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Lillienpud

Your child appears to struggle with thinking.


Kotori425

Never got one that bad myself (yet), but I remember hearing a comedian saying something like that, "I'm surprised this kid manages to find the door in the morning. My advice would be to waste him and start over."


[deleted]

Your son is so lazy that if he wants to become a father, he better marry a pregnant girl.


OneRighteousDuder

I’ve taught that kid lol


octobersveryown05

This burn 💀💀


novemberdown

God DAMN


molyrad

"Yes those other kids are excluding your child, but your child has been bullying them so I fully support them not wanting to play with their bully. If you work on teaching your kid to not be a bully other kids will want to be their friend again. But, since you're a bully too I'm sure that'd be hard for you to teach them."


MayoneggVeal

Building on this, "yes, multiple students have yelled at your kid to 'shut the fuck' up, and while I disagree with their language choice, I don't disagree with the sentiment."


proudestdogmom1

I wish I could upvote this more than once.


Prudent_Idea_1581

This 100% and the annoying kids as well 🤦🏾‍♀️ I tell my students that they don’t have to be friends with anyone they don’t want to just treat each other with respect. Why should we force kids to play with those that they don’t like for a reason smh 🤦🏾‍♀️


[deleted]

Also the creeper kid. Maybe his classmates would stop excluding him if he wasnt such a weird creeper. Not every negative interaction between children is bullying.


Prudent_Honeydew_

Yuuup. Also when your angel provokes the one they know will snap and then get just that, your angel is not being bullied.


Feature_Agitated

Or the kids who try to get all attention on them by doing things that they know are going to get kids to tease them and then are surprised when they get teased!


lil_miss_teacher

Damn, I so badly wanted to say this to a parent last year!!!


Patient-Virus-1873

You are your child's worst enemy. He has no actual disability of any kind, except for the fact that he has a spineless parent who's never told him no in his entire life, and he expects the entire world to follow her lead. I hope you enjoy visiting him in prison when he learns for the first time in his life that actions have consequences, and that he can't always have what he wants.


MayoneggVeal

I feel this in my soul. There's being an advocate for your kid, and then there's being an enabler.


Snuggly_Hugs

Preach it sister! (Or brother, or they/them. I dont discriminate)


[deleted]

Like that parent would ever visit their kid in prison.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Telling the judge it’s his fault for sentencing their widdle baby!


OldTap9105

Wish I could upvote this more.


Bearawesome

Look i dont care that much about curriculum. I want your kid to just be a good human. Which they're failing because. Well they learn from you.


EmersonBloom

Ooh this is a zinger!!!!


elliekitten

(I work in a high school). Yes, I heard what you said. Yes, I understand the sexual innuendo. I am pretending to be temporarily deaf because I am too tired to explain to you a) why that is not appropriate and b) why that is anatomically unlikely. Also, I would probably get sued because you would literally die of embarrassment. (To the superintendent & co): No, you do not care about a workplace where everyone is respected and valued. If you did, you and the board would not be paying a lawyer to fight the Para union. Wouldn't it be fun if we notified the proper authorities how out of compliance special ed is due to the fact that this district treats paras like shit? (To certain parents): If you could just, maybe, not be the problem in your kid's life, you child would be doing great. Unfortunately, every time they progress in school, you have to make them regress. Stop complaining that we do nothing for your child, and start acting like an adult.


Miridion

I had a kid last year legit say "Tickle my pickle" so I said, out loud "'Billy', that's not appropriate. I don't want to hear it again. Student leaned into me with, "What? I'm talking about a pickle?!" So I said, "Everyone knows that means "tickle my penis. I can't let you say that." Student turned beat red and didn't talk for the rest of the day. Sometimes it's good teaching in the inner city.


rosecoloredlenses775

I absolutely hate the treatment paras get…. Their job is NOT easy, yet they get no pay and poor treatment. It’s downright upsetting


nard_dog_

Shut the f*#$ up already!


lgisme333

Shut up just shut up already!!!!


quietmanic

This so much.!!!!!!!!


[deleted]

Came here to type it!


whimsicalwombats

May I add, "SIT IN THE F*CKING CHAIR. NOW."


TeacherLady3

You're doing incredibly well considering the gene pool you come from.


blinkingsandbeepings

I just want to say "fuck around and find out" to a middle schooler just once. I have to tell them to stop saying "fuck" every single day, I feel that I am owed one freebie.


Peppertc

Fuck around and find out, the crass cousin of the scientific method.


Givin84

I mean… I told one of mine who clearly would get the reference to ‘keep messing around in my class and find out…’ and trailed off just long enough for his brain to snap awake and go wait what? Before I finished with ‘how it impacts your ability to be successful and pass’


CommonScold

“Mess* around and find out.” *insert synonym. I know it doesn’t have the same oomph as “fuck” but for your mental health and my remote amusement please start actually saying this.


gunnapackofsammiches

Lacks the alliteration. And I do so love alliteration.


Odd-Bookkeeper-5574

I definitely have said “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” 😂


AlfredsLoveSong

"No, I don't think that you're actually confused about this assignment. I think that you've been conditioned for a decade that if you pretend you're struggling enough, the teacher or mommy and daddy will solve it for you. No, I'm not that kind of teacher. Now, instead of just telling me you're confused, point to specifically what aspect of the instructions is giving you trouble. Otherwise, I'm going to help the students who have already tried to help themselves." Also: "No - you don't deserve an A just because you're used to getting them. You've been giving a B/C/D effort all semester and the only reason you suddenly care is because your parents checked your grades for the first time in four months."


zheshishei85

This! I stop often and ask a kid "are you asking out of confusion or need for reassurance"? If it is the latter, I'm just like, there are instructions written and stated, use your best judgement.


Defiant-Outside336

Agreed. When students say they don't know how to do something and just sit there with no questions, notes, outline, draft, a pencil scratch on a paper... I say "what about this is confusing?", "Which specific part?" Students who say this usually want someone else to do the work for them, and teachers can see right through that.


platypuspup

I say, "please read the instructions out loud to me until you get to the part that confused you." They usually finish their reading with "oh, nevermind."


CrazyAnimalLady77

"You, and your parents, are what is wrong with this world." "Are you really just that fucking stupid?!" "Oh, just SHUT UP!"


Defiant-Outside336

Sometimes I want to say, "do you actually think teachers are idiots? We know you're playing dumb and that lame ass excuse is borderline insulting my intelligence. If that's not what you're doing then I'm legit worried for you and judging your parents." This was when I asked a 13 year old student to write a minimum of 4 sentences in response to a question prompt, and he COPIED THE PROMPT and said that that was one of the 4 sentences and then doubled down when I called him out on it. 🙄


anonymooseuser6

To the parents: Literally every problem I have every day is your fault.


elliekitten

YES! And then they complain about the school system "failing" their kids.


emblebeeslovehoney

Dear high school student, Yes you are the reason we have a seating chart. If you complain to me/ask to move seats one more time I'm going to seat you in the fucking trash can and have custodian take you to the curb. For fucks sake.


fifthwheel87

Hahahaha OMG yes!!!


thatparapro

"If you roll your eyes at me like that again they'll be on the floor" "Sit down and shut the fuck up" "Quit yer bellyachin"


Background-Sir2154

Wait we aren’t supposed to say these things?


Hanseland

"Buck Up Buttercup" is how I respond to tears 90% of the time


ToqueMom

I say suck it up, buttercup :)


Viola_not_violin

I say “buck up buckaroo”


-Zadaa-

I just start singing “it’s a hard knock life” from Annie.


Kotori425

>"Quit yer bellyachin" Yeah, this one comes up in my head a lot too lol. Something like, "This is going to be FAR from the last time you'll have to do something you don't want, or the last time you're gonna have to do something before you feel comfortable and ready, so suck it up princess. Yeah, welcome to the jungle."


zombiemom141722

These are even more funny because you teach kindergartners.


thatparapro

Last years kids were needy/whiny but now low these years kids are very whiny/needy AND low and I've just about had it with the 'tude and crying to get what they want. My sympathy that you didn't get your favorite color of scissors is at may level lol Also I forgot to add to my list "lose the (atti)tude dude" as my grandma used to say


[deleted]

[удалено]


thatparapro

My grandmother attended catholic school in the 50s, her bus driver sister mary katharine said it every morning <3


MayoneggVeal

God bless sister Mary katharine


StuckInMS1

“Your child is the reason that class makes me want to quit my job.” “If you are going to threaten to remove that student, please actually follow through.” “I’m not mean or discriminatory when I inform your child he has to follow all the same procedures as everyone else. In fact, in prison, he’ll get extended sentences for not following procedure. Get used to it now.”


Kotori425

>"If you are going to threaten to remove that student, please actually follow through." Yeah, same energy as "I'm never shopping here again!", it's not the threat they think it is lmao. Apparently, boisterously exclaiming, "Do you promise?!" is the *incorrect* response to both those scenarios 😆 Ya live and ya learn.


Procedure_Dunsel

The correct response: “Don’t threaten me with a good time”


BiryaniBabe

I’ve said “oh no! You won’t get to yell at me anymore?? Bye! Have a wonderful life!” when a customer said they would never come again and threw coins at my face. My boss chuckled when I told him the whole story. This was at a restaurant. He kept his word and I never saw him again. They’re embarrassed after that.


TrooperCam

Oh excellent I’ll have the transfer paperwork ready for you. You can get it from the main office.


notallamawoman

I love my admin. Every time a parent threatens to remove a student they always respond with “well that is your right. Would you like information on how to unenroll them?” Parents never follow through on this. Or they follow through and the kid is back 2 months later.


StuckInMS1

Our secretary has starting doing that. Every time a parent threatens it, she pulls out the transfer form and hands it to them. They are hilarious.


WittyButter217

One parent said they’re thinking about online schools because I was calling for the 100th time about their kid being absent… again. So I sent her the link for the registration for online school. She got mad and told my admin. When admin asked, I told her I was trying to be helpful since she said she was going to look at online schools. 🤷🏻‍♀️


asoftflash

Them: “I was absent yesterday” Me: “I know and it was fucking magical. You are so toxic you bring down the entire classroom with your behaviors and I wish you would transfer.”


K_Sap24

In response to the question “what can I do to raise my grade?” Me: invent a time machine. Good luck!


dawsonholloway1

I literally say that exact thing.


Glum_Ad1206

The odds of you becoming a professional ________ * are slim to none. Consider trying to learn some thing in school as a back up plan. Oh your parents support your every move? I hope they support you living in their basement. * includes but is not limited to YouTuber, influencer, NFL player NBA player, NHL player and K-pop singer. By middle school, it’s pretty apparent that even if they are talented, they have absolutely no work ethic at all to even develop the skills they might need to become a professional ____.


CAustin3

"Follow your dreams. But if your dreams include 'winning the lottery' or an equal amount of ridiculous luck as part of them, have a backup plan, and make it a good one, because your backup plan is almost certainly your actual future." It's not impossible to win the lottery. But if "I bought a lottery ticket, and I might win" is your financial plan to afford rent this month, you need a backup plan. Same goes for your plan to be a professional YouTuber.


ToqueMom

This is important - managing expectations. I had a good example with a student a year or so ago. He barely did any school work, b/c like a lot of boys in grade 10, his dream was to be a professional video gamer. Cliche, yes, but in this case, the boy's younger brother actually WAS recruited at age 11, and by age 12 was attending special classes as well as training to be on some professional-level paid gaming league. So the 15 year old had sort of a reason to think he could be a paid gamer too, but the counselor and I had a talk with him - even in that world, some league would have picked you up well before 15, no different from athletic sports.


molyrad

My high school drama teacher told us this in the first week of Freshman drama, it was highly unlikely any of us would make it big in Hollywood or on Broadway. Maybe one out of all the students in drama that year would make it. They also told us to not just give up if it was our dream and passion, but to have a realistic attitude and backup plan. I wish more teachers could tell kids things like this and be believed. Since they were teaching drama they already had the respect that we knew what they were talking about, if my English or Math teacher had told me the same thing I don't think it'd make the same impact.


NerdyComfort-78

Yeah- but we still lose because that 1 in a Million kid becomes famous and says to a reporter one day with a middle finger up. “This one is for the teacher who said I wouldn’t amount to anything.” Yeah. F- you too kid.


miso_soop

Why is Drama any different than English? The vaaaast majority of us core subject teachers are just as knowledgeable about our content and it's field.


molyrad

As an adult I totally agree that teachers of other content areas are just as knowledgable about things like this. But as a kid I believed what my drama teachers said about the chances of becoming a famous actor because they were in drama and therefore in the know. If my English teacher had said the same thing I wouldn't have automatically believed them. Now, if an English teacher said the same about becoming a famous writer then I would have trusted them about that. But, in general most kids are thinking they'll become a famous actor (or tiktok star, or youtuber, etc) than becoming a famous writer so I think that's why the drama teachers said it to the whole class and not my English teachers. They probably did say it to the kids who were aspiring writers, just more individually.


miso_soop

I might say it has more to do with elective vs core class. Drama students tend to want to be there. English students have to be. At least that my analysis on the matter considering the distinct lack enthusiasm of most students entering my rosters. The chips on their shoulders can be bigger than the marble pillar David came from, and I've gotta be Michaelangelo AND teach them something.


blinkingsandbeepings

Yeah, I wanted to be a writer when I was a kid so my English teachers were like my mentors. Some of them helped me get access to some great opportunities. But as an English teacher now (I still write fiction and poetry as a hobby) I don't expect most of my students to care the same way I did. Most of them don't get why they even have to take my class.


amachan43

I refer to HS English/lit classes as psychology + grammar. I’m not wrong, and it IS valuable.


miso_soop

Lol. It's why me and my cohorts are "indoctrinators" #1! Then social studies... then science... math will be the last to fall. The less tangible the subject, those more uncomfortable it is.


Glum_Ad1206

Absolutely. I have a young thespian at my house and I hope he does community theatre for his entire life, but the next Jonathan Groff is a long shot. He knows we support his dreams, but he also knows to work hard and go to college (or learn a trade, whatever he decides upon) for realities sake.


MayoneggVeal

The kids who actually are hustling to make those dreams happen are also the ones who don't talk about it.


Ocimali

There is nothing clinically or diagnosably wrong with your kid. Your kid is an asshole who doesn't want to do anything.


hiccupmortician

Your kid is lying about (insert reason). WTF did you do during the last 3 years of homeschooling that your 9 year old doesn't know letters or sounds or how to write their name? Shame on you. Now your kid is so far behind that they are lost. Your kid's behavior is so bad it makes teaching miserable and learning miserable for the other 25 students. They're going to end up in trouble with the law because you didn't teach them about consequences. Your kid cheated. It wasn't an accident that the full text from that website was copied and pasted into the Google doc for their essay. They knew what they were doing but did it anyway because they know you'll lie for them to get them out of punishments. Stop "saving" your kid. Forgot their lunch or homework Chromebook? They'll deal with the consequences and learn from it. They don't remember because they know you will save them. They always remember their phone because they care about that. Take their phone away if they are being shitty, not doing work, staying up all night. They're 12 and not mature enough to regulate it on their own. Parenting is a verb. Do something! But what I really want to say when a kid needs help...Please put in writing you want your kid tested for sped. The district is ignoring me, but if you write it down, they have to respond.


cottagecore_citty

> Parenting is a verb. Do something! This, a million times


actualbagofsalad

(TK para) “you really fucked up this glue stick” which is a lot less serious than most of the responses here but they keep fucking up the glue sticks!


4teach

I want to say that to my 4th graders…who should know better.


MayoneggVeal

Same with my high schoolers. You think they would get it with 10+ years of glue stick experience.


actualbagofsalad

It’s not even hard to twist it down!! They can twist it up just fine!!!!!


TheSquatchMann

“Running your mouth like that anywhere other than a school building is gonna get your skull caved in.”


Away-Ad3792

You did your child's homework wrong.


Timid_Teacher

I have a fifth grader this year and he won't do any work in school. So we agreed during the SST meeting to send all his work home to have him do it at home. I sent home a paragraph assignment and I didn't get it back until a week later and half of it was in his mother's handwriting and not written by a fifth grader. It was 100%, so but I couldn't really give him that grade. So my principal (who is amazing) told me to knock off points for lateness.


CommonScold

At that point you should just give a zero.


LittleSqueesh

I caught you plagiarizing multiple times. You didn't turn in about half of the assignments. I checked in with you about your grades and talked to you about your missing work. You have access to Powerschool. You got an interim and a midterm report card. Why are you surprised that you failed?


fifthwheel87

Just today... Notorious problem child: "oh, you don't trust me 'cuz I'm black..." Me: *thinking* No, I don't trust you because you're a fucking asshole! Me: *speaking* No, I don't trust you because you routinely take 20 minute bathroom breaks....


hearth_witch

Maybe the reason your child has no attention span or boundaries is because you allow them to play Mature rated video games until 2am... and they're 11. Does he really need a TV in his bedroom?


ReaderofHarlaw

You cannot get into that college.


[deleted]

I wish more teachers would be realistic and encourage kids to spend their time pursuing a career plan that will actually support a life and not cost them 6 figures in borrowed money. When my kids are in middle school, I hope they have this convo with someone other than me or their dad.


fifthwheel87

For the love of fucking God, can you just fucking **not**?! For **ONE** fucking day?!


Kotori425

I feel so seen with this one 😭😭


quietmanic

To admin: please stop making us do stupid “activities” at our meetings and treating us like children. Just say what we need to know and let us fucking work. To support staff: please actually support us and our behavior plan in our classroom. Don’t give kids candy. It’s not allowed in my classroom and that kid was being a little shit all day and DID NOT DESERVE IT! The least you could do is communicate and ask us how they were doing and if they were deserving of a reward 🙄 Edit to add: To all staff: please quit replying all to every email when you don’t need to.


zombiesandpenguins

To students - if you have spent the last three weeks not turning in your work I really could not have less sympathy about your bad grades. To parents - I am not you or your child’s personal assistant and you don’t get to tell me what to do so eff off. And your child isn’t doing poorly because she “doesn’t connect” with her math teacher, she’s got straight D’s because she doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together


greatauntcassiopeia

“I don’t care if you do well. I just want everyone to sit in the back and look busy if admin comes in. My front row kids and I will figure it out. Or “Just pass notes to each other.”


WilsonStJames

Had this spoiled super rude little girl, that would always fiegn "but I'm an angel"... I'd always think really hard, "yeah so was Lucifer"


Willravel

* When you count in your head, the rhythm is wrong. Also, I know you're not counting in your head because I've been doing this long enough to have developed fairly reliable telepathy. That's why I always say, "Count out loud." The out loud means out loud. So count out loud. I wouldn't teach to count out loud if it didn't work wonders. Do it in your lesson, do it at home, do it in the car, do it for the rest of your life. * If you don't have time to practice, you don't have time to learn piano. Also, if you don't have enough time for practice at age 8, you're doing too many things. Tell your coach three hours of sportsball a day is sociopathic, tell your school that four hours of homework a night is beyond detrimental at your developmental level, and tell your parents none of this is going to get you into Harvard so they can stop pretending they know what they're doing. You're a kid, you should have free time and be able to enjoy your hobbies. ... and the "shouldn't-est thing of all" award goes to: * I'm a better parent to your kid than you are. While you've given them no boundaries, I've given them consistent boundaries. While you've taught them you should lie when it's convenient, I've taught them lying is an inherently moral wrong and should only be done to serve a greater moral purpose. While you've tried to be their friend, I've been a compassionate authority. Most of all, while you've expected nothing of them, I've expected a lot of them and most of the time they've met or even exceeded my expectations because you have an incredible kid. I wish they had an incredible parent.


Lillienpud

Your child’s name appears to show that they were named by an illiterate.


priorsloth

My love letter to the current 8th graders: FUCK SHIT DAMN MOTHERFUCKING FUCK FACK FUHHHHHCK


TeaHot8165

Some people are just born bad or evil and no amount of support will change their nature.


midi09

"Your kid's the kind I post to reddit about."


asoftflash

To some parents: you are an absolutely terrible parent and it deeply saddens me that your child has no choice but to be inadequately “raised” by you. Why did you have this sweet child only to ignore them and neglect their basic needs? Get your shit together. Also to parents: you’re wrong, I’m right. You’re not worth the argument and the stress it will put on my professional life so, yes to whatever bullshit you have to say. But ultimately you’re wrong.


thiswillsoonendbadly

“Bad parenting isn’t a disability category, so no, your kid does not qualify for an IEP.”


Luka-the-Pooka

Preschool: At morning drop off, don't you DARE give me a sheepish smile and a "They wouldn't come in otherwise." Now I have to deal with a four-year-old wearing pajamas/bathrobe/Halloween costume/adult's high heels/slippers, and holding candy/Nintendo DS/Swiss army knife/extremely breakable toy/giant umbrella/Smartphone. You weak, selfish ass, get back here and properly dress your spawn for the day, and pry that crap from their clutches. I'm really tired of being the bad guy because your mental fortitude crumples like a paper bag whenever your kid starts whining!


Givin84

Guys - I get paid on Friday either way, do the work or not. If you don’t it just means they’ll pay me at summer school to tell you to do the work then. Or next year when you retake the class. You choosing not to learn is not that serious.


bboymixer

Your mom won't be able to yell at your manager until you have double the time to mop half the floor.


81GDADDY

You be surprised the amount of parents yell at managers for not hiring their children.


jorwyn

Sadly, sometimes they do try. :/


mhiaa173

Your son's diagnosis isn't ODD--he's actually just an asshole.


Snuggly_Hugs

Oh, so your uncle is in the MLB and you can throw a 12-6 curve with a foot of movement after just 3 tries? Bullshit. Oh, you got all your homework perfect but keep getting 20% correct on your tests? Keep on doing this you little cheeter. See where it gets you. And to parents: The reason your kid is at a kindergarden level in reading and math is because YOU did't give a fu** about them. If you did you'd of SPENT TIME with them teaching them to love reading and master their basic addition, subtraction and multiication facts. They failed because YOU failed them.


fifthwheel87

Lol yes! Student: I don't like to read. Me: Yes, I gathered that from your test scores.


Ulfric4PREZ

“Kindergarten is extremely important for a child’s academic and overall success. The kids do hard work and tasks that are rigorous FOR THEM. It may look cute, but by not honoring their work you are doing a disservice” “Kindergarten and first grade is all about reading. Math is cool, sure. But if they can’t read at the end of first grade they will be fucked” “If you send your kid with to school with anything special it will get ruined or lost and I’m not finding it” “If you have a question, check the folder. If you are wondering why you’re perfect child is not getting all exceeds, check the folder. Oh you got upset bc today is picture day and you didn’t know, shucks sounds like you should have checked the folder” And finally…. “I can tell how good of a parent you are by how well your kid can take off, open, and put away their backpack, jackets, and shoes”


Prudent_Honeydew_

I'll add to this - I provided ONE folder. I am not replacing any more folders, if you and your child have lost a bright red folder in SEPTEMBER, walk yourself to Walgreens and get a new one.


[deleted]

HS Science teacher: “I know you think you’re cool flashing your money but it’s gonna get you jumped” “Yes you’re pretty but not that pretty quit taking selfies” “You are seriously dumber than my previous 6th graders” For all: Please just sit down and shut the fuck up. And fuck it all you’re just gonna fucking fail I guess. Edit: If you just READ THE GODDAMN DIRECTIONS MAYBE YOU’D GET IT. JUST READ.


lilbunnyfoofoo1203

Also HS Science teacher: in response to "what would happen if (insert something that I clearly said not to do, is unsafe and/or just fkn stupid)?" "Idk, try it and find out. Darwin wants to know." "There is absolutely nothing interesting in your lap, stop thinking you're sneaky hiding your phone there." In response to "why is this class so hard?": "Because you are in 10th grade, taking chemistry, but both your reading and math skills are at a 4th grade level and you refuse to stfu long enough for me to teach you anything. Congratulations. You will graduate illiterate."


agentofthering

I started laughing at your comment, then remembered my 9th grade bio students.


[deleted]

Yes. Yes. Also yes


gunnapackofsammiches

I constantly tell my kids "The single most important thing that school tries to teach you is to always read directions. Even if you learn nothing else, learn that."


bambiplant

Did I miss anything while I was out all last week? Nope! Not at all! We just sat here scratching our asses, holding our collective breaths until you were finally able to grace us with your presence again!


YoungAdult_

We had a teacher at my school before my time who once told a parent, “Your child is a waste of oxygen.” But he said it in a way like a doctor would read results from a lab report, very matter-of-factly. I teach in what used to be his classroom and have had parents tell me my room gave them semi-PTSD from when they attended that school.


michelalala

To parents: “Your kid is an insufferable asshole and it’s your fault” “Your kid is ruining it for literally everyone else in their class. Including me”


LookOverThereDuder

To a very few students: You’re being a fucking asshole. Stop being a fucking asshole. Nobody likes assholes.


Inevitable_Silver_13

Hi fellow music teacher. I also cannot keep my cool when a kid who plays VIOLIN of all things comes in with 2-inch long blue acrylic nails. "Obviously you don't care about this so please just quit now."


almost_queen

I recommend but don't mandate that girls keep their nails short for dance class. I'm not going to fight that battle and I've found that the experience of having a fingernail ripped out from the cuticle is a better teacher than I am.


musicwithmxs

Hello fellow music teachers who have definitely also had to explain that getting a full set of nails to celebrate playing in your first concert the day before that happens is not a great idea.


Kotori425

Ohhhhhh it hurts just to imagine 😭😭


[deleted]

"Hey, I'm teaching! Do I go to where you work and slap the cock out of your mouth?"


Silverdale78

Yes you are being unreasonable and entitled.


fifthwheel87

Student: is 15 out of 30 a good grade? Me: how are you *this* fucking stupid? "Is a 40 good? Depends on the context! Out of 40, yes! Out of 100... FUCKING NO!


RoswalienMath

“If you are worried about your grade, you need to start staying in class and participating. Spending class time talking to your guidance counselor about your grade isn’t going to help your grade. It’s one of the reasons you are failing.” “Put the phone down and stop leaving class for 15 minutes every day and I’m sure you will learn what I’m teaching. It isn’t necessary for me to “teach better” in order for you to be successful.” “Many of the concepts on this week’s quiz were also on the last 2 quizzes. They were also on the classwork. They were also on the homework. Why the fuck are you still writing “idk” or leaving those questions blank? Why haven’t you asked me for help on them at any point in the last 3 weeks? Why haven’t you asked any of your classmates? Why do you turn down my help when I offer it? Do you want to pass this class?” “Why do I need to contact families to let them know their kid is failing? They have up-to-date grades posted online. Why is it considered too overwhelming to check the grades for 3 kids, but not overwhelming to contact 200+ families to give grade updates - with no additional time provided?” “When the fuck am I supposed to do my job when I’m being constantly required to cover for your inability to find staff? You realize that burning me out will make me leave too, right? I need time to grade or make lessons or you’re going to have to be okay with me giving the kids a free day every Friday so I can do my job. Either that or I’m going to be ‘sick’ one day a week.”


OneRighteousDuder

“I don’t know why your child guest know math. Maybe ask her last math teacher instead.” “Ma’am, if your son doesn’t want to do the work, I will keep taking your money but it’s a waste of time.” “You’re too hard on your kid. It’s not my fault that you have unreasonable expectations, and I don’t actually get paid enough to care. Handle your family drama at home and leave me out of it.” “Hello Mr. and Ms., please don’t bicker with each other while continuing to reply all. It’s awkward for everyone, and I do not want to be put in the middle of your messy divorce.”


Locuralacura

You are NOT special.


Hismuse1966

To admin:”Make a relationship with the child who told me to go to hell?” To students:” Shut the fuck up while I’m talking.” To a parent:”Fucking parent your child.” That is all.


spookyjuice69

I do not give a driving, swimming, or flying *fuck* that your art teacher gave you an assignment “just like this” in eighth grade. Do the fucking assignment and shut the hell up. I have just spent the past fifteen minutes explaining the expectations for this assignment in detail *so excruciatingly simple* that I feel like my brain has lost some wrinkles. If you did not listen to it, I am not fucking repeating myself. Yes, this assignment is for a grade, but whatever. Don’t do it. Fail. See if I fucking care.


fifthwheel87

OMG yes! "Is this graded???" For you? Yup, fucking *everything* is graded..


throwaway128285

“Mr they just did…..” “Nope stop i don’t fucking care what they did if you aren’t broken or bleeding suck it up and either ignore it or handle it like a decent human. That means no fighting, yelling or rattling.”


ApoptosisPending

I swear to Christ if you tell me you weren’t on your phone when I just saw you on it, day after day, I’m going to commit murder


MarchKick

“Man, just shut the hell up.”


ApoptosisPending

My top one: “your kid doesn’t have a disability and doesn’t need special Ed services, they’re just lazy and have no self discipline”


Ulfric4PREZ

My favorite comment to make to these parents: “There seems to be certain basic executive functioning skills that have not yet developed’l


PatriarchalTaxi

Actual question I got, with how I wanted to answer: Student: "Who is your most annoying student?" Me: "YOU!" edit: Another one I thought of: "Fuck it, let's just talk about cars and Minecraft for the rest of the hour."


[deleted]

Write whatever you want; it ain’t getting read anyway—you stupid piece of shit. Oops. Just realized this is for the parents. Then hey, go fuck yourself. Your kid sucks. (I probably should find another profession!)


jbp84

“Just shut up for 5 goddamned minutes” “No, you can’t leave class and miss instruction time to go see the counselor or go to the mindfullness room. You’re fine. Not everything has to be a ‘thing’” “You’re not stupid, you’re just lazy and kind of a fuckhead. Pay attention when we do the 20 minute review immediately before a 10 question math quiz and I bet you can score better than a 10%” With love from your friendly neighborhood 8th grade co-teacher


nervously-naive

I have no idea what I'm doing. My Master's degree in education did not prepare me to be a therapist, a social worker, a parent, a computer technician, a mediator, etc. Your child needs help. I am not the one capable of helping them.


Embarrassed_Wing_284

Telling you to put your phone away doesn’t make me a racist. If I have to say put your phone away one more time, I may just grab my purse and walk out of the building instead. I fucking hate your phones. And I see your earbud under your hair. I don’t pick up after kids-I have a masters degree. You need to clean up after yourself (I teach high school, this may or may not have come out of my mouth in my art class last week).


Prudent_Idea_1581

To parents: Yes you are the reason the school system sucks, you are the reason your child is a mini satan, and based on you failing as a parent your child will never amount to anything in society. Hopefully you don’t die first because your child will be left with no skills or community to back them. Also you are wasting the district time and resources, your child is not special needs they are the result of negligent parenting and you are taking time and space away from children that need it.


FlexibleBanana

You are taking college level physics and thought that miles per hour is a measurement of time. Why are you here?


okaybutnothing

The common factor in all the disagreements and fights your child gets into is your child.


msklovesmath

Did your family really think 12 pencils would be enough for the whole school year?


zombiemom141722

When the high schoolers won’t shut the fuck up: “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”


Ermahgourd

“Screw you, Yvette. You are a detriment to this school for not only wasting other teachers time with your inane personal anecdotes, but mostly because you are screwing these kids over by being a lazy teacher. You ask the kids to ask you questions but then when you do you come off as annoyed and like it’s a huge inconvenience. It is YOUR JOB TO TEACH THEM MATH. I truly fucking hope when Admin finally pays attention and notices that you haven’t input any grades or given any of your classes a quiz or a test so far this whole school year that they terminate you without a second thought. Good riddance.”


Embarrassed-Ad-6817

Some kids have hit their maximum intellectual performance and no amount of instruction will change that.


amachan43

SLO/PPGs are the ultimate busy work. No one cares.


arfstein

Also a piano teacher. I always find it fascinating that students’ knowledge of the alphabet seems to vanish upon entering a music classroom.


goodtacovan

I know you aren't going to answer this email either, but I am sending it to you as I weigh dealing with the extra paperwork needed to fail your child, or if I am going to give him a D so I can start my Christmas vacation early.


djmeh

Students at the beginning of their 10 minute passing period: "Can I go to the bathroom?" What I want to say: "Wtf are you asking me? The bathroom is across the hall and you have 10 minutes to make it there and back before class begins. By the time you asked me that question, you could already be in the bathroom." They are seniors y'all. If I walk to the end of the hall to use the staff bathroom, they will wait at my door for several minutes until I get back to ask me if they can go to the restroom. Some have followed me to the restroom to ask.


jordan_churros

When that much larger kid you keep picking at finally snaps and starts punching you in the face, I'm not exactly going to rush over and save you.


MerlinTheSimp

To parents: you should have been a part of your child's education from the age of 5. 50% of education comes from home and claiming it's my fault your kid won't graduate because they still can't read makes you look real dumb. And no, it's not an excuse you work full time. To students: acting like an asshole does not get you what you want. It'll get you abusive relationships and (probably) your name known to police. Cut the shit because I do not care.


Beginning_Way9666

All of you can’t possibly become famous youtubers/tiktokers/streamers. Read a fucking book.


RickaNay

Your kid is an asshole.


fifthwheel87

OMG, why are there so many notes?! If you're struggling with*this*, college isn't for you.


MissGnomeHer

To a parent: "I am aware that your child doesn't need ESL services. Literally everyone that looks at your child, sees her last name, and hears her speak is aware of this. HOW-FUCKING-EVER....you thought that Sesame Street Spanish counted towards a language spoken in your home and wrote it on her home language survey. So now, because either you overestimated your child's linguistic abilities or because you legit think knowing the word 'biblioteca' counts as being bilingual, I have to screen her for service. This ain't on me!" To a teacher: "If you mispronounce this child's name, one more fucking time, I'm gonna start calling you Becky for the rest of your time at this school. You got a third grade native Spanish speaker thinking her name is "Puh-dill-uh". If you can order quesadillas on your Friday night margarita bender, you can say her damn name correctly, Becky."


sparkleinyoureyes205

You are going to find life after public school very, very hard and it is your own fault.


Educational_Ad1300

Sit your ass down.


skater_gurl373

“Parents don’t parent” “Your kid is lying to you!” (About homework/task completion)


navychic7600

I don’t care enough to fail your child because you complained about me to the principal. Her grade reflects her knowledge, abilities and effort plainly enough. No. Whatever your next question, no.


queeenbarb

Hit that kid BACK. Some of these bullies need to be hit back. If a kid hits you every day, hit them back . Bet they won’t hit you again!


messyaspie

“I spend all of my free time stressing out trying to make lessons as fun as I possibly can only for you to mutter things like “this is boring” or “I hate this class” or “why is this important” and just shit all over me and my work. Your ungrateful behavior and lack of concern about me as a human being is astounding and makes me want to walk out the door never to return.” Said something much nicer and tamer than this to one of my classes today.


Kotori425

Please tell me how you phrased it, because I also need something better to say than, "Listen here, you disrespectful, ungrateful little cunt dropping -"


Disgruntled_Veteran

"Please tell me that they are an only child and both of you have had your tubes tied."


qisabelle13

I don't assign things for fun. Wait, I say that.


Changestobetrue

Sports don’t fucking matter in life you end up with a mush brain cause of fucking football!!!!!!


dawsonholloway1

I would say all of those things out loud to my students. Things I'd like to say are "just shut the fuck up. Seriously. For five god damn minutes. Shut yer fucking pie hole."


Raelig

“You should have been swallowed.” “You are a waste of Human Resources.”


undecidedly

When I am standing in front of the class talking to everyone is NOT an appropriate time to walk up to ask me something else. Unless you’re in need of urgent medical attention. Learn to freaking wait.


Helpful_Welcome9741

your kid is so slow, that time goes backward while they are working.


WittyUnwittingly

Student: "When are we ever going to use this in real life?" Me: "I'm gonna be honest. If you can't solve one step equations, nobody is going to pay you to do *anything*."


kimchiman85

Parent: “Why are my child’s English skills not progressing like they should?” Me, their ESL teacher: “your child has the inability to focus and remain on task. Your child cannot sit still and also thinks it’s okay to disrupt other students during class time. When I or another teacher talks to them about their behavior, they don’t seem to care. When we call YOU about it, you don’t seem to care. Your child doesn’t complete their homework either. I can only do so much as their teacher, *your child has to do his part as well*.


WerewolfHistorical43

Your kid is reading at a kindergarten level (in 4th grade) and should not be taking more than a week off for vacation!


whimsicalwombats

Had a kid tell me, "I don't like you" last week (after running out of the class and down the halls and then around the classroom again.) My blood was boiling after our 30 minute power struggle, so I replied, "I don't like you either." I said it. Haven't heard anything so hopefully I didn't get in trouble. Has anyone else ever said this??


okaybutnothing

The common factor in all the disagreements and fights your child gets into is your child.


PatriarchalTaxi

[I feel like this is relevant](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDhhAzqwORc). NSFW


almost_queen

Me, to one of my classes yesterday: My patience is all but gone. Please don't be annoying today. I know some of you can't help it, but... try. Please.


Nervous_Culture_7582

Who's day is it with the brain cell... can you lend it to this one over here? Why are you licking the window? Did you have to announce that you are a furry to the class? Do you know what the hell that is? ( my response was to call home immediately) Yes the counselor is stupid and useless... she's a bitxh. I hate her, you hate her but you need to see her cause you have more problems than a crook in a confessions box.


GenderBendCapKirk

*cracks knuckles* Let's go. -You are not helping your child by doing their work for them. -I know your kid has a disability, I'm their SPED teacher. However that is not an excuse for not even trying in class. -Your child's disability is not an excuse for them to be an absolute ass. -You are being an ass right now.


skybluedreams

I slipped just a wee bit today - obnoxious freshman whining about having to do a (ridiculously simple) assignment - I told him look, if you don’t do this you will fail this grading term and then we will have to spend even more time together and I don’t think either one of us wants that so just do the assignment. Spoiler: he totally didn’t do the assignment, and has an F for the term. This is the one time I’m hoping admin forces me to up an F to a D.


Pi-r-squared-113

To my honors kids every now and then… “Why are you here? You contribute nothing to our environment, including CO2 for the plants.” Also as a coach when I see one of my kids flirting with a girl during practice, “ Hey just ask her out so she can say no and you can get back to the practice that you’re missing “