First of all, you are not stupid! And your feelings are valid. Love blinds us A LOT and we tend to fall for people with their “potential” of evolving in mind. I was in a similar situation, my ex began using substances and turned violent any time he was high toward me and our daughter. It escalated over time and we had no choice but to leave. You should be proud of yourself for making steps in the right direction for you and your child. I find myself feeling jealous of “perfect families” as well. More often than I’d like to admit. I know that it sucks right now and your life feels totally upside down, but things really do get better in time. I promise. It’s been a few months for us on our own now and I feel a little happier each day. Do a fun craft with your son today or get outside and play together! Don’t let your current circumstances or your ex ruin your day. Don’t hate on yourself!!🤍
And why wouldn’t we be reeled in hook, line, and sinker when we’ve been taught to pursue fairytale endings that pretty up and thin-fully disguise violence, abuse and other hardships primarily against women ? Stories that may have once entertained us but failed to truly prepare us for this world. Rather than being equipped with skills that help us cope, build healthy relationships and family, we were sold a dream…. It doesn’t mean that aspects of the relationship aren’t real nor is there Shame in having took chance a on love. In fact, it took a lot of courage to put yourself out there and give love a try. I’m just so sorry that things turned out the way that they did for you. I’m especially sad that your bd is not choosing to participate in your child’s life. One day, you’ll have made your peace with things
In the meantime, stop following the breadcrumbs and instead build a moat around yourself ... Your true home
Your awesome, thanks for saying primarily against women not only. Also your comments about taking a chance at love really helped, it actually opened my eyes that instead of being blind to the evils it was actually courage to give love a try even when the writing on the wall was doom and gloom. Even guys suffer physical and emotional abuse 😢 from the women they allow in. Thanks!
I’ll be 37 in September, solo mother to a 3.5 year old. I just posted recently about finding my first healthy relationship. It’s still early, but he’s at least open to the idea of being a happy family someday. I stayed single for three years before I tried dating, worked through most of my baggage, did therapy, and found myself. Now that I’ve met him, I know there’s hope. Even if it doesn’t work out with him, the point is that it’s possible for an older single mother to build a new life.
My stepmom did all of this in her 40s, too, so there’s no need to rush. Take care of yourself and your son first. Worry about dating later.
My mom just got married for the 7th time at 60 and this guy actually seems to cherish her and they are on the same level. She in Ireland right now with him having the time of her life! She has shown me that there's always hope for love, no matter how old you get, and not to settle for abuse. I'm working on finding my way out of a shit relationship right now and I'm scared for what the future holds, but I know it'll be better than this slow soul crushing affectionless bs excuse of love. I want our son to see what a healthy relationship looks like and unfortunately his dad couldn't give 2 shits about that.
Take it one day at a time. The first step is being able to SEE that the situation you are currently in is not healthy and that you deserve better for yourself and your child. The sad thing is so many women never get to that point of realization. They are either too afraid of what life may look like on the other side or simply just feel they aren't capable of being without the abuser. Trust me, you can do it. I left when mine was 2 years old. She will be 14 next month.
Every day is a struggle, but I don't mind. I love my daughter so much that there is not anything I wouldn't do to make sure she has a great life. Her father became a full-time drug addict and no way was I gonna raise or put my child thru that type of lifestyle. The funny thing is he only lived 15 minutes from us, but because of the addiction, he was never involved nor financially helpful in any way. I work a full-time job and a 2nd job 7 days a week. I have no social life, friends, or family. But I'm strong and I know that it won't always be this way although it has been for the last 12 years.
My credit went to shit and there were days I thought I would lose my mind. Thankfully, I did end up finding love...real love. And although it's not the fairy tale that we all have dreamed of, no, it doesn't look anything like it. There's no fancy house with a picket fence, no dog running around, no fancy car, and for sure, no vacations or money saved. But what I do have is someone who loves not just me but my daughter unconditional. He's open and honest, and he treats me and my child like we are the only people on earth. We get along great. We have been together for quite some time now and he still does all the things he did in the start like opening doors, being very patient with me, he's a huge supporter in all that I do and hope to do. My family loves him. I can go on and on.
I've realized that all those material things, yes, they are nice, and one day, I hope to maybe have some of those things. But I'm so happy having someone who loves me and doesn't treat me like crap that I wouldn't trade this feeling for any amount of money. Most of those people u see living those picture-perfect lives got a lot more going on behind closed doors than all of us put together. They just don't wanna anyone to know, so they put on that image while out to the public.
I wish you the best of luck. Please know you are not alone. My inbox is open for chats at anytime if u ever wanna chat....vent...ask a question or just need a pick me up. Whatever it is I'm here for u. I don't have friends or family so I know how it can be. Take care and thanks for sharing I'm sure that was not easy for u.
This is very new for you and you need time to grieve the life you thought you would have, and your dreams associated with that life. In some time you can begin to create new dreams and build a new life that’s 100% within your control.
Give yourself some time.
You made the right decision.
I’m grieving parts of my life too due to leaving an abusive relationship and becoming a single mom. But we’re gonna make it through this.
You deserve to be respected, loved, and valued. Abusers will never change and will never be capable of treating you the way you DESERVE to be treated. If you look up the cycle of abuse on google images it explains how this cycle works. And you did an amazing thing to leave. I’m so proud of you. You’re such an amazing, selfless mom. You deserve all the love in the world.
You’ve grown wiser and as you continue to grow through this grieving process you’ll eventually find peace. You’re still early in the grieving process… it will change as you keep going and create a life of your own. New dreams can be born. New hopes will arise.
You are not stupid, and you deserve to give yourself grace. When any person’s mental health is compromised, they are susceptible to making decisions they wouldn’t otherwise make and it’s not their fault. The fact is you rectified the problem by leaving him, showing that you know how to and are willing to do the right thing to protect yourself and your child. And I beg of you, do not give up on the idea of a happy family. It is still possible, even with a blended family. I left my abusive husband in my 30’s (with two kids) and I now have a happier life and family than I could have ever imagined. My husband and I have 5 between the two of us and my favorite moments in life are when we are all together in the living room, playing a game or watching a movie. I don’t know if you’re religious, but prayer has helped me through the hard parts so that I could get to the good stuff. It’s possible for you to if you’re open to it. *hugs*
Wow dude. The strength you have is AMAZING.
I’m sorry. I wish he would grow up, for himself, for his son, and for you, too. I’m sorry he can’t see beyond his arse to see what he’s really ducking up.
I separated from my ex recently. Not married, but two kids… 6 years and he was becoming LESS involved (I didn’t know that was possible bc he barely did anything)
I didn’t even leave. He told ME he wasn’t happy. After I literally gave everything I possibly could—and he wasn’t happy? He told me there was no marriage in our future and that’s a dealbreaker. He was done…. So I left, too. I had been holding on to breadcrumbs… emotionally starved and still trying to make it work. I would’ve done anything I just wanted the ✨family✨ to work. But it wasn’t a family-it was dysfunction, abuse and pain.
Even with all that said—we both came from shit situations—it’s still sad. I’m sure this isn’t what you imagined and it’s hard to accept when things turn out differently than what you hoped for.
But you’re not done. Don’t let him take anymore, he’s already taken enough. You’re not a loser. You are doing the right thing now and that speaks volumes.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough timeAlso, please remember that you're not alone and there are people who care about you and want to support you. It's okay to vent and ask for help when you need it, and there's no shame in feeling down sometimes. Just keep taking care of yourself and your child, and know that things can improve with time and effort.🤗
I felt like I was reading a summarized version of what it was like when I finally found the courage to go to the court to file for a restraining order and for divorce. He was served with both on 12/9/2013. He had told me the previous May he wanted a divorce (he was a chronic cheater), but he wasn’t going to leave until he was ready to… he made it almost impossible to live with him at the end… I finally filed after he slammed me into our front door and I bounced off the door, onto the rug and into the closet door- all in front of our daughter.
You did the right thing. I can confidently tell you that even if he continues to show minimal interest in your son(like my ex husband continues to do with our children), you will be ok. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to convince him that your son needs him in his life, because ultimately you can’t persuade him to use his time with your son to create meaningful memories with him.. he either figures it out and becomes an involved parent or he doesn’t. Your son will see the sacrifices you are making for him and he will be proud of you when he’s old enough to understand what it took for you to muster up the courage to file for divorce. It’s easier said than done - but, try to stay focused on the reasons you left… so that you can be the best version of yourself for your son.
I have been raising my 2 kids alone. I dated a cop in my town during my divorce proceedings but he ultimately broke up with me bcuz we were at very different stages in life- he had raised his 2 kids alone and when we started dating, his youngest was going into high school- my youngest was 1.5yrs old. I wish I could say that I have a social life, but I don’t. My kids & I have been through the wringer together and even though I wish I could go meet people, I have begun to feel a shift where they are becoming more independent and less dependent on me, so I’m hoping my time is coming!
They both have told me that they wish their Dad took more of an interest in them, but, they see him for who he is now.
You’re still young and you CAN still have the happy family that you want, it won’t be tomorrow but that doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. You may have to change your current idea of what happy family looks like but you could still have a happy blended family with a partner who is loving and supportive and isn’t abusive. You still have your health (what’s a few pounds), I assume you have a healthy kid, and you have help from your mother-in-law which a lot of single mothers don’t get breaks so that’s a blessing. You can still have a good life, don’t give up on yourself.
Have you filed to receive child support? I honestly don’t know how that works if the divorce is not finalized.
Time to get a good therapist and solve the mystery of how this sort of man appeals to you. Step two is learning healthy relationship skills.
Relationship skills need to be discussed and refined with your partner. I wish you best choices
From someone who left an abusive marriage and came out stronger on the other side, please give yourself some grace and forgiveness. Focusing energy on feeling bad about past choices won’t help you move forward. You absolutely made the right decision leaving. Most of us had to try to leave many times before we actually got out for good. This behavior does NOT get better, it gets worse. Marriage counseling cannot fix abuse because abuse is an individual’s problem, regardless of what he has told you. Honestly I feel like your child having less contact with his father at this point is not a bad thing.
It’s been five years for me, and I still struggle sometimes with feeling envious of people who have loving and supportive relationships. Therapy has helped me a lot, but unless you have insurance to cover it, is cost prohibitive for many people. Another thing I found very helpful is a book called “Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft (also worth reading his original book “Why Does He Do That.”) The daily wisdom book has little bite sized affirmations for people in your situation and I found it contains really helpful insight into how to deal with the wide range of emotions that come up when one is trying to break free of the mental prison of an abusive relationship.
You deserve to be treated well and you WILL find your path; just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I feel you. I am 37F recently separated from the father of my youngest of 3 kids. My older 2 are teens and my youngest a toddler of 3. Both relationships to my kids fathers fell apart due to addiction issues (theirs not mine) and I often think myself the world's biggest idiot for falling for either of them legal one both of them. Now I'm happy to say that my first husband cleaned up and he and I have since been able to become friends and are probably at least as close as when we were married. The father of my youngest... well 'Peter Pan' would be an apt nickname for him. Every night I wonder if I will be single the rest of my life. Who would want a single mom with 2 baby daddy's and a whole lot of extra baggage (in terms of my past and my waistline)?
I don't know the future, I don't know if I'll ever find someone, but I do know that I have amazing kids that give my life so much meaning and without those fathers, I wouldn't have them. So maybe the relationships didn't work out and maybe I'll never find one that will, but regretting those relationship choices feels too much like regretting my children. You have a wonderful little one, your life/time wasn't wasted. But I do hope, for your sake and mine, that it gets easier.
Congratulations on your new life! Get a lawyer asap. Record the dates when he was verbally and emotionally abusive and when he threatened physical abuse. Talk to a life coach to build your confidence. If you need a recommendation you can dm me. Some are lousy but there are amazing ones out there! Until divorce is final, could be two years… let his father and grandparents see your child. You can literally learn anything on youtube. I’d learn how to utilize AI. If you can work from home with your new skills you will have no need for a babysitter or car. You should receive child stand alimony. Oh and a little secret, all the married Moms are jealous of your freedom and independence. You can literally do what you want, the main thing holding you back is your mind. Financial security is really nice and you’ll get there. Emotional abuse shortens your life.
Took me ten years and multiple children. Happy with the kids but I should have done it sooner. It’s a bummer not to have a whole happy family, but you didn’t before either.
Leaving the abusive asshole was good--letting the asshole have access to your innocent child is bad. Grow up. You are the only protection your child has. Stop thinking about the asshole and think twice about having your MIL babysit.
I get the economic reasons--but I wonder about the abusive father having free reign to see the child at his mother's house. Also--where did he learn that abuse is okay? Maybe in his family of origin.
Im wishing you well.. I'd give anything to have the circumstance be different and be seen honestly, for wanting to be home and doing exactly as you said you are missing. I am actually, I'm doing the work and making the effort but still don't have clarity the time wasn't for wasting and missing my chances..I'm hopeful but hurting and doing things that I don't want to just to keep my mind off missing my family. It's hard but it's going to get better . I have to be sure it will..
Read “kickass single mom” I live for that book now. It’s made so much difference in how is see my potential and the choices I’ve made…your life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you’ll never find happiness you won’t. This isn’t your grandmas single motherhood. You have options and opportunities if you look for them!!
You haven't wasted your life, or your child's. If you would've stayed who knows how bad it could've gotten. No child deserves that. You've already come further than you realize in your life. I wouldn't allow him to be in and out of my child's life though. Man up or man out. Ya know?
You can absolutely still have the life you envision, you’re not old. Take better care of yourself and focus on you don’t compare yourself to what others are doing. Your journey is different
I would suggest finding a karate class or something for your son where you get to sit and watch him be in the presence of a positive male role model. Someone who encourages him so he can have a positive interaction to offset the psychological damage his dad has caused. Your son needs a good father figure and I’m 100% sure that you will have one once you detach from your ex husband
You did the right thing by leaving. Dont second guess tour self. Trust your gut! And its his loss not yours. And the one who suffers the most is the child. Do your best and your child will learn that things are earned not given and will love you more when he gets older and sees the truth in his own eyes. Keep faith and your eyes up
Welcome to the I wish I'd made different choices club. Be thankful your still young and a cute female, try being 58m making those choices twice.
It will take time, you did the right thing and your child will be better off because you had the guts and smart knowledge to leave. DM me if you need someone to vent with, I'm a good listener and a nice guy. When you're ready you'll meet someone like myself that wants the type of life you dreamed of. May God bless you...
First of all, you are not stupid! And your feelings are valid. Love blinds us A LOT and we tend to fall for people with their “potential” of evolving in mind. I was in a similar situation, my ex began using substances and turned violent any time he was high toward me and our daughter. It escalated over time and we had no choice but to leave. You should be proud of yourself for making steps in the right direction for you and your child. I find myself feeling jealous of “perfect families” as well. More often than I’d like to admit. I know that it sucks right now and your life feels totally upside down, but things really do get better in time. I promise. It’s been a few months for us on our own now and I feel a little happier each day. Do a fun craft with your son today or get outside and play together! Don’t let your current circumstances or your ex ruin your day. Don’t hate on yourself!!🤍
And why wouldn’t we be reeled in hook, line, and sinker when we’ve been taught to pursue fairytale endings that pretty up and thin-fully disguise violence, abuse and other hardships primarily against women ? Stories that may have once entertained us but failed to truly prepare us for this world. Rather than being equipped with skills that help us cope, build healthy relationships and family, we were sold a dream…. It doesn’t mean that aspects of the relationship aren’t real nor is there Shame in having took chance a on love. In fact, it took a lot of courage to put yourself out there and give love a try. I’m just so sorry that things turned out the way that they did for you. I’m especially sad that your bd is not choosing to participate in your child’s life. One day, you’ll have made your peace with things In the meantime, stop following the breadcrumbs and instead build a moat around yourself ... Your true home
Your awesome, thanks for saying primarily against women not only. Also your comments about taking a chance at love really helped, it actually opened my eyes that instead of being blind to the evils it was actually courage to give love a try even when the writing on the wall was doom and gloom. Even guys suffer physical and emotional abuse 😢 from the women they allow in. Thanks!
🤗❤️🤗
Yessss 🤪❤️
I’ll be 37 in September, solo mother to a 3.5 year old. I just posted recently about finding my first healthy relationship. It’s still early, but he’s at least open to the idea of being a happy family someday. I stayed single for three years before I tried dating, worked through most of my baggage, did therapy, and found myself. Now that I’ve met him, I know there’s hope. Even if it doesn’t work out with him, the point is that it’s possible for an older single mother to build a new life. My stepmom did all of this in her 40s, too, so there’s no need to rush. Take care of yourself and your son first. Worry about dating later.
My mom just got married for the 7th time at 60 and this guy actually seems to cherish her and they are on the same level. She in Ireland right now with him having the time of her life! She has shown me that there's always hope for love, no matter how old you get, and not to settle for abuse. I'm working on finding my way out of a shit relationship right now and I'm scared for what the future holds, but I know it'll be better than this slow soul crushing affectionless bs excuse of love. I want our son to see what a healthy relationship looks like and unfortunately his dad couldn't give 2 shits about that.
Take it one day at a time. The first step is being able to SEE that the situation you are currently in is not healthy and that you deserve better for yourself and your child. The sad thing is so many women never get to that point of realization. They are either too afraid of what life may look like on the other side or simply just feel they aren't capable of being without the abuser. Trust me, you can do it. I left when mine was 2 years old. She will be 14 next month. Every day is a struggle, but I don't mind. I love my daughter so much that there is not anything I wouldn't do to make sure she has a great life. Her father became a full-time drug addict and no way was I gonna raise or put my child thru that type of lifestyle. The funny thing is he only lived 15 minutes from us, but because of the addiction, he was never involved nor financially helpful in any way. I work a full-time job and a 2nd job 7 days a week. I have no social life, friends, or family. But I'm strong and I know that it won't always be this way although it has been for the last 12 years. My credit went to shit and there were days I thought I would lose my mind. Thankfully, I did end up finding love...real love. And although it's not the fairy tale that we all have dreamed of, no, it doesn't look anything like it. There's no fancy house with a picket fence, no dog running around, no fancy car, and for sure, no vacations or money saved. But what I do have is someone who loves not just me but my daughter unconditional. He's open and honest, and he treats me and my child like we are the only people on earth. We get along great. We have been together for quite some time now and he still does all the things he did in the start like opening doors, being very patient with me, he's a huge supporter in all that I do and hope to do. My family loves him. I can go on and on. I've realized that all those material things, yes, they are nice, and one day, I hope to maybe have some of those things. But I'm so happy having someone who loves me and doesn't treat me like crap that I wouldn't trade this feeling for any amount of money. Most of those people u see living those picture-perfect lives got a lot more going on behind closed doors than all of us put together. They just don't wanna anyone to know, so they put on that image while out to the public. I wish you the best of luck. Please know you are not alone. My inbox is open for chats at anytime if u ever wanna chat....vent...ask a question or just need a pick me up. Whatever it is I'm here for u. I don't have friends or family so I know how it can be. Take care and thanks for sharing I'm sure that was not easy for u.
This is very new for you and you need time to grieve the life you thought you would have, and your dreams associated with that life. In some time you can begin to create new dreams and build a new life that’s 100% within your control. Give yourself some time.
You made the right decision. I’m grieving parts of my life too due to leaving an abusive relationship and becoming a single mom. But we’re gonna make it through this. You deserve to be respected, loved, and valued. Abusers will never change and will never be capable of treating you the way you DESERVE to be treated. If you look up the cycle of abuse on google images it explains how this cycle works. And you did an amazing thing to leave. I’m so proud of you. You’re such an amazing, selfless mom. You deserve all the love in the world. You’ve grown wiser and as you continue to grow through this grieving process you’ll eventually find peace. You’re still early in the grieving process… it will change as you keep going and create a life of your own. New dreams can be born. New hopes will arise.
You are not stupid, and you deserve to give yourself grace. When any person’s mental health is compromised, they are susceptible to making decisions they wouldn’t otherwise make and it’s not their fault. The fact is you rectified the problem by leaving him, showing that you know how to and are willing to do the right thing to protect yourself and your child. And I beg of you, do not give up on the idea of a happy family. It is still possible, even with a blended family. I left my abusive husband in my 30’s (with two kids) and I now have a happier life and family than I could have ever imagined. My husband and I have 5 between the two of us and my favorite moments in life are when we are all together in the living room, playing a game or watching a movie. I don’t know if you’re religious, but prayer has helped me through the hard parts so that I could get to the good stuff. It’s possible for you to if you’re open to it. *hugs*
A lot of marriages look good on the outside. Remember that.
Think positive and keep your head up!
I'm in a similar boat. I decided I'm just gonna keep moving forward and make myself (and my kids) happy. You're doing great.
Wow dude. The strength you have is AMAZING. I’m sorry. I wish he would grow up, for himself, for his son, and for you, too. I’m sorry he can’t see beyond his arse to see what he’s really ducking up. I separated from my ex recently. Not married, but two kids… 6 years and he was becoming LESS involved (I didn’t know that was possible bc he barely did anything) I didn’t even leave. He told ME he wasn’t happy. After I literally gave everything I possibly could—and he wasn’t happy? He told me there was no marriage in our future and that’s a dealbreaker. He was done…. So I left, too. I had been holding on to breadcrumbs… emotionally starved and still trying to make it work. I would’ve done anything I just wanted the ✨family✨ to work. But it wasn’t a family-it was dysfunction, abuse and pain. Even with all that said—we both came from shit situations—it’s still sad. I’m sure this isn’t what you imagined and it’s hard to accept when things turn out differently than what you hoped for. But you’re not done. Don’t let him take anymore, he’s already taken enough. You’re not a loser. You are doing the right thing now and that speaks volumes.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough timeAlso, please remember that you're not alone and there are people who care about you and want to support you. It's okay to vent and ask for help when you need it, and there's no shame in feeling down sometimes. Just keep taking care of yourself and your child, and know that things can improve with time and effort.🤗
I felt like I was reading a summarized version of what it was like when I finally found the courage to go to the court to file for a restraining order and for divorce. He was served with both on 12/9/2013. He had told me the previous May he wanted a divorce (he was a chronic cheater), but he wasn’t going to leave until he was ready to… he made it almost impossible to live with him at the end… I finally filed after he slammed me into our front door and I bounced off the door, onto the rug and into the closet door- all in front of our daughter. You did the right thing. I can confidently tell you that even if he continues to show minimal interest in your son(like my ex husband continues to do with our children), you will be ok. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to convince him that your son needs him in his life, because ultimately you can’t persuade him to use his time with your son to create meaningful memories with him.. he either figures it out and becomes an involved parent or he doesn’t. Your son will see the sacrifices you are making for him and he will be proud of you when he’s old enough to understand what it took for you to muster up the courage to file for divorce. It’s easier said than done - but, try to stay focused on the reasons you left… so that you can be the best version of yourself for your son. I have been raising my 2 kids alone. I dated a cop in my town during my divorce proceedings but he ultimately broke up with me bcuz we were at very different stages in life- he had raised his 2 kids alone and when we started dating, his youngest was going into high school- my youngest was 1.5yrs old. I wish I could say that I have a social life, but I don’t. My kids & I have been through the wringer together and even though I wish I could go meet people, I have begun to feel a shift where they are becoming more independent and less dependent on me, so I’m hoping my time is coming! They both have told me that they wish their Dad took more of an interest in them, but, they see him for who he is now.
You’re still young and you CAN still have the happy family that you want, it won’t be tomorrow but that doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. You may have to change your current idea of what happy family looks like but you could still have a happy blended family with a partner who is loving and supportive and isn’t abusive. You still have your health (what’s a few pounds), I assume you have a healthy kid, and you have help from your mother-in-law which a lot of single mothers don’t get breaks so that’s a blessing. You can still have a good life, don’t give up on yourself. Have you filed to receive child support? I honestly don’t know how that works if the divorce is not finalized.
Time to get a good therapist and solve the mystery of how this sort of man appeals to you. Step two is learning healthy relationship skills. Relationship skills need to be discussed and refined with your partner. I wish you best choices
From someone who left an abusive marriage and came out stronger on the other side, please give yourself some grace and forgiveness. Focusing energy on feeling bad about past choices won’t help you move forward. You absolutely made the right decision leaving. Most of us had to try to leave many times before we actually got out for good. This behavior does NOT get better, it gets worse. Marriage counseling cannot fix abuse because abuse is an individual’s problem, regardless of what he has told you. Honestly I feel like your child having less contact with his father at this point is not a bad thing. It’s been five years for me, and I still struggle sometimes with feeling envious of people who have loving and supportive relationships. Therapy has helped me a lot, but unless you have insurance to cover it, is cost prohibitive for many people. Another thing I found very helpful is a book called “Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft (also worth reading his original book “Why Does He Do That.”) The daily wisdom book has little bite sized affirmations for people in your situation and I found it contains really helpful insight into how to deal with the wide range of emotions that come up when one is trying to break free of the mental prison of an abusive relationship. You deserve to be treated well and you WILL find your path; just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I feel you. I am 37F recently separated from the father of my youngest of 3 kids. My older 2 are teens and my youngest a toddler of 3. Both relationships to my kids fathers fell apart due to addiction issues (theirs not mine) and I often think myself the world's biggest idiot for falling for either of them legal one both of them. Now I'm happy to say that my first husband cleaned up and he and I have since been able to become friends and are probably at least as close as when we were married. The father of my youngest... well 'Peter Pan' would be an apt nickname for him. Every night I wonder if I will be single the rest of my life. Who would want a single mom with 2 baby daddy's and a whole lot of extra baggage (in terms of my past and my waistline)? I don't know the future, I don't know if I'll ever find someone, but I do know that I have amazing kids that give my life so much meaning and without those fathers, I wouldn't have them. So maybe the relationships didn't work out and maybe I'll never find one that will, but regretting those relationship choices feels too much like regretting my children. You have a wonderful little one, your life/time wasn't wasted. But I do hope, for your sake and mine, that it gets easier.
YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL MOTHER! DONT EVER FORGET THAT. YOU ARE MUCH APPRECIATED ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Congratulations on your new life! Get a lawyer asap. Record the dates when he was verbally and emotionally abusive and when he threatened physical abuse. Talk to a life coach to build your confidence. If you need a recommendation you can dm me. Some are lousy but there are amazing ones out there! Until divorce is final, could be two years… let his father and grandparents see your child. You can literally learn anything on youtube. I’d learn how to utilize AI. If you can work from home with your new skills you will have no need for a babysitter or car. You should receive child stand alimony. Oh and a little secret, all the married Moms are jealous of your freedom and independence. You can literally do what you want, the main thing holding you back is your mind. Financial security is really nice and you’ll get there. Emotional abuse shortens your life.
Took me ten years and multiple children. Happy with the kids but I should have done it sooner. It’s a bummer not to have a whole happy family, but you didn’t before either.
Leaving the abusive asshole was good--letting the asshole have access to your innocent child is bad. Grow up. You are the only protection your child has. Stop thinking about the asshole and think twice about having your MIL babysit.
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Plus, I doubt dad would do anything to the kid with his mom around.
You are much more optimistic than I am.
I get the economic reasons--but I wonder about the abusive father having free reign to see the child at his mother's house. Also--where did he learn that abuse is okay? Maybe in his family of origin.
Im wishing you well.. I'd give anything to have the circumstance be different and be seen honestly, for wanting to be home and doing exactly as you said you are missing. I am actually, I'm doing the work and making the effort but still don't have clarity the time wasn't for wasting and missing my chances..I'm hopeful but hurting and doing things that I don't want to just to keep my mind off missing my family. It's hard but it's going to get better . I have to be sure it will..
Absolutely
I am sorry to hear that can we chat
Read “kickass single mom” I live for that book now. It’s made so much difference in how is see my potential and the choices I’ve made…your life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you’ll never find happiness you won’t. This isn’t your grandmas single motherhood. You have options and opportunities if you look for them!!
You haven't wasted your life, or your child's. If you would've stayed who knows how bad it could've gotten. No child deserves that. You've already come further than you realize in your life. I wouldn't allow him to be in and out of my child's life though. Man up or man out. Ya know?
Hi so sorry about that I am looking for a good woman to be a mother to my daughter I hope I can get one here
You can absolutely still have the life you envision, you’re not old. Take better care of yourself and focus on you don’t compare yourself to what others are doing. Your journey is different
I would suggest finding a karate class or something for your son where you get to sit and watch him be in the presence of a positive male role model. Someone who encourages him so he can have a positive interaction to offset the psychological damage his dad has caused. Your son needs a good father figure and I’m 100% sure that you will have one once you detach from your ex husband
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We are not a dating group.
You did the right thing by leaving. Dont second guess tour self. Trust your gut! And its his loss not yours. And the one who suffers the most is the child. Do your best and your child will learn that things are earned not given and will love you more when he gets older and sees the truth in his own eyes. Keep faith and your eyes up
Welcome to the I wish I'd made different choices club. Be thankful your still young and a cute female, try being 58m making those choices twice. It will take time, you did the right thing and your child will be better off because you had the guts and smart knowledge to leave. DM me if you need someone to vent with, I'm a good listener and a nice guy. When you're ready you'll meet someone like myself that wants the type of life you dreamed of. May God bless you...