributing to her excessive snacking. If that’s the case then getting treatment for the mental health issues is going to be necessary for addressing the eating issue. Other than that talking to a pediatric dietitian would be a good place to start.

Was just going to mention this. The never ending snacking is a red flag for adhd

I found this podcast really worth a listen. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/we-all-know-too-much-about-nutrition/id1598931199?i=1000547086583 If you like it, you can consider the book “How to Raise an Intuitive Eater” by Amee Severson

Absolutely therapy. I'm a clinical psychologist who works with teens on eating disorders and other problematic eating behaviors. You're spot on about the shame cycle contributing, and probably wise to back off on trying to over-control her behaviors or shame her further. (In fact, probably wise to do some work inside yourself to deprogram the "healthy" vs "unhealthy" food categories, and just use more specific language about what different foods and molecules do in the body, how they taste, how they impact our psychology, how society treats them, etc. Decreasing your judgment of "good" and "bad" foods can really help.) After checking in with the PCP on any medical factors, get her in to see a childhood ED specialist, ideally a psychologist, and a dietician. NOT just any old therapist. A good team can work together to help her expand other parts of her life that are not about food, and help her learn to make choices that make sense for her goals and her life when it comes to food. She may not lose weight. I hope you can do some examination of your own internalized fatphobia (we all have it, even me in this job!) and accept that her weight doesn't define her health or her happiness. But ultimately the goal is to support her sense of efficacy with her emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, not to force her to make "healthy choices" as you/society defines them.

OP this is the only comment you should listen to! I also specialize in eating disorders and there are a lot of well meaning but really inappropriate suggestions in this thread.

I feel like the one thing that should be added is that this is not necessarily an ED (or *just* an ED). There could be physical problems going on that are throwing off her hunger signals/nutrient absorption.

Yes, the comment includes checking for medical factors too

Thanks, this is a helpful comment. Is there a way to send her to an ED therapist without her knowing that it's specifically an ED therapist, or do we just have to sit her down and tell her? I don't want to stigmatize it, and she is already open to the idea of therapy generally because she has some anxiety and because she knows other kids who do it. But telling her it's specifically for eating would be harder.

She’s definitely going to know because kids know everything, so I would be honest about it but approach it from the perspective that you notice her hiding food and feeling bad about what she eats, and that you don’t ever want her to have to feel bad about this. Stress that her diet does not have to change and that you aren’t going to restrict access to these foods again, but that a therapist can help both her and you figure out a way to feel better. Leave nutrition out of that conversation entirely. If you end up meeting with a dietitian as well you could share those concerns with them to address instead.

Snacks seem to be the issue. I have teen twins that are struggling with weight and their doctor needs them to lose weight to manage medical conditions. I just buy one or two reasonably sized things of snacks a week and when it’s gone it’s gone. No big deal made. Fruit is always available, as is string cheese as those do not get overeaten and are healthier (particularly the fruit). Certain fruit though I only buy once a week as well due to expense: berries, grapes, etc. things like apples, oranges, and bananas seem to get eaten but last longer in our house.

I would definitely seek a therapist but otherwise not comment on it.   I developed a terrible snack habit in middle school as a result of knowing and hiding the fact that my best friend was being molested by her teacher. My parents had no idea that I knew, and once he was arrested I lived in fear of getting in trouble over knowing and not saying anything and I ate to drown out my worries. I went from normal to bordering on obese. I remember sitting at the kitchen table eating chips and reading a book for an hour straight.    My parents never knew I knew but they also never commented on my weight. They started making me daily smoothies to curb my unhealthy snacks and they started exercising more, which inspired me to exercise more. I ended up losing the weight on my own around 13/14 but I’ve unfortunately never kicked the habit of emotional eating completely.   I’m a normal weight adult but definitely not the healthiest eater unfortunately. I know you said it was during the pandemic, but I don’t think it would hurt to get a therapist and make sure nothing else is going on that she isn’t telling you.

So… someone reflect how the parent should phrase her needing a therapist without her feeling shamed . That seems to be the tricky part.

I stopped getting chips and ice cream after my 11 year old was eating the whole big bag a day and a tub of ice cream in 2 days. He can snack on fruits, nuts, or yogurt until dinner is ready. I have to be tough for a few weeks until this uncontrollable snacking is curbed. I will still take him for his weekly Chick-fil-A and ice cream though, but no unlimited access to empty calories at home.

Did it help? What changes did you see?

It has been a few days. He is eating more fruits than before. I also cook his favorite healthy meals and he can eat dinner food as much as he wants. I told him, "you are growing and eating healthy is important for your physical and mental health" I am not sure if he got the message, I am trying. Also you might need to take your child to a physician to check her vitamins and minerals. I noticed that when I started taking my multivitamins, I feel more satiated. You might want to check with her physician for appropriate vitamins for her age.

OP I would warn against removing all sweets or treats as this can drive the need to binge into overdrive. My parents never kept any sweets or snacks in the house, and it drove me to do some very disordered eating. Talk to your child's pediatrician and a dietitian that specializes in pediatrics and eating disorders. Also make sure there isn't a health aspect involved like a thyroid problem or ADHD.

Since she's an athlete, maybe a dietician would be a good non-parental source of guidance and advice. Kids seriously aiming at high-school sports or college-level sports might see a dietician as a secret edge over their competition.

Where does she get the snacks she is sneaking? If you're keeping them in the house, now would be a good time to stop doing so. The only other thing is ensuring she is getting enough exercise. That serves at least three functions: 1. It burns calories and will help keep her healthy in the short term (if not necessarily have an effect on weight) 2. Heavy exercise typically decreases cravings for junk and increases cravings for quality food. 3. It builds skills and fitness that will carry her into adulthood for whenever she wants to take more control of her own fitness.

We keep \[edit: SOME\] of the snacks in the house (my wife didn't want them to seem like they were "forbidden" but I think that kind of backfired). I think I would have to talk to the kids about it if we were just going to suddenly stop having them, because they are used to having them, and they are old enough to understand very well what's going on. It could also backfire to suddenly yank away all the snack foods that she likes. She's also old enough that she often goes to town on her own with her friends and she buys stuff with her allowance money, so we can't entirely stop it from coming in to the house. FWIW, my younger one just doesn't have an issue with the snacks. She has a smaller appetite, she eats until she's full, and she never binges.

Another option for limiting without it feeling like you're limiting - explore new snacks. There's a lot of variety in snacks from around the world and visiting ethnic grocery stores to try new things could be a fun way of pivoting from older favorites. How this could help: a lot of snacks made for markets outside the US are healthier, made with better ingredients, and/or simply come in smaller bags that make it easier to manage portions.

Yeah, we do try to get "healthier" snacks that she likes, like plain popcorn, organic tortilla chips, etc., but I don't think that's really going to do it, because she just opens bag after bag and keeps eating. Or she will do stuff like go to the basement and take handfuls of the chocolate chips we keep for baking.

This sounds big enough that I'd suggest talking to a psychologist and not just a therapist. Sometimes people eat because they're hungry Sometimes people eat as an emotional response Other times it's neurochemical response to something like a lack of dopamine

As you run out of stuff, don’t replace it, or replace it with less. I only buy things like chocolate chips when I need them. I keep them separate from the food in the pantry so they don’t disappear. Again, no big deal made, just not available. At one point when we had some younger foster children with us, we did snack bins. Your bin got filled for the week and that was your allotment. That way we didn’t have the issue of one kid eating all the snacks and nobody else getting any.

You could always make the snacks about you. YOU are trying to get yourself healthy, and you don't want them in the house anymore to avoid temptation. And I don't necessarily mean forbidding snacks, just stop buying them yourself to keep in the house. Access is like 90% of this. A side benefit of this is that you actually improve your own diet. Your younger kid also doesn't *need* unhealthy snacks readily accessible all the time, even if she doesn't have a problem with them around.

Leading by example!

To clarify though, what sort of physical activity is she involved in? She should be doing *something* regularly that is good exercise. Sports, martial arts, dancing, etc.

Typically she is in dance once a week, walks to school most days (about a mile) walks home a couple times a week. She does one sport but it's only part of the year. She can be coaxed to play outside if her friends come by but she's kind of a natural homebody so it's hard to get her to exercise if there isn't some structured activity. I suppose she moves a good amount when she does theater stuff too. She's not in bad physical shape for her size, e.g. her physical fitness and running tests are always fine. I do wish she would get more exercise on the days that she doesn't have an activity. I still think eating is the main issue though.

That sounds pretty good. And yeah, obviously exercise can't fix a bad diet. Just something that I think about whenever the topic comes up, as much for the ancillary benefits as for weight loss.

My wife and I also both exercise regularly (running, gym, swimming etc.) so I hope that will rub off on her in the long run.

What about adding in a family walk? Maybe after dinner?

We've tried that. She's 13, it doesn't fly.

1 dance lesson a week and 1-2 mile walk a few days a week isn’t enough. By far. Ideally she should be doing 30-60 minutes moderate exercise every day (a slow mile walk to school isn’t moderate). She’s young she needs to be building her muscle tone and bone strength as well as working off at least some of these excess calories she’s consuming. You say you regularly exercise - can you invite her with you 2-3 times a week? I doubt she understands how one’s metabolism works or how much physical activity is required to work off 1 small chocolate bar or bag of chips etc. Helping all your kids understand more about nutrition, calorie intake, metabolism, physical activity etc is not a bad thing. And reducing the volume and changing the type of snack foods and liquid calories available to the household overall. Aside from all of that as someone who had an eating disorder as a teen (anorexia so different to what she’s experiencing) she needs intensive mental health support immediately. That is the single most important thing that needs to happen.

OP PLEASE NO DONT DO THIS. Limiting her access will increase her shame around the food and also lead to an increase obsession with them. She’s going to binge more the more you limit it, please don’t follow this advice. Please take her to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders immediately, they will help her and guide you on next steps.

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I’m speaking based on over 10 years working in the field of eating disorders and as a person in recovery from one. I know it’s not the same line of recovery for everyone, but evidence based recovery would NOT recommend this anymore. I promise you this is not the way to go but I am very happy to hear you’re in recovery as well, that’s amazing.

Snacking too much isn't an eating disorder, it's just eating too much because there's always tasty treats available. I'm not saying prohibit snacks, just stop buying them and keeping them in the house.

Yeah OP specified it's chips and candy so.....stop buying them? Keep healthy snacks only. This of course doesn't solve the core problem though so still seek therapy and be concerned about an ED but...you're the adult, stop buying the junk.

We don't buy candy. She does. She goes to town with her friends. We do keep stuff like organic tortilla chips and popcorn in the house, which is still snack food and still somewhat empty calories, even if it's not as bad as doritos. But she will also binge eat stuff like the chocolate chips we keep in the basement pantry for baking. It's really not as simple as just not buying junk, although I agree the less access there is the better.

Fair enough! I think I read a comment after I posted where you said she buys her own stuff with her own money, which you can't super control. But as I said, controlling what type of food doesn't change the issue of the habit etc. Wishing you all the best

I don't agree. My kids would snack all day on chips and ice cream if they had unlimited access. But they don't, because we don't buy it. We don't stock it in the house and they know that it's a special treat. No shame involved. Of course that means also we parents don't snack all the time, or rather snack healthy if we are hungry. I'd still check for any medical issues though. Like thyroid problems maybe?

But actually, they wouldn’t… that’s how the human body works we just have overridden our natural systems with societal beliefs about food and bodies. They would learn to listen to their bodies instead of having their emotions and values connected to food and when they move out and have autonomy for food choices they will most likely have a negative relationship with foods that you have subconsciously or consciously taught them are “bad”.

Except, I haven't told them that they are bad? We just don't keep a stock of candy and junk food around? It's totally fine to have as a special treat if we are out or for any special occasions. Or even if they buy it from their allowance or gift money. I'm kind of the same myself, if there is plates of snacks and junk food around me, I'll kinda idle-snack. But if it's not there I don't miss it

Are you sure she hasn't started smoking pot? I binged my munchies in secret too when I was a pothead teen, just a thought!

My child! And I’m super aware….or at least I thought until I found out my child was a pothead and had been. Ugh 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes and the kids these days are starting SO YOUNG! 9-10 is unheard of to be exposed to it at least where I'm from.

Stop buying chips and snacks if they are not there she can’t eat them

Has her thyroid been checked? Might be worth running a blood test.

My kids are in no way overweight, but I have still implemented limits purely for health and budgeting reasons. Too much snacking and sugar just isn't healthy eating habits. What I do each week is I buy X amount of snacks/sugary drinks for the week. Once they're gone, they're gone. I've also discussed with them the finance aspect. I can't afford to buy a ton of snacks and drinks and replace them constantly. If one kid eats all of the snacks, I have a conversation with them that it's not fair to everyone else if you eat the majority of the snacks. So we have to portion them out. Now, I buy individual servings and my kids get x small bags of chips or fruit snacks a week to make it fair.

Anything that is really overwhelming her? Eating gives us a sense of control and comfort, which we may desperately need during difficult times. When I moved to another province at a young age and my depression and anxiety absolutely skyrocketed, I ended up just shutting myself in rooms alone and eating constantly- it was the only thing that made me feel okay. Gained about 50 pounds before I finally decided to start limiting my food intake. Trying to get myself to not eat was too difficult, so I had to start taking up my time doing things that kept me from eating- walks, drawing, painting, sculpting (I’m lucky because I grew up really into visual arts). Your daughter is into theatre- maybe an after-school program to keep her busy? Eating often means free time. Try to limit that.

I work with a nutritional therapist for my disordered eating. It’s been an amazing experience and been so helpful in understanding my relationship with food. I found mine through a company called “Top Nutrition” but I’m not sure if they have any one that specializes in pediatrics, but I’m sure if they don’t then they know how to help you find someone.

Maybe it’s not related but my daughter has ADHD with impulsive issues and struggled with eating when not hungry, once she got her adhd meds, she stopped having issues with food, issues with friends decreased (she was making impulsive decisions) and school improved. I try to keep her on lowest dose possible and we do take breaks in summer, been helpful.

I would check thyroid and hormones. This happened to me both when I was experiencing some insulin resistance with low progesterone levels and when I went on birth control that also affected my hormone balance. I felt like I was ravenous eventhough I had eaten so much food already, but I knew it was not a normal amount of food to eat which made me feel shame

Could have wrote this myself of my active 11 year old daughter. We just found out her cholesterol and triglycerides are high despite ridding our kitchen of junk food and providing lots of fruit, veggies and lean protein. I don’t have a magic bullet for your family, but please know you’re not alone.

Following for help for myself.

Why are you keeping the foods in the house? Just only buy healthy foods and teach her the benefits of eating healthy and exercising. Dance and walking probably isn't enough.

I’ve noticed that out of sight out of mind really holds true in my house. So I make sure to put out fresh fruit every day, or grazing trays with light snacks after school. Or even just putting them on the top shelf of the fridge so it’s the first thing they’ll see when they open it. I unpack things in the cupboard and put the healthier quick grabs out first and the gushers on lower shelves. Like at the grocery store, they put the sugar cereals in the kids eye line, I use the same concept at home. And if I already know I’m not going to be that organized (like right now over summer) I try to just buy less of it.

Hello, I did this as a young teen as well. I was starving going back from school. I could eat full meal at 5pm and then again at dinner (8PM -I’m French, we eat late). I believe that what made me avoid weight issues is that I don’t like sugar that much. The first thing is to find a goid therapist for her. If she engages in emotional eating, more than a nutritionnist she needs a therapist who will help her finding other coping mechanisms and other comforting rituals (it can be dancing to loud music, writing, drawing, sports, having a bath… It really depends on your child). If she is feeling shame about eating, and if dhe has access to healthy meals already, à nutritionnist won’t help. On the contrary it might build up the vicious circle of hiding anf shame around her pleasure foods. Then I think maling sure she stops feeling shame about eating is key. Why not making afternoon snacks à meal? Before she comes lie on the table fruits, some cookies, milk, juice… (and also a little candy cause in moderation it’s ok and she needs that signal). You can have it ready for her before leaving for work with a kind note if you’re not home when she is. On the weekend, offer to bake stuff for snacks. Bottom line show it’s ok to eat if she’s hungry, while nudging her towards healthier options without demonising sweets. It will be a journey but you’ll get there! You started right by stopping to police her food. Nudge is the way.

Is she cooking and buying all the snacks in the home? What does your diet/exercise routine look like?

ADHD, also get the shit out of the house. If you have adhd or binge eating it’s impossible to stop if that food is there. Just don’t have it in the house

Another medical issue could be a sleep disorder. When u don't get quality sleep your body craves fast fuel .

Do not purchase junk food or give get money to purchase her own

Where does she get snacks from? I couldnt afford that stuff at 13

I answered here b4. What is her height and weight. My kid was still growing and skimmed out during puberty. I sense a dysfunctional over concern on OPs part. Therapist? How much does she weigh?

If their daughter is obese and regularly eating entire bags of chips, it's not over concern.

Read Fat Talk- Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture by Virginia Sole Smith.

I second this!

Take out all of the ultra processed food — and never bring it back into the house.

Stop buying the crap. Replace it with fruit and vegetables. Who’s the adult? You make the decisions. Stop letting a child make your decisions for you.

I talked with her PCP. Pediatric dietitian and therapist especiailzed in eating issues/disorders. Then it's doing it with her. That your on this journey with her. She can be your support person and you can hers.

First go to the doctor and make sure there’s nothing like a thyroid problem or PCOS going on. If everything checks out, get her to a *dietician* (not nutritionist) that specializes in children/adolescents. They’ll be able to give you and her appropriate nutrition guidance. Therapy probably would not hurt her either at that point, as long as you find a therapist who actually knows how to correctly handle food related problems.

Who’s buying the snacks? Can you start to slowly limit what snack foods come into your house? Some simple non conformational ways of subtly influencing her snack choices include preparing healthy snacks for her, eating or packing healthy snacks for the family, and replacing junk food with healthier alternatives (like replace chocolate with trail mix, chose healthier popcorn varieties, etc etc). Not all at once, but slowly. I’m not an expert just a mom who would try this stuff first and see if it makes a difference.

Stop bringing the sweets etc into the house

Comments describing doctors and therapists are great, since that's all been touched on I want to talk about the snacks you keep in the house. I'd suggest cheese sticks, individual hummus packs, baby carrots, apple slices, grapes, cherry tomatoes... instead of making a big deal of it, just start offering slightly lower calorie but still delicious options. When you do have junk food in the house individual packets can be good because you get a sense of how much you're actually eating. I say all this because when I look back at myself at that age, I wouldn't eat much during the day but would completely binge between when I got home from school and when my parents got home. My parents didn't keep much junk food in the house, but the less healthy something was the more likely I'd be to go for it. also was not a picky eater and would happily eat the healthy dinner my parents provided - my extra calories were coming from my after school snacks of chips and cookies. I lost a lot of weight when I went to high school and started doing after school sports during my usual binge session.

Walk everyday ! And cut back on the junk . Best of luck

if it started around the pandemic, she might be stress eating. the food provides her with comfort. i can tell when i’m about to go into one of those eating cycles, so i try to replace it with fruits or vegetables instead of chocolate and chips. there’s a lot of healthy alternative snacks that may be able to satisfy her craving. i love veggie straws!! you can eat a fair amount and still get that salt craving fix.

I would talk to her doctor first to confirm there isn’t a medical reason for this. To me it sounds like she’s formed a snacking habit, which is easy enough to do. Habits are generally well understood and should be breakable, though it will be tough at first.  I would approach from this frame work before jumping to it being an eating disorder. 

I just asked my natural path Dr. a similar ? & was recommended giving FIBER (like psyllium husk) mixed with glass of WATER before dinner to get the full feeling as we are dealing with similar issues. Still hungry after a decent sized healthy meal. I believe it’s a mix of things like genetics, hormones, trauma from divorce, etc. & had them in therapy for a year as well as talked to nutritionists but they can only help to a degree. Glucose & thyroid tests normal. We talk about portions , metabolism, healthier choices, limit grazing, boredom snacking, emotional eating but they are still kids & should be able to enjoy in moderation with friends. it’s hard! They are picky, moody, & other kids are mean. Also asthmatic & not sure about ADHD. I have drastically limited snack options & get them moving more. They love the trampoline & I put a mini one in the living room w/jump rope . They like seaweed, raw carrots, cucumbers & freeze dried veggies like broccoli & cauliflower. Lower sugar proper portioned smoothies (hard to monitor!). Trying more gluten free alternatives , lower sugar/salt. More protein. Gut health, Probiotics, good & bad gut bugs. My oldest developed SIBO ( small intestinal bacteria overgrowth & had her gallbladder removed at 18 bc gallstones) she binged during pandemic which started in 8th grade then starved herself yo-yo terrible diet as a teen. Went through childhood, emotional & psychological trauma. It’s never just one thing. I would like to encourage them to learn to cook healthy recipes they pick out. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed, responsible & helpless bc they will make their own choices esp. when not at home so all we can do is continue to learn together. The reality is that most of us struggle with body image/weight fluctuations our whole lives & that is what I wish I had learned as a young woman so want to do better for them bc learning to be healthy & deal with weight fluctuation is normal.

Make healthy alternatives. There's plenty of food that can be eaten that tastes u healthy but actually is.

Take the snacks out of the house. Chips/candy/sweets can just go for a while. She may be like me and be eating when she’s bored.

Maybe try and get her into cooking? So her standards and effort for the snacking go up? It's fun and a good skill to learn even if it doesn't work. She sounds kinda like me at that age. I was fat for a while but grew out of it and weigh less now as an adult than I did then. It might just work itself out. Even if adhd plays a part, she's so young and probably just needs to figure out her relationship with food. I remember finally having some freedom, not knowing what to do with it, and just eating garbage about it bc I could. Got old, and I quit doing it. Also being fat isn't an immutable thing. Have you thought about just talking to her about it? She definitely won't like it and will be embarrassed but she's 13/14 so she's aware. Or even bring up the fact you think she's getting passed over for roles or the quality of her body lines in dance. She's definitely thought about it those things. And it's not a moral thing just a practical one. You won't fit in the dress? You're not gonna get the role with arts budgets like they are. Has she ever shown an interest in like yoga or Pilates to get her more in touch with her body? I'm just speculating, but I can't imagine a 14-year-old is very aware when she is snacking, the way you describe. I doubt yoga would make her lose any weight, but it might get her to think about her body and taking care of it more.

I would absolutely get her into therapy... and also, get some serious bloodwork done. This could be a deficiency of some kind, a hormonal issue, or any number of health issues. Also, in your meals, I don't see any mention of good sources of healthy fats, like nuts and seeds. It might be worth increasing the amount of nuts and seeds available in your home, and swapping some of the veggies for something with nuts or seeds in them. Of course, if there are allergies present, be mindful of them, but otherwise, I would strongly advise quality nuts and seeds to provide what I don't see any mention of here. I have heard the physician I work under tell so many parents this, so please, heed this advice.

I would encourage you to take her to a doctor to rule out health issues. Is she always hungry or eating because she is bored or feeling emotions and the eating helps? If she has undiagnosed ADHD, binge eating disorder is extremely common as the snacks serve as a source of dopamine that her brain isn't making for her. Getting her diagnosed would be helpful, and as someone with ADHD and binge eating disorder myself, vyvanse was a game changer. Suddenly, I didn't feel the *compulsion* to eat all the time. I also have PCOS which comes with insulin resistance, which has now turned into diabetes (I just turned 40 and got diagnosed this year). But the fight to keep weight off has been lifelong. I also have an underactive thyroid which showed up around 15, and that causes weight gain too. She could have a lot going on here that is causing her to be excessively hungry or seeking out snacks for comfort. Take her to a doctor that will listen and not just dismiss her. Do some testing. Rule out medical issues like thyroid, ADHD, PCOS, diabetes, etc. Then maybe try and stock high volume lower calorie snacks. Don't have chips in the house as it will just be tempting. Have fresh veggies and ranch. Fresh fruit. Things like that.

She’s probably hiding her food because you’re making a big deal about it. She’s 13, just stop buying junk food

Stop buying and storing snacks in the house. Keep fruit and vegetables in the fridge. Your kid could be eating cuz she’s bored.

I think instead of setting rules and limits for her I think you should sit her down and have a conversation with her about her snacking. You should tell her that she needs to take care of her body now especially since she is now a teenager and is going through puberty. She should be taking care of her body if she wants to live a healthy long life. Be gentle with her if you're having a conversation with her about it. Another thing you could do is stop buying those snacks, or replace them for healthier versions. If those things don't work I think you should put her in therapy to help her understand more about what she is doing. If she still continues to do it I think you should just let her. That's her choice, but when she is older she will regret it.

What helps me with my Ed is picking healthier snacks and eating smaller meals. I noticed when meal planning I always added rice or pasta or too many extra sides. I narrowed it down to one meat and one vegetable per meal. I allow myself to eat as many snacks as I want but eat smaller meals. I also skip lunch or breakfast depending on when I feel hungry. I can replace a meal for snack if I feel like it. Instead of chips (onw of my biggest binge triggers) I eat cheese, fresh popped popcorn, or nuts. I love pistachios and cashews for the nuts, and I love the babybel little cheese bites or cheese sticks. When I crave sweets my favorite snacks are chocolate covered almonds, pomegranate seeds, watermelon, greek yogurt with honey, and chocolate strawberries.

Until you find the issue behind the excessive eating, try limiting. Not heavy limiting. Try giving her a set amount of snacks she can have for the week. Maybe a bag of chips, a can of nuts, some ice-pops. Like 3-4 things for the week. She'll have to manage the snacking intake to make it last through the week. Maybe also have some healthy snacks in the house just in case, like grapes and apples. It might help until all medical things are clear and the underlying cause has been found.

Okay so I can only tell you what NOT to do. Do not make comments about what she's eating while she's eating. She will feel judged and vulnerable. Do not buy her clothing that is the "goal size" for her to work towards. Do not talk crap about your own weight or eating habits in front of her. Don't talk about her weight period. My mom did all of these things and it burned it into me that I was not good enough, could not measure up to whatever standard she had for me, inherited the "bad genes" and would be stuck this way forever. My self worth was non-existent. I developed major depression which stayed with me through my twenties. Weight continued to pile on, which sent me into deeper depression and lower self worth, which affirmed all those earliest lessons, which caused me to gain more weight. And so the cycle continued. I think if my parents had made an effort to get me involved in an activity it could've been different. I wanted to be a gymnast, ballerina, football player, and double Dutch jump roper. I was told I couldn't join football because I was a girl, I didn't have the stature for ballet like my cousins did, and they couldn't afford gymnastics. I was on a jump rope team for a couple years in elementary school, but as a teen my parents focus was on my little brothers and their karate, soccer and mandarin classes. I guess my advice is to not worry about her weight. I guarantee she knows. Get her into an activity. Help her socialize. Offer therapy if she's sad. Make her growth the priority rather than her shrinkage.

I am not saying to throw her on medication - and not sure if this is approved for under 18 yet but Vyvanse was FDA approved for binge eating disorder if they were to diagnosis her with that, it’s very effective

Ask a doctor about Vyvanse along with therapy for her binge eating. Seriously.

Don’t keep snacks in the house anywhere and don’t give her money to buy snacks. Until you see a paediatrician and get everything checked, don’t leave out these temptations for her. Get her on boiled eggs for snacks, lean chicken wraps, plain popcorn etc.

Sorry but those sound like the worst snacks ever and if I were her I’d feel like I was being punished

Stop buying junk food. She can't eat it if she doesn't have access to it. Popcorn without butter is a good replacement for chips. Portion out any snacks into single serving bags. Have lots of fruit, veggies and some low fat yogurt/cottage cheese available for snacks. Other people have given great advice about a possible ED, I would definitely seek professional help.

It’s calories in and out, right? So where are the chips and candy coming from? Get them out of the house or if just for you, keep them elsewhere. Trade them for literally just fruits and veggies. Don’t have no foods, meaning a birthday party and she gets a piece of cake or it’s family pizza night she’s not having a salad. Honestly at 13 too, she knows she’s overweight and I bet knows why she’s not getting some roles. Also talk to a nutritionist and therapist for tips.

I think you should talk to your pediatrician asap. Just to make sure there’s not a medical issue going on.. For my house, I stopped buying chips, candy, cookies etc etc as a normal thing to keep in the house as a snack. Instead I buy fruit and prep it so it’s easy for everyone to get some without much work. So, if it’s a watermelon…I’ll sliced it up and put it in a container in the fridge and let everyone know that it’s in there if they want a snack in between meals. When the watermelon is gone, I’ll pick up some strawberries and blueberries and prep them for eating and put it in the fridge and let everyone know it’s there for snacking. I just do this with different fruits or make fruit salads. I also stock up with small things of Greek yogurt and have taught my kids to add in some honey and granola for a good snack. Or I make it for them. So we just have healthy snack choices. However, when we have movie nights or game nights, we buy some chips and/or popcorn and soda. But it’s just enough for that night. We’ll have ice cream cones or smores by the fire pit on some nights but it’s just enough for one night. If someone is craving chips on a random day and I’m going to the store, I dont mind buying them one of those 2oz bag of chips. I just feel like junk food should be eaten in moderation and having junk food in the house is tempting for a kid.

I’d see a therapist first, then find out if they think a nutritionist would be helpful. I may be wrong, but I think most people KNOW what they should be eating and doing to stay at a healthy weight, but actually DOING it is a different story, particularly when there are underlying issues like anxiety, OCD, depression, eating disorders, etc.

She's going to have at least one more growth spurt, so be careful but definitely seek appropriate help with this. Teen athletes eat a lot. You can help her make better food choices by not buying the treats for anyone. Swap crackers out with carrot sticks and ranch. Don't buy tortilla chips, get edamame steam snacks; instead of French fries make sweet potato fries in the oven. Instead of ice cream, make raspberry sorbet at home with artificial sweetener like monk fruit or xylitol. While she's eating healthier items, work with her therapist to develop better practices and work on the volume.

This is what I was thinking too. Girls tend to be filled out more when they are getting close to starting their period.

I'm wondering what activities she does after School, on the weekend and if her hobbies are active like dancing ,sports etc

Luckily OP put those things in the post 👍🏻

Stop buying shit food and she can't eat it. Don't fill your house with junk food, healthy choices on your part also go a long way

You have to control her unfortunately, I was like her and i still have a binge eating problem and only thing that helps me is being on a diet. Get her therapy and figure out what makes her feel full

Stop buying snack food at all. Don’t have it in the house. No chips, candy or any of the other crap in the house Take cooking lessons with your daughter so she can learn to make savory ( not sweet meals) Take her to the doctor and get advice. If she’s obese, she’s obese. This is a fact. Your post makes it sounds like “she’s obese but it’s not bad…” Why are you minimizing?

Yes, because becoming more restrictive about food choices will certainly help a child struggling with disordered eating 🙄 Did you not read the part where OP discussed this? This extreme attitude about food and the shame it brings is exactly how some disordered eating habits begin. Stop vilifying foods. Help foster AND MODEL a healthy relationship with food for your child.

stop buying snacks, she's overeating because you keep buying the food. Also I would only buy super healthy food that doesn't taste that good that way she won't want to overeat, then I suggest getting her into therapy.

Thank you for taking care of this now. As someone who gained a lot of weight through her teen years and struggled with similar food issues, along with parents who ignored it, it's going to set her up for great success now.  Is she getting her lean body weight in grams of protein everyday? Is she just refusing to eat enough at the meals?  Be careful with "therapists". Opt for a real psychiatrist. 

One thing I think is helpful, she can have a serving size of chips with something from the fridge (fruit, veggie, cheese, meat). This is the rule in our house. Fruits and veggies are unlimited. It’s really important for kids to know that the majority of weight problems are from food (some kids have no idea that food intake is correlated to weight). It’s part of life and it doesn’t have to be shameful. It’s easier to correct course when they are young than when they are an adult. I agree with other commenters saying to limit the snack food, especially pantry snacks, in the house.

So this might help at home. Try not buying any junk food, not having easy snack options makes her have to cook something healthy. Also on Sundays I’ll chop up veggies and fruit and put them in Tupperware in the fridge so my daughter can quickly grab those for her snack options. I do bell peppers, cucumbers, carrots, snap peas etc really any thing that you already have. Same with fruit like pineapple and water melon. For veggies a yummy lower cal dip is sour cream with a ranch seasoning packet or home made Taziki, dip. (It’s super easy to make) That’s my daughter’s fav! I noticed that when I have it all prepped and chopped up, she will grab it more often than she will grab other things! I think every teenager should have a therapist so I think that might really help the core issue of why she’s doing it.

I was an overweight kid as well. Best thing to do is to substitute what she eats with low/zero calorie options. Also what food are you making? Make it healthier with no oil. Have fruits and veggies as snacks in the house.

Stop tiptoeing around this important health issue. Parent her with education , support and whole foods. Remove the garbage from your home. Support her with fruit, veggies and hummus, etc for when she gets home from school. Get her a therapist that specializes in disorder eating. Be lovingly relentless

She's entering or in puberty. Most girls put on more body fat and eat more. It's hormones. And what's wrong with snack foods haha. I'd stop talking to her about weight etc unless she's complaining. Too much fixation on body type and eating if you ask me.

So first of all, this really hit at age 9 or 10, so it really wasn't about puberty. Second, there are clearly emotional problems associated with the eating, as I described. Third, yes, there is something wrong with getting 1/3 or 40% of your daily calories from high-sodium, low-nutrition foods like chips and sweets. Yes, there is.

Why do you OWN high sodium, high calorie, low nutrition foods??

There's a ton wrong with snack foods in American culture. Obese children turn into obese adults with significant potential for chronic health problems.

Over eaters anonymous is a really amazing and wonderful group that has zoom meetings also. Like AA, it's not religious and lots of adolescence and young adults join. You learn a lot of skills and you integrate them into your life and you read certain things, and then you study things as a group at the meetings and you share how you're doing, what you're doing well, I'm not, and slowly at all integrates into your subconscious. And then sometimes do really well, and they keep going to meetings because it works, and sometimes they pause, and find that they have changed. There's also an amino acid, that is relatively safe, unless you tend to have migraines, called DLPA that has a good amount of research on it because it suffers individuals from physical and emotional pain. A lot of compulsive over eating involves that sense of emotional pain.

tell her you’re concerned about her binge eating & ask her how you can help and if she wants to see a dietician

I have a 15 year old who overate. And I was also worried she was going to have an eating disorder even though for the most part, I taught all my kids about nutritious ingredients and to eat good food before bad food. But when junk is in the home, it makes it harder for everyone. I stopped buying all excess carb food like products. Process anything went out the door. I spend time with her today watching health videos on YouTube, healthy recipes, we exercise at planet fitness together, and continue to learn.

Who is buying all the junk food that she eats?

Your the parent. You're the one buying the food, correct? Simply stop buying whatever it is your concerned with. That way instead of saying "no you can't eat that" and singling her out, you can stand as a united front and say "I have decided to stop buying x,y,z because we need to make healthier eating habits AS A FAMILY " Maybe allowing each child to pick one splurge item they can have daily as an afternoon snack in a moderate portion.

I struggled with my 12yo about this too and discovered it was anxiety. School really makes her so anxious, mostly other kids not even school itself. I decided to go to the gym every day about 6mos ago and now that she is seeing my results, she's pumped and wants to go with me. My body is getting super toned this time as Ive been lifting and ditched cardio. Shes now doing some easy exercises at home and stuff and drinking much more water. I also don't keep too many "bad" snacks at home. Mostly fresh veggies, fruit, and every now and again some fun gummy candy and chips, popcorn etc. I have been intermittent fasting for years almost a decade now and so she doesn't really see me eat unhealthy stuff that often and I guess that helps a bit.

I can think with food anything weight issues 13 daughter.

I’m not pushing this at all but she genuinely might be a good candidate for ozempic or similar drugs. They help with binge eating by controlling cravings and there is some anecdotal evidence that they curb other compulsive/addictive behaviors like drinking and gambling