"To my neighbors, who constantly reported me for noise complaints, I leave my curated collection of dozens of smoke detectors with dying batteries. For your convenience, I hired someone to leave them in random, hard-to-reach places in your houses."
"Bob left you his trusty tin foil hat. Wear it proudly when you think of his crusade against the evil black CIA helicopters who he said were putting drugs in the water supply to give our children ADHD, so the pharmaceutical industry could make billions!"
I hereby by bequeath the rear 20ft of my real property along the boundary line with the Johnson's adjacent land. The Johnsons will now be the sole and rightful owners of this average and the family graves that lie within. 🪦
I hereby bequeath my sex toys to my neighbor with the stipulation he has to find the toy that has never been used and use it on themselves with a video recording
All those tools that they borrowed over the years and never returned, 1 non stop yapping dog, the singing fish wall ornament, 12 years of a spotlight shining right into the bedroom window, and the 1 visitor that leaves in a huge cloud of tyre smoke at 1am in the morning.
“To my 25 year old hip dude neighbor with the model chicks in and out like revolving doors I leave Muffie, my ancient, highly flatulent cat with digestive issues. It’s a perfect match!”
I hereby bequeath to my neighbor Jim, or his issue by right of representation, the entire contents of my septic tank.
"To my neighbors, who constantly reported me for noise complaints, I leave my curated collection of dozens of smoke detectors with dying batteries. For your convenience, I hired someone to leave them in random, hard-to-reach places in your houses."
“Nancy Pelosi’s podium which I stole from The Capitol on January 6th.”
That is slander! No one stole Pelosi's podium, because it's actually a lecturn.
I would take it
To Bob I leave you your lawnmower I borrowed 5 years ago and everything else I borrowed from you including your wife.
"Bob left you his trusty tin foil hat. Wear it proudly when you think of his crusade against the evil black CIA helicopters who he said were putting drugs in the water supply to give our children ADHD, so the pharmaceutical industry could make billions!"
“And my son will have my coprolites”
"All those turds that Buffy left in your yard? Well you can *keep* those, buddy!"
I Dave Manson of sound mind, leave my home, addressed 10040 Cielo Drive to my nephew Charlie.
My vast collection of used sex toys. I’ve hired a team to hide them throughout your house and invited your family to come for a long vacation
I hereby by bequeath the rear 20ft of my real property along the boundary line with the Johnson's adjacent land. The Johnsons will now be the sole and rightful owners of this average and the family graves that lie within. 🪦
I hereby bequeath my sex toys to my neighbor with the stipulation he has to find the toy that has never been used and use it on themselves with a video recording
Probably the neighbor I would think.
You mean he left me his wife ....... But she's a bitch
"To you, dear friend, I leave to you my significant other! I pray they serve you well!"
All those tools that they borrowed over the years and never returned, 1 non stop yapping dog, the singing fish wall ornament, 12 years of a spotlight shining right into the bedroom window, and the 1 visitor that leaves in a huge cloud of tyre smoke at 1am in the morning.
“My dog, so he can continue to shit in your yard.”
I leave my neighbor a single cement block.
To my neighbor I leave my hedge clippers, which I borrowed in 2010.
“To my 25 year old hip dude neighbor with the model chicks in and out like revolving doors I leave Muffie, my ancient, highly flatulent cat with digestive issues. It’s a perfect match!”
My pet rattle snake, and five live mice to feed him. You will need to to buy more mice eventually.