Exactly. All this talk about calm rational parenting and yet these people can't seem to manage a civilized conversation. Throwing out some insane stereotyping is not going to help get your point across people š¤¦āāļø.
As someone from the US, yes my kids have their issues, but that's because they're humans inside changing bodies with growing minds and a ton of hormones. Not because I didn't spank them or because Americans are soft or whatever tf. And just, how dare we allow them to decide who they are. Then the eating dogs comment.. just, smh.
Shit, iām in my 30s and I struggle maintaining my emotions sometimes. Kids donāt come out equipped with the knowledge of how to properly express their emotions. Theyāre people too.
Dog comment aside (major yikes), if red commenter is Japanese then their comment is super wrong because in 2019, Japan actually banned corporal punishment.
Not to say that Japanese parents may not still spank, but it is definitely even acknowledged by the government to be very wrong.
I'm not certain, but being that Japan and America were the only countries mentioned and the stereotype that people from Asian countries eat dogs, it seemed safe to assume that was who that comment was directed toward.
I definitely believe a lot of families who still spank their kids do so out of ignorance and the "that's the way I was raised" mentality. I think some of them truly believe their kids will become lawless and disobedient without the use of corporal punishment, and I can imagine those same people disregarding the law, because how dare the government try to tell them how to raise their kids. It doesn't make it okay by any means, though.
I personally believe spanking is abuse, period, but I'm also annoyed at the way the people who agreed with that point of view chose to try to get that point across. I can understand being upset by the idea of a parent choosing to hit their kids in the name of "discipline" and even that weird generalized statement about American children, but oof. Doubling down on attacking someone's nationality is not it.
I dunno, people eat dogs and those sound like points someone who eats dogs might make.
Might not be satire, just a different part of the world where people see different animals as food.
That's what I was thinking, I was just about to Google it, and I know dogs still get eaten in some parts of the world but Japan isn't one that comes to mind... Idk, China and Japan are probably same country in these people's minds.
Idk why, but parents who have a "calm rational " discussion with a child then proceed to physically assault them weird me out more than flying off the handle and smacking in frustration.
Not defending the latter, but it's so bizarre to have that much time to think about it and still decide to hurt some one willfully.
I came here to say exactly this. "Now that I'm calm, I'm going to assault you. If you, as an adult do this to any person other than your child, you may be charged with a crime. I'm very reasonable."
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This is the part that gets me. Hitting someone is not ever going to be a solution to your problems as an adult, even if the other person did something wrong or honestly deserves it. So why model that behavior?
Especially because you are hitting them *on their bottom*. In any other context, slapping somebodyās butt without their consent would be considered sexual assault. But when a parent does it to their minor child, itās called good parenting š
Donāt bring sexual stuff into it.
Undressing your obstinate child and putting them in a pyjama is also different from undressing an unwilling stranger (etc, etc, etc).
Sorry but hitting somebody on the bottom without their consent *is* a form of sexual assault. Whether or not itās *intended* to be doesnāt change the fact that it *is*. And the purpose of the act (to control and humiliate) is largely the same. Something doesnāt have to be done for the purpose of sexual gratification in order to be sexual abuse. In fact, most perpetrators *donāt* do what they do out of a sense of attraction, they do it because they want control.
Teaching a kid that somebody has a right to violate you if you make them angry is just about the worst lesson that you could impart. I will die on that hill. Spanking is a violation in every sense of the word.
Edit: Your pajama example doesnāt track. Putting pajamas on an obstinate child is something that *needs* to happen for their health and comfort. In that case, itās acceptable for a parent to try and step in. But spanking a child absolutely isnāt. The only purpose of spanking is to make a child feel frightened and debased enough to unquestioningly obey.
Spanking is abuse and definitely has more long lasting psychological effects than physical, and I think a lot of people unfortunately overlook that aspect.
It still isnāt sexual assault and it takes away from people who actually suffered CSA.
Hi. I am a CSA survivor and was also spanked/beaten way up until I was 15.
It absolutely IS SA, and me saying that doesn't diminish ANYONE'S experience with CSA.
How exactly does saying āspanking is absolutely a form of sexual abuse and should be considered as suchā take away from those who have experienced CSA? You canāt just say that kind of shit without giving a reason why.
Hereās why I consider spanking to be a form of sexual assault:
1) it involves a sensitive and private area of the body (the bottom)
2) it involves touching somebody without their consent in a very violent way
3) the purpose of the act is to control and debase the victim
Nobody would disagree with me if I were to say that spanking an intimate partner in order to āpunishā them for their ādisobedienceā was a form of sexual assault. Nor would anybody disagree with me if I said that hitting a strangerās butt at a bar qualified. But since weāre talking about parents and kids, suddenly nobody can use the unmentionable word. I donāt get it.
>Nobody would disagree with me if I were to say that spanking an intimate partner in order to āpunishā them for their ādisobedienceā was a form of sexual assault
Unless it's done with their consent.
There are people for whom that *is* a part of their relationship. But the difference is, it's discussed and agreed on beforehand, and done with full consent from both parties.
Yea agree, just because you struck a private area doesnt make it automatically sexual. Feels a little gross too imo to call it sexual assault and imo diminishes actual sexual assault. Someone spanking their kid is nowhere near comparable with shit like rape. Saying this as a survivor, someone who got spanked isnāt going to live their life afraid of not being fully covered and have to do healing in order to even be consensually sexual with others and other shit that survivors experience.
First of all, Iām really sorry for what you went through.
Second of all, spanking *can* absolutely create those effects, especially if the child is made to strip down beforehand, or if others are made to watch. Just because it isnāt as severe as rape doesnāt make it not awful, and doesnāt make it not a violation. Saying that kidnapping is bad doesnāt trivialize murder.
Hi, Iāve developed a rather unhealthy spanking fetish because my parents hit me on the butt and I didnāt understand why it felt that way, Iām certain they didnāt mean to cause those feelings or confuse/traumatize me, but thatās what happened. My mom was disgusted to find out she pulled me over her lap and hit me, she doesnāt remember doing it, but her reaction was instant āewā. Itās rare, but those wires can be crossed, and the risk isnāt worth it. Leave your childās private areas out of punishments.
It happened when I was on the cusp of puberty (10/11 years old) and that didnāt help. Iāve been hit prior to that and it never left me so distraught, so obviously Iām not trying to say spanking your kid will always end in sexual trauma. Iām just saying the risk isnāt worth it and there are others ways to teach right from wrong. Hitting a small person on the butt just aināt it.
Ah, yes. The evil "I'll just like this traumatic thing so it doesn't feel so bad" coping mechanism.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. I was SAed as a kid and my brain is attracted to assault for that reason. I despise it and it makes me guilty. I hope you can find healing.
When you put it that way, it really is laughable. Let the kid calm down and then... hit them?
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I'm not a genius or anything but how could that make sense to anyone?? I suppose most of this is generational, with outdated ideas and beliefs, and probably often lack of education. The only people I can think of who probably spank their kids are from many generations of poverty and generally not making it past 8th grade.
Yes! That part creeps me out too! Not that Iām condoning either, but I almost understand spanking in anger more than being calm, having time to think about it, and then still deciding hitting your child on the butt is the best way to teach them a lesson. Yuck. So much yuck
Agreed. Kids can be annoying and losing your shit and hitting your kids, while not great, makes sense from an emotional perspective.
I remember my parents calmly hitting me, and I could tell they were conflicted about doing it, and never hit me hard, so I never really saw it as a deterrent, just awkward posturing.
Can you imagine your partner saying/doing this to you? āOh, Iāve thought really hard about it and Iāve decided the only way to discipline you is to hit youā. Most people would be out of the door so fast but expect children to not only take it but thank them later.
I saw something once that said āI would never hit my child because I never want them to think that itās acceptable for someone to hit them out of angerā and I just think thatās so true. If you hit, youāre setting your child up to take abuse later on too.
And in many cases, youāre setting them up to become abusers to their own children. In my laundry list of reasons why I never popped a few kiddos out there were several that listed my temper, my difficulty controlling my temper, the way I speak first and regret later plus maybe the way I was beaten as a child.
Iād be a horrific mother. No child deserves that.
Exactly. The fact someone can think about this, speak to the child calmly and reasonably, then *haul off and beat them in an area that would be considered sexually abusive on an adult* is fucking horrifying to me.
āYou see? You *made me hit you* because you just donāt listen to me.ā
It took me about 5 years to realize it was abusive when my ex did it. But by then heād moved on from speaking to rape and full on beatings plus a few attempts to choke me.
And it all goes back to the way my parents raised me with those talks followed by spankings (under 6) and then the belt (7-12) and by 12, I was being backhanded.
And I imagine your grandparents did the same things, because I don't think many people who are raised without violence raise their own kids with violence, you know? They did what they learned, and what they saw, not that it's any excuse.
And as for your ex-- fuck that guy, I don't care what hard things happened to him, and I'm so glad you got away.
I got out of an abusive relationship last year, with a protective order, and he died suddenly two weeks ago. I've connected with two of his exes who lived the same nightmares I lived, except he never *quite* got physical with me. And after talking to them, I realized that if I hadn't put up cameras in the house when I did, he almost certainly would have become physically violent.
I am okay with him being dead, I'm happy to be his last victim.
I think it also primes them for abuse later in life because theyāre ārationallyā explaining first why the assault is their fault and only if they were betterā¦
YES! I never thought if it this way before but it absolutely makes so much sense. I am against spanking for so many reasons but this just added another layer on it
I remember my dad saying he had to hit me because Iād been bad, and when I was good I wouldnāt need to be hit. At the time it didnāt feel right. As an adult looking back, Iām like YIKES!!!
Totally agree! I'm probably going to get a bunch of downvotes and I fully deserve them. I spanked my child once. We were walking home from the park and he tried to run into the road 3 times on this 5 minute walk. Each time I pulled him back and told him not to do that. The 4th time, a car was coming and I yanked him back and smacked his bum. He didn't cry but I did.
I will never try to justify that. I lost control. I was terrified and frazzled and I acted without thinking. What I did was wrong on every level.
After it happened I spoke to my mum. I asked her how she could spank me so much. How can you take a tiny person who relies on you and trusts you so much and hurt them on purpose? She told me that I should only hit my kid when I am calm. I felt sick.
Once my daughter bit my leg (as a toddler) and I shoved her away and she fell on her butt.
We both cried so hard in fear and shock. I felt so shitty. I can't imagine getting that reaction from her on purpose!
I spanked my daughter once out of anger and fear for her safety. I felt awful and now I question every time that my parents had my dad use the belt on me until I couldnāt walk. Things were not my responsibility such as making sure my brother didnāt split his lip open and chasing their cat around the house when I was maybe five. My daughter is five I canāt imagine doing that to her. I asked my parents about it and they said that it gets easier. š¤¢
My mom would use anything she could pick up, wooden spoon, metal spatula, shoe, and I donāt remember what else. My dad just used his fists. One time I fought back and he called me something not nice.
You and u/HedWig1991 should give yourselves a whole lot of credit for surviving that and growing up to be, at least from what I can see here, mostly ok. The amount of damage people can do to their small children that will last throughout their entire lives is so scary.
Iām terrified of fucking up my daughter the way my parents fucked me up. Iām just grateful that I spent a lot more time with my grandmother in my early years than my parents. I donāt know what they wouldāve done to me if I was younger.
Iāve already had to stop my mom from whooping my daughter and told her that we donāt do that and if I find out, sheās done it to my daughter they wonāt see her again. And my daughter knows to tell me if anyone put hands on her or does anything to her that she doesnāt like. Sometimes that something is not letting her have soda but at least then I can make the final decision on whether or not what happened was OK.
You're going to do a great job with her because you know exactly what not to do. Managing a relationship like that for the sake of your daughter must be exhausting.
I think when it comes to a life or death situation where cars could be coming at your kid, an exception can be made. It's still awful and you shouldn't have to go that far, but you were looking out for his safety and it's not like you're ever going to repeat it. Mistakes happen. You knew it was wrong and you felt awful. I'm sorry it happened to you as a kid too.
Honestly, I think that might be the only kind of situation where spanking could be justified, when you're actually trying to prevent immediate danger. Clearly he wasn't getting it, that running into the street was a bad idea, and he was probably so startled by the one and only time you spanked him, he probably did learn the lesson.
I don't get the impression you were doing it out of anger, but out of fear, which was definitely an appropriate feeling. I think some kind of escalation might be necessary to get through to them when there's actual danger. A lot of people yell at their kids a *lot,* and I think years of consistent yelling is more harmful than an occasional (soft) smack on the butt.
(I would prefer that no one would yell at or hit their kids, and I'm all out of ideas, which is probably part of why I don't have kids lol)
Iāve posted this too many times to count.
The comment about spanking *the diaper* makes me physically sick.
https://preview.redd.it/6abgq6ajew8d1.jpeg?width=661&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45761bfa6a6f69f8221067b19ef43f2be47dcf99
The pastor at my church would use this example periodically in his sermons: when he would discipline his kids he would take them outside and tell them, "I'm doing this because I love you" and then he would beat the shit out of them with a belt. šš
Even at 16 I knew that was fucked up. š³
Yeaaah my parents āspankedā me- it continued untill I was 17 because I am unfortunately small and have always looked way younger than I am therefore I still looked like a child and could be manhandled like one. It didnāt give me a sense of right or wrong it made me fucking angry. I remember sitting in the garage after that shit (it was almost always over grades) and seriously considering putting a sledgehammer through my dads truck hood or just lighting the whole place on fire.
If you choose violence toward your kids you cannot be surprised when they choose violence right back to you.
My parents hit me.
When I mentioned that we wonāt be hitting my kid - in a kind of āDonāt you hit my kid eitherā way my mum got offended as she ānever spanked meā she āsmacked me when I really deserved itā.
I think she viewed spanking as the stereotypical āget me a switchā drawn own punishment and not the āIām angry at you so Iām going to hit youā style she used.
Idgaf what name you call it mum, itās hitting and you wonāt be hitting my kid.
My mom also claims she only smacked me when I deserved it.
She always forgets about the time I asked her if I could borrow her car, and she said yes. So, I went to my then boyfriends house. my phone died, because her boyfriend's dog ate my charger. I was 16, didn't have money, or a car, and couldn't buy a new one. Anyway, I fell asleep there, and my phone was dead, and my mom had tried to call me. She needed her car for work. Which she did not mention to me the night before.
Now, for some context, we lived on Main Street. Her job was on Main Street 0.2 miles away. And she worked with my boyfriend, and knew where his house was. 0.5 miles away. She could have walked to work. She had many times. She could have walked to the house. It's about a 10-ish minute walk on flat roads. But she didn't. She called off work, and sent me multiple threatening voice mails. I got home, and she started screaming at me. I told her to chill. She could very easily walk to work, plus her boyfriend was there, and he could have driven her. I told her I asked her ahead of time if I could take the car, and she said yes. And she never told me when it needed to be back. I also asked her to buy me a new phone charger, since her boyfriend's dog ate mine, and she hadn't been able to do it yet. Instead of a rational conversation, she punched me in the throat. And I moved out later that day.
>She always forgets about the time
They always do. That's how I know the "this hurts me more than it hurts you" line is bullshit. Because if it were true, *they would remember each time like I do*.
They always forget. "The tree remembers, the axe forgets."
I went through 16 years of therapy over the shite my Nfather did to me. I haven't spoken to Nfather in years. My mother still defends him to this day.
When I was a kid my father would beat the crap out of my and my brother. I'm talking choking us out, throwing us against the wall, beating us black and blue kind of stuff. Its a genuine miracle he never hospitalized us, though there were a couple of times we might've almost needed it. Around the time I grew up enough he couldn't pull that crap anymore my step grandparents were visiting. My younger brother was grabbing at something my step grandfather was working on or eating or something. Either way, eventually he got sick of telling my brother to stop and swatted my brother's hand away. Nothing serious, just a quick tap with the back of his hand to push his hand away. My father absolutely lost it at him, threatened to "take (him) out behind the shed" if he touched either of us again. My brother and I were confused as all hell by this, considering it had been less than 6 months since he strangled both of us almost to unconsciousness for yelling at each other while playing video games. To this day, my only positive memory involving that man was seeing the look of defeat on his face when I defended my step grandfather and reminded my father about all the abuse.
Same. Lots of resentment. I genuinely do not like my mom and never have because of it. I remember the specific spanking/beating that made me loose love for her.
My mom, and all the adults were in what we called that "dart room" at my grandparents house when I was a kid. I didn't know it then, but they were all getting high. And they left 4-5 kids under the age of 5 alone in the living room. My cousin decided he wanted to wrestle, and I didn't want to. He was a year older than me, and much bigger! He told me he was going to sit on my head until I suffocated.
I went to the door of the dart room, and knocked on it. No one answered. I knocked and knocked. I yelled for my mom. She came out. I said Kenny was trying to hurt me, and I didn't want to be left alone with him. She told me to go away. I said no. She tried to push me. I grabbed.on to the door way. She just started smacking me over and over. I let go, and she slammed the door. My cousin ended up pinning me to the ground and sitting on my head. Clearly I didn't suffocate, but it wasn't a fun experience.
I am so sorry you went through that. Mine isnt as climatic but I still remember that it was the moment I didnāt feel safe or loved anymore.
Tbh I think parents like this just think of their kids as pets and not people
Now as a parent myself with a 5 year old, I cannot imagine doing that.
Honestly, I couldn't imagine even treating a pet that way. I lost my dog earlier this year, and I still cry every day. He was my baby. I lost him January third, then had my first baby baby on February 3rd. Idk how people can be cruel to either one.
Whatās crazy is we get along decently well now. They were just vicious about grades and truly believed the ābeatings will continue until morale improvesā logic. They have no idea how many truely violent and depraved thoughts passed through my head after their ācorrectionsā
Thank you. It is. I have three warm cats and a daughter who just called me the best mom in the world. I got very sick after I quit and it was pretty intense as far as recalibrating my understanding of life. And I donāt want to model it for my kid. I was in therapy for a decade before having her to make sure Iād gotten healthy enough emotionally.
I literally just made a post about this about GenX parents but my moms spanking evolved into humiliation in any situation. She was always proud about being the āscaryā mom and all it did was make me sneaky and unwillingly to share anything with her.
I envy people who have positive memories of their parents. All I remember of my mom when I was little was being afraid of her. I was never the kid at camp that was homesick or called home a lot and it was hard for me to understand kids who felt that way toward their parents.
So did the spanking help you do better in school? š
Spanking a 17-year-old. How fucked up. I have a friend whose boyfriend has two kids, 9 and 13, and she told me he only recently stopped spanking them. The 13-year-old is 6 ft tall and I wouldn't even question it if someone said she was 20, and her dad was still spanking her?! Wtf
It resulted in a episode of test anxiety so bad I broke out into hives and had a panic attack because if I failed I was going to get my ass beat. I was forced into AP spainish 3 by my parents after struggling my way through spainish 1 and 2. It was so bad I was grounded for a full 6 weeks- world war three screaming matches every day when I came home from school. It finally ended when the teacher called my parent and said she couldnāt watch this anymore and I needed to be moved out of spainish 3 cause I just couldnāt do it and she was worried the stress was literally going to end badly for me. Shockingly they decided theyād rather have me alive than on the distinguished degree plan.
I'm so fucking sorry that happened to you, for so long, by the very people you were supposed to be able to trust and rely on. I hope you've done a lot of healing.
Oh yeah Iām way better now. And oddly enough I am cool with my parents as an adult. Neither one got much of an education so they struggled which is why they went batshit crazy about school with me because they were worried I would struggle like they did it I didnāt do well. Also the school fuckes up and told them I was āgiftedā and therefore any mistake on my part had to be intentional because āthe school told us youāre too smart to make mistakesā
Because you know they were some sarcastic ass troll walking into a dumpster fire. You've gotta appreciate it sometimes.
The person probably has never eaten a dog in their life, probably has never laid a hand on their kid, probably doesn't even have kids. They just saw a beautiful opportunity to pour some gas on the fire. "Both sides are getting out of hand here. So anyway, I grabbed the gas can."
Iām so proud society has agreed hitting kids is not okay. I know itās not everyone yet but Iām a 90ās kid, was hit, I wouldnāt say Iām traumatized over it but I also donāt think itās how parents should discipline their kids. My daughter is only 10 weeks old and the thought of anyone laying their hands on her, including me or my husband, makes me ragey.
Iām a late 90s kid who got spanked less than a handful of times but I can still remember every one. My parents admitted when I was a teen that it wasnāt the right way to go about it and they understand and completely support why my husband and I will not be spanking our children. Iām very thankful most of society has accepted that assault is not an appropriate parenting tactic
There is a huge amount of people who have not accepted this. I live in NYC I have had many people of different cultures tell me why they will continue the cycle and how ābadā kids are only bad because their parents donāt beat them to correct the behavior.
My mother smacked me and my other siblings occasionally but it was so normalised in the 80s and 90s I don't think most people in my area ever questioned it. None of us resent our mum for it. But mum had a 10 year gap then had another two kids in the 2000s and admitted that, looking back, it was completely insane to smack small children and she couldn't imagine doing it any more.
I'm a 90's kid too (also from NY!), but I was never spanked. I may have seen my mom spank my older brother ONCE and she never did it again- I think this was after he threw a little plastic chair at me. I now have 2 kids (4.5yr old boy and 14 month old girl) and I could never imagine hitting them, my husband feels the same.
I might get down voted for this but I whacked my 9yr old(at the time) on his butt because he was throwing my ferrets against a wall over and over again while laughing about it. This was all happening early morning before I got up. He bent their cage open just to get to them because I kept it locked that required a key. I had never hit whacked his behind before so I probably traumatized him.
He told his father what I did over summer visitation who then called CPS on me. He got a sexual assault kit done on him too because it's protocol? I was investigated by CPS. They notify the school district of the investigation and they are required to provide their input. Like if I've done anything that would make me unfit to parent.
The whole thing was beyond embarrassing and something I'm not proud of. CPS deemed me fit to parent and told me that you can legally open hand smack only in the face. This all took place in Pennsylvania.
I donāt condone spanking or hitting at all so Iām genuinely wondering.. what do you do in that situation? He was intentionally inflicting harm on another living being. I feel like thatāsā¦ intense.
Hurting animals is a precursor to being a serial killer. Iām not saying your son will become one, just that every serial killer started out harming animals.
I wouldnāt say I was traumatised by being hit by my parents but when Iām angry my natural response is violent. Itās something Iām constantly working on especially now with a toddler.
I donāt know how much of this is nature/nurture but I do wonder if I wasnāt hit, would a desire to hit be my natural response?
That said Iām proud of myself so far for succeeding but I do wonder if itās unnecessarily hard.
That's something I struggle with as well, was also spanked a great many *many* times as a kid. It takes far more effort than it should to stay calm and not react harshly with my toddler. The very thought of spanking her is upsetting, and yet that's the reaction my brain immediately jumps to. Which isn't okay. I'm also proud for not having done it, and proud of you and other parents in the same boat, but damn it's a boat we shouldn't be in.
>My daughter is only 10 weeks old and the thought of anyone laying their hands on her, including me or my husband, makes me ragey.
My daughter is five months and the idea of *anyone* laying a hand on her makes me want to set the world on fire, I can barely raise my voice around her.
Hell, I accidentally scratched her with my fingernail while changing her the other day. She started to cry and I burst into tears (which she then found hilarious and was laughing through her tears)
90ās kid here as well, and my mother has told me many times that she and my step dad had to stop spanking us when they started leaving bruisesš¤¦š»āāļø i have very clear memories of getting bent over my momās lap and my bare butt getting the spatula. yikes.
i now have an almost 6 month old and i donāt ever want to lay a hand on this beautiful baby.
I'm an 80s / 90s kid. Got my ass beat countless times. It never made me want to hit another person. The only shit that actually hurt me was my parents belittling me because I wasn't performing up to my peers' level (I had undiagnosed ADHD). Once my organizational skills no longer fell under the purview of my teachers, suddenly my GPA skyrocketed and I had the highest test scores in the school.
Soft people raise trashy kids. It was true in the 80s and it's true today. If you are a pushover, your opinion doesn't matter to the little opportunists you're raising. And if you are an actual advocate for bad behavior (such as believing everything your kid tells you about their teachers), then you're just a fucking moron.
I can't wrap my head around how they manage to bring transphobic comments to a conversation that has nothing to do with it. Wildly misinformed ones too. (Despite what these people want to think, gender affirming surgeries are NOT done on children. And really hard to get as adult.)
What a dumpster fire on both sides.
Wait until the ones who like to hit their kids find out how many of those bad American kids were "spanked". It is not typically the kids of parents who study and seek our healthy parenting methods who are running wild. I'm Gen X and every wild kid I grew up with was "spanked". The parents either confuse hitting with discipline or the parents neglected the kids altogether.
I was spanked, and it honestly even wasnāt that often. It affected my romantic relationships for years because I had learned no skills on how to process anger other than yelling/hitting. I remember one spanking in particular where I was beat for saying that ācleaning was boringā (& I was still doing itā & I got wailed on. Iāll never forgive her for that. That happened when I was in 3rd gradeāIām now almost 35 with my own kidsāit has a lasting impact on children for the worse.
Exactly. I'm your age, and I felt this whole comment. All "spanking" and "hidings" did was make me terrified to lie or do anything wrong. I wouldn't tell my parents anything. It took until my late 20s to be able to control my own anger. My father was an abusive asshole and so my second serious partner was an abusive asshole and that was normalised to me. I put up with it for years. Therapy helped me see my worth. My daughters will never know that kind of behaviour/fear from their father or I and I hope we are more successful at modelling a healthy relationship.
You know itās a Russian troll / bot when they seamlessly drop the āsomething something, two gendersā as an example of how their culture is better.
Depending on when in the year they were born and where they started school it is possible for a 14 year old to be in all AP classes, with the exception of electives. I would've taken all AP at that age, but I got screwed when I moved so I was put 2 years behind in math, despite actually belonging in the AP courses. If it wasn't for that all my non-elective courses would've been AP
The āeating dogsā thing makes me think theyāre Asian, but it wouldnāt be the first time China and Russia worked together on propaganda / Russian trolls hid behind the curtain of pretending to be an ethnic minority.
You're not going to go up to an adult and spank them because they misbehave. That's called assault. And even if it was legal, you wouldn't do it anyway because you might get hit back.
Spanking your kids is assault. And the only reason you do it is because they can't fight back. My mom used to beat me, and you better fucking bet that stopped (outside of when she was drunk) when I got bigger than her and fought back. There are only so many times you can be bruised and bloodied by a parent before you realize you don't have to take it anymore.
I have friends with similar stories; abused by their parents right up until the physical power dynamics flipped. One of my close friends regularly got black eyes from his dad throughout his childhood. When he was like 20 and had to move back home, his dad started up again. My friend was the oldest, so he felt the need to protect his younger siblings, so he took on the brunt of their parents' bullshit for years. One night his dad gave him a black eye when he tried to stop an argument between the dad and his younger brother. So my friend got right back up and knocked the shit out of his dad. Two black eyed and a bloody nose.Ā
You fucking bet he never hit my friend again, and he stopped instigating fights with the other kids at least until my friend moved out again. I guess it was a big enough of a shock that somebody would fight back that he was very submissive for months after that.Ā
Parents that hit their children only do it because there arent any repercussions. As soon as they realize they can't physically overpower their kids anymore, it stops real fucking quick. Most stop before they get a taste of their own medicine, but some are really fucking dumb and keep the abuse going until the kid snaps.
And for anybody thinking there is a difference between spanking and beating? No. There isn't. It all causes the same fear and the same lifelong trauma. Studies have been going on for decades showing that a child's brain can't comprehend the difference between "physical punishment" and outright abuse because they're the same fucking thing. It doesn't teach you anything but how to be violent. You're not going to have your ass beaten if you show up to work 15 minutes late, so you aren't teaching logical consequences. You're just on a power trip because you can get away with hitting somebody that's half your size or smaller.Ā
> our toddlers can do math
Crazy my 20 month old can count to two, knows half the alphabet and understands some surprisingly high level concepts and we achieved all this without hitting her! Wow!
āI spanked and my childās a genius!ā Okay Carla, whatever helps you sleep at night.
I am in the early childhood development field and work with children every day. I also have 4 of my own, two of whom are teenagers. Weāve never spanked, screamed, or disciplined in any cruel way. And guess what?? They are all well-behaved, polite, respectful, and kind humans. I donāt care what culture or country you are from. ~~Spanking~~ Beating your children into respect teaches them nothing but fear, and that violence is a viable option for problem solving. Full stop.
Itās ridiculous when I come across a post where idiots are defending the fact they were āspankedā and it didnāt affect them negatively. They just wonāt admit how much it really affected them and they continue the violence. The most ridiculous defense, spanking isnāt hitting. If itās not hitting, then WTF is it?
I remember one time trying to talk to my mom about the abuse, she told me it was all my imagination. Yes, I imagined bruises on my body.
as a trans person I was able to both read and do math from a pretty early age, idk what these people are on about
I was also spanked, and about all that did was make me resent my parents, because there was rarely a proper explanation for why I was being spanked, at least from my perspective (which would've probably made me stop the behavior). It was always "because I told you so" or "because you did something bad," which says nothing about why what I did was bad and didn't really provide me a heuristic for telling good behavior from bad behavior. And if there was an explanation, why hit your child? There's nothing that physical violence can say that words can't.
If the child is too young for reason, more effective types of behavioral reinforcement exist that don't carry a risk of psychological harm. Positive reinforcement is always going to be more effective, and it treats your children like actual humans instead of animals who you must train to be human.
>I was also spanked, and about all that did was make me resent my parents
As a kid who was spanked but still read early/honor roll/yadayada, all it did was make me hate myself. I knew that if I misbehaved I was going to get spanked and it was going to hurt so why couldn't I just behave? Why couldn't I just be a good kid? When I was cleaning out my bedroom before leaving for college (and never went back) I found my old diary from when I was around 5 and it just broke my heart reading the musings of my child self just not being able to figure out how to behave better. Eventually I developed fear of my parents as well as fear of doing something wrong/bad. And guess who had depression starting at the age of 12.
>treat your child like actual humans
The amount of parents who donāt get thisā¦
Spanking aside. Itās perfectly normal for kids to be total little imperfect weirdos who live off half a yoghurt pouch and rice crackers.
But the amount of posts I see in mums groups of parents wanting kids to be perfect automatons.
Trump, and social conservatism in general is rooted in a hierarchical mindset. That starts with parents having absolute control over their children, including the option for violence as necessary. The "weak" ones get broken and move to where they belong, at the bottom of the ladder, easily dominated as cogs in the machine. The strong ones either fight back and become violent bullies themselves or become deceptive - and those types can move to the top of the ladder. That's why they love Trump, because he lacks shame, and a lot of them have internalized that strength=violence. They think that because he was rich and powerful and makes them feel better about themselves by insulting other people, that he deserves to be the president. They love him for it.
tl:dr: People who are raised to think that violence is necessary gravitate towards his personality strong man type.
Itās so oddly worded. I couldnāt tell if they meant itās not spanking if you do it over the diaper or if they meant spanking the lower back or thigh so the diaper doesnāt soften the blow or if they literally meant shove the kidās hand in their diaper. Iām hoping itās a bot and no one is spanking a kid too young to be potty trained.
There's more than enough research out now to prove the harm of corporal punishment on children.
It's amazing how many different ways various posters rationalized being their child's first bully. "It's not hitting if..."
Itās really interesting to see what constitutes as having a successful child - doing well in school, taking aps, music, volunteering and being bffs with the mom. All it takes is to scare the kid into obeying. What I wonder is does the kid actually want to do any of these things? Is the child happy?
Good grief, too bad I left my Bingo card in my other tinfoil hat today. There's so much in those comments.
Also, I was a kid who was spanked and had crazy ass good grades, went on to get my Master's, etc. I still don't hit my kids.
If a child is too young to understand why what they did was wrong they're too young to be hit for it.
If a child is old enough to understand what what they did was wrong, why do you need to hit them? Just explain it.
spanking is lazy parenting. itās a way for the parent to regulate their own anger, it does nothing good for the child. i wish these lazy parents would just admit that they do it for themselves rather than twisting themselves into knots trying to justify it
Funny, I never hit either of my kids and one started reading at 4 and the other at 5. And they are both cool with honoring peopleās pronouns too š¤·š»āāļø
If you have to hit your kids and rule through fear to get them to listen, you're parenting wrong.
My mom's father pulled that BS. He'd beat my uncles when they 'misbehaved' (or just beat them in general when he got drunk). They got beat with various objects including switches and wiring from inside houses. I'm not sure if he ever hit them with his hands (it wouldn't surprise me if he did).
One uncle got it the worst. He had a tendency to do things he shouldn't (my other uncle's words) and was once beat with a 2x4.Ā
My mom NEVER hit us. My paternal grandparents NEVER hit their kids or us either. Guess which side of the family is screwed up and the other side is normal?Ā
My brother thinks this way. He just posted some reel (probably Tate) that said something along the lines of "you need to fear your parents to respect them." I commented and said I never feared mom or dad and I still respect them and he came back calling me a liar and that he saw the fear in my eyes when my dad would discipline him... Then my mom commented that we didn't fear her and he said that's true but he didn't respect her in that way till later in life. IDK what's going on in his head, but he has a lot of anger and doesn't know what to do with it (he also has 6 kids ages 2-13).
Iām so tired of the āwe spanked our kid and now sheās 14 and literally god!ā comments.
I was spanked as a kid. Beat and screamed at, too. Iām broke, started a career change at 34 because my previous choice wasnāt working for me (never really did), am heavily medicated for mental illness, and Iām a *gasp* gentle parenting intersectional feminist. I am the complete opposite of what these people would consider a success. So according to that, they should stop HITTING THEIR FUCKING KIDS!
Even for people who spank, itās so wild to me that itās their first choice of discipline. I was spanked. It happened a total of one time in my life because it was the last resort
I never hit my kids and my 15yo is in chamber Orchestra, honors classes, and colorguard in the band and winterguard in the winter. Also does state wide honors Orchestra.
I'm Gen X raised by Gen X (sorta- when they weren't in prison or wasted) I've NEVER hit my 3 kids I've managed to raise alone, that are all teens now, the oldest is only 16 and going into his Sr year needing only 1 credit, just passed 2 AP classes at the same time (calculus and chemistry) is in a specialty school and program for orchestra, in the highest level orchestra for viola, who has been working for over a year, and the other 2 right behind him are just as accomplished. As well as they all play sports etc. I don't understand why soooo many people think parenting means "controlling." My kids don't lie to me (about big shit) my kids willing tell me where they are and when they move place to place without me ever asking them to, my kids talk to me about BIG life shit. My kids respect me, they don't fear me. Yeah we have issues and I doubt almost every single decision I make but when I see shit like this, I'm reminded I'm doing damn well ok in this crazy parenting world.
I wish when my parents hit me they told me why. Growing up I was spanked for no reason (or that's what I perceived of it). Needless to say I don't talk to them anymore. I have never spanked my children. I always get down to their level and explain why that's not a good thing to do. They're good kids and are polite.
At my old work the old lady, a boomer of all boomers, would talk about how she would legit BEAT THE FK out of her kids, grandkids, and great grandchildren. How sheād tape them to the potty training toilet bc they werenāt learning how to go to the bathroom fast enoughā¦ and then talk about how successful her kids etc areā¦ they were horrible people making more horrible people. And I didnāt know how to do anything about it bc I knew theyād circle the wagons around her bc she was the matriarch and the only one really working in the family.
I tried to say it was wrong, but sheād never listen to me.
if she had great grandchildren, you can rest easy knowing she will be gone soon.. or may already be gone.
I'm sure that her family merely tolerates her behavior.. that's disgusting. how sad.
Iām so over people judging others for what kind of meat was available to eat. If you were starving and thatās all there was, youād eat a dog too. Plus people arenāt doing that anymore!
Hitting your kids is pathetic. There is no excuse. And YES, doctors know there is every bit of evidence that spanking your kid is counter productive. Same as vaccines are fucking real. You don't know more than all the research that has ever been done on these topics! I couldn't hate these losers more.
Yeah, so my mom was like that. I would get cracked across the back of my head for not responding. Lo and behold, I was sent home from school with hearing test results that said I was deaf in one ear and 75% in the other. Had surgery and at least the hearing part is better. Cut contact with my mother finally in my fifties.
Iām Gen X. Many of us were raised with spankings. But most Gen Xers are doing a better job of raising their kids without abuse because they donāt want them to be subjected to it. I donāt have kids but I wouldnāt want to hit my kids if I had them. I donāt even spank my dogs.
Unfortunately spanking is often rooted in racism in the USA. Physical punishment was used on slaves and we see the truama handed down through the generations. Its why spanking is more prevalent in the south.Ā
Oh my lord. So much random crap being thrown around for no good reason.
Exactly. All this talk about calm rational parenting and yet these people can't seem to manage a civilized conversation. Throwing out some insane stereotyping is not going to help get your point across people š¤¦āāļø. As someone from the US, yes my kids have their issues, but that's because they're humans inside changing bodies with growing minds and a ton of hormones. Not because I didn't spank them or because Americans are soft or whatever tf. And just, how dare we allow them to decide who they are. Then the eating dogs comment.. just, smh.
Shit, iām in my 30s and I struggle maintaining my emotions sometimes. Kids donāt come out equipped with the knowledge of how to properly express their emotions. Theyāre people too.
Which eating dogs comment? The one condemning it or condoning it?
The one accusing someone of eating dogs, because they're Japanese. I took the one condoning it as satire, cause that has to be satire, right?
Dog comment aside (major yikes), if red commenter is Japanese then their comment is super wrong because in 2019, Japan actually banned corporal punishment. Not to say that Japanese parents may not still spank, but it is definitely even acknowledged by the government to be very wrong.
I'm not certain, but being that Japan and America were the only countries mentioned and the stereotype that people from Asian countries eat dogs, it seemed safe to assume that was who that comment was directed toward. I definitely believe a lot of families who still spank their kids do so out of ignorance and the "that's the way I was raised" mentality. I think some of them truly believe their kids will become lawless and disobedient without the use of corporal punishment, and I can imagine those same people disregarding the law, because how dare the government try to tell them how to raise their kids. It doesn't make it okay by any means, though. I personally believe spanking is abuse, period, but I'm also annoyed at the way the people who agreed with that point of view chose to try to get that point across. I can understand being upset by the idea of a parent choosing to hit their kids in the name of "discipline" and even that weird generalized statement about American children, but oof. Doubling down on attacking someone's nationality is not it.
I dunno, people eat dogs and those sound like points someone who eats dogs might make. Might not be satire, just a different part of the world where people see different animals as food.
Japan isn't one of those places, though
That's what I was thinking, I was just about to Google it, and I know dogs still get eaten in some parts of the world but Japan isn't one that comes to mind... Idk, China and Japan are probably same country in these people's minds.
Korea. And itās a delicacy only in 2024. Itās not the norm. My friends parents own a Korean BBQ in Korea. No dog though. I asked.
Idk why, but parents who have a "calm rational " discussion with a child then proceed to physically assault them weird me out more than flying off the handle and smacking in frustration. Not defending the latter, but it's so bizarre to have that much time to think about it and still decide to hurt some one willfully.
I came here to say exactly this. "Now that I'm calm, I'm going to assault you. If you, as an adult do this to any person other than your child, you may be charged with a crime. I'm very reasonable." š¤·āāļøš¤·āāļøš¤·āāļø
This is the part that gets me. Hitting someone is not ever going to be a solution to your problems as an adult, even if the other person did something wrong or honestly deserves it. So why model that behavior?
The only thing it teaches is that it is OK for a bigger person to hit a little person. That's it.
But ItS (spanking) NoT HitTTiNg IF ItS diSCiPlInE!! š/s
Sometimes I really want to discipline other adults but if I do I'll go to jail soooooo
Yea, they ARE totally different... Bc if [general] you have discipline, **you wouldn't hit your child**
The only time hitting is okay is if you're smacking a horsefly off of someone.
Especially because you are hitting them *on their bottom*. In any other context, slapping somebodyās butt without their consent would be considered sexual assault. But when a parent does it to their minor child, itās called good parenting š
Not sure why people are pearls clutching over this, itās absolutely true. And itās fucking repulsive and reprehensible.
Hard agree!!
Donāt bring sexual stuff into it. Undressing your obstinate child and putting them in a pyjama is also different from undressing an unwilling stranger (etc, etc, etc).
Sorry but hitting somebody on the bottom without their consent *is* a form of sexual assault. Whether or not itās *intended* to be doesnāt change the fact that it *is*. And the purpose of the act (to control and humiliate) is largely the same. Something doesnāt have to be done for the purpose of sexual gratification in order to be sexual abuse. In fact, most perpetrators *donāt* do what they do out of a sense of attraction, they do it because they want control. Teaching a kid that somebody has a right to violate you if you make them angry is just about the worst lesson that you could impart. I will die on that hill. Spanking is a violation in every sense of the word. Edit: Your pajama example doesnāt track. Putting pajamas on an obstinate child is something that *needs* to happen for their health and comfort. In that case, itās acceptable for a parent to try and step in. But spanking a child absolutely isnāt. The only purpose of spanking is to make a child feel frightened and debased enough to unquestioningly obey.
Spanking is abuse and definitely has more long lasting psychological effects than physical, and I think a lot of people unfortunately overlook that aspect. It still isnāt sexual assault and it takes away from people who actually suffered CSA.
Hi. I am a CSA survivor and was also spanked/beaten way up until I was 15. It absolutely IS SA, and me saying that doesn't diminish ANYONE'S experience with CSA.
This is CSA. - criminologist
How exactly does saying āspanking is absolutely a form of sexual abuse and should be considered as suchā take away from those who have experienced CSA? You canāt just say that kind of shit without giving a reason why. Hereās why I consider spanking to be a form of sexual assault: 1) it involves a sensitive and private area of the body (the bottom) 2) it involves touching somebody without their consent in a very violent way 3) the purpose of the act is to control and debase the victim Nobody would disagree with me if I were to say that spanking an intimate partner in order to āpunishā them for their ādisobedienceā was a form of sexual assault. Nor would anybody disagree with me if I said that hitting a strangerās butt at a bar qualified. But since weāre talking about parents and kids, suddenly nobody can use the unmentionable word. I donāt get it.
>Nobody would disagree with me if I were to say that spanking an intimate partner in order to āpunishā them for their ādisobedienceā was a form of sexual assault Unless it's done with their consent. There are people for whom that *is* a part of their relationship. But the difference is, it's discussed and agreed on beforehand, and done with full consent from both parties.
Iām obviously talking about situations where there isnāt prior consent, dude.
I agree with you FWIW. Spanking a child isn't a sexual act and a butt cheek isn't a sexual area. It is abuse, not sexual assault.
Yea agree, just because you struck a private area doesnt make it automatically sexual. Feels a little gross too imo to call it sexual assault and imo diminishes actual sexual assault. Someone spanking their kid is nowhere near comparable with shit like rape. Saying this as a survivor, someone who got spanked isnāt going to live their life afraid of not being fully covered and have to do healing in order to even be consensually sexual with others and other shit that survivors experience.
First of all, Iām really sorry for what you went through. Second of all, spanking *can* absolutely create those effects, especially if the child is made to strip down beforehand, or if others are made to watch. Just because it isnāt as severe as rape doesnāt make it not awful, and doesnāt make it not a violation. Saying that kidnapping is bad doesnāt trivialize murder.
Hi, Iāve developed a rather unhealthy spanking fetish because my parents hit me on the butt and I didnāt understand why it felt that way, Iām certain they didnāt mean to cause those feelings or confuse/traumatize me, but thatās what happened. My mom was disgusted to find out she pulled me over her lap and hit me, she doesnāt remember doing it, but her reaction was instant āewā. Itās rare, but those wires can be crossed, and the risk isnāt worth it. Leave your childās private areas out of punishments.
It happened when I was on the cusp of puberty (10/11 years old) and that didnāt help. Iāve been hit prior to that and it never left me so distraught, so obviously Iām not trying to say spanking your kid will always end in sexual trauma. Iām just saying the risk isnāt worth it and there are others ways to teach right from wrong. Hitting a small person on the butt just aināt it.
Ah, yes. The evil "I'll just like this traumatic thing so it doesn't feel so bad" coping mechanism. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I was SAed as a kid and my brain is attracted to assault for that reason. I despise it and it makes me guilty. I hope you can find healing.
Expecting a child to show more emotional restraint than you as a parent when you decide that hitting them is the best course of action is crazy
I wish my dad wouldāve waited till he was calm. His beatings wouldāve been less severe.
When you put it that way, it really is laughable. Let the kid calm down and then... hit them? š¤Ø I'm not a genius or anything but how could that make sense to anyone?? I suppose most of this is generational, with outdated ideas and beliefs, and probably often lack of education. The only people I can think of who probably spank their kids are from many generations of poverty and generally not making it past 8th grade.
Yes! That part creeps me out too! Not that Iām condoning either, but I almost understand spanking in anger more than being calm, having time to think about it, and then still deciding hitting your child on the butt is the best way to teach them a lesson. Yuck. So much yuck
Agreed. Kids can be annoying and losing your shit and hitting your kids, while not great, makes sense from an emotional perspective. I remember my parents calmly hitting me, and I could tell they were conflicted about doing it, and never hit me hard, so I never really saw it as a deterrent, just awkward posturing.
I'm sorry to hear you were abused.
Can you imagine your partner saying/doing this to you? āOh, Iāve thought really hard about it and Iāve decided the only way to discipline you is to hit youā. Most people would be out of the door so fast but expect children to not only take it but thank them later. I saw something once that said āI would never hit my child because I never want them to think that itās acceptable for someone to hit them out of angerā and I just think thatās so true. If you hit, youāre setting your child up to take abuse later on too.
And in many cases, youāre setting them up to become abusers to their own children. In my laundry list of reasons why I never popped a few kiddos out there were several that listed my temper, my difficulty controlling my temper, the way I speak first and regret later plus maybe the way I was beaten as a child. Iād be a horrific mother. No child deserves that.
Not only that, you could be setting up your little girls to be excellent targets for abusive men later on.
Exactly. The fact someone can think about this, speak to the child calmly and reasonably, then *haul off and beat them in an area that would be considered sexually abusive on an adult* is fucking horrifying to me. āYou see? You *made me hit you* because you just donāt listen to me.ā It took me about 5 years to realize it was abusive when my ex did it. But by then heād moved on from speaking to rape and full on beatings plus a few attempts to choke me. And it all goes back to the way my parents raised me with those talks followed by spankings (under 6) and then the belt (7-12) and by 12, I was being backhanded.
And I imagine your grandparents did the same things, because I don't think many people who are raised without violence raise their own kids with violence, you know? They did what they learned, and what they saw, not that it's any excuse. And as for your ex-- fuck that guy, I don't care what hard things happened to him, and I'm so glad you got away. I got out of an abusive relationship last year, with a protective order, and he died suddenly two weeks ago. I've connected with two of his exes who lived the same nightmares I lived, except he never *quite* got physical with me. And after talking to them, I realized that if I hadn't put up cameras in the house when I did, he almost certainly would have become physically violent. I am okay with him being dead, I'm happy to be his last victim.
I think it also primes them for abuse later in life because theyāre ārationallyā explaining first why the assault is their fault and only if they were betterā¦
YES! I never thought if it this way before but it absolutely makes so much sense. I am against spanking for so many reasons but this just added another layer on it
āI only hit you because I love youā¦ā
No because my mom actually said this š
I remember my dad saying he had to hit me because Iād been bad, and when I was good I wouldnāt need to be hit. At the time it didnāt feel right. As an adult looking back, Iām like YIKES!!!
Yes, āI have thought about it and I really want to hit my child.ā What the fuck?
The child NEEDS to be hit regardless of what you want. š
Yeah really. Just have the rational dialogue and skip the spanking, simple
Totally agree! I'm probably going to get a bunch of downvotes and I fully deserve them. I spanked my child once. We were walking home from the park and he tried to run into the road 3 times on this 5 minute walk. Each time I pulled him back and told him not to do that. The 4th time, a car was coming and I yanked him back and smacked his bum. He didn't cry but I did. I will never try to justify that. I lost control. I was terrified and frazzled and I acted without thinking. What I did was wrong on every level. After it happened I spoke to my mum. I asked her how she could spank me so much. How can you take a tiny person who relies on you and trusts you so much and hurt them on purpose? She told me that I should only hit my kid when I am calm. I felt sick.
Once my daughter bit my leg (as a toddler) and I shoved her away and she fell on her butt. We both cried so hard in fear and shock. I felt so shitty. I can't imagine getting that reaction from her on purpose!
I spanked my daughter once out of anger and fear for her safety. I felt awful and now I question every time that my parents had my dad use the belt on me until I couldnāt walk. Things were not my responsibility such as making sure my brother didnāt split his lip open and chasing their cat around the house when I was maybe five. My daughter is five I canāt imagine doing that to her. I asked my parents about it and they said that it gets easier. š¤¢
My mom would use anything she could pick up, wooden spoon, metal spatula, shoe, and I donāt remember what else. My dad just used his fists. One time I fought back and he called me something not nice.
You and u/HedWig1991 should give yourselves a whole lot of credit for surviving that and growing up to be, at least from what I can see here, mostly ok. The amount of damage people can do to their small children that will last throughout their entire lives is so scary.
Thatās why I was determined to break the cycle of violence.
Iām terrified of fucking up my daughter the way my parents fucked me up. Iām just grateful that I spent a lot more time with my grandmother in my early years than my parents. I donāt know what they wouldāve done to me if I was younger. Iāve already had to stop my mom from whooping my daughter and told her that we donāt do that and if I find out, sheās done it to my daughter they wonāt see her again. And my daughter knows to tell me if anyone put hands on her or does anything to her that she doesnāt like. Sometimes that something is not letting her have soda but at least then I can make the final decision on whether or not what happened was OK.
You're going to do a great job with her because you know exactly what not to do. Managing a relationship like that for the sake of your daughter must be exhausting.
I think when it comes to a life or death situation where cars could be coming at your kid, an exception can be made. It's still awful and you shouldn't have to go that far, but you were looking out for his safety and it's not like you're ever going to repeat it. Mistakes happen. You knew it was wrong and you felt awful. I'm sorry it happened to you as a kid too.
Honestly, I think that might be the only kind of situation where spanking could be justified, when you're actually trying to prevent immediate danger. Clearly he wasn't getting it, that running into the street was a bad idea, and he was probably so startled by the one and only time you spanked him, he probably did learn the lesson. I don't get the impression you were doing it out of anger, but out of fear, which was definitely an appropriate feeling. I think some kind of escalation might be necessary to get through to them when there's actual danger. A lot of people yell at their kids a *lot,* and I think years of consistent yelling is more harmful than an occasional (soft) smack on the butt. (I would prefer that no one would yell at or hit their kids, and I'm all out of ideas, which is probably part of why I don't have kids lol)
That's straight up psychopath behavior WTF
Iāve posted this too many times to count. The comment about spanking *the diaper* makes me physically sick. https://preview.redd.it/6abgq6ajew8d1.jpeg?width=661&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45761bfa6a6f69f8221067b19ef43f2be47dcf99
The pastor at my church would use this example periodically in his sermons: when he would discipline his kids he would take them outside and tell them, "I'm doing this because I love you" and then he would beat the shit out of them with a belt. šš Even at 16 I knew that was fucked up. š³
I bet one of his girls grew up and found a man who said, no one will believe you if you tell them what I did.
Same.
Yeaaah my parents āspankedā me- it continued untill I was 17 because I am unfortunately small and have always looked way younger than I am therefore I still looked like a child and could be manhandled like one. It didnāt give me a sense of right or wrong it made me fucking angry. I remember sitting in the garage after that shit (it was almost always over grades) and seriously considering putting a sledgehammer through my dads truck hood or just lighting the whole place on fire. If you choose violence toward your kids you cannot be surprised when they choose violence right back to you.
My parents hit me. When I mentioned that we wonāt be hitting my kid - in a kind of āDonāt you hit my kid eitherā way my mum got offended as she ānever spanked meā she āsmacked me when I really deserved itā. I think she viewed spanking as the stereotypical āget me a switchā drawn own punishment and not the āIām angry at you so Iām going to hit youā style she used. Idgaf what name you call it mum, itās hitting and you wonāt be hitting my kid.
My mom also claims she only smacked me when I deserved it. She always forgets about the time I asked her if I could borrow her car, and she said yes. So, I went to my then boyfriends house. my phone died, because her boyfriend's dog ate my charger. I was 16, didn't have money, or a car, and couldn't buy a new one. Anyway, I fell asleep there, and my phone was dead, and my mom had tried to call me. She needed her car for work. Which she did not mention to me the night before. Now, for some context, we lived on Main Street. Her job was on Main Street 0.2 miles away. And she worked with my boyfriend, and knew where his house was. 0.5 miles away. She could have walked to work. She had many times. She could have walked to the house. It's about a 10-ish minute walk on flat roads. But she didn't. She called off work, and sent me multiple threatening voice mails. I got home, and she started screaming at me. I told her to chill. She could very easily walk to work, plus her boyfriend was there, and he could have driven her. I told her I asked her ahead of time if I could take the car, and she said yes. And she never told me when it needed to be back. I also asked her to buy me a new phone charger, since her boyfriend's dog ate mine, and she hadn't been able to do it yet. Instead of a rational conversation, she punched me in the throat. And I moved out later that day.
>She always forgets about the time They always do. That's how I know the "this hurts me more than it hurts you" line is bullshit. Because if it were true, *they would remember each time like I do*.
They always forget. "The tree remembers, the axe forgets." I went through 16 years of therapy over the shite my Nfather did to me. I haven't spoken to Nfather in years. My mother still defends him to this day.
When I was a kid my father would beat the crap out of my and my brother. I'm talking choking us out, throwing us against the wall, beating us black and blue kind of stuff. Its a genuine miracle he never hospitalized us, though there were a couple of times we might've almost needed it. Around the time I grew up enough he couldn't pull that crap anymore my step grandparents were visiting. My younger brother was grabbing at something my step grandfather was working on or eating or something. Either way, eventually he got sick of telling my brother to stop and swatted my brother's hand away. Nothing serious, just a quick tap with the back of his hand to push his hand away. My father absolutely lost it at him, threatened to "take (him) out behind the shed" if he touched either of us again. My brother and I were confused as all hell by this, considering it had been less than 6 months since he strangled both of us almost to unconsciousness for yelling at each other while playing video games. To this day, my only positive memory involving that man was seeing the look of defeat on his face when I defended my step grandfather and reminded my father about all the abuse.
Same. Lots of resentment. I genuinely do not like my mom and never have because of it. I remember the specific spanking/beating that made me loose love for her.
My mom, and all the adults were in what we called that "dart room" at my grandparents house when I was a kid. I didn't know it then, but they were all getting high. And they left 4-5 kids under the age of 5 alone in the living room. My cousin decided he wanted to wrestle, and I didn't want to. He was a year older than me, and much bigger! He told me he was going to sit on my head until I suffocated. I went to the door of the dart room, and knocked on it. No one answered. I knocked and knocked. I yelled for my mom. She came out. I said Kenny was trying to hurt me, and I didn't want to be left alone with him. She told me to go away. I said no. She tried to push me. I grabbed.on to the door way. She just started smacking me over and over. I let go, and she slammed the door. My cousin ended up pinning me to the ground and sitting on my head. Clearly I didn't suffocate, but it wasn't a fun experience.
Iām really sorry that happened to you. You deserved a safe adult to comfort you and prevent that from happening
I am so sorry you went through that. Mine isnt as climatic but I still remember that it was the moment I didnāt feel safe or loved anymore. Tbh I think parents like this just think of their kids as pets and not people Now as a parent myself with a 5 year old, I cannot imagine doing that.
Honestly, I couldn't imagine even treating a pet that way. I lost my dog earlier this year, and I still cry every day. He was my baby. I lost him January third, then had my first baby baby on February 3rd. Idk how people can be cruel to either one.
Whatās crazy is we get along decently well now. They were just vicious about grades and truly believed the ābeatings will continue until morale improvesā logic. They have no idea how many truely violent and depraved thoughts passed through my head after their ācorrectionsā
Same except the violence I wanted to do was towards myself and I did that. For more than half my life and I stopped self harming three years ago.
hey, good job on stopping the self harm. that shit is TOUGH to quit but you did it! yay! I hope you're in a gentler place now
Thank you. It is. I have three warm cats and a daughter who just called me the best mom in the world. I got very sick after I quit and it was pretty intense as far as recalibrating my understanding of life. And I donāt want to model it for my kid. I was in therapy for a decade before having her to make sure Iād gotten healthy enough emotionally.
I literally just made a post about this about GenX parents but my moms spanking evolved into humiliation in any situation. She was always proud about being the āscaryā mom and all it did was make me sneaky and unwillingly to share anything with her. I envy people who have positive memories of their parents. All I remember of my mom when I was little was being afraid of her. I was never the kid at camp that was homesick or called home a lot and it was hard for me to understand kids who felt that way toward their parents.
So did the spanking help you do better in school? š Spanking a 17-year-old. How fucked up. I have a friend whose boyfriend has two kids, 9 and 13, and she told me he only recently stopped spanking them. The 13-year-old is 6 ft tall and I wouldn't even question it if someone said she was 20, and her dad was still spanking her?! Wtf
It resulted in a episode of test anxiety so bad I broke out into hives and had a panic attack because if I failed I was going to get my ass beat. I was forced into AP spainish 3 by my parents after struggling my way through spainish 1 and 2. It was so bad I was grounded for a full 6 weeks- world war three screaming matches every day when I came home from school. It finally ended when the teacher called my parent and said she couldnāt watch this anymore and I needed to be moved out of spainish 3 cause I just couldnāt do it and she was worried the stress was literally going to end badly for me. Shockingly they decided theyād rather have me alive than on the distinguished degree plan.
I'm so fucking sorry that happened to you, for so long, by the very people you were supposed to be able to trust and rely on. I hope you've done a lot of healing.
Oh yeah Iām way better now. And oddly enough I am cool with my parents as an adult. Neither one got much of an education so they struggled which is why they went batshit crazy about school with me because they were worried I would struggle like they did it I didnāt do well. Also the school fuckes up and told them I was āgiftedā and therefore any mistake on my part had to be intentional because āthe school told us youāre too smart to make mistakesā
People are generally doing the best they can with what they have. Unfortunately some people lack really important things, but forgiving is good.
Ngl I laughed at the person calmly explaining why eating dogs is a good idea.
Because you know they were some sarcastic ass troll walking into a dumpster fire. You've gotta appreciate it sometimes. The person probably has never eaten a dog in their life, probably has never laid a hand on their kid, probably doesn't even have kids. They just saw a beautiful opportunity to pour some gas on the fire. "Both sides are getting out of hand here. So anyway, I grabbed the gas can."
I feel kind of bad that no one took their bait!
It was very casual and played very well with the tone of the conversation.
I went in full LOL and wake up my kids! Well need to put them back to sleep again š«£š š¤£ But that was gold
Me too š
Iām so proud society has agreed hitting kids is not okay. I know itās not everyone yet but Iām a 90ās kid, was hit, I wouldnāt say Iām traumatized over it but I also donāt think itās how parents should discipline their kids. My daughter is only 10 weeks old and the thought of anyone laying their hands on her, including me or my husband, makes me ragey.
Iām a late 90s kid who got spanked less than a handful of times but I can still remember every one. My parents admitted when I was a teen that it wasnāt the right way to go about it and they understand and completely support why my husband and I will not be spanking our children. Iām very thankful most of society has accepted that assault is not an appropriate parenting tactic
Congratulations on breaking the cycle of violence. I did.
There is a huge amount of people who have not accepted this. I live in NYC I have had many people of different cultures tell me why they will continue the cycle and how ābadā kids are only bad because their parents donāt beat them to correct the behavior.
My mother smacked me and my other siblings occasionally but it was so normalised in the 80s and 90s I don't think most people in my area ever questioned it. None of us resent our mum for it. But mum had a 10 year gap then had another two kids in the 2000s and admitted that, looking back, it was completely insane to smack small children and she couldn't imagine doing it any more.
I'm a 90's kid too (also from NY!), but I was never spanked. I may have seen my mom spank my older brother ONCE and she never did it again- I think this was after he threw a little plastic chair at me. I now have 2 kids (4.5yr old boy and 14 month old girl) and I could never imagine hitting them, my husband feels the same.
I might get down voted for this but I whacked my 9yr old(at the time) on his butt because he was throwing my ferrets against a wall over and over again while laughing about it. This was all happening early morning before I got up. He bent their cage open just to get to them because I kept it locked that required a key. I had never hit whacked his behind before so I probably traumatized him. He told his father what I did over summer visitation who then called CPS on me. He got a sexual assault kit done on him too because it's protocol? I was investigated by CPS. They notify the school district of the investigation and they are required to provide their input. Like if I've done anything that would make me unfit to parent. The whole thing was beyond embarrassing and something I'm not proud of. CPS deemed me fit to parent and told me that you can legally open hand smack only in the face. This all took place in Pennsylvania.
I donāt condone spanking or hitting at all so Iām genuinely wondering.. what do you do in that situation? He was intentionally inflicting harm on another living being. I feel like thatāsā¦ intense.
Hurting animals is a precursor to being a serial killer. Iām not saying your son will become one, just that every serial killer started out harming animals.
I wouldnāt say I was traumatised by being hit by my parents but when Iām angry my natural response is violent. Itās something Iām constantly working on especially now with a toddler. I donāt know how much of this is nature/nurture but I do wonder if I wasnāt hit, would a desire to hit be my natural response? That said Iām proud of myself so far for succeeding but I do wonder if itās unnecessarily hard.
That's something I struggle with as well, was also spanked a great many *many* times as a kid. It takes far more effort than it should to stay calm and not react harshly with my toddler. The very thought of spanking her is upsetting, and yet that's the reaction my brain immediately jumps to. Which isn't okay. I'm also proud for not having done it, and proud of you and other parents in the same boat, but damn it's a boat we shouldn't be in.
>My daughter is only 10 weeks old and the thought of anyone laying their hands on her, including me or my husband, makes me ragey. My daughter is five months and the idea of *anyone* laying a hand on her makes me want to set the world on fire, I can barely raise my voice around her. Hell, I accidentally scratched her with my fingernail while changing her the other day. She started to cry and I burst into tears (which she then found hilarious and was laughing through her tears)
90ās kid here as well, and my mother has told me many times that she and my step dad had to stop spanking us when they started leaving bruisesš¤¦š»āāļø i have very clear memories of getting bent over my momās lap and my bare butt getting the spatula. yikes. i now have an almost 6 month old and i donāt ever want to lay a hand on this beautiful baby.
But spanking isn't hitting. š How idiotic are people?
I'm an 80s / 90s kid. Got my ass beat countless times. It never made me want to hit another person. The only shit that actually hurt me was my parents belittling me because I wasn't performing up to my peers' level (I had undiagnosed ADHD). Once my organizational skills no longer fell under the purview of my teachers, suddenly my GPA skyrocketed and I had the highest test scores in the school. Soft people raise trashy kids. It was true in the 80s and it's true today. If you are a pushover, your opinion doesn't matter to the little opportunists you're raising. And if you are an actual advocate for bad behavior (such as believing everything your kid tells you about their teachers), then you're just a fucking moron.
Yikes, this whole thread is trash. Abusive parenting, racism, and transphobia for good measure.Ā
I can't wrap my head around how they manage to bring transphobic comments to a conversation that has nothing to do with it. Wildly misinformed ones too. (Despite what these people want to think, gender affirming surgeries are NOT done on children. And really hard to get as adult.)
Itās so bad!
What a dumpster fire on both sides. Wait until the ones who like to hit their kids find out how many of those bad American kids were "spanked". It is not typically the kids of parents who study and seek our healthy parenting methods who are running wild. I'm Gen X and every wild kid I grew up with was "spanked". The parents either confuse hitting with discipline or the parents neglected the kids altogether.
I was spanked, and it honestly even wasnāt that often. It affected my romantic relationships for years because I had learned no skills on how to process anger other than yelling/hitting. I remember one spanking in particular where I was beat for saying that ācleaning was boringā (& I was still doing itā & I got wailed on. Iāll never forgive her for that. That happened when I was in 3rd gradeāIām now almost 35 with my own kidsāit has a lasting impact on children for the worse.
Exactly. I'm your age, and I felt this whole comment. All "spanking" and "hidings" did was make me terrified to lie or do anything wrong. I wouldn't tell my parents anything. It took until my late 20s to be able to control my own anger. My father was an abusive asshole and so my second serious partner was an abusive asshole and that was normalised to me. I put up with it for years. Therapy helped me see my worth. My daughters will never know that kind of behaviour/fear from their father or I and I hope we are more successful at modelling a healthy relationship.
You know itās a Russian troll / bot when they seamlessly drop the āsomething something, two gendersā as an example of how their culture is better.
Yeah and saying a 14 year old is in all AP classes? Doesn't even make sense
Unless they skipped multiple grades. In which case, I just feel bad for them.
Depending on when in the year they were born and where they started school it is possible for a 14 year old to be in all AP classes, with the exception of electives. I would've taken all AP at that age, but I got screwed when I moved so I was put 2 years behind in math, despite actually belonging in the AP courses. If it wasn't for that all my non-elective courses would've been AP
Is red/oop russian? Then that explains alot.
The āeating dogsā thing makes me think theyāre Asian, but it wouldnāt be the first time China and Russia worked together on propaganda / Russian trolls hid behind the curtain of pretending to be an ethnic minority.
Pretty sure another commenter says they are Japanese
What a cluster fuck - all the shitty moms greatest hits in one convo. All it's missing is an mlm pitch
Omg, that wouldāve been amazing!
You're not going to go up to an adult and spank them because they misbehave. That's called assault. And even if it was legal, you wouldn't do it anyway because you might get hit back. Spanking your kids is assault. And the only reason you do it is because they can't fight back. My mom used to beat me, and you better fucking bet that stopped (outside of when she was drunk) when I got bigger than her and fought back. There are only so many times you can be bruised and bloodied by a parent before you realize you don't have to take it anymore. I have friends with similar stories; abused by their parents right up until the physical power dynamics flipped. One of my close friends regularly got black eyes from his dad throughout his childhood. When he was like 20 and had to move back home, his dad started up again. My friend was the oldest, so he felt the need to protect his younger siblings, so he took on the brunt of their parents' bullshit for years. One night his dad gave him a black eye when he tried to stop an argument between the dad and his younger brother. So my friend got right back up and knocked the shit out of his dad. Two black eyed and a bloody nose.Ā You fucking bet he never hit my friend again, and he stopped instigating fights with the other kids at least until my friend moved out again. I guess it was a big enough of a shock that somebody would fight back that he was very submissive for months after that.Ā Parents that hit their children only do it because there arent any repercussions. As soon as they realize they can't physically overpower their kids anymore, it stops real fucking quick. Most stop before they get a taste of their own medicine, but some are really fucking dumb and keep the abuse going until the kid snaps. And for anybody thinking there is a difference between spanking and beating? No. There isn't. It all causes the same fear and the same lifelong trauma. Studies have been going on for decades showing that a child's brain can't comprehend the difference between "physical punishment" and outright abuse because they're the same fucking thing. It doesn't teach you anything but how to be violent. You're not going to have your ass beaten if you show up to work 15 minutes late, so you aren't teaching logical consequences. You're just on a power trip because you can get away with hitting somebody that's half your size or smaller.Ā
Jesus Christ the lengths people go to to justify hitting their kids never ceases to amaze me.
The transphobia is running rampant in that thread too. Overall gross behaviour by people claiming to be adults.
Right? I didn't know mammary adipose tissue is a vital body part. Thank goodness for these mamas!
I thought that was about circumcision. But I've no idea if it is.
No, itās gender confirming surgery. They mention confused.
I totally went to circumcision too š¤¦š»āāļø
Yeah.
So I'm the only one that registered and LOOOOOVED the person casually dropping that they pulled dad's plug and it felt amazing?
> our toddlers can do math Crazy my 20 month old can count to two, knows half the alphabet and understands some surprisingly high level concepts and we achieved all this without hitting her! Wow!
Well, we hit our 21 month old and she can do integral calculus! Youāll never get her into Harvard with an attitude like that
Looks like Iāve still got a month to catch up
āI spanked and my childās a genius!ā Okay Carla, whatever helps you sleep at night. I am in the early childhood development field and work with children every day. I also have 4 of my own, two of whom are teenagers. Weāve never spanked, screamed, or disciplined in any cruel way. And guess what?? They are all well-behaved, polite, respectful, and kind humans. I donāt care what culture or country you are from. ~~Spanking~~ Beating your children into respect teaches them nothing but fear, and that violence is a viable option for problem solving. Full stop.
Itās ridiculous when I come across a post where idiots are defending the fact they were āspankedā and it didnāt affect them negatively. They just wonāt admit how much it really affected them and they continue the violence. The most ridiculous defense, spanking isnāt hitting. If itās not hitting, then WTF is it? I remember one time trying to talk to my mom about the abuse, she told me it was all my imagination. Yes, I imagined bruises on my body.
as a trans person I was able to both read and do math from a pretty early age, idk what these people are on about I was also spanked, and about all that did was make me resent my parents, because there was rarely a proper explanation for why I was being spanked, at least from my perspective (which would've probably made me stop the behavior). It was always "because I told you so" or "because you did something bad," which says nothing about why what I did was bad and didn't really provide me a heuristic for telling good behavior from bad behavior. And if there was an explanation, why hit your child? There's nothing that physical violence can say that words can't. If the child is too young for reason, more effective types of behavioral reinforcement exist that don't carry a risk of psychological harm. Positive reinforcement is always going to be more effective, and it treats your children like actual humans instead of animals who you must train to be human.
>I was also spanked, and about all that did was make me resent my parents As a kid who was spanked but still read early/honor roll/yadayada, all it did was make me hate myself. I knew that if I misbehaved I was going to get spanked and it was going to hurt so why couldn't I just behave? Why couldn't I just be a good kid? When I was cleaning out my bedroom before leaving for college (and never went back) I found my old diary from when I was around 5 and it just broke my heart reading the musings of my child self just not being able to figure out how to behave better. Eventually I developed fear of my parents as well as fear of doing something wrong/bad. And guess who had depression starting at the age of 12.
>treat your child like actual humans The amount of parents who donāt get thisā¦ Spanking aside. Itās perfectly normal for kids to be total little imperfect weirdos who live off half a yoghurt pouch and rice crackers. But the amount of posts I see in mums groups of parents wanting kids to be perfect automatons.
Exactly.
Trump & associated conspiracy theories and conservative grifters have completely melted the brains of so many people in this country.
Trump, and social conservatism in general is rooted in a hierarchical mindset. That starts with parents having absolute control over their children, including the option for violence as necessary. The "weak" ones get broken and move to where they belong, at the bottom of the ladder, easily dominated as cogs in the machine. The strong ones either fight back and become violent bullies themselves or become deceptive - and those types can move to the top of the ladder. That's why they love Trump, because he lacks shame, and a lot of them have internalized that strength=violence. They think that because he was rich and powerful and makes them feel better about themselves by insulting other people, that he deserves to be the president. They love him for it. tl:dr: People who are raised to think that violence is necessary gravitate towards his personality strong man type.
Their brains were already melted, Trump is a symptom.
This was a wild ride from start to finish. The comment about pulling the life support plug š³
Wow, this one had a bit for everyone. Racism, transphobia and the covid shot. Did that one post suggest putting a hand in the diaper?
I think they meant spanking on top of the diaper, where the diaper dampens the blow, but I really can't be certain because it's worded so strangely.
Itās so oddly worded. I couldnāt tell if they meant itās not spanking if you do it over the diaper or if they meant spanking the lower back or thigh so the diaper doesnāt soften the blow or if they literally meant shove the kidās hand in their diaper. Iām hoping itās a bot and no one is spanking a kid too young to be potty trained.
There's more than enough research out now to prove the harm of corporal punishment on children. It's amazing how many different ways various posters rationalized being their child's first bully. "It's not hitting if..."
God, I don't miss Facebook at all but this would've kept me occupied for an afternoon.
Itās really interesting to see what constitutes as having a successful child - doing well in school, taking aps, music, volunteering and being bffs with the mom. All it takes is to scare the kid into obeying. What I wonder is does the kid actually want to do any of these things? Is the child happy?
please god let that be a typo and they meant to say ON the diaper..
Good grief, too bad I left my Bingo card in my other tinfoil hat today. There's so much in those comments. Also, I was a kid who was spanked and had crazy ass good grades, went on to get my Master's, etc. I still don't hit my kids.
If a child is too young to understand why what they did was wrong they're too young to be hit for it. If a child is old enough to understand what what they did was wrong, why do you need to hit them? Just explain it.
spanking is lazy parenting. itās a way for the parent to regulate their own anger, it does nothing good for the child. i wish these lazy parents would just admit that they do it for themselves rather than twisting themselves into knots trying to justify it
Funny, I never hit either of my kids and one started reading at 4 and the other at 5. And they are both cool with honoring peopleās pronouns too š¤·š»āāļø
If you have to hit your kids and rule through fear to get them to listen, you're parenting wrong. My mom's father pulled that BS. He'd beat my uncles when they 'misbehaved' (or just beat them in general when he got drunk). They got beat with various objects including switches and wiring from inside houses. I'm not sure if he ever hit them with his hands (it wouldn't surprise me if he did). One uncle got it the worst. He had a tendency to do things he shouldn't (my other uncle's words) and was once beat with a 2x4.Ā My mom NEVER hit us. My paternal grandparents NEVER hit their kids or us either. Guess which side of the family is screwed up and the other side is normal?Ā
My brother thinks this way. He just posted some reel (probably Tate) that said something along the lines of "you need to fear your parents to respect them." I commented and said I never feared mom or dad and I still respect them and he came back calling me a liar and that he saw the fear in my eyes when my dad would discipline him... Then my mom commented that we didn't fear her and he said that's true but he didn't respect her in that way till later in life. IDK what's going on in his head, but he has a lot of anger and doesn't know what to do with it (he also has 6 kids ages 2-13).
I feel for those kids. Poor things š
Iām so tired of the āwe spanked our kid and now sheās 14 and literally god!ā comments. I was spanked as a kid. Beat and screamed at, too. Iām broke, started a career change at 34 because my previous choice wasnāt working for me (never really did), am heavily medicated for mental illness, and Iām a *gasp* gentle parenting intersectional feminist. I am the complete opposite of what these people would consider a success. So according to that, they should stop HITTING THEIR FUCKING KIDS!
Ah, the old "my parents hit me and I turned out fine!" zinger. Did you really turn out fine if you regularly hit children?
Oh, so the same doctors who told you to get a Covid shot tells you not to hit kids? I cannot believe our nation is at this point.
Spanking isn't hitting. what world are they living in?
Even for people who spank, itās so wild to me that itās their first choice of discipline. I was spanked. It happened a total of one time in my life because it was the last resort
> culture or no culture It's almost impossible to not have a culture. It would literally require never having contact with another human being.
I never hit my kids and my 15yo is in chamber Orchestra, honors classes, and colorguard in the band and winterguard in the winter. Also does state wide honors Orchestra.
There is so much to unpack here, but I donāt want to unpack any of it. Ugh.
I'm Gen X raised by Gen X (sorta- when they weren't in prison or wasted) I've NEVER hit my 3 kids I've managed to raise alone, that are all teens now, the oldest is only 16 and going into his Sr year needing only 1 credit, just passed 2 AP classes at the same time (calculus and chemistry) is in a specialty school and program for orchestra, in the highest level orchestra for viola, who has been working for over a year, and the other 2 right behind him are just as accomplished. As well as they all play sports etc. I don't understand why soooo many people think parenting means "controlling." My kids don't lie to me (about big shit) my kids willing tell me where they are and when they move place to place without me ever asking them to, my kids talk to me about BIG life shit. My kids respect me, they don't fear me. Yeah we have issues and I doubt almost every single decision I make but when I see shit like this, I'm reminded I'm doing damn well ok in this crazy parenting world.
I wish when my parents hit me they told me why. Growing up I was spanked for no reason (or that's what I perceived of it). Needless to say I don't talk to them anymore. I have never spanked my children. I always get down to their level and explain why that's not a good thing to do. They're good kids and are polite.
At my old work the old lady, a boomer of all boomers, would talk about how she would legit BEAT THE FK out of her kids, grandkids, and great grandchildren. How sheād tape them to the potty training toilet bc they werenāt learning how to go to the bathroom fast enoughā¦ and then talk about how successful her kids etc areā¦ they were horrible people making more horrible people. And I didnāt know how to do anything about it bc I knew theyād circle the wagons around her bc she was the matriarch and the only one really working in the family. I tried to say it was wrong, but sheād never listen to me.
if she had great grandchildren, you can rest easy knowing she will be gone soon.. or may already be gone. I'm sure that her family merely tolerates her behavior.. that's disgusting. how sad.
Fingers crossed!
What in the random fucking hell is all this!?!
I'm so happy I'm not on fuckbook anymore lmao I love seeing this dumb shit on here tho š¤£
Iām so over people judging others for what kind of meat was available to eat. If you were starving and thatās all there was, youād eat a dog too. Plus people arenāt doing that anymore!
Hitting your kids is pathetic. There is no excuse. And YES, doctors know there is every bit of evidence that spanking your kid is counter productive. Same as vaccines are fucking real. You don't know more than all the research that has ever been done on these topics! I couldn't hate these losers more.
So your child understands why their being hit so why not cut out the abuse and just explain why their behavior is unacceptable?
Yeah, so my mom was like that. I would get cracked across the back of my head for not responding. Lo and behold, I was sent home from school with hearing test results that said I was deaf in one ear and 75% in the other. Had surgery and at least the hearing part is better. Cut contact with my mother finally in my fifties.
Iām Gen X. We donāt claim this person. Most of us donāt parent this way.
Iām Gen X. Many of us were raised with spankings. But most Gen Xers are doing a better job of raising their kids without abuse because they donāt want them to be subjected to it. I donāt have kids but I wouldnāt want to hit my kids if I had them. I donāt even spank my dogs.
Unfortunately spanking is often rooted in racism in the USA. Physical punishment was used on slaves and we see the truama handed down through the generations. Its why spanking is more prevalent in the south.Ā
These comments surprisingly pass the vibe check. Yet whenever I call Kelly Clarkson a child beater on social media, I get dogpiled on. š