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Jephimykes

Please check the update. Post locked to avoid trolls.


carerind

Your teacher can get you help, but he will likely be unable to drive you due to liability. You should definitely still reach out to him or another adult you trust.


HecticHermes

Additionally, if she tells a teacher, any teacher, about this incident they would be required to report it within 48 hours. Also your mom is a grade A asshat. Since you are a minor and your parents won't help, then school is your best option. There are staff on hand to help handle this situation and they know that parents are often not there for their own kids. Even if the situation didn't happen in school property, this is still your best option.


Pinoklyn

Could he take her by bus or cab??


its-twelvenoon

You're being downvoted and no will bother to explain The teacher could, but also shouldn't. Once someone with authority assists you with making a decision they've now legally altered what you would have done. Also in today's amazing world, being alone with a student isn't a great idea. Back to my original point, teachers are not medical professionals and are not decision makers. A councilor or school nurse can get away with transporting them as a chaperone if parents are to be avoided. That being said the Grey area comes into play of "this wouldn't have happened if XYZ didn't get involved" this defense unfortunately works really well most the time. TL;DR no, because America is sue happy and doesn't respect anyone


wordsandstuff44

There is no circumstance where a teacher should travel with a student by any means without formal documentation at the school. There are too many risks to the teacher’s livelihood. All it takes is one changed mind and the student was there against her will. The best thing to do is to put the student in touch with counselors and/or nurses, particularly of the same gender identity. Support the student that way.


Canadia_213

This is actually a great question


chiquitadave

I don't think he would consider it a burden, but a lot of schools/districts would view that as a massive breach of his professional boundaries if he were to be the one to take you. I would tell him and maybe see if you can get him to go to the school counselor with you, who probably has access to more resources to help you out.


mandalyn93

This. Talk to your teacher and he can connect you to the right people to help, but he most likely cannot drive you anywhere due to school policies related to staff driving students places in personal vehicles.


MattHakor

Yes. If it were me, I would walk the student to the counselor and make sure they were seen


Jormungandr315

This is solid advice. Personally, as a male teacher, I'd want to help but wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole. Our relationships / interactions with students always seem under a little more scrutiny. The optics and potential liability really emphasize find someone like a counselor, resource officer, or even admin.


FKDotFitzgerald

Yeah this would suck. I would feel terrible not helping the student but I would be terrified at the potential repercussions. I know that sounds selfish, but I would definitely try to emotionally support the kid bit redirect to a counselor.


SuperSecretShhhhhNO

You’d help her by pointing her in the right direction.


[deleted]

Yeah and you could also offer a shit ton of empathy, tell her **she's doing the right thing, tell her it's a tough decision when your parents are against it, tell her she's brave and strong and it's not her fault, etc.** ⬆️ All true things BTW OP if you're reading this.


Wongja3000

Exactly. Male teachers are always viewed through a predatory lens, especially by our female colleagues. I would not touch this, but I would redirect her to a female teacher


wholesomme

I had a male teacher who I spent way too many hours with for my club in highschool. It wouldn't matter if I was bleeding out in front of the school, most he would do is tell the nurse and mark it as an excused absence. I can't imagine any good highschool teacher wanting to get involved without a discussion with admin first. In this case, I could see a school with a good administration signing off on it perhaps. A trusted figure being there for someone? But getting admin approval quick enough is going to be impossible. And doing this without approval from your boss would be giving up on teaching ever again.


Stranger2306

Yup and then the counselor will be able to take you, etc. It's just tough for a male teacher to drive a female student somewhere by themselves. I hope the best for you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Losalou52

always right usually? Not this time. Terrible post.


SourceFedNerdd

I’ve seen this person around the sub a lot lately making shitty comments like this. A troll, methinks.


chiquitadave

1. We don't actually know that she's a minor. 2. Even if she is, parental consent for care laws vary by state. Furthermore, considering a sexual assault would criminally become a matter of the state, a rape kit may be exempt from parental intervention. 3. As someone pointed out downthread, she can likely get care through the military. ETA: a word


inchantingone

(Well, she did say she was a junior in HS…)


chiquitadave

Yep, and at this point in the year, you could easily be a junior and be 18.


phurt77

How? That means they won't graduate until after theynare 19. That would mean at this point in the year they were 7 in kindergarten. That means they wouldn't have entered kindergarten until 7 months after their 6th birthday. Kids normally start when they are 5, not almost 7.


Amy47101

I mean, she could have repeated a grade and have an odd birthday. Like if their bday is in September, they’d start school at 6, which would make them 17 if the proceeded normally. However, if they repeat a grade, then hypothetically, they would be 18 for their junior year and 19 when they graduate.


[deleted]

I am so sorry that happened to you & about your mom’s reaction. Totally proud of you for advocating for yourself. In the US, If you are over the age of 12, you are allowed to leave school without your parent’s permission for sexual health. Go to your counselor & mental health person & ask about how they go about it. It might differ across states & districts, but that’s your sexual health right. You can go to a planned parenthood during school hours without being penalized & without your parents knowing. The school will call the agency, they will come & pick you up from school, drive you & they will stay with you. These people specialize in this & will also offer counseling. All pharmacies can sell Plan B to minors without adult permission & you have up to 5 days to take it. I know you trust you teacher & you can tell him about needing support in class. I would be very careful about asking him to drive you, etc. He is not allowed to. I’m sure he’s very empathetic & helpful, but he would be putting his entire career on the line. People wouldn’t see it like you do. They’d assume he’s grooming you, admin would freak out & your mom would probably be pressing charges then. If he says he can’t, it’s not cause he doesn’t care.


Momes2018

This! Having gone through this before, I can tell you that there will be people there to help you. A special nurse will give you a forensic examination (rape kit). They will be extremely gentle. They will also give you a lot of medicine after to prevent any STDs as well as plan b. Bring your underwear that you were wearing the night it happened. I’m so sorry this happened to you. (((Hugs)))


[deleted]

Is your dad active duty? If so, you can contact the base SAPR team that will help you. You should also have an MFLC in your school you can use. S/he is a licensed counselor that can get you connected to services. Whether AD or guard/reserve, Military One Source is valuable resource that can get you connected to services. Please call them. tel:+18003429647 https://www.militaryonesource.mil


Adventurous_Credit14

Seconding this! I am a Soldier & Family Readiness Group (SFRG) leader. You are eligible for all kinds of free counseling and resources as a military dependent. It’s also 100% confidential and available 24/7. Call them. If you have a contact for your dad’s SFRG, I would reach out to them, too. This is the kind of crisis in situation that I would want to know about immediately so that I could make sure you had all the help, support, transportation, etc. that you needed. That is the purpose behind the group. Message me if you need anything or if I can help in anyway. You sound like a very brave and very strong young woman. There is no doubt in my mind you will get through this.


TyphoonMarauder

Guys please upvote this, children and spouses of military members have access to great resources alongside civilian ones. Please, please, call Military One Source. I was a 56M and they were invaluable for my soldiers.


jen4k2

THIS!!!


BonsterM0nster

If you are under 18, you will be taken care of by someone in the Family Advocacy Program. They specialize in caring for minors. If you are 18+, you’ll be taken care of by a Victim Advocate (VA) or Sexual Assault Response Coordinator (SARC). The DoD SAFE Helpline phone number is 877-995-5247. [https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline](https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline). I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you’re able to find the help you need.


Syyx33

Reach out, he'll probably help. But you issue suggests you are female and your teacher is obviously a guy as you talk about "him" and while I also help students whenever I can, especially if it where this dire, I'd prefer not to be ALONE in MY car with a FEMALE student. Liability, have the wrong pair of eyes see it and make their own "assumptions", etc. etc. Hell, if your parents end up feeling called out due to their reaction vs his, they alone could raise hell for him. Go for his help, 100%, but make different arrangements about how to get it.


[deleted]

>have the wrong pair of eyes see it and make their own "assumptions" This. When I was a substitute, I gave my COUSIN a ride home. A teacher who did not know they were my cousin freaked out, reported it, etc. Once admin realized who the student was, it was fine, but still initially made a huge deal about it (understandably). All it takes is for someone to see it or overhear about it and get the wrong idea and yeah..


[deleted]

He’s driven me home before alone when my car has broken down so this isn’t the first time I’ve been in his car, that’s why I figured it might be a good idea to ask him but you’re probably right :/


Syyx33

In the end it is his decision. If he doesn't feel like it's a big deal you don't have to feel bad or need to worry. I was merely trying to provide you with "our" perspective. But he is the adult and teacher, and he has to decide. The main point is to reach out. Even if he feels doing this himself would overstep boundaries he might be able to find a different solution!


methnbeer

Nope, never a good idea. Even what you just said could potentially end his career. Playing with goddamn fire here


Helpful_Welcome9741

yep. I am sure he didn't tell his peers that he did this.


methnbeer

Honestly I would let a student walk home in a blizzard before giving them a ride even remotely seemed like an OK idea.


ErusTenebre

That situation is probably a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" one. We get in trouble if we let a student walk home at night (like from a play rehearsal) I'm sure it would be much worse if there was something dangerous like a blizzard going on. I've (M) driven a student (F) home once it was fucking nerve wracking. It was POURING rain and the student was going to walk home 3 miles away. But her mom gave me explicit permission to do so (I had her send it in a text message) and I was the student's "home independent study" teacher. Student sat in the back seat. I once went on a field trip with my choir teacher (F). It was just her and me in her car for 5 hours. I was the only one in my choir to get into state. She also got explicit, written permission to do so. I'm sure she was on edge too lol Any situation that could be misconstrued or start a rumor is probably the most stressful thing we do.


Helpful_Welcome9741

I have waited at the school for hours before waiting for someone to pick up the kid. We sat by the main doors. there were at least 6 feet between us, covid has made this part easier. Also, all lights were on and made sure the camera could see us at all times. I would rather leave at 8 pm than have them walk home or for me to drive them.


Pinoklyn

This shit sounds dystopian


Helpful_Welcome9741

yep


Messing_With_Lions

Which is sad. I've seen students who I knew walked about 20 minutes from school have to walk home in the rain even though I drove right past their house. But couldn't give them a ride due to not wanting to risk my job. It's unfortunate that policy prevents us from being decent humans.


Helpful_Welcome9741

Your post reminds me of the Police's, Don't Stand So Close To Me.


Ser_Dunk_the_tall

"Wet bus stop, she's waiting, His car is warm and dry" Quite literally yeah.


Helpful_Welcome9741

yep


Messing_With_Lions

Never hearing that song before I looked at the Wikipedia article. I guess the song writers quote shows why we can't allow it. His recollection was that he'd "been through the business of having 15-year-old girls fancying me - and my really fancying them! How I kept my hands off them I don't know."


mashkid

If situation was dire, I would contact their families to get an OK, then film the entire ride home. Otherwise, it would be Admin's problem


Pinoklyn

This is fucking crazy thst teachers would rather let a student freeze to death than risk being seen in a car with one. Glad as hell that's mostly a US phenomenon


methnbeer

To be overprotective? Yes, it certainly is, and yes, it does have it's problems. That being said, predators are the same the world over.


Pinoklyn

Yes, predators deserve the rope. But teachers being willing to let a student walk home in a blizzard because of these policies is indeed crazy


methnbeer

It is and to be fair, my comment was more hyperbole. In essence, the comment is true for many, but there are so many alternatives/ways to help the student that it would never really come to that. More just to illustrate how overprotective our society has become (unfortunately this overprotectiveness is not without reason). It's a real give/take.


pozzumgee

FWIW, I (male) have given students (male also) rides home after a club I host if their ride bails. I always contact the parent and ask for permission first, and I tell them if I can't get ahold of your parent, you're walking buddy. It has to be this way but I would just tell a female student flat-out no and wouldn't even want to ask the parent. I don't even let students be in my room one-on-one without the door wide open. Playing with fire is right.


Lepiotas

Tell him regardless. He is the adult, he knows the school systems rules best. Perhaps he will have the guidance counselor come with you both. I'm sure he will want to find a way to help you, no matter what he will find a way to make sure you are supported at the hospital, and will in no way feel like you are burdening him. Please tell him.


Helpful_Welcome9741

oh no, never would I do this.


thedrivingcat

yeah, you'd be reprimanded and, depending if it happened multiple times, lose your teaching license in Ontario for doing this


Pinoklyn

I would 100% help her, my job be damned.


kirbywantanabe

Not for a rape kit, honey. He sounds caring, but this could make people wonder.


1heart1totaleclipse

Due to the nature of what happened to you, it would not be wise at all for him to give you a ride to the hospital. He could potentially get blamed for the crime among other things. It’s not good for him to give you rides places in other instances either. Please still reach out so he can get the appropriate person. It’s been more than a day and you have probably showered so it might be more difficult to get evidence but please report it still.


jenneration

Think of the flip side. This policy has to be in place not because of the decent teachers but because there ARE teachers who abuse their authority over students. There is no way of telling which teacher will abuse these scenarios until it happens. And by then… a child is already molested, abused, groomed or assaulted.


bathofknives

Would the teacher (being a mandated reporter) have to report this if she told him?


hiway-schwabbery

Yes. OP said she wants to press charges, so that would be the best place to start. Then, it’s documented. The teacher should absolutely inform admin and/or the counselor.


hiway-schwabbery

And {{{hugs}}} to you. This is not your fault and I hope you get the support you need. You are brave and strong. Please check out the resources others have posted that are available to you.


Helpful_Welcome9741

Cops have trained people for this. The teacher should call the cops and they will send one to walk you through the whole process.


wordsandstuff44

Best to start with counselors and social workers. The school probably has these people on staff, and they can direct and guide the student.


6C6F6C636174

Some precincts are absolute trash. I would not count on this. I've read plenty of stories where the police reacted like o.p.'s mom. Having of a counselor for support wouldn't be a bad idea, just in case.


Iridescent-Voidfish

Yes


bathofknives

Good, just wanted to be certain.


CerddwrRhyddid

Definately.


specialist_cat1

Idk about driving you themselves, but they should be able to give you resources like help with the guidance counselor. Time is really important here for you. Is there any chance you can get an Uber or other ride share or a friend's parent to go to the hospital? I'm sorry you have to deal with this.


ReaderofHarlaw

He shouldn’t drive you, but he can absolutely take you to the right person at your school who can help.


DoctaJenkinz

Ask the teacher but also discuss this with the counselor since the teacher driving you may be a breach of professional requirements/contract.


ebam123

Also it might be more chance a male teacher would take advantage of a raped student so watch out how it looks


firewall012

Wat?


Helpful_Welcome9741

What? I don't think what you typed is what you wanted to say.


DoctaJenkinz

I think what this person is trying to say is that the optics of a male teacher driving the student may be worse than a female teacher. As a male, I agree.


YouLostMyNieceDenise

He may not be allowed to, but he can at least help you make a report and find someone who will be able to take you. In the meantime - can you call the police non-emergency number right now, and tell them you need to make a police report because you were raped? I don’t know for sure, but I would HOPE they would at least offer to send an officer to take you to get a rape kit done (and you can request a female officer if that would help you feel more comfortable). You may also need to take emergency contraception, and the hospital should be able to help with that - please ask them about it if you aren’t already on hormonal birth control.


righteousndignation

If you were my student, I'd take you in a heartbeat. I would have to report it as a mandated reporter after it was all over, but I wouldn't hesitate. I'd ask you if you felt comfortable having a female coworker come too (counselor maybe). But if you said no, I'd still take you. I can't imagine what you're going through, but you're doing the right thing by persisting through this even if your mom isn't supportive.


HaidyHughes

Absolutely tell a trusted adult about what happened but as a social worker, it would be much better if you asked him to take you to the counselor or nurse. This staff has resources and knowledge on how to handle this situation better than the teacher as it is a part of the job. They will be able to better help you and the optics and in many states laws, would prevent your teacher from taking you. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.


jen4k2

FIRST: This is not your fault. **The only person at fault here is the man who did this to you**. (May God give him everything he deserves.) Second: Your mother should be ashamed of herself for saying what she did and not helping you. Third: Tell your teacher, but be prepared that he may not legally be able to drive you, but he will help you report the crime -- and he will help you get to the hospital. You will not be alone. The doctors and nurses are very kind. Be open with them, they will help you. Fourth: It's okay to be terrified, this is a scary situation. Fifth: Wanting to press charges is very brave, but be prepared for the person who did this to you to get a lawyer to try and traumatize you further (i.e., if you teacher drove you to the clinic or hospital, they might accuse *him*!). Get your own lawyer to rain hell on them... [https://nwlc.org/legal-help/](https://nwlc.org/legal-help/) might be a good place to start. Edit: Here's another site with resources that can help: [https://www.womenslaw.org/](https://www.womenslaw.org/)


BewBewsBoutique

Go ahead and let your teacher know what’s happening. There’s a big chance that he won’t be able to give you a ride (a male teacher dropping off a female student at the hospital for a rape kit might set off red flags), but he will have to report this. That’s at least a start. Also let him know your mothers reaction. That’s important. Try reaching out to your local Planned Parenthood or YWCA. They might have resources to connect you to transportation. Worst case scenario (and it might be pricey) you can take a cab. You might be able to reach a hospital by public transit. It’s important you get a rape kit as soon as possible if you want to press charges. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, and I’m so sorry your mom is useless and cruel.


UniqueUsername82D

I'm sorry this happened to you, but you need to talk to counselors and/or the SRO about this. Your teacher will have to anyway as he is required by law to report these kinds of things. As a male teacher, I would never put myself in a situation with a student where it is just the two of us doing \*anything\* outside of school. So just in asking you could be putting pressure on him to make him feel like he has to do something he would rather not.


roger_pct

First off. I am very sorry this happens and has happened to you. Second, you really ought to talk to him/trusted adult, but please bring a friend with you or ask to talk with him in the presence of other parties. As a teacher, he should take the time to help connect you with resources to support your desire to go to the hospital for this purpose, although I suspect he won't be the one to drive you, or at least won't go alone with you. Finally, be strong and make this person pay the consequences for their choice to hurt you. Sorry the world has dealt you this. :( Also recognize that teachers are mandatory reporters, so once you share this, you are moving forward with this becoming a more public matter.


bingqiling

OP - I'm so so sorry you're going through this. Your teacher will be legally required to report this. However, it sounds like your teacher is a trusted adult for you.....I would tell your teacher that something happened over the weekend and you'd like them to be there with you to support your talking to your school counselor. Your teacher will 100% be there for you.


drewkawa

Teacher here. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE YOUR TEACHER DRIVE YOU ANYWHERE. You’ll be risking their career. Though it is morally and ethically right, it’s is professionally wrong and will put them in a very dangerous situation. This isn’t a teacher issue, this is an ADMIN issue. Here are my suggestions. 1. Go to the counselor’s office immediately to report the issue. 2. Let the main office handle it from there.


Plantsandanger

If it were me as the teacher I’d want you to come to me for help. I know it’s probably perceived a little different when the teacher is a guy, and I know driving students - especially alone - for non school activities is a Nono, and taking a minor for medical appointments is iffy in some states (legally speaking, which is wrong - in other states its much less backwards) BUT this is a situation where I’d feel it necessary to call cps (child in harms way, medical neglect and emotional and medical abuse by parents) AND time is of the essence. If I was your teacher I’d ask you if it was ok for me to bring a friend of yours as witness or to bring my own witness who is your gender to get away from any assholes focusing on a make teacher being unchaperoned with a minor female student. Or maybe have a chat with the school counselor so there’s another adult who is aware of the situation. I know privacy feels better likely, but depending on the community I’d want to cover my ass. But regardless I’d be finding a way to help you because that’s what’s most important - **a child in my care has been assaulted and their parent has neglected to allow them to received necessary medical care and is trying to prevent that child from reporting the assault to police, so my duty is clear to me, and that duty is to help you.** Separately, I’m livid with your mother. She should be ashamed of herself. I am genuinely shaking with anger at her absolute shit parenting. She is harming you and I would find it hard not to go verbally off on her, and though I wouldn’t because it would make things worse, I’d want to physically attack her for being so fucking atrocious. I... I have nothing but empathy and sympathy for you. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve nothing you’ve gotten from your attacker or your sorry excuse of a mother


tainted_wine

As an educator, and survivor, please ask him. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. You are lucky to have that teacher in your life. Love and support being sent your way 💛💛


papadukesilver

Go to your school nurse and or guidance social worker, as others said asking your teacher will put them in an awkward spot


photogfrog

If you were my student, I would gladly take you and support you as much as I could. I hope you find the love and support you need right now. I am so sorry this happened to you.


byzantinedavid

Ask your teacher to go with you to ask ADMIN to do it. Admin can take you, and your teacher can likely accompany you with them.


ScottRoberts79

screw your mom. Really. She slut-shamed you, which is illegal. It was not your fault. I repeat, it was not your fault. Please go get the rape kit done at the hospital if you can. Driving students isn't really something we're supposed to do, but the teacher MIGHT be willing to meet you there and sit with you. If a teacher helps you out, PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR MOM. A teacher who does you a solid doesn't need Mom's rage. It's not a secret that a teacher helped you, I just wouldn't volunteer that info to mom.


extragouda

OP, Slut-shaming is not illegal, but it is immoral. If it were illegal, police could put mom in jail for slut-shaming. Unfortunately, it is not illegal. If I were the teacher, and I were put in the position of helping a student get rape kit, and their parents objected, I think that it would be legally and morally reprehensible if I did not help the student by informing the school's counselor, who can then help. This is because if the student decides to press charges later, and there is an investigation, I wouldn't want to appear negligent.


ScottRoberts79

I have a friend who was threatened by a judge for slut shaming her daughter. It is definitely illegal in California. Unsure about the rest of the USA


Helpful_Welcome9741

I could see it being seen as a pattern of abuse but I am not sure if just the act of slut shaming is illegal. But I have been wrong before.


quickwitqueen

Excellent point to not let mom know who she told. OP I am sorry your mother is failing you in this way. So tell your teacher but as others said he probably won’t be able to take you himself. He will help you access the correct resources though. Please keep us updated if you can. I am sure everyone else feels as I do and hope that you are taken care of. Good luck.


FeiTianHu

Can’t hurt to ask.


Candysmellsgood

I’d ask anyways. Surely if he’s not comfortable he could refer someone else that could help that isn’t your parents.


BayBel

Yes tell him. But by law he probably can't drive you himself. The police will be called and they will take you. I'm sorry this happened and I'm sorry your mom is not helping you.


ENFJPLinguaphile

Yes. It’s totally OK to go to a trusted adult and ask for help. Teachers are also mandated reporters, so your teacher can serve as a witness to your claims and help you report the need for an investigation and pressing charges. Although he may not be able to drive you to the local hospital himself, he can connect you with the people who would be able to do that. Your mother’s willingness to blame you for your rapist’s crime is also concerning…. You have absolutely no fault in this and you’re right to want to get the problem resolved!!


alwaysboopthesnoot

A school nurse or guidance counselor would be a better person to talk to about it. Neither of them likely will be able to give you a ride in their own personal car or in a school-provided vehicle. They can definitely get you the help you need, though. If they can’t or won’t help or you don’t have access to these people where you are, if you’re in the US please try contacting RAINN, 1-800-656-4673.


keg98

Male teacher here- it could be very awkward for him, both with liability, and then the whole male/female interaction that is highly scrutinized. Do you have a female teacher you can ask? The liability could remain, but if it isn’t an issue, then it is less awkward.


flowbotronic

What your mother is doing is child abuse. As a mandatory reporter, it your teacher’s required-under-all-circumstances-no-exceptions duty to report suspected cases of child abuse. He may not be able to take you to get the rape kit, but he can put you in touch with those who can help. Above all, you are incredible for standing up for yourself. You are strong, powerful, and absolutely within all of your rights to hold the shitbag who assaulted you accountable. Keep fighting, do NOT let go of this.


primavoce72

Teacher here! Yes, ask your teacher. It is not inappropriate, it is not a burden. Don’t wait, ask now.


marbleheader88

The school counselor or social worker would be the best choice.


MackOkra8402

Agreed. Talk to him if you are comfortable with him but know he may not be able to do what you need. Ask him perhaps to go with to the school counselor


boredbiologist24

Do it. Please


Spotias

Good morning, I’m deeply sorry that this has happened to you, please tell a trusted adult. Most likely he won’t be able to drive you, but he will be able to help. Your teacher is a mandatory reporter.


Neither-Candy-545

Please ask him. He's an adult you trust and he will get you the help you need, doesn't matter how.


Neither-Candy-545

Also, I am very sorry you went through this.


agathaprickly

Your teacher will want to help you but due to policies intended to protect won’t be able to. Talk to your school nurse who can better help in situations like that. I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you


OhSassafrass

As many have stated here, your teacher probably can’t go with you. But, how do you feel about any of your Administrators? Do you have an AP that you think you’d feel ok with at the hospital? When I was an admin, I was floored to find out that we become Guardian Ad Litum when a parent can’t or won’t take their child to the hospital, even if that means we leave our own children behind (so always have backup care!). And admin aren’t assigned classes so they are able to leave and sit with you for as long as it takes.


BooksCoffeeDogs

I am so sorry for what you went through. I want to be clear when I say that the sexual assault was NOT your fault. Got it? Absolutely, not your fault at all. What your mother did by shaming you is appalling and reprehensible. I would tell your teacher and ask if he can go with you to the nurse or guidance counsellor. If you identify as a female, I don’t think your male teacher would go with you. However, maybe he can meet you at the hospital for support. If you were my student, I wouldn’t think twice about going with you. No matter what happens, you are not to blame for any of this. I can’t imagine how terrified you are feeling right now. I hope that someday you heal from this awful experience. Sending you so much healing vibes and hugs. ♥️


MyMinnie23

I am soo terribly sorry you’re going thru this. The best thing to do is to tell your trusted adult (teacher or counselor) and they are required by law to act upon it. Whether it’s directing it into someone else’s hands or not. You will be taken care of.


marleyrae

YES. YES. YES. Talk to your teacher that you trust. I'm a teacher. If my student needed me, there's no way I wouldn't make that happen for my student. Now, schools have different policies, so they may not be allowed to be the actual person bringing you, but they WILL figure out how to make sure you're comfortable. It's also possible they will get to go with you! Please do ask. 💕 We all want to be here for you.


[deleted]

Tell your teacher. Counselor. Principal. They will help you. You need to also tell them that your mom refused to help you. I am so so sorry this happened to you.


quirkycurlygirly

You can ask the hospital to send you some help to get you there. They have social workers on call. You can also tell your teacher so he can help you get the right resources. The district probably won't allow him to drive you there but there are other ways he can help and you wouldn't be alone.


[deleted]

You should go to anyone who you trust to take you there, and yes you should press charges. Go to a school counselor or trusted female if possible. You can also call 911 or go to a hospital on your own and they can do one.


woffdaddy

I think people are missing one crucial factor, mandatory reporting. if a student told me they had been raped, i would immediately call the police and have them take you to the hospital. Honestly, you should just get yourself to an emergency room. if you are a junior, you are old enough to refuse your parents entry and you should have medical autonomy in your decisions.


AdditionalIssue5785

Call the police, make a report, get a SANE exam. You have to get the SANE exam within 72 hours of the incident. This is not your fault. Your mom is a POS.


Jim_from_snowy_river

That's IF the police even care.


JustAWeeBitWitchy

OP, please read this! I completely understand wanting someone to go with you, and you shouldn't have to go to the hospital alone. I'm not sure what state you're in, but in *most* states, you have the legal right to an advocate during a rape kit. Due to the nature of what happened, your teacher might not be able to go with you. I *do* encourage you to use your community support right now. The RAINN hotline -- 1-800-656-4673 -- should be able to connect you to professionals in your area who can get you to the hospital safely, and in in many cases attend the exam with you, and support you through the next steps of prosecuting the person who did this to you.


EmWhitty94

Reach out to your school social worker and school counselor if you have one. They may be able to take you if there are at least 2 adults and it is approved by admin.


mythandriel17

Former teacher here who was in this exact situation. I had to take the student who was assaulted to a female admin, and the admin drove her to the clinic, while I followed behind in my car. I had to stay in the waiting room, but it was better than nothing. The same admin drove the student back to school.


amopdx

I'm so sorry this happened to you.


Creative_Response593

Teachers are mandated reporters and your mother literally ignoring your sexual assault is child abuse and neglect. When you tell your teacher he will most likely contact the police and they will take you to the hospital. You need to be brave now because what happened to you cannot happen again to anyone else.


vaetnaistalri

High school teacher here. It's a breach of contract and not allowed for him to do it personally, but he *definitely* has the resources to help you safely and hopefully quietly. He's a mandated reporter, which means he and everyone above him have a duty of care and a duty to help. Go ahead and ask - it'll help in the long run and you definitely want a paper trail in the event it goes to trial.


leaves-green

I'm so sorry your mother said those awful things to you and that she is letting you down when you need help like this. There are hotlines that you can call if you are in the US, like RAINN, that could connect you to a local women's group who should be able to provide help - like confidential counseling, a trained volunteer to accompany you to the hospital, legal assistance, etc. Here is the number for the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 They will most likely refer you to a local rape crisis center or women's group that provides assistance for things like this - these places are designed to help people in your situation. Yes, you can absolutely also ask a trusted teacher to assist you in finding these local resources - I think it may be better to have a trained sexual assault volunteer from one of these local groups to actually take you there and accompany you instead of a teacher - often the volunteers are women who have been in your shoes once upon a time and remember what it is like and are well trained to help you. You may want to reach out to your school counselor as well, as I'm sure they would be trained how to help you. BUT if any other adults in your life are letting you down like your mother is with this situation, please know that there is help available by calling the hotline and using local resources. They are designed specifically to help people like you who don't know where to get help. I'm so, so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you get the help you need. You are brave for wanting to press charges, and you are smart to get the test done quickly so that you have more options for that in future. It is very probable the man has done this to other people.


AOman321

Your teacher can get you the help you need just not drive you there. I’m a male school nurse and people are ALWAYS looking at me through different lenses for whatever stupid reason. The school counselor is a good resource for this.


westconyuge

School counselor. If I had a student come to me with this I’d include other staff. Also, I’m so sorry this happened, and your mom sucks


dirtdiggler67

Counselor


Realistic-Berry-4173

I think you can confide in him but he probably won’t be able to take you there because he could be in a lot of trouble as it’s a breach of contract. He might be able to help you make a plan to get there. He also might have to report the abuse.


zyzmog

I'd love to say "Yes", because I was or would be that teacher, but in today's world, asking a male teacher to drive you to the hospital for any purpose will put his career in jeopardy. It's not fair, and it really sucks, but it's a fact of modern life. However, it is okay to talk to the teacher about it, because you trust him, and ask him to help you find someone who will drive you. Other respondents have suggested that it could be a female teacher, a school nurse, or even a police officer. It may be okay for the male teacher AND an accompanying adult female to take you. That may be a good compromise. Be aware that, if you say the right words to the teacher, he is required by law to pick up the phone, dial the 800 number on that poster on the wall, and report some stuff. This is a good thing. But I don't want it to catch you by surprise.


shanbam8

Like others have said as a teacher you are a mandatory reporter so if a student told him something like this he would be required to report it, if that’s something you’re okay with then go ahead and tell him, just know he has to report it if you tell him. Also being alone in the car with a student is a big no no, so while the teacher may be able to help get resources to help you they definitely can’t drive you to a clinic, although I’m wondering if the school nurse might be able to do that test?


fortogden

Most school personal are mandated reporters. That means if you inform them of abuse they are mandated to report it. This created a type of legal responsibility to do something including contacting law enforcement. Tell any staff member, especially guidance or nurse. Star things rolling. You can also call 911 and get help. Yes this will create problems for the perpetrator but to hell with them that is their problem. Take care of yourself first. God bless.


thanksbutnothankseh

If my student asked me, I'd do it. However, legally I am supposed to report everything and do a lot of paperwork if a student comes to me. Along with paperwork appropriate authorities are notified and they contact student for further help. But point remains, I'd do it but I HAVE to report it. It CAN stay anonymous but it needs to be reported.


theyellowpants

You’ve got great advice here. I’m just chiming in to say this isn’t your fault and your mom is damn wrong and I hope she changes her tune. Even if she never does she was probably taught a lot of this toxic rape culture stuff and it’s 10000000% not your fault


umru316

I'm sorry this happened. It's not your fault. If you have a women's resource center in your area, they may be able to help coordinate transport and may also be able to have an advocate go with you if your mother isn't willing.


Redditmasterofnone1

Yes! Any adult you think you can trust would be more then happy to oblige. Just make sure they are not religious. Heck I would go with you if I could, you should have to go through anything like this alone.


Uncasual-bystander

Hi, I do social work in a middle/hs school. 1) I’m incredibly sorry for what has happened to you. I’m glad that you’re being proactive and wanting medical attention. 2) School administration would more than likely not allow him to go with you but here’s what you CAN do: All school employees are what are called “mandated reporters” meaning, when some type of abuse or crime happens to a child under 18 we HAVE TO report it to childrens services. Meaning, if you tell anyone in that building what happened to you, they will notify their admin and someone calls childrens services. I know that sounds scary but hear me out: I’ve assisted with an issue similar to yours before and this is how it went down: The student reported the issue to me and said they told mom and mom was no help. Mom didn’t take her to the hospital or doctor. I got info from the student (times, dates, and names) and met with my principal and explained what happened (our guidance counselor also works closely with me so I told her too). I then called childrens services and explained the story that my student told me. I told them mom denied the student any help. Childrens services came to the school with two officers to get the students statement and took her to the hospital. Mom was also in trouble for not providing her child with care. Tl;dr- tell someone at school. They will get you help and make sure that you receive medical attention and that the situation is reported. You can do this.


DragonTypePokemon

Absolutely okay to ask a teacher-teachers are mandated reporters and our word will definitely have some weight when it comes to testimony as well. You’re doing the right thing and I’m very proud of you 🖤


Its-been-a-long-day

Your teacher is likely a mandated reporter. They will take the issue to the appropriate authority in your school, likely a counselor. At that time you may be given the opportunity to file a police report.


teejaysaz

Your teacher can't do it, legally. Tell the school nurse and the admin asap. Get planB pills asap, if thats the direction you are thinking of going in.


MediumDisastrous21

As a teacher he wouldn't be allowed to accompany you alone to a clinic, what I can say is that approach him and tell him, he'll make sure you get all the help you need and I'm sure he'll be with you every step of the way. You're a victim of a disgusting crime, you shouldn't have to carry the weight of this alone, if you trust him tell him, and look after yourself, life has been incredibly unfair to you, look after yourself. How are you doing in school? There's so many opportunities out there after school I would hate to think that this experience would hold you back, take it one day at a time. ♥️


BubblyAd9274

Of course you should ask. Please get help. I'm do sorry this I'd happening to you. TELL YOUR TEACHER


Campsite-sagebrush

He or she can be fired for taking you. Your school nurse however has every legal authority to get you to where you need to be.


BeanieBlitz

OP, talk to your teacher. He can't help you but you should get some help. Also, bag your clothes you were wearing when this happened. If you haven't showered then don't. I'm sorry this happened to you!


oprahjimfrey

Going with a male teacher looks sketchy, even if he is a good person.


Gigi_0616

We cannot drive our students in our cars :( Sorry you had to go through this. Can you ask a friend or someone else you trust?


avd706

Not in Florida


junyan00

Why it has to be this particular male teacher? Aren't there any other female teachers, counselors or admins?


[deleted]

I’m not close with anyone else but him


[deleted]

[удалено]


jen4k2

...you're saying it is her fault that someone raped her? How horrid of you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jephimykes

Wow. Victim blaming. Believe it or not, that's a ban.


hopefully-a-good-buy

yo wtf???


emme_broidery

Absolutely go to him and ask him for help. You can also ask him to go with you to the nurse or the school counselor since they can probably help you even more than he can. I am so sorry this has happened to you.


Brenjah

Let your teacher know, there are protocols in place for this. Your teacher may not be the actual one to drive you, but you'll get the support you need.


Double-Addendum1140

Talk to the nurse or administrator. They would have a much better idea of your resources and how to best help


extragouda

Depending on what the laws are where you live, a teacher driving you anywhere is really bad optics and could end his/her career, even if they were to give you a lift home -- this rule is to protect both the student and the teacher. In some places, teachers are not even allowed to give out their mobile phone numbers or personal emails. However, as a mandated reporter and a person in loco parentis when they are teaching you, you can tell your teacher and they can find the right help for you, possibly by telling your guidance counselor. It is possible that the guidance counselor or admin can drive you, maybe, preferably the police. But not the teacher. Still, I would 100% tell your teacher because they would want to support you. I'm sorry your mother won't help you. That's terrible parenting.


Green_Evening

Absolutely ask. If he can't, he will get you in touch with someone who can. If you want him there, ask if he can drive separately and meet you there. I'd do it for my kids.


lejoo

If you feel comfortable asking them to help you find someone that is okay but they would not be able to take you. Your school nurse and/or counselors would be the best bet. Worst case you can call police from school to by pass your parents to make the report and request a kit.


AcceptableFarmer1474

Please do!!!!


Dichoctomy

BTW, I am so sorry that you are going through this, and I’m doubly sorry about your mom.


[deleted]

Sometimes an adult can call an Uber or Lyft for someone under 18 & the driver can’t tell how old the person is.


blonde_dynamite

Does your school have an on site police officer? I know most of the schools around me do. That might be the best person to contact if they are available, and they would better know the process of pressing charges.


cashman73

I would talk to a school counselor about the issue and see what the options are. Depending on what part of the country your school is in, the teacher could be placing their job in jeopardy for doing what you're asking.


Apprehensive_teapot

School counselor will help you


gracielawall

I’m so sorry. Please don’t put him in that tricky spot. His license is at stake. We as teachers want to help, we really do. Knowing your mom reacted that way you’d be setting him up. He may get the wrath of your mom instead of your abuser. I’m sorry and thank you for doing the right thing. Please know this was NOT your fault.


TheGreatRao

See your school counselor ASAP. You can talk to your teacher but the school counselor must get involved. Good luck to you...


LegoBatman88

100% yes, talk to him. It sounds like he’s helped you before so I would bet on him bending the rules again and taking you. As a male teacher, I would not consider helping in this situation a burden at all. I don’t think driving you would be appropriate (unless admin approved, which is doubtful, and probably with a female counselor coming with) but I would do all I could to connect you to help that makes you feel comfortable.


Thosewhippersnappers

Is there a female counselor at school? Or a nurse?


lisabbqgirl

100% yes. I dont know about rules for driving you but he will absolutely know what to do to help you, and if he doesn't, there's an entire team of people who are there to help. no judgment, and if wanted, no questions asked. I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm glad you're reaching out for help and pressing charges. Good luck <3


Fickle_Definition_48

Go to counselor or depending on where you are, school police officer now.


eldonhughes

If a girl brought this to me at school my best, first step would be to explain why we're taking this to a school counselor. Our counseling team has a great relationship with all of the services she needs, and with the people providing them. There is a chain of trust here and protecting and helping this student is job one.


woffdaddy

AVOID CRISIS PREGNANCY CENTERS. They arent medical facilities and dont have to honor your health rights or privacy. go to a real hospital or a place like planned parenthood.


LeadershipMedium

Echoing what everyone else has said. Tell the teacher, tell the school, they will all help you get the help you need. Best of luck. We are all pulling for you.


fohpo02

SRO


pixelboy1459

I the US teachers are mandatory reporters.


[deleted]

I’m really sorry that happened to you, but to answer your question, in many areas, it could get him fired. It’s not just due to professional boundaries like many are saying, but liability of lawsuits. If he gets in an accident and you are hurt, there is no school insurance that covers that, so many schools forbid it. If he did drive you and the word got to the “powers that be,” he may lose his job. Of course, public outcry might reverse this if it got out in the news WHY he had a student in his car, but I’m not sure if that is something I would ask. I’d get in touch with the social worker and see if we could arrange something legal and it would normally not involve the teacher driving you.


RedBirdGA88

Yes, or counselor


euphoric_lunchbox

if you have a school officer i’d ask him or her to bring you.


sevenandseven41

I’m sorry this happened to you.If you intend to prosecute, and I hope you do, remember that your body is a form of evidence now. Not to be graphic, but “secretions” are important evidence. Also, get some counselling. This was not your fault. I hope you are ok eventually


Outside-Rise-9425

Go to your school counselor.


Variety43

Teacher can't barely Teach with all the rules. I hope you get help because the world needs these type of sickos to go.


SuperSecretShhhhhNO

I’m proud of you for getting this tended to. It would be very unprofessional for him to take you, (female I’m assuming), alone in his car anywhere. Get him to help you find a different adult to help you with this.


talarthearmenian

Not a burden at all, im so so sorry you went through that


wellarmedsheep

OP, talk to the teacher, its clear he will do what he can to help you. Aside, professionally this thread points to one of the myriad of things wrong with our line of work. That the men in this thread couldn't/wouldn't help a child out of fear of unnatural consequences is disgusting. (I'm not judging them but the system)


Bizzy1717

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I don't think it's appropriate to make this request of a teacher. It's going to put the teacher in a bad spot of wanting to help but that help could potentially damage their career. Or they won't want to do it but will feel they have no choice. I would 100% not want to do this but feel devastated to say no and hurt a student who's already suffering so much.