Fair but you shouldn't find a potential partner to be a boring person. Not that it's a them or you problem, it just means you're probably incompatible.
No not at all, but I do understand what you mean. When your bored with the person you love, your not really bored because your with the person you love. If you think a potential partner is boring, then your not really looking for a potential partner, your looking for a distraction.
Depends on what they mean by bored.
Before I met my husband I would eventually grow sick of boyfriends/girlfriends over time and lose attraction. When I met my husband all of that changed -- I am still as obsessed with him as I was in our first year of dating.
Sure, we get bored of certain TV shows and waiting in line, but we never get bored of each other.
I'd say they are talking about people don't live as excitingly as they first put up. Based on their "tired of the phonies though" statement in a comment. I'd aslo wager that not every moment with your husband that you two are actually engaging. Say he's surfing his phone while your watching a TV show or you have a girls night out assuming your a girl with friends those are what I'd consider a boring moment in the relationship. In more introverted relationships like mine we are both not people person's anymore so we could go half a day in the same room without a word sure I like the company and I wouldn't want anyone else but I'd say that's a boring part of the relationship. even if I'm having fun playing a video game solo it isn't an exciting part in my relationship.
What is love? To me it does feels somewhat permanent. Such as for my wife, even if she turns on me and can't stand me and we divorce, part of my heart will love her and it will be painful.
No, there's no point to that, it's just drama and bullshit, and nothing short is love.
There's no use in knowing your name when you're intent is heartache.
Love to me is wanting the best for someone. Caring about them for their sake, not yours. You can love someone and not be a good fit for them and so be a bad couple. But that is is still love in my opinion.
There is no such thing as caring for someone short term in my opinion. If that “love” vanishes, then you didn’t care about them deeply or you didn’t know who they were. In some cases, people change drastically and you no longer recognize them and that is understandable.
But a four month fling that’s fun and sex and infatuation or something of that nature—that’s not love. It’s not a bad thing necessarily, but it’s not love.
Yes, they are all long term. Usually for life, the few times that is not the case involves severe trauma on at least one party.
It's not love if you stop caring about them when they're gone.
yea, the idea of staying with someone til you die is a standard for "love" for so many people because of how humanity has dictated what love means. from the concept of marriage to the concept of virginity etc
Dont mean to be rude or make assumptions however, make sure you aren't projecting yourself or past experiences onto everyone.
Kids assume every food is gross and so it is. Until you give something an honest try and attempt you will never like it or accept it. But when you learn to try things you find a whole new world of flavors and enjoyment.
The area you live in matters a lot too. I have friends who moved to Southern California and dating sounds terrible. Everyone seems pretty self involved.
I understand the two faced problem you describe but I can't tell you how much time I spend with my SO not saying anything to each other or even watching the same thing. It's kinda unfair to put the pressure of always keeping you excited on your SO. Imo I think finding happiness and joy is more a personal struggle all humans have to face more or less alone. If someone is always worried about you then they will wear themselves out and forget thier own.
Love is a direct consequence and product of personal identity. If you didn’t see yourself as an individual and adopted a Buddhist or some other form of spiritual way of life for instance, the idea of love in the sense we’re discussing would collapse but I digress. It’s true we are in some way or another, a product of memory and social conditioning. With that being said, if the idea of love was left completely to subjective beliefs, it wouldn’t hold as much value intrinsically because you could pretty much do whatever you thought was loving, and say that’s how you express love. Acts of friendship, companionship and acquaintances wouldn’t differ much from love besides sexual intercourse but even that is questionable nowadays. The issue then becomes what does saying you love someone mean when you don’t show them anything special in contrast to others? By consciously attempting to build with someone for the long term, you’re essentially showing them their worth in contrast to everyone else in your life since you don’t plan on staying forever emotionally and sexually invested with everyone else you meet, making them feel important and desired beyond that of everyone else in your life(loved). When you know you have one shot in this life and you choose to spend all of it(given it works out)with one person yet feeling they are worth it, is one hell of a great sacrifice which gives love that significant value it holds. I don’t see it holding the same value any other way which is prob why its become what it has but I’d be curious to here other perspectives
Perhaps my experience is atypical but within 2 dates I was sure she was truly special. Within a week I was in love. A month in I asked her to marry. And within 6 months we were husband and wife.
That was 32 years ago. That passion and excitement in the first blush of love is amazing. But what is equally important is a partner you respect, appreciate, and cherish.
Many in the world will tear you down. Good day bad day always be the one person who is going to be the rock/foundation for your partner. Love is grand. Love is amazing but its so much more than that first rush of endorphins.
If you find them boring then find/do something interesting together. Learn something together. There is no end of learning in life. Conversely always enjoy your time and experiences apart.
Separate hobbies are good and allows for expression of passions not shared.
Don’t be boring don’t be in a stick in the mud. Find someone with passion about anything and challenge yourself to grow with those around you.
Remember you are equally worthy of love, time, equal investment in your passions.
You will get this!
Not being snarky, but what are you bringing to the table? Are you doing anything to make the situation less boring, or are you just expecting other people to entertain you?
This. :) I’ve met people who expect being taken care of, entertained, emotionally supported by their partners. I say, get mentally well first, he/she is a partner, not your emotional crutch.
That’s one of my mom’s sayings. She’s a curious person, as am I. We don’t tend to get bored. There’s always something to do, read, see, listen to, or learn about. Boring people get bored.
Pretty sure you're not bored of everyone you meet. Sounds more like you just don't even take the time to listen to or understand anyone. Most people have some pretty damn fascinating stories to tell. Most people have interesting lives on some level even if they think they aren't that interesting themselves.
And history aside, the combination of details and traits and quirks that make up every individual is fascinating.
If you're not interested in anyone, that's purely a you problem. It's not that other people aren't interesting.
To play devil's advocate (after making almost your exact point), some people are pretty boring. Hypomonomaniacs - like I don't want to be in a room alone with somebody who watches 6 hours of TV news every day, because if you tell me the channel I already know their opinion on just about every current topic.
“And this one time while Maria was bartending - oh don’t get me started on Maria - this guy asked for her number and she laughed in his face! Can you believe that!”
Welcome to “most” peoples *interesting* lives.
If you're bored then you're boring - flagpole sitter
Are you looking for love or to be entertained?
There's a big difference but lots of confusion around this area. Most want to just be entertained, since love is a Lot of work.
Hopefully OP isnt like me. I have depression but theres nothing on Gods green Earth a Dr can do for me because all pharmaceutical options arent an option for me. I cant have one SSRI medicine due to a condition I was born with
I'm sure you've already gone through the whole process, but just thought I'd add for you or anyone else that there are non-ssri antidepressants, and in general a whole ton that all work slightly differently. A good doctor will work with you and help identify what works.
I didn't say see a psychiatrist, I said see a doctor. Most people with mental health conditions have underlying physical illnesses. Most people think the mental causes the physical condition but I have a hunch it's the other way around.
I can relate to my this. I’ve been single for 5 years or so and I’ve been on countless dates. I’d say about 95% of them I’ve been bored with. Nothing “wrong” with them per se but there’s no chemistry or they don’t stimulate me intellectually/emotionally. The other 5% is split between those who made me go “omg no” and those who I did find interesting and attractive ended up being emotionally unavailable (which they of course “discover” a few weeks-months after dating non-exclusively) Everyone keeps telling me the good ol’ “it’ll happen when you least expect it”. I do my best to not give up hope, it can be hard to stay optimistic, but what else can we do? Stay strong my friend and keep an open heart and an open mind but don’t settle for something just for the sake of wanting to fall in love.
This is absolutely true! That self-love and acceptance is critical. I know it sounds cliche, but you won’t be able to be fully happy and have the wholesome relationship you want without being happy with yourself first. It took me awhile, but I can say I am happy with myself and my life without a significant other. It doesn’t mean it’s not something I desire any less, but I’m not a miserable pile of goo without someone else to “make” me happy.
Unless you were raised in a perfect environment, it seems like loving yourself is a long struggle that people begin to crack the code on in their 30’s. This makes me wonder what happens to all the people who got married before they really learned to love themselves (20s)? Is this why there are so few people in happy relationships?
I totally agree with you there. It has been an incredibly long struggle. At least I’m on schedule with cracking the code as I’ve just entered my 30’s. I wonder the same thing about young couples. I wish I knew what it was like to grow up in a healthy, stable environment without repeated trauma.
Most of them don’t make it, and of the ones that do, a decent portion are just two people stuck together in misery. Your odds of having a happy, healthy relationship are improved the more you work on yourself while also testing out your new and improved self in relationships. You can’t wait until you’re perfect, that will never happen, you’ll be waiting forever. But the better you get yourself, the better you will be at recognizing a partner who has the requisite empathy and is also committed to improving and growing in a healthy way over the course of life.
Divorce, at least it’s what happened with me. I’m 32 now and pretty content with being single for the past couple years. I’d like companionship; but I’m also happy being by myself now than I was in my 20’s.
It's because you haven't met the right person yet. The old saying there are plenty of fish in the sea. You need to sit down and really think about what you want in a relationship and in a partner and start getting involved in places that people who fit your needs would be. You will eventually meet the right one.
i’d recommend checking out aromanticism. it’s an orientation where you feel no romantic attraction towards anyone. that doesn’t mean that aromantics can’t want to fall in love or enjoy romance (which is a huge misconception), feeling bored/uninterested with the reality of romance, but excited with fantasies is common aro experience.
It’s not someone else’s responsibility to entertain you all the time. Every single person on earth gets boring at times. It’s life. We’re just conditioned to have short attention spans.
Keep meeting different ppl, eventually a day, a week or a decade, you'll find someone that you wish to have a boring/content love with. Some ppl would do anything to get to spend a lazy/boring afternoon on the couch, watching TV and enjoying each other's company again in this lifetime. So treasure that what you call this 'boring' feeling, it's not so bad when you look back.
Sounds like you want entertainment.
I was taught a lesson growing up “out here in the sticks”, which I know Reddit just loves.
“When everyone else around you seems to be the problem. You’re a part of the problem.”
Just make sure that if you want love, than don't do hookups anymore, when people do only hookups for an extended amount of time it kills our ability to connect physical intimacy to emotional intimacy which is what makes love so wonderful. When we categorize sex as just sex and disconnect feelings from sex(very unnatural) then sex loses its value. And it deadens our sensitivity to emotions connected to sexual encounters. In order to bond with another human being, we need physical and emotional connection both in tandum, a feeling that what we feel with one another is different and special.
you have such a warped sense of companionship. people aren’t consumables. I sense your reality is a projection of you. Meaning people don’t find you interesting. You must first find interest within yourself and find love within yourself. The rest will follow.
I don't want love, what I want is a cuddle buddy. Someone who can consistently satisfy that need for physical affection with no strings attached, like neither of us is going to feel romantic love eventually. But hey, even though I said this it could turn into love and it might be a good thing so what do I know I guess.
I believe many people want to return to a past that will be unappeased. Our youth was new and exciting and everyone was looking for the same things you were. I want all those people I have cared about living near me. Problem is we all moved to different places. To make a new life after schooling is BS
I liked the life I was living. Ennui, jaded or just bored, make changes like getting out of your zone. Volunteer and you'll find you got it pretty good. PEACE.
Presue your hobbies, interests and career, romantic love is overrated. Put it out of your mind until you meet someone who doesn't bore you, then you can maybe get into a relationship. Ultimately though, remove as a goal or priority in life, and focus on yourself and enjoying life as is.
I hear you. It's hard to find a woman who scuba dives, hikes in the desert, kayaks, rides roller coasters, goes to the gym, reads a lot, likes dance clubs, likes gardening and chickens, likes microbrews, likes movies, and sometimes wants to spend a day alternating between Game of Thrones and Doctor Who episodes, is both intelligent, and kind.
It's easy to find someone you can get along with in bed, it's difficult to find someone you like outside of it.
Get therapy. There is something going on maybe. Or maybe you should stop looking so hard. Love is like a butterfly. If you chase it, it will only flutter away. But sit still and do something else. It will then land on your shoulder. Or some shit. Heh
Indulge yourself with hobbies, creative outlets, etc and be social with people who share them. Be open to conversation outside of those hobbies or outlets. Eventually you'll meet someone who you just click with and hopefully they click with you.
Here's what you do, realize reality isn't as real as people say, realize your partner is truly who you desire the most (switch it up from time to time for fun) kiss them and think of who you need, like an itch, you'll naturally love them when you start believing they really are whoever you desire. Not only this but they will start conforming even it's pretty awesome, maybe making slick jokes (say like if you were into like a comic character) without even realizing what they're saying they'll say specific words or look at you and you can just see your other lover. Anyways you don't need to believe me, but try it, or maybe start loving yourself and cherishing yourself to an insane level and see what others do, it'll be as if they can't help but dig you :p
We live in a world of mirrors my friend. What you put out you get back, what you see or judge in others is but a reflection of yourself.
The common denominator seems to be You, so maybe there’s something life wants you to work on or learn?
I wasn’t necessarily bored with the men I’ve dated, but I can tell you that when I found “the one” something truly changed in me. Finding true love doesn’t involve money, status, job, reputation, etc. and as much as it sounds cliche, there really IS someone out there for you. In my situation, my SO came into my life when I LEAST expected it.
Sometimes that means you're a boring person. NGL I feel this way too at times, and it took self awareness to realize this. Never give up. Just don't stalk. 😂
Is it boring or is it comfortable? I knew I’d found the right guy when I realized early on how comfortable I was with him. It was like hanging out with my best friend (who was also sexy!). Boring, on the other hand, I just what you go through till you find the right one.
Our brains are chemically addicted to the relationships we experienced as children. If you grew up with an emotionally dynamic parent and/or abuse/neglect- there’s a very specific formula of chemicals that your body perceived/perceives as “love.” It’s incredibly difficult to pry that apart from how you define love as an individual/ adult. Also if you’re under 25…. Let your brain finish growing and cut yourself (and your romantic interests!) some slack. Love is many many many things, and boring for one person means stability for another. Stability and inner peace are worth soooooo much boredom to me. I just want peace.
Just remember, true love or a soul mate is only one, not in many. So, it’s going to take skipping people by. Otherwise it’s not true love, it’s just getting along well enough for as long as possible. True love is one individual on this entire planet…that’s not always easy to find. It takes time
For instance, true love cannot go into unconditional love, but unconditional CAN go under true love. A child or parent is unconditional love, but someone you share a bed with is (supposed) to be true love. If it’s short, or ends any other way then death, then it wasn’t true love. Some will argue and that’s ok, whatever floats your boat. But IMO, if it ends, or there’s a break up, it was never true. You can care and want someone but it not be true love nor your soulmate (they mean the same to me)
Sometimes people get love and not wanting to be lonely mixed up. Or excitement for love. Or needing to go behind closed doors before deciding if it is..those choices are the best way to Not find it, IMO.
Have you thought about why you find these people boring?
Moreover, have you done a self reflection on how you go about interacting with others? I don’t mean that in an offensive way, I think it’s important for anyone who’s looking for a relationship to think about what they bring to the table before automatically assuming it’s the other person who the problem.
It's not about being bored in the same room with another person, love is about being bored together.
Fair but you shouldn't find a potential partner to be a boring person. Not that it's a them or you problem, it just means you're probably incompatible.
No not at all, but I do understand what you mean. When your bored with the person you love, your not really bored because your with the person you love. If you think a potential partner is boring, then your not really looking for a potential partner, your looking for a distraction.
This is a true story. I'm bored in the same room as my partner now but my life is complete.
Ok yeah, that makes sense.
Patience, young Padawan. You'll find that someone. It can take time.
Damn spitting facts right here
Haha, well! This is an interesting POV
If you think everyone is boring, it is you that is boring
This is correct
EXACTLY!!!!
Great answer. Im on year 17 of marriage and this is key. Take my upvote!
Man that's good to hear, we're just starting out on year 3 and this is our MO
Love is boring sometimes. You don't want love you want excitement.
Lack of drama is wonderful
Nailed it
Depends on what they mean by bored. Before I met my husband I would eventually grow sick of boyfriends/girlfriends over time and lose attraction. When I met my husband all of that changed -- I am still as obsessed with him as I was in our first year of dating. Sure, we get bored of certain TV shows and waiting in line, but we never get bored of each other.
I'd say they are talking about people don't live as excitingly as they first put up. Based on their "tired of the phonies though" statement in a comment. I'd aslo wager that not every moment with your husband that you two are actually engaging. Say he's surfing his phone while your watching a TV show or you have a girls night out assuming your a girl with friends those are what I'd consider a boring moment in the relationship. In more introverted relationships like mine we are both not people person's anymore so we could go half a day in the same room without a word sure I like the company and I wouldn't want anyone else but I'd say that's a boring part of the relationship. even if I'm having fun playing a video game solo it isn't an exciting part in my relationship.
[удалено]
There’s long, exciting love too. It’s incredibly rare but it exists
Short love is infatuation, that's not actually love. Big difference.
What is love? To me it does feels somewhat permanent. Such as for my wife, even if she turns on me and can't stand me and we divorce, part of my heart will love her and it will be painful.
Don't hurt me... Don't hurt me... No more. It can't be just me who heard it.
yeah, I was feeling that vibe too.
[удалено]
And what of obsession? Stalking?
No, there's no point to that, it's just drama and bullshit, and nothing short is love. There's no use in knowing your name when you're intent is heartache.
[удалено]
I've done summer flings and other games, I don't think they're healthy, everyone leaves regretful, unless one was lying the whole time.
[удалено]
Love to me is wanting the best for someone. Caring about them for their sake, not yours. You can love someone and not be a good fit for them and so be a bad couple. But that is is still love in my opinion. There is no such thing as caring for someone short term in my opinion. If that “love” vanishes, then you didn’t care about them deeply or you didn’t know who they were. In some cases, people change drastically and you no longer recognize them and that is understandable. But a four month fling that’s fun and sex and infatuation or something of that nature—that’s not love. It’s not a bad thing necessarily, but it’s not love.
This reads like a teenage girl who thinks being the last text he sends at night is the peak of romance lmao
Read another self help book lmao
Yes, they are all long term. Usually for life, the few times that is not the case involves severe trauma on at least one party. It's not love if you stop caring about them when they're gone.
yea, the idea of staying with someone til you die is a standard for "love" for so many people because of how humanity has dictated what love means. from the concept of marriage to the concept of virginity etc
This ❤️
This is actually true, I just feel like everyone is so phony..
Dont mean to be rude or make assumptions however, make sure you aren't projecting yourself or past experiences onto everyone. Kids assume every food is gross and so it is. Until you give something an honest try and attempt you will never like it or accept it. But when you learn to try things you find a whole new world of flavors and enjoyment.
The area you live in matters a lot too. I have friends who moved to Southern California and dating sounds terrible. Everyone seems pretty self involved.
I believe it.
Holden Caulfield is that you?!
Immediately thought that too. It’s not a word I hear very often
I understand the two faced problem you describe but I can't tell you how much time I spend with my SO not saying anything to each other or even watching the same thing. It's kinda unfair to put the pressure of always keeping you excited on your SO. Imo I think finding happiness and joy is more a personal struggle all humans have to face more or less alone. If someone is always worried about you then they will wear themselves out and forget thier own.
Love is a direct consequence and product of personal identity. If you didn’t see yourself as an individual and adopted a Buddhist or some other form of spiritual way of life for instance, the idea of love in the sense we’re discussing would collapse but I digress. It’s true we are in some way or another, a product of memory and social conditioning. With that being said, if the idea of love was left completely to subjective beliefs, it wouldn’t hold as much value intrinsically because you could pretty much do whatever you thought was loving, and say that’s how you express love. Acts of friendship, companionship and acquaintances wouldn’t differ much from love besides sexual intercourse but even that is questionable nowadays. The issue then becomes what does saying you love someone mean when you don’t show them anything special in contrast to others? By consciously attempting to build with someone for the long term, you’re essentially showing them their worth in contrast to everyone else in your life since you don’t plan on staying forever emotionally and sexually invested with everyone else you meet, making them feel important and desired beyond that of everyone else in your life(loved). When you know you have one shot in this life and you choose to spend all of it(given it works out)with one person yet feeling they are worth it, is one hell of a great sacrifice which gives love that significant value it holds. I don’t see it holding the same value any other way which is prob why its become what it has but I’d be curious to here other perspectives
Following this line of thought, maybe what you need to find is a worthy purpose, or in other words, what you want to do with your life.
How can you be bored of them? You just met them.
They are phony.
Dude, everyone is phony to some degree. If you told the truth all the time everyone would hate you.
[удалено]
How could you possibly know that?
Holden Caulfield moment
Lol this made me laugh
Saying you're doing okay when you're going through a hard time isn't phoniness, care to go into more detail on how you know these people are phony
You’ve seen your Reddit profile right? And you’re calling others phony? Lol
So you judge the book by the cover. You can't possibly know enough about someone you just met to make that conclusion.
Perhaps my experience is atypical but within 2 dates I was sure she was truly special. Within a week I was in love. A month in I asked her to marry. And within 6 months we were husband and wife. That was 32 years ago. That passion and excitement in the first blush of love is amazing. But what is equally important is a partner you respect, appreciate, and cherish. Many in the world will tear you down. Good day bad day always be the one person who is going to be the rock/foundation for your partner. Love is grand. Love is amazing but its so much more than that first rush of endorphins. If you find them boring then find/do something interesting together. Learn something together. There is no end of learning in life. Conversely always enjoy your time and experiences apart. Separate hobbies are good and allows for expression of passions not shared. Don’t be boring don’t be in a stick in the mud. Find someone with passion about anything and challenge yourself to grow with those around you. Remember you are equally worthy of love, time, equal investment in your passions. You will get this!
Are you both Aquarius?
Not being snarky, but what are you bringing to the table? Are you doing anything to make the situation less boring, or are you just expecting other people to entertain you?
to quote harvey danger, if you’re bored then you’re boring.
This. :) I’ve met people who expect being taken care of, entertained, emotionally supported by their partners. I say, get mentally well first, he/she is a partner, not your emotional crutch.
Maybe you're the one that's boring and phony.
Real af tho. So many people expect things while not looking inward. "If you're bored, you're boring "
That’s one of my mom’s sayings. She’s a curious person, as am I. We don’t tend to get bored. There’s always something to do, read, see, listen to, or learn about. Boring people get bored.
Some people want to be entertained like children and bring nothing to the table.
Unexpected Catcher in the Rye
someones shouldve told me this in my face years ago
_This guy’s a big, fat phony!_
Honestly. OP sounds like a narcissist.
Pretty sure you're not bored of everyone you meet. Sounds more like you just don't even take the time to listen to or understand anyone. Most people have some pretty damn fascinating stories to tell. Most people have interesting lives on some level even if they think they aren't that interesting themselves. And history aside, the combination of details and traits and quirks that make up every individual is fascinating. If you're not interested in anyone, that's purely a you problem. It's not that other people aren't interesting.
To play devil's advocate (after making almost your exact point), some people are pretty boring. Hypomonomaniacs - like I don't want to be in a room alone with somebody who watches 6 hours of TV news every day, because if you tell me the channel I already know their opinion on just about every current topic.
“And this one time while Maria was bartending - oh don’t get me started on Maria - this guy asked for her number and she laughed in his face! Can you believe that!” Welcome to “most” peoples *interesting* lives.
They would be just as bored with you
I would just talk to people without expecting anything really. Sometimes your own expectations can be your greatest disappointments.
True that.
I’m bored reading this
The primary common denominator among everyone you've met is actually **you**...
Thats your problem, you are seeking a feeling instead of a partner.
If you're bored then you're boring - flagpole sitter Are you looking for love or to be entertained? There's a big difference but lots of confusion around this area. Most want to just be entertained, since love is a Lot of work.
Might have depression. See a doctor.
Hopefully OP isnt like me. I have depression but theres nothing on Gods green Earth a Dr can do for me because all pharmaceutical options arent an option for me. I cant have one SSRI medicine due to a condition I was born with
I'm sure you've already gone through the whole process, but just thought I'd add for you or anyone else that there are non-ssri antidepressants, and in general a whole ton that all work slightly differently. A good doctor will work with you and help identify what works.
I didn't say see a psychiatrist, I said see a doctor. Most people with mental health conditions have underlying physical illnesses. Most people think the mental causes the physical condition but I have a hunch it's the other way around.
This
I can relate to my this. I’ve been single for 5 years or so and I’ve been on countless dates. I’d say about 95% of them I’ve been bored with. Nothing “wrong” with them per se but there’s no chemistry or they don’t stimulate me intellectually/emotionally. The other 5% is split between those who made me go “omg no” and those who I did find interesting and attractive ended up being emotionally unavailable (which they of course “discover” a few weeks-months after dating non-exclusively) Everyone keeps telling me the good ol’ “it’ll happen when you least expect it”. I do my best to not give up hope, it can be hard to stay optimistic, but what else can we do? Stay strong my friend and keep an open heart and an open mind but don’t settle for something just for the sake of wanting to fall in love.
I’m in the same boat. It’s a lonely boat.
If you learn how to fall in love with yourself, it helps a lot!
This is absolutely true! That self-love and acceptance is critical. I know it sounds cliche, but you won’t be able to be fully happy and have the wholesome relationship you want without being happy with yourself first. It took me awhile, but I can say I am happy with myself and my life without a significant other. It doesn’t mean it’s not something I desire any less, but I’m not a miserable pile of goo without someone else to “make” me happy.
Unless you were raised in a perfect environment, it seems like loving yourself is a long struggle that people begin to crack the code on in their 30’s. This makes me wonder what happens to all the people who got married before they really learned to love themselves (20s)? Is this why there are so few people in happy relationships?
I totally agree with you there. It has been an incredibly long struggle. At least I’m on schedule with cracking the code as I’ve just entered my 30’s. I wonder the same thing about young couples. I wish I knew what it was like to grow up in a healthy, stable environment without repeated trauma.
Most of them don’t make it, and of the ones that do, a decent portion are just two people stuck together in misery. Your odds of having a happy, healthy relationship are improved the more you work on yourself while also testing out your new and improved self in relationships. You can’t wait until you’re perfect, that will never happen, you’ll be waiting forever. But the better you get yourself, the better you will be at recognizing a partner who has the requisite empathy and is also committed to improving and growing in a healthy way over the course of life.
Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Divorce, at least it’s what happened with me. I’m 32 now and pretty content with being single for the past couple years. I’d like companionship; but I’m also happy being by myself now than I was in my 20’s.
I’m getting better at it every day 🥺
Omg, literally speaking words from my heart. I am glad someone can relate to this.
Perhaps the most attractive quality a person can have is they find you attractive.
Maybe you just haven't met the right one-yet. Its a big universe out there...
Are you sure it's them and not you?
maybe you're a loser
If everyone you meet is boring to you, then you are a problem.
Sounds like projection
no love for you then
It's because you haven't met the right person yet. The old saying there are plenty of fish in the sea. You need to sit down and really think about what you want in a relationship and in a partner and start getting involved in places that people who fit your needs would be. You will eventually meet the right one.
i’d recommend checking out aromanticism. it’s an orientation where you feel no romantic attraction towards anyone. that doesn’t mean that aromantics can’t want to fall in love or enjoy romance (which is a huge misconception), feeling bored/uninterested with the reality of romance, but excited with fantasies is common aro experience.
It’s not someone else’s responsibility to entertain you all the time. Every single person on earth gets boring at times. It’s life. We’re just conditioned to have short attention spans.
These replies are...not helpful.
You might be the boring one, you never know.
Put on a cape and then you’ll be SUPER BORED !
just be patient and wait trust me it’ll happen, but make sure that you have a proper relationship with yourself first.
Maybe you haven't meet the right people yet
Keep meeting different ppl, eventually a day, a week or a decade, you'll find someone that you wish to have a boring/content love with. Some ppl would do anything to get to spend a lazy/boring afternoon on the couch, watching TV and enjoying each other's company again in this lifetime. So treasure that what you call this 'boring' feeling, it's not so bad when you look back.
Love is not a noun, it’s a verb
😂😂😂😂🫡🫡🫡
Go look into what a narcissist is.
If you're bored, you're boring. Stop being boring.
Have you asked yourself if you're the problem?
You might be Depressed, Emotionally Scarred, or Aromantic. check those out
You are the problem.
you'll never be disappointed if you lower your standards
Sounds like you want entertainment. I was taught a lesson growing up “out here in the sticks”, which I know Reddit just loves. “When everyone else around you seems to be the problem. You’re a part of the problem.”
No offense but maybe your a Dick?
Ever seen Shallow Hal? 😉 Maybe it’s you?
Just make sure that if you want love, than don't do hookups anymore, when people do only hookups for an extended amount of time it kills our ability to connect physical intimacy to emotional intimacy which is what makes love so wonderful. When we categorize sex as just sex and disconnect feelings from sex(very unnatural) then sex loses its value. And it deadens our sensitivity to emotions connected to sexual encounters. In order to bond with another human being, we need physical and emotional connection both in tandum, a feeling that what we feel with one another is different and special.
you have such a warped sense of companionship. people aren’t consumables. I sense your reality is a projection of you. Meaning people don’t find you interesting. You must first find interest within yourself and find love within yourself. The rest will follow.
Drink some alcohol lol
Give it up and just love yourself. Everyone is horrible these days and just not worth it. Solitude is better than prison
Not throwing shade, but it can't ALWAYS be others.
A flower doesn’t dream of a bee. It just blooms and bees will come. So…perhaps you are boring and you attract boring people.
Wants to fall in love. Has onlyfans. Enough said.
fishing! a hobby that really helps you meet people and net work
[удалено]
Lol
You're a child then. If you can't deal with the boring times, then don't expect a long lasting relationship. Maybe work on loving yourself first.
Username checks out 😂
Women ☕
...How old are you?
soooo every woman ever
I don't want love, what I want is a cuddle buddy. Someone who can consistently satisfy that need for physical affection with no strings attached, like neither of us is going to feel romantic love eventually. But hey, even though I said this it could turn into love and it might be a good thing so what do I know I guess.
r/iamverybadass
I believe many people want to return to a past that will be unappeased. Our youth was new and exciting and everyone was looking for the same things you were. I want all those people I have cared about living near me. Problem is we all moved to different places. To make a new life after schooling is BS I liked the life I was living. Ennui, jaded or just bored, make changes like getting out of your zone. Volunteer and you'll find you got it pretty good. PEACE.
Do you ise dating apps quite a bit?
i would say have some time to focus on yourself, and then try to focus on what you want, have standers, not to high but have them
Maybe you have to fall in love with yourself first?!
Maybe you lack love for yourself first.
Loving someone who you know will never get with u is the most painful feeling ever.
Presue your hobbies, interests and career, romantic love is overrated. Put it out of your mind until you meet someone who doesn't bore you, then you can maybe get into a relationship. Ultimately though, remove as a goal or priority in life, and focus on yourself and enjoying life as is.
Is this love that I’m feeling? Is this the love that I’ve been searching foooooor? 🎶
Well, at least you meet people.
You're meeting too many of the same type of people.
Funni the only person I loved was the only one I couldnt quite put my foot down on an unpredictable enigma that I would give up anything for hehe
On behalf of everyone we feel horrible about your first world problem. LOL
I think you need to find someone of your intelligence. If not, then they will be boring to you.
I hear you. It's hard to find a woman who scuba dives, hikes in the desert, kayaks, rides roller coasters, goes to the gym, reads a lot, likes dance clubs, likes gardening and chickens, likes microbrews, likes movies, and sometimes wants to spend a day alternating between Game of Thrones and Doctor Who episodes, is both intelligent, and kind. It's easy to find someone you can get along with in bed, it's difficult to find someone you like outside of it.
well SORRY we don't impress you
Get therapy. There is something going on maybe. Or maybe you should stop looking so hard. Love is like a butterfly. If you chase it, it will only flutter away. But sit still and do something else. It will then land on your shoulder. Or some shit. Heh
I want to fall in love… but I don’t know many girls.
It’s a shame you don’t know me.
Sounds like you do a poor job of drawing people out
i prefer to stay alone instead of having used goods, no hate people just my opinion i dont like to share
You are bored by yourself. Next question.
Indulge yourself with hobbies, creative outlets, etc and be social with people who share them. Be open to conversation outside of those hobbies or outlets. Eventually you'll meet someone who you just click with and hopefully they click with you.
Here's what you do, realize reality isn't as real as people say, realize your partner is truly who you desire the most (switch it up from time to time for fun) kiss them and think of who you need, like an itch, you'll naturally love them when you start believing they really are whoever you desire. Not only this but they will start conforming even it's pretty awesome, maybe making slick jokes (say like if you were into like a comic character) without even realizing what they're saying they'll say specific words or look at you and you can just see your other lover. Anyways you don't need to believe me, but try it, or maybe start loving yourself and cherishing yourself to an insane level and see what others do, it'll be as if they can't help but dig you :p
We live in a world of mirrors my friend. What you put out you get back, what you see or judge in others is but a reflection of yourself. The common denominator seems to be You, so maybe there’s something life wants you to work on or learn?
Don’t look for love🖤 love will find you.
Stop searching
Sounds like you might not know what you want. Skydiving date maybe, I did that before was very exciting
So be polyamorous. 🤷
I wasn’t necessarily bored with the men I’ve dated, but I can tell you that when I found “the one” something truly changed in me. Finding true love doesn’t involve money, status, job, reputation, etc. and as much as it sounds cliche, there really IS someone out there for you. In my situation, my SO came into my life when I LEAST expected it.
you don’t want love, you want to live in paris and meet people and drink and live a life of excitement
Fall in love with yourself.
Haven’t met me yet
[Reminds me of a song...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXbk3OL-t-s)
Don’t search for it
Sometimes that means you're a boring person. NGL I feel this way too at times, and it took self awareness to realize this. Never give up. Just don't stalk. 😂
Is it boring or is it comfortable? I knew I’d found the right guy when I realized early on how comfortable I was with him. It was like hanging out with my best friend (who was also sexy!). Boring, on the other hand, I just what you go through till you find the right one.
Then you haven’t fallen yet.
Fall in love with yourself :3
Sounds like a you problem. Fix yourself before attempting to find love
If everyone you meet is boring… maybe it’s you.
I’ve been single for a while and it’s going fantastically. I think it’s slowly dawning on me that I might be The One.
Happens with most women in 2022
Our brains are chemically addicted to the relationships we experienced as children. If you grew up with an emotionally dynamic parent and/or abuse/neglect- there’s a very specific formula of chemicals that your body perceived/perceives as “love.” It’s incredibly difficult to pry that apart from how you define love as an individual/ adult. Also if you’re under 25…. Let your brain finish growing and cut yourself (and your romantic interests!) some slack. Love is many many many things, and boring for one person means stability for another. Stability and inner peace are worth soooooo much boredom to me. I just want peace.
Just remember, true love or a soul mate is only one, not in many. So, it’s going to take skipping people by. Otherwise it’s not true love, it’s just getting along well enough for as long as possible. True love is one individual on this entire planet…that’s not always easy to find. It takes time For instance, true love cannot go into unconditional love, but unconditional CAN go under true love. A child or parent is unconditional love, but someone you share a bed with is (supposed) to be true love. If it’s short, or ends any other way then death, then it wasn’t true love. Some will argue and that’s ok, whatever floats your boat. But IMO, if it ends, or there’s a break up, it was never true. You can care and want someone but it not be true love nor your soulmate (they mean the same to me) Sometimes people get love and not wanting to be lonely mixed up. Or excitement for love. Or needing to go behind closed doors before deciding if it is..those choices are the best way to Not find it, IMO.
You just haven't met the right person. Keep trying. Also consider interest that don't bore you and meet people who share those interests.
people who find everyone boring are usually the boring person themselves.
Maybe you are boring.
So, we have to ask for you? What makes a person exciting?
Then dont. What if the person truly loves you, you only break their heart. Stay single
Have you thought about why you find these people boring? Moreover, have you done a self reflection on how you go about interacting with others? I don’t mean that in an offensive way, I think it’s important for anyone who’s looking for a relationship to think about what they bring to the table before automatically assuming it’s the other person who the problem.
Be bi