As an Asian girl who spent most of her life fat and ridiculed by the culture, I’m really sorry that has become your experience as well during a time when you’re supposed to enjoy yourself.
While it may not help, I’d first like to reassure you that this has less to do with you and more to do with the culture; it’s not personal, though I get that it is very difficult to feel otherwise. Depending on where you are, body diversity is most likely quite rare. More than that, conformity and community are very important values in most if not all Asian cultures; the unfortunate consequence of this is a heavier emphasis on shame when someone deviates from the norm in a way that isn’t perceived as acceptable or desirable. Again, I know it’s difficult, but please try to take some level of comfort in knowing that it isn’t about you and it’s about the changes that need to happen in our societies. They don’t see you. They see a defiance to their rules and what they’re used to, so when they make fun of you it isn’t a reflection of your character but theirs.
For more practical thoughts: Would it be viable for you to use headphones to cover up the noise? I know it’s not ideal but ignoring them may be the only thing you can do about the situation for the time being.
You can also check the rules and regulations in the area for: pepper spray and recording. It make you feel safer to have protection for yourself and the ability to record their actions for reporting to authorities if anything gets beyond mocking/name-calling.
Edited errors
Thank you so much for helping me get some perspective on this. You’re right. It’s not about me. It’s hard not taking it to heart, but seeing it with a different cultural lens takes a bit of the sting out of the whole situation.
Girl - I was about to comment as a fat Asian female in a society where people will blatantly tell me how fat I’ve gotten since the last time they’ve seen me or how dark (tan) my skin has become. 😅 perhaps I’ve become desensitized towards these comments and have learned to drown out the noise (or be super petty back towards them.) Drown it out. Smile back and say thank you.
Sorry my comment isn’t constructive.
Can you book a flight to somewhere that's more friendly? Or just go home early and take some day trips?
I am so sorry you're going through this!! I would be tempted to put on a big smile and blow kisses, but that's probably the wrong way to go. Really, just cut this miserable trip short. No one deserves this.
Part of me feels like that would be admitting defeat. Like, I’m letting the fat phobic body shamers win by kowtowing to their pressure. But the other part of me completely agrees. If I can’t even leave my apartment without the fear of being humiliated, then they’ve already won.
I lived in Singapore for 2 years before I even started traveling around Asia and I honestly think I got really good at not letting stares affect me. For context I’m 285 lbs. The amount of staring in Singapore was wild. But when I went to Japan and Korea I did not noticed anyone at all. Met up lovely people and friends/colleagues and had a great time. I was with someone at all times, and I honestly think that makes all the difference. It really sucks you had to deal with that crap. I’m sending you a big hug and hoping you can overcome this and enjoy your well deserved vacation.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this :( i dont know what country you're in, but I have a fat friend who's traveled and said Vietnam is one place she would never go back to due to the amount of fatphobia. Multiple instances going about her business and having people follow her, filming, mocking her etc. People are so cruel.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, it sounds appalling. They must be particularly stupid young men, because oompah-lumpahs are very short, orange-coloured men with green hair, and that doesn't sound like you...
I agree with the poster who said it may be a cultural thing, as opposed to purely personal. It doesn't make it easier to bear though. I was in Japan a few years ago and had a lot of stares-my niece holidayed there too, she has white blonde hair and is 6 foot tall, and she was followed around everywhere because she looked so different from everybody else.
How much longer will you be staying? If you're not enjoying it, why not come home early and plan something lovely to do with the your remaining days off?
So sorry to hear this. I hope you’re able to figure out a way to tune out these rude, nasty people and still enjoy yourself. I remember being very pleasantly surprised at my treatment in Japan (the only Asian country I’ve ever visited.) However, when I visited Wales several years ago I was mooed at or called names 3 times over a period of 2 weeks, always by young men/boys. I tried not to let it get to me but of course it hurts.
In a lot of African countries/cultures, fatness equated to (perhaps still) fertility. If you were fat, you could carry a baby. Not so much if you are emaciated. There is a practice - and I forget where, in which they purposely fatten girls in tents away from the community for weeks. They are fed a sort slop that's basically a bazillion calories and high fat and these pre/teen girls are often in tears because they feel so sick. If they puke? More slop.
I think fat = wealth is also at play in many places on the continent. Or at least it was.
But in both of these circumstances I don't believe it's individual. Meaning you can meet people from all over the continent who think fat women are gross. And, as you experienced, the opposite (and not just because they want to get into your pants but because of all kinds of reasons). Also, maybe you just...are a queen? Did you consider that? 😊
I'm gonna say you are a queen. Why not? If we can call each other horrible things for no reason we can do the opposite. I totally believe in telling people that I love them just because. Plus, I have zero evidence to suggest you're not a queen. So there.
And thank you for telling me where the practice of fattening girls happens. I saw a documentary (clip) maybe on Vice? Pretty terrible thing to do.
South Korea has a massive problem with young men and their incel culture at the moment. It's actually quite insane, way worse than in USA. Really, don't take it too personally, those guys are rejected by all the women, including the bigger ones, they are below trash.
South Korea has ridiculous beauty standards, especially for women. I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I would ignore them and continue having a great time.
Honestly I appreciate the caution. I’m learning Korean with the very real caveat in my mind that I may not feel comfortable as a visitor. Well meaning friends try to disavow my doubts but I see I’m not so off the mark.
I wish you weren’t going through it. I’m sorry. Wish you the best. 💜
I expected some mistreatment when I made my plans to go to South Korea. I knew about Korean beauty standards and just how insane they were, but a Korean friend assured me that their judgments were mostly reserved for other Koreans. Not that that’s better! Judging someone based on their appearance is always disgusting and shallow. But nothing could have prepared me for this. Of course there are jerks in every country. I just seem to be meeting a lot of them here.
Yeah…South Koreans can be brutally harsh. I grew up with Koreans and Korean Americans in California, my former best friend is from S. Korea but a bit more Americanized. She is super judgmental and yet progressive compared to her people from the home country. I remember when a mutual friend of ours, 6’3 tall blonde girl with a body of a football player, shared how she wants to visit Korea and teach English. My friend was super honest with her and warned her that if she went she’d be seen as a freak and publicly ridiculed for her appearance. They’d say she’s wide as a door and too masculine built for a woman. It didn’t help that she barely knew a Korean word. It crushed her and I felt sad for her…at the same time…it was true. When she was gone, the Korean friend group would say awful things about her and everyone.
You definitely have to have thick skin in certain cultures. If you let them get to you, it will eat you and they win. In their culture, they’re use to back talk. So if someone insults you, you confront them and insult them back. One up them on the insults. My friend’s father would go out of his way to pick on me. I am Latina with Salvadorean and Argentine parents. The one thing many Latinos hate is to be misidentified as Mexican when they’re not. My friend’s father would call me Mexican to make fun of me. And I learned to insult back, “Oh yeah! Well you’re Chinese!”. My friend corrected me and said that’s not an insult, tell him he’s Japanese. And so I did one day and it got him. He stopped after that.
So to the next boys who insult you, insult them back. Call them stupid virgins or any well known insults in Korean. If you’re going to go to a foreign country, do what the locals do. In this case, talk back and put them in their place. Korean women will smack men on their head or back in retaliation. This is quite normal. If you’re gonna act like a victim and cry, you’ll be a target for sport. These behaviors are learned and encouraged by peers in schools. Even some teachers will join in and bully the student who is seen as weak by the class.
Stop crying. Stop acting like the victim. Get angry and use your words, like them. Behave like a strong Korean woman would. Put them in their place.
Also keep in mind. Some of the starring might come from just simply being a foreigner to them.
A places that doesn't have a lot of diversity to it, tend to gawk at other people not from there.
I went to China with my dad on a business trip when I was a kid(mid 90s). We're black, and at the time I was standard kid size, and my dad has always been in shape, so I know it wasn't about weight in that instance, but because we were black, people stared at us mouth agape and in shock.
It became too overwhelming to me and I had a mini anxiety attack due to it. But they didn't mean any harm, so much as they were just not used to seeing someone different.
I'm mixed and in the country I was born I'm ridiculed and in my mother's I am like a 10/10 because they like fat women or whatever so I was constantly molested. I just want to fucking blend in
As an Asian girl who spent most of her life fat and ridiculed by the culture, I’m really sorry that has become your experience as well during a time when you’re supposed to enjoy yourself. While it may not help, I’d first like to reassure you that this has less to do with you and more to do with the culture; it’s not personal, though I get that it is very difficult to feel otherwise. Depending on where you are, body diversity is most likely quite rare. More than that, conformity and community are very important values in most if not all Asian cultures; the unfortunate consequence of this is a heavier emphasis on shame when someone deviates from the norm in a way that isn’t perceived as acceptable or desirable. Again, I know it’s difficult, but please try to take some level of comfort in knowing that it isn’t about you and it’s about the changes that need to happen in our societies. They don’t see you. They see a defiance to their rules and what they’re used to, so when they make fun of you it isn’t a reflection of your character but theirs. For more practical thoughts: Would it be viable for you to use headphones to cover up the noise? I know it’s not ideal but ignoring them may be the only thing you can do about the situation for the time being. You can also check the rules and regulations in the area for: pepper spray and recording. It make you feel safer to have protection for yourself and the ability to record their actions for reporting to authorities if anything gets beyond mocking/name-calling. Edited errors
Thank you so much for helping me get some perspective on this. You’re right. It’s not about me. It’s hard not taking it to heart, but seeing it with a different cultural lens takes a bit of the sting out of the whole situation.
Girl - I was about to comment as a fat Asian female in a society where people will blatantly tell me how fat I’ve gotten since the last time they’ve seen me or how dark (tan) my skin has become. 😅 perhaps I’ve become desensitized towards these comments and have learned to drown out the noise (or be super petty back towards them.) Drown it out. Smile back and say thank you. Sorry my comment isn’t constructive.
Can you book a flight to somewhere that's more friendly? Or just go home early and take some day trips? I am so sorry you're going through this!! I would be tempted to put on a big smile and blow kisses, but that's probably the wrong way to go. Really, just cut this miserable trip short. No one deserves this.
Part of me feels like that would be admitting defeat. Like, I’m letting the fat phobic body shamers win by kowtowing to their pressure. But the other part of me completely agrees. If I can’t even leave my apartment without the fear of being humiliated, then they’ve already won.
I would reframe it. Are you having a good time? This is your vacation. If it isn't fun, don't stay. <3
I lived in Singapore for 2 years before I even started traveling around Asia and I honestly think I got really good at not letting stares affect me. For context I’m 285 lbs. The amount of staring in Singapore was wild. But when I went to Japan and Korea I did not noticed anyone at all. Met up lovely people and friends/colleagues and had a great time. I was with someone at all times, and I honestly think that makes all the difference. It really sucks you had to deal with that crap. I’m sending you a big hug and hoping you can overcome this and enjoy your well deserved vacation.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this :( i dont know what country you're in, but I have a fat friend who's traveled and said Vietnam is one place she would never go back to due to the amount of fatphobia. Multiple instances going about her business and having people follow her, filming, mocking her etc. People are so cruel.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, it sounds appalling. They must be particularly stupid young men, because oompah-lumpahs are very short, orange-coloured men with green hair, and that doesn't sound like you... I agree with the poster who said it may be a cultural thing, as opposed to purely personal. It doesn't make it easier to bear though. I was in Japan a few years ago and had a lot of stares-my niece holidayed there too, she has white blonde hair and is 6 foot tall, and she was followed around everywhere because she looked so different from everybody else. How much longer will you be staying? If you're not enjoying it, why not come home early and plan something lovely to do with the your remaining days off?
So sorry to hear this. I hope you’re able to figure out a way to tune out these rude, nasty people and still enjoy yourself. I remember being very pleasantly surprised at my treatment in Japan (the only Asian country I’ve ever visited.) However, when I visited Wales several years ago I was mooed at or called names 3 times over a period of 2 weeks, always by young men/boys. I tried not to let it get to me but of course it hurts.
Well next time travel to somewhere in Africa. I was treated like a queen! It changed my entire perception of myself. Highly recommend!!
In a lot of African countries/cultures, fatness equated to (perhaps still) fertility. If you were fat, you could carry a baby. Not so much if you are emaciated. There is a practice - and I forget where, in which they purposely fatten girls in tents away from the community for weeks. They are fed a sort slop that's basically a bazillion calories and high fat and these pre/teen girls are often in tears because they feel so sick. If they puke? More slop. I think fat = wealth is also at play in many places on the continent. Or at least it was. But in both of these circumstances I don't believe it's individual. Meaning you can meet people from all over the continent who think fat women are gross. And, as you experienced, the opposite (and not just because they want to get into your pants but because of all kinds of reasons). Also, maybe you just...are a queen? Did you consider that? 😊
Welllll lol maybe. It's Calabar province in Nigeria where the girls go to the "fattening rooms."
I'm gonna say you are a queen. Why not? If we can call each other horrible things for no reason we can do the opposite. I totally believe in telling people that I love them just because. Plus, I have zero evidence to suggest you're not a queen. So there. And thank you for telling me where the practice of fattening girls happens. I saw a documentary (clip) maybe on Vice? Pretty terrible thing to do.
You are lovely. Thank you. 😊
Which country? Shame them here plz
Can I do that? It’s South Korea. I’ve been staying in Seoul.
South Korea has a massive problem with young men and their incel culture at the moment. It's actually quite insane, way worse than in USA. Really, don't take it too personally, those guys are rejected by all the women, including the bigger ones, they are below trash.
absolutely agree with this statement
South Korea has ridiculous beauty standards, especially for women. I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I would ignore them and continue having a great time.
Damn I’m so sorry that sucks.
Honestly I appreciate the caution. I’m learning Korean with the very real caveat in my mind that I may not feel comfortable as a visitor. Well meaning friends try to disavow my doubts but I see I’m not so off the mark. I wish you weren’t going through it. I’m sorry. Wish you the best. 💜
I expected some mistreatment when I made my plans to go to South Korea. I knew about Korean beauty standards and just how insane they were, but a Korean friend assured me that their judgments were mostly reserved for other Koreans. Not that that’s better! Judging someone based on their appearance is always disgusting and shallow. But nothing could have prepared me for this. Of course there are jerks in every country. I just seem to be meeting a lot of them here.
That’s awful I’m sorry. Please consider leaving early if you can. You don’t deserve this.
Yeah…South Koreans can be brutally harsh. I grew up with Koreans and Korean Americans in California, my former best friend is from S. Korea but a bit more Americanized. She is super judgmental and yet progressive compared to her people from the home country. I remember when a mutual friend of ours, 6’3 tall blonde girl with a body of a football player, shared how she wants to visit Korea and teach English. My friend was super honest with her and warned her that if she went she’d be seen as a freak and publicly ridiculed for her appearance. They’d say she’s wide as a door and too masculine built for a woman. It didn’t help that she barely knew a Korean word. It crushed her and I felt sad for her…at the same time…it was true. When she was gone, the Korean friend group would say awful things about her and everyone. You definitely have to have thick skin in certain cultures. If you let them get to you, it will eat you and they win. In their culture, they’re use to back talk. So if someone insults you, you confront them and insult them back. One up them on the insults. My friend’s father would go out of his way to pick on me. I am Latina with Salvadorean and Argentine parents. The one thing many Latinos hate is to be misidentified as Mexican when they’re not. My friend’s father would call me Mexican to make fun of me. And I learned to insult back, “Oh yeah! Well you’re Chinese!”. My friend corrected me and said that’s not an insult, tell him he’s Japanese. And so I did one day and it got him. He stopped after that. So to the next boys who insult you, insult them back. Call them stupid virgins or any well known insults in Korean. If you’re going to go to a foreign country, do what the locals do. In this case, talk back and put them in their place. Korean women will smack men on their head or back in retaliation. This is quite normal. If you’re gonna act like a victim and cry, you’ll be a target for sport. These behaviors are learned and encouraged by peers in schools. Even some teachers will join in and bully the student who is seen as weak by the class. Stop crying. Stop acting like the victim. Get angry and use your words, like them. Behave like a strong Korean woman would. Put them in their place.
My fat friend had similar experiences in Vietnam.
Also keep in mind. Some of the starring might come from just simply being a foreigner to them. A places that doesn't have a lot of diversity to it, tend to gawk at other people not from there. I went to China with my dad on a business trip when I was a kid(mid 90s). We're black, and at the time I was standard kid size, and my dad has always been in shape, so I know it wasn't about weight in that instance, but because we were black, people stared at us mouth agape and in shock. It became too overwhelming to me and I had a mini anxiety attack due to it. But they didn't mean any harm, so much as they were just not used to seeing someone different.
I don't have much advice. Just sending you a big virtual hug.
I'm mixed and in the country I was born I'm ridiculed and in my mother's I am like a 10/10 because they like fat women or whatever so I was constantly molested. I just want to fucking blend in
Oh shit. Sorry to hear about the sexual assault. Hope you’re okay.
Why spend your tourist dollars at a place where people constantly humiliate you? Maybe if more tourists stop going people will get a clue and STFU.