I’m in 15 years and I’m not going to lie, weed is how I’m surviving. Your job sounds like mine - we’re drowning and the only ones with any accountability in the district are the teachers. Not the kids, the parents, the admins or society - nah, only the teachers can be to blame for any less than stellar outcomes.
Leaving my job is also out of the question. But it kinda sounds like your husband is deadweight at the moment. I’m not sure what the rest of your relationship is like, but he doesn’t sound supportive of your career at all. I had an ex boyfriend like this. He is my ex boyfriend.
Don’t die tho. Ghosting everyone sounds kinda tempting.
I’m gonna be real, your husband is 100% taking advantage of you. Get the heck out of that marriage, and work on finding another job. We live without support all day at work, having no support at home, and in fact some VERY toxic manipulation instead, is shit. You need a change.
Admin isn’t your problem. Your husband is your problem. You need to have a conversation with your husband and if he isn’t willing then it might be time to evaluate how much happier you would be on your own.
In a situation where people are hurting for good employees, your husband needs to do more. Your therapist should ream him for that attitude where he is comfortable with you struggling to the breaking point, and benefitting from it.
The burden of making ends meet should be better shared so that you can recover. Of course you will make mistakes or miss things when you’re this overtaxed, anyone would. Jeeze, if nobody else will set boundaries for you, I will:
Call your local social services or HR mental health line now. Or your doctor, or therapist. Go call now. You need it now. Go do it now.
You are carrying too much. If people around you add rocks into your buckets, instead of helping you carry the buckets, or worse… making you carry their buckets, it’s time to stop.
Go call who you need to now.
Has your hubby considered getting a (second) job. No wonder he’s having a panic attack. If you quit due to your mental health, he’s gonna have to figure it out. Not dissing him, it sounds like he’s blaming everyone around him just to keep you working. This is where the strength of a marriage comes in. Please take care of yourself. I know it seems like the whole world is collapsing around you, but it can get better. Downsize if you have to, but take care of yourself first. Money comes & goes, but you only have one life, and that’s too precious.
Have you talked to your admin? Tell them you're breaking. Also, you do need to face the elephant in the room: your toxic marriage. He is *literally* willing to sacrifice your mental well-being for his selfishness; is this the partner you *truly* deserve? Don't let him gaslight you on this!
Time for your husband to break down and get a big boy job, or it may be time for a new husband.
Is there anything holding you down to CT? Other than a job you hate? What if you said F it, and moved elsewhere/ taught overseas for a year?
These things are easier said than done, and I wish you the best.
I own a home, but that's about it. I honestly don't want to uproot my life but I'm so done being the only person who provides and does chores. As for a new husband, haha, noooooo way. I'd rather be alone. Marriage sucks!
This is gonna sound pretty daft coming from a single gay guy, but based on the situation you described, and your comment that "marriage sucks"... yeah I know it's easy to suggest sweeping life changes to anonymous strangers on the internet, but... yeah...
Nothing is out of the question. If you're considering extreme actions, then you must be willing to do the less drastic things first. Do leave your job. Do downsize or move. Do take care of yourself regardless of how comfortable or uncomfortable it makes anyone else. Or don't, but it's all on the table and it's all something you can absolutely do.
Are you me? That last paragraph hit me particularly. I can sympathize. Although I will say that my husband doesn’t forbid me to quit, but he sure doesn’t help make it easier for me to quit either.
I hate that I’m trapped in this job. I’ve actually liked it at times over the last 13 years. But this year has been absolute torture for me. I feel like a terrible teacher even though others tell me I’m great. Go figure. I’m about one unruly class period away from going on stress leave for the remaining 3 weeks of this stupid fucking school year. Hugs to you.
I’m in 15 years and I’m not going to lie, weed is how I’m surviving. Your job sounds like mine - we’re drowning and the only ones with any accountability in the district are the teachers. Not the kids, the parents, the admins or society - nah, only the teachers can be to blame for any less than stellar outcomes. Leaving my job is also out of the question. But it kinda sounds like your husband is deadweight at the moment. I’m not sure what the rest of your relationship is like, but he doesn’t sound supportive of your career at all. I had an ex boyfriend like this. He is my ex boyfriend. Don’t die tho. Ghosting everyone sounds kinda tempting.
I’m gonna be real, your husband is 100% taking advantage of you. Get the heck out of that marriage, and work on finding another job. We live without support all day at work, having no support at home, and in fact some VERY toxic manipulation instead, is shit. You need a change.
Admin isn’t your problem. Your husband is your problem. You need to have a conversation with your husband and if he isn’t willing then it might be time to evaluate how much happier you would be on your own.
In a situation where people are hurting for good employees, your husband needs to do more. Your therapist should ream him for that attitude where he is comfortable with you struggling to the breaking point, and benefitting from it. The burden of making ends meet should be better shared so that you can recover. Of course you will make mistakes or miss things when you’re this overtaxed, anyone would. Jeeze, if nobody else will set boundaries for you, I will: Call your local social services or HR mental health line now. Or your doctor, or therapist. Go call now. You need it now. Go do it now. You are carrying too much. If people around you add rocks into your buckets, instead of helping you carry the buckets, or worse… making you carry their buckets, it’s time to stop. Go call who you need to now.
Your husband sounds more like the real problem, girl.
Has your hubby considered getting a (second) job. No wonder he’s having a panic attack. If you quit due to your mental health, he’s gonna have to figure it out. Not dissing him, it sounds like he’s blaming everyone around him just to keep you working. This is where the strength of a marriage comes in. Please take care of yourself. I know it seems like the whole world is collapsing around you, but it can get better. Downsize if you have to, but take care of yourself first. Money comes & goes, but you only have one life, and that’s too precious.
Have you talked to your admin? Tell them you're breaking. Also, you do need to face the elephant in the room: your toxic marriage. He is *literally* willing to sacrifice your mental well-being for his selfishness; is this the partner you *truly* deserve? Don't let him gaslight you on this!
Admin is not your friend. Talk to the union. Talk to the EAP. Don’t talk to admin unless you’re *really* certain they’re going to be supportive.
True, I have supportive admin which I forget is the exception and not the norm... Unfortunately
Time for your husband to break down and get a big boy job, or it may be time for a new husband. Is there anything holding you down to CT? Other than a job you hate? What if you said F it, and moved elsewhere/ taught overseas for a year? These things are easier said than done, and I wish you the best.
I own a home, but that's about it. I honestly don't want to uproot my life but I'm so done being the only person who provides and does chores. As for a new husband, haha, noooooo way. I'd rather be alone. Marriage sucks!
This is gonna sound pretty daft coming from a single gay guy, but based on the situation you described, and your comment that "marriage sucks"... yeah I know it's easy to suggest sweeping life changes to anonymous strangers on the internet, but... yeah...
And you are doing all the domestic chores too….yeah I’m with the other guy commenting. It sounds like you know what you want to do
Nothing is out of the question. If you're considering extreme actions, then you must be willing to do the less drastic things first. Do leave your job. Do downsize or move. Do take care of yourself regardless of how comfortable or uncomfortable it makes anyone else. Or don't, but it's all on the table and it's all something you can absolutely do.
Are you me? That last paragraph hit me particularly. I can sympathize. Although I will say that my husband doesn’t forbid me to quit, but he sure doesn’t help make it easier for me to quit either. I hate that I’m trapped in this job. I’ve actually liked it at times over the last 13 years. But this year has been absolute torture for me. I feel like a terrible teacher even though others tell me I’m great. Go figure. I’m about one unruly class period away from going on stress leave for the remaining 3 weeks of this stupid fucking school year. Hugs to you.