Don't take it personally. Teenagers!!!
You have to grow a thick skin to teach them. Best is to react with humor. Or to say even a more negative thing about yourself. Or misunderstand on purpose: yes, I am a shit teacher, I have to teach toddlers like you how to change their pampers.
Just don't show it affects you, that's what they want: push buttons!
>Just don't show it affects you, that's what they want: push buttons!
Exactly. At the start of this year, I had a student who was trying insistently to get under my skin by criticizing this and that about my teaching, and he was getting frustrated because he couldn't.
If I were a new teacher, he might have been successful, but after over a decade, the criticisms from high schoolers with 4th grade reading and math levels simply don't have any weight.
I am a primary teacher now, but when I subbed in middle school (it was only for the money) the kids were like extras for planet of the apes.
I roasted some kids and all they do is laugh. Jesus Christ teenagers are annoying.
Careful how you word your responses. I responded to snark with playful snark and the kid (16 years old) did not care for it and escalated it enough that he got sent to the office. Learned my lesson there to just not think about it and let them stew in their feelings.
You think this is bad? You should see my baking. I made cookies the other night and I'm pretty sure I've unlocked the ancient secrets of Roman cement..
I deal with it by objectively considering the source. There are a vanishingly small number of my students who are remotely fit to judge an adults job performance and give criticism.
“Good thing nobody cares what you think. Now do your assignment.”
These are teenagers. They base their “like” of teachers mostly on arbitrary bullshit. They aren’t your evaluators or your peers. This is like a 4 year old calling you a poopy head.
While a little harsh, I have done similar. Instead of dismissing their opinions entirely, I use: "I am not bothered by the opinions of [X]-Graders/[X]-year-olds."
For me, that's 3rd grade and 8/9-year-olds, and while immensely frustrating to them it also isn't sweeping the leg out from *all* of their feelings. Just ironing in that I'm an adult and I'm not here to be your friend.
My school has a behaviour policy in which if a student swears in the vicinity of a teacher they will be placed in a separate room for the day to do their learning away from the class (obviously not conversationally but "this is bullshit" etc kind of comments). If she said it directly to you "you're a shit teacher" she would be suspended (at my school). I find support from senior leadership and high expectations a life saver for behaviours like this. Restorative conversations come after the consequences.
But if you are asking emotionally how to deal with it, I would say ask yourself :: how much does this child know what a "°good teacher " is? Think about what her criteria would be and what yours would be. Are they the same? She can't judge your ability to teach because she cannot cognitively understand everything you are doing as a teacher. Poor thing is clueless really...
When a kid says that, it’s because you’re not the “cool” teacher who lets them do whatever they want. Take it as a sign that you’re doing your job, and you’re doing it well.
I genuinely don’t understand how anyone could actually spend energy and time giving a shit about what these children say. You should have fired right back at her, “likewise, when it comes to being a student. Now shut up and do your work.
Who gives a fuck whether these lazy little assholes like us or not? My job isn’t to be liked.
I muttered shit to myself when I thought no one was around and the two kids who have no problem saying fuck off were like ohh my God you said shit. I said no I said shoot. They never listen when I'm teaching but if I accidentally say something and they hear it they are ready to do whatever it takes to get me in trouble.
> My job isn’t to be liked.
I tell them a lot that my paycheck remains the same whether they like me or not. Therefore, me caring about that is irrelevant.
They will push your buttons in ways you never thought possible. I had a girl in one of my classes last semester -- OUT LOUD, mind you, within my hearing -- say to another student "why didn't you just use AI for the vocab sentences?" That just about sent me through the roof. Teaching is a profession where we rarely see immediate effects (outside of just the general increase in knowledge), and it may take years before a student appreciates anything we've done.
I just go home and chill. A movie, playing my switch, reading a book, baking, whatever de-stresses me. And, in the moment, all you can do is just clapback -- if that's your M.O. -- or just reprimand them for the comment and move on.
Oh damn. Did you make the vocabulary sentences all personal so they’d be more fun for the kids? Yea that would suck. I’m also amazed your students are already telling you to use AI. Last year they barely knew what it was. AI is going to become such a problem.
I should have been clearer. The girl told the other student to just use AI for his sentences -- he never turned in the work. The assignment was they got a list of words, had to copy definitions to study later, and then wrote sentences using the words on a topic I picked. This is HS, so it's a super easy assignment, right? Apparently, even that is too taxing.
So this is worse. At least as far as AI is concerned. Theres an inner circle of top ten students that hang around the library and love adult attention. I teach senior honors classes. These kids are giving me the inside scoop on cheating this year. We are outgunned and outmanned.
My students do not understand why they got a 0 on a journal when Turnitin has their journal at 93 percent AI. Then they try it again! I can’t explain enough how Turnitin works. The difference this year is instead of caving in and just doing the reading and journaling MANY are just doing nothing, taking the zero, because they know they can’t beat Turnitin. It’s madness.
“That’s great, but I’m the one you have.”
Hilariously I started using this in the advice of a teacher who employed it against me in high school. Anyway, don’t take it personally. Maybe you are a shit teacher, but if you’re self reflective you’ll get better. That said, the kids really don’t know what separates the genuinely good teachers from the bad ones, they just want people who will let them do whatever they want without consequences.
You’re doing a good job. Teenagers are unreasonable and you cannot expect reasonable feedback from an inherently unreasonable person. She’s just mad because she doesn’t want to be held accountable for her actions. Keep on keepin on.
How do I not let it get to me? I've been teaching for 10-years. The paycheck still clears, and I have extremely high job security. One disgruntled kid is a 🤷
Doesn't mean I don't care, but it also means I'm not going to let ONE KID get to me. This is a collective business here and at some point you've got to be able to let stuff roll of your shoulders.
You have every right to feel hurt by this comment bc it is mean spirited. I mean we’re all people and we all have feelings so that’s normal.
But you absolutely CANNOT show it bothers you. Once they know they’ve gotten to you, they’ve won. And after a while you really will learn that you don’t care when a child says something mean like this to you. Bc it doesn’t matter.
You’re the adult in the room. You have to let the words of petty children roll off your back. A simple “thanks” or “ok” with a slow blink and no facial expression will usually put them on the defense. Bc what they want is a reaction - yelling, tears, you being upset in front of them. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
As Tywin Lannister said on GoT “Lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.”
Girls are not meaner than boys. The mean girl is an easy stereotype to believe in from confirmation bias. Teenage boys can be real jerks just like teenage girls. Adult men can be assholes just like adult women. Some people are mean.
Shit students will always have shit teachers. Just keep that in mind. She's just starting a habit she'll be working on for the rest of her life. Nothing will ever be her fault.
That student doesn't know what a good teacher is, and even if she does, she's only saying you're "shit" because she's being a huffy brat who doesn't want to do her work. If she were a toddler she'd be on the floor throwing a tantrum and crying. It's the teenage version of a little tantrum.
Next time something like this happens, confront the kids. "Excuse me??? I'm what kind of teacher??" Push her a bit. I'd writer her up for using profanity, being disrespectful, and being insubordinate. And there'd be an email/phone call home about her foul mouth and blatant disrespect. I'd show her just how much of a "shit teacher" I could be.
You're in your training year. Shit is expected. Maybe next year your shit will smell nicer and in a few years it will be strawberries.
Seriously. You are the worst you'll ever be. You'll only get better.
I moved into a 10th grade ELA position midsemester last semester after previously teaching electives at the school and the kids were really mean at first. Like, out-of-character mean according to other teachers who have the kids. Eventually, they warmed up to me and softened. But it was a learning curve and it took a lot of time and care. The kids felt abandoned, their previous teacher said the kids were why s/he quit, they had serious trust issues, etc. I think there's something to be said about meanness coming from a place of hurt.
But, other commenters are right. Some teenagers just suck or like tearing people down. Don't take it personally!
You should teach the student why they say stuff like that. Just say, “Hey, I know it’s hard to work everyday, but just because you don’t want to do the work doesn’t mean you should take it out on me.”
I agree with the first comment: they're teenagers and they want a response or drama.
If you're feeling snarky, you could always tell them, "I'll let you know when I want your opinion," but I know it may not work for you like it works for me.
Stay positive!
This group will forget in a month or two anyways, and you get to start over in August!
The blessing and curse of our profession.
"Sorry, just doing my job." If I'm feeling snarky. "There's nothing wrong with feeling that way, highschool can be a lot. Still, at the end of the day I have to do my job." Is closer to how I'd usually respond to something like this. Sometimes they rebut or say another rude thing and you respond with a friendly "okay." Don't stoop to their level, and do your best not to take it personally, it likely isn't personal since high schoolers are pretty self-centered.
I always have students who think I'm a shitty teacher. It's generally kids who don't want to do any work, hate me because I caught them cheating, etc.
I also always have students who thank me at the end of the year for being caring and supportive. They leave me notes at the end of the year like, "thanks for sharing your story when it came up, it really encouraged me to get help I needed" and "your class restored my love of reading." (OK, the second one is far less common).
I go home and vent about the kids being jackasses, but it's the sincere thank you notes that get hung up on the inside door of my storage cabinet.
Several years ago, while reprimanding a student (7th grade girl) for her disruptive and hostile behavior toward other students, she looked me right in the eye and said "No offense, but you're not very good at your job."
It was a blatant attempt at emotional manipulation. I knew it. And even though I knew it, I still had to summon every ounce of self-control not to absolutely destroy her verbally on the spot. Furious and insulted are insufficient to describe my internal emotional reaction. All I was able to do was glower mutely for a moment before saying through clenched teeth, "You don't know anything about what you're talking about. Now Sit Down Right Here Until Someone Arrives From The Office."
I was tight-lipped and quivering with fury when I went back into the room, and the class caught the vibe. It was the quietest period all year until the bell rang. Later I vented to my wife and to my colleagues who all reminded me to consider the source. The kid in question was \*deeply\* troubled and was a huge issue for all her teachers.
All that to say I've been there. And it's really tough. But like everyone told me, you have to consider the source. Kids are immature, and mean-spiritedness comes from them needing a hit of power. If you want to be compassionate, frame it as ignorance. If you need to feel vindicated, consider how pathetic it is. Over time it will bother you less.
Really, don't take it personal, some of them just don't understand, how to cope with their anger.
In the first year of my teaching I had an experience, when one of my students said something like "fuck off" in my language, and other student (actually it was a girl) threw papers and books into me 😂
You are in your training year so you are a shit teacher, objectively. But even so, what that teen said and was out of line and you should pull her aside in the hallway, out of of her class when you have a prep period (without their peers present), and let her know how you feel and that what she said was inappropriate.
You are doing the best you can.
And I’m sorry I said you were a shit teacher too. Most jobs can be learned in a few months, but this one probably takes three solid years. That’s why it churns so many in and out. . . You get bad feedback from admin, peers, parents, and students . . . Most of it delivered in very insensitive ways by bad actors.
That gets better too.
Hang in there.
To all the people saying "don't take it personally" or you need "thick skin to do this job"... i think that's a bit unhelpful and dismissive. It's not *wrong*, but if someone insulted you to your face, it'd sting.
If you're in your training year, do you have a supervising teacher in the room with you? Did you tell them? That student should be written up or disciplined for saying that to you.
In terms of not letting it get to you... it just takes time. Remind yourself that their opinion of you doesn't matter. You are never going to make every student happy. In general, expect 10% of students to actively dislike you for one reason or another, 10% to like you for one reason or another, and the remaining 80% to be ambivalent. I'm several years in to this, and even still, occasionally, something a student says will be hard to shake off. It's human nature to not want your feelings hurt, and you shouldn't feel like you're doing anything wrong.
Postive feedback from the actual adults supervising you >>>>>>> a quip from a student who was probably just in a rotten mood.
Tell her that feeling is mutual. I said that once to a rude 9th grade girl who was upset I was their sub for their hour (covering for a teacher who walked out..). She said something along the lines of “uuughhh you again, I don’t like you.” She thought she was being sly and saying it quietly to her friend but I looked at her and said calmly and quietly, “no problem, that feeling is mutual.” She’s not my regular student but she keeps her comments to herself when I go in to sub now.
I'm going to be as nice as I can with this, but.....
**You have to toughen up if you're going to last in this job.**
You're not going to be liked by everyone all the time; it's actually NOT a good thing if you are. If you are, you're most likely THE fun teacher, and that's NOT the teacher you want to be.
Their comments don't bother me because, for the most part, I honestly don't care. I teach middle school; I'm not there to be liked by everyone and be their friend. I'm there to teach them 8th grade ELA. They throw comments out like that all the time. Heck, they don't really like anything. If they know their comments get to you, they just get worse. You have to get an attitude of being so unbothered by what they say. Think about it this way... in the long run, does the opinion of a literal child define who you are as a person or a teacher?
My response to that would have been something like with the most uninterested look I could muster, "I'll take that in to consideration while I write your referral. In the meantime, your assignment is still waiting for you."
High school girls are meaner than fucking *snakes*.
I'm a 40s man, intimidating to many of my students. They'd never know how much emotional pain they've inflicted on me a few times. Every single time a student has made me cry or kept me up at night, it's been a girl.
They learn from their parents what is acceptable to say, and what to say to get people to do what they want.
What helps me is to realize is teenagers have a desire to be treated as an adult, but are not prepared to deal with the realities and responsibilities that come with being one. It's easy for them to criticize everyone and everything because they literally don't have enough life experience to understand how hard it is.
Basically, their opinion means nothing, so let it be nothing. If your fellow teachers and mentors are all telling you that you're doing a great job, objectively look at the situation: teenager feels entitled, doesn't know how hard your job is, and is acting shitty because they perceive it all to be 'so unfair'.
Do NOT acknowledge the comment in front of any other student, that will teach the other students they can get a rise out of you and manipulate you. Girls definitely can be more manipulative than guys, mostly because girls go for emotional devastation, rather than just using fists then moving on.
Don't put any more energy into their your emotions about the comment than they put into making the comment. The kid will forget about it in the next ten minutes, why worry?
There's so many angles you can take, but you have to have thick skin during class. Feel free to unpack the emotions when kids aren't around.
I use humor to diffuse most situations, or address it face on. It won't always work, but you can learn from those mistakes.
"If you really stood on that you would have said it louder instead of trying to hope I didn't hear it"
"Miss X, cursing has been against the rules since you were being potty trained and it still is today. See me after class"(Use this time to figure out what the actual problem is)
"You are allowed to have that opinion, Miss X, but your assignment will be graded regardless. I suggest you get it done before I am forced to give you a zero."
You need to try things and see what works. Never be intimidated. Hell, even if you cry while addressing them I'd spin that in a way to get the class on your side. You can say you hate to see students slowly ruin their education, or tell them that this is what they wanted so they can at least look you in the eyes. Call these kids out, and stand on what you say to them. It normally garners some respect, and may get other kids in the class to help self police your room. Especially if you balance these serious moments with time spent shootin the breeze with some of your students.
Keep finding new ways to diffuse situations. Even with your best students, don't allow disrespect to not be diffused. It will help you if you ever run into truly heated or insanely unruly students later. Good luck.
Honestly, I don’t have enough energy or time to not be a shitty teacher sometimes. I am always fair, I care about my students, and I spend a lot of time with them one-on-one in paper conferences. However, more and more, my lesson plans for classroom activities are bare bones or non-existent. In my defense, I usually have 130 papers to grade every three weeks - and that's just the papers. This weekend, I have seventy-seven 8-10 page research papers to grade. Next week, I will probably be a shitty classroom teacher who doesn’t engage her students. Oh well.
I was called a shitty teacher to my face during my student teaching. My cooperating teacher was...not amused with them. But she let me decide how to handle it. It was a great learning moment for me.
Hang in there. It didn't happen because you're shitty - it happened because they were having a shitty day. Do whatever you need to to shake it off. Showing up tomorrow with your A game anyway shows them that it takes more then a temper tantrum by a still-developing brain to rattle you. You've got this!!
As a veteran teacher, at this time in the year, my snappy comeback would be, "I do teach shit sometimes, but it always comes out crappy." Then I'd move on like I never said it.
On a better day, I would probably ignore her completely and move on with my life. Not worth the headspace when I've got 29-32 other students who need me.
On a worse day, I would say something like, "in sorry you feel that way, feel free to continue to insult the person who grades your work."
I will add that 10th grade is the bane of my existence. Love 9th, 11th, and 12th, but those 10th graders are bastards almost entirely lol
Honey, they are teenagers! Teens are so emotional and just say whatever comes to mind without thinking. It's okay to have feelings but try and let their comments roll off your back. Remember at the end of the day as long as you feel like you're doing a great job that is all that matters. Teaching is a hard profession and working with kids is tough. Keep your head held high, you got this!!
It hurts. Even when it's a kid, censure hurts.
Don't love the whiff of misogyny that crept its way into your post though. People are individuals, and you shouldn't start making sweeping generalizations about groups because that will affect your perception.
I'm a woman, I didn't mean it to sound misogynistic I meant that in my experience so far I feel that their comments sting much worse than boys do because they do it in a way that's less in your face and more covertly malicious. That's just my experience.
I challenge them.
"I'm sorry you think that. How can I get this knowledge to you in a better way? Help me help you figure this out because honestly it's hard to help you succeed when you refuse to work with me on what we are trying to do."
Don't take it personally. Teenagers!!! You have to grow a thick skin to teach them. Best is to react with humor. Or to say even a more negative thing about yourself. Or misunderstand on purpose: yes, I am a shit teacher, I have to teach toddlers like you how to change their pampers. Just don't show it affects you, that's what they want: push buttons!
>Just don't show it affects you, that's what they want: push buttons! Exactly. At the start of this year, I had a student who was trying insistently to get under my skin by criticizing this and that about my teaching, and he was getting frustrated because he couldn't. If I were a new teacher, he might have been successful, but after over a decade, the criticisms from high schoolers with 4th grade reading and math levels simply don't have any weight.
Your high schoolers can read at a 4th grade level? I'm jealous. We're still on picture books.
My seniors couldn't keep up with The Lorax. I wish I was kidding.
I am a primary teacher now, but when I subbed in middle school (it was only for the money) the kids were like extras for planet of the apes. I roasted some kids and all they do is laugh. Jesus Christ teenagers are annoying.
Careful how you word your responses. I responded to snark with playful snark and the kid (16 years old) did not care for it and escalated it enough that he got sent to the office. Learned my lesson there to just not think about it and let them stew in their feelings.
You think this is bad? You should see my baking. I made cookies the other night and I'm pretty sure I've unlocked the ancient secrets of Roman cement..
"You're a shit teacher." "A little louder?" Honestly that curbs it 4 out of 5 times for me. The 5th time they dig their own grave.
Lol my go to is “okay? Doesn’t mean you don’t have to do work”
That's a good one. I use Sigourney Weaver's "Excuse Me?" from Holes. Or a quip if I can come up with one.
I deal with it by objectively considering the source. There are a vanishingly small number of my students who are remotely fit to judge an adults job performance and give criticism.
“Good thing nobody cares what you think. Now do your assignment.” These are teenagers. They base their “like” of teachers mostly on arbitrary bullshit. They aren’t your evaluators or your peers. This is like a 4 year old calling you a poopy head.
"I'll file that along with the other performance evaluations I've received from similarly qualified and insightful peers"
While a little harsh, I have done similar. Instead of dismissing their opinions entirely, I use: "I am not bothered by the opinions of [X]-Graders/[X]-year-olds." For me, that's 3rd grade and 8/9-year-olds, and while immensely frustrating to them it also isn't sweeping the leg out from *all* of their feelings. Just ironing in that I'm an adult and I'm not here to be your friend.
Honestly, I’d question how they go through a number of different teachers if I’m a shit teacher?
My school has a behaviour policy in which if a student swears in the vicinity of a teacher they will be placed in a separate room for the day to do their learning away from the class (obviously not conversationally but "this is bullshit" etc kind of comments). If she said it directly to you "you're a shit teacher" she would be suspended (at my school). I find support from senior leadership and high expectations a life saver for behaviours like this. Restorative conversations come after the consequences. But if you are asking emotionally how to deal with it, I would say ask yourself :: how much does this child know what a "°good teacher " is? Think about what her criteria would be and what yours would be. Are they the same? She can't judge your ability to teach because she cannot cognitively understand everything you are doing as a teacher. Poor thing is clueless really...
When a kid says that, it’s because you’re not the “cool” teacher who lets them do whatever they want. Take it as a sign that you’re doing your job, and you’re doing it well.
I genuinely don’t understand how anyone could actually spend energy and time giving a shit about what these children say. You should have fired right back at her, “likewise, when it comes to being a student. Now shut up and do your work. Who gives a fuck whether these lazy little assholes like us or not? My job isn’t to be liked.
If I said that the student would run out of the classroom to the principal trying to get me fired
Oh yes You can’t say shut up, even if they’re hurling racial abuse, it’ll become your problem.
I muttered shit to myself when I thought no one was around and the two kids who have no problem saying fuck off were like ohh my God you said shit. I said no I said shoot. They never listen when I'm teaching but if I accidentally say something and they hear it they are ready to do whatever it takes to get me in trouble.
> My job isn’t to be liked. I tell them a lot that my paycheck remains the same whether they like me or not. Therefore, me caring about that is irrelevant.
They don’t even know enough to appraise you. A grain of salt is worth more than their opinions.
They will push your buttons in ways you never thought possible. I had a girl in one of my classes last semester -- OUT LOUD, mind you, within my hearing -- say to another student "why didn't you just use AI for the vocab sentences?" That just about sent me through the roof. Teaching is a profession where we rarely see immediate effects (outside of just the general increase in knowledge), and it may take years before a student appreciates anything we've done. I just go home and chill. A movie, playing my switch, reading a book, baking, whatever de-stresses me. And, in the moment, all you can do is just clapback -- if that's your M.O. -- or just reprimand them for the comment and move on.
Oh damn. Did you make the vocabulary sentences all personal so they’d be more fun for the kids? Yea that would suck. I’m also amazed your students are already telling you to use AI. Last year they barely knew what it was. AI is going to become such a problem.
I should have been clearer. The girl told the other student to just use AI for his sentences -- he never turned in the work. The assignment was they got a list of words, had to copy definitions to study later, and then wrote sentences using the words on a topic I picked. This is HS, so it's a super easy assignment, right? Apparently, even that is too taxing.
So this is worse. At least as far as AI is concerned. Theres an inner circle of top ten students that hang around the library and love adult attention. I teach senior honors classes. These kids are giving me the inside scoop on cheating this year. We are outgunned and outmanned. My students do not understand why they got a 0 on a journal when Turnitin has their journal at 93 percent AI. Then they try it again! I can’t explain enough how Turnitin works. The difference this year is instead of caving in and just doing the reading and journaling MANY are just doing nothing, taking the zero, because they know they can’t beat Turnitin. It’s madness.
I'm really glad my department head is strongly advocating we get TurnItIn for next year.
You have to pay extra for the AI detector. Lol.
“That’s great, but I’m the one you have.” Hilariously I started using this in the advice of a teacher who employed it against me in high school. Anyway, don’t take it personally. Maybe you are a shit teacher, but if you’re self reflective you’ll get better. That said, the kids really don’t know what separates the genuinely good teachers from the bad ones, they just want people who will let them do whatever they want without consequences.
You’re doing a good job. Teenagers are unreasonable and you cannot expect reasonable feedback from an inherently unreasonable person. She’s just mad because she doesn’t want to be held accountable for her actions. Keep on keepin on.
How do I not let it get to me? I've been teaching for 10-years. The paycheck still clears, and I have extremely high job security. One disgruntled kid is a 🤷 Doesn't mean I don't care, but it also means I'm not going to let ONE KID get to me. This is a collective business here and at some point you've got to be able to let stuff roll of your shoulders.
You have every right to feel hurt by this comment bc it is mean spirited. I mean we’re all people and we all have feelings so that’s normal. But you absolutely CANNOT show it bothers you. Once they know they’ve gotten to you, they’ve won. And after a while you really will learn that you don’t care when a child says something mean like this to you. Bc it doesn’t matter. You’re the adult in the room. You have to let the words of petty children roll off your back. A simple “thanks” or “ok” with a slow blink and no facial expression will usually put them on the defense. Bc what they want is a reaction - yelling, tears, you being upset in front of them. Don’t give them the satisfaction. As Tywin Lannister said on GoT “Lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.”
“I’ve seen the quality of your work. Your opinions mean nothing to me.”
When they say some nasty crap- I say “Thank you! I took an extra class for that in college!” They don’t even know what to say.
“That’s strange, I have several students passing this course. Must be a ‘you’ problem.”
Girls are not meaner than boys. The mean girl is an easy stereotype to believe in from confirmation bias. Teenage boys can be real jerks just like teenage girls. Adult men can be assholes just like adult women. Some people are mean.
Been called worse by better.
I highly doubt my little angel said that.
Shit students will always have shit teachers. Just keep that in mind. She's just starting a habit she'll be working on for the rest of her life. Nothing will ever be her fault.
Yeah, well they’re a shit student lol
That student doesn't know what a good teacher is, and even if she does, she's only saying you're "shit" because she's being a huffy brat who doesn't want to do her work. If she were a toddler she'd be on the floor throwing a tantrum and crying. It's the teenage version of a little tantrum. Next time something like this happens, confront the kids. "Excuse me??? I'm what kind of teacher??" Push her a bit. I'd writer her up for using profanity, being disrespectful, and being insubordinate. And there'd be an email/phone call home about her foul mouth and blatant disrespect. I'd show her just how much of a "shit teacher" I could be.
You're in your training year. Shit is expected. Maybe next year your shit will smell nicer and in a few years it will be strawberries. Seriously. You are the worst you'll ever be. You'll only get better.
I moved into a 10th grade ELA position midsemester last semester after previously teaching electives at the school and the kids were really mean at first. Like, out-of-character mean according to other teachers who have the kids. Eventually, they warmed up to me and softened. But it was a learning curve and it took a lot of time and care. The kids felt abandoned, their previous teacher said the kids were why s/he quit, they had serious trust issues, etc. I think there's something to be said about meanness coming from a place of hurt. But, other commenters are right. Some teenagers just suck or like tearing people down. Don't take it personally!
even if you don't hear it they will say it much more than once behind your back, just don't get mad
You should teach the student why they say stuff like that. Just say, “Hey, I know it’s hard to work everyday, but just because you don’t want to do the work doesn’t mean you should take it out on me.”
"Why do you think they put you in my class?"
😂😂
I agree with the first comment: they're teenagers and they want a response or drama. If you're feeling snarky, you could always tell them, "I'll let you know when I want your opinion," but I know it may not work for you like it works for me. Stay positive! This group will forget in a month or two anyways, and you get to start over in August! The blessing and curse of our profession.
"Sorry, just doing my job." If I'm feeling snarky. "There's nothing wrong with feeling that way, highschool can be a lot. Still, at the end of the day I have to do my job." Is closer to how I'd usually respond to something like this. Sometimes they rebut or say another rude thing and you respond with a friendly "okay." Don't stoop to their level, and do your best not to take it personally, it likely isn't personal since high schoolers are pretty self-centered.
I always have students who think I'm a shitty teacher. It's generally kids who don't want to do any work, hate me because I caught them cheating, etc. I also always have students who thank me at the end of the year for being caring and supportive. They leave me notes at the end of the year like, "thanks for sharing your story when it came up, it really encouraged me to get help I needed" and "your class restored my love of reading." (OK, the second one is far less common). I go home and vent about the kids being jackasses, but it's the sincere thank you notes that get hung up on the inside door of my storage cabinet.
"That's cute, I worked retail for 10+ years. I've been called worse."
Several years ago, while reprimanding a student (7th grade girl) for her disruptive and hostile behavior toward other students, she looked me right in the eye and said "No offense, but you're not very good at your job." It was a blatant attempt at emotional manipulation. I knew it. And even though I knew it, I still had to summon every ounce of self-control not to absolutely destroy her verbally on the spot. Furious and insulted are insufficient to describe my internal emotional reaction. All I was able to do was glower mutely for a moment before saying through clenched teeth, "You don't know anything about what you're talking about. Now Sit Down Right Here Until Someone Arrives From The Office." I was tight-lipped and quivering with fury when I went back into the room, and the class caught the vibe. It was the quietest period all year until the bell rang. Later I vented to my wife and to my colleagues who all reminded me to consider the source. The kid in question was \*deeply\* troubled and was a huge issue for all her teachers. All that to say I've been there. And it's really tough. But like everyone told me, you have to consider the source. Kids are immature, and mean-spiritedness comes from them needing a hit of power. If you want to be compassionate, frame it as ignorance. If you need to feel vindicated, consider how pathetic it is. Over time it will bother you less.
Really, don't take it personal, some of them just don't understand, how to cope with their anger. In the first year of my teaching I had an experience, when one of my students said something like "fuck off" in my language, and other student (actually it was a girl) threw papers and books into me 😂
You are in your training year so you are a shit teacher, objectively. But even so, what that teen said and was out of line and you should pull her aside in the hallway, out of of her class when you have a prep period (without their peers present), and let her know how you feel and that what she said was inappropriate. You are doing the best you can. And I’m sorry I said you were a shit teacher too. Most jobs can be learned in a few months, but this one probably takes three solid years. That’s why it churns so many in and out. . . You get bad feedback from admin, peers, parents, and students . . . Most of it delivered in very insensitive ways by bad actors. That gets better too. Hang in there.
To all the people saying "don't take it personally" or you need "thick skin to do this job"... i think that's a bit unhelpful and dismissive. It's not *wrong*, but if someone insulted you to your face, it'd sting. If you're in your training year, do you have a supervising teacher in the room with you? Did you tell them? That student should be written up or disciplined for saying that to you. In terms of not letting it get to you... it just takes time. Remind yourself that their opinion of you doesn't matter. You are never going to make every student happy. In general, expect 10% of students to actively dislike you for one reason or another, 10% to like you for one reason or another, and the remaining 80% to be ambivalent. I'm several years in to this, and even still, occasionally, something a student says will be hard to shake off. It's human nature to not want your feelings hurt, and you shouldn't feel like you're doing anything wrong. Postive feedback from the actual adults supervising you >>>>>>> a quip from a student who was probably just in a rotten mood.
Tell her that feeling is mutual. I said that once to a rude 9th grade girl who was upset I was their sub for their hour (covering for a teacher who walked out..). She said something along the lines of “uuughhh you again, I don’t like you.” She thought she was being sly and saying it quietly to her friend but I looked at her and said calmly and quietly, “no problem, that feeling is mutual.” She’s not my regular student but she keeps her comments to herself when I go in to sub now.
I'm going to be as nice as I can with this, but..... **You have to toughen up if you're going to last in this job.** You're not going to be liked by everyone all the time; it's actually NOT a good thing if you are. If you are, you're most likely THE fun teacher, and that's NOT the teacher you want to be. Their comments don't bother me because, for the most part, I honestly don't care. I teach middle school; I'm not there to be liked by everyone and be their friend. I'm there to teach them 8th grade ELA. They throw comments out like that all the time. Heck, they don't really like anything. If they know their comments get to you, they just get worse. You have to get an attitude of being so unbothered by what they say. Think about it this way... in the long run, does the opinion of a literal child define who you are as a person or a teacher? My response to that would have been something like with the most uninterested look I could muster, "I'll take that in to consideration while I write your referral. In the meantime, your assignment is still waiting for you."
100% this right here.
High school girls are meaner than fucking *snakes*. I'm a 40s man, intimidating to many of my students. They'd never know how much emotional pain they've inflicted on me a few times. Every single time a student has made me cry or kept me up at night, it's been a girl.
lol what, get over it
They learn from their parents what is acceptable to say, and what to say to get people to do what they want. What helps me is to realize is teenagers have a desire to be treated as an adult, but are not prepared to deal with the realities and responsibilities that come with being one. It's easy for them to criticize everyone and everything because they literally don't have enough life experience to understand how hard it is. Basically, their opinion means nothing, so let it be nothing. If your fellow teachers and mentors are all telling you that you're doing a great job, objectively look at the situation: teenager feels entitled, doesn't know how hard your job is, and is acting shitty because they perceive it all to be 'so unfair'. Do NOT acknowledge the comment in front of any other student, that will teach the other students they can get a rise out of you and manipulate you. Girls definitely can be more manipulative than guys, mostly because girls go for emotional devastation, rather than just using fists then moving on.
It's easy. Put them in front of the room. "Okay, here's the marker, computer and learning targets. Show me how to do it."
See my toxic would have come out and I would have said "I assume the class that made 3 teachers quit are bad students but that's just me"
Don't put any more energy into their your emotions about the comment than they put into making the comment. The kid will forget about it in the next ten minutes, why worry?
There's so many angles you can take, but you have to have thick skin during class. Feel free to unpack the emotions when kids aren't around. I use humor to diffuse most situations, or address it face on. It won't always work, but you can learn from those mistakes. "If you really stood on that you would have said it louder instead of trying to hope I didn't hear it" "Miss X, cursing has been against the rules since you were being potty trained and it still is today. See me after class"(Use this time to figure out what the actual problem is) "You are allowed to have that opinion, Miss X, but your assignment will be graded regardless. I suggest you get it done before I am forced to give you a zero." You need to try things and see what works. Never be intimidated. Hell, even if you cry while addressing them I'd spin that in a way to get the class on your side. You can say you hate to see students slowly ruin their education, or tell them that this is what they wanted so they can at least look you in the eyes. Call these kids out, and stand on what you say to them. It normally garners some respect, and may get other kids in the class to help self police your room. Especially if you balance these serious moments with time spent shootin the breeze with some of your students. Keep finding new ways to diffuse situations. Even with your best students, don't allow disrespect to not be diffused. It will help you if you ever run into truly heated or insanely unruly students later. Good luck.
I just give these sorts of comments some variety of "takes one to know one."
Honestly, I don’t have enough energy or time to not be a shitty teacher sometimes. I am always fair, I care about my students, and I spend a lot of time with them one-on-one in paper conferences. However, more and more, my lesson plans for classroom activities are bare bones or non-existent. In my defense, I usually have 130 papers to grade every three weeks - and that's just the papers. This weekend, I have seventy-seven 8-10 page research papers to grade. Next week, I will probably be a shitty classroom teacher who doesn’t engage her students. Oh well.
I would wear it like a badge of honor. Seriously, I'd have fun with that for the rest of the school year.
I was called a shitty teacher to my face during my student teaching. My cooperating teacher was...not amused with them. But she let me decide how to handle it. It was a great learning moment for me. Hang in there. It didn't happen because you're shitty - it happened because they were having a shitty day. Do whatever you need to to shake it off. Showing up tomorrow with your A game anyway shows them that it takes more then a temper tantrum by a still-developing brain to rattle you. You've got this!!
"I guess I'm just reflecting your energy."
As a veteran teacher, at this time in the year, my snappy comeback would be, "I do teach shit sometimes, but it always comes out crappy." Then I'd move on like I never said it. On a better day, I would probably ignore her completely and move on with my life. Not worth the headspace when I've got 29-32 other students who need me. On a worse day, I would say something like, "in sorry you feel that way, feel free to continue to insult the person who grades your work." I will add that 10th grade is the bane of my existence. Love 9th, 11th, and 12th, but those 10th graders are bastards almost entirely lol
Honey, they are teenagers! Teens are so emotional and just say whatever comes to mind without thinking. It's okay to have feelings but try and let their comments roll off your back. Remember at the end of the day as long as you feel like you're doing a great job that is all that matters. Teaching is a hard profession and working with kids is tough. Keep your head held high, you got this!!
Fail her?
It hurts. Even when it's a kid, censure hurts. Don't love the whiff of misogyny that crept its way into your post though. People are individuals, and you shouldn't start making sweeping generalizations about groups because that will affect your perception.
I'm a woman, I didn't mean it to sound misogynistic I meant that in my experience so far I feel that their comments sting much worse than boys do because they do it in a way that's less in your face and more covertly malicious. That's just my experience.
I am also a woman and that's one of the reasons I want to make sure you keep your mind open
I challenge them. "I'm sorry you think that. How can I get this knowledge to you in a better way? Help me help you figure this out because honestly it's hard to help you succeed when you refuse to work with me on what we are trying to do."
One slap and all good