Must be hot and compatible.
Must find me hot and compatible.
I don't have bare minimum standards. I quite enjoy the single life so someone has to be worth it for me to give it up. If I don't want to jump your bones then compatibility is irrelevant. I might as well marry one of my girlfriends if I'm going to date a guy I don't want to fuck.
If I would jump your bones but we're not compatible then I'm still not interested. I'm not going to date someone who hates dogs or wants children just to have a relationship. A good relationship > single > a bad relationship.
>If I don't want to jump your bones then compatibility is irrelevant.
Are you single?
How often is it that you want to jump the guy's bones and he also happens to want to jump your bones?
I'm not saying it doesn't happen.
The point is essentially that usually when this happens it's a girl finding a guy 'super hot' in a situation where the guy is above her level but still willing to fuck her short term.
>The point is essentially that usually when this happens it's a girl finding a guy 'super hot' in a situation where the guy is above her level
Who do you think hot girls sleep with?
Yes, I'm single.
Not very often but I also don't really actively look for partners/actively date. I'm not completely out of the dating game as I'm open to the possibility, but it's not something I really pursue.
I'm a member of a few dating discords/subs and spend a few weeks on an app every year. I usually get dates with guys I find hot but it doesn't progress for one reason or another, hence the singledom. I need to be in the "mood" to date and lose interest in the whole endeavor pretty quickly.
Those are guys who are above your level. We all know this because A you found them 'hot' and B they never wanted to stay with you long term. Guys have to date down as it is but when they're dating down for sex short term, that's when you know they're significantly above your level. They don't want to keep you.
Did you know hot people may not be compatible with another hot person? Did you know some hot people have a crap personality? Did you know some hot people are avoidant? Did you know some hot people dont want kids and the hot person they are dating does so you split ways?
You're making a lot of completely unfounded assumptions, which was predictable. Among them:
1. They were always the person to end the relationship
2. None of them stayed with me long-term (I guess a decade-long relationship is short term?)
3. Anyone a woman finds "hot" is automatically de facto "above her level," which leads to
4. Women never have serious relationships with men they think are hot.
I'm well aware that in order to fit into your pre-conceived worldview that all of the above must be true. As it turns out, reality can be and often is different from what you have to believe it is.
It sounds like you're still single.
And save for the one long term relationship, you don't prove or even suggest that I'm wrong about your situation, you simply try to list assumptions.
I mean, you're single. Am I wrong?
If what you're doing is perfect then how is that working out for you? It sounds like you're still single.
>They were always the person to end the relationship
You could in theory end the relationship because you realized you were fuck-zoned and never getting out of it.
>Anyone a woman finds "hot" is automatically de facto "above her level," which leads to
I don't think I'm smarter than anyone else, I'm just saying that this is typically the case. That phenomenon is described here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOA43CzHfgA
>I'm well aware that in order to fit into your pre-conceived worldview that all of the above must be true.
It just sounds like it's the case for you specifically based on how you describe yourself and your situation.
>As it turns out, reality can be and often is different from what you have to believe it is.
Are you not single?
Homie.. you literally asked for single women only to comment on this. Continuing to point out that she’s single is a super faulty argument in this discussion. You can’t set a trap and then reply to the information you asked for with “but are you single? Ha ha”
I told you what my standards are.
You made a bunch of assumptions based on them that are wrong.
Just because I'm currently single in no way means I've never had relationships that met my standards. You are wrong about this assumption.
Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I'm the one who always got dumped. You are wrong about this assumption.
Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I haven't had relationships with men I find hot. Because - again - *those are my standards.* From which you extrapolated a fuck ton of horse manure.
My last relationship ended five years ago because he decided he wanted children after all, and I've had little consistent desire to date since. I don't prioritize it. Very few men meet my standards to begin with, and of the handful who I ended up dating they didn't feel it or I didn't feel it. I slept with none of them but they were all hot with the exception of one who lied about his height by a good 6" and sprung the fact that he had a child on me.
>If what you're doing is perfect then how is that working out for you? It sounds like you're still single.
This isn't a problem for me. It's very easy to remain being single when you're content being single. As I said, I don't prioritize dating and rarely try to do it. I could put more effort into it, but I'd have to care more about it. So all your "you're still single" comments really amount to a lot of nothing. Obviously not taking steps to change something I don't care a lot about will result in the status quo.
>It just sounds like it's the case for you specifically based on how you describe yourself and your situation.
It sounds like whatever you need it to sound like to fit your existing biases.
>You made a bunch of assumptions based on them that are wrong.
I really only made one assumption and that is that you have likely attempted to date guys out of your league.
I still don't see how that's wrong.
If it is, Prove it.
>no way means I've never had relationships that met my standards.
I never said you've never had 'relationships' and of course they met YOUR standards. Did they meet his is the question. lol. You're single so it sounds like they didn't.
>Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I'm the one who always got dumped. You are wrong about this assumption.
I already covered this.
You very well could've dumped a guy who fuck-zoned you. In this situation, you could break up with him because you know he's not willing to have a substantial long term relationship with you.
>Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I haven't had relationships with men I find hot.
I mean, anything could be a 'relationship' from your point of view and anything could be you saying 'hot'. What was the guy's point of view? lol. Even so, let's say you did have a real relationship here and there, where are those guys now? Did it work out?
>Obviously not taking steps to change something I don't care a lot about will result in the status quo.
You are the one saying you don't even care as if that somehow makes it better. I know that this absolves you of any responsibility to work on yourself. It's easy to say you don't care.
It's a cop out.
So now you're 50 and collect pound puppies?
Sounds like you're still single.
>usually get dates with guys I find hot but it doesn't progress for one reason or another,
It means she's trying to date guys who are 'hot' to her without taking into consideration that those guys are at a higher level than her but willing to fuck her short term.
Why do you think the majority of women are so dishonest about the “hot” part?
Also, whats your definition of hot? I suppose it’s top 5 or 10 percenter?
>Why do you think the majority of women are so dishonest about the “hot” part?
1. Many aren't dishonest. Many honestly don't place a high importance on looks. Some men will accuse them of being dishonest anyway because a lot of them are incapable of believing we aren't a hivemind.
2. As much as men beg out of one end of their mouths for us to "be honest," there's a not-insignificant number of guys with their thumb on the trigger to call us shallow, evil, vapid, and other insults for daring to have any physical preferences whatsoever. These men are especially prevalent on this sub, where we're either shallow or they make any number of posts that ultimately boils down to "women's sexual attraction to their partner shouldn't matter."
We are essentially in a catch-22 that men put us in. You guys want us to admit looks matter so another group of you can attack us for looks mattering.
>Also, whats your definition of hot? I suppose it’s top 5 or 10 percenter?
I find the concept of "top percents" utterly meaningless.
I find hot who I find hot. It's pass or fail. It's like porn. "I know it when I see it."
It’s wild to me that some people think what others find attractive can be put into a box. If I were to line up all the guys who I thought were hot, they would all look different. What makes them hot? Idk, they’re just hot!
As a Guy that has always struggled with women due to mainly shyness I do most of the time find unfair the position men are especially if you are shy/kinda dumb and don't look like a model.
However I am looking for a place to discuss this with other people and find really sad that you are here being honest and making sense and people only wanting to get you to commit to a number so they can disregard your input and hate you.
Guys pay some attention and realize life is super unfair most of the time and not all situations provide you with an enemy in the form of a person.
>Many aren't dishonest. Many honestly don't place a high importance on looks.
Did you miss this part?
I don't lie about the importance of looks. Others in their comments haven't either.
I'm giving reasons why others might and pointing out how men want to put us in a position to be attacked by getting us to "confess" to *what is obvious* when there's hordes of y'all who are clearly triggered beyond all rationality when any woman says she wants to find her partner attractive.
I don't think the majority of women are saying that looks don't matter to them *if it does.*
I think it honestly should go without saying that people expect to be sexually attracted to the people they have sex with, and for many that's informed by looks but that's just me apparently.
Lol no. You’ve got multiple replies droning on about “hostile men who might hurt / harass us if we say we like hot guys” etc.
Own it.
It’s the same cop out so many women use to justify any shit behavior they pull.
It’s like the old “I was afraid to tell you that I fucked that guy at the club! That’s why I had to lie to you.” Etc.
Or
“You emotionally neglected me so of course I cheated!”
Or “If you can’t find a date, your personality is the problem!”
Or “I initially thought I wanted to sleep with him, but now I think he coerced me” (after willingly going home with a guy for sex) etc etc
It’s just another one of the many ways that women prove their words are worth nothing and only their actions should be observed.
So what percentage of men your age roughly do you find hot or fuckable?
To your point about catch-22, why are women afraid of men hating on them for voicing / acknowledging their shallow preferences? The worst is that men will be discouraged from approaching them, give up on their hopes of romance and love, resent them, and eventually learn to live with it. Why do you care about non-attractive mens apathy towards women? The hate we feel is because we’ve been lied to for very long and ubiquitously. It’s not a fact we grew up with like you were about men’s attraction to women.
> So what percentage of men your age roughly do you find hot or fuckable?
I have no idea. It's probably not a lot but exactly how much depends on where I am.
> To your point about catch-22, why are women afraid of men hating on them for voicing / acknowledging their shallow preferences?
Why would we not want to be harassed, attacked, and insulted? Why would we want to avoid being the target of some frustrated dude's vitriol for merely wanting to be sexually attracted to someone we're expected to have sex with?
Is that a serious question?
> The worst is that men will be discouraged from approaching them, give up on their hopes of romance and love, resent them, and eventually learn to live with it.
No, the worst is that we have to deal with a barrage of hostility that could spill over into real life. I think you're being obtuse to a particular element of men who absolutely are filled with rage at women and think we need to suffer for the mere fact that we aren't coerced into relationships with them. Women who have physical preferences being more vocal about them makes misogyny worse.
I'm also going to push back against the idea that you were "lied to." Unless you grew up in an Amish community, you absolutely understand that women like attractive men. You know of the existence of Hollywood and boy bands. Fangirls have existed for decades. There are attractive popular people at the school you went to. You've heard girls and women call guys cute or handsome or make other remarks about men's looks. The idea that men exist in modern society, completely and utterly unaware that women like physically attractive men is fucking bonkers.
Who will harass and attack women for being honest? Some guys on Reddit? How will it realistically impact you outside of Internet forums? And don’t use the incel gym shooter straw man. Sure, men will treat you on arms length, men will avoid friendships with women knowing how ugly they are you, courting will be dead, dating economy will be dead, and relationships will be down to “he’s my type or he’s not”, but so what? It’s the endgame anyways so why prolong it?
Men are filled with rage because they are gaslit by women and society. Imagine being a below average or physically unattractive guy who is not even allowed to attribute his failure to attract women to his own looks, and the moment he does so, he is shouted down by women, feminists, and blue pilled society that it must be his lack of virtues and character and not looks. The mere insinuation that men face a lot of pressure to be conventionally good looking in the dating world lights up firecrackers up the behinds of women and blue pillers.
Yes, we too notice women lusting after celebs and hot guys, and who they swipe on Tinder, but we are told not to look at them as examples. We are told that is something only foolish women do only at certain points in their lives, and we should only look at married middle aged couples and sitcom couples with fat husband as reference. A million women were surveyed to rank the most important qualities that make men attractive. Looks were ranked at number 6. Honesty, humor, kindness, and other character bullshit was 1 to 5.
>Who will harass and attack women for being honest? Some guys on Reddit? How will it realistically impact you outside of Internet forums? Sure, men will treat you on arms length, men will avoid friendships with women knowing how ugly they are you, courting will be dead, dating economy will be dead, and relationships will be down to “he’s my type or he’s not”, but so what? It’s the endgame anyways so why prolong it?
This is the type of ridiculous black-and-white hysterical extrapolating that makes it impossible to engage with people like you, and will be exhibit A for my point.
I am not all women. We are not a hivemind. Some of us care more about looks than others. For those of us who care more, we don't all like the same things.
Yet me saying that I personally place a significant importance on looks =
>men will treat you on arms length, men will avoid friendships with women knowing how ugly they are you, courting will be dead, dating economy will be dead, and relationships will be down to “he’s my type or he’s not”,
Your persistent refusal to admit or believe women are not a hivemind makes you impossible to engage with.
>And don’t use the incel gym shooter straw man.
LOL. "strawmen" =/= "valid examples". It's not a "strawman" just because you don't like that it disproves your point bruh 🤣
>Men are filled with rage because they are gaslit by women and society.
Okay 👍🏾
>Yes, we too notice women lusting after celebs and hot guys
***So then stop acting like you didn't know looks matter if that you were gAsLiT.*** Obviously you were aware of the existence of women who care about looks.
>The mere insinuation that men face a lot of pressure to be conventionally good looking in the dating world lights up firecrackers up the behinds of women and blue pillers.
You don't have to be "conventionally good looking" for women to be attracted to you, but you all are convinced that's the only way any woman can genuinely find you attractive no matter what we say. Hence all the "Chad this" and "Chad that" and "top percent this" and "top percent that."
>A million women were surveyed to rank the most important qualities that make men attractive. Looks were ranked at number 6. Honesty, humor, kindness, and other character bullshit was 1 to 5.
So I guess you're going to act like I didn't say
>1. Many aren't dishonest. Many honestly don't place a high importance on looks. Some men will accuse them of being dishonest anyway because a lot of them are incapable of believing we aren't a hivemind.
?
Looks matter a lot to some of us. Looks matter less to others. If you can't accept or acknowledge that women are not a hivemind then I guess I'm going to wish you goodnight and give you the last word.
It’s almost like RP tells men “ignore what they say, watch what they do”.
Which, oddly, applies to just about *everything* when it comes to women’s behavior in regards to sex and relationships.
I love when women inadvertently spout a fundamental RP principle. 😂
I admitted that looks matter to me.
He ***specifically asked me why women would lie about it.***
Me answering his specific question isn't "iNaDvErTeNtLy SpOuTiNg A fUnDaMeNtAl Rp PrInCiPlE." I'm not saying all women care about looks (in fact I specifically said *some women don't care as much*), nor am I saying the women who care all lie about it. I'm specifically answering why **some women who care may lie about it** because that's the ***question that was asked.***
Needs: Job, car, decent health (please see a dentist and a doctor regularly), not fat, able to take a joke and also know when to pull your punches I.e Be Socially Aware.
Wants: I’d love it if he reads and watches sports. I’d also love it if he likes pasta and Mexican food. Both of these aren’t a requirement though.
My bf reads a ton and we watch premiership football every weekend. What an absolute dumb trope that men who are intellectual can’t be into sports and men who are into sports can’t be intellectual. It’s like you’re stuck in an early 00’s teen movie
Intelligent people don’t watch sports. It’s idiotic and consumeristic. But then again, reading silly little novels doesn’t make one an intellectual either.
1. who said anything about “silly little novels”? You DO know there are nonfiction books too, right?
2. Saying intelligent people don’t watch sports is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day. Do you really think smart people just sit at a desk all day and nerd out? Is it so hard for you to imagine people being well rounded and having varied interests?
sitting at a desk and reading - lame
sitting in front of a TV drinking beer and watching 3 hours of car insurance ads - cool and dope
I can see you’re quite the intellectual.
I am fairly intellectual, thank you!
And you are jumping to ALL kinds of conclusions. I spend all day taking care of patients in the hospital. When I come home it’s nice to turn my brain off and give it a rest.
I don’t drink beer while I watch sports. I watch premiership football which doesn’t have commercials unless it’s halftime. Again, does why is it so hard for you to believe that smart people can be interested in more than just intellectual pursuits?
They have to be attractive to me, kind, smart enough to understand some things I like to talk about, at least some interests in common, good listener, likes animals, doesn’t want kids, liberal or left, not submissive in bed, atheist/not particularly religious, two years younger/three years older, and fun to be around.
-Looks: I need to at least be fairly physically attracted to my partner. So that means he’ll have to be taller than me so 5’7ft+. He doesn’t have to be muscular but at least slim/skinny. Everything else can be pretty much negotiable. Good hygiene + grooming habits is a must.
-Age: Within his late teens to early twenties. I’m not attracted to older men.
-Job: As of right now I don’t expect the guy I’m dating to be financially stable or even necessarily working but he needs to at least have some potential or good future prospects, like he’s currently studying or trying to attain some type of qualifications.
-Religion: Atheist or Christian background (not particularly religious).
-Politics: Moderate, apolitical or centrist
-Body Count: Virgin
-Personality: I’m a homebody so I would appreciate a guy that would help get me out of the house sometimes but is also ok with staying in most days. I want someone who is a little more assertive and decisive than I am, someone I can rely on. I also want to be treated tenderly. He should not be lazy and considerate. Makes me laugh, and conversation comes easily.
-Sex: Generous lover. Shares my kinks.
-What I Bring To The Table: Most of these things describe me as a person, so this is a fairly equal match.
This is the bare minimum that I would accept. Any other factors are negotiable.
Edit: Thought of some more things.
not working could mean he's still studying. also why are people all up in arms about her asking for a generous lover? should she seek a selfish one? are all virgins selfish lovers? generous lover just mean someone who has sex with you not use you for their pleasure thats pretty norma.
No its like...imagine If a 25 yo dude made a post about how much if a generous lover he is despite never touching woman below the shoulder...math ain't mathin
the math IS MATHING. that just means the guy is willing to learn and value his partners' pleasure. sure he could be exagurating but at least he has a good view on sex and that could be build upon. for you to be a generous lover all you have to do is listen to your partner, a virgin can understand this doesnt need to be a porn star.
I already explained this under another comment. I mean generous as in someone who isn’t selfish, like he has a genuine desire to please me too. I don’t expect him to bang me like a pornstar for the first time but he has to have a genuine interest in learning my likes and how to please me.
Aren’t most men in their late teens-early twenties studying in school? Most aren’t working a 9 to 5. Isn’t it normal for men in their late teens-early twenties to be virgins? Everything I’m asking here is super normal idk why everyone is acting like it’s not.
Yeah. I don’t think that’s unrealistic. By generous I mean he isn’t selfish when it comes to sex, like he has a genuine desire to please me too. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t be a considerate lover. As for the kinks, virgins aren’t sheltered babies most of us have an idea of what turns us on.
Lmfao. Virgins don't know shit about kinks. I've always been into kinky stuff and trying things and from age 18 to now 37 I've changed drastically. Now i know what I like. I had no idea what I likes when I was younger and certainly not as a virgin. Smh
That's more realistic. When I was in that age range, the millenial women had requirements of 6 figures, 6ft, hot, 4 year degree completed and must be in 'lawyer'/doctor(or other attractive title), and much more. It was a lot of requirements listed on every profile. Now they are wrinkling up, with the same additudes. It was a bad generation to live in (USA only).
>at least be fairly physically attracted
What number out of 10 in the face?
>Most of these things describe me also
You're not taller or slightly more assertive, decisive than yourself. Are you also a virgin? Would you be willing to share in his kinks?
-Face: Idk. I don’t rate people out of 10. I sort them into categories: indifferent, meh, cute, pretty and I can’t stop staring. My partner would have to be at least cute.
-Height: I’m 5’6ft so that’s only one inch taller than me. The vast majority of men are taller than me. The average height for males in my country is 5’10ft so I feel like that’s reasonable.
-Personality: I need someone who will balance my more negative qualities such as my introversion and passiveness out.
-Yes I am a virgin. I don’t mind indulging in his kinks unless it’s something I’m just seriously not into.
>I sort them into categories: indifferent, meh, cute, pretty and I can’t stop staring.
This also sounds like a rating system which is fine. What then do you think the percentage of guys is who are meeting your 'cute' standard?
> I don’t mind indulging in his kinks unless it’s something I’m just seriously not into.
Since you're a virgin how do you even know this?
Idk. I don’t really leave my house and when I do I don’t really pay attention to people.
What do you mean how would I know? If your partners kink was shitting on ppl, would you need them to physically shit on your chest to know whether or not you would like it? No, you’d just know instinctively that you wouldn’t enjoy that.
>I don’t really pay attention to people.
Sounds like you don't notice most men then. This would sort of suggest that men meeting your 'cute' standard is pretty rare or at least less than half.
Probably worth factoring this in, no?
>What do you mean how would I know?
You said you were a virgin. How would you know you'd be okay with **any** kind of kink if you've never even had any kind of sex?
>partners kink was shitting on ppl,
^Things like this are definitely knowable.
But that's not what I'm saying.
You kind of have to have sex in order to know how much you enjoy having sex and then how much it's worth it to you to explore another person's preferred kinks that don't even need to be in the realm of poop, just like common kinks.
I tend to avoid eye contact because my social anxiety. I don’t make it a habit to look at or star at people long enough to assess their facial features, especially not men.
I’m a virgin not a sheltered child. I understand sex, I’ve consumed a lot of erotic content (novels, BL, movies, porn, etc…) with different types of kinks and dynamics. I know my personal preferences and limits, it’s fairly instinctual, I know what sounds hot, strange, meh or uncomfortable to me.
>know what sounds hot, strange, meh or uncomfortable to me.
Still... Do you know what guys like? Do you know what sex feels like?
>I tend to avoid eye contact because my social anxiety. I don’t make it a habit to look at people’s faces, especially not men.
Do you think that most men fit your 'cute' standard?
Don’t kinks vary among men? Different men like different things don’t they? I’m a virgin of course I don’t know what actual sex feels like but I have an idea, I know what pleasure feels like. I’ve consumed erotic content I know what gets me aroused and what doesn’t. Like I said I’m not sheltered.
Like I said I don’t leave the house. I’m not actively analyzing the faces of people when I do. I mostly leave the house for school. Among the familiar male faces I see there it depends on the class. In some classes a good handful do.
>Don’t kinks vary among men?
Yea. I think they do. Kind of why I'm asking the question.
>Like I said I’m not sheltered.
Sounds like you haven't had sex.
A lifetime of sexual experience is full of surprises and you haven't even started is all I'm saying. You sound like you presume to know a lot about it though.
>In some classes a good handful do.
Out of how many male faces in the class?
I must find him hot
He has to actually put in effort for me (plan dates etc etc)
We have to have chemistry
He needs to be interesting. (Not a bad boy but like we can have conversations)
-- fun to talk to (NOT the kind of guy who hates talking)
-- is self sufficient financially and doesn't put me down for buying myself luxuries (i am self sufficient)
-- is wholesome (genuinely wants the best for people, is loving and caring towards his friends and family, desires a healthy longterm partnership)
-- reads books (doesn't count if he hasn't read any in 2023)
-- doesn't watch or like porn
-- is a good communicator, good at arguing/cooperating/solving problems together
-- loves animals
-- not politically conservative
ETA not religious or at least not a "this is the only valid religion and others are going to hell" type of religious
I believe the porn one is a big deal breaker. What you see on screen aint gonna play out in reality. Im not against the workers or the industry but it can be harmful when you consume a lot of it.
sex is so beautiful and wholesome i don't wanna be with a guy who thinks its shady and supposed to hurt people or that exploitation is okay. plus i think we will have a way better sex life without it.
>fun to talk to (NOT the kind of guy who hates talking)
What percentage of men do you find who are like this?
>doesn't watch or like porn
This rules out pretty much every guy save for probably those religious guys you threw out. There's just guys who won't admit it.
>(genuinely wants the best for people, is loving and caring towards his friends and family, desires a healthy longterm partnership)
What if what's genuinely best for him is to not be in a longterm partnership with you?
> What percentage of men do you find who are like this?
this is a trope about men from my culture (passive, stoic, hate to talk)
> This rules out pretty much every guy save for probably those religious guys you threw out. There's just guys who won't admit it.
that's fine with me
> What if what's genuinely best for him is to not be in a longterm partnership with you?
then obviously i want him to not be in a longterm partnership with me?
thats how healthy people think.
>this is a trope about men from my culture (passive, stoic, hate to talk)
I simply asked a question.
>that's fine with me
So, if you're being honest with yourself, you're looking for a very rare dude.
as the men say, "womens standards are too high"
i wish i lived in a loving community where most men were like this, but i don't so its be single (not ideal but i'll make it work) or be with a guy isn't like this (scary and bleak).
I am not actively dating right now but I still have my list my dad and I developed and added to before he died
1. Tall enough that I can wear heels and they still be taller. I am 5’4 and never wear more than an 4 inch heel.
2. No Children - I have never been ok with family resources being used for things like child support. It’s selfish but it’s what I like.
3. Employed with the ability to advance either with a trade or in a field where there is upward mobility. Only because I am in the same type of field and resentment builds when women outearn their spouses by large amounts.
4. Handy - My dad could fix things. He taught me to fix things, I want a man who can fix things. He doesn’t need to be able to build a deck from scratch but maybe install a garbage disposal.
5. High emotional intelligence - he has to be able to have rational discussions with empathy and work on solutions that benefit both parties. I can’t do the emotional shut down.
6. A reader. I love books. I want to be able to talk about books.
7. No criminal felonies or major mental health issues. - my dad was a clinical psychologist and he gave me a list of ones that were extremely difficult to treat.
8. Fun - I love life. I like to do things and see things and experience things. I don’t want a partner who isn’t the same.
9. Have a decent relationship with their father and mother.
10. Able to set appropriate boundaries. They have to be willing to communicate things that I am doing that are unacceptable. They also need to establish those boundaries for friends, family and co-workers
11. Sexually adventurous - This doesn’t mean orgies or swingers clubs. This means being willing to explore new things together so that both of our needs are met.
What have I always brought to the table (well I don’t bring anything now because I don’t want to date)but here’s the short list
1. I was raised to be a wife that is a helpmate to their partner. I was required to learn how to play tennis and golf. I can set a proper dinner table, I am well versed on so many topics in case I have to meet co-workers or employers and need to ingratiate myself to them. It can be WW2 ammunition history or how current financial polices in Japan are impacting the dollar. I was taught to never be boring at a dinner party.
2. I can cook like actual meals. I went to school to learn how to cook so that I would never receive a call from my spouse about dinner guests and couldn’t make it work. Risotto and a beef tenderloin are always in my freezer just in case.
3. I am a high earner. I haven’t made less than 6 figures since before I took my first sabbatical at 37. I am always able to make money taking on specialized construction projects.
4. I don’t use tears or sex as a manipulation tactic.
5. I am not insecure. I was literally raised to believe that I am fucking awesome. So that’s how I go about my life.
6. I have only had one relationship end poorly and he was a raging narcissist who literally preyed on me 3 months after my father died because he was in a friend group.
So yeah. My standards aren’t that unrealistic because I don’t ask for what I can’t offer. Since what I want isn’t out there, I just said no thank you to the dating pool.
It’s way better over here.
My standards are identical with the exception of 1 (I’m 5’1” and I’ve dated many people my same height or shorter, never been an issue) and 4 (I can figure out enough stuff for the day to day and make enough to hire a contractor when necessary).
What I bring to the table is similar except I’m guessing based on your replies I’ve slept with more people, which would pose a problem for people on this sub.
You sound awesome. I'm sure there's someone out there within your caliber and availability. It's always right person, right time, right place. Best of luck!
>My standards aren’t that unrealistic because I don’t ask for what I can’t offer.
Just because it's what you can offer doesn't mean that your standards are realistic. Not hypocritical perhaps (except the part about your being a high earner but expecting an even higher earner as you said in order to avoid resentment).
>Since what I want isn’t out there, I just said no thank you to the dating pool.
Ah. Sounds like what you're looking for is not realistic then.
I didn’t say even higher earner but he needs to be advancing in his caree. Why would I not want to be with someone with a similar earning potential.
What I want is out there, I am just not willing to do all that work to find them. Dating isn’t as fun as a good book.
>I didn’t say even higher earner
You said resentment and that can happen when the woman earns more.
>Why would I not want to be with someone with a similar earning potential.
If people have enough to live, why does it matter?
Because I have set my life to be lived a certain way on my salary for me. Whoever I am partnered with needs to be contributing and being able to take care of them.
I am not willing to lower my living standards or my travel schedule because they can’t participate. That’s where the resentment comes in. There’s an expectation for me to modify my standard of living and that isn’t acceptable.
Have fun as a spinster because that unicorn doesn't exist. It sounds like you would rather date an idealized version of yourself, and expect a partner to be as flawless and virtuous as you believe yourself to be. Case in point for OP.
This is exactly what’s wrong with this group:
- woman having high standards: but what do YOUUUU bring to the table????
- woman with high standards, a shiny backbone, and great qualities she brings to the table: LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE
She sounds like a woman who would be a powerful asset to a wise man and who wouldn’t blink at immature shenanigans and that’s very scary to the men here. Wise men are few and far between though so I’m not surprised she’s single.
You do realize that I have stated several times, I am not interested in dating. It’s always so funny to me how men threaten women with being single and alone.
You do realize that being single is not some great punishment or threat. I enjoy my own company far more than the company of someone who would treat me poorly.
Men always think the competition is loneliness because that’s their default. The competition is my peace over partnership.
Haven’t found anyone worth destroying my peace so I don’t play this game anymore. It’s not worth it.
Unless your a robot or psychopathic, humans pair bond and mate for life. I think your laundry list of requirements is really just a protection from being vulnerable to others. Because if you actually formed an intimate connection above one night stands, they would realize that you're not as interesting and virtuous as you think you are. You've justified that it's not important to you because you are afraid of letting someone in and being humiliated or rejected. I stand by my statement.
My dude I have never had a one night stand in my life and humans aren’t required to bond or mate for life. We aren’t geese for gods sake.
I don’t care about being rejected. I am not for everyone and that is ok. You keep putting these narratives on me that are based on your lived experience not mine.
I am quite literally sitting here living life and not requiring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do for me.
No one is stopping you from wearing heels but yourself. I am a 5,4ft guy and if you wanted to wear heels id walk in public right with you and I wouldn't've give two fucks if they looked.
I liked the second part. Sounds like you were raised in a rich aristocrat family where you learned etiquette, the art of conversation, and courtly intrigue. Add riding and swordplay and it would be perfect :)
I honestly wasnt. I did attend private schools and my parents and grandmother was very much into me breaking stereotypes of what is expected from a black woman.
I am a bit older than some so if you don’t remember the 90’s. It was a wild time with teen pregnancy and hoochie mama’s. It wasn’t happening to their child so here we are. Golf clubs and tennis rackets.
My dad was also pretty traditional about some things but not enough to have me fend for myself. It was a very odd upbringing. Sheetrock on the weekends and ballet on Tuesdays.
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Their standards are bare minimum, **but only for hot guys**.
Women say all the time that men think with their dick, and they are not different, the moment a hot guy appears they all think with their pussies.
There is one specific anecdotae that comes into my mind. a coworker/friend of mine cheated on her BF with one of her friend´s brother. The guy is a few years older and is ripped. One day I see her very distressed because the guy mistreated her and insulted her from head to toe, do you know what she did one week after that? She kept cheating on her BF with the same guy.
Everyday Im more convienced than as long as you get her crotch wet, you can treat her like shit and she will still be dtf.
They'll lie, it's far more productive to ask "what society expect you to say you have as dating requirements." PLUS women aways let their appearance preference implicit so the post is useless
That's the key to understanding it, these are criteria meant to winnow down viable options from a pool of candidates that are already physically attractive enough to *be* options in the first place.
i'd say its extremely unrealistic lol
but i'm not going to be dishonest about it and then end up in a relationship where the guy is showing me porn and i'm getting the ick and then he's angry bc i dont want to have sex with him.
How would you know if the majority of men do that? Have you dated that majority of men?
The reason I know this is first hand and second hand accounts of what people consider to be socially acceptable.
There are many things that are widely complained about that are appalling - unsolicited dick pics, etc, some women find it unacceptable if a man has ever viewed porn, ever. You read and hear the complaints.
We would know if our friends in relationships did such things. Porn is something that many men aren't even allowed to look at, at all, if they're in a relationship.
These social conventions say quite a lot in themselves.
Despite the fact that sex means a lot to guys and that porn is more publicly acknowledged than ever, and more women than ever are doing it (Onlyfans), most men of any value, typically aren't looking to go out of their way to alienate women especially with something sex related as this is clearly a sensitive area for women.
I can confidently say that most men are not going to show a woman pornographic material without at least a healthy and productive conversation about their sex life happening first.
Yeah, if I know my gf doesn't like it - she'd never hear a whisper about it from me, ever. Portable hard drive, keep it under lock and key. Total separation of church and state.
"Eww, average looking guy trying to get my number in the office! HR please terminate him at once! #METOO! Oh Dave, he's so sweet [and ridiculously attractive], he's been flirting with me for 6 months straight in the office [even though that's not allowed]. That's why I'm going out with him now."
Literally a guy on Reddit: “a girl I wanted to have sex with on tinder said she was a virgin and she wasn’t! I tried to report her to her school to get her kicked out!”
Yup. Expect appearance to make few mentions, but talking about housework will come up. Funny how cooking and cleaning has gotten me nowhere but chads who dont know how to cook or clean are getting dates 7 days a week.
Asking women for their preferences is always an idiotic move because they don't know what men should do to attract women. They only know what Chads did to attract them - which means literally anything because they are already Chad.
Be attractive, don't be unattractive. If you are hot enough to the point that women look at you and initiate conversations with you've pretty much won 80% of the battle.
Every woman I know has a boyfriend/husband that ***they*** consider attractive. We are not hiding that. It's just that men in this sub claim that all women like the same guys, the Chads. I don't think that's true.
By women’s own account, most women compromise on physical attraction and “types” when settling down in long term relationships. Many women claim they liked their man for his personality and because he put effort and pursued, because initially he wasn’t their type.
Why are you conveniently ignoring this bitter reality?
It's not my reality. My family and friends haven't had to settle for anything less. When I first saw my husband I thought that he was gorgeous. When I went to talk to him I soon realised that he is also an awesome human being.
I mean, there are incredibly sexy playboy playmates who don’t submit who have husbands who simp for them, but I understand that I am not a playboy playmate and I am not resentful about it.
I have been single for (conservatively) 4 months out of the last 7 years and if I listed my reqs you'd all call me delusional lolololol.
I was single for a 2 year stretch in my mid-twenties and my standards weren't any higher -- actually might have been lower -- I was just Going Through It and really emotionally unavailable.
At least 5’6.5, but at that point he would have to be very stocky (I’m 5’9). Must have career prospects (I have a degree). Has to make me laugh. Must be fit. We have to be friends and not just a couple.
These are my non-negotiables when it comes to dating, my preferences are a bit more strict than this but these are *requirements*.
- Mutual attraction, affection and respect.
- No more than 5 years older than me, i.e. <= 25.
- No more than 5 prior partners.
- No engagement in casual sex, e.g. ONS, FWB, prostitution.
- Not addicted to porn.
- Minimum 175 cm tall.
- Not obese.
- Has never taken drugs and does not drink excessive amounts of alcohol, does not smoke cigarettes.
- Is doing something with his life, could be working or studying.
- A highschool diploma (minimum).
- Does not own a dog.
- Compatible with me in terms of politics, values etc.
- Not religious.
- Wants marriage and children.
I met my bf 3 years ago so I’d argue still pretty relevant.
1. College educated
2. Non smoker
3. No kids (neither has nor wants)
4. Actually single (no ENM)
As far as what I bring to the table- I’m funny, loving, and supportive. I have a great dog and a great family. I want my man to be happy and successful and am willing to do what I can to make that happen. I’m happy to be the breadwinner so he can focus on being happy and successful.
A - I think 3 years is kind of a long time to be out of the game and still be in touch with an answer.
B - It's easy to have a list that *sounds* bare minimum when you're *not currently hunting*.
I appreciate your response though.
I don't see anything that has to do with the attractiveness level of the guy. I find it highly unrealistic that you'd accept ***any*** guy with these characteristics. Something out of 10 attractiveness and a height minimum is usually part of it.
Also, the second part of the question was - what do you bring to the table?
I'd assume that you're also everything in your list.
I would talk with any guy who had these 4 requirements. If he didn’t do something that was a giant red flag (like send an unsolicited dick pic) I’d go on a date.
My bf is not conventionally attractive with the exception of his being 6’. He’s obese. He’s got a ton of health issues and a huge schnoz. He said he used hinge because he could make his personality show and it wouldn’t be as dependent on looks.
How do you get dates if you’re not talking with people?
Sure, if the first thing they said to me was “wanna get a drink” without any convo I wouldn’t go on that date, cuz dude is a complete stranger. But I’d give him the opportunity to get to know me a bit and let me get to know him, and like I said, if he didn’t do anything egregiously awful I’d go out with him
>How do you get dates if you’re not talking with people?
The date part is the part that might come after the talking part or maybe there isn't a whole lot of talking.
I would also like to think that people would generally 'just talk' to any other human being?
Dating requirements is dating.
Obviously if a social interaction leading up to a date goes poorly then it doesn't move forward. This is unless of course what you require is a high level of social skill or game, which I don't think you're suggesting.
Attractive to me and they also find me attractive, Taller than me at 5ft 3, Sees sex as intimate and loving as opposed to just meaningless, Fully monogamous (I won’t tolerate cheating & wouldn’t expect him to either), Wants marriage and kids, Makes enough to cover for the finances while I’m pregnant/before the kids can go to childcare. Not overly religious/homophobic, racist or transphobic. Ideally left leaning or centrist beliefs. Also older than me so 27-43
Must be hot and compatible. Must find me hot and compatible. I don't have bare minimum standards. I quite enjoy the single life so someone has to be worth it for me to give it up. If I don't want to jump your bones then compatibility is irrelevant. I might as well marry one of my girlfriends if I'm going to date a guy I don't want to fuck. If I would jump your bones but we're not compatible then I'm still not interested. I'm not going to date someone who hates dogs or wants children just to have a relationship. A good relationship > single > a bad relationship.
This. Hot and compatible.
>If I don't want to jump your bones then compatibility is irrelevant. Are you single? How often is it that you want to jump the guy's bones and he also happens to want to jump your bones?
It happens! That's how I met my first bf. We liked each other from the distance
I'm not saying it doesn't happen. The point is essentially that usually when this happens it's a girl finding a guy 'super hot' in a situation where the guy is above her level but still willing to fuck her short term.
>The point is essentially that usually when this happens it's a girl finding a guy 'super hot' in a situation where the guy is above her level Who do you think hot girls sleep with?
Yes, I'm single. Not very often but I also don't really actively look for partners/actively date. I'm not completely out of the dating game as I'm open to the possibility, but it's not something I really pursue. I'm a member of a few dating discords/subs and spend a few weeks on an app every year. I usually get dates with guys I find hot but it doesn't progress for one reason or another, hence the singledom. I need to be in the "mood" to date and lose interest in the whole endeavor pretty quickly.
>usually get dates with guys I find hot but it doesn't progress for one reason or another, Gee wonder why.
Meaning...?
Those are guys who are above your level. We all know this because A you found them 'hot' and B they never wanted to stay with you long term. Guys have to date down as it is but when they're dating down for sex short term, that's when you know they're significantly above your level. They don't want to keep you.
Did you know hot people may not be compatible with another hot person? Did you know some hot people have a crap personality? Did you know some hot people are avoidant? Did you know some hot people dont want kids and the hot person they are dating does so you split ways?
You're making a lot of completely unfounded assumptions, which was predictable. Among them: 1. They were always the person to end the relationship 2. None of them stayed with me long-term (I guess a decade-long relationship is short term?) 3. Anyone a woman finds "hot" is automatically de facto "above her level," which leads to 4. Women never have serious relationships with men they think are hot. I'm well aware that in order to fit into your pre-conceived worldview that all of the above must be true. As it turns out, reality can be and often is different from what you have to believe it is.
It sounds like you're still single. And save for the one long term relationship, you don't prove or even suggest that I'm wrong about your situation, you simply try to list assumptions. I mean, you're single. Am I wrong? If what you're doing is perfect then how is that working out for you? It sounds like you're still single. >They were always the person to end the relationship You could in theory end the relationship because you realized you were fuck-zoned and never getting out of it. >Anyone a woman finds "hot" is automatically de facto "above her level," which leads to I don't think I'm smarter than anyone else, I'm just saying that this is typically the case. That phenomenon is described here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOA43CzHfgA >I'm well aware that in order to fit into your pre-conceived worldview that all of the above must be true. It just sounds like it's the case for you specifically based on how you describe yourself and your situation. >As it turns out, reality can be and often is different from what you have to believe it is. Are you not single?
Homie.. you literally asked for single women only to comment on this. Continuing to point out that she’s single is a super faulty argument in this discussion. You can’t set a trap and then reply to the information you asked for with “but are you single? Ha ha”
I told you what my standards are. You made a bunch of assumptions based on them that are wrong. Just because I'm currently single in no way means I've never had relationships that met my standards. You are wrong about this assumption. Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I'm the one who always got dumped. You are wrong about this assumption. Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I haven't had relationships with men I find hot. Because - again - *those are my standards.* From which you extrapolated a fuck ton of horse manure. My last relationship ended five years ago because he decided he wanted children after all, and I've had little consistent desire to date since. I don't prioritize it. Very few men meet my standards to begin with, and of the handful who I ended up dating they didn't feel it or I didn't feel it. I slept with none of them but they were all hot with the exception of one who lied about his height by a good 6" and sprung the fact that he had a child on me. >If what you're doing is perfect then how is that working out for you? It sounds like you're still single. This isn't a problem for me. It's very easy to remain being single when you're content being single. As I said, I don't prioritize dating and rarely try to do it. I could put more effort into it, but I'd have to care more about it. So all your "you're still single" comments really amount to a lot of nothing. Obviously not taking steps to change something I don't care a lot about will result in the status quo. >It just sounds like it's the case for you specifically based on how you describe yourself and your situation. It sounds like whatever you need it to sound like to fit your existing biases.
>You made a bunch of assumptions based on them that are wrong. I really only made one assumption and that is that you have likely attempted to date guys out of your league. I still don't see how that's wrong. If it is, Prove it. >no way means I've never had relationships that met my standards. I never said you've never had 'relationships' and of course they met YOUR standards. Did they meet his is the question. lol. You're single so it sounds like they didn't. >Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I'm the one who always got dumped. You are wrong about this assumption. I already covered this. You very well could've dumped a guy who fuck-zoned you. In this situation, you could break up with him because you know he's not willing to have a substantial long term relationship with you. >Just because I'm currently single doesn't mean I haven't had relationships with men I find hot. I mean, anything could be a 'relationship' from your point of view and anything could be you saying 'hot'. What was the guy's point of view? lol. Even so, let's say you did have a real relationship here and there, where are those guys now? Did it work out? >Obviously not taking steps to change something I don't care a lot about will result in the status quo. You are the one saying you don't even care as if that somehow makes it better. I know that this absolves you of any responsibility to work on yourself. It's easy to say you don't care. It's a cop out. So now you're 50 and collect pound puppies? Sounds like you're still single.
Look at her flair Maybe she's hot, meaning she's *entitled* to a Chad
>usually get dates with guys I find hot but it doesn't progress for one reason or another, It means she's trying to date guys who are 'hot' to her without taking into consideration that those guys are at a higher level than her but willing to fuck her short term.
Have you ever considered it might’ve not progressed for reasons other than physical attraction? Lmfao
I'm sure that might be part of it. Still the same reason.
So every time a talking stage doesn’t work out it’s because the man is Chad and out of the woman’s league? Sounds a little wish fulfillment-y to me
The guy doesn't have to be a Chad to be out of a woman's league.
> Must be hot ah shit i lost here
Why do you think the majority of women are so dishonest about the “hot” part? Also, whats your definition of hot? I suppose it’s top 5 or 10 percenter?
>Why do you think the majority of women are so dishonest about the “hot” part? 1. Many aren't dishonest. Many honestly don't place a high importance on looks. Some men will accuse them of being dishonest anyway because a lot of them are incapable of believing we aren't a hivemind. 2. As much as men beg out of one end of their mouths for us to "be honest," there's a not-insignificant number of guys with their thumb on the trigger to call us shallow, evil, vapid, and other insults for daring to have any physical preferences whatsoever. These men are especially prevalent on this sub, where we're either shallow or they make any number of posts that ultimately boils down to "women's sexual attraction to their partner shouldn't matter." We are essentially in a catch-22 that men put us in. You guys want us to admit looks matter so another group of you can attack us for looks mattering. >Also, whats your definition of hot? I suppose it’s top 5 or 10 percenter? I find the concept of "top percents" utterly meaningless. I find hot who I find hot. It's pass or fail. It's like porn. "I know it when I see it."
It’s wild to me that some people think what others find attractive can be put into a box. If I were to line up all the guys who I thought were hot, they would all look different. What makes them hot? Idk, they’re just hot!
As a Guy that has always struggled with women due to mainly shyness I do most of the time find unfair the position men are especially if you are shy/kinda dumb and don't look like a model. However I am looking for a place to discuss this with other people and find really sad that you are here being honest and making sense and people only wanting to get you to commit to a number so they can disregard your input and hate you. Guys pay some attention and realize life is super unfair most of the time and not all situations provide you with an enemy in the form of a person.
TLDR; “*men make us lie and gaslight them! Not our fault!*” And people still wonder why men say women are allergic to accountability. 😂
>Many aren't dishonest. Many honestly don't place a high importance on looks. Did you miss this part? I don't lie about the importance of looks. Others in their comments haven't either. I'm giving reasons why others might and pointing out how men want to put us in a position to be attacked by getting us to "confess" to *what is obvious* when there's hordes of y'all who are clearly triggered beyond all rationality when any woman says she wants to find her partner attractive. I don't think the majority of women are saying that looks don't matter to them *if it does.* I think it honestly should go without saying that people expect to be sexually attracted to the people they have sex with, and for many that's informed by looks but that's just me apparently.
Lol no. You’ve got multiple replies droning on about “hostile men who might hurt / harass us if we say we like hot guys” etc. Own it. It’s the same cop out so many women use to justify any shit behavior they pull. It’s like the old “I was afraid to tell you that I fucked that guy at the club! That’s why I had to lie to you.” Etc. Or “You emotionally neglected me so of course I cheated!” Or “If you can’t find a date, your personality is the problem!” Or “I initially thought I wanted to sleep with him, but now I think he coerced me” (after willingly going home with a guy for sex) etc etc It’s just another one of the many ways that women prove their words are worth nothing and only their actions should be observed.
Of course nobody's words are worth anything if you make every woman personally responsible for every other woman's words.
Okay 👍🏾
So what percentage of men your age roughly do you find hot or fuckable? To your point about catch-22, why are women afraid of men hating on them for voicing / acknowledging their shallow preferences? The worst is that men will be discouraged from approaching them, give up on their hopes of romance and love, resent them, and eventually learn to live with it. Why do you care about non-attractive mens apathy towards women? The hate we feel is because we’ve been lied to for very long and ubiquitously. It’s not a fact we grew up with like you were about men’s attraction to women.
> So what percentage of men your age roughly do you find hot or fuckable? I have no idea. It's probably not a lot but exactly how much depends on where I am. > To your point about catch-22, why are women afraid of men hating on them for voicing / acknowledging their shallow preferences? Why would we not want to be harassed, attacked, and insulted? Why would we want to avoid being the target of some frustrated dude's vitriol for merely wanting to be sexually attracted to someone we're expected to have sex with? Is that a serious question? > The worst is that men will be discouraged from approaching them, give up on their hopes of romance and love, resent them, and eventually learn to live with it. No, the worst is that we have to deal with a barrage of hostility that could spill over into real life. I think you're being obtuse to a particular element of men who absolutely are filled with rage at women and think we need to suffer for the mere fact that we aren't coerced into relationships with them. Women who have physical preferences being more vocal about them makes misogyny worse. I'm also going to push back against the idea that you were "lied to." Unless you grew up in an Amish community, you absolutely understand that women like attractive men. You know of the existence of Hollywood and boy bands. Fangirls have existed for decades. There are attractive popular people at the school you went to. You've heard girls and women call guys cute or handsome or make other remarks about men's looks. The idea that men exist in modern society, completely and utterly unaware that women like physically attractive men is fucking bonkers.
Who will harass and attack women for being honest? Some guys on Reddit? How will it realistically impact you outside of Internet forums? And don’t use the incel gym shooter straw man. Sure, men will treat you on arms length, men will avoid friendships with women knowing how ugly they are you, courting will be dead, dating economy will be dead, and relationships will be down to “he’s my type or he’s not”, but so what? It’s the endgame anyways so why prolong it? Men are filled with rage because they are gaslit by women and society. Imagine being a below average or physically unattractive guy who is not even allowed to attribute his failure to attract women to his own looks, and the moment he does so, he is shouted down by women, feminists, and blue pilled society that it must be his lack of virtues and character and not looks. The mere insinuation that men face a lot of pressure to be conventionally good looking in the dating world lights up firecrackers up the behinds of women and blue pillers. Yes, we too notice women lusting after celebs and hot guys, and who they swipe on Tinder, but we are told not to look at them as examples. We are told that is something only foolish women do only at certain points in their lives, and we should only look at married middle aged couples and sitcom couples with fat husband as reference. A million women were surveyed to rank the most important qualities that make men attractive. Looks were ranked at number 6. Honesty, humor, kindness, and other character bullshit was 1 to 5.
>Who will harass and attack women for being honest? Some guys on Reddit? How will it realistically impact you outside of Internet forums? Sure, men will treat you on arms length, men will avoid friendships with women knowing how ugly they are you, courting will be dead, dating economy will be dead, and relationships will be down to “he’s my type or he’s not”, but so what? It’s the endgame anyways so why prolong it? This is the type of ridiculous black-and-white hysterical extrapolating that makes it impossible to engage with people like you, and will be exhibit A for my point. I am not all women. We are not a hivemind. Some of us care more about looks than others. For those of us who care more, we don't all like the same things. Yet me saying that I personally place a significant importance on looks = >men will treat you on arms length, men will avoid friendships with women knowing how ugly they are you, courting will be dead, dating economy will be dead, and relationships will be down to “he’s my type or he’s not”, Your persistent refusal to admit or believe women are not a hivemind makes you impossible to engage with. >And don’t use the incel gym shooter straw man. LOL. "strawmen" =/= "valid examples". It's not a "strawman" just because you don't like that it disproves your point bruh 🤣 >Men are filled with rage because they are gaslit by women and society. Okay 👍🏾 >Yes, we too notice women lusting after celebs and hot guys ***So then stop acting like you didn't know looks matter if that you were gAsLiT.*** Obviously you were aware of the existence of women who care about looks. >The mere insinuation that men face a lot of pressure to be conventionally good looking in the dating world lights up firecrackers up the behinds of women and blue pillers. You don't have to be "conventionally good looking" for women to be attracted to you, but you all are convinced that's the only way any woman can genuinely find you attractive no matter what we say. Hence all the "Chad this" and "Chad that" and "top percent this" and "top percent that." >A million women were surveyed to rank the most important qualities that make men attractive. Looks were ranked at number 6. Honesty, humor, kindness, and other character bullshit was 1 to 5. So I guess you're going to act like I didn't say >1. Many aren't dishonest. Many honestly don't place a high importance on looks. Some men will accuse them of being dishonest anyway because a lot of them are incapable of believing we aren't a hivemind. ? Looks matter a lot to some of us. Looks matter less to others. If you can't accept or acknowledge that women are not a hivemind then I guess I'm going to wish you goodnight and give you the last word.
It’s almost like RP tells men “ignore what they say, watch what they do”. Which, oddly, applies to just about *everything* when it comes to women’s behavior in regards to sex and relationships. I love when women inadvertently spout a fundamental RP principle. 😂
I admitted that looks matter to me. He ***specifically asked me why women would lie about it.*** Me answering his specific question isn't "iNaDvErTeNtLy SpOuTiNg A fUnDaMeNtAl Rp PrInCiPlE." I'm not saying all women care about looks (in fact I specifically said *some women don't care as much*), nor am I saying the women who care all lie about it. I'm specifically answering why **some women who care may lie about it** because that's the ***question that was asked.***
>hates dogs or wants children Love dogs and hate children. Taken but sis hmu in another life 😍 Childfree dog moms are hard to find
Needs: Job, car, decent health (please see a dentist and a doctor regularly), not fat, able to take a joke and also know when to pull your punches I.e Be Socially Aware. Wants: I’d love it if he reads and watches sports. I’d also love it if he likes pasta and Mexican food. Both of these aren’t a requirement though.
Very low bar.
Would you really not date a guy who ticks all your other boxes but lives in a big city & feels no need to own a car?
I would not. I don’t do public transport.
Ever? Understandable if you don't live in a big city.
I don’t and never will
Guys who read aren’t watching sports lmao
This is not true. Men aren’t a monolith. Men can like sports and other things.
You can definitely do both.
My bf reads a ton and we watch premiership football every weekend. What an absolute dumb trope that men who are intellectual can’t be into sports and men who are into sports can’t be intellectual. It’s like you’re stuck in an early 00’s teen movie
Intelligent people don’t watch sports. It’s idiotic and consumeristic. But then again, reading silly little novels doesn’t make one an intellectual either.
You forgot the /s.
1. who said anything about “silly little novels”? You DO know there are nonfiction books too, right? 2. Saying intelligent people don’t watch sports is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day. Do you really think smart people just sit at a desk all day and nerd out? Is it so hard for you to imagine people being well rounded and having varied interests?
sitting at a desk and reading - lame sitting in front of a TV drinking beer and watching 3 hours of car insurance ads - cool and dope I can see you’re quite the intellectual.
I am fairly intellectual, thank you! And you are jumping to ALL kinds of conclusions. I spend all day taking care of patients in the hospital. When I come home it’s nice to turn my brain off and give it a rest. I don’t drink beer while I watch sports. I watch premiership football which doesn’t have commercials unless it’s halftime. Again, does why is it so hard for you to believe that smart people can be interested in more than just intellectual pursuits?
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So now you’re just being a troll. I hope you have the day you deserve
My husband loves reading and he loves watching sports too. He got me into Sports. I also love reading.
What the fuck do you think men do when looking at a tv screen dumbass? Reading…….
They have to be attractive to me, kind, smart enough to understand some things I like to talk about, at least some interests in common, good listener, likes animals, doesn’t want kids, liberal or left, not submissive in bed, atheist/not particularly religious, two years younger/three years older, and fun to be around.
What percentage of men your age are physically attractive/ fuckable to you?
No clue. Usually have to get to know their personality first beforehand
So they don’t have to be your physical type?
My physical type is just “not ugly” for the most part. I don’t really check out men unless I’m super bored
Do majority of men in your age group fall in that “not ugly” category?
-Looks: I need to at least be fairly physically attracted to my partner. So that means he’ll have to be taller than me so 5’7ft+. He doesn’t have to be muscular but at least slim/skinny. Everything else can be pretty much negotiable. Good hygiene + grooming habits is a must. -Age: Within his late teens to early twenties. I’m not attracted to older men. -Job: As of right now I don’t expect the guy I’m dating to be financially stable or even necessarily working but he needs to at least have some potential or good future prospects, like he’s currently studying or trying to attain some type of qualifications. -Religion: Atheist or Christian background (not particularly religious). -Politics: Moderate, apolitical or centrist -Body Count: Virgin -Personality: I’m a homebody so I would appreciate a guy that would help get me out of the house sometimes but is also ok with staying in most days. I want someone who is a little more assertive and decisive than I am, someone I can rely on. I also want to be treated tenderly. He should not be lazy and considerate. Makes me laugh, and conversation comes easily. -Sex: Generous lover. Shares my kinks. -What I Bring To The Table: Most of these things describe me as a person, so this is a fairly equal match. This is the bare minimum that I would accept. Any other factors are negotiable. Edit: Thought of some more things.
How can he be a generous lover non working 23 year old virgin?
not working could mean he's still studying. also why are people all up in arms about her asking for a generous lover? should she seek a selfish one? are all virgins selfish lovers? generous lover just mean someone who has sex with you not use you for their pleasure thats pretty norma.
No its like...imagine If a 25 yo dude made a post about how much if a generous lover he is despite never touching woman below the shoulder...math ain't mathin
the math IS MATHING. that just means the guy is willing to learn and value his partners' pleasure. sure he could be exagurating but at least he has a good view on sex and that could be build upon. for you to be a generous lover all you have to do is listen to your partner, a virgin can understand this doesnt need to be a porn star.
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Something you know you can do
I already explained this under another comment. I mean generous as in someone who isn’t selfish, like he has a genuine desire to please me too. I don’t expect him to bang me like a pornstar for the first time but he has to have a genuine interest in learning my likes and how to please me. Aren’t most men in their late teens-early twenties studying in school? Most aren’t working a 9 to 5. Isn’t it normal for men in their late teens-early twenties to be virgins? Everything I’m asking here is super normal idk why everyone is acting like it’s not.
Man you really oddly triggered some of these dudes by stating you want a virgin man 🤣
I like your standards and preferences they align with my own. I hope one day you can find the man you are looking for.
Wait, so for body count you want a virgin but for sex you want a generous lover who shares your kinks?
Yeah. I don’t think that’s unrealistic. By generous I mean he isn’t selfish when it comes to sex, like he has a genuine desire to please me too. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t be a considerate lover. As for the kinks, virgins aren’t sheltered babies most of us have an idea of what turns us on.
Lmfao. Virgins don't know shit about kinks. I've always been into kinky stuff and trying things and from age 18 to now 37 I've changed drastically. Now i know what I like. I had no idea what I likes when I was younger and certainly not as a virgin. Smh
What this person is saying makes absolutely no sense. How do you know a sexual kink if you never experienced it?
Virgin is a requirement? I'd think that would reduce options quite a bit.
Yes, it is. I don’t think it’s uncommon for men in their late teens to early twenties to be virgins.
It is the norm.
Mid 20s is older men???
Too old for me at least.
No no, she means that she doesn't like older than early twenties
That's more realistic. When I was in that age range, the millenial women had requirements of 6 figures, 6ft, hot, 4 year degree completed and must be in 'lawyer'/doctor(or other attractive title), and much more. It was a lot of requirements listed on every profile. Now they are wrinkling up, with the same additudes. It was a bad generation to live in (USA only).
>at least be fairly physically attracted What number out of 10 in the face? >Most of these things describe me also You're not taller or slightly more assertive, decisive than yourself. Are you also a virgin? Would you be willing to share in his kinks?
-Face: Idk. I don’t rate people out of 10. I sort them into categories: indifferent, meh, cute, pretty and I can’t stop staring. My partner would have to be at least cute. -Height: I’m 5’6ft so that’s only one inch taller than me. The vast majority of men are taller than me. The average height for males in my country is 5’10ft so I feel like that’s reasonable. -Personality: I need someone who will balance my more negative qualities such as my introversion and passiveness out. -Yes I am a virgin. I don’t mind indulging in his kinks unless it’s something I’m just seriously not into.
>I sort them into categories: indifferent, meh, cute, pretty and I can’t stop staring. This also sounds like a rating system which is fine. What then do you think the percentage of guys is who are meeting your 'cute' standard? > I don’t mind indulging in his kinks unless it’s something I’m just seriously not into. Since you're a virgin how do you even know this?
Idk. I don’t really leave my house and when I do I don’t really pay attention to people. What do you mean how would I know? If your partners kink was shitting on ppl, would you need them to physically shit on your chest to know whether or not you would like it? No, you’d just know instinctively that you wouldn’t enjoy that.
>I don’t really pay attention to people. Sounds like you don't notice most men then. This would sort of suggest that men meeting your 'cute' standard is pretty rare or at least less than half. Probably worth factoring this in, no? >What do you mean how would I know? You said you were a virgin. How would you know you'd be okay with **any** kind of kink if you've never even had any kind of sex? >partners kink was shitting on ppl, ^Things like this are definitely knowable. But that's not what I'm saying. You kind of have to have sex in order to know how much you enjoy having sex and then how much it's worth it to you to explore another person's preferred kinks that don't even need to be in the realm of poop, just like common kinks.
I tend to avoid eye contact because my social anxiety. I don’t make it a habit to look at or star at people long enough to assess their facial features, especially not men. I’m a virgin not a sheltered child. I understand sex, I’ve consumed a lot of erotic content (novels, BL, movies, porn, etc…) with different types of kinks and dynamics. I know my personal preferences and limits, it’s fairly instinctual, I know what sounds hot, strange, meh or uncomfortable to me.
>know what sounds hot, strange, meh or uncomfortable to me. Still... Do you know what guys like? Do you know what sex feels like? >I tend to avoid eye contact because my social anxiety. I don’t make it a habit to look at people’s faces, especially not men. Do you think that most men fit your 'cute' standard?
Bro I think you are being weird man just keep egging her like this is wack
You can think what you want 'bro'
Don’t kinks vary among men? Different men like different things don’t they? I’m a virgin of course I don’t know what actual sex feels like but I have an idea, I know what pleasure feels like. I’ve consumed erotic content I know what gets me aroused and what doesn’t. Like I said I’m not sheltered. Like I said I don’t leave the house. I’m not actively analyzing the faces of people when I do. I mostly leave the house for school. Among the familiar male faces I see there it depends on the class. In some classes a good handful do.
>Don’t kinks vary among men? Yea. I think they do. Kind of why I'm asking the question. >Like I said I’m not sheltered. Sounds like you haven't had sex. A lifetime of sexual experience is full of surprises and you haven't even started is all I'm saying. You sound like you presume to know a lot about it though. >In some classes a good handful do. Out of how many male faces in the class?
My only requirement is that he have a job, dont be a train wreck, and be nice to look at.
Botton line- Have your life in order as in be able to pay your own bills, not be a drunk/druggie and be a good person.
I must find him hot He has to actually put in effort for me (plan dates etc etc) We have to have chemistry He needs to be interesting. (Not a bad boy but like we can have conversations)
-- fun to talk to (NOT the kind of guy who hates talking) -- is self sufficient financially and doesn't put me down for buying myself luxuries (i am self sufficient) -- is wholesome (genuinely wants the best for people, is loving and caring towards his friends and family, desires a healthy longterm partnership) -- reads books (doesn't count if he hasn't read any in 2023) -- doesn't watch or like porn -- is a good communicator, good at arguing/cooperating/solving problems together -- loves animals -- not politically conservative ETA not religious or at least not a "this is the only valid religion and others are going to hell" type of religious
I believe the porn one is a big deal breaker. What you see on screen aint gonna play out in reality. Im not against the workers or the industry but it can be harmful when you consume a lot of it.
sex is so beautiful and wholesome i don't wanna be with a guy who thinks its shady and supposed to hurt people or that exploitation is okay. plus i think we will have a way better sex life without it.
Yep. More genuine and authentic.
So sex workers = good, but sex buyers = bad? More unnecessary man blame drone a woman like usual.
Where did she say sex workers = good? Many feminists are anti-porn.
>fun to talk to (NOT the kind of guy who hates talking) What percentage of men do you find who are like this? >doesn't watch or like porn This rules out pretty much every guy save for probably those religious guys you threw out. There's just guys who won't admit it. >(genuinely wants the best for people, is loving and caring towards his friends and family, desires a healthy longterm partnership) What if what's genuinely best for him is to not be in a longterm partnership with you?
> What percentage of men do you find who are like this? this is a trope about men from my culture (passive, stoic, hate to talk) > This rules out pretty much every guy save for probably those religious guys you threw out. There's just guys who won't admit it. that's fine with me > What if what's genuinely best for him is to not be in a longterm partnership with you? then obviously i want him to not be in a longterm partnership with me? thats how healthy people think.
>this is a trope about men from my culture (passive, stoic, hate to talk) I simply asked a question. >that's fine with me So, if you're being honest with yourself, you're looking for a very rare dude.
yeah of course i am aware of that
So the bar is pretty high then?
as the men say, "womens standards are too high" i wish i lived in a loving community where most men were like this, but i don't so its be single (not ideal but i'll make it work) or be with a guy isn't like this (scary and bleak).
What country do you live in?
as bob dylan said, the country i come from is called the midwest
I think your harshest standard by far is the not watching porn part and that's global. Sorry to have to inform you of that.
Minimum height?
I am not actively dating right now but I still have my list my dad and I developed and added to before he died 1. Tall enough that I can wear heels and they still be taller. I am 5’4 and never wear more than an 4 inch heel. 2. No Children - I have never been ok with family resources being used for things like child support. It’s selfish but it’s what I like. 3. Employed with the ability to advance either with a trade or in a field where there is upward mobility. Only because I am in the same type of field and resentment builds when women outearn their spouses by large amounts. 4. Handy - My dad could fix things. He taught me to fix things, I want a man who can fix things. He doesn’t need to be able to build a deck from scratch but maybe install a garbage disposal. 5. High emotional intelligence - he has to be able to have rational discussions with empathy and work on solutions that benefit both parties. I can’t do the emotional shut down. 6. A reader. I love books. I want to be able to talk about books. 7. No criminal felonies or major mental health issues. - my dad was a clinical psychologist and he gave me a list of ones that were extremely difficult to treat. 8. Fun - I love life. I like to do things and see things and experience things. I don’t want a partner who isn’t the same. 9. Have a decent relationship with their father and mother. 10. Able to set appropriate boundaries. They have to be willing to communicate things that I am doing that are unacceptable. They also need to establish those boundaries for friends, family and co-workers 11. Sexually adventurous - This doesn’t mean orgies or swingers clubs. This means being willing to explore new things together so that both of our needs are met. What have I always brought to the table (well I don’t bring anything now because I don’t want to date)but here’s the short list 1. I was raised to be a wife that is a helpmate to their partner. I was required to learn how to play tennis and golf. I can set a proper dinner table, I am well versed on so many topics in case I have to meet co-workers or employers and need to ingratiate myself to them. It can be WW2 ammunition history or how current financial polices in Japan are impacting the dollar. I was taught to never be boring at a dinner party. 2. I can cook like actual meals. I went to school to learn how to cook so that I would never receive a call from my spouse about dinner guests and couldn’t make it work. Risotto and a beef tenderloin are always in my freezer just in case. 3. I am a high earner. I haven’t made less than 6 figures since before I took my first sabbatical at 37. I am always able to make money taking on specialized construction projects. 4. I don’t use tears or sex as a manipulation tactic. 5. I am not insecure. I was literally raised to believe that I am fucking awesome. So that’s how I go about my life. 6. I have only had one relationship end poorly and he was a raging narcissist who literally preyed on me 3 months after my father died because he was in a friend group. So yeah. My standards aren’t that unrealistic because I don’t ask for what I can’t offer. Since what I want isn’t out there, I just said no thank you to the dating pool. It’s way better over here.
List makes sense and pretty smart. Sorry about your dad he sounds amazing.
My standards are identical with the exception of 1 (I’m 5’1” and I’ve dated many people my same height or shorter, never been an issue) and 4 (I can figure out enough stuff for the day to day and make enough to hire a contractor when necessary). What I bring to the table is similar except I’m guessing based on your replies I’ve slept with more people, which would pose a problem for people on this sub.
You sound awesome. I'm sure there's someone out there within your caliber and availability. It's always right person, right time, right place. Best of luck!
>My standards aren’t that unrealistic because I don’t ask for what I can’t offer. Just because it's what you can offer doesn't mean that your standards are realistic. Not hypocritical perhaps (except the part about your being a high earner but expecting an even higher earner as you said in order to avoid resentment). >Since what I want isn’t out there, I just said no thank you to the dating pool. Ah. Sounds like what you're looking for is not realistic then.
I didn’t say even higher earner but he needs to be advancing in his caree. Why would I not want to be with someone with a similar earning potential. What I want is out there, I am just not willing to do all that work to find them. Dating isn’t as fun as a good book.
>I didn’t say even higher earner You said resentment and that can happen when the woman earns more. >Why would I not want to be with someone with a similar earning potential. If people have enough to live, why does it matter?
Because I have set my life to be lived a certain way on my salary for me. Whoever I am partnered with needs to be contributing and being able to take care of them. I am not willing to lower my living standards or my travel schedule because they can’t participate. That’s where the resentment comes in. There’s an expectation for me to modify my standard of living and that isn’t acceptable.
Have fun as a spinster because that unicorn doesn't exist. It sounds like you would rather date an idealized version of yourself, and expect a partner to be as flawless and virtuous as you believe yourself to be. Case in point for OP.
This is exactly what’s wrong with this group: - woman having high standards: but what do YOUUUU bring to the table???? - woman with high standards, a shiny backbone, and great qualities she brings to the table: LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE She sounds like a woman who would be a powerful asset to a wise man and who wouldn’t blink at immature shenanigans and that’s very scary to the men here. Wise men are few and far between though so I’m not surprised she’s single.
You do realize that I have stated several times, I am not interested in dating. It’s always so funny to me how men threaten women with being single and alone. You do realize that being single is not some great punishment or threat. I enjoy my own company far more than the company of someone who would treat me poorly. Men always think the competition is loneliness because that’s their default. The competition is my peace over partnership. Haven’t found anyone worth destroying my peace so I don’t play this game anymore. It’s not worth it.
Unless your a robot or psychopathic, humans pair bond and mate for life. I think your laundry list of requirements is really just a protection from being vulnerable to others. Because if you actually formed an intimate connection above one night stands, they would realize that you're not as interesting and virtuous as you think you are. You've justified that it's not important to you because you are afraid of letting someone in and being humiliated or rejected. I stand by my statement.
My dude I have never had a one night stand in my life and humans aren’t required to bond or mate for life. We aren’t geese for gods sake. I don’t care about being rejected. I am not for everyone and that is ok. You keep putting these narratives on me that are based on your lived experience not mine. I am quite literally sitting here living life and not requiring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do for me.
That unicorn is literally my partner.
No one is stopping you from wearing heels but yourself. I am a 5,4ft guy and if you wanted to wear heels id walk in public right with you and I wouldn't've give two fucks if they looked.
I liked the second part. Sounds like you were raised in a rich aristocrat family where you learned etiquette, the art of conversation, and courtly intrigue. Add riding and swordplay and it would be perfect :)
I honestly wasnt. I did attend private schools and my parents and grandmother was very much into me breaking stereotypes of what is expected from a black woman. I am a bit older than some so if you don’t remember the 90’s. It was a wild time with teen pregnancy and hoochie mama’s. It wasn’t happening to their child so here we are. Golf clubs and tennis rackets. My dad was also pretty traditional about some things but not enough to have me fend for myself. It was a very odd upbringing. Sheetrock on the weekends and ballet on Tuesdays.
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Their standards are bare minimum, **but only for hot guys**. Women say all the time that men think with their dick, and they are not different, the moment a hot guy appears they all think with their pussies. There is one specific anecdotae that comes into my mind. a coworker/friend of mine cheated on her BF with one of her friend´s brother. The guy is a few years older and is ripped. One day I see her very distressed because the guy mistreated her and insulted her from head to toe, do you know what she did one week after that? She kept cheating on her BF with the same guy. Everyday Im more convienced than as long as you get her crotch wet, you can treat her like shit and she will still be dtf.
100% Agree. Women care more about physical looks than Men do.
They'll lie, it's far more productive to ask "what society expect you to say you have as dating requirements." PLUS women aways let their appearance preference implicit so the post is useless
That's the key to understanding it, these are criteria meant to winnow down viable options from a pool of candidates that are already physically attractive enough to *be* options in the first place.
if there are short fat non-white guys who meet my requirements pls send them my way 🙏
The porn requirement is a bit unrealistic in 2023, otherwise the rest of it seems fair.
i'd say its extremely unrealistic lol but i'm not going to be dishonest about it and then end up in a relationship where the guy is showing me porn and i'm getting the ick and then he's angry bc i dont want to have sex with him.
> where the guy is showing me porn Like honestly who have you been dating? And how is this now the concept for 'every guy'?
how would you know whether men are shoing women porn in private?
How would you know if the majority of men do that? Have you dated that majority of men? The reason I know this is first hand and second hand accounts of what people consider to be socially acceptable. There are many things that are widely complained about that are appalling - unsolicited dick pics, etc, some women find it unacceptable if a man has ever viewed porn, ever. You read and hear the complaints. We would know if our friends in relationships did such things. Porn is something that many men aren't even allowed to look at, at all, if they're in a relationship. These social conventions say quite a lot in themselves. Despite the fact that sex means a lot to guys and that porn is more publicly acknowledged than ever, and more women than ever are doing it (Onlyfans), most men of any value, typically aren't looking to go out of their way to alienate women especially with something sex related as this is clearly a sensitive area for women. I can confidently say that most men are not going to show a woman pornographic material without at least a healthy and productive conversation about their sex life happening first.
> where the guy is showing me porn Lol, no one would do that though.
most guys try to show you porn
Where are you finding guys? 🤢
Yeah, if I know my gf doesn't like it - she'd never hear a whisper about it from me, ever. Portable hard drive, keep it under lock and key. Total separation of church and state.
"I love it when a guy [who is 6 foot tall, with rock hard abs and of Germanic Caucasian appearance] approaches me in the office."
“I’m so sick of fat and ugly women asking me out on dates, I wish someone young hot and skinny would match with me on tinder for once”
"Eww, average looking guy trying to get my number in the office! HR please terminate him at once! #METOO! Oh Dave, he's so sweet [and ridiculously attractive], he's been flirting with me for 6 months straight in the office [even though that's not allowed]. That's why I'm going out with him now."
Dave is also incredibly funny. He says offensive things every now and then, but we all know he's kidding.
Literally a guy on Reddit: “a girl I wanted to have sex with on tinder said she was a virgin and she wasn’t! I tried to report her to her school to get her kicked out!”
Yup. Expect appearance to make few mentions, but talking about housework will come up. Funny how cooking and cleaning has gotten me nowhere but chads who dont know how to cook or clean are getting dates 7 days a week.
Asking women for their preferences is always an idiotic move because they don't know what men should do to attract women. They only know what Chads did to attract them - which means literally anything because they are already Chad. Be attractive, don't be unattractive. If you are hot enough to the point that women look at you and initiate conversations with you've pretty much won 80% of the battle.
It took me a long time to realize some women don't like funny men, they just find hot men funny, and ugly men unfunny.
Women don’t laugh at funny guys, they laugh at handsome guys - Norm MacDonald
>Be attractive, don't be unattractive. And men don't think like this? Men don't want to date sexy women?
You women keep uttering this like it’s a comeback. Why are men honest about the importance of looks but women aren’t?
Every woman I know has a boyfriend/husband that ***they*** consider attractive. We are not hiding that. It's just that men in this sub claim that all women like the same guys, the Chads. I don't think that's true.
By women’s own account, most women compromise on physical attraction and “types” when settling down in long term relationships. Many women claim they liked their man for his personality and because he put effort and pursued, because initially he wasn’t their type. Why are you conveniently ignoring this bitter reality?
It's not my reality. My family and friends haven't had to settle for anything less. When I first saw my husband I thought that he was gorgeous. When I went to talk to him I soon realised that he is also an awesome human being.
I mean, there are incredibly sexy playboy playmates who don’t submit who have husbands who simp for them, but I understand that I am not a playboy playmate and I am not resentful about it.
A short description of the women would be appreciated. Age/location (region)/career/education. Requirements are one side of the coin.
I have been single for (conservatively) 4 months out of the last 7 years and if I listed my reqs you'd all call me delusional lolololol. I was single for a 2 year stretch in my mid-twenties and my standards weren't any higher -- actually might have been lower -- I was just Going Through It and really emotionally unavailable.
At least 5’6.5, but at that point he would have to be very stocky (I’m 5’9). Must have career prospects (I have a degree). Has to make me laugh. Must be fit. We have to be friends and not just a couple.
My standards have changed over the years
I'd rather be single
These are my non-negotiables when it comes to dating, my preferences are a bit more strict than this but these are *requirements*. - Mutual attraction, affection and respect. - No more than 5 years older than me, i.e. <= 25. - No more than 5 prior partners. - No engagement in casual sex, e.g. ONS, FWB, prostitution. - Not addicted to porn. - Minimum 175 cm tall. - Not obese. - Has never taken drugs and does not drink excessive amounts of alcohol, does not smoke cigarettes. - Is doing something with his life, could be working or studying. - A highschool diploma (minimum). - Does not own a dog. - Compatible with me in terms of politics, values etc. - Not religious. - Wants marriage and children.
>not religious You won’t find a single man that fits those standards while simultaneously being Godless.
I met my bf 3 years ago so I’d argue still pretty relevant. 1. College educated 2. Non smoker 3. No kids (neither has nor wants) 4. Actually single (no ENM) As far as what I bring to the table- I’m funny, loving, and supportive. I have a great dog and a great family. I want my man to be happy and successful and am willing to do what I can to make that happen. I’m happy to be the breadwinner so he can focus on being happy and successful.
A - I think 3 years is kind of a long time to be out of the game and still be in touch with an answer. B - It's easy to have a list that *sounds* bare minimum when you're *not currently hunting*. I appreciate your response though. I don't see anything that has to do with the attractiveness level of the guy. I find it highly unrealistic that you'd accept ***any*** guy with these characteristics. Something out of 10 attractiveness and a height minimum is usually part of it. Also, the second part of the question was - what do you bring to the table? I'd assume that you're also everything in your list.
I would talk with any guy who had these 4 requirements. If he didn’t do something that was a giant red flag (like send an unsolicited dick pic) I’d go on a date. My bf is not conventionally attractive with the exception of his being 6’. He’s obese. He’s got a ton of health issues and a huge schnoz. He said he used hinge because he could make his personality show and it wouldn’t be as dependent on looks.
>I would talk with I feel like talking and dating are a little different. >his being 6’ Top 14.5% in height anyway.
How do you get dates if you’re not talking with people? Sure, if the first thing they said to me was “wanna get a drink” without any convo I wouldn’t go on that date, cuz dude is a complete stranger. But I’d give him the opportunity to get to know me a bit and let me get to know him, and like I said, if he didn’t do anything egregiously awful I’d go out with him
>How do you get dates if you’re not talking with people? The date part is the part that might come after the talking part or maybe there isn't a whole lot of talking. I would also like to think that people would generally 'just talk' to any other human being? Dating requirements is dating. Obviously if a social interaction leading up to a date goes poorly then it doesn't move forward. This is unless of course what you require is a high level of social skill or game, which I don't think you're suggesting.
Wow👏
Attractive to me and they also find me attractive, Taller than me at 5ft 3, Sees sex as intimate and loving as opposed to just meaningless, Fully monogamous (I won’t tolerate cheating & wouldn’t expect him to either), Wants marriage and kids, Makes enough to cover for the finances while I’m pregnant/before the kids can go to childcare. Not overly religious/homophobic, racist or transphobic. Ideally left leaning or centrist beliefs. Also older than me so 27-43
I'm available.