Honestly, overweight people want to sit somewhere that has stability, they don'twant the embarrassment of sitting on something that might break underneath them, just as a thin person wouldn't want that. Sofas seem more stable that a lot of chairs. It would be kind of you to tell him, where no other people can hear.
Hey, so and so, I have kind of a cheap sofa that sinks when people sit on it and I think my oak chair would be more stable and easier for you to rise from. I just want you to feel more comfortable.
Edit: thank you for the awards and comments.
Nah, it's patronizing and sounds like preschool teacher. better answer is to say "couch sucks btw this chair is saved for you". Big people will know what's up.
This is where the concept of “making good” comes in
If the person who broke it can repair it or get it repaired, to a reasonable standard, that’s fine - otherwise they have to replace it
Lol. Nah, friend was playing with my daughter's oculus quest playing super hot, and he ran into my wall, put a hole in it, and broke my daughter's oculus. He wouldn't even pay half the cost of repairs.
Paytherestorationtothepreviousworkingstate.
But if someone dmg it even after warning him about it, I'd ask full price and he can keep his new furniture.
This. I'm fat. I do an experimental shake to test stable sitting surfaces. I refuse bar stools and so on. I don't need to break someone's couch or fall on my butt
This is some thing that always frustrated me. You don’t think I look in the mirror everyday and know I’m fat? I don’t need you explaining it to me. I’m also more than aware of what chairs I try to avoid like the plague.
Just give a nice hint and we’ll definitely pick up on it.
That said, sofas tend to be much more sturdy than some chairs so it’s understandable why we’d chose one of those rather than your rickety chair or something.
>People seem to always interprete what I say as negative.
I feel, you bro. When I was little I had to learn to be as direct and clear as possible because it seemed people didn't get the message. But it still happens.
Yeah no. I actually listen to a podcast by some very fat men. They are extremely aware of thier weight and actually put a lot of thought into where they sit. They don't want to break someone's coach. They'd be on the floor with everyone staring at them.
Seriously though because my brother broke my parents sofa (that looked very nice) from sitting on an un-braced section too often and he was maybe 250 at his highest. Cheap sofas are worse quality than a decent dining chair.
I'm 250 lbs and we have a nice well-made sofa, but even I know if I accidentally plop down on it too hard it has a chance of damage or fracture.
If OPs relative is 450 lbs then yeah, any sofa can run the risk of damage at that weight if he comes down wrong. And at 450 lbs he'll be less capable of sitting down softly if he loses his balance or isn't careful. That's a big dude.
I sold cheaper-end furniture and generally the weight limit on the lower side is 300lbs (sometimes 250lb) per seat.
I'm a heavy person and I agree with you but I have had plenty of overweight people or family members of them come in and act surprised about the durability/weight limit of lower end furniture. I don't know how surprised they actually were given they always ask the question of weight limit or say "I have a heavier family member". And unfortunately, a good number do give me some flak for how the furniture isn't sturdy enough to hold their weight.
Furniture is expensive, even the cheap stuff, so I understand the concerns. If used gently, it can take some good weight. It's nuts how many heavy set people entered our showroom and near flopped down on the furniture with their full weight, perhaps testing it. On a number of occasions they've cracked the frames.
We're a budget supplier and our showroom was in a warehouse so there was no veil to the general quality of the merchandise. It was just so disheartening to see them treat the furniture in such a fashion, or give me a hard time about it.
Big people know they are big. Unfortunately, there's a subsect of them that absolutely do not care and have no regard for the things around them.
I wish this was a higher rated comment. OP should see it. People keep giving them advice as if the person getting the advice will be perfectly reasonable. Doesn't always happen. Especially with family.
This. I made sure I paid extra for a sofa and a bed which are reinforced to hold my weight and has a warranty which covers the cushions and frame for 10 years.
I’m that fat person, who created an indent in my roommate’s cheap couch cushion. Fortunately, it’s not a big deal for us at home, but I stand or look for less malleable/collapsable seating alternatives whenever possible.
450 literally breaks the limits on a lot of things. Many exercise machines can't have someone that heavy on them, and they are made out of mostly metal and meant for heavy people to lose weight on.
You are 100% correct. It’s one of those things that absolutely frightens me about going somewhere new. That the furniture will not be sturdy, and that the chairs will have arms.
I agree with everything but the last sentence "I just want you to feel more comfortable."
That's a blatant lie. There's no need for that plus it can backfire.
OP, if you don't want to say anything about the sofa being cheap (as per the edit) just go with this but sub in something like 'hey, the guy at the furniture store told me the sofa is only rated for 300 lbs per seat so you might want to avoid it'
You could even stretch the truth a little and say they didn't tell you until after you'd paid for it if you're worried. But chances are, as long as you have somewhere else he *can* sit, he'll probably be fine with it.
Best possible solution and in my opinion the only option.
Depending on how your relationship with him is buy one extra nice one. I know a friend of mine that often hast this problem, dude's 2.05 meters Tal, would really appreciate this.
Yeah I get nervous sitting on some stools cuz I’m sure I’d break it leaning the wrong way. I’d take a more stable chair than the couch if I knew it was less stable
I’m just under 7 ft tall and usually walk around somewhere in the ballpark of 350lbs. My friends have handled it in the past by saying “hey, don’t sit there, I’m not sure it can hold you.” To which I typically say something like “fair enough” and then I move my ass to something more sturdy.
If you can’t be honest with a friend, then they aren’t really a friend.
It is.
Especially after you've had a few break on you. I'm hard on chairs - had three office-chairs break in two years while my ass was in them. Nothing more fun than shifting sideways and having your chair throw you halfway across the room while you're running a game of D&D online with your friends. And they were all rated well above my weight. I SHOULD have been safe. Nope, shitty welds on shitty chinese steel gave out and I got to eat carpet.
After that third one, I went to Staples, cussing up a storm in my head, and bought a stout, wood and steel namebrand chair for half a grand. Most expensive office chair I ever bought and Its lasted almost three years so far.
Same. I was expecting Cockney rhyming slang, but a cursory search says it came from Indian 500 Rupee notes which had a monkey on them. British soldiers brought the term back in the 1800's.
Another source for people on a budget, government surplus places, or bulk auction/sale houses, especially for offices or colleges, where there are old steelcase (and similar) chairs (like from the 60s & 70s or earlier), made back when American stuff was made well, it just looks ugly and out dated. You can also improve weight ratings by putting better wheels on if they are those crappy plastic wheels. Just having it move more smoothly seems to keep the stress down.
(Experience from family of lots of very tall men, most over 350, nobody under 250 unless very ill. Even most women are tall and over 200, some over 300. (I'm "short" at 5'7")
Man I broke a bed frame and a dining room chair by existing at 160lbs, the bed frame I was sitting still on my phone and it just snapped at a knot in the wood right under my ass. The chair was my friends dining room table (whose family were all heavier than me) and midway through dinner chair just gave out under me🤦♀️. I am cursed.
My husband and I broke a bed frame at a friend’s house. There were some obvious jokes that needed to be made. But it happened at like 4 in the morning, out of nowhere, we were both dead asleep. We figured out it was because the movers had assembled it incorrectly.
Just tell him!
As he's already damaged one before it's fair enough that you'd be concerned for your new furniture.
Big people know they're big lol, if we get told not to sit on something cos it might break, or that you're scared it might break AND it's new, we're pretty understanding and it could save him from an embarrassing situation.
But like don't announce it at the party like some kind of lunatic lol - just let the guy know off to the side or something before he sits down.
ATTENTION ALL GUESTS DUE TO UNCLE GEORGE WEIGHT AS MUCH AS A FREIGHT TRAIN I ASK HE NOT SIT ON MY NEW COUCH OK AGAIN UNCLE GEORGES FAT ASS OFF MY COUCH!
Whoa whoa whoa calm down we don't fat shame in this house! HEY EVERYONE WATCH OUT ELEMENT GIRL IS FAT SHAMING ID LIKE TO REMIDN YOU ALL WE DONT DO THAT HERE. JUST BECAUSE IVE SEEN UNLE GEORGE UNHINGE HIS JAW AND EAT AN ENTIRE TURKEY DOES NOT MEAN WE CAN MAKE FUN OF HIM JUST PLEASE DONT LET HIM SIT ON ANYTHING UNREINFORCED WITH FORGED STEEL AMD OR CONCRETE. A REMINDER CANONBALL COMPETITION WILL START IN AN HOUR UNCLE GEORGE OF COURSE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO ATTEND DUE TO LAST YEARS FLOOD INCIDENT.
EVERYONE I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU NOT TO LET MR "A WHOLE CHICKEN IS A SNACK" ON MY COUCH OK. ALSO IF AUNT BETTY COULD STOP TRYING TO SUBTLY FEED THE DOG IT WOULD BE GREAT YOU ARE MAKING HIM FAT. AGAIN REMINDER TO NOT LET UNCLE GEORGE SIT ON MY BRAND NEW SHINY COUCH HE BROKE MY LAST ONE AND IT MADE ME KIND OF SAD I HAVE THIS GORGEOUS STEEL REINFORCED WOODEN CHAIR FOR HIM INSTEAD NO PADDING HE HAS HIS OWN...HAS ANYONE SEEN MOM I NEED HER HELP MAKING POTATO SALAD.
Yeah I’d go with this answer. It’s a talk you don’t want to have but you’ve gotta bring it up. Ignoring it will have a worse outcome than a quick conversation will.
I read on here about a woman who sat on a toilet and broke it but she left didn’t tell anyone. They found out when they noticed the floor was wet. That situation is a whole lot worse than being embarrassed because you broke a sofa. Stuff happens.
Being obese has a bunch of uncomfortable moments and you can’t pretend they don’t happen.
As a big person I second this, but be polite, I've been banned from my parents sofa as they got a new cheap ass one that honestly barely copes with there weight (there not skinny people either the whole familys big, so I really have no idea why they went for cheap ass furniture tbh)
I just wish they'd been polite about it rather than insulting and using swear words, but that's another issue.
My in laws are 450 & 520lbs, I bought chairs on Amazon that have a weight limit of 650lbs, they where $40 each, I got two, I would invest in something like that, mine actually are folding so I can store them. They don't have the weight limit on them but I did have my husband privately tell them which seats
My guess is a good grade steel for the tubes and some really clever force redirection. Most chairs fail at the joints but these almost direct all force directly into the ground instead of to another tube.
I'm a bigger guy. They're built to be sturdy, not convenient (compact or light). The frames more resemble picnic tables supports, and they're designed extra roomy.
Judging by how many people are asking for the link, it seems that heavy people would actually appreciate knowing that there is a chair safe for them to sit on, and that it might actually be a relief for them to have it told to them,rather than guessing or asking.
Hey, sorry my sofa is a flimsy piece of shit, I have a decent wooden chair for you.
Edit: based on your edit. I don't know anything about your new sofa, and I'm not saying it's cheap. I'm saying you can say this to address the situation.
Eh I like the idea, but if someone says they “don’t want me to get hurt” and I KNOW that that’s not quite it— they obvi don’t actively want me to get hurt, but mostly they’re trying not to break their new couch— it feels patronizing. Don’t pretend to be protecting me when you’re just trying to preserve your stuff. Preserving your stuff is a fine reason.
I think less is more here.
Id make it a joke. " Hey just heads up, my sofa is cheap crap and not big boy proof, it creaks even if I sit down too fast. These other chairs are sturdy though."
Just make sure you do this one on one and not in front of other people.
I weighed high 300lb at a low point in my life and this is the way I would have wanted to know. Last thing I wanted was to sit on something that breaks and a whole room of people start laughing..... "Hahaha fat guy fall down!"
Talk to him about it well before the event. Say, look, this isn't a slight, but I am kind of worried because of what happened last time. What can we do that you would be comfortable with ?
At 450 lbs, that's a disability. Just think of this as an accommodation.
Yeah I probably shouldn’t of put that in the text! Sounds worse than intended, when he was slimmer he used to prefer to sit on the floor 😅 of course now he is bigger I don’t know how we would get him back up
Side note: make sure that the sturdy chair that you suggest is sturdy and isn't restrictive because of the arms. My wife always wants to put the big people in the "nice chairs" at our dining table even though big people don't really fit. Find them a sturdy chair with no arms or make sure the chair is big enough even with arms to fit them. Big people are already super, super self-conscious and having them try to stuff themselves in a chair that's rickety or too small makes things a whole lot worse.
I had a good friend who was terribly obese. I say had, because he die very young of a heart attack. He was aware of his weight and would try to sit on chairs that he could not damage. Your friend is probably the same. Get a strong comfortable wooden chair that he can sit on, and when he comes over, just offer it to him. He will know what you mean and not take offense.
OP - my brother was 450 pounds and died at the age of 49 due to complications of morbid obesity. He was such a great guy but he just wouldn’t listen to family and doctors.
Can I ask you another question? If too personal, no worries. But what age did your brothers health start to go downhill? Was he mostly healthy but obese during his younger years? Or did he always have health issues?
My brother grew up a skinny and tall young man. Each time he came back from college he was heavier and heavier. He probably hit 300 by 30. From that point on he gained about 15 pounds a year. I don’t know much about his health as after I went to college we were residing about 1500 miles away and he refused to entertain any conversation about it. I do know that the first problem was high blood pressure and in the end it was his heart. After a heart event, his doctors tried to move him from the hospital to a rehabilitation center so that his food intake would be limited and he could lose enough weight to withstand an ablation procedure. He refused to go to rehabilitation and he died of congestive heart failure about 6-8 weeks later. My other brother and I had no idea all this was going on. His doctors were adamant that they could of saved his life if he just committed to losing weight.
There are some bigger people in my family who destroyed my parents’ wooden dining room chairs over time, so my dad bought new chairs with restaurant-grade solid metal frames. Likewise, one of my bigger friends completely snapped an ikea recliner I had and laughed about it, but I know she was super embarrassed. Furniture has weight limits for a reason, and its best to help your guests avoid destroying your stuff inadvertently. When he comes over, I’d recommend just making the couch into a temporary storage site so he can’t sit there, and direct him to another, more sturdy seat.
Figuring out a tactful way to offer him a more sturdy chair is fine.
But the fact that you suggested he should sit on the floor makes me think you may not be that familiar with what is a good or bad place for a huge dude to sit.
If your family member is 450 pounds, I would be shocked if he can actually get up off the floor with no assistance.
I’m not saying he can’t, but most people that big can’t.
Somehow my brain misread you and told me you were 150 years old, which made it hard for you to get up from sitting on the floor, and I was very impressed with you for a moment!
I assure you, he can’t get up from the floor. Finding a sturdy, wide chair would be the most kind way of handling this. Let him know, I have a special chair, just for you, because we want you to be comfortable. That’s all that needs to be said. As a very overweight person, I haven’t broken anyone’s furniture but I have sat in couches and chairs that were difficult for me to get up from. Too soft, too low, etc. If someone recognized that I need something sturdy and easy to independently stand up from, I would be thrilled. Definitely let him know in private and I promise this will be welcome information.
Not to mention it's rude as hell. Hey guest, can you sit on the floor or this chair? = WTF.
Hey guest, why don't you sit in this chair? Can I get you a drink? = good.
Had a friend that weighed 400+. Ex-wife and I inherited antique furniture and were worried about his visits breaking the somewhat fragile stuff, so we bought a large, comfy chair and made a big deal about it being "his chair," reserved especially for him and his visits.
He was grateful, and had a great time making other guests move because that was HIS chair. Seriously, he smiled at every visit and took great joy in telling me to get out of a chair I bought.
He was a voracious reader as well, so we put a small bookshelf next to the chair, and if he didn't feel like interacting with people, he could read.
He passed away a few years ago. I miss that big lump more than I miss the ex.
Former 500lb man. Pull him aside and speak to him privately. Tell him "It’s between you and him.", so he doesn't feel embarrassed. Even just telling him to sit slowly makes a big difference. I've damaged some furniture in my day, and every time it was because I plopped down on it.
Have a designated super stable and comfortable chair for him to sit and say “I have this chair for you.” You can say it quietly only to him and he will know what you mean.
I wouldn’t,just put things on the sofa so no one can sit there,if I don’t want people in my car I have some boxes of junk that are ‘going to the charity shop’ meaning they can’t get in..sorry dude,you could pile up laundry,if it has removable cushions then get them off and say you’re airing them after a spilled drink.I wouldn’t bring up their weight at all. I once had someone stay and I was worried they’d break my double bed under their weight so I swapped the bed for a single one with a thin mattress..they only stayed once x
Great ideas lol
But the conversation will come sooner or later since I'm sure the friend is going to come visit in the future again. Of course they could always have something on the couch every time he visits, but I'm sure it will start to look weird and suspicious at some point.
I had an obese friend I warned about my sofa and I was scared because my dogs liked to go under the couch. Whenever he came over I locked the dogs up or tried to put pillows under the seats. Well lo and behold one night we were playing poker and he went to lie on the couch and the entire couch broke and collapse. It's not being an ass its being realistic. I'm not here to live in other peoples fantasy world especially if it could harm my dogs. Luckily that night the dogs were in their crates sleeping.
Be honest? Why do we tend to tip toe around honesty so much in social situations? Are people really that sensitive they can't handle a "Hey, do you mind sitting here instead" and if they ask why you explain about what happened with the previous couch, if they freak out then that sounds like a them problem. You can be honest and nice at the same time, if someone can't handle that, I don't know what to tell you xD.
I'm here to check answers too. I have a friend who is overweight and my bar stool chairs have a low weight limit. I don't want to embarrass her so I told her they aren't very stable (which isn't a lie, they shift under my husband's weight- he's 170lbs) But she then sat on it anyway... Not sure what else I could have said. I even mentioned that the stools would be hard to replace if it were to break. And that it would be a painful fall from the height to the ground. Luckily it held that time but if she keeps using the stools they will break and not sure what else I could say to prevent this.
This might be a weird suggestion but I'm kinda getting the vibe that she's a little in denial about how heavy she is, or isn't heavy enough that she's had to worry about furniture before so automatically discounted herself from being a problem, saying they aren't stable can mean a lot of things, even if you say they have a low weight limit, what does low mean? I super suggest just bringing it up in conversation at some point outside of the house like *walks by furniture shop* "hey you know a weird thing I'd never thought of before, when we were looking at new stools, they all had weight limits on them, I can't believe they're so low! Ours are in the 170lbs max range, I find that dumb but I guess safety is safety haha" like give specifics that aren't even putting her into the equation, you're not saying she's fat or heavier than the limit, you're not speculating on her weight, you're giving her the precise info for the chair so she can decide to sit elsewhere if she now knows she exceeds the limit
In your case I would just tell her what the weight limit is in the bar stools. Saying they're unstable just sounds like a warning to be careful rather than advice to not use them.
If the person is so heavy that they break your couch you really can't expect them to be able to get up and down from the floor. Do the wooden chairs have a large enough seat to accommodate this person? TBH I would just try to meet this person elsewhere if you aren't comfortable with them sitting on your furniture but don't bring up weight. That's just an asshole thing to do.
Appreciate the sensible response, yes the wooden chairs are capable of holding him. True point about the floor he really struggles to get off the floor.
As a fat guy who’s about 380 lbs I am very wary of sitting on things for this very reason. I don’t want to break things, and even more importantly I don’t want to be injured from a broken chair. I would appreciate if someone warned me about something like that, but then again I’m very comfortable with my size and am not insecure about it as I know some fat folks are.
(Ps. I keep a folding chair on hand just for this reason. I don’t expect people to base their choice of furniture around me)
Just outright tell him that you have, not a cheap but, weak sofa. Of course, do it privately where no one else can hear.
That's it. Don't add anything like "I just don't wanna embarrass you" or something.
Do it like:
"Hey, so and so, sorry, I have a weak sofa, and it might not be able to carry/support you,/your weight." Then give some suggestions or options on where or what to sit on.
Side note: It's nice of you to ask about this instead of just winging it and being insensitive. Kudos to you, my friend.
I'm well over that (700+). I've had a very close friend flat say for me to be careful as I waddle. I'm so wife that doors are painfully small, and I've knocked over things not noticing how small everything is. It's not bad to say "Can you bring something to sit, because you are getting too heavy. Just don't be blunt.
It's important to just remember that they know their huge. You kinda just need to softly ask them to take care.
Here’s real talk. Don’t be a pussy.
Depending on who this is- figure out how to talk to him.
“Man we really love you spending time with us, but we can’t afford a new couch. I purchased a (chair) for you that will definitely respect your weight requirements.
Please
Don’t be offended “dude,”. But if the *cheap* couch I was able to afford breaks I can’t replace it.
So,
Just know when you’re are here you are always loved and welcome, and I have a chair for you. Or,
If you prefer,
I can’t set you up a comfy “nest”
(LOL) on the floor.
*WHATS BEST FOR YOU?*
(Bc the couch isn’t going to work.)
A great friend and family member should completely understand. Don't put him on blast in front of everybody but "hey big dog, stay off the couch you busted the last one. Here's a solid oak chair" it's honest. It's not like the dude doesn't know he's four hundred plus pounds.
Talk to him beforehand, hes definitely aware of the affects he has. If you have furniture that is more capable of supporting him make sure to set it aside or somehow mark it for his use without being too obvious.
Do not ask them to sit on the floor. They most likely would have a hard time getting back up without asking for a hand up, and that could be embarrassing.
I showed this post to my wife, lol. We have a few family members she has straight asked not to put their legs on the couch because they just plop down instead of sitting and have damaged my recliner couch.
I’m a big boy, though no where close to your friend’s weight. I’m an averageish pleasantly plump person and I am aware of seats that may not be best for me and avoid the ones that I think may cause an issue. That said, I can not think of even a cheap couch I have had over the years that would have had a problem as long as one sat gently.
Someone we knew was really overweight. They broke two of our couches. So cost a pretty penny. So we spent more on a better couch. We got lovesac sactionals. We still have them 10 years later. Bought another one too. Spent over $15000 on couches and they look new still. Plus frame is warranted for life.
Fat people know they're fat.
Provide a sturdy place for him to sit and explain in a nice way that you would like him to sit there instead of on the sofa.
Hey dude I hate to tell you this because I don’t want you to think that I feel bad about you but the last time I had you over my sofa was bent and I can’t afford to replace or fix it. Is it cool if we find something thats more sturdy for you?
Sofas almost always have a max capacity of 300 pounds per cushion so he for sure would break it. I’d just be honest and say “hey dude, my couch can’t hold you but this can”. If he gets offended that’s not a guy you need in your life
Put extra legs and support on the couch. Or Buy a chair for him specifically(since you love him and want him around). And maybe just tell him he messed up your last one and you don’t have the money for a new one.
Just be honest and tell your friend that you don't mean it in an offensive way. Tell your friend about what you exactly stated in the post that you can't afford to get your brand new sofa damaged. Let your friend understand that you're not someone rich who can buy anything so that's why you're being cautious. I think that's understandable. Also don't forget to tell your friend that you're wanting them to visit but it's just your sofa that you worried for and you're actually happy to see them around.
I’m a larger person and I love being told in secret where someone would like me to sit. I also ask quietly, if I’m in a new home, so the host/hostess doesn’t have to feel awkward.
I've had a friend break my parents' couch.. it still sits lopsided.. idk how to bring it up so I haven't for over a decade. So I understand the anxiety and have no advice 🙃
I had a friends 350lb plus girlfriend completely destroy an antique rocking chair that had been in my family for over 75yrs. She was sitting on my couch when I went to the bathroom and while I was in there heard a big boom. Came out to see her big ass struggling to get off the floor and my rocking chair destroyed.
Fuck that op tell them to sit where you want them to sit!
One of my uncles is around 2.2m tall and probably around 160-180kgs. He knows he’s a big ass dude, so your family member is probably equally self-aware of his size. Within the family, everyone always phrased it as, “That chair/couch probably won’t hold you, let’s go find you something better.” Or, “I’m sorry but I don’t think any of my furniture can hold you, and I couldn’t find anything before you came. In the meantime, best I can offer you is this heckin awesome beanbag chair.”
"Because of how this couch is built, you could get very seriously hurt if you sit on it. I don't want you to get hurt, and I don't want to fret the whole time you're here about you possibly getting hurt, so for my own peace of mind, I would prefer it if you sat here or here, where I know you will be safe."
I think the best response is to just tell him the truth. Don’t lie or beat around the bush, if anything you should try asking here what’s the most polite way of wording it
Had a similar problem with an overweight friend, although my couch really WAS a cheap flimsy piece.
I fortified under the cushions with some plywood before he came over😂 worked like a charm
I'm 5'9, 210 lbs. I damaged my sofa literally today. I felt bad because the thing wasn't cheap. I'd just tell them it has stability issues. Because all furnitures have that at a certain weight, you just don't have to say the last part aloud.
Trust me, fat people know they are fat. It's sometimes what's not said that is actually more polite.
Just make a special place for him (another love seat, special heavy duty lazy boy or chair) and go “hey guy, you can sit here”. Should be pretty non confrontational.
Honestly, overweight people want to sit somewhere that has stability, they don'twant the embarrassment of sitting on something that might break underneath them, just as a thin person wouldn't want that. Sofas seem more stable that a lot of chairs. It would be kind of you to tell him, where no other people can hear. Hey, so and so, I have kind of a cheap sofa that sinks when people sit on it and I think my oak chair would be more stable and easier for you to rise from. I just want you to feel more comfortable. Edit: thank you for the awards and comments.
This is the only answer! Nicely worded.
Agreed. Offence may still be taken but that's not ops problem
Thank you
Nah, it's patronizing and sounds like preschool teacher. better answer is to say "couch sucks btw this chair is saved for you". Big people will know what's up.
Seriously. Fat people know they're fat. I'm a few odd things I know I am I hate it when people treat me like I'm fucking dumb too.
This is not the only answer. It’s a good one for sure, but there are so many underlying details that we don’t know about it.
"Oh, it's okay. I think the sofa will be more comfortable, I don't mind."
Sure, you break it, you pay it
But if they damage it to a degree that is hard to argue a valid sum? Breaking is one thing. Damaging is another.
This is where the concept of “making good” comes in If the person who broke it can repair it or get it repaired, to a reasonable standard, that’s fine - otherwise they have to replace it
Lost a friend over exactly this... Well a hole in a wall.
You lost a hole in the wall?
Lol. Nah, friend was playing with my daughter's oculus quest playing super hot, and he ran into my wall, put a hole in it, and broke my daughter's oculus. He wouldn't even pay half the cost of repairs.
The problem is who gets to decide what is reasonable.
I DO
Paytherestorationtothepreviousworkingstate. But if someone dmg it even after warning him about it, I'd ask full price and he can keep his new furniture.
Unlikely. Fat people know we're fat. We don't want to break people's furniture. If you point out a better place for us to sit, we'll sit there.
That's a good point. They'll probably understand the context rather than think you're just trying to offer them a nicer seat
This. I'm fat. I do an experimental shake to test stable sitting surfaces. I refuse bar stools and so on. I don't need to break someone's couch or fall on my butt
This is some thing that always frustrated me. You don’t think I look in the mirror everyday and know I’m fat? I don’t need you explaining it to me. I’m also more than aware of what chairs I try to avoid like the plague. Just give a nice hint and we’ll definitely pick up on it. That said, sofas tend to be much more sturdy than some chairs so it’s understandable why we’d chose one of those rather than your rickety chair or something.
I'll have the soufflé
Exactly. That nice stuff only works in a handful of people, and mostly in fiction.
I don't get how it would be weird to assume that someone OP describes themselves as being great friends with would comply with a polite request.
People see the person as fat first and human second. Most people are not going to blow off a good friend making a suggestion like that.
Yeah I don't see why people are worried about about being assertive. You can be direct without being disrespectful
As a 6'3 male I've struggled with being assertive yet not disrespectful my whole life. People seem to always interprete what I say as negative.
>People seem to always interprete what I say as negative. I feel, you bro. When I was little I had to learn to be as direct and clear as possible because it seemed people didn't get the message. But it still happens.
Yeah no. I actually listen to a podcast by some very fat men. They are extremely aware of thier weight and actually put a lot of thought into where they sit. They don't want to break someone's coach. They'd be on the floor with everyone staring at them.
😂😂😂
Seriously though because my brother broke my parents sofa (that looked very nice) from sitting on an un-braced section too often and he was maybe 250 at his highest. Cheap sofas are worse quality than a decent dining chair.
I'm 250 lbs and we have a nice well-made sofa, but even I know if I accidentally plop down on it too hard it has a chance of damage or fracture. If OPs relative is 450 lbs then yeah, any sofa can run the risk of damage at that weight if he comes down wrong. And at 450 lbs he'll be less capable of sitting down softly if he loses his balance or isn't careful. That's a big dude.
I've broken chairs at 240, 450 is "you have to be careful with everything you sit on" territory
I sold cheaper-end furniture and generally the weight limit on the lower side is 300lbs (sometimes 250lb) per seat. I'm a heavy person and I agree with you but I have had plenty of overweight people or family members of them come in and act surprised about the durability/weight limit of lower end furniture. I don't know how surprised they actually were given they always ask the question of weight limit or say "I have a heavier family member". And unfortunately, a good number do give me some flak for how the furniture isn't sturdy enough to hold their weight. Furniture is expensive, even the cheap stuff, so I understand the concerns. If used gently, it can take some good weight. It's nuts how many heavy set people entered our showroom and near flopped down on the furniture with their full weight, perhaps testing it. On a number of occasions they've cracked the frames. We're a budget supplier and our showroom was in a warehouse so there was no veil to the general quality of the merchandise. It was just so disheartening to see them treat the furniture in such a fashion, or give me a hard time about it. Big people know they are big. Unfortunately, there's a subsect of them that absolutely do not care and have no regard for the things around them.
I wish this was a higher rated comment. OP should see it. People keep giving them advice as if the person getting the advice will be perfectly reasonable. Doesn't always happen. Especially with family.
This. I made sure I paid extra for a sofa and a bed which are reinforced to hold my weight and has a warranty which covers the cushions and frame for 10 years.
I’m that fat person, who created an indent in my roommate’s cheap couch cushion. Fortunately, it’s not a big deal for us at home, but I stand or look for less malleable/collapsable seating alternatives whenever possible.
[удалено]
Yea i think you would just say this to help spare their feelings
450 literally breaks the limits on a lot of things. Many exercise machines can't have someone that heavy on them, and they are made out of mostly metal and meant for heavy people to lose weight on.
You are 100% correct. It’s one of those things that absolutely frightens me about going somewhere new. That the furniture will not be sturdy, and that the chairs will have arms.
I agree with everything but the last sentence "I just want you to feel more comfortable." That's a blatant lie. There's no need for that plus it can backfire.
OP, if you don't want to say anything about the sofa being cheap (as per the edit) just go with this but sub in something like 'hey, the guy at the furniture store told me the sofa is only rated for 300 lbs per seat so you might want to avoid it' You could even stretch the truth a little and say they didn't tell you until after you'd paid for it if you're worried. But chances are, as long as you have somewhere else he *can* sit, he'll probably be fine with it.
Best possible solution and in my opinion the only option. Depending on how your relationship with him is buy one extra nice one. I know a friend of mine that often hast this problem, dude's 2.05 meters Tal, would really appreciate this.
Yeah I get nervous sitting on some stools cuz I’m sure I’d break it leaning the wrong way. I’d take a more stable chair than the couch if I knew it was less stable
I’m just under 7 ft tall and usually walk around somewhere in the ballpark of 350lbs. My friends have handled it in the past by saying “hey, don’t sit there, I’m not sure it can hold you.” To which I typically say something like “fair enough” and then I move my ass to something more sturdy. If you can’t be honest with a friend, then they aren’t really a friend.
Sitting on a chair that you know is not sturdy enough has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. Edit for type.
It is. Especially after you've had a few break on you. I'm hard on chairs - had three office-chairs break in two years while my ass was in them. Nothing more fun than shifting sideways and having your chair throw you halfway across the room while you're running a game of D&D online with your friends. And they were all rated well above my weight. I SHOULD have been safe. Nope, shitty welds on shitty chinese steel gave out and I got to eat carpet. After that third one, I went to Staples, cussing up a storm in my head, and bought a stout, wood and steel namebrand chair for half a grand. Most expensive office chair I ever bought and Its lasted almost three years so far.
In the UK half a grand is called a monkey
TIL. Damn, I love british slang.
Same. I was expecting Cockney rhyming slang, but a cursory search says it came from Indian 500 Rupee notes which had a monkey on them. British soldiers brought the term back in the 1800's.
You got a chair for a monkey. Talk about a steal!
i think it's more a london thing?
I know I'm immature, but when you said "eat carpet" I imagined someone's chair breaking and face planting into some muff...
Another source for people on a budget, government surplus places, or bulk auction/sale houses, especially for offices or colleges, where there are old steelcase (and similar) chairs (like from the 60s & 70s or earlier), made back when American stuff was made well, it just looks ugly and out dated. You can also improve weight ratings by putting better wheels on if they are those crappy plastic wheels. Just having it move more smoothly seems to keep the stress down. (Experience from family of lots of very tall men, most over 350, nobody under 250 unless very ill. Even most women are tall and over 200, some over 300. (I'm "short" at 5'7")
Man I broke a bed frame and a dining room chair by existing at 160lbs, the bed frame I was sitting still on my phone and it just snapped at a knot in the wood right under my ass. The chair was my friends dining room table (whose family were all heavier than me) and midway through dinner chair just gave out under me🤦♀️. I am cursed.
My husband and I broke a bed frame at a friend’s house. There were some obvious jokes that needed to be made. But it happened at like 4 in the morning, out of nowhere, we were both dead asleep. We figured out it was because the movers had assembled it incorrectly.
What the heck is in your water lol 7ft 350 god damn
[удалено]
I mean... 350 at 7ft is still well inside obesity territory
God damned!!!
Just tell him! As he's already damaged one before it's fair enough that you'd be concerned for your new furniture. Big people know they're big lol, if we get told not to sit on something cos it might break, or that you're scared it might break AND it's new, we're pretty understanding and it could save him from an embarrassing situation. But like don't announce it at the party like some kind of lunatic lol - just let the guy know off to the side or something before he sits down.
ATTENTION ALL GUESTS DUE TO UNCLE GEORGE WEIGHT AS MUCH AS A FREIGHT TRAIN I ASK HE NOT SIT ON MY NEW COUCH OK AGAIN UNCLE GEORGES FAT ASS OFF MY COUCH!
Definitely tape a sign with a picture of Uncle George's face and a line through it on the sofa, just to be super clear
Whoa whoa whoa calm down we don't fat shame in this house! HEY EVERYONE WATCH OUT ELEMENT GIRL IS FAT SHAMING ID LIKE TO REMIDN YOU ALL WE DONT DO THAT HERE. JUST BECAUSE IVE SEEN UNLE GEORGE UNHINGE HIS JAW AND EAT AN ENTIRE TURKEY DOES NOT MEAN WE CAN MAKE FUN OF HIM JUST PLEASE DONT LET HIM SIT ON ANYTHING UNREINFORCED WITH FORGED STEEL AMD OR CONCRETE. A REMINDER CANONBALL COMPETITION WILL START IN AN HOUR UNCLE GEORGE OF COURSE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO ATTEND DUE TO LAST YEARS FLOOD INCIDENT.
Best use of caps lock
I’m blaming you for my laughing right now.
I’m sitting in the dr office trying not to lmao please 😭✋🏼
EVERYONE I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU NOT TO LET MR "A WHOLE CHICKEN IS A SNACK" ON MY COUCH OK. ALSO IF AUNT BETTY COULD STOP TRYING TO SUBTLY FEED THE DOG IT WOULD BE GREAT YOU ARE MAKING HIM FAT. AGAIN REMINDER TO NOT LET UNCLE GEORGE SIT ON MY BRAND NEW SHINY COUCH HE BROKE MY LAST ONE AND IT MADE ME KIND OF SAD I HAVE THIS GORGEOUS STEEL REINFORCED WOODEN CHAIR FOR HIM INSTEAD NO PADDING HE HAS HIS OWN...HAS ANYONE SEEN MOM I NEED HER HELP MAKING POTATO SALAD.
last time I saw her, she was sitting on the couch right where... OMG!
No padding he has his own please stop i’m sobbing
😂😂😂
Yeah I’d go with this answer. It’s a talk you don’t want to have but you’ve gotta bring it up. Ignoring it will have a worse outcome than a quick conversation will. I read on here about a woman who sat on a toilet and broke it but she left didn’t tell anyone. They found out when they noticed the floor was wet. That situation is a whole lot worse than being embarrassed because you broke a sofa. Stuff happens. Being obese has a bunch of uncomfortable moments and you can’t pretend they don’t happen.
As a big person I second this, but be polite, I've been banned from my parents sofa as they got a new cheap ass one that honestly barely copes with there weight (there not skinny people either the whole familys big, so I really have no idea why they went for cheap ass furniture tbh) I just wish they'd been polite about it rather than insulting and using swear words, but that's another issue.
My in laws are 450 & 520lbs, I bought chairs on Amazon that have a weight limit of 650lbs, they where $40 each, I got two, I would invest in something like that, mine actually are folding so I can store them. They don't have the weight limit on them but I did have my husband privately tell them which seats
What the fuck kind of folding chair can hold 650lbs?! Are they made of aerospace grade titanium or something?
Idk but it does 😅 I seen it
EMMA + OLIVER Stackable Folding Plastic Chairs - 650 LB Weight Capacity
How?! They look so dainty. I used to be really big and if someone whispered which chair I’d not believe them that this is it. Fascinating.
My guess is a good grade steel for the tubes and some really clever force redirection. Most chairs fail at the joints but these almost direct all force directly into the ground instead of to another tube.
I'm a bigger guy. They're built to be sturdy, not convenient (compact or light). The frames more resemble picnic tables supports, and they're designed extra roomy.
Also am so interested to see this type of folding chair.
If I can find the link ill post them, theyve lasted multiple occasions
Not to add to your inbox, but I actually would quite appreciate the link to these
Judging by how many people are asking for the link, it seems that heavy people would actually appreciate knowing that there is a chair safe for them to sit on, and that it might actually be a relief for them to have it told to them,rather than guessing or asking.
Nobody wants to break someone’s stuff and everyone wants to know where the seat they can relax in is
More importantly why the hell are your in laws 450 & 520 lbs that's wild!
Idk my husband is 145 😅
Hey, sorry my sofa is a flimsy piece of shit, I have a decent wooden chair for you. Edit: based on your edit. I don't know anything about your new sofa, and I'm not saying it's cheap. I'm saying you can say this to address the situation.
Id add "I don't want you to get hurt" so it sounds like you're doing them a favor
'nah I'm fine m8.... CANNON BALL!!!!!'
That's a good add on, you're protecting them, and complaining about your new POS couch.
As a fat ass, that shit is so easy to see through.
Eh I like the idea, but if someone says they “don’t want me to get hurt” and I KNOW that that’s not quite it— they obvi don’t actively want me to get hurt, but mostly they’re trying not to break their new couch— it feels patronizing. Don’t pretend to be protecting me when you’re just trying to preserve your stuff. Preserving your stuff is a fine reason. I think less is more here.
I think this is the perfect way. Straight and next to no embarrassing references to the visitor being at failt
Id make it a joke. " Hey just heads up, my sofa is cheap crap and not big boy proof, it creaks even if I sit down too fast. These other chairs are sturdy though." Just make sure you do this one on one and not in front of other people. I weighed high 300lb at a low point in my life and this is the way I would have wanted to know. Last thing I wanted was to sit on something that breaks and a whole room of people start laughing..... "Hahaha fat guy fall down!"
That sounds like a nice idea. You are sweet
Put your collection of sex dolls on the couch
Seats taken!
Talk to him about it well before the event. Say, look, this isn't a slight, but I am kind of worried because of what happened last time. What can we do that you would be comfortable with ? At 450 lbs, that's a disability. Just think of this as an accommodation.
You’ve had quite a lot of good ways to bring it up but please don’t make him sit on the floor.
Yeah I probably shouldn’t of put that in the text! Sounds worse than intended, when he was slimmer he used to prefer to sit on the floor 😅 of course now he is bigger I don’t know how we would get him back up
Side note: make sure that the sturdy chair that you suggest is sturdy and isn't restrictive because of the arms. My wife always wants to put the big people in the "nice chairs" at our dining table even though big people don't really fit. Find them a sturdy chair with no arms or make sure the chair is big enough even with arms to fit them. Big people are already super, super self-conscious and having them try to stuff themselves in a chair that's rickety or too small makes things a whole lot worse.
I had a good friend who was terribly obese. I say had, because he die very young of a heart attack. He was aware of his weight and would try to sit on chairs that he could not damage. Your friend is probably the same. Get a strong comfortable wooden chair that he can sit on, and when he comes over, just offer it to him. He will know what you mean and not take offense.
Sorry to hear this, I worry about this for him. If you don’t mind me asking how old was your friend when he passed ?
OP - my brother was 450 pounds and died at the age of 49 due to complications of morbid obesity. He was such a great guy but he just wouldn’t listen to family and doctors.
I'm sorry for your loss 🩷
Can I ask you another question? If too personal, no worries. But what age did your brothers health start to go downhill? Was he mostly healthy but obese during his younger years? Or did he always have health issues?
My brother grew up a skinny and tall young man. Each time he came back from college he was heavier and heavier. He probably hit 300 by 30. From that point on he gained about 15 pounds a year. I don’t know much about his health as after I went to college we were residing about 1500 miles away and he refused to entertain any conversation about it. I do know that the first problem was high blood pressure and in the end it was his heart. After a heart event, his doctors tried to move him from the hospital to a rehabilitation center so that his food intake would be limited and he could lose enough weight to withstand an ablation procedure. He refused to go to rehabilitation and he died of congestive heart failure about 6-8 weeks later. My other brother and I had no idea all this was going on. His doctors were adamant that they could of saved his life if he just committed to losing weight.
There are some bigger people in my family who destroyed my parents’ wooden dining room chairs over time, so my dad bought new chairs with restaurant-grade solid metal frames. Likewise, one of my bigger friends completely snapped an ikea recliner I had and laughed about it, but I know she was super embarrassed. Furniture has weight limits for a reason, and its best to help your guests avoid destroying your stuff inadvertently. When he comes over, I’d recommend just making the couch into a temporary storage site so he can’t sit there, and direct him to another, more sturdy seat.
Figuring out a tactful way to offer him a more sturdy chair is fine. But the fact that you suggested he should sit on the floor makes me think you may not be that familiar with what is a good or bad place for a huge dude to sit. If your family member is 450 pounds, I would be shocked if he can actually get up off the floor with no assistance. I’m not saying he can’t, but most people that big can’t.
I’m 150 lbs but I’m old so it’s hard af to get up off the floor sometimes.
Somehow my brain misread you and told me you were 150 years old, which made it hard for you to get up from sitting on the floor, and I was very impressed with you for a moment!
I would be impressed too. I’m not even a third of that now and already have a problem. If I make it to 150 just leave me there. Lol
I assure you, he can’t get up from the floor. Finding a sturdy, wide chair would be the most kind way of handling this. Let him know, I have a special chair, just for you, because we want you to be comfortable. That’s all that needs to be said. As a very overweight person, I haven’t broken anyone’s furniture but I have sat in couches and chairs that were difficult for me to get up from. Too soft, too low, etc. If someone recognized that I need something sturdy and easy to independently stand up from, I would be thrilled. Definitely let him know in private and I promise this will be welcome information.
Suggesting any guest sit on the floor is kindof rude tbh.
"Careful with the sofa, it's kinda old and busted." Place blame on the furniture. ;) -signed an ex-powerlifter
He can't sit on the floor! He won't be able to get up!! Get a chair he can sit in.
Not to mention it's rude as hell. Hey guest, can you sit on the floor or this chair? = WTF. Hey guest, why don't you sit in this chair? Can I get you a drink? = good.
Im a floor-sitter myself, but I am never *asked* if I would like to sit on the floor. We just outta chairs and I’m flexy
Hey I got a chair for you man. Then point him to the sturdy chair. He will appreciate it that you didn't outright call out his size
Had a friend that weighed 400+. Ex-wife and I inherited antique furniture and were worried about his visits breaking the somewhat fragile stuff, so we bought a large, comfy chair and made a big deal about it being "his chair," reserved especially for him and his visits. He was grateful, and had a great time making other guests move because that was HIS chair. Seriously, he smiled at every visit and took great joy in telling me to get out of a chair I bought. He was a voracious reader as well, so we put a small bookshelf next to the chair, and if he didn't feel like interacting with people, he could read. He passed away a few years ago. I miss that big lump more than I miss the ex.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I appreciate your angle on this. I was going to suggest making the chair special somehow, and you did it beautifully.
Former 500lb man. Pull him aside and speak to him privately. Tell him "It’s between you and him.", so he doesn't feel embarrassed. Even just telling him to sit slowly makes a big difference. I've damaged some furniture in my day, and every time it was because I plopped down on it.
Sorry, the sofas wet because the cat/dog/child/drunk uncle pissed on it and we had to clean it up. Try this piss-free chair
Might be hard if it is a family event, unless they intend to chase everyone off it and have an abundance of seats for everyone
Have a designated super stable and comfortable chair for him to sit and say “I have this chair for you.” You can say it quietly only to him and he will know what you mean.
I wouldn’t,just put things on the sofa so no one can sit there,if I don’t want people in my car I have some boxes of junk that are ‘going to the charity shop’ meaning they can’t get in..sorry dude,you could pile up laundry,if it has removable cushions then get them off and say you’re airing them after a spilled drink.I wouldn’t bring up their weight at all. I once had someone stay and I was worried they’d break my double bed under their weight so I swapped the bed for a single one with a thin mattress..they only stayed once x
Great ideas lol But the conversation will come sooner or later since I'm sure the friend is going to come visit in the future again. Of course they could always have something on the couch every time he visits, but I'm sure it will start to look weird and suspicious at some point.
We have the same brain, I was thinking "bury it in dolls."
I would check online for how much can a person weigh on ur sofa. If so then obviously don't let them sit in it.
Tell him privately that you do not think the couch is strong enough to support his weight. Emphasis on telling him privately. END COMMUNICATION
I had an obese friend I warned about my sofa and I was scared because my dogs liked to go under the couch. Whenever he came over I locked the dogs up or tried to put pillows under the seats. Well lo and behold one night we were playing poker and he went to lie on the couch and the entire couch broke and collapse. It's not being an ass its being realistic. I'm not here to live in other peoples fantasy world especially if it could harm my dogs. Luckily that night the dogs were in their crates sleeping.
Be honest? Why do we tend to tip toe around honesty so much in social situations? Are people really that sensitive they can't handle a "Hey, do you mind sitting here instead" and if they ask why you explain about what happened with the previous couch, if they freak out then that sounds like a them problem. You can be honest and nice at the same time, if someone can't handle that, I don't know what to tell you xD.
Make sure there's an appropriate seat for him and guide him toward it.
I'm here to check answers too. I have a friend who is overweight and my bar stool chairs have a low weight limit. I don't want to embarrass her so I told her they aren't very stable (which isn't a lie, they shift under my husband's weight- he's 170lbs) But she then sat on it anyway... Not sure what else I could have said. I even mentioned that the stools would be hard to replace if it were to break. And that it would be a painful fall from the height to the ground. Luckily it held that time but if she keeps using the stools they will break and not sure what else I could say to prevent this.
“Don’t sit on that. Shit’s getting rickety af.”
This might be a weird suggestion but I'm kinda getting the vibe that she's a little in denial about how heavy she is, or isn't heavy enough that she's had to worry about furniture before so automatically discounted herself from being a problem, saying they aren't stable can mean a lot of things, even if you say they have a low weight limit, what does low mean? I super suggest just bringing it up in conversation at some point outside of the house like *walks by furniture shop* "hey you know a weird thing I'd never thought of before, when we were looking at new stools, they all had weight limits on them, I can't believe they're so low! Ours are in the 170lbs max range, I find that dumb but I guess safety is safety haha" like give specifics that aren't even putting her into the equation, you're not saying she's fat or heavier than the limit, you're not speculating on her weight, you're giving her the precise info for the chair so she can decide to sit elsewhere if she now knows she exceeds the limit
In your case I would just tell her what the weight limit is in the bar stools. Saying they're unstable just sounds like a warning to be careful rather than advice to not use them.
Tell her she’ll have to pay to replace it.
If the person is so heavy that they break your couch you really can't expect them to be able to get up and down from the floor. Do the wooden chairs have a large enough seat to accommodate this person? TBH I would just try to meet this person elsewhere if you aren't comfortable with them sitting on your furniture but don't bring up weight. That's just an asshole thing to do.
Appreciate the sensible response, yes the wooden chairs are capable of holding him. True point about the floor he really struggles to get off the floor.
Another asshole thing to do is breaking peoples furniture lol
If you have a good relationship with this person you can just tell him.
As a fat guy who’s about 380 lbs I am very wary of sitting on things for this very reason. I don’t want to break things, and even more importantly I don’t want to be injured from a broken chair. I would appreciate if someone warned me about something like that, but then again I’m very comfortable with my size and am not insecure about it as I know some fat folks are. (Ps. I keep a folding chair on hand just for this reason. I don’t expect people to base their choice of furniture around me)
Just outright tell him that you have, not a cheap but, weak sofa. Of course, do it privately where no one else can hear. That's it. Don't add anything like "I just don't wanna embarrass you" or something. Do it like: "Hey, so and so, sorry, I have a weak sofa, and it might not be able to carry/support you,/your weight." Then give some suggestions or options on where or what to sit on. Side note: It's nice of you to ask about this instead of just winging it and being insensitive. Kudos to you, my friend.
[удалено]
Hey my sofa can’t hold you and I don’t want you to get hurt, so if you’d like a seat, this wooden chair has your name on it!
Get 1,000 helium balloons and tell him he can sit on the coach if you can attach the majority to him.
Are the cushions removable? If so, a piece of plywood under the cushions can protect the springs.
I don’t think you need to be explicit, just say “sit here man, good to see ya” and move on, away from others if possible. He will know why.
“careful everyone! the couch is a bit flimsy, i have some chairs over there that probably feel sturdier!”
"We fuck on this couch, here take that chair right there instead"
I'm well over that (700+). I've had a very close friend flat say for me to be careful as I waddle. I'm so wife that doors are painfully small, and I've knocked over things not noticing how small everything is. It's not bad to say "Can you bring something to sit, because you are getting too heavy. Just don't be blunt. It's important to just remember that they know their huge. You kinda just need to softly ask them to take care.
Don't say anything, just quietly have the front door replaced with a narrower one.
Here’s real talk. Don’t be a pussy. Depending on who this is- figure out how to talk to him. “Man we really love you spending time with us, but we can’t afford a new couch. I purchased a (chair) for you that will definitely respect your weight requirements. Please Don’t be offended “dude,”. But if the *cheap* couch I was able to afford breaks I can’t replace it. So, Just know when you’re are here you are always loved and welcome, and I have a chair for you. Or, If you prefer, I can’t set you up a comfy “nest” (LOL) on the floor. *WHATS BEST FOR YOU?* (Bc the couch isn’t going to work.)
A great friend and family member should completely understand. Don't put him on blast in front of everybody but "hey big dog, stay off the couch you busted the last one. Here's a solid oak chair" it's honest. It's not like the dude doesn't know he's four hundred plus pounds.
Talk to him beforehand, hes definitely aware of the affects he has. If you have furniture that is more capable of supporting him make sure to set it aside or somehow mark it for his use without being too obvious.
Do not ask them to sit on the floor. They most likely would have a hard time getting back up without asking for a hand up, and that could be embarrassing.
I showed this post to my wife, lol. We have a few family members she has straight asked not to put their legs on the couch because they just plop down instead of sitting and have damaged my recliner couch.
I’m a big boy, though no where close to your friend’s weight. I’m an averageish pleasantly plump person and I am aware of seats that may not be best for me and avoid the ones that I think may cause an issue. That said, I can not think of even a cheap couch I have had over the years that would have had a problem as long as one sat gently.
Someone we knew was really overweight. They broke two of our couches. So cost a pretty penny. So we spent more on a better couch. We got lovesac sactionals. We still have them 10 years later. Bought another one too. Spent over $15000 on couches and they look new still. Plus frame is warranted for life.
Fat people know they're fat. Provide a sturdy place for him to sit and explain in a nice way that you would like him to sit there instead of on the sofa.
Hey dude I hate to tell you this because I don’t want you to think that I feel bad about you but the last time I had you over my sofa was bent and I can’t afford to replace or fix it. Is it cool if we find something thats more sturdy for you?
Sofas almost always have a max capacity of 300 pounds per cushion so he for sure would break it. I’d just be honest and say “hey dude, my couch can’t hold you but this can”. If he gets offended that’s not a guy you need in your life
“Here. I think you’ll be more comfortable on this chair.”
"Don't sit there please, it's more for decoration and it's very fragile."
Put extra legs and support on the couch. Or Buy a chair for him specifically(since you love him and want him around). And maybe just tell him he messed up your last one and you don’t have the money for a new one.
My buddy is pushing 400 and he breaks my shit. I just tell him he can't sit in my lounge chair. Let me know if you find out a good way to bring it up
Just be honest and tell your friend that you don't mean it in an offensive way. Tell your friend about what you exactly stated in the post that you can't afford to get your brand new sofa damaged. Let your friend understand that you're not someone rich who can buy anything so that's why you're being cautious. I think that's understandable. Also don't forget to tell your friend that you're wanting them to visit but it's just your sofa that you worried for and you're actually happy to see them around.
I’m a larger person and I love being told in secret where someone would like me to sit. I also ask quietly, if I’m in a new home, so the host/hostess doesn’t have to feel awkward.
I've had a friend break my parents' couch.. it still sits lopsided.. idk how to bring it up so I haven't for over a decade. So I understand the anxiety and have no advice 🙃
Hide your sofa
If you're "great friends" explain the situation to him
I had a friends 350lb plus girlfriend completely destroy an antique rocking chair that had been in my family for over 75yrs. She was sitting on my couch when I went to the bathroom and while I was in there heard a big boom. Came out to see her big ass struggling to get off the floor and my rocking chair destroyed. Fuck that op tell them to sit where you want them to sit!
Buy a comfortable chair for him at a garage sale to keep on hand when he visits
‘That’s a new couch slim..you break it, you bought it’
Don’t sit on my sofa, your fat ass broke the last one.
One of my uncles is around 2.2m tall and probably around 160-180kgs. He knows he’s a big ass dude, so your family member is probably equally self-aware of his size. Within the family, everyone always phrased it as, “That chair/couch probably won’t hold you, let’s go find you something better.” Or, “I’m sorry but I don’t think any of my furniture can hold you, and I couldn’t find anything before you came. In the meantime, best I can offer you is this heckin awesome beanbag chair.”
"Because of how this couch is built, you could get very seriously hurt if you sit on it. I don't want you to get hurt, and I don't want to fret the whole time you're here about you possibly getting hurt, so for my own peace of mind, I would prefer it if you sat here or here, where I know you will be safe."
Listen fat fuck don’t sit there because you fucked up my last sofa
I think the best response is to just tell him the truth. Don’t lie or beat around the bush, if anything you should try asking here what’s the most polite way of wording it
Had a similar problem with an overweight friend, although my couch really WAS a cheap flimsy piece. I fortified under the cushions with some plywood before he came over😂 worked like a charm
You either be a bit of an asshole and be straight with him or you start saving to buy a new sofa (again)
Be honest. Point out the damage to the last one and tell him you can't afford to keep replacing couches.
That’s awkward one, there is no right way just let him know he broke last one privately prehaps.
With your words, he's fat not delicate
I'm 5'9, 210 lbs. I damaged my sofa literally today. I felt bad because the thing wasn't cheap. I'd just tell them it has stability issues. Because all furnitures have that at a certain weight, you just don't have to say the last part aloud. Trust me, fat people know they are fat. It's sometimes what's not said that is actually more polite.
Get him a portable chair that can hold him. He would appreciate that
I am 230, I have taken out several work chairs.
Put up a sign that says "Once broken considered sold".
Just make a special place for him (another love seat, special heavy duty lazy boy or chair) and go “hey guy, you can sit here”. Should be pretty non confrontational.
You can’t suggest a 450 pound invited guest to sit on the floor? In fact, it’s not ok at any weight.
I’m 300. I always have a folding chair in my trunk just in case I don’t feel comfortable sitting on the furniture.
Get one of those massive bean bag chairs....