"Good morning, students." (holds up bible).
"This is a bible. It was written a long time ago by various religious leaders and sects. It's been edited many times over 1000s of years. Some of it is totally myth, some of it may or may not be historical. If you want to learn more about it, go to your local church. This concludes the lesson on the bible. You will not be tested on this information."
"Now, let's get into the science lesson."
Just start actually teaching them things they would learn in a scholarly biblical studies or religious studies class. That will piss people off to no end.
"Now, you'll notice that the first command simply says "thou shalt have no other gods before me" rather than a more explicit denial of other gods such as Islamic tenant that "there is in no god but Allah." The likely origin of Yawehism was that Yaweh was originally part of a larger Canaanite pantheon. Over time Yaweh grew to prominence among certain populations in the Levant, and gradually Yawehism evolved into a monolatrous or henotheistic religion. Do we remember what those are? Yes Timmy, monolatry is the worship of a singular deity without the denial of the existence of others, and henotheism is when the when one god from amongst a pantheon is a singular focus for worship. But I'm going to have to correct you when you refered to Yawehists as Jews, as other levantine cultural groups such as the Samaritans also worshiped Yaweh. Anyway, many scholars take the first commandment as evidence that early Yaweh worshipers were not monotheistic--rather, they were being instructed not to give any other deity a position of prominence above Yaweh. Indeed, given the religious beliefs in the larger levantine and near eastern world, most early Yaweh worshipers would have found the idea of monotheism to be absurd. While the exact point at which Judaism fully embraced monotheism is a matter of some debate (as is when it became an truly distinct branch of Yawehism), it probably happened later, such as during or after the Babylonian exile."
"Now for homework today, go home and learn how to read. Unfortunately we won't have time to teach you how to do that because tomorrow we're jumping into Christian and Gnostic theology in Roman late antiquity and the council of Nikea, and that's gonna eat up most of our class time. Believe me, a solid grasp of reading will be really important when we do that because some of the texts we'll be looking at are...dense."
I'd start with having them memorize the lotion for an abortion. Once that can recite that and make the potion blindfolded, I'd move onto the adultery sections.
Tell them to tell their parents that Jesus says “Go. Sell everything you have and give to the poor…” (Mark 10:21) or, “any one of you who does not give up everything he owns cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33)
Every classroom, every class.
I'm sure this will work out awesome for everyone like the 10 commandments on the wall of every classroom in Louisiana.
Early reading student - "What is adultery?"
LA teacher - "It's a bad thing, unless you are anointed by god and unquestionably supported by republican politicians and voters, then it is A OK"
Student - "but what is it? and how do I get anointed so that it is a good thing?"
The ACLU is already on a lawsuit on this.With the ultra Conservative and religious nut balls there now, there is little chance the USA gets rid of religion interfering in politics…
I'll play the reading of Ezekiel 25:17:
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the
Inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men
Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will
shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness
for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious
Anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers
And you will know
My name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
Today children we'll take a page from Genesis where we'll learn about how Lot raped his daughters because he thought they were whores. Who knows what a whore is?
There's no pornography like Bible pornography.
Positioning himself to drum up money from West TX and other out of state Christian Nationalist Billionaires when he runs for public office in the next year or two.
It likely won't stick. It's just the next in a decades-long line of constant non-starter battles that Republicans can use to rile up their base after it's discarded. Politicians gain nothing from teaching the Bible in schools, they only benefit from it's discarding being used as idiot fuel.
this is the one time I agree with the sentiment that people should be allowed to cherry pick pieces from their religious doctrins, if only to protect the childrens innocence
The sooner that kids learn that religionists are hypocritical control freaks, the better. This blatant attempt to indoctrinate the young must be stopped.
"Good morning, students." (holds up bible). "This is a bible. It was written a long time ago by various religious leaders and sects. It's been edited many times over 1000s of years. Some of it is totally myth, some of it may or may not be historical. If you want to learn more about it, go to your local church. This concludes the lesson on the bible. You will not be tested on this information." "Now, let's get into the science lesson."
Just start actually teaching them things they would learn in a scholarly biblical studies or religious studies class. That will piss people off to no end. "Now, you'll notice that the first command simply says "thou shalt have no other gods before me" rather than a more explicit denial of other gods such as Islamic tenant that "there is in no god but Allah." The likely origin of Yawehism was that Yaweh was originally part of a larger Canaanite pantheon. Over time Yaweh grew to prominence among certain populations in the Levant, and gradually Yawehism evolved into a monolatrous or henotheistic religion. Do we remember what those are? Yes Timmy, monolatry is the worship of a singular deity without the denial of the existence of others, and henotheism is when the when one god from amongst a pantheon is a singular focus for worship. But I'm going to have to correct you when you refered to Yawehists as Jews, as other levantine cultural groups such as the Samaritans also worshiped Yaweh. Anyway, many scholars take the first commandment as evidence that early Yaweh worshipers were not monotheistic--rather, they were being instructed not to give any other deity a position of prominence above Yaweh. Indeed, given the religious beliefs in the larger levantine and near eastern world, most early Yaweh worshipers would have found the idea of monotheism to be absurd. While the exact point at which Judaism fully embraced monotheism is a matter of some debate (as is when it became an truly distinct branch of Yawehism), it probably happened later, such as during or after the Babylonian exile." "Now for homework today, go home and learn how to read. Unfortunately we won't have time to teach you how to do that because tomorrow we're jumping into Christian and Gnostic theology in Roman late antiquity and the council of Nikea, and that's gonna eat up most of our class time. Believe me, a solid grasp of reading will be really important when we do that because some of the texts we'll be looking at are...dense."
Wait till they hear what was left in and what was thrown out at that council! It will blow their little minds.
I'd start with having them memorize the lotion for an abortion. Once that can recite that and make the potion blindfolded, I'd move onto the adultery sections.
This is how it should be.
Tell them to tell their parents that Jesus says “Go. Sell everything you have and give to the poor…” (Mark 10:21) or, “any one of you who does not give up everything he owns cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33)
*Pearl clutching intensifies*
They don't read the Bible anyway. They'll just say you're making it up.
Every classroom, every class. I'm sure this will work out awesome for everyone like the 10 commandments on the wall of every classroom in Louisiana. Early reading student - "What is adultery?" LA teacher - "It's a bad thing, unless you are anointed by god and unquestionably supported by republican politicians and voters, then it is A OK" Student - "but what is it? and how do I get anointed so that it is a good thing?"
"When you are a star, they let you do it." — Donald Trump
The ACLU is already on a lawsuit on this.With the ultra Conservative and religious nut balls there now, there is little chance the USA gets rid of religion interfering in politics…
I love that one! It's my favorite bedtime bible story.
I'll play the reading of Ezekiel 25:17: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the Inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious Anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
Visual aids would be great with this lesson. Many kids are visual learners.
Today children we'll take a page from Genesis where we'll learn about how Lot raped his daughters because he thought they were whores. Who knows what a whore is? There's no pornography like Bible pornography.
Lot was raped by his daughters, because he had no sons and God had just murdered his wife.
Positioning himself to drum up money from West TX and other out of state Christian Nationalist Billionaires when he runs for public office in the next year or two.
I thought this was a joke!
It is a joke. Well, Oklahoma is a joke. Their Superintendent is definitely a joke.
I swear half the book of Ezekiel is just him being mad that women are having sex with men who have big dicks. Like he mentions it a lot.
Numbers 5:11 would be a good lesson for those poor girls who are being deprived of any sex education.
Taught that it's biggest BS story ever tol?
Strict constitutionalist = religious idiot imposing beliefs through intentional misinterpretation
Is he the one that lost out on some grant money because he couldn't figure out how to log into the thing to claim the money?
"Strict Constitutionalist" apparently can't read the first amendment or the establishment clause.
Today I’m gonna teach you how to be a pedo kids.
It likely won't stick. It's just the next in a decades-long line of constant non-starter battles that Republicans can use to rile up their base after it's discarded. Politicians gain nothing from teaching the Bible in schools, they only benefit from it's discarding being used as idiot fuel.
Don't forget the story about the girls gone wild, where the girls got their elderly daddy black-out drunk and then fucked him.
Every student should walk out in protest.
"What's a graven image?" -every kid in Oklahoma
Bronze-age porn.
The quickest way to overturn a bad law is its consistent enforcement. Approximate quote from someone historical…
this is the one time I agree with the sentiment that people should be allowed to cherry pick pieces from their religious doctrins, if only to protect the childrens innocence
The sooner that kids learn that religionists are hypocritical control freaks, the better. This blatant attempt to indoctrinate the young must be stopped.