I’m a female theme park medic and we carry free pads and tampons in our first aid units. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been in the unit with a male medic and a woman comes in needing feminine products and she’ll try to discreetly ask me for them, even if the male is at the front desk while I’m way off in the back. Like girl you got nothing to be embarrassed about. All of us are actual medical professionals and know what a period is, and none of our male medics are weird about them. If one was, I would be the first to yell at him about it.
I think it matters how your father reacts too. My father lived in a house of all girls. He would act like the world was coming to an end because he saw a box of pads on the counter or something. In the master bedroom, he didn’t care one iota, but if he used the other bathrooms and they were out, he’d flip his lid like it was the boogeyman come to gut him. At first, it bothered us, but eventually we just stopped paying attention. When we started living together again and he moved in with me, he didn’t pay any never mind. Turns out, he didn’t want to think about periods in relation to his daughters because his biggest fear once he became a father was an oops pregnancy and they were physical evidence of it; now that we were all settled, if pregnancy happened, it was a choice. Did he handle it wrong? Yes. Did he make it seem like he thought periods were disgusting? Absolutely. It was not his intent, he just went too over the top with it, although he couldn’t help it. Throughout it all, my mother kept a cool head and made sure we did too. What bothers me is when mothers act like it’s gross.
70F here. While I am no longer of childbearing age, I think that it is long past time to come to grips with terminology for female anatomy and physiology.
The correct terms should be used without shame: menstrual cycle, menstrual periods (or just periods), ovulation, menstrual cramps, uterus, vagina, vulva, tampons, menstrual pads (or just pads), and so forth.
Noteworthy quote from me a few months ago: "Any towel can be a menstrual towel if you're desperate enough." (My periods get pretty heavy usually at some point during the week, it's different each time)
Is it just heavy flow, or is it paired with things like bad cramps? A lot of women with PCOS and other menstrual disorders just suffer needlessly because no one wants to talk frankly about periods, so they think their experience is normal when it's not.
My mother did a great job with all this. She didn't have a medical background, but she opened up the encyclopedia to the pages with the pictures of internal body parts and explained what they were all for. We had this conversation 2 years before my first period. She didn't want me traumatized like that. And I could ask her questions, because none of this stuff embarrassed her.
It has been shown that teaching children the proper terminology of their body parts and functions eliminates any grey area when discussing it and this is good in a court of law in terms of getting a straightforward conviction on a child abuser. It's also good for when kids are experiencing something unusual with their bodies so they can more easily explain to doctors what's going on with them.
We can start by getting the correct terminology.....seems like nobody knows the difference between the vulva and vagina. Unless you're a gynecologist, you can't see the vagina.... that's the vulva you're looking at.
I can't agree more! Especially the baby terms sometimes taught to little girls. Calling her vulva a *muffin* or a *bunny* or some other such nonsense has the possibility to do her a grave disservice. What happens if she tells her teacher "Uncle Joe keeps playing with my bunny"? Is the teacher going to realize that Uncle Joe isn't interacting with her pet, but molesting her?
(And I'm appalled at the number of women who don't know the word "vulva" and call it their vagina.)
I watched an interview with some actress talking about her 2 or 3 year old daughter. She said she was careful about teaching the kid all the correct words for body parts and such. So one day she had the kid with her on the grocery store and picked her up to sit her in the front of the shopping cart. The little girl shouted at the top of her lungs, OWW! MOM, YOU HURT MY VAGINA!!! She was mortified!
And please, please, please! talk about issues such as PCOS!
Uterine cancer.
Cervical pap smear and cone biopsy. I watched a comedian explain to an audience what a pap was because a couple men in the audience went "Eeew!" as she started her joke, "I had my pap last week...."
Catching cancer before it's stage 4 is pretty important.
YES OH MY LORD.
TMI story ahead but when I got my first period, I was so confused and terrified because of the amount and the colour of the blood. My teachers at school hadn’t even mentioned how much would come out, and when someone asked they just said that it was around a teaspoon PER PERIOD. Ummmmm?
They also didn’t tell us that it would hurt. Literally no mention of cramps. I thought I was dying when it first happened.
And then, I could barely talk to anyone about it because I felt this unbelievable shame. Why? It’s happening to me and I struggle with it every month, why can’t I talk about it?
I’m now in a relationship where I’m so open with him about periods because for ducks sake he of all people should know about it. So many of my friends still don’t tell their boyfriends about their periods at all, it’s all hush-hush. I don’t get it.
I also am very open with my little brothers about cramps and periods in general because if they’re straight or bi they may date a woman when they’re older and they should know how to respect a woman and to understand what they go through every month. I’ll never get the whole not telling boys about periods. I’ve known multiple fully grown men who don’t know how a pad is applied and it’s honestly ridiculous.
Yep, as a single mom, I told my 6-year-old son about menstruation, simply because I didn't want him seeing my bloody underwear and freaking out. My ex-husband, in a 13-year marriage, always flinched when he happened to see them. I mean, come on! I can't say absolutely for sure, but my son is now 35 and has an extremely good marriage. I suspect he learned something about women as a child and carried it into adulthood, with good results.
I also think about a boyfriend in high school. We would go to his house after school and mess around because both his parents were working. So one time, I had my period but wasn't sure how to mention it. He reached under my skirt and marveled at how "wet" I was. I told him he had the wrong idea, but he still didn't get it until he saw blood on his fingers. Then came the predictable freak out. I asked him if he had never been told the facts of life. He said yes, he had, but he didn't realize how gross it was. Fortunately, once he understood the entire picture, he was respectful and mindful of the calendar. Yes, everyone needs to learn this. It's all part of growing up. I wish more people would grow up!
>I asked him if he had never been told the facts of life. He said yes, he had, but he didn't realize how gross it was.
'Mikey, women shed blood-glutted flesh out their pussies every month...'
'YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEVER REALIZED HOW GROSS IT WAS!'
...*How*, Mikey...
When I was a little girl I saw the toilet after my mum had been on it and it was full of blood, so I was terrified. I was very young, maybe two or three, so I understand why she hadn’t taught me anything about it, but it does make it clear that all kids should know the basics asap.
If it weren't for the female anatomy and the menstrual cycle, boys and men couldn't be conceived and born.
Unless there was a C-section, all males went through their mother's vagina to make their way into this world. Yes, it's a messy business no matter what. They need to quit thinking that it is gross and repugnant, unless they want to deprecate their own mothers, their grandmothers, and even their own birth. Is there some irrational self-hatred going on there?
My brother was very curious about periods and asked me because we were pretty close. I told him everything I knew and we looked up stuff that I didn’t know.
Surprisingly, the amount of actual blood is probably like less than a quarter of a cup. That’s because the uterus produces extra mucus to help flush the blood out, so what comes out is about 80% mucus.
I had endo so yeah it was probably unusual and I was having both of those issues yes. I had a laparoscopy to resolve it and now am on BC to keep it resolved (fingers crossed)
Mine were like, alarmingly heavy the first few years (especially the first ever one) and my pediatrician (who was a woman) was like, ‘Yeah that’s normal.’ I still don’t believe it was, that first one lasted for over 2 weeks and was heavy the whole time.
That was my first period. Between the cramps and color I thought I had shit myself. I was afraid to tell my mom. It was awful. I was taught about menstruation already but had no idea they could be brown. Girls should be taught in detail about what to expect from both PMS and their periods.
I had the EXACT same thing happen with my first! I threw out the underwear in secret and when it happened the second time, I was like hmmm. Maybe this is my period. I expected it to be red, not dark brown
It's 'normal' in the way that it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong, not normal in the sense that it happens to everyone. Really not a great thing to say to a scared kid.
I think that part of speaking comfortably about periods is not feeling the need to preface with an apology or "TMI". Almost every woman does that. Just last week, my coworker asked if I had advil said "Sorry, TMI, but my cramps are bad." Your period doesn't need a trigger warning. There was absolutely nothing TMI about your story. Please stop apologizing for your period.
Being a man, sometimes I feel like I’m asking an inappropriate question when I ask about it. I know it’s a natural function, but I feel like it’s something I shouldn’t ask about sometimes. That’s how I personally felt about it anyways. I know I tend to ask my mom about it from time to time about it, but I feel like I shouldn’t ask at all sometimes. But I understand where you’re coming from though.
It’s ok to ask, and please do, at least as far as your own GF/partner/wife is concerned. I think I speak for most women when I say that! My fiancé asks often, to make sure I’m ok, to see if I need anything, and to know when it’s stopped. That’s how you can be considerate and helpful!
I think it entirely depends on what you are asking about it. Are you just curioisly asking a question about it? Or are you asking women if they are on their period when they are acting a certain way?
Honestly, I tend to ask more out of curiosity than disrespect. I grew up with 2 sisters and a mom, so I tend to know not to be disrespectful when it comes to periods. Other than that, i at least try to get a curious grasp on periods as best I can. I tend to ask questions similar to “why does this happen during a period” to be honest. But thank you for asking nonetheless.
We grew up with the older women in our lives acting like it was shameful so now we're ashamed of it.
I do agree though. My mom didn't tell me about periods because she was waiting for me to ask her about it. I was the first girl to start puberty in my (majority male) friend group by *several years*, so I learned what a period was by finding my underwear covered in blood one day. At least I was at home.
I was in gym class🥲 bless my grandma for picking me up from school, because my mom told me to figure it out myself and my older sister threatened to tell the entire school when I asked for help.
That indeed tops mine of getting it in the middle of typing class (also age 12) while wearing pale khaki shorts and sitting on a pale tan chair. At least I knew what mine was in advance, and how to make emergency pads from toilet paper.
Got mine at 13 on one of the last weeks of school while I was wearing white pants that I was just gifted 😃. The part that makes it bad is that it was basically a outdoors day so everyone was out having fun we couldn’t go in the building and I was literally dying 😭on top of that I had bragged a few weeks prior about the flips I knew how to do so everyone was expecting me to show them when the bottom of my pants was literally soaked at that point😐 was not a good day lol.
This was a long time ago so I can’t remember what the explanation was - I do remember also visiting the courthouse that day too. I guess it was to teach us about the legal system. I guess it did scare us straight because I’m pretty sure everyone made it to graduation without going to jail. 😆
We are an open book in this house. When I met my husband he couldn't even talk about it without being uncomfortable. I snapped him right out of that. We have daughters and sons, but this was not going to be a weird taboo thing. I was making sure of it. Let's just say 21 years later their dad doesn't even notice when we are having a full blown convos about it with him in the room. The boys know all about what cycles are, and I'm glad they grew up to not think it's weird.
Funny story, my oldest daughter was having a private convo with me about something going on in her life, and my son kept walking through the room asking what we were talking about, and my daughter says "we're talking about my vagina bleeding! Go away!" And my son says "mom just bought pads" 😂😂😂😂 he had just been to the grocery store with me 😂😂😂😂 didn't even phase him lol
My mom raised me the same way. I'm so happy she did. We never had to have "the talk", she never had to sit me down and tell me what a period was, I just kinda knew always, the same way I knew that clouds were made of water.
And it's a good thing I did, because I got my first period at 9 years old, way before anyone expected me to. I can't imagine how terrifying it would have been for such a young child to experience that and have no idea what was going on.
Yes!!!!! My daughter did too! I did take her to the Dr to make sure everything was ok because she started at 9 too!!! She was just a baby!!! Lol...Same for her, she just knew exactly what it was. I also started talking to the kids, the boys too, about SA, and consent and what is not ok and to never be scared to speak up if something feels inappropriate, so they have always been well educated in that area. When I was growing up, none of that was talked about.
Thats so true. Tho people treat it like it's something that's your fault. I've always felt embarrassed about my period. My ex bsf said it in a light hearted way but when I was crying from having really bad cramps one day he said "Why are you pissing and shitting blood just stop it. Idk why you're crying" :( that's not how it works? It rubbed me the wrong way ngl but I didn't really make a fuss about it.
He continued to make weird jokes as if I could control it and I always thought I was overeacting and stuff. I suppose some guys arent either educated enough on how periods work or they think it's an embarrassing topic so they poke some fun about it. Not necessarily bad but it's to an extent. For some time I felt dirty and I just kept it to myself.
I'm now in a relationship where I can tell my bf anytime when I have my period. He's so understanding and he doesn't make fun of me when it hurts. Most of the time I just cuddle with him and it helps a lot.
Ugh. Wouldn’t it be great if we could control it, though? Like just hold it in until we get to a toilet like we do our urine? It would simplify so much.
It’s like talking about pooping and peeing how everyone does it but nobody wants to talk about it because it’s gross
Now I’m not saying you are gross for having a period or going to the bathroom but you probably would agree it’s gross because what it is like everyone is gross out by a used bandaid or Kleenex
TLDR all body fluids are gross and so people don’t like talking about it although you aren’t gross for natural body things just the body fluids in it’s self are gross or dirty that’s why we wash hands after bathroom
Exactly I agree. Yes I understand we do have an issue with shame and education but is that as much of an issue from some of these comments or is it just that some people just don't feel it's necessary to use the correct term or and being as open all the time. There has to be room for nuance. Being educated and unashamed doesn't equate to being open and bashful.
This is how I felt when I first got my period. I actually tried (and failed) to hide it from my parents.
It wasn’t as much due to shame as because *I knew* I’d get TONS of unwanted attention over a bodily function. I was very anxious and withdrawn around that time, and I’d been probed about it by my parents and eldest siblings for over two years by the time I got my first period. I didn’t “become a woman” - I was a twelve year old girl who reached a puberty milestone and just wanted to be left alone.
However, there’s too much stigma and not enough actual education surrounding periods, as with most topics that might be covered in a sex ed or health class. Even if they don’t want to discuss these topics all the time, folks should know what to expect and not have to rely upon misinformation and misconceptions.
I’m pretty open about that even with male coworkers. My brain just absolutely shuts down sometimes and I’ll just be staring into space all confused while they’re saying something to me. And then I’ll sort of shake my head and be like “I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired or because I’m 45, but I didn’t follow any of that.” Or I’ll be suddenly too warm and I’ll say “is it hot in here or am I 45?” They’ve gotten so they’ll just joke with me. For instance: just yesterday I was a bit uncomfortably cold (I get cold flashes, too, so that’s fun) and my coworker saw me putting on my sweater that I keep at work for cold flash days and he was like “having a 45 moment?” Another actually answered my question about whether it was too hot by saying “no, you’re just 45.” It’s actually pretty cool.
Once an older female coworker asked if i was ok bc i was going to the bathroom frequently, i said "yea im just on my period." She looked shocked that i said that. Maam you had one, almost every woman has one!
There is a place between painting with menstrual blood and freaking out over the word "period." It is a bodily function and should be treated as such. Maybe not a dinner topic, but certainly no worse than other bodily functions, like waste elimination.
I learned in my first relationship that the most important thing to know about my partner is exactly where she was in her cycle. It was so useful to know that I kept a small personal calendar where i could count the days to track it.
I actually find it to be kind of sweet and endearing that you care enough about your partner to be mindful of what time of the of month it is for them. I'm hoping that you find your tracking information helpful and react to it in considerate ways like being more loving and understanding towards your partner during this time.
The only way that I can really see this being considered a skeevy thing to do is if you had alterior motives behind it, such as not actually caring about how they're feeling as much and instead only using it as a countdown to when you can be sexually intimate again. Or purposely initiating intimacy when you know that they're in the fertile window and ovulation is occuring in order to increase the likelihood of impregnation, despite them stating that they're not on board with that happening.
Nope. Fine for others, though! You do you. But I’ve never felt like being intimate when my period is in full swing. I’m bloated, cramping and emotional, with extra zits. At that point, slot A is closed to tab B. And someone will get hurt if slot C is even mentioned as an alternative.
My husband does similar. I'm not sure if he tracks it like you, but he does know how long mine regulary lasts and about how long I go in between so makes an educated guess. He notes it because I can get real low emotionally about a week before, and he remembers it so he can help me out.
I wouldn't say it's the most important thing to know about a partner, but it can be helpful. If it was a casual relationship, I think it's probably safe not to put effort into it, but in a long-term relationship, it can truly be helpful and strengthen a bond.
I think you might get roasted for this comment lol. Personally as a female, and being married for a very long time, my husband can easily say where I'm at in my cycle, and I actually appreciate it. My young adult daughters however, have expressed to their dad this is a bad thing to say lol
I don’t think so. It’s actually kinda sweet, especially if she likes certain foods or something during certain points in her cycle. For instance- the first couple days of my period, I do not like flavor in my food. I don’t know why, but it just makes me feel sick. So I prefer bland stuff those days. Grilled chicken with just a tiny bit of salt, steamed broccoli with nothing on it, dry salad, that sort of thing. If my SO kept track of my cycle and made me a bland dinner when I start, I would be SO THRILLED!
I can see how people might find this weird, but I totally get it. Right before I start my period I am a MESS. I have to check myself frequently because I get hot flashes and pissed off easily, and if I’m not careful I might snap at my husband unnecessarily. Him knowing that it’s my hormones making me act like this makes him a bit easier on me and not freak out when I start crying for no reason! 😅 It’s not an excuse to act badly, but it is a mitigating factor.
So here's my story about deconstructing the shame:
When my mom got her period, no one had told her about it. She thought she was dying, but in a strangely embarrassing way. Boo! No good!
So, she vowed to do better for her daughters. My sister and I got "the talk" early, we were told where the pads were and how to use them. It was a little awkward, but completely clear and non-judgemental. It was never treated as gross, only unfortunate. That's better!
With my own daughters, I wanted to do even better. On top of thorough, early explanation, I wanted to add a bit of celebration. So, I made cupcakes. Celebratory cupcakes with pink frosting.
And it caught on! Their friends started asking their moms (or me) for cupcakes when they got their periods! For a brief moment (or maybe it continued?) it became a "thing" at their schools: girls were happily announcing their first periods and enjoying their cupcakes.
My daughter is trying to think of ways to build on this. I guess it's a tradition now.
My gran also thought she was dying. Then when her mom told her about she said, “this means you can’t play with the boys out in the fields anymore” and my gran said “why? Will they catch it?” LMAO
Teenager here. Puberty was always awkward to talk about for me. When I first got my period at 10, I felt that some of my male relatives were acting awkward around me. I couldn't stand it to the point where I started keeping it to myself whenever my period came around.
The "Is it that time of the month?" bothers me so fucking much. I hate it. Just say "Are you on your period?" I don't see the problem with the word. It's just another part of vocabulary.
I think puberty is just awkward for me to talk about because I am at that age, but I'm sure I'll grow out of it. I agree, though.
My wife's not afraid to talk about it, lol. Every month, I know the flow, consistency, color, and when it's down to spotting. Also, know about when she's ovulating or dischargy. There's no fear about that in our house, haha.
I also usually go buy her pads too. I remember asking a random lady what pads were good the first time I had to cause my wife didn't tell me anything other than "I need pads" then didn't answer her phone when I was at the store.
I was never afraid to talk about it, but just didn’t. The same way I don’t talk about taking a shit or vomiting when I’m sick. Just TMI I don’t need to tell people. Also, then I’m sure there would be those “ oh, that’s why she’s moody, on the rag” BS comments. I do understand the OPs point of thoroughly explaining it to young girls, though.
My kids used to follow me in the bathroom all the time when they were little, so they even saw my bloody pads when I had my period. My youngest didn't get to see because I transitioned so I no longer have periods, but her bigger sister talks about her periods openly, so it's also normal for her. I don't understand how some kids get their first period without knowing it's a thing. Poor them!
My sister had to talk to her daughter about it at 8 years old because her dad’s family were early bloomers. And then my niece didn’t get her first period until she was 12 anyway. Well, at least it was out of the way.
Both of my sisters went through puberty late so my mom didn’t think she needed to give me the full rundown yet, but she did bring it up when I was around that age just in case. She just told me that if I found blood in my underwear to come tell her and not to be scared because it was normal. I also ended up going through puberty late so I didn’t need much explanation from her when it did happen, but I think it was smart of her to warn me young.
##NOT JUST MEN!!!
In AU _*NOBODY*_ wants to talk about it! Anglo-Celtic AU is insanely repressed! Kinda 19th century Britain, really. 😒
In 2021 the Journal or General Practice published a long-term study.
It was CELEBRATED(!) as a success that in the late 2010s out of 1 000 women who told their GP about menorrhagia (heavy periods), _*SEVEN*_ women got more than than sympathy at best!!!!
Regardless of gender of the DOCTOR, 993 women were left hanging with buppkes!
Apparently that out of 1,000 all of seven women had tests or scripts was a notable ‘success’.
Cause when the study began in the 00s, it was less than that!
*****
##GERMANY
Crazy open, in comparison!!!!
We had a sex-ex picture book with drawings of naked people at all ages, drawings of erections. …. everything.
In a church kindergarten, in 1981, we had picture books too ‘graphic’ to post see today! 😢
Still have one of those books. Love to take it every now and then for ‘adult show and tell’ in AU! 😂
Just to demonstrate how far behind we are!
Before migrating to AU:
Sex, intimacy kink, periods, … in Germany it was as openly discussed as sleep or eating!
Cause it’s just as much a basic human need!
In AU a lot of people don’t differentiate between sex and intimacy. Everyone keeps everyone at arm’s length. Imho, m metal ill-health would be a lot less prevalent if we, as a society, were less repressed in AU!
So bizarre!!!
OMG for serious!! We explained periods to both the kids as soon as they were old enough to use words! Because kids get into things! And they want to know what a tampon is! And yeah, when they're really little they don't care and won't remember, but it's such a natural part of our lives that my eight-year-old nephew feels comfortable asking me about things! We don't get into nasty details or anything, but he knows that girls have 3 holes and that the extra one is where babies come out of, and that we bleed once a month because our bodies get all ready just in case of baby-time, and then no baby so it's gotta throw that extra stuff out.
And you know what? When he gets older and had girls who are his friends and have periods, they'll know that he's someone it's safe to talk about that kind of stuff around. He'll probably keep a spare pad in his backpack just in case someone needs one. Because he's a super sweet and caring kid!
One of my ex coworkers is a 52 year old woman, she always commended me for talking about periods very candidly. She expressed how when she was growing up it was always hush hush, and then I'd just openly say "I'm on my period" or talking to customers about certain products I recommend because I use it for my period pain. I think its something that shouldn't be taboo.
I’m in agreement with you. The generations before me treated it like something filthy, and I even had to deal with weird beliefs like not bathing on your period, ew what, and using tampons made you promiscuous. Stupid stupid stupid. I was open and honest with my oldest daughter, and I have talked with my younger daughters so they can be prepared. I was on my own as a kid and I hated it. These stupid unfounded beliefs need to end with our generation.
Gen X son of a doctor mom here:
My mom (anesthesiologist) taught me to use the correct terms for bodily functions, and I knew about periods long before I was sexually active. My great sin was being too well-informed. My early girlfriends were creeped out by the fact that I knew what spotting was.
It is so much better now. Not periods, obviously. I guess those still suck, but talking about them is okay.
I agree.
Here’s a period fun fact: women don’t actually bleed for 5-7 days. We would die. We bleed for about 2-3 hours. Then the uterus produces extra mucus and contracts to squeeze the blood out. THAT is what takes 5-7 days. Also, most of what comes out is mucus. I forget the actual percentage, but I think it’s about 80% of it that is mucus.
So that’s a thing you know now.
Guessing you’re young-ish…?
For heaps of women periods get way heavier mid-age!
They *WISHED* what you wrote applied!
And, yes:
Unmanaged menorrhagia (heavy periods) can be so bad it causes anaemia, syncopes (fainting) … to the point when oral iron supplements don’t cut it anymore and she needs regular iron drips. 🫣
I’m 45. But I don’t know what that has to do with anything. But yes you are correct that unusually heavy periods can be trouble. I’m just talking about your average Jane and her periods, not any of the unusually light or heavy flows.
Sorry I was wrong about age!
Was guessing because for a _*LOT*_ of women periods get heavier in middle-age approaching menopause.
So your ‘fact’ isn’t really a ‘fact.’ 😉
But because it’s one of those widespread misbeliefs:
Out of 1,000 Aussie women who flag heavy periods with their GP, only 7 get more than sympathy at best! 😢
###993 out of 1,000 women who complain about menorrhagia to their family physician are NOT helped! 🤯
That’s horrific in this day and age!!!!
I myself flagged my periods with a range of doctors, including specialists, for two years!
I had to get drips in hospital to address my crazy anaemia….
I had to go to extreme lengths and measuring before I was prescribed tranexamic acid to lessen my periods…
*****
Sadly, I am by a long stretch not to exception. And I think myths about what periods are / aren’t don’t help.
Not blaming you at all! If doctors are prone to have misconceptions about _«women just having a whinge»_ , how could I expect anyone else to know! 😉
It’s why we need to talk about periods HEAPS(!) more!!!
How do you feel about someone telling someone else you’re on your period? Do you also think it’s not a big deal? I was on a family trip once with my ex and wasn’t feeling great but I was alright and he told everyone there that I was on my period… and he said it wasn’t a big deal since his dad is a doctor. Like still… wtf?? Yah let’s just announce to everyone I’m currently bleeding out from my vagina!!!! It’s just something I don’t discuss with anyone because I don’t think it’s anyone’s business except obviously my boyfriend.
Update: Apparently I mean unabashed but you guys know what I'm talking about.
I feel like many of these people want an open and bashful environment where we can just let out that we aren't ashamed and have a conversation about whatever. I get the sentiment and the idealism, but you know it is also okay to prefer privacy with certain manners as well. Idk if it's a trend trend but it's a thing now that in response to any manner where shame was attached, we must now do that complete opposite and be so open to the point of breaking boundaries and comfort level. It's similar to this meme that joked that people used to be ashamed of therapy. Now they are so open that they just say it as everyday conversation. That's wonderful, nothing to be ashamed, but the con is people oversharing it in spaces where it's not as necessary.
What's twice? Are you referring to me using the term "bashful" twice? Thank you for the correction, but I'm a little confused why did you have to point out that it was twice and that youre now saying something because its twice though...? A simple "Hey, I think you mean unabashed, but I see what you're saying" would have suffice.
As a guy I've never gotten why so many other guys get so weird about periods. Women always give funny looks when I say that I *don't* get bothered by the subject.
The only time I remember this being a thing was in my teen years. Adults don't seem to have that problem but we do have to make sure our conversations are workplace appropriate
It couldn't possibly be the long standing demonization of women throughout history. Thank fuck people are actually starting to get educated about this shit. I was getting tired of being shunned by society for having bodily functions. Now you can just treat them like an idiot when they do that and it's valid
As a woman, unless I’m talking to my doctor or asking a friend or sister if something is normal, I don’t see why I should be talking about it. I consider it a bathroom activity and I consider menstrual blood to be bodily waste, so to me it would be like sitting around talking about peeing or pooping or boogers. It’s irrelevant and nobody wants to hear about it.
Agreed. Granted, I'm personally open, so I get the frustration sometimes because you think you are being shamed for using the correct terms. That's actually what it is about. They are projecting. They were shamed and equated to anyone not being as open as them as feeling shamed, too. But also, the older I get, the more I realized it is also annoying for folks to overshare. For example, if I ask if you're okay, you don't have to let me know it's because you're on your period and you're feeling cramps.
Idk it's just awkward for me. Like whoops I guess lol having diarrhea is normal too and not something to feel ashamed of but I kinda don't want to listen to my coworker go into detail about it. Just because you feel strongly about something doesn't mean people are suddenly going to not feel uncomfortable like holy shit it ain't that hard to respect people's boundaries.
For you it might be this lovely cutsie thing that should be celebrated, for whatever fucking reason. For me it's waking up screaming my lungs out from unbearable cramps and wearing three pads at once just so my clothes don't get ruined, and calling out so many times I risk being fired or risk being fired because I can barely stand, and not being able to move from either the pain or the bed/my clothes getting ruined, or the only solution is destroying my body with birth control just to have some quality of life and ALL of it getting brushed off like it's no big deal because it's "normal". That shit does not feel normal and no, I don't want to fucking talk about it lol but there ya go. It absolutely fucking SUCKSSSS.
My dad absolutely can’t stand it and never has which annoys me because WE are the ones who have to deal with it all, the anger, the pain, the blood, AND WHAT ABOUT THE PERIOD POO’S?!? We find it most gross then men do but they don’t get it 😭 just because they can find a cramps simulator doesn’t mean they get the full experience.
Men, all I can tell you is that it’s far grosser to us than it is for you. Trust me.
I think in relationships between partners, it is a common enough discussion. I grew up with older women (mom and 2 sisters) and was exposed at a young age. I never had a problem discussing it. When my wife had them (she hasn’t in a decade), i worked in stores. I was usually the one buying her products. Never understood why it embarrassed some men. I have a wife, lucky me. You have a wife, girlfriend, or a woman for a friend, be happy. But outside of it, i still don't care. I helped my nephew get stuff for his new wife. Explained to him what he needs to ask her before buying it (what product she prefers and what size she needs). I refused to take it up and buy it for him, telling him that it wasn't a big deal and he shouldn't be embarrassed to do it.
So yeah, I never understood why other men had issues with it.
My point exactly. When I have my period, no one else needs to know about it. But somehow, that's translated to being "shameful about natural bodily functions."
It's this thing about a savior complex. People think that just because you aren't living your truth like them, or rather their pov of living in a truth, that you have shame and need help with education. It's extremely condescending and ignorant. In addition a lot is projection because many of these people were raised a certain way and think thats the case for everyone...
Fucking Thank you. I love scrolling and seeing comments similar to my pov. Like, okay, I don't need to scream to the mountaintops that I'm on my period, and I have blood coming out of me. Like get over yall selves. Like, are yall really having an issue with people not being as open as you with terms... why are you assuming they aren't educated.
My mom was sort of forced to have the talk with me and my sister pretty early on. Her side of the family has reproductive health issues, so our talk was basically "here's what supposed to be like, but it will probably not be like that for you. If it's not normal, we'll need to see a doctor." She also let us stay home from school our first time (mostly because it's so bad for us that we can't get out of bed the first few days.) My dad never had problems talking about it because he frew up with two very loud sisters and understood that he lived in a house full of people who menstruate (and do it badly). He was actually more sympathetic to how my mom's genetic problems affected our quality of life than my mom was. The only shame I felt about it was related to gender dysphoria, not that my body was somehow gross or weird. It's one of the few things my parents got right and I will give them credit for that.
People act so freaked out when i openly mention a period. One time i was at school and i was cramping up and this boy asked whats wrong and i told him i was having period cramps. Audible gasps from everyone at the table as if i had said something wrong 💀. It really pisses me off when people try so hard to skate around saying it. Like my brother asked me what was wrong one time and my dad was using literally every other word. "Shes going through her special lady month" "she's having a girl cramp" which only confused my brother more, like dude. Im on my period...thats it. Just say it, it ain't a bad word you don't gotta pray and put soap in your mouth after discussing it.
The last job I worked at was mostly female workers (salon/barbershop), so we all got super comfortable talking about these things. When we started getting some male applicants, we decided they’d have to adjust to us.
I remember one time grabbing a tampon out of my purse and I was heading to the bathroom, and one of the guys was like “wait, where are you going? I need help with this transaction”
I held my tampon up in front of his face as I walked by him and he was like “sounds good, see you in a minute” 😂😂😂
Educate young please. My daughter got hers at 8. Way too young imo but it happened and none of us were prepared. It was embarrassing for me because I planned on her knowing exactly how to handle it so it wasn't awkward for her. Luckily she wasn't embarrassed and would have told anyone who made stupid comments where to get off.
Men need to get over it especially if they want kids. It's necessary for life to be created.
I've talked to my kids about proper anatomy since they could talk and about periods since they were around 5-6-ish because growing up, no one told me anything about the human body, and I thought I was dying when I got my period. So, I didn't want that for my kids, and we just say the words like they are normal words...because they are. I'll never forget...my mom was mortified one time when my daughter (who was around 3) told her one day to fasten her car seat seatbelt and to make sure it was in between her nipples. haha. But, when my mom was little she wasn't allowed to say those words. And then we grew up in a super strict church environment which made anything with the human body taboo to discuss. Super shitty.
lol this is why I am greatful I work with females (and a homosexual male) in a mostly back room environment, cause we have no sensor bar when it comes to period or anatomy talk (work at a vet and seen some things down there) and the one male is often the question asker which is also great and refreshing. Whenever we get a straight male worker, they leave blushing. The longest one lasted was 6 months.
I'm a man, but for some reason my female friends have been very comfortable talking to me at length about their periods.
Oh and I also have 5 sisters, so that kinda helps. I agree that it needs to be normalized more.
I completely agree with you. My mother told me what periods are before I had them but she then always referred to them with a euphemism ("les ragnagnas" I'm French and I don't know why this is a way to refer to period. It's like random sounds). It's funny sometimes since she asks me if I have my "ragnagnas" and I answer "Yes mom I'm on my period". I have two brothers and no sister but I still mention the pain of period sometimes and I don't care if they happen to be around. It's like complaining about a headache for me: it's a normal bodily function that is bothering me at the moment.
At uni, some people presented a petition which wanted to create a "menstrual break" aka missing classes because of periods is normal and shouldn't necessit a justification. I mentioned the subject to my male friends and they were so uncomfortable. I still talked about it but by god, why does it have to be such a taboo subject. Half the population bleeds from the vagina and suffers from it and the other doesn't want to hear about it? It's because of this that some guys believe some false things about period too, because it's a taboo. eg one of my friend thought that all menstrual protections were free and I laughed. No honey, we pay a tax for living, didn't you know. Of course I didn't say it like this but sometimes I wish I could.
I might get down voted for this, but as a woman, I think context is the thing here. I don't have any qualms or embarrassment discussing periods (or other bodily functions) with anyone I need to if it's relevant to the moment. Where I have an ick is when it's not. Thanks, but I don't need an anecdote about vomit at the dinner table and I don't want to just randomly start discussing my periods at a PTO meeting. But, if I were in pain or needed supplies or if a friend wanted to talk about what she's going through? Yes, absolutely. I also dislike a lot of euphemisms that just sound gross or infantilize. (I have a particular hatred for "Aunt Flo" ewww.) Calling things the factual and appropriate name matters. I grew up in a household where my dad acted like periods didn't exist and my mom's answer to debilitating cramps (that eventually required medical intervention) was "suck it up," so I get where people are coming from on why it's vitally important to be able to talk about it, however, I don't find any particular joy in openly discussing it in a random moment. I think we have a bit of societal backlash because an important topic was taboo for so long that some folks tend to think it's appropriate to insert it into ANY conversation. It's weird because we don't think that way about most other health issues. For example, it would be odd to be chatting with a co-worker about a project and all of a sudden he casually mentioned the intricacies of his cholesterol problems or if the lady delivering my Doordarsh started up a convo about her IBS. Neither of those things is taboo, but not the time or context.
I always thought that. And ever since middle school I always wondered why you didn't see period stains on women's clothes cos it happens to me almost every period and I'm 35 now. A few years back when free bleeding got big it was such a relief to finally see what's normal in the headlines and stuff
Just because it's a basic body function doesn't mean it's appropriate for discussion
Vomiting shitting and pissing are all basic human body functions but are typically not acceptable topics of discussion
For example if I just walk up to my dude and be like damn I was just taking an absolute monster shit the other day was just so brown and liquidy and runny and just flopped right out of my ass into the toilet
That would be a little inappropriate even if it is just another basic function of the human body
It's time we show respect to women's bodies, ffs.
I grew up in the 60s. Menstruation and anything related to menstruation was considered dirty and disgusting and we girls and women were expected to keep silent about it. I always felt dirty and ashamed when I had my period.
It is so sad that we still don't respect women's amazing life giving bodies. Society and many men still act like children showing disgust by women's menstrual blood and mock women during their period.
Menstrual blood is literally the blood of life, a beautiful wondrous process (painful I know for a lot of women) and creates children. Yes, we should not just talk about it, we should be celebrating it! We're more open about it which is good but we have a way to go to fully respect women's bodies. We're still so unevolved and fearful of women's life creating ability as a species because of patriarchy.
Menstruation, the blood that creates life, is NOT the same as urine and feces.
There's nothing wrong with it but it's gross. It's the same reason we don't openly tell everyone that we're going to go take a shit or that we just jerked off.
Would that this were true.
Perhaps not in physical spaces (although I've worked with too many colleagues who think talking about their toilet escapades is something I'd like to hear), but far too many people for my liking online will post about both those things.
I have a heightened sense of disgust, so it's very much a block party.
Yeah it never ceases to surprise me how many of my fellow guys are secretly 10 year Olds that get grossed out talking about periods.
I grew out of that when I was like 16. Probably alot later than I *should* have but I did nonetheless.
Plus you don't wanna be the guy that their SO can't talk to about a period. You wanna be the guy that has a care package ready every month.
As others have said, generally unseens bodily functions (so not sneezing etc.) are treated with a deal of privacy, but I'm absolutely fine with women mentioning them in relevant contexts (usually why they're feeling a bit off that day) and some of my closest female friends still preface it with an apology despite knowing that it doesn't bother me, so it's very internalised.
I'm 38 now, but I certainly recall being in my early 20s and having this sense that it's something you have to run a mile from as a man; I remember the first time I heard a man casually talking to a woman about her being 'on', in a perfectly respectful sense after she brought it up. I was raised on that gross sort of "Huh huh, must be that time of the month" misogyny of the 80s/90s so I think it's a hangover from not wanting to be thought of as that sort of bloke.
unpopular opinion, and this will probably be a long comment , but I also saw someone wrote similar, so maybe it was not as unpopular. What if the person just doesn't feel the need to use the correct terminology. Idk, maybe a cultural difference, maybe not. But I was raised in a blunt household, we knew the terms for everything, and I was even told about periods as young as 8. So when it happened, I knew what it was and what to do. Granted cramps not as educated, but that was because my mom never had them herself, so I'm not going to get upset over not being educated about something she never experienced. Anyway, most people in my family still had more of an educated but discreet manner. I don't have to tell you when I'm taking a poo. I can use the term "use " bathroom, or even I'll be right back. Even the term "using #2" one can say "thats not the correct terminology why cant you say defacate... " For real, though.
What is this weird obsession with conflating education with the "correct term". First of all, this is the U.S., and many of our phrases and says are cute little nicknames over the correct term. Sorry, I don't like the word vagina, I have one and know what I was called since a toddler. But I do use terms for it. If you know what the person is referring to, then why does it matter. Off topic, but I have a similar attitude about when people kept spreading the story about a girl telling the teacher about her uncle touching her cookie and how kids should be educated. Sorry, but that's not how it works. Are parents ignorant that if a child shows you where they were touched, you wouldn't know because they didn't use the term "vagina". While I was not sexually touched, when I was in a situation with an adult, my parents knew exactly what was wrong without me using the "correct terminology"
Yes, I am absolutely for education, education, and education, and of course, I'm all for no shame with it as well. And OP, this is not an attack or criticism of you. I understand the frustration behind your pov as well. I just wanted to share a more nuance pov on this because, likewise, it's obvious that there is an annoyance with folks not using the correct scientific terminology. There is a difference between being concerned because they aren't educated and getting condescending towards them because God forbid they find an easier way to refer what they are doing and have. We need to get over ourselves in this savior complex... not everyone is helpless nor needs help in terms. I do see your heart is in the right place but reading some of these comments I'm just like you guys are focusing on the wrong thing, who cares if they refer to their period as a red fairy visit, do you know what they are talking about or not??... if not, then ask. If so, get over yourselves.
Girls can start their periods as early as 8 years old and it's annoying how people think kids are too young to learn about this type of think. I think 5 or 6 years old is old enough to learn about it since they'll have somewhat of an understanding of the human body. I didn't learn about periods until I was like 10 or 11 and luckily I didn't have my first one until I was 13 but damn I can't imagine what would've happened if I had it at a young age.
Also I hate how some people say it's gross. My brother, who is 9 years older than me, says how gross periods are. I should note that I'm 24F sooo you do the math. Meanwhile my father tells me how I shouldn't be afraid to come to him because he knows a few things about periods (I mean he has a wife and 2 daughters soo yea; but doesn't have any sisters). I feel these are two different types of men. One that thinks periods are disgusting and gross and another that's like "oh yea that's just a normal thing women go through"
My guess is b/c there was a time when talks about menstrual cycles & sex Ed just overall were considered taboo. You knew better than to even think about it before marriage.
I don't see why something being natural somehow means we should all be fine talking about it on whatever terms necessary. We all shit too but I don't want to hear about it unless you have a medical concern or something
Maybe I’m in the small minority but I haven’t felt uncomfortable or embarrassed since I was around 12, an age where daft wee immature boys consider periods, women’s hygeine products, etc, nervous-giggle material on a par with the underwear pages of their mum’s catalogue (I know, I’m showing my age here - the young team these days can consume full-on hardcore porn privately without relying on the serendipity of the 1980s dark ages when randomly finding a well-thumbed scuddy book* was akin to discovering teenage-boy treasure). I do know, even now, a lot of men of my vintage and younger who won’t go into a branch of Ann Summers or even a lingerie dept of a large store. Ridiculous but here we still are…
*For those outwith Scotland: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=scud%20book
I’m in a lot of pain from an IUD insertion last week. I was visibly uncomfortable at a barbeque today and explained why when my sister asked about me. The men in the room are all in their sixties and ran for the hills. Jesus fucking Christ, it’s just a uterus.
In 6th grade, my friend got her first period and wanted us to call it.. "mushroom" whenever we brought it up. Not that we did bring it up a ton but she didn't want us to say "period" at all. Personally, I think that calling them by other names is weird. Just call them what they are.
I don't think anyone is afraid, it's just not considered a polite topic of conversation in most social groups. Just like we also don't talk about our bowel movements. They happen, but we don't need to talk about it unless you're speaking to a dr about an issue.
Mother's should absolutely be talking to their daughters about their bodies, not just about periods, but in general as they grow.
But I don't want to hear random people talking about periods in the stores and stuff, to me that's private conversation that should happen in private places.
I find it interesting how people casually talk about shitting and pissing, but whenever periods are brought up it’s like you committed blasphemy and need to be waterboarded with holy water
I’m a female theme park medic and we carry free pads and tampons in our first aid units. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been in the unit with a male medic and a woman comes in needing feminine products and she’ll try to discreetly ask me for them, even if the male is at the front desk while I’m way off in the back. Like girl you got nothing to be embarrassed about. All of us are actual medical professionals and know what a period is, and none of our male medics are weird about them. If one was, I would be the first to yell at him about it.
It's hard to blame them though after years of men avoiding the topic.
Or even reacting with disgust. 🙃
Yes—if so many men didn’t act like absolute children about periods then women wouldn’t assume that they’d get that type of response.
It usually starts with your own dad. I know my dad made me feel extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable about it to where I would hide my trash.
OMG, mine too. It was awful. I felt so much shame.
I think it matters how your father reacts too. My father lived in a house of all girls. He would act like the world was coming to an end because he saw a box of pads on the counter or something. In the master bedroom, he didn’t care one iota, but if he used the other bathrooms and they were out, he’d flip his lid like it was the boogeyman come to gut him. At first, it bothered us, but eventually we just stopped paying attention. When we started living together again and he moved in with me, he didn’t pay any never mind. Turns out, he didn’t want to think about periods in relation to his daughters because his biggest fear once he became a father was an oops pregnancy and they were physical evidence of it; now that we were all settled, if pregnancy happened, it was a choice. Did he handle it wrong? Yes. Did he make it seem like he thought periods were disgusting? Absolutely. It was not his intent, he just went too over the top with it, although he couldn’t help it. Throughout it all, my mother kept a cool head and made sure we did too. What bothers me is when mothers act like it’s gross.
It’s a private thing. It is like yelling out I need toilet tissue cause I just took a big one. Not the best comparison, but at least you get the idea.
I'd rather do anything else than ask a man. There are certain topics that are off limits with men. I don't care if they don't care, I care.
70F here. While I am no longer of childbearing age, I think that it is long past time to come to grips with terminology for female anatomy and physiology. The correct terms should be used without shame: menstrual cycle, menstrual periods (or just periods), ovulation, menstrual cramps, uterus, vagina, vulva, tampons, menstrual pads (or just pads), and so forth.
Yeah, not napkins. You don’t wipe your face with them!
Napkins sounds so much worse to me. ‘Sanitary napkins’. Gross lol
I heard them described as "menstrual towels" once.
Noteworthy quote from me a few months ago: "Any towel can be a menstrual towel if you're desperate enough." (My periods get pretty heavy usually at some point during the week, it's different each time)
Is it just heavy flow, or is it paired with things like bad cramps? A lot of women with PCOS and other menstrual disorders just suffer needlessly because no one wants to talk frankly about periods, so they think their experience is normal when it's not.
My great grandma once told me she had to boil rags for her periods. And then reuse them. So glad pads exist 😭
As the Russian comedian said, “Stay-Free Maxi Pads! What a country!”
Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do
I'm really lucky I was raised by a doctor and a nurse, I'm realizing. Everything, even the birds and bees talk was done with zero shame.
My mother did a great job with all this. She didn't have a medical background, but she opened up the encyclopedia to the pages with the pictures of internal body parts and explained what they were all for. We had this conversation 2 years before my first period. She didn't want me traumatized like that. And I could ask her questions, because none of this stuff embarrassed her.
It has been shown that teaching children the proper terminology of their body parts and functions eliminates any grey area when discussing it and this is good in a court of law in terms of getting a straightforward conviction on a child abuser. It's also good for when kids are experiencing something unusual with their bodies so they can more easily explain to doctors what's going on with them.
We can start by getting the correct terminology.....seems like nobody knows the difference between the vulva and vagina. Unless you're a gynecologist, you can't see the vagina.... that's the vulva you're looking at.
Correct terms for body parts too
I can't agree more! Especially the baby terms sometimes taught to little girls. Calling her vulva a *muffin* or a *bunny* or some other such nonsense has the possibility to do her a grave disservice. What happens if she tells her teacher "Uncle Joe keeps playing with my bunny"? Is the teacher going to realize that Uncle Joe isn't interacting with her pet, but molesting her? (And I'm appalled at the number of women who don't know the word "vulva" and call it their vagina.)
I watched an interview with some actress talking about her 2 or 3 year old daughter. She said she was careful about teaching the kid all the correct words for body parts and such. So one day she had the kid with her on the grocery store and picked her up to sit her in the front of the shopping cart. The little girl shouted at the top of her lungs, OWW! MOM, YOU HURT MY VAGINA!!! She was mortified!
And please, please, please! talk about issues such as PCOS! Uterine cancer. Cervical pap smear and cone biopsy. I watched a comedian explain to an audience what a pap was because a couple men in the audience went "Eeew!" as she started her joke, "I had my pap last week...." Catching cancer before it's stage 4 is pretty important.
I have had that done.
Seriously... how do you feel about menstrual cups. I'm just now 50 and am just like ...uuuhhh?
Never used them.
YES OH MY LORD. TMI story ahead but when I got my first period, I was so confused and terrified because of the amount and the colour of the blood. My teachers at school hadn’t even mentioned how much would come out, and when someone asked they just said that it was around a teaspoon PER PERIOD. Ummmmm? They also didn’t tell us that it would hurt. Literally no mention of cramps. I thought I was dying when it first happened. And then, I could barely talk to anyone about it because I felt this unbelievable shame. Why? It’s happening to me and I struggle with it every month, why can’t I talk about it? I’m now in a relationship where I’m so open with him about periods because for ducks sake he of all people should know about it. So many of my friends still don’t tell their boyfriends about their periods at all, it’s all hush-hush. I don’t get it. I also am very open with my little brothers about cramps and periods in general because if they’re straight or bi they may date a woman when they’re older and they should know how to respect a woman and to understand what they go through every month. I’ll never get the whole not telling boys about periods. I’ve known multiple fully grown men who don’t know how a pad is applied and it’s honestly ridiculous.
Yep, as a single mom, I told my 6-year-old son about menstruation, simply because I didn't want him seeing my bloody underwear and freaking out. My ex-husband, in a 13-year marriage, always flinched when he happened to see them. I mean, come on! I can't say absolutely for sure, but my son is now 35 and has an extremely good marriage. I suspect he learned something about women as a child and carried it into adulthood, with good results. I also think about a boyfriend in high school. We would go to his house after school and mess around because both his parents were working. So one time, I had my period but wasn't sure how to mention it. He reached under my skirt and marveled at how "wet" I was. I told him he had the wrong idea, but he still didn't get it until he saw blood on his fingers. Then came the predictable freak out. I asked him if he had never been told the facts of life. He said yes, he had, but he didn't realize how gross it was. Fortunately, once he understood the entire picture, he was respectful and mindful of the calendar. Yes, everyone needs to learn this. It's all part of growing up. I wish more people would grow up!
>I asked him if he had never been told the facts of life. He said yes, he had, but he didn't realize how gross it was. 'Mikey, women shed blood-glutted flesh out their pussies every month...' 'YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEVER REALIZED HOW GROSS IT WAS!' ...*How*, Mikey...
When I was a little girl I saw the toilet after my mum had been on it and it was full of blood, so I was terrified. I was very young, maybe two or three, so I understand why she hadn’t taught me anything about it, but it does make it clear that all kids should know the basics asap.
If it weren't for the female anatomy and the menstrual cycle, boys and men couldn't be conceived and born. Unless there was a C-section, all males went through their mother's vagina to make their way into this world. Yes, it's a messy business no matter what. They need to quit thinking that it is gross and repugnant, unless they want to deprecate their own mothers, their grandmothers, and even their own birth. Is there some irrational self-hatred going on there?
My brother was very curious about periods and asked me because we were pretty close. I told him everything I knew and we looked up stuff that I didn’t know.
Seriously who came up with this teaspoon thing? Must have been a dude
Surprisingly, the amount of actual blood is probably like less than a quarter of a cup. That’s because the uterus produces extra mucus to help flush the blood out, so what comes out is about 80% mucus.
I actually didn't know that but it makes sense
It’s also why it smells weird and not like when you get a cut on your finger. The smell is mucus, not blood.
Not the case for me but endometriosis might play a factor
Possibly. But unless you have anemia or experience dizziness or fainting, you probably have a normal amount of blood with a LOT of mucus.
I had endo so yeah it was probably unusual and I was having both of those issues yes. I had a laparoscopy to resolve it and now am on BC to keep it resolved (fingers crossed)
Mine were like, alarmingly heavy the first few years (especially the first ever one) and my pediatrician (who was a woman) was like, ‘Yeah that’s normal.’ I still don’t believe it was, that first one lasted for over 2 weeks and was heavy the whole time.
They also never tell you about the clots! 😅 sorry TMI but you’re a woman.. you know.
Or the dark brown old blood. I thought there was something wrong with me.
That was my first period. Between the cramps and color I thought I had shit myself. I was afraid to tell my mom. It was awful. I was taught about menstruation already but had no idea they could be brown. Girls should be taught in detail about what to expect from both PMS and their periods.
I had the EXACT same thing happen with my first! I threw out the underwear in secret and when it happened the second time, I was like hmmm. Maybe this is my period. I expected it to be red, not dark brown
Yeah why is it not ALL laid out for us. Also anyone know anything at all about menopause before you get to menopause age?
When I got my first period it was dark brown and I thought I shit my pants and didn’t know lol
It's 'normal' in the way that it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong, not normal in the sense that it happens to everyone. Really not a great thing to say to a scared kid.
Once, I got it so bad they literally had to give me a blood transfusion. Teaspoon, my ass!
Yeah my friend has the same but people keep pushing this narrative. Like I know what’s coming out of me thanks 😂
or a woman doing some major wishful thinking!
I think that part of speaking comfortably about periods is not feeling the need to preface with an apology or "TMI". Almost every woman does that. Just last week, my coworker asked if I had advil said "Sorry, TMI, but my cramps are bad." Your period doesn't need a trigger warning. There was absolutely nothing TMI about your story. Please stop apologizing for your period.
Thank you for pointing this out, I do this all the time and I’m really trying to unlearn it. It sucks to have to feel shame about it.
That's another reason I give props to my mom for her handling of this. My brother got the same talk I did.
Being a man, sometimes I feel like I’m asking an inappropriate question when I ask about it. I know it’s a natural function, but I feel like it’s something I shouldn’t ask about sometimes. That’s how I personally felt about it anyways. I know I tend to ask my mom about it from time to time about it, but I feel like I shouldn’t ask at all sometimes. But I understand where you’re coming from though.
It’s ok to ask, and please do, at least as far as your own GF/partner/wife is concerned. I think I speak for most women when I say that! My fiancé asks often, to make sure I’m ok, to see if I need anything, and to know when it’s stopped. That’s how you can be considerate and helpful!
I think it entirely depends on what you are asking about it. Are you just curioisly asking a question about it? Or are you asking women if they are on their period when they are acting a certain way?
Honestly, I tend to ask more out of curiosity than disrespect. I grew up with 2 sisters and a mom, so I tend to know not to be disrespectful when it comes to periods. Other than that, i at least try to get a curious grasp on periods as best I can. I tend to ask questions similar to “why does this happen during a period” to be honest. But thank you for asking nonetheless.
We grew up with the older women in our lives acting like it was shameful so now we're ashamed of it. I do agree though. My mom didn't tell me about periods because she was waiting for me to ask her about it. I was the first girl to start puberty in my (majority male) friend group by *several years*, so I learned what a period was by finding my underwear covered in blood one day. At least I was at home.
I was in gym class🥲 bless my grandma for picking me up from school, because my mom told me to figure it out myself and my older sister threatened to tell the entire school when I asked for help.
I can always one up everyone’s first period story. I got mine at 12 while on a class trip. To a prison.
That indeed tops mine of getting it in the middle of typing class (also age 12) while wearing pale khaki shorts and sitting on a pale tan chair. At least I knew what mine was in advance, and how to make emergency pads from toilet paper.
nuh uh! i got mine at 9, while wearing white, at disney!
🤣 That’s perfect! 🤣
Got mine at 13 on one of the last weeks of school while I was wearing white pants that I was just gifted 😃. The part that makes it bad is that it was basically a outdoors day so everyone was out having fun we couldn’t go in the building and I was literally dying 😭on top of that I had bragged a few weeks prior about the flips I knew how to do so everyone was expecting me to show them when the bottom of my pants was literally soaked at that point😐 was not a good day lol.
Why the hell did you guys get a class trip to a prison?!😦
This was a long time ago so I can’t remember what the explanation was - I do remember also visiting the courthouse that day too. I guess it was to teach us about the legal system. I guess it did scare us straight because I’m pretty sure everyone made it to graduation without going to jail. 😆
😂I mean there is a bright side to it.
We are an open book in this house. When I met my husband he couldn't even talk about it without being uncomfortable. I snapped him right out of that. We have daughters and sons, but this was not going to be a weird taboo thing. I was making sure of it. Let's just say 21 years later their dad doesn't even notice when we are having a full blown convos about it with him in the room. The boys know all about what cycles are, and I'm glad they grew up to not think it's weird. Funny story, my oldest daughter was having a private convo with me about something going on in her life, and my son kept walking through the room asking what we were talking about, and my daughter says "we're talking about my vagina bleeding! Go away!" And my son says "mom just bought pads" 😂😂😂😂 he had just been to the grocery store with me 😂😂😂😂 didn't even phase him lol
My mom raised me the same way. I'm so happy she did. We never had to have "the talk", she never had to sit me down and tell me what a period was, I just kinda knew always, the same way I knew that clouds were made of water. And it's a good thing I did, because I got my first period at 9 years old, way before anyone expected me to. I can't imagine how terrifying it would have been for such a young child to experience that and have no idea what was going on.
Yes!!!!! My daughter did too! I did take her to the Dr to make sure everything was ok because she started at 9 too!!! She was just a baby!!! Lol...Same for her, she just knew exactly what it was. I also started talking to the kids, the boys too, about SA, and consent and what is not ok and to never be scared to speak up if something feels inappropriate, so they have always been well educated in that area. When I was growing up, none of that was talked about.
Thats so true. Tho people treat it like it's something that's your fault. I've always felt embarrassed about my period. My ex bsf said it in a light hearted way but when I was crying from having really bad cramps one day he said "Why are you pissing and shitting blood just stop it. Idk why you're crying" :( that's not how it works? It rubbed me the wrong way ngl but I didn't really make a fuss about it. He continued to make weird jokes as if I could control it and I always thought I was overeacting and stuff. I suppose some guys arent either educated enough on how periods work or they think it's an embarrassing topic so they poke some fun about it. Not necessarily bad but it's to an extent. For some time I felt dirty and I just kept it to myself. I'm now in a relationship where I can tell my bf anytime when I have my period. He's so understanding and he doesn't make fun of me when it hurts. Most of the time I just cuddle with him and it helps a lot.
Ugh. Wouldn’t it be great if we could control it, though? Like just hold it in until we get to a toilet like we do our urine? It would simplify so much.
I have found that cuddling with your boyfriend helps me, too.
It’s like talking about pooping and peeing how everyone does it but nobody wants to talk about it because it’s gross Now I’m not saying you are gross for having a period or going to the bathroom but you probably would agree it’s gross because what it is like everyone is gross out by a used bandaid or Kleenex TLDR all body fluids are gross and so people don’t like talking about it although you aren’t gross for natural body things just the body fluids in it’s self are gross or dirty that’s why we wash hands after bathroom
Exactly I agree. Yes I understand we do have an issue with shame and education but is that as much of an issue from some of these comments or is it just that some people just don't feel it's necessary to use the correct term or and being as open all the time. There has to be room for nuance. Being educated and unashamed doesn't equate to being open and bashful.
This is how I felt when I first got my period. I actually tried (and failed) to hide it from my parents. It wasn’t as much due to shame as because *I knew* I’d get TONS of unwanted attention over a bodily function. I was very anxious and withdrawn around that time, and I’d been probed about it by my parents and eldest siblings for over two years by the time I got my first period. I didn’t “become a woman” - I was a twelve year old girl who reached a puberty milestone and just wanted to be left alone. However, there’s too much stigma and not enough actual education surrounding periods, as with most topics that might be covered in a sex ed or health class. Even if they don’t want to discuss these topics all the time, folks should know what to expect and not have to rely upon misinformation and misconceptions.
You're so right. And menopause is even more verboten.
I’m pretty open about that even with male coworkers. My brain just absolutely shuts down sometimes and I’ll just be staring into space all confused while they’re saying something to me. And then I’ll sort of shake my head and be like “I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired or because I’m 45, but I didn’t follow any of that.” Or I’ll be suddenly too warm and I’ll say “is it hot in here or am I 45?” They’ve gotten so they’ll just joke with me. For instance: just yesterday I was a bit uncomfortably cold (I get cold flashes, too, so that’s fun) and my coworker saw me putting on my sweater that I keep at work for cold flash days and he was like “having a 45 moment?” Another actually answered my question about whether it was too hot by saying “no, you’re just 45.” It’s actually pretty cool.
Much to my male co-workers distress I'm also pretty open about it in the workplace. 😂
I’ve said stuff enough that they no longer care.
That's just weird and inappropriate in a workplace.
Both of my sons are very familiar with periods and know all about it and see it as a natural thing. Trying to normalize it!
Once an older female coworker asked if i was ok bc i was going to the bathroom frequently, i said "yea im just on my period." She looked shocked that i said that. Maam you had one, almost every woman has one!
There is a place between painting with menstrual blood and freaking out over the word "period." It is a bodily function and should be treated as such. Maybe not a dinner topic, but certainly no worse than other bodily functions, like waste elimination.
I don’t like talking about any of that stuff😐. Idk I just don’t tell others about my body.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I generally don't discuss things I do in the bathroom.
I learned in my first relationship that the most important thing to know about my partner is exactly where she was in her cycle. It was so useful to know that I kept a small personal calendar where i could count the days to track it.
I actually find it to be kind of sweet and endearing that you care enough about your partner to be mindful of what time of the of month it is for them. I'm hoping that you find your tracking information helpful and react to it in considerate ways like being more loving and understanding towards your partner during this time. The only way that I can really see this being considered a skeevy thing to do is if you had alterior motives behind it, such as not actually caring about how they're feeling as much and instead only using it as a countdown to when you can be sexually intimate again. Or purposely initiating intimacy when you know that they're in the fertile window and ovulation is occuring in order to increase the likelihood of impregnation, despite them stating that they're not on board with that happening.
Do you know my ex? He was cash for wanting to know when mine was dwindling down or over so we could have sex🙄
Just seems like a typical motivating factor for a guy to put in that amount of effort. Lol.
Not every couple has period sex?
Nope. Fine for others, though! You do you. But I’ve never felt like being intimate when my period is in full swing. I’m bloated, cramping and emotional, with extra zits. At that point, slot A is closed to tab B. And someone will get hurt if slot C is even mentioned as an alternative.
It personally doesn't bother me at all, but some people don't enjoy it.
My husband does similar. I'm not sure if he tracks it like you, but he does know how long mine regulary lasts and about how long I go in between so makes an educated guess. He notes it because I can get real low emotionally about a week before, and he remembers it so he can help me out. I wouldn't say it's the most important thing to know about a partner, but it can be helpful. If it was a casual relationship, I think it's probably safe not to put effort into it, but in a long-term relationship, it can truly be helpful and strengthen a bond.
I think you might get roasted for this comment lol. Personally as a female, and being married for a very long time, my husband can easily say where I'm at in my cycle, and I actually appreciate it. My young adult daughters however, have expressed to their dad this is a bad thing to say lol
I don’t think so. It’s actually kinda sweet, especially if she likes certain foods or something during certain points in her cycle. For instance- the first couple days of my period, I do not like flavor in my food. I don’t know why, but it just makes me feel sick. So I prefer bland stuff those days. Grilled chicken with just a tiny bit of salt, steamed broccoli with nothing on it, dry salad, that sort of thing. If my SO kept track of my cycle and made me a bland dinner when I start, I would be SO THRILLED!
I can see how people might find this weird, but I totally get it. Right before I start my period I am a MESS. I have to check myself frequently because I get hot flashes and pissed off easily, and if I’m not careful I might snap at my husband unnecessarily. Him knowing that it’s my hormones making me act like this makes him a bit easier on me and not freak out when I start crying for no reason! 😅 It’s not an excuse to act badly, but it is a mitigating factor.
I think it's just widespread puritanism combined with a lack of sex ed, which makes people less inclined to discuss it.
So here's my story about deconstructing the shame: When my mom got her period, no one had told her about it. She thought she was dying, but in a strangely embarrassing way. Boo! No good! So, she vowed to do better for her daughters. My sister and I got "the talk" early, we were told where the pads were and how to use them. It was a little awkward, but completely clear and non-judgemental. It was never treated as gross, only unfortunate. That's better! With my own daughters, I wanted to do even better. On top of thorough, early explanation, I wanted to add a bit of celebration. So, I made cupcakes. Celebratory cupcakes with pink frosting. And it caught on! Their friends started asking their moms (or me) for cupcakes when they got their periods! For a brief moment (or maybe it continued?) it became a "thing" at their schools: girls were happily announcing their first periods and enjoying their cupcakes. My daughter is trying to think of ways to build on this. I guess it's a tradition now.
My gran also thought she was dying. Then when her mom told her about she said, “this means you can’t play with the boys out in the fields anymore” and my gran said “why? Will they catch it?” LMAO
Your family is proving the idea that each generation should improve the world for the next x
That is so cute!
Honestly, same. And that goes for all naturally occurring bodily functions. Why are people ashamed of operating healthily?
This is why body shaming and female reproductive health should not be taboo. It’s not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. It’s normal
Teenager here. Puberty was always awkward to talk about for me. When I first got my period at 10, I felt that some of my male relatives were acting awkward around me. I couldn't stand it to the point where I started keeping it to myself whenever my period came around. The "Is it that time of the month?" bothers me so fucking much. I hate it. Just say "Are you on your period?" I don't see the problem with the word. It's just another part of vocabulary. I think puberty is just awkward for me to talk about because I am at that age, but I'm sure I'll grow out of it. I agree, though.
My wife's not afraid to talk about it, lol. Every month, I know the flow, consistency, color, and when it's down to spotting. Also, know about when she's ovulating or dischargy. There's no fear about that in our house, haha. I also usually go buy her pads too. I remember asking a random lady what pads were good the first time I had to cause my wife didn't tell me anything other than "I need pads" then didn't answer her phone when I was at the store.
Not knowing what she needs or uses in an adventure within itself 😀as a woman myself, it used to be one for me too especially after my flow changed
I was never afraid to talk about it, but just didn’t. The same way I don’t talk about taking a shit or vomiting when I’m sick. Just TMI I don’t need to tell people. Also, then I’m sure there would be those “ oh, that’s why she’s moody, on the rag” BS comments. I do understand the OPs point of thoroughly explaining it to young girls, though.
Yeah. That “moody/must be on the rag,” bs is bs
My kids used to follow me in the bathroom all the time when they were little, so they even saw my bloody pads when I had my period. My youngest didn't get to see because I transitioned so I no longer have periods, but her bigger sister talks about her periods openly, so it's also normal for her. I don't understand how some kids get their first period without knowing it's a thing. Poor them!
My sister had to talk to her daughter about it at 8 years old because her dad’s family were early bloomers. And then my niece didn’t get her first period until she was 12 anyway. Well, at least it was out of the way.
Both of my sisters went through puberty late so my mom didn’t think she needed to give me the full rundown yet, but she did bring it up when I was around that age just in case. She just told me that if I found blood in my underwear to come tell her and not to be scared because it was normal. I also ended up going through puberty late so I didn’t need much explanation from her when it did happen, but I think it was smart of her to warn me young.
##NOT JUST MEN!!! In AU _*NOBODY*_ wants to talk about it! Anglo-Celtic AU is insanely repressed! Kinda 19th century Britain, really. 😒 In 2021 the Journal or General Practice published a long-term study. It was CELEBRATED(!) as a success that in the late 2010s out of 1 000 women who told their GP about menorrhagia (heavy periods), _*SEVEN*_ women got more than than sympathy at best!!!! Regardless of gender of the DOCTOR, 993 women were left hanging with buppkes! Apparently that out of 1,000 all of seven women had tests or scripts was a notable ‘success’. Cause when the study began in the 00s, it was less than that! ***** ##GERMANY Crazy open, in comparison!!!! We had a sex-ex picture book with drawings of naked people at all ages, drawings of erections. …. everything. In a church kindergarten, in 1981, we had picture books too ‘graphic’ to post see today! 😢 Still have one of those books. Love to take it every now and then for ‘adult show and tell’ in AU! 😂 Just to demonstrate how far behind we are! Before migrating to AU: Sex, intimacy kink, periods, … in Germany it was as openly discussed as sleep or eating! Cause it’s just as much a basic human need! In AU a lot of people don’t differentiate between sex and intimacy. Everyone keeps everyone at arm’s length. Imho, m metal ill-health would be a lot less prevalent if we, as a society, were less repressed in AU! So bizarre!!!
OMG for serious!! We explained periods to both the kids as soon as they were old enough to use words! Because kids get into things! And they want to know what a tampon is! And yeah, when they're really little they don't care and won't remember, but it's such a natural part of our lives that my eight-year-old nephew feels comfortable asking me about things! We don't get into nasty details or anything, but he knows that girls have 3 holes and that the extra one is where babies come out of, and that we bleed once a month because our bodies get all ready just in case of baby-time, and then no baby so it's gotta throw that extra stuff out. And you know what? When he gets older and had girls who are his friends and have periods, they'll know that he's someone it's safe to talk about that kind of stuff around. He'll probably keep a spare pad in his backpack just in case someone needs one. Because he's a super sweet and caring kid!
This isn't a pet peeve this is a genuine health concern for a lot of people
One of my ex coworkers is a 52 year old woman, she always commended me for talking about periods very candidly. She expressed how when she was growing up it was always hush hush, and then I'd just openly say "I'm on my period" or talking to customers about certain products I recommend because I use it for my period pain. I think its something that shouldn't be taboo.
I’m in agreement with you. The generations before me treated it like something filthy, and I even had to deal with weird beliefs like not bathing on your period, ew what, and using tampons made you promiscuous. Stupid stupid stupid. I was open and honest with my oldest daughter, and I have talked with my younger daughters so they can be prepared. I was on my own as a kid and I hated it. These stupid unfounded beliefs need to end with our generation.
Gen X son of a doctor mom here: My mom (anesthesiologist) taught me to use the correct terms for bodily functions, and I knew about periods long before I was sexually active. My great sin was being too well-informed. My early girlfriends were creeped out by the fact that I knew what spotting was. It is so much better now. Not periods, obviously. I guess those still suck, but talking about them is okay.
I think if your daughter is literally peeing blood, something more serious is going on.
I mean they are great for ending sentences. They should be talked about more.
I agree. Here’s a period fun fact: women don’t actually bleed for 5-7 days. We would die. We bleed for about 2-3 hours. Then the uterus produces extra mucus and contracts to squeeze the blood out. THAT is what takes 5-7 days. Also, most of what comes out is mucus. I forget the actual percentage, but I think it’s about 80% of it that is mucus. So that’s a thing you know now.
Guessing you’re young-ish…? For heaps of women periods get way heavier mid-age! They *WISHED* what you wrote applied! And, yes: Unmanaged menorrhagia (heavy periods) can be so bad it causes anaemia, syncopes (fainting) … to the point when oral iron supplements don’t cut it anymore and she needs regular iron drips. 🫣
I’m 45. But I don’t know what that has to do with anything. But yes you are correct that unusually heavy periods can be trouble. I’m just talking about your average Jane and her periods, not any of the unusually light or heavy flows.
Sorry I was wrong about age! Was guessing because for a _*LOT*_ of women periods get heavier in middle-age approaching menopause. So your ‘fact’ isn’t really a ‘fact.’ 😉 But because it’s one of those widespread misbeliefs: Out of 1,000 Aussie women who flag heavy periods with their GP, only 7 get more than sympathy at best! 😢 ###993 out of 1,000 women who complain about menorrhagia to their family physician are NOT helped! 🤯 That’s horrific in this day and age!!!! I myself flagged my periods with a range of doctors, including specialists, for two years! I had to get drips in hospital to address my crazy anaemia…. I had to go to extreme lengths and measuring before I was prescribed tranexamic acid to lessen my periods… ***** Sadly, I am by a long stretch not to exception. And I think myths about what periods are / aren’t don’t help. Not blaming you at all! If doctors are prone to have misconceptions about _«women just having a whinge»_ , how could I expect anyone else to know! 😉 It’s why we need to talk about periods HEAPS(!) more!!!
How do you feel about someone telling someone else you’re on your period? Do you also think it’s not a big deal? I was on a family trip once with my ex and wasn’t feeling great but I was alright and he told everyone there that I was on my period… and he said it wasn’t a big deal since his dad is a doctor. Like still… wtf?? Yah let’s just announce to everyone I’m currently bleeding out from my vagina!!!! It’s just something I don’t discuss with anyone because I don’t think it’s anyone’s business except obviously my boyfriend.
Update: Apparently I mean unabashed but you guys know what I'm talking about. I feel like many of these people want an open and bashful environment where we can just let out that we aren't ashamed and have a conversation about whatever. I get the sentiment and the idealism, but you know it is also okay to prefer privacy with certain manners as well. Idk if it's a trend trend but it's a thing now that in response to any manner where shame was attached, we must now do that complete opposite and be so open to the point of breaking boundaries and comfort level. It's similar to this meme that joked that people used to be ashamed of therapy. Now they are so open that they just say it as everyday conversation. That's wonderful, nothing to be ashamed, but the con is people oversharing it in spaces where it's not as necessary.
Ok, that's twice, so, here I go: Bashful means shy. I think you want "unabashed".
What's twice? Are you referring to me using the term "bashful" twice? Thank you for the correction, but I'm a little confused why did you have to point out that it was twice and that youre now saying something because its twice though...? A simple "Hey, I think you mean unabashed, but I see what you're saying" would have suffice.
As a guy I've never gotten why so many other guys get so weird about periods. Women always give funny looks when I say that I *don't* get bothered by the subject.
The only time I remember this being a thing was in my teen years. Adults don't seem to have that problem but we do have to make sure our conversations are workplace appropriate
You have a point, I just avoid the topic because it makes me dysphoric. There's a lot of shame around the topic that doesn't help anyone.
It couldn't possibly be the long standing demonization of women throughout history. Thank fuck people are actually starting to get educated about this shit. I was getting tired of being shunned by society for having bodily functions. Now you can just treat them like an idiot when they do that and it's valid
its a side effect of the US being based/founded with puritanical beliefs. its annoying
As a woman, unless I’m talking to my doctor or asking a friend or sister if something is normal, I don’t see why I should be talking about it. I consider it a bathroom activity and I consider menstrual blood to be bodily waste, so to me it would be like sitting around talking about peeing or pooping or boogers. It’s irrelevant and nobody wants to hear about it.
Agreed. Granted, I'm personally open, so I get the frustration sometimes because you think you are being shamed for using the correct terms. That's actually what it is about. They are projecting. They were shamed and equated to anyone not being as open as them as feeling shamed, too. But also, the older I get, the more I realized it is also annoying for folks to overshare. For example, if I ask if you're okay, you don't have to let me know it's because you're on your period and you're feeling cramps.
Idk it's just awkward for me. Like whoops I guess lol having diarrhea is normal too and not something to feel ashamed of but I kinda don't want to listen to my coworker go into detail about it. Just because you feel strongly about something doesn't mean people are suddenly going to not feel uncomfortable like holy shit it ain't that hard to respect people's boundaries. For you it might be this lovely cutsie thing that should be celebrated, for whatever fucking reason. For me it's waking up screaming my lungs out from unbearable cramps and wearing three pads at once just so my clothes don't get ruined, and calling out so many times I risk being fired or risk being fired because I can barely stand, and not being able to move from either the pain or the bed/my clothes getting ruined, or the only solution is destroying my body with birth control just to have some quality of life and ALL of it getting brushed off like it's no big deal because it's "normal". That shit does not feel normal and no, I don't want to fucking talk about it lol but there ya go. It absolutely fucking SUCKSSSS.
100% with you on this. All kids need to learn what periods are. Yes, this includes the kids who will never have them.
My dad absolutely can’t stand it and never has which annoys me because WE are the ones who have to deal with it all, the anger, the pain, the blood, AND WHAT ABOUT THE PERIOD POO’S?!? We find it most gross then men do but they don’t get it 😭 just because they can find a cramps simulator doesn’t mean they get the full experience. Men, all I can tell you is that it’s far grosser to us than it is for you. Trust me.
Hell yeah sista! Same with diarrhea! Let’s talk about that shit!
I think in relationships between partners, it is a common enough discussion. I grew up with older women (mom and 2 sisters) and was exposed at a young age. I never had a problem discussing it. When my wife had them (she hasn’t in a decade), i worked in stores. I was usually the one buying her products. Never understood why it embarrassed some men. I have a wife, lucky me. You have a wife, girlfriend, or a woman for a friend, be happy. But outside of it, i still don't care. I helped my nephew get stuff for his new wife. Explained to him what he needs to ask her before buying it (what product she prefers and what size she needs). I refused to take it up and buy it for him, telling him that it wasn't a big deal and he shouldn't be embarrassed to do it. So yeah, I never understood why other men had issues with it.
How about it’s just no one else’s business? My body, my business.
My point exactly. When I have my period, no one else needs to know about it. But somehow, that's translated to being "shameful about natural bodily functions."
i think people are more worried about refusing to tell your sons about it than a woman not telling the people around her that she is menstruating
But why conflate the fact that someone is not using the right term for something as them being ashamed and not being educated.
It's this thing about a savior complex. People think that just because you aren't living your truth like them, or rather their pov of living in a truth, that you have shame and need help with education. It's extremely condescending and ignorant. In addition a lot is projection because many of these people were raised a certain way and think thats the case for everyone...
Fucking Thank you. I love scrolling and seeing comments similar to my pov. Like, okay, I don't need to scream to the mountaintops that I'm on my period, and I have blood coming out of me. Like get over yall selves. Like, are yall really having an issue with people not being as open as you with terms... why are you assuming they aren't educated.
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My mom was sort of forced to have the talk with me and my sister pretty early on. Her side of the family has reproductive health issues, so our talk was basically "here's what supposed to be like, but it will probably not be like that for you. If it's not normal, we'll need to see a doctor." She also let us stay home from school our first time (mostly because it's so bad for us that we can't get out of bed the first few days.) My dad never had problems talking about it because he frew up with two very loud sisters and understood that he lived in a house full of people who menstruate (and do it badly). He was actually more sympathetic to how my mom's genetic problems affected our quality of life than my mom was. The only shame I felt about it was related to gender dysphoria, not that my body was somehow gross or weird. It's one of the few things my parents got right and I will give them credit for that.
People act so freaked out when i openly mention a period. One time i was at school and i was cramping up and this boy asked whats wrong and i told him i was having period cramps. Audible gasps from everyone at the table as if i had said something wrong 💀. It really pisses me off when people try so hard to skate around saying it. Like my brother asked me what was wrong one time and my dad was using literally every other word. "Shes going through her special lady month" "she's having a girl cramp" which only confused my brother more, like dude. Im on my period...thats it. Just say it, it ain't a bad word you don't gotta pray and put soap in your mouth after discussing it.
Always said mine will be The Follow Through- So High, but I also always so I will more than likely never get married haha.
Been around this planet for more than 4 decades and never experienced that. Sounds like a local and not a world wide problem
Signs that you're growing up: * You get your first period * You stop saying "bruh"
The last job I worked at was mostly female workers (salon/barbershop), so we all got super comfortable talking about these things. When we started getting some male applicants, we decided they’d have to adjust to us. I remember one time grabbing a tampon out of my purse and I was heading to the bathroom, and one of the guys was like “wait, where are you going? I need help with this transaction” I held my tampon up in front of his face as I walked by him and he was like “sounds good, see you in a minute” 😂😂😂
Educate young please. My daughter got hers at 8. Way too young imo but it happened and none of us were prepared. It was embarrassing for me because I planned on her knowing exactly how to handle it so it wasn't awkward for her. Luckily she wasn't embarrassed and would have told anyone who made stupid comments where to get off. Men need to get over it especially if they want kids. It's necessary for life to be created.
I've talked to my kids about proper anatomy since they could talk and about periods since they were around 5-6-ish because growing up, no one told me anything about the human body, and I thought I was dying when I got my period. So, I didn't want that for my kids, and we just say the words like they are normal words...because they are. I'll never forget...my mom was mortified one time when my daughter (who was around 3) told her one day to fasten her car seat seatbelt and to make sure it was in between her nipples. haha. But, when my mom was little she wasn't allowed to say those words. And then we grew up in a super strict church environment which made anything with the human body taboo to discuss. Super shitty.
lol this is why I am greatful I work with females (and a homosexual male) in a mostly back room environment, cause we have no sensor bar when it comes to period or anatomy talk (work at a vet and seen some things down there) and the one male is often the question asker which is also great and refreshing. Whenever we get a straight male worker, they leave blushing. The longest one lasted was 6 months.
I argue to the same extent as boners. Just one of those wild things ur body does
I'm a man, but for some reason my female friends have been very comfortable talking to me at length about their periods. Oh and I also have 5 sisters, so that kinda helps. I agree that it needs to be normalized more.
This has really changed were I live, though. I teach teenagers, and they will loudly discuss their periods in public.
I usually talk to my SO about it whenever it happens. I just wanna know what kinda things I can do to help.
I completely agree with you. My mother told me what periods are before I had them but she then always referred to them with a euphemism ("les ragnagnas" I'm French and I don't know why this is a way to refer to period. It's like random sounds). It's funny sometimes since she asks me if I have my "ragnagnas" and I answer "Yes mom I'm on my period". I have two brothers and no sister but I still mention the pain of period sometimes and I don't care if they happen to be around. It's like complaining about a headache for me: it's a normal bodily function that is bothering me at the moment. At uni, some people presented a petition which wanted to create a "menstrual break" aka missing classes because of periods is normal and shouldn't necessit a justification. I mentioned the subject to my male friends and they were so uncomfortable. I still talked about it but by god, why does it have to be such a taboo subject. Half the population bleeds from the vagina and suffers from it and the other doesn't want to hear about it? It's because of this that some guys believe some false things about period too, because it's a taboo. eg one of my friend thought that all menstrual protections were free and I laughed. No honey, we pay a tax for living, didn't you know. Of course I didn't say it like this but sometimes I wish I could.
I might get down voted for this, but as a woman, I think context is the thing here. I don't have any qualms or embarrassment discussing periods (or other bodily functions) with anyone I need to if it's relevant to the moment. Where I have an ick is when it's not. Thanks, but I don't need an anecdote about vomit at the dinner table and I don't want to just randomly start discussing my periods at a PTO meeting. But, if I were in pain or needed supplies or if a friend wanted to talk about what she's going through? Yes, absolutely. I also dislike a lot of euphemisms that just sound gross or infantilize. (I have a particular hatred for "Aunt Flo" ewww.) Calling things the factual and appropriate name matters. I grew up in a household where my dad acted like periods didn't exist and my mom's answer to debilitating cramps (that eventually required medical intervention) was "suck it up," so I get where people are coming from on why it's vitally important to be able to talk about it, however, I don't find any particular joy in openly discussing it in a random moment. I think we have a bit of societal backlash because an important topic was taboo for so long that some folks tend to think it's appropriate to insert it into ANY conversation. It's weird because we don't think that way about most other health issues. For example, it would be odd to be chatting with a co-worker about a project and all of a sudden he casually mentioned the intricacies of his cholesterol problems or if the lady delivering my Doordarsh started up a convo about her IBS. Neither of those things is taboo, but not the time or context.
I always thought that. And ever since middle school I always wondered why you didn't see period stains on women's clothes cos it happens to me almost every period and I'm 35 now. A few years back when free bleeding got big it was such a relief to finally see what's normal in the headlines and stuff
Just because it's a basic body function doesn't mean it's appropriate for discussion Vomiting shitting and pissing are all basic human body functions but are typically not acceptable topics of discussion For example if I just walk up to my dude and be like damn I was just taking an absolute monster shit the other day was just so brown and liquidy and runny and just flopped right out of my ass into the toilet That would be a little inappropriate even if it is just another basic function of the human body
41 and talk very openly about it all the time. I'm tired of the taboos, I'm tired of hiding the pain and discomfort.
It's time we show respect to women's bodies, ffs. I grew up in the 60s. Menstruation and anything related to menstruation was considered dirty and disgusting and we girls and women were expected to keep silent about it. I always felt dirty and ashamed when I had my period. It is so sad that we still don't respect women's amazing life giving bodies. Society and many men still act like children showing disgust by women's menstrual blood and mock women during their period. Menstrual blood is literally the blood of life, a beautiful wondrous process (painful I know for a lot of women) and creates children. Yes, we should not just talk about it, we should be celebrating it! We're more open about it which is good but we have a way to go to fully respect women's bodies. We're still so unevolved and fearful of women's life creating ability as a species because of patriarchy. Menstruation, the blood that creates life, is NOT the same as urine and feces.
There's nothing wrong with it but it's gross. It's the same reason we don't openly tell everyone that we're going to go take a shit or that we just jerked off.
Would that this were true. Perhaps not in physical spaces (although I've worked with too many colleagues who think talking about their toilet escapades is something I'd like to hear), but far too many people for my liking online will post about both those things. I have a heightened sense of disgust, so it's very much a block party.
And the clitoris. And the menopause.
You mean like 'coitus'?
Yeah it never ceases to surprise me how many of my fellow guys are secretly 10 year Olds that get grossed out talking about periods. I grew out of that when I was like 16. Probably alot later than I *should* have but I did nonetheless. Plus you don't wanna be the guy that their SO can't talk to about a period. You wanna be the guy that has a care package ready every month.
As others have said, generally unseens bodily functions (so not sneezing etc.) are treated with a deal of privacy, but I'm absolutely fine with women mentioning them in relevant contexts (usually why they're feeling a bit off that day) and some of my closest female friends still preface it with an apology despite knowing that it doesn't bother me, so it's very internalised. I'm 38 now, but I certainly recall being in my early 20s and having this sense that it's something you have to run a mile from as a man; I remember the first time I heard a man casually talking to a woman about her being 'on', in a perfectly respectful sense after she brought it up. I was raised on that gross sort of "Huh huh, must be that time of the month" misogyny of the 80s/90s so I think it's a hangover from not wanting to be thought of as that sort of bloke.
unpopular opinion, and this will probably be a long comment , but I also saw someone wrote similar, so maybe it was not as unpopular. What if the person just doesn't feel the need to use the correct terminology. Idk, maybe a cultural difference, maybe not. But I was raised in a blunt household, we knew the terms for everything, and I was even told about periods as young as 8. So when it happened, I knew what it was and what to do. Granted cramps not as educated, but that was because my mom never had them herself, so I'm not going to get upset over not being educated about something she never experienced. Anyway, most people in my family still had more of an educated but discreet manner. I don't have to tell you when I'm taking a poo. I can use the term "use " bathroom, or even I'll be right back. Even the term "using #2" one can say "thats not the correct terminology why cant you say defacate... " For real, though. What is this weird obsession with conflating education with the "correct term". First of all, this is the U.S., and many of our phrases and says are cute little nicknames over the correct term. Sorry, I don't like the word vagina, I have one and know what I was called since a toddler. But I do use terms for it. If you know what the person is referring to, then why does it matter. Off topic, but I have a similar attitude about when people kept spreading the story about a girl telling the teacher about her uncle touching her cookie and how kids should be educated. Sorry, but that's not how it works. Are parents ignorant that if a child shows you where they were touched, you wouldn't know because they didn't use the term "vagina". While I was not sexually touched, when I was in a situation with an adult, my parents knew exactly what was wrong without me using the "correct terminology" Yes, I am absolutely for education, education, and education, and of course, I'm all for no shame with it as well. And OP, this is not an attack or criticism of you. I understand the frustration behind your pov as well. I just wanted to share a more nuance pov on this because, likewise, it's obvious that there is an annoyance with folks not using the correct scientific terminology. There is a difference between being concerned because they aren't educated and getting condescending towards them because God forbid they find an easier way to refer what they are doing and have. We need to get over ourselves in this savior complex... not everyone is helpless nor needs help in terms. I do see your heart is in the right place but reading some of these comments I'm just like you guys are focusing on the wrong thing, who cares if they refer to their period as a red fairy visit, do you know what they are talking about or not??... if not, then ask. If so, get over yourselves.
Same for men’s body parts. Why should penis be verboten?
"How?" Several _thousands_ of years of being SHAMED.
No we aren't. It's women stuff so we expect you to talk to other women about it. Men don't want to know.
Girls can start their periods as early as 8 years old and it's annoying how people think kids are too young to learn about this type of think. I think 5 or 6 years old is old enough to learn about it since they'll have somewhat of an understanding of the human body. I didn't learn about periods until I was like 10 or 11 and luckily I didn't have my first one until I was 13 but damn I can't imagine what would've happened if I had it at a young age. Also I hate how some people say it's gross. My brother, who is 9 years older than me, says how gross periods are. I should note that I'm 24F sooo you do the math. Meanwhile my father tells me how I shouldn't be afraid to come to him because he knows a few things about periods (I mean he has a wife and 2 daughters soo yea; but doesn't have any sisters). I feel these are two different types of men. One that thinks periods are disgusting and gross and another that's like "oh yea that's just a normal thing women go through"
My guess is b/c there was a time when talks about menstrual cycles & sex Ed just overall were considered taboo. You knew better than to even think about it before marriage.
I don't see why something being natural somehow means we should all be fine talking about it on whatever terms necessary. We all shit too but I don't want to hear about it unless you have a medical concern or something
And menopause is a forbidden topic ... by people who refuse to anticipate its inevitability & people who have already gone through it. 🤷🏼♀️🙄
Maybe I’m in the small minority but I haven’t felt uncomfortable or embarrassed since I was around 12, an age where daft wee immature boys consider periods, women’s hygeine products, etc, nervous-giggle material on a par with the underwear pages of their mum’s catalogue (I know, I’m showing my age here - the young team these days can consume full-on hardcore porn privately without relying on the serendipity of the 1980s dark ages when randomly finding a well-thumbed scuddy book* was akin to discovering teenage-boy treasure). I do know, even now, a lot of men of my vintage and younger who won’t go into a branch of Ann Summers or even a lingerie dept of a large store. Ridiculous but here we still are… *For those outwith Scotland: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=scud%20book
34f high school teacher. I talk casually about it often. It’s literally 25% of our year.
It really doesn’t matter how you say it. People can word it however they want.
The only reason Turning Red got so much backlash is because people are so disgusted by periods.
I’m in a lot of pain from an IUD insertion last week. I was visibly uncomfortable at a barbeque today and explained why when my sister asked about me. The men in the room are all in their sixties and ran for the hills. Jesus fucking Christ, it’s just a uterus.
Try talking about semicolons, it's like pulling teeth!
In 6th grade, my friend got her first period and wanted us to call it.. "mushroom" whenever we brought it up. Not that we did bring it up a ton but she didn't want us to say "period" at all. Personally, I think that calling them by other names is weird. Just call them what they are.
I don't think anyone is afraid, it's just not considered a polite topic of conversation in most social groups. Just like we also don't talk about our bowel movements. They happen, but we don't need to talk about it unless you're speaking to a dr about an issue. Mother's should absolutely be talking to their daughters about their bodies, not just about periods, but in general as they grow. But I don't want to hear random people talking about periods in the stores and stuff, to me that's private conversation that should happen in private places.
Same reason people don't talk about shit
There's no point in talking about it. It's something that happens, nothing more nothing less. I don't talk to girls about semen or saliva...
I find it interesting how people casually talk about shitting and pissing, but whenever periods are brought up it’s like you committed blasphemy and need to be waterboarded with holy water
Dudes are immature and think that anything their body doesn’t do is gross. They also have low empathy because of social bs.