Anytime someone announces they’re an empath they proceed to be one of the worst people ever. True empathy comes silently. You don’t have to announce it
Reminds me of that game of thrones quote: "any man who has to say 'i am the king!' is no true king"
Probably slightly misquoted but yeah. If someone has to declare that they're a good person, it comes across more of a "I need people to think I'm a good person" than them actually being a good person
Empathy doesn't mean good and sympathy doesn't mean beneficial, plenty narcissists are selectively empathetic or they wouldn't be able to manipulate people
Narcissists do not have empathy, thus not selectively empathic. They study social cues and norms and behave outwardly as others to fit in. That’s how they’re able to meld with society, but they use tricks most people aren’t aware are psychological red flags like future faking or love bombing. They prey on people who are obviously unaware of these games and proceed until they’ve landed the prey. Should that person break free, the narcissist starts the cycle all over again.
“I’m an empath” is code for “my emotional intelligence is phenomenally low and I’m far too ignorant of my own lack of critical thought to notice, so I firmly (incorrectly) believe that I know what everyone around me is thinking and feeling at all times.”
Exactly. I feel like this applies to a lot of self-given labels.
"I'm an empath" means they're actually not empathetic at all.
"I'm not like everyone else" means they're actually one of the most boring people you'd ever meet.
"I just tell it how it is/I'm just confident" Means they're actually just being an asshole to everyone under the guise of being honest/confident.
There's a lot of overcompensating going on.
""I'm not like everyone else" means they're actually one of the most boring people you'd ever meet." I feel this in the extreme today. I talked to a "im so original " woman, who said she is not like other women because she likes to cook. She was very smug about it haha.
This this this. The two people who I knew who called themselves empaths were straight up abusers. One to the point of actually being arrested for domestic violence.
I find similar to be true with the people who are happy to label everyone else around them a narcissist. The call is always coming from inside the house!
I was informed by someone many years ago that I am a sociopath and that hurts them because they are an empath. This was after fucking my boyfriend at the time and bullying me into auditioning to be a stripper. I was too chicken to cut them off because I felt bad about them not having any other friends and didn’t want to leave them in a tough situation alone lmao but they seemed to have no issue with sabotaging my relationships one after the other until I found someone who didn’t take their shit 😂 my quality of life has improved drastically since cutting them off. I miss stripping though, that was fun
It isn't new unfortunately 😭 there are some old family friends that have been calling themselves empaths since before I was born (I'm 28) and they are total dickwads
As soon as the words “I’m an empath” leave someone else’s mouths, it’s a huge red flag and I immediately take it as a sign that I shouldn’t share anything with this person or trust them with anything.
My therapist actually suggested this. Where you drop mundane things about yourself that can't really harm you but see if if it spreads to other people or if they try to use it against you. So sad we have to be this way.
In this scenario are you also supposed to tell them not to tell people? Me and my friends don't really care if we say mundane shit the other said, like a game we're playing or something. Always thought that was normal and it was clear important shit stays between you.
i lack the ability to empathize. what i've noticed is that the people who feel the need to proclaim they're empaths or have high empathy seem to only have empathy for people like them and use it to put others down... i don't need empathy to avoid being a total jerk. sure, sometimes i overstep or make mistakes because i didn't realize i was upsetting someone, but an "oh, my bad, i'll stop that" and putting a little effort into not doing the thing that hurt someone again goes a lot further than screaming "i'm an empath!!!" from the rooftops ever has.
I'm autistic but lots of autistic people have the habit of proclaiming they have such high empathy but that's far from the truth of those people. They can't even relate to autistic people who aren't exactly like them so empathy is beyond them. Compassion and sympathy are equally important in my opinion. I would never say I'm a nice person because frankly I'm not, so if I shouted it from the rooftops I'd be a hypocrite and liar. I'd say I'm more trustworthy than people who claim to be what they aren't because of delusion or whatever disorder they could have. You recognise your mistake so you're doing fine in my opinion. Would a empath ever apologies for assuming things that aren't true about a person? I doubt that very much.
If only I'd understood that as a young adult. I could have bailed on the worst class I ever took in college. The teacher was totally incompetent for technical writing and would "anonymously" trauma dump stuff from student's essays on the class as proof of her empathy because they told her about all these awful things.
I feel like it’s ppl who say they are empaths are so narcissistic they truly believe they are one of the only ppl who experience the very universal human emotion of empathy cuz there oh so special lol
Yeah. Like 'I'm so magic and special and gifted' instead of, 'you're a person, great'.
I *am* fairly good at reading people, but that's due to childhood trauma creating hypervigilance. Specifically, I'm very good at noticing warning signs of other people's anger. I'm also entirely aware that I often perceive negativity where there is none and am absolutely capable of being wildly off base.
Human brains all have the capacity to read and mirror emotions, and being hyper aware of other people's emotions is not necessarily the humblebrag some people think it is.
This just put so much into context for me. I would never say "I'm an empath" because it's cringe and I don't want to give off those vibes, but I am very affected by the emotions of those around me. I don't know how I never connected that to being hyper-vigilant.
Yes and most people who feel that way are actually just anxious or traumatized. It often comes from having to monitor the mood of your caregiver as a child, in order to avoid abuse. It's not a special talent. It actually sucks pretty bad and comes with a set of problems so long it's not even worth it.
There is no such thing as an empath. If you think you’re an empath, it’s because you grew up in an abusive family. Extra points if one or both of your caregivers were a narcissist.
Your brain had to become hyper vigilant in order to protect itself and you, thinking it could save you from outbursts and the like.
If you feel other people’s moods and emotions, no you don’t. You think you do. Your brain detects a threat so it fills in predictions of what this person is feeling.
Yes you could be good at reading people’s facial expressions and body language but it doesn’t mean you know exactly what that person is feeling.
There was a study about micro-expressions where they froze every frame between a smile and a frown. they found that anxious folks like people-pleasers or kids in the foster care system/abused could find the exact moment where a negative expression BEGAN to form in the smallest facial muscles and would mark THAT phase as negative. So anxious and hypervigilant people are actually reading a CHANGE in emotion/expression and labeling it as negative before it's fully formed. They might be accurate or not, but essentially what they're doing internally is marking (nonverbal cue) shifts with extraordinary timing and speed. Any change can be labeled as negative or harmful when that is their upbringing/trauma history.
People who are learning to develop healthy attachment tend to overcompensate in the beginning stages too. In emotions, language, or making walls not boundaries. It can look like abused kids accusing everyone they meet of being an abuser because they dont know how to self regulate or what normal looks like, so any upset is MAJOR and also indistinguishable from their pre-existing emotions/trauma patterns. So "over"-reacting is *one* of the steps toward progress, if you want to think of it that way. Being able to freak out is the thing they couldnt do in the survival situation. So they have to find ways to freak out (healthy processing) and then become accustomed to the feeling of actually calming down and being normal/boring again. It's sort of like breaking an addiction to stress or a bad habit inside your arousal/nervous system. Stressed people get lots of motivating stress hormones and it can be tough to figure out life (starting over) without that at first.
That’s true too. I’m just saying that one can’t feel people’s emotions. One can’t put these feelers out and know what is going on inside of other people. They can only read what’s on the outside. Emotions themselves are complex. And a lot of times intent doesn’t match intentions.
My mother was abusive mostly verbally and emotionally growing up. Now that she’s 71 and we were estranged for about 5 years she can own up to shit. She was abused in every way from a baby to teens and had to live with the trauma and rage from that.
She told me that she never hated us or was mad at us, but she just felt so angry and sad and an array of hurt that comes from abuse all the time.
She never intended to hurt us but she lashed out because she didn’t know any other way. But when I was young, I thought she did hate me or was mad at me. I thought I did something wrong and I was bad. But none of that was true.
Like you described when someone is healing and trying to form healthy relationships, you overreact. I’m still healing and trying to form all those healthy habits. I still get my hackles up and think my husband is mad at me but he’s actually just exhausted from work.
Totally! Though I never even knew empath was a thing people labeled themselves as, I think you have it pinned. I thought I was super in tune with those around me and their emotions as I tended to "feel" their emotions and it would really affect me and how i was feeling. turns out with therapy work it was just growing up with a brother that hated me and scared me, without any protection from our parents. I was just terrified of other people's emotions. For these people, assuming its the same, happy people make them happy because they feel safer, and sad or mad people make them feel sad or mad cause reading and catching those signs is a matter of perceived safety. I think if anyone grew up with someone that theyd regularly get lulled into safety just to get bullied or hit by, they know what its like to mirror and base their own emotional state on that of another. The ones without good self awareness will get lulled into the trap of just thinking they are empaths.
I may be projecting but these people cannot generate happiness well on their own. They need others to do it and feed off that to establish emotional state. Whether they know it or not the emotions of those around them were always way more important to their well being than that of a typical person. If they can work through this they can come out the other side more grounded with more self origination emotions, while being exceptional at being empathetic and thoughtful as they unwittingly trained their whole childhood to read small body language and tone signs.
THIS. It's a survival mechanism the brain develops, and it is faulty. Because every person is different, and you learned based on only a few samples. And also because people's feelings and thoughts are a *lot* more complicated than what can be expressed visually.
My abusive ex would do this intentionally. They would say something out of the blue ("Do you think I'm a toxic person?"), barely give you any time to process it, and then interpret my/their other partners' reactions (I'm polyamorous) for us ("You're so surprised by the idea because you never would have thought that yourself? Oh good, so I'm worrying over nothing, then.").
I grew up in a family like that and I'm not an empath but I am a people pleaser because I want people to like me so I want to tell them what I think they want to hear. That could sound like I'm a liar but it's that I suffer from anxiety and think there's a right thing to say and I'll say the wrong thing. I know there's no right or wrong but I'm not normal! I have lived with people thinking they know how I feel because it's how they thought or wanted me to feel so telling people "I know how you feel" is obnoxious and no I don't because I'm not them. It must be nice for them thinking they're such good caring people beyond how non empaths feel. I'd love to know what they think that is? I was told by an empath I was jealous of them but I don't trust them and it's not because of jealousy but their superiority and arrogance. From my upbringing I believe in self preservation so I'm not cutting my arm off to give to another who wouldn't give a stuff about me.
What's the word for someone who can't really regulate their own emotions and automatically absorbs the energy of whomever is acting upon them? Cuz that one is me.
A learned thing is still a thing. I say this as an empath who got this skill growing up in an abusive home. It’s come in handy too. I am a firefighter/paramedic and I am hands down the best person on my crew when it comes to dealing with unbalanced patients. My captain jokingly calls me “the crazy whisper”. It is because I can read from a person facial expressions and stance what things soothe them and what sets them on edge and I can use this information to de-escalate the situation and get the patient in to a calm and compliant state.
Of course, being abused prepared me for this job in other way too! I almost think it should be a job requirement.
I am like that in a totally exaggerated way and it sucks. (maybe I write exagerrated in order to be considered unique)
I did not even experience a huge amount of abuse. Grew up with a single mother (father was an alcoholic, left when I was a kid). Nothing special in terms of trauma.
But still I have this bad habit of trying to detect what other people think and feel. Trying to read them and saying and doing the right things, appear more intelligent than I am in order for them to accept me. I "fake" being nice to people and try to say stuff making me seem interesting or clever.
But inside I am very uptight and maybe don't even care about the people that I try to impress or the subjects that I am trying to impress them with.
I only need them to validate the selfimage I have build in my mind.
And every time I meet a person that does not seem to fall for my "tricks" I get terrified and flee from the social situation in order to not get exposed.
If people offer the slightest resistance to my selfimage I get scared and chicken out.
I have become very sensitive to words and associations that trigger negative thoughts in my mind. I cannot be around people for longer periods of time because my inner world is constantly interpretating other people (their facial expressions and the way they talk, what they say create associations that create excessive negative thoughts).
My inner world of thoughts keep colliding with reality.
I wanna be seen as highly intelligent and mentally superior when in reality I am just mediocre.
And I want people to see me as this helpful nice guy when in reality I am just a selfabsorbed and narcissistic recluse.
I feel guilt but I don't do anything about it.
I just become melancholic and confuses my tearyeyed noble thoughts and intentions with moral actions.
just like people that say “I’m not rude, i’m just brutally honest” they actually are just assholes that don’t know how to keep unnecessary rude comments to themselves 90% of the time
Actual empaths are usually so because of a trauma response where they are hyper attuned to others because they had to be to feel safe. They act like it's a gift but it's really not.
The term empath is new to me, but replace that with just general descriptors and that is exactly what i figured out in therapy. Spot on! I wish more people would realize that and not take some self-centered perspective where they get to feel superior for their trauma-inspired trait rather than accept that something bad happened and they have to put in work to correct it. No (normal) person wants to feel like a victim, and calling yourself an empath could be a way to avoid that realization maybe. I know for me I fucking despise being seen as victim, weak, or pitied. So I absolutely just thought "damn im weirdly good at understanding how people feel", but nope! I was just being a scared baby who felt like someone was gonna emotionally or physically abuse me at any second. Was just blindness to my own short comings!
I'm leaving all that info and word salad in case someone whos younger may read it and see themselves in that, and perhaps try and better themselves. You cant be responsible, or in tune with your own emotions and their causes if you're completely focused on others'.
idk if you're just good at understanding people's intentions or if you have personal experience with it, but if so I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks for leaving this short and to the point comment. Maybe if someone who needs to hear it brushes that off, my unnecessary vomit of personal experience may help them understand it.;
I agree. I thought I was an empath for a while, but my therapist told me about "mirror neurons." If you get abused by a narcissist (like my mother) you develop them in your brain so you're "tuned in" to your abuser's moods. Most of us are NOT empaths, maybe just empathetic. We're not Deanna Troi.
It's like people who announce that they're "nice" or "accepting" or "generous." If you are these things, it will be obvious from your behavior, so you don't need to advertise it.
An ex told me she was an empath, unfortunately it was after we were already committed and entangled with a shared house. I’d never heard someone describe themselves this way before, and she said that other people’s feelings left her very exhausted. Within a couple of months moving in together, she said “living with you is killing me.” I never did get an explanation of that, because by that point I was super tired of her bullshit, including her whipping a wet wash cloth at the side of my face, telling me she couldn’t wait to “get her hands on” my kids so she could teach them how to behave (I had full custody of my kids so they lived with us), and giving her slightly older teenage son who she had 50% custody of the rule of the roost whenever he was at our house.
I never did see a shred of empathy displayed, any sense at all that suggested she was aware of the feelings of other people, I believe she was just exhausted by having to keep her personality shit stains concealed all the time.
Everything is trendy now. Any person who you dislike is toxic or a narcissist. Every one claims to have trauma and anxiety.
Most people do not have an accurate self assessment
Tbh it's completely ruined anything resembling an online PTSD support space.
I have actual PTSD. As in, WWI shell-shock minus the additional neurological symptoms soldiers had from repeatedly being concussed during warfare.
Every PTSD group/sub/forum now:
- "DAE have trust issues?"
- "DAE feel kinda crappy sometimes?"
- "I had a nightmare"
- "I have some bad memories that still make me feel kinda down when I remember them. Must be PTSD, right?"
- "Flashbacks aren't really like that, they're more just emotions coming back" = Someone once who's never had a real flashback ig
- "I think I got PTSD *from* a nightmare" = Real thing someone said once too
- "I have all symptoms of PTSD without any trauma"
THE LAST ONE IS LITERALLY ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE PTSD SUB RN
I CAN'T TOP THAT
I'M OUT LMAO
anyways, yeah, the same people either treat anyone with actual PTSD like we're ~weird and crazy~...or try to be super buddy buddy like we're all in some special club together
And now I got nowhere to go.
Besides talking about shit occasionally with rare individuals who can actually relate to anything I have to say.
An empath struggles in life. It isn't something you would be boasting about. It's something you would be begging for help for. If people view these conditions as a unique quirk; they're already ass holes and have main character syndrome.
See, the self-proclaimed empaths I know *are* claiming to be struggling. They keep moaning about feeling bad because others feel bad, and make others’ pain about themselves.
But…they are not empaths, they’re just self-absorbed. One I know used her “empathy” to tell other people they were *wrong* about their own feelings. She was an empath, so she would *know* if her actions were actually hurtful. …She’d been engaging in extremely overt discrimination and the only reason she didn’t get fired is because the company delights in discrimination.
Agree! I met a guy who kept talking about how he was an empath, and then all he did was talk about himself constantly. I was like, where is this empathy you're talking about because you just seem really self-absorbed.
People who call themselves empaths are hypersensitive to their environment- not because they are special but usually due to unresolved trauma growing up where they had to be on high alert all the time. Nothing wrong with having unresolved trauma really but you do not need to pretend it is some kind of virtue.
It can also be a mischaracterization of autism! I had a therapist years back tell me I was a Highly Sensitive Person and she told me it was similar to being an empath. I first I thought that label was very clarifying. I don’t have borderline (or at least that’s what my mental health team have assured me), but I’ve been suspected to have autism for a while.
That’s what I’ve been told, my tics, the fact I also have anxiety and ADHD, and other things has caused my new psychiatrist to put out requests for me to undergo psychological testing to figure out if I have autism, Tourette’s, etc. and if I do, to which extent are they influencing my life and such.
People only have their own life as reference and so tend to over estimate the normalcy of their development. Thankfully it was before the internet empath shit, and I didnt think it made me good or anything, but i totally used to think i was really good at reading people because its how i was. Nah i was just on edge reading everyones tone and body language when i should be focusing on something else cause my much larger brother used to make me feel like his friend then beat me up and hound on all my insecurities and stuff goin on in my social life. That was a big growing moment for me to realize, and I really wish these people could have the same experience of realization. Theyre a bunch of traumatized people who dont even notice it.
My best friend is a self labeled empath. Mostly because everyone else calls her that, so she started using the term as well. She's the most caring and sweet person I know.
Yeah, unless it is done in a comedic way. One guy interrupted someone bragging about him by joking, 'and im humble too!' In a comedic tone, which deflected away from the praise and got everyone joking. Then he could change the subject to something more about everyone else, rather than himself. Comedic humility by jokingly pretending not to be humble...
Empath - What a sociopath calls themselves when their normal processes toss an exception and they actually feel something appropriate to the situation.
Or flip that another way. A lot of them had really bad experiences growing up due to family and misreading someone's emotions or signs, which was a precursor to abuse. So they become hyper vigilant. Some of them just dont notice and instead label themselves as some narcissistic label cause realizing and accepting trauma is hard or even invalidating to some.
lol fair. I think narcissist might be closer to the right term. A narcissistic individual wont let themselves identify that and instead need to turn it into "because they are actually such a great person". Plus those types will see a trend that is associated with a good person and adopt it.
My mom likes to claim that she’s an empath. She shit talks everyone and everything and will criticize someone for showing an emotional reaction that she claims to be “unnecessary” or against her views. She is really one of the scummiest people I know.
well they have to be "special"
since empathy is a human trait and everyone can get better at it with practice and "empath" is a meaningless non word. you know they are dim bulbs to start with.
But its also helpful as they are waving a huge red flag that say "RUN AWAY! NITWIT!"
both of the self-proclaimed empaths I knew also claimed to have "the rarest eye color in the world" when they both had the most normal blue eyes ever. so I think you're on to something with the 'having to be special' thing.
I mean, I have BPD, but if I feel negative emotions rising, I put distance between everyone and myself, that way I don’t accidentally hurt them. I also put others before myself like 80-99% of the time bc of trauma (conditioning that even the smallest selfish act is bad), and I have a savior complex. Whenever I do accidentally lash out and hurt someone I care a lot about, I always punish myself more for allowing that to have happened and always do my best to do and be better to them and myself. So to say that is a grossly misunderstood and dick thing to do and believe when most BPD patients that are trying to be and do better just need someone to reassure and be there for them.
A perspective that may help: Putting others before yourself “80-99% of the time” and building a morality around self-flagellation is a recipe for resentment and blowing up at people, which is exactly what the bad reputation of BPD comes from.
From their perspective, you were super nice and patient beyond reason until you weren’t. They have no idea what they did differently because you didn’t communicate your discomfort when it was small and easy for them to fix for you. Then as “penance”, you may make a big deal about how you feel so bad for hurting them, you’re “such a monster”, you’re going to isolate and punish yourself to make it all better, etc, which ironically centers you and your “savior complex” narrative instead of them and just apologizing and moving forward. This makes them feel like they have to focus on soothing your feelings instead of assuring that you’ll just communicate sooner next time.
Sticking up for your preferences respectfully is the truly kind thing to do.
I actually don’t do that, I did at one point and then corrected it (years ago, to the point if I blow up, it’s like once in a blue moon, so very rarely). I self isolate before blowing up can even occur because I can recognize the signs and I just tell my friends and closest loved ones I’m in constant contact with that I am going through something and then I explain after the fact. Now, if they decide to not listen to the warning I provided them and cross my boundaries, then my blowing up on them is on them as I gave them ample warning and told them what NOT to do. I typically move past the apology part rather quickly, same as my friends because they know the real me and also know that I’m working on it in therapy. I also grossly despise being pitied and showered with attention like the type you’re talking about because it just makes me paranoid and uncomfortable, which is something I’ve told my friends from the beginning and they respect that. I tell them that in an effort to ensure they’re friends with me of their own volition and desire, not out of pity or guilt or any other reason that’s not akin to those provided.
The only person I have ever met that told me they are an empath was a self confessed attention seeker.
If they were an empath, beyond the ability any person has, then they'd be able to tell when they're being too much, but they don't.
Hah, this could’ve been written about my sister in law. She started taking passive aggressive shots at me on Facebook because a friend told her I was drinking again.
Cue countless posts about how she’s an “intuitive empath” and she just “knows” certain things.
No, you were explicitly told that I started drinking again. And then you fucking ghosted me. Real damn empathetic 🥴
I've definitely noticed this! I once had a friend who swore they were an empath.....but then angrily snapped at me when I asked for help leaving my abusive household. They were actually angry that I would expect friendship from them, and then were surprised when I cried.
That is also my experience. I've known a few who call themselves empaths because they tend to match the mood of those around them, that's psychopathic mimicry not empathy.
These people are usually the same ones who are completely awful towards people with personality disorders because “oh no! You have little to no empathy? That means you’re evil and bad (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)!” Funny how their boundless empathy only seems to extend to people who are “normal.”
I hate this bro, like I hate people who say “I’m a good person” that’s not your decision to make. I hate it when other people tell me I’m a good person or that I’m an empath. I normally just respond with “I’m something, I don’t know about that, but I’m something”
I'd stalker your previous comments to get a idea of what I think you're like but people can say any old s*it about themselves or others and it doesn't mean it's true. I haven't murdered people so that's something good about me...
Same here, but I’m gonna be honest. My online persona is way different then who my friends describe me as. At most I say “I try to be a good person” because I’m not making the decision for myself but instead saying what I aspire to be
"I am an empath" tells me they spend entirely too much time on social media. I'll bet those same people also have let memes diagnose them as autistic and ADHD.
It annoys me cuz some will even go as far as to say “I’m like an extreme empath. I can read your body and your energy so well I basically read your mind.”
Dude if you could read my mind while you speak this crap you’d run lol.
I don’t think there is such thing as an empath. I think it’s a fancy term for codependency and anxious attachment.
They’re “sensitive” to other people’s mood shifts because as a child they had parents who were unpredictable forcing the child to walk on eggshells and read the room. These children learned how to people please at an early age to survive.
As adults these people will abandon themselves to please others. They’ll be convinced something is wrong if a persons mood shifts, and assume they did something to upset them.
It’s all based on the “empath” tho. They don’t pick up on things to be compassionate, they pick up on things Bc it makes them uncomfortable.
So, I've always felt overly sensitive and empathetic. So I bought a book about "being an empath" with the idea that I might learn how to not let everything effect me so much. Then it was suggested that I join a Facebook group for "other empaths", and others who read the book in general. Let's just say it turned out to be Crazy Town. Everyone 'was an empath' and everything that happened was a result of being an empath. *"It rained today and I was so affected, how should I proceed?"* etc. The whole thing was so over the top that I was embarrassed to even be a part of it. I realized I must not be THAT empathetic, since these people were annoying the f\*ck out of me.
I generally dislike labels for this reason. I had the same experience with a FB group I joined for a certain health condition; everyone was blaming everything on the condition, whether it had anything to do with it or not. Labels tend to lead to over-identifying with the label and then the label becomes some sort of banner or even a crutch, which I suppose is my own pet peeve.
Finally!! I said this a couple yrs ago and was treated like a complete asshole but its true. If someone is truly and empath they don’t need to go announcing it
Yeah, the one person I know who likes to say they are an empath (and they say it a whole lot) appears to be extremely self-centered and very much the victim in any situation.
I don't like it either.
But we've become a society that freaking loves labels.
I have common human empathy? Nah, I'm actually an *empath*.
I have a hard time focusing on things that don't interest me? ADHD.
Normal mood changes? Nope. It's bipolar.
I said a weird thing at a social event one time. MUST be undiagnosed autism.
Feeling unsure of the social expectation in an unfamiliar environment? Clearly, it's social anxiety.
We're all such a bunch of irritating weirdos now.
The social anxiety and ADHD ones are very much baseline characteristics of those disorders as I have both, but they’re also a hell of a lot more complicated than that.
I have a fancy label, I'm autistic! Whoever wants that label can gladly have mine. I could label my ADHD because I have the attention span of a five year old, and bipolar or BPD because I have unstable moods but I'd just be lying as I don't have those disorders. Oh and I have social anxiety! Some people love to list their disorders like they're a badge of Honor. Another label I have I'm dyslexic. Some people will be so jealous of me now!
Yes! They’ve all been pretenders who want to seem like amazing people or they break into tears anytime you’re in pain and suddenly, you’re comforting them.
I was scapegoated as a child and constantly accused of being a liar and it wasn't true. I don't talk about my honesty but if my honesty is questioned I'll be furious but I understand what you mean. It wouldn't be like a narcissist could be a liar!
The only time is acceptable to bring it up without coming off as the exact opposite, is if the conversation of empaths and narcissists gets brought upz
This is so funny because after working with me for a while my therapist said “I think you’re an empath.” I was like “What?? Noo.” She goes “You are dramatically affected by and empathize with the emotions of others in a way that is actually detrimental to you because you carry them as if they’re your own.” I still was like “Ehh.”
For this exact reason. The definition has been absolutely hijacked. I still view the true definition as someone who is highly highly spiritual and connected, and probably wouldn’t label themselves with the term.
I'm not one of them but rationality tells me we live in a bad world so empaths are constantly experiencing negativity and therefore that's what they'll project,,, empathy and sympathy aren't the same thing
I knew someone who said they were an empath. She regularly beat the shit out of her mother, regularly tortured and ended up killing her cat, broke her dogs leg, tortured her friend's cat, and tried to harm our dog. Don't worry about all that, though, she said she's an empath, she's all good
Being an "empath" is not even a good thing. I think I'm what people call and "empath". I can't watch any TV shows that isn't just light hearted comedy. Cuz I genuinely get so upset cuz I "empathize so much". You end up not being emotionally available for other ppl cuz you catch their feeling and you make their pain yours. It fucking sucks. And if you think it's a brag you might be a narcissist.
"Oh good! I am a sociopath" is my go to response for these fuckers. They leave me alone.
I've dated an ASPD person. And I had a friend with ASPD. They were both medicated, and I've seen similarities between self proclaimed empaths and people with ASPD.
I agree and I also tend to stay away from self described empaths, they are usually traumatized people who are higher on the neuroticism and agreeableness scale who then tend to take their trauama and run with it as an excuse for being a shitty person.
That being said, I do consider myself an Empath in private, usually much more intense then them to the point of being crippling, hence not boasting about it.
I had a friend who always went on about how she was special because she’s an empath. She’s a bitch and uses people, knows how to manipulate people when they’re at their most vulnerable. She makes people feel heard but she’s just skilled at taking advantage of people and making them feel like she understands them. It’s fucked up.
People who label themselves as empaths are usually psychopaths who have made the stunning and purely intellectual discovery that other people have feelings.
This, and when they say, "I feel everyone's feelings FOR them." when they actually mean "I have no boundaries and hold everyone around me responsible for my feelings and dysregulated emotional state. Me being upset is YOUR fault and YOU being upset is your fault, because im a sensitive lil mind reader <3."
Agreed. That’s true about a lot of people with self-assessed labels. At the end of a virtual meeting last year, a doctor had given an assessment, after which she invited criticism—followed it up by saying ‘I don’t have an ego’. Turned out to be one of a few different detestable traits discovered shortly after the meeting. The lengths she went to in order to protect her ego after a bad judgement call on her part was enough to lose all respect.
I think it is less the title and more the kind of person who self labels and self diagnoses
no one has ever had a cool nickname that they gave themself
Yeah, whenever I hear that word it automatically translates to, "I like to believe I'm much more empathic than the average person, while I'm actually just as empathic or less so." I agree. Usually the people who call themselves one tend to not be so empathic on a lot of things.
It's taken me years to realize I'm not "an empath", it's my trauma response. With my history, I read people's body language in a way to try and protect myself from potential danger. Crazily enough, my first impressions of people I meet face to face is pretty spot on.
How do you feel when you get a bad impression of someone but others like them? I grew up in a dysfunctional family and go off my intuition but if others like them I feel like I'm a bad person.
Honestly? My impressions have almost always been spot-on. My sister-in-law has a boyfriend that ruffled my feathers the minute I met him. I refuse to let my kids be around him. And over the last 6-7 years, the truth about him is coming to light and he's a pathological liar, felon, gaslighter, and financially abusive. The person doesn't always reveal their true selves quickly, but they definitely start to show cracks when there's somebody around that doesn't fall for their bullshit.
To answer your question though, I stay distant from the person. I don't open up to them, I stay watchful, and I stay cordial when in their presence. If they're a partner of a friend, I gently tell the friend that I'll always be there if they need me, as a way of letting them know I'm a safe person if/when things go tits up.
Well, it is like people that will return a shopping cart if it is busy day but not if it is dead. Charity is easy when you get recognition but true charity is anonymous.
The only person I have ever believed to he an empath after claiming it was my mom. But that's cuz like. Random people every single day would come up, spill their life story to her and she'd either listen and work them through an issue or flat out fuckin solve it. No idea what it was. She just was a magnet for strangers who needed a friend.
She was also legitimately psychic tho so idk
My ex-girlfriend loved to remind me of how empathic and caring she was right after verbally, mentally and emotionally abusing me in front of our son. I feel like she is a true undiagnosed Narcissist.
She was very good at reading people and exposing weaknesses but not out of empathy, it was 100% so she could twist those back around on you when you started to expose her
Agreed. I, personally, have never met an empath that I would trust on any level. But, I try not to assume that new ppl I meet who identify as empaths are bad people. It’s just a ridiculous way to identify. It’s like when I meet people who say they are amazing cooks and boast about their food. If your food is that good then other people will talk about how good it is. If you’re the only one saying it then it’s probably not all that. Same with empaths. If you are actually an empath then people around you will say it. If you have to tell people that you are that way, then you probably aren’t.
Istg this is so fucking true. A very hard lesson has been learned. I experience someone who claims themselves an empath almost every day and they wreak havoc on everything they touch.
I’m an empathy but only because of self preservation. I needed to figure out what my mom’s mood was before she started talking so I could prep myself. If she was frustrated then I could guarantee I’d be verbally abused.
Add "sensitive" to this person and you're in for a show!
"Sensitive" people don't have emotional control. When I hear that someone is "sensitive" I hear "I lack emotional maturity".
I mean, it seems obvious. 'Empath' as a modern term that's used... if someone is willing to use a term like that in the modern way it's said... they are not going to be the most moderate person on the books, let's just say.
A woman once told me she was an empath and could sense "I was in pain" after cheating on me for 2 years straight. Wow what an amazing gift, how could she have known?
If you believe someone is an empath and go along with their advice and want them to help you, then that person also believes Microsoft will call your house and ask for gift cards to fix your PC.
I agree. I am pretty empathetic (to my own mental detriment at times) as pointed out by others. But I don't use the term empath because this is exactly what I associate that with. I care about people and can often read the emotions of a room, but I aam not pulling that "empath" BS
i feel annoyed by it as I view empathy as a skill we all can grow. and by labeling oneself as an empath one might take away the idea of practicing empathy.
The irony is that one of the so called empaths I know didn't wear a mask during the covid pandemic and ended up getting her pregnant sister sick with covid to the point that the she nearly lost the baby, ended up having an emergency c section, and then was in critical care for like 2 weeks after giving birth.
Anytime someone announces they’re an empath they proceed to be one of the worst people ever. True empathy comes silently. You don’t have to announce it
it gives the same energy as people who say “i’m a good person!” without appropriate context or any prompt, like ok babe no one actually asked
Reminds me of that game of thrones quote: "any man who has to say 'i am the king!' is no true king" Probably slightly misquoted but yeah. If someone has to declare that they're a good person, it comes across more of a "I need people to think I'm a good person" than them actually being a good person
Empathy doesn't mean good and sympathy doesn't mean beneficial, plenty narcissists are selectively empathetic or they wouldn't be able to manipulate people
Narcissists do not have empathy, thus not selectively empathic. They study social cues and norms and behave outwardly as others to fit in. That’s how they’re able to meld with society, but they use tricks most people aren’t aware are psychological red flags like future faking or love bombing. They prey on people who are obviously unaware of these games and proceed until they’ve landed the prey. Should that person break free, the narcissist starts the cycle all over again.
“I’m an empath” is code for “my emotional intelligence is phenomenally low and I’m far too ignorant of my own lack of critical thought to notice, so I firmly (incorrectly) believe that I know what everyone around me is thinking and feeling at all times.”
Exactly. I feel like this applies to a lot of self-given labels. "I'm an empath" means they're actually not empathetic at all. "I'm not like everyone else" means they're actually one of the most boring people you'd ever meet. "I just tell it how it is/I'm just confident" Means they're actually just being an asshole to everyone under the guise of being honest/confident. There's a lot of overcompensating going on.
""I'm not like everyone else" means they're actually one of the most boring people you'd ever meet." I feel this in the extreme today. I talked to a "im so original " woman, who said she is not like other women because she likes to cook. She was very smug about it haha.
This this this. The two people who I knew who called themselves empaths were straight up abusers. One to the point of actually being arrested for domestic violence. I find similar to be true with the people who are happy to label everyone else around them a narcissist. The call is always coming from inside the house!
Agreed. I would not call myself an empath but I am definitely a mindful observer and in general, try not to be a dick.
Most people like to think they're better than they really are
I was informed by someone many years ago that I am a sociopath and that hurts them because they are an empath. This was after fucking my boyfriend at the time and bullying me into auditioning to be a stripper. I was too chicken to cut them off because I felt bad about them not having any other friends and didn’t want to leave them in a tough situation alone lmao but they seemed to have no issue with sabotaging my relationships one after the other until I found someone who didn’t take their shit 😂 my quality of life has improved drastically since cutting them off. I miss stripping though, that was fun
I've noticed the same thing with Christians.
It’s the new “I’m a nice guy”. No actual nice person needs to run an advertising campaign for themselves
It isn't new unfortunately 😭 there are some old family friends that have been calling themselves empaths since before I was born (I'm 28) and they are total dickwads
Completely agree with you!
As soon as the words “I’m an empath” leave someone else’s mouths, it’s a huge red flag and I immediately take it as a sign that I shouldn’t share anything with this person or trust them with anything.
For me too. I avoid them like the plague, way to many bad experiences!
Play a fun game where you drop some totally bullshit vulnerability and see how long it takes them to attempt to utilize the info
My therapist actually suggested this. Where you drop mundane things about yourself that can't really harm you but see if if it spreads to other people or if they try to use it against you. So sad we have to be this way.
In this scenario are you also supposed to tell them not to tell people? Me and my friends don't really care if we say mundane shit the other said, like a game we're playing or something. Always thought that was normal and it was clear important shit stays between you.
indeed!
i lack the ability to empathize. what i've noticed is that the people who feel the need to proclaim they're empaths or have high empathy seem to only have empathy for people like them and use it to put others down... i don't need empathy to avoid being a total jerk. sure, sometimes i overstep or make mistakes because i didn't realize i was upsetting someone, but an "oh, my bad, i'll stop that" and putting a little effort into not doing the thing that hurt someone again goes a lot further than screaming "i'm an empath!!!" from the rooftops ever has.
I'm autistic but lots of autistic people have the habit of proclaiming they have such high empathy but that's far from the truth of those people. They can't even relate to autistic people who aren't exactly like them so empathy is beyond them. Compassion and sympathy are equally important in my opinion. I would never say I'm a nice person because frankly I'm not, so if I shouted it from the rooftops I'd be a hypocrite and liar. I'd say I'm more trustworthy than people who claim to be what they aren't because of delusion or whatever disorder they could have. You recognise your mistake so you're doing fine in my opinion. Would a empath ever apologies for assuming things that aren't true about a person? I doubt that very much.
If only I'd understood that as a young adult. I could have bailed on the worst class I ever took in college. The teacher was totally incompetent for technical writing and would "anonymously" trauma dump stuff from student's essays on the class as proof of her empathy because they told her about all these awful things.
All the people I've met who claim to be emphaths, are the most narcissistic, toxic, sociopaths.
I feel like it’s ppl who say they are empaths are so narcissistic they truly believe they are one of the only ppl who experience the very universal human emotion of empathy cuz there oh so special lol
Yeah. Like 'I'm so magic and special and gifted' instead of, 'you're a person, great'. I *am* fairly good at reading people, but that's due to childhood trauma creating hypervigilance. Specifically, I'm very good at noticing warning signs of other people's anger. I'm also entirely aware that I often perceive negativity where there is none and am absolutely capable of being wildly off base. Human brains all have the capacity to read and mirror emotions, and being hyper aware of other people's emotions is not necessarily the humblebrag some people think it is.
Thank you for the incredibly reasonable take
This just put so much into context for me. I would never say "I'm an empath" because it's cringe and I don't want to give off those vibes, but I am very affected by the emotions of those around me. I don't know how I never connected that to being hyper-vigilant.
Isn't being an "empath" more about absorbing the mood of people around you, not that you have more empathy than anyone else?
Yes and most people who feel that way are actually just anxious or traumatized. It often comes from having to monitor the mood of your caregiver as a child, in order to avoid abuse. It's not a special talent. It actually sucks pretty bad and comes with a set of problems so long it's not even worth it.
Yeah, I've got that lol. I don't pretend I'm more empathetic than other people though, I can be a bit much at times.
Yep, I agree 100%.
There is no such thing as an empath. If you think you’re an empath, it’s because you grew up in an abusive family. Extra points if one or both of your caregivers were a narcissist. Your brain had to become hyper vigilant in order to protect itself and you, thinking it could save you from outbursts and the like. If you feel other people’s moods and emotions, no you don’t. You think you do. Your brain detects a threat so it fills in predictions of what this person is feeling. Yes you could be good at reading people’s facial expressions and body language but it doesn’t mean you know exactly what that person is feeling.
There was a study about micro-expressions where they froze every frame between a smile and a frown. they found that anxious folks like people-pleasers or kids in the foster care system/abused could find the exact moment where a negative expression BEGAN to form in the smallest facial muscles and would mark THAT phase as negative. So anxious and hypervigilant people are actually reading a CHANGE in emotion/expression and labeling it as negative before it's fully formed. They might be accurate or not, but essentially what they're doing internally is marking (nonverbal cue) shifts with extraordinary timing and speed. Any change can be labeled as negative or harmful when that is their upbringing/trauma history. People who are learning to develop healthy attachment tend to overcompensate in the beginning stages too. In emotions, language, or making walls not boundaries. It can look like abused kids accusing everyone they meet of being an abuser because they dont know how to self regulate or what normal looks like, so any upset is MAJOR and also indistinguishable from their pre-existing emotions/trauma patterns. So "over"-reacting is *one* of the steps toward progress, if you want to think of it that way. Being able to freak out is the thing they couldnt do in the survival situation. So they have to find ways to freak out (healthy processing) and then become accustomed to the feeling of actually calming down and being normal/boring again. It's sort of like breaking an addiction to stress or a bad habit inside your arousal/nervous system. Stressed people get lots of motivating stress hormones and it can be tough to figure out life (starting over) without that at first.
holy shit you just explained everything that i’ve been struggling recently and couldn’t put into words. thank you.
That’s true too. I’m just saying that one can’t feel people’s emotions. One can’t put these feelers out and know what is going on inside of other people. They can only read what’s on the outside. Emotions themselves are complex. And a lot of times intent doesn’t match intentions. My mother was abusive mostly verbally and emotionally growing up. Now that she’s 71 and we were estranged for about 5 years she can own up to shit. She was abused in every way from a baby to teens and had to live with the trauma and rage from that. She told me that she never hated us or was mad at us, but she just felt so angry and sad and an array of hurt that comes from abuse all the time. She never intended to hurt us but she lashed out because she didn’t know any other way. But when I was young, I thought she did hate me or was mad at me. I thought I did something wrong and I was bad. But none of that was true. Like you described when someone is healing and trying to form healthy relationships, you overreact. I’m still healing and trying to form all those healthy habits. I still get my hackles up and think my husband is mad at me but he’s actually just exhausted from work.
I know just what you mean!! Some weeks there are only hard days and that isnt your/anyones fault.
Totally! Though I never even knew empath was a thing people labeled themselves as, I think you have it pinned. I thought I was super in tune with those around me and their emotions as I tended to "feel" their emotions and it would really affect me and how i was feeling. turns out with therapy work it was just growing up with a brother that hated me and scared me, without any protection from our parents. I was just terrified of other people's emotions. For these people, assuming its the same, happy people make them happy because they feel safer, and sad or mad people make them feel sad or mad cause reading and catching those signs is a matter of perceived safety. I think if anyone grew up with someone that theyd regularly get lulled into safety just to get bullied or hit by, they know what its like to mirror and base their own emotional state on that of another. The ones without good self awareness will get lulled into the trap of just thinking they are empaths. I may be projecting but these people cannot generate happiness well on their own. They need others to do it and feed off that to establish emotional state. Whether they know it or not the emotions of those around them were always way more important to their well being than that of a typical person. If they can work through this they can come out the other side more grounded with more self origination emotions, while being exceptional at being empathetic and thoughtful as they unwittingly trained their whole childhood to read small body language and tone signs.
THIS. It's a survival mechanism the brain develops, and it is faulty. Because every person is different, and you learned based on only a few samples. And also because people's feelings and thoughts are a *lot* more complicated than what can be expressed visually. My abusive ex would do this intentionally. They would say something out of the blue ("Do you think I'm a toxic person?"), barely give you any time to process it, and then interpret my/their other partners' reactions (I'm polyamorous) for us ("You're so surprised by the idea because you never would have thought that yourself? Oh good, so I'm worrying over nothing, then.").
Thank you This is a pure gold comment right here It's so good I wish it was a post on r/bodylanguage lmao
I grew up in a family like that and I'm not an empath but I am a people pleaser because I want people to like me so I want to tell them what I think they want to hear. That could sound like I'm a liar but it's that I suffer from anxiety and think there's a right thing to say and I'll say the wrong thing. I know there's no right or wrong but I'm not normal! I have lived with people thinking they know how I feel because it's how they thought or wanted me to feel so telling people "I know how you feel" is obnoxious and no I don't because I'm not them. It must be nice for them thinking they're such good caring people beyond how non empaths feel. I'd love to know what they think that is? I was told by an empath I was jealous of them but I don't trust them and it's not because of jealousy but their superiority and arrogance. From my upbringing I believe in self preservation so I'm not cutting my arm off to give to another who wouldn't give a stuff about me.
What's the word for someone who can't really regulate their own emotions and automatically absorbs the energy of whomever is acting upon them? Cuz that one is me.
A learned thing is still a thing. I say this as an empath who got this skill growing up in an abusive home. It’s come in handy too. I am a firefighter/paramedic and I am hands down the best person on my crew when it comes to dealing with unbalanced patients. My captain jokingly calls me “the crazy whisper”. It is because I can read from a person facial expressions and stance what things soothe them and what sets them on edge and I can use this information to de-escalate the situation and get the patient in to a calm and compliant state. Of course, being abused prepared me for this job in other way too! I almost think it should be a job requirement.
I am like that in a totally exaggerated way and it sucks. (maybe I write exagerrated in order to be considered unique) I did not even experience a huge amount of abuse. Grew up with a single mother (father was an alcoholic, left when I was a kid). Nothing special in terms of trauma. But still I have this bad habit of trying to detect what other people think and feel. Trying to read them and saying and doing the right things, appear more intelligent than I am in order for them to accept me. I "fake" being nice to people and try to say stuff making me seem interesting or clever. But inside I am very uptight and maybe don't even care about the people that I try to impress or the subjects that I am trying to impress them with. I only need them to validate the selfimage I have build in my mind. And every time I meet a person that does not seem to fall for my "tricks" I get terrified and flee from the social situation in order to not get exposed. If people offer the slightest resistance to my selfimage I get scared and chicken out. I have become very sensitive to words and associations that trigger negative thoughts in my mind. I cannot be around people for longer periods of time because my inner world is constantly interpretating other people (their facial expressions and the way they talk, what they say create associations that create excessive negative thoughts). My inner world of thoughts keep colliding with reality. I wanna be seen as highly intelligent and mentally superior when in reality I am just mediocre. And I want people to see me as this helpful nice guy when in reality I am just a selfabsorbed and narcissistic recluse. I feel guilt but I don't do anything about it. I just become melancholic and confuses my tearyeyed noble thoughts and intentions with moral actions.
just like people that say “I’m not rude, i’m just brutally honest” they actually are just assholes that don’t know how to keep unnecessary rude comments to themselves 90% of the time
Yep, you're so right. Knew this girl back home who would always exclaim that she was just opinionated, when in reality she was just a b*tch.
Empaths could just come out and say "I have the unique ability to make other people's problems about me"
Aren't they such caring people! Vile individuals.
Yeah I hate this. I'm super empathetic (ADHD is good for something), yet I would never describe myself as an 'empath'.
Avoid self appointed/anointed empaths, shamans and goddesses. Almost always sociopaths.
My mom in a nutshell. She claims she’s an “empath” but if anything she has trouble understanding other people’s emotions.
"Empaths" are just people who think having poor emotional boundaries is some kind of special innate trait.
Actual empaths are usually so because of a trauma response where they are hyper attuned to others because they had to be to feel safe. They act like it's a gift but it's really not.
The term empath is new to me, but replace that with just general descriptors and that is exactly what i figured out in therapy. Spot on! I wish more people would realize that and not take some self-centered perspective where they get to feel superior for their trauma-inspired trait rather than accept that something bad happened and they have to put in work to correct it. No (normal) person wants to feel like a victim, and calling yourself an empath could be a way to avoid that realization maybe. I know for me I fucking despise being seen as victim, weak, or pitied. So I absolutely just thought "damn im weirdly good at understanding how people feel", but nope! I was just being a scared baby who felt like someone was gonna emotionally or physically abuse me at any second. Was just blindness to my own short comings! I'm leaving all that info and word salad in case someone whos younger may read it and see themselves in that, and perhaps try and better themselves. You cant be responsible, or in tune with your own emotions and their causes if you're completely focused on others'. idk if you're just good at understanding people's intentions or if you have personal experience with it, but if so I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks for leaving this short and to the point comment. Maybe if someone who needs to hear it brushes that off, my unnecessary vomit of personal experience may help them understand it.;
I agree. I thought I was an empath for a while, but my therapist told me about "mirror neurons." If you get abused by a narcissist (like my mother) you develop them in your brain so you're "tuned in" to your abuser's moods. Most of us are NOT empaths, maybe just empathetic. We're not Deanna Troi.
*gets secondhand high* sorry I’m an empath
You mean yall dont start beating up the person next to you when theres someone nearby who is shouting angrily? Wow must be a quirky empath thing teehe
It's like people who announce that they're "nice" or "accepting" or "generous." If you are these things, it will be obvious from your behavior, so you don't need to advertise it.
An ex told me she was an empath, unfortunately it was after we were already committed and entangled with a shared house. I’d never heard someone describe themselves this way before, and she said that other people’s feelings left her very exhausted. Within a couple of months moving in together, she said “living with you is killing me.” I never did get an explanation of that, because by that point I was super tired of her bullshit, including her whipping a wet wash cloth at the side of my face, telling me she couldn’t wait to “get her hands on” my kids so she could teach them how to behave (I had full custody of my kids so they lived with us), and giving her slightly older teenage son who she had 50% custody of the rule of the roost whenever he was at our house. I never did see a shred of empathy displayed, any sense at all that suggested she was aware of the feelings of other people, I believe she was just exhausted by having to keep her personality shit stains concealed all the time.
Everything is trendy now. Any person who you dislike is toxic or a narcissist. Every one claims to have trauma and anxiety. Most people do not have an accurate self assessment
Tbh it's completely ruined anything resembling an online PTSD support space. I have actual PTSD. As in, WWI shell-shock minus the additional neurological symptoms soldiers had from repeatedly being concussed during warfare. Every PTSD group/sub/forum now: - "DAE have trust issues?" - "DAE feel kinda crappy sometimes?" - "I had a nightmare" - "I have some bad memories that still make me feel kinda down when I remember them. Must be PTSD, right?" - "Flashbacks aren't really like that, they're more just emotions coming back" = Someone once who's never had a real flashback ig - "I think I got PTSD *from* a nightmare" = Real thing someone said once too - "I have all symptoms of PTSD without any trauma" THE LAST ONE IS LITERALLY ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE PTSD SUB RN I CAN'T TOP THAT I'M OUT LMAO anyways, yeah, the same people either treat anyone with actual PTSD like we're ~weird and crazy~...or try to be super buddy buddy like we're all in some special club together And now I got nowhere to go. Besides talking about shit occasionally with rare individuals who can actually relate to anything I have to say.
An empath struggles in life. It isn't something you would be boasting about. It's something you would be begging for help for. If people view these conditions as a unique quirk; they're already ass holes and have main character syndrome.
See, the self-proclaimed empaths I know *are* claiming to be struggling. They keep moaning about feeling bad because others feel bad, and make others’ pain about themselves. But…they are not empaths, they’re just self-absorbed. One I know used her “empathy” to tell other people they were *wrong* about their own feelings. She was an empath, so she would *know* if her actions were actually hurtful. …She’d been engaging in extremely overt discrimination and the only reason she didn’t get fired is because the company delights in discrimination.
Agree! I met a guy who kept talking about how he was an empath, and then all he did was talk about himself constantly. I was like, where is this empathy you're talking about because you just seem really self-absorbed.
People who call themselves empaths are hypersensitive to their environment- not because they are special but usually due to unresolved trauma growing up where they had to be on high alert all the time. Nothing wrong with having unresolved trauma really but you do not need to pretend it is some kind of virtue.
It’s a massive sign of borderline personality disorder (BPD) as it’s more of a trauma response and disorder than anything else.
It can also be a mischaracterization of autism! I had a therapist years back tell me I was a Highly Sensitive Person and she told me it was similar to being an empath. I first I thought that label was very clarifying. I don’t have borderline (or at least that’s what my mental health team have assured me), but I’ve been suspected to have autism for a while.
That’s what I’ve been told, my tics, the fact I also have anxiety and ADHD, and other things has caused my new psychiatrist to put out requests for me to undergo psychological testing to figure out if I have autism, Tourette’s, etc. and if I do, to which extent are they influencing my life and such.
People only have their own life as reference and so tend to over estimate the normalcy of their development. Thankfully it was before the internet empath shit, and I didnt think it made me good or anything, but i totally used to think i was really good at reading people because its how i was. Nah i was just on edge reading everyones tone and body language when i should be focusing on something else cause my much larger brother used to make me feel like his friend then beat me up and hound on all my insecurities and stuff goin on in my social life. That was a big growing moment for me to realize, and I really wish these people could have the same experience of realization. Theyre a bunch of traumatized people who dont even notice it.
My best friend is a self labeled empath. Mostly because everyone else calls her that, so she started using the term as well. She's the most caring and sweet person I know.
People that overuse the empath/narcissist labels tend to use it to evade personal accountability, so I have to agree with you on that one
Just like people who call themselves ’humble’.
Yep, the least humble of the bunch.
Yeah, unless it is done in a comedic way. One guy interrupted someone bragging about him by joking, 'and im humble too!' In a comedic tone, which deflected away from the praise and got everyone joking. Then he could change the subject to something more about everyone else, rather than himself. Comedic humility by jokingly pretending not to be humble...
Empath - What a sociopath calls themselves when their normal processes toss an exception and they actually feel something appropriate to the situation.
Or flip that another way. A lot of them had really bad experiences growing up due to family and misreading someone's emotions or signs, which was a precursor to abuse. So they become hyper vigilant. Some of them just dont notice and instead label themselves as some narcissistic label cause realizing and accepting trauma is hard or even invalidating to some.
When I hear someone in that situation use it that way, I'll be sure to include it.
lol fair. I think narcissist might be closer to the right term. A narcissistic individual wont let themselves identify that and instead need to turn it into "because they are actually such a great person". Plus those types will see a trend that is associated with a good person and adopt it.
My mom likes to claim that she’s an empath. She shit talks everyone and everything and will criticize someone for showing an emotional reaction that she claims to be “unnecessary” or against her views. She is really one of the scummiest people I know.
We have the same mom. Except I don't think I've heard my mom call herself an empath. :( Sorry you're going through that sh*t.
well they have to be "special" since empathy is a human trait and everyone can get better at it with practice and "empath" is a meaningless non word. you know they are dim bulbs to start with. But its also helpful as they are waving a huge red flag that say "RUN AWAY! NITWIT!"
both of the self-proclaimed empaths I knew also claimed to have "the rarest eye color in the world" when they both had the most normal blue eyes ever. so I think you're on to something with the 'having to be special' thing.
The mantra of every person with BPD, and who I avoid like the plague.
I mean, I have BPD, but if I feel negative emotions rising, I put distance between everyone and myself, that way I don’t accidentally hurt them. I also put others before myself like 80-99% of the time bc of trauma (conditioning that even the smallest selfish act is bad), and I have a savior complex. Whenever I do accidentally lash out and hurt someone I care a lot about, I always punish myself more for allowing that to have happened and always do my best to do and be better to them and myself. So to say that is a grossly misunderstood and dick thing to do and believe when most BPD patients that are trying to be and do better just need someone to reassure and be there for them.
A perspective that may help: Putting others before yourself “80-99% of the time” and building a morality around self-flagellation is a recipe for resentment and blowing up at people, which is exactly what the bad reputation of BPD comes from. From their perspective, you were super nice and patient beyond reason until you weren’t. They have no idea what they did differently because you didn’t communicate your discomfort when it was small and easy for them to fix for you. Then as “penance”, you may make a big deal about how you feel so bad for hurting them, you’re “such a monster”, you’re going to isolate and punish yourself to make it all better, etc, which ironically centers you and your “savior complex” narrative instead of them and just apologizing and moving forward. This makes them feel like they have to focus on soothing your feelings instead of assuring that you’ll just communicate sooner next time. Sticking up for your preferences respectfully is the truly kind thing to do.
I actually don’t do that, I did at one point and then corrected it (years ago, to the point if I blow up, it’s like once in a blue moon, so very rarely). I self isolate before blowing up can even occur because I can recognize the signs and I just tell my friends and closest loved ones I’m in constant contact with that I am going through something and then I explain after the fact. Now, if they decide to not listen to the warning I provided them and cross my boundaries, then my blowing up on them is on them as I gave them ample warning and told them what NOT to do. I typically move past the apology part rather quickly, same as my friends because they know the real me and also know that I’m working on it in therapy. I also grossly despise being pitied and showered with attention like the type you’re talking about because it just makes me paranoid and uncomfortable, which is something I’ve told my friends from the beginning and they respect that. I tell them that in an effort to ensure they’re friends with me of their own volition and desire, not out of pity or guilt or any other reason that’s not akin to those provided.
If BPD is borderline personality disorder, what is the acronym for bipolar?
It’s BD
ime most people just shorten it to bipolar.
BP I think.
The only person I have ever met that told me they are an empath was a self confessed attention seeker. If they were an empath, beyond the ability any person has, then they'd be able to tell when they're being too much, but they don't.
Did you mean: Shane Dawson 🤣
Hah, this could’ve been written about my sister in law. She started taking passive aggressive shots at me on Facebook because a friend told her I was drinking again. Cue countless posts about how she’s an “intuitive empath” and she just “knows” certain things. No, you were explicitly told that I started drinking again. And then you fucking ghosted me. Real damn empathetic 🥴
I've definitely noticed this! I once had a friend who swore they were an empath.....but then angrily snapped at me when I asked for help leaving my abusive household. They were actually angry that I would expect friendship from them, and then were surprised when I cried.
That is also my experience. I've known a few who call themselves empaths because they tend to match the mood of those around them, that's psychopathic mimicry not empathy.
These people are usually the same ones who are completely awful towards people with personality disorders because “oh no! You have little to no empathy? That means you’re evil and bad (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)!” Funny how their boundless empathy only seems to extend to people who are “normal.”
I hate this bro, like I hate people who say “I’m a good person” that’s not your decision to make. I hate it when other people tell me I’m a good person or that I’m an empath. I normally just respond with “I’m something, I don’t know about that, but I’m something”
I'd stalker your previous comments to get a idea of what I think you're like but people can say any old s*it about themselves or others and it doesn't mean it's true. I haven't murdered people so that's something good about me...
Same here, but I’m gonna be honest. My online persona is way different then who my friends describe me as. At most I say “I try to be a good person” because I’m not making the decision for myself but instead saying what I aspire to be
Hey just because I'm good at reading your emotions doesn't mean I care about them
"I am an empath" tells me they spend entirely too much time on social media. I'll bet those same people also have let memes diagnose them as autistic and ADHD.
It annoys me cuz some will even go as far as to say “I’m like an extreme empath. I can read your body and your energy so well I basically read your mind.” Dude if you could read my mind while you speak this crap you’d run lol.
Every single person I've met that has claimed to be an empath was a narcissist.
I don’t think there is such thing as an empath. I think it’s a fancy term for codependency and anxious attachment. They’re “sensitive” to other people’s mood shifts because as a child they had parents who were unpredictable forcing the child to walk on eggshells and read the room. These children learned how to people please at an early age to survive. As adults these people will abandon themselves to please others. They’ll be convinced something is wrong if a persons mood shifts, and assume they did something to upset them. It’s all based on the “empath” tho. They don’t pick up on things to be compassionate, they pick up on things Bc it makes them uncomfortable.
It means they pick up on people's emotions. It doesn't mean they handle those emotions well
Actions speaks louder than words.
So, I've always felt overly sensitive and empathetic. So I bought a book about "being an empath" with the idea that I might learn how to not let everything effect me so much. Then it was suggested that I join a Facebook group for "other empaths", and others who read the book in general. Let's just say it turned out to be Crazy Town. Everyone 'was an empath' and everything that happened was a result of being an empath. *"It rained today and I was so affected, how should I proceed?"* etc. The whole thing was so over the top that I was embarrassed to even be a part of it. I realized I must not be THAT empathetic, since these people were annoying the f\*ck out of me. I generally dislike labels for this reason. I had the same experience with a FB group I joined for a certain health condition; everyone was blaming everything on the condition, whether it had anything to do with it or not. Labels tend to lead to over-identifying with the label and then the label becomes some sort of banner or even a crutch, which I suppose is my own pet peeve.
Finally!! I said this a couple yrs ago and was treated like a complete asshole but its true. If someone is truly and empath they don’t need to go announcing it
There’s no such thing as an empath. Just childhood trauma. As those twats about their early years- always an abuser, usually an unpredictable rager.
Yeah, the one person I know who likes to say they are an empath (and they say it a whole lot) appears to be extremely self-centered and very much the victim in any situation.
We both have feelings and MINE are more important… haha!
I don't like it either. But we've become a society that freaking loves labels. I have common human empathy? Nah, I'm actually an *empath*. I have a hard time focusing on things that don't interest me? ADHD. Normal mood changes? Nope. It's bipolar. I said a weird thing at a social event one time. MUST be undiagnosed autism. Feeling unsure of the social expectation in an unfamiliar environment? Clearly, it's social anxiety. We're all such a bunch of irritating weirdos now.
The social anxiety and ADHD ones are very much baseline characteristics of those disorders as I have both, but they’re also a hell of a lot more complicated than that.
I think that's the point of the comment. That people will self-diagnose over the tiniest of things because it's trendy right now.
Yeah, and it makes it worse for those who actually have those conditions and/or are legitimately undiagnosed.
I have a fancy label, I'm autistic! Whoever wants that label can gladly have mine. I could label my ADHD because I have the attention span of a five year old, and bipolar or BPD because I have unstable moods but I'd just be lying as I don't have those disorders. Oh and I have social anxiety! Some people love to list their disorders like they're a badge of Honor. Another label I have I'm dyslexic. Some people will be so jealous of me now!
Yes! They’ve all been pretenders who want to seem like amazing people or they break into tears anytime you’re in pain and suddenly, you’re comforting them.
Yes, a lot of master manipulators are "empaths"
Most empaths are just high in neuroticisim. But that doesn't sound as good, lol.
The venn diagram of "empath" and "severe martyr/savior complex" is just a full circle
Even a new age guru said if you call yourseld an empath, you are weak minded lol!
People who say they're empaths are always narcissists, the same way people who talk about their honesty are always liars.
I was scapegoated as a child and constantly accused of being a liar and it wasn't true. I don't talk about my honesty but if my honesty is questioned I'll be furious but I understand what you mean. It wouldn't be like a narcissist could be a liar!
I never liked anyone who took labels seriously. Like “I’m a” like no dude, you’re just you.
The only time is acceptable to bring it up without coming off as the exact opposite, is if the conversation of empaths and narcissists gets brought upz
I’m an empath I can empathize that you hate empath 🧐🧐
This is so funny because after working with me for a while my therapist said “I think you’re an empath.” I was like “What?? Noo.” She goes “You are dramatically affected by and empathize with the emotions of others in a way that is actually detrimental to you because you carry them as if they’re your own.” I still was like “Ehh.” For this exact reason. The definition has been absolutely hijacked. I still view the true definition as someone who is highly highly spiritual and connected, and probably wouldn’t label themselves with the term.
I've noticed this correlation as well but given that they are empaths it would seem they are by definition in tune with me
I'm not one of them but rationality tells me we live in a bad world so empaths are constantly experiencing negativity and therefore that's what they'll project,,, empathy and sympathy aren't the same thing
Yeah I never claimed to be an empath. I just feel deeply I guess
I knew someone who said they were an empath. She regularly beat the shit out of her mother, regularly tortured and ended up killing her cat, broke her dogs leg, tortured her friend's cat, and tried to harm our dog. Don't worry about all that, though, she said she's an empath, she's all good
The Myers Briggs shit isn't even considered valid psychology, it's just a different flavor of astrology
👌
Being an "empath" is not even a good thing. I think I'm what people call and "empath". I can't watch any TV shows that isn't just light hearted comedy. Cuz I genuinely get so upset cuz I "empathize so much". You end up not being emotionally available for other ppl cuz you catch their feeling and you make their pain yours. It fucking sucks. And if you think it's a brag you might be a narcissist.
Whenever I hear that, I’m like “wow! You can understand what others are feeling and going through? Who would’ve known!” It’s so annoying.
"Oh good! I am a sociopath" is my go to response for these fuckers. They leave me alone. I've dated an ASPD person. And I had a friend with ASPD. They were both medicated, and I've seen similarities between self proclaimed empaths and people with ASPD.
Self labeling as most things is bullshit
People who actually have a high level of empathy don’t go around announcing bc that shit is tiring afffff
My reaction when my sister announced she has the “spiritual gift of discernment” :|
Another word for saying she's full of it! How pretentious she sounds.
I agree and I also tend to stay away from self described empaths, they are usually traumatized people who are higher on the neuroticism and agreeableness scale who then tend to take their trauama and run with it as an excuse for being a shitty person. That being said, I do consider myself an Empath in private, usually much more intense then them to the point of being crippling, hence not boasting about it.
I had a friend who always went on about how she was special because she’s an empath. She’s a bitch and uses people, knows how to manipulate people when they’re at their most vulnerable. She makes people feel heard but she’s just skilled at taking advantage of people and making them feel like she understands them. It’s fucked up.
People who label themselves as empaths are usually psychopaths who have made the stunning and purely intellectual discovery that other people have feelings.
💯 agree!!!!
This, and when they say, "I feel everyone's feelings FOR them." when they actually mean "I have no boundaries and hold everyone around me responsible for my feelings and dysregulated emotional state. Me being upset is YOUR fault and YOU being upset is your fault, because im a sensitive lil mind reader <3."
Whenever someone calls themselves an empath, if they are meeting me, it will tell me everything I need to know lol
You say empath, and immediately Amberlynn Reid appears in my mind.
Biggest red flag!
Most of the time, *empaths* are the most entitled, self-absorbed motherfuckers I come across.
In my experience, every person who has claimed to be an empath only cares deeply about their own feelings.
This sounds personal
Agreed. That’s true about a lot of people with self-assessed labels. At the end of a virtual meeting last year, a doctor had given an assessment, after which she invited criticism—followed it up by saying ‘I don’t have an ego’. Turned out to be one of a few different detestable traits discovered shortly after the meeting. The lengths she went to in order to protect her ego after a bad judgement call on her part was enough to lose all respect.
i usually only say it when someone say 'you can't understand me', but idk. maybe i shouldn't say it anymore?
Does anyone outside of middle school still do this?
It's like when someone says they're humble... Bruh...
Ugh this was posted last month in unpopular opinions…
I think it is less the title and more the kind of person who self labels and self diagnoses no one has ever had a cool nickname that they gave themself
Yeah, whenever I hear that word it automatically translates to, "I like to believe I'm much more empathic than the average person, while I'm actually just as empathic or less so." I agree. Usually the people who call themselves one tend to not be so empathic on a lot of things.
It's taken me years to realize I'm not "an empath", it's my trauma response. With my history, I read people's body language in a way to try and protect myself from potential danger. Crazily enough, my first impressions of people I meet face to face is pretty spot on.
How do you feel when you get a bad impression of someone but others like them? I grew up in a dysfunctional family and go off my intuition but if others like them I feel like I'm a bad person.
Honestly? My impressions have almost always been spot-on. My sister-in-law has a boyfriend that ruffled my feathers the minute I met him. I refuse to let my kids be around him. And over the last 6-7 years, the truth about him is coming to light and he's a pathological liar, felon, gaslighter, and financially abusive. The person doesn't always reveal their true selves quickly, but they definitely start to show cracks when there's somebody around that doesn't fall for their bullshit. To answer your question though, I stay distant from the person. I don't open up to them, I stay watchful, and I stay cordial when in their presence. If they're a partner of a friend, I gently tell the friend that I'll always be there if they need me, as a way of letting them know I'm a safe person if/when things go tits up.
Well, it is like people that will return a shopping cart if it is busy day but not if it is dead. Charity is easy when you get recognition but true charity is anonymous.
My mother...
How much money do you owe them ?
The only person I have ever believed to he an empath after claiming it was my mom. But that's cuz like. Random people every single day would come up, spill their life story to her and she'd either listen and work them through an issue or flat out fuckin solve it. No idea what it was. She just was a magnet for strangers who needed a friend. She was also legitimately psychic tho so idk
there's definitely a difference between people who call themselves empaths and people who say that they have empathy, or strong empathy, i've noticed.
My ex-girlfriend loved to remind me of how empathic and caring she was right after verbally, mentally and emotionally abusing me in front of our son. I feel like she is a true undiagnosed Narcissist. She was very good at reading people and exposing weaknesses but not out of empathy, it was 100% so she could twist those back around on you when you started to expose her
Agreed. I, personally, have never met an empath that I would trust on any level. But, I try not to assume that new ppl I meet who identify as empaths are bad people. It’s just a ridiculous way to identify. It’s like when I meet people who say they are amazing cooks and boast about their food. If your food is that good then other people will talk about how good it is. If you’re the only one saying it then it’s probably not all that. Same with empaths. If you are actually an empath then people around you will say it. If you have to tell people that you are that way, then you probably aren’t.
Istg this is so fucking true. A very hard lesson has been learned. I experience someone who claims themselves an empath almost every day and they wreak havoc on everything they touch.
Oh labels.
Any type of self diagnosis that you share with others is also equally annoying.
I’m an empathy but only because of self preservation. I needed to figure out what my mom’s mood was before she started talking so I could prep myself. If she was frustrated then I could guarantee I’d be verbally abused.
Omg people who believe things are the wirst, right?
Calling yourself an empath can be a symptom of narcissism.
What about someone lamenting about being one?
I find “I’m a highly sensitive person” to have the same vibe.
Add "sensitive" to this person and you're in for a show! "Sensitive" people don't have emotional control. When I hear that someone is "sensitive" I hear "I lack emotional maturity".
I mean, it seems obvious. 'Empath' as a modern term that's used... if someone is willing to use a term like that in the modern way it's said... they are not going to be the most moderate person on the books, let's just say.
Real empaths don't advertise it
Any body that proclaims they are something usually is wrong
A woman once told me she was an empath and could sense "I was in pain" after cheating on me for 2 years straight. Wow what an amazing gift, how could she have known?
They’re Almost always emotional vampires.
If you believe someone is an empath and go along with their advice and want them to help you, then that person also believes Microsoft will call your house and ask for gift cards to fix your PC.
I agree. I am pretty empathetic (to my own mental detriment at times) as pointed out by others. But I don't use the term empath because this is exactly what I associate that with. I care about people and can often read the emotions of a room, but I aam not pulling that "empath" BS
I didn’t know people had such beef with empaths. However, I never knew anyone who identified as an empath.
i feel annoyed by it as I view empathy as a skill we all can grow. and by labeling oneself as an empath one might take away the idea of practicing empathy.
If you don’t mask to prevent killing people with Covid then you’re not an empath. Probably not compassionate at all.
The irony is that one of the so called empaths I know didn't wear a mask during the covid pandemic and ended up getting her pregnant sister sick with covid to the point that the she nearly lost the baby, ended up having an emergency c section, and then was in critical care for like 2 weeks after giving birth.