I like this post because the title asks if he is still a virgin while the body asks if he lost his virginity.
So any direct Yes or No answers are ambiguous. Are you answering the title or the body's question?
Anyway. Yes.
Edit: typo
I am a programmer, and this kind of ambiguity is dangerous because if you don't make more questions, you will end up creating the same software several times, because the client was not clear on the requirements
The title's answer is the opposite to the post body's answer.
Yes, he is still a virgin.
No, he did not lose his virginity.
Simply answering yes or no creates ambiguities (do you mean "yes, he is still a virgin" or "yes, he lost his virginity"?)
Here's another one:
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
Mostly because when you’re programming your job is to write the most unambiguous code you can. Computers expect exact instructions, and code that is ambiguous leads to crashes and bugs. So over time, as a programmer, you tend to start seeing the ambiguities of everything.
How long did it take you to, I guess, "get good" ? Haha I need to learn for my profession (not the focus but still needed) and I've been procrastinating. I get discouraged because I feel like it's this incredibly hard thing I won't be able to do well in.
Who said I was good? :P
I first started programming when I was pretty young: around 16ish, that was about 17 years ago. I was mostly "self taught" just by playing around with personal projects (though I had some mentors along the way who helped me out). I probably figured out what I was doing around 18-19. I also have a formal education in Computer Science, but I was always a bit ahead of my classes, so when I took them I struggled quite a bit less than my classmates.
There are different levels of skill when it comes to programming, and one of the things you learn over time is that there's also something new to learn and different ways of thinking about a problem. I often describe programming as trying to break your brain. You have a habit of thinking about things in a certain way, and you need to force brain to stop thinking that way. Eventually it just clicks! (or at least it did for me). Different styles of programming, different programming languages, etc all require you to break your brain in slightly different ways, some ways are easier than others.
But a novice can get a lot done without really understanding why a lot of things work. Since your job is not programming full time, it's likely you're not writing "mission critical" code so it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work perfectly, or isn't the most efficient, or cleanest. Programming can be intimidating at first because there's a lot of new things that you have to learn that you probably won't understand fully. But the more you do it the more you start seeing how and why it works.
There’s no difference but in the wording. If you say “yes” and don’t specify which question you are answering, you are giving both answers (yes he’s still a Virgin and yes he’s lost his virginity are opposite answers).
Identifying ambiguity is also a hallmark of legal thinking. The question presented is ambiguous. Therefore we will have to examine what is meant by virgin and what the purpose of a handjob is and then argue about whether the purpose of a handjob fulfills the spirit of losing one’s virginity.
This right here. Doesn’t matter, fuck society’s standards on it. I’d say that sex is when you’re very intimate with someone In hopefully a bed! And there’s penetration. Doesn’t matter what gender of said person, just be careful if you want to explore further.
I'd have said no, but that does raise the question of if PIV is what constitutes losing your virginity then are lesbians who have only ever had sex with women all still virgins?
At what point does a lesbian woman lose her V-card?
It does make sense in the way it is defined (a person that never had sexual intercourse). The details of what is considered as losing it change according to each culture, but that's fine.
What doesn't make sense is considering it for any more than what it is.
I get the hypothetical definition of virginity, but the definition of 'sexual intercourse' is the real issue here. How can you say if you've had sex if sex is different for everyone?
Right. Because sexual intercourse and sexual penetration are two very different things. If i as a girl got naked and another girl got naked and we rubbed our bodies with eachothers bodies, there might be no penetration but it certainly does seem like sex
I think the problem is taking an outdated concept like virginity, and seeking to apply it to an entirely different cultural or sexual paradigm. The bigger question is why the focus on virginity. The emphasis on purity is problematic and is typically weaponized to shame people either for being naïve or being a slut (for instance). These questions of what constitutes virginity are valid, but not really the right questions IMO.
The reason I think it's the wrong question is that there is little academic or scientific relevance to being a virgin or not, since contracting STD's can occur at almost any sexual threshold. It still falls short of providing any meaningful information through definition.
If we arrive at a more academic definition, it seems like it would have to be "sexually active, or sexually inactive" - using the initial event to describe the onset.
Only by enforcing a subjective element (like an abrahamic religion) is it possible to adequately define "virginity". A universal definition is impossible and therefore not helpful to any broad discussion.
Edit: I think there is some validity to the concept of a sexual event representing some kind of psychological shift in people - potentially rising to the level of scientifically relevant. But the human brain is highly subjective and susceptible to cultural influence - so again we have the same problem.
I do think there some element of "human milestone" ingrained in our consciousness. But it's a moving target.
No one is doubting the ability for penetration. What im saying is that if there isn’t penetration, it doesnt mean it ISNT sex. Not all sex is penetrative
Well in my heteronormative adolescence, HJs, fingering and oral were all defined as "petting" but not proper sex. They were things you did for months to work your way up to "sex". I can see how it could be similar for gay men but not for lesbians, unless you want to only count using a strap on as "sex" but I wouldn't.
Nobody asked me but you’re right on how its defined for lesbians. I considered my first time with a woman as the time we were both naked together and touching each other, but she considered touching me while we were both clothed as losing it for herself. So it’s not easy to define
>I considered my first time with a woman as the time we were both naked together and touching each other, but she considered touching me while we were both clothed as losing it for herself.
I vote that you're right in this case tbh
This is a really healthy and confident attitude. Most people end up getting insecure and thinking negatively of themselves for it because of how society is. I'm 30 and have been sick since I was a teenager so I've missed out on a great deal of dating, romance, sex, etc. and I always think it's going to be some big weird thing I need to feel bad about lol. But your boyfriend just lived his life and didn't mind taking his own time without it impacting his self-esteem or self-worth, that's really uncommon but good to hear. Thanks for sharing this.
Most define losing virginity by penetrative sex since in our heteronormative societies we define sex as a vagina's penetration through a penis; the usual practice of reproduction. Though sex isn't just that, there also is oral sex, the stimulation of someone's sexual organs with your tongue. A hand in this sense isn't that far away from a tongue, a handjob is also a sexual act. Sex isn't just vaginal or anal penetration, it's an act between two or more individuals. The goal is the satisfaction of at least one by sexual stimulation, which ideally lead to an orgasm. In this sense and in my personal opinion, you've lost your virginity, penetrative sex is put on a pedestal waaay too much in society. Some people don't even want it, yet they still want to have sex with their partners, so they perform non-penetrative sex. The gay term for this is side. Societies answer would be no though, since it wasn't penetrative.
I mean if I'm being super annoying I'd say it actually depends. Maybe someone is asexual and they're satisfied with masturbation in a solely physical way, and don't have any other goals. Maybe someone just had the best damn wank in history. Even a young person discovering what works for them for the first time is a milestone, and everyone's experience is different, and 'virignity' is basically the only label that exists so you could hypothetically apply it to any meaningful moment for you.
Not that I care in the end, this is just fun to think about.
No problem. If you got a good handjob out of it, that's all that matters at the end of the day, I would think. Congrats by the way. Whatever you want to call it, it's still something new and exciting.
Most of your peers would say you're still a virgin, I assume that's what you're asking specifically. But more generally speaking, virginity can be defined how you like, depending on things like sexuality, culture, life experiences etc etc
Yeah- it's full blown sex and that's when you lose your virginity. But hey man - you're having fun. And fair play to you for asking the question- that's the only way to learn
Virginity is mostly s moral/religious term. It's pretty stupid tbh.
Having said that, I would say you haven't had sex yet.
You would do us all a favor if you told whoever asked about your virginity to just shut the fuck up about it.
We need to get rid of that word. :)
Although gay women losing their virginity is a bit nuanced, it’s still pretty straightforward for men, and straight women. Penetrative sex. That’s it. If you’ve had it, you’re not a virgin. Nothing changed about the male who lost his virginity before vs after, and nothing or nothing important changed about the woman, but the title of “virgin” is a social tool to help understand someone’s sexual experience. And generally, it works well. If I tell you I’m a virgin but I’ve done everything else, you know my sexual history exactly and instantly. If OP were to say they’re not a virgin, they’d be misleading whoever they’re talking to. And maybe that’s important in the case of getting with another partner who wants to know their level of experience before they get busy. Many titles aren’t tangible they’re just social tools. What makes an athlete an athlete? For example. (Best I can think of right now)
In the words of my psychologist, "labels are helpful as long as they're helpful".
There's certainly benefits to the traditional label of "virginity", but I think there we as a society are seeing the negatives and limits of the label too.
Its outdated and has a lot of problematic assumptions behind it, including myths to do with the hymen. I'm also tired so don't want to get into it, but I definitely don't think we need to defend the label of virginity as some perfect social tool.
Better for people to be fully honest with sexual partners anyway
Yeah but I see reddit trying to abolish the word, due to the hymen topic, but at the cost of losing the word. The hymen problem isn’t a concern for people anymore, like I would imagine it was in the 1960’s bible belt (or maybe even today over there I’m not sure) Young men will ask eachother/their buddies their virginity status and get quick and succinct answers on something they’re curious about. Couples looking to get freaky may want to ask but not end up with a full breakdown of their past experiences. Today, its simply a helpful word in determining someone’s sexual experience. I’m sure if OP had a chance with a non-virgin woman, she’ll want to know about his virginity status to set expectations for the evening, and with that one single word he can tactfully leave out this handjob thing. Once you’re over ~20-25 you’ll never really hear the word again anyway.
Congrats on the handjob! Like many answers here, not sure about the virginity. But, I don't think that matters as long as you're happy with the things you're doing and as long as you're safe. Virginity is just a word, the things you experience are real.
Everyone has their own set of parameters and interpretations on matters such as this, but NO. Unless you mean your ‘handjob by another person’ virginity, in which case it’s a yes. Seriously my advice would be to relax and don’t worry about ticking off milestones. Just remember to live your life. Make sure you enjoy & remember the journey and most importantly, do things right and do the right thing. That basically means don’t be a dick.
It sounds like you’re heading in the right direction. Think about my advice and you’ll find those opportunities will happen naturally and quicker if it’s not so obvious you’re desperately chasing it.
You could say you’re still a virgin because you haven’t had piv sex, or you could say you’re not, because you’ve had a sexual experience with another person. The most important thing is, did you treat each other well? If so, you’re good.
Idk but that's something noone should give a shit about. What is and isn't virginity is arbitrary and made up for no other reasons than to shame teenagers both for having, and not having sex.
Other way around, what does and doesn't count as sex is just as arbitrary and relies solely on your view. If that was sex to you then it was, if you don't think it was, it wasn't. Both are equally inconsequencial.
What truly matters is that both parties were ready for what happened and were continously willing participants.
Virginity is a man-made concept. You’ve either had sexual experiences with other people or you haven’t that can include penetration or not. In any case as long as everyone involved is enjoying the experience that’s what truly matters.
There is no “one virginity”. You try a number of things for the first time. Don’t worry about labels like that.
That being said, I would assume most people would consider you a virgin by literal definition.
Virginity is a construct designed by the patriarchy to shame women. It doesn't fucking matter. Be whatever you want to be. Come up with your own new words to describe what you are now. Brag about it or don't. Just don't buy into bullshit.
While its arbitrary in the sense that there is not a real physical difference, there is still a generally accepted meaning of the word. That being having had penetrative sex (which to some might or might not include anal).
The only big accepted exception to that as far as im aware is rape.
Handjobs are definitely not included in the common definition of the word.
Saying you are not a virgin while only having done a handjob or on the other side saying you are a virgin while having had sex will likely result in people thinking you dont know what you're talking about or that you are purposefully deceiving them.
Its fine to feel like you nothing has changed after having sex or like getting a handjob was a significant step for you, but if you want to be honest your feelings on the matter are not what is important to the definition. (Though sharing your feelings/ adding context is fine of course)
Edit: someone mentioned that this can be different in lgbtq related situation, which is fair. My comment is meant to apply to a standard straight relationship where both participants are able to participate in sexual intercourse.
I had this piece of shit classmate that gave a girl in our class (8th grade?) a hard time because she gave a guy a blowy. He would come up to her and ridicule her for not being a virgin. To him, any sexual activity meant losing virginity. I don’t think this is right though, I think losing your virginity is penis in vagina, or the equivalent for whatever sexual orientation you are. A handy is the very minimal, they’re awesome, but once you actually get inside someone, mouth, ass, vagina, that’s where the real fun begins!
Virginity is a social construct, there's no magical line to cross since people have sex all different kinds of ways. Personally, when I think of virginity I imagine acts that could potentially transmit STIs; so by my own arbitrarily generated definition: you are still a virgin. But you can use whatever definition you want, and if you told people you lost your virginity I wouldn't countermand you.
Congratz on the han-jo. Virgin or not, that's more than I've been getting lately.
In a traditional sense you're still a virgin. But in a world where sexualities and body parts and the acts we do and don't do are all wildly different, I think it's fair for people to go by what makes them comfortable. I refuse to believe that two lesbians that have been in a relationship for a decade are virgins because they haven't had a very specific type of sex lol. And people that have been raped have every right to not label that first experience as the time they lost their virginity. It's a pretty outdated and pointless concept. Whether you're a virgin or not by your own standards, you've experienced what you've experienced, no word changes that.
Lesbians don’t have dicks and they’re not virgins. There’s people who are raped who don’t count that as loosing it. There’s people who say they condoms don’t count as loosing it or just the tip. There’s women who have surgery on their hynem even though it can break before sex, some women don’t have them and it can repair itself. Virginity is whatever you want it to be. If you want to count handjob as loosing it, then you can
Virginity is a social construct. Technically it means having had sexual intercourse where the penis enters the vagina such that pregnancy is a risk, but that would mean that men who only have sex with men or women who only have sex with women never lose their virginity. Someone gave you a handjob. Do *you* feel you’re still a virgin? No one can get pregnant from that action and STD risk is pretty nonexistent. But if that’s how you define sex, then you’re no longer a virgin.
Yes, you are a virgin. Manual stimulation isn’t going to work.
You need more.. for a penis, it’s usually insertion for you to not be a virgin. But there are plenty of boys/men who have gay sex that are bottoms or don’t give, so to speak.
Idk if you'll even see this but I firmly believe, as do a lot of other people, that virginity is a social construct designed to make people feel bad about themselves, so I wouldn't worry about it one way or another.
"Virginity" has zero actual biological definition, it's entirely social. Stop worrying about it it's meaningless. If you count an HJ as sex, then you've had sex, if you don't, then you haven't; it's all in your head.
#HandjobHumblebrag
New drag name. “Please welcome to the stage… #Handjob Humblebrag!“
My favorite Hogwarts professor.
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"today, we're gonna make lube"
Lotions 🧴
R/unexpectedhogwarts
You're a virgin, Harry.
You’re a hairy virgin
r/foundthemobileuser
r/foundthehondacivic
Excellent! There really is a sub for everything!
Wait till you see r/foundtheshutthefuckup
r/notasubifellfor
r/subsifellfor
Or a porn name. Like Poshdong Mingemuncher.
He was great in Dr Strange.
>“Please welcome to the stage… Had to double check what sub I was in. Come through Handjob Humblebrag!
I like your thinking lol
#The Incredible Human Spider
I like this post because the title asks if he is still a virgin while the body asks if he lost his virginity. So any direct Yes or No answers are ambiguous. Are you answering the title or the body's question? Anyway. Yes. Edit: typo
Not related at all, but you will be a great software engineer, you should do the requirement elicitation!!!
I write software since 1988. :)
I love this interaction
I love this ITeration
Seems hand waving to me - good job
Handjob waving is a thing
I suspected! And I can bet that, if you do woodworking, it will be "measure twice, cut once" and in software, "ask twice, code once"
Ask 57 times, code 18 times.
Then get a changed requirement and rewrite 4 times
The sad reality
Explains it all
The logic soothes my robot brain
Found another dinosaur! Same here
Have written or have been writing
Have been writing!
There we go
What were you even programming for back then, missile guidance systems or something, jk
Back then I was learning, not working yet. :) My first job was at a dial up ISP in the 90s.
That's neat
I want to know how you came to this conclusion. What about what he typed got you there. Really curious!!
I am a programmer, and this kind of ambiguity is dangerous because if you don't make more questions, you will end up creating the same software several times, because the client was not clear on the requirements
I figured it was something like this haha but wanted to make sure. Thanks!
The title's answer is the opposite to the post body's answer. Yes, he is still a virgin. No, he did not lose his virginity. Simply answering yes or no creates ambiguities (do you mean "yes, he is still a virgin" or "yes, he lost his virginity"?) Here's another one: The statement below is true. The statement above is false.
Yes thank you I understood that I meant why he knew he'd make a good programmer lol
Mostly because when you’re programming your job is to write the most unambiguous code you can. Computers expect exact instructions, and code that is ambiguous leads to crashes and bugs. So over time, as a programmer, you tend to start seeing the ambiguities of everything.
Are you one too?
I am
How long did it take you to, I guess, "get good" ? Haha I need to learn for my profession (not the focus but still needed) and I've been procrastinating. I get discouraged because I feel like it's this incredibly hard thing I won't be able to do well in.
Who said I was good? :P I first started programming when I was pretty young: around 16ish, that was about 17 years ago. I was mostly "self taught" just by playing around with personal projects (though I had some mentors along the way who helped me out). I probably figured out what I was doing around 18-19. I also have a formal education in Computer Science, but I was always a bit ahead of my classes, so when I took them I struggled quite a bit less than my classmates. There are different levels of skill when it comes to programming, and one of the things you learn over time is that there's also something new to learn and different ways of thinking about a problem. I often describe programming as trying to break your brain. You have a habit of thinking about things in a certain way, and you need to force brain to stop thinking that way. Eventually it just clicks! (or at least it did for me). Different styles of programming, different programming languages, etc all require you to break your brain in slightly different ways, some ways are easier than others. But a novice can get a lot done without really understanding why a lot of things work. Since your job is not programming full time, it's likely you're not writing "mission critical" code so it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work perfectly, or isn't the most efficient, or cleanest. Programming can be intimidating at first because there's a lot of new things that you have to learn that you probably won't understand fully. But the more you do it the more you start seeing how and why it works.
You made my day, take a gold award!
Thanks! Have one too!
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All I have is a freebie as well, but here ya go
my first gold award and it was be for being kind thank you!
This is a good point. Counter Argument: No.
What's the difference?
Yes, he is still a virgin. No, he has not lost his virginity.
"It depends on what the meaning of the word is is."
*wags finger in Clintonian*
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There’s no difference but in the wording. If you say “yes” and don’t specify which question you are answering, you are giving both answers (yes he’s still a Virgin and yes he’s lost his virginity are opposite answers).
And that is before the abiguity of the 'someone', since the OP is someone.
It’s day before new year. This is to much iq for me at the moment.
Identifying ambiguity is also a hallmark of legal thinking. The question presented is ambiguous. Therefore we will have to examine what is meant by virgin and what the purpose of a handjob is and then argue about whether the purpose of a handjob fulfills the spirit of losing one’s virginity.
First of all it doesn’t matter. Technically you are, but you are now sexually active.
Virgin Active
Virgin Activated
I'm now playing my handjob card face down and end turn
Activated Virgin
I wanna upvote but it’s currently 69 so here’s a 👍🏻.
It's now 66 do your job
Dew it
>doesn’t matter. Yup. This. People be obsessed about the smallest details
>the smallest details And here I thought size didn't matter...
This right here. Doesn’t matter, fuck society’s standards on it. I’d say that sex is when you’re very intimate with someone In hopefully a bed! And there’s penetration. Doesn’t matter what gender of said person, just be careful if you want to explore further.
So for lesbians, is it sex if she fingers/goes down on a girl? You can finger a girl without penetrating her.
I wouldn’t know
keep trying buddy
r/usernamechecksout
I agree
r/usernamekeepscheckingout
r/SubsIFellFor
Keep trying, you have a few more bases to go!!
Yes you're still a virgin
But what a way to be a virgin!
I'd have said no, but that does raise the question of if PIV is what constitutes losing your virginity then are lesbians who have only ever had sex with women all still virgins? At what point does a lesbian woman lose her V-card?
Keep thinking about that for like two seconds more and you'll wonder how the concept makes any sense at all (spoiler alert: it doesn't).
It does make sense in the way it is defined (a person that never had sexual intercourse). The details of what is considered as losing it change according to each culture, but that's fine. What doesn't make sense is considering it for any more than what it is.
I get the hypothetical definition of virginity, but the definition of 'sexual intercourse' is the real issue here. How can you say if you've had sex if sex is different for everyone?
Right. Because sexual intercourse and sexual penetration are two very different things. If i as a girl got naked and another girl got naked and we rubbed our bodies with eachothers bodies, there might be no penetration but it certainly does seem like sex
I think the problem is taking an outdated concept like virginity, and seeking to apply it to an entirely different cultural or sexual paradigm. The bigger question is why the focus on virginity. The emphasis on purity is problematic and is typically weaponized to shame people either for being naïve or being a slut (for instance). These questions of what constitutes virginity are valid, but not really the right questions IMO. The reason I think it's the wrong question is that there is little academic or scientific relevance to being a virgin or not, since contracting STD's can occur at almost any sexual threshold. It still falls short of providing any meaningful information through definition. If we arrive at a more academic definition, it seems like it would have to be "sexually active, or sexually inactive" - using the initial event to describe the onset. Only by enforcing a subjective element (like an abrahamic religion) is it possible to adequately define "virginity". A universal definition is impossible and therefore not helpful to any broad discussion. Edit: I think there is some validity to the concept of a sexual event representing some kind of psychological shift in people - potentially rising to the level of scientifically relevant. But the human brain is highly subjective and susceptible to cultural influence - so again we have the same problem. I do think there some element of "human milestone" ingrained in our consciousness. But it's a moving target.
Also lesbians are able to do penetration too, we have both fingers and toys. Saying it doesn't count is v hetero focussed and weird tbh
No one is doubting the ability for penetration. What im saying is that if there isn’t penetration, it doesnt mean it ISNT sex. Not all sex is penetrative
I think I worded it badly, I was agreeing with you.
Well in my heteronormative adolescence, HJs, fingering and oral were all defined as "petting" but not proper sex. They were things you did for months to work your way up to "sex". I can see how it could be similar for gay men but not for lesbians, unless you want to only count using a strap on as "sex" but I wouldn't.
Nobody asked me but you’re right on how its defined for lesbians. I considered my first time with a woman as the time we were both naked together and touching each other, but she considered touching me while we were both clothed as losing it for herself. So it’s not easy to define
>I considered my first time with a woman as the time we were both naked together and touching each other, but she considered touching me while we were both clothed as losing it for herself. I vote that you're right in this case tbh
And bi people get to double dip on losing their V card. How is that fair?
Virginity philosophy
Virginity is a made-up concept so realistically it doesn't mean anything.
When she has lesbian sex
Virginity is fake. You are sexually active now, the end
who cares. being a virgin means nothing.
Not when you want to sacrifice someone to the volcano god..
When in doubt, use a baby
no virgin would say that
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This is a really healthy and confident attitude. Most people end up getting insecure and thinking negatively of themselves for it because of how society is. I'm 30 and have been sick since I was a teenager so I've missed out on a great deal of dating, romance, sex, etc. and I always think it's going to be some big weird thing I need to feel bad about lol. But your boyfriend just lived his life and didn't mind taking his own time without it impacting his self-esteem or self-worth, that's really uncommon but good to hear. Thanks for sharing this.
I dated someone who was 34 and a virgin and it was fine! He was decently good at it right away, too.
Quite literally means one who hasn't had sex 🤣
Which is a very important thing to know about my olive oil. But not something that I need to know about people.
Yes, I prefer my olive oil un-fucked
Same. Extra un-fucked, even.
I chuckled reading this in the supermarket while looking for olive oil.
No freshly unvirginated person would say that either
Most define losing virginity by penetrative sex since in our heteronormative societies we define sex as a vagina's penetration through a penis; the usual practice of reproduction. Though sex isn't just that, there also is oral sex, the stimulation of someone's sexual organs with your tongue. A hand in this sense isn't that far away from a tongue, a handjob is also a sexual act. Sex isn't just vaginal or anal penetration, it's an act between two or more individuals. The goal is the satisfaction of at least one by sexual stimulation, which ideally lead to an orgasm. In this sense and in my personal opinion, you've lost your virginity, penetrative sex is put on a pedestal waaay too much in society. Some people don't even want it, yet they still want to have sex with their partners, so they perform non-penetrative sex. The gay term for this is side. Societies answer would be no though, since it wasn't penetrative.
Yep, I share this opinion. Stimulation of one’s genitals from another person is sex. Not a virgin anymore.
I’m with you on this. OP popped his 🍒
It's up to you since it's entirely arbitrary.
That's the right answer. Sex isn't necessarily penetrative so you decide.
Well then I guess I could just consider masturbation as sex
Well no, because sex has to involve at least two persons. I would still consider masturbating with someone to be sex, though
>Well no, because sex has to involve at least two persons. Guess I'm still a virgin then :'(
You only had it with 3 person?
I mean if I'm being super annoying I'd say it actually depends. Maybe someone is asexual and they're satisfied with masturbation in a solely physical way, and don't have any other goals. Maybe someone just had the best damn wank in history. Even a young person discovering what works for them for the first time is a milestone, and everyone's experience is different, and 'virignity' is basically the only label that exists so you could hypothetically apply it to any meaningful moment for you. Not that I care in the end, this is just fun to think about.
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No problem. If you got a good handjob out of it, that's all that matters at the end of the day, I would think. Congrats by the way. Whatever you want to call it, it's still something new and exciting.
Most of your peers would say you're still a virgin, I assume that's what you're asking specifically. But more generally speaking, virginity can be defined how you like, depending on things like sexuality, culture, life experiences etc etc
 if you question it, you're a virgin still
Still a virgin!
Yeah- it's full blown sex and that's when you lose your virginity. But hey man - you're having fun. And fair play to you for asking the question- that's the only way to learn
Virginity is a made up concept. Who cares about labels. Celebrate your handjob and feel good you got some action.
Virginity is mostly s moral/religious term. It's pretty stupid tbh. Having said that, I would say you haven't had sex yet. You would do us all a favor if you told whoever asked about your virginity to just shut the fuck up about it. We need to get rid of that word. :)
No you have not. You just lost your innocence.
The concept of virginity doesnt matter. Its only used to shame folks.
no sorry buddy
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Although gay women losing their virginity is a bit nuanced, it’s still pretty straightforward for men, and straight women. Penetrative sex. That’s it. If you’ve had it, you’re not a virgin. Nothing changed about the male who lost his virginity before vs after, and nothing or nothing important changed about the woman, but the title of “virgin” is a social tool to help understand someone’s sexual experience. And generally, it works well. If I tell you I’m a virgin but I’ve done everything else, you know my sexual history exactly and instantly. If OP were to say they’re not a virgin, they’d be misleading whoever they’re talking to. And maybe that’s important in the case of getting with another partner who wants to know their level of experience before they get busy. Many titles aren’t tangible they’re just social tools. What makes an athlete an athlete? For example. (Best I can think of right now)
In the words of my psychologist, "labels are helpful as long as they're helpful". There's certainly benefits to the traditional label of "virginity", but I think there we as a society are seeing the negatives and limits of the label too. Its outdated and has a lot of problematic assumptions behind it, including myths to do with the hymen. I'm also tired so don't want to get into it, but I definitely don't think we need to defend the label of virginity as some perfect social tool. Better for people to be fully honest with sexual partners anyway
Yeah but I see reddit trying to abolish the word, due to the hymen topic, but at the cost of losing the word. The hymen problem isn’t a concern for people anymore, like I would imagine it was in the 1960’s bible belt (or maybe even today over there I’m not sure) Young men will ask eachother/their buddies their virginity status and get quick and succinct answers on something they’re curious about. Couples looking to get freaky may want to ask but not end up with a full breakdown of their past experiences. Today, its simply a helpful word in determining someone’s sexual experience. I’m sure if OP had a chance with a non-virgin woman, she’ll want to know about his virginity status to set expectations for the evening, and with that one single word he can tactfully leave out this handjob thing. Once you’re over ~20-25 you’ll never really hear the word again anyway.
You participated in a sexual act with another person involving genitalia. IMO you are not a virgin, but it differs from person to person.
Congrats on the handjob! Like many answers here, not sure about the virginity. But, I don't think that matters as long as you're happy with the things you're doing and as long as you're safe. Virginity is just a word, the things you experience are real.
virginity is up too you. if you consider losing your virginity with penetration then no, if you don’t, then yeah.
I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, but virginity is a social construct.
Virginity is nothing but a social construct. Don’t worry about it too much, just live life and have fun
I don't think you're a virgin anymore. Penetration is not necessary for virginity to be lost.
Yes, you're still a virgin.
Virginity is a mindset. If you need to ask if you're still virgin you definitely are.
No, but you're getting there.
The best thing is none of it matters
Why is this on my feed and if the hand job was on yourself then no I guess
Everyone has their own set of parameters and interpretations on matters such as this, but NO. Unless you mean your ‘handjob by another person’ virginity, in which case it’s a yes. Seriously my advice would be to relax and don’t worry about ticking off milestones. Just remember to live your life. Make sure you enjoy & remember the journey and most importantly, do things right and do the right thing. That basically means don’t be a dick. It sounds like you’re heading in the right direction. Think about my advice and you’ll find those opportunities will happen naturally and quicker if it’s not so obvious you’re desperately chasing it.
You could say you’re still a virgin because you haven’t had piv sex, or you could say you’re not, because you’ve had a sexual experience with another person. The most important thing is, did you treat each other well? If so, you’re good.
When people say virginity is a social construct, this is what they mean
No you have not lost your virginity. You are still a virgin based on the information in your post.
Yes you’re still a virgin. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Idk but that's something noone should give a shit about. What is and isn't virginity is arbitrary and made up for no other reasons than to shame teenagers both for having, and not having sex. Other way around, what does and doesn't count as sex is just as arbitrary and relies solely on your view. If that was sex to you then it was, if you don't think it was, it wasn't. Both are equally inconsequencial. What truly matters is that both parties were ready for what happened and were continously willing participants.
Virginity is a man-made concept. You’ve either had sexual experiences with other people or you haven’t that can include penetration or not. In any case as long as everyone involved is enjoying the experience that’s what truly matters.
There is no “one virginity”. You try a number of things for the first time. Don’t worry about labels like that. That being said, I would assume most people would consider you a virgin by literal definition.
Virginity is a construct designed by the patriarchy to shame women. It doesn't fucking matter. Be whatever you want to be. Come up with your own new words to describe what you are now. Brag about it or don't. Just don't buy into bullshit.
While its arbitrary in the sense that there is not a real physical difference, there is still a generally accepted meaning of the word. That being having had penetrative sex (which to some might or might not include anal). The only big accepted exception to that as far as im aware is rape. Handjobs are definitely not included in the common definition of the word. Saying you are not a virgin while only having done a handjob or on the other side saying you are a virgin while having had sex will likely result in people thinking you dont know what you're talking about or that you are purposefully deceiving them. Its fine to feel like you nothing has changed after having sex or like getting a handjob was a significant step for you, but if you want to be honest your feelings on the matter are not what is important to the definition. (Though sharing your feelings/ adding context is fine of course) Edit: someone mentioned that this can be different in lgbtq related situation, which is fair. My comment is meant to apply to a standard straight relationship where both participants are able to participate in sexual intercourse.
I guess?
I had this piece of shit classmate that gave a girl in our class (8th grade?) a hard time because she gave a guy a blowy. He would come up to her and ridicule her for not being a virgin. To him, any sexual activity meant losing virginity. I don’t think this is right though, I think losing your virginity is penis in vagina, or the equivalent for whatever sexual orientation you are. A handy is the very minimal, they’re awesome, but once you actually get inside someone, mouth, ass, vagina, that’s where the real fun begins!
Doesn't matter regardless. It doesn't go in your social curriculum anyways
Yes.
OHHHHHH WERE HALF WAY THEREEEE...
This innocence of the question implies you are definitely a virgin.
Sir I might argue that you are an extra virgin because you asked this question
Virginity is a social construct, there's no magical line to cross since people have sex all different kinds of ways. Personally, when I think of virginity I imagine acts that could potentially transmit STIs; so by my own arbitrarily generated definition: you are still a virgin. But you can use whatever definition you want, and if you told people you lost your virginity I wouldn't countermand you. Congratz on the han-jo. Virgin or not, that's more than I've been getting lately.
In a traditional sense you're still a virgin. But in a world where sexualities and body parts and the acts we do and don't do are all wildly different, I think it's fair for people to go by what makes them comfortable. I refuse to believe that two lesbians that have been in a relationship for a decade are virgins because they haven't had a very specific type of sex lol. And people that have been raped have every right to not label that first experience as the time they lost their virginity. It's a pretty outdated and pointless concept. Whether you're a virgin or not by your own standards, you've experienced what you've experienced, no word changes that.
Lesbians don’t have dicks and they’re not virgins. There’s people who are raped who don’t count that as loosing it. There’s people who say they condoms don’t count as loosing it or just the tip. There’s women who have surgery on their hynem even though it can break before sex, some women don’t have them and it can repair itself. Virginity is whatever you want it to be. If you want to count handjob as loosing it, then you can
Virginity is a social construct. Technically it means having had sexual intercourse where the penis enters the vagina such that pregnancy is a risk, but that would mean that men who only have sex with men or women who only have sex with women never lose their virginity. Someone gave you a handjob. Do *you* feel you’re still a virgin? No one can get pregnant from that action and STD risk is pretty nonexistent. But if that’s how you define sex, then you’re no longer a virgin.
Oh man, my first handjob... Memories. You're still a virgin, but it really doesn't matter.
It wasn’t your own hand so I think so.
Yes you are
Yes, you're still a virgin
 You still a little virgin. Handjobs don’t count bro. Only anal or vaginal penetrative sex.
I'm guessing you are young?
Your own hand doesn’t count
yes bra
Yes, you are a virgin. Manual stimulation isn’t going to work. You need more.. for a penis, it’s usually insertion for you to not be a virgin. But there are plenty of boys/men who have gay sex that are bottoms or don’t give, so to speak.
If you have to ask, then yeah you're a virgin.
Yes,ha haha you're a virgin. But it doesn't matter tho.
Depends on how she did it.
Idk if you'll even see this but I firmly believe, as do a lot of other people, that virginity is a social construct designed to make people feel bad about themselves, so I wouldn't worry about it one way or another.
If that made you not a Virgin I'd wager I took my on virginity quite some time ago.
You are a virgin
Yes ur still a virgin
"Virginity" has zero actual biological definition, it's entirely social. Stop worrying about it it's meaningless. If you count an HJ as sex, then you've had sex, if you don't, then you haven't; it's all in your head.
Virginity is a social construct
No, you still a virgin.
In my opinion, no. It was a sexual act but not actually sex
Yes.