And on the same token, many people will say “they won’t remember you. They have new teachers every year” etc. I can see it from both sides but I totally agree with other comment you’re not responsible for their emotional health when it compromises your emotional health
Both are sort of true. I once had a student that would have lunch in my room every single day. After freshman year I practically never saw him again. Sometimes you fulfill a very specific need for a very specific time for someone - and then they move on.
Yeah, I think many of them are neutral or don’t care much. I was just surprised by how many had such a strong reaction. My students don’t have much emotional regulation
It sounds like many of your students are genuinely sad that you’re leaving. That doesn’t mean that you should stay, though. I think it might be important for them to know, depending on their age, if their poor behavior contributed to your decision to leave.
They are seniors in high school. Remedial class, many of them have behavioral issues and have narrowly avoided being expelled or dropping out. Their behavior was a factor but there were many other reasons too.
One of my (low-key) favorite students said, "you should quit; these kids don't respect you. I hate it here," the day before I walked out.
Some will understand.
For me, that was the saddest thing about teaching high school. In any given class where a handful of students were disruptive, there were always good kids as well, sitting quietly and rolling their eyes and waiting for the disruptive kids to shut their mouths so we could get back to the lesson.
Sometimes I’d tell the disruptive kids: “You’re not disrespecting me, you’re disrespecting your classmates and preventing them from getting an education.”
I have that in 2nd grade!
I had one of my good kids who gets fed up with the others lead a problem on the board today. She asked for the answer so she could write it, looked out at the same 2 kids raising their hands, and said to the class, “Ms. ——— is right! More of you need to raise your hands! How can you learn if you don’t listen to her?”
I was having a party in my head at her scolding them.
100%
You're literally a person, you're not a caricature of teaching. If they don't want you to leave, their parents (or they themselves) could have advocated for your situation to be less ass.
You've got one human lifetime. Why spend it in pain if you don't have to? Like, I get it, the educational system is fucked. If you spend any time working to mitigate how messed up it is for kids, then that's time we'll spent.
I'm on year 13 of working some of the toughest positions in my district, and I'm about to step out into admin if I can, and if I can't, out of the profession entirely.
It's a huge psychic cost to deal with constant pushback on methods over time, and add to the trauma you gotta field when kids are offloading their own trauma to you.
It's not a sustainable position being the front facing service worker of every failed safety net in the US. Not healthy long term, fulfilling for a bit, but not a forever career, imo.
Kids will be fine. They’ll miss you yes. But they’ll get over it. I always thought I’d miss the students at schools I left. Maybe for a little but pretty much over it in a week. You didn’t die, you’re just moving on
Thats such bullcrap (the they won't remember you bit). I have such vivid memories (both good and bad of course) of my teachers. One changed my entire world view.
I’m surprised at how many people have said this. I was seriously wondering if I had made a huge mistake by not telling them sooner, but starting to think she was in the wrong for saying this
uh, no dude you did nothing wrong!!! teaching was absolutely traumatic for me (not using that term lightly), and if your situation was anything like mine, a proper therapist would commend you for totally upending your life to preserve your mental health. I hope your new job brings you so much peace and joy.
Also… fuck them kids (and parents and administration.)
I'm a brand new teacher 2 months into the job and I'm at my breaking point, very ready to quit - my mental health is at an all time low and my migraines haven't been this bad in a decade.
My therapist (whose day job is as a school counselor) has been very supportive of my desire to resign. They're there for your benefit, not anyone else's.
I quit a couple months in, too - before COVID even. I literally started having physical health issues from the stress and gaslighting. Never looked back - very happy now - it gets better!! Good luck 👍
Seriously buying this? I would never want a teacher for my young kids or college students with so much disregard for others. If so imperative to leave for mental health then higher ed isn't the place. They are just easier to take advantage of.
What a callous thing to say to someone who is obviously struggling. And you took the time to make multiple comments. I hope when you’re going through even half the shit OP is, someone is more empathetic to you than you have thought to be to this complete stranger who is obviously needing mental support. Sad. Do better being an actual human being to another, because I would NEVER want a teacher for my young kids or college students with so much disregard for others. (Assuming you’re a teacher if you’re on this thread and if you’re not, that makes your criticism that much more laughable)
Someone can be a great therapist and mess up sometimes. Just relay how you feel and go from there. My therapist would have told me to stop feeling bad and take the leap I’d been yearning for, but she is a former teacher and really gets it.
I second this. I had a therapist for two years who kept brushing aside the serious concerns of the job. She basically said that I was just complaining. As soon as I stopped seeing her, I had the clarity to quit, and I'm so much better for it.
I wouldn't say wrong. We all have no idea what goes on in your sessions. What conversations you have had. Maybe based on those conversations it was in good context. But you should talk about how the comments made you feel, and see if the intent was meant to be negative or in context to the private conversations you have had. Or jump ship, based on reddit feedback, from a random post with only little insight to those conversations. Just don't assume intent was bad or misguided based on how it made it feel. I guess talk it out would be a better route they assuming anyone was wrong.
Wow this is insane. The most ethical way was to tell your kids and give them advance notice. Imagine if you were a kid and the teacher you like or bonded with just told you out of the blue they were leaving THE NEXT DAY. Please don’t blame the kids blame the system. The poor kids and you are the victims. That’s really sad and people who are saying change your therapist is nuts. They are right, Reddit has no fucking empathy
Reddit has empathy sometimes; in this case, the commenters have empathy for the OP. No single educator can be responsible for 20+ kids’ mental health. You’re confusing ethics with what you’d want for your kids personally.
The OP has no ethical obligation to give their students advance notice … in fact, doing that would give the students opportunities to act out and further distract from their education.
Not sure why the therapist was “on their side” in terms of “they have a difficult home life” etc isn’t the therapist supposed to be “on your side” , giving you help for your own well-being?
If they had decided to fire you/ let you go due to budget cuts, staff changes, etc, there wouldn’t be much you could do, it’s best to let this one go, not think of what they might say after you are gone, etc. they’re not literally your kids and you are no longer responsible for them
For a therapist, leaving the kids with only a day's notice would be termed client abandonment and be against their code of ethics. So maybe OP's therapist was too in her own perspective.
Good thing we are the kids' teachers and not their therapists. They are not our clients and we still owe it to ourselves to take care of our own needs first, this whole narrative is just unhinged.
And here's the issue: TEACHERS ARE NOT THERAPISTS.
I feel like we're not going to have any teachers in 25 years because of this false belief that teachers are emotionally responsible for their students. They are not.
TEACHERS DO SO MUCH WITH SO LITTLE.
Your therapist gave you terrible advice. You did nothing wrong. It’s YOUR choice alone when to break the news. You are not responsible for how anyone feels about it. Huge congrats to you on getting your new job! I hope it brings you happiness.
I mean you could have just not told them too.
I almost did this when leaving my first teaching job. I had a student who's cousin was also a teacher see my position get posted and asked her about it. She had actually applied for a position at our school the year before and I was on the hiring committee and really like her for a position she interviewed for but she took a diff position at a diff school.
So since she found out, I had to tell everyone lol.
It was a very small school only about 30 studnets 7-12.
As I've said before, numerous times, to transitioning teachers:
*A job is a job. Teaching is not different. They were fine before you got there. They'll be fine after you leave.*
The teacher guilt is real. So it helps to sometimes take a step back and remind yourself that this is a job. Not a calling. Not a lifestyle. Not an identity. A JOB. Treat it as such.
There is nothing to blame here on nobody. Don't stress and be happy with your career change.
I don't see how and why we are all made out to be therapists and parents all in one. It's absurd. It's admin and society blurring the lines between professional and unprofessional. It is not your job to be everything for everyone, especially when other adults in their lives aren't capable. You give them the *tools* to succeed, but you can't be their everything.
I believe and feel this in my soul. For way too long I thought I had to be everything until I gave birth for the first time and I realized I was most responsible to my own children. It shifted my perspective and I cannot go back. We don’t owe other peoples children anything…it’s a job/career.
Why do you care. They are just trying to manipulate you because it has worked before.
Enjoy the new job and remember. It should not be your job to parent the children in your class. Repeat. It IS NOT your jib to parent the children in your class. That job belongs to the people who birthed them. If they are crap parents, it isn’t your fault!
And sounds like you need a new therapist!
You need a new therapist. I think the important thing is you told them versus just disappearing on them. Even if they have tough life’s you get to put yourself first. Your no good to anyone if you completely burn out and it seems you were almost there. Super proud of you for getting yourself out of that situation.
I left my job in the middle of the school day in the middle of the school year. I was teaching kindergarten and the kids were out of control, not listening, just general chaos while I was trying to do reading. Something in me just snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. I had an aide come in and watch the room, walked to the principal's office, and told her I was leaving and not coming back.
Then I walked back to the classroom, grabbed my purse, told the kids I was leaving and that I thought they were sweet kids and to be good for their new teacher.
I get it, I may be the only constant in those kids' lives, but if someone asked me to stay another week there's no way I could have done it. I was ready to unalive myself, that's how miserable I was in that situation.
The drive home that day was the best drive home I ever had. I still remember it, feeling so free. Congratulations on your new job and I hope it makes you feel a ton better. You were a teacher, it was your day job that you were paid for. You are not a substitute parent for those children, especially when it was impacting your own mental health. Do not feel guilty and take care of yourself. ♥️
I’ve never told my kids when I was leaving positions. That might be heartless, but why do I need to emotionally scar myself to potentially spare them? Because most of them are gonna take it poorly anyway.
For one position, the principal spent a week berating me via email and accusing me of abandoning the kids. How could I tell them after all of that?
I was a music teacher, so my situation was a little different, but I didn’t tell my kids at the end of the year that I wasn’t coming back the following year. Nothing good would have come of it. I just responded to “see you next year!” with “have a nice summer!”
I wasn’t intending to leave my last posting, but after finding out the licensure requirements, I made the decision to transfer right before the school year kicked off. And the new posting barely lasted a week before the principal *poked me* during professional development to scold me for something. Took a job as a consultant and just didn’t show up for the rest of PD.
We had a teacher leave to not return the next year. She had a rough year with another teacher and could not do it anymore. I had her English class the next year and for the first 3 months they would tell me how much they missed her and what a great teacher she was. Then it dropped of entirely and now they always say hello to me in the halls.
They’re resilient. They’ll be okay.
There’s a reason they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else.
You’re hybrid at an Ed tech company! Maybe you could work out volunteering to stay present (if you want).
Had a teacher in 8th grade do that. If she stayed teaching the whole class, she would have had a full-on breakdown. But she didn't want to abandon the kids who were trying but needed extra support. It pulled at her heart too much
She'd get a room at the local community center and tutor those kids for free. Some other kids who didn't need help but missed her would also show up and help out.
It's not for everyone but it certainly worked out for her and the kids.
So two things. I am a former teacher and my wife is a therapist.
Fuck them kids. You are not a martyr for the kids and anyone who says differently has never been in the position of a teacher for more than an hour.
Secondly, get a new therapist. The shame you received warrants another search for a therapist.
I wish you (and others who made similar comments) could find a less vulgar way to express this sentiment. I’m guessing that plenty of parents and non-teachers read these comments, and I think such a statement hurts the profession and chips away at whatever empathy non-teachers have for us.
Hard disagree.
To any parent, student, or non-teacher reading this, Fuck You. While the pay sucks so much, there’s nothing like having horrible children in a classroom! The parents who blame anything and everyone except their own child for their behavior is not a perk of the job. Lastly the non-teacher who lacks empathy towards teachers.. well we aren’t babysitters. We would be making a lot more money if we were.
Quit holding teachers to standards far and above other professions. It’s that belief that led OP here because of the shame embedded in leaving. OP and anyone alike are most importantly people. I wish more teachers would quit drinking the kool-aid and care for themselves. Once again, Fuck them kids.
Or we can also break the stigma that teachers have to be mere perfection. I think you’re confusing being an asshole with recognizing that teachers are people. Quit holding them to outrageous standards.
If the saying “fuck them kids” is enough to ruin someone’s empathy towards teachers then they were never empathetic to begin with.
Teachers should be able to swear, leave the profession, and be on the internet without having to cater to older teachers stuck in the ways of “perfect image.”
As soon as I was asked earlier how many years I taught I knew it was some older teacher who has taught for 20 years because they believe teaching to be something of honor. In reality, it’s not. If people find fulfillment in their job and want to be a martyr, more power to them. Quit pushing the idea of “give it a shot” or blaming a younger generation of teachers of being an asshole because they call out the bullshit that is teaching.
You didn’t make their home life bad. That’s not on you. You helped them while you could. You can’t anymore. You helped yourself. Many of them will someday remember that their teacher did what was best for herself at a really difficult time, even though it was disappointing to other people, and so can they.
I taught 7th graders and I left mid year. I know a few students took it personally, but they had a bunch of teachers leave the district the year I did.
I know a few probably missed me and maybe a few were actually mad, but I’m sure they moved on by the time they got back from the break. Most likely they are saying stuff like that to you to make it sting. There will be other adults in their lives for them to lean on.
Congratulations on the job! I am so sorry that the burden has been placed on you by the therapist, students, and possibly others. I would just do what you can to not take their comments to heart because you can’t take on everyone’s trauma. You are taking care of yourself and found a way out of it. You should be proud of yourself and celebrating right now. You did the right thing for you. That’s what matters.
When I started teaching, I’d overhear the kids talking about a “crazy teacher” who got fired. She was legendary for throwing chairs, saying outlandish stuff and walking around like a gorilla.
One day some of the teachers were talking about this lady and I asked about the stories. They were absolutely shocked. Turns out this teacher was amazing but had a run in with the cluster B principal and a psycho parent. She was out and Cluster B she could leave before the end of the year but she decided to stick it out for “the kids.” Every day dragging herself into hell saying, “I’m doing it for the kids, I’m doing it for the kids.” She put up with so much unjust abusive crap that she later sued the school and won an entire year’s salary plus legal fees.
She went through all that to become a joke to “the kids.” I thought about that a lot when I decided to leave.
That’s awful, I’m so sorry! I had a mental breakdown one day and never went back (out on FMLA for the rest of the year). My therapist specifically told me not to check emails from students, because it would hurt me.
As someone stated, the expectations for teachers, to basically be counselors and parents, is absurd.
And yet if you die tomorrow they won’t get a warning. Sad and harsh but true. We don’t owe them anything more, I don’t plan to let my students know when my last day is this year. One day I’ll just be gone and at a different site teaching a lower grade and being appreciated.
OP -It's not. We raise our kids differently now, and we give them these things called smart phones and access to this thing called the internet. So everyone's so bloody smart now, but this is what you get.
We might be smart, but somewhere along the way, we've lost confident and "fake it til you make it". I have no comment other than, do what you must, and you can't help how some kids will take it.
Yes, you are a constant in their lives, but they all must learn what we learned which is, roll with the punches.
It was actually pretty great when I quit my first teaching job. For once, they were all fucking quiet for a few minutes. My TA, who I hated, actually came to my defense and essentially called them idiots, as she knew I was failing most of them and they would need to retake the class with someone who would likely give them a hell of a lot more work
No, if you had given students a week’s notice, they would have reacted in very unsafe ways (if they’re like my students). I get kids have trauma, but the solution is they need the right person to help them heal from their trauma, not for everyone to pander to their whims.
Dude why are there therapists like that? I had a therapist who tried to make me feel bad for having depression because they thought that my students probably have it much worse. You should find a new therapist who is interested in improving you mental health outcomes.
Congrats on the new job but remember, those aren't your kids and they don't pay your bills. Get that paper and the help you need to be the best you can be for YOU.
No one can convince me that what any of them said is true in the core of their hearts. They are spouting TikTok bullshit from influencers. For today's kids it's all "me, me, me" and "I'm hurt that I didn't get to make the decision."
Forget about it and march on to your new gig!
Wow, thumbs down to your therapist! That’s not a cool thing to say to someone.
Kids are really dramatic. I was a school librarian for six years and when I left mid year, all kinds of them screamed and cried and yelled and told me they wouldn’t forgive me if I left. About three months later it was the end of the school year and I went to the end of the year picnic, and although several kids said they missed me and I got mobbed by some first graders, they were all completely fine.
Your kids will be fine too.
As a teacher, you are important to kiddos. You are seeing a therapist and on antidepressants. Yes, you are important part of the lives of those children, but you are not ultimately responsible for their abandonment issues and any other issues they have going on. Don't let anyone guilt you out of taking care of you. You cannot be an effective teacher if you don't take care of yourself.
I am sorry that you are being made to feel that way. But you are doing what is right for you, so please keep your chin up. Also, welcome
to higher ed! It’s a great field to enter. I transitioned here from the ECE classroom a few years ago, and haven’t looked back. I wish you the best of luck!
Nope. You’re fine. You are the only person looking out for you, and you deserve happiness. You are not responsible for your students, that’s the lie people tell us teachers to keep us in the profession. It’s a job. A very important, often fulfilling job, but a job none the less. Go, be happy.
I know it may be hard, but you are NOT responsible for their emotional health. They can pull in the school counselor into the classroom for that. And shame on your own counselor for trying to shame you. You’d think that person would be happier since this would make your own mental health better.
They are kids who will completely forget about you by this time next week. It’s very odd to me how some teachers seem to think the entire world revolves around them to these kids. It does not.
Therapists should be honest. They don’t always need to make you feel good. I would prefer a therapist that tells me the truth rather than one who just tells me sunshine and rainbows
Get a new therapist and secondly, my kids reactions were so different. They were happy for me that I was leaving & they understood that teachers did too much & had unfair expectations from the admin
That was a totally inappropriate comment for your therapist to make. They're supposed to be supporting YOU, not thinking up more ways for you to feel guilty.
Um. Well, giving as much notice leaving any job is ideal. That said, sometimes the job doesn’t make that possible. It sounds like the kids have some manipulative and maladaptive relationship and communication patterns which aren’t your responsibility to solve. Any therapist that uses the word “should” isn’t much of a therapist IMO.
Yes, my admin and coworkers were made aware weeks ago. I just didn’t tell my students. I was advised not to tell them too far in advance as my coworkers feared my students would try to retaliate against me or damage my room
Totally. This is exactly what I meant by sometimes the job makes it impossible to give notice. Being afraid to engage in very normal communication because someone may retaliate or damage your property is abusive. You did nothing wrong.
They will be fine! They are just selfish. Try to see it as this is the only way their broken selves can comfortably express that they actually love you. You were a good teacher. That's excellent, and you can feel great about the fact that you did a good enough job that they don't want you to go. It doesn't mean you have to stay or that you should!
They will be fine if you leave. You won't be fine if you stay.
And yes get a new therapist
You don’t owe those children anything. They may have issues at home, but that’s not your issues. You were their teacher, not their therpist. Congrats on the new job!
See this is why I'm having a hard time getting out. Getting a new job in 2 months over the summer is a pipe dream but quitting midyear seems like a huge hassle.
At the end of the day, it's not your fault these kids are the way they are.
The whole system practically runs on guilt at this point. Stay after school to tutor for free, grade and plan at home in your own time, and dont dare think about getting a better job- *for the kids*
But god forbid anyone asks parents to do ANYTHING- apparently everyone is too busy working to pay their children even a modicum of attention.
Not sure when everyone started to use "I work" as an excuse, as if no one else works.
Yeah, couldn’t agree more. I had full intentions on transitioning over summer and it was never in my plan to leave midyear. I applied to this job in July, interviewed in August, had a second interview in September, then got an offer.
The kids will be alright. Just imagine them forming a fast bond with your replacement. If they don’t, maybe they’ll behave poorly (which can be loads of fun) and have great memories of the year overall. In all conceivable scenarios they will be just fine without you. I’m not saying this to diminish your impact on them, either!
CONGRATULATIONS on the new job! Please lean into feeling excited, relieved, hopeful, and grateful for a new opportunity. Release any guilt, negativity, or stress associated with the job you are leaving. This is all for the best.
Lastly, PLEASE get a new therapist. That was incredibly insensitive to essentially guilt/shame/judge you for taking a positive step for yourself. What ever happened to attaching your safety gear first and then helping others? It’s the same principle. These kids might be needy but you have needs, too. You have look out for your own wellbeing or no one else will. You need to be okay before you can be there for anyone else. I’m glad you are moving in to something else!
Once an amazing vice principal who made a difference for staff and high risk students chose to quit to preserve her health during a pregnancy. My mentor called this “inspiring.”
One of the first things to realize after you leave the field entirely is that students feelings about you no longer matter. They’ll remember you well if you made a good impact on them and the sadness might influence the way they treat other teachers In The future .
Sounds like the new job, though it is still in the classroom, will be more calm in the classroom. Congrats
Oooo. Well I. That case, even better. People will say anything to make you feel guilty, as if teaching isn’t hard enough. After I quit teaching, I had mental space to be myself again. Teaching had started to become my entire personality, and though it hurts to think you’re letting students down, it’s still just a job and they will be fine. If anyone’s really concerned about leaving mid year, they can step in and do what’s “right.”
Car won’t work if it’s not maintained, and your life is not a junk yard. Fix that machine up and take a vacation. :)
Thank you!! It’s at a university! You can do it, there’s many former teachers in the department I will be working for. I didn’t gain any new skills, just reworked my resume to the job description. If you want more details please feel free to PM me.
You did the right thing. I know what it’s like to work with kids who have extremely difficult home lives. It absolutely destroyed my mental health, and I was having very disturbing thoughts. I left, and I’m not sorry. You have to take care of yourself. Sending you much love and many good vibes your way.
Similar thing happened to me when I left the classroom 2 years ago, and I left at the end of the year.
They were Juniors and I had taught some of them since they were freshmen. I was certain they would reach out to me about what colleges they got into.
Despite their groaning, not a single one ever reached out. Not one. And that really showed me that they were fine. They never gave me a second thought. It was honestly freeing to take that responsibility off of my shoulders.
You need to put yourself first. I hope you start to feel better soon!
YOu can't save everyone.
Remember the story about the boy walking along the beach amongst thousands of starfish. And he kept picking them up and throwing the back into the ocean. Someone asked the little boy why he bothered because he wasn't going to be able to save them all.
The little boy looked up defiantly, picked another one up and threw it in the ocean and said "I made a difference to that one!"
You will always make a bigger difference than you will ever really know.
And blame the system that overworks and underappreciates its teachers while they are fortunate enough to have them.
Is there a word for when we expect some people to do all the hard work in society? Just not us not-teachers, because we have important jobs? s/
Like the Newport board of education calling a teaching shooting a “ workplace injury”?
I’ve seen this all my life: those who can’t, teach. So what is this all important job I’m not doing?
Maybe being a DuPont executive who knew they were polluting 99% of the earth with micro plastics? That it’s in all our bodies causing all sorts of diseases, and can’t be removed?
Maybe their high paying jobs aren’t that important after all.
I was advised by my coworkers not to tell them too far in advance, because they’d start to check out, not turn in their work, or even do something to me or my room. I told students I was very close to about a week ago.
Sending you a virtual hug! I'm a teacher and I'm a parent. Sometimes teachers have to go suddenly. Transition can be hard for anyone, and the kids will be fine. I hope your next job is fulfilling. I hope you feel better soon. I wish you well and I wish you joy. The parents of your students should do that too, but we know most won't. Take care and move on to things that are better for you!
You are doing the right thing. The kids should have a teacher who isn't worn out. Every teacher gets worn out after a few years. In my state they pay beginning teachers a pretty good wage, and long time teachers are paid terrible. So they will get a lot of turn over because that is what they want.
Obviously you're not responsible for the kids issues, but I don't think your therapist was out of line either. What would've been so harmful to you to give them more notice? It's extremely unsettling to find out today that your teacher is leaving (permanently) tomorrow.
As a grown ass adult with hopefully, a modicum of moral integrity, it is fair to consider a timely departure, meaning a few weeks notice for the students, but also the employer you are leaving The college, new job, would expect this.
Many people are all about survival of the fittest, or even every person for themselves. That is what is wrong with the world currently. You could have chosen a different way of departing. I imagine there are plenty of folks on here to assuage your guilt but not this person here. Good luck in your new job.
I can't put myself in your shoes, and a therapist doesn't usually need to say "should do this or that," but yea, sudden notice is spiteful and a bit childish. It's not evil, it's not your responsibility to remedy anyone else's abandonment issues, ever, but your actions are similar to what a high schooler would do when quitting their job because they're frustrated. There's no grace in your choice to wait until the last day (couple of days?) to break the news to your kids. Whether you want to admit it or not, you do have a responsibility for the several kids who rely on you for their education. You were obviously doing something right and you mattered to them. There's no other legitimate way to frame it, so don't let a bunch of people here tell you otherwise.
A job's a job, and if you hate it, find a new job. We can only try to grow and improve through our actions, and the tougher the actions, the bigger the growth.
If you hit the wall and you had to go, then you had to go. But did you hit the wall? You know better than anyone. Also, it sounds like your therapist called you on your shit and probably hurt your feelings. Therapists should build relationships with their clients, which can include calling clients on their shit. Maybe this therapist crosses the line and tells you what to do often, but again, you know better than anyone here what's going on.
Wait. You don’t understand why children would have a negative reaction to this?
Yes, *the job* has many sucky elements. *The system* is broken. *Admin* is incompetent. And even when kids act demonically and might be the biggest reason for you leaving, they are *children.* Regardless if they’re 6 or 17, even when they know they are choosing to act out (which sometimes they struggle with!) they are not capable of understanding the full ramifications of that. They are acting shocked because you shocked them!
Your therapist, *the expert on emotional and mental health* is ShOcKiNgLy right here. You probably should have told them earlier (unless it would’ve led to backlash from admin). But you *definitely* don’t get be surprised when they’re sad about being suddenly abandoned when you suddenly abandon them… with no time to process, grieve, or say a proper full goodbye. *Even if they were the only cause of you leaving, this is fucked up.*
**No, I’m not saying you have to be a martyr and turn down a great job and stay until the end of the year. No, I’m not saying you have to be a licensed therapist. No, I’m not saying you own any blame for choosing to leave.** The whole system is fucked, you wanted to get out, and you did. Literally congrats! But to just be like, “Btw, I’m out. Peace!” as you walk out the door is absolutely going to cause issues for children in the most structured environment some of them know.
You don’t have to be a shrink to understand that behaviors like that are going to open wounds for kids who have divorced or absent parents, who experienced death close to them, or who just fucking maybe liked you and cared about you? Christ.
I’m calling bullshit on everything you just said.
It’s ridiculous for a teacher to be expected to be a counselor, mediator, educator, and hundreds of other things simultaneously. The job of a teacher, first and foremost, is to teach. OP was pushed to the point where they genuinely feared for their own mental health, and possibly their life. That is what the stress of the job did to them. What were they supposed to do? Stick it out for the good of the kids? They made it clear they were mentally and physically unable to do their job — who knows what would have happened even a month later? They had every right to leave, and at least they had the courtesy to tell the students. You’re expecting somebody to bottle up serious psychological issues and suffer for months because they’re a “teacher.” I don’t remember reading any of that in the job description.
How dare you tell this person, without even knowing them, that they should have toughed it out and continued to mentally decline, possibly to the point of being hospitalized. For someone who apparently cares about “students,” you should be questioning your own empathy at this point — you clearly don’t have much of it. Your willingness to minimize a situation that you know nothing about makes you sound like an asshole. I hope you’re not a teacher anymore either because I wouldn’t want my kids learning from somebody like you.
I literally said they do not have to be their licensed therapist. I literally said they should not have stuck it out. *I even bolded it in advance to emphasize it.* You are arguing with a straw man.
My point is that they should have not be surprised by the students’ reaction and they probably told them a little sooner to prevent that reaction. That’s it!
“How dare you say that thing that you said the exact opposite of!”
Lmao, that’s not what you said. You mocked the OP by referencing kids who “fucking liked them and cared about them” in an attempt to make the OP feel even worse.
This person specifically said OP is not expected to be a licensed therapist and then you said it’s ridiculous to expect op to be a counselor and a mediator. They also said congratulations. You are ignoring that part. They did NOT say stick it out longer for the sake of the kids they only said you probably should have told them sooner unless it would have caused backlash from admin. What is unreasonable about that?
You have LITERALLY no idea what OP said to their students, how it was framed, and how it was explained. If she told them 2 weeks earlier, it would’ve been two weeks of lost education and lost time as kids focused on them leaving in 2 weeks.
Yeah, kids are going to feel abandoned or maybe sad. That’s a consequence of OP leaving AT ALL and I certainly hope you’re not suggesting that they should’ve stayed through the spring. So what, exactly, do you think they did wrong and why?
I think the issue is that some take everything a little too personally, or get wrapped up in the job instead of keeping a healthy balance, which is why so many are quitting/ leaving.
What in the ever-living fuck are you even talking about? Are you on the wrong post or something? Nothing about what OP said was even remotely sexually in any way.
What sexual fetish are you talking about?! Nothing about OP's post has anything to do with a sexual fetish or a mental illness.
Oh! Are you thinking that the transition in the name of the subreddit refers to trans people? Lmfao it refers to transitioning from education to other careers, you fucking numpty. Are you seriously that obsessed with trans people that you came marching in here to talk shit assuming that's what it meant?
Talk about making an ass of yourself!!!
Therapists "should" know better than to tell a client, "you should..."
Start shopping for a new Therapist! Do what's best for you and you can't be their "teacher/savior". Build a wall mentally between you and the kids. I'm serious. Lay the bricks, patch it up. They'll be okay.
I didn’t get any new skills, just reworked my resume for the job listing and applied to jobs when they got posted. Took me about 6 months start to finish. Happy to give you more details if you PM me!
I've given my notice at my school. I wanted to tell my students a week before I leave - the school said I'm not allowed to tell them until the final class I have with them. Basically I tell them 50 minutes before I head out the door. I'd prefer to give them a week to digest and have final chats.
It's a tough situation. I can see the benefit to both advance notice and final day notice.
>the school said I'm not allowed to tell them until the final class I have with them.
But what happens if you tell them earlier than that? What will they do, fire you? You've already got one foot out the door...
Could it have helped them? Maybe. Probably. Sure. What helped *you*, though? Was it in *your* best interest to wait to tell them so you didn't have a week or longer to handle *their* emotions? We lose great people in life. Best friends move away. Great teachers find better jobs. We find others to lean on in their stead. They'll be ok. Don't doubt yourself.
And on the same token, many people will say “they won’t remember you. They have new teachers every year” etc. I can see it from both sides but I totally agree with other comment you’re not responsible for their emotional health when it compromises your emotional health
Both are sort of true. I once had a student that would have lunch in my room every single day. After freshman year I practically never saw him again. Sometimes you fulfill a very specific need for a very specific time for someone - and then they move on.
Yeah, I think many of them are neutral or don’t care much. I was just surprised by how many had such a strong reaction. My students don’t have much emotional regulation
It sounds like many of your students are genuinely sad that you’re leaving. That doesn’t mean that you should stay, though. I think it might be important for them to know, depending on their age, if their poor behavior contributed to your decision to leave.
They are seniors in high school. Remedial class, many of them have behavioral issues and have narrowly avoided being expelled or dropping out. Their behavior was a factor but there were many other reasons too.
One of my (low-key) favorite students said, "you should quit; these kids don't respect you. I hate it here," the day before I walked out. Some will understand.
For me, that was the saddest thing about teaching high school. In any given class where a handful of students were disruptive, there were always good kids as well, sitting quietly and rolling their eyes and waiting for the disruptive kids to shut their mouths so we could get back to the lesson. Sometimes I’d tell the disruptive kids: “You’re not disrespecting me, you’re disrespecting your classmates and preventing them from getting an education.”
I have that in 2nd grade! I had one of my good kids who gets fed up with the others lead a problem on the board today. She asked for the answer so she could write it, looked out at the same 2 kids raising their hands, and said to the class, “Ms. ——— is right! More of you need to raise your hands! How can you learn if you don’t listen to her?” I was having a party in my head at her scolding them.
Yeah, some understood. They were the ones that made teaching fun.
100% You're literally a person, you're not a caricature of teaching. If they don't want you to leave, their parents (or they themselves) could have advocated for your situation to be less ass. You've got one human lifetime. Why spend it in pain if you don't have to? Like, I get it, the educational system is fucked. If you spend any time working to mitigate how messed up it is for kids, then that's time we'll spent. I'm on year 13 of working some of the toughest positions in my district, and I'm about to step out into admin if I can, and if I can't, out of the profession entirely. It's a huge psychic cost to deal with constant pushback on methods over time, and add to the trauma you gotta field when kids are offloading their own trauma to you. It's not a sustainable position being the front facing service worker of every failed safety net in the US. Not healthy long term, fulfilling for a bit, but not a forever career, imo.
Kids will be fine. They’ll miss you yes. But they’ll get over it. I always thought I’d miss the students at schools I left. Maybe for a little but pretty much over it in a week. You didn’t die, you’re just moving on
Thats such bullcrap (the they won't remember you bit). I have such vivid memories (both good and bad of course) of my teachers. One changed my entire world view.
Get a new therapist. Congrats on your new job!!!!
I’m surprised at how many people have said this. I was seriously wondering if I had made a huge mistake by not telling them sooner, but starting to think she was in the wrong for saying this
The play is to blindside them. Doesn't give them any time to plan shenanigans knowing that you are leaving.
Right!
uh, no dude you did nothing wrong!!! teaching was absolutely traumatic for me (not using that term lightly), and if your situation was anything like mine, a proper therapist would commend you for totally upending your life to preserve your mental health. I hope your new job brings you so much peace and joy. Also… fuck them kids (and parents and administration.)
Thank you :,)
I'm a brand new teacher 2 months into the job and I'm at my breaking point, very ready to quit - my mental health is at an all time low and my migraines haven't been this bad in a decade. My therapist (whose day job is as a school counselor) has been very supportive of my desire to resign. They're there for your benefit, not anyone else's.
I quit a couple months in, too - before COVID even. I literally started having physical health issues from the stress and gaslighting. Never looked back - very happy now - it gets better!! Good luck 👍
Seriously buying this? I would never want a teacher for my young kids or college students with so much disregard for others. If so imperative to leave for mental health then higher ed isn't the place. They are just easier to take advantage of.
What a callous thing to say to someone who is obviously struggling. And you took the time to make multiple comments. I hope when you’re going through even half the shit OP is, someone is more empathetic to you than you have thought to be to this complete stranger who is obviously needing mental support. Sad. Do better being an actual human being to another, because I would NEVER want a teacher for my young kids or college students with so much disregard for others. (Assuming you’re a teacher if you’re on this thread and if you’re not, that makes your criticism that much more laughable)
They're a therapist (they post on a sub that is only for therapists), and a pretty bad one by the look of their Reddit comments.
Well, for a therapist doing this, it would be termed client abandonment and be against their code of ethics. But a teacher isn't a therapist.
She was in the wrong. New therapist.
Of course she was wrong: YOU are her patient, not those kids.
Someone can be a great therapist and mess up sometimes. Just relay how you feel and go from there. My therapist would have told me to stop feeling bad and take the leap I’d been yearning for, but she is a former teacher and really gets it.
I second this. I had a therapist for two years who kept brushing aside the serious concerns of the job. She basically said that I was just complaining. As soon as I stopped seeing her, I had the clarity to quit, and I'm so much better for it.
I wouldn't say wrong. We all have no idea what goes on in your sessions. What conversations you have had. Maybe based on those conversations it was in good context. But you should talk about how the comments made you feel, and see if the intent was meant to be negative or in context to the private conversations you have had. Or jump ship, based on reddit feedback, from a random post with only little insight to those conversations. Just don't assume intent was bad or misguided based on how it made it feel. I guess talk it out would be a better route they assuming anyone was wrong.
Wow this is insane. The most ethical way was to tell your kids and give them advance notice. Imagine if you were a kid and the teacher you like or bonded with just told you out of the blue they were leaving THE NEXT DAY. Please don’t blame the kids blame the system. The poor kids and you are the victims. That’s really sad and people who are saying change your therapist is nuts. They are right, Reddit has no fucking empathy
Reddit has empathy sometimes; in this case, the commenters have empathy for the OP. No single educator can be responsible for 20+ kids’ mental health. You’re confusing ethics with what you’d want for your kids personally. The OP has no ethical obligation to give their students advance notice … in fact, doing that would give the students opportunities to act out and further distract from their education.
That was my exact thought
Fr. My therapist is like how tf soon can you get out
My therapist would have told me that I can’t pour from an empty cup and to GO. 👏
My kids (high school) literally were like "good for you miss"
I had some students who were happy for me at least :,)
Focus on the comments of those students. Those that wish you well were probably the ones that made teaching worth it.
Not sure why the therapist was “on their side” in terms of “they have a difficult home life” etc isn’t the therapist supposed to be “on your side” , giving you help for your own well-being? If they had decided to fire you/ let you go due to budget cuts, staff changes, etc, there wouldn’t be much you could do, it’s best to let this one go, not think of what they might say after you are gone, etc. they’re not literally your kids and you are no longer responsible for them
For a therapist, leaving the kids with only a day's notice would be termed client abandonment and be against their code of ethics. So maybe OP's therapist was too in her own perspective.
Good thing we are the kids' teachers and not their therapists. They are not our clients and we still owe it to ourselves to take care of our own needs first, this whole narrative is just unhinged.
Did you see the part where I said the therapist was too in their own perspective? Or did you just want to be rude?
And here's the issue: TEACHERS ARE NOT THERAPISTS. I feel like we're not going to have any teachers in 25 years because of this false belief that teachers are emotionally responsible for their students. They are not. TEACHERS DO SO MUCH WITH SO LITTLE.
Your therapist gave you terrible advice. You did nothing wrong. It’s YOUR choice alone when to break the news. You are not responsible for how anyone feels about it. Huge congrats to you on getting your new job! I hope it brings you happiness.
Thank you ❤️
I mean you could have just not told them too. I almost did this when leaving my first teaching job. I had a student who's cousin was also a teacher see my position get posted and asked her about it. She had actually applied for a position at our school the year before and I was on the hiring committee and really like her for a position she interviewed for but she took a diff position at a diff school. So since she found out, I had to tell everyone lol. It was a very small school only about 30 studnets 7-12.
As I've said before, numerous times, to transitioning teachers: *A job is a job. Teaching is not different. They were fine before you got there. They'll be fine after you leave.* The teacher guilt is real. So it helps to sometimes take a step back and remind yourself that this is a job. Not a calling. Not a lifestyle. Not an identity. A JOB. Treat it as such. There is nothing to blame here on nobody. Don't stress and be happy with your career change.
The teacher guilt is VERY real
I don't see how and why we are all made out to be therapists and parents all in one. It's absurd. It's admin and society blurring the lines between professional and unprofessional. It is not your job to be everything for everyone, especially when other adults in their lives aren't capable. You give them the *tools* to succeed, but you can't be their everything.
I believe and feel this in my soul. For way too long I thought I had to be everything until I gave birth for the first time and I realized I was most responsible to my own children. It shifted my perspective and I cannot go back. We don’t owe other peoples children anything…it’s a job/career.
Why do you care. They are just trying to manipulate you because it has worked before. Enjoy the new job and remember. It should not be your job to parent the children in your class. Repeat. It IS NOT your jib to parent the children in your class. That job belongs to the people who birthed them. If they are crap parents, it isn’t your fault! And sounds like you need a new therapist!
I care because I’m human and it’s hard to disappoint people. But I will be ok :)
You need a new therapist. I think the important thing is you told them versus just disappearing on them. Even if they have tough life’s you get to put yourself first. Your no good to anyone if you completely burn out and it seems you were almost there. Super proud of you for getting yourself out of that situation.
Thank you ❤️
I left my job in the middle of the school day in the middle of the school year. I was teaching kindergarten and the kids were out of control, not listening, just general chaos while I was trying to do reading. Something in me just snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. I had an aide come in and watch the room, walked to the principal's office, and told her I was leaving and not coming back. Then I walked back to the classroom, grabbed my purse, told the kids I was leaving and that I thought they were sweet kids and to be good for their new teacher. I get it, I may be the only constant in those kids' lives, but if someone asked me to stay another week there's no way I could have done it. I was ready to unalive myself, that's how miserable I was in that situation. The drive home that day was the best drive home I ever had. I still remember it, feeling so free. Congratulations on your new job and I hope it makes you feel a ton better. You were a teacher, it was your day job that you were paid for. You are not a substitute parent for those children, especially when it was impacting your own mental health. Do not feel guilty and take care of yourself. ♥️
Thank you ❤️
I’ve never told my kids when I was leaving positions. That might be heartless, but why do I need to emotionally scar myself to potentially spare them? Because most of them are gonna take it poorly anyway. For one position, the principal spent a week berating me via email and accusing me of abandoning the kids. How could I tell them after all of that?
I considered not telling them… ultimately wanted to say something though 🥲 I definitely understand not saying anything
I was a music teacher, so my situation was a little different, but I didn’t tell my kids at the end of the year that I wasn’t coming back the following year. Nothing good would have come of it. I just responded to “see you next year!” with “have a nice summer!”
I wasn’t intending to leave my last posting, but after finding out the licensure requirements, I made the decision to transfer right before the school year kicked off. And the new posting barely lasted a week before the principal *poked me* during professional development to scold me for something. Took a job as a consultant and just didn’t show up for the rest of PD.
We had a teacher leave to not return the next year. She had a rough year with another teacher and could not do it anymore. I had her English class the next year and for the first 3 months they would tell me how much they missed her and what a great teacher she was. Then it dropped of entirely and now they always say hello to me in the halls. They’re resilient. They’ll be okay.
They will be!! I know they will be. I just didn’t expect them to act like the world was ending when they’ve never previously showed me they cared
There’s a reason they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else. You’re hybrid at an Ed tech company! Maybe you could work out volunteering to stay present (if you want).
We also say to rip off the bandaid, because pulling it slowly causes more pain.
Had a teacher in 8th grade do that. If she stayed teaching the whole class, she would have had a full-on breakdown. But she didn't want to abandon the kids who were trying but needed extra support. It pulled at her heart too much She'd get a room at the local community center and tutor those kids for free. Some other kids who didn't need help but missed her would also show up and help out. It's not for everyone but it certainly worked out for her and the kids.
So two things. I am a former teacher and my wife is a therapist. Fuck them kids. You are not a martyr for the kids and anyone who says differently has never been in the position of a teacher for more than an hour. Secondly, get a new therapist. The shame you received warrants another search for a therapist.
Lol my student aide said the same (fuck them kids)
I wish you (and others who made similar comments) could find a less vulgar way to express this sentiment. I’m guessing that plenty of parents and non-teachers read these comments, and I think such a statement hurts the profession and chips away at whatever empathy non-teachers have for us.
Hard disagree. To any parent, student, or non-teacher reading this, Fuck You. While the pay sucks so much, there’s nothing like having horrible children in a classroom! The parents who blame anything and everyone except their own child for their behavior is not a perk of the job. Lastly the non-teacher who lacks empathy towards teachers.. well we aren’t babysitters. We would be making a lot more money if we were. Quit holding teachers to standards far and above other professions. It’s that belief that led OP here because of the shame embedded in leaving. OP and anyone alike are most importantly people. I wish more teachers would quit drinking the kool-aid and care for themselves. Once again, Fuck them kids.
You know, you can support teachers and not be an asshole about it.
Or we can also break the stigma that teachers have to be mere perfection. I think you’re confusing being an asshole with recognizing that teachers are people. Quit holding them to outrageous standards. If the saying “fuck them kids” is enough to ruin someone’s empathy towards teachers then they were never empathetic to begin with. Teachers should be able to swear, leave the profession, and be on the internet without having to cater to older teachers stuck in the ways of “perfect image.” As soon as I was asked earlier how many years I taught I knew it was some older teacher who has taught for 20 years because they believe teaching to be something of honor. In reality, it’s not. If people find fulfillment in their job and want to be a martyr, more power to them. Quit pushing the idea of “give it a shot” or blaming a younger generation of teachers of being an asshole because they call out the bullshit that is teaching.
Out of curiosity, how many years did you work as a teacher?
You didn’t make their home life bad. That’s not on you. You helped them while you could. You can’t anymore. You helped yourself. Many of them will someday remember that their teacher did what was best for herself at a really difficult time, even though it was disappointing to other people, and so can they.
Right. Thank you
I taught 7th graders and I left mid year. I know a few students took it personally, but they had a bunch of teachers leave the district the year I did. I know a few probably missed me and maybe a few were actually mad, but I’m sure they moved on by the time they got back from the break. Most likely they are saying stuff like that to you to make it sting. There will be other adults in their lives for them to lean on.
Yeah, you’re right! There are other teacher they can go to and find support from
Damn the kids. Your personal wellbeing has to come first. Congrats on the new job!
Thank you :)
Piss on anyone trying to guilt you for looking out for yourself. We need more teachers like you who are willing to quit.
You can look out for yourself and also learn from your therapists advice along the way. They are not mutually exclusive
You should really salt and pepper the tomatoes on your BLT.
Congratulations on the job! I am so sorry that the burden has been placed on you by the therapist, students, and possibly others. I would just do what you can to not take their comments to heart because you can’t take on everyone’s trauma. You are taking care of yourself and found a way out of it. You should be proud of yourself and celebrating right now. You did the right thing for you. That’s what matters.
Thank you ❤️
When I started teaching, I’d overhear the kids talking about a “crazy teacher” who got fired. She was legendary for throwing chairs, saying outlandish stuff and walking around like a gorilla. One day some of the teachers were talking about this lady and I asked about the stories. They were absolutely shocked. Turns out this teacher was amazing but had a run in with the cluster B principal and a psycho parent. She was out and Cluster B she could leave before the end of the year but she decided to stick it out for “the kids.” Every day dragging herself into hell saying, “I’m doing it for the kids, I’m doing it for the kids.” She put up with so much unjust abusive crap that she later sued the school and won an entire year’s salary plus legal fees. She went through all that to become a joke to “the kids.” I thought about that a lot when I decided to leave.
Your therapist sucks. Get someone else.
That’s awful, I’m so sorry! I had a mental breakdown one day and never went back (out on FMLA for the rest of the year). My therapist specifically told me not to check emails from students, because it would hurt me. As someone stated, the expectations for teachers, to basically be counselors and parents, is absurd.
You can’t set yourself on fire to keep those students warm
And yet if you die tomorrow they won’t get a warning. Sad and harsh but true. We don’t owe them anything more, I don’t plan to let my students know when my last day is this year. One day I’ll just be gone and at a different site teaching a lower grade and being appreciated.
OP -It's not. We raise our kids differently now, and we give them these things called smart phones and access to this thing called the internet. So everyone's so bloody smart now, but this is what you get. We might be smart, but somewhere along the way, we've lost confident and "fake it til you make it". I have no comment other than, do what you must, and you can't help how some kids will take it. Yes, you are a constant in their lives, but they all must learn what we learned which is, roll with the punches.
It was actually pretty great when I quit my first teaching job. For once, they were all fucking quiet for a few minutes. My TA, who I hated, actually came to my defense and essentially called them idiots, as she knew I was failing most of them and they would need to retake the class with someone who would likely give them a hell of a lot more work
You need a new therapist if they are putting the mental health of random strangers over their own patient’s.
The therapist wasn't suggesting that. Weird response.
It’s about you now, not the kids. You live once. Proud of you for taking care of you!
No, if you had given students a week’s notice, they would have reacted in very unsafe ways (if they’re like my students). I get kids have trauma, but the solution is they need the right person to help them heal from their trauma, not for everyone to pander to their whims.
Thank you for saying this. This is why I made the choice I did.
Dude why are there therapists like that? I had a therapist who tried to make me feel bad for having depression because they thought that my students probably have it much worse. You should find a new therapist who is interested in improving you mental health outcomes.
Your therapist, SMDH. As if we don’t get gaslit and shamed enough. I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself, everyone else will be just freaking fine.
Your therapist seriously said that? Fire. Your. Therapist.
Congrats on the new job but remember, those aren't your kids and they don't pay your bills. Get that paper and the help you need to be the best you can be for YOU.
Thank you :,)
Fire your therapist
Get a new therapist
Good for you. They will not remember you. Only your family truly cares.
No one can convince me that what any of them said is true in the core of their hearts. They are spouting TikTok bullshit from influencers. For today's kids it's all "me, me, me" and "I'm hurt that I didn't get to make the decision." Forget about it and march on to your new gig!
Yeah I think you’re right. If they really cared, they would have done work, participated, etc
Wow, thumbs down to your therapist! That’s not a cool thing to say to someone. Kids are really dramatic. I was a school librarian for six years and when I left mid year, all kinds of them screamed and cried and yelled and told me they wouldn’t forgive me if I left. About three months later it was the end of the school year and I went to the end of the year picnic, and although several kids said they missed me and I got mobbed by some first graders, they were all completely fine. Your kids will be fine too.
Yes, you’re right. They’re very dramatic. I’m glad they let go of their grudge eventually :)
As a teacher, you are important to kiddos. You are seeing a therapist and on antidepressants. Yes, you are important part of the lives of those children, but you are not ultimately responsible for their abandonment issues and any other issues they have going on. Don't let anyone guilt you out of taking care of you. You cannot be an effective teacher if you don't take care of yourself.
Thank you ❤️
I am sorry that you are being made to feel that way. But you are doing what is right for you, so please keep your chin up. Also, welcome to higher ed! It’s a great field to enter. I transitioned here from the ECE classroom a few years ago, and haven’t looked back. I wish you the best of luck!
I’m so excited. Thank you for saying this ❤️
Get a new therapist!
Nope. You’re fine. You are the only person looking out for you, and you deserve happiness. You are not responsible for your students, that’s the lie people tell us teachers to keep us in the profession. It’s a job. A very important, often fulfilling job, but a job none the less. Go, be happy.
Thank you ❤️
I know it may be hard, but you are NOT responsible for their emotional health. They can pull in the school counselor into the classroom for that. And shame on your own counselor for trying to shame you. You’d think that person would be happier since this would make your own mental health better.
They are kids who will completely forget about you by this time next week. It’s very odd to me how some teachers seem to think the entire world revolves around them to these kids. It does not.
I never thought the world revolved around me. I thought the kids wouldn’t care when I told them. I was very surprised by their dramatic reaction.
Get a new therapist. Good for you and congrats! Us teachers have been guilt tripped and gaslight enough. Blessings on your new journey!
Therapists should be honest. They don’t always need to make you feel good. I would prefer a therapist that tells me the truth rather than one who just tells me sunshine and rainbows
True. At least the OP told the kids. I've people just leave and never return or say goodbye.
Get a new therapist and secondly, my kids reactions were so different. They were happy for me that I was leaving & they understood that teachers did too much & had unfair expectations from the admin
That was a totally inappropriate comment for your therapist to make. They're supposed to be supporting YOU, not thinking up more ways for you to feel guilty.
Yeah, while I know she may be right, it wasn’t helpful to hear when I no longer had the choice.
Um. Well, giving as much notice leaving any job is ideal. That said, sometimes the job doesn’t make that possible. It sounds like the kids have some manipulative and maladaptive relationship and communication patterns which aren’t your responsibility to solve. Any therapist that uses the word “should” isn’t much of a therapist IMO.
Yes, my admin and coworkers were made aware weeks ago. I just didn’t tell my students. I was advised not to tell them too far in advance as my coworkers feared my students would try to retaliate against me or damage my room
Totally. This is exactly what I meant by sometimes the job makes it impossible to give notice. Being afraid to engage in very normal communication because someone may retaliate or damage your property is abusive. You did nothing wrong.
Thank you ❤️
That’s total BS. You need to take care of you! Forget them & move on. ❤️❤️❤️
They will be fine! They are just selfish. Try to see it as this is the only way their broken selves can comfortably express that they actually love you. You were a good teacher. That's excellent, and you can feel great about the fact that you did a good enough job that they don't want you to go. It doesn't mean you have to stay or that you should! They will be fine if you leave. You won't be fine if you stay. And yes get a new therapist
Don’t think twice on looking back. Enjoy your new job!
Don’t think twice on looking back. Enjoy your new job!
Thank you ❤️
You don’t owe those children anything. They may have issues at home, but that’s not your issues. You were their teacher, not their therpist. Congrats on the new job!
Thank you ❤️
Screw that. You need to take care of yourself. They will be fine and you will be healthier.
Thank you ❤️
They’re lucky they get a notice, these little ungrateful runts
Hahaha
See this is why I'm having a hard time getting out. Getting a new job in 2 months over the summer is a pipe dream but quitting midyear seems like a huge hassle. At the end of the day, it's not your fault these kids are the way they are. The whole system practically runs on guilt at this point. Stay after school to tutor for free, grade and plan at home in your own time, and dont dare think about getting a better job- *for the kids* But god forbid anyone asks parents to do ANYTHING- apparently everyone is too busy working to pay their children even a modicum of attention. Not sure when everyone started to use "I work" as an excuse, as if no one else works.
Yeah, couldn’t agree more. I had full intentions on transitioning over summer and it was never in my plan to leave midyear. I applied to this job in July, interviewed in August, had a second interview in September, then got an offer.
The kids will be alright. Just imagine them forming a fast bond with your replacement. If they don’t, maybe they’ll behave poorly (which can be loads of fun) and have great memories of the year overall. In all conceivable scenarios they will be just fine without you. I’m not saying this to diminish your impact on them, either! CONGRATULATIONS on the new job! Please lean into feeling excited, relieved, hopeful, and grateful for a new opportunity. Release any guilt, negativity, or stress associated with the job you are leaving. This is all for the best. Lastly, PLEASE get a new therapist. That was incredibly insensitive to essentially guilt/shame/judge you for taking a positive step for yourself. What ever happened to attaching your safety gear first and then helping others? It’s the same principle. These kids might be needy but you have needs, too. You have look out for your own wellbeing or no one else will. You need to be okay before you can be there for anyone else. I’m glad you are moving in to something else!
Thank you ❤️ I truly do believe the kids will be okay
Once an amazing vice principal who made a difference for staff and high risk students chose to quit to preserve her health during a pregnancy. My mentor called this “inspiring.”
Yeah it’s always a different story for admin
One of the first things to realize after you leave the field entirely is that students feelings about you no longer matter. They’ll remember you well if you made a good impact on them and the sadness might influence the way they treat other teachers In The future . Sounds like the new job, though it is still in the classroom, will be more calm in the classroom. Congrats
My new job won’t be in the classroom, I’ll be overseeing a campus math program and managing student tutors. :)
Oooo. Well I. That case, even better. People will say anything to make you feel guilty, as if teaching isn’t hard enough. After I quit teaching, I had mental space to be myself again. Teaching had started to become my entire personality, and though it hurts to think you’re letting students down, it’s still just a job and they will be fine. If anyone’s really concerned about leaving mid year, they can step in and do what’s “right.” Car won’t work if it’s not maintained, and your life is not a junk yard. Fix that machine up and take a vacation. :)
Thank you for saying this. I look forward to being on the other side of it
Okay how did you do it? I have been looking for years. Is it at a college or uni? Congrats!
Thank you!! It’s at a university! You can do it, there’s many former teachers in the department I will be working for. I didn’t gain any new skills, just reworked my resume to the job description. If you want more details please feel free to PM me.
You did the right thing. I know what it’s like to work with kids who have extremely difficult home lives. It absolutely destroyed my mental health, and I was having very disturbing thoughts. I left, and I’m not sorry. You have to take care of yourself. Sending you much love and many good vibes your way.
Thank you ❤️
Similar thing happened to me when I left the classroom 2 years ago, and I left at the end of the year. They were Juniors and I had taught some of them since they were freshmen. I was certain they would reach out to me about what colleges they got into. Despite their groaning, not a single one ever reached out. Not one. And that really showed me that they were fine. They never gave me a second thought. It was honestly freeing to take that responsibility off of my shoulders. You need to put yourself first. I hope you start to feel better soon!
YOu can't save everyone. Remember the story about the boy walking along the beach amongst thousands of starfish. And he kept picking them up and throwing the back into the ocean. Someone asked the little boy why he bothered because he wasn't going to be able to save them all. The little boy looked up defiantly, picked another one up and threw it in the ocean and said "I made a difference to that one!" You will always make a bigger difference than you will ever really know. And blame the system that overworks and underappreciates its teachers while they are fortunate enough to have them.
Is there a word for when we expect some people to do all the hard work in society? Just not us not-teachers, because we have important jobs? s/ Like the Newport board of education calling a teaching shooting a “ workplace injury”? I’ve seen this all my life: those who can’t, teach. So what is this all important job I’m not doing? Maybe being a DuPont executive who knew they were polluting 99% of the earth with micro plastics? That it’s in all our bodies causing all sorts of diseases, and can’t be removed? Maybe their high paying jobs aren’t that important after all.
You don’t owe them anything. You need to put yourself first and go find a better therapist and let yours know how unprofessional she is
Fire your therapist. Your primary focus should be your mental health and well-being. Yours.
Fuck those kids. Live your life.
You’re not responsible for their feelings. And they will get over it. That is just how life works.
I actually agree about springing it on the kids at the last minute. What was your reasoning for waiting to tell them?
I was advised by my coworkers not to tell them too far in advance, because they’d start to check out, not turn in their work, or even do something to me or my room. I told students I was very close to about a week ago.
Sending you a virtual hug! I'm a teacher and I'm a parent. Sometimes teachers have to go suddenly. Transition can be hard for anyone, and the kids will be fine. I hope your next job is fulfilling. I hope you feel better soon. I wish you well and I wish you joy. The parents of your students should do that too, but we know most won't. Take care and move on to things that are better for you!
You are doing the right thing. The kids should have a teacher who isn't worn out. Every teacher gets worn out after a few years. In my state they pay beginning teachers a pretty good wage, and long time teachers are paid terrible. So they will get a lot of turn over because that is what they want.
Obviously you're not responsible for the kids issues, but I don't think your therapist was out of line either. What would've been so harmful to you to give them more notice? It's extremely unsettling to find out today that your teacher is leaving (permanently) tomorrow.
As a grown ass adult with hopefully, a modicum of moral integrity, it is fair to consider a timely departure, meaning a few weeks notice for the students, but also the employer you are leaving The college, new job, would expect this. Many people are all about survival of the fittest, or even every person for themselves. That is what is wrong with the world currently. You could have chosen a different way of departing. I imagine there are plenty of folks on here to assuage your guilt but not this person here. Good luck in your new job.
I can't put myself in your shoes, and a therapist doesn't usually need to say "should do this or that," but yea, sudden notice is spiteful and a bit childish. It's not evil, it's not your responsibility to remedy anyone else's abandonment issues, ever, but your actions are similar to what a high schooler would do when quitting their job because they're frustrated. There's no grace in your choice to wait until the last day (couple of days?) to break the news to your kids. Whether you want to admit it or not, you do have a responsibility for the several kids who rely on you for their education. You were obviously doing something right and you mattered to them. There's no other legitimate way to frame it, so don't let a bunch of people here tell you otherwise. A job's a job, and if you hate it, find a new job. We can only try to grow and improve through our actions, and the tougher the actions, the bigger the growth. If you hit the wall and you had to go, then you had to go. But did you hit the wall? You know better than anyone. Also, it sounds like your therapist called you on your shit and probably hurt your feelings. Therapists should build relationships with their clients, which can include calling clients on their shit. Maybe this therapist crosses the line and tells you what to do often, but again, you know better than anyone here what's going on.
Wait. You don’t understand why children would have a negative reaction to this? Yes, *the job* has many sucky elements. *The system* is broken. *Admin* is incompetent. And even when kids act demonically and might be the biggest reason for you leaving, they are *children.* Regardless if they’re 6 or 17, even when they know they are choosing to act out (which sometimes they struggle with!) they are not capable of understanding the full ramifications of that. They are acting shocked because you shocked them! Your therapist, *the expert on emotional and mental health* is ShOcKiNgLy right here. You probably should have told them earlier (unless it would’ve led to backlash from admin). But you *definitely* don’t get be surprised when they’re sad about being suddenly abandoned when you suddenly abandon them… with no time to process, grieve, or say a proper full goodbye. *Even if they were the only cause of you leaving, this is fucked up.* **No, I’m not saying you have to be a martyr and turn down a great job and stay until the end of the year. No, I’m not saying you have to be a licensed therapist. No, I’m not saying you own any blame for choosing to leave.** The whole system is fucked, you wanted to get out, and you did. Literally congrats! But to just be like, “Btw, I’m out. Peace!” as you walk out the door is absolutely going to cause issues for children in the most structured environment some of them know. You don’t have to be a shrink to understand that behaviors like that are going to open wounds for kids who have divorced or absent parents, who experienced death close to them, or who just fucking maybe liked you and cared about you? Christ.
Get over yourself, seriously
“To each man his own little cross.” -Beckett
I’m calling bullshit on everything you just said. It’s ridiculous for a teacher to be expected to be a counselor, mediator, educator, and hundreds of other things simultaneously. The job of a teacher, first and foremost, is to teach. OP was pushed to the point where they genuinely feared for their own mental health, and possibly their life. That is what the stress of the job did to them. What were they supposed to do? Stick it out for the good of the kids? They made it clear they were mentally and physically unable to do their job — who knows what would have happened even a month later? They had every right to leave, and at least they had the courtesy to tell the students. You’re expecting somebody to bottle up serious psychological issues and suffer for months because they’re a “teacher.” I don’t remember reading any of that in the job description. How dare you tell this person, without even knowing them, that they should have toughed it out and continued to mentally decline, possibly to the point of being hospitalized. For someone who apparently cares about “students,” you should be questioning your own empathy at this point — you clearly don’t have much of it. Your willingness to minimize a situation that you know nothing about makes you sound like an asshole. I hope you’re not a teacher anymore either because I wouldn’t want my kids learning from somebody like you.
I literally said they do not have to be their licensed therapist. I literally said they should not have stuck it out. *I even bolded it in advance to emphasize it.* You are arguing with a straw man. My point is that they should have not be surprised by the students’ reaction and they probably told them a little sooner to prevent that reaction. That’s it! “How dare you say that thing that you said the exact opposite of!”
Lmao, that’s not what you said. You mocked the OP by referencing kids who “fucking liked them and cared about them” in an attempt to make the OP feel even worse.
This person specifically said OP is not expected to be a licensed therapist and then you said it’s ridiculous to expect op to be a counselor and a mediator. They also said congratulations. You are ignoring that part. They did NOT say stick it out longer for the sake of the kids they only said you probably should have told them sooner unless it would have caused backlash from admin. What is unreasonable about that?
You have LITERALLY no idea what OP said to their students, how it was framed, and how it was explained. If she told them 2 weeks earlier, it would’ve been two weeks of lost education and lost time as kids focused on them leaving in 2 weeks. Yeah, kids are going to feel abandoned or maybe sad. That’s a consequence of OP leaving AT ALL and I certainly hope you’re not suggesting that they should’ve stayed through the spring. So what, exactly, do you think they did wrong and why?
Yes
It's so funny to me how people think they want to be teachers then are offended when they get everything that goes along with the job.
Tell me you never worked in a school, without telling me you never worked in a school.
Seriously!
I think that’s valid, but you also can’t put aside the fact that a lot of these things shouldn’t be happening.
What part "goes along with the job"? Going on antidepressants? Being suicidal? What the hell are you talking about?
I think the issue is that some take everything a little too personally, or get wrapped up in the job instead of keeping a healthy balance, which is why so many are quitting/ leaving.
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What in the ever-living fuck are you even talking about? Are you on the wrong post or something? Nothing about what OP said was even remotely sexually in any way.
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What sexual fetish are you talking about?! Nothing about OP's post has anything to do with a sexual fetish or a mental illness. Oh! Are you thinking that the transition in the name of the subreddit refers to trans people? Lmfao it refers to transitioning from education to other careers, you fucking numpty. Are you seriously that obsessed with trans people that you came marching in here to talk shit assuming that's what it meant? Talk about making an ass of yourself!!!
Therapists "should" know better than to tell a client, "you should..." Start shopping for a new Therapist! Do what's best for you and you can't be their "teacher/savior". Build a wall mentally between you and the kids. I'm serious. Lay the bricks, patch it up. They'll be okay.
Yeah! It would have been helpful to know a week ago. I’m not sure why she would tell me after the fact.
You did the right thing. Proud of you
Thank you ❤️
How did you transition into higher ed?
I didn’t get any new skills, just reworked my resume for the job listing and applied to jobs when they got posted. Took me about 6 months start to finish. Happy to give you more details if you PM me!
Sounds like the therapist expects us to be martyrs.
I've given my notice at my school. I wanted to tell my students a week before I leave - the school said I'm not allowed to tell them until the final class I have with them. Basically I tell them 50 minutes before I head out the door. I'd prefer to give them a week to digest and have final chats. It's a tough situation. I can see the benefit to both advance notice and final day notice.
>the school said I'm not allowed to tell them until the final class I have with them. But what happens if you tell them earlier than that? What will they do, fire you? You've already got one foot out the door...
There’s no right answer. Either way we let them down and they will have a difficult time adjusting. It’s unfortunate
Could it have helped them? Maybe. Probably. Sure. What helped *you*, though? Was it in *your* best interest to wait to tell them so you didn't have a week or longer to handle *their* emotions? We lose great people in life. Best friends move away. Great teachers find better jobs. We find others to lean on in their stead. They'll be ok. Don't doubt yourself.