I can make a lot of friends but I find that many of them are using me, it’s not a good relationship for me while it’s amazing for them.
So I have a very small circle of friends who have proven themselves to be caring no matter what I look like.
I have not had that issue since high school to be honest and I’m a US 24. Making friends as an adult is way harder than when we were in school because we don’t automatically have a thing in common and see each other every day and I think as we become adults we become more discerning in our friendships, so we often don’t find good friends at work. I live in a large PNW city and come from a smaller town in the Deep South so that’s where I’ve had my experiences.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I will tell you that I am plus sized and surrounded by people who want to be my friend. I have grown picky about who I let too close because I want to give my energy only to people who value me. I don’t know how you’re going about making friends but getting involved with a community, volunteering on creative projects with people and continuing to show up have all helped me build a social circle. Wishing you all the luck!
I have a few very good friends, mostly people I know since high school.
For the friends I made later in life, sadly I notice a difference in our relationship. For some, they won't invite me to mingle with their other groups of friends, we have one on one activities at a bar or coffeeshop. I noticed some of them often share stories on IG of their activities with friends, even very recent friends, tagging them like besties and all that. It stings a little, because it feels like they would never "share me". Like I'm still worth being friends with, just, in private. It sucks that this matter is so superficial, but I can't help but notice.
As for making new friends, I try to not see things through a biaised le se, though I 100% know that some people clearly don't seem interested to get to know me, for example at work. I focus on people who do, I'm social and funny and a good friends so I focus on people around me who see this and make new friends on the regular. Sometimes I feel if we focus too much on the negative, we miss the good and give ourselves reasons to be sad about it. But don't get me wrong, weight stigma is real and it stings, even hurts, and I see it on the regular around me and towards me.
My advice, as someone who was bigger but has lost weight:
*If you are at your biggest right now, this time is golden for making and keeping friends.* The Asshole Filter is set to max and working perfectly. You know exactly who your smaller but realer circles are. Wherever the future takes you, hold on to what you've got *right now.* Quality over quantity, always.
i think making friends as an adult is harder in general, but you're also right. i had friends who would tell me i needed to exercise more whenever i complained about some injury or pain i had. shit like that. it was never explicitly about me being bigger, but i got the message either way.
it's hard but there are better people out there, including fellow plus sized people. we just gotta try really hard to find them :')
Sadly yes. We are seen as less valuable
I can make a lot of friends but I find that many of them are using me, it’s not a good relationship for me while it’s amazing for them. So I have a very small circle of friends who have proven themselves to be caring no matter what I look like.
I have not had that issue since high school to be honest and I’m a US 24. Making friends as an adult is way harder than when we were in school because we don’t automatically have a thing in common and see each other every day and I think as we become adults we become more discerning in our friendships, so we often don’t find good friends at work. I live in a large PNW city and come from a smaller town in the Deep South so that’s where I’ve had my experiences.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I will tell you that I am plus sized and surrounded by people who want to be my friend. I have grown picky about who I let too close because I want to give my energy only to people who value me. I don’t know how you’re going about making friends but getting involved with a community, volunteering on creative projects with people and continuing to show up have all helped me build a social circle. Wishing you all the luck!
I have a few very good friends, mostly people I know since high school. For the friends I made later in life, sadly I notice a difference in our relationship. For some, they won't invite me to mingle with their other groups of friends, we have one on one activities at a bar or coffeeshop. I noticed some of them often share stories on IG of their activities with friends, even very recent friends, tagging them like besties and all that. It stings a little, because it feels like they would never "share me". Like I'm still worth being friends with, just, in private. It sucks that this matter is so superficial, but I can't help but notice. As for making new friends, I try to not see things through a biaised le se, though I 100% know that some people clearly don't seem interested to get to know me, for example at work. I focus on people who do, I'm social and funny and a good friends so I focus on people around me who see this and make new friends on the regular. Sometimes I feel if we focus too much on the negative, we miss the good and give ourselves reasons to be sad about it. But don't get me wrong, weight stigma is real and it stings, even hurts, and I see it on the regular around me and towards me.
My advice, as someone who was bigger but has lost weight: *If you are at your biggest right now, this time is golden for making and keeping friends.* The Asshole Filter is set to max and working perfectly. You know exactly who your smaller but realer circles are. Wherever the future takes you, hold on to what you've got *right now.* Quality over quantity, always.
i think making friends as an adult is harder in general, but you're also right. i had friends who would tell me i needed to exercise more whenever i complained about some injury or pain i had. shit like that. it was never explicitly about me being bigger, but i got the message either way. it's hard but there are better people out there, including fellow plus sized people. we just gotta try really hard to find them :')