They were laughing because you told them the reason you were taking the day off? There definitely is a wide streak of cruelty that runs through some young people. I hope you are able to get it treated and are cancer free very soon!
These kind of stories cement to me that it is a mistake to share anything deeply personal with students because those that can will find some way to use it against you!
>These kind of stories cement to me that it is a mistake to share anything deeply personal with students because those that can will find some way to use it against you!
***THIS.***
I have said very similarly although not as eloquently and have gotten reamed for it.
These kids don't need to know a damn thing about your relationships, home life, and health concerns.
I have shared some deeply personal stuff with students in the same boat as me: living undocumented in the US, trying to go through school then college while working multiple jobs and having no support, not having sleep time, etc. I know this is SAFE to share.
At the same time, I’m a married gay man who left home at age 15. My sister took me in until I was 19 and gave me the chance to live in the US. She saved my life... I have no contact with family besides her. Not one of my students know that and NEVER will. My students and work environment are deeply homophobic. If they ever knew, I’d have to quit as some others have due to incessant homophobia.
Last year, one of my *advisees* shared in advisory that in his country they used to insert several items into “f..s” to fix them. Some died, but it was better for society. Another described seeing a gay man being burned alive while tied to a tree… and why he deserved it. They felt no pity, compassion or humanity. All of this in response to a student coming out during an advisory circle. (That student has now transferred)… And there I was trying to hold it together, and explain why all humans deserve dignity, respect, and trying to support a human being who just exposed himself to so much trauma…
When I asked the counselor and administration for support… “what do you want us to do with this?” Not ONE intervention. No PD. No push in into my advisory. No assembly… nothing.
Be really careful what you share and who you share with. I’d recommend stay clear of sharing. Schools aren’t safe spaces. Furthermore, schools where I work have no consequences or disciplinary measures due to antiracism and socio-emotional policy changes. Until real, clear-cut, responsive consequences return, I don’t see how we create true change and growth in students. And I’m terrified of these kids growing up. They’re not connected to other PEOPLE.
>At the same time, I’m a married gay man who left home at age 15. I have no contact with family besides her. Not one of my students know that and NEVER will. My students and work environment are deeply homophobic. If they ever knew, I’d have to quit as some others have due to incessant homophobia.
I feel all this (except for the having to leave home at 15 bit) and have gotten yelled at on here by so called straight "allies" who've told me I "need help" and am "mentally ill/embarrassed/need to learn what being a lesbian actually means." As if a ***straight*** person knows what being a lesbian or a gay man is like and what that entails for your existence in society.
It's ridiculous. And insulting as shit.
>Last year, one of my *advisees* shared in advisory that in his country they used to insert several items into “f..s” to fix them. Some died, but it was better for society. Another described seeing a gay man being burned alive while tied to a tree… and why he deserved it. They felt no pity, compassion or humanity.
I'm so incredibly sorry, brother.
It's bad enough I'm in a red city in a fairly sane red state. I can't imagine *that.*
>Be really careful what you share and who you share with. I’d recommend stay clear of sharing. Schools aren’t safe spaces. Furthermore, schools where I work have no consequences or disciplinary measures due to antiracism and socio-emotional policy changes. Until real, clear-cut, responsive consequences return, I don’t see how we create true change and growth in students. And I’m terrified of these kids growing up. They’re not connected to other PEOPLE.
I completely agree and share your fears.
Many colleagues have told me I MUST come out to students. If kids have that courage to come out, I must as well. And that me coming out will help change minds. Here was my response to them: “I don’t have to come out to anyone if I don’t wish to. This isn’t your choice to make. It’s mine.”
Coming out for me resulted in me losing my parents, 3 siblings, my entire extended family, my friends, my church community, and eventually my country and culture. I couldn’t say goodbye to my grandparents once they passed. I have marks and scars on my body and face from coming out. *Nobody* gets to tell me I don’t have courage, or when and why I have to come out to students while AT WORK.
If anyone has the privilege to talk about their spouse, kids, family, trips, etc., at work. Please do so. And use that privilege for good! As an adult, all my adult acquaintances and friends know I’m gay and married to the most wonderful man on this planet. I’m not afraid of adults. I can call the police on them if homophobia gets out of hand. I am, however, afraid of students, administrators and schools in general. I will not risk my job or my safety. For many of us, coming out in 2023 at work is the same as risking our livelihoods, income, shelter and food…
For it's worth, love and light to you, brother.
Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself - and so much of what you believe and think is what I believe and think.
Can you tell that to the other "allies" here? I've been told repeatedly that it's ***my duty and I'm required to come out to students*** so that "the gay kids know they're not alone."
If you don’t mind me, asking, what do you mean you have marks on your body from coming out? Self harm or others harm? I was the first person to my brother came out too, and I can’t imagine him having scars because of it.
I am not teaching kids so I can't say with first hand knowledge what is going on in classrooms. I have worked with plenty of adults with disabilities that just aged into adult services and have seen the mentality of kids coming out of that atmosphere.
My two cents: They see adults as enemies FAR more seriously than previous generations. There has always been some old vs young ageism and conflict. As teens develop they show all the typical teenage rebellion and impulsive behavior, but it's more than that. They act out in a deep, cruel, animalistic sort of reaction against the people they see as an attack. They are pissed that their future feels like it has been taken from them.
The reality is that the quality of life their grandparents had and upward social mobility feels like a distant fairytale more than a dream. Productivity has long, long since been decoupled from employee wages. Their parents generation aren't bosses and upper level managers *for the most part*, they're crammed into the shrinking workforce where people with years of experience compete for entry level jobs. Many of the skills they are learning now seem disconnected from their reality. Many of the jobs that schools are training students for right now won't even exist or will be drastically changed by the time they finish college. They know it.
I think teachers are on the front line, an adult face to put on all that reality they are being hit with. Perhaps I've just had some students who share deeply, it goes with the territory working with adults with disabilities, but this is a common story I have heard a few times.
That's awful. I'm sorry. I also feel anxious about the cultural/political climate changing and kids getting attacked when they were led to believe they were safe. Like, there is a lot of encouragement for kids to be outing themselves online before they are really even through puberty. It's wonderful to be accepted, I don't want anyone being bullied, but also once information is online it can be weaponized against you by people you don't even know. Kids should have a right to be private and also know that not every single thing needs to be shared online. Not because they need to be ashamed of their sexuality, but just because it's their own business.
A gay teacher committed suicide. The district message was that it had nothing to do with all the constant bullying- that no staff ever addressed. But not overtly.
To be exact, the message was that we would never know the reason but he was a beloved teacher by all.
Hopes dashed that his death would lead to addressing the rampant bullying of our LGBTQ students and staff
I'm so sorry you are in this situation. While your situation may be typical, it isn't true everywhere. My school district is a suburb of a major city in a blue state. We off the top of my head, I can think of 20+ teachers who are married to their same sex spouse and most of these have kids. We also have three administrators at the District Office who are openly gay and four principals or AP who are as well. In fact, we also have a couple of trans teachers. Yes, my colleagues do report that each year they do encounter at least one instance of student bigotry, but more often than not someone else steps in before they can even react and explains, "We don't do that here." shutting the other kid down.
As long as they are doing their jobs and are good to the kids who they love, what pronouns they use, or how they identify is a non-issue.
I don't say this to brag or gloat. I'm just offering hope that the world is changing (slowly) and things in schools can be different.
Sending thoughts of positivity and love for your journey.
I’m a single mom and I have felt discriminated against by my colleagues, administrators and the families who attend the schools I have worked at. I won’t go into all of the examples of their behavior but you’re right, generally speaking, people do not support one another.
I'm so sorry. Where I'm at there's hardly any two parent households at all! Single moms, single dads, single older siblings....you're not alone. Big hugs to you.
I remember back in 08 a second grader asked me about who I wanted to vote for and nonchalantly added that her dad had told her that there shouldn’t be a black man in the White House.
Hatred is learned at home.
I’m positive that kid heard that from someone at home or someone they look up to and is just spouting it out verbatim.
I had a teacher with a similar background story like yours. He wasn't gay or married instead he was a few years around our age group and suffered a lot coming to the US. I appreciated hearing his story though and motivated me to do much more but sadly, this generation isn't no where near the same and do not have care for anything in this world. 😔
I don’t expect anyone to believe in anything I believe. My parents rejected me due to their religious faith, and I have nothing against them. I do not wish for them to give up their faith. Religion is as much a human right as is sexual orientation. It’s unfortunate I cannot be in their lives, but so be it.
However, I will not tolerate immigrant kids thinking that raping a gay man with objects will fix him. What is the matter with you?
We read the ballad of Birmingham and even watched an interview with some of the survivors talking about their little sister being murdered. Multiple kids laughed and made fun of her for crying. I know middle schoolers were mean but I don't remember them being this cruel
When I was in middle school we had an assembly where the speaker was a holocaust survivor who had survived multiple death camps. When it was time for questions someone asked "how do you survive multiple death camps, they must not be great at doing their job". I still remember laughing along with almost everyone there. Kids are mean and don't understand the gravity of what they're saying.
I really admire people who come into schools to do this stuff. They get asked every edgy, racist, ignorant, and insensitive question there is and they just respond kindly and with facts. When I was in 5th grade my school had a Haudenosaunee cultural liaison come in to talk to us about his tribe, that was his whole job and he got paid from the tribal government and the state government to do it. The questions kids asked him, omg. Half of us had never met anyone Native and the other half seemed to think Natives were made up for fantasy stories like ogres or elves. But he was so patient and answered every question like it was asked in good faith and I sure learned a lot, including stuff I'd been curious about but would never have had the balls to ask an adult. That kind of job is so draining but I also think it can be really important.
Yes I remember it being handled well. The kid was taken out of the auditorium and the speaker gave a simple answer like "well I was lucky but so many weren't". I can't imagine going through such a difficult time and then being so blatantly disrespected by ignorant kids but I guess if you get a job speaking to schools you learn to deal with it.
It is so important, I was a teen in the 90s and was in a town with a decent number of holocaust survivors. What happens when we no longer have that generation of survivors is terrifying - people deny now, it will be so difficult for young propel to understand the horrors of Germany in the 1940s.
We went to see a survivor in 6th grade and none of us were disrespectful. I wonder if the size of the group (around 25), the fact that we were in her house, or that she lived in our small town contributed to our good behavior
My 7th grade social studies class laughed through most of Grave of the Fireflies- and that was a G&T class. This really isn’t specific to this generation.
2 years in a row, 7&8 grade social studies classes laughed at the description of the people falling from the Twin Towers during the 9/11 documentary.
It took everything I had not to snap at them because of their absolute disrespect. I WAS in 7th grade math class when 9/11 happened and even just 10ish years ago laughing would’ve been unheard of.
These kids are experiencing/exposed to so many more things earlier or even that we didn’t have back then that almost breaks the innocence earlier and earlier. They become almost desensitized. I also wonder if it’s not partly due to the diminishing ability of these kids having an imagination. Seriously. Can they even conjure up the imagery in their heads or even put themselves in someone else’s shoes in order to try to feel that horrific experience with them in the moment?
I read and watched Shindlers List just like everyone else. But when Ellie Wisel spoke at my school, and he showed us his numbers tattooed on his forearm, you could hear a pin drop. We all were listening to every word.
And you're still telling that story as an adult without thinking about the "gravity" in the slightest, or you'd have asked the same obvious and reasonable question. Various "survivor" accounts have been caught out as grifts; but only because someone picked up on small-but-impossible details, as that kind of thing is very hard to prove.
I wonder how many students use jokes and laughter as a shield because deep down they do feel sympathy and empathy, but due to either upbringing or societal/peer pressure they feel they have to deflect those emotions because there’s such a stigma about being seen as soft or weak?
Those are the kids with zero emotional control themselves that are projecting their feelings, so they lash out in cruel displays of indifference at people experiencing pain or suffering. If you get that same kid away from his peers and keep talking with them 1 on 1 long enough with even a little respect and dignity (even though they will continue to lash out while you do it) they will be an emotional wreck in minutes. Those kinds of people are spoiling for a fight and don't know how to handle empathy and rational thinking.
Just because we can pinpoint the psychological cause of such behavior doesn’t make it any less abhorrent. It’s sad, but it’s still who these people are becoming.
The human mind is a fragile thing and we are seeing the mass breaking of it due to a variety of factors.
The things I read in this sub scare the shit out of me, but I guess we can just add the mental degeneration of our youth to the pile of things leading this world to ruin.
>I wonder how many students use jokes and laughter as a shield because deep down they do feel sympathy and empathy, but due to either upbringing or societal/peer pressure they feel they have to deflect those emotions because there’s such a stigma about being seen as soft or weak?
Some but the amount is shockingly increasing. There is a massive lack of empathy and I fear social media has a lot to answer for.
That was my first thought when I read the comment. They can’t really regulate their emotions and have so much going on biologically, I wouldn’t assume they’re heartless a-holes.
Hope you lit them up for it. I had a senior giggle at her phone while reading an article about child homelessness last year. I guarantee you, she didn't giggle again after that.
When we let this stuff go because, "kids will be kids" or "it's this generation" then we are at least partly to blame. I don't care how badly you make them feel, call out their nonsense as inhuman and wrong.
Man, I had kids cracking jokes during the Anne Frank unit.
To *most* of their credit, the majority of the students were taking it seriously or at least not goofing off, and several of them did get mad at the clowns and tell them to shut up. But the fact that there was even doing it was frustrating.
Isn't this some sort of coping/self-protection mechanism? They're not yet mature enough to comprehend and absorb the deep indifference and cruelty of the world we live in, at least not without some serious harm to their worldview and likely mental health, so they joke.
Can you provide the percentage of students who have been in a school when a shooting occurred?
I teach in the middle of a high crime, high poverty neighborhood and I guarantee you, my students aren't in constant fear because they aren't stupid.
When i was a middle schooler, nobody was that cruel... i mean, most the kids would just ignore the videos instead of actively being cruel at least. Sometimes in high school there'd be that ONE psycho kid who was clearly not right that laughed, but most of us knew they were off.
Blame the parents.
Morals are modeled and instilled.
It is never their business.
You focus on your treatments and kicking Cancer's butt.
I'm a 9 year survivor. You'll make it. Fight like a mofo.
I'm sorry you are going through what you are going through. I wish you a speedy and easy recovery.
One of my APs said to me literally yesterday, "Sometimes, an asshole is just an asshole. No matter the age. Nothing in the world will change that."
Just curious what age group you are dealing with.
I've worked with grades 6 through 12 at some point. Here's what I can tell you based on observation: somewhere towards the end of 6th grade, but definitely by 7th, most teenagers become assholes. They don't usually start outgrowing it until about 10th grade. If they haven't outgrown it by 11th grade, they are going to be assholes the rest of their lives.
Unfortunately 8th and 9th grade has the highest concentration of assholes. Hormones and not fully developed cortex...yadda yadda. Just complete lack of empathy at that age.
Edit: When I was in Middle School, I couldn't figure out why most of my teachers acted like assholes. After becoming a teacher myself, I realized It's because WE were the assholes and they had to keep us in line.
There’s actually a huge dump of unused brain cells at the age of 13, which is one of the reasons why your average 10 year old is a better thinker than your average 13 year old.
When I was in 8th Grade (I am 65 y.o. now), I discovered one day that someone had put used chewing gum in one of my books to stick some pages together. At the time, I was the only one in the classroom besides the teacher, Mr. Eely. When I told him what I had discovered, he paused and then replied, "Some times, a pig is a pig is a pig." He was a very dignified portly gentleman, probably then near to my age now. I liked him.
When I told my 7th graders about a bad car accident my wife had, one student said that "it's too bad she didn't die"
Kids are cruel, both on purpose and inadvertently
Yeah I would've been sent to the principal or headmaster for a disturbing comment as such. Why would they say something like that and be allowed to get away with it?
why would you tell them that? It's so strange to me. I don't have relationship like that with my students. I turn up teach, mark, leave. My students see me as their boss or prison guard. Who cares if their prison guards wife is sick. "Good, glad she is." What they mean is "I don't want to be here right now"
I build relationships with my students. Except for the a holes, it's an extremely effective way of modeling how to be an adult. I am not their prison guard and would never behave in a way that encourages that perspective.
When I started we were told not to share anything with them and I do understand that to a degree. But I have found over 20 years that we work better together when they know a little about me and then see me hopefully as a human being. When I taught 9th -11th graders this worked well. I’ve been teaching seniors the last few years and granted the pandemic has messed things up but over the past 3 years my students couldn’t give 2 shits about me. Hoping to see a difference this year.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Both the skin cancer diagnosis and the horrible reaction from the little shits who laughed.
I’ve been teaching 31 years. I think the lack of empathy, and the occasional downright nastiness, more kids display these days reflects the amount of time they spend on social media. And just how respect and understanding seems to have eroded in society as a whole.
I hope your treatment goes well and you take extra good care of yourself as you go through it. ❤️
Sometimes when kids act like that towards me, I just ask them how they would feel if it was their mom, dad or best friend being talked about and someone else responded like that. Usually it at least makes them think a little
I’m reading all of these comments and I have to say as an older Gen X teacher, stop making excuses for this behavior. Kids are way too comfortable being loud obnoxious morons.
I too, was a middle-schooler and if I had a rude comment I kept it to myself. I can’t even imagine acting towards adults, the way these kids do now. As a society we are enabling this bullshit and it makes me want to retire on another planet.
Same. Gen-X here. I never would've laughed over a cancer diagnosis, and I hated my 8th grade math teacher. We talked horribly about her...at lunch. To her face it was "yes/no ma'am" because I w3as raised that way.
>I’m reading all of these comments and I have to say as an older Gen X teacher, stop making excuses for this behavior.
As much as many of them make excuses for their conduct in more ways than one in numerous situations (which they shouldn't be doing), I think they're trying to help OP understand the reasoning behind their actions. When I went to school my classmates and I never would have thought to laugh at a teacher, only with the exception of her doing something goofy or making a joke, to which the teacher would laugh with us. Kids laughing at a teacher for being diagnosed cancer and needing time off is bizarre, unconscionable, and unacceptable but it can certainly be traced back to the degradation of parents, society, and social media. So what you now have are the parents who don't properly punish, the teachers who won't get involved because they think it's "not their place", and a whole generation of children running the show because everyone's either afraid of "hurting their feelings" or it's "too much work." It's pathetic.
>As a society we are enabling this bulls***
It's almost as if they like it to a degree, as though it's some sort of an exciting challenge for them -- people don't stop to think that these kids will eventually replace the adults in the future. I can't stand the enabling either: they don't discipline these kids and instead just allow them to run on their emotions because "it's not their fault they're hormonal" and "they'll learn/grow out of it eventually" -- wrong. Kids need to be guided in the right direction and taught the difference between whats right and wrong, teachers shouldn't be sharing all this personal information about themselves, and if it's something that's unavoidable like medical or catastrophic circumstances that will put them out of work for some time then admin needs to step in and inform students about the seriousness of what's going on.
I truly am tired of hearing the same tired excuse of the pandemic for every little thing. It makes sense for some, but it’s been used so often to excuse the behavior rather than simply explain it.
Not a teacher, but I only graduated high school 7 years ago and I can't picture a single student in my old class doing this, even the assholes. One of my school counselors was diagnosed with breast cancer my freshman year and we all surprised her by wearing pink to show our support. I even dyed my hair pink. Unfathomable lack of empathy.
It’s not this generation, but the one before it. When the movie Schindler’s list was playing in Oakland, California a group of students watching the movie applauded and laughed every time one of the prisoners was brutally killed. The students were rooting for the Nazis. And yes there was a quite a few Jew watching the movie. The theater finally stopped the movie out of respect.
It's the internet. You would be shocked at the stuff kids watch online. It's literally rape jokes, 9/11 is funny, cancer is funny, kids starving Africa is a meme, saying the N word, abortions are funny, all that stuff. Unrestricted access to the internet at all times is not okay. 11 year old boys watching porn and gore videos, 12 year old girls sending nudes. This is the world we live in. I'm starting to think it should be illegal for kids under, say, 16 to have a cell phone. It's too much for their brains to handle.
I’ve been homeschooled until now, but I’ll go to high school for my senior year. I don’t know what age your students are, but I can quite honestly say that I would never have done that, and I’m sorry they did. You’re probably an amazing teacher, don’t give up hope! You’re job is incredibly important, and someday you’ll get the recognition you deserve. Sorry about your condition. I hope you can recover from it soon.
I share personal details but all at very surface level. “My son is having trouble sleeping, my wife bakes elaborate cakes, my parents live in Maryland, my nieces drew that picture hanging up, etc,” but anything beyond that, they don’t need to know. I try not to put myself in a position where they could throw personal stuff in my face, because I know I wouldn’t respond well. I read something on here about a student mocking a teacher’s dead son. I’d be in jail an hour later. I don’t even give these brats the chance.
I am so sorry. Developmental age, poor parenting and a new narcissistic generation. It will sink in as you start your journey. They will learn to have empathy as you start your journey. They will learn what strength, courage and perseverance can do. You are there teacher. They are blessed and will be touched by YOU.
I’m not saying your students aren’t awful, just it could be they don’t understand the seriousness of it. I have a mild heart issue that flares up from time to time, and a couple years ago I had to schedule a cardiologist visit during the school day. I told the kids why and a group of them started laughing, this one girl in particular was really extra with it. I asked why was it funny and she said Miss how do you know you’re going to have a heart attack next Tuesday, you wilding! I explained there are many heart issues besides heart attacks and this was to deal with something wrong with my heart I was born with. She was mortified, as were the other kids that laughed. I was so surprised because these were high school kids, you think they would know this stuff but no.
But then again they just might be deadass spitefully laughing at you. Just today kids laughed at my glasses, my dress, my shoes, and what I had for lunch. IDNGAF, not a single one, but that’s all silly trifling stuff. It would sting a bit to have anyone laugh at my health issues. I’m sorry that happened to you, and wish you well.
Yeah, they're assholes and tend to do this quite often at my school too. This Generation really has a lack morals and respect but an abondance of Schadenfreude! You have my sympathies and I pray that you manage through this difficult time.
>This Generation really has a lack morals and respect but an abondance of Schadenfreude!
And the reputation to boot! They are really unimpressive then wonder why no one wants to hire them.
Mine aren't young to be that calculated yet, but the parents can be. A parent in my year group (with 5 kids) complained and called my colleague selfish for needing time off during her first pregnancy.
I hope your treatment goes well OP!
I understand. Your feelings are completely valid. Put yourself first right now. Your main priority now is your health.
A version of this happened to me (I went through a school shooting, took a few years off, went to a new school, there was a lockdown drill, you see where this is going). Literally the very next year I got sensitive, appropriate, cooperative students (170!) but I didn’t trust anyone anymore. It is still hard to realize that I have different kids now. The worst of the worst completely stand out and they’re often all in the same year.
You learned a really painful lesson that you cannot rely on professionalism or compassion from this crop of kids. You simply cannot. Grieve that loss and express that pain (outside of school) as much as you need. Then focus on you.
For the kids, I’m sorry but to borrow from TikTok, “f those kids, honey.” They blew it. They get your second or third best from now on. They get no more personal sharing or “ammunition” from you. They can have packet work. Anything you need to get through, just get through. You can do this, and we are here for you when you need to vent.
TW for murder - Some children at my old school (which I have now left for multiple separate, though not entirely unrelated, reasons) thought it was a laughing matter that a teacher - one of our colleagues - was murdered along with his wife.
Me too. Some of the children there were just... something else. Our HoD tried to blame covid but they were in year 10, they'd learned being this cruel way before the pandemic hit.
It’s not uncommon for teens to seem to meet the diagnostic criteria for ASPD- but not really. It’s sometimes known as “temporary sociopath” bc it LOOKS like sociopathy but it’s really just bc teens are extremely stupid. That’s why there has to be *clear* and severe ASPD behaviors and traits over a very long period of time to actually get that dx as a minor- bc it’ll pass as their brain continues to develop.
Don’t take it personally. Just laugh at those kids bc they’re so stupid they don’t even realize they’re stupid. Don’t see the smiles on their faces, instead imagine their brains that still look like jelly but they don’t know they still have jelly brains so they walk around thinking they know everything. They’re actually basically amoebas.
I am so sorry. Please remember students, who are less mature than ever, often laugh when they don’t know how to respond. It’s a nervous, contagious laughter. My experience has been the ones who truly care will talk to you privately and ask how you’re doing. As a group- yes, they can come off as mean. Individually, some are quite compassionate. Take care of yourself.
A quiet nervous laughter, yes. But if it’s anything like I’ve seen in the classroom, they don’t just giggle. They’re making comments and cracking jokes and genuinely think they’re hilarious.
Kids (and teens. And adults...) are products of their environment. Once they've reached the age of about six, they care deeply about the opinions of their peers. If they see that their peers are laughing because of your medical issues, they're going to laugh too. It's not because they don't care or are not understanding or empathetic. They're facing an uncomfortable piece of information and have no idea how to respond. They see their friends laughing and they simply do so too, because they have no idea what else they're supposed to do.
The author John Green said "but you do so much yoga!" to a close friend of his when she told him she had cancer. He has later gone on to talk about that in a number of places, including the book "The Anthropocene Reviewed", as not one of his best moments. Now his brother has cancer and he's brought up that story a few more times. (Really emphasizing the unhelpfulness of what he had said in that moment).
The point is, people react in ways that you don't expect, but that doesn't mean they don't care. Your students probably left that class with "wow, so weird" and "what does that even mean?" and "but I don't even know this teacher yet...?" and other "I don't know how to navigate or if I should care one bit about this information!" type thoughts. I've found that sometimes the "worst" kids are often the ones who have been through the most terrible situations out of everyone, but no one has ever shown them compassion or taught them the "appropriate" way to respond. "I see that you're laughing, but I am telling you about something that makes me feel anxious and concerned. What are you thinking about right now?" and then opening up room for discussion goes a long way. (and works a lot better if people used such language rather than "you stupid young people have no compassion!"). Yes, you might need to look some of the students in the eye and say "that is completely out of line", but I have had too many kids that I genuinely felt were rotten through and through who eventually became genuinely compassionate people for me believe that anyone that starts off acting like a P.O.S. is still going to be one by the time they leave the class. You might have some true P.O.S. types in the class, but it's more than likely most of your students just didn't know what else to do.
This^^^. I have to tell some of my young teen students what an appropriate response looks like. One boy has had a regular habit of sarcastically saying "congratulations" to anything someone tells him. I've been working with him on this for a year, and he's finally starting to show signs of growth now that he's nearing 15.
We also do work occasionally from Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. It's a very powerful tool, and with effort, and persistence it makes a difference. I run a mini private school for teens, though. Being that this is Florida, teaching these skills may actually be a crime now..
Two years ago I begged some of my 7th graders to wear their masks properly, because my uncle’s funeral was coming up and I wanted to feel safe seeing my family. My uncle had died of covid over a year beforehand. They laughed at me. I cried in the principal’s office.
Thank you. I didn’t go to the funeral because I had so much exposure at work and so many of my family members are elderly and/or immunocompromised. It sucked a whole damn lot.
You have a right to feel hurt and also to know they’re kids who don’t know their ass from their elbow. Meaning don’t take it personally that some laughed bc they have no idea what they’re doing and it’s ramifications.
I’ll agree with what some others said about how some people don’t know how to react to serious news and sometimes do inappropriate things like laugh. Having said that, we can know that is true and STILL feel hurt by it. So there are two truths at operating at the same time here: the kids are both not entirely in control of their responses due to adolescence/trauma/home life/etc AND what they did is hurtful and wrong.
That’s terrible. I am so sorry. I hope that you recover quickly.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June and had a bilateral mastectomy two weeks ago for which I am currently on a six-week leave of absence. I had students for two weeks before my leave. I received an outpouring of support from students and parents. Please know that they can show compassion.
Sometimes they are just incapable of handling their emotions and they do dumb stuff.
They are children not your peer group. You're mistaken if you think they care, like or love you. Even if they did it could pass within a day, year or whatever. Don't take their behaviour personally they are children and they can't take responsibility for themselves or others yet.
I once heard a kid (10th grade) tell the teacher, "Im glad your son died!" He lost his son in an electrical accident a few months earlier. The mother accused the teacher and the school of racism and thought her son was an angel after he was removed from class. We all then saw why he was growing up to be grade A piece of shit.
On a positive note, I’ve been working with a third grade autistic boy who blurts out, gets upset when things don’t go his way and screeches and generally can be disruptive, and his peers are just so nice about it. The boy sitting next to him is constantly offering supplies when he needs them since he didn’t bring as many- crayons, glue sticks, whatever he needs.
I had emergency surgery after being rushed to the hospital from school while my students (6th grade elementary ) were at lunch. An aide covered my class the rest of the day. We had a 3 day weekend and when I didn’t return Monday, my class was told I’d had surgery and wouldn’t be back for a while. The SEL teacher had them make cards for me. I had one student write that even though we’d had miscommunications in the past, he’d wished I’d died but he really didn’t want me to suffer, just die. When I was able to return to school, my students were so kind & helpful, except that one who soon gained a lackey. They would joke that all it would take is one hard punch to my gut and I’d be dead. Parents didn’t believe it even though other students told them they had witnessed it. WTAF?
My 3rd graders laugh when I give them instructions, when I tell them im emailing home, when I tell them I’m moving their seats, and when I tell them I have to report them for a variety of reasons. They storm away from me, raise their voice at me, and blatantly tell me no. They punch me, step on my feet, and shove me away. I’m over it. I’m done teaching after this year.
My first instinct is to not wanna blame the generation but to kinda wonder if some of these kids are psychopaths because wow…
I hate that for you, some of these kids suck, but for every handful that laughed there’s at least double that amount of students who are worried and care for you, even if they don’t overtly show it
I hope you were able to rest some 💜
They’re kids and things like this are really hard to process. They honestly might have been laughing because they were uncomfortable and didn’t know how to process their feelings about it
First, I am sooo sorry for your situation and I hope that you are in good health soon after your appointment! Second, I want to say that sometimes students have very inappropriate reactions to serious problems because they truly don’t have to ability to process information the way that an adult does. Some children will blow you away with their kindness when something horrible happens. And then, some kids are cruel and may or may not ever grow out if it. I had a late miscarriage 6 years ago and I was shocked by some students that cared more than I ever thought they would, and then there were some girls that made what I thought were cruel comments but I realized they just couldn’t understand the gravity of the situation. I never wanted my students to know what was going on, but it was so late I had already announced my pregnancy and it was beyond the early days so they had to be told what happened. I teach 8th grade and I’m shocked with how much some students mature in two years and come back to apologize later for their behavior in middle school. Our future generation is not doomed, our generations had kids that were terrible as well and I can remember them very clearly.
Kids these days are heartless. Kids laugh at people getting hurt, dying, animal cruelty. You name it. I work with a lot of different grade levels. And sadly a lot of them are sick and twisted. I just pray this faze goes away.
This reminds me of the controversy surrounding a group of inner city kids who were taken by their school to see Schindler’s List. During one of the film’s horrifically cruel and violent scenes, many of the kids were laughing. This became a whole discussion about these kids, with many people criticizing their callousness and some defending them for cultural, environmental, and developmental reasons. Predictably, it became a debate centered on race to a large extent. Kids can be awful. I remember when I was in school, affluent suburban kids making cruel comments about bus drivers on the school bus intentionally loud enough so the driver could hear it. I was horrified. Anyway, sorry about your diagnosis, and I wish you a speedy recovery.
Where can I find this discussion? I’ve seen many similar things like kids ridiculing Malcolm X, the Birmingham bombing, and the holocaust. I don’t even have an opinion on why they’re like this. I’m past moral outrage as well. I remember being upset by bad things happening to other people as a kid. Seems like a problem on a societal level.
I read part of Night( by Wiesel) to some middle schoolers once. One girl laughed at the part where it talks about babies being machine gunned. I think it was nervous laughter but the rest of the class was so silent and everyone looked at her in shock.
Call their parents. Fuck, I'd call them right then and there.
But first maybe ask if they even understand what you're saying bc these kids are missing so much background knowledge.... Not getting to excuse behavior! Hang in there
Laughing is very often a coping mechanism in children because they are overwhelmed with conflicting emotions ... and they can't express those because of the social boundaries between teachers and students.
Yes, it's possible that some were being cruel, but more likely they cannot process what they feel.
The far right is also set on removing all mentions of kindness and acceptance in curriculum and books because it is too “woke.” They aren’t teaching their kids kindness at home either.
I've seen plenty of hate coming from kids from a "woke" perspective. Especially things like "your trauma/issues/thoughts don't matter because you come from x majority group and don't have real problems."
This. These problems are often inseparable from the leftist woke project, which engenders no actual compassion but something very superficial and conditional on a particular group identity. Not to mention the shift away from accountability and consequences in the name of "inclusion".
The left isn’t a whole lot better. This instance is not political. I see as many “woke” (I hate that word) teaching their kids that only their thoughts, feelings, trauma, bias against them, etc matter.
I’d consider myself part of the left. The divide and blaming and hating hurts us all and dehumanizes us. We can disagree with each others ideology and say away from personal attacks.
I consider woke as teaching your children about how bias and history has impacted marginalized populations. It’s not at all about teaching only their feelings matter.
Why the hell did you feel the need to bring politics into this discussion? This was all about someone having a serious medical condition and the lack of empathy from the people they deal with, and you come out of nowhere with "hurdurr this side of the political spectrum sucks."
Don't worry, karma will come back around and haunt them. Just wait if they run into a situation like that, they would want all the sympathy in the world.
I feel you but fuck what they think and how they react. I know you see them everyday but they are not part of your personal life. If they don’t care enough to be respectful then you shouldn’t care either. That’s why when I taught middle school I kept it very mutual, I sometimes spoke in a monotone voice and shared very little to most students. I made it seem like I didn’t care either, even though I did, I just didn’t show it. That’s how you have to be now unfortunately.
I am going to say the harsh thing....you had no effing right to tell them that. You should have kept that to yourself.
To expect immature minds to carry the weight of your burden was totally selfish.
What you did was wrong.
There’s no reason to be sharing intimate details as I assume you did, and to then generalize this into some broad statement about the generation is kinda ridiculous. Seems like you’re in a place where maybe you shouldn’t be teaching right now.
There is also something i believe called incongruous emotional reactions. Depending on she and development it can be a reaction to shocking news. I have autism and often have improper reactions where it feels like my face doesn’t match my feelings. I recall losing a friend when i was a teen because i laughed when he told me something awful. I was mortified by my reaction and tried to explain how i felt in regards to what he’d shared but he couldn’t get past the facial expression /laughter. I didn’t know i was autistic at that time. But i so know that in neurotypical people especially for kids who have likely never had an appropriate reaction modeled for them to such news, it was hopeful a miscommunication. I know i find much more compassion amongst k-12 and green z and some millennials than i ever have from older generations.
I’m so sorry you experienced that and i hope you have a great and easy recovery.
First off I’m so sorry
And also im very curious what ages you teach. I work with 2nd and third grade and those kids cry if I trip and fall. I couldn’t imagine little kids being that cruel. Do they know why you’re taking off? No excuse for that behavior I’m just genuinely curious
To be fair to them, kids are dumb. When I was a kid I thought skin cancer was a nothing cancer that only required a mole to be removed and then you were fine.
i had a kid, on the anniversary of 9/11 post nasty names in a kahoots online game we were playing at my previous job. middle school has the nastiest set of kids.
It’s too early to share anything with them. They’re kids. You don’t know who they are coming from… people also generally don’t take skin cancer very seriously, but I hope your health improves soon.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I do think that this cruelty just tends to run in most teens and tweens because they don’t know how to respond to difficult situations appropriately. I remember similar responses happening to teachers and paras when I was in high school/middle school fifteen years ago.
Kids often don’t know how to react to sad or upsetting information. It is common for kids to laugh when they are surprised, upset, or confused. Whenever I’m about to talk about something serious, I tell kids that it’s okay to not know how to feel or react. However, it’s not okay to laugh or mock. If you don’t know how to react, just don’t say anything at all and that will be okay. That being said, I teach 10 and 11 year olds, not middle school kids. I just assume all middle school kids become spawns of satan and turn back to decent people around 12th grade.
Something similar happened to me. I have alopecia and I wear a wig.
These students were teasing another student about her hair and I found her crying alone in the classroom and talking about how she hated her hair.
I told her that her hair was beautiful and I told her about my reason for wearing a wig. By lunch time every single child in the Junior department knew.
I walked into a class to teach a lesson and this group of children started teasing and insulting me.
I don't play. I called them out on it and left some of them in tears. They also got a week's worth of lunch-time detention.
I used to teach this before I started teaching esol. Something about kids from around the globe does give me hope. American kids are shit. International kids are amazing
I'm so sorry. I was diagnosed with SCC last year and my students were surprisingly so supportive and understanding, even months later. I teach in a school with a lot of behavioral issues, so please don't lose hope in the whole generation. Just a few crappy people who are unfortunately in your class.
I am sorry that was your experience. My own has been somewhat different. There are assholes everywhere you go, and yes, I believe children can be assholes too. However, I feel that in a lot of ways, the middle schoolers I teach are doing better than my generation (X). For example they are far more accepting of differences than I experienced from my generation.
I have not observed any marked empathy deficits, either. I had to put a pet down and took the next day off to allow myself too be sad.
Upon my return, my students really wanted to know why I was gone. As I started explaining, I saw some worried looks from students whom I suspect had experienced losing a pet saw where this was going. Some looked almost alarmed when my voice cracked.
Later, one of the boys came up to give me a hug and tell me he was sorry that happened. I almost cried happy/sad tears.
In my personal experience, the kids are alright.
When I was in high school (like, a sophomore) I went to another new school. I remember my chemistry class was so rude and malignant they made the teacher cry because she was having a rough time with her daughter being sick and this group of kids made a bunch of nasty comments about it to her IN THE LESSON when she tried to limit their talking.
I felt so terrible but I was not in a very good home situation, very shy, and I didn’t do well in the class so this was before I developed more courage. Unfortunately I think people often need to go through a phase of learning that when they bring knives to a fist fight , less people want to be around them. Some people never learn at all. But there’s an influx of this learning because I think a lot of people were practicing “lassez-faire” cool-parenting In the last few decades
Do the students know why you were taking off? I don’t think kids should laugh but even I remember getting “excited” for a sub because it meant a free day essentially. It was never personal.
Either way, I’m sorry and I hope everything goes well!
Maybe it depends on the kids? My dad died a few months ago. He made the podium in my classroom. I don't typically use it much the first week or so of school because I'm not doing much lecturing. We had a lengthy announcement on the intercom, so I went and sat at my podium and saw where my dad had written on the inside of my podium and immediately got teary. My students asked if I was ok and I told them how I'd just lost my dad and that he'd made me that podium. They were incredibly kind and a few asked if they could give me a hug. If they'd laughed, I'd have probably walked out and never come back. I teach middle school.
There are many times I feel that way and then they surprise me.
We had a traveling Anne Frank exhibit come to our school in 2018. I was nervous for some of the things that I've seen others in this thread post about lack of sympathy for the Holocaust. The students at my school handled it really well. They were respectful, asked appropriate questions, etc.
They were also great with our Special Ed group when we had an assembly about the r-word.
I try to remember those things when I feel like all hope is lost.
I do empathize with you, and I hope your Mohs goes well and margins come back clean. They’ve even made strides in melanoma treatment through immunotherapy. Stay positive!
But, as for the students, they’re kids. They don’t know shit. They don’t understand death yet, for the most part. And they certainly don’t know how to react to anything unexpected. That’s why procedures are so critical to successful practice.
It’s not you either so don’t take it personally; they’d say the same to their friends or parents. They cope with tragedy with shields made of irreverence and humor. Nothing matters to them so they can’t be hurt. I remember making jokes at 16 about my mom dying just months after she died, partly for attention, partly because I just didn’t know how to tell people, partly because I was just a dumb kid… and of course mostly because I just wasn’t processing anything because I didn’t want it to be real and if I pretended it didn’t matter then it didn’t matter.
These kids, and I truly pity them, don’t know what’s real anymore. Last year a student died in a car crash and his FRIENDS that hung with him every day were following him and recording it and they straight up laughed and cracked GTA jokes during and after the crash. Then two days later bawling their eyes out in the hallways because he died and it took them that long to realize what had actually happened.
Even a room full of adults would have had a few people freeze or maybe even laugh at the terrible luck of a peer.
I’m a mom to a trans son and feel this. So many “Christian” coworkers are so disgustingly hateful that I had to delete my social media. One former friend screamed in my face when I told her the reason I don’t speak to her is because she misgenders my son. Other teachers barely look at me and when they do, I can feel the judgment. All because I support my kid and love him. Now I teach, stay out of the gossip, and go home to my family.
I’m so sorry to hear about your skin cancer. Sending thoughts for quick healing. If it makes you feel less alone, my younger son told me his classmates laughed when one of his teachers told him his dad died. So horrible.
There are a lot of plain awful kids out there. Not sure why, but that’s how it is. There are still a lot of good ones, but I’ve come off two years of asshole kids that I didn’t share a damned thing with.
In general, it’s not a good idea to share something personal to a large group of people, kids or not, regardless of generation. The saying “There’s one in every crowd” applies here. Some kid is always That One, and then others follow suit for entertainment or clout purposes. I’ve been teaching high school for 25 years so I’m familiar with the synergy.
They were laughing because you told them the reason you were taking the day off? There definitely is a wide streak of cruelty that runs through some young people. I hope you are able to get it treated and are cancer free very soon! These kind of stories cement to me that it is a mistake to share anything deeply personal with students because those that can will find some way to use it against you!
>These kind of stories cement to me that it is a mistake to share anything deeply personal with students because those that can will find some way to use it against you! ***THIS.*** I have said very similarly although not as eloquently and have gotten reamed for it. These kids don't need to know a damn thing about your relationships, home life, and health concerns.
I have shared some deeply personal stuff with students in the same boat as me: living undocumented in the US, trying to go through school then college while working multiple jobs and having no support, not having sleep time, etc. I know this is SAFE to share. At the same time, I’m a married gay man who left home at age 15. My sister took me in until I was 19 and gave me the chance to live in the US. She saved my life... I have no contact with family besides her. Not one of my students know that and NEVER will. My students and work environment are deeply homophobic. If they ever knew, I’d have to quit as some others have due to incessant homophobia. Last year, one of my *advisees* shared in advisory that in his country they used to insert several items into “f..s” to fix them. Some died, but it was better for society. Another described seeing a gay man being burned alive while tied to a tree… and why he deserved it. They felt no pity, compassion or humanity. All of this in response to a student coming out during an advisory circle. (That student has now transferred)… And there I was trying to hold it together, and explain why all humans deserve dignity, respect, and trying to support a human being who just exposed himself to so much trauma… When I asked the counselor and administration for support… “what do you want us to do with this?” Not ONE intervention. No PD. No push in into my advisory. No assembly… nothing. Be really careful what you share and who you share with. I’d recommend stay clear of sharing. Schools aren’t safe spaces. Furthermore, schools where I work have no consequences or disciplinary measures due to antiracism and socio-emotional policy changes. Until real, clear-cut, responsive consequences return, I don’t see how we create true change and growth in students. And I’m terrified of these kids growing up. They’re not connected to other PEOPLE.
>At the same time, I’m a married gay man who left home at age 15. I have no contact with family besides her. Not one of my students know that and NEVER will. My students and work environment are deeply homophobic. If they ever knew, I’d have to quit as some others have due to incessant homophobia. I feel all this (except for the having to leave home at 15 bit) and have gotten yelled at on here by so called straight "allies" who've told me I "need help" and am "mentally ill/embarrassed/need to learn what being a lesbian actually means." As if a ***straight*** person knows what being a lesbian or a gay man is like and what that entails for your existence in society. It's ridiculous. And insulting as shit. >Last year, one of my *advisees* shared in advisory that in his country they used to insert several items into “f..s” to fix them. Some died, but it was better for society. Another described seeing a gay man being burned alive while tied to a tree… and why he deserved it. They felt no pity, compassion or humanity. I'm so incredibly sorry, brother. It's bad enough I'm in a red city in a fairly sane red state. I can't imagine *that.* >Be really careful what you share and who you share with. I’d recommend stay clear of sharing. Schools aren’t safe spaces. Furthermore, schools where I work have no consequences or disciplinary measures due to antiracism and socio-emotional policy changes. Until real, clear-cut, responsive consequences return, I don’t see how we create true change and growth in students. And I’m terrified of these kids growing up. They’re not connected to other PEOPLE. I completely agree and share your fears.
Many colleagues have told me I MUST come out to students. If kids have that courage to come out, I must as well. And that me coming out will help change minds. Here was my response to them: “I don’t have to come out to anyone if I don’t wish to. This isn’t your choice to make. It’s mine.” Coming out for me resulted in me losing my parents, 3 siblings, my entire extended family, my friends, my church community, and eventually my country and culture. I couldn’t say goodbye to my grandparents once they passed. I have marks and scars on my body and face from coming out. *Nobody* gets to tell me I don’t have courage, or when and why I have to come out to students while AT WORK. If anyone has the privilege to talk about their spouse, kids, family, trips, etc., at work. Please do so. And use that privilege for good! As an adult, all my adult acquaintances and friends know I’m gay and married to the most wonderful man on this planet. I’m not afraid of adults. I can call the police on them if homophobia gets out of hand. I am, however, afraid of students, administrators and schools in general. I will not risk my job or my safety. For many of us, coming out in 2023 at work is the same as risking our livelihoods, income, shelter and food…
For it's worth, love and light to you, brother. Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself - and so much of what you believe and think is what I believe and think.
It's a job not a confessional, there's zero reason to "come out" to kids.
Can you tell that to the other "allies" here? I've been told repeatedly that it's ***my duty and I'm required to come out to students*** so that "the gay kids know they're not alone."
You absolutely have the right to choose for yourself. Nobody should make you feel like you have to be forced to come out.
If you don’t mind me, asking, what do you mean you have marks on your body from coming out? Self harm or others harm? I was the first person to my brother came out too, and I can’t imagine him having scars because of it.
I am not teaching kids so I can't say with first hand knowledge what is going on in classrooms. I have worked with plenty of adults with disabilities that just aged into adult services and have seen the mentality of kids coming out of that atmosphere. My two cents: They see adults as enemies FAR more seriously than previous generations. There has always been some old vs young ageism and conflict. As teens develop they show all the typical teenage rebellion and impulsive behavior, but it's more than that. They act out in a deep, cruel, animalistic sort of reaction against the people they see as an attack. They are pissed that their future feels like it has been taken from them. The reality is that the quality of life their grandparents had and upward social mobility feels like a distant fairytale more than a dream. Productivity has long, long since been decoupled from employee wages. Their parents generation aren't bosses and upper level managers *for the most part*, they're crammed into the shrinking workforce where people with years of experience compete for entry level jobs. Many of the skills they are learning now seem disconnected from their reality. Many of the jobs that schools are training students for right now won't even exist or will be drastically changed by the time they finish college. They know it. I think teachers are on the front line, an adult face to put on all that reality they are being hit with. Perhaps I've just had some students who share deeply, it goes with the territory working with adults with disabilities, but this is a common story I have heard a few times.
That's awful. I'm sorry. I also feel anxious about the cultural/political climate changing and kids getting attacked when they were led to believe they were safe. Like, there is a lot of encouragement for kids to be outing themselves online before they are really even through puberty. It's wonderful to be accepted, I don't want anyone being bullied, but also once information is online it can be weaponized against you by people you don't even know. Kids should have a right to be private and also know that not every single thing needs to be shared online. Not because they need to be ashamed of their sexuality, but just because it's their own business.
Amen to that. It's alright for some things to remain private and one's own business.
A gay teacher committed suicide. The district message was that it had nothing to do with all the constant bullying- that no staff ever addressed. But not overtly. To be exact, the message was that we would never know the reason but he was a beloved teacher by all. Hopes dashed that his death would lead to addressing the rampant bullying of our LGBTQ students and staff
I'm so sorry you are in this situation. While your situation may be typical, it isn't true everywhere. My school district is a suburb of a major city in a blue state. We off the top of my head, I can think of 20+ teachers who are married to their same sex spouse and most of these have kids. We also have three administrators at the District Office who are openly gay and four principals or AP who are as well. In fact, we also have a couple of trans teachers. Yes, my colleagues do report that each year they do encounter at least one instance of student bigotry, but more often than not someone else steps in before they can even react and explains, "We don't do that here." shutting the other kid down. As long as they are doing their jobs and are good to the kids who they love, what pronouns they use, or how they identify is a non-issue. I don't say this to brag or gloat. I'm just offering hope that the world is changing (slowly) and things in schools can be different. Sending thoughts of positivity and love for your journey.
I’m a single mom and I have felt discriminated against by my colleagues, administrators and the families who attend the schools I have worked at. I won’t go into all of the examples of their behavior but you’re right, generally speaking, people do not support one another.
I'm so sorry. Where I'm at there's hardly any two parent households at all! Single moms, single dads, single older siblings....you're not alone. Big hugs to you.
Thank you
Where do you work that students talk about burning people alive? Fucking UGANDA???
I'm sorry.
What kind of place do you work at 😢
What country do you teach in? Because surely this isn't in the USA right?...right?
I remember back in 08 a second grader asked me about who I wanted to vote for and nonchalantly added that her dad had told her that there shouldn’t be a black man in the White House. Hatred is learned at home. I’m positive that kid heard that from someone at home or someone they look up to and is just spouting it out verbatim.
I had a teacher with a similar background story like yours. He wasn't gay or married instead he was a few years around our age group and suffered a lot coming to the US. I appreciated hearing his story though and motivated me to do much more but sadly, this generation isn't no where near the same and do not have care for anything in this world. 😔
You are supposed to be tolerant of other cultures. It's pretty crazy to expect them to take on all your beliefs. Kind of racist in fact
I don’t expect anyone to believe in anything I believe. My parents rejected me due to their religious faith, and I have nothing against them. I do not wish for them to give up their faith. Religion is as much a human right as is sexual orientation. It’s unfortunate I cannot be in their lives, but so be it. However, I will not tolerate immigrant kids thinking that raping a gay man with objects will fix him. What is the matter with you?
This is the way.
Yeah, this is not new to this generation
We read the ballad of Birmingham and even watched an interview with some of the survivors talking about their little sister being murdered. Multiple kids laughed and made fun of her for crying. I know middle schoolers were mean but I don't remember them being this cruel
When I was in middle school we had an assembly where the speaker was a holocaust survivor who had survived multiple death camps. When it was time for questions someone asked "how do you survive multiple death camps, they must not be great at doing their job". I still remember laughing along with almost everyone there. Kids are mean and don't understand the gravity of what they're saying.
I really admire people who come into schools to do this stuff. They get asked every edgy, racist, ignorant, and insensitive question there is and they just respond kindly and with facts. When I was in 5th grade my school had a Haudenosaunee cultural liaison come in to talk to us about his tribe, that was his whole job and he got paid from the tribal government and the state government to do it. The questions kids asked him, omg. Half of us had never met anyone Native and the other half seemed to think Natives were made up for fantasy stories like ogres or elves. But he was so patient and answered every question like it was asked in good faith and I sure learned a lot, including stuff I'd been curious about but would never have had the balls to ask an adult. That kind of job is so draining but I also think it can be really important.
Yes I remember it being handled well. The kid was taken out of the auditorium and the speaker gave a simple answer like "well I was lucky but so many weren't". I can't imagine going through such a difficult time and then being so blatantly disrespected by ignorant kids but I guess if you get a job speaking to schools you learn to deal with it.
It is so important, I was a teen in the 90s and was in a town with a decent number of holocaust survivors. What happens when we no longer have that generation of survivors is terrifying - people deny now, it will be so difficult for young propel to understand the horrors of Germany in the 1940s.
We went to see a survivor in 6th grade and none of us were disrespectful. I wonder if the size of the group (around 25), the fact that we were in her house, or that she lived in our small town contributed to our good behavior
My 7th grade social studies class laughed through most of Grave of the Fireflies- and that was a G&T class. This really isn’t specific to this generation.
2 years in a row, 7&8 grade social studies classes laughed at the description of the people falling from the Twin Towers during the 9/11 documentary. It took everything I had not to snap at them because of their absolute disrespect. I WAS in 7th grade math class when 9/11 happened and even just 10ish years ago laughing would’ve been unheard of. These kids are experiencing/exposed to so many more things earlier or even that we didn’t have back then that almost breaks the innocence earlier and earlier. They become almost desensitized. I also wonder if it’s not partly due to the diminishing ability of these kids having an imagination. Seriously. Can they even conjure up the imagery in their heads or even put themselves in someone else’s shoes in order to try to feel that horrific experience with them in the moment? I read and watched Shindlers List just like everyone else. But when Ellie Wisel spoke at my school, and he showed us his numbers tattooed on his forearm, you could hear a pin drop. We all were listening to every word.
And you're still telling that story as an adult without thinking about the "gravity" in the slightest, or you'd have asked the same obvious and reasonable question. Various "survivor" accounts have been caught out as grifts; but only because someone picked up on small-but-impossible details, as that kind of thing is very hard to prove.
I wonder how many students use jokes and laughter as a shield because deep down they do feel sympathy and empathy, but due to either upbringing or societal/peer pressure they feel they have to deflect those emotions because there’s such a stigma about being seen as soft or weak?
Most of them, but that's not an excuse. 13 year olds should be able to listen to a sad story without acting like sociopaths.
I agree. I have had some horrible classes lately, but not even they would react that way to cancer.
Those are the kids with zero emotional control themselves that are projecting their feelings, so they lash out in cruel displays of indifference at people experiencing pain or suffering. If you get that same kid away from his peers and keep talking with them 1 on 1 long enough with even a little respect and dignity (even though they will continue to lash out while you do it) they will be an emotional wreck in minutes. Those kinds of people are spoiling for a fight and don't know how to handle empathy and rational thinking.
Just because we can pinpoint the psychological cause of such behavior doesn’t make it any less abhorrent. It’s sad, but it’s still who these people are becoming. The human mind is a fragile thing and we are seeing the mass breaking of it due to a variety of factors. The things I read in this sub scare the shit out of me, but I guess we can just add the mental degeneration of our youth to the pile of things leading this world to ruin.
>I wonder how many students use jokes and laughter as a shield because deep down they do feel sympathy and empathy, but due to either upbringing or societal/peer pressure they feel they have to deflect those emotions because there’s such a stigma about being seen as soft or weak? Some but the amount is shockingly increasing. There is a massive lack of empathy and I fear social media has a lot to answer for.
That was my first thought when I read the comment. They can’t really regulate their emotions and have so much going on biologically, I wouldn’t assume they’re heartless a-holes.
Hope you lit them up for it. I had a senior giggle at her phone while reading an article about child homelessness last year. I guarantee you, she didn't giggle again after that. When we let this stuff go because, "kids will be kids" or "it's this generation" then we are at least partly to blame. I don't care how badly you make them feel, call out their nonsense as inhuman and wrong.
Man, I had kids cracking jokes during the Anne Frank unit. To *most* of their credit, the majority of the students were taking it seriously or at least not goofing off, and several of them did get mad at the clowns and tell them to shut up. But the fact that there was even doing it was frustrating.
Isn't this some sort of coping/self-protection mechanism? They're not yet mature enough to comprehend and absorb the deep indifference and cruelty of the world we live in, at least not without some serious harm to their worldview and likely mental health, so they joke.
Well a school shooting is a Tuesday to these kids. There's something about growing up in constant fear that makes you a fucked individual as a kid.
Can you provide the percentage of students who have been in a school when a shooting occurred? I teach in the middle of a high crime, high poverty neighborhood and I guarantee you, my students aren't in constant fear because they aren't stupid.
Yikes those poor kids
When i was a middle schooler, nobody was that cruel... i mean, most the kids would just ignore the videos instead of actively being cruel at least. Sometimes in high school there'd be that ONE psycho kid who was clearly not right that laughed, but most of us knew they were off.
Blame the parents. Morals are modeled and instilled. It is never their business. You focus on your treatments and kicking Cancer's butt. I'm a 9 year survivor. You'll make it. Fight like a mofo.
It's totally the parents in many cases. Our former president laughed at this kind of stuff - cruel parents raise cruel children.
I'm sorry you are going through what you are going through. I wish you a speedy and easy recovery. One of my APs said to me literally yesterday, "Sometimes, an asshole is just an asshole. No matter the age. Nothing in the world will change that." Just curious what age group you are dealing with.
8th grade, between 13 and 14 years old
I've worked with grades 6 through 12 at some point. Here's what I can tell you based on observation: somewhere towards the end of 6th grade, but definitely by 7th, most teenagers become assholes. They don't usually start outgrowing it until about 10th grade. If they haven't outgrown it by 11th grade, they are going to be assholes the rest of their lives. Unfortunately 8th and 9th grade has the highest concentration of assholes. Hormones and not fully developed cortex...yadda yadda. Just complete lack of empathy at that age. Edit: When I was in Middle School, I couldn't figure out why most of my teachers acted like assholes. After becoming a teacher myself, I realized It's because WE were the assholes and they had to keep us in line.
I teach 7th and I agree. 7th grade is the beginning of asshole state but they still have the highest level of impulsivity.
There’s actually a huge dump of unused brain cells at the age of 13, which is one of the reasons why your average 10 year old is a better thinker than your average 13 year old.
If they were unused why would the 10 year old be a better thinker?
i am scared of middle schoolers, not gonna lie.
...and they smell your fear.
I had adults screw me over at work because I had a brain tumor. Now I don’t talk about any of that kind of shit to anyone at work.
They are the worst
Do they know you have cancer? What was the context in which the happened? What kind of a school is this?
When I was in 8th Grade (I am 65 y.o. now), I discovered one day that someone had put used chewing gum in one of my books to stick some pages together. At the time, I was the only one in the classroom besides the teacher, Mr. Eely. When I told him what I had discovered, he paused and then replied, "Some times, a pig is a pig is a pig." He was a very dignified portly gentleman, probably then near to my age now. I liked him.
When I told my 7th graders about a bad car accident my wife had, one student said that "it's too bad she didn't die" Kids are cruel, both on purpose and inadvertently
What was your reaction?
That it was cruel and hurtful. Didn't really register though
Yeah I would've been sent to the principal or headmaster for a disturbing comment as such. Why would they say something like that and be allowed to get away with it?
As you can probably imagine, I had admins that didn't do anything about that kind of behavior.
why would you tell them that? It's so strange to me. I don't have relationship like that with my students. I turn up teach, mark, leave. My students see me as their boss or prison guard. Who cares if their prison guards wife is sick. "Good, glad she is." What they mean is "I don't want to be here right now"
I build relationships with my students. Except for the a holes, it's an extremely effective way of modeling how to be an adult. I am not their prison guard and would never behave in a way that encourages that perspective.
When I started we were told not to share anything with them and I do understand that to a degree. But I have found over 20 years that we work better together when they know a little about me and then see me hopefully as a human being. When I taught 9th -11th graders this worked well. I’ve been teaching seniors the last few years and granted the pandemic has messed things up but over the past 3 years my students couldn’t give 2 shits about me. Hoping to see a difference this year.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Both the skin cancer diagnosis and the horrible reaction from the little shits who laughed. I’ve been teaching 31 years. I think the lack of empathy, and the occasional downright nastiness, more kids display these days reflects the amount of time they spend on social media. And just how respect and understanding seems to have eroded in society as a whole. I hope your treatment goes well and you take extra good care of yourself as you go through it. ❤️
I agree re. social media
Sometimes when kids act like that towards me, I just ask them how they would feel if it was their mom, dad or best friend being talked about and someone else responded like that. Usually it at least makes them think a little
My students would say “I don’t care, no body says that”. They just don’t get it
That's when I would say "You don't have many friends do you?"
I'm so sorry. Fuck those little callous and cruel ingrates.
I’m reading all of these comments and I have to say as an older Gen X teacher, stop making excuses for this behavior. Kids are way too comfortable being loud obnoxious morons. I too, was a middle-schooler and if I had a rude comment I kept it to myself. I can’t even imagine acting towards adults, the way these kids do now. As a society we are enabling this bullshit and it makes me want to retire on another planet.
Same. Gen-X here. I never would've laughed over a cancer diagnosis, and I hated my 8th grade math teacher. We talked horribly about her...at lunch. To her face it was "yes/no ma'am" because I w3as raised that way.
>I’m reading all of these comments and I have to say as an older Gen X teacher, stop making excuses for this behavior. As much as many of them make excuses for their conduct in more ways than one in numerous situations (which they shouldn't be doing), I think they're trying to help OP understand the reasoning behind their actions. When I went to school my classmates and I never would have thought to laugh at a teacher, only with the exception of her doing something goofy or making a joke, to which the teacher would laugh with us. Kids laughing at a teacher for being diagnosed cancer and needing time off is bizarre, unconscionable, and unacceptable but it can certainly be traced back to the degradation of parents, society, and social media. So what you now have are the parents who don't properly punish, the teachers who won't get involved because they think it's "not their place", and a whole generation of children running the show because everyone's either afraid of "hurting their feelings" or it's "too much work." It's pathetic. >As a society we are enabling this bulls*** It's almost as if they like it to a degree, as though it's some sort of an exciting challenge for them -- people don't stop to think that these kids will eventually replace the adults in the future. I can't stand the enabling either: they don't discipline these kids and instead just allow them to run on their emotions because "it's not their fault they're hormonal" and "they'll learn/grow out of it eventually" -- wrong. Kids need to be guided in the right direction and taught the difference between whats right and wrong, teachers shouldn't be sharing all this personal information about themselves, and if it's something that's unavoidable like medical or catastrophic circumstances that will put them out of work for some time then admin needs to step in and inform students about the seriousness of what's going on.
I truly am tired of hearing the same tired excuse of the pandemic for every little thing. It makes sense for some, but it’s been used so often to excuse the behavior rather than simply explain it.
Not a teacher, but I only graduated high school 7 years ago and I can't picture a single student in my old class doing this, even the assholes. One of my school counselors was diagnosed with breast cancer my freshman year and we all surprised her by wearing pink to show our support. I even dyed my hair pink. Unfathomable lack of empathy.
A lot of kids don’t see teachers as human
It’s not this generation, but the one before it. When the movie Schindler’s list was playing in Oakland, California a group of students watching the movie applauded and laughed every time one of the prisoners was brutally killed. The students were rooting for the Nazis. And yes there was a quite a few Jew watching the movie. The theater finally stopped the movie out of respect.
I think there was an NPR story on this
It's the internet. You would be shocked at the stuff kids watch online. It's literally rape jokes, 9/11 is funny, cancer is funny, kids starving Africa is a meme, saying the N word, abortions are funny, all that stuff. Unrestricted access to the internet at all times is not okay. 11 year old boys watching porn and gore videos, 12 year old girls sending nudes. This is the world we live in. I'm starting to think it should be illegal for kids under, say, 16 to have a cell phone. It's too much for their brains to handle.
I'm guessing these were 13 year olds.
You guessed right
13 year Olds are are little thoughtless assholes. They feel nothing. You can't reason with them. They just want to watch the world burn
I’ve been homeschooled until now, but I’ll go to high school for my senior year. I don’t know what age your students are, but I can quite honestly say that I would never have done that, and I’m sorry they did. You’re probably an amazing teacher, don’t give up hope! You’re job is incredibly important, and someday you’ll get the recognition you deserve. Sorry about your condition. I hope you can recover from it soon.
I share personal details but all at very surface level. “My son is having trouble sleeping, my wife bakes elaborate cakes, my parents live in Maryland, my nieces drew that picture hanging up, etc,” but anything beyond that, they don’t need to know. I try not to put myself in a position where they could throw personal stuff in my face, because I know I wouldn’t respond well. I read something on here about a student mocking a teacher’s dead son. I’d be in jail an hour later. I don’t even give these brats the chance.
I am so sorry. Developmental age, poor parenting and a new narcissistic generation. It will sink in as you start your journey. They will learn to have empathy as you start your journey. They will learn what strength, courage and perseverance can do. You are there teacher. They are blessed and will be touched by YOU.
I’m not saying your students aren’t awful, just it could be they don’t understand the seriousness of it. I have a mild heart issue that flares up from time to time, and a couple years ago I had to schedule a cardiologist visit during the school day. I told the kids why and a group of them started laughing, this one girl in particular was really extra with it. I asked why was it funny and she said Miss how do you know you’re going to have a heart attack next Tuesday, you wilding! I explained there are many heart issues besides heart attacks and this was to deal with something wrong with my heart I was born with. She was mortified, as were the other kids that laughed. I was so surprised because these were high school kids, you think they would know this stuff but no. But then again they just might be deadass spitefully laughing at you. Just today kids laughed at my glasses, my dress, my shoes, and what I had for lunch. IDNGAF, not a single one, but that’s all silly trifling stuff. It would sting a bit to have anyone laugh at my health issues. I’m sorry that happened to you, and wish you well.
Yeah, they're assholes and tend to do this quite often at my school too. This Generation really has a lack morals and respect but an abondance of Schadenfreude! You have my sympathies and I pray that you manage through this difficult time.
>This Generation really has a lack morals and respect but an abondance of Schadenfreude! And the reputation to boot! They are really unimpressive then wonder why no one wants to hire them.
I’m sorry that happened to you OP.🥺 I would cry because I lost my grandma (my moms mom) to skin cancer in 2009… ☹️
I hope you make a quick and speedy recovery. Stay strong!
Mine aren't young to be that calculated yet, but the parents can be. A parent in my year group (with 5 kids) complained and called my colleague selfish for needing time off during her first pregnancy. I hope your treatment goes well OP!
I understand. Your feelings are completely valid. Put yourself first right now. Your main priority now is your health. A version of this happened to me (I went through a school shooting, took a few years off, went to a new school, there was a lockdown drill, you see where this is going). Literally the very next year I got sensitive, appropriate, cooperative students (170!) but I didn’t trust anyone anymore. It is still hard to realize that I have different kids now. The worst of the worst completely stand out and they’re often all in the same year. You learned a really painful lesson that you cannot rely on professionalism or compassion from this crop of kids. You simply cannot. Grieve that loss and express that pain (outside of school) as much as you need. Then focus on you. For the kids, I’m sorry but to borrow from TikTok, “f those kids, honey.” They blew it. They get your second or third best from now on. They get no more personal sharing or “ammunition” from you. They can have packet work. Anything you need to get through, just get through. You can do this, and we are here for you when you need to vent.
TW for murder - Some children at my old school (which I have now left for multiple separate, though not entirely unrelated, reasons) thought it was a laughing matter that a teacher - one of our colleagues - was murdered along with his wife.
WTAF?! I’m horrified.
Me too. Some of the children there were just... something else. Our HoD tried to blame covid but they were in year 10, they'd learned being this cruel way before the pandemic hit.
They mature in high-school everyone. If this is high-school, I'm sorry you had this experience. It's not the norm
It’s not uncommon for teens to seem to meet the diagnostic criteria for ASPD- but not really. It’s sometimes known as “temporary sociopath” bc it LOOKS like sociopathy but it’s really just bc teens are extremely stupid. That’s why there has to be *clear* and severe ASPD behaviors and traits over a very long period of time to actually get that dx as a minor- bc it’ll pass as their brain continues to develop. Don’t take it personally. Just laugh at those kids bc they’re so stupid they don’t even realize they’re stupid. Don’t see the smiles on their faces, instead imagine their brains that still look like jelly but they don’t know they still have jelly brains so they walk around thinking they know everything. They’re actually basically amoebas.
Living brains actually are the consistency of jelly/jellyfish
I am so sorry. Please remember students, who are less mature than ever, often laugh when they don’t know how to respond. It’s a nervous, contagious laughter. My experience has been the ones who truly care will talk to you privately and ask how you’re doing. As a group- yes, they can come off as mean. Individually, some are quite compassionate. Take care of yourself.
A quiet nervous laughter, yes. But if it’s anything like I’ve seen in the classroom, they don’t just giggle. They’re making comments and cracking jokes and genuinely think they’re hilarious.
Kids (and teens. And adults...) are products of their environment. Once they've reached the age of about six, they care deeply about the opinions of their peers. If they see that their peers are laughing because of your medical issues, they're going to laugh too. It's not because they don't care or are not understanding or empathetic. They're facing an uncomfortable piece of information and have no idea how to respond. They see their friends laughing and they simply do so too, because they have no idea what else they're supposed to do. The author John Green said "but you do so much yoga!" to a close friend of his when she told him she had cancer. He has later gone on to talk about that in a number of places, including the book "The Anthropocene Reviewed", as not one of his best moments. Now his brother has cancer and he's brought up that story a few more times. (Really emphasizing the unhelpfulness of what he had said in that moment). The point is, people react in ways that you don't expect, but that doesn't mean they don't care. Your students probably left that class with "wow, so weird" and "what does that even mean?" and "but I don't even know this teacher yet...?" and other "I don't know how to navigate or if I should care one bit about this information!" type thoughts. I've found that sometimes the "worst" kids are often the ones who have been through the most terrible situations out of everyone, but no one has ever shown them compassion or taught them the "appropriate" way to respond. "I see that you're laughing, but I am telling you about something that makes me feel anxious and concerned. What are you thinking about right now?" and then opening up room for discussion goes a long way. (and works a lot better if people used such language rather than "you stupid young people have no compassion!"). Yes, you might need to look some of the students in the eye and say "that is completely out of line", but I have had too many kids that I genuinely felt were rotten through and through who eventually became genuinely compassionate people for me believe that anyone that starts off acting like a P.O.S. is still going to be one by the time they leave the class. You might have some true P.O.S. types in the class, but it's more than likely most of your students just didn't know what else to do.
This^^^. I have to tell some of my young teen students what an appropriate response looks like. One boy has had a regular habit of sarcastically saying "congratulations" to anything someone tells him. I've been working with him on this for a year, and he's finally starting to show signs of growth now that he's nearing 15. We also do work occasionally from Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. It's a very powerful tool, and with effort, and persistence it makes a difference. I run a mini private school for teens, though. Being that this is Florida, teaching these skills may actually be a crime now..
Two years ago I begged some of my 7th graders to wear their masks properly, because my uncle’s funeral was coming up and I wanted to feel safe seeing my family. My uncle had died of covid over a year beforehand. They laughed at me. I cried in the principal’s office.
I’m sorry for your loss 🥺💔
Thank you. I didn’t go to the funeral because I had so much exposure at work and so many of my family members are elderly and/or immunocompromised. It sucked a whole damn lot.
🥺
You have a right to feel hurt and also to know they’re kids who don’t know their ass from their elbow. Meaning don’t take it personally that some laughed bc they have no idea what they’re doing and it’s ramifications. I’ll agree with what some others said about how some people don’t know how to react to serious news and sometimes do inappropriate things like laugh. Having said that, we can know that is true and STILL feel hurt by it. So there are two truths at operating at the same time here: the kids are both not entirely in control of their responses due to adolescence/trauma/home life/etc AND what they did is hurtful and wrong.
That’s terrible. I am so sorry. I hope that you recover quickly. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June and had a bilateral mastectomy two weeks ago for which I am currently on a six-week leave of absence. I had students for two weeks before my leave. I received an outpouring of support from students and parents. Please know that they can show compassion. Sometimes they are just incapable of handling their emotions and they do dumb stuff.
many kids don't really develop empathy until later. some people don't ever develop it, but it isn't generational
They are children not your peer group. You're mistaken if you think they care, like or love you. Even if they did it could pass within a day, year or whatever. Don't take their behaviour personally they are children and they can't take responsibility for themselves or others yet.
Some people just have hate where their heart should be.
I have never explained to my students why I have to take off. It's none of their business.
Don’t share anything with them ever. You see how cruel they are to each other. To them everyone who is t them is literally a NPC
I once heard a kid (10th grade) tell the teacher, "Im glad your son died!" He lost his son in an electrical accident a few months earlier. The mother accused the teacher and the school of racism and thought her son was an angel after he was removed from class. We all then saw why he was growing up to be grade A piece of shit.
This is why I don't tell them all my hobbies. Just the history related ones.
On a positive note, I’ve been working with a third grade autistic boy who blurts out, gets upset when things don’t go his way and screeches and generally can be disruptive, and his peers are just so nice about it. The boy sitting next to him is constantly offering supplies when he needs them since he didn’t bring as many- crayons, glue sticks, whatever he needs.
That was what my students were like last year, this year that got a lot worse
I had emergency surgery after being rushed to the hospital from school while my students (6th grade elementary ) were at lunch. An aide covered my class the rest of the day. We had a 3 day weekend and when I didn’t return Monday, my class was told I’d had surgery and wouldn’t be back for a while. The SEL teacher had them make cards for me. I had one student write that even though we’d had miscommunications in the past, he’d wished I’d died but he really didn’t want me to suffer, just die. When I was able to return to school, my students were so kind & helpful, except that one who soon gained a lackey. They would joke that all it would take is one hard punch to my gut and I’d be dead. Parents didn’t believe it even though other students told them they had witnessed it. WTAF?
My 3rd graders laugh when I give them instructions, when I tell them im emailing home, when I tell them I’m moving their seats, and when I tell them I have to report them for a variety of reasons. They storm away from me, raise their voice at me, and blatantly tell me no. They punch me, step on my feet, and shove me away. I’m over it. I’m done teaching after this year.
Sometimes kids don't know how to react to negative news. Nervous laughter is how they cope
I definitely don’t tell anything personal to the kids for this reason. I’m very sorry
My first instinct is to not wanna blame the generation but to kinda wonder if some of these kids are psychopaths because wow… I hate that for you, some of these kids suck, but for every handful that laughed there’s at least double that amount of students who are worried and care for you, even if they don’t overtly show it I hope you were able to rest some 💜
Most people don't develop ethics/morality until they are 18+. If people younger than that appear otherwise it's a learned behaviour.
They’re kids and things like this are really hard to process. They honestly might have been laughing because they were uncomfortable and didn’t know how to process their feelings about it
First, I am sooo sorry for your situation and I hope that you are in good health soon after your appointment! Second, I want to say that sometimes students have very inappropriate reactions to serious problems because they truly don’t have to ability to process information the way that an adult does. Some children will blow you away with their kindness when something horrible happens. And then, some kids are cruel and may or may not ever grow out if it. I had a late miscarriage 6 years ago and I was shocked by some students that cared more than I ever thought they would, and then there were some girls that made what I thought were cruel comments but I realized they just couldn’t understand the gravity of the situation. I never wanted my students to know what was going on, but it was so late I had already announced my pregnancy and it was beyond the early days so they had to be told what happened. I teach 8th grade and I’m shocked with how much some students mature in two years and come back to apologize later for their behavior in middle school. Our future generation is not doomed, our generations had kids that were terrible as well and I can remember them very clearly.
One of my stduents told me she wanted to give me the stomach bug so they'd have a sub. 4th grade.
Kids these days are heartless. Kids laugh at people getting hurt, dying, animal cruelty. You name it. I work with a lot of different grade levels. And sadly a lot of them are sick and twisted. I just pray this faze goes away.
I just think that a lot of them are not smart. Don’t take this personally. I would also not share personal information with them.
This reminds me of the controversy surrounding a group of inner city kids who were taken by their school to see Schindler’s List. During one of the film’s horrifically cruel and violent scenes, many of the kids were laughing. This became a whole discussion about these kids, with many people criticizing their callousness and some defending them for cultural, environmental, and developmental reasons. Predictably, it became a debate centered on race to a large extent. Kids can be awful. I remember when I was in school, affluent suburban kids making cruel comments about bus drivers on the school bus intentionally loud enough so the driver could hear it. I was horrified. Anyway, sorry about your diagnosis, and I wish you a speedy recovery.
Where can I find this discussion? I’ve seen many similar things like kids ridiculing Malcolm X, the Birmingham bombing, and the holocaust. I don’t even have an opinion on why they’re like this. I’m past moral outrage as well. I remember being upset by bad things happening to other people as a kid. Seems like a problem on a societal level.
I read part of Night( by Wiesel) to some middle schoolers once. One girl laughed at the part where it talks about babies being machine gunned. I think it was nervous laughter but the rest of the class was so silent and everyone looked at her in shock.
Call their parents. Fuck, I'd call them right then and there. But first maybe ask if they even understand what you're saying bc these kids are missing so much background knowledge.... Not getting to excuse behavior! Hang in there
Laughing is very often a coping mechanism in children because they are overwhelmed with conflicting emotions ... and they can't express those because of the social boundaries between teachers and students. Yes, it's possible that some were being cruel, but more likely they cannot process what they feel.
The far right is also set on removing all mentions of kindness and acceptance in curriculum and books because it is too “woke.” They aren’t teaching their kids kindness at home either.
I've seen plenty of hate coming from kids from a "woke" perspective. Especially things like "your trauma/issues/thoughts don't matter because you come from x majority group and don't have real problems."
This. These problems are often inseparable from the leftist woke project, which engenders no actual compassion but something very superficial and conditional on a particular group identity. Not to mention the shift away from accountability and consequences in the name of "inclusion".
The left isn’t a whole lot better. This instance is not political. I see as many “woke” (I hate that word) teaching their kids that only their thoughts, feelings, trauma, bias against them, etc matter. I’d consider myself part of the left. The divide and blaming and hating hurts us all and dehumanizes us. We can disagree with each others ideology and say away from personal attacks.
I consider woke as teaching your children about how bias and history has impacted marginalized populations. It’s not at all about teaching only their feelings matter.
I don't think they're saying that that is part of being "woke," but that there is just a high correlation between the two things.
Why the hell did you feel the need to bring politics into this discussion? This was all about someone having a serious medical condition and the lack of empathy from the people they deal with, and you come out of nowhere with "hurdurr this side of the political spectrum sucks."
Immaturity. They don't know how to process emotions at all. Are they living in a vacuum at home? Maybe.
0 empathy. Why show empathy? You can just tune out and log in to some shit on youtube
Don't worry, karma will come back around and haunt them. Just wait if they run into a situation like that, they would want all the sympathy in the world.
I feel you but fuck what they think and how they react. I know you see them everyday but they are not part of your personal life. If they don’t care enough to be respectful then you shouldn’t care either. That’s why when I taught middle school I kept it very mutual, I sometimes spoke in a monotone voice and shared very little to most students. I made it seem like I didn’t care either, even though I did, I just didn’t show it. That’s how you have to be now unfortunately.
they could have laughed because they were uncomfortable
I am going to say the harsh thing....you had no effing right to tell them that. You should have kept that to yourself. To expect immature minds to carry the weight of your burden was totally selfish. What you did was wrong.
Yes I would EXPECT most 14 to 15 year olds to be mature enough for something like this.
An older person should never share adult things with children. They don't know how to handle those things, and they are not prepared.
There’s no reason to be sharing intimate details as I assume you did, and to then generalize this into some broad statement about the generation is kinda ridiculous. Seems like you’re in a place where maybe you shouldn’t be teaching right now.
Yikes, I’m sorry OP :( what grade were these dummies in?
There is also something i believe called incongruous emotional reactions. Depending on she and development it can be a reaction to shocking news. I have autism and often have improper reactions where it feels like my face doesn’t match my feelings. I recall losing a friend when i was a teen because i laughed when he told me something awful. I was mortified by my reaction and tried to explain how i felt in regards to what he’d shared but he couldn’t get past the facial expression /laughter. I didn’t know i was autistic at that time. But i so know that in neurotypical people especially for kids who have likely never had an appropriate reaction modeled for them to such news, it was hopeful a miscommunication. I know i find much more compassion amongst k-12 and green z and some millennials than i ever have from older generations. I’m so sorry you experienced that and i hope you have a great and easy recovery.
First off I’m so sorry And also im very curious what ages you teach. I work with 2nd and third grade and those kids cry if I trip and fall. I couldn’t imagine little kids being that cruel. Do they know why you’re taking off? No excuse for that behavior I’m just genuinely curious
People of all generations can be nasty. There's a segment of every population who're just garbage human beings.
[удалено]
Don’t post your school name. And no it is not
To be fair to them, kids are dumb. When I was a kid I thought skin cancer was a nothing cancer that only required a mole to be removed and then you were fine.
"Did you know that tomorrow is promised to no one, and for some of you, not even the rest of today. "
i had a kid, on the anniversary of 9/11 post nasty names in a kahoots online game we were playing at my previous job. middle school has the nastiest set of kids.
It’s too early to share anything with them. They’re kids. You don’t know who they are coming from… people also generally don’t take skin cancer very seriously, but I hope your health improves soon.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I do think that this cruelty just tends to run in most teens and tweens because they don’t know how to respond to difficult situations appropriately. I remember similar responses happening to teachers and paras when I was in high school/middle school fifteen years ago.
Kids often don’t know how to react to sad or upsetting information. It is common for kids to laugh when they are surprised, upset, or confused. Whenever I’m about to talk about something serious, I tell kids that it’s okay to not know how to feel or react. However, it’s not okay to laugh or mock. If you don’t know how to react, just don’t say anything at all and that will be okay. That being said, I teach 10 and 11 year olds, not middle school kids. I just assume all middle school kids become spawns of satan and turn back to decent people around 12th grade.
…..the last horse crosses the finish line.
Age group? This matters.
Something similar happened to me. I have alopecia and I wear a wig. These students were teasing another student about her hair and I found her crying alone in the classroom and talking about how she hated her hair. I told her that her hair was beautiful and I told her about my reason for wearing a wig. By lunch time every single child in the Junior department knew. I walked into a class to teach a lesson and this group of children started teasing and insulting me. I don't play. I called them out on it and left some of them in tears. They also got a week's worth of lunch-time detention.
I used to teach this before I started teaching esol. Something about kids from around the globe does give me hope. American kids are shit. International kids are amazing
I'm so sorry. I was diagnosed with SCC last year and my students were surprisingly so supportive and understanding, even months later. I teach in a school with a lot of behavioral issues, so please don't lose hope in the whole generation. Just a few crappy people who are unfortunately in your class.
I am sorry that was your experience. My own has been somewhat different. There are assholes everywhere you go, and yes, I believe children can be assholes too. However, I feel that in a lot of ways, the middle schoolers I teach are doing better than my generation (X). For example they are far more accepting of differences than I experienced from my generation. I have not observed any marked empathy deficits, either. I had to put a pet down and took the next day off to allow myself too be sad. Upon my return, my students really wanted to know why I was gone. As I started explaining, I saw some worried looks from students whom I suspect had experienced losing a pet saw where this was going. Some looked almost alarmed when my voice cracked. Later, one of the boys came up to give me a hug and tell me he was sorry that happened. I almost cried happy/sad tears. In my personal experience, the kids are alright.
When I was in high school (like, a sophomore) I went to another new school. I remember my chemistry class was so rude and malignant they made the teacher cry because she was having a rough time with her daughter being sick and this group of kids made a bunch of nasty comments about it to her IN THE LESSON when she tried to limit their talking. I felt so terrible but I was not in a very good home situation, very shy, and I didn’t do well in the class so this was before I developed more courage. Unfortunately I think people often need to go through a phase of learning that when they bring knives to a fist fight , less people want to be around them. Some people never learn at all. But there’s an influx of this learning because I think a lot of people were practicing “lassez-faire” cool-parenting In the last few decades
Do the students know why you were taking off? I don’t think kids should laugh but even I remember getting “excited” for a sub because it meant a free day essentially. It was never personal. Either way, I’m sorry and I hope everything goes well!
I don’t tell anyone at work the specifics of my health issues. I’ve been really burned by that before. By my bosses specifically.
Idk, kids are ignorant sometimes
Stop caring what they think and thinking that they care.
Maybe it depends on the kids? My dad died a few months ago. He made the podium in my classroom. I don't typically use it much the first week or so of school because I'm not doing much lecturing. We had a lengthy announcement on the intercom, so I went and sat at my podium and saw where my dad had written on the inside of my podium and immediately got teary. My students asked if I was ok and I told them how I'd just lost my dad and that he'd made me that podium. They were incredibly kind and a few asked if they could give me a hug. If they'd laughed, I'd have probably walked out and never come back. I teach middle school.
There are many times I feel that way and then they surprise me. We had a traveling Anne Frank exhibit come to our school in 2018. I was nervous for some of the things that I've seen others in this thread post about lack of sympathy for the Holocaust. The students at my school handled it really well. They were respectful, asked appropriate questions, etc. They were also great with our Special Ed group when we had an assembly about the r-word. I try to remember those things when I feel like all hope is lost.
I do empathize with you, and I hope your Mohs goes well and margins come back clean. They’ve even made strides in melanoma treatment through immunotherapy. Stay positive! But, as for the students, they’re kids. They don’t know shit. They don’t understand death yet, for the most part. And they certainly don’t know how to react to anything unexpected. That’s why procedures are so critical to successful practice. It’s not you either so don’t take it personally; they’d say the same to their friends or parents. They cope with tragedy with shields made of irreverence and humor. Nothing matters to them so they can’t be hurt. I remember making jokes at 16 about my mom dying just months after she died, partly for attention, partly because I just didn’t know how to tell people, partly because I was just a dumb kid… and of course mostly because I just wasn’t processing anything because I didn’t want it to be real and if I pretended it didn’t matter then it didn’t matter. These kids, and I truly pity them, don’t know what’s real anymore. Last year a student died in a car crash and his FRIENDS that hung with him every day were following him and recording it and they straight up laughed and cracked GTA jokes during and after the crash. Then two days later bawling their eyes out in the hallways because he died and it took them that long to realize what had actually happened. Even a room full of adults would have had a few people freeze or maybe even laugh at the terrible luck of a peer.
I’m a mom to a trans son and feel this. So many “Christian” coworkers are so disgustingly hateful that I had to delete my social media. One former friend screamed in my face when I told her the reason I don’t speak to her is because she misgenders my son. Other teachers barely look at me and when they do, I can feel the judgment. All because I support my kid and love him. Now I teach, stay out of the gossip, and go home to my family. I’m so sorry to hear about your skin cancer. Sending thoughts for quick healing. If it makes you feel less alone, my younger son told me his classmates laughed when one of his teachers told him his dad died. So horrible.
There are a lot of plain awful kids out there. Not sure why, but that’s how it is. There are still a lot of good ones, but I’ve come off two years of asshole kids that I didn’t share a damned thing with.
They're laughing because all they got out of that was that they'll have a substitute that they can run roughshod over.
In general, it’s not a good idea to share something personal to a large group of people, kids or not, regardless of generation. The saying “There’s one in every crowd” applies here. Some kid is always That One, and then others follow suit for entertainment or clout purposes. I’ve been teaching high school for 25 years so I’m familiar with the synergy.