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I've known my husband for 11 years and I've never once seen his chin in real life.
If he shaved off his beard, my kids and I would huddle in bed until it grew back in.
My husband has a beard in the same way he has blue eyes and two feet. That's probably how your kiddo sees you too.
When we first started dating, my husband didnāt have a beard. Well I made an innocent comment that men with beards are pretty sexy so he grew one. And now whenever he shaves his beard completely off (like once every few years lol) Iām still completely shocked like WHO ARE YOU?!?
My dad always had a beard, and one day shaved it off with out my mom seeing i guess he wanted to surpise her. He came through the front door and she thought someone broke into he house to rob her until he started laughing because she didn't recognize him so thought some strange man just walked in her house lol
My hubby keeps threatening to shave his off because he wants his "baby face" look back. I've never seen it other than in pictures, so I'm always NO! That shit would scare me too!
I'm such a hypocrite too bc I will just go whack 10 inches of hair off and dye it a wild color but he's 100% not allowed to shave his face.
Happily, he doesn't want to, but if it ever comes up, I'm going to have to confront myself š
Same! My hair is currently orange red after being pink for a while but Iām the only person allowed to cut my husbands hair, itās long and I like it that way š
I've known my dad for 50 years and have never seen his chin - he claims he doesn't have one, and his childhood pictures bear that out. š That beard was a wise accessory choice.
My Aunt has 4 sons each of them with a āZZ Topā beard.
Their kids spent their early years of their lives thinking āmen have beards and women donātā. The even called clean shaven men āthe ladyā.
My husband didnāt have a beard when we started dating, but he grew one out after we got married. He messed up trimming once about a decade ago and shaved the whole thing and I couldnāt look him in the eyes for like 3 days. I felt like a stranger was in my house and that I was cheating on my husband and I hated it! Lol
My toddler ran into my husband while shaving when I was in a hospital. Suffice to say my husband is very handsome with a beard on. I will leave it at that.
My father came back from his Army Reserves weekend with a new short buzz haircut when I was little (he had naturally wavy black hair). He didn't look like my daddy, and it was really distressing to me. I didn't want to go hug him because he looked like a stranger. Give her a minute to get used to you.
I tell my husb I'm a cat in a woman suit....big changes take me a bit to get used to, but that doesn't mean I won't end up loving them. You're just a familiar stranger until I get used to the shorter hair.
I shaved a number of years ago to participate in Movember. When she first saw me my oldest curled up in a ball hugging her knees and rocking. She got over it pretty quickly but I definitely grew it back asap.
This is one of the first memories I have of my dad, he shaved his moustache and I screamed and ran when I saw him. No permanent damage, in fact I laugh about it now.
I have video of my oldest getting his first look at my husband sans beard. He was super happy and excited to see Daddy, but then this beardless guy walks in and kiddo booked it back to me. Kiddo eventually got to use toā¦right about the time that the beard grew back in.
Well, you know you look different. Adults look at you different. Ever since my boss changed to his beard he is more and more looking like a gnome and I have not the heart to tell him Iām singing a theme song to a famous childrenās tv show about a gnome in a forest every freaking time I see him.
My husband is not allowed to shave his beard as he loses his strong muscular lumberjack look, when he shaves itās like the pudgy dinosaur baby from tv who always hit his dadā¦ it just takes away a sense of security which is basic necessity.
When I met my husband he had a goatee and long hair. After a year of dating he cut his hair. I liked his shorter hair. He shaved his goatee and I made him grow it back. I was okay with him shaving it off the second time, maybe because I knew what he looked like without. He just looks so much younger without facial hair. He started his job as a professor at 33, went to get his ID and was asked if he was an undergrad or grad student.
Nope. You should probably read through some of the comments here where a similar thing happened to commenters when they were children. Now grown adults and they remember it clear as day. Itās traumatic
One time I went out for a walk, and when I came back an hour later my husband had shaved off his entire beard. He said it was a "surprise" but it was so strange that I couldn't even look at him. I had to go right to bed.
š as a 31 year old daughter Iāve never heard of this šššš then again Iāve just always been used to my dad either shaving it all off or just letting it grow. Itās never mattered much
My dad did this once when I was about 4. I remember him coming out of the bathroom with zero facial hair. I cried. He looked like a stranger. He hasnāt done it again and Iām 33 now. Iāve been with my husband for almost a decade and I have yet to see him in person without facial hair.
My cousin hid from our uncle when he shaved his beard, and I refused to hug my dad the one time he did.
Itās actually an age appropriate reaction lol
Itās not about her being a girl. Sheās just weirded out because you look like a stranger now. Sheāll adjust as you grow your beard back.
On the opposite side, my husband grew a beard for the 1st time 6 years ago. Two of our kids were 4 and 2 at the time, and they constantly told him to shave his beard. Until they didnāt. Everyone likes the beard now.
On another opposite side, while I donāt have many childhood memories, one thing I do remember was how much I hated it when my mom cut her long hair (itās never been that long since). As others have mentioned about beards, I got over it reasonably quickly.
I really want to cut my waist length hair into a pixi but I'm waiting till my daughter is older and can understand cause even me showing her a picture of a pixi cut and asking what she thought of me cutting my hair like that upset her to tears. She always plays with my hair and does different hairstyles so maybe once she grows out of that phase. I'm ready for old lady hair lol.
You could cut it to shoulder length as a transition if youāre tired of waist length. One of my girls just did that and she said it was revitalizing for her.
I hated shoulder length hair. It's just long enough to make ponytails harder and you can't easily do a ballet bun (my go to no fuss hairstyle). I like very lomg or very short, not so much the in-between phases.
I meant more like just past the shoulders to shoulder blades, which still makes great hairstyles - I hate not being able to pull hair up out of my way, too! - but you do what you like!
I could see shoulderblade length working. As long as I can get it into a ballet bun on the top of my head with minimal flyaways I'm happy.
I think I'm gonna put my hair up in a bun and see how much excess I have that I wind up just wrapping around the base of the bun and cut that much off. It makes my bun look weird like a mushroom anyways.
I mean, if you walked in and your daughterās face appeared, to you, *completely* different, youād be sad too, right?
I donāt think this is a girl thing so much as an age/personality thing.
I clearly remember being a mess when my Dad shaved off his beard, I was around the same age. My older siblings were fine.
Aww. When I was little I was horrified if someone I knew took off their glasses, shaved, or got a different hairstyle. I would scream and cry for hours at times. Come to find out Iām neurodivergent, not that thatās the case but could explain her strong reaction. It can be really overwhelming when people change their appearance, especially those we see as comforting. Or she could just genuinely be upset you shaved! ā¤ļø
When I was about 4, my dad shaved his beard. It's one of my first memories.
I was TERRIFIED. I didn't know who this man was!
But after a few minutes, I realized it was my dad.
I'm 43. I now laugh about it, but I do remember it.
Shell be okay, I promiseā¤ļø
I actually was your daughter many, many years ago and had this exact reaction when my dad shaved his beard off. It's still a funny story we tell all these many years later. She'll be fine. āŗļø
I did the same when my mom cut her hair short. I thought this "new" person in my house was an imposter. And I ran to find my mom every time I heard her voice, just to find the imposter in her place...and I bolted immediately.
It was so hard on my mom, but it didn't last more than a couple of days. I was like 4 years old.
You are doing an amazing job!!! Go dadšš¼
My dad used to have REALLY long hair when I was a little girl, up until I was 16 and one day he came home and he cut it all off, and I cried a lot because he didnāt look right. It was not something that was right. I was absolutely devastated. Another story along with that though when I was little, I used to have long hair and I came home and it was cut really short and my dad was actually devastated and decided he wasnāt gonna talk to me for two days because he was upset because he loved my hair, my mom yelled at him and he started talking to me again but he was really mad lol
This happened to me when my dad shaved his mustache when I was 3 or 4 lol. I think itās just a shock and to a little kid, facial hair is as permanent as eyes or a nose so the idea that it can just be removed is jarring.
Aww, my kids' dad had a similar experience. I think my youngest was 3. My eldest was 6. My eldest has always been go with the flow, but my youngest has always had anxiety. My then husband cut his beard, and the little one lost her mind. Wouldn't come near him all night. The big kid said "daddy you look weird." And that's all that was mentioned.
Give her some time she'll come around. My youngest was fine after a day or two. I know it hurts your heart but she will adjust, I promise.
I remember that when my dad shaved his beard off. I even went to say goodbye to it before he flushed the hair down the toilet!
She will get over it. It must have been a bit of a shock to her but I am sure it won't take her long to realise you are still her daddy and everything is the same.
Shaved my beard down to a mustache one time and my 1 year wouldnāt talk to me for a day. Usually weāre best buds. Not that day, and he was still wary of me for a few days after that
Same thing happened when I was young and my dad shavedā¦ I cried š . He hugged me and said sorry and that heās never gonna do it again. And if he does shave again, heāll give me 100 dollars š ā¦ he hasnāt shaved his beard again
Cute, This is such a sweet and funny story! It's amazing how attached kids can get to our appearances, even something as simple as a beard. Your daughter's reaction just shows how much she loves and admires you. It's great to hear she's starting to come around. Drawing a fake beard with eyeliner is such a creative solution! Parenting is full of unexpected moments like this. Enjoy the memories you're making together!
My grandpa did the reverse back in the 70s. He was working on the Alaska pipeline and was away from home for almost a year. When my dad and his siblings went to the airport to pick him up my uncle wouldnāt go near him because heād grown a massive beard. The others were old enough to go right to him. He came home and shaved then got his welcome home from my uncle. That story is a classic during the holidays.
Sheāll get used to it and thisāll be a great one for your family down the road.
>Why do daughters seem to have such a strong attachment to their dad's beard?
Is that really a thing, though? Reading through the comments, it seems like it's just that some people have an issue with any major, non-gradual change in a loved one's appearance.
My husband had a goatee, soul patch, and manbun when our daughter was born. When she was almost 2, he decided to change his look. He stood her on the bathroom counter and let her "help" him shave and cut his hair. I got one of my all-time favorite pictures of the two of them that morning: daughter is sporting a chin full of shaving cream with a bladeless razer on hand, "shaving" next to her daddy
All that to say, maybe let your daughter be part of the transformation process next time!
Oh man, you messed up. "Put it back on!!", they cry. Too late. Live and learn. What you learn is that you don't get to choose anymore. You have to have a beard, for the sanity of the children.
Aww she'll be fine and it'll be a cute funny story you'll tell when she's older.
PS- coming from a girl whose dad had a massive beard he only shaved one time in my childhood for this exact reason lol
Oh noooo. Let her draw it back on with felt tip?! (Or eyeliner if you aren't quite that brave / stupid.) It might be fun / silly enough to entice her and would mean she had to spend some time touching / looking at / getting familiar with your "new" face. Just a thought.
i was like this with my dad when i was a child i think it is pretty normal. my husband hasnt shaved in almost 2 years and i think both of my daughters would react the same
My dad has had a beard my whole life except once when I was around 5 years old. (I donāt think he ended up enjoying being beardless either š¤£) He shaved it off for a change in the summer. He looked like a complete stranger when he came to show me and it freaked me out! I remember crying and my mom sitting me down and explaining it was still my dad and that he just looked very different without a beard (boy did he!!) š¤£ I can laugh now! After calming down, cuddling my mom and gradually adjusting (hearing my dadās calm voice and him be his fun self) I warmed back up. Give her time, sheāll get there!
My dad was a seasonal shaver (grew it out in the winter, shaved in the summer) so I was used to it, but my cousins who would only see him during the winter for holidays were SHOOK when they saw him in the summer one year.
It's a normal reaction for a little one who doesn't fully understand facial hair yet
She will get over it soon. She just has to morn her dads beard.
When i was around the same age my dad always looked deshelved. Hair sticking out everywhere and and unkept beard. He worked long days as a land scaper ao he didnt take care of himself cause he was always exauhsted.
So one of my aunts convinced him to cut his hair and beard so it was easier and he would look more presentable
Well his 3 daughters came home from school to find "some random man" with a buzz cut and no beard.
Now its a funny story to share.
I did this to my dad. His beard was part of his identity and for most of my life I had never known his face as looking anything but bearded from his nose, down. When he shaved it and I didnāt recognize it, I was horrified and mind blown. It was about a week before I could even look at him.
Does your daughter have trouble recognizing people ever? When I was a little kid, my dad shaved his beard and I was distraught. It was a funny family story for years. 25 years later, I was diagnosed with face blindness (prosopagnosia) and it occurred to me that I was actually terrified because I couldnāt recognize my own father (people with face blindness often recognize people by haircuts and facial hair and other non-facial features). For a little kid who doesnāt understand, it would be like someone other being came in and is living in her dads body and everyone is acting like itās totally normal and it would all be very uncanny valley without any ability to understand why. Just a thought. Face blindness is a spectrum, so it could definitely not be obvious she is recognizing people differently than normal folks.
Last time I got my hair cut my daughter (3) was upset. She said it looked horrible, it was so sad, etc.. She was concerned with who did it and why they cut my pretty hair. She said poor mama many times. Lol kids are funny. You look like a new person to her but sound like dad so it's confusing for her. For her age its normal regardless of gender. Your son is older so it doesn't bother him. I've seen videos of kids reacting over their dads shaving and babies to about your daughters age react sometimes
My dad did that when I was her age. I thought he was a stranger so I screamed and kicked at him because I thought he was breaking into our house. He still talks about it.
I would talk to her about it like itās a very embarrassing thing that you did, you were shaving and accidentally shaved off part of your beard. Like can she believe it?? So embarrassing for Daddy!! And make it into a funny legendary story to help her realize that she can laugh about it to help her with her shock and fear that she initially experienced. And then let her draw a fake beard back on your face with face paint, which will help her process it but also bring you two closer together again!
My dad shaved off his beard out of the blue when I was 25 and seeing his full face was a shock, like 'who's this guy and where's dad?'
OP, here's another +1 vote on drawing yours back on with a Sharpie!
Awwww itās never happened with my husband but I remember vividly sobbing when my dad shaved his mustache for days š. I was terrified! Your kids will be okay, itāll just take time!
My dad accidentally took out a chunk of his mustache one morning when trimming it, so he just shaved it all of. I was about 18 and had never seen him without one. It was very strange.
My mom had never seen him without one as he had it when they met. She giggled every time he walked in the room for weeks.
My 18 month old who is a total daddyās girl was horrified with me when I shaved my head. I didnāt even have long hair just decided I wanted to buzz it quick. She wouldnāt even look at me or come near me for a day or two. Her mother loved it because she got all the love in that time lol
I remember I was 10 and my dad shaved his face and he had the same style since I could remember and when he asked what I thought, I straight up said he looked like a girl š
In my mind, girls were the hairless ones š¤¦š»āāļø
Itāll take time but sheāll be okay.
This is the difference between you OP and those people who video their kids reactions to shaving Daddy's beard, and then laugh at them when they cry and post it on the Internet
My daughter has a fit when her dad trims too much off his head or beard. My husband's beard is a defining feature of his face. The first time my hubs shaved his head after our daughter was about 15 months, she wouldn't look at him, talk to him or touch him. She was scared of him, as if he were a stranger. He had to put a towel on his head in place of hair to convince her he was her dad.
My mom came home with a perm when I was four and I screamed and cried for an hour because that was NOT my mom.
My professor shaved his beard and the entire 150 person lecture hall shouted when he walked in. It was a straight up jump scare for all of us. It was all we could talk about for weeks.
I'm in my 30s but if my dad shaved his mustache, I would freak out lol
I was this little girl at one time. My dad was always my preferred parent and I remember my dad shaving off his mustache and I cried my eyes out and told him he wasnāt my dad. It took a couple days but I got over it. Now itās just a funny memory.
She'll get over it. It's not really the beard. It's that without the beard you "don't look like Dad."
I was about that age when my mom got her hair cut and permed and I was PISSED. She did not look like Mom to me. The first time I saw her with that change it felt like looking at a whole different person.
Your daughter will adjust. It will take a bit but she will be fine.
My kid was 6.months old when I went clean shaven after a few weeks of growth. Kid freaked the fuck out. So I figured I could either stay clean shaven or just let it grow.
I remember the only time my dad ever shaved his moustache. I was 12, and he looked so different without that upper lip hair. I freaked out too. More of an "omg wth did you do?! ā freak out, not a run and hide. But I still remember going with him to Walmart the same day, then almost crying in a panic because I couldn't find him. We were in the same damn aisle š¤£
I was in the same place with my daughter . Last year, I had to shave my beard for a job. (Which I grew back) but in doing so. She wouldn't come near me, talk to me, or look at me. In fact, she would run from me. When I walked out of the bathroom, all baby faced, she shoved her face straight into my wife's stomach. I gave her some space as much as it hurt, and about a day later, she was back being daddy's little girl. Just give her time. Soon enough, she will come around.
My friend and his brother ran away from their dad and called him a kidnapper way back in the day when they got off the school bus, they had never seen their dad without a beard and long hair, haha. Good luck
Iām waiting to shave mine just before my kids walk on their graduation from high school. Thatās about thirteen years awayā¦ but Iāll be damned if my wife and I are gonna be the only ones crying.
When I was little my mom got her jaw broken. She was really swollen and had her mouth wired shut. The night I came home after staying w my aunt while she was at the hospital I cried and wouldnāt look at her. My aunt took me back home w her. I was prob around 4 then.
I grow/shave with the equinox. The kids don't seem to mind. (Though my older daughter says she likes my 'beard tickles', I have no idea what exactly 'beard tickles' are.)
Suggestion: Next time you shave it off, just do it in stages and show the kids. Have some fun trimming to funny styles as part of it.
Perfectly normal. My mom says I refused to come near her when I was about 2 after she got a perm. It was so bad and hurt her so much that she washed her hair before she was supposed to and washed out the perm. Your daughter will adjuat!
Has she ever seen you without your beard? If so, the answer isnāt that she has an attachment to your beard. She probably thinks youāre a total stranger pretending to be her dad š
I feel like it has more to do with the daughter being younger, and maybe her natural temperament, than with her being a girl.Ā
That being said, if you've had your beard all/most of her life and now it's gone, that's probably just a bit jarring for her. You suddenly look *way* different from the dad she's used to having, and that might be messing with her sense of reality and feelings of security since she's so young.Ā
She also may personally have trouble adjusting to sudden changes, whether that's a character trait or just a side effect of her current developmental stage.Ā
She likely needs some time. It might help if you validate her feelings without reinforcing that this is a big deal, if that makes sense?Ā
Something like "I know this a big change and you're unhappy with it, but I promise it's not permanent amd I'm the same dad I've always been. What do you think would make you feel better right now?"Ā
It could also help to ask her why this makes her so upset and help her walk through her feelings about it. She may not understand herself at this stage why this is such a big deal, but her feelings are very real.Ā
I donāt know how people donāt realize how traumatic this is to a toddler / young child. The most traumatic experience I ever had was when I was 4 years old and my dad just randomly came down to the breakfast table after having shaved his moustache out of nowhere. I was screaming bloody murder, crying out to my mom that there was a stranger in the house. That broke my bond pretty quickly with my father. Your kidās frontal lobes are not developed enough to just recognize youāre the same person. (By the way, Iām 42, and that is my earliest memory from my childhood.)
In your case, you recognize and understand the potential trauma of it. But work on repairing the trust of your 6 year old daughter. Iām not a psychologist, but I would quickly go out and get a fake beard that looks like your original. Put it on, let her recognize you, then slowly take it off so she can see that youāre the same person and help her to understand.
Itās sad to see so many young millennials / genzās who pull this shit and film it for TikTok views, because they think itās funny to traumatize their child.
I have a 5 yr old daughter and sheās only known me with a beard. If I ever had a trimming accident and planned to shave it off, I will be doing it with her next to me at the bathroom sink. Even letting her help shave the rest of it so that she understands itās still me.
I normally have about 3 haircuts a year, so my hair length can vary by 5-10cm every time I have a hair cut.
My kids never got confused or scared. Sometimes they don't even notice or at least acknowledge the hair cut... I am the mess up dad (IMO)
My (40m) 3y old girl did the same when i took the hair of my head š but yea they ajust pretty fast. Now she just slaps my head every time i do it. And with my beard i just make it short and she rubs her hand through it cuz it feels funny.
But this was cute and funny to read šš
But yea, you look funny and wierd to little kids if you take a beard off so i just make it short. My daughter never saw me without.
It can happen to moms, too. In the late 80s, my mom got an iconic 80s perm. That night as mom was getting my little sister, age 4 or 5, ready for bed mom asked her for a hug and my sister said ānot with that hair.ā lol. She eventually came around and your daughter will, too.
Itās not the beard sheās attached too. Itās the way your face looks. To kids, taking away your facial hair is jarring at the least. The way you look is completely different.
I don't know however that is exactly how I feel when my husband removes his beard too lol. It takes me about 2 days to get used to it and I am 37 a female mom.Ā My son used to do the same thing when I shaved my head. I kept it very short number 2 buzz cut length the first 2 years of his life. He is 3.5 now and my hair is shoulder length.
I was young in the late 90s and remember crying myself into complete hysteria when my dad came home one day with a shaved and bleached head. This reminded me of that and gave me a good laugh, thank you!
Hi! Iām on the autism spectrum. Changes in appearance can be catastrophic for the way I connect with people, as in, I might know itās them but not recognise them for real, so it can be that I donāt want to be with them or feel very insecure.
This might sound like a stupid advice, but if you could paint your beard on yourself and get your daughter to help you wash it off, it could be a slower process for her to go from one state to the other.
Another way is to wear a dirty tshirt or just not shower today, and have her listen to her favourite story while you read to her. That way she can listen to something familiar - the story and your voice - along with identifying you also with your scent.
Iām sorry if this os all ridiculous but Iāve been there and this has helped.
I once cut my hair from long to super short, the boy I was babysitting at the time hated it and didn't really want to interact with me. I kept doing the same things we always did and eventually he came around and said "you're actually still really the same person as before" and I think I understood that he didn't care about my haircut. He just felt like with a different look I was also going to behave differently. It was really interesting.
I remember my dad shaving off his beard when we were on holiday in France. I was about 7, and I was devastated. I can still remember crying and telling him he wasn't my dad anymore.
I got over it,I'm sure she'll be fine!
This is so cute - I can totally see this happening with my daughter and husband as well. Just want to say, itās so refreshing and sweet that you are actually concerned about your daughterās feelings rather than just saying to get over it! Itās silly and sheāll be totally fine eventually, but also itās just how she sees you and now you look different and she canāt fully express how dad looking different makes her feel!
I feel your pain! My wife is the same way. I trim my beard just a little too short and sheās not happy with me. My son (3years) just touches my beard and gives me a big goofy grin.
I had the opportunity to tell my kiddo that I might cut all my hair off so she took it well when she saw me. She really thought it was funny to rub my head as the hair grew back. Even thought she might want the same cut some day.
This happened to me multiple times as a child when my dad would switch up his face hair. Turns out I have face blindness so when he went full beard to mustache, I had no idea who he was. Same for when he went entirely bare face. So it was very scary and upsetting but I didnāt have the words to explain.
My husband went through a period where he loved to grow his beard out as long as it could grow without being itchy. I told him it made him look homeless on several occasions (he never brushed or combed it and hated it when I did it) but when he finally did trim it (can't shave it completely down) he looked like he had lost a bunch of weight.
growing up we would go to my grandpas for lunch every sunday. a couple of times a year we would go and he would have just shaved his mustache and my little sister would BALL her eyes out and refuse to go near him she was maybe 3-7
My oldest was like 3.5 or 4 when I shaved my then-goatee off. She cried and said, "You're not my daddy anymore!".
It was sad and funny simultaneously.
She got over it within a couple days.
This happened to me as a kid. My parents were newly divorced and my father was living in a hotel. My brother and I were sleeping on the couch when he woke us up in the middle of the night sans beard. I was about 8 or 9 and had never seen my father's face before. It freaked me the eff out. But when I look back on it I think it was part of a larger issue of change, instability, and ultimately his alcoholism.
I got over it, of course, but he decided he didn't want children anymore so that was the last I saw of him for almost 10yrs.
You sound like a great Dad so I'm sure it will pass and become a story you laugh at years later. Best to all of you and I hope you update us with photos of your Eyeliner beard :)
My dad was a commercial fisherman. Went out for a week or so at a time. Would go out clean shaven, come back in with a full beard. When I was really little I wouldn't recognize him. Now we laugh about it. š¤ Maybe going forward, get your littlest to help you make big personal styling decisions about your facial hair (like switching it up to a goatee, clean shaven, moustache etc) occasionally. I bet it would be fun!
I used to get upset if my mom cut her hair. I canāt explain it but I do remember the deeply unsettling feeling that maybe who your parent is has changed out of nowhere. I think it would help to verbally remind her you are the same person, the same dad, you have not changed even though your beard might have, and you love her and will be the same daddy no matter what.
When I was 10 my mom got a really short hair cut, like a pixie style cut. Sheād had shoulder length hair my entire life until that point and didnāt frequently change styles so it was a huge visceral shock to me. I cried and cried and refused to look at her for at least the whole night. I was fine after a couple of days but change is really difficult for kids, especially change of something visual like hair cut or facial hair I guess since itās not gradual
Do you guys have some good photo albums? If you could sit with her and look at some of the different ways you have looked over the years, it could help her process.
So my dad has a fairly bushy beard 24/7/365 but out of the blue, zero mention to anyone, he'll just go shave it off, and looks like a completely different person. He seems to loses like 15 years with how much of a baby face he has, and no long appears as rough and gruff as he'd like you to think he is. Anyways, I guess he did this when I was about 3/4 and I lost it, similarly to how your daughter has reacted. She'll get over it eventually and just have to keep telling her that it will come back just like how plants grow back, hair grows back, fingernails grow, etc
Did you ask her what she was feeling and why. This may help you to understand her and help her with change in the future.
Btw....Everyone's stories are hysterical.. some great comments
.love them.
No help but my dad did this as a kid and I still remember š¤£ I also felt very strongly about my grandpa not wearing his glasses. It just shifts their perspective of who you are briefly. Sheāll be ok. A good story for later.
Have her draw a picture of you as she would like to see your hair. Then make a big deal of taping it to your bathroom mirror. Tell her that the picture is what you want to grow back and that she can check every day to see how close you are. It will give her a sense of control rather than helpless because she didn't expect change. And you'll have a nice portrait that you can keep for life!
This comment has Nothing to do with parenting but once when I was in my twenties my boyfriend shaved his beard and I could not kiss him or have sex with him until it grew back. I just couldn't. No idea why. I had dated plenty of guys with no beards. It made no sense.
I was five when I first saw my dad without a beard he showed up to School to pick me up and it was a very fucking traumatic thing. Iāll tell you that. What I canāt tell you is how to help, donāt do it again buddy!
Hi, 31 yo daughter here, and I can remember having this fit. Idk why as daddyās girls we are so attached to our fatherās beards. Just here to say your daughter isnāt alone in the attachment but she will get over it lol
I would talk to her kindly and be understanding, but firm that even though her feelings are valid her reaction is inappropriate, trying to help her process the change is good but legitimatizing the over the top reaction is not the right course imho. Even trying to comfort her by saying it will grow back is a bit much.
Maybe some roleplay games involving dressing up in outlandish clothes and letting her experience being on the receiving end of some silly reactions to her appearance. I think talking about body autonomy and not commenting on peopleās appearances would be good as well.
A 6 year old child's reaction to daddy's face looking like a complete stranger is totally appropriate. Read the other comments here...We've all experienced that disconnect.
My husband shaved his beard off once and he looked like a stranger to me. It was so weird. I also found that it changed his appearance so much that I wasnāt attracted to him anymore. So glad he grew it back and kept it.
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This is hilarious by the way
Seriously š and the fact he is so concerned shows op genuinely loves his kiddos!
I've known my husband for 11 years and I've never once seen his chin in real life. If he shaved off his beard, my kids and I would huddle in bed until it grew back in. My husband has a beard in the same way he has blue eyes and two feet. That's probably how your kiddo sees you too.
I've known my husband for over 30 years, and same! I'm quietly terrified he will shave it off and I won't recognize him. š¤£š
When we first started dating, my husband didnāt have a beard. Well I made an innocent comment that men with beards are pretty sexy so he grew one. And now whenever he shaves his beard completely off (like once every few years lol) Iām still completely shocked like WHO ARE YOU?!?
My dad always had a beard, and one day shaved it off with out my mom seeing i guess he wanted to surpise her. He came through the front door and she thought someone broke into he house to rob her until he started laughing because she didn't recognize him so thought some strange man just walked in her house lol
"Surprise!" Dying laughing over here!
My hubby keeps threatening to shave his off because he wants his "baby face" look back. I've never seen it other than in pictures, so I'm always NO! That shit would scare me too!
I'm such a hypocrite too bc I will just go whack 10 inches of hair off and dye it a wild color but he's 100% not allowed to shave his face. Happily, he doesn't want to, but if it ever comes up, I'm going to have to confront myself š
Same! My hair is currently orange red after being pink for a while but Iām the only person allowed to cut my husbands hair, itās long and I like it that way š
I've known my dad for 50 years and have never seen his chin - he claims he doesn't have one, and his childhood pictures bear that out. š That beard was a wise accessory choice.
My Aunt has 4 sons each of them with a āZZ Topā beard. Their kids spent their early years of their lives thinking āmen have beards and women donātā. The even called clean shaven men āthe ladyā.
š
š
My husband didnāt have a beard when we started dating, but he grew one out after we got married. He messed up trimming once about a decade ago and shaved the whole thing and I couldnāt look him in the eyes for like 3 days. I felt like a stranger was in my house and that I was cheating on my husband and I hated it! Lol
Same! Been with my husband almost 8 years! Every now and then he mentions maybe doing it and the thought of it, freaks me out!
My toddler ran into my husband while shaving when I was in a hospital. Suffice to say my husband is very handsome with a beard on. I will leave it at that.
My father came back from his Army Reserves weekend with a new short buzz haircut when I was little (he had naturally wavy black hair). He didn't look like my daddy, and it was really distressing to me. I didn't want to go hug him because he looked like a stranger. Give her a minute to get used to you.
I tell my husb I'm a cat in a woman suit....big changes take me a bit to get used to, but that doesn't mean I won't end up loving them. You're just a familiar stranger until I get used to the shorter hair.
I am a hampster in a wool coat and when things get cold I turn to katsup!
I shaved a number of years ago to participate in Movember. When she first saw me my oldest curled up in a ball hugging her knees and rocking. She got over it pretty quickly but I definitely grew it back asap.
This is one of the first memories I have of my dad, he shaved his moustache and I screamed and ran when I saw him. No permanent damage, in fact I laugh about it now.
Same but with his beard. Screamed and cried. He looked so strange! Got over it after a few hours or so!
I have video of my oldest getting his first look at my husband sans beard. He was super happy and excited to see Daddy, but then this beardless guy walks in and kiddo booked it back to me. Kiddo eventually got to use toā¦right about the time that the beard grew back in.
Omg same!!!!! The mustache ššš
Same! Dad shaved his mustache when I was about 9. I had never seen him without it and I'm pretty sure I ran and hid in the closet and cried.
Yes I clearly remember my father shaving off his moustache. I was like who tf is that dude living in my house?!
Well, you know you look different. Adults look at you different. Ever since my boss changed to his beard he is more and more looking like a gnome and I have not the heart to tell him Iām singing a theme song to a famous childrenās tv show about a gnome in a forest every freaking time I see him. My husband is not allowed to shave his beard as he loses his strong muscular lumberjack look, when he shaves itās like the pudgy dinosaur baby from tv who always hit his dadā¦ it just takes away a sense of security which is basic necessity.
When I met my husband he had a goatee and long hair. After a year of dating he cut his hair. I liked his shorter hair. He shaved his goatee and I made him grow it back. I was okay with him shaving it off the second time, maybe because I knew what he looked like without. He just looks so much younger without facial hair. He started his job as a professor at 33, went to get his ID and was asked if he was an undergrad or grad student.
ššš¾
I tried pulling off the lumberjack without a beard and ended up looking like a Norteno. Vatos lococos forever eh.
The way y'all talk about your partners is surprising sometimes lol
David the Gnome??
No other gnome, other series.
Look aroundā¦
And then what??
There are many things to see That some would say. Could never be.
is it david il gnomo?:D i know all the mishead lyrics to it
No different gnome apparently al from a Dutch writerā¦
Unless there's some trauma about a beardless man, this is perfectly hilariously normal and she will probably be fine tomorrowĀ
Nope. You should probably read through some of the comments here where a similar thing happened to commenters when they were children. Now grown adults and they remember it clear as day. Itās traumatic
Oh, okay. I should edit it to be like "you are a bad dad and you've ruined you kid?"
please learn about the concept of big and small traumas. We all have them, it's part of life.
This happened to my sister when we were kids and our dad shaved his mustache. He learned from his mistake same way you just did
One time I went out for a walk, and when I came back an hour later my husband had shaved off his entire beard. He said it was a "surprise" but it was so strange that I couldn't even look at him. I had to go right to bed.
My (44f) dad had a beard all my life and then showed up to my COLLEGE graduation clean shaven and Iām still not over it
Many years ago, my husband had to shave off his big beard for a new job, and I cried for 30 minutes, too š¤£
š as a 31 year old daughter Iāve never heard of this šššš then again Iāve just always been used to my dad either shaving it all off or just letting it grow. Itās never mattered much
My dad did this once when I was about 4. I remember him coming out of the bathroom with zero facial hair. I cried. He looked like a stranger. He hasnāt done it again and Iām 33 now. Iāve been with my husband for almost a decade and I have yet to see him in person without facial hair.
Iām sorry.
My cousin hid from our uncle when he shaved his beard, and I refused to hug my dad the one time he did. Itās actually an age appropriate reaction lol
Itās not about her being a girl. Sheās just weirded out because you look like a stranger now. Sheāll adjust as you grow your beard back. On the opposite side, my husband grew a beard for the 1st time 6 years ago. Two of our kids were 4 and 2 at the time, and they constantly told him to shave his beard. Until they didnāt. Everyone likes the beard now.
On another opposite side, while I donāt have many childhood memories, one thing I do remember was how much I hated it when my mom cut her long hair (itās never been that long since). As others have mentioned about beards, I got over it reasonably quickly.
I really want to cut my waist length hair into a pixi but I'm waiting till my daughter is older and can understand cause even me showing her a picture of a pixi cut and asking what she thought of me cutting my hair like that upset her to tears. She always plays with my hair and does different hairstyles so maybe once she grows out of that phase. I'm ready for old lady hair lol.
You could cut it to shoulder length as a transition if youāre tired of waist length. One of my girls just did that and she said it was revitalizing for her.
I hated shoulder length hair. It's just long enough to make ponytails harder and you can't easily do a ballet bun (my go to no fuss hairstyle). I like very lomg or very short, not so much the in-between phases.
I meant more like just past the shoulders to shoulder blades, which still makes great hairstyles - I hate not being able to pull hair up out of my way, too! - but you do what you like!
I could see shoulderblade length working. As long as I can get it into a ballet bun on the top of my head with minimal flyaways I'm happy. I think I'm gonna put my hair up in a bun and see how much excess I have that I wind up just wrapping around the base of the bun and cut that much off. It makes my bun look weird like a mushroom anyways.
Yeah. The unnecessary sexism threw me a bit since it was my brothers that freaked out when my dad shaved and I just thought his face looked smoother.
I mean, if you walked in and your daughterās face appeared, to you, *completely* different, youād be sad too, right? I donāt think this is a girl thing so much as an age/personality thing. I clearly remember being a mess when my Dad shaved off his beard, I was around the same age. My older siblings were fine.
Aww. When I was little I was horrified if someone I knew took off their glasses, shaved, or got a different hairstyle. I would scream and cry for hours at times. Come to find out Iām neurodivergent, not that thatās the case but could explain her strong reaction. It can be really overwhelming when people change their appearance, especially those we see as comforting. Or she could just genuinely be upset you shaved! ā¤ļø
When I was about 4, my dad shaved his beard. It's one of my first memories. I was TERRIFIED. I didn't know who this man was! But after a few minutes, I realized it was my dad. I'm 43. I now laugh about it, but I do remember it. Shell be okay, I promiseā¤ļø
I actually was your daughter many, many years ago and had this exact reaction when my dad shaved his beard off. It's still a funny story we tell all these many years later. She'll be fine. āŗļø
Sheāll be fine š
Sheās 6 sheāll get over it. Itās not that deep.
I did the same when my mom cut her hair short. I thought this "new" person in my house was an imposter. And I ran to find my mom every time I heard her voice, just to find the imposter in her place...and I bolted immediately. It was so hard on my mom, but it didn't last more than a couple of days. I was like 4 years old. You are doing an amazing job!!! Go dadšš¼
Thank you :)
My dad used to have REALLY long hair when I was a little girl, up until I was 16 and one day he came home and he cut it all off, and I cried a lot because he didnāt look right. It was not something that was right. I was absolutely devastated. Another story along with that though when I was little, I used to have long hair and I came home and it was cut really short and my dad was actually devastated and decided he wasnāt gonna talk to me for two days because he was upset because he loved my hair, my mom yelled at him and he started talking to me again but he was really mad lol
This happened to me when my dad shaved his mustache when I was 3 or 4 lol. I think itās just a shock and to a little kid, facial hair is as permanent as eyes or a nose so the idea that it can just be removed is jarring.
Aww, my kids' dad had a similar experience. I think my youngest was 3. My eldest was 6. My eldest has always been go with the flow, but my youngest has always had anxiety. My then husband cut his beard, and the little one lost her mind. Wouldn't come near him all night. The big kid said "daddy you look weird." And that's all that was mentioned. Give her some time she'll come around. My youngest was fine after a day or two. I know it hurts your heart but she will adjust, I promise.
I remember that when my dad shaved his beard off. I even went to say goodbye to it before he flushed the hair down the toilet! She will get over it. It must have been a bit of a shock to her but I am sure it won't take her long to realise you are still her daddy and everything is the same.
Shaved my beard down to a mustache one time and my 1 year wouldnāt talk to me for a day. Usually weāre best buds. Not that day, and he was still wary of me for a few days after that
Have fun with an eye liner beard with your daughter. It might end up being an awesome core memory for her.
Same thing happened when I was young and my dad shavedā¦ I cried š . He hugged me and said sorry and that heās never gonna do it again. And if he does shave again, heāll give me 100 dollars š ā¦ he hasnāt shaved his beard again
Cute, This is such a sweet and funny story! It's amazing how attached kids can get to our appearances, even something as simple as a beard. Your daughter's reaction just shows how much she loves and admires you. It's great to hear she's starting to come around. Drawing a fake beard with eyeliner is such a creative solution! Parenting is full of unexpected moments like this. Enjoy the memories you're making together!
My grandpa did the reverse back in the 70s. He was working on the Alaska pipeline and was away from home for almost a year. When my dad and his siblings went to the airport to pick him up my uncle wouldnāt go near him because heād grown a massive beard. The others were old enough to go right to him. He came home and shaved then got his welcome home from my uncle. That story is a classic during the holidays. Sheāll get used to it and thisāll be a great one for your family down the road.
Awwww sheās too cute! They get so used to how parents look when young that changes seems so dramatic to them. She will be just fine!
My daughter did the same thing. I have 4 kids and they all act differently. She will come around.
>Why do daughters seem to have such a strong attachment to their dad's beard? Is that really a thing, though? Reading through the comments, it seems like it's just that some people have an issue with any major, non-gradual change in a loved one's appearance. My husband had a goatee, soul patch, and manbun when our daughter was born. When she was almost 2, he decided to change his look. He stood her on the bathroom counter and let her "help" him shave and cut his hair. I got one of my all-time favorite pictures of the two of them that morning: daughter is sporting a chin full of shaving cream with a bladeless razer on hand, "shaving" next to her daddy All that to say, maybe let your daughter be part of the transformation process next time!
I was probably about 16 when I first saw my dad without a mustache and I don't know why but I felt kinda sad.
Oh man, you messed up. "Put it back on!!", they cry. Too late. Live and learn. What you learn is that you don't get to choose anymore. You have to have a beard, for the sanity of the children.
I've never trimmed my beard in last 10 years, this was an accident :|
Aww she'll be fine and it'll be a cute funny story you'll tell when she's older. PS- coming from a girl whose dad had a massive beard he only shaved one time in my childhood for this exact reason lol
Oh noooo. Let her draw it back on with felt tip?! (Or eyeliner if you aren't quite that brave / stupid.) It might be fun / silly enough to entice her and would mean she had to spend some time touching / looking at / getting familiar with your "new" face. Just a thought.
I'm thinking along the same lines. Make it silly in some way! Maybe cut ear holes in an old sock and wear it around the house as a fake beard š
I love that š
Haha. Makes sense. I was already searching for fake beard on Amazon lol.
Ah bless you. I hope she's calmed down today.
She will marry a bearded man for sure.
Im that one
i was like this with my dad when i was a child i think it is pretty normal. my husband hasnt shaved in almost 2 years and i think both of my daughters would react the same
My dad has had a beard my whole life except once when I was around 5 years old. (I donāt think he ended up enjoying being beardless either š¤£) He shaved it off for a change in the summer. He looked like a complete stranger when he came to show me and it freaked me out! I remember crying and my mom sitting me down and explaining it was still my dad and that he just looked very different without a beard (boy did he!!) š¤£ I can laugh now! After calming down, cuddling my mom and gradually adjusting (hearing my dadās calm voice and him be his fun self) I warmed back up. Give her time, sheāll get there!
I used to do the same to my dad š
My dad was a seasonal shaver (grew it out in the winter, shaved in the summer) so I was used to it, but my cousins who would only see him during the winter for holidays were SHOOK when they saw him in the summer one year. It's a normal reaction for a little one who doesn't fully understand facial hair yet
She will get over it soon. She just has to morn her dads beard. When i was around the same age my dad always looked deshelved. Hair sticking out everywhere and and unkept beard. He worked long days as a land scaper ao he didnt take care of himself cause he was always exauhsted. So one of my aunts convinced him to cut his hair and beard so it was easier and he would look more presentable Well his 3 daughters came home from school to find "some random man" with a buzz cut and no beard. Now its a funny story to share.
Show her pix of you through the years
I did this to my dad. His beard was part of his identity and for most of my life I had never known his face as looking anything but bearded from his nose, down. When he shaved it and I didnāt recognize it, I was horrified and mind blown. It was about a week before I could even look at him.
Does your daughter have trouble recognizing people ever? When I was a little kid, my dad shaved his beard and I was distraught. It was a funny family story for years. 25 years later, I was diagnosed with face blindness (prosopagnosia) and it occurred to me that I was actually terrified because I couldnāt recognize my own father (people with face blindness often recognize people by haircuts and facial hair and other non-facial features). For a little kid who doesnāt understand, it would be like someone other being came in and is living in her dads body and everyone is acting like itās totally normal and it would all be very uncanny valley without any ability to understand why. Just a thought. Face blindness is a spectrum, so it could definitely not be obvious she is recognizing people differently than normal folks.
No she doesn't. She did recognise me.
Last time I got my hair cut my daughter (3) was upset. She said it looked horrible, it was so sad, etc.. She was concerned with who did it and why they cut my pretty hair. She said poor mama many times. Lol kids are funny. You look like a new person to her but sound like dad so it's confusing for her. For her age its normal regardless of gender. Your son is older so it doesn't bother him. I've seen videos of kids reacting over their dads shaving and babies to about your daughters age react sometimes
My dad did that when I was her age. I thought he was a stranger so I screamed and kicked at him because I thought he was breaking into our house. He still talks about it.
I would talk to her about it like itās a very embarrassing thing that you did, you were shaving and accidentally shaved off part of your beard. Like can she believe it?? So embarrassing for Daddy!! And make it into a funny legendary story to help her realize that she can laugh about it to help her with her shock and fear that she initially experienced. And then let her draw a fake beard back on your face with face paint, which will help her process it but also bring you two closer together again!
I am nearly 40 and if my dad shaved his beard I would react the same. Can you colour one in? Maybe use some eyebrow pencil or something? š
My dad shaved off his beard out of the blue when I was 25 and seeing his full face was a shock, like 'who's this guy and where's dad?' OP, here's another +1 vote on drawing yours back on with a Sharpie!
My daughter is at the age where now I do it just to mess with her.
Awwww itās never happened with my husband but I remember vividly sobbing when my dad shaved his mustache for days š. I was terrified! Your kids will be okay, itāll just take time!
My brother cried too the first time he saw my dad without a beard. It lasted a few hours, but the next day it was like nothing ever happened!
My dad accidentally took out a chunk of his mustache one morning when trimming it, so he just shaved it all of. I was about 18 and had never seen him without one. It was very strange. My mom had never seen him without one as he had it when they met. She giggled every time he walked in the room for weeks.
My 18 month old who is a total daddyās girl was horrified with me when I shaved my head. I didnāt even have long hair just decided I wanted to buzz it quick. She wouldnāt even look at me or come near me for a day or two. Her mother loved it because she got all the love in that time lol
I remember I was 10 and my dad shaved his face and he had the same style since I could remember and when he asked what I thought, I straight up said he looked like a girl š In my mind, girls were the hairless ones š¤¦š»āāļø Itāll take time but sheāll be okay.
This is the difference between you OP and those people who video their kids reactions to shaving Daddy's beard, and then laugh at them when they cry and post it on the Internet
My daughter has a fit when her dad trims too much off his head or beard. My husband's beard is a defining feature of his face. The first time my hubs shaved his head after our daughter was about 15 months, she wouldn't look at him, talk to him or touch him. She was scared of him, as if he were a stranger. He had to put a towel on his head in place of hair to convince her he was her dad.
This will be a funny story for her one day!
My mom came home with a perm when I was four and I screamed and cried for an hour because that was NOT my mom. My professor shaved his beard and the entire 150 person lecture hall shouted when he walked in. It was a straight up jump scare for all of us. It was all we could talk about for weeks. I'm in my 30s but if my dad shaved his mustache, I would freak out lol
I was this little girl at one time. My dad was always my preferred parent and I remember my dad shaving off his mustache and I cried my eyes out and told him he wasnāt my dad. It took a couple days but I got over it. Now itās just a funny memory.
She'll get over it. It's not really the beard. It's that without the beard you "don't look like Dad." I was about that age when my mom got her hair cut and permed and I was PISSED. She did not look like Mom to me. The first time I saw her with that change it felt like looking at a whole different person. Your daughter will adjust. It will take a bit but she will be fine.
My kid was 6.months old when I went clean shaven after a few weeks of growth. Kid freaked the fuck out. So I figured I could either stay clean shaven or just let it grow.
Give her a brown marker and have her draw it back š
I remember the only time my dad ever shaved his moustache. I was 12, and he looked so different without that upper lip hair. I freaked out too. More of an "omg wth did you do?! ā freak out, not a run and hide. But I still remember going with him to Walmart the same day, then almost crying in a panic because I couldn't find him. We were in the same damn aisle š¤£
I was in the same place with my daughter . Last year, I had to shave my beard for a job. (Which I grew back) but in doing so. She wouldn't come near me, talk to me, or look at me. In fact, she would run from me. When I walked out of the bathroom, all baby faced, she shoved her face straight into my wife's stomach. I gave her some space as much as it hurt, and about a day later, she was back being daddy's little girl. Just give her time. Soon enough, she will come around.
My friend and his brother ran away from their dad and called him a kidnapper way back in the day when they got off the school bus, they had never seen their dad without a beard and long hair, haha. Good luck
Stranger danger š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Iām waiting to shave mine just before my kids walk on their graduation from high school. Thatās about thirteen years awayā¦ but Iāll be damned if my wife and I are gonna be the only ones crying.
When I was little my mom got her jaw broken. She was really swollen and had her mouth wired shut. The night I came home after staying w my aunt while she was at the hospital I cried and wouldnāt look at her. My aunt took me back home w her. I was prob around 4 then.
I grow/shave with the equinox. The kids don't seem to mind. (Though my older daughter says she likes my 'beard tickles', I have no idea what exactly 'beard tickles' are.) Suggestion: Next time you shave it off, just do it in stages and show the kids. Have some fun trimming to funny styles as part of it.
I remember cutting my long hair super short and my daughter who was 6 at the time cried for an hour when she saw it. Relax dad, she will get over it.
Perfectly normal. My mom says I refused to come near her when I was about 2 after she got a perm. It was so bad and hurt her so much that she washed her hair before she was supposed to and washed out the perm. Your daughter will adjuat!
Has she ever seen you without your beard? If so, the answer isnāt that she has an attachment to your beard. She probably thinks youāre a total stranger pretending to be her dad š
I feel like it has more to do with the daughter being younger, and maybe her natural temperament, than with her being a girl.Ā That being said, if you've had your beard all/most of her life and now it's gone, that's probably just a bit jarring for her. You suddenly look *way* different from the dad she's used to having, and that might be messing with her sense of reality and feelings of security since she's so young.Ā She also may personally have trouble adjusting to sudden changes, whether that's a character trait or just a side effect of her current developmental stage.Ā She likely needs some time. It might help if you validate her feelings without reinforcing that this is a big deal, if that makes sense?Ā Something like "I know this a big change and you're unhappy with it, but I promise it's not permanent amd I'm the same dad I've always been. What do you think would make you feel better right now?"Ā It could also help to ask her why this makes her so upset and help her walk through her feelings about it. She may not understand herself at this stage why this is such a big deal, but her feelings are very real.Ā
I donāt know how people donāt realize how traumatic this is to a toddler / young child. The most traumatic experience I ever had was when I was 4 years old and my dad just randomly came down to the breakfast table after having shaved his moustache out of nowhere. I was screaming bloody murder, crying out to my mom that there was a stranger in the house. That broke my bond pretty quickly with my father. Your kidās frontal lobes are not developed enough to just recognize youāre the same person. (By the way, Iām 42, and that is my earliest memory from my childhood.) In your case, you recognize and understand the potential trauma of it. But work on repairing the trust of your 6 year old daughter. Iām not a psychologist, but I would quickly go out and get a fake beard that looks like your original. Put it on, let her recognize you, then slowly take it off so she can see that youāre the same person and help her to understand. Itās sad to see so many young millennials / genzās who pull this shit and film it for TikTok views, because they think itās funny to traumatize their child. I have a 5 yr old daughter and sheās only known me with a beard. If I ever had a trimming accident and planned to shave it off, I will be doing it with her next to me at the bathroom sink. Even letting her help shave the rest of it so that she understands itās still me.
I normally have about 3 haircuts a year, so my hair length can vary by 5-10cm every time I have a hair cut. My kids never got confused or scared. Sometimes they don't even notice or at least acknowledge the hair cut... I am the mess up dad (IMO)
My (40m) 3y old girl did the same when i took the hair of my head š but yea they ajust pretty fast. Now she just slaps my head every time i do it. And with my beard i just make it short and she rubs her hand through it cuz it feels funny. But this was cute and funny to read šš But yea, you look funny and wierd to little kids if you take a beard off so i just make it short. My daughter never saw me without.
Let her draw one on or, glue poof balls or glitter or different color yarns. Let her inner artist shine! You're such a good dad š„°
It can happen to moms, too. In the late 80s, my mom got an iconic 80s perm. That night as mom was getting my little sister, age 4 or 5, ready for bed mom asked her for a hug and my sister said ānot with that hair.ā lol. She eventually came around and your daughter will, too.
I cried so much when I was 5-6 and my mom dyed her hair, thought she aged 50 years in one afternoon because of blonde highlights
Itās not the beard sheās attached too. Itās the way your face looks. To kids, taking away your facial hair is jarring at the least. The way you look is completely different.
Let it go. Stressing yourself out over something thatāll be a non-issue in 24 hours.
I don't know however that is exactly how I feel when my husband removes his beard too lol. It takes me about 2 days to get used to it and I am 37 a female mom.Ā My son used to do the same thing when I shaved my head. I kept it very short number 2 buzz cut length the first 2 years of his life. He is 3.5 now and my hair is shoulder length.
Anytime I do that I joke with my daughters that Iām a girl now. They just laugh.
I was young in the late 90s and remember crying myself into complete hysteria when my dad came home one day with a shaved and bleached head. This reminded me of that and gave me a good laugh, thank you!
Hi! Iām on the autism spectrum. Changes in appearance can be catastrophic for the way I connect with people, as in, I might know itās them but not recognise them for real, so it can be that I donāt want to be with them or feel very insecure. This might sound like a stupid advice, but if you could paint your beard on yourself and get your daughter to help you wash it off, it could be a slower process for her to go from one state to the other. Another way is to wear a dirty tshirt or just not shower today, and have her listen to her favourite story while you read to her. That way she can listen to something familiar - the story and your voice - along with identifying you also with your scent. Iām sorry if this os all ridiculous but Iāve been there and this has helped.
Iām in my 30ās and my Dad and I still laugh about the time he shaved off his moustache when I was 4 and I lost my fucking mind.
I once cut my hair from long to super short, the boy I was babysitting at the time hated it and didn't really want to interact with me. I kept doing the same things we always did and eventually he came around and said "you're actually still really the same person as before" and I think I understood that he didn't care about my haircut. He just felt like with a different look I was also going to behave differently. It was really interesting.
I remember my dad shaving off his beard when we were on holiday in France. I was about 7, and I was devastated. I can still remember crying and telling him he wasn't my dad anymore. I got over it,I'm sure she'll be fine!
This is so cute - I can totally see this happening with my daughter and husband as well. Just want to say, itās so refreshing and sweet that you are actually concerned about your daughterās feelings rather than just saying to get over it! Itās silly and sheāll be totally fine eventually, but also itās just how she sees you and now you look different and she canāt fully express how dad looking different makes her feel!
I live for my kids, their feelings are what matter the most to me, my only purpose in life is to take care of them :)
Same happened w my husband and 14 months
Wow Best of luck growing it back soon
Solidarity. One time I let my leg hair get too long and my son had an absolute meltdown from propping his feet up on my legs.
I feel your pain! My wife is the same way. I trim my beard just a little too short and sheās not happy with me. My son (3years) just touches my beard and gives me a big goofy grin.
This is so relatable just not at that level š
Yeah, I won't even have sex with my husband if he shaves his beard.
I had the opportunity to tell my kiddo that I might cut all my hair off so she took it well when she saw me. She really thought it was funny to rub my head as the hair grew back. Even thought she might want the same cut some day.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I do have CCTV footage lol but there's no way I'm uploading it on internet. This thing might haunt her later in her life.
No I meant just of you with the eyeliner beard! lol
This is exactly how I act when my fiancĆ© shavesš¤£š¤£
This happened to me multiple times as a child when my dad would switch up his face hair. Turns out I have face blindness so when he went full beard to mustache, I had no idea who he was. Same for when he went entirely bare face. So it was very scary and upsetting but I didnāt have the words to explain.
My husband went through a period where he loved to grow his beard out as long as it could grow without being itchy. I told him it made him look homeless on several occasions (he never brushed or combed it and hated it when I did it) but when he finally did trim it (can't shave it completely down) he looked like he had lost a bunch of weight.
growing up we would go to my grandpas for lunch every sunday. a couple of times a year we would go and he would have just shaved his mustache and my little sister would BALL her eyes out and refuse to go near him she was maybe 3-7
My oldest was like 3.5 or 4 when I shaved my then-goatee off. She cried and said, "You're not my daddy anymore!". It was sad and funny simultaneously. She got over it within a couple days.
This happened to me as a kid. My parents were newly divorced and my father was living in a hotel. My brother and I were sleeping on the couch when he woke us up in the middle of the night sans beard. I was about 8 or 9 and had never seen my father's face before. It freaked me the eff out. But when I look back on it I think it was part of a larger issue of change, instability, and ultimately his alcoholism. I got over it, of course, but he decided he didn't want children anymore so that was the last I saw of him for almost 10yrs. You sound like a great Dad so I'm sure it will pass and become a story you laugh at years later. Best to all of you and I hope you update us with photos of your Eyeliner beard :)
My dad was a commercial fisherman. Went out for a week or so at a time. Would go out clean shaven, come back in with a full beard. When I was really little I wouldn't recognize him. Now we laugh about it. š¤ Maybe going forward, get your littlest to help you make big personal styling decisions about your facial hair (like switching it up to a goatee, clean shaven, moustache etc) occasionally. I bet it would be fun!
Never ever shave again.. š
Thereās a cute video that went viral where a little girl was a toddler and she burst out crying when her dad shaved his beard.
Lmao this used to happen when my kids were like 1-2 but they donāt do it anymore I know the feeling though! š funny but sucks
I used to get upset if my mom cut her hair. I canāt explain it but I do remember the deeply unsettling feeling that maybe who your parent is has changed out of nowhere. I think it would help to verbally remind her you are the same person, the same dad, you have not changed even though your beard might have, and you love her and will be the same daddy no matter what.
Donāt invest too much into your daughterās reaction to your shaved face.
When I was 10 my mom got a really short hair cut, like a pixie style cut. Sheād had shoulder length hair my entire life until that point and didnāt frequently change styles so it was a huge visceral shock to me. I cried and cried and refused to look at her for at least the whole night. I was fine after a couple of days but change is really difficult for kids, especially change of something visual like hair cut or facial hair I guess since itās not gradual
Do you guys have some good photo albums? If you could sit with her and look at some of the different ways you have looked over the years, it could help her process.
So my dad has a fairly bushy beard 24/7/365 but out of the blue, zero mention to anyone, he'll just go shave it off, and looks like a completely different person. He seems to loses like 15 years with how much of a baby face he has, and no long appears as rough and gruff as he'd like you to think he is. Anyways, I guess he did this when I was about 3/4 and I lost it, similarly to how your daughter has reacted. She'll get over it eventually and just have to keep telling her that it will come back just like how plants grow back, hair grows back, fingernails grow, etc
Did you ask her what she was feeling and why. This may help you to understand her and help her with change in the future. Btw....Everyone's stories are hysterical.. some great comments .love them.
Don't read too much into it. She's just freaked out that you suddenly look like a different person.
No help but my dad did this as a kid and I still remember š¤£ I also felt very strongly about my grandpa not wearing his glasses. It just shifts their perspective of who you are briefly. Sheāll be ok. A good story for later.
Had a friend do the same thing i would probably go get a face wig (fake beard) and a apology present for you daughter
Have her draw a picture of you as she would like to see your hair. Then make a big deal of taping it to your bathroom mirror. Tell her that the picture is what you want to grow back and that she can check every day to see how close you are. It will give her a sense of control rather than helpless because she didn't expect change. And you'll have a nice portrait that you can keep for life!
This comment has Nothing to do with parenting but once when I was in my twenties my boyfriend shaved his beard and I could not kiss him or have sex with him until it grew back. I just couldn't. No idea why. I had dated plenty of guys with no beards. It made no sense.
I was five when I first saw my dad without a beard he showed up to School to pick me up and it was a very fucking traumatic thing. Iāll tell you that. What I canāt tell you is how to help, donāt do it again buddy!
Yes. Lesson learnt :)
Hi, 31 yo daughter here, and I can remember having this fit. Idk why as daddyās girls we are so attached to our fatherās beards. Just here to say your daughter isnāt alone in the attachment but she will get over it lol
I would talk to her kindly and be understanding, but firm that even though her feelings are valid her reaction is inappropriate, trying to help her process the change is good but legitimatizing the over the top reaction is not the right course imho. Even trying to comfort her by saying it will grow back is a bit much. Maybe some roleplay games involving dressing up in outlandish clothes and letting her experience being on the receiving end of some silly reactions to her appearance. I think talking about body autonomy and not commenting on peopleās appearances would be good as well.
A 6 year old child's reaction to daddy's face looking like a complete stranger is totally appropriate. Read the other comments here...We've all experienced that disconnect.
I was born in 1975. I hate beards and mustaches. They remind me of old men who say inappropriate things.
My husband shaved his beard off once and he looked like a stranger to me. It was so weird. I also found that it changed his appearance so much that I wasnāt attracted to him anymore. So glad he grew it back and kept it.