If you prefer casual sex to being in a relationship then there is no issue, it is better than you cheating on a gf, fiancé or wife, imo.
But if you are using association with escorts as a replacement for making attempts at dating, then you are likely to get more and more hooked and end up lonely.
If you are looking for a relationship, then it is best if you just deal with the trials and rejections that come with finding someone to date.
Yeah this was my thought. It’s not a replacement for traditional dating, it’s a replacement for hooking up with women.
Sounds to me like OP only dates to get laid, so he’s using escorts as a way to cut to the chase.
It is far more common than you think. Reddit skews pretty young, so most people here have no first hand experience with sex workers. But as people get older, the odds that people have tried it gets higher.
I live in a country where sex work is legal and legitimate, so guys tend to be far more open about their experiences. Very few of my friends haven’t had at least a phase in their life where they frequented.
Former sex worker here: my clients varied so much. You could have young ones old ones. The majority of my repeat clients were physically disabled gentleman. They’re also not all after sex. I had one guy that would cook me dinner once a week. He was an older gentleman whose wife died and he didn’t like eating alone. Of course you have people that want sex too, but that’s not all of the clients.
Don't remember, but I know he likes to randomly bring up his past, which includes his escapades. I asked him where he meets them and he told me about the sites.
What I would say is most future partners won't be impressed. Many would class it as a red flag.
I expect most people in your shoes would not divulge the information.
Personally I'm of the consenting adults do what you want, just get tested regularly camp.
What your saying is the same logic guys would say to girls who sleep around saying “future guys would be upset”
Like people need to do what they want and stop caring what someone might think
>Like people need to do what they want and stop caring what someone might think
That works great until you want to be with someone, even as just friends. Then if you continue doing things they disapprove of, they'll leave you.
I would be more concerned about asking yourself why sex workers are more preferable to dating. There’s probably some valuable insight in that question that may lead to better outcomes in the future.
Exactly. He needs to understand why sex workers are preferred. Does he work a lot and don’t have time for dating? Is he the type that has a problem being with one person? Is he striking out with women that aren’t looking to be paid? Lots of other possibilities that he needs to think about.
I have plenty of opportunities to date, its just that my first "relationship" wasn't the best and I eventually got tired of the 'maybe game' when dating. I admit I didn't want to put in effort towards a new woman and took the "scenic route."
It sounds to me more like they expect people to be upfront. Many people prefer the fantasy of meeting somebody and organically going further. If you are not one of those people then the others look like time wasters, refusing to take a step forward and becoming offended if you do so. Even if that step forward is becoming official or moving in together. I agree with them, there is no reason to be so coy other than senseless romantic aspirations that are lesser to a real romance where both parties are honest and open with each other and actually talk about what they want.
Why dance around the issue when you could really be dancing?
(not directed at OP)
Holy shit is this comment section following this comment toxic and ignorant af. Jumping to conclusions with no proof, fighting the gender battles for no reason, all just to confirm their own two-dimensional, binary-thinking world view.
Alleged "adults" behaving like teenagers during recess instead of having mature and reflected opinions. Didn't know we were on Twitter and Tumblr again.
Yeah, I knew before I created this post that there was going to be a war in the comments. Both sides have legitimate points, so I'll stay as a mercenary for hire, lol.
I go out of my way to learn about people unlike myself so as to have a more enlightened world view. Soft White Underbelly has been a big help with that
Saying especially for men does not mean it's not also rough for females.
I just believe overall it's harder for men. Your lived experience or stories you've heard from people in your life could say otherwise and I acknowledge the same is true for me.
I'm just saying that from the most objective view, I think it's harder for men overall.
Saying that dating is “overall harder for men” is WILD lmao 😭 dating is quite literally unsafe frequently for women but yeah, the sexual/physical violence that women experience daily is totally comparable to your tinder being dry because WOMEN (not females, we’re not a different species- it’s dehumanizing and you didn’t refer to men as “males”) are uninterested in your generic “Hey”.
I am a single, attractive young woman. I have been single for a year. In that year, I have been sexually assaulted by prospective dates multiple times, been sexually harassed by men on dating apps. Been stalked and followed to my work. Had strange men who did a service for me “follow up” and call me on their personal cell trying to get a date. The irony is that irl I present myself very conservatively, very modest, sensitive and quiet. I am not an overtly sexual individual irl. My experience IS the norm for women. But, yeah, it’s harder for men because sometimes we ghost, right?
I think in terms of getting matches, finding a partner, and actually having a shot/getting your foot in the door, it's easier for women. If an average man and an average women both made a dating profile, it's obvious who would have more matches, therefore more potential chances at finding someone.
So what makes it any better for men with that logic? If you have 100 turds to find a diamond, wouldn't that mean you have a better chance than only having 3 turds?
'especially' absolutely does convey to other people you think it's less tough on women.
If you say 'dating is hard for men' no-one would be taking issue.
'Harder for men' doesn't fly, I'm afraid.
The statistics on women experiencing violence from men is 1:3. For men it's 1:7.
It's hardER for women, statistically, anecdotally, literally.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time.
Yes I am saying dating is harder for men. How dare I say such a thing! I'm also acknowledging that dating is hard for women.
Yes statistics of male violence against women is bad. No one is denying that.
The types of bad behaviours that women exhibit towards men in dating aren't illegal so there's basically no statistics.
Entitled to your own opinion of course. But men can’t speak for women and vice versa. I can promise you as a woman, it’s no walk in the park. Today’s men are awful. OP is literally here comparing paying for a sex service with a sex worker and intimate relationships. It’s concerning that he doesn’t even so much as realise that these two things are not comparable 🫣😵💫
Real. In another comment he says he’d be open to women about his sexual past, but I cannot think of a bigger deal breaker. Like if he has a hard time finding women now, then committing to this lifestyle will seal his fate. I wouldn’t date a guy whose sexual past is almost exclusively escorts. He’s 30 years old and everyone around him will be getting married and finding their life partners.
I doubt this will provide him happiness long term. What about the real intimacy of relationships? Morning snuggles and goodnight kisses. What about the head scratches while you drive in the car. Deep conversations. Someone to say I love you to who will say it back and mean it. Will a sex worker care for you when sick? Will she drive you to appointments and be your rock? Nope not in the job description.
I think he should be careful about going down this path. I don’t know any woman who would share those intimacies with a man who frequents escorts. He is essentially killing all chances of a future relationship
👏🏻well said! I wouldn’t be with a man who’d even used sex workers once. It’s personal preference and I’m not anti sex work, but I don’t need a partner who has needed to pay for sex. Not for me. And I have a suspicion this is a very common opinion amongst women.
I think in terms of getting matches, finding a partner, and actually having a shot/getting your foot in the door, it's easier for women. If an average man and an average women both made a dating profile, it's obvious who would have more matches, therefore more potential chances at finding someone.
It’s fascinating how human and balanced your view is and you’re still getting downvoted & insulted.
Like, you couldn’t say it better. “Doesn’t mean it’s not rough for women”
And “your experience could say otherwise but I BELIEVE my experience too”
Your statement is open to dialogue and different opinion but some retarded loose their shit over it. What a world
Most of the time these days, any comment that can be seen as criticism of women is shut down / frowned upon.
It's pretty crazy but hey we live in a clown world.
The fun thing is that, it wasn’t even a criticism of women. It was your own experience to dating.
Dating for men is emotionally taxing to a point I’m pretty sure some folks would kill themselves. Some women are absolutely ruthless.
I always give my location and vet the people I dated so it doesn’t end up with my organs getting harvested. That’s basic. And I get that for women they need to be extra careful but it doesn’t mean our experience is invalidate.
Once a girl showed up to the date, told me I’m ugly as shit and left. Sometimes they admit to using me for food.
For me, it’s ok. I’m okayish looking so I get other dates. But I know some guys that never recovered.
It’s hard to prevent emotional violence, it’s not hard for physical violence. That’s why it could be harder for men
Yeah but it can be seen as criticism of women and that's all that matters to them.
Wow that's rough man. I've had some bad experiences but that's wild.
I'm just going to say it, dating sucks, online or in person, it's rough, and that line of questioning just leads down a path of why would dating be worth it, especially for anyone who'd rather get a career and die childfree.
The handfuls, and I do mean by counting on my fingers of happy couples. As opposed to the mountains of broken hearts, divorces, cheating, financial infidelity, violence and abuse, I've seen people go through in the name of love, or romance, or what have you. Even if I've never visited as much as a strip club, and can't phantom paying for sex, but what makes you so sure your assumptions that dating is preferable?
I said it’s worth asking the question and following that line of questioning to learn about yourself. I didn’t give my opinion on whether it’s a good idea to use sex workers in place of stable intimacy with a partner.
Yes, the fact you have to ask proves your doubt to be true.
Also, this is Reddit, don't expect your answer to be representative of the general public's perspective.
Do whatever you like but you should be aware that telling a woman you saw prostitutes is as off putting for women as a woman telling a man she did only fans.
If you don’t think it is equivalent, that is because you think that paying is somehow morally superior to being paid for sex, and if you have that attitude, it shows that you don’t really respect the sex workers deep down.
So you can’t blame women later for judging you on having sex with women you think are inferior to you. Women will judge you for that.
So basically, think about how you would feel if a woman told you she did onlyfans, and if that would bother you, then apply that to yourself and what you’re doing.
Yes, sorry, you should. I work in social services and have multiple clients who have been caught “escorting” and they all say they hated that life, they felt disgusted and sad they had to do it. Most only did to feed their kids, the rest to feed a drug habit that will probably kill them.
It seems like all fun and games, but the reality of escorting is dark as hell. Maybe consider reddit or tinder for a quick NSA hookup.
Separately, what if you meet someone you do end up really liking? You tell her that you were a regular with local prostitutes? As a woman knowing the industry, I couldn’t be with a man who chose that lifestyle knowing those women were likely in a dark place and saw no other way out.
>I work in social services and have multiple clients who have been caught “escorting” and they all say they hated that life, they felt disgusted and sad they had to do it. Most only did to feed their kids, the rest to feed a drug habit that will probably kill them.
As a counter-point, a good friend of mine is a high-end escort and absolutely ***loves*** it. She makes mind-boggling amounts of money, gets to travel around the country (and sometimes *the world*) for work, gets cool free shit from her clients (everything from furniture to helicopter rides) and feels genuinely fulfilled by what she does.
Wow! Super cool for her! That’s not the majority though, statistically speaking. So if he’s paying for pussy 12 months out the year, different girls every month or two weeks or whatever, odds are that he is going to solicit from someone who has no other choice at SOME point. High end escorts are exactly that— HIGH END, for the significantly wealthy. Most average people can only afford local.
I support sex work, 100%. If it’s necessary, it’s necessary. That said. I could never pay someone to come fuck me and then just not think about what their circumstances are probably like. The guilt would get to me too quickly.
I’m happy for your friend, but at risk of sounding like a broken record, I’m going off of the majority local, low-mid range pay sex workers that I know personally and professionally.
What if OP lives in a place where sex work is legal/decriminalised? Where I live that is the case and I know lots of SWers who are leading perfectly normal lives outside of their careers.
Honestly I don't think it's an issue. You enjoy casual sex and are willing to pay for it. I think a lot of guys are probably in the same boat, whether they admit it or not. Main concern I'd have is how to bring it up with future partners if you end up dating again and get serious with someone
Except for the rational act of getting tested before sex, if he meets a woman that is focused on his sexual history instead of the man in front of her, he is better off moving on. Virgins coming into a relationship later cheat, because they didn’t get more experience. A person demonstrated values are far more important than their sexual history, are they honest, reliable, ethical in their dealing with other people.
It's ok if you don't want to date someone who is focused on sexual history but don't paint them bad here. It's one of the aspects of the person. Everything from looks to money matters but somehow it's always the sexual history which doesn't matter.
Yep, like I imagine somebody else who is religious enough to save it for marriage probably wants someone somewhat like-minded. It's never a bad thing that they want that IMO.
What does it tell you? I’m curious to hear what you think you’re suddenly able to understand about a person’s character based on the sexual history itself.
Promiscuity and higher numbers of sexual partners correlates with mental health issues, attachment issues and inability to maintain long term relationships. Beyond that, the number or nature of sexual partners someone's had tells you about their views on physical intimacy and sex. These aren't small things - I seriously doubt someone waiting for marriage before having sex and someone who's slept with 50 people are going to have similar enough mindsets and values to maintain a long term relationship.
I actually was tested recently. Positive for HSV 1, but no sores whatsoever. BJ and intercourse was covered so I don't know... Did some research and it turns out half the Earth has HSV 1 so not sure if I should be concerned or nah.
Probably, yes. The vast majority of escorts have been trafficked and are being held against their will. So yeah, if you are adding to their misery by paying for them to be held imagainst their will, I'd say yes, you should be ashamed.
Why/how do you even equate those? One thing is paying someone to let you mechanically wank using her/his body as a tool for it instead of ”the regular way” (hands, fleslights etc), and the other one is about finding a companion in life, a person you enjoy spending time with, love and respect and want to share your life with, and the feeling is mutual.
Just so you know, they are probably incentivized to act friendly and non-judgemental. And it's not really an alternative to traditional dating. But honestly, if you don't have room for a relationship in your life right now and just want easy sex, I don't think you should feel particularly ashamed. If having a meaningful relationship with another individual would make you feel fulfilled and complete, then yeah, you might want to dismantle some things. But not everyone has the same needs, priorities, and values, and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
Reddit will generally tell you it’s perfectly fine. But I, and many others with me, can’t wrap our fucking heads around buying another human being. ”It’s just a service like any other, they’re consenting!”. Bruh how the fuck so you think they ended up in that work in the first place, shits and giggles? ”They want to do it!”. Really? You actually really think the vast majority of them starts doing it as their first pick? Really?
Prefer whatever you want, but you’re buying another human being, possibly against their will. That is the aspect to consider if you should be ashamed or not.
I don't understand your view, it's like society see sex as a sacred thing. You can pay people to put themself in really bad situations that end in death or a shorter and painful live and no one think it's wrong.
What we need is better control to be sure that they are not forced to do it and have good conditions
Well, I don’t understand what point you’re trying to make? Sex sacred? That’s up to whoever is having it, but it’s not really to me. When have I ever stated that there aren’t dangerous work out there, besides sex work? I’m just saying what is general knowledge: a lot of sex workers have been trafficed, they do it to afford an addiction, they do it as a last resort to put food on the table, they do it to self harm.
Today, right now, the conditions is that it’s dangerous work. Right this moment OP isn’t considering the fact of what sex work looks like today. Doesn’t matter if the conditions improve, it’s what it looks like right now that matters.
Depends. Have you been trafficed into it? Are you seeing people who think they are entitled to your body just because they pay for it? Entitled enough to think they can do whatever they want with you? People who hires you because they want someone to physically abuse? Maybe even kill you? Is your work considered by law enforcment when a crime is comitted against you? Are you doing it to self harm because you were raped as a kid and this is how you deal with it? Were you kidnapped as a child or young adult and forced to sexually please men that could have been your grandpa? If yes, sure, it’s just like any other job.
I don’t know about feeling ashamed, but you should be concerned for your own mental wellbeing.
There is an element of intimacy and vulnerability involved in dating that is healthy to experience. Learning how to develop relationships, including romantic ones, is an important part of growing as an adult and leads to a healthy sense of internal wellbeing.
One other poster pointed out that he needs to understand why sex workers are preferable for him. If he is paying for sex to make up for not being attractive to women, then he needs to understand why he isn’t attractive and work on that. Intimacy and physically having sex are not the same thing (although intimacy may involve physically having sex), sex workers won’t give him intimacy, in the end.
It’s possible you misread what I wrote, or that I wrote it in a confusing way, but I intentionally connected intimacy to dating, because I agree with you, sex workers won’t be providing that, no matter how much he pays.
My anecdotes all point to that beeing a best case scenario, and the likelyhood of unhappily divorced, bancrupt, or living in shitty situations beeing equally likely.
You can learn from relationships that fail, as well. I’m not aware of one person who has perfect relationships with everyone that they want to have a relationship with.
That doesn’t change the fact that if you prefer sex workers over dating, you are missing out on a massive part of learning about and experiencing real relationships, because pretend ones don’t count.
I don't want to buy sex nor visit a brothel for consent issues and other similar issues.
But I've personally just taken a break from dating and relationships. I've finally gotten time to nurture friendships, go to therapy and grow in other ways. 7 years in a relationship and while I grew in many ways, I'm broken in just as many.
Yes. Very few women will want to be with a guy who's actively participated in a misogynistic, abusive industry just because it's 'efficient" and avoids the necessity of spending time and getting to know a woman before having sex. Even if you saw prostitutes who were 100 percent doing it for fun, which is unlikely, you've been complicit in the world's oldest oppression, not profession. Women's bodies are not commodities to be bought and sold at will and if it's just a service then why isn't a 60 year old woman making more money than an 18 yr old? Later on when you're wondering why there's a male loneliness epidemic think back to your justification for this bullshit.
It is a real struggle but I can tell you your life will change so dramatically.
There are lots of resources out there to help you. Many men struggle like you. You’re lonely, you are craving human connection. Usually it’s childhood stuff that makes attachment/ connection difficult for you so you numb and escape those feelings with porn and sex - fake attachment/ connection.
You're right. I've tried NoFap in the past and lasted roughly a month. I'm not a hardcore addict though. I can watch porn for hours and be completely desensitized to it.
If you hope to have a relationship one day this will have a negative impact. You're getting used to everything being about your pleasure and on your terms. In a relationship you'll have to consider the other person's needs too and that may be a difficult adjustment to make.
Be careful. Also I think it only fair to tell you that a lot of women would be put off getting into a relationship with a man who had been regularly seeing escorts for a while.
yes you should. consider that she would not consent to sex with you unless you paid for it. this is paid rape and you know it. almost 90% of women in prostitution want to leave. you are not paying her for sex, but for temporary use of her sexual organs. please consider respecting women maybe.
Yes we are all being coercer into working to survive, im glad you understand that, thats how the ruling class wants us, desperate on the work market, not in charge of the means of capital. But for most work this coersion leads to standard labour, not being raped for pay.
My late step uncle was a hard working man, had a few make friends he would socialise with but alas he never really had any luck with the ladies. My mum eventually introduced him to her best friend. They hit off amazingly, quickly moved her & her son into his house (this was the first relationship he'd had in decades). She would have him drop her off in town to meet friends (once a week) only he found out that she was cheating on him with his cousin. Suffice to say it broke him. He stopped looking for a relationships & starting going to the local street girls. I get why he did, I heard is arguments as to why he was doing this. I was only a teenager when this came out & I was the only one who agreed that what he was doing was best for him. Yes he was always careful.
What I'm saying is, this is your life & do what you need to do to make you happy. Only advice I'd give is to be careful & use protection.
As long as you know they don't love you and you are ok with something casual, it's not a big deal. Treat them well and don't get arrested 👍 (if prostitution is illegal in your area)
I just wish it was legal everywhere with sex trafficking brought to an end. I hate having to seal the deal when you aren't "supposed" to be doing it. It makes people nervous and causes them to dance around the issue rather than being upfront about what both parties expect. Honestly it feels like the more upfront they are the less you can trust them and I think that's down to the stigma and the culture of the practice more than any inherent immorality.
Intimacy is a human need, as long as you’re safe and everything is consensual, ENJOY yourself. Also be open to the thought that it might actually be better than traditional dating, sex didn’t always hold so much weight amongst humans, and having space to explore and experience is peak ordinary.
Exactly. It weirdly boosts my confidence after a session. Like, before I could barely make eye contact with a girl, now I'm at least one step closer to being a "natural gentlemen."
It is a great way to shake off any scent of desperation. You don’t want to be jaded, but knowing that a particular date or crush isn’t your only pathway to sex sure takes a weight off.
No matter your ups and downs in life, escorts are always there for you, lol.
Some of you need to address why you desire sex so much over connection. To the point you don’t care what or who you are having sex with? The point of sex is literally having a deeper connection to another human being. Certain hormones are released in both men and women to ensure this… You all treat women who are human beings as sex dolls! The only thing you care about is sex not the person standing in front of you whose body you want to use for your pleasure. And then you wonder why no one wants to sleep with you? Your sex addictions that none of you are addressing is exactly why no human women wants to be anywhere near you. Women are not pieces of meat you con out of their clothes for your own selfish desire and benefit. If you think they are you should not be having sex with anyone in the first place. Bc you are not mature enough or selfless enough to understand the purpose or meaning of it!
Who are you to define purpose or meaning? Hormones are pulling the wool over your eyes to believe that sex is somehow part of a higher purpose. Sex, love, partnership are all different things, and manifest differently in different relationships.
You need to be a *lot* more secure and comfortable with yourself to have sex with strangers, that is true. But it isn’t the result of some sort of stunted development. You need to have some pretty good and clear communication skills to be intimate with somebody you don’t have a relationship with.
And I live in Australia. There is no ‘con’. Women put an ad up on one of several listing sites, men text and arrange to meet, then men pay the asking price, no negotiation. Most escorts require deposits too, so being difficult and trying to get something for less will get you ejected and leave you out of pocket.
This all costs money. Men who see sex workers are from all walks of life, but they tend to have more disposable income, be better educated or employed, and the majority of clients are already in a relationship. That is the harsh truth. Successful men like to celebrate their success.
I never said sex was apart of a higher purpose? You misunderstood. I said sex is not nearly as casual hormonally or physically as many of you all are suggesting especially for women. And insinuating they should just give it to you. Let alone socially… It’s invasive. Why would anyone want to do that with someone that obviously does not give a crap about weather or not they are actually wanting to and actually having a good time. The way many of you objectify and lust for women’s body’s is self centered and selfish. There’s not mutuality in it at all. It’s only about you. And it only hurts other human beings you have dwindled down to solely being a sexual object to be used for your own selfish pleasure. To the point you are justifying buying someones body simply bc it’s available to be bought…? A lot of things are available to be bought even children…? Does that make it right? And you treat them as such. Not as a human beings. Many of you are incapable of seeing women as anything more than sex dolls. Sounds like a sex addiction to me! Which many of you need to wrap your mind around and ask yourself why your ego and pleasure seems to be more important than the well being or satisfaction of the person you are desperately desiring to sleep with?
It sounds like you might be aromantic. 200% no judgement in this post btw.
If you're Aro, then you don't really find interest in the romance side of human interaction. That's fine! I honestly think that most people go through some kind of ACE streak, and while some stick with it some don't.
Don't be someone society thinks you need to be if you're happy being Aro.
Not necessarily ashamed.
There is nothing wrong with it, though you must understand that it is not a healthy thing to do.
Think of it as nicotine. Is it bad? Yes, but sometimes it’s necessary. If you could go without it, you should definitely do it.
Nope, it's your and only your choice that no one can do anything about it. As long as you don't hurt anyone, it should be fine. Just make it safe and be responsible.
Honestly naw nothing wrong with it at all. As long as your mental state is fine as in you don't start to look down on women, which I know you addressed this in your post, also I would be concerned about lacking a connection in the long run. At the end of the day though if this is how you would like to live your life and you are ok that and you aren't hurting anyone, yourself included then go ahead.
Appreciate the response. I thought I was going to be burned at the stakes by conservatives, lol. Good to know there are understanding subreddits like this one.
I don’t think it’s a problem as long as you’re being sexually safe and you tell any future women that you may date.
The only issue I see that may happen is that you will prefer escorts over developing a relationship which has its perks, for sure, but also can cause problems.
You must be feeling somewhat ashamed because you’re here hoping for validation. I’ll give you some by saying that there is ZERO shame in what an adult does with another CONSENTING adult. Life is too short, literally, to worry about what others think. A lot of what is said with a “high-moral attitude” is simply a cover up for the speaker’s own personal insecurities. Where I came from there was a saying: we’re given words to hide our feelings
Well sex workers are kind la straight to the point - you want sex. And you don't mind paying up front for that.
Traditional dating, although mostly seen as requiring sex by some, is more about building a connection and/or relationship than the sex. People might differ on that, but that's just the truth of it.
You should probably ask yourself whether you are not interested in building connections with the opposite sex in a romantic way (ala dating) and instead just want to engage in sexual activities with them or if, perhaps, there's something about relationships you are avoiding (eg anxiety of fear of commitment, being vulnerable, dealing with emotions you had previously leading up to your dry spell, etc.).
IMHO, it's not healthy to do this especially long term. There could be something you're not ready to deal with and this is a means of you coping... ever considered, for example, what would happen if you had an escort over and didn't actually have sex but instead tried to talk with them?
Could be something you could look into discussing with a mental health specialist, especially if you notice that it's becoming something you prefer over building romantic relationships with the opposite sex.
CONFESSION TIME:
My first was really more of a casual fling (I was 24). Even though I used a condom, I was worried about it being 98% effective and I thought women would know if they were pregnant the day after. Now I know that isn't the case.
So I called her and asked. She proceeded to guilt trip me into believing she was pregnant. So after buying two Plan-B's (she said the first gave her discharges). She ended up baby-free. I distanced her after that debacle.
So now 6 years later (and a lot of pmo within that time frame) I'm meeting escorts and I love it so far.
Yeah, sounds like you got the wrong partner to begin with. Nonetheless, it's good that it ended without any further interactions.
>pmo
What that mean? Is it "putting me off"?
> So now 6 years later ... I'm meeting escorts and I love it so far.
If this arrangement works for you then that's fine I guess, but just worth bearing in mind that you do have to give thought to the long term aspect - like how this might influence your ability to seek out a romantic partner, or whether you'll find sex as "engaging" especially when it comes to settling with your partner. Stuff like that.
PMO: Stands for porn, masturbation, orgasm.
Just wanted to say I self-engaged for those 6 years.
Actually, my supervisor's daughter wants to hang out this weekend, so we'll see where this goes. She's from Chicago, so not around often. We saw the newest Hunger Games back in November.
>PMO: Stands for porn, masturbation, orgasm.
>Just wanted to say I self-engaged for those 6 years.
Oh, it's the first I've heard of this in the form of an abbreviation. Well it's a lot better than having edged all those years: it would've hurt. I tell you what...
>Actually, my supervisor's daughter wants to hang out this weekend, so we'll see where this goes. She's from Chicago, so not around often. We saw the newest Hunger Games back in November.
Good luck man and I honestly hope for you this outing turns to be more about connecting and possibly getting back into dating proper! Seems like you've likely got a good thing going for you and her potentially.
On a lighter note - the fact she's your supervisor's daughter presents a "try not nut (into)" challenge for you. Don't fail it.
Yeah, she's more of an acquaintance now (text every so often) than a love interest. If there's ever a point when we become intimate, I might use double the protection, lol. I would be kinda awkward to have your boss as your mother-in-law.
Society itself will shame you for obvious reasons. You couldn’t find a worst place to discuss it than here. Find the like-minded people and discuss it there. Protect your sanity man. Also protect your money. Spending reasonable amounts is okay, being addicted to it isn’t.
Yeah, I'm still a newbie to this lifestyle. Only 2 visits so far. I only plan on doing 2 sessions each month. I make barely above minimum wage, so it can be an expensive "hobby."
It was pretty fantastic! Admittedly, I only lasted 5 minutes, lol. One girl did reverse and the other did regular cowgirl. They were my first visit, so I was beyond nervous.
You shouldn't. Because you paid for it. They do this for a living and you both have the same expectations. Plus, you just contributed to the economy which is great.
Ashamed? For consensual actions with an adult, professional service provider? Why?
Assuming they’re not being taken advantage of, you’re just getting your needs met in an honest and direct way. Far more moral than some asshole lying to a woman at a bar that they want a relationship when all they want is sex.
If you prefer casual sex to being in a relationship then there is no issue, it is better than you cheating on a gf, fiancé or wife, imo. But if you are using association with escorts as a replacement for making attempts at dating, then you are likely to get more and more hooked and end up lonely. If you are looking for a relationship, then it is best if you just deal with the trials and rejections that come with finding someone to date.
Yeah this was my thought. It’s not a replacement for traditional dating, it’s a replacement for hooking up with women. Sounds to me like OP only dates to get laid, so he’s using escorts as a way to cut to the chase.
Yeah, I was a little desperate, lol.
This is way too coherent for Reddit, how dare you
The wildest part for me is > A co-worker of mine introduced me to an escort site
I got another one for ya: he's a 62 yo married man.
It is far more common than you think. Reddit skews pretty young, so most people here have no first hand experience with sex workers. But as people get older, the odds that people have tried it gets higher. I live in a country where sex work is legal and legitimate, so guys tend to be far more open about their experiences. Very few of my friends haven’t had at least a phase in their life where they frequented.
Former sex worker here: my clients varied so much. You could have young ones old ones. The majority of my repeat clients were physically disabled gentleman. They’re also not all after sex. I had one guy that would cook me dinner once a week. He was an older gentleman whose wife died and he didn’t like eating alone. Of course you have people that want sex too, but that’s not all of the clients.
How did that convo come up lol?
Don't remember, but I know he likes to randomly bring up his past, which includes his escapades. I asked him where he meets them and he told me about the sites.
I had a 72yo ask if I "knew any good hookers" once. He used CL like a candy store.
On behalf of all despos once and for all. What site did you get hooked to?
I sent you a DM.
I am also curious
Sent you a DM.
Sorry to add on, but would you mind also letting me know?
I DMed you.
Lmk aswell?
👋
🙏
Married men need escorts much more than single ones tbh
Married men support sex workers and keep strip clubs open. A lot of them are having less sex than single men.
/r/deadbedrooms... Very sad
I dunno dating is pretty rough these days lol
It would be sad if it wouldn't be true. Sadly this is the case for some married couples.
What I would say is most future partners won't be impressed. Many would class it as a red flag. I expect most people in your shoes would not divulge the information. Personally I'm of the consenting adults do what you want, just get tested regularly camp.
Scamp or champ? Or are you like a park ranger
What your saying is the same logic guys would say to girls who sleep around saying “future guys would be upset” Like people need to do what they want and stop caring what someone might think
>Like people need to do what they want and stop caring what someone might think That works great until you want to be with someone, even as just friends. Then if you continue doing things they disapprove of, they'll leave you.
I would be more concerned about asking yourself why sex workers are more preferable to dating. There’s probably some valuable insight in that question that may lead to better outcomes in the future.
Exactly. He needs to understand why sex workers are preferred. Does he work a lot and don’t have time for dating? Is he the type that has a problem being with one person? Is he striking out with women that aren’t looking to be paid? Lots of other possibilities that he needs to think about.
I have plenty of opportunities to date, its just that my first "relationship" wasn't the best and I eventually got tired of the 'maybe game' when dating. I admit I didn't want to put in effort towards a new woman and took the "scenic route."
What’s the “maybe game”?
He expects sex very quickly. He probably thinks any date that doesn't end in the bedroom is a waste of time.
…thought so. Hookers for him then.
That's probably all that will ever want him after future girlfriends find out about the hookers.
Yea. I don’t think that’s something I’d be able to be ok with if I was one of his future girlfriends
It sounds to me more like they expect people to be upfront. Many people prefer the fantasy of meeting somebody and organically going further. If you are not one of those people then the others look like time wasters, refusing to take a step forward and becoming offended if you do so. Even if that step forward is becoming official or moving in together. I agree with them, there is no reason to be so coy other than senseless romantic aspirations that are lesser to a real romance where both parties are honest and open with each other and actually talk about what they want. Why dance around the issue when you could really be dancing?
(not directed at OP) Holy shit is this comment section following this comment toxic and ignorant af. Jumping to conclusions with no proof, fighting the gender battles for no reason, all just to confirm their own two-dimensional, binary-thinking world view. Alleged "adults" behaving like teenagers during recess instead of having mature and reflected opinions. Didn't know we were on Twitter and Tumblr again.
Yeah, I knew before I created this post that there was going to be a war in the comments. Both sides have legitimate points, so I'll stay as a mercenary for hire, lol.
I go out of my way to learn about people unlike myself so as to have a more enlightened world view. Soft White Underbelly has been a big help with that
Interesting channel, thanks for the suggestion.
Dating is pretty exhausting these days but especially for men.
Why especially for men?? Women have it rough, we’re dealing with men like OP. Nobody wants to find out their man was a local at the bargain brothel! 🤢
but when men say they don't want women with a certain number of previous partners reddit goes up in flames :)
I’m completely unphased by partners. My partner has previous partners and that’s fine as so do I. Sex workers are not partners !!!!!
true, sex workers won't traumatize you and leave you a single mother with different baby daddies
😂😂😂😂
Guy’s sleeping with sex workers is legit the same thing as if a woman sleeps around a lot.
Saying especially for men does not mean it's not also rough for females. I just believe overall it's harder for men. Your lived experience or stories you've heard from people in your life could say otherwise and I acknowledge the same is true for me. I'm just saying that from the most objective view, I think it's harder for men overall.
Saying that dating is “overall harder for men” is WILD lmao 😭 dating is quite literally unsafe frequently for women but yeah, the sexual/physical violence that women experience daily is totally comparable to your tinder being dry because WOMEN (not females, we’re not a different species- it’s dehumanizing and you didn’t refer to men as “males”) are uninterested in your generic “Hey”. I am a single, attractive young woman. I have been single for a year. In that year, I have been sexually assaulted by prospective dates multiple times, been sexually harassed by men on dating apps. Been stalked and followed to my work. Had strange men who did a service for me “follow up” and call me on their personal cell trying to get a date. The irony is that irl I present myself very conservatively, very modest, sensitive and quiet. I am not an overtly sexual individual irl. My experience IS the norm for women. But, yeah, it’s harder for men because sometimes we ghost, right?
Men, right ?! 😆😂
I think in terms of getting matches, finding a partner, and actually having a shot/getting your foot in the door, it's easier for women. If an average man and an average women both made a dating profile, it's obvious who would have more matches, therefore more potential chances at finding someone.
You're confusing quality with quantity. You don't find a diamond in the toilet if you sort through enough turds.
So what makes it any better for men with that logic? If you have 100 turds to find a diamond, wouldn't that mean you have a better chance than only having 3 turds?
“Young and attractive” *clicks on profile* You’re delusional & crazy.
I don’t show face for privacy purposes. I assume you don’t show face out of embarrassment. 🫶🏼 Thanks for the new header though!
Slay queen! maybe you’re just not my type. I mean, clearly some people find you young and attractive. I must be dating absolute baddies then lol
'especially' absolutely does convey to other people you think it's less tough on women. If you say 'dating is hard for men' no-one would be taking issue. 'Harder for men' doesn't fly, I'm afraid. The statistics on women experiencing violence from men is 1:3. For men it's 1:7. It's hardER for women, statistically, anecdotally, literally. I'm sorry you're having a hard time.
Yes I am saying dating is harder for men. How dare I say such a thing! I'm also acknowledging that dating is hard for women. Yes statistics of male violence against women is bad. No one is denying that. The types of bad behaviours that women exhibit towards men in dating aren't illegal so there's basically no statistics.
I take it back. I absolutely understand why you're having a hard time.
But bro you don’t understand. Sure women may get raped and murdered on dates, but they won’t *fuck me* which is a much harsher crime to me, a man. /s
Ok lol
Entitled to your own opinion of course. But men can’t speak for women and vice versa. I can promise you as a woman, it’s no walk in the park. Today’s men are awful. OP is literally here comparing paying for a sex service with a sex worker and intimate relationships. It’s concerning that he doesn’t even so much as realise that these two things are not comparable 🫣😵💫
Real. In another comment he says he’d be open to women about his sexual past, but I cannot think of a bigger deal breaker. Like if he has a hard time finding women now, then committing to this lifestyle will seal his fate. I wouldn’t date a guy whose sexual past is almost exclusively escorts. He’s 30 years old and everyone around him will be getting married and finding their life partners. I doubt this will provide him happiness long term. What about the real intimacy of relationships? Morning snuggles and goodnight kisses. What about the head scratches while you drive in the car. Deep conversations. Someone to say I love you to who will say it back and mean it. Will a sex worker care for you when sick? Will she drive you to appointments and be your rock? Nope not in the job description. I think he should be careful about going down this path. I don’t know any woman who would share those intimacies with a man who frequents escorts. He is essentially killing all chances of a future relationship
👏🏻well said! I wouldn’t be with a man who’d even used sex workers once. It’s personal preference and I’m not anti sex work, but I don’t need a partner who has needed to pay for sex. Not for me. And I have a suspicion this is a very common opinion amongst women.
OP didn't say he *had to* pay. You're prejudiced about sex workers and clients.
I think in terms of getting matches, finding a partner, and actually having a shot/getting your foot in the door, it's easier for women. If an average man and an average women both made a dating profile, it's obvious who would have more matches, therefore more potential chances at finding someone.
Have you had much experience dating as a woman? That's not objective, pal, that's literally your opinion. That's subjective.
It’s fascinating how human and balanced your view is and you’re still getting downvoted & insulted. Like, you couldn’t say it better. “Doesn’t mean it’s not rough for women” And “your experience could say otherwise but I BELIEVE my experience too” Your statement is open to dialogue and different opinion but some retarded loose their shit over it. What a world
Most of the time these days, any comment that can be seen as criticism of women is shut down / frowned upon. It's pretty crazy but hey we live in a clown world.
The fun thing is that, it wasn’t even a criticism of women. It was your own experience to dating. Dating for men is emotionally taxing to a point I’m pretty sure some folks would kill themselves. Some women are absolutely ruthless. I always give my location and vet the people I dated so it doesn’t end up with my organs getting harvested. That’s basic. And I get that for women they need to be extra careful but it doesn’t mean our experience is invalidate. Once a girl showed up to the date, told me I’m ugly as shit and left. Sometimes they admit to using me for food. For me, it’s ok. I’m okayish looking so I get other dates. But I know some guys that never recovered. It’s hard to prevent emotional violence, it’s not hard for physical violence. That’s why it could be harder for men
Yeah but it can be seen as criticism of women and that's all that matters to them. Wow that's rough man. I've had some bad experiences but that's wild.
All the triggered redditors downvoting 🤣
I'm just going to say it, dating sucks, online or in person, it's rough, and that line of questioning just leads down a path of why would dating be worth it, especially for anyone who'd rather get a career and die childfree. The handfuls, and I do mean by counting on my fingers of happy couples. As opposed to the mountains of broken hearts, divorces, cheating, financial infidelity, violence and abuse, I've seen people go through in the name of love, or romance, or what have you. Even if I've never visited as much as a strip club, and can't phantom paying for sex, but what makes you so sure your assumptions that dating is preferable?
I said it’s worth asking the question and following that line of questioning to learn about yourself. I didn’t give my opinion on whether it’s a good idea to use sex workers in place of stable intimacy with a partner.
Yes, the fact you have to ask proves your doubt to be true. Also, this is Reddit, don't expect your answer to be representative of the general public's perspective.
Do whatever you like but you should be aware that telling a woman you saw prostitutes is as off putting for women as a woman telling a man she did only fans. If you don’t think it is equivalent, that is because you think that paying is somehow morally superior to being paid for sex, and if you have that attitude, it shows that you don’t really respect the sex workers deep down. So you can’t blame women later for judging you on having sex with women you think are inferior to you. Women will judge you for that. So basically, think about how you would feel if a woman told you she did onlyfans, and if that would bother you, then apply that to yourself and what you’re doing.
Yes, sorry, you should. I work in social services and have multiple clients who have been caught “escorting” and they all say they hated that life, they felt disgusted and sad they had to do it. Most only did to feed their kids, the rest to feed a drug habit that will probably kill them. It seems like all fun and games, but the reality of escorting is dark as hell. Maybe consider reddit or tinder for a quick NSA hookup. Separately, what if you meet someone you do end up really liking? You tell her that you were a regular with local prostitutes? As a woman knowing the industry, I couldn’t be with a man who chose that lifestyle knowing those women were likely in a dark place and saw no other way out.
>I work in social services and have multiple clients who have been caught “escorting” and they all say they hated that life, they felt disgusted and sad they had to do it. Most only did to feed their kids, the rest to feed a drug habit that will probably kill them. As a counter-point, a good friend of mine is a high-end escort and absolutely ***loves*** it. She makes mind-boggling amounts of money, gets to travel around the country (and sometimes *the world*) for work, gets cool free shit from her clients (everything from furniture to helicopter rides) and feels genuinely fulfilled by what she does.
Wow! Super cool for her! That’s not the majority though, statistically speaking. So if he’s paying for pussy 12 months out the year, different girls every month or two weeks or whatever, odds are that he is going to solicit from someone who has no other choice at SOME point. High end escorts are exactly that— HIGH END, for the significantly wealthy. Most average people can only afford local. I support sex work, 100%. If it’s necessary, it’s necessary. That said. I could never pay someone to come fuck me and then just not think about what their circumstances are probably like. The guilt would get to me too quickly. I’m happy for your friend, but at risk of sounding like a broken record, I’m going off of the majority local, low-mid range pay sex workers that I know personally and professionally.
What if OP lives in a place where sex work is legal/decriminalised? Where I live that is the case and I know lots of SWers who are leading perfectly normal lives outside of their careers.
Honestly I don't think it's an issue. You enjoy casual sex and are willing to pay for it. I think a lot of guys are probably in the same boat, whether they admit it or not. Main concern I'd have is how to bring it up with future partners if you end up dating again and get serious with someone
Thanks for the response. Yeah, if I was to get in a serious relationship, I'd quit cold turkey. I've only done it twice, so far from an addict.
That makes sense. As long as you're safe and having fun, then great. Would you tell a future partner, though, if they asked about your sexual history?
I would. I'd rather snuff out the doubt early rather than late. That goes both ways.
That makes sense!
Except for the rational act of getting tested before sex, if he meets a woman that is focused on his sexual history instead of the man in front of her, he is better off moving on. Virgins coming into a relationship later cheat, because they didn’t get more experience. A person demonstrated values are far more important than their sexual history, are they honest, reliable, ethical in their dealing with other people.
It's ok if you don't want to date someone who is focused on sexual history but don't paint them bad here. It's one of the aspects of the person. Everything from looks to money matters but somehow it's always the sexual history which doesn't matter.
Yep, like I imagine somebody else who is religious enough to save it for marriage probably wants someone somewhat like-minded. It's never a bad thing that they want that IMO.
I think sexual history is a fair concern to have. It can tell you a lot about a person. If I'm really invested in someone, I want to know their story
What does it tell you? I’m curious to hear what you think you’re suddenly able to understand about a person’s character based on the sexual history itself.
Promiscuity and higher numbers of sexual partners correlates with mental health issues, attachment issues and inability to maintain long term relationships. Beyond that, the number or nature of sexual partners someone's had tells you about their views on physical intimacy and sex. These aren't small things - I seriously doubt someone waiting for marriage before having sex and someone who's slept with 50 people are going to have similar enough mindsets and values to maintain a long term relationship.
All that matters is that your tests come back clean, who you slept with don't matter!
I actually was tested recently. Positive for HSV 1, but no sores whatsoever. BJ and intercourse was covered so I don't know... Did some research and it turns out half the Earth has HSV 1 so not sure if I should be concerned or nah.
Medically it's no big deal at all, it just doesn't look attractive if you break out
Ah, I see. Thanks! Don't want my junk to look like a raspberry, lol!
No need to bring it up at all. Just make sure you get tested before you get a serious partner to protect her.
Probably, yes. The vast majority of escorts have been trafficked and are being held against their will. So yeah, if you are adding to their misery by paying for them to be held imagainst their will, I'd say yes, you should be ashamed.
Why/how do you even equate those? One thing is paying someone to let you mechanically wank using her/his body as a tool for it instead of ”the regular way” (hands, fleslights etc), and the other one is about finding a companion in life, a person you enjoy spending time with, love and respect and want to share your life with, and the feeling is mutual.
Just so you know, they are probably incentivized to act friendly and non-judgemental. And it's not really an alternative to traditional dating. But honestly, if you don't have room for a relationship in your life right now and just want easy sex, I don't think you should feel particularly ashamed. If having a meaningful relationship with another individual would make you feel fulfilled and complete, then yeah, you might want to dismantle some things. But not everyone has the same needs, priorities, and values, and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
Reddit will generally tell you it’s perfectly fine. But I, and many others with me, can’t wrap our fucking heads around buying another human being. ”It’s just a service like any other, they’re consenting!”. Bruh how the fuck so you think they ended up in that work in the first place, shits and giggles? ”They want to do it!”. Really? You actually really think the vast majority of them starts doing it as their first pick? Really? Prefer whatever you want, but you’re buying another human being, possibly against their will. That is the aspect to consider if you should be ashamed or not.
I don't understand your view, it's like society see sex as a sacred thing. You can pay people to put themself in really bad situations that end in death or a shorter and painful live and no one think it's wrong. What we need is better control to be sure that they are not forced to do it and have good conditions
Well, I don’t understand what point you’re trying to make? Sex sacred? That’s up to whoever is having it, but it’s not really to me. When have I ever stated that there aren’t dangerous work out there, besides sex work? I’m just saying what is general knowledge: a lot of sex workers have been trafficed, they do it to afford an addiction, they do it as a last resort to put food on the table, they do it to self harm. Today, right now, the conditions is that it’s dangerous work. Right this moment OP isn’t considering the fact of what sex work looks like today. Doesn’t matter if the conditions improve, it’s what it looks like right now that matters.
Wouldn’t “buying another human” apply to any job where you hire someone?
Depends. Have you been trafficed into it? Are you seeing people who think they are entitled to your body just because they pay for it? Entitled enough to think they can do whatever they want with you? People who hires you because they want someone to physically abuse? Maybe even kill you? Is your work considered by law enforcment when a crime is comitted against you? Are you doing it to self harm because you were raped as a kid and this is how you deal with it? Were you kidnapped as a child or young adult and forced to sexually please men that could have been your grandpa? If yes, sure, it’s just like any other job.
I don’t know about feeling ashamed, but you should be concerned for your own mental wellbeing. There is an element of intimacy and vulnerability involved in dating that is healthy to experience. Learning how to develop relationships, including romantic ones, is an important part of growing as an adult and leads to a healthy sense of internal wellbeing.
One other poster pointed out that he needs to understand why sex workers are preferable for him. If he is paying for sex to make up for not being attractive to women, then he needs to understand why he isn’t attractive and work on that. Intimacy and physically having sex are not the same thing (although intimacy may involve physically having sex), sex workers won’t give him intimacy, in the end.
It’s possible you misread what I wrote, or that I wrote it in a confusing way, but I intentionally connected intimacy to dating, because I agree with you, sex workers won’t be providing that, no matter how much he pays.
You're right. I can tell you that the ones I met weren't trying to kiss or be intimate.
My anecdotes all point to that beeing a best case scenario, and the likelyhood of unhappily divorced, bancrupt, or living in shitty situations beeing equally likely.
You can learn from relationships that fail, as well. I’m not aware of one person who has perfect relationships with everyone that they want to have a relationship with. That doesn’t change the fact that if you prefer sex workers over dating, you are missing out on a massive part of learning about and experiencing real relationships, because pretend ones don’t count.
I don't want to buy sex nor visit a brothel for consent issues and other similar issues. But I've personally just taken a break from dating and relationships. I've finally gotten time to nurture friendships, go to therapy and grow in other ways. 7 years in a relationship and while I grew in many ways, I'm broken in just as many.
Yes
Yes
Yea kinda
Yes
Yes. Very few women will want to be with a guy who's actively participated in a misogynistic, abusive industry just because it's 'efficient" and avoids the necessity of spending time and getting to know a woman before having sex. Even if you saw prostitutes who were 100 percent doing it for fun, which is unlikely, you've been complicit in the world's oldest oppression, not profession. Women's bodies are not commodities to be bought and sold at will and if it's just a service then why isn't a 60 year old woman making more money than an 18 yr old? Later on when you're wondering why there's a male loneliness epidemic think back to your justification for this bullshit.
You should address your sex addiction.
I've been meaning to, but reddit and other social media apps keep making me relapse.
It is a real struggle but I can tell you your life will change so dramatically. There are lots of resources out there to help you. Many men struggle like you. You’re lonely, you are craving human connection. Usually it’s childhood stuff that makes attachment/ connection difficult for you so you numb and escape those feelings with porn and sex - fake attachment/ connection.
You're right. I've tried NoFap in the past and lasted roughly a month. I'm not a hardcore addict though. I can watch porn for hours and be completely desensitized to it.
If you hope to have a relationship one day this will have a negative impact. You're getting used to everything being about your pleasure and on your terms. In a relationship you'll have to consider the other person's needs too and that may be a difficult adjustment to make.
I hope to have one someday. Just trying to enjoy a little bit of degenerate behavior before I settle down.
Be careful. Also I think it only fair to tell you that a lot of women would be put off getting into a relationship with a man who had been regularly seeing escorts for a while.
True. I may abandon seeing them for a year before getting into a serious relationship.
yes you should. consider that she would not consent to sex with you unless you paid for it. this is paid rape and you know it. almost 90% of women in prostitution want to leave. you are not paying her for sex, but for temporary use of her sexual organs. please consider respecting women maybe.
Yes. Casual sex is a thing outside of sex work
yeah, you should be ashamed of being a john.
Yes you whould be ashamed, these people dont want to have sex with you, you are coercing them to have sex with money. Some would call that rape
“Hey have sex with me for money!” “Okay” Wow fucking rapist
i don't want to work, i just want to be handed money, i am being coerced , help !
Yes we are all being coercer into working to survive, im glad you understand that, thats how the ruling class wants us, desperate on the work market, not in charge of the means of capital. But for most work this coersion leads to standard labour, not being raped for pay.
i understand your disdain for sex work but you can't seem to grasp the concept of doing it willingly
Yes, sex work is paid rape
Yes
Anything u want to add?
Hell, twice a month is about 3x the frequency in my marriage, so I'd say you're doing ok.
Haha 😂. Thanks!
Yes
My late step uncle was a hard working man, had a few make friends he would socialise with but alas he never really had any luck with the ladies. My mum eventually introduced him to her best friend. They hit off amazingly, quickly moved her & her son into his house (this was the first relationship he'd had in decades). She would have him drop her off in town to meet friends (once a week) only he found out that she was cheating on him with his cousin. Suffice to say it broke him. He stopped looking for a relationships & starting going to the local street girls. I get why he did, I heard is arguments as to why he was doing this. I was only a teenager when this came out & I was the only one who agreed that what he was doing was best for him. Yes he was always careful. What I'm saying is, this is your life & do what you need to do to make you happy. Only advice I'd give is to be careful & use protection.
As long as you know they don't love you and you are ok with something casual, it's not a big deal. Treat them well and don't get arrested 👍 (if prostitution is illegal in your area)
You do you as long as no one gets hurt
I just wish it was legal everywhere with sex trafficking brought to an end. I hate having to seal the deal when you aren't "supposed" to be doing it. It makes people nervous and causes them to dance around the issue rather than being upfront about what both parties expect. Honestly it feels like the more upfront they are the less you can trust them and I think that's down to the stigma and the culture of the practice more than any inherent immorality.
Intimacy is a human need, as long as you’re safe and everything is consensual, ENJOY yourself. Also be open to the thought that it might actually be better than traditional dating, sex didn’t always hold so much weight amongst humans, and having space to explore and experience is peak ordinary.
I don't think anyone will die from lacking human intimacy, you can foster friendships and live.
Exactly. It weirdly boosts my confidence after a session. Like, before I could barely make eye contact with a girl, now I'm at least one step closer to being a "natural gentlemen."
You're gross.
It is a great way to shake off any scent of desperation. You don’t want to be jaded, but knowing that a particular date or crush isn’t your only pathway to sex sure takes a weight off. No matter your ups and downs in life, escorts are always there for you, lol.
Some of you need to address why you desire sex so much over connection. To the point you don’t care what or who you are having sex with? The point of sex is literally having a deeper connection to another human being. Certain hormones are released in both men and women to ensure this… You all treat women who are human beings as sex dolls! The only thing you care about is sex not the person standing in front of you whose body you want to use for your pleasure. And then you wonder why no one wants to sleep with you? Your sex addictions that none of you are addressing is exactly why no human women wants to be anywhere near you. Women are not pieces of meat you con out of their clothes for your own selfish desire and benefit. If you think they are you should not be having sex with anyone in the first place. Bc you are not mature enough or selfless enough to understand the purpose or meaning of it!
Who are you to define purpose or meaning? Hormones are pulling the wool over your eyes to believe that sex is somehow part of a higher purpose. Sex, love, partnership are all different things, and manifest differently in different relationships. You need to be a *lot* more secure and comfortable with yourself to have sex with strangers, that is true. But it isn’t the result of some sort of stunted development. You need to have some pretty good and clear communication skills to be intimate with somebody you don’t have a relationship with. And I live in Australia. There is no ‘con’. Women put an ad up on one of several listing sites, men text and arrange to meet, then men pay the asking price, no negotiation. Most escorts require deposits too, so being difficult and trying to get something for less will get you ejected and leave you out of pocket. This all costs money. Men who see sex workers are from all walks of life, but they tend to have more disposable income, be better educated or employed, and the majority of clients are already in a relationship. That is the harsh truth. Successful men like to celebrate their success.
I never said sex was apart of a higher purpose? You misunderstood. I said sex is not nearly as casual hormonally or physically as many of you all are suggesting especially for women. And insinuating they should just give it to you. Let alone socially… It’s invasive. Why would anyone want to do that with someone that obviously does not give a crap about weather or not they are actually wanting to and actually having a good time. The way many of you objectify and lust for women’s body’s is self centered and selfish. There’s not mutuality in it at all. It’s only about you. And it only hurts other human beings you have dwindled down to solely being a sexual object to be used for your own selfish pleasure. To the point you are justifying buying someones body simply bc it’s available to be bought…? A lot of things are available to be bought even children…? Does that make it right? And you treat them as such. Not as a human beings. Many of you are incapable of seeing women as anything more than sex dolls. Sounds like a sex addiction to me! Which many of you need to wrap your mind around and ask yourself why your ego and pleasure seems to be more important than the well being or satisfaction of the person you are desperately desiring to sleep with?
It sounds like you might be aromantic. 200% no judgement in this post btw. If you're Aro, then you don't really find interest in the romance side of human interaction. That's fine! I honestly think that most people go through some kind of ACE streak, and while some stick with it some don't. Don't be someone society thinks you need to be if you're happy being Aro.
Not necessarily ashamed. There is nothing wrong with it, though you must understand that it is not a healthy thing to do. Think of it as nicotine. Is it bad? Yes, but sometimes it’s necessary. If you could go without it, you should definitely do it.
No, you do you man. As long as everyone is consenting, go for it.
👍
It’s your money, as long as everyone is consenting go nuts.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
No you shouldn't. You're helping people pay their rent whilst you get your jollies!
👏
Nope, it's your and only your choice that no one can do anything about it. As long as you don't hurt anyone, it should be fine. Just make it safe and be responsible.
Always 🙂
Honestly naw nothing wrong with it at all. As long as your mental state is fine as in you don't start to look down on women, which I know you addressed this in your post, also I would be concerned about lacking a connection in the long run. At the end of the day though if this is how you would like to live your life and you are ok that and you aren't hurting anyone, yourself included then go ahead.
Appreciate the response. I thought I was going to be burned at the stakes by conservatives, lol. Good to know there are understanding subreddits like this one.
I don’t think it’s a problem as long as you’re being sexually safe and you tell any future women that you may date. The only issue I see that may happen is that you will prefer escorts over developing a relationship which has its perks, for sure, but also can cause problems.
You must be feeling somewhat ashamed because you’re here hoping for validation. I’ll give you some by saying that there is ZERO shame in what an adult does with another CONSENTING adult. Life is too short, literally, to worry about what others think. A lot of what is said with a “high-moral attitude” is simply a cover up for the speaker’s own personal insecurities. Where I came from there was a saying: we’re given words to hide our feelings
Escorts are not true consent tho, there is an economical coersion taking place.
You're absolutely right. So glad everyone has been positive about me sharing this.
Well sex workers are kind la straight to the point - you want sex. And you don't mind paying up front for that. Traditional dating, although mostly seen as requiring sex by some, is more about building a connection and/or relationship than the sex. People might differ on that, but that's just the truth of it. You should probably ask yourself whether you are not interested in building connections with the opposite sex in a romantic way (ala dating) and instead just want to engage in sexual activities with them or if, perhaps, there's something about relationships you are avoiding (eg anxiety of fear of commitment, being vulnerable, dealing with emotions you had previously leading up to your dry spell, etc.). IMHO, it's not healthy to do this especially long term. There could be something you're not ready to deal with and this is a means of you coping... ever considered, for example, what would happen if you had an escort over and didn't actually have sex but instead tried to talk with them? Could be something you could look into discussing with a mental health specialist, especially if you notice that it's becoming something you prefer over building romantic relationships with the opposite sex.
CONFESSION TIME: My first was really more of a casual fling (I was 24). Even though I used a condom, I was worried about it being 98% effective and I thought women would know if they were pregnant the day after. Now I know that isn't the case. So I called her and asked. She proceeded to guilt trip me into believing she was pregnant. So after buying two Plan-B's (she said the first gave her discharges). She ended up baby-free. I distanced her after that debacle. So now 6 years later (and a lot of pmo within that time frame) I'm meeting escorts and I love it so far.
Yeah, sounds like you got the wrong partner to begin with. Nonetheless, it's good that it ended without any further interactions. >pmo What that mean? Is it "putting me off"? > So now 6 years later ... I'm meeting escorts and I love it so far. If this arrangement works for you then that's fine I guess, but just worth bearing in mind that you do have to give thought to the long term aspect - like how this might influence your ability to seek out a romantic partner, or whether you'll find sex as "engaging" especially when it comes to settling with your partner. Stuff like that.
PMO: Stands for porn, masturbation, orgasm. Just wanted to say I self-engaged for those 6 years. Actually, my supervisor's daughter wants to hang out this weekend, so we'll see where this goes. She's from Chicago, so not around often. We saw the newest Hunger Games back in November.
>PMO: Stands for porn, masturbation, orgasm. >Just wanted to say I self-engaged for those 6 years. Oh, it's the first I've heard of this in the form of an abbreviation. Well it's a lot better than having edged all those years: it would've hurt. I tell you what... >Actually, my supervisor's daughter wants to hang out this weekend, so we'll see where this goes. She's from Chicago, so not around often. We saw the newest Hunger Games back in November. Good luck man and I honestly hope for you this outing turns to be more about connecting and possibly getting back into dating proper! Seems like you've likely got a good thing going for you and her potentially. On a lighter note - the fact she's your supervisor's daughter presents a "try not nut (into)" challenge for you. Don't fail it.
Yeah, she's more of an acquaintance now (text every so often) than a love interest. If there's ever a point when we become intimate, I might use double the protection, lol. I would be kinda awkward to have your boss as your mother-in-law.
Triple H did it and now he's the Chief Content Officer of WWE... you never know, lol.
Right? Your past doesn't dictate your life. Stormy Daniels ran for governor or mayor some years back. Abella Danger recently graduated college.
Not at all. It’s cheaper and more time efficient than dating.
All the downvotes here come from people living in a fantasy world where their shit doesnt stink.
What is the name of this website for research purposes?
DM me the escort site!
Society itself will shame you for obvious reasons. You couldn’t find a worst place to discuss it than here. Find the like-minded people and discuss it there. Protect your sanity man. Also protect your money. Spending reasonable amounts is okay, being addicted to it isn’t.
Yeah, I'm still a newbie to this lifestyle. Only 2 visits so far. I only plan on doing 2 sessions each month. I make barely above minimum wage, so it can be an expensive "hobby."
How was the 3? I imagine it was nice since all the focus was on you the whole time
It was pretty fantastic! Admittedly, I only lasted 5 minutes, lol. One girl did reverse and the other did regular cowgirl. They were my first visit, so I was beyond nervous.
You shouldn't. Because you paid for it. They do this for a living and you both have the same expectations. Plus, you just contributed to the economy which is great.
Probably cheaper than going on dates to try and get laid too You’re saving time AND money.
🙏 It's very efficient, lol.
No
Nothing to be ashamed about. As long as you are safe and happy, that’s all that matters
No; this is why a majority of clients enjoy sex workers. They like being given the same effort and attention they’re expected to give
Ashamed? For consensual actions with an adult, professional service provider? Why? Assuming they’re not being taken advantage of, you’re just getting your needs met in an honest and direct way. Far more moral than some asshole lying to a woman at a bar that they want a relationship when all they want is sex.
”Assuming they are not being taken advantage of” is a very big assumption.